Nobody Panic - How to Take a Compliment

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

You look lovely today. ....Thank you. See? Not so hard is it? Why is accepting a compliment such agony, why do we curl up like a shrimp the moment someone is nice to us. Why do we insist on shouting 'OH THIS I GOT IT IN A BIN I HATE IT' if anyone so much as looks at our new dress. Stevie and Tessa wrestle with the big ideas and then practice complimenting each other. This is a really good episode. ....Thank you. Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded by Naomi Parnell and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Why, Tessa, you're looking a radiant today. Thank you.

Right. Stevie, I've always been an admirer of your work, and I think you've really progressed. Christ. It's very nice, actually. Thank you. So this is an episode which I actually felt like we've done, but we haven't. And it's because we interviewed a lovely friend of the podcast,

amazing author of really good actually, Monica Heise. And we were saying about how great her book was, and she dissolved into a small goo potlid. Yeah, she really did. But before she got goo, she also went the tightest I've ever seen a human body go. Yeah. And she had been so confident, calm, assured Canadian, even talking about how uptight British people are.

Absolutely. A number of times, bitch. Racking us out for our bad behaviour and our upper lip and whatnot. And then the compliments came. I wouldn't even say too many of them. Just one, I'd say maybe. Just one. You've written a good book.

We thought, books are all right, isn't it? And her whole, she went, and then she said, have you done how to take a compliment? Yeah. And we went, yeah. And we know, we haven't. And so we're like, my goodness, we must, we must, we simply must talk about it. Because I think it's such an incredibly hard thing.

We deflect and we say, oh, no, oh gosh, it was, oh no, it's nothing. It's, it was this, or I, we love to say, oh, we got it in sale. Like, don't, don't say it's nice. You do, you do this a lot. Oh. How would you describe that for the audio listeners? The audio listeners, it's sort of, so you, we'll all do it together if you're not in public, or if you are, you hunch your shoulders forward, you hunch your neck forward, you bend,

bend your elbows, palms forward, so your palms are sort of either side of your cheeks, you waggle them and then you go sort of sideways and shake your head and go, oh, no, oh, I'm sorry. It's very similar to a woman who sometimes says, oh, I don't want to be a bother. I mean, and that is your phrase. I know, that's your catchphrase, yeah, absolutely. That's me, my favorite catchphrase, no, no, I don't want to be a bother. And I got this from bed. Oh, God, no, oh, it's nothing.

Or you will, if you don't do that, which I feel like you have, that's a more, that's an easier thing for you to go, I'm not going to do, I'm not going to crunch into a little ball and go, oh no, I'll very confidently accept the compliment, but you will go, thank you. And then you will confidently say something ridiculous about how you came to own it. Or if not that, you'll go, thank you. But these boots are made of twine. And like, and you will immediately self-deprecate. Which is actually fine. because that doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. Because I can't take compliments either, so I just go like, oh, yeah. And when you give someone a compliment and they don't take it, you feel bad that you've said the compliment. Whereas deflecting doesn't make the other person feel bad. So that's the step up. But it does mean that the compliment doesn't permeate your soul. So the criticism does and compliments don't.

And you only get in the criticism, you know? You're so right. Somebody said, I looked nice the other day at a do. And as in I'd brush my hair and I had... You don't know already. You've not even told us the compliment. I know. You haven't brushed just...

You probably didn't brush your hair for a lot. No, I did. I did. I had tried. I had tried. Great. You brush your hair, put on and I think, you just look nice. I did. I thought I also looked nice. Yes, great. And they said, you look nice. And I said, thank you. I looked like an old rat earlier. So I had to do this.

Yes, yes. I said, I saw myself in the lift and I looked like an old goblin. And I was like, why have I done that? Why have I done that? Why can I just say thanks? Thanks. You also look nice. you know

and if they did but if they didn't then just go thanks thanks and nothing that's maybe it isn't it it's hard just to say thanks and then silence and then what

and then what let's get in guys but before we do that Stevie what's your adult thing this week my adult thing is that I so about I'd say

seven months ago I was like I'm going to start getting bikini waxes again I hadn't done it for four years and it was, I think, one of the most traumatic things I've ever. The amount of, it's just a lot going on.

