Nobody Panic - How to Stop Being a People Pleaser (Part 2)

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

After last weeks on-air (on-pod?) breakdown, Stevie and Tessa have identified which type of people pleaser they are (and hopefully so have you) so now it’s time to find out how you can live for YOURSELF rather than others. It’s not about being an arsehole, but all about understanding yourself a little better. No meltdowns feature in this episode.Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Back to Nobody Panic, the second part of a two-part journey. Come on in, everyone. So if you haven't listened to the first part, which is how to identify if you're a people-pleaser, do you go back and have a listen because Tesla takes us through four different types of people-pleaser, and I have a full psychotic break. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. There's a lot going on for Stevie. So go back, listen to a real-time revelation, and... Because it might help you to identify your role.

Sure. You're not just going to voyeur Stevie through it. I had mine, but I had mine in the car alone. And I already made peace with mine. Stevie's going through it. And I suspect a lot of people will be able to identify with one of the four different types of people pleaser. So do go back.

We'll wait for you. Oh, you're back. Thank you. Come on. Come on. What did you think of that episode? We've never really done it like this before. but we were so over time, we thought, yeah, let's just keep going.

Lots to say. Lots to say. So this one is all about how to actually stop being a people pleaser because we realised at the end of last episode, we hadn't even touched the surface of how to stop. And we'd got to like, we'd got to the end of time. But as well, it's like it's like the assertiveness thing where, well, when I hear how to stop being a people pleaser,

it's like, well, you've got to be a bit. But of course, we're saying about like how to stop being a people pleaser to the extent that you are, you know. I think it's not how to stop pleasing people or how to stop being nice. It's, I mean, the title of her book is literally please yourself. It's about that focus. And I think we should maybe look at the word people pleaser as a negative. I think that would be a helpful thing to unpack because once you admit that that's a negative thing to be,

then you're like, okay, I will try to change. Because if you're like, I'm a people pleaser and that's nice. And you're like, you haven't done the work about why you do it. and if it actually is nice. Which feels like the type 1 person of being like, the classic people pleaser, of being like, well, what's not? Everyone likes the dinner that I put on.

Everyone likes the party I did. Everyone likes the drinks place I chose. So what could be possibly bad? And I suppose it's quite difficult. Yeah, you have to see it as negative. Otherwise, you, so it just, the cycle just continues forever. Yeah.

The classic people pleaser, their thing is self-esteem is replaced by others' esteem. And so you have to see that as a negative thing. Otherwise, you get lost in there. You're, the host has been completely lost within the context of like, wasn't this a good party? Be like, yeah, but it wasn't about them. And it's like, yeah, it is about you. Not just, not me first, but me too.

Like, I should be part of this. And the second type of person is the shadow people pleaser. If you've seen the Julie Walters and Victoria Wood comic relief special, where Julie Walters. Julie Walters takes up it's so funny it might not even be comic relief Julie Walters is a sort of plays a version of herself Victoria Wood

plays a version of herself and Julie is a sort of famous actress going around the country being so bad at everything she's like she's awful and she goes on straightly come dancing and she can't like you know it's very funny but Victoria Wood is an absolute shadow pleaser and she doesn't have any life whatsoever her life is just in service

of Julie Walters and you know and while that's a noble and honorable thing. It's like, is it? Or did Victoria would not get a life out of this? You can help somebody. And also have your own thing going on as well. And also have your own thing going on. Your life should not be defined by how good you are to other people.

And then the pacifier people pleaser, which is the keeping everyone happy. If everyone's fine, then that's fine. And I don't need an opinion as long as the group is happy. And then Stevie in the resistor people pleaser convinced they'll never be able to please. So let's go through. So how can we fix this ill? So firstly, I think think of somebody in your life who is a people pleaser. Either Victoria Wood, either everyone's friend, Victoria Wood, either like a character that you've seen on the telly if you're struggling to find someone in your real life, like either a fictional character, but then find one in your real life or maybe there's somebody who always does it to you and really have a look and be like, ah, yeah, okay, I get it. I think that's what. they're doing and I think that's why they're doing it and then be like yeah it's annoying this is the thing i was going to say is that actually it's sometimes quite difficult to identify a people pleaser because so i've got a friend who is adorable but um the people pleasing doesn't come off like she's trying to

