Nobody Panic - How to Talk to Your Teenager About Sex

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Inspired by a listener suggestion, Stevie and Tessa deep dive into the murky minefield of talking to your teenager about sex. AND WHAT A MINEFIELD IT IS. Obviously they haven't got teenagers, but they have been teenagers, and they have a couple of ideas.Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic.Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The date is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace. It's coming to London. True on Saturday the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. to nobody panic And me, Tessa. Hello, how are you? Don't answer that. Okay. Come on in. And we're just going to have a little chat.

For the birds in the peace. This episode is about talking to your teenagers about sex and sure. Some of you aren't even parents. Some of you are teenagers. And some of you are literally teenagers. So it's not the specific of a small number of you. but the general vibe is for everyone. This one is dedicated to a gorgeous couple

who came to one of our live shows. Such a gorgeous couple who I truly thought were on a first date had been married for 30 years. So nice. And I was chatting them after this day. It was so nice. And I truly was like, God bless you both for this. But coming to a first date to our podcast.

Yeah, good luck. But they were like, no, we've been married a really long time. And when I was like, was there anything you'd like to us to talk about? And they both sincerely were like, please could you do talking to your teenagers about sex? And in this particular case, the son, who I think was 15, has just got a girlfriend. The girlfriend is hanging out at home. That's a spicy age. It's spicy.

Oh, boy, it's spicy. And they are in the day, he's not staying, she's not staying in the night, but in the day, they are hanging out in his room. and the parents are finding trouble finding the line by being like keep the door open and then if the children are like why would we keep the door open are you going to be looking in and they're like well

just don't be doing anything and then everyone's voice gets more and more high pitched and I said god that is what a thorny topic to even begin going through and they said all we've managed to do so far is just say be careful and I was so struck by that because I was like great advice but what does it mean?

Just a parent just casually be like be careful you're like wear good shoes like wear a hard hat make sure I wear those knee protectors like what do you mean? So I thought there was a lot to discuss and even the thought I'm actually feeling very hot already really like to hear my adult thing of the week I'd really like to hear of the most adult thing you've done this week and mine is that my dad came to stay so that we could finally have this conversation no my dad came to stay too. listen I'd made some errors with a wardrobe And he's

What's what errors we're talking? Patreon time or are we going to? Yes, for the Patrions They're only the only ones allowed to hear into the DIY journey I'd overchewed I'd bit enough more than I could chew And I was like, I'm out of my depth here I've attempted to build a wardrobe

And let me tell you it's gone badly So my dad had come to help And prior to his arrival I had gone driven to the big Tesco's getting some snacks, bits, the milky likes, the tea he likes, you know, getting in the gear. And I'd driven there to the Big Test Goes to save money and I felt a million dollars. That was my adult thing. That's really good.

Thank you so much. However, several weeks after the event, I received my first traffic violation. It came in the post. That's quite adult as well. I know. It's going to end with a real adult thing, but this is the picture of me by a lot. waiting. Just in the middle of the road?

Just so in the middle of the road. And I'm going through those two things that very clearly say no cars. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing is that on my way home, I was like, that's... Tezra is so in the middle of the road. Just, you know...

And you can just see I'm going so slowly. It's a photograph, but you can just tell. It's like you've parked in the middle of the street. And then when you go online to type in your traffic violation number, there was a little video of it. I'm so slow. And I thought, well, that's just that's just... slow down but then a bicyclist goes but and like a sofa and then they also look back at me

and then they point at the sign at me so they even tried to tell me and i just was like and you can see me as well so close to the to the steering wheel and honestly god on the way home i remember thinking god there's absolutely no traffic this is a fantastic this is a fantastic route pedestrianized zone it's a pedestrianized zone yeah oh what an idiot but the adult thing was i just paid it great you didn't wait i didn't wait, I didn't, fanning around. I just, the moment I got it, I sat at my computer, I was like, done. But yeah, my thing was I just was like, because I knew myself and I was like, you'll put that on the window

because you're so cross on the window, you'll throw that out of the window, you'll put that on the mantel piece and be like, I'll deal with that later. So that was mine. So many facets to that story. So much going on. I'm so hard. Visual elements. Mine is, as ever, incredibly straightforward.

