Nobody Panic - How to Sext (Live at Soho Theatre)

Episode Date: April 26, 2022

🍆 🍆 How to DM slide with consensual intent - Stevie and Tessa talk etiquette and practical on-the-ground advice for getting naughty over text. Plus some great examples of sexts throughout history! Live from Soho Theatre. Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicSubscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Additional editing by Naomi Parnell.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Hello everybody, welcome to Nobody. Theatos. We're doing How to Sex, Tonight. Yes. How to Sex, specifically tonight. Yes. Anybody single in the house,

anybody not single, anybody in a thruple, anybody in, you know, there were. Anybody wanting to get into, you know, so it's that level of comedy. Anybody want to get into you know? Great. We're going to be helping you,

and hopefully this evening things will get a little bit spicy. A little spicy. A little spicy times. I've never sent the sex, so it's going to be great times. Okay, adult things from the audience we're going to read out. We just explain that sometimes these are not what we meant, and straight off the bat. Yes.

Started reading a book about the female orgasm with my partner. That's what adult. I think that's an adult, so well done. I went to a spin class and only stole an appropriate amount of pantoms, of tampons. And I'm sorry, the screwed up the adult thing. It was very good. Went on holiday and didn't post a single Instagram story. Oh yes.

Set up my pension. Okay. Tonight, despite all friends canceling at the last minute. We're your friends. Asked for a promotion at work. Who knows if I will get it, but I'm proud I tried.

Little sister birthed a child last week. But this counts as my adult thing as I have been upgraded to auntie by default. Oh, that is. That is. That is that.

Oh, continue to work I'll continue to wear my jacket at work despite my male co-worker telling me I looked like a lesbian. Oh, fuck off male co-worker! Six weeks into a healthy, and the healthy has been got a little, like little stars around it,

into a healthy relationship, bemused and happy in equal measures. Did yoga before work? Straight to the point, disgusting. I drove... This one feels addressed to me. we once did an episode about being able to drive. I drove for 60 miles and only went on the curb once.

Brackets, no one was hurt. Yes. I transferred my icer. I don't know if that is. They transferred it. To where? To what? Someone took a photo of me and I didn't recoil in horror at the result.

That's a really good one. That's a thing in it. Bought a new king-sized bed. It's just me to Starfish. Oh yes, please. Organised my sister's divorce. Second one, that was... Cleaned my sofa cleaning device.

Barry the lead, I was there. Got paid for writing after years of work and put it straight into the savings account. Oh. This one is absolutely wild. Thinking about waking up early in preparation for the clocks changing. I don't even know when the clocks are changing.

Or how. So that's so good. Okay, we'll do two more each. No. Yes, we are, Tessa, because there's a show on average. Interviewed for a terrifying job this morning. No idea how it went, and I'm drinking wine. Fuck me, wrote a briefing for the Prime Minister.

I do think that's true. I think it is. I think it is. Who would lie about that, Michael, go? I don't know. I thought he does. I'm coming, Michael. And enjoy the sexting to a discard.

Ah, told off a child in Wagamomas. Humanity is here. Oh, this is nice chops. Stick up my friend's head. Stayed in all weekend to rest and save energy for this. And that's correct. It's going to be a high energy business. Decided, I'll purchase some salad servers.

Wrote a briefing for the Prime Minister thinking about salad servers. Thinking about getting up early in a week. I love it. Okay. Oh, this is good because it's got a bit of a sub. My adult thing, question mark. This morning, I was on a plane from NYC. two hours of sleep later, here I am.

Yay, coffee. It's like a sex in the city novel. Good for them. Proes. Bought a car. Descaled the kettle. Bought one of the last tickets and came by myself decided to take voluntary redundancy.

Good God. No, she will always do two more. What I say? We have to stop. It's good no, we're doing. Okay. So, we're going to do how to sex. Tessa.

How to sex? Tessa. Tessa, what are you likes, dislikes. How can people get? Yeah. So stop reading them. I just love to know what you're all up to. I know, it's so nice.

I know, but we also have to do the episode. So we're going to separate these into sort of like little stage. Look at that. They decorated this. God's sake. Look. Oh my, gee, okay, I will read this one out. On Friday, I didn't go home with a lovely man

because he was just too sad about his ex and I would have loved him. Well, let's jump in for a wild ride. I want to go home and cry. That's just so fucking. Sure. It is. Stop reading them.

Okay. Yes. So, sex in. The sexy media. Sexing. Sexing. Sexing. Uh, you know, it can be on your text, on your WhatsApp, on your, on your.

Okay. Okay. On your Instagram. On your Tinder. On your TikTok. On your TikTok. It can be anywhere. So.

