Nobody Panic - Nobuddy Podnic

Episode Date: March 13, 2022

Stevie and Tessa collide with Phil Wang and Pierre Novellie from Bud Pod for a mash up episode all about friendship and fecal matter. They chat elderly chums, doing “the both” and of course there���s a poo story. You have the power to do something incredible this Red Nose Day. Whether it’s a little or a lot, the money you donate will help tackle poverty, take action against violence and bring an end to discrimination. Give now at comicrelief.com/podcastmashup, alternatively Text PODCAST to 70210 to give £10 today.To donate £10 text the word PODCAST to 70210. Texts cost your donation amount plus your standard network message charge and 100% of your donation will go to Comic Relief, a registered charity. You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill-payer’s permission. For full terms and conditions visit comicrelief.com/podcastmashupSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-ha-ha-ha-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Welcome to No Buddy Podnik. That was Phil Wang.

Yes. From Bud Pod. Would you believe I just improvised that tune? Well done. He just knew it off. the back of his head. I'm Stevie. Tessa,

the Coates is with me from Nobody Panic and also we're doing a mash-up with Pierre Novelli and Phil Wang from Bud Pod. Yay! Nobody Podnick. Nobody Podnick.

As you do, welcome to episode one. Episode one looks like a lot of fun. Yes. Perfect. Yes. That's how you do it. That's how you do it, Phil, me talking to myself.

You stupid. I think your rhymes are excellent. Thank you. This is a Red Nosed Day podcast mashup. It's back. In case you're listening, being like, what is going on? Acast are bringing you exclusive bonus podcasts from your favourite podcasters to raise money and change lives.

And there's so many podcasts involved, you've got Football Rumble. Help, I sexted my boss. Help! Dance Nose history hit. My dad wrote a porno. What? The Guilty Feminine. homo sapiens off menu.

Films to be buried. Phil's to be buried with. Films to be buried with. Ain't got a clue. And more. I like to think I'm a Phil to be buried with, hopefully. Yeah. I think you are.

Yeah. You will be. Like I'm a servant in ancient Egypt. And the Pharaoh is like, Phil's a good servant to be buried with in a small jar in the shape of a cat. Yeah. Everyone has to be buried with like their organs outside of them. And then like a bit of someone called Phil.

that's for you him with everyone must do you think that Pharaoh would sort of beef with people what you mean? Well he'd be set around trying to by his court and someone would like Go on please Someone would you know

spill an urn or whatever and he would be like you're going to be spilling a lot of urns in the afterlife Is that part of your Because that position in my tomb is looking a little less likely Now that the scented oils

All over my bare feet Instead of in that big candle I guess you'd probably want to If you're the servant of a pharaoh, you want to be an asshole so he doesn't bury you alive with him. It depends if you believe it, though. Oh, yeah.

I think they all were pretty into it, weren't they? I think at the time, people were pretty hot on that belief. And hot. And hot, and crucially, sexy. Sexy. It's very sexy. Beside the terracotta warriors, there's another sealed tomb that they won't open.

They know it's there, though, and they know what's in it, and they refuse to open it, and it's got in it, Phil, It's got a famous, you know, it's got people buried, it's got people in it with the team, you know? Why won't they open it? Well, exactly, why won't they open it?

But what do you mean? Well, in Sian, near the, it's near the terracotta wars. Yeah, right next to it. When they did this sort of satellite imaging, they were like, oh my God, there's another one under there. And they won't open it. And it's the one that they think it's got like a river of mercury in it. So when you went in, it would have been like,

the stars would have, like, lit up in there. And they think the wives and the servants went in alive. with him. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Nice. They think they, anyway, their thing is they won't open it. I think because they're like, that shit's so cursed, we ain't, we ain't going in.

Right. Yeah. No, we won't. They scanned it and all the servants were in a little ring playing cards against humanity. Yeah, they're all still alive in there and they were like, ah, no, no, no, no. We're not going in. Shall we do what we do at the start of Nobody Panic Podcast And then we can do a feature that you do on BudPod

Also anyone listening we're going to be doing how to be a good buddy We're going to fit that in but rather than doing on the most adult thing Because that's a very Nobody Panic thing We wanted to do a mash up And we're going to go around and say who's your most adult bud Who's your most adult bud guys Who's the oldest person you're friends with It's one of those yeah it's a relatable podcast

episode alienating both of our audiences. Yeah. And if while you're listening, you're thinking, God, this is good content. God, I'm enjoying it. Bloody hell, I bet they recorded this very early on a Sunday morning. I think, you know what? I will donate. You can donate £10 if you text the word podcast, capital letters, to 70210. Text costs your donation amount plus your standard network message in charge and 100% of donations will go to Comic Relief, a registered charity. You must be 16 or over, and please ask the bill pay his permission. terms and conditions, visit cometrelief.com forward slash podcast mashup. How are you?

