Nobody Panic - How to Write a Greetings Card

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

Dear Listener, crap at writing greetings cards? End up putting something really generic or banging on for ages about nothing? Panic and freeze and end up not giving it to the person because what you��ve written is borderline feral? Stevie and Tessa have some top tips to get you through the blank page fear. Big love, NP x Subscribe to the Nobody Panic Patreon at patreon.com/nobodypanicWant to support Nobody Panic? You can make a one-off donation at https://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanicRecorded and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. It. Exclamation mark.

Good luck. Two exclamation marks made into a smiley face. Yes. A start of a sentence that then is crossed out and then you haven't thought of anything else. So then you just go, love from Stevie. Good one. See you around. Where?

I guess. I guess. This year has been big. And the next one? I imagine. Even bigger. Even bigger. Or smaller, if you like.

Welcome to Nobody Panic. We're doing how to write a greetings card today. I'm Stevie and Tessa is right there. But it was her birthday last week and I wrote her a greetings card and sort of had a bit of a breakdown about it. So then we thought, what a perfect. What a perfect episode. It's just been handed to me.

I loved it so much. I'd also like to tell everyone what I received. One exquisite pair of scissors, which had a lovely plastic protective case on them. So I could carry them home in the back. And what did I do with the scissors? I immediately sniped that in half. So that was a mistake.

They're sort of blue. They're a bit like a bird and they have a little tassel on them. I love them very much. They're my favourite shade of blue and they're so business. I think about having a pair of scissors I need to put them down

because you'll be like, I should cut my own hair. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. I wish I've not given you scissors. I do too in many ways. Yeah, I love them. One of those things

that you just have some scissors in your house and they're always just boring. It's like, well, why? Well, why? Why? Not me. And an exquisite notebook that, oh, It's got like a beautiful, almost like a Japanese woodprint on the front.

Oh, in fact, did it. Oh. Fullio's. A lacquered writing books from Japan, 1860 to 1870. And it's so beautiful in gold. And then Stevie said, I was to write in it immediately and not to save it for precious. Because she said, all my thoughts were precious. There we go.

Oh, look at that. And then we got off with each other. And then we snogged. And it was great. And then this is what brings us to the episode today. It was a beautiful card. It says, long may you run with like a long distance runner. The reference to your marathons.

A methods to my marathons, which I love. And then Piper has written me a little message, so that's a sort of viral scribble. It says, Piper says hello. Then there's a cartoon of Dr. Alison Parker, and it says, oh, I'd have written a better card. Does that say that? Yes, it does say that, correct. I'd have written a way better card. Very sassy there from Dr. Asson.

She's very sassy. I could have written the perfect card, and she would have said that. My handwriting is very poor, so I'm sorry that you may be able to read it. It's a beautiful, back yourself. Happy Birthday Pallison Caps. May you run in a metaphorical sense. And then, oh, so other than necessarily doing more marathons, unless you want to. Always keep it open in case you want to do more marathons.

I will support it. A pleasure to be a work colleague. All these years of not panicking. But ironically, I am panicking writing this card. God bless you and also America, Stevie. Yes. Always good to get America in. That is having a hard time as a country.

Good luck to them, I say. I say, good luck to them. And yes. So that's kind of how all cards I write. to go. And me too. You sort of end up, not you, one sort of, I sort of end up either just doing nothing and happy bed and then it's like, well, I might as well not got one. So I will give a bit of a go. You know, I'll, I'll bring some kind of, you know, personality to it. And then I just end up having a breakdown and then the card just becomes all about me and like, rather than what

we will discuss, which is like thinking of things about the person. But before we go into it, I'm excited for this. Me too. Shall we do our most adult thing we've done this week, which is what We do every week to make ourselves feel better about our piece of shit lives. I'm joking. What's the most out of thing we've done this week? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Mine is I returned to Rigby and Pella. Jesus.

This is like episode two of like the debrief podcast seven years ago. I know. And I actually haven't been back. You left. I left out of respect. Or the queen. The queen. Genuinely.

No. Yes. Wait, let's take it back. Rig bean pellet, beautiful lingerie place that you have said, Tessor said for years when we were very broke, and I'd be like, I hate bras and I never know what bra to wear. I found my one now, but like for years, like I didn't find my bra. Like I went to like triumph and Bravo or Bravo.