It was very painful. I felt so silly. The woman said, well, it's obviously been quite a long time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She put, this happened once before, but it happened again. She put a foot up on the thing as if she was about to start sort of like, I don't know, stripping some tiles or something. And I was like, this can't be how it is every, this can't,

people can't do this every six weeks. And she said, no, you have to keep doing it regularly. And then it becomes much easier because the hair growth becomes more sparse. My skin becomes as sensitive. And I was like, okay. So I thought, okay, well, I'm going to do four every six weeks just to get this out the way. And I went back. And when I went back, I was fine.

But my body had a trauma response, which was I sweated and I was shaking. And so then they had to bring another woman in. Apparently there's one woman. She prides herself on doing it. She's in 10 minutes. And she's in three goes. So you get strip on one side, strip on the other side, probably your butthole. I can't remember I was in some sort of fugue state.

And because she did the first one, and it was the entire right side in one go. I hadn't asked for everything off, but she did it. Well, everything's off. But all in one go with that amount was, it was so painful. I'm fucking bad. Yeah. And then she was like, well, this is it was quick. And then left.

And then when I came back. But you've only got one side done, like Two-Face from Batman. No, one-one. So she did one, one, and then went turnover. And I was like, I'm done already. But also, actually, I didn't even think that. I was like, all I could think was like,

I actually feel like I need to go to the doctors now. I don't know why. Or a church. I just want something really calm. It's so dramatic, isn't it? Yeah, and I just can think of it as well, like, why am I doing this? Because what was told to me as a child

that men and a woman has ripped all my pubes out now, and I've paid her, and I will tip her. I don't want someone doing this. Anyway, when I went back again, it was the same woman, and when I saw her, I was not sweating and shaking. Oh, no. Oh, God. And so when I was taking, because I was like, this is so weird.

And I was like, this is so weird. My hands are shaking. I mustn't have eaten. Oh, no, have eaten. Okay, this is so odd. And she came in and I was like, Willie the Pooh. I had my faf out and just a little t-shirt. And my hands were shaking.

And she was like, oh, gosh, you're sweating quite a lot. And I'd sweat through my t-shirt already. And I lay down and she was like, I don't think I can do it because you're sweating on your vagina. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, I think it's, I think maybe it's just, it was quite like a, And she was like, oh, I know. And she got the other woman in who does it in little increments.

And that was much better between like 40 minutes. And we had to have like three breaks because I started crying. And I'm so embarrassed because I'm 34. Anyway, went back, which I think is the adult thing that I went back the first time. Then I went back this third time and requested the nice incremental woman. Yes, great. We're talking half an hour. Only one crying break.

Went back because I'm going to Australia and I needed to... You need to be smooth like an otter. Smooth like an otter. Slick like a beaver. And I also got, I have this thing that I went to, when I was about 17, I went on holiday with my family and I had a bikini or a swimsuit. And it was pink and I haven't had really everything done and it just looked like a, I just had a faf out. So you could see through the bikini because I went to see through the moment it was wet. So I've got this fear of that all the time. So I was like, okay, that's a trauma. It's a trauma. That's a core memory trauma. Regardless of what I'd had, I didn't want everything off anyway, but we'd done it now.

So I was like, fine, for the pool. For the pool, for the times. I'll look like an otter's beaver. So I went back the fourth time, incremental woman. We're now down to the normal requisite 15 minutes, between 15 and 20 minutes. No crying breaks, didn't shake. Amazing. Had done three days ago.

And it was fine. Great. The adult thing is obviously difficult because I don't want to be like. The other thing is I got my wax done like an adult should. Because no, God, but I don't have time to unpack why I need to do that for my own psychological benefit. I've tried, I've given it a good decade of trying to not. And I just need, not everything off, but I do need to have regular waxes. Sometimes you've got to just be.

To feel comfortable. I don't know why. Firstly, the first time I ever got my wet legs wax, I mean, I was 25. And I, I thought it was being flayed. Yeah. All these skins can be, you look like you're going to see a skeleton. Yeah, honestly, I was like, I'm going to look down and they'll be bone. I was like, it'll be like, they're being Game of Thrones where his skin comes off.

I was like, Jesus Christ, what's this? And when I do my front bottom, I do feel like I have the founding fathers in the room with me, you know, or like I just a man, a Victorian man with a top hat. And I'm like, this is for you. Yeah. This is for you. Thank you. The fucking patriarchy.