please the people i mean it comes off like she's just a bit too much and and i feel like i have to do so much of the heavy lifting when we're hanging out because I have to sort of figure out where we're going. I have to like book the place. Also, I leave feeling like I've talked too much and I've given, and she's just asked lovely questions about me. And I leave being like, oh, it was horrible. I didn't ask enough. And I'm like, no, I did ask. She just deflected and didn't, because it's, oh, I'm not interesting. And you feel, you actually feel quite, I feel quite drained and quite exhausted after seeing her sometimes sometimes sometimes it's great because she is lovely but it was only very very late on that I was like you know I've known her for years years and years and years only very

recently that I was like oh it's coming from a people pleasing it's I didn't think people pleasing but it's coming from a good place and now we're doing this I'm like oh yeah she's she's a people pleaser so maybe that is as yeah and be like yeah and it is annoying and be like okay how does it actually make you feel when you're on the receiving end of it and then you're like oh okay that is annoying so when you're you do it, you think this is lovely and people like it and I'm making it easy for people by not choosing the place or blah, blah, blah, or I don't want to be a bother or having no opinions as well. Oh yeah, that's great. Oh, amazing. Agreeing all the time. I just agree with you being like,

what did you think of the film? I agree with that rather than, and then when it happens to you, you're like, no, I wanted, I wanted, I didn't want affirmation of my opinion. I wanted to have a discussion about it. Like, it's okay. Like, we can disagree and talk about it. That's what conversation is. and so when you can identify that in someone else, you're like, okay, me and my friend Kat are both terrible housemate cat. Everyone remembers Housemate Kat, terrible people pleases. And we tried to go for a drink last week and we ended up just on the street hugging each other. Eventually we just had to play a game where we were going to like walk 10 steps and then just like the first thing we could see we were just going to go in because we were both so bad at being the one who chooses to play. because we don't want to get it wrong, fear of getting it wrong, think the other person will

always have a better idea, think our ideas are bad, don't want to choose a place, and when we get that everyone say, this is the worst place, why have we come here, et cetera, et cetera. And both of us, terrible pacifiers and are like, oh, not to worry, as long as everyone's happy. So therefore, whenever we have to see each other, and we're able now to identify our problems and we laugh about it, but we are so bad at it. So if you have a person in your life that you can laugh with, they can be your practice person for you to be like, okay, here's the deal.

You're going to alternate who's going to choose, and next time you're going to be the person, and you say, and you just decide the date, and you say what we're doing, and you don't even ask me what I'm doing, and you don't do it to try and make me happy. You decide what you would like to do for the evening, and then we do it.

it. The problem is is that when you come up against someone who also is a dick, then that can set back a people placer, I imagine, that, like, the pacifier. Of course. So much because, for example, I know somebody who is like that and their friends were like coming, their friends that live kind of all over the UK and they were coming to London specifically to do something. And he was like, oh, well, there's like a pub down the road that just like, because me and him have gone there quite a few times to have lunch and stuff. And it's very nice. And something it was like oh that looks like no the the the options on basically people just like slamming the truth and it was like okay it was just supposed to be like a casual like thing why and then of course

then the people please it goes oh my my idea I've ruined it and so the next time like I won't do that you haven't they've been oh like they've been weirdly specific about what like gastropop they go to and it's so hard to put it on the other person but if the more you do I suppose the easier it it It is. I remember someone saying to me once about like just like how important it is, I mean, it was my therapist, but I just feel like I've said my therapist so many times in this, in the previous episode that I can't say it now, but I will. She's just like, sometimes people aren't nice. And I was like, yes, I know that. And she's like, well, you literally never act like you know that. You always, you will just, I will justify why it's always, oh, I probably could have been better at and facilitating that or I. But it's actually, sometimes people are just like a bit, they're a bit of a dick. And you kind of go, oh, you didn't need to be like a dick about that. Like, I just, I suggested this thing. So this is the most important thing. Begin in your safest circle.

