Nobody Panic - How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People

Episode Date: October 13, 2020

Always comparing yourself to others? Is it getting you down? Stevie and Tessa have an array of tips to stop you (and themselves!!) getting the ol green eye - plus how you can actually turn around and use it as a positive.Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Stevie, comparing myself to my co-host, Tessa. And me, Tessa, not comparing myself to you. Absolutely no interest. No, relentlessly comparing myself and scoring myself against Stevie and all my other peers and colleagues. Where do I stand? Yeah, subconsciously, consciously, on the dartboard I've made myself

to see where I rank amongst all the people I know. Good to lean in with these things. Good to lean in. Welcome to Nobody Panic, the podcast. Today's episode is all about how to stop comparing yourself to other people. It's things that we've dealt with in the past, but we're going to, you know, really, really commit. Focus. Really focus on in.

It was a suggestion, no less. Tessa, what did what did the nice person say? Should we say her name? Maybe she doesn't. Yeah, let's give her a made-up name of Durangia. Well, Durangia, and you'll remember you wrote it in Durangia. We're just keeping you anonymous just in case everybody else listens and you don't want to deal with this. Hi, Stevie and Tessa. I'm an avid listener of the podcast. Thank you, Durangia.

Good for reading that about. Thank you. And I love you both. But who's my favourite? Let me compare you both. No. Yes. And wondered whether you could make an episode on how not to compare yourself to other people. For example, I am 30 at the end of this month, very stressful milestone. I still live at home with my parents and have a good job as a primary school teacher. It sounds like Durangia is very happy, but I can't help but feel like I am behind in inverted commas or my friends of the same age who are buying houses, dogs, getting engaged, slash married, having children, etc.

And I think this is such a relatable thing that Durangir is going through, especially if you're hitting one of those big awful number milestones. when people have the sort of like, but I should have done all these things by this time. When I was 10, I thought I'd have, you know, clowned my Everest by this point. You know, I thought I would have done all this stuff. And it's hard to compare yourself both to the vision of yourself you had in the past and also to the actual reality of the people that you know who feel like they're smashing it when you're simply not smashing it.

Yes, agreed. I also had a, have like seen a couple of friends this week and both conversations have mainly centred around us both discussing someone that they've been comparing themselves to basically. And then me being like, yeah, me too. So I've basically had hours of discussion about this. And I think it's something that is probably the most common conversation topic among peers.

Pears Morgan, of course. He fucking loves it. You can feel a certain way while being very conscious of the fact that that's A, unhelpful, be irrational and see like, oh, it's not the whole picture. You don't know. It's just social media or whatever. But you can still have, it still means those feelings are still valid. And I definitely, yeah, I definitely have people that I could list, but won't, that consistently, no matter how much I safeguard against it.

And all the things I do and all the things that I put in place and all the acceptance and all of the like, oh, fine, they will do something. and they're always better and I'm always like, right, great, I feel like shit again. And that's, but it lasts a lot less time now. Oh, that's great. You used to, well, yeah, of course it does. Otherwise, I would not have improved at all in my life. But it's when you're younger, you can completely be consumed by that. And also like, yeah, I'll have like, if something happens, I will have maybe an hour or,

or I'll just feel a little bit like, ugh, for a day or something. but you know now or one knows how to pick yourself back up. When you look closer, the things that you're comparing to, you're comparing one specific thing. You're not comparing you. So, like, you might have something that they don't. And they would covert. Covet, covert, covert, covert, covert, covert, covert.

Covertly, covert. Covertly, covert and covert. Covert garden. COVID. Oh, it's the full circle. Wow, wow, wow. So, yeah, like so, but obviously, those things can often feel very surface

and when you're talking, that's why I was going to say it's quite helpful to talk to a friend about, maybe not always the friend that you're jealous of because that can cause some problems. But in some instances it is helpful too, but like the, yeah, it's quite freeing. It's something that people don't,

people are ashamed of and I think it's weird. Of course, it's because jealousy and particularly female jealousy is a very ugly thing and it's, or sorry, like, it has been painted as a very ugly thing. And therefore it's all like, and people are like, but isn't feminism the point of feminism to like love and boost up all women? You're like, no.