But then when I attempt to, you know, be a Midwest poet and grow it all out. Right. then I think, who's this for now? Frieda Kahlo? Like, who am I doing this for? What's it for? Yeah, if I've been socialised from a young age to only feel comfortable

if I have a certain amount of business going down there, why not just do that rather than force myself to grow everything out and feel rotten all the time? Yeah, that's the thing. You feel, so it's like, what's for me? Yes. What's for me?

Happy medium. Gosh, yes. I just want to compliment you on being brave enough to carry on. That's the adult thing I think here is that you stuck with it. I went back. And not only that, but when you saw the lady,

you were like, you made a decision to be like, I'm going to ask for the thing that I need, which is the incremental woman. The incremental woman. Yeah, they do exist and you can ask for them. Yeah, and I have to. Maybe if you say, can I have an incremental woman? They won't know what you mean.

No. But you can shop around within the waxing. Yeah, and be brave enough to be like, this is what I need. Oh, yes, mine is the, we've been experiencing some torrential rain of late and by of late I mean some time ago I got caught in it on my bicycle and it was so unbelievably wet that I was actually like

I don't think I've ever been this physically wet in my clothes in my memory like this is outrageous and I had to go about my whole day and I was like I don't know what to do here but then I went into uniclo and I bought myself a new pair of leggings

and a new pair of nice socks and it wasn't that expensive but I was in a weird I have been feeling extremely frugal of late and I was like, well I don't I can't be spending money on good money on socks Yeah, yeah yeah yeah What am I? Barefoot

Yeah exactly, that's what I deserve And honestly, walking around these wet shoes I was like, this is what I deserve This is right and good And I, this is right and good for me Very wet and very sad And then honestly I put the new leggings on And the new socks

And I felt literally a million dollars And the change was so, enormous that I was like I wonder when the last time was that I allowed myself to buy new socks and then I was like this is pathetic like what is wrong with you just like have some have some fucking they're a necessity I don't understand if you're like that's how I bought a ball gown like or or a fascinator but a sock is such a because we're like oh they're boring and like they're such a basic need to have a nice sock on your foot yeah and I didn't and I got a good quality one as well and I was like oh my so nice and then I made a resolution to try to try to you know I'm so nice and then I made a resolution to try to and like take better care of myself. Yeah, buy socks. Is that, your adult thing is you bought a nice sock

and you want to continue that in other areas of your life. Just to be like, come on, come on, come on. Come on. Come on. Just come on. So if either of those speak to you, I just ask. I don't know what they will. Well done.

Well done. And I think you're really great. You are really great as well. I can tell you've got nice socks. I'm sure you can tell that I'm bald as a coot. drummer. Just sliding all over the chair. Okay.

Well done you. So, thank you. See, look, what I did there is I said, I actually went to move on and then was like, no, no, I will acknowledge the compliment and then gave you one back. And one of the issues is the main thing, I think we know, and I think we've mentioned before, is I think people do know, is that when you get a compliment, the biggest single, life-changing thing that I found is to say thank you. You don't go, oh, thank you. And then you say thank you to them in their eyes. Thank you so much. That's so, that's so kind. If it's about something

you've bought, you're wearing, you own, you can't, you are, it's actually really nice to go, thank you. Yeah, I love it. I bought it in this thing and I wanted one for a while. And I was like, you couldn't engage in it. Because as well, I think, well, I for most of my life, I've acted like when someone said they like something I'm wearing or have got on, I act like, oh, I can't possibly say that I like it because I've made it or something. Like, I've obviously woven this out of twine. Like, of course, you liked it and so you bought it so you can go like, it's a nice bag, isn't it? That is something. If it's about like a thing you've done or a thing that you've achieved, then it's, thank you so much. That's so nice to hear.

That's so kind. So I put my hand up. So my thing is to, so when I used to take a comment, I would literally turn away or like cover my entire bonding. So when I did the impression there of taking the compliment, I put one hand on my face as if like, oh my God, that's like, because that still looks like you're being like, God, what a lovely thing to say. No, it did not. Right. Okay. You're welcome. So you keep your hands down by your sides. I just, I just was very interested by it because it was such a, even though you were in the middle of the impression of this is

the way to do it was the way to do it yeah yeah yeah but yeah but like even though you were still like yes here I am

doing my best job even then it's a real compliment it was a hypothetical pretend compliment the thing they were compliment you on doesn't exist and even though you were still

you put your full hand like Phantom of the Opera she covered her entire eye and her whole thing and I think it's so instinctive your entire eye

And I think it's so instinctive, isn't it, to, like, protect yourself from the thing or to be, like, how vulgar to let any of this out. And so I think it's just about sort of, like, more big sigh. Sorry, no, I was thinking, God, I did. Yeah. I really feel like, I thought it's really interesting. You got to put both arms up in the air. Both arms up in the air.

