Nobody Panic - How to Propose

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

SOMEONE HAS PROPOSED! And they have tips about not losing your mind and why it's okay to break with tradition even though everyone is yelling 'YOU MUST SPEND THREE MONTHS SALARY ON A RING'. But who is it? Listen to find out! And it's pretty obvious if you've listened to the podcast before!Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded by Naomi Parnell for Plosive and edited by Clarissa Maycock.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. podcast. I said that Tessa could introduce it and I really regret it.

Or do I? She said she was weary of saying hello, welcome to the podcast. I thought, here it comes, spicing things up. Guys, hello. Welcome to Nobody Panic. I'm Tessa. This is Stevie. And today is a very exciting and special episode is entitled How to Propose.

Oh my God. And we won't be saying anything for a bit. I just, we're not going to say straight away, we're kind of just, just, just ease ourselves in. Listen, there's a proposal story afoot. And who knows who knows who it is. Maybe we have a guest. Maybe we have a guest, you know, maybe not.

Maybe you're in a long-term relationship. You're like, holy should I've been thinking about doing this? Maybe you're thinking about not. Maybe you want to. Maybe you want to see if you don't want to. And then you listen to this and you go, yeah, correct, I was there. I was there. I was wrong.

I don't want it. Or I do want it. Or I, oh, my God. maybe somebody was really considering it. And then, God, we're absolutely captivated by our own enchanou. Is your sign? This is it. Someone will come up to us after a live, I've said and go, I propose it.

It was me. I was thinking of doing it. And then I actually said, the universe will send me a sign of this is right. Holy shit. We're absolutely high on our own supply here. Right. Before we get into the episode, let's do some adult things. The most adult thing you've done this week, Tess.

My most adult thing I've done this week is you know, Stevie, I'm afraid of the future. I didn't know what that was going to end up. You know how sometimes... Very apt for this podcast episode. For example, in November, on a WhatsApp thread, somebody was like, I've put tickets to go and see this show. And someone was like, I'm going to go see this in May. Oh my God. Did you say no, because you were a frightened of the future?

Yes. I didn't say no. I didn't say anything, Steve. Yeah, you didn't until... I didn't say anything. And then a few of our friends are official. friends, we're like, including Stevie, were like, oh, done, booked, booked, booked.

So I was seeing people shouting, booked, booked, booked. But the fact that it was in May was honestly, I couldn't deal with it. So in my heart, I was like, come on, just book it, just, you'll want to go and you'll forget. And then when it comes up, it won't feel straight. And I was like, it's May, it's May. That's too far.

And what's the fear? Like, as in, where will I be in May? It's just like, okay, so like when you buried a time capsule at school. Okay, I didn't do that. I'm aware of it. The concept, Blue Peter buried a time. We didn't do it either. Oh, right, sorry.

I think the sentence, do you know when you bury a time capsule? I think there was quite a bit of time capsule chat around the millennium. There was, you know, you are right. I've never done it. No, I haven't done it either. But like, it was a thing.

In your village or whatever. Yeah, yeah, sure. Somebody blew Peter would do it. The early 2000s was nothing but time capsules. Sorry, yes, it's cool. You wake up, you build a time capsule. You're buried in you, right? Whereas now, you don't do time capsules.

You know, you simply don't see them as much. So I guess what was in like quite a few. formative time for me. The time capsule shit happens and I lose my goddamn mind. So yeah, that's what bit of it makes you? Because I thought it's quite nice. This will be opened in the year 2001. And you're like, oh my God, but what does that mean? We'll be dead. Oh, right. Do you think you'd be dead by May? Could be. Okay. That's my thing I just drilled up because it's just this like, it's all so far. So the same way I feel about the time. I'm just trying to say like, do you feel, May is less than six months away? Do you feel sick when you think about how far and the

advance the time capsules are? No. Okay. Okay. I find it quite exciting. Oh, how interesting. I'm quite like, oh, I wonder what, I mean, now because of climate change, maybe a bit more sick. But what I'm saying is like, it's interesting that you're likening that, which is a massively long period of time and, you know, who knows if the human race will still be here, to six months. But that is how I feel. Yeah, okay, now I understand. But I was like, my friend, I kept saying to myself, why have you done this? Yeah. But you knew you wanted to go. Yeah. And you knew they would sell out. What's wrong with you? And I was like, the time capsule thing, we've got to let you. it go.

