Nobody Panic - How to Support Us on Patreon

Episode Date: November 2, 2021

We've only gone and started a Patreon (pronunciation unclear)! Every month we'll be bringing subscribers extra bits and behind the scenes content and secret exclusive Q and As and whatnot, it'll be WILD and EXCLUSIVE and QUITE NICE!Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Follow Nobody Panic on Twitter @NobodyPanicPodSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. because we thought this was like way too exciting and too much for a little mention, but also maybe too much for like a full, full massive episode. Sorry, too little. Too little for a full episode. It is to tell you that we are announcing a Patron. Or Patreon. We don't know, or do we know when I said it wrong?

Patron. I think it's patron. Yeah, it's patron, isn't it? Because Patron is the liqueur. Yeah. So when you go like, a sharp patron, please. these people don't like subscribe to various levels to you in the bar. And it's not Patreon.

So the word patron, like a patron of the arts, that's spelled like that, is it? No, it's spelled without the E. So I think that's why it's Patreon because it's like a patron, but it's got an E in it. It's slightly different because it's an E patron. Ah, wow. Okay, lots to learn. So that's what we're doing, one of those. And it's something people have been saying, not many people, but some people have been saying,

A small handful of people have been saying it for a while And we thought, yeah, we'd bloody do it And we've got some fun ideas We think there's going to be some fun stuff The dialogue is open So if you want to subscribe and then when you're there You'd like, oh here's a thing actually that we'd really like We'd be very much open to

We're opening this dialogue basically We're incredibly flexible to suggestions for our patron For a coffee patron shot That we'll do them? Who's to say? Who is to say? Will we listen to the ideas? Yes.

100% we'll listen. And we're very excited. So this is our patron. I just won't ever say the word. Let's just say patron. Because maybe it is. Maybe it's patron. Also, this is great.

This is the sort of great content you can expect behind the paywall. Imagine if this is what you're getting for free. Imagine what you can get when it's paid for. Before we tell you what's going to be in there at all the levels, then we're going to do a little two levels. And before we work you through them, Listen, I think this is an organic patron, if I may, and I think what you all want is to be there from the ground floor. So when you say, like, oh, how long have you been?

You're like, oh, I was an early adopter. Yeah, when there are only two levels and it wasn't clear how you pronounced it. But even though, like, patron is not a new thing. I think it's been going for ages. It's like calling TikTok TikTok TikTok. And then saying, is that right? I don't know what you do there. It's organic.

So we've started a. We've started a tike top and you just tell us what we should put on it. That's basically what this is. But I think within the Nobody Panic fan community, it's important to set your stall out early doors as being somebody who got in at the ground with us, who hopefully explained how it worked and what we could bring to you. You're an early adopter of us adopting Patreon quite late. That's basically what's gone on here.

Before we do that, should we just do some bonus? adult thing. Yeah. To celebrate the fact that there will be bonus tent, content for people who want to be a patron. What's the most adult thing you've done this week, Tessa? Well, I didn't think it was adult, but since sort of showing it to you, you've been so impressed that I've... She got her butt done.

She got bot implants. No. Basically, I was... I'm dressed. I'm completely dressed from top to toe. I've got little ankle boots on, tights, a skirt. little top. Stevie thought I was wearing a beret, but it is in fact my headphones. Oh, and my nails are shellacked because for a while I've been thinking, how are these ladies keeping their nails

so nice? Because I love to go to the manicure lady. But then I'm like, well, I fucked it an hour later. Shalak, baby. So now I feel, oh, brilliant. And my hair is brushed. I'm brushed. No. So I showed Stevie all of this. Apropos of nothing. She did not compliment or comment on my appearance. But I showed her my whole appearance and then she said, well, yeah, you're dressed. And I said, yes, well, I've been watching Succession. So she wants Succession. And some of us have moved to, I don't know, be more bullsey in the boardroom, take control of our lives,

do some hot deals. Tessa has moved to literally just dress herself. That is, okay. Yeah, I honestly watched Succession. I was like, wow, yeah, I'm going to take control. Healed boots on indoors in my flat. In my own house. And truth be told, it's because I've come from the outside. didn't have time before sitting down. So you were moved by succession to also go outside. Yes.

