Nobody Panic - How to Wash Your Face

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

And why not? Stevie and Tessa tackle this listener request on the correct procedure for washing your face. Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded by Naomi Parnell and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. What? And me, Stevie, and the gentle pitter-patter of a little bit of Piper.

Piper is here. She may just, you may just hear a little claws clicking on the floor. You may hear her chewing, you may hear her sneezing. So just so you know that will be happening. It's ambience, it's immersive, it's here, it's raw, it's present. It's nobody panic. It's dog. It's dog.

It's dog. Welcome to the episode, you look dirty. Your face looks dirty. Your face looks filthy. If I might say so myself. So the reason we're doing this episode, which is how to wash your face, is because it was actually a suggestion via email.

And maybe about two years ago, I would have been like, I don't know if that will sustain an entire episode. Now I'm like, yeah, I will. Yeah, absolutely it will. We basically, as ever, I have to say, we're not experts on anything. Least of all hygiene.

Least of all. It's an interesting one, isn't it, washing your face? I mean, I'm really, I mean, I mean, that sincerely. So I, just as a little intro to this, which we will be going, I would say, much deeper into this later on after we do our adult thing of the week. Last night, me and Ted's talking about what we should do today in the record, I said, oh, someone said how to wash your face, which I will say now, Jessica Morgan. Hello, hello, please could you do an episode on how to wash your face? It's like a minefield of snake oil salesman.

How are we supposed to know what to actually do and what is absolutely nothing? I absolutely love the pod. My sister and I regularly shout, why must the women suffer at each other? Yes. That's what we should have on the merch. Thank you so much, Jess. So, yeah, read that, said to Tessa,

oh, should we do how to wash your face? Tessa, just very boldly, replies, I've never washed my face. Bold, bold, isn't it? Very bold. But also, true. Okay. True.

I've never washed my face. And we'll unpack in further detail. Yeah, I think we must. A memory has surfaced. When I said at the beginning, your face is dirty, which I just meant flippantly to begin into the episode. I've cleansed my face twice this morning. I remembered that when we were in year two, we were sat on the carpet with Miss Holland. And we were discussing water saving, presumably.

Of course. Year two. You know when you really came home in year two quite aggressively and told your parents, like they had to turn off the tap while they were brushing their teeth? There was an advert where the tap water did something in. The fish died outside. Yeah, so it was from Sesame Street. Yes.

And he was running the tap and the fish's water was just going down directly outside. Yeah. And that image was just like scorched into our brains. So that was, you're too. And Miss Holland was saying, our teacher, you know, you have a shower, then you do this. Maybe you have a couple of drinks of water. And then in the evening, washing your face, what's that? A couple of sinkfuls of water.

That was her like. That's quite a lot. Yeah. Right? For one face. Right? And two full. sinkfuls of water, but she was just naming the amounts of water in the day. Yes. And remember

her got to this, and I guess the whole room of children were like, two whole sinkfuls of water. And then Sarah, God bless her, wherever she is, I hope she's well, said, I don't wash my face. And Miss Holland said, you don't wash your face? And I really feel like a number of us in the room were all like, no, but now that you've jacques, none of it's going to say anything. And then Miss Holland said, you dirty, dirty girl, isn't that horrid? Oh, that's so horrible. I mean, but I remember, I mean, she didn't say it mean, like, like, she's made her sound a bit like Miss What's the Chops from Annie, Miss Trunchbull or the other one, orphanage owner, Trunch Bull, you know. And she was a nice lady and I think she meant it just quite to be a joke like, oh, you're dirty, like, you're dirty girl, but still I was like, it's scorched into my memory from however, you know, we were seven or eight. Also, when at that age, you sort of don't like cleanse, do you?

No, who's not doing two full, separate sinkfuls? No. Because we were children. Yeah. I don't know how my face gets through the day. because if I was having a lot of makeup, I might put some, like, baby oil or bio oil just, like, directly on my skin

and just wipe it off a bit. An oil cleanse? Great, an oil cleanse. But, like, I don't do a routine when we were, like, teenagers, you know, that, like, witch hazel thing. Oh, my God, everyone was obsessed with witch hazel. And it was like, it's the most sensitive thing in the world.