And like a heavy set woman, quite aggressive with a tape measure. Yeah. It's sort of aggressively measure you. And you're like, oh God, this feels. And it tells you like your size you've never heard of. Never heard of it. So that you can only buy it in their shop. you're an 18 jumbo and you're like oh right and Tesla was like you simply go to rugby in Pella

you spend and at the time it was an amount that I actually couldn't even imagine spending at all ever but actually it's quite a reasonable amount for very very nice lingerie yes it's certainly we're talking you're 60 to 70 pounds you know and certainly it's it was an investment then it's an investment now it's always an investment but as the woman said to me she was like but you wear it every day and it's crucial and then you promptly left them and never went back to them for 10 years. Every year, in September, I would go once a year and I would get one every day and one little something.

I had like, like, COVID onwards or like, been before that, like, I've really felt that I like had lost my way with, lost my way with my body. I just felt like I wasn't exercising as much. I didn't feel myself in my body. Right. And I had a real like, well, I'm not going to get a new bra because what's the point? Until I've got into this stage or I feel better. Or I've got more in shape or I've lost way or whatever.

Like, what's the point? point in getting all these new things and I was being so mean to myself. It's so anti-Nobody Panic. It's so anti-Nobity. And yet, even I coming here and like championing the opposite of this every week with you was like I was that in but in turn. Every day you were quietly not doing that. Can you believe that? And colour and clothing your boobs. Exactly. And what they deserve. I had a real like, how dare I?

Yeah. Then literally yesterday I had I was like, it's September. You're going in. Great. And you take yourself serious. seriously girl and I went in and the woman was like honestly said and I was wearing my best one as well and she was like, it's my best one. It's from you. And she was like, oh, I know it's from us, but like, six years ago. And I was like, it doesn't fit you. And she was like, it's just, it's doing its best. But like these things are not, you are asking too much. Like, please. And then when I tried on one that fit, I was like, and then I put mine, she was like, now put yours back on again. And I was like, oh my God. Right. This is just like, it might as well just put like a couple of twigs and a sort of Hessian sack on.

Like it was just like, and then having one that fit, I was like, I feel a completely new person. Great. So I've been in, I bought a new bra as the end of this story. But more than important than buying a new bra, I like showed up for myself. Yeah, you respected your docks. At any size and any, at any point in my life, I should be allowed to have nice things. Yeah. And now look at them.

They're so up right. I mean, they're so up right. Woo. Yeah. So. Okay. Who's ever written a greeting card? Yeah.

Let's get into greetings cards. So that's, we've done an hour on pants. Okay. So what do you think? it happens to us all when we, is it because it's just like a big blank space when we open it? That's the thunder. That's the thunder of the greetings card. It's the big blank space.

It's the expectations versus reality. So we've all received cards from people where we've gone, God, that's such a lovely message or like a really nice. And I really love it when it's my birthday and people give me cards because it's not something, especially these day, these modern days. We live in these social media internet days. it's so easy to not give a card and also I think sort of pointless to give a card which makes it really nice when you do get one and when you get one that someone's like

properly written loads and you're like Jesus, often it's people that I'm like I feel like you can't say this too much. You know, I feel like you have trouble expressing yourself in life so then they really get it out in their cards or actually it just is people that are good at Ryan cards when you get one that just says happy birthday you're still really moved because you're like

you've bought me, you got out you've gone that card for Stevie and even if they've just written to Stevie happy birthday, love Jim that's still enough but when someone's really written you know like that just goes above and beyond and you've gone out of your way to buy the cards

so you might as well go out of your way to do the message and so I just constantly see the thought of what I want the person to feel and that gap is too much I don't plan when I'm going to write beforehand I just go yeah I can do it I can write a fucking card and then half a thing I'm like I don't I've lost track

Right. So do you think that's maybe where you should start is like a little prep, a little thought, a little... A little prep. And I feel like a memory or a specific thing that's happened in a day. If it's a birthday thing, like a specific thing that's happened in their year or like an in-joke between you. And really like think because I get very overwhelmed when you're trying to find somewhere somewhere to eat and you're somewhere where there's loads of restaurants. I'm like, I don't know. And it's the same with memories with people. I'm like, there's too many. So just to confirm when you begin, when that age begins of the happy birthday, Happy.

Before that moment, just like, white nothing there. Well, I thought, so with your card, the journey of your card was, saw it had running on it and was like, oh, that's nice. Yes, because she does the running. I don't know, you're not like a regular runner, but like the fact that you do these marathons and stuff, I find really impressive about you. It's absolutely love it so much. It's like, it's part of your like, I'm just going to do it. It says long may you run. I love it.