It's happening for me. I think it's happening. I'm really feeling very powerful. I'm running on saliva and adrenaline. That's not true either. I just had some little off-brand monster munch called Monster Claw, which I've been eating throughout the recording to everyone's chagrin. A bit ASMR.

Oh my God, maybe there might be some AMR in the patron. Well, there's definitely ASMR on the audio. book on November 4th. We both had a go at doing some airsmar, just sort of in the middle of book for absolutely no reason. It was a lot of fun. Yes, very excited for you getting dressed. And I love that, you know, this late into the podcast, you know, we've been doing it for many years that were still at the bar of I Got Dressed. I Got Dressed. It's my adult thing. I'm buzzing. And honestly, I've just texted, we're at 10 people now asking what everyone is doing this evening. And the reason is I'm dressed and I wish to, to show.

show more people. You know what? Brilliant. I love that for you. I do love that for you. I need people to see me. I'm dressed. Stevie, what's your adult thing?

Well, okay, so I don't really get spots very often. I used to have terrible acne when I'm not terrible. It was quite bad acne when I was in my early 20s. Then I went on the pill, I went to the pill for my skin. And I haven't lived ever since. Yes. Well, I went to microgynean, which made me like a mad person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just plop into that mental black hole. Oh, yeah. I was like, cross. crying under a table. If anybody is, and I suspect actually that this younger generation are more clued up than we all were, but if anyone listening is on microgynon or is new to the pill, may I suggest you immediately hot foot down to the doctors and say, can I go on the next one please?

It's because it is the cheapest, and so they just rummage in a barrel and give you microgynon. A bit of moss and barrel. Blow a bit of moss off it and throw you microgynon. But then the moment you come back and you're like, I've gone insane, they're like, yeah, all right, fine, we'll open the experience. expensive cupboard. But may I say they've got some friends that swear by my microphone.

Oh, really? Yeah, which I was blown backwards at. But if you're on it and you're feeling like it crying, that's probably why. And then, yeah, I went on all of them. I've been on Celeste or Dianette. And then they were like, oh, best get off that because of your liver. I was like, Jesus Christ, okay. Well, why did you put me on it?

Fine. Then Yasmin, then they were like pop off that for your liver again. Then I went back on it because I was like, it's the only one that doesn't make me feel completely crazy. bollocks to my liver and then I decided to come off it all together because I was like well I've never been off it so let's just give it a go so I came off it and immediately have got spots but only like I've got I've not got lots it's fine I've just got like one by my mouth and then one right in the centre of my third eye which is unfortunate place to have it because it's so prominent and my adult thing is I had a meeting today and I was like oh no and what I would nor the last time I sort of had spots to you know sort of prominent spots I would, you know, I'd be, I'd be so worried about it and I'd be doing all this stuff and maybe you've cut a fringe this morning, genuinely, considered it and thought, no, so just went to the meeting, I didn't even, you know, I put, like, got makeup on, but not,

you can't really, you know, not loads. And it's just like, I'm sat here with my spot out, what are you going to do about it? I didn't say that, obviously, in the meeting. But I very much was like, I am a woman with a face, faces get spots, fucking deal with it. Again, didn't say that. Did you mention the spot at all? Not in any way, no. I actually forgot it was there because you're not looking at yourself. Obviously on this Zoom thing immediately was like, oh, Lord. Because you're not looking at yourself. It was fine.

I only realized I had it when I came home. I thought that was a very adult thing. And sometimes I do that with not wearing makeup. And I'd be like, oh, God, I don't have time to do my full face for this music. It's like, you know what? Sometimes you can just go in without makeup on and just be like, this is my face. None of the men here are wearing makeup. Amen, sister.

Why should I have to wear makeup? Sometimes makeup's wonderful. But I just felt that that was a very adult thing to have done. All I'm doing is staring at it. May I say on this Zoom, just a little peek behind the curtain, as you will get in the patron. Oh, yes. Stevie has been raising herself up consistently throughout the recording

so that the spot is out of shot. And the spot is genuinely between my eyebrows, so you can really see how high. You can't see the whole top of my head. So look, let's chat Patreon. What's in there, baby? What are you going to get for your money? Okay, so level one.