And everyone was doing it. It's like, well, obviously, I want to be part of this to be friends with all the girls who were doing their five-step routine. And then at a sleepover, I tried it. And my face just went like, p-p-p-o. And, like, swelled up. immediately and my eyes were like streaming and I was like this is the price why must the women suffer this is what it is to be a woman so I tried it for a bit and my face just broke out immediately

and was like so red and I was just like I'm stopping this I'm stopping this yeah that mine was the in my school it was the simple three-step routine simple plan on the moisturised and moisturised and yeah nothing really happened except from I just got like a sort of an open sore on my cheek I was like well I suppose this is this is what we're all aiming for this is it is it yeah the wound the gaping wound the sore tone the sore and then moisterise the sore. Moistrize the sore. Terrible.

But also, yeah, there's a real difference, I suppose, between, like, washing your face and, like, having a routine. And I suppose it's the same thing as that's the year where I was like, oh, I must do my mascara and my foundation. And I was really like, whereas you, we've talked about makeup before, you were kind of like, you didn't really do that stuff. So if you've not got makeup on your face as a child, you don't really need to do a cleansing three-step routine.

And also, you tried one, it ripped your face off. And you were like, well, I'm not going to do that again. Yeah. Okay, well, before we plunge into it, should we do the our adult thing of the week? Or should we just keep going on? If we plunge our head straight into the icy box, our second sink full of water, Miss Holland. My adult thing of the week is that I have discovered what the bar on the bus is for. You know in the area that's like for wheelchairs and push chairs and bits and standing.

Yeah. It's like a bar. And it is for holding. Of course. But it is also, if you have a pulley suitcase with a handle, if you place that to the back and you then pull up the handle, it will go, good a lot. It will go up and behind the bar.

And then it's held in place. I can't believe that. Right. But doesn't it like a view, like, wee! And like the wheels go up? Or does it just, I suppose it doesn't, does it? Does the wheels go up? It can't because the back of it is in and then the bar is above.

held in in a straight line. It can't... How did you find this out? Did you just, like, have an experiment? No, I would never, ever have experimented with that. I've been holding this information since December, Stevie. Really? Yeah.

Ready to tell you. And it's actually been, I've been like shaking every day thinking, I forgot to tell us to talk about the bar on the bus. I was on the bullet train in Japan. Of course. And this lovely Japanese train steward. Sure. Took my bag off me because there wasn't,

and like led it away. And I was like, of course. I was honestly like, that's gone now and that's right. She's just like so calmly and politely like took it off me. We did not share any common language together. She wheeled it for a bit, this like area where the bar was and then she just clip-clot and then she put the thing down. She clipped-clops. Clip-clops. She went, click-click, put the bar down that she'd wield it with. Then she put it to the back and then she pulled up the thing and then it was trapped underneath the bar. And honestly, I went like this. Oh my God.

Like that. And that did transcend the language barrier. She understood that. I was like, I just couldn't believe it. And I remember gesturing at it and being like, that's what, and she was like, yes, yes, that's what that was for. I was like, I just couldn't believe it. And now every time I get on the bus, whether I need to do it or not, if I mean, if I've got the suitcase with me. I was going to say, you can't really do that without the suitcase.

I just, I've been travelling with a suitcase to show it off. And a few times out of the corner of my eye, I have seen people be like, oh my God. Yeah, that's, that's why you do it. You do it to sort of show, to spread the word. Sometimes times I do look around and no one's giving me the time. a day. Because they all knew. They're all regular buscowers. I just don't think big people if people do know. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, I feel incredible every time I do it and I feel very glad to give you this information. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. Mine's very simple. I could at Itzu

quite a lot, you know, when they slash their prices. Oh, in the last half hour. Yeah. Certainly. Some of them don't do that and that's really frustrating. Really? And I've been hanging around and they've just closed and I've been like a night where's a fucking nightmare. It's who's basically like sushi and I say it's an Asian Pan Asian I would say more lunch foods isn't it it's more like boxes of sushi

and then you can get these like the hot bowls of noodle soup I A very recently just was like can I have a the hot noodle soup place which I've never had before

blew my fucking mind and was like I've gone to Ittsu quite regularly for I'd say 10 years and I've never like gone beyond the sushi boxes What are Steve? I'm an idiot So I had it and was like, this is a taste sensation.

Then I tried some miso soup, which I've never had before. It was like, this is even better than I could have ever imagined. And it's so cheap. Anyway, then I was in Tesco, and I was trying to think of a simple dinner for myself. You know where it's going. It's also miso paste. And I had some tofu at home. I didn't have any of the seaweed, the dried seaweed, unfortunately.

