Nobody Panic - How to Stop Saying Sorry

Episode Date: April 27, 2021

Hello! Do you - oh no sorry, you go! No sorry please! No we're sorry! Sorry to bother you but do you say sorry all the time? Ever walked into a tree and said sorry to the tree? Say sorry about four hundred times a day? Constantly apologising for yourself? Stevie and Tessa attempt to switch that sorry mindset around. It's probably not a very good episode! Sorry if you hate it! Sorry!Want to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive Productions.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Welcome to the podcast. This is Nobody Panic.

Oh, sorry. Oh, no, sorry. You go. I'm sorry. What are you going to say? I'm saying sorry. I'm very sorry. I'll go on with you.

You're sorry. We're all sorry. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. This is Nobody Panic where we try and help you not panic about things. Like, for example, how we just did the start of this and Tessa did a bit saying sorry to me and I freaked out and thought she was being serious

and then it all just crumbled. For example, this will help me stop doing that and it will help Tessa stop saying sorry all the time. Sorry, sorry, sorry about that start. Sorry, Stevie. Sorry. Sorry, Tessa. Sorry everyone. This episode is all about how to stop saying sorry, which we all do way too often hundreds of times a day. It's become such a natural bit of patter, hasn't it? Just you're like, oh sorry, no, you're sorry, you go. Sorry. It's like a signal. like it's got confused as a signal for showing the other person that you're thoughtful and that you're thinking about them and you're not thinking about yourself and you're being deferential.

But when there are so many other ways that you can do that without like demeaning yourself and immediately putting yourself in the negative sort of element of the power dynamic. But this is actually a suggestion that we got from Fiona who emailed and says, thanks so much for the pod, a source of great joy and relief for so many of us, smiley face. Often I don't read out the compliments. But it feels nice, doesn't it? It felt very good and strong. Thank you very much, Fiona. So something that's been annoying me a lot lately, Fiona says, is how much I say sorry. Not talking in terms of actual apologies, but just inane sorries for no reason, like when you need to get past someone on the train, or when you preface a

question slash favour with it, just completely unnecessarily. Unnecessarily. Unnecessarily. Unnecessarily. I've started trying to cut it out, especially at work, but it's near impossible. It's a lot easier to delete from emails and you see the words in front of you. But in conversations and calls, it inevitably jumps out even though I'm not particularly sorry about anything. Could you do a podcast on this? It's hard to retrain your brain. And your insights would be amazing.

A lot of pressure there, Fiona. I do think our insights will be amazing. Absolutely amazing. Thank you so much, though. That's a really good suggestion because I think it's, oh, God. It's, you know, Jambu, how while back they, like Google got that add-on for emails where it goes, what's it called again? I forgot.

Just not sorry. Just not sorry, thank you. And it goes through and it basically like highlights and deletes any time you sort of make those kind of overly. And it is a very female way of writing. You've got to say where it's like, hey, just was wondering, sorry to be a pain, but I thought that maybe this would be, it's just say the thing. No, no worries if not. Exclamation mark brackets. Many, many, many worries if not. Is my apps. I think that's my most common phrase. And I think that's within the same, you know, if sorry was a person, then no worries, if not would be their cousin. Like it's... Absolutely. Before you ask, the most normal requests as well, it'll just be like the most...

No worries if not, but like, do you want to come from a birthday? You're like, why are you saying that? It's the way of making yourself as small as possible. And also, the ironic thing about no worries is not is that often many worries, extreme worries, if not. Too many worries. It's not no worries if not because I think you wouldn't even, you wouldn't even say it if it was no worries, if not. You know, like, we all do it.