Or if you, like, catch yourself and be like, I think, be aware of it. Finger guns. Be aware of it in yourself next time it happens to you to be like, okay, I remember the podcast. What did they, let me check my body language. Where are my hands? on my face? Where are there my arms crossed? Am I literally turning away from them

and my shoulders up and try and be like, bring the body language down? And I think there's absolutely no shame if you like the person who's complimenting you to be like, I just listen to this, I mean, slightly unhinged podcast

all about receiving a compliment and they were saying all about how you've got to check your body language and then saying, so I just caught myself there going to put my hands over my mouth or whatever. So I think it's okay to acknowledge it in the moment, maybe not every time to every person.

Yeah. It's so deep. in us that it's really, really hard to fight and it just means about being like conscious of it all the time of this like, thank you, full stop, really consider the next thing. Is it going to be something dismissive or default or to like say it wasn't really me? I didn't really do it or anything. Or can you just say, thank you. I really appreciate that. Yeah. What a lovely thing to say. Thank you so much. Yeah. And then you go, and then you walk away before you go, that you can feel the addition

the longer you're in the conversation the more you want to like do it down I did such a good job at a party recently so what literally I said what do you do and they said oh I'm actually starting a new job at TikTok on Monday when I was like oh wow like what are you going to do it with

TikTok and I honestly don't know and it's like I'm fed off like I'm so bored of people and they don't know I didn't think they're saying it because they don't want to be bored by talking about work on a weekend and I get that. But then obviously I'd open the doors and someone said, well, what do you do? And I was like, it's 2023. I'm doing my thing. I'm a comedian. And my friend who is with me made a little noise. And then afterwards, sorry, you might have noticed I made a small noise. You've literally never said to that in public. And I was like, no, I have not. Then I fucked it because then someone later on, when more drinks had happened was like, I think he's like a guy who's maybe like late 30s, not, I would say our typical nobody panic listener, guys in the late 30s, I hear you, I love you. I see you're valid, you're welcome.

You are in the minority. And he's like, actually, listen. So I'm embarrassing, sort of knew he were, I didn't want to say, but I really like the podcast. And then I lost it. I was like, oh, yeah, it's not really a thing. It's not real. I don't do it. I didn't say that, but I was like, oh, it's just, oh, yeah, well, I mean, I don't

know. Well, it's just a thing. And I honestly wasn't saying words. And I was, like, backing out of the room, hunched. And it was like, I'd taken all of my energy to just say my own job. title that when someone complimented me, I'd given all that I could give. And I did everything wrong. And it was, and I hated myself afterwards because it was like, just go, oh, that's so cool. Oh, great. Oh, yeah. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I really love doing it. That's all you got to say.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because you ruined their feeling, their nice feeling of going, oh, all right, I recognize something. And when someone gives you a compliment, whether you feel like the compliment, because sometimes you can get compliments where it's like, you just compliment someone and then they go, oh yeah, I like that. You're like, okay, you've just pointed at something that you've, you've just pointed at the first thing you've seen. Or you don't know somebody and they go, hey, oh, I love your hair. And you go, do you or are you just trying to make a connection? Doesn't matter.

They're trying to make a connection. Yeah, accept that connection. Because you're not accepting the compliment. You're accepting the person. It's not about what they're saying. But it also is about what they're saying, but you can deal with that and unpack that later, you know, if you've got trouble, actually, you know. I went to a wedding a couple of months ago in which I was a plus one. and they were on their second marriage

and a gorgeous older couple and I was going to introduce myself to the bridesmaids and I said oh hi I'm Tessa and then they went I know and they said we listen to the podcast and they did not know I was going to be there because why would they? But they said that as they were coming down the aisle

they were like Tessa from nobody Ponokers and the audience, the congregation and it was very lovely but I did fight through that instinct and I would say I went too far in the opposite direction. It was the best podcast that was ever bit... Yeah, that feels like...