So it's not true miso soup. But I looked up a thing, and it sort of said like a simple miso kind of noodle soup, made it for myself, did it in maybe, took me like 10 minutes. At it, I'm a new woman. Wow. I'm a new woman. It's now what I eat. You know, I'm very close to, I've got a mason jar, a glass jar. I'm very close to meal prepping noodles and stir fry veg and stuff in a mason jar. I'm very close to it. I haven't got that yet.

Wow. Wow. Thank you. Okay, washing of the face. Please. Now, let us wash ourselves. Let us wash ourselves. May I say, a sort of the overarching bit of advice that I have, which is, I think it was the same for the makeup, but it works even more for the cleansing situation. As somebody who loves, sort of the opposite view,

loves products on the face, loves trying the new thing, not anymore, but did for a long time when I was a teenager and I could only go down the market and just buy the worst shit to put on my, human shit to put on my face. all around looking like ghost face from Scream for quite a long time. A lot of coal eyeliner and then white foundation.

No eyebrows, no lips. That was what we did in my day. No one else was doing it, sure. Apart from ghostface. But then when I got a job and I was working in like the beauty online journalism bit for like, I only did it for like a year. There was cupboards full of stuff. We'd get all the like, you know, the new Eve Saint-Laure.

Front cleanser or like, you know, Armani and all this ridiculous stuff. One, I still have some products from that cupboard. You must throw them away because that is 10 years. I love them still. I have the Mac Cinderella collaboration blusher. And it's in a little Cinderella blue, shiny. I'll never throw it away. It was very clear when things came in which ones I would pass to you.

No adult woman will ever use it. Pop that to one side. I'm enchanted. It looks like a shell. Tessa will like it. And I did. And I keep them still. Well, that's good.

Because I remember there was like a really nice pretty brush and you just brush your face with it. Yeah. I feel I love to be a lovely lady. Yeah. I want to join in. Yeah, you did. That was very much clear. You wanted to join in.

But yeah, I was so into all that stuff. And so I've tried, I'm not going to say, I've tried everything. But I've tried basically like most types of cleansers. And there's probably about 400. And all that, like, I remember there was a real teetree boom in the early noughties for spots. It's like, it'll dry. your spots out, you know, like, and toothpaste on the spot on the lot. And when I was growing up, my mum would wash her face with acqueous cream and she would also moisturise with, I think she actually

check, like, which Hazel was one of them, but now she moisturises with, I've got a wrong to one, so I'll talk about that later. But like, really, just like, really simple. And I was always like, I'm going to do a 17-step thing, actually, because I'm a, I'm a lady. And mum, you know, has got this kind of quite basic, boring acquies cream, like, the packaging's rubbish. Having tried everything, I've discovered that the aquis cream thing, for me personally, is the best thing to use. It's the easiest thing. And I use the aqua scream.

And then there's the ordinary, which is like a very cheap but very good brand. Have this squaline oil. It's like 100% squaline oil. And it's really moisturizing. And I just put that on my face as a moisturiser. I don't tone. But also at the same time,

there'll be added things that I might be like, I still like to be like, oh, what's that hyeluronic acid? I'll pop that on, some retinol, I'll just pop that on and sort of play around with that. But like the basics basically don't change. Sorry, no, please. No, that was absolutely. All that's going to finish with that is you can experiment with the most, basically all of the beauty media just want you to buy their new cleanser that they've come up with.

It's a cream, but it turns into a foam, or it's a foam that is also a powder. And they're just trying to sell you stuff. And so they will make you feel like you have to buy and you have to do, but you're, you really don't, and everybody probably has a really simple thing. Like, you don't wash your face and you've got incredible skin. I did have, like, hormonal acne for a long time. Tried everything. Nothing cleared it up until I went on the pill and that cleared it up.

And then everyone was like, what do you use? And I was like, I use hormones. Yeah. Well, that's the thing, isn't it? Like, it's, you see these adverts all the time of women being like, like, look, like, this is me before. And this is me two months later. And it's like, all I'm using is this cream.

It's like, and Botox. And fillets. And some, like, that's a... And Photoshop. And Photoshop. Like, that's not a cream. No. Like, you can't, it, you really sold this thing of, like, you put the stuff on.

And it's like, if you can put the stuff on, you'll feel 5% nicer. But if you really need the stuff changing, like, the hormonal acne, it's like, ain't no amount of witch hazel in the world going to do stuff that's like a chemical thing inside you. Yeah. That's like, that's your body reacting something like, there's nothing you can, there's nothing you can do about it? You can't cleanse your, um...