No, absolutely not. It doesn't mean that you have to like everybody and you're allowed to have all those feelings and to, you know, you can know that those feelings are irrational and them still be there. Like that doesn't, they don't go away. Yeah. And also I would recommend very much our episode that we did on how to co-report. with jealousy and also how to cope with life milestones.

I think that's what they called. They're good companion. The jealousy one is because, yes, a companion episode, absolutely. What's that like integrated brand, you know, integrated brand content when we keep, when we keep you forever because you just keep moving from one podcast or another, constantly promoted around. It's like a choose your own adventure. Exactly.

Less adventure. Also in the jealousy episode, we learned about the difference between jealousy and envy, which I thought was so interesting and didn't know there was a difference. I thought there was just two words. Yes, and also that there is a reason that we compare ourselves to other people is because it's our, it's our innate need to improve upon ourselves. And how do you do that? Well, you look at what your peers are doing because in, you look at what Pierce Morgan's doing. You look at what peers is up to. In the old days, in the old times, we were like, in a cave, love talking about this kind of vague time

and we're in a cave, but sure, but like the community only improved was only as good as individuals. So if all the individuals are striving and going, well, he hunts really well, I'm going to hunt better than him. She hunts very well too. I'm going to hunt better than her.

Then it just, then it benefits the group, that kind of healthy comparison. But the problem is that we and we now live in a world that is essentially weaponising our need to compare and then being like, Why is it bothered?

Like, well, probably because you've set up the entire of the world to tap into. Yeah. And what's your adult thing? I've got a new sofa and I put the old sofa on a free cycle from whence it came. I got it from free cycle. I returned it to free cycle. It felt very like, you know, and go back. Go, be loved.

And then the woman was quite hopeless. Like she sort of said she'd be there and then she wasn't there. and then it was like, oh, the traffic bad, I'll probably be like at three. And I was like, well, I've been here since 10 when you said you were coming. And I was quite shirty. And then they were just two really nice, quite flustered students. And I was like, oh, shame on me for being all the sad. Like, you go.

It's me, 10 years ago. It's me. Oh, hello me from the past. Yeah. As I like sort of bequeathed my sofa on. And I was like, God, Godspeed to you both. Like I was. So, yeah, that was very adult.

both I gave back a sofa, but also I was like, you're young, you know. Yeah, also buying a sofa's great. Oh, thank you. Well, it was secondhand also, Bo is it is fancy, and it's a dusty pink. It's so like, oh, dusty pink millennial. So listen, listen, no one's saying I don't hate myself, but I have got any fancy sofa. Mine is that I've got into scented candles. Not for everyone, but when I was younger, there'd be people.

at uni or whatever. There's always people who are like, oh, I've got sent a candles. And I was never like that. I was always like, I'm a student. Like, my room has nothing in it other than a scarf is posted to show boys that I'm into good films. That's it. And I've just, there's a Yankee candle near us. And yeah, I've been experimenting with flavors. Like, that's what I've been doing. Like, yeah, orange blossom is surprisingly nice. Rose, surprisingly weird. And I, yeah, I'm just like creating a little nice atmosphere in the evening. Wow. Thank you. Wow, Stevie. But one thing that is making us all a little bit like,

he at the moment is that we are, I don't know about anyone else, but very much glued to my, well, trying not to be, but very difficult not to be glued to my phone at the moment. And that's, surprise, surprise, that has something to do with the problem with comparing yourself, a babe. One thing, if you haven't done it, is to address, the things that you're looking at on social media and you might go, but they're my friends. Like, I have to. No, you can unmute them.

Like, if you have a friend that whenever you look at her stuff, it's like, oh, there she is with a, I don't know, whatever you want, a rabbit. I want a rabbit. I'm just using that as things for that. Example. I suspect the areas are rabbits. Number one, obviously everyone's key comparison and desperately jealous of other people who've got rabbits.

