Nobody Panic - How To Prioritise

Episode Date: January 8, 2019

Prioritise yourself and your tasks this new year - Stevie and Tessa work out how best to go about this with the help of an incredibly left field moose analogy and some surprisingly intellectual discussion about Chekhov (it's unclear if any of this is pronounced correctly. Apologies to Chekhov). Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. com.

Single ladies, it's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London podcast festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello!

And welcome to Nobody Panic. With her, Stevie. And her. Tessa. I didn't say your name mean. It felt like you did. With her, Stevie. With her, Tessa.

Oh great. Hi. How are you? I'm great. How you doing? I'm learning to prioritise myself. Oh wow. Also things.

Wow. Which is ironically what this podcast is about. Oh wow. That's crazy because I've got so many things on, but I've really understood and compartmentalize them. and I'm just working through them. Great. And that's what Tessa will be taking and I'll be taking how to prioritise myself.

So unfortunately, I can't do this progress because I wanted to go and have a stew. Okay, bye. We did actually have a row immediately prior to this. I think it was a round, was it? We had a frank, a quick, frank discussion about the stew. Basically, Steve said, I'm going to have a stew now and I said no.

So here we are. We are in a lovely studio run by a company called Soap and it's above a pub that do amazing food. It's 503 and I have another lunch and they do a really great stew and I was going to go and have a stew but it doesn't make any sense because I don't have time to eat it, do this

and then go to what I'm doing afterwards. No, so we're just cracking through. And then if we've got time, maybe we'll stew. We might stew out later. That's the promise people. So like, rattle on. You won't hear it, but just know that when you finish this, I'm eating a stew.

These do how to stew. I don't even know if it sells. No. I think it's just a pizza place. I'm just going to ask them anyway. We're above Pizza Express, everyone. We're going to go ask for a stew. What adult thing have you done this week?

Oh, mine is that I'm wearing this quite smart coat from recently gone into liquidation ASOS. They haven't gone into the day. No, they haven't? They just think of the share drop. Yeah, no. They've just been in the news, haven't they, about them, having a bit of a, you know.

They had a hard Christmas, but all the retail shops had a hard Christmas. All the retail shops had a hard Christmas. I don't think it was them. I think it was just like, no. But I love to. Theresa May. I love how everyone said that. Like 13 year old is going, I'm not going to buy these.

I don't know what 13 year olds buy high-wasted biker shorts. Yeah. I've gone for that. I'm not going to buy those. Until we've either had a hard and soft Brexit. No one's thinking that. I think it's just a more sort of in the air, isn't it? Like I think a lot of people are having a sort of, we're not having any presents for Christmas.

Not in a like, oh, tiny tim way. But in a like, it feels very decadent and sort of pointless. Yeah, best not buy those bikers shorts. Like, let's not. We don't have to go crazy it this year. I felt like that. it would have been the opposite because a lot of people bin shop when they're like just to cheer themselves up but I think the shops equally were not pushing their big like

this is the toy and this is the stuff and this is the book like there wasn't that same that is also possibly because we're older and we don't know what any of the toys are it's possibly that yeah there was no big toy this year you know I don't know I asked for still talking about Christmas so long after Christmas but don't worry we're never going to mention it again because I know we went really hard in December and I'm so sad it's over. We thought last week we did about news resolutions, Tesla came up with a great idea of doing how to prioritise,

which I think is a really good one. I think that is something that if you're not good at, you feel it, oh, you're feeling your bones. Yes, I think especially if you are, whatever that creative type A person is. I've made this up, so get on board or not. It's a sort of person who's, is what both of us are. Too many things, not a good, logical, mathematical mind.

Speak yourself. Okay. Give me a mental arithmetic. six times eight 56 yeah that is right that is correct okay great I think I've proven that I've got quite a mathematical brain now fantastic but I know that test that you don't so that's fine

I don't at all and when I asked I to do this up my eyes went so wide literally rolled out of my head um so stressful yes sometimes you have like just too many things and you aren't good at like putting them in order and also you when you're doing something you're like basically you're that book if you give a moose a muffin and a moose comes into your house asking for a muffin.

Okay. It's quite a sweet book. Right, no, I'm into it. He's supposed to say that. So if you give a moose of muffin, he'll ask if you can have some jam on it. Once he sees the jam has run out. Oh, it's one of those savory muffins,

not one of the American muffins. No, it's an American muffin. He wants jam on that. Jam on a chocolate muffin. What is he thinking? He's a moose. Quite right. And we've hit the nub.