Your pituitary gland. Yes, you can't cleanse your pituitary gland, can you? Amen. Thank you. Well, you can. What's that you're saying? Turns out. We're actually valid.

I just say, what's that you say? What's that? What's that? What's that? Fair, fair. But you can cleanse your pituitary ground with various medications. Just with simple three-step. Yeah.

Or with your diet or with all of this stuff. But it's inside you. It's inside you, mate. There's no amount of cleanser that's going to help. I get this guy. He comes up. Your chin. My chin.

There is a one spot right in the direct medicine. of my chin. I've never seen it before. Well, he only comes up, he's, he's the first bit of the army who comes out to be like, the vanguard in like a medieval. The horn trumpet blow up. Yeah, it's the horn trumpet blow up. Oh, as in the vanguard, in the film, and they're all stood up in a line, loads of them. Yeah. And then one man goes across, down, up and down the line with like a flag and a trumpet going

while the other hand does the speech. Do you mean that? No. But imagine they're all stood in a line, right? Sorry, I've not done as many wars as you'd think. Okay, so they're all stood in a line waiting to go, all the cavalry, and then one small group of riders ride out initially. I understand. And they're probably, yeah, they're probably not going to make it, let's be honest. Yes.

But they're a sort of initial, like... God, it feels like a very bad tactic. They're just... Terrible. Yeah, well, you have to volunteer to be in the vanguard, and it's in a way of being like, you're not going to make it. I would personally just never volunteer for that. Could I thought we'd be talking about this in a cleanser episode.

I think this is the vanguard of my period. Oh, okay. Ah, yes. I've probably got one here or here. That's mine. Yeah. I've got two. And there's nothing to be done about it. It's just like, oh, there it is. And there's no amount of like cleanse it is done. It's there. And he's there. And he's done. And he's there. And he's done. And he's done. And he's done. And then I'm ready to go. And then I'll be like, oh, then my period arrives. Oh, yes. Right. I read something. And I think this is true. I think this is true. Great. It's a fact I'm about to say. But yeah, hormonal actually tends to be chin and like sort of around the mouth. outfit here, doesn't it? That's the hormone. That's when you can kind of tell it's hormonal. I know people have like real battles with all different types of acne and that kind of stuff is, well, the cleanse is going to be different. You're going to be doing a whole different ballgame. And we're sort of just, I suppose, talking about kind of general skin-based things.

Yeah. And I think if you are a teenager dealing with, or whatever age you are, but if this is your, if you still are of the belief that one of those creams out there is going to be able to fix acne that's like that sort of, that you feel is ruining your life and you're like, if I, I'll just find the cream. Like the crew, you're not going to find it. This needs to be like, let's go to the doctors for this now. Like, let's, you know, and so don't let, don't let the marketing spiel or the before and after photos or any of this stuff, you know, and also don't be feel bad that you're like, oh, I did think it was going to work. So of course you did. I still think that. And I've been, I've known it wasn't going to work for years. I'm considering signing up to

an Instagram advert for face yoga, you know? Wow. What's that like, downward dog of the nose? Yeah. basically, yes, but it's a woman in half profile and you just see her over six months just get progressively, progressively tighter double chin. And I was like, yeah, I'm in. You know, it's very hard. Of course we get got. We get got. But so if you are, if you are being like, they're going to tell me how to get rid of these spots, but like if it's really a real, real concern for you, it's probably something that a medical professional needs to look at and it's

probably an internal thing, not an external thing. For total beginners, could you explain to us what the differences between the cleanse tone and moisturising of the simple step plan? What is a, what is a cleanser? The cleansed tone and moisturises, cleansing is actually like a soap for your face, just removes all the stuff. Okay. Removes like any, and so like in the morning, you mentioned it, morning, evening. Morning is for all the kind of the sweat and bits of bed that are stuck to you, I imagine. Okay.

And then evening is makeup, or if you don't have makeup, it's like pollution or just anything. The bits of bed, you know. It's bad, bits of, yeah. Grass, twigs, bits of tree. Yeah, could be. And building. Yeah. And the amount of times in the evening I'll go to bed and I'll be like, what's that?