Inside and outside. And I think I could have come up with something quite nice about that. That's like something about how, like, you run the marathons. That's really impressive. and I hope that you never stop doing those things because even though you know you feet hurt and you go, oh, I thought I could cheat but I can't because it's the original marathon.

Like that's a very important part of your personality that don't want you to have lost since your ADHD diagnosis, for example. It's like very important. But like didn't pull that, put, that's fucking 10 years, colleagues, TV. God bless America. God bless America.

That's the crucial one. So I think, yeah, I think having some time to go, okay, so what is it? and just planning to an extent, rather than going, you should be able to fucking whank out a card. Come on, you write scripts. Like, you can write a card.

You don't sit down and write the script and then just press send. God bless America. Yeah, you're right. You'd have a real thing. You'd have a real, you'd have a really big thing. Really big think. Yeah.

So maybe it's like that you're like, oh yeah, I should be able to. So the first of us just think before you're real. Have a basic think. But I do understand completely. It's like, here's this space that's both like too big and too small. Yeah.

It's completely blank. So I do this as well, like draw all the things. I do a lot of star work. Yeah, you do very good star work. Thank you so. Yeah. Some hearts sometimes. Some hearts and bits to like stuff to cover the spec.

You're like, oh, this is, this is too much. Yeah. And I'd be a little cartoon, but very easy to be like self-deprecating because you're like, well, obviously didn't want to be self-deprecating. We wanted to have drawn something exquisite. Yes. I want to be an incredible illustration. Or charmingly bad, you know.

I think on someone's birthday, drawing them is always quite fun. There's a little stick manager. putting you. Gorgeous. But if we had the option to be Monet, Picasso, I bet he did nice ones. He did nice ones, yeah. Monet would have just done like landscapes.

Yeah, but maybe he couldn't maybe do a pen and ink. I probably could. You know what, he probably could. He probably could. Listen, I'll put my hands above my head. I bet Monet probably could draw. Could draw. I bet he could have drawn a lovely little doodle in your card.

Anyway, so we all wish we could do an exquisite, humorous little something. However, the counterpoint of that is, So every Christmas, me and my sister, Gina, would make cards for my parents rather than buy them. Of course. It started out as a very much like, we don't have to be money. Well, I'm a child. Yeah. That's true, yeah.

And then now it's become like, even if we can and do want to give them cards, we should make them. Oh, absolutely. My parents received a bought card. They'd be like, what's this? Yeah. Who are... What the fuck is this? Am I just like everyone else?

You lived in my body. What the fuck is this? Yeah. You went to Clinton's car. Did you go? But the running theme. has materialised, which is that I make joke bad ones. And Gina was like, well, I can't do a joke bad one too.

And Gina has incredible, like, she can draw incredibly. So she draws amazing drawings, doodles, sometimes like paintings of mum and dad, of, you know, like whatever. And then never received as well as me who's done literally like a card this big and stuck a pine needle in it and been like, Dad. Oh, you get to do joke for, oh. I guess to do joke ones, yeah. So like one... And yours are better received? Always better received.

That's so thrilling because we were really listening being like, God, a lot to unpack there because, you know, the sister gets to do all the good ones and then actually you're the winner. I've, and Gina's the frustrated one because she's like, well, now I can't, because I've given her nowhere to go. Yeah. And also, I didn't mean to trap her in this way. That's an electric, whereas you can go anywhere. I can go anywhere. Anywhere.

Once I gave them a tube and was like, it's the Christmas tube card. And was it written inside? It had a little googly eyes and he had a smile and I just said the thing. I came to him because he was speaking. Wow. Yeah. So yours... Wow.

And I only did that because I was like, I can't compete with genius beautiful stuff. And I can't even try. So I went my direction. And yeah, now I've trapped her. So there was real joy in quotation marks bad doodles. It's like karaoke.

No one wants the person to get up and sing properly. I mean, they do and it's lovely if you were the musical theatre crowd. But like, you know, you want someone to just sort have a go. That's quite like nice. So I think, I think, like, always pop a little silly doodle in it.