I was reading a book and then I realized I was reading it at arm's length so I could see the book. and I realised that because my wrist went dead because I was balancing the book on my wrist and I cut off the blood supply to my wrist and hand and then my partner, The Shadow, was like, why are you reading like that? And then I realised it was because,

well, I thought maybe it's my sight. Yes. And then I went to the get to the test and my eyes I've got worse. Oh no. But then I treated myself to some cool new glasses. It's a cool new look for me. It's sort of like gold.

I'm just going to curl up on this nook and read this book. They are beautiful. They're very shiny and lovely gold. You've done a really good job. And I specifically picked, I was looking at ones and I was like, oh, there's so many. It's overwhelming. And I was like, no, pair it down. What jewellery do you wear? Because see them as an accessory.

And I only wear gold jewelry. So there was like, I've got gold. This is so much wisdom. Really great wisdom. Because also there's only like two gold frames in the entire shop. So yeah, got it. You look so smart. Thank you.

welcome. You're welcome. And saying thank you is of course the number one tip for sexual intercourse. You must thank you. Or tip your hat, shake your hat, shake each of his hands. If verbal thank you does feel too informal, it does feel too informal, a doff of the cap. A doff of the cap. May I come in? Actually, no. May I start by asking you. Come in. Come in.

There's a little way. Here we go. You can just make sex a little bit more kind. So how did your parents speak to you about sex? I've had a little look into my memory bank and I've found nothing. Right. Absolutely nothing. That's great. We're going to cover the whole spectrum.

I don't have any recollection of my mum ever attempting it. That's very common. I think that's more common than not. My dad attempted it a few times. Good on Tom. Good on Tom. He abandoned ship. I do remember everybody wanted to hire this boat.

and have a big school party on this boat. And he was like, no, you're not, your Lord's to be having sex on this boat. And I was like, no one's having sex. Which unfortunately, unfortunately thing about my dad is he thought everyone was extremely virile. And what he actually had on his hands was an absolute virgin square. He didn't have any sex at all.

And so we were coming at it from two different angles. He also, my house, my room is in the very, very top in what used to be the attic. and my dad was sort of convinced that if there was a fire, I would be sort of trapped in this turret. So he made me a fire escape that was a rope tied onto the leg of the bed and then I was supposed to, and it was in a bag, and I was supposed to throw the bag out of the window and then abseil myself down the wall of the house.

And we had like a really sincere, not a practice, but a really sincere explanation of like how it was supposed to go. Yeah, I think best never practiced that. We didn't practice it, but that was his genuine suggestion. Yeah. But he revealed to me, in real sincerity about a year ago, that he was genuinely disappointed that I never used it to absentee. He truly thought, as a teenager, I would abselle past his window

and get on the back of the motorbike of my cool older lover. And I was like, you and me both, Dad. We both wanted that. We were just to be sort of living in footloose being like, you can't stop me, dad. And my dad being like, we both hope. I gave you the rope. I gave you the rope.

We're both desperate for this. And then I was just this fucking nerd. Anyway, so I remember he found these condoms in my backpack at Redding Festival, after Reading Festival. Not that he was going through myself. I imagine I had just thrown it into the, you know,

and everyone was like, where is that smell coming from? Anyway, there were these condoms in there and he was very much like, what are you doing? Not in a mean way, but he was like laughing.

And then I was like, they gave them out free. Like I'm not using them. So that, I think was my entire sexual education. Right. What have you got? I had like a full chat. Okay, fantastic. There was a book

called Where Do Babies Come From? Which was illustrated. And I do really enjoy the fact that so they, it goes sort of through the whole process of like, sort of like, a little, there's a little man and a little woman and they kind of are teenagers in the book and they like meet and they go like to the cinema. I will never forget it. They really enjoy. They're on a bench and they're kissing. And it says, on one page it says they really enjoy kissing and cuddling and when they get into bed they want to continue kissing and cuddling

and you open, turn around the page and suddenly it's a double page spread on top of each other cross section, penis going into the back. No! Like, it's been cut out from the waist down like a biology experiment. You're like, well, hang on, this lovely couple are just having a nice thing, what's going on now? So what was helpful, helpful things, got that information. just when people were sort of,