He's a moose. When he sees there's no jam, he'll want to make some. When you go and pick blackberries, he'll get, a stain on his shirt and he'll want to wash and he'll

oh yes sorry he's wearing clothes so he wants to wash his shirt when you put the shirt in the wash he'll realise there's no button he's missing a button when he tries to sew the button on he'll think how fun it is making

sock puppets when because then you're sewing a button and he'll want to put buttons on socks when he's made the puppets he'll want to put on a show when he you got to get a producer when you got to go

got a higher venue and the moose has to hire a venue. So it's that thing of like, you're doing one thing, and then you're distracted, you're like, oh, I should do this. I'm constantly, I genuinely did not see the connection

between anything. I was like, what a lovely story. Yeah, but you're constantly, and it's a positive thing. It's never just one thing, but one thing grows into millions of things. You're one of those people in meetings, you're about them,

a meeting about something else, and everyone's like, we should get a cat. And then the next thing, we're like, it's excited by the initial thing of ideas. We're not very good at seeing them through. And then we put all the ideas

on this big, smorgasbord and then you'll get totally overwhelmed by your smorgasbord also even if you're quite a practical person when you do a things to do list the first thing suddenly it'll just go into another thing and then you've done loads of stuff that has grown from that first thing on the list you haven't done two three four five and six you hit number one and then you went one a show and now you're running a show you did one abc d and e oh yeah instead of returning to two yes you didn't you know being like All of those added things can go on another thing to do list for tomorrow.

For example, I don't know how to prioritise things. That's why maybe I haven't got that right. So, Tess is looking at that and I'm going to look at how to know it's okay to prioritize yourself, but when to know when to prioritize yourself? Yes. And how to do that. I've tried to find some really practical tips about how to prioritize yourself that isn't like, when you wake up, recite the mantra,

I am strong, I am powerful, I am a queen before you have your breakfast. It's like, cool, no one be doing that. I don't even think Beyonce does that. I mean, she just sort of does it in her life and her songs, sure. But like, no. Maybe she does. Maybe she does. I just don't believe anybody does that.

Two things, Stevie. One, I know for sure it's not a creative type A person, and everyone's going to complain when I describe personality types. Yes. And we'll do another episode sometime about personality types. I think they're fascinating. That's true. And number two, I didn't actually finish my adult thing.

Oh, my God. We literally got distracted in the middle of what we were saying. Right. Mine was just, I bought this jacket from ASOS. Oh, my God. It's like that happened seven years ago. Sorry everyone. And it's just that it's nice.

And that's it. I bought a new thing. It is lovely. It's like a brown. It's because of like sheik-skin. I think it's like an aviator like Amelia Earhart would wear. You do look like Amelia Earhart. And I've been like, it's just nice to be.

And when people say like, that's smart, I'm obviously not a very smart person. And it's just nice to be wearing something that's new. Oh, it's lovely. Did I definitely ask you what your adult thing was? Yes. Right. What is your adult thing?

So my one is an adult thing. It is an adult thing. it's like, oh, I've spent years doing this and now I'm like, no, I want to do this now. I know myself. I don't have massive boobs, but I've got like, you know, larger sized boobs than small boobs, I'd imagine. A double D? That's quite large, isn't it? Why not? Why not? And I've always, always found bras annoying. And I don't care when it says, when you get fitted, that doesn't mean you can't feel the bra. You can still feel the bra. I've been fitted in many different places. All worryingly, they've given me different sizes slightly. I don't know.

you're going to say, Rigby Impella, but I don't... I'm already shaking my head over here, eyes shut. It's bullshit. So I've gone to... I'm a champion of Rigby and Pella. Yeah, the most expensive place in the whole world. You go once a year, you buy one bra. I need more than one bra.

You wear it for the next 10 years. Well, again, I can see the floor immediately in your system, and I prefer to have multiple bras that I can... The point being is... Honestly, it's life-changing. It's life-changing. It's lovely. But then there's still, there's this thing about women getting from work,

oh, and then you take your bra off and it's a real relief. It's lovely. I mean, I don't really go to the gym anymore, but when I used to, I was sports bras, obviously, and they were always so comfortable. And I realized, hang on, sports bras genuinely, like, can't feel them. And I feel really, really comfortable and just really, like, supported. And there's not all this, like, fancy lace that comes through. I'm like, oh, great. Well, now you can see this patterning, and it's kind of ruining the...

There's just no business going on there. Right. So then I was like, why do I keep not wearing sports bras in the day? Because I'm embarrassed. I'm supposed to be wearing some sort of matching Ruby and Pella thing. for 10 years apparently. So then I thought, you know what? No, I'm going to do what I want to do. So I bought three in three different colours, really at the best sports bras that I found, which are a sweaty betty, ultra run bra. Obviously, I have like two normal bras with like,

one's got like a different, for like better dresses and the ones where I obviously can't wear a sports bra. I've just started wearing sports bras day to day. And now in the evening, I often forget that I'm even wearing it and I go to bed in it and I'm like, oh God, I've got to take my brow off. I'm going to own it rather than be like, I wish I was wearing a sports bra, but I can't because that's Not what, you know, proper ladies do. That feels like you've let a real burden go. I have. Well done you.

Thank you. Well done for owning that. What three colors did you get? Puse. Gray. And grass. No, I got black, blue. I've got two blacks and a blue.

Because I only wear black clothes. Another black. That sounds absolutely wonderful. Well done. Thank you very much. You really took ownership of that thing. I have. And I have got one nice bra that's got a dip in it that's really nice.