Oh, got, of course. Unless it's like with sympathy card, but I think... Prob's not. Prob's not. We should probably go through different types of cards because they should be the easiest

because it's the most common one that we've had to write. And you basically put happy birthday really big, a doodle, then you've only got space for like, buy a small card if you know of us. Well, I think if you don't know them, but I think if you do know them,

I think your thing about having a think is nice, like if you can put... I think what you said there about the running was really beautiful. Yes, like a specific thing. And I think if you can try and express yourself as best you can, that would be lovely. Yes, something about your friendship.

Or if you haven't seen them a lot, I tend to sometimes put like, this next year will be the year that we hang out more, you know, and like a nice looking to the future. Yes, like a little two stars and a wish is what apparently you have to do in primary school. When you do notes for children, you give them two stars, two good pieces of work, and one wish for something you'd like to see for next term. This is nice. Nice, isn't it?

So two stars and wish, like, two cool things. And then one wish for the future of like either a personal goal for them. I hope this thing goes well that you're working on or like I hope that we get to go to Lisbon. Like we've been planning. This is our year for Lisbon or whatever your personal wishes. And you're like, oh yeah, that's a fun thing. They always put, this is your year for Lisbon.

And you never mention it. Bring it up. You never bring it up. She really loves Lisbon. Lizle fucking loves it. She was going to Lisbon with everybody. Did you listen for you as well? Yeah, yeah. No one wants to discuss it.

But I think it's nice to get a bit of. personality in there. Get a bit of something that's just between the two of you that can't feel like a, you know, because maybe you haven't got the time or energy to not just be the, you know, the nice glittery happy birthday card. Like you haven't had a chance. You know, of course I would love it to be really personal and a funny card or something beautiful or whatever that they'll keep for ages.

But I didn't have time. So this is just the card that's in the shop. And then inside there's your space to just, just a little bit of something, a little bit of personal juice on there. Also, sometimes the front cover, you can like, so I've had one which was, I think It was like two penguins or something. And someone had like drawn my, just in birro, just like my hair. And I'd be like, it's me and you as penguins.

You're like, yeah, great. Gorgeous. That's so nice. Yeah. I love it. It's fun. Yeah, it's good. That is good stuff.

You know, that's good stuff. No, the greetings cards are the hardest. The hardest ones are things like, yeah, like with sympathy or, you know, the passing round of the work. Which I do very different, but equally awful cards. That's all right. So, well, so you brought up the sympathy one. I think let's go there and then we'll transition to the work card. Sure, we should do both at the same time.

I think best not. Yeah. But I think the sympathy card, I think the thing about those cards is you don't need to find, unless you have found a perfect card that you think really not, you know, is there something in lovely and personal or whatever, but ultimately like some flowers or whatever or just a nice drawing or whatever will do nicely. And I think with those cards, and I don't know, because I've not been on the receiving end of them, but I've only sent them, is that my instinct is there will be nothing you can write.

that is going to be abuse. You're simply being like... It's the gesture. I'm gesturing. I'm waving across the battlefield to say I'm here and I'm thinking of you. They're barely going to read it. They're barely going to read it. And so I think with those ones...

Blank. Just send it blank. I'd say good luck with Lisbon. Just send that. But yeah, just blank. Just like just saying thinking of you all. Look after yourselves. Look after yourselves.

And you know, you don't need to... But don't sit there with that. So don't not send it because you're so over... overwhelmed with the like, but what do I write? But of course no one knows what to write. You know, humanity has grappled with the concept for thousands of years and still we haven't got something. How to write sympathy cards.

We've got that episode with Carriad Lloyd, which is really nice about how to help friends who are going through grief. And I think there we spoke about some nice things you can to say or like WhatsApps and messages to send or like or vouchers or things that they might like or, you know, or cleaners or, you know, food vouchers or all of these things. They're just like, just somebody coming to, like, sort out the living room. It's excellent. When you're just like, I can't deal with any of this right now.

Yeah. But yeah, I think it's, it's like, don't let yourself be so overwhelmed by the, by what you want to try and express here that you don't do anything. Yes. And I think it's just like... The bare minimum will actually be fine there. Like, even if it was like, two zones, they're like, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. And it'll have like a thing on it anyway. Huge love, you know.