We do it constantly. We are obsessed with being a bother. Mine would be sorry to bother you, you know, sorry to be a bother. Don't want to cause a scene. Don't want to cause a fuss. Oh, I don't want to be any trouble. But the sorry is a thing that you do, well, I do, even when, like, Fiona says,

it's often when I'm just, I'll be just moving past somebody. and rather than say excuse me, I say sorry. And when I sit down or when I'm, I don't know, like literally anything, it's a sorry. I apologize to inanimate objects. It's very easy to pass these things off as being like, oh, it's just almost like a tick. It's a habit. It doesn't, it's just, it's not, it's surpassed the actual meaning of the word. The thing is, is that your brain takes cues from so many little tiny signs and like, you know,

that thing that your brain can't tell the difference between a fake smile and a real. real smile. Well, it's just subconsciously telling you all the time that you're in the way that you're bothering all the time. So it is actually quite important to change those little tiny things because those little tiny things, you know, are the pathway to bigger things. And once you stop saying sorry all the time, you'll find yourself, I'm sure, I don't know, because I haven't done it, being more assertive elsewhere, you know? You are completely right. It has, it has transcended beyond language like it has ceased to have meaning you know it we do just say and also I think the linguistics of the word sorry like it's a quite pleasant sound it's got lovely shapes in there

love it all those letters are delicious together whereas excuse me pardon me sir doesn't work pardon me sir has got ends and ds and rs and hard shapes ick like do you remember that time that we were on the road and then annie mcgrath kicked me she came up and then like humorously kicked me not in a minute like to be funny and I I, because I was talking and I wasn't really paying attention, I certainly didn't see her. As she was kicking me, I said, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. I just thought she was, I mean, a woman was literally kicking me on the street. And I kept saying, I was trying to carry on the conversation while I was like, oh, sorry, sorry

to someone kicking me. And I was like, what is wrong with us? Look, we're absolutely steaming ahead here, but let's just pull back this horse. I wanted to apologize for it. No way. And ask each other like we do at the start. of every episode. What's the most grown-up adult thing you've done this week so we can just feel better about our lives? My adult thing, I won't apologize for it, but it's not very good.

So just lower your expectation down. I've been playing a very crap game on my phone called, I think, like, water sorter or some shit. You pour different coloured water into test tubes. It's absolutely dog shit. Why do you play it if you hate it? Fantastic question. And the philosophers will be arguing to the ends of time. Why am I still playing it? I thought, I'll play it until this. I made an arbitrary number of the level I was going to get to, and then I'll delete it. And then unfortunately, I got to that level and it like unlocked like more colours.

And I was like, oh, okay. Then weirdly, it went from being like, I'm not interested in this game, it's not hard enough to being like, it's way too hard. And it stopped being any fun. And it becomes this sort of thing where... It didn't sound like it was fun before, but I... Why am I playing it? Also, the adult thing is not what you think.

The adult thing should be, and then I just deleted it. But the adult thing is actually that it got so overwhelming how hard it was that I became like in fucking Queen's Gambit, like, you know, laying, looking at the ceiling trying to like work it out in my head. Oh, but now I've said it out loud. I'm going to just delete the game. Don't put the water in the pipes. Oh my God. She's deleting it right now. Remove app. Oh my God, do it. You'll feel so much better. Delete. Oh, I feel so much lighter. That's an adult thing in action. Oh my God. It's gone. delete your games you hate. Thank you. What's your adult thing? So we sort of fairly recently

moved into a flat and the landlord, as a property manager anyway, I was like, I'll be the person that does the, I'll, I'll talk, I'll tell us some things that need doing and sort them out. One of them was there's like, this teetail rail that's just like on the wall. I put a teetail in it, I took the teetail out, the entire thing came off and there was a hole in the wall. I was like, but I didn't even pull it. I was like, okay, well, that's message to her. And she was like, oh, the previous tenant put that in, so the landlord won't pay for that to be fixed.

I was like, okay. I was like, no, hang on. No, I'm not paying for that then. So I was like, I'm afraid I won't be liable for this. And I would like to know that I won't have to pay for it when we move out. And I'm not going to repair it either if the landlord isn't going to repair it. Because I didn't put it in. Thank you, Stevie.