Just a date for, you know, when you want to feel a bit fancy. Well, I feel a bit fancy. When I was dressed out. And you know what you did there? You prioritised you. Because otherwise it's just what you're doing when you say like, oh, I'll be embarrassed if I can't wear a sports broad. You're like, why the hell not?

Yeah. Why would anyone else have any opinion on? And if they do, I told somebody this the other day. And they were like, what does your boyfriend think? I was like, what the fuck does I have to do? Yeah. You need to not go out with the people that you're going out with. If they're like, I'm so sorry, you can't buy sports bras anymore.

Yeah. Is that a deal breaker? it? I heard somebody say something so interesting the other day, which was no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I just thought, what a good it's a great, great, great, great. Like I remember what it was like to be

when I was an intern and I basically didn't speak. No, same, yeah. And I just made people tea and anytime anyone asked me to do anything I was like, oh, I'm absolutely shit. And like my memories of working in this office are just like heart palpitations from start to finish. And now I'm just so much more

confident in all of the things that I, in every aspect. Basically, it's the understanding of your marker of what is and is not being made to feel inferior, like, just constantly shifts. Yeah, definitely. And you can set it much higher up. It's not like you're there and everyone else is deciding how inferior you should feel today. And that I used to feel like when I was younger, it was like, well, I'm rubbish or whatever. Yeah, it just felt like a fact.

Yeah. It was really, you're like, oh, I can decide that. Yeah. And I can walk into this meeting room confidently and be. which leads us to prioritising. Absolutely. And you're prioritising yourself and your sports bras. I'm prioritising myself, my sports bras. But also, I think it's difficult to often know when to prioritise yourself

because it's obviously caught up in this whole self-care thing, which on the one hand is like really great. On the other hand, it's not just like, oh, I can't be a dick if it's self-care. Like, no, you can still be a dick. Like, and don't be a dick. Yeah. And so I was reading some stuff about it and a clinical psychologist called Leon F. Seltzer, PhD, says the best way to kind of figure out whether you should prioritise yourself

is rather than just like putting yourself first no matter what, it's about putting yourself first but considering what the consequences would be if you didn't give a particular want or need top priority. So say, you know, you have a friend and you keep cancelling on each other, she really needs your help. She's gone through quite a bad patch and you want to cancel again. And you're like, well, that's fine because we've both cancelled. But it's like, do make the effort to go because the consequences are

that person might not have anyone to talk to. That sort of thing. Whereas if it's just a friend and you're like, well, we've seen each other quite a lot. Then you can prioritize yourself, that's fine. But it's just everything is on like a, once it got like a case-by-case basis. It's not just like blanket ban of like, I will do whatever I want. And it's not also I will do whatever everyone else wants. Because when you go too far on either of those, well, on the one hand, you become like a narcissistic jerk.

And on the other hand, it can really cause anxiety and depression if you're giving so much of yourself. I have a friend who basically constantly gives too much of herself in the sense that she's always fun, she's always like on form then you suddenly realise like oh she has to stop at some point and she says yes to everything. It's like you need to actually start saying no and when now she says no to meeting my wife, I feel good because I'm like maybe she's like having a nice time in

just being herself for a little bit rather than giving herself away to everybody all the time. Everyone needs me, everyone needs me, not everyone needs you all the time. You need you. you need you just as much as they need you. Sidebar, eye opening when I think it maybe was you, it sounds like something you would say, where I was like really panicking about like not going to someone's party

and you're like, no one's going to care if you're not there. And I was like, oh, you can fuck off. But also it was like, yeah, that's actually really liberating. Sending a little thing and being like, so sorry, I can't come. If that person is not going to mind that much that you're not there and really think about it, then you're fine to prioritise yourself. if it's your best friend and she said please can you come at eight on the dot so that I've got people there

I think the language there is implying you should be going to do that and you should be prioritising other people yes it's a tricky one isn't it because it's something you get like to hold off for as a kid like only thinking about yourself or you know you get told off for something and you say like I'm sorry I didn't think and someone says like exactly you never think and you like oh that's a real yeah oh no and it's this you know the world doesn't revolve around you and why are you the only one not helping and all of this stuff It's very like wrapped up in how you were spoken to as a child because we're so clear on children like sharing, helping. Like those are the things that we pose on.

And also prioritising yourself sounds so selfish and, you know, very sort of new age and in a world where we sort of, well, maybe it's a generational thing, but like we're still very much in this. Here are our parents working down a mine is the greatest of all the thing. And like that's what true work is. And, you know, telling the fields. We already feel guilty because of all that stuff about like, You can't buy a house because you buy all these avocados and that stuff.

I think that obviously you can go like, fuck off. But I think subtly and subconsciously, younger people do feel guilty because we don't seem to be getting the stuff that we should be doing. It's like, oh, hang on, is it? Because I'm prioritizing myself. Right? And it's this insane, insane, like, check off, you know, view of the world. Well, bold, isn't it?

Can she follow it? You know, he wrote this like, you know, brutal bleak stuff about like work and like, work will set us free. Like, you know, or the orchard give everything that we are to this, like, till the land. And it's that's the idea of like, I don't know if he did, by the way. So if anyone listening's like, no, he didn't. No, he didn't. I have no idea. I don't remember it's a lot about sort of quite bored, rich people and then someone always shoots themselves at the end.