So if you identify your life as like right in the center, like here are the people that you would, your boss maybe or a person in your life who you never managed to get it right with or whatever. And then, you know, the relationships that matter the most to you and who you most fall into your people pleasing habits with. And then outside that, it's like, colleagues and then like neighbors and then like, passing people, strangers, people you passed in the supermarket. And you're going to practice with your, so you don't start with being like, I chose the restaurant from my boss and I don't care if they didn't.

It was for me. You start in the supermarket. And you practice there. And if it's like two of you are going for the last loaf of bread and your instinct is to be like, you have it because you're a nice person, but also because you're like secret little hit of being like, I'm a nice person. And then you're like, I shall steal the bread. I mean, obviously, if it's like, you know, obviously.

sort of like Disney's Aladdin. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I still wouldn't take the bread. I would be like, yeah, you have it. I don't care. But like, what about like, like, so for example, we've got like in my world, my family, I've no problem.

Like, I do still, but it would be easy for me to be like, hey, should we do this or shall we with them? Because I don't, I feel safe with them. Like, you will have people that, so you could start like suggesting things with people that you feel safe with rather than maybe fighting over bread. I would say you still want to, even before you get to your family, I would still have some practices in the bread aisle. You know, just having practice sort of like standing up for yourself a little bit more and being like, I will. I don't want to start a fight because nothing really ever happens in the supermarket to me.

All right. Just in your day to day life, just sort of being like, yeah, I, if you're always like, no, go ahead of me in the cure. If you're always at the bar, I'd be like, they were here first, even if they weren't. Like, just be like, huh, just identify in your day to day life. take a little time with yourself being like, huh, okay, this is how often I automatically put somebody else ahead of me. Then move to the people that you feel like safest and an upfront tell them be like, I've listened to this wild podcast. It got out of hand. And I'm now practicing this people pleasing thing. So, or trying to stop being a people pleaser, which I now know is a negative word. So would it be okay? So this is what I'm going to be doing. And so you can stop me if I say,

no, you choose or whatever, just like tell them what you're doing. And then work up to the people who you don't say in advance that you're going to do this thing. So you haven't mentioned to your colleagues or your boss or whatever relationship or your friend that you, you know, you always do what they want to do. And now you're like, okay, I'm not told them this is what I'm doing behind the scenes. I'm simply making the decisions and I'm choosing and I'm going ahead. And so it's based about giving yourself permission to have an impact on other people and leave the responsibility of this impact with them, which sounds like, it sounds like you're like, I shout on the floor and it's up to you, but it's not. And if that, and if those words make you feel like, oh, that sounds like a bad person,

be like, yes, because you're just like crouched in the corner, be like, I mustn't do anything that impacts other people. It doesn't have to be negative. It's like, we're doing this this evening. I'm doing this. Do you want to come? Like, this is where I chose. But like, you don't have to be responsible for everybody around you. Like, what do you want to do? Do you want to go to the seat? There isn't a finite amount of pie. Everyone is allowed to have a good time here. And it's like, if you have a good time, they don't know. We can all just have a good time. if there's like a sharing thing on the menu and people like should we get some of these I'm like yeah even though I wanted the potatoes you know and now increasingly I'm like I'm gonna

buy myself a side of mash anyone's welcome to it but I really want mashed potato and everyone's like oh my god lovely I'd love so much and I was like oh great and I but I bought the mashed potato and so increasingly be like you know what listen no one's saying it's not weird to have a side of mashed potato but I really want it that's what I'm having and everyone's like God I respect that so much. And then other people are like, do you know what I'd really like actually? Just one padron pepper? And then you're like... One pee, please. People are like, I'd actually like this quite weird thing off the menu. And suddenly you're like, great. Now we're a bunch of freaks having some weird shit off the menu rather than everyone being like, would you like, would you like

bread? And then trying to be like, is bread what you like? Is it? And then everyone... I couldn't possibly get it. I don't want it. But I remember you like bread. So would that make you happy? Just do you want a padron pepper? You know, just, just you fry. And it'd be like, And that is so exciting when you do meet people, it's quite insularating being in the wake of someone who's like, I like this, so I got it. And you're like, wow. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

A couple of more things. If you receive a text to be invited to something that you do not want to do or occasionally literally know that you cannot do but do not want to let them down. And even though you look in your calendar and you think, oh, fuck, I've got to be at that. I can't even co. And you say like, oh, lovely. And then you think, why the hell did I say that? And so it's like in that moment you wanted to make them happy. And then you're like, now I'm just carrying around this albatross around my neck of the time I said, is that even right?