Yes, yeah. Because it didn't even did one. It's wild that you're so fixated on out. You've got to start freaking out about the time capsules. Or just time in general. Or just time in general. Yeah, time is okay. It is weird to go, oh god, well, like when you renew your passport, you're like, oh my

God, I'm going to be, I don't know, six years time or nine years or whatever. And it's quite creepy to think of how old you're going to be at that point. Yes. But you've got to work on, I think, very important for you to work on the six-monthly, biannual issue that you've got there. So I have started putting things in the calendar. Oh my God, you haven't. That's amazing.

Yes. So I've sort of tried to get over the thing. And now the moment, a invitation or a birthday or an event or a thing or crucially, like a show I'm supposed to be doing, I comes in. Rather than just being like, fantastic, see you there. I just, I actively put it in the calendar. I'm getting in control of my calendar. I'm using it. That's why today, between podcast records, Tessa got a notification from a venue and then like held up her phone like a little kid who just,

drawn a drawing and went, I put it in my calendar. I was like, yeah. The most basic, basic shit. It's actually mainly, I'm so impressed how you've managed to do anything before this point. I literally could not cope with, I wouldn't know what I was doing. And you don't not turn up to stuff. I mean, do you miss things? I don't miss things, but I'm certainly surprised.

I'm certainly surprised every day. Am I not? Oh, God, I'm sorry for going on for ages, please. Loved it. Stevie, what is your adult thing? I proposed. I proposed the shadow. Oh my God.

I know. It's so exciting. Stevie told me she was going to do it. And on the day, I was just pacing like a trapped animal. So was I. Yeah, but I know, I know. Of course you were, but I was just so, like, I was so nervous. I know.

And even, about me and producer Naomi, who's with us today, were together. And we kept looking at our phones being like, what, do you think she's done it? She is now. Do you think it's gone badly? Do you think it's gone, you know, where will she be now? Has she done it? Also, it was funny, it was like his birthday, which is bold.

Don't bury the lead. Get us, build us. Well, I will tell you what happened, but then also about things I've learnt and also things that I think might be helpful if someone is thinking about it. Because I did not think about it in a way of like, oh, I'll be very feminist. I'll be the one who proposes to the man. The shadow is a man. just make sense because in our relationship,

my guy will make the kind of life decisions more. And also because I was like, oh, I do want to. So that'll be, that's, I'll ask, that, that'll be fun. And then since then, the response has been quite interesting so that now I think I'm becoming like, well, I am quite first about it just because of the response is so strange sometimes. Or strange to me, not strange, because we're all very socialised. But yes, so I decided to do it on this birthday, on the way to a dinner.

that I'd organise for him, just me and him. And he was very like, well, we can just leave, you know, like quite late. And I was like, there's an element of your birthday that I'd like to chat through. I wouldn't chat on the way. He's like, I want to not, I need some more time. And then he came to be like, no, that's fine. So at the end of it ended up being like, please can we go? And at an earlier point, he was like, okay, wow, yes.

And then when we got to the place where we were on these, like, fun, like cable car things, by the O2 in London. Just let everyone pause there for a moment while they think of what those are. The cable with Emirates Airline, very popular mode of transport. And they think, what those? I used to live near there. And so we went on them quite a lot for fun. And you went on an early date there.

Very early on yet. So I think it's like, it's lovely. It's so you. It's such a crazy thing to be on. It's lovely. Afterwards, yeah, I was like, I had to trap you on there, I don't know. But at the time I was like, well, this will be fun. And I've always joked about, well, I mean, this is our thing.

you know, I'll have to give birth on here. Like, there's a lot of that. It's nice. It's lovely. But then, unfortunately, when we got to the place, it was very nice to see O2, and he liked Stormsy quite a lot, and Stormsy was playing. So he thought the surprise was taking to see Stormsy.