This level... What's it called? Oh, I'm getting there. Sorry, I'm trying to like, you know, interview you about it. I know you were. I'm sorry, I'll be quiet now. No, no, I liked it. And again, more of this.

More of this. It's number one, it's the easy level. It's called How to Certainly Be Involved. Perfectly pronounced that. Thank you so much. And this one comes in at four pounds a month. What could you get for four pounds, Stevie? A Fredo now, am I right?

Oh, you. Yes, m'm, what, hot burns at the economy's expense. Yes, please. Capitalism is crumbling in your wake. And we are very much contributing it by setting up a patron. Oh, are we, no, I think this is the gig. I think this is the gig economy. We are, we are a person to, we're it, we're a market.

It's succession. It's succession. It's happening. Saliva and adrenaline, fuckleheads, buckle up. Okay, so, for four pounds, which, you know, that's a, that's not even a full hot chocolate from Café Nero. And I say that because I only get the fancy ones in large. So it's more than four pounds.

For that, you can get ad-free episodes. Oh my God. Which is good. Because our adverts are pre-rope sometimes. Sometimes it says, you know, we all know, you know what we're trying to say here. And sometimes it's somebody else's advert and you don't want that. There was a monk who wrote a book who is on our adverts for quite a long time. We can't hear them.

I don't know if that is apparent to you all listening. So we actually don't know always what goes in there. And then recently our live recording a bunch of you, perhaps you're listening, you were very, very lovely. But you all sang me a tune that comes up on the advert so regularly. And then I saw in your eyes that you were like, why aren't you singing along? And I was like, I'm so sorry, I don't know what this is. So you don't have to hear that song anymore. So that's something.

What else do you get? Discounts and slash or early access to live show. Show tickets. Oh, yes. So if our discount is £4. Oh, you're making money here. You're making money. You're actually, we're paying you. We're paying you here. And then third thing that you get with it is a nice, warm, delicious feeling of showing your support for Nobody Panic. Oh, thank you. That's very kind. Can you put a price on that? I don't know if you can. Yes, £4 a month. Four pounds a month. It's four pounds a month. Important thing to say about Petron, if you cease liking us, if you don't care. You don't care. care for it if you run out of coppers and well you might you can cancel at any time. So that is just always a thing to bear in mind in case you're like, I'm trapped in a Ponzi scheme with these two podcasters. I don't want to be here. You can always leave. Stevie, what is the next and therefore final of the levels? And again, early adopters. There might be more in the future. Maybe this model won't work. Maybe it will. We're not sure. Have we based it on anything else we've

seen that has worked in other people's podcasts? No. We've based it on succession. Okay, here we go. This is a million pounds a month and it's the fucklehead level. You buy us a house. No? Okay, no. And in exchange, we make you the CEO of our podcast.

Love that. You just swan around. You just swan around. You can be it if you want. Honestly, if you want to give us a million pounds, there's almost no limit to the amount of stuff we'll do. Yeah, we actually should have had a third level, which is just, a fucklehead level, succession level.

See? For a million pounds of a month, anything. I will, it is bad, I will do anything for a million pounds a month.

You heard it here first. Tweet is that Nobody Panic Pod. If you've got any suggestions for what you would like me to do for that money, I'll tell you, I'm doing it.

I'm considering sending a man for some pictures of my feet for, he was going to pay me 10 grand. Are you going to do it? I asked my boyfriend and he said, yeah, do it. So I was like,

right, because it is now just down to me. I've just got to decide whether I have any self-worth. The answer, is no and I'm probably going to do it. 10 grand? Yeah. It's just whether he does it or not.

I think he probably won't and I think I'll send him pictures of my fee. He won't give me the money and then a man's just got a picture of my foot. That's not bad, is it? No, it's not that bad. Right. I'm coming in as Jerry here. I'm going to be the middle man and I'm liaising with him directly and we'll take half the money up front, one foot.