And she was like, okay, fair enough. So I won. Yes, yes. So now it just means we've got like a hole in our wall for like two years. I don't care. I'm going to put a little postcard in for it. No, because I refuse to on principle. Well, don't just live there with a big hole in the wall being like a refuse to.

It's not that big. And it makes me feel good every time we're looking at it because it's the hole that I've stood up for myself. Imagine how good it would be if there was a hole, then you put the tea towel back, then you put the... And then I'll break it again. Yeah. How good would that feel? I've already sent her a picture. What if I break it more?

And then she's like, okay, there's some fishery at foot and then I've got to pay with it. Take a picture at the end of a tendency and I will Photoshop the timestamp on to say it was the beginning of the beginning. We're moving on. Listen it. I can't thank you enough. That's what I've done. I can't thank you enough for that suggestion. That is what I've done at every single house I've ever left.

Okay. Talking about how to not saying sorry. Oh, actually that was a good segue in a way because in the email I went to feel like, I'm sorry. I just feel like. I was like, no. It's like, I'm reliable. for that, bye. I'm just, I was wondering, I'm so sorry. You know, I saw a tweet the other day that was like an email chain where someone had said like, someone had said like, so sorry, I don't think

you've attached the link correctly. And you're like, what do you mean you're so sorry they haven't attached the link correctly? I do that all the time. And especially if you're, and I'm sorry to be heteronormative, but it is a male female thing. They're like if, if, or classically male a little thing that like if you say you know women being like so sorry didn't attach to think to a man and the man says like that's weird here it is they don't apologize even though they're the one that literally did up you know if you want a if you want a nice little lull I recommend this sketch I'm sorry in the by inside amy schumer which is for like a neurosurgeon a Pulitzer prize winner a Nobel Peace Prize winner a UN ambassador for women being interviewed on a panel

by a man. And it's just a I mean, obviously, I mean, you know where it's going, but like, it's just like, yeah, look the state of this. Like, this is what is wrong with us, you know? I want to dig into a couple of like, whys, of like, why we do it all the time. And I

think really, it's a mix of, of all of these, but some of, some of the list include compassion. So people who care a lot about the feelings and preferences of others often find themselves over-apologizing when they've done nothing wrong, which I can totally understand that you, you know, that's when you might say like, I'm so sorry you went through that

or I'm so sorry that happened. And then the person's like, it's not your fault. And you're like, oh, I meant like, I'm sad you did that? Like, I'm sad. That happened to you? Um, submissiveness. Again, yeah, a big problem. If you consider yourself to be the, I mean, even subconsciously, you might be like, no, I feel completely equal in this relationship, whether that's friendship or work or a romantic relationship. If you're the instinctive one who, you're, always wants to, you know, say sorry, sorry, you know, unaware of your own personal boundaries. Keeping the peace, that's a big one, that you're like, better that you just say. And again, like, these aren't conscious.

These are like deep-seated, subconscious stuff that, like, if I just say sorry, oh, I'll apologize, we'll just, we'll keep the peace. Agreeability, it's called preventing conflict, a lack of faith in your own judgment. And I think this is, sorry, you've not attached the link, sorry to be a bother. I was just wondering, so sorry if this is wrong, but, you know, even when you, So sorry, can you explain that again? So sorry, can I, so sorry, can you repeat that question? You know, I was like, why are you apologising?

You, they didn't explain it well, you know, this like belief that you must be thick, which is why you haven't understood it. External validation, huge one. I think external validation is in the asking, you know, returning a coffee or the meal in a restaurant is wrong or my big one is like bothering people in the supermarket, like, you know, saying, I'm so sorry, do you know, where the. the K-N pepper is. It's like, I don't want to bother, you're at work, like, you're busy. I don't, I truly am sorry to bother you, you know, and I don't know quite what to say that is correct there.