An albatross? One another. It's around your neck now. And it's like, I said I could go and now I have to get out of it. They're going to be so cross. I let them down. So just these, what you're going to do is when you asked anything, invited to something, asked what do you want for dinner? Would you like, what are these?

Do you want mashed potato? Anyway, what do you think of the film? what is your truth? You are going to take 10 seconds. You probably won't make it to 10, but you're going to be like, I don't answer straight away. I have a little reset, so I don't do my automatic thing, which is whatever you want, or lovely, or what did you think? Or it doesn't bother me. You think, 10 seconds. You think, 10 seconds, everyone will think I've had a stroke. No, they'll just be like, she's having a think. You have a think. You reset your mind away from your automatic response, and then you say your actual truth.

So if you receive a text, something, if you can't go, you say, oh, that sounds great. I'm so sorry, I'm busy, which is the truth. Or let me get back to you a bit closer to the time. Let me check my diary. Let me check your diary is a perfect way of being like, just buy yourself a little bit more time to build up to the, I'm really sorry I can't. Or I simply don't want to do that. You know, there's something very freeing about obviously. Well, hang on, you say this is the person.

I simply don't want to do that. For certain circumstances, and obviously this is advanced black belts. stuff. So let's not begin here because you don't, you know, not for you. But like at some point, they're too good friends. There is something very freeing about being like, I don't want to do that, you know? Oh, that is true. Well, there has been situations where there'll be parties and it's people that I'm just a bit like, I don't really like. They're scary. They're scary people. And then my friends been like, actually it happened the other day, my friend was going to, I was meeting someone. And then afterwards they'd been invited to this party that I had been invited to because all loads of cool people.

And he's like, do you want? And I was like, I was like, oh well I'm in a viagin he's like doesn't mind you could be my chaperone and I was like I don't want to go because they frightened me he's like well okay that's fair enough and again like we've really made a mess of ourselves here that we are our instinct when someone says I don't want to do that is to be like why it's like they shot someone like you don't like you don't like it's okay to say you don't want to do things or what you do and don't like and it's not done in a dickish way it's simply you having taking ownership of what you do and don't like and the more we do this podcast, I'm literally like, what's the hell is going on?

That here you and I both are spiraling around the idea of saying what you do and don't like in public. This is nuts. And so, you know, you just need to get yourself to a place where you can politely and friendly say like, oh, I really don't want to do that. Thank you. Or I let's do this. Or we could do something else or whatever. And just taking ownership of your things rather than just being, you're basically making yourself a passenger in your own life. Yes. And also it is, I think, I feel like it's valid to, if you never get to the place of being able to be like, I simply don't want to do that.

Because even though it's mad, that is kind of like, like top tier, God tier business. As long as, I think what's so just, what's more disturbing is that we're not able to say that to ourselves. So like, as long as you're able to say to yourself, oh, I don't want to do that. Okay. And I'll just say, I can't. That's fine. because then you are at least at the level where you are not doing something you want to do.

I've got a friend who is still not told a mutual friend that they're like she's invited to a wedding. There's a wedding the same day in another country and she's told both of them she's going. We've got a disproportionate amount of guilt. That happened to me last year. I had two weddings on the same day. I had said yes to both. And I remember walking around the park. I was walking across the park and I had to like stop and I was like, I think I'm going to be sick.