It does feel like, if I may say, if rabbits are your bar, that feels. like a low bar and that does feel like that's something you could achieve. I believe in you you want to get a rabbit. Just get a goddamn rabbit. Obviously number one, rabbits. Number two, a physical, fantastic physical appearance. Number three, career.

Number four, love, love and number five babies and number six, a house. I say friends as well. Like, if seven friends, people are constantly at cool places. Things are like, they're cool friends. I want to go there. I was free. Number eight, cool holidays. Number nine, nice family.

If you haven't got a nice family and then everyone's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, just hanging out with all my cool brothers and uncles. And you're like, ha, ha, ha. No one in my family speaks to each other. Or like, you know, being like, my mum's my best friend. My dad's amazing, you know, and you're like, oh, I have a, you know, I have a difficult relationship with my parents. Absolutely.

Those are your top ten. Christmas is a real. All the way from rabbits to parents. Rather as to parents, essentially we've listed that every aspect of life. And I think that is what is so damaging about the social media thing. Absolutely. You can think like, oh, I don't, look, she's got abs or whatever. I don't mind that.

So I'm actually fine. But then secretly you don't even realize that you're feeling bad because of the family thing, for example, because that's not something that is always immediately obvious. And you also have that, you know, might have that complicated feeling. of, hang on, I should feel, especially if there's someone you know and like, why am I feeling this horrible comparison feeling? Why can't I just be happy for my friends? And I think that's the number one thing you need to get rid of.

It doesn't matter why you feel, like, who cares what you should be feeling or what you shouldn't be feeling? If somebody or a particular thing is making you kind of go like, ooh, you just have to, you have to get, we do have a lot of control over many things in our lives, but we do have control over what we're. looking at on our phones. So that's the one thing you actually can address and no one will know you've muted them. I meted everyone. I've said it a million times and I've never had one issue with it other than like I think once I didn't see someone who got engaged and then they told me

and it was really nice because they got to tell someone face to face. He screamed. Lovely. So you don't you don't need to be seeing that stuff and also it's on how many times you think, but it's really inspirational for me to see for example beautiful. homes and beautiful living rooms that have incredible interior design. And because, you know, that'll help me decorate my rented flat with no money. No, it won't because you'll never, your flat will never look like that until you have the money of the person that you are spying on, you know? Like, and if you were single, is it helpful for you to be staring at like your friends who have boyfriends? No. Like, is it helpful? If you, you know, a single, don't

sell at all your friends' babies and you just like, you don't need any of that. It's not a fence to mute somebody. It just isn't. And fill your feed with something that makes you laugh, something that makes you smile, something that makes you kind of just have a nice time. Have a nice time rather than a comparison time. You can't compare yourself to a duckling, can you?

No, it's a big spiraling ball. So I think obviously, obviously we talk about all the time. In fact, more in brand cross-pollination. We've just done an episode about putting your phone down. so if you're finding phones are you know it's got out of control do have a listen to that episode it's very complicated all this stuff but so get rid of the clearly unhealthy things first like the obvious ones get them sorted before you can then go oh wow so I'm still you know worried about this or I'm still thinking about this this person or this yeah place I'm really jealous

of Paris I'm just so jealous I am jealous of Paris he looks like he's having a great day the first sort of like more deeper addressment is to like look at the massive list of things that you are jealous of in other people or that you are comparing yourself when you know in our original reader the lovely reader who's a fictional name i've already forgotten Durangia? It sounds like deranged. Sorry about that. Durangia was thinking that she was 30. She was still at home and she was living with her parents and she was all her friends having babies and dogs. And so her thing is like,

her thing is obviously house and partner and babies. But in that big long list, like have you got, but it sounds like you've got a great job and quite a nice family at least who you, you know, enjoy, you know, who you're able to live with. Obviously every family has its own dramas, but like they seem like,

like it's relatively amicable. So like maybe you've got a nice family, maybe a job that you seem to really like, like being a primary school teacher. So like on your list of things, you've actually got some things that other people, that you'd be like, oh yeah, yeah, whatever, whatever. But those are the things that other people

would have high, high up on their list of things that they're desperately jealous of, but they desperately compare being like, oh, I haven't got this, I haven't got a job that I like. I hate my job. I hate my job, I can't go home. And like already you're suddenly, now the scales have tipped.