No, I just was having such a nice time and it was actually a very lovely experience with that dinner. I was sort of telling a story and then they'd be like, you've said it! Or they'd be like, show the picture of where you made the wedding cake toppers

for your sister's wedding. And I'd be like, that is a good picture. They were really feeding me some absolute, you know... That's good. They would set me up. Those sorts of compliments are nice because...

And God bless you both. They're like solid compliments that... But you did a great job by not... Because that guy did not speak to me again about the podcast because I bent double and backed out the room while saying my podcast is shit. It's hard.

It's really hard. And I would say, like when we were complimenting Monica, you didn't want to carry on complimenting or indeed carry on talking to her. I was hurting her. Yeah. I was flying her. Physically hurting her.

So really just be like, okay, that's what it looks like on the outside. So I'm going to do my best to receive this. I think we sort of talked a little bit about it once, about being the center of attention on an episode, about what it's like to be that when you don't want to be there. And a friend of mine who is not a show off

and doesn't like the center of attention at her wedding was told by someone else who'd also been recently married. The phrase was, let yourself be celebrated. And she, again, took it too far. Crowdsurfing, screaming for adoration. But I think it's a nice thing to be like, if you stop being like, I don't want to look at me,

be like, well, they wish to celebrate you. They want, it's for them. And even though you're like, I don't want to be a bother, I don't want to make a scene, but like, well, they do. Like, they've watched your progress or what you come, or they think what you're wearing is amazing, or they want to congratulate you, or in Monica, we want to acknowledge the really hard work that she's done bringing this book.

We aren't just saying, oh, you've got all these lucky genetic traits. We're saying you put in two years of work to make something really cool, allow us to celebrate that with you. So I think if you sort of take the pressure off yourself, and like maybe for this guy saying about the podcast, be like, he would like to say, I appreciate and acknowledge and think what you do is cool.

So even though you're like, ugh, no, it's not. You have to be like, this is for you now. This is for you. And be like, okay,

what does this person need when they're giving this to me? Yeah. And also, when you receive a compliment, if you immediately then just like feel like you have to compliment the other person back,

that does come across disingenuous. Yeah. There's no way of getting around it. Do you have to acknowledge the compliment? There's a moment of acknowledgement of the compliment. And then the conversation can be moved on. Absolutely.

Obviously, when it happens and you're not expecting it, it's like at the party I was not expecting it. So I didn't do all the things that I know I should do. But if you know that you're bad at it, maybe it's like, you're like, okay, this week, if anyone compliments me, I'm going to practice. So it's in your brain before you go into stuff. Obviously that's quite intentional, maybe forced way to start off with.

But then once you've done it like at three, things and you've had like, that's happened like seven times, you will then just do it naturally and it'll become like a nice and it will feel nice to know that you've like mastered this thing that it's such an easy thing to just never think about. But it does, it will affect your social interactions like all the time. Constantly, especially if you've done well at work or got a new haircut or done anything that people are going to acknowledge or you're going to do when you know you're going be surrounded by whatever of compliments in any form. Like just to know to be like, this is what's going to happen and this is how I'm going

to take it in my stride and I'm not going to let every one of them be a surprise. So sometimes, of course, they will be a surprise because you didn't know you were going to, you know. Get ambushed by it. You didn't know about the old compliment ambush. But the more that you're sort of practiced and ready, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, I'm going to try it.

Can you compliment me? Okay. Let me think of a compliment. Oh, look at me. No, don't. I already, arms crossed. I think you've been a very good friend recently to lots of people more than you think. And I cry at you.

You did look for a moment. She did like she was going to cry. Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. Okay. That's good. And I wonder maybe actually if when you, like I, so I, the other day I saw, I caught the end of a work in progress show of Stevie's and like, what?

I mean, I'm going to cry. So I just got, she didn't know I was there and I caught the end of it at the bat. And I was so impressed, but not only was it very, very funny, but also like the whole demeanour and I know how much you've worked on being more confident on stage and all of this. And I was like, look at her go. I was so proud. And I sent her a message afterwards. And I felt when you responded, you weren't deflected or dismissive in any way. You were like, thank you for saying that.

And I appreciate it. You should have seen what I typed and then delete. Oh, no. But it's fine. Did you type and delete? Well, I was like, oh, silly. Oh, you saw that bit. well, you saw this bit that didn't work.