Oh, shit, a brick. And he kept going, you haven't. And I was like, what? And I thought he'd guessed it. And then it was like, oh, no, I'm really not taking you see the Stormsy. And he's like, okay. Frank. It's like, no, no, no, no, no.

No, sure, sure. Or are we going. It's like, no, okay. So I was like drag him away from Someday. And then there was a point where, because we'd watch a documentary about NFTs, he thought I bought him an LFT. To be like, no, that was just because we did an episode with Tom Mercent-Tal. So did you say there is an element of surprise?

Yes, because I didn't. Because I had to tell him, like, there's an element to your birthday that we need to chat about because he wouldn't leave on time. And he was like, well, if there's a thing, just give it to me. And I was like, no, it's not. It's like a thing to talk about. Yeah, yeah. The thing I've sorted out that one shot.

So I couldn't be very specific, but I was trying to be very casual. So it didn't look like it was a proposal. Right, right, right. Because, and this is where the first tip comes in, I have a friend who recently got proposed to as a shock, and she's in a very long-term, happy relationship, lovely relationship, but she was so overcome that she was like,

if you do it, do not surprise, do not say, because, oh, it's overwhelming amount of information. And I think your brain just goes, if you're not expecting it, your brain can go into shutdown mode and you can say things that you don't mean. and you can be like, oh shit. And this is my first tip, which was I'd laid some fun groundwork.

Okay, great. But we'd been joking a lot about it. Being like, ha ha, that I won't propose to you. No, I've been saying things like, if we got married, like, would we have like wedding bans? Also, every time he said, I've got a proposition for you, I'd go, yes. And then we had a good laugh about that. And then just a little thing like that.

So that actually when it came to it, it was a surprise, but it wasn't like the biggest surprise in the world. I think I'd also gone as far as to say, like, two years. before like, well, if we ever get married, I'll obviously be proposing to you. It was like a joke. So I think everything had been said, but still, it was such a surprise that I'm really glad I did that groundwork because I think trapping him in a cable car, him thinking I'd bought him an LFT and me proposing to him.

He thought he'd go to these storms on his birthday. Yeah. It's a bit much. Anyway, in one of those conversations, I'd said, if you got married, like, you know, you'd wear like a wedding band, I guess. And he was like, no, I don't know. And I was like, but that's like a really, I would say quite a non-flashy bit of jurors. It's quite common for men to, like, I'd say most men would wear a wedding when I fair married.

He's like, oh, yeah, no, I mean, I'd do something, I suppose, to kind of deter people from, you know, climbing all over me in bars or whatever. And he's like, so, you know, maybe I'd wear like a Lord of the Rings ring around my neck. And it was like, well, I will definitely deter people from, because you look like an in-cell, but that's fine. No offense to any insults, isn't it? The one true ring around his neck. And so then I also. No offense to no ins cells. No offense to any Lord of the Rings fan.

Oh, sorry. I love Lord of the Rings. No offense to any insults for being associated with Lord of the Rings there. I'm so sorry. Of course. I'm so terrified about telling the story that. I've lost my mind. You're doing fantastic.

I say on behalf of all the listeners. And all of the Lord of the Rings fan and all the Lord of the Rings sound and all the Insales, God bless you all. I think I'm fair, though, to say that if you're wearing a one true ring around your neck and you're like in your 40s alone in a bar. Listen, the deterrence has done. That's not necessarily a Lord of the Rings fan. That's like a mad person. It's like, as I'm there with Dumbledore's staff, and I know what the problem is.

Yeah, it's normal ladies. Come on over. It's a lot of time. Anyway, so, when he said that ages ago, I was like, lock it in the head, I'll get a Lord of the Rings, one true ring, because it'll be funny. He won't wear it because he isn't like jewelry,

but it'll be, it's the thought of it. And I was like, I'll get a nice one. Tried to find, like a really expensive, classy one. Like the most expensive one on there was like 60 quid. I was like, yeah, fine. It's still quite a lot. On a chain, came in a lovely thing. Got lost in the post.