I think I was like, maybe like nine actually because I was still at primary school, maybe eight or nine. Got that information just when everyone at school was starting to be like saying the word fuck and saying like shagging, but not knowing what it was. And all the boys went through a weird phase. I think between, I'm going to say between nine and 15,

where they would just jump on each other's backs and pretend to sort of hump each other. I've asked around, it's not just my school. Okay. It was the thing. I think a lot of parents didn't speak to their parents. But we didn't have the internet. So I would go on in Carter and look up the word sex and be like,

ho-ho-ho-ho. We had was the, we had like Ms. and J-17 and these magazines that. Sex position of the week. And cringe factor infinity. And they were always at all. And then they're like, ask the agony aunt, Paige, are like, am I normal? Yes. And the thing was always like, yes, you're very normal.

Discharge is normal, a hair on your... Apart from that. Yeah, exactly. What's that? boob is normal. And so I do think, I do feel, in lots of ways that I think the internet is probably an extremely helpful resource, but also a healthcape. Yes. And I suppose yes, it does actually probably around the same age, sort of like, you're still in your single figures as a human being. I think that you get to a crossroads where it's like you start denying that your child

knows anything about it. So you'll be like, oh, they're too young and internet. Like they will know. Like I remember I definitely knew, but I didn't know. You know, there was like a weird point where I was like, well, I must have known what sex was because when my parent, when my mum chatted to me, it wasn't like it blew my mind. I was like, oh, I didn't know that or I didn't know this. And I was like, oh, God, she's going to talk to me about sex. I already knew the word. But I also kind of didn't really understand.

I remember other flashes as I got older of other talks we had based on things that were happening because she'd done that first one and she'd gone about it in a really like, I think this is the key. She made it so very clear that she wasn't embarrassed. Yes. And she asked me to ask questions. And so I asked loads of questions. A piece of advice that I found on the internet, which I think kind of I really, I benefited

from because mum did it, which is by Paulina Pinsky, who wrote, it doesn't have to be awkward dealing with relationships, consent, and other hard to talk about stuff, which is a book I would probably recommend. And introduce information in bite-sized chunks. In the same way you used to cut up your kids' food, offer them information bit by bit, and slowly over time, they will ingest everything that you want them to learn.

You don't want to overload them. Because the quintessential birds and the bees talk, as it's overwhelming for you, is actually very overwhelming for kids. And even though it would make you feel better to offload all that information, it won't go, and then never speak it about again, it might not be the best way for your kid to hear about it

and put a bed in. And I think that's crucial where it's like, so son, time to talk about vaj. It's like, oh, like, and penis. Yeah. Which is the other thing, we should talk about a range of things. Like, mum told me about gay people and told me about, like, lesbians. And back then, it was a bit, there wasn't as many, it wasn't as diverse, you know, she didn't know loads of stuff.

But that was something that was really helpful to me because then when I was younger, I was like, okay, that's a thing. I'm not that. But it didn't shock me or so I didn't find it funny or like, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, cool. I wonder if there are people that were gay in my class. And the mum was like, don't go around asking. I was like, okay.

Okay. Like, yeah, so, yeah, so the little bite size information. So then opens the door for the, you want, what you want is for your teenager to feel that they can like quietly ask you. If they get into a pickle, for example, for example, say if they're 18 and they get a condom stuck up them. For example, they could go to their parents, they can go to you and go like, I don't know what to do because it's Saturday morning. and the doctor's doesn't open until Monday will I die. That's, for example. No.

Yes. My mouth is a gog. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I think that, I think me and mum have to talk about it. Like, since then, and she's been like, I think she did say, she's like, that is, that's almost like, you know, when you do, like a, any test and you get your results back, she's like, that was my results that I'd pass the test. If you came to me with that, that shows that I'd made it. as comfortable as possible for you to.