So I've just seen the same one over and over again. It's very bleak. Jaya, Jaya. Uncle Vanya, is the one where, well, I was going to say where they run a cherry orchard, but that's probably the cherry orchard.

Uncle Vanya, you know, everyone arrives and basically everyone's just complaining about who's inherited the farm. Right. And at the end, no one's in love with each other or something.

And she sort of want, the main girl sort of wanders off just whispering like, work, work, work. Right, I have seen that one. It's this very sort of like, bleak, Soviet. Yes, you don't prioritize.

yourself ever. No, it's all about the other... Exactly. It's all for the other people. As everyone listening, obviously knows. Basically, like... What a left field like analogy from you. Because I was just thinking how I feel about

when our parents' generation or an older generation talk about like YouTubers, for example, making millions in their bedroom. And it's like, well, that's my real job. He's like, no, of course it's not. It's just silly. But so is acting. So is anything.

But like, if the person has made 18 million this year, if the goal of work, you know, whether that's tilling the orchard field, or unboxing the orchard's apples. Or unbunching the orchard's apples. You know, if they made more money than you, like, do that. You know, you doesn't have, and I think it comes down to this, like, exactly that communist thing. It's the guilty.

It's the guilt. Well, you've not worked enough to justify that amount of money. But YouTubers is like, I think I'm a couple of years too old to have really been caught up in the thing. And I think it's so easy to just be really disparaging about it. Anything that you do a small amount of where. work for. Like, I do voiceovers quite a lot. And it's a small amount of work for

more money than you would expect for 20 minutes work. And I found it incredibly difficult to cope with that. That shouldn't have been the case. You should just be like, woo! I mean, also, I'm not earning millions here. I'm just saying, like, in comparison to doing like shift work at a magazine, you have to kind of like realize that that doesn't

matter because it's still work. And if someone is willing to give you that Yeah. It's not your fault that they happen to be paying you in a same, like, too much money. It's just like it's not our fault that we're never going to that a lot of us aren't going to own houses, or that a lot of us are making money in kind of like slightly left-field ways

in what the generation ahead feel like it is anyway. And they have literally tried several times. Everybody has paid the same amount of money. It doesn't work. We all wear one type of clothing and everything is for the people. All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. George is all right.

What have we been doing this week? Where are we been? 2019. Here we come. It's shifted into being a literary podcast. I should do. And quite right, quite frankly, we're prioritising ourselves. But we need to feel less guilt about the whole thing comes down to. We feel guilty about putting ourselves first because there's this narrative that is like,

yeah, but you can put yourself first, but only if you spend 18-hour work days and you don't know who you are anymore. And then you're allowed a small bath and a tiny snack. And like that's it. Be small. Like the Brownie Guide promise is literally and always put others before yourself. Is it still that? Surely it's been updated. I don't think so.

always thinking of others and then it's that thing about the oxygen masks on the plane it's like do your own oxygen mask before anyone else is yes you ultimately have to do you yes before you can help anyone else that's what they say like you do you babe you do you exits are here you do you when they pop down you you do you babe you just slay before all others there's a small list which i thought was quite useful a little checklist of six times is okay to prioritize yourself so number one you're sick always always prioritize yourself when you're sick. I know you, Tessa, will often turn up to do a podcast record.

You look like hell. I think you should probably have said in bed. There's one time where you were really ill and chose that day to go to Primark peak time and return some things. It's like, don't be doing any of that. That is prioritising admin, but you need to prioritize yourself when you're ill. And I think some people often are like, you know, if you got a cold or something, you've got the flu, you're like, well, that's not enough to be, no, it is enough. You need to get better.

Don't feel guilty about being ill. and also if you show up when you're sick you're going to make everyone else sick. It's actually helpful. I mean it says here when you're hungry. Well, may I say about the sick thing? Yeah. Because I think that's rubbish.

So we're going to drop it down to five times. That's not acceptable. What, you don't like the hangary one? I think if you're hungry, like just get some food, fine, but that's not really like a no to prioritise yourself. Yes, of course, go and get some food before you do something. I think there's never a time when you're more clear about prioritising yourself than when you're hungry.

I mean, I did try and get some stew earlier. Didn't work out for me, but I was prioritising. Yeah, you did try. Yeah, I stopped. dead. Gave it go. You gave it a go. I can't control everyone else.

But I think that's a good time when people are very clear where they're like, sorry, I need to eat. I'm going to explode. Like that's good. Yes. I think that is a time when people are pretty, it popped back up to six times. People are pretty good about prioritising when you're hungry.

Just on the sick thing, I think that's something that people are crazy about at work. You know, being desperate to be sent home. They want somebody. That's all I spend my time doing. You just want someone to say, gosh, you should go home. And then immediately go, yeah, I should. Yeah, then you're the victim. You weren't, you know, you didn't call in sick.

you weren't, you know, you weren't the bad guy. Call and sick. Absolutely call and sick. That is your body literally telling you to call in sick. It's that quality over quantity thing. Like you can show up and be shit at your job for 10 days until this passes or you can lose one day getting better at home. If you're hungry, consider prioritising yourself immediately.