And I think the external validation thing is that what you want really is for the person to say, like, not to worry, it's my job. I'm happy to help you. And then much deeper stuff, I think, is, is the last two, a strict background. And I think you can be obsessed with being sorry, whether you were raised in a, you know, Catholic boarding school or not, but I'm sure it is there much more, much more intensely, if you were raised in a very strict environment. And then anxiety, you know, if you, which I think sort of runs through all of these, it just makes you like, ultra sensitive. But I think the anxiety thing is to do with the like keeping the peace and, you know, always being aware of other people and you not having so much, the self, like the self-awareness thing

of being like my feelings and my opinions and what I want isn't important here. What's important is I'm not a bother, you know? Yes. And I think immediately in those examples as to why. I think one of the main ways that you can switch it is making it, is using the word thank you and making it a positive. So for example, I was thinking about the classic, so sorry, but this coffee's cold, make it a positive. This coffee's lovely, but it's cold. You know? Perfect. Or like immediately that doesn't feel, it does, oddly, it does feel weird without saying sorry, but it doesn't sound weird. No. It sounds.

more like you're in control and you can use that quite a lot with a variety of things like essentially using the word butt instead of sorry get your butt out, put your sorries away yes so what do we say thank you thank you so much this coffee's amazing but it is cold

yeah see look it feels weird when you say it but how did it sound to saying that well you sounded like you lost confidence completely in the structure of the same case Here I go again. So this coffee is delicious, but it is cold. You're inflected so high at the end. Okay.

This wine is delicious, but it's not actually what I ordered. Perfect. Really? That's the first one that we don't sound like we're about to cry. I honestly felt like I was doing an impression of a bitch. The thing is, is you don't sound like a bitch, and that's, I think what you've got to do is you've got to try that out a few times, and then you'll see the response, and the response will be exactly the same. is when you said, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, it's exactly the same. What's bitchy is, this coffee's cold. That's, like, you don't, all right, I'm a human, frame into a sentence,

please. Yeah. You can even say, I'm aware it's not your fault, but the coffee's cold, you know? Yeah, but I want to begin that. I still want it to begin it with like, I'm sorry, I know this is not your fault. Oh, God, it's just there. As with everything, and as Fiona has already done this, like, accepting, acknowledging, knowing you do it, knowing why it's probably not. great and wanting to change it is like the first step and then it becomes tricky because then there's like clear things you can do like for example yeah scanning over your emails getting that add on if you want to or just like keeping an eye on it great it's so difficult for those things not to slip out like i've just realized i think i've got rid of most of my sorry all of my sorry

is an email however if someone doesn't attach something i'm apologising to them so that i've just realized i i definitely do that it's when i'm worried it's when i don't feel confident criticizing something something else has done, I will apologise that I lower myself so that they don't feel bad for me saying something that they've not done. That is something that happens all the time. I think one of the main, maybe my only tips

is the end of the podcast is to, you can't get rid of this completely in one go because it's so with a lot of people, if you're listening, you're like, I've never apologised to them in my life, but if you are somebody that, you know, says it rather than excuse me on the train right through to constantly on emails, right through to just every sentence you say appears to be,

I'm sorry, but this coffee's cold. It's about, you've got to identify where you say it the most and then try and remove it one by one. So for example, if you do say it instead of excuse me, that's one thing you can do right from now. When you're trying to get past someone and say, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, it's not rude. It's actually, but by definition, polite. So just get rid of the sorry out of that. Once you've done that, then you identify like another area that you say it a lot in. And basically, it's like a multi-pronged approach. You basically, you've got to do it one at a time because it'll get easier as you along.

But I think the problem is that I can sense in Fiona's email and she's frustrated at herself for continuing to do it even when she tries not to. But if she's saying it all the time, you know, her brain is just, you know, your brain kind of gets into these patterns and it's created a neural pathway in it. that it's just like, I go to this word for everything. So you have to soften that and that will take time. But I think it's about, yeah, taking each situation and being like, okay, so first, I'm going to, I'm going to conquer constantly saying sorry to strangers on the train.