It took a while for me to speak to her. I was like trying a lot and trying to sort out. Oh my gosh, Stevie. But now Google can help her. I didn't have Google back that. No, but even if you do have Jeeves. Get that little dog, the black dog, Lycos to go and fetch the information.

Fetch the gondom I began. Can you actually? Get that? It began like terror. Oh my God, you're so right. That is, oh, A-star. Well done her. That's so impressive.

I think I would just simply have died. Yes. I did leave it like overnight. I didn't sleep at all. I was like I was so frightened that I was going to die. So it was a lot of, you know. Yeah, you were like, this is this now. Yeah.

I think, and this is no shade on my parents, they were doing their best. Everyone's doing. But everyone's doing their best. That they definitely would say things like, you can always tell me anything. Yes. You must always tell the truth.

to your parents and you can always ask me anything but then you can't just say that and then not do any of the work to make a safe space yeah i'm sure they would have been very good had i asked any questions but they there wasn't this place of like let's start this dialogue it's very hard i think it's so hard to ask questions even if there has been a dialogue open so it's almost like without like subconsciously by you taking the steps to be uncomfortable but like move through it and speak to your teenager about sex. It's almost like subconsciously they appreciate how uncomfortable that is and they will meet you by being comfortable back.

And it allows for a much deeper and more even relationship than I think people realise. I think it kind of sort of then bleeds out to other areas of life where you're like, oh, I'd be comfortable asking them about anything. Because if you can talk about that, you really can talk about anything, I think. Yes. It's quite a good skill to learn for the parents early on

and for the kids to learn anyone because as we get older, life gets more and more complicated and then if you've talked about that, you can talk about other things. You talk about other things. You're absolutely right. And I think what you're saying about,

like, if you bring shame and embarrassment and an awkwardness to the party, then they'll meet you there. But if you bring a like, this is fine. We're just chatting. We're just cookie guys, chatting about stuff.

going to be like, we're just cookie guys. Start talking about stuff. If maybe you see things on the telly or in a TV show that you're watching together and be like... Yeah, explain it rather than mute it. Yeah, be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had to go and sit on the stairs

during any sexy thing in the... Greece was one. I didn't understand the plot of Greece until about a year ago. And I was like, oh, she gets pregnant! Grease is a hard one to get your head around. Grease is... But I think anything if you can, like, yeah, any stuff that's happening in the movie

is to be like, this is this. this is, you know, what this is happening. Don't shy away from it. Do explain about all different types of people and there's so many resources that you can like just get your kid like or your teenager or whatever like a book that you feel will kind of do the further reading for you. A memory has surfaced. Oh my God. An Usborn book did return from a car boot sale. There we go. Yes. Which we were handed like the Bible. Yes. And be like, and now go to your room and do the private reading.

Do your private reading. Yeah. And now come to me with any questions. I think both of them were just laughing so much about it. It was just this like, I was like, we're laughing, but I'm not totally sure why we're laughing. And when this is it? And what is it? And definitely that level of like prudish shame is something of, as you well know,

have taken through the entire of my life. And no shade on them. They're doing their best. How do you feel about mum to daughter or whatever, you know, things are much more complex than that? but like how do you feel that should be there? I feel like it doesn't matter. And also now we're moving past a sort of like binary son or a daughter. It almost feels like, yeah.

And also we sort of get, it's that stereotype, isn't it? That like the dad won't want to say anything. And like, come on, son. And I think that actually perpetuates this idea that you can't, it can't be open. It has to be like. So I think I feel like. I think it's pretty damaging to be. like, well, the father must take his son on the hunting trip.

Because then if there isn't a father figure in your life or there isn't, then you're like, well, like, who will do it? You're like, everyone should be doing it. Dad would talk to me about periods. And that was clearly something that mum or like, both of them had been like, we should both discuss. So it's not like, well, because what if, you know, mum's away and something happens. And like, well, I can't talk to dad. I'd rather die.