Like that was how much the guilt had like eaten me up inside. And then when I told my friend I couldn't come to hers, she was like, oh, that's a shame. That's a shame. Oh, well, that was the end. You know, like, yeah. And like, there was no repercussion and it was fine. And I'd make myself physically sick. We have got to get out of this pattern. Okay, two more things. Yes. We're going to break out of the prison of praise. If for you, praise is a prison. Praise is not all it's cracked up to be. And it teaches you. you to keep behaving in the way that other people find acceptable or easy. So if people keep being like, oh, Tessa won't mind. Then you're like, great, everyone else, Tessa won't mind. You know, you get into this habit. A Steve doesn't want to go to the sea. You get into a habit of people thinking things about you that are not the case because that's what you've got yourself into the habit. Yeah. So then you start playing the role more because you're like, not only is that what I've done, that's now what's expected of me. We have to give up the hit of praise.

that we get when we please people. So you've literally become addicted to the praise that people give you when you do it well. You got to give it up. How do you do that? Because when you're trying to break a habit, what I found interesting is how you can't really break a habit until you genuinely get a bigger kick of not doing the thing

than you do of doing it. So maybe that works here. Like every time you are able to assert your opinion, whatever your particular signs are of people pleasing that are detrimental, every time you, so for me it would be like doing the thing that I'm sort of worried that I'm a resistor one. So like, so I resist people pleasing because I think I won't be able to do it. Actually giving the birthday present or turning up at the thing and or saying no to the thing or

whatever it is. I suppose it's about relishing in what you get from that. And once that is more beneficial to you and it feels better than the praise and then you're having to do the thing you don't want to do, then the scales will tip? Is that kind of the thinking? I think that's 100% it, Stevie. I think it's just about being like identifying where you might get the praise, being like, ah, yeah, there it is. And then being like, okay, I'm going to get something else.

I'm going to get a lovely hit from doing a thing I wanted to do. I think it's like, so say that you, people say, we're going to go do this. Do you want to come? And your instinct is to be like, no, because I won't be fun. And then you say, yes, I will come. And then people maybe might say to you, God, you were fun, Stevie. and then you might be like, I was fun. Then you'd be like, no, thank you.

That's very nice. But I'm not here because you think I was fun. I'm here because I'm having a fantastic time at Stonehenge. I am having, rather than what you think of me. So it's just about listening to other people's opinions and them not having so much effect on you. And you just constantly being like, what do I want out of this?

And it leads us into the final thing and the biggest thing, which is finding replacements for others' validation. So if this is what you've relied on your whole life, or you didn't know you relied on it till now, you're like, ah, yes, I see. And it's like, okay, where else will I get this? You're like, oh, you have to praise yourself? And then if you're like, well, that feels weird.

It's like, yeah, because praise is weird. So instead it's just always about being like, what do I like? And it's about just making yourself a list. It can be really secret because I imagine it will be embarrassing. But secret list of things that you're like, this is a thing I really like to do. That's just for me. Got taken out a few years ago to afternoon tea.

I was like, this is very off brand for me, but I can love an afternoon tea. Thank you very much. In the most quaint tea shop imaginable, that's what I want. What's weird is you go like, it's a bit weird to like that. It's not really something that or like people go like, oh, do you? Or like whatever. Like when I told someone, I was like, I absolutely love afternoon tea.

They're like, I wouldn't have thought that. that's not an insult. That's just, I wouldn't have thought that. We are humans. We contain multitudes. That's the fun of when you talk to someone and they come out with an interest or a hobby or a thing that they do or a thing that they eat that is not what you expect. It immediately makes that person more interesting because they're not doing what people

pleases do, which is where you create a sort of two-dimensional facade of yourself. So then the people that you're talking to don't ever get to relate to you in any way because you never do anything other than exactly what is expected. In Year 9, I remember we had to do a poster in French about like, what do you like, or like, what are your hobbies or some shit? And everyone had gone like, jean le shopping with mes ami, you know, or whatever. Partly because we didn't know very much French and partly because you don't know anything

about yourself in Year 9 and you want to be like, yeah, that seems cool for the poster, going to the cinema with Avec Mezami. And at the time, I had a pony and I was competing very much. very competitively, every weekend. So my truth was actually not, I ever went to the cinema with my friends, because they never, ever did it. And it felt to me wildly indulgent and exciting

because I was away competing every weekend. But I never, ever wrote that on my French, because I didn't want people to know it, I think. And also I didn't know how to say all the words, Le Chival, horse. Ferdue Chival. We, Ferdre du Chauva. Oh, tre bien, Stevie.