So, go on, used to go on. No. Let's start with like sliding into the DMs. Sliding into the DMs. Sliding into the DMs. Sliding into the DMs. A lot of it starts. Amma right? Amen. And yeah, I was actually looking at a lot of my DMs and I've got message requests on which sounds very like fancy and like, oh, who do you?

So, so many penises. So that's, and I'd like to start. Oh, and of Amti West Coast. With their penis. You've seen a trains penis? It's fine. So yeah. So the idea of sliding into the DMs, I think it's very interesting because I think. think you shouldn't discourage one to slide into one's DMs because that's how many great love affairs start but also it's hard to be like do you consent that this incoming DM is quite hard

to kind of do that but what I would say is two DMs if there's no response pop off I was hoping it would rhyme but it didn't two that'll do this is my idea of Pogas with you oh that rhymed

there you go that's lovely So yeah, that was my first thing. Also, if you're thinking, and what pro tell is a DM? It is a dungeon master from Dungeons and Dragons. No, it means...

Dick Master. It means direct message and it's the thing you can, you know, I feel like everyone's like, yes, we know. We have some listeners who are, you know, older, and it's nice to know. And to slide into someone's DMs is to be like, okay, I've seen you online, I think you're pretty nice,

and maybe I know you in real life or you could be a total stranger, and I want to progress this to a one-on-one discussion. And it is a tricky one because we're obviously going to be saying, yeah, do it, but at the same time, for some of you, no. Like, in a way, don't. In a way, don't. I think also being aware of the context is very helpful.

So, for example, if you are a lady online, an extremely online woman, and you're somebody who would like to DM that woman. I think it's very important to know that they might also be getting a lot of others, you know, like a lot of penises. Sure. They may have had other situations that were like not so nice. So sometimes I think the anger or the frustration of like, they're not getting back to me.

Comes from like being like, they just don't like me. But it's also like you've got, you can't go in hard. Yeah. Oh, you've got to go in flaccid, lads. That's what we want. Yeah. If you're mess, you might be the best,

the best penis. The best dick in the town. But if you are messaging a lady, you are. Or anyone, but you are swimming in an uphill sea of dick. Like you are, you... Like a salmon in the river of penis. If she is a famous person, her DMs are full of... If not, though, like, you don't have to be famous.

Yeah, exactly. So I'm just saying, when you're... I'm just saying, there's a lot, there's a lot going on. And I actually, this is from... Okay, you wouldn't think this source would be very helpful. It was called dude.com. You love, you love going on there. I love it.

I love it. All about sliding. Liding into dudes, do you? Sliding into. It was explained to dudes how to slide into the DMs. And I thought, oh, what's it going to be here? But actually, they were very, very on it, and they did a little survey about what women think

about receiving a dick penis. Oh, whoops. Oh, no. That is how I feel about receiving. No, thank you. A pitcher. Sorry, everyone, a pitcher. And it was like, just everyone being like,

we don't like it. and it's sad and scary and not, and it's all, I laugh at them or, you know, all of this stuff. So it's like, don't do it. And they made this very good point that was like, established in your head and be honest with yourself about the balance of power. And they were like, is there an unbalance here?

Are they very famous and you not very famous? Are you very famous? And them not very famous. Are you old? James Franco? And them young. James Franco? He's in.

There he is. No. I took a screenshot of what he did. I don't know how old James Franco is. I don't want to guess. I think like 40. Yeah, why not? So he messaged a 17-year-old.

Obviously, you're like, not, not grey, it's grey, isn't it? But also, it's not... Not grey, is what you just said. It's not fine. So they, so he messaged them and was basically like, are you single? He's like, how old are you, show me your passport to clarify that you are over the age of consent? Very sexy. Are you, are you single?

Where's the hotel? Shall I rent a room? And so this girl is like, April Fool's was, April Fool's was yesterday, it was genuinely April Fool's. and he was like, I'm legitimately James Franco. And then she's like, I don't believe you. And then she's like, she's like, write down my name on a piece of paper and like send it to me as a photograph. Very smart from her.

I was like, mm, right? So she was like, write down my name and then hold up because otherwise it's just someone Googling James Franco. Yes, I would have apparently be like, find a newspaper today's date. I would too. I don't know how I would have clarified it. So she was so smart. So he does it.

So then, if you're on the receiving end of that, Pretty hard not to be like, all right, here we go. I'm going to go to James Franco's hotel room. And then you're like, oh, it's a mess, isn't it? So the thing is, like, in that situation, I don't know what my point is. Yeah, I was hoping. My point is, good idea to do that. If you're an older man, always, see him, a very young woman.