Yes, exactly. Exactly. So, but he obviously felt more comfortable to talk about that. Or he would, like, get me Saturdays or towels or whatever. And that was like very much a, this is cool. Don't worry. It's not disgusting. So then I grew up, I suppose, which is quite helpful, not thinking the constant thing, which is like men find periods disgusting. So it was quite shocked when some guys were like, oh, you're in a period. I'd be like, what's wrong with you? Thinking they're weird, which was quite helpful. That's so fantastic. Yeah. That's wonderful. I didn't know whether they did that on purpose, but that was quite a helpful thing. I think my sort of beginning of my journey to feminism begins in year five or six when we have our first like sex thing at school. And the book, We had it separately, boys and girls. And when they were like, I was like,

they were like, yes, we haven't even begun, what's your question? I was like, why have the boys got in a different room? Yeah. And then they were like, well, they're going to learn about things for boys. I want to learn about things. I think, and I think everyone should learn all the things, so we all know. Yeah. Because otherwise what's, otherwise their stuff is all this like spooky mystery.

And then I also have this spooky mystery. A wet dream. And then I'm like, I'd like to know more about the wet dream, please. When's that's going to happen? You know, so it was like, if everyone does it together, then we've all got all of the information, rather than having to wait for somebody there to reveal the stuff. I think, as with so many things we talk about, it's always like, just communicate, but like, find that way to be like, this is, I think, I guess you have to do a bit of personal work yourself before the conversation begins.

But like, what's my personal shame about sex? Like, what do I, what am I bringing here? And I guess if you're the parent, you're like, I'm physically repulsed by the fact that my child is doing this, that they have like an interior life that is separate to me, but also that something that I've raised and carried in my womb. And it was a baby is now boning. Got a boning people. And even people, you know, anybody that you've known all your life,

that you've known as a small child that you consider to be a baby, to then come to you to be like, I'm having sex, you're like, I don't think so. Yeah, probably stop that. You're busy with a play group. Don't do that. So it's like, you've got to do all that work of being like, okay let's you know they're allowed this is what I signed up for in parenting it's like raising something all its way all its way to to completion this is just part of this journey and it isn't

shameful it's it's it's cool and it's and it's amazing human thing that everyone has going to go through and you can't sort of delay it all the Disney movies are about a parent basically being like don't do that trying to delay that's my daughter that's my daughter you have to stay locked in the house delaying them from the real world and every single one of them is about the child escaping. So that's all you're sort of setting up for. Yeah, they're going to go, they're going to become, and also as well, like, they're going to make more mistakes

because they don't know. They don't know. But also, I don't know, because now internet, like a conversation about consent, things like that, that's actually quite a good, helpful way in to talking about sex. Because you, rather than be like, we're going to have a conversation about sex. It's like, we're going to talk about consent. And, like, you can, you don't have to give to, deliver a monologue. You can ask them like, so at school, you know, have, have your teachers

talked about consent? Like, have they talked about consent in sex? Like, have they, and then if they haven't, or they go like, oh, there was a lesson where they said, there's like, you know, asking about it. And then you're having a discussion about the topic. And then you can talk about sex, other elements of sex, but off the back of the, there's a legitimate reason you're talking about it. There's a lot that when we were growing up, that wasn't even part of the sex conversation at all. And a series like sex education and stuff like that, like what as a parent,

like that's a really good show, watch that. And if you think that it's something that's suitable for your kid, like, like, you know, show them. Like,

there are TV shows and stuff that are on books that are less about like, sex education is great because it's not like, here is all lessons about sex, but every episode deals with a different aspect of sex, isn't it? That almost like, And yes, okay, it'd be nice if you watch it together, but you might want to die and your kid might want to die, so that's fine.

But we're cresting through the want to die bit. Yeah. Just to be like... You can like wander in and out and just be like, oh, this is a good episode. Oh, yeah, that bit. And if there's anything, like, you know, if you bringing a bit of yourself to the table and being like, I found this really difficult to get my head around or, you know,

this is still an ongoing thing that people are, you know, it's like a, rather than be like, this is how it is. and now we're done, I think is a really, because also there's one topic that is, I think, the most difficult to talk about, which is like, masturbating. Like, my parents didn't quite manage to get there, and, which is fine.