Go and get a snack. Don't do anything taxing if you're hungry. It just feels a little bit like obvious. Like, duh. Anyway, three, you're burnt out and totally exhausted. I don't know. I often have conversations where someone will be like, you know, how are you or whatever? And I'd be like, oh, I feel quite, I don't know,

like, I'm doing too much. I feel a bit. And then suddenly they're saying it as well. And then you're like doing this thing where you're kind of like having a, who's done the most in the day off. And I hate that. Neither of you should be there. You should be at home having a relax.

And I think we don't identify when we are burnt out until we are so burnt out that it's stupid. And then we become sick. And then we move to point one. Exactly. You have to catch it when it's at point three. You're exhausted. You are allowed to, on a Friday night, after work, to say to a friend, I'm so sorry, I'm exhausted, I can't come to the party.

Because otherwise, what will happen is you will either go to the party, be just rubbish socially, feel crap. Everyone would be like, you're okay. And just be there so that you can leave? Yeah, no one wants that. You're not going to bring anything to the party. Or type 2 person is that you go there, you're knackers. So in order to unknacky yourself, make yourself an incredibly strong espresso martini. You're always at cocktail making in this analogy.

Stay till 3 in the morning, wake up the next day, even worse. Now you're sick. now we're referring to point one again. So it's okay to prioritize yourself when you are exhausted. We are constantly supposed to be, you know, this narrative of, well, Margaret Satch just slept for three hours a night. Everyone seems to get up at five in the morning when they're very successful. And they are up late in the office.

I'm sorry, it's bullshit. Of course. She also invaded the Falklands. Yes. Everyone else is to see it. They're very tired. They're making stupid decisions. Yeah. I think Elon Musk said that he doesn't sleep.

I mean, he's going off the rails. So everyone's crackers. Everyone's crackers. Go to sleep. Well, we're through the next. You're under pressure at work. This is actually quite a good one. When you have a lot on, I found when I've had a lot on, I've had to prioritise my work over a boyfriend or a friend being like,

oh, we're going to go and see Creed. You're like, oh yeah, I do want to see Michael B. Jordan. Oh, yeah, I do. But can't. And then I end up doing the thing and then having like a full meldown like midnight being like, I can't do it before tomorrow or whatever. So I think you have to be very strong. You have to explain in a lovely way.

to your lot of friends. I'm so sorry I have a deadline and I can't. The onus is on you to do that and that is hard but I think it's more helpful when you have accepted that that is an acceptable reason to prioritise yourself and it's not you being like bad at time management or you being no you've got too much on you're allowed to prioritize yourself then ourselves allowing ourselves what? We're coming to the end. Number five this is interesting you feel like you're being taken advantage of we've all encountered people who don't return favors or expect more than their fair share of our time. If you have a friendship where saying yes is just making you feel worse,

if you feel like you're being slightly exploited, you feel like whenever I go there, I'm doing a lot of heavy lifting, I'm getting none of that back. Prioritise yourself, don't go. Maybe get rid of that person. Listen to our episode, I think we did when we were the debrief podcast maybe, how to cut out toxic people in your life.

It's quite a good one. And then number six, final one, you're allowed to prioritize yourself when you've made a commitment to yourself. So if you've made a promise to yourself, But today, you've booked a class at the gym. You're going to have a quiet night in because you need it and you know that you need it. It doesn't matter why you need it.

It could be any of the reasons above or none of them. If someone is asking something of you or will work thing, think of the consequences. If it's okay for you to say no, say no. Because you've made a commitment to yourself and that helps you in the long run, trust yourself and respect yourself. Because if you're giving all of yourself away to everyone else, how can you respect yourself? Yes. Thank you for coming to my head talk. I've two people in here.

I enjoyed that. I enjoyed that TED talk enormously. Thank you. I just wanted to roast through it, which is a new word I'm trying. Great roast. Thank you. I have looked up the Browning Guide promised.

Oh my God, what is it? And you're quite right. They have changed it since we were little. Amazing. Which is so that it's now just to serve the Queen and my community to help other people and to keep the Browning Guide law. Not to always put others in yourself.

used to be to put others before myself. And now it's just to help others, which I think is as much more empowering as a woman. Yeah, you're right, not to bring gender in, but it is a very, like, female thing of, like, to put others before myself. Yes, you know. To serve your man.

There's this, like, one of those sort of naft, fridge magnet teetatel things that says, like, a mother is someone who's seeing that there are four people and only three pieces of cake announces that she never did care for cake, you know. Oh, my God. That's what we're teaching mothers. And, like, which is true, like, obviously all mothers are,

absolutely incredible and do a million things and always put other people in front of themselves but it like constantly selling this narrative of like that's a mother. That's what you have to. It's like, mother fucking wants a cake. Give mama some cake. Mother's working the hardest here.