Maybe he wants the other month. We're not, we're sending the picture but blurry until he pays up. Okay, amazing. We're not just sending the picture. I just have a feeling he's going to go, but could you put the foot on your bare tip? something and I'd be like, oh, no, I think the thing with the feet community is it is just the

feet. So I think it is too, yeah. So anyway, I'm going to manage your career from this point onwards. Thank you. And that is a very long winded way of saying that level two, if you want to go, if you want to really support us is called How to Make Us Doff our Caps. And that will be a monthly donation of 10 pounds a month. And each month we will both doff our caps to you. That's all you get. No. So, of course, you get ad-free episode. You get discounts and also early access to live show tickets and the nice warm feeling of showing your support. You get those three things, obviously. Standard. Standard. That's in. That's bank. That's in the bank. Banked it. Then you also get, which is, I'm very excited about this, an extra bonus monthly Q&A episode where me and Tessa, my good friend Tessa here, we answer your questions, we give advice. It's only for patron to subscribers. So it's basically like an episode. purely for you guys. And you get to dictate what we talk about.

And we will try to help you as much as we can. We'll use our own meandering experience, but also actual hot tips. These can be so specific. They can be about your job. They can be stuff that we couldn't cover on the podcast because sometimes people write to us within, and God bless you, that lovely boy who wrote in about his smashed window

and specifically how we should fix it. He just smashed a window and wanted us to tell them all to fix it. And he told his housemates, The other housemates were googling it and he was like, I know what I'll do, I listened to this podcast. These girls all know what to do. We didn't know. Concerning that he listened to the podcast

and thought we would know what to do, considering we didn't have to load a dishwasher, we've never put up shelf in my life. We gave a good go answering his question. But we can't do that sort of thing on the podcast because everyone else listening is like, who the hell is this for? This is what the Q&A is all about.

We want your very specific questions. We want to be talking to you directly. We want to hear it. We're given the answers. Okay, what's next TV? An exclusive, patient only, nobody panic, tote bag. Oh my God. We are branching into merch.

Merch, merch, merch, merch, merch, merch, merch, merch, merch, merch, merch, merch. Which is such an ad-deme about. I love merch. Do you? Yes, as well you know, I love merch. And it's perfectly possible. I've got some other, not to be like a little, not to be an absolute merch tease here, but I have some other merch vibes in the bag, in the tote bag.

And it's possible that I will keep the merch coming, you know. Yeah, I think when we say, A, it's an exclusive patron and a no depended tick bag. What we mean is merch. Because basically, there might be a hat. There might be a notebook. There might be other stuff. If you're getting, if you are supporting us 10 pounds a month,

then you will be getting access to Tess's hot merch that comes out of her mind, her mind fountain of merch. Oh, you will definitely get a personal note because I've just made very elaborate envelopes. Amazing. Work smart, not hard, but I've just learned from succession as well. Really like maximise your time. I've made these really dumb envelopes

and they are to go out with the book. Hello, you buy the book for God's sake. But you can also, we've got too many of them so you'll also get one of those from us. Oh my God, this is shaping up to be a good level. Also, I do think as well, both levels, as we mentioned at the start, you also will have access

us in the sense that you'll be able to give us suggestions of how you think we can improve the levels if you're like, that's, that's, what, I mean you 10 months for a towback. Yes. And also, you get a whole free episode. And the Q&A, the free episode. It's excellent. No one else, no one else can hear that. No. But what I'm saying is, you know, if you have any ideas for extra patron things that we could, because obviously, you know, we would love to do a million things, but, you know, you can't. But there are, there are, there are a lot, you know, this is just that what's come out of our brains. It'd be great to have, you know, your input on that and we will like tessa says definitely listen so to become a nobody panic patron or patron or patron go to the show notes and we've got a link in there also go to our

twitter at nobody panic pod it's plastered all over there also plastered all over my social media which is instagram and twitter is at steviem the sysa 5 tessa at tessa coates at wheat pray love why is that i'm not going to answer. We pray love is Instagram. Tesla Coates is Twitter. And you'll find the link there. And yeah, thank you so much in advance. And if you can't, that's all right. Just have a lovely week.

We understand. But if you can, even if it's only for a little bit, we'd be unbelievably grateful. We really love making this for you. And we'd really love to be able to continue. So if you would consider it, thank you ever so much indeed. And otherwise, we'll see you next week for the absolute, the run of the mill,

the schmuck episodes. episode, yes. The peasant episodes. Yes. See you next Tuesday for the peasant episode. See you there. Can't wait. Bye.