Now you're the winner in that, you know, in that category. In that category. Yeah, and also when people have one category that they're not, like, I think probably the most common one is your job being, it's not liking your job. So then you really will push the social life element on social media because that's your good thing or you'll go really over the top with your boyfriend because you don't feel like other areas of your life or like, or actually probably even more common. You go really over the top with photos of your partner because you actually just had an argument and you feel bad about it. Exactly, exactly. exactly um but yeah it it's as with everything it's it's not it's less about it's unfortunately and it is unfortunate it's actually often not about the other person or the other thing it's about yourself so

there's obviously areas in your life that you're like and you know you um derangea has listed them and so that's that's like the the first step of the battle really isn't it it realizing the things you're like oh i wish i could change this or i wish i and the bet the only the only thing you can do about those things is to have a long or short-term plan of how and when and what you would like to do to alter those things. So if you're living with your parents and you're like, are you living with your parents to save money to then move somewhere else? Well, then focus on the goal rather than the situation. This is just a little step on the way to your goal rather than focusing on what you are doing right now. So yeah, if you're, you know, thinking about all of that, you know,

I don't know, like if you're coveting a better job or a baby. Or like, obviously, a baby is difficult because there are certain things that have to happen, but they're still actionable, they're still actionable goal. Yes, they can still go on your mood board of like, this is the, these are the things I want for myself. And if the comparison, if when you look at your friends who have those things, if it's like, oh, I feel like I'm just not doing it, or is it, I desperately want that thing.

And if it's like, oh, I feel like everyone's judging me for being at home, but actually I quite like it, then it's like, well, then the judgment is completely in your head. Like, that's totally imaginary. If you like the situation you're in, the judgment is completely fictional and totally irrelevant. It's only an issue if you're like, okay, I do actually want this thing. And so it's all about this internal thing of being like, okay, why is it making me feel like this? Is it out of the thing? Is it because I want this thing?

Is it because I'm afraid of this? Is it because I think everybody's thinking ill of me? Is it because I thought I would be in a bit. better place by now. Like, where's this coming from? And is it something that I care about enough to want to change? And know that this isn't, you're in the bit of the, of the movie, that's the bit before it all gets better. Like, you're, you're at the interesting montage. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, it's not, this isn't, this isn't where you've ended up. Like, I think there's a lot of them, like, oh, I can't believe this is where I've ended up. And it's like, no, unless, I mean, unless

literally you're dead now. This is the start of the movie. This is the beginning bit. You're in it. And when you think of it like that, you're like, oh, that's actually really exciting. This is the beginning of the story rather than the end point of the story. Someone I know told me about one way that they could have cope with comparison. I've always done since and it's really helped me is that every single time I see something or, you know, one of my people do something that is just like, yeah, good.

again, very good. I immediately, well, obviously, I'll be saying, yes, very good. And then once I'll stop saying that, then I will go and do something positive, genuine, like, practical. For me, it's often a career, it's always a career thing. I'm very, I'm never jealous of people, their personality or their attractiveness or anything. It's always like, oh, they've done something, like they've written a great book or they've done

something, a great show or something. and then I'm like, oh, I wish I could. And so I will then be like, okay, well, I'll immediately do something towards a project or a creative thing that I'm working on, whether that's like, you know, it used to be, when I used to edit this podcast, I'd be like, oh, well, I'll just go and edit my podcast. And that's a thing, that's a job done, tick. That's a thing, a creative thing that I'm doing and I've learned how to do it and it makes me feel good or anything that just makes you feel like you've put a little, a little,

a little pebble in your pot rather than you're constantly, pouring out the pebbles onto other people's pond. Not very good at analogies. Tess is the analogy person. No, no, it's good on. I like it. I like it. You've only got so many pebbles.