But, oh my God, you want to know the worst thing ever? So, when the internet did... My face is like turning in on yourself. Yeah, yeah, this is bad. Can I just... Sorry, one tiny pause before we get into what I imagine it's going to be a horrendous story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do think maybe, I'm just practicing myself, that maybe you do need to a little practice. in the mirror of your poker face. Absolutely. Oh, 100%. So that when they reveal something, you go, okay.

Oh, right. Okay. Interesting. Rather than, Ah! Oh, no. Super insight. Yeah.

So you and your partner, maybe, or if you've got a friend or whoever, have a little practice together, revealing terrible things, and you going, okay. Wow. Okay, yeah, no problem. Because I think that's a huge thing

is to say something that you are ashamed of or you've like, or a question, and to look into the person that you're coming to for authority and guidance and respect face and to see that they're saying this is no problem. But if you look at them and they're gripping the table.

They pissed themselves. Okay, so you're going to tell me this now and I'm just going to take it absolutely. I'm 13. Okay. We've got a family computer. Yep. It's the dawn of the internet.

I've been experiencing, you know, conversations with friends, being aware of, the parents boys talking about it more. And been like, oh, I wonder what this is. Oh, I wonder what this is. Been asking Jeeves some things. Yeah.

Getting very good at clearing the internet history. Well done. I didn't learn that until I got five from a job. Jesus. Thought, okay, well, I want to retain this, but I don't want it to be on the computer. When you say this, what do you mean? It'll become very clear. Okay.

Printed out what I will describe as information and techniques. for masturbation Left it in the printer Okay, that's okay That's okay Came down for the attic Mom holding the sheet A sheaf

Going, I think this is I think this is yours Me going No it's not It's not! It's fine It is, don't worry Me going Oh God, it's disgusting

I just want you to know what it is But it's disgusting And I'm not going to do any of them Her going It's fine if you do Don't worry Just wanted to pop Because you're a sister

to my I've picked up, who's four, or whatever. I take up to my room. I sit up there for, I think, four weeks

and just don't come down. We never speak about it again. But, crucially, she didn't shout at me. No. She didn't go like, oh, what are you doing leaving

isn't the printer? It's disgusting. She didn't also say, hey, let's chat about one king, because that is too far, I think. Or not.

And once the horrible embarrassment was over, again, deep subconscious thing of like it still wasn't presented to me as I've done anything wrong. And she always said over and over again, there's nothing wrong with asking questions and looking things up. There's nothing wrong with asking questions looking at.

I think she even said it there. And we've talked about it in the, in the like future. And she remembers it and was like, yeah, that was all. That was a good chat when I went to see. See, see if he's Googling, wanking. So I was like, okay. And we're like,

how'd you just don't wanking into G's? No, no, no. I'd use masturbation. because I didn't know what the word meant. What is masturbation? And it started with what is. And it was like, and it was like female version.

It was like, oh my God. And there was all these like long, like badly made websites where they'd like describe it. I'm like, Jesus Christ, I wasn't there yet at all.

But I was just like, people had talked about it in school. And I was like, you know, I want to know what it is. I'm going to print this off. Printed it off. Why don't you take it with you?

Obviously something had happened. I'd been like, oh, distracted. And just left it in the printer. Absolutely terrified. Maybe you'd actually only did two copies or something. That's what we like to think. No, but you didn't.

You printed off wanking and then just left it. I just left it there in a family computer. Oh my God. So like, but again, you know, she didn't sit down in the talk and be like, and this could go to go fuller points of all the things, but that was maybe three years later. And then it was like,

it's okay to ask questions? Don't worry. Reassure it, I could hear her like as I was like running upstairs, but I'm sorry! She was like, don't worry! Don't worry! So then now it's fine. but like obviously now it's fine because I'm 35

but like yes once the it's so but like it's so you can't ever get away from it being embarrassing like it will just be embarrassing it will yeah but you will move past it and even when it's embarrassing as long as you maintain like it's okay to ask questions don't worry you're fine like

when I told my mum about the condom thing her face was just like oh oh gosh okay okay and then we and then it was just practical business And it was nice because it was like, okay, because I don't know what to do, so you're helping, I'm fine. I had a bath, popped out. Did it? Yeah.