They love it. They do love it. Because it's like, you can understand exactly how a 17-year-old. I'm sorry, but if I'd received that. Okay, no, I'm bringing it in. So what, you actually saw that from James Franck. I'd be knocking on that door. And isn't that the issue?

And isn't that the issue? Isn't that the issue? So the power imbalance, be aware of the power and balance. If you are James Franco listening, I think I've got it back on track here. If you're James Franco listening right now, Jimmy Boy, you've got to be aware that the people younger than you will, you are much more able to manipulate and get people like, oh, excited and fun.

And it's like, but is that, is that okay? And are they able to make those, like, mature decisions? Yes. When they're 17. No. Yes. No. I love that we suggested this episode.

I'm agreeing. You are agreeing. It feels like you're not being. I know that you are. I am. My point is that none of us are James Franco and he's not here. And my point is like, but we like, if you...

That's a good point. We can't deny the point. My point is like, are you the boss? Are you their boss? Are you much older than that? Are they able to say no? I think that is such a thing, I'm sorry,

which is not a fun thing to say. So, like, a lot of fun. Oh, which is like, the vibe of the podcast. But is the idea of like, if you are, whoever you're messaging, if you're aware that they're not able to say no, they are less likely to say no because of the power that you have

because they'll be frightened or they'll be more likely to just sort of go with it and not kind of like, be like, oh, then you've got to, you've got to not. You've got to not. But let's, like, I think let's like, hop out of this. Let's hop out of this.

Can I do the last thing about penis? is that... I think we can talk about penises more, that's fine. On International Women's Day, on the 73 bus, I received an air drop. I obviously should not have opened it. You would on a bus, though, because you'd be like, is it about the bus?

It's about the bus. Like speed, is there a bomb on the bus? Thank you, Stevie. And I'm a very similar cloth, you know. Because in my heart of hearts, I was like, maybe it's a clue, you know? Like, I tried to message someone, but they rejected it, and I'll be like, and I was the only, I was the only person who received the clue. Obviously, it was a penis.

Could have been a clue penis. It wasn't a clue penis. Oh, I'm sorry. And then I looked around at all the men, and I was like, and I thought one of them would be laughing or something, but nobody was doing anything. And then I had a real think about it, and I was like, I think that's what I also would have done if I had been the penis dropper. it would be exciting for me to pretend nothing. So you'd like to do that? I just had a real think about it

because I felt like Agatha Christie being like what I did was I immediately went on myirdrop to look for any receiving people in case he... That's very clever. Thank you, Stevie, because I've received the first clue. So I was like, I gotta catch the dick, you know, I gotta get him. And, you know, and I was like... But also I was like, I'm on the top deck,

maybe they're on the lower deck, you know, and I look... You're been the bus driver. You know, and I only know very little about it. All I've got is this penis to go off. You'll never know. He turned his thing off. He turned his thing off.

You know, he's not... This is not his first rodeo. He knows what he's doing. What a weird thing to do. Anyway, my point is, don't do it. Well, unfortunately, Tess is that you actually made it sound quite fun and like a clue. So it's actually like, oh, if you said it to it,

she might feel like she's an actor-christy novel and have a really nice ride home on the bus. But the majority, no. No, right. No, so consent, very important. We've covered it. I've, I'm sorry. Yeah, but also, yeah, so two DMs,

and if they don't respond, you, off, you abscond. There we go. I think I deserved way more. That is so good. Yeah, absolutely. Like, you're a real thinker, isn't it? Isn't that a word yet?

Okay, so any more on how to slide into DMs? Yes, opening. So when you're, what to say? What to say? Absolutely. It's okay. So do I want to ask you this? No, I will.

What would you do if, you know, airdrop picture of your vagina? Straight in, yeah. What would you do if you were sliding into, have you ever slide into anyone's, slid into anyone's day before? Yes, it's gone extremely badly. So taught me through what your opener was. It was, hmm. Okay.

You can make it up, no one knows. Right, but you know I haven't got any imagination. Yes, true. Only memories. Yeah, only memories. So you'll know it'll be true. Well, I'll say it. Okay, so I had actually met this person in real life.

Great. So that night. And so we'd done this night, this like singles night, where like anyone, everyone had to bring, if you were single, you brought people. And so there was like lots of people we didn't know at this big, and it was, we had dinner. And I think we had done some kind of challenge thing where like there'd been two girls' houses serving, you went to starter at one person's house and then dinner at somebody else's house. Wow.

I know. Wild. It's pretty in depth. I know. As I'm telling us, it's boring already. I bored myself. Anyway. No, it's not boring.