Good. Get LBC on the phone. Yeah, let me have a job. I'd love to do that. You're my most adult bud. Thank you. I cannot be the oldest person you know. Please.

Who would like to start us off on the... Who is your most adult bud? My friend Mike is 80. Wow. Oh, how'd you meet Mike? He was... He wasn't a teacher at my high school, but he was like a kind of version, like a sort of scout master, like a scout master, like a...

kind of, he'd teach orientering in DAV and teach you how to live in the woods. Yes, classic P.E. Yeah. Yeah, he was like the guy from the Revenant. He was a wild man of the mountains. No, he wasn't. He's just like a nice guy who did lots of stuff with sort of the scouts and things. And you've kept in touch with him. Yeah, I saw him at Christmas, yeah. He was even at the time, but he's now even more of like classic, classic old guy in the sense that he collects stamps and coins. Oh, yes.

And he knows a lot about trains. And that's the sort of. thing you want from an older guy. Has he ever given you, my grandparents gave me a five pound coin in like 1998 and we're like, this will be good. It's just a very big, this'll be good, happy birthday. Hey, watch this, watch this. I'm giving you a £5 pound coin. This will be good. This will be good. Is it like a plate? How big is it a five pound coin? I think it would be very much, like a coaster or something, a beer coaster. It's smaller than a coaster, but bigger. than an amulet. Yes, of course.

Monicle-sized. I once had a 50-pound note, and I just kept it for years, because I was like, when am I ever going to... I've never seen that colour anywhere else, a 50-pound note. I was like, what is this? A pink, sort of purple.

Salmon? It's disgusting. When I go for a run, I'm the colour of a 50-pound note, exactly. When I go for a run, I go exactly the shade and consistency of Hellboy. Like just full... You do!

Yeah, and it's so, it's like breathtakingly red. It's like... It's actually quite beautiful. It's really beautiful. It's something to behold. My adult bud is 75, and he works in the post office, and he is really into climbing, and behind him in the post office is all the pictures of him climbing different

large hills. And he is very funny, and a conspiracy thing, theorist and we have a lot of good chat and I actually wrote about him in the I made a reference to him in our men and Stevie's book. They're a bit about in our chapter about making friends and I say like, oh, I've got loads of friends. I consider the man in the post office, my friend, even though I don't know his name and he's a conspiracy theorist and you say, well, you're a conspiracy theorist as well and I say, that's the truth. And then at Christmas I went in and he gave me a shot of Yeagermeister in the post office. In the post office. In the post office. In the

post office. And he literally said, like, do you want to drink? And it was like 10 a.m. And I was like, yeah, all right. And he got out a little tray of shit Yeagermeister's shots. So we did a shot of Yeagermeister together. And then I gave him the book. I'd signed it to him. And he was very chuffed. And then he told me a conspiracy theory. I was like, see, I told you. He loves him. It sounds like you met like, it was like a reverse father Christmas interaction. you went to find an old man who delivers parcels and got a little bit of booze from him for visiting. Yeah.

And then gave him a present. I gave him a gift. Phil, who's your oldest bud? I've been racking my brains, but I guess it'll have to be. Has anyone heard of someone called Our Lord God? He's always there, me? Can be a bit just.

I've been racking my brain but all I can think about is my friend who's in her mere 40s and I'm thinking, am I an ageist? Yes. Yeah, maybe, oh God, I don't know anyone. I think you're going to have to commit to the Lord,

your Lord and Xavier, I think. Yeah, I've not only met anyone, one old... You've never met an old person. I've never met an old person. Phil's just about the youth, you know. Phil's just like... I'm too busy down, I'm too busy skateboarding and TikToking.

Phil is an ageist. I saw him once rubbed the arm of someone in the year above him and say, you're doing very well his level of ageism. Okay, Stevie, come on. The bar is low. I'd say the bar is quite high

because I've got an older friend who's, I think, 84, and he's a friend of my parents, but there's not like a funny story, like he gave me Yeager Moister in a post office, or he's the Lord God. He's just a nice, really fun guy. What's his hobbies?

What's his to? You met him, Tessa. He came to the, both of them, Jerry and Wendy, shout out if you're listening. They won't be. They came to see the show because they lived near Bristol. Jerry and Wendy were excellent value. They came to our Bristol live show.

They came an hour and a half early to get a good seat. Yes. They sat and watched us out. They're very brilliant, but I don't, no one's ever, you know, we've not done shots. So just a nice, solid adult friend to bring us home. Sheffle we? Do you have any listener emails from fellow Budpodders?