So put them in your pot. Yeah, I think exactly that. Like, when you feel these feelings, write yourself a little list called, um, quite cool, actually. Yes. And write yourself a little list of things that you've done or achieved or things that you have,

you know, that are actually quite cool. Yeah, not bad. Not bad, actually. I did, you know, I'm feeling all these feelings, but maybe, but I actually have got some quite cool, cool stuff. And that's quite nice. I think, like, even like our adult thing every week

is such a nice thing to be like, quite cool, actually. Yeah, I've got into candles. That's one thing. That's a thing I did and that I achieved, actually. And I'm quite, you know, I'm proud of myself. I think it's about like, establishing where the like negative feeling is coming from and what kind of negative voice you've personally got. And if like when you see that, you know, somebody's written a book or

somebody's had a baby or somebody's done something, what is the voice actually saying? Is it like, is it like, oh, fuck them. Fuck them. I, I, I, fuck them I wish I could do that. Or is it like, fuck me. I, like, is the voice, how negative is the voice and where is it targeting? Is it targeting you? Is it targeting them? Like, is it all, is it like, oh, I'm shit and I'll never be able to achieve anything? Is it like, no one ever wants to have a baby with you? Just like, what, what is the, what's the voice actually saying? And, um, and what's it's, what does it, what does it want? Yeah. That's good because then you can break it down and you can be like, well, how realist, like, how realistic is it what I'm saying? Like, and sometimes it's nice to be

occasionally indulgent and be like, everyone's better than I am. And sometimes you need a bit of that. But then that has, you do have to snap yourself out of that. And then you have to do go, well, okay, what do I, yeah, what do I have? What is it, why am I comparing myself to these particular things and these, these particular aims? How can I get there if that's what I want? And also like, be fully aware that every narrative you tell yourself about yourself is wrong. Like we, we, as human beings, our brains form these kind of like, timelines and about yourself and about other people. And they're never accurate because everyone has their own perception of themselves. So you're seeing, you're not seeing what someone else would see when they look at it. And that's really obvious. But basically how to stop comparing

yourself is basically to stop comparing yourself. But that is, we need to be reminded of these obvious things. And you need to be, you need to be reminding yourself constantly of these obvious things. Whenever you feel this kind of like, oh, I'm not where you then just have to go through the checklist that you know. know you have to do, but it's so easy to just not do it and be like, yeah, but they are better. Yeah, exactly. You have to be your friend. You have to be your own sort of ally and you have to be like, because, you know, you can't,

there's literally nothing positive will ever come from you comparing yourself negatively to something or a situation. Nothing good will come from it unless you create something positive. if you turn it into a positive situation and look at what it is and go, okay, well, if I want that, then how do I get that? Again, obviously certain things are easier than others love a baby, especially difficult. But there are still steps that you can take. There are still like, am I putting myself out there enough?

Am I doing all the things that I know I can do to put myself in a position to get that, whatever that thing is? But it also as well, it's shit, like it is shit. and we are always comparing ourselves. And the most, you know, you read those, I find it quite helpful sometimes, like to read celebrity profiles, like good ones. So there's one in The Guardian recently,

but with like, look, it's a left field actor. John Cusack, sure. But I'd be like, John Cusack, it's been in quite a lot of fun films. He's, when I was growing up, he was in loads of fun films. And he's, in the interview being like, yeah, I'm not really heartening more. And I don't mean like attractive.

I mean, like, he's not like the cool actors. actor anymore. It's like, yeah, I'm really banking on this TV show to sort of help me. And you're like, look, he's like, when you are a million, millionaire actor person, you're still like, ah, but that person got that part or like that person did this or whatever. Like, it never goes away. So we have to learn how to, how to handle it. And also, I think John Cousa was a terrible example. But I think John Couss that was a fantastic example. I mean, what does Theodore Roosevelt say, Stevie? Oh, I, uh, no. that's exactly what he said and immediately after that he said comparison is the thief of joy

yeah i mean it really is but right good for him and good for him actually thank you thank you the last time we had a president with something to say he uh that's this is like it's exactly it you're like oh yeah okay every time you catch yourself doing it being like it's this is the thief of joy like i cannot be happy if i constantly am just comparing myself to other people because that it will, this is a, this is a hollow husk. There is nothing here that's, that's good. It will only result in me thinking that I'm, that, you know, there's nothing good here. You just have to, all you can do is be like, am I the best that I could be today?