Give mama some cake. Yeah. She made the cake. You made the goddamn cake. You know, and also those little, otherwise it just sits inside you. It's like, oh, I actually haven't had any roles and no one's noticed.

Like you might either make the narrative for yourself that you don't deserve them or you make it like, well, no, one never looks at me or nothing. I just give myself to everybody. You know, it's just like, get out of it. Break out of there. Break out. Prioritize yourself, babe.

So, prioritize things in general. Yes. How do I do that? Yes. So now that we have got ourselves in the number one position. Oh, God, yeah. Now let's work on our many, many smorgas boards of things that are weighing us down that we have not prioritized. Tasks, as you would say.

Tasks, if you're me. So this is, you know, if you feel like you're drowning at work, you've just got too many things on. Plus, you've got, like, family at home. You've got, like, you're trying to tile the porch. Like, you've got. You've got a porch. You've got a porch. There's a lot going on.

Where's that come from? You've got a lot going on. My friend Louise, hello Louise. She wrote an article about this and I asked her to send it to me. But this was a lot quite a while ago and I said it might not be on the podcast for ages. And she said, I'll wait forever for a sweet taste of the podcast. Oh, it is a sweet taste. So this is for Louise who wrote this fantastic article about trying to prioritize.

I said when you've got too many things going on, it's like having a garden and your garden is completely overgrown and you've got all your things in the wrong place and everything that's in there, all your plants are your different jobs and tasks and things that you need to do and they're all competing for space and light and attention and so every time you look at the garden you're just like, oh God, this

and it doesn't feel nice to go in it and start pruning or weeding or loving it or gardening it feels completely overwhelming and stressful. So you just don't want to do it. So you just don't want to do it and you just like every time you look at the garden you're like, forget it. I understand.

I can't go and look. So what you want to do is totally like reassess your garden and you need to take a moment and sit down and if your instinct is like, I haven't got any time to sit down. Like, yes, you do. Make some time. Sit down. Get yourself a piece of paper.

A3 if it helps. I find a big piece of paper way more effective. Suddenly, now we're picking with gas. Now we're talking. Yeah. Get your big piece of paper. Get your coloured pens if you need. Sharpies.

Get some gel pens. Ooh, scented. Ooh, get a scented gel pen. A banana gel pen. Black piece of paper. Stick with with me on this. Creamy gel pen. Hello.

Now we're right. And there you see. the classic our mindset. Suddenly we're in the shop buying the right sort of paper and pens. Yes, that's silly. We shouldn't do that. And while we were there,

we started making sock puppets. Right. So you just sit down with any piece of paper that you can find, anything that's to hand. You don't really need this thing. No. Get your piece of paper.

You're going to write down absolutely everything that you need to do. And they can be everything. So even if it's your news resolutions, things you're just working on generally, they can be immediate tasks that need to get done, things that know to go to the bank. But then they're also like bigger tasks,

things for work, like massive. big life stuff trying to get fitter, get healthier, you know, write the book. Buy a dog. Any of these things. Just put absolutely everything down. If you're like, that's not really one. It is one if it's in your head.

And it's like, what am I doing first? And then you divide up your garden into put them in. Pagonias. So put all the bagonias and the other evergreens together. So things that are due with like health, put them on things with work, things that are like, you know, divide them up. Can you divide them also like short term, long term? Or are we just doing subjects?

No, you can buy whatever category. feels right for you. Already stressed about the categories, but I'm sure. Okay, so again, if that, in which case, I will say for you, you go by category of thing. Sorry, so not, thematic rather than time. Thematic. Is that right? Yes.

Okay. Okay. Great. Yes. So passion projects. Work things. Self things. Self things.

The house. Big ideas for the future. Oh, nice. Yeah. in your groups, in your categories. And then you can see like, oh, if you've got nothing in house but 20 things in big ideas for the future. You're prioritising wrong.

Like, okay. So see what they are when they're all in their compartments together. Then if things are like short and long term, if you want, highlight the ones that are short term and highlight the ones that are long term. You feeling better now? I'm already very excited. Right? So now we're like, okay, now we feel calm.

Really great. Now when you've got that to look at visually, it's clear to identify what your big three are. These are your big plants to stick right in the front. Because they're the ones that are the big ones for long term? Yep. They can be whatever. At this point now that you're looking at it, now it's a bit sort of spark joy-esque.

Now we're just like, this is what needs to get done. Just look at it and be like, just listen to the energy and be like, this is what we need. And then from there you can like start building your list in a different sort of way and start like understanding like, okay, this is what needs to happen. And then if you want to then go through your big eye, if you want to then be like, okay, I'm going to allow one big idea to come out of my massive big idea pot.

what is the most achievable or the most exciting or what is the thing I really care about. So you don't have to take all the big ideas. No. You just take whichever one feels the most achievable now. If you like, it's like, here's all your wine in the wine cellar and you're only bringing a few bottles to the table. Absolutely.

Or whatever. You speak in my language. As a woman with a strong wine cellar. I'm going to make a drinks cupboard. I'm going to make a drinks cupboard. That's not something I should prioritise now. But put it on your list because it's just popped up, so put it straight on there.