And it'll be a twig in my head. And I'll be like, I haven't even been in a tree. Like, how's that got in there? I don't think that's like a universal experience. But I do understand that it's your experience. So now. And toning is meant to tighten. Tony's meant to kind of like, it's like an astringentment to like tighten your paws.

this is the problem is whenever you read about anything, you can find a very compelling argument for the complete opposite. So there's stuff on here that's like you don't need to like cavemen and cleanse their face. And you're like, yeah, but I bet they looked rough as shit. So, I don't know. But like they all, the first thing to go, I remember the first moment that I realized that hang on, the articles I'm reading in like Bliss magazine might not be 100% accurate. Because in Bliss magazine it said, I remember when Toning was like,

Tony's not a thing. You don't need to tone. Just go cleanse and moisturise. And then the same issue of Bliss's rival. And I can't remember what it was called Bloss said like... It was called Bloss. No, I'm joking. Of course it's not called Bloss. You're just saying things with such confidence and accuracy. Oh, how does that feel? Okay. Silb. There we go. Bliss backwards. Oh, nice. Your face. I was literally right, right? It's called Silb. I was just like, yeah. You're leading me. down the garden path. Blizz's rival and I got both did a special episode about how important toning was

and that was the same month and it was like, I have no idea. So I sort of toned a bit just to keep both the parties happy. And there are certain things that like, you know, like pores are a big thing so then people like, there's lots of like, you know, cleansers that are meant to kind of like,

like help with your pores but your pores make your skin breathe. If you didn't have pores, then you would, your skin, I don't know what your skin would do, but it wouldn't be good. And so basically what I'm saying is there's no accurate answer. I can't go through and go like, this is what a cleanser will do. You should cleanse Tessa, because if you've not been cleansing and you've just been, do you just like put water on your face sometimes? So remember you told me a flannel? No, never use a flannel. I hate them. Like I don't, oh,

yeah, yeah. Wow. I don't like a flannel. I really don't like a flannel. What about like a little round, reusable pad things that people... Oh, yeah. Sorry, so okay. I understand. No, well, because we mustn't use wet wipes, of course. No. They go into the sewer and create a fat bird.

They're illegal. They're illegal. Well, that's that done. Now they have to be biodegradable. So all the wipes are biodegradable. But they're still not good because what you're meant to do is you're meant to... Everyone goes, never use wipes. Because it just pushes the dirt around your face.

But if you... Like, I was in Norfolk recently, they didn't bring my cleanser. And I didn't have any makeup on, but I did have, like, sun cream on every... day and also I was on a beach. So I basically had a sand face. And so I bought some biodegradable cleansing wives and you just have to use like four of them. Because you can't basically, what people would do is they'd use one and they just cleanse their whole face and just move. It like kind of gets filled up with all your shit and you just move the shit around your face.

So you just use quite a lot of them. But anyway, sorry, go on. No, no, no. I was just, you know, I'm learning. I couldn't be, I couldn't be learning more. It's quite expensive way to cleanse your face, I'd say. Sure. I think I have a little bit. I know some people have it so terribly, that thing where you're a bit phobic about cotton wool. Oh my God, I have that very badly. So like, yeah, when people would pull... Pulled on wool apart. And then people would be like, my teeth.

And you'd be like, yeah, you're right, it's nowhere near your teeth. But it does feel like it's touching your teeth. But it could be in there. And if it was, that would not be nice. Maybe it would be nice. And that's such an irrational thing to be like, well, yeah, you could say that about anything. Yeah.

You could look at literally anything and be like, that would be bad on my teeth. Be like, oh, yeah, loads of things would be bad on your teeth. Yeah. So I don't like that. I don't know why I don't like a. flannel, like it just feels too, again, it's similar the toweling on your face. So I would just wash it in the shower, I guess, a bit. But then, of course, your famous model friend and or Instagram influencer. Not my as Liz's, but I'm obsessed with it. And who is she an actress? I think she's

an actress from Australia. Okay. She's in, she was in Neighbors or she's in Neighbors. Okay, so we've famous actresses. I don't know her at all. Our friend knows her and showed us, this was in 2015. Right, but she, the things, they lodged into the core memory. And you're like, really do. I think about it every time I go in the shower and she showed us an Instagram caption of her going through her like she was like just for transparency yes people ask me about my great skin

but you know I do work really hard to keep it like this and she listed things and what they're all things like my clients blah about and the most important one that stuck out to all of us was and of course I never put my face in the shower and all of us were like why? Of course. Of course.