I only remember that because I said it, and my friend was like, yeah, have a horse. And I was like, yes, they do you think I could remember to say. Oh, well does. Anyway, I do vividly remember a very cool girl in my year. Absolutely. Boyfriend, into drugs, hang out with the Charwell boys. Absolutely, grade A cool. And not in a mean girl's way in a back of the bike shed's cool. wrote that she hangs out in the park with these old men and plays competitive Scrabble. And I remember being like, what? And that was her thing. That's what she did. And she was really, really good at Scrabble. And it blew my teeth. tiny year and I mind of being like, people don't want you just to say the generic stuff. It's like, like, like what you like and own it, and it doesn't make you any less cool. And you can still hang out with the Charwell boys.

But you can also play competitive scrabble because what's the most cool thing in the world is to be totally in tune with yourself and know what you like rather than trying to impress. They are the cool people. Right? They are the people. And it's not like People Please is definitely want to be cool, but they do definitely not want to stick out that they want to fit in. We don't want to get it wrong.

We don't want to get it wrong. You cannot get it wrong. And actually, the more honest you go, the more right you get it. Because people feel so relaxed because then they feel like they don't have to pretend. Whereas that's the thing. When you are with somebody who is pretending, you tense up because you feel like you can't say stuff now. Like you now can't say anything wrong because they're so on point with everything. They agree with everything.

So then when you go, I disagree with anything they say, then you feel like you have like ruined the conversation. Okay. We're coming to the end here. I just want to say my final thing about the owning your truth. I was just remembering then as I was telling you that I never ever told people about riding my pony that I told everybody. I went to a party the other day, got very drunk. People were like, I didn't know you rode. And I was like, yeah, I can keep it very quiet.

And then if someone was discussing the Olympics and the dress size to music and they were like, you've never done that. Have you done that? And I was like, oh yeah. And then they were like, what was your song? And I was like, and on my heart was like, don't tell them. And I've never ever told anybody. And I was like... Oh, I don't know this.

No, exactly. I didn't know you did dressage. I know. I didn't. I did three-day eventing, but I, as a subgroup, also sometimes did the dressage to music. Just in case anyone listening is like, dressage. My music, my pony was called Andy. And my song was, dry your eyes mates by the streets.

That's amazing. I know. But he never told people. Because I was like, this isn't what's cool. what's cool is this. And so you never talk about your truth or the things that you're actually getting up to, even though they are all cool if you just admit what you're up to. And in the street.

That's what great. He was ever so nervous. He's really nervous. And once it came on the radio and he really calmed down, he loved it. And so that was our song. And that was what our routine was to. Oh, my God. I would pay thousands to watch you do that.

I know. So my point is like you let yourself be free of worrying like what other people want or what they're doing or anything or like always second guessing or thinking like people won't want me there or it's like it doesn't matter. You have one life. You're going to stop from this moment forward being a people pleaser guessing how you'll please the other people and you're going to please yourself. And if you can please yourself, you will inadvertently please everyone so much better. Right, everybody at this party loved my story. Oh, wow. Stevie. Well, there was a lot. I was the first ever part one and part two. Who knew it would be about people pleasing? I thought about this was going to be sort of rattle through it.

Rattled through, but we didn't. We had so much to do. If you would like to listen to a more depth and more coherent analysis of this, I strongly recommend the book, Please Yourself by Emery Tarell. It is very good as you've got a lovely voice. It's very nice as an audio book. If it's something if you prefer to listen, but I'm sure it's delicious to look at written down as well.

If you would like a different sort of audio book, can we recommend our book? Oh yes, we've just finished doing the audio book. A lot of fun, a lot of extra sort of little quips and business in the audio book. Post-chapter analysis. Yes, we'll have a lovely week. Next week we'll go back to doing sort of one episode per week rather than just touching it. We've opened the floodgates now. You're no stop in us.

Or like how to frame a picture, seven parts. Good be. Yes, and do email us if you've got a suggestion for a podcast episode. Nobody PanicPodcast at gmail.com. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you ever so much for being here. And we will see you next week. Goodbye.