That was terrifying. All the stuff, the engraving on the inside. On the... Inelvish, whatever it says, again, not... One ring to rule them or one ring to find them. So anyway, we got on the cable car and I thought I just surreptitious to get the thing out. But apparently, according to him, my entire energy completely shifted. I just slid sideways, dipping my hand, laid into the bag.

And I think he said after it was at that point, he was like, she's not going to... Is she going to? She's not... She's not gone to get a ring, has she? Anyway, and then I did. And another tip. There's like two schools of thought, isn't there really, I think, of all of this stuff, which I've naturally slipped into the second one. But the first one is, you know, the rules and traditions that you do,

which no judgment, no shade that I didn't. It's just because it's the other way around gender-wise anyway. It's already all bats rough and I've got a bloody one ring to rule them all on an necklace. So I'm in a cable car. So the whole thing is wild anyway. So I think that's kind of allowed me to not have to, But there are obviously very specific things that people follow. So I'm not saying like you shouldn't do that.

What I'm saying is you should know and have a good interrogation of yourself before you're thinking of proposing. Because one of the things that I thought, right, the star, I was like, oh, but well, I'll be sad because I haven't been proposed to. And I genuinely knew that I wouldn't be. So like I was fine to not have that moment. I wanted that moment, but I wanted to be the one. So I think you've got to think because some people would be like,

oh, I couldn't possibly. I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting. And then it's like, or you, how fun. What a great anecdote to do it yourself. Like, how fun. So always be open-minded because there might be elements of it that you're not thinking about anyway, proposed to him. He was quite shocked.

And I had to be like, oh, can you say something? Because also, another thing is, know what you're going to say, but don't like, obviously learn it and rattle off a monologue. but I left no gaps and just kept talking and then had to be like, oh sorry, do you have any thoughts? And then he said, yes, and that was a lovely moment. And it was very nice, but he was completely, he was just like, oh my God. And then he was like, brave to do it on my birthday.

And I was like, yeah, I could have ruined your birthday, actually. But I think I knew that he would say yes, and I think that's why it was okay. Because I just didn't, there was like a calmness underneath it, which was like, yes, I'm nervous. I'm nervous, I'll do it wrong and I'll say mad stuff that will put him off. But actually, yes, we've been living together for a while. And like, we've been going to... There's no question. There's no question.

He was actually... He was going to say yes. But, you know, I didn't truly know that. Anyway, the... Nice beers. We got to the restaurant and, like, oh, God, first, I'm so... Before we do anything,

what's the... Like, what's the ring thing? I was like, what? You said about that you'd like to wear the laundry ring around your neck. He's like, no. And then he started laughing. He was like, no. And like, I've misheard him.

And what he meant was, and what he'd actually... said was, no, I'd wear a wedding band around my neck like in Lord of the Rings, not the actual inscribed elvish. And so, and then he put it on and it was very funny. And it also was like it bulged at the shirt. It's not like it was evil. And he's like, isn't it the evil rings curse and the wearer like loses their mind and becomes it. And so that was the other thing that's going to say is that if something goes wrong, it's like in wedding speeches and things like that when there's like a nervous the dad has to do a speech. You know, they're

bit nervous and they stumble everyone's like rooting for them and when something goes wrong it immediately like sort of bursts the bubble of like weird formality and I think that's something that I really struggle with with this entire thing and we'll continue to struggle with and there'll be more podcast episodes I'm sure about the other stages that are happening we can't say the word wedding yet we're calling it seasoning the walk okay okay we've got a walk at Christmas and we still haven't seasoned it maybe we're just calling it something that's happening because it feels very hysterically formal for us. It's not, and we've figured out how we're going to do stuff and we're not really having like a wedding,

we're having a party and like the tagline that the shadow came up with was like, I think it was like, no presents, no speeches, just times. It's like, okay, you're already branding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Times and vibes. Yeah, like I love going to weddings. I love going to those things, but I think it felt very formal to me and it was very actually nice that I made a big mistake with the ring because it immediately made it, we were laughing and it was like, oh, but normal, normal again, laughing and normal rather than like, oh, would you be my husband? And they're like, what are? Would you like playing a part? Yes, yes, yeah.