Yes. In order to provide some context, initially the emails were about anything. And then we did an episode where Phil recounted, I think it's episode seven, if there are any archivists listening, where Phil recounted his adventures in Australia trying to navigate the instruction set for a fecal sample kit for health reasons. It is a very funny story. That started off this avalanche of sort of vaguely poopy emails from our listeners because initially the joke was that we didn't want it to become that. And so that's all we'd go. And now it has happened, like a sort of curse we've brought it into existence by wishing against it. A classic curse. So we've got a message here from Mike. Mike, or then I try and do a rhyme with the name. Mike, take a hike, but only after you tell us your foo story. Mike, you little tyke, what you got for us today? That's nice.

Mike, get on your bike. Very good. Very good. Mike, go on strike. See if you can get more. paid holiday. Mike says, hi, and then the first part of his email is in Irish, right? So, bear with me any Irish speakers.

Phenetically, Tarshail Kakagum, or translated into English, I have a poo story. Oh, it sounds so much nicer in Irish. Or more literally, there is a poo story within me. It's a lyrical language. It's so poetic. A few years ago. I visited my sister and friend in Malaysia for three weeks. I see him two people.

Yeah. I had a great time traveling around Malaysia with them, but after a week of that, I grabbed the opportunity to visit the Perhentian Islands by myself with both hitherto shit-free hands. It's a bit of forewarning there. Yeah. The reason this excited me is I was a single guy,

and my base tan had already built up after a few days in country. Us Irish need the base tan to have any confidence abroad. A base tan. Mm. Base tan. I'm surprised you didn't say a base tan. Base town, and also, by the way, I'm still not covered in shit at this point. Yeah, yeah, it's bad.

My top priority was now to meet a female fellow traveller. Wow. I didn't waste any time. After being shown to my beach hut accommodation, I approached two girls I'd spotted on the beach and chatted for a bit. That's the confidence of an Irish man outside of Ireland. Yes. They clean up on the travels. That accent.

Oh, yes. Like a homing signal. I approached two girls I'd spotted on the beach and chatted for a bit. Australian, he says. We arranged to have dinner that evening at a beach bar very nearby. Dinner time approaching, I felt good. The usual vaguely sweaty undercarriage that accompanies the pressure of having to be charming and funny, but nothing to be concerned with.

Good, good. Okay. I didn't know you always got sweaty in this under your undercarriage every time you had. I'm glad you said that, because I was like, oh, we're all just going to accept that's something that happened. What's your undercarriage? Is that your gooch? Probably, yeah. I suppose that's the underst undercarriage.

And that's what gets sweaty before you meet a lady, is it? Oh, dear. I get sweaty back when I meet a lady. I think that makes more sense to me than undercarriage, but this is Mike's reaction. This is his truth. No shame. This is Mike's truth. Carry on Mike's truth.

Fagely sweaty undercarriage accompanies the pressure of having to be charming and funny, but nothing to be concerned with. The dinner went well. While my chances of showing one of these ladies around my hut later was diminished. By virtue of the fact that there were two of them, it did mean the whole affair was more relaxed and friendly. Very good, Mike. And I will say, if you're good enough, those ladies will draw, straws and, you know. Or both. Bonke you.

Well, and why not, and why not? We're dealing with an Irishman on a beach here. This is, if anyone's going to pull off the both, it's going to be Mike and his undercarriage. Pull off the both. It's a much more ominous way to refer to threesomes as the both. Pull off the both. It's quite pagan. After I'd finished my pizza, so first we've heard of the pizza.

Oh, what a lovely reveal. What a lovely reveal of the pizza. That's the last dish I imagine. Imagine the meeting on a Malaysian beach. That is not what I thought where they were having. No way. We're so far away from the point where he said, my hither two hands that aren't covered in shit.

We're so far away from that. He did not need to foreworn that. He's lulling us away again so that we can't claim he's just surprising us at the end. I should have remembered. We're more surprised by the reveal of pizza than shit at this point. That is not to me for pizza. I'm appalled. Cheese on a barred.

I can't get over it. After I finished my pizza, terrible, I excuse myself and flip-flopped over the sand to the bar's toilet facilities, a four walls no roof set up for what I thought was just a number one. I faced the wall over the drain and with an airy, tipsy holidaymakers carefree feeling in my heart I started to be. This too was going exceedingly well until I needed to fart. No big deal, I thought. I'd farted before. This was small potatoes. I farted in my sleep.

My pants were shut. Straight to the point. What we're learning here is that narratively, Mike is the master of this very sort of sudden, like, Mison Sen, like, we're there, we're there. Misanen. I'm not going to tell you about how I got there. Is that right?

What does it mean? In media res? Is that what I mean? I don't know. It's delicious. Gorgeous. It's already going on. I loved it.