What does that do? What do you mean? I was Googling and I couldn't find any, and it turns out it's just like hot water opens your paws or something. And then if you put hot, so then if you do hot water, so there's like a hot oil cleansing type of cleansing. And someone did it to me when I was doing a job the other day. And I had loads of like, you know, like clan, clang, like TV makeup on, which is like polyfill and grouting. And then I just, I was like, can you take it off? Because I didn't have a good enough cleanser.

Actually, there's boiling, like, is that a good temperature? I was like, ah! I imagine some sound. They're like, yes, it is. And then my entire face was scarlet. And then she's like,

obviously, splash your face with cold water to now close the paws. I was like, what, like my face is like a flower opening and closing. Well, that's okay. So,

um, um, yes. Okay, so first, point one from glamour magazine. Okay. So say,

never use hot water to wash your face. Use lukewarm or cold water to properly cleanse. Hot water is no friend to you. What is this written? you and your skin but not to you either so never wash your face and this is the thing

this is what all the information is is relentless like never so never wash your face in the shower hot water, saunas and steaming the face can cause dilation of the blood vessels

and breakage of delicate tissue however Paul Newman famously famous beauty journalist famous beauty journalist and hot man hot man and salad dressing enthusiast

dead of course dead of course Paul Newman I love his salad dressing. When questioned in the 70s about his makeup routine, said that every morning he puts his face in a bowl of hot water. Okay, interesting. Yeah.

Or possibly just over it. I thought it was ice. No, wait for it. So it's over. Wait for it. Wait for it. I'm so sorry. I actually weirdly watched the porn documentary two nights ago.

Did he mention this? Yes. It's so weird. That is weird. Please go on. Please go on. Okay. So he, well, did you see him do it?

Right. So I think it is either into. No. he didn't in the documentary because he's dead of course and no one filmed him doing his cleansing so that we're fine a loss

a loss to the history and the beauty books okay so I think it is like putting your face over a steaming bowl like when you have a cold so he would do that for five minutes then straight away

it plunge his whole face into the ice water now you know why he did that why to open and to close no no because he was an alcoholic and he drank about six vodka Martinez a night and when he was filming, his face was so swollen, he had to shock his face

into looking normal. But probably did open and close his paws as well, but I'd say don't do that. Right. Okay. The only thing we can take home from this, Jessica Morgan. Six Martinez is too much. It's six martinis is too much. God bless Paul Newman, but all the, never do this, glamour magazine, but all this stuff that people are saying, you know, I'm like, at some point along the way, Paul Newman, when asked why he was plunging his face into a bowl of ice water every day was saying to cleanse and tone my pores. And we were all like, right, okay, great, that's a piece of information. We'll keep forever. All of this is just smoke and mirrors. And everyone's skin is so incredibly personal. And all of these, like, you must, you mustn't,

you know, here's two of us sat at the table. Me being like, I've literally never washed my face in my life and I'm afraid of flannels. I mean, like, everyone's getting through the day. You know, like you, I think everyone's face, their hormones, their skin type, their genetics, like everything is so personal. Yeah. So to take any advice from me, And I know things aren't as bad as they used to be, but God, when we came of age, they were just endlessly shouting, do this, don't do that, you must. Well, it's worse now because now there's like, there's actually like 40 different cleansers. And also I think, so I think the best thing to do, also, right, so genuine practical tip is

it takes your, like, if you're going to try something, try it for about a month. So that's when you will be able to get a good idea of how it's affecting your face. Because your face is often apparently, but who knows, like lagging a couple of weeks behind. So that's why sometimes if you have quite like a, for example, if I have like drank clothes one week, about two weeks later, I'll get some spots. Yes. And at the time you'll wake up that same and be like, oh my God, smashed it. Yes. But actually, your skin's cooking up some business. The body keeps the score, but the body is quite slow. Yeah. It's slow to mark up the results.

Yeah. People often stop too early in that, in that mantra, don't they? Yeah. They listen to the whole sentence. The body is slow. So obviously, yeah, I'm not going to list all of the different types of cleanses. I'd like to hear so. I mean, okay, so you've got your gel cleansers, which are clear. They've got a gel consistency. They're very good at, like, decongesting clogged pores, removing oil.

You've got your cream cleanses, which is the one you kind of sound. Like, that's the one that kind of often, you know, they're very sort of luscious, luxurious, thick, often white, and then you put them all on, and then you wash it all off, watch it off, double cleansing that you're meant to do. So some people do, like, a cream cleanser or an oil, based cleanser, followed by a water-based cleanser, and then you start, like, basically getting into maths. And so, yeah, you've got a foam cleanser, which is in between gel and cream, which makes them great for combination skin types. I've got combination skin, didn't work for me.