Then I'm going to constantly really look at work when I'm at meetings trying to make a point. I'm going to specifically. And it's often good to figure out alternative things to say so that you've got somewhere to reach when you're suddenly like, oh, show me to say it. Oh, God. For example, if when I was, when I had a job, I'd be like, I'm so sorry. Do you have a moment for like a chat or whatever? You can just go, hey, it's now a good time for a chat or hey, do you have some time for a quick question? Or do you know what I mean? But it feels so, it feels like, this is the only way can describe it. It feels like, it feels like the sentence doesn't have any clothes on in its name. Yes, yes, yes. That is exactly how it feels. You, you get to the end of it and you just want to like, um, like hold your mouth closed because you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to, you want to clothe the sentence. You want to be like, that's nude. A nude sentence has come out, and it's just hanging in the air, and we both know it's nude, because I haven't finished it off by saying, I'm sorry. P.S. I am sorry about that. Well, what if they're in their, in their office

and you knock on the door? How do you put your head around the door? You say something nice and positive. Stevie has just steepled her fingers and, like, look down as if to be like, let me dwell on that. You can actually use it something like, I was just wondering if, because that, yes, it's the cousin of sorry, but you're not apologising. You're not making yourself smaller. You are leading in. Yeah. So I was just wondering if we can...

And the thing is, the reason it feels so uncomfortable is look how... Look how used to making ourselves a little tiny poo we feel like. Yeah. Guys do not go, I'm so sorry, but you have time for a meeting. No. Why would they do that? So sorry. Knock, knock, knock. Sorry to bother you.

Yeah. Oh, God, okay. Hi. No. Excuse me. Janet's at the door. I mean, Janet's at the door. Is that something you ever have to... I just wanted...

I was thinking, in my mind now, I was at reception, Janet was here, I had to go in and interrupt a meeting, and my instinct was to say... Let's put it into the world. Sorry to interrupt. Let's put it into the world that we know. That is the world I know. That was me interrupting a meeting to tell them... The Janet's at the door?

Janet's at reception, yes. Janet's come to reception. I'm saying... I'm trying to make it slightly more normalised, so you don't, you know, hysterical. What about you're asking me if we could move the podcast record to 3pm rather than 1? And what I want you to do is I want you to just don't overthink it. Just tell me that. CB, can we put the podcast record at 3 o'clock instead of 1?

Yeah, fine. Yeah, great. But I don't say, sorry to bother you, to you, I think. Right. Sorry about that. Yeah. Look, I apologise to you. Oh, my God, the sentence was nude, so I just said, sorry to bother you.

I mean, sorry about that. Oh, God. Okay, I want to get past somebody who's in the way. And I would normally... Excuse me. Excuse me. Can I just sneak through here, please? Thank you. Without using the word sneak. That's great. Hey, it's not sorry. It wasn't sorry, but sneak is not sorry. Sneak felt inherently like, don't mind me, I'll just sneak through, you know? So, excuse me, could I just come, could I come through? Storm through. Can I storm through as is my right as a woman? No, I think, yes, if sneak feels fine, like absolutely don't use sneak, but you can say, if I can just pop past you, if I can just shimmy past you, if I can just float past you, you can use any adjective, but you've not said sorry. That's solved. Okay, I'm on set and I am filming something, and there are a group of men talking, and I have a question about something in the next scene

that's coming up, and nobody has explained it to me. and I need to ask. And my instinct is to go up and say, so sorry to bother you and sorry to ask this question, but why doesn't my character have any clothes? Absolutely. Fair question.

It's the work situation. Excuse me, I've just got a question about just softens it? Just is a clothing word, isn't it? Excuse me. Have you got a moment? I've got a question about why my character's nude.

Yeah, that's the thing. The word moment, the word just, like these are all clothing softeners. Excuse me, why? Why am I nude? Okay. Oh, oh, oh. Can I say, oh, oh, the beginning?