A close-up on my face would have. shown bliss turned to terror. My eyes would have widened, my ears dropped, my cheeks paled, all in an instant. At the same instant, I heard the ribot of a previously unnoticed frog right by my foot. The ribbet seemed to say, you've just shipped yourself, mate. My options were limited, so I did what anyone would have done,

and I decided I absolutely had to just pretend to be somebody else. Wait, he's in the bathroom. He could just wipe his ass. We don't know what the damage is. No, it's a drain with a little screen. green round it. It's it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, sorry. So he says I did what anyone would have done and decided I absolutely had to pretend to be someone else. He just comes up with a moustache and a hat. With the shit. Oh,

Puaire! Classic from Puaire Neville Poo there. It's good. Look, desperate times, you know. I mustered up all the confidence I could and marched out of the toilets, straight past my my restaurant table, completely ignoring my smiling companions. Completely ignoring my smiling companions Like a stinky Mrs. Doubtfire Oh, he's got shit on him, right? He's all in his pants. I left the restaurant as I picked up speed

And made haste to my hut for Operation Cleanup. In my hut, I disrobed and turned on the shower. I was delighted to discover that these huts were fitted with bum guns. Oh, lovely. Standing naked like a crab. Does he even? really wanted to me, like, not the position, just like that crabs don't wear clothes, yeah. I was as naked as the crab.

I lifted the bum gun off its holder, only to find that the trigger on this one had been broken off. Undeterred, I thought, but just unscrew the gunhead from the hose that's attached to. In doing so, the apparatus turned from a silent, obedient sanitation device to the violent, laser-like fireman's hose I was now faced with. Like a surgical small stream of water flapping around. By the jets of water they used to cut metal sheets. Yeah. I steled myself and slowly brought the head of this industrial water jet cutter

around to my waiting disaster area. Like he's James Bond and he's like he's bringing in a... It's travelling up a table. Struggling to control it, the first contact between water and flesh was of course a direct hit on the back of my ball sack. Again, forgot that the balls were there. Like a crap. Another lovely reveal.

He's had balls this whole time. Oh my God, Michael. And they've been sweaty, remember, since the beginning. Oh, so sweaty. That must have been also quite nice for an element of it to just sort of cool those balls down, Michael. So this industrial water jet has got a direct hit on the back of the nutties. And he says, it resembled and certainly felt like one of those things you punch as hard as you can in arcades.

Okay. I'm picturing the ball. ball bag immediately flipping horizontal with force. Oh, no. Like that. Oh, no. The three minutes I spent curled up on the floor was enough time for me to realize it might be an idea to keep my thumb over the end of the host to create an unpredictable but

far more gentle spray for the rest of the cleanup. What an engineer. Necessity is the mother of invention. Well, he's thinking. He's thinking. It's like in one of those scenes where Jason Bourne's been shot and he has to stumble into a bathroom and sort of fix himself. Yeah, and his balls go up.

And he accidentally smacks his own nads with medical equipment. Industrial hose. Fifteen minutes later, with new clothes and wet hair, I rejoined my two very confused friends and tried to pass my mid-meal shower off as a new-age pallet cleanser that they should try sometime. Classic Irish. Like an Irish thing.

Do you know what I find helps between pizza and drinking out of a coconut? It's a wee shower. Is what he would have said. Yeah, and they would sort of go, All right, I can. Like kind of looking at them like, but you, you ignored our smiling faces and walked straight past us from the toilet. And also, you're covered in shit. You mean, apart from the fact you shit yourself, yeah, it'd be good if they're just immediately new.

I can't do it. That's why I'm not contributing. Oh, I've never stopped hers. Phil's got some amazing, yeah. I think your Geordie is from the most offensive. What you're mean, man? What are you talking about? Yeah, that is bad.

It's the facial expression as well. The soul's desperation when you're doing it. It's great. You're talking about it. Oh, no. So he says he tried to pass it over. As a new age palette cleanser, they should try some time. I don't think it worked.

Love the pod, praise redacted, Mike. Great. Well, I could have gone a lot worse. Mike. Snaps for Mike. That was knock out. I think he did a really good job. I think so, too.

that we don't know whether he did them both, but, you know, did the both. I think, if I may speak for Mike, if he had, there's no way he's leaving that out. He's a master storyteller, you know? Yeah. He would say, thanks so much, prostitacted, P.S. I fucked him both, you know? You know what he would have done. You're right. But he would have put it so well. Yeah. He would have done it as one of those reveals where it shocks us, like the pizza reveal.

He would have said, I did later admit to them that I had. and myself in bed the next morning. Yes, that's it. That's it. Very good. As we ate our boiled peaches. Where is this restaurant? What is it great?

So what's so great about this is that this episode is about how to be a good buddy. I think people, sometimes they don't need tips, they can