I'm actually... Okay, so you had to provide an entertainment aspect at our dinner, obviously. And at the dinner, ours was a quiz, and I listen, it was a different time. It was a Harry Potter quiz, okay? It was a different time. And one boy, I was like, oh, it's going to be so cringe because these boys aren't going to be into it. And one boy, very good-looking boy, was so into it. And then we were, like, named the seven haw cruxes.

And then he was... They were like, it's a ring. And he was like, whose ring? Like this. Very sexually. And then... So hot, yeah.

So hot. And then he was like, The ring of Salvador Slytherin. And I was like, oh. The Salazar Slytherin. But El Salvador Slithor was... And you DM'd him? So then, so it was the...

So it was the... Then you all went to a bar afterwards and it was like, yeah, everyone could mix it. And he's like, you know, you make your play. And he... Oh, everyone. I found his, so then I lose him. Yeah, he, I don't know if he runs away from me.

Yeah, he goes. But I find him online and I am like, right, well, our only, and this is getting to like the, what do you do, like, you know, you've got to go off your mutual interest or whatever. So the only thing we've got is, you know, the quiz. So I was like, well, I don't want to ask a cringe question. So I went online and I was like, hardest possible Harry Potter quiz. And then I just like, no context, no hello.

I don't think I even clarified who I was. I just said, what is the Ministry of Magic classification for unicorns? Like that. At this point, your profile picture will have been them ducks. Yeah, my picture was a duck. It was just an unknown woman at 2am. What is that?

But that's good because it's like, it's not like going to upset anyone, but it's also battling. It's not, you got to go for like relatable. It did not rain him in, that's for sure. No, sure. He had left with another girl. But it's a very good point of that is to,

find something relatable, whether that's something that you enjoy about the person's you know, output on that platform,

you know, but don't phrase like that. I enjoy your output on that platform here's my penis. Yeah, you're like, but,

okay, so, but the thing is what you are saying is I do like your output on your platform and I would like to consensually and face to face

show you my penis, if I may. If I may. If I may. But it could be your staff as friends. It's like, oh cool,

maybe some French. And then it's like, do you don't go heavier with like, I'd like to, yeah, You don't open with the stuff. You know, everybody,

wherever, gender or sexuality, or wherever you want, we all need a little bit of a lovely, a journey. You know, a little bit of a journey to the penis. Or whatever, you know. To the penis slash badge, we need a journey. We need a sweet journey there. A treasure hunt.

A treasure hunt. With clues. Like, yeah. Because we do eventually want to see it, but after a long and mythical quest. If you are going in online, you gotta go, you gotta go compliment, okay?

Not necessarily, but you've got to... Don't neg. Because either way, it doesn't work. Because either it works and then the person feels like, oh, they negged me and I'm just like, Neil Strauss is the game. Or it doesn't work and then you just look like an asshole. Doing like things like that, it's just not helpful

and it just doesn't make the person feel nice long term, does it really? No, exactly. And specific compliments. So if it's like, oh, I love your output. No, you're like, I... Oh, my God. Oh, I love that... you seem like an amazing chef.

You only have they like done something. So they put up a picture. I assume it's right. There's Instagram, they put up a picture of them cooking. They're like, wow, you seem like an amazing chef. Sorry, I missed that recipe with the peanut butter. Could you show me it again? Again, all you need to have that specificity.

The question. Specific stuff. So if it's just like, I love you, it's like, what's that? Yes, yes. A lot of men like to slide into the DMs. and just sort of say, hello, and nothing else. What else? The words, hello. Also, one person said, hello, my dear, it feels like you have a light soul.

It's like, I don't know what that means, and also I'm frightened. Yeah, I'm scared. It feels nice, but I'm scared. And she's scared, and also, like, what's she going to do with that? Even if the deal was like, oh, my God, even if that was James Franco, you know, we're still like, how am I supposed to bat that over the tennis ball, you know, over? Yes. What, if you need to volley me and I need to be like, oh, straight back out. at you and then you're like oh now we're good if you just throw you've got a light soul I'm like what's this you know I don't want this ball at all so it's got to be compliments specifics

questions and like nice questions they can definitely respond to maybe this is a good point to to look at some examples of very famous historical sextings through time so so we've got some we've got um Arthur Miller who was also not this is sexting it's it's letters so it's sletttering, sexturing. Oh, I should have thought about that before. Anyway, so, some of this, a little bit raunchy, very into sort of breakfast,

which is kind of strange. Okay, so here's an example of Arthur Miller's sexting to Marilyn Monroe. I will come again to the kitchen pretending you're not there and discover you again. Oh! And as you stand there cooking breakfast,

I will kiss your neck and your back and the sweet cantaloupes of your rump. And the backs of your knees. Okay. And turn you about, kiss your breasts, and the eggs will burn. Bold there, you can really, you can see it. You feel like you were there. This is a bit of fun.