Like, have I done the best I can? Great, then that's, that's, am I helping myself? And being my own friend, but also if you're drowning in comparison and you're finding it really difficult and really struggling, then like things like online therapy really help with things like that because it's a very specific issue. And yeah, and even if you can't like speak to an actual professional and obviously do carry on down that road

if you can. Just being open and honest with a friend and being like, I'm incredibly jealous of Vivian. Like, I'm sorry to admit this out loud, but I'm so jealous and your friend might be like, oh my God, me too. You know, they're like, somebody will be like, probably lots of people are thinking like, oh my God, yes, she always looks amazing or she's got this thing. Vivian's fucking smashing it.

Vivian's fucking smashing it. And then if you spoke to Vivian, Vivian, and be like, oh my God, I'm just so desperate for, you know, Barbara's life, you know, and round the bloody thing goes in a circle. Well, there is a situation of comparing yourself to someone and it actually compromising your friendship. And that is something that happens, I think, so much more than, because no one's going to go, I'm not friends with you because I'm too jealous of you. So people will make up other excuses as to why they're not, you know?

Absolutely. And often when you begin a friendship, it comes from a place. of you beginning in the same place in whatever it is you're doing. You've met at, you know, school or work or whatever. And then that friend gets, or you were both single girls and that's what your friendship was about. Like, you know, that it was the whole point of the friendship, but like that was the, you know, you were the two that went out and had fun. And then they've got a boyfriend suddenly and they want to spend all their time with him. And, you know, you feel, you feel left out. And, you know, it's like, that's what so, it's so damaging to friendship because

that is often exactly how those things begin is you both in the same place and then one surges ahead in inverted commas onto a different path that can only make you feel like you're inherently behind again in inverted commas just because those two paths are moving at different speeds but it's not you're just on different chapters of the same book like you are just at different points in the same thing it's not like one is inherently better than the other and you know it happens for everyone in every area like we've got friends who went to drama school and you know, had these amazing friendships with drama, with their friends at drama school, and everyone just doing their, you know, weird, intense, immersive play, whatever they're doing at drama school. And then suddenly one person in the class is in, you know, a Hollywood blockbuster. And, you know, suddenly you're living very different lives and you both wanted that same thing. But it's not to say that them taking, it's not, there is an infinite number of pieces of pie. Like there are, there is space for everyone to be able to achieve their dreams.

There is space for everyone to be allowed to achieve, you know, love and babies and their career thing. and the promotion, like, there is space for everyone and you mustn't feel like you're, that it means that you don't have a chance just because someone else has, as currently has it. Yeah, I think that's one of really important things. Yeah, if somebody, someone else's success actually has absolutely nothing to do with your own and you might go, well, it does because they get everything.

It doesn't, no, no, it really doesn't like it, even if, even the one, that's a situation that feels like it has to, um, be that is, you know, for example, somebody who is going up for promotion and they go up against their friend and their friend gets it and they don't. You'd be like, well, their achievement definitely affects my happiness. No, you can literally transfer to another job and do another. Like if you wanted that position and that is not happening within your company, you can go somewhere else and get that. But people do not believe that they can do that. It's like, well, I'm rubbish and I won't be able to do it.

And I think, yeah, someone else is, someone else doing well, really has not. nothing to do with you, but you can't help but use it as a bromatica, so it feels like it doesn't it. It does not go away. So the quicker that you can work out a way to deal with it and, and be open and be ready to say to your friends, like, I'm so, so happy you have, you have babies. I'm so genuinely so thrilled for you. And it's also a genuine real struggle for me. I'm just want to be honest and tell you how I'm feeling and it's this. Or I'm, I know you're not judging me in any way, but this is how I'm making myself feel. honesty has just got to be like the forefront of friendship, I think, to just be able to say, you know, exactly how you feel.