And it was normal again and then, and fun. And now it's fun to plan it because we've said whatever we don't want, we don't have to do. Like, he's really like, I'm so sorry, but I just don't want to do with like a stag do or like have a first dance. They're the things, I don't want everyone looking at me. And it's like, great, we'll just don't do that then. like, fine. But yes, the proposal element, which is the focus of this episode, I think, like, so much of it, you can get so in your head and you can get so scared about doing it exactly right, but it's so much more. And I think the proposals that I've heard from people who have struggled, as a genuinely struggled, is because they've got so swept up in what they're meant to do. They haven't thought of the other person. So, for example, like my friend, she, she's very similar to me in the fact that she just doesn't like sort of the, I I don't know, attention on them, and they were on holiday, and there's, like, a big holiday.

And she'd thought, and I think she'd even joked and said, like, well, it's, you don't like propose to me here because I was like crass or something like that. Or maybe she hadn't, but she'd thought it. And they were on a beach, and she turned around. And he was like, on one knee, but, like, his knee was, like, raw because he'd been on one knee for ages. And so his knee was really hurting. And so he looked in pain. And actually, I think his knee was bleeding. And he was holding this thing, this, like, this.

very traditional ring and she was like oh no oh no now anyway and then he opened the ring and she hated it and because he'd bought this ring and and because she it was um a classic all those things he'd done right like he'd saved up three months of his saddle whatever the thing is and and he'd chosen a time and it was like literally it was like sunset there were no other people around which was the one thing she was like if you'd done that at a restaurant i think i would have slapped you and she was like yes i'll marry you but like good lord man like he'd completely forgotten who he was proposing to. Yes.

He thought he was proposing to an actor and a film. And so he'd done all the things being like, and this is the right idea. And he'd not gone like, oh, that person would love it if it was like, like my parents got married and they just sort of said it over dinner. Like I think my dad was just like, do you want to get married? Because that was the best thing for them. And I think if you know that your partner would love, like,

I love surprises and loves like romance and all of that stuff, go for it. Absolutely go for it. But if you're at all concerned, then, you know, really do think, and maybe ask their siblings. Or ask their friend, ask them. This is the thing. Honestly, like, we're so good at being like, and then what do you think of like? Yeah.

You're like, just like, just you have to be like, I'm going to propose and what do you want? But like, just, just cede it in of being like, oh, a perfect thing is like if you see them on the telly or something and be like, what do you think of, would you ever want that? You know, it doesn't have to feel loaded. Just like get a good sense of like, are they the middle. of the Disneyland parade and you go to the toilet and the next minute you're on the villains parade. You're balancing on Jafar's shoulder.

Jafar comes down and proposes to you. Or are you just like, you're just like in bed one evening and you bring in some toast and you say, do want to get married and, you know, is it smaller or is it big? And also like, you know, I saw one of those like, Am I the asshole things on Reddit once? That was like, or like, what should I do now? that was like, we've gone skiing. I've invited everyone she's ever met. They're all here.

She doesn't know they're in the resort. My plan is to, we're going to take this restaurant. When she gets the restaurant, everybody's going to be there and then this is the proposal. And then she had made this comment. They'd watched something on it.

And she was like, oh my God, that's my nightmare. It's like a big public proposal. Oh, my God. So he goes on Reddit and he's like, I'm just going to do it anyway. And everyone on Reddit was like, my friend, like listen to her.

She's literally telling you. And then they were like, and everyone was coming up with a suggestion. of being like, why don't you, your friends can be there, but what if you would, like, just do it quietly on the chairloaf, like, upper mountain, the proposal is private. Yeah.

And then after a while, you're like, oh, by the way, you know. And so it's like, don't get yourself so stuck in your head about, like, it's got to be sunset. Because otherwise it's like, my knee is bleeding. Yes, my knee is bleeding. Because we're so like, this is what it's got to be. Yes. And then, everybody chill out.

I guess it's scary enough because you're like, I'll always remember this moment. And you don't want to mess it up badly. But, like, it doesn't matter if you mess it up. It's charming. It's charming. It's charming. And also...