I love it. Yeah, I love it too. This is a bit of fun. This one is, this was almost, okay. This is James Joyce. His letters to, and I think her name is Nina Barnacle. Oh, somebody was... Nora.

Oh, my God, thank you so much. much. Thank you. I did a screenshot. And James Joyce, thank you for coming. Thank you very much so being here today. Nora Barnacle. Anything, a better name. So quick. As Nora, her name was Nora. I love them.

Don't read out what I wrote to her, please. It's pronounced Barnaclay. So, this is actually, I read a bit to Tessor in the bath. Too rude, if anything, I can't read it out, but the bit that I really enjoyed was... I said to you, don't say it's too rude, I can't read it out, because everyone will say,

will read the rude stuff. They don't know if what I'm going to read out is the root stuff or not, and they'd be like a little bit of some-sum. Oh, well. Keep that in, Naomi. A little bit of fun exchange about the scenes. Okay. Here's James Joyce.

For Nora Bernard Clay. My love for you allows me to pray to the spirit of eternal beauty and tenderness, lovely, mirrored in your eyes, or fling you down under me on that soft belly, he also fuck you up with the behind. Like a hog riding a sow. I bet you love that. That's the...

That one is actually, there's not really, oh, no, there's one by, for Virginia Woolf to her lover, but it's just very nice and she's just like, why do you, why do we walk in the garden and the moonlight, come home late and have a bottle of wine and get tipsy, and I'll tell you all the things I have in my head, they won't stir by day, only by darken the river, think of that, throw over your man, I say, and come, because she's married. That was nice, wouldn't it? The ones that, sort of, I'm like, that's fine, are the ones that aren't, like, terrifying? And I don't think you need to do much metaphor. in them. Yeah, and of course.

So everybody is individual. Everybody's into their own thing. And obviously once you've built, maybe this is a person that you're just doing kinky stuff with online, consensually and happily. Or this is a partner and you're not with each other. Or you haven't even met up yet, but you're just doing a bit of racy stuff.

You don't need to be like, for me personally, I think it's a lot, and we're seeing it in some of this literary work. It's like creating the mood, the vibes. We're in the kitchen. oh we're cooking we ain't cooking no more the eggs are burnt forget the eggs we fuck in you know

like what are we yeah so it don't need you know so it doesn't need to be like oh my my could be all you know oh my rippling body and this but it's like or could it be oh what time of day is it you know is there a storm outside are we caught in a log cabin there's a snow drift so we can't leave

we can't leave you know just like and my dick's out but is it just like just set a bit of the the mood of list like, you know, we're talking about this like, you know, the old, mythical journey, you know, like let's, the foreplay, you know, let's. There is a lovely quote from someone that I don't know where it is, says, oftentimes we make the mistake of sending too much too soon,

and I think that's very true. You don't need to begin with a pick of your genitals. And I think you don't. I think you've got to build up, because once you've consent, obviously you've consented and stuff, that's fine. But like, when you go in hard with a pick, like, what do where do you go from there? More, the closer picks?

Or put little eyes on it and like it's talking. Yeah. You know, the, well, how do you, but a top hat, like it's very hard. So, you've got, yeah. Then you draw a smiling face on your tummy. Eyes.

You showed, you said me one, a view doing that. It was nice. It was a lot of fun. I regret that. No, it was right. It wasn't hard at all, wasn't it. It wasn't meant to be.

You're just being like, ha, ha, a bit of fun, you know. No, that's not what I intended. That's all. I know. I just rejected Tesla on a massive scale. Yeah. Yeah.

I would say the good photos of stuff is like oh, where's it going next? You know, black and white turned away, bit of, you know, it's not just like, here it's all weird. It's like, let's build. This is storytelling. You know, the Marvel Cinematic Universe didn't open with them collecting Thanos's hat

or whatever they did. We had to build there over many, many films. Okay, we didn't just open. You know, we don't applaud when the portal opens and the and the wasp comes out unless I haven't seen the movies but I

could not have told that. I have seen the bit where everyone applauds where they're on. The meme and they all come out and then all the portals open. Yes very good there's no wasp involved in that. The woman from lost. Oh! The woman from lost. Phil Rudd.

It's in Philip Rudd's character. That's Paul Rudd. You're thinking of what I'm thinking of... Evangeline Lily. She's a wasp. Does she come out in Marvel? Has anyone seen this? Does anyone know if the wasp comes out? She does, right, well that's good. Thank God, is the lady with the Gucci belt.