Yeah. And it's just, it's like, oh, and it's just a physical thing. Has come through the post. They've taken the time to, like, go and buy a stamp and put it. and it's like it's come through the door and there's just like people are showing up and that's all really you can ask for those things and yeah like i've known people close to me who've had terrible terrible grief situations and the calling and the what's uping and the meeting up is meant that i've not sent a sympathy card because you don't it tends to be people that often you don't know as well

you know like if it's you know if your mum's died you're not going to send your dad a sympathy card no i don't i don't mean well you could do your tube work if that's something yeah no that's I don't think, no, I think it's people that you, that you maybe don't feel able to just pick up the phone. And you aren't, yes, I think it's exactly that position. And it's there for people who are like on this almost like not a secondary family or friend that you're like, I don't feel close enough to this person to just be like, I'm here, we're going to the pub. You know, and so that's when it's, or equally it's, you know, it's the card coming around the office or it's the, you know, and to just say that it could be easier to be a sympathy card in the office.

And you're like, I don't know this person. Yeah. And it's like, don't freak. Don't overthink it. Just write your name. Just write your name. For God's sake, write your name. Like, it doesn't, do you don't know how to stress about not knowing them?

Like, they know. They know you don't know. They know you don't know. And they couldn't give a shit right now. Yes. All you're doing is just, there's an acknowledgement. So what about the, the birthday card? The good luck, the, you're going on to your new job or whatever.

And it's being passed around the office. You don't really know the person. And everyone's put, good luck. It's been nice working with you. And then you're like, because you don't want to be the person to just write your name in that instance. I think that's where it's, you do. like, well, I'd always say like, bonchance! And then do a smiley face.

That's fun. Or like, have a great time. And then a picture of a smile. Basically, the picture of the smiley face might really help. But what if everyone else has done smiley face work? Then you do a heart. Okay. That looks like you love them.

What if you're already seeing smiley face and hearts in there? A boat. Fantastic. Yeah, it's a tough one, isn't it? If you get there so late in the game that you're like, all the good stuff is taken here. So now what the hell am I going to do? See, actually what I would probably do then is I'd be like, everyone else has said all the good stuff, ha, ha, I don't know what to write a heart.

And be like, this is, yes, exactly. God bless America. Yeah. I'm panicking. I'm panicking. And now you've just written about yourself in the card again. Absolutely. Absolutely.

You can't do that. Okay, so. I think if other people have said good luck, you can just put good look again. What if you put like Leviticus 12, 14 and then like nothing else? It's an option. It's an option. What if you actually put like Deuteronomy 47-5 and it actually isn't even. in the Bible. Like, that's not even a number.

That's not even anything. Great. Yeah. Love that you know this. Oh, please. I'm making that up. I don't know. I'm just picking like, there will, there is. Like, fuck me. You said like quoting the Bible. I'd be like, of course, famously, Deuteronomy 457. There is no Deuteronomy 457. No, no, I'm just saying a number that's like, I'm guessing.

Could be high. Could be high enough to not be a duty. Sure. There probably is one. So 43 to 45, the foreigners who reside among you will rise above you. higher and higher, but you sing lower and lower. No, no. No.

I mean, to be fair to it. It's right. No, it's, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is that is, that is, 43 to 45. I don't think there is a duty to run. 45. So I think you are right there, but oh my God, that's so funny. But also, I think to pick like an outrageous Bible, I think that would be so funny.

Yeah. So if you, but if, but if they are religious, they might not think that's funny at all. Or if they're foreign. Well, not that one particularly, just to like put a Bible, I think it's such a funny thing to do. Basically, I saw people do it once at school in which somebody, there was a very like large Christian contingent who were at this youth group. Well, because it was Christian youth group. That would be why. But I remember this card for this girl going around and people had put Bible quotes in and people, and she was honestly reading it being like, a lovely choice.

And I was like, oh my God, you all just know, you all just know what John 13. I bet there's famous ones. Like, you know how like the Shakespeare sonnet, I can't remember what it is now, but there's a famous one. And I used to know it, but I don't anymore. But you wouldn't just put Shakespeare's on at 17 and just hope that they... No, because I'm not in a Christian, in a Shakespearean youth group. Do you think if they do, though, they just... Do you think they just put the name and just, like, expect you to just think of it?

I think there's certain Bible verses that are so famous and well known. But I don't think if you put like, you know, I can't think of any Bible bit. Okay, so you think no to that. I think no to a Bible thing that you don't know. Okay, that's a past. Understood. As we've seen in real time, it could be racist. Yeah.

Well, so, okay, somebody, we did one for our English teacher, and everybody did, like, a literature coat. I remember somebody did the one from Cleopatra that's like, age cannot wither her nor custom stale her infinite variety. For like someone's birthday card that you're like, oh, go on. That's really funny if everyone does it, but if you're the only one. Do you think? Janet's birthday car, I think I'm the only one.