And it's perfect for you too. And that's all that matters is the two of you. Yeah, you want it to feel like it's personal to both of you. And I think there's... But at the same time, you know, there are obviously like set ways and traditional ways. And I'm not saying that if you want to have a very traditional proposal, or if you're set here being like, I just want them to propose, then that's fine. But also, you can help things by, if you're watching a proposal on TV or one of your friends get to...

You can make a comment being like, oh, God, yeah, I'd love that. That'd be so... It's not so nice. You can communicate the other person. Yes. And also be open and honest about that, like, there's no, you hear all these stories about women who are like, and then I waited, why hasn't he? I mean, there's literally a TV show on a Netflix moment called The Ultimatum in which people

were waiting for a proposal forced their partners on a show. I think it's really, I have to say, I think it is, like, I, consider, so after it's happened, of course, absolutely fine. And also, you know, when somebody says, you know, like when someone says they've had a baby or whatever and you just sort of say the questions that you think you should say, and so the other week when I talked to him to my friend who's had a baby I was like do you ever get frustrated are there ever things that like people don't ask you that you're like well I don't just like yeah no one ever asks me about me everyone's

asking about the baby and I was like oh god I do that I'm like how's he doing like how much is he way is he sleeping through the night and she wants to be like no I'm not you know yeah yeah yeah and so that was an interesting thing and with this and I don't think there's anything wrong with saying the classic questions but with this it has been interesting to see how socialised we all are including me if one of my friends got married I'd say the same thing, but things like, where's the ring? That happens a lot because they just presume, or like, oh, how did he propose? Again, not annoying, but it's just kind of interesting that we're so,

it was such, you know, forward thinking and all of the, and, you know, there's so much cool stuff, equal stuff going on. And we're so traditional about this. You're the second person in my whole life I've ever known who's, the girl has proposed. Isn't that crazy? It is kind of wild. And then also, like, things like, I thought, because I do wear jewelry, I've recently transitioned from silver to gold. So I was like, maybe I'll get like a nice gold ring made,

because it is, you know, I have loads of rings that are silver. They don't wear anymore, but they were always bought for like special occasions and things in my life. I'd look at them and go, that's nice. I was like, well, obviously get one for this. He's got one. By the way, he's been wearing the Lord of the Rings ring, under his shirt, since I did it. That's so nice. And he doesn't wear any jewellery. And he's got this, and you can see the chain. It's such a shit chain. Get him a nice chain for God's saying, that's going to rest. I know, no, I know. I want to keep this one. I'm like, it's going to make your whole neck and face and body green.

You're like, and he's like, no, no, well, I'll wait until that happens, then I'll change it. Get him a nice goal one in waiting. Or just swap it. Well, for the actual wedding, I was like, well, rather than a ring, because he doesn't want a ring, I'll get him a nice chain for the thing. So then it's like, you're not, you're calling it seasoning the wok. You're going to, that thing is going to be rusted to death before. I'll give him a, I'll give him a necklust and a walk.

I know, but it's going to be so long, I'm saying. Just swap it out for gold now. Might try, yeah. He's, yeah. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he is. He won't take off the week. He's swimming in it.

Get him at gold war. But yeah, so then I was just like a little stall where I get all those other rings from. This guy makes him and he's very good. And the moment I was like, I'm wondering if I could get a ring made. Like that one may be in gold because he does some more silver. He's like, yeah, I can do that. And I was like just looking at, he's got like another section like called Engagement Ring Catalog. I was just looking at them.

Just because I was like, I just want to get it in my head whether I do want. And I'm not really a fan of that style of ring. the traditional engagement ring anyway. And I've also already got a gold one that kind of looks like an engagement ring that I got for myself, age 21. So I was like, I don't need more of them. But then he was like, oh, are you also?

And I was like, well, actually, funny, if that's an engagement ring. And then that was it. It was like, well, you need, oh, okay, oh, okay. Well, I would like to meet your partner. And also maybe we could do something where we put like one of his initial, and it was like, I just wanted that ring.