I was like, okay. And then I really was sort of, I did to just stop and acknowledge that like, I left and was like, I feel happy. I'm enjoying doing gigs now. And the gigs are going well. And I spent a long time like not enjoying them,

trying too hard, feeling really stressed, feeling upset, just not in my head. So then I was able to be like, no, this is actually, this is,

and it was so nice that you'd seen it because you were the only person, I think, and Liz are good friend Liz, a friend of the podcast, we were in a sketch group together, who actually, like, know, like, from when I started to, and have seen them the back behind, backstage, we try to cut everything and, like, feeling tense.

So I stopped myself because I was like, no, this is actually, like, a really nice compliment, and I think I've tried really hard, so, like, yeah, do. But that, thankfully, it was behind a screen, and I could type and delete, rather than, if you said it to me in real life, I think I would have just been, like, app is a shit by her.

So that's, Yeah. That's interesting. Mm. Mm. That's a lot. There's a lot to unpack here. As ever.

I just was, I just was thinking maybe when something, when you say about being a friend, I was like, thank you very much for acknowledging that. That I'm, maybe if you, maybe when there are things that you, if I said, like, maybe if there are things that feel more superficial or that you haven't tried about that you feel much more embarrassed to accept the, the thanks for it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But then like, you know, Monica did know she tried hard for the book. Yeah. And it's a good book. And what's she doing? Well, what we all doing? What are we all doing is the takeaway? It's very hard.

Okay, can you give me another one? Another compliment? Okay. Recently, your clothes match in a way that makes you look really cool. You look like very put together at all times. Even when you've arrived backwards on a bin, you actually look like you've got your life together. Mm-hmm. Okay. Do you want to describe me?

Is that you responding to the compliment? Do you want to describe me? Sorry, that was me. That was me. Oh, she's sucked both of her upper and lower lips in through her teeth. She looks a bit like Wallace from Wallace and from it. As if someone's glued to them and eyes very scared. These are things that spiral through my head as you were talking.

No? No. No. No. No. I look crazy. What, this? And then, oh, you only think that because that time I wore a jumpsuit so that match because my top and bottom were attached. And then you can't possibly mean that. And then I've come out here. Thank you very much. I really appreciate you saying that. So what you do is you like to narrate your thought process at the person. Well, yell described me. No, well, I think the thing is, but actually I had already got there

by the time you have finished talking. Yes, great. Then I obviously had to tell everybody what was going on inside my head. Absolutely. But I had actually managed to get, going into it with the knowledge of being like, no, this is what you do.

I did manage to get there by the end to say, thank you, I really appreciate that. And then I might add on the bit to say, I decided to really try in 2023. I'm excited that you'd already seen progress because I hadn't really begun, yet. But you had, because you got rid of all your mad smocks. Thank you. That was a while ago. Thank you for saying that. I don't think I haven't noticed you've stopped wearing four dresses

on top of each other. Thank you for saying that. It's true. You've got like a colour swatch and you like wear clothes that are the same and appropriate to the part of your body thing. You know, I'm just joke complimenting you. But it's also not a joke. No, that's the thing we've come a long way. Look, once, Stevie is referring at this time that I arrived with a dress and trousers, and when questioned, I was like... You had another dress on underneath it. Oh, yeah, so, two dresses.

The dress of, yeah. No, it's not. It's not 2003, and I'm not 14. Fine. But it was then you took it off and you had another dress underneath. It was the logic of being like, and when we're like, what are those trousers? Also, they were mass trousers. It was a thing at one point is, well, you had a dress on where you had like... being like, is that an extra neck hole?

And there's just a hole in the back of it because you hadn't done it up. But I faded out. In fact, I was just like, Tess is wearing a dresser has a huge hole in this an extra neck hole. And that was normal and fine. Wait, why hadn't I done it up? Because it didn't fit. I think I'd safety pinned it. There was a time when you would arrive in like things that were weren't clothes.

Yeah, no, they weren't clothes. But I was like, and then I'd say, but it's linen. Yes. But they were like, well, it's a size six. It doesn't fit you. And you'd be like, if you don't do up the zip, anything can fit. That was your motto. That was the motto.

And they were like, well, why have you bought, how have you bought that then? Thanks, thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. That felt very powerful. And then that's it. That's actually, that's all from me. That's all you do.