Are you not willing? I'm going to we. Good luck, good luck. Do you think that's not good? You've got to make sure everyone else is on board because, yeah, you'll come across very poorly. Do you think? Okay.

And mad. I think what we're establishing here is you've just got to write a happy birthday. And keep your job. You've got to just keep your job. Add a little smiley face. That's fine. Big love.

Big love. Stevie, huge, huge hugs, Stevie. Don't put Adraal Wibbera or Deuteronomy 48. It's just not working. I can't believe that's good. Deuteronomy 28 verse 45. All these curses will come upon you. Yeah.

I would just think that was so fun. Of course, so fun. And that's why do that in like someone's birthday card that is your best mate. Because they're probably expecting you to say something like that. But if it's going around, don't worry, just stick to the normal stuff. Just stick to everyone else has to put. Word it slightly differently. So if it's good look, say loads of luck or like, you know, have a great time or, you know,

balshance or whatever. Yeah, maybe that's what it is. Okay, well, we're learning a lot. We're learning a lot. We're learning. Is there any other things? I guess at Christmas and again, I would love a two stars. wish at Christmas because I just find, well, I think if the front cover is banging, then you're

fine. Then it's so fine. My downstairs neighbour, their Christmas card every year. Are these the two men that dress up as Father Christmas? No, but oh my God, they don't dress up. That's their professional job. I'm so sorry. Not even them. Imagine how hard the house is taking Christmas. What two professional Father Christmas is on the ground floor. And then across the way from them, family with lots of dogs. And at Christmas, they send a Christmas card. And I genuinely do not know if they think this is funny or good. It's so perfectly done that it exactly toes the line between the two. It's their dog's heads photoshopped onto the nativity scene.

I've done this for my family. I've photoshopped all of our heads and the tortoises and the dogs on the nativity, but I've done it very badly. But they do it amazingly. It's done so well. I love this. Yeah. It's actually so well, I don't know if it's a joke.

But even if it's not fair play to that. So that, they don't need to write anything inside. No. Gorgeous. Best of it if they don't. That stays on my mantelpiece all year round. I love it so much. So, but if it's just a general more, if you feel like your cards are towing more of a generic line.

Yeah. A little couple of good luck with this, hoping for this for the new year. That's true. Deuteronomy 47. A little bit of something, something. A little bit of something. I think one year in 2019, I made Christmas cards and sent them to everybody. And so I did like, you know, 100 or whatever.

And so that I just had to put Merry Christmas, but because it's clear. Oh, you've done the work. The front has done. You've done the work. So each one you got a personalised Christmas card. I didn't personalise them all. I did like different designs, but it was just like four different designs. That's beautiful.

It was great. I had very little on that year. I've not been able to replicate it since including in lockdown. So yeah, I could not be bothered. That's beautiful. Yes, if you've done the work on the front, the inside needs nothing. If the front is nothing, let's be bringing. Let's be bringing.

Christmas cards are nice, though. Like I really think people have, you know, obviously people have stopped sending them, that's fine, we've all got lives. But if you are like, oh, I'd like to do Christmas cards, but no one really cares. No, it's good. Like, do it. Oh, I'd love if people go into that. Receiving Christmas cards is so sweet and nice.

Unless, of course, you don't celebrate Christmas, so obviously don't worry about that. And we've gone very sort of Christian, because I'm sure there are other cards. Or is greetings cards very like, we shouldn't talk anything other than those. Than that which we know. But also, I think it's fine to send a card. Why not? Why not? No one's going to go, oh my God.

It's just nice to receive things at all. all times. I hope this whole episode people will be like, I will send a card for no reason. I feel like they may be like, no, sounds like too much work. Oh, I feel inspired. Okay, great. I'm excited to send. Off we go. And something I've been trying to this year is like when I see good ones and you're like, I don't know who that's for right now, but that's fun. And I'll just keep it in my box of cards. And then when you're like, oh, fucking hell, it's Steve's birthday tomorrow. Fuck. Or it's like, oh my God, it's a day. And it's like, oh, the feeling of going to your card draw and be like,

oh my God, there's one. Full draw, just full of cards. Yeah. That's a good girl. really great. Yeah. I did that and then I went to my thing, my little drawer of cards and was like, they're all shit. What I don't? They were like rabbits. I think I had a nervous pro jam. About the rabbits.