So, again, pointless. Oil cleanser. If you've got oily skin, you might never, ever want to use oil cleansers, but actually, apparently, it's quite helpful because it means it helps your body to regulate the oil. Does it? We don't know. Like, it depends on, like, what, what you read, clay cleanses. The only one that I think is quite useful for everyone to like, like, a starting cleanser. If you're like, I don't cleanse my face, so, like, I don't think you should, but like, if you were like, if you wanted something for when you are doing a job or you've got makeup on, and you're like, I just do want to take it off. And the baby oil, it's actually a perfect way to take off eye makeup and stuff, baby oil apparently. But like, if you wanted something else,

my cellar cleanser, which is M-I-C-E-L-L-A-R, you get like a Garnier one. You can get like cheap ones. And they're basically, you just put them directly onto like paper or... Cottonwall unfortunately or something. So actually, yeah, you'd hate that. And you just wipe clean and you can just splash your face with water. They're like the most simple ones. Like they're probably the least offensive cleansers. But like, again, I think the best thing to do is if you're like, should I be doing this? Try stuff and give it a month. And if it's annoying, for example, lots of people have said to me that I'd really benefit from the hotcloth oil cleansing. I tried it. I can't be fucked with it because you've got to like reuse all the pads and reagles of stuff. It takes ages. What happens is I have all my little like hot cloth towels. I do it and then all the hot cloths are dirty and then I'm like, great. And then they just sit there for a month and I just feel bad about myself. I go back to my normal acris cream. And then maybe so like every three months I do a hot cloth cleanse. And it's like, it's pointless. And I don't like it. I don't like the hot on my face. So I shouldn't do it because it's,

it's not having enough of a benefit for me to not have a nice time every night and feel guilty when I look at my dirty cloths. Amen. I think if any way you're using. I think if any way you're using the word should into the sentence, then that's a... It's balls. Then just don't. Just don't. But if you are, I would love to find a better way of doing this. Yeah.

Then explore, but with one foot outside the door, you know? Always. And take your time with the exploration. Don't keep mixing up, like Stevie says, let's give everything a month. Yeah, give it a month. And also, like, only change your cleanser. If you're like, my skin feels tight. Like, I've got...

I feel it feels tight or it feels like uncomfy. Or you're like, it's taking a long time. to get the makeup off or, like, only change your cleansing if it's not feeling nice and it's not working. Because you know what will feel nice. Like, I know when I use something and it's like, like you said, your face goes all red and you swallow up a bit or it just feels wrong. And you go, well, this is doing no pain, no gain. Yeah. Like, that's not how we should be looking at our faces. It should be no pain. And what really are we gaining? Just some cleansing. It's okay. Yeah. even from glamour magazine.co.uk, even in the year of our Lord, 2023, they're still using phrase

as like, always spend 60 seconds cleansing. Ensure you always take at least 60 seconds. It's a lot longer than you think. So set a timer. I mean, okay. You're saying a timer for cleansing. I think you've just got to get a life in some senses. Is this a great, like, if you are like, yeah, I would like to do that and I take joy from it. Go ahead. But I think it's this way. We're constantly being like, You've got to do this. You've got to do this. And increasingly, you know, listen, we live in late stage capitalism. These girls have got to secure the bag where you can.

But like there are so many people making money online on Instagram from telling, you know, when they are themselves filled with fillers and stuff and whatnot. And, you know, like Kylie Jenner being out there being like, my lips look like this because of this. And so it's like, does it feel nice? Yes. And then you're like, is it just the lipstick, Kylie? You know, and so it's like these aren't, these aren't fair things to be.

experiment with your cleansers. Use what makes your skin feel nice. Whatever you're doing is, if it feels nice, then it's right. Yes, definitely. You don't have to worry that you're breaking any of the skin rules. But if you do wish to try some things out, do but gently. Gently, give it a month. Give everything a month.

Try some stuff. Please do, actually. No, because every face is different. Because every face, don't you dare tell us. If you do, I will kick off. Don't you dare tell us. Every face is different. So whatever works for you person, fantastic.

Keep it to yourself. Keep it to yourself because you can't help anyone only yourself. Right. Goodbye. Goodbye.