Okay. Get it in that. big ideas thing. And if you want to hold on to that A3 piece of paper in its groups, otherwise if you just write everything down, that looks totally overwhelming. You think I've got too many things on, so make sure you keep your colour groups. Yeah, I think I did this once where like I was having

in the swamp between New University and first job. Yes. And it was the turn of the year. Of course. I was like, wait just saying, I wasn't going anywhere. I'd stopped trying to do stuff that I just didn't know what was doing. I did like a big A3 piece of paper because I just sort of found one. Found it fun to do it in a sort of brain

thought shower. way. Then you've got your big arms via categories. Yep. Can't we call them arms? And then all the little ones can come off that. So I suppose, yeah, like a mind map. Yeah, perfect. Because then whenever I was feeling sad and a bit like lost, I would look at that and go, get back on track. Here are the things that you need to refocus yourself. Yeah. And so keep that somewhere. You can cross them off when you've done it. Perfect. So keep that under the bed somewhere,

or like wherever you need it to be, bring up or on the wall or whatever is visually helpful for you. And then you've got your second, you've got your big smorgas board. Then you've got your small list that will keep changing every week or every day. And that's the thing where you're like, what bottles are we bringing up today? Great. And put them on it. And that can either be on your, I guess, wherever you keep your, like, appointments diary. If it's on Google, calendar, or whatever you can put it in your phone notes.

From here on out, you can do whatever visually is the best thing for you? If you use Post-it notes, can you please tweet as to how you've used them? Because I don't understand how people use Post-it notes and why they use them. What? I've never confidently used a Post-it note. Oh, my goodness. Write your thing on it that you need to do. Yeah.

Stick them on the wall. Yeah, but they just like falls off the wall. No. it stays on the wall. Oh, God, okay. A good post-it note stays on the wall. Okay. And then when you take it off the wall

when you're done it. I guess so. That is a good way of doing it. Okay, fine. What were you using them to do? I've never used them. I've got a block and I'm always like, whenever someone at uni had like a book

and they had loads of post-it notes in it. I've no idea what those people are doing. I don't know what they were doing. So I think I've been quite... I've seen people do that. I'm like... What is going on? It was at work.

There'd be people with loads of post-it notes all around their desk stuff. and it wasn't just like, have a nice day. Yeah, which is what I know what yours are. Yes, there's a little drawings you've done. She's up. But someone in the office did a picture of a shark and said, have a nice day and put it on my keyboard thing. And I was like, what's that?

I was like, yeah, he does that occasionally. Maybe like a cleaner or something. That's so nice. That's all I had on mine. I am quite blindsided by the simplicity of put a thing to do on your post note, put it up and then take it down when you've done it because I thought it was way more complicated than that. Great, okay.

So, Steve, what you're going to do, you're going to make your smorgas board on your A through, piece of paper. Black with gel pens, eat everything in its colour thing, highlighted between short term and long term. It'll be difficult on the black paper, but I'll figure it out. You'll work it out. I believe in you. Thank you. Then you're going to get your post-it notes.

I will. And you're just going to stick three things up on the wall now. This is the bringing things out of the cellar, putting them on the thing, and then we're going to work through them. So once they're there... The wine bottles out of myself. And then I can cross them off on my big smorgasbord when I've taken the post-it note down to have the double satisfaction. Double satisfaction. Oh, okay. Great. Thank you so much. Now, teach me more. you more. Okay, so this is just like day-to-day stuff. We're my moments from the end.

Because I've prioritized and I've worked through this schedule. Thank you. So this is just day-to-day stuff that you're just getting through the day, doing your hot, hot business. It's 2019. It's January. We're getting shit done. Yes. Okay. There is a book famously called Eat That Frog. I'm into it already. Got an exclamation mark. As many books at the time did. Yeah. It's a shame now. It's dated. It does. It dates it. It does. An ex-mation mark does date the work. By self-help guru Brian Tracy. And it's from a Mark Twain,

quote that is eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. That's very funny. So the basic rule of eat that frog is, do you want to guess? Do the worst thing on your list, the first thing? Absolutely. Oh, I love that as a thing. Because there's so many, on your list, there's always one we're like, cool, get to that.

Oh, I've run out of time. Yeah. And what do you do instead? You're like, oh, that one looks fun and distracting. So I'll do that. I'll circle around the frog and I'll never get to it. How good will you feel when you've eaten the frog? So firstly, it's done you feel incredibly satisfied.

And if you don't even do anything else the rest of the day on your list, you're still like, I smash through that frog. The next thing will necessarily get done because every day you have to eat the frog. Work for some people doesn't necessarily work, but if you've got a big to-do list, try it out. So two more crucial things, and then we're prioritising the end.

Everything needs to be planned the night before. So when you wake up in the morning, there needs to be no, like, oh, I've got so many things to do. Like, where shall I start? No. You wake up in the morning, you know exactly what's coming. Great. You've got your, whatever your daily routine looks like, if that's a, you know, your meditation, you're exercising.