I think I don't know why I'd bought some of them. Some of them were really odd. But look, I'm... It's a nice idea. It's a lovely idea. And I think it's really helped. It's got me out of some sticky scrapes. Drew a little bob on a rabbit.

Gave it to my friend who's got a bob and was like, it's you as a rabbit. Right. Right. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Now we're cruxing into the head of the whole fruit. Okay, we have to end it on that. I'll just tell you two little things.

One is that on the back of the envelope. Okay, this bit, what would we say that is called? The lip of the envelope. I feel about six. Yeah, sorry. The envelope's tongue? The bit where the block. The bit where the triangle meets the square.

Yeah. The sort of bottom bit of the triangle of the envelope. Where you put a wax seal. Where you put the wax seal, which we know you've got the wax seal. I do, baby. I don't do them because I like people, people, no, I love to do them, but people find them a bit much. Oh, do them. Okay. Who said that, who's received a card with a wax seal and gone, that's too much? To you, it is a bit of much. No, but not from you. No, not from me. It's actually expected. It's expected. It's expected, nay, demanded. Yeah. Somebody there does a heart and then writes, SWA-L-K.

S-W-A-C sealed with a loving case. God it in one, Stevie. Yeah. Which I just think is a nice little, it's nice to have a little eye on the front. If you don't know, you're like, Swalck. Yeah, but then you might look up what Swalk and then you're like, oh, adorable. Just nice have a little, like, personal thing that you do. On the card once I do a little, like a little stamp here as though I've done my own telegram,

then I write Birthday Express. The only other last thing my sister does always is the card is, when my parents started it, they write WBW and WBH. What's that? Well, the W and the age might be, is the clue. to help you given that they're... That's right. Wife and a husband.

So they write world's best wife and world's best husband to each other and their god. No, no, no, no, just to each other. WBW and WBH. Very sweet. And they signed it that. So then when we were small, we were obviously very encharted by that and we were like, world's best daughter.

Great. And then I have abandon ship on that one because my sister writes them and they are like 35 letters long. Amazing. So we have to be like, you see my parents like, getting their glasses out and be like, okay. And here we go. It's the acronyms.

Oh, yeah. And it will be like, AD, T, H, W, G, R, F, F, F. Excellent. And it'll be like a daughter who is very grateful that you chopped down the tree in the garden last week.

Like, it'll be something like that. But it'll take you ages and age. You have to call her up to be like, can I have a clue, please. Brilliant. But it's nice to have a little personal something that you know is coming. Little bits, little something.

You know, so if you're like, if you're like, oh, I already have this, I already have my own. I've got my own personal touches. But if you're listening, you're like, I've never done any personal touches. Like a little something on the outside of the envelope, a little... Go to W.H. Smith, get yourself some stickers. Buy them online, of course. And just pop, pop some stickers on the envelope.

That's fun. Already we're having a wonderful time. Just a little bit of a little bit of juzer on there. And then you're like, oh, my God, I've made this so personal and fun. And rather than it being this overwhelming, like, oh, I have to send this card. You're like, oh, I've bought some stickers. May I? May I've got one more?

You may do anything. I end on Psalm 71, 6 to 8. Yes, please. From birth, I have relied on you. You brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you. I have become assigned to many. You are my strong refuge.

AKA, good luck, Jan. On your new job. Brackets, AKA, good luck, Jan. I'm sorry, but I would be enchanted. Interesting. Okay, great. Well, look, go send your cards. We are, oh yeah, also, we've got an email

from a man called James who his email address is Nobody Panic at Gmail.com and he's been getting close to messages. No, no. So it's Nobody Panic Podcast at Gmail.com. James is the email address. And I think we're going to do

like a postbag episode for the Patreon so your questions will be answered. James. Oh, that's agony. There's a Tessa Coats at Gmail.com. She gets a lot of my work and she doesn't always send it on. That's very frustrating.

I invited it to my show. She didn't come. That's fair. And you know what? It's for the best. That is fair. Yeah. I would love it.

If someone called Stevie was like, do you want to come and hang out my work? It's not called Stevie Martin. Messaged you. And said, do you want to come to my show? Yeah. Are you joking? Yeah, because I like to prioritise my time in a way that you don't. That's complete. I'm sorry, absolutely seen there.

I'm dead on impact. Wow, I've been read to filth. Yeah, that's exactly right. She has two children and she works for the government. No, she does not want to hang out with me because we've got the same name. And on that note, we'll see you next week. Oh!