Goodbye. Bye. Yeah, well, then I was debating just whether it was an interesting conversation topic to carry on with it. And maybe it is and maybe it isn't. Sometimes it is. I think like that's the thing as well, you want to get away from it as soon as possible.

Should I say to you, would you like to discuss it more? No, I think you can launch in. So if I said that, and then, of, If someone said like, you look so put together and so like, you know, then you could say like, you already did it. You said this is my thing to work on in 2023 and I'm really pleased you've noticed my progress. Okay. And then I don't say, do you want to discuss it more?

You have to say that. Maybe you can just as well. You take social cues. If they're going, right, and they're talking about something else. And then you go like, sorry, can actually move it back to my matching clothes on my body. Then it's sort of gone too far. Yeah. All right.

So top line. Top line. Just one, just one sentence. One sentence. If you like... I really appreciate that. If you like, one sentence, discussing, not deflecting, just acknowledging... A headline. A headline. Yeah. Topline headline. Yeah. Why not?

Topline headline. And then you can see whether you want to move on or not. I'm really proud of you for being married. Oh wow. That's nice. Thank you. I actually really like it. I'm actually enjoying it more than I thought I would. But we've decided to call each other partners. Because for some reason, husband makes him sound too old. and wife I can't actually

I won't be engaging in that word okay love it when other people do do you want to discuss it more oh yeah see look so when the other so we're not the complimented the complimentee can say

and please expand on that yes yes right that does work so you get to the end of your top line raise your eyes to see if they would like to discuss it if they also raise their eyes then you say

are we discussing it more discussing it and then you both okay this is great yeah god this really opened up a whole branch of socialising

I didn't think I had. I love your rings. Oh my God, it's got too much. No, you're doing so well. I really like your rings. Thank you. It's had to change from silver to gold, and I really feel that gold is my metal.

We got it. And then you look to me, and I'm not interested in. I don't want to discuss it more. But your top line was really great. Yeah, I did the eyebrows, if anyone's not watching. I did the eyebrows. And Tessa, a really strong way of saying, no, I'm not just clamped down on our own lips to show me that we weren't talking about anymore.

And that's a helpful thing to do if you were at a party. That was to show you that you might want it to carry up. But then you've done the top line. I'm done. Thank you. I appreciate it. Top line. Eyes.

Eyes. Eyes. Nothing for me. Eyes down. For me, eyes down. So you know to be like, eyes down. And we move. Pretty helpful when you're complimenting someone to make sure that you don't accidentally look in their eyes after you're doing the compliment.

Because they might think to continue. So you have to give the compliment eyes away. No. No, no. Eyebrose down, eyes away. Give the comfort of an eyes down. No, I need to look to you. Yeah.

And I make this, no, I make this decision afterwards. You're in power. You've got the power that. And the complimentee, I'm in power. Final thing I was going to say is the more compliments you give, the better you'll be able to receive. Because you can look at how other people respond. And if you, not just focus on yourself, but like focus on how other people respond. And how that makes you feel, just like we were saying about friends who don't really respond well,

you feel a bit like, oh, and then you'll be, you'll be, you. less like you to do that yourself as well. So keep eyes open, head down, head up. Head up, mouth sharp. Mouth sharp. Expand. Expand. Yeah, have a practice today and compliment someone, see what they do and be like, someone who needs to listen to this podcast.

I think we wouldn't feel quite so passionately about it today. Have we not seen Monica's truly insane for physical reaction? For such a talented woman, such a confident woman. And that's the thing, I think a confident woman. If she was like that day to day, we'd be like, yeah. but to have literally shriveled before our eyes. And so it makes you be like, okay, what can I? Okay, so yeah, have a watch of someone else.

Make someone shrivel today if you can. Shrivel them up. Give up a compliment. Watch how it goes. And then take that into your own life. Off you go. You're doing really well. You're doing so well.

We're really proud of you. You've come a really long way. That is. I've been thinking for a while. Do we have a catchphrase of this podcast? And we don't. But I think you're doing so well is a real one. Yeah, that is really well.

You're doing so well. Maybe pop that on a hammer at some point for merch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing so well. Because that's the thing. Doesn't imply you're doing good. Oh, no, no. You're doing your best.

But you're doing, oh, you're doing so well. And you are doing so well. And your hair looks really good today. Well done. Well done. Bye-bye.