Well, you know, you so, you know, you so, whatever your day is. Like, you know it. And it's been so, so proved over and over again by, like, CEOs that when they do those, like, I rise at 5.30. I run while I speak to the Japanese. I take this business call and I'm in the office by seven. It's always the, and you're like, how can you have that kind of day? Yesterday I rose at 4 a.m. and today I select till 2. Now you're talking about.

Right? So you're like, but it's so. statistically proved that like that way of living and there's like whatever I'm so free is also not conducive to work or mental health if we're absolutely honest whereas this clear like I rise I do this this is my routine my body knows where it's at and also it stops to circle back if we made to this stew when you're in a like really clear rigid routine your body is like this is when we eat this is when we don't and so it isn't like freaking out and getting itself so you've ruined my routine basically you do not eat a stew every day at 5 p.m. I absolutely do no you don't

5.03, I rise. You lie down when you're tired and you eat when you're hungry. I don't think of ever eating a stew. So, exactly. You never even had a stew. It's just popped into your mind. And now you're following it and your whole body's thinking about it. Whereas if you're in like, I'm in work mode now, this is what I do at this time. So that means we need to record the podcast at the same time every week, which we absolutely do not do. No, but I feel fine about that.

I don't take my advice. I'm not going to take my own advice on this. Bo, boo. Get yourself into that routine. Take time for yourself. Do not be phones in bed, no matter how much. You're like, quick, quick, that'll get things done. Yeah.

When you open your emails in the morning, you're immediately distracted by people wanting other things from you. Yeah. And so that's not part of your schedule. All that's doing is adding other things to your list. So you get up, you eat the frog. And then it's like, and then you sit down to be like, and now this is my half hour. Now I let the emails in. And now I let the emails in.

But if they come first thing in the morning, that's all you've done is to. You always do that. You've done in me because it feels like you're doing the, I run on the treadmill and I talk to the Japanese. Like on the phone, everyone. You know, that's just like a classic because Japan is awake at that time and so I'm doing business. You know, it just always comes up in those morning routine.

We do say that a lot and we should make it clear that we're not. It's because they're on the right time from. That's where all the business is. I know that's where it's where we do the most of our business. What are you talking about? Why are you constantly trying to talk to Japanese people? But yeah, I mean, that's what business people do is we all know. Me and Tesla having never worked in business.

but very clear understanding of what needs to be done. Very clear. It is always to do with Japan. Yeah. So because you're in bed with your phone, it feels like I'm cracking through this. Like I'm doing hot business.

You're not. You're doing moose with a muffin. You're distracting yourself. You go in all off course. You've opened an email. You've seen like two new, you know, Google offers and suddenly we're in a 45 minute rabbit hole. Also, you're not prioritising yourself there.

Absolutely not. I'm going to start only looking at my emails after breakfast. Yes. And you say, and now it is the email time and you do it. And possibly an alarm. Out loud. Out loud. An alarm goes off after half an hour.

That's it. That's the end. Great. Because you prioritise that time for emails. I don't know if I'm going to rise at 5.30am and speak to Japanese. No, you don't have to. But I'm certainly going to like write my things to do this night before. Not when I'm in bed getting up, being like, oh no. And I've already read seven emails.

Yeah. Absolutely not. Exactly. Then you literally get out of bed in the morning already behind schedule. Oh my God. And you've done that to yourself. Like, you didn't need to. I've no one else to blame.

No one else to blame. But you should be prioritising. fix your mask and when you leave the office in the evening if you're someone with a regular or any place of work where you can, if you have access to your post-it notes,

when you leave the office you pack everything down because it's so easy to be like probably you're running to something in the evening or you're late or you're trying to, you're desperate to get away from work or whatever so the end Steve keeps gesturing to how much she wants her bloody stew

yeah so as we I've got a lot on she literally has to leave As you're leaving, you pack down your desk and you write your three things that you need to do tomorrow on a posting note and you take it on your computer. Oh, another great posting note. So one, two, three, those are my three activities for tomorrow. So you get in, you're like, here are my things. What do I do today?

What's my thing? And then because you might forget, because you're in the zone. You're in the zone. And so you're just trying to like being your own assistant. You know, there is a reason that like the president is walking along and they're saying like, you've got this and they're 11 o'clock you're on this. You know, it's like a clear. No one says like, what do you want to do today, Mr. President? And he's like, what?

Like somebody like lays that shit out. So just treat yourself like the president that you are and deserve to be. Babes, you are all presidents in my eyes. Maybe prioritise tweeting us. No, you don't have to at all. Yes, you do. Prioritized tweeting us. Please us at Nobody Panic Pod.

I'm at Stevie MBS.S is a five. I'm at Jessicaotes. And if you have any fun ideas for email. If there any fun ideas for emails, then email them to us. If you have any fun ideas for future episodes, email them to us. Nobody Panic Podcast at gmail.com. Like, subscribe. Send a little tweet out for your main men here.

And have a lovely week. And I'm desperate to eat the stew now. Okay. Okay. Things got hangary in here. Bye. Bye. Bye, everyone.