Rose like a water balloon. Thank God. But right, it's that fate. It's that like, okay, okay, I've got someone pregnant. Okay. Okay. We're going to sort this. Okay.

We're a team. Because they will not come to you again. Yeah. If you go, A-Bee! Yeah. They'll never come to you. If you sow even one seed of shame, not to panic you, but there's never, it's never getting rid of it. And if you do see something, like the thing, it could have been so easy for your

to have been like, I'll just, won't have a bit. I'll shred it. I'll shred that. I'll burn it in the garden. It would be so, if you burnt it and then you gone down and you were like, oh my God, where is it? And it wasn't there. And no one mentions it in the house. That's awful.

Yeah. Like, that's so much more damage of being like, we'll just pretend. Oh, man, and my. You just got to fight through. You just got to talk it out. You've got to be like, listen, I have seen this thing. I've seen what you've done there. Not to worry.

Let's talk about it. Let's not pretend we both haven't. Yeah. Because we have. I've seen you Google. your search history, you've seen you googling this stuff. You've done this. Pokerface, cresting through,

dealing with that internal shame yourself, so you're not bringing that to your child, having this, not this like, one big day, off on the fishing trip to talk about it. It's just like, hey, we're just, it's coming up all the time. It's coming up at dinner. It's coming up when we're watching the telly.

It's coming up anytime, you know, you can ask them lots of questions about things that you might not understand about all these different words and things and identities and stuff that's happening and be like, hey, tell me about that. That's interesting. In my day, this, you know?

And I think if you're concerned as well it might be to return to these lovely, lovely parents who I hope we have been of some help to, that their main concern is the be careful aspects, of course, pregnancy, a huge concern. Do obviously get to that one, but make sure it's part of a whole other, like, healthy discussion of like, is everyone having fun? Is everyone having a good time? Do you have condoms? Do you have condoms? And if not, let's get some.

Yeah, let's get some. Let's buy some. Let's make sure they're in the house and accessible. and this is a talking thing and also to be like, in the fruit bowl. But also if you don't have to be this like, I'm a cool mom. If you're like, I'm not comfortable with you having intercourse yet, maybe that's something you could hold off on. Yes.

Till graduation. Till you're married or whenever or. But also I think if you say, don't do it in my house, they are teenagers. And if they do want to do it, they will find a way. Life like teenagers will find a way to have sex. I mean, life will literally find a way. They're not just like being gross, like they're fighting every biological urge

evolved over millions and millions of years. You don't stand a chance. Yeah. So don't stand their way. Just help be there. Help it not be there with them. Be there in the room. Be there with the room.

Film it. Offering a condom. Just being lots of fun. And I think if your concern is like, oh, that's such a cringe parent to be to be this like, I'm a cool mom. I think err on that side of it, if that's your anxiety.

to her and be that much you know. In sex education, the mom who is the, I think the Gillian Anson character is like that. Yeah. So, so open about sex, like to the point where it's just too much. It's too much. There is a balance. Yeah, but if you're too concerned about being her, you'll never quite hit there. And I think it makes people feel.

So I had so much shame about so many things. And then met a woman who, somebody who was so good about everything about her body. And she had started her periods very young when she was at primary school. and somebody's mom then had come in and met her at the gate heard that she started her periods and said my darling congratulations and it wasn't this like oh no it was this like congratulations and I was like oh my god this thing is going to happen regardless it's just how you mentally frame it and just pivot your way from being like

this is awful to be like this is wonderful yeah and then you're and then everything's achievable everything's achievable oh lord relax those shoulders relax those shoulders guys I hope that would helpful. Thank you so much for asking us to tackle that. That was really fun and I hope it was helpful. And anyone listening, we're at Nobody PanicPod on Twitter. If you have any other suggestions, DM us or the email address is... Nobody Panicpodcast at gmail.com. It is. Correct. And if you would like to become a Patreon, sign up at patreon.com slash nobody panic. And see you next week. Everybody. Bye-bye.