I knew you'd know. I know it's not you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, so you don't get to, you don't get to applaud all that stuff if we haven't built up the journey. Absolutely. And we've got some good openers that you can start with. I can't stop thinking about you. That's pretty good.

Oh, why? Yeah. I want to know more. Get your boob out. Yeah. And I like this when they do examples. They're like, I miss you slash your body so much. Yeah.

I guess like pick one. So like as in like, so starting out and just being like, you know, like a, oh yeah, there was a really good one which was like, they used an emoji and I was like, let's try to make new tonight, winky face. Like what do you mean? Be specific. What do you mean? You want to be like, you know, like let's sex basically is your vibe.

You know, you got to, but don't go in too hard. So you kind of like set in the set of the scenes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also I'd say if you're going to begin the sexting, you've got to come, it's a little bit like improv, if I may. You need to offer something, yes, and. You know, you don't just come out at the beginning of a set and say, hello, and then the person's like,

what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Yes. You don't just say, let's sex. And they're like, yeah, great, but where, where are we? Who are we? Am I a naughty fireman? I think, if in doubt, ask. You know, you've got to know these things.

You know, where am I, and am I a fireman? These are really good opener. Where I'm at a fireman. Someone says to me, let's do something want to say, am I a naughty of fireman? Is that, is that what I do? No, but like, give people lots to work with, set the scene, you know, paint the picture.

And they will, if they're not totally dead inside, and also you know, if you think they're a bit into this, like, I understand what it is that you like about this person. And if it's just you both think that you're both online, you're horny as fuck, then just like go to town, you know? Yeah, absolutely. be like, yeah, let's get into it. If it's like, you're both creatively minded souls

and you think the, you know, creating the stuff and being other people is fun, do that. If it's like, we're listening to this type of music that we both love or like, you know, let's, we've got, you've got common ground to start with and then you can go from there, you know? Absolutely. And also as well, I'm just looking at some stuff about, like,

how to do it. And I think a very good point is that starting off the hardest because you're really, well, you quite literally sometimes showing your ass. Yeah, oh, yeah. Like, oh, God, because what if they're like, I'm actually in a meeting? Yeah.

Oh no. I'm on a train or something. It's embarrassing. Oh, that was actually one of the very good tips from dude.com. Oh, yeah. Talk to me. Timing. No, your timing.

Is this other person being like, yeah, this is hot, but I'm in HR. Yeah, like, and so are you. Or maybe that's really hot. You're both in a boring meeting. I'm in HR and so are you. Yeah. And now you're doing it under the table. But keep it.

keep it those thumbs under control lest you get into a Roman Roy in succession crisis yes where he does it

no don't say in case anybody hasn't seen it okay it's a succession thing we all love that show yes also as well if you're a bit frightened about like well I don't want to take pictures of myself or maybe if it elevates to a point

where you're like oh I don't know you can just you don't have to like go like oh I actually don't feel comfortable sending a photo of myself you just keep like writing you know like you just keep you're in control of what you were doing and you're not in control of what someone else is doing

but they'll get the cues and if they're like why are you sending a picture of your fudge that you can be like oh I'm well you can say visuals are hot but not necessary to them you know just some sexy intoxicating chat from me and so you're supposed if you see a picture you don't want to see the picture you say visuals are hot but not... No you don't say that obviously

what you do is so someone sends a a photo you can send photos of like stuff that you know like that you are comfortable with like we're saying like you've got like I don't know, if you've got like a fun-thong, and like, oh, a bit of the thong, but it's not actually the full thing. Or a bit of the top or part of your butt,

you know, whatever. A bit of boob, under boob. Yeah, the safe zones. Or none, and you just respond with your, with your words. Maybe you think of, if you do really like the person, but you're like, oh, this is not for me. You say like, oh, I'd love just to see it in real life,

actually, thank you. You know. Get on a bus. Get on a bus and come down here. Yeah. Oh, this is good stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Save it Save it That's a really good Because I think that obviously Yeah Don't turn to like a voice note like that No no no no

It's written down Like that'll sound better than it sounds Out of your mouth But yeah Because one of the things I think is I've read about like how hard it's just like Like how do you end it Because it's like we've got to end I suppose

With both you're having a full on orchestra Yeah yeah otherwise But what is that on a train Yeah And then like This was this is filled my My life now goodbye.

Like, out to you. Best wishes. You're sincerely. I guess it's just like, this was so hot, but I've got to go. Goodbye. And the people love that.

Some of the, G2G. G2G. BTW. Someone suggested saying, I'm so relaxed now. I feel like Jello. What a weird way

to end a sex thing. Too American. Yeah, I think it's just like, I can't wait to, I can't wait to do that with you in a person. Again, not relating it to real life.