Yeah. And then if it doesn't work out because you were honest, well, then it doesn't work out. And it wasn't going to work it anyway because you were really jealous. So it's like, it's a win-win, really. If you're jealous, if your friendship couldn't survive this, like, this new path and this new hurdle of you being like, really love you. Definitely this is happening. Can we work this out together? You know, then that's okay. That's just not a friend, you know, then it wasn't a great. then it wasn't a great friendship in the first place, you know? And which is I was saying, not to I say like your friendship sounds shit, is I was saying the friendship is probably, we suspect it will survive, you know, openly discussing this thing between you. Yeah, absolutely. And people kind of as well drift apart and come together throughout your whole life,

you know, it doesn't necessarily mean it was bad friendships always. It just means that like that friendship was of that time. And then you've moved away and away from each other and, you know, oh, well, life or life. as I would say. As he would say. And as Theodore Roosevelt would say. Oh, life.

That's what he famously said. He sang his own inauguration. Yeah, or he did, yeah. Beautifully. I hope that helps, DeRosier. And anyone else listening who is feeling a little bit, I think it's just the key things are, yeah, do what you can to limit what you're seeing

and what you're comparing yourself to. Be honest about it. Be open. Work out where it's coming. what where it's um what where it's coming from the feeling of being like I feel behind in inverted comments is it like is it a fury at the world of being like why do I have to be going at your pace or is it like oh I'm crap and I'll never you know what kind of internal monologue is going on and then and then open and honestly discuss it with people and also remember that listen we're all

going to live to be about 107 you got time you can achieve all the things you want to achieve in this life. And if I may close, discussing Jennifer Lawrence. Oh, yes, always. If I may, she was up for Twilight. And of course it went to your friend and mine, Kristen Stewart. And Jennifer Lawrence thought I considered, thought she would quit. You know, it hadn't really worked out for her. And she was like, I don't think acting is for me. And what was around the corner, Stevie? Probably the hunger games. Probably the hunger games. Which she wouldn't have got, had she been, you know, and you're like, and low, and low, that life changing thing was just, and not to be like, guys, the hunger games is just around the corner. But, you know, you never

know what's going to happen in life and don't consider this thing to be the end. Just, you know, sort of stay, stay, stay in there and, you know. Oh, also, I'm so, so just realized that has inspired me a final tip, which probably is too late, but if you're still listening and if you then you deserve it because you're a true, a true fan, a purist. A purist. Um, is take whatever it is that you are comparing yourself and favourably to and find people in examples of people who, for example, if you are 30 and you want a baby, find examples of, and there are millions of examples, often famous people are useful for this, people who have had babies at 38, 39, 40.

46, Janet Jackson. 83. It's been done. It's been done. and if it's a career thing, find examples and read books, autobiories of people who have done things that you would like to do or not what you'd like to do, but they've just like come into their own, not at 16, you know?

Little last minute tip, but I found that very helpful. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm going out of here and stopping comparing myself to any of my, you know, my, oh, give the hair. That's what you call them? The good for you gang. The good for you gang. And good for you.

Oh, great. Good for hair. They used to be a Kellogg's special K advert where a teenage girl was like, Sarah's mom does this. Sarah's mom works out every morning. Sarah's mom looks amazing. Sarah's mom wears these jeans. Sarah's mom eats special K.

And then that girl's mother goes, does she? Good for her. And you're like, yes. Yes. Very good. Everyone's got a good for her gang. And just remember, they've got their own shit going on, you know? Yes.

But if you enjoyed the episode and you have any ideas of future episodes that we would like to do, as you can see, we're working through suggestions. We've got some good ones coming up. Thank you so much for your emails and for your tweets and stuff. And for your honesty, thank you so much everybody who writes such lovely honest things to us. We really appreciate it. But we are on at No DiPanek Pod on Twitter. Give us a follow on Twitter. I don't know.

Why not? I'm at Stiviam. The S is a 5, not an S. I'm at Dessa Coates. Just your classic collection of letters. The email is Nobody Panic Podcast at gmail.com. Don't compare yourself this week. Comparison is the thief of joy.

It's not the end of the movie. This is the beginning of the movie. What an exciting time rather than a sad time. Being like, oh shit, where's this movie going, baby? And what a long movie. Weirdly long movie. It's an art house. Bye-bye.

Bye!