And then also was like, well, that rings, are you sure that ring for an engagement ring? I was like, yes. And then he was like, and then my mom, I took a photo of it. And my mom was like, well, how are you going to get the wedding band on there as well? And I was like, well, I don't, I'll just put the wedding band on the finger next to it. Because I don't, I didn't even know you were meant to put the engagement because my mom doesn't have an engagement ring. So how does she know?

Anyway, so I didn't grow up not knowing about that. And then I said, so I was like, I just put it on like another thing. And she was like, what? And then I told Tesla. And Jess was like, what? I was like, oh, God. Everyone's kind of like, you know, this, this, you just. you don't realize how just you go, well, that's the way it is, you know, like, couldn't

possibly imagine. I think it's all like so mad and archaic that it's sort of an in for a penny, in for a pound. If you're going to do the thing. But if you like a ring and you can't fit another ring on it, it seems mad to not get that ring purely because you can't fit. And also, I might not get a wedding band. I might get something else like a bracelet or a necklace. So like, all this is, and then that blows, but then people can't cope.

I mean, you're like, but it just feels. like you're being, and sometimes I think I feel like I'm being, to other people, I feel like I'm being unnecessarily like right on about it, being like, maybe I got a wedding shoe mate, but I'm not, I just, I just genuinely don't want two rings

because I might lose one or something and I also wear other jewellery. And it's like, well, why not? But it's all, you know, but I'm just here to say, why not? And it's okay. And one of the things that you brought up to Tessa, which I thought was quite interesting, was that you were like, well,

and it's true, well, you're going to spend your whole life being like having to explain, like, well, it's on this finger or like it's on that thing. But actually, no one asks. No one goes like, after a point, no one's going to go. Is that your wedding band? Is that an engagement ring? Why is that not on the same ring? Because no one will.

I'm going to get the word out that you've got a fake finger. I think that was A, tell everyone, get a trusted friend. People will be like, why does she wear it on that thing? I'm like, the other one's wooden. It's a wooden. It's a wooden. It's a wooden finger. Like, she can't get you or not.

Yes. Overshadow it with a better rumor. I think that's the thing. But also as well, what's nice is that when I went for a drink with my friend afterwards, and he said, you know, like, oh, where's your ring? And I was like, at that point, I didn't even know if I was going to have one. And I was like, I don't think I'm going to have, I don't know. I'm deciding.

He was like, oh, right. And then he was like, I don't know why I'm saying that because I think that's probably how I do it as well, because he's, he might propose to his partner. He's in like a gay relationship, so it was not made clear. So with that, it's like, oh, who's going to do it? It's a bit more immediately even, which is slightly annoying because it's like, why is it so uneven in heterosexual relationships automatically? But then when I explained all the stuff, he was like, yeah, I don't know. He was like, I'm so sorry I asked you about that because I actually feel like I'd want to do something very casual myself.

And it was like, we don't have to apologise. But it's nice to be doing it because maybe it makes other people realize that go in with the traditions, but also you can pick and choose the traditions that make you feel like really excited. and because there are certain things I want, like I'll be wearing white, like, yes. But then there are certain things I'm a bit nervous of, like speeches and stuff that I don't, why would I, if I don't want to make a speech

or I don't want other people to make a speech, I don't want him to make a speech, being like, I love her. Like, I don't need it, I'll want it, because I'll just want to die. So that's okay to like not want everything, I think is the thing. Absolutely.

And it's okay to be like, they're all archaic traditions based on the medieval passing of property, you know? So you can have whatever the hell you want. I've been to weddings with no speeches. I've been to weddings where the bride was just like out and milling at the beginning of the ceremony.

There was no aisle shit. It turns out we've made this all up so we can make up any version of it we like. And your proposal can be the girl asking the boy and why the hell not? Why the hell not, I say? Yes. And you're fighting the good fight for you're smashing them ceilins. Without even meaning to.