Finally, you can simply finish off or the note of gratitude by saying something like thank you babe I needed that that is nice in it that is nice okay yes just a note on the pictures what weird left turn

from me I was just thinking about them saying thank you babe I needed that which suddenly reminded me that I was like if you send the pictures especially if you are in a committed relationship if you receive the pictures very raunchy or simply like oh I look good your job is to reply immediately

please do reply immediately with the heart eyes even if you're like oh that it looks dog shit I'm having an absolute traumatic flashback where for the first time ever my first ever boyfriend I was at uni and I went to like I don't know some prime mark or something and bought like a corset

and was like hey and he came up out of a party and I was like hey and he went oh you look so great it's a really good party though and then he left and I was like this maybe that was the problem sexy you know I was just in his room

and then I just got changed Yeah I got changed into my pajamas And went to bed So maybe that's How did you get in his room? Oh because we were sharing a room Like we were I was uni It was a different time

You could share people's rooms back then So you just got I love that that's the bit that you're really like Sorry so what so what floor were you on Was it like ground floor we talking or? Why don't you go to the party? Oh well because I was like dressed like a sex person upstairs.

Hoping to tempt him away. And he was like, I'm not tempted away. So I don't think I'm, yeah, I'm not really like someone that, I think that also don't let a moment like that. No. Flow your confidence, throw your confidence, because it's, you know, it doesn't mean that that just, maybe it was a really good party.

What does do dot com say? Timing. Timing. You know, she didn't get her timing right. It was my fault. It's all your fault. Obviously. A is always the woman's fault. And B.

timing is important obviously. Yeah, and obviously, no, he should have just been like, that's your thing. If you are on the recipient end, of somebody has put the effort in, your job is simply to go, a woo, go, and then to get in there. Yes, or other alternatives. Also, as well, can be sometimes a good marker of whether this relationship should keep going.

Absolutely. If his person, he was into it. He wasn't excited by my boobs. Find someone as excited by your parts. Exactly. And if you were like, oh, if you're thinking like, oh, will they like this? And you're thinking like, no. The answer is no. They won't like this.

Don't. The answer is no. And then you should go and find somebody who would like to see your big show, you know. But you also, your big surque de Soleil performance. Yeah. But also like the nerves

is not always like indicative of whether the relationship is right or not. No. Because obviously you just want, I think you said something in one of your shows where it was like, only be with someone who when you take your clothes off acts like you're like an amazing car.

That's right. Specifically, they have won a car on a game show. That's so, that's way better. Imagine how excited you would be to win a car on a game show. Yeah, it's like seeing a car. They're like, you're around me, yeah. How much boot space can you get in that? Is it, yeah.

Best in its class, is it on the four by four? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, is you winning a car? It's that level of like, and like, and, you know, keep searching for it. have to set of somebody who doesn't, you know, think you look like that. And it isn't, it is that little bit in your stomach that's like, oh, and it's like, I guess I'm not good.

No, isn't there not good enough? They didn't think you were amazing. You're fantastic. You're fantastic. You're fantastic. I only managed to do one, I had a university boyfriend who was quite, he was like, do more, do more, do more of a bit, more of a show. Is that how we put it?

I think so. It feels like, I think he did. Do more of a bit, do more of a show. Which you'd think would be right up my alley. But I actually used to get quite nervous because I was a bit too like, but do you like it? Sorry, can you be a bit more sexy? Can you make it?

That's a bit, a lot of pressure. Oh, well, what do you? Oh, God. But then one Valentine's Day, he came around and I was like, oh, I'm not, I've got such a cold and I feel really sick. I can't do a bit. I can't do any bits.

I was in my pajamas and my ugly, and I was like, oh, just come in and we'll watch a movie. And then I put on New York, New York. And I took off all my pajamas. And I wasn't sick at all. I wasn't sick at all. I'm not sick at all. And did he like it?

He loved it and he still, no, he doesn't still talk about it, obviously. He's married. He's married. Not to me. But he was like, I didn't need his, I didn't need him to say that, you know, I was like, yeah, but if he'd have gone,

I'm going to go back to her party, you might have been crushed. Oh, 100% I've been quite. Okay, just checking that it's not my fault. Oh my God, it's not your thought at all. It's just like I, but also like you, I was just so excited and so confident in myself, you know, that big part of it was like,

but I've also been there where I was like, do you like this? And I think there's an element of that like, would you like a piece of this? If anyone does that to you, you're like, not really. Whereas if someone's like, this is happening now, they're like, okay. Yeah, scare them, intimidate them into submission. Yes, New York, New York. I don't know how this song goes.