Yeah, you can have a... Okay. You can say whatever you're like as long as it's not sorry. Okay. Oh, excuse me. I have a question about the next scene. Oh, my God. I'm so willing to talk to you about the clothing choices that the writer...

Oh, wow. Okay. It felt good. It felt good. It feels so good. Because we really discount the fact that tone of voice, the way we say things, they make such a difference. You could say that exact sentence

in a way that sounded like you're being an asshole, but you can do that with literally anything. So it's very... I think it's about baby steps, isn't it? It really is, because all of this will be really overwhelming if you're like, right, from now I'm only ever going to use alternative to so sorry, because as we've discovered,

it makes you feel insane. Makes you feel crazy. And nude. So I think what you've got to do is you've got to take off the clothing one by one until you don't even realize that the sentence is nude anymore. Start with the one absolutely like you just told me, I don't know, four or five there.

You, Tessa, maybe, should start with the one that you felt the least nude with. And then once you, once that feels clothed, then the next, then move to the next one and the next one. And by the time you get to that like, ho, this is, I'm on set and I'm asking about this. You will already have built up enough softeners and enough kind of ways of speaking that your brain won't feel so frighten. and strange about tackling the hard scenario that you struggle, really struggle to not say sorry in front of. Also, what you might find, I don't know, do you find, when you do this, is when it always kind of goes hand in hand with the sorry sentences.

And I noticed it the most when I'm saying about the fact that I'm allergic to dairy in a restaurant. And I apologize 50,000 times. But when I'm doing it, I'll go over to the waiter or I'll go over to, when I'm approaching somebody saying the sorry centres, I hunch over almost double. Like I'm a sort of, I don't know, a benevolent, like Disney character.

I'm like, I'm so sorry. So the thing is you might find yourself over. Yes, it's literally I make myself look like that. Yeah. And so I think it's that will, you might feel yourself doing that, that, but don't worry about anything. The main thing is to get rid of that linguistic sorry.

And then you can start getting rid of the body. bodily sorry and then it's time for the soul sorry. Yes, Stevie, yes. Mm-mm-hmm, yes. I started clicking a lot, everyone. I won't apologize for it. I hear it's what you do at slam poetry nights when you really like something.

You have done that a lot, yeah. Click. I recently learned it and I was like, I love that. I'm very into it. But I really like that. The linguistic sorry, the body sorry, the soul, sorry. Yeah. It's just about being like, I am deserving of taking up space. know, I am deserving of asking this question. I'm deserving of having the thing I ordered. I'm

deserving of walking through the train carriage. I'm deserving of asking a question. And it's, it's become a habit so you can take it away again. Like it's not, you weren't born doing it. So it's, it's not something that you have no control over. It will just take a bit of time. So I suppose, like, every time you do it and you feel good about it and you go like, that wasn't so bad, the next time will be easier. And then it will just help, yeah, just help us all feel a little bit more assertive, not bitchy, assertive. Just to return to that Amy Schumer sketch for a second. I think if you, if you didn't know it was called I'm sorry and you just started watching it

and you were like, you were apropos of nothing ready for whatever the gag was going to be, I think it would take you a minute to like to work it out. And that is how natural it sounds when they're all doing it. You only are like, oh my God, look how often we say it when you're looking for it. But when it is just, you know, because they don't just start by saying, I'm a piece of shit. like they're introducing the women he's saying them a man is interviewing them he's saying their name's wrong their microphones aren't working they haven't the things are in the wrong things in which they are in no way responsible they are not their fault they did not do it wrong and yet they're just

constantly as a vocal like literally a vocal tick they're constantly saying sorry and i honestly think you just wouldn't you wouldn't notice it because we're so we're so in tune that's how women that's how we that's how we talk i mean not women specifically but i think it is a very female trait. I've got some bonus level, high level ones, advanced level. If you have actually done something slightly awry in an email, I mean, like, you know, you've not attached something or you have done something where you normally would say like, oh my God, what a piece of shit, I'm so sorry. Thank you for catching that. I appreciate you bringing this error to my attention. I think you sound like a psychopath. Do you remember when we were working on that project and the man just didn't record any of