No. At the forefront of... Just being... Wedding traditions. This is what I want to do and why not? Yes, why not? And why not? And always as well, it's been very helpful for me to really think about why I feel like certain

things because there are certain things I do want to do and there are certain things that've gone like, oh, weirdly, I kind of want that. And you realise it's because of what you've wanted since you're a little girl or what you've been told you want. And that's fine till I go, so I would like that. But then it's also fine to think it's so important to not put yourself through like just horror. purely because things you really

are not looking forward to because it's meant to be your nice day or the proposal especially is meant to be like a really lovely moment for both of you so putting someone else through something just because you saw it on a Richard Curtis film is mad or you thought that's what it was supposed to be it's like do you actually want it? Do they actually want it?

Most importantly and is this right for you both? Yes and make sure you've got time after you've done it chat time the dinner was booked but like we could be late and we had like a good like 15, 20 minutes before we got there, talk about it because they think as well if it's like proposal, yes, friends bump it, like jump in. Like a lot of, have the friends,

but I think even the person who is up for a surprise might need five minutes. I think something that goes and talked about, but I've been to a number of engagement parties that either I've been to the one in the cinema where she thought she was going to the cinema and the movie was her proposal. And when she turned around, the whole cinema was filled with her friends and family. It's at the Truman Show. Yeah, the Truman Show.

She didn't think she'd go into a screening, so it wasn't like she thought she was going to see that. Basically. Because even if you love surprises, that's beyond. That's right. And I mean, it was absolutely incredible. And if you're listening, God bless you, I think it was the most amazing. I mean, it's incredible. It's amazing.

It's just the entire reality. It's a shift of reality. And I've also been to engagement parties that will come to this thing. I'll be proposing on the bridge at 7. and at 7.30 we'll be entering the club. And he was having the time of his life and all this relief and it's done because he's been planning this moment for eight months. And for her, she was just, I remember looking across at this lovely girl in the corner

and she was just like Vietnam staring like out of head. And it's just a lot, a lot, a lot to take in. I think people underestimate just even if you wanted it, even if you love surprises, even if all those things, there's just so much. It's a true, like, it's a shift of reality of a thing that's only going to happen. you imagine once in your life and be like, oh my God, this is it. Yeah, go off the bridge and then like go for a drink together and then go and see all the friends. And now we're ready.

Or cinema, fine, great. But like, you've got to be aware when you're doing that that the person might be shell-shocked in the corner. Yeah. And it can still be an incredible celebration of your love, but just be ready that it's a huge thing that's happening. And that you two are on very different emotional planes in that moment. Yes. You know, you're sliding off the side of the gondola. Yeah.

I'm being like, this is fine. This is fine and normal, you know. Yeah. And you've been thinking about this for such a long time. And it was for them, there's like a rip in the space time continuum. Yeah. The space time continuum is all gaping open. Yeah.

And he was like, you know, 50 feet hanging above the terms. You're having above the terms. In a locked glass container. Yeah. I mean, a lot going on. A lot going on. But so magical and so wonderful. And I think anybody listening, do it.

If you think you want to do it. Do it. If they definitely would like to, have you talked about it, have you checked. And then lean into the chaos. And I think the moment you can accept that it will be a disaster in some way. Yeah, something funny will happen. Something funny will happen and it will not be perfect and your knees will be bleeding and, you know, something will go awry. Once you are like, I accept, I'm ready for it.

I open with open arms because it will be our day, not just a perfect day. Yes, exactly. Yes, it's our thing. Then nothing can go wrong. Whatever was meant to happen was meant to happen, you know. Exactly. Oh God, Stevie. To Stevie and the Shadow, everyone.

Cheers. I'm now going to be Mrs. Shadow. I'm going to make a 45-minute speech. Are you going to take his name? No. Nah. Maybe double-barrel it, but we're talking about it. Stevie Martin Shadow.

Stevie Shadow. Stevie Shadow. Stevie Shadow. Stevie Shadow. I wouldn't mind it. I wouldn't mind it as well. Listen, on behalf of myself and the listeners. First, we extend our enormous congratulations.

And thank you for sharing your story with us. It's okay. It's romance. It lives. It's magic. It's love. It's really very special and we're very proud of you. I'm very happy. We are all very proud. It's really, really special and cool that you did it. I think it's amazing. Thank you so much for listening. Oh my God. Best wishes all. Oh my chair just sat down. And with that, goodbye. Goodbye, everyone.