It's not. Far off, actually, you've been worse. But so I think is that flipping yourself and your mindset of like, and the sex scene, the show, anything of it being like, is this, am I hoping that they want this? And is it being like, do you like this? Rather than just being like, I'm really feeling myself today. This is.

Well, with them sexting to bring it home, with like sexing as well, that's actually, it's actually quite good because you're not, face to face, they can't see you going like, who, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like, you can, but you can have, here, like you've got commit. Yeah.

And I think if you're going to sex, you've got to commit, and you can't be like, you know, get in my ass, if possible. Get in my ass. Oh, I regret it. And you can't say that either. You can't say, I regret it. So also, yeah, going out,

also, there's nothing unsexing and then be like, and WhatsApp being like, deleted message, deleted message, delete message. So, yes, be, like, be, like, confident and, like, in your texting and, like, be, know what you like,

and don't do anything you don't want to do. Don't feel, like, pressure to do anything and at any point like you can stop it it's not like you know no one's gonna you know you just be like oh um I'm to stop sexting I think I've seen a milkman oh yeah and now and now what's the milkman and I'm the milk and I'm the milk and I've opened the milk and it's gone on my titties it's not the energy I need from my sexting but you but okay yeah all right it's hot which which titty I think I sold it, mate I think you're left one

Okay It's the best one Everyone can see Okay, so Let's Any final thoughts Any final quotes From I don't know

Charles Dickens or Geoffrey Chaucer Chaucer No no no I didn't make up a quote For Chaucer I was like If there is one

Did he write that one About the nun or the widow Or something's quite poor Oh yeah, yeah, the bawdy, the baudy wines of the meadows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's a, and she like, doesn't she light a fart or something like that? Isn't that, possibly? Possibly. It doesn't know any chaucer and she puts, yeah?

She's like a fart? And what does she do? She puts her ass out the window. Yes, and does she light a fart? I don't think so. She doesn't think so. But the ass is out, we have got confirmation that the ass is out the window. It's a bawdy one.

The boardy one. Okay. My point are, like, firstly, nothing you're into is too weird. Like, we've got a, there's a, a, human to be visited for an absolute millennia. You cannot believe the shit people have got up to. Don't let anybody make you think otherwise, but make sure that the other person would also like to do it. Yeah, absolutely. And then fucking go to town.

Yes. And, yeah, don't start too hard, build the crescendo. And do a little bit of the storytelling. And a lot of, like, and I think a lot of it is about, teasing and you know like a hints of stuff and you know where's the milk gone? Where's the milk gone

committing to it? Ultimately a woman just like with milk on a boob is like well I've got to clean that up now but if it's like I opened the door and there was the milkman and he said I've got too many pints today and I said I'll take some of your hands if you need

and he said and I'm nude no no too hard too I'm a bit, a bit, I just I'm a bit nude. I could be nude in a bit. I could be nude in a bit. And there something fell off a bit and where's it going. Not my boob, no, but my shoulder

came down. Some cloths fell off. Okay, and so I think it's just lay, just build, build, build. Oh yeah, well I think I hope that helps everybody. And I hope go for any element of like adoration of the person. Compliments, always good. That's just like, I want to, I

want to do, touch. I want to touch those. The examples are not working tonight, are they? I want to touch your nice shoulder. I don't touch that nice shoulder. Oh, the eggs are burning. I think ultimately, like, all you can ask for is that somebody is so into you

that they burnt the eggs, you know? And them eggs were precious. And so it's like, yeah, like, Marilyn Monroe couldn't afford many eggs and she's burned them. No, she could afford loads. Very rich famously. I think that.

I think that's, if it's just like, The take home of tonight is Marilyn Monroe is very rich and could afford eggs. And if you take a nothing else. Isn't that so sexy to be like, fuck the breakfast? Who cares? We're just saying into each other. Like this moment is all that exists. Like, let's do it.

And what an exciting thing to celebrate. So if you have a partner, you brought your partner with you, unlikely. The couples do not come to this. If they are, it's a lady being like, hello. And then a man being like, she made me come. I don't know you and I don't want to be here. But yeah, if you're single or you're, you know, I just hope that tonight you take some of this sexy energy and you go forth and you...

Sex, consensually. And you're sex consensually. Sexy. Thank you so much, so hope. You've been absolutely wonderful. You can follow us on At Nobody Panic Pod. 13th of June, we'll be back. It'll be a different.

It's different. There will be a guest if they stay. Yeah, they'll pull out. We can get a bloody guest in here. We don't need him. For the listeners at home, thank you so much for listening. And we'll see you. next week.

Goodbye. Goodbye.