the sound and then when we said, but you haven't recorded any of the sound, he said, that's a shame. And we'd spend all of our savings that we saved up and stuff on it. And that was the end of that project because we couldn't afford to do it again. That's a shame. Yeah, that's a shame. It is, isn't it? Isn't it a shame? I think if your gut is like, as mine is, is to be like, my concern, if I don't say sorry, if I don't apologize, then people will think of me as a one of those people. But I think we all have to assume, it's a bit like the psychopath test. Like if you're worried you are, you aren't.

And like your fear of appearing like that is holding you back. I do fully agree. If you've done something wrong, you've made a mistake. You can say sorry. I think that's absolutely fine. Yeah. But I think like if you can err towards being, that's a shame. You know, if you're never going to hit it because you're not a crazy person.

So if you, if you are, you're not mean. You're not a mean thing to do. Yeah. You're not a mean person with lacking in empathy. you're evidenting, you're too empathetic and you're too compassionate and you're too worried about other people, which is why you're in this camp, in the sorry camp. So the more that you can err towards, that's a shame.

I don't want to tell people to err towards that's a shame because honestly, I think it's repugnant. Of course it's repugnant, but I think it's like, aim for the stars, you'll hit the rooftops, you know, like, that's a shame cannot be the stars. I'm not allowing it to be the stars. I'm saying if you are aiming towards, if you go out today trying to be, that's a shame,

you're never, ever going to hit it, but you will become excuse me, you know? I see what you mean. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying, obviously, that's a shame is the worst thing in the world. I'm not saying that's the, I mean that if you attempt to overshoot, that's a shame will feel so, like, so, so wild that saying, excuse me will be like, yeah, fantastic. That feels wonderful, of course. It's like sort of haggling where you go 100 million pounds and then they, but you didn't ever intend that amount.

Exactly. If you just aim for, excuse me in the supermarket, you might. might never hit it. But if you aim for that's a shame, then you... That's a shame. Can you show me where the eggs are? Yeah. That's a shame. It's a left field approach. But, you know, look, different strokes, folks, if you're listening going, that, that's the tip for me, then good, you know. I think, yes, well, we've, we've covered it. It's baby steps. It's taking one thing at a time. It's replacements. It's knowing why. you're saying what you're saying, and it's, you know, starting slow and starting with things

that you're comfortable with. And also just being aware that the sentence will feel nude, you will have to push through. And push through, you will. The end of this look, I've literally, I've spoiled the sketch for you now, but the end of this sketch is this woman's legs drop off. And a man, a man has, I think she was in the way, but a man spills his coffee on her and her legs drop off. All the women shout, even her lying on the floor with her legs off is shouting. I'm sorry, my legs are coming off. I've ruined it. And then he, the man says, whoops, like, and you're like, yeah, whoops is, is probably it. Like, you didn't mean to spill the coffee. It was multiple people were involved. It was an accident. Like, whoops is probably it. And that's the thing.

Like, we got to aim for that, that, in the hope of, we have got to aim for whoops. We got to aim for that's a shame, you know. in the hope of having a bit more confidence than owning your space, you know. Well, look, Fiona, I hope that helps. If it doesn't, that's a shame. That's a shame. If it doesn't, whoops. It's a show, a real shame that we didn't help you there.

But, yeah, if you have any other episode suggestions for things that you'd like us to tackle, please do email us, Nobodypanicpodcast at gmail.com or find us on Twitter at Nobodyepanickpod. I'm also on Twitter at STVM, the S is a 5. I love it. I'm at Desa Coates. And that's that. Go forth in this week and be proudly nude with these sentences. And we're not sorry about that.

We're not sorry. We're not sorry. We're not sorry. We'll see you next week. And thank you so much for listening. An absolute pleasure to be in your ears, as ever. Goodbye. Always a pleasure. Never at your year. And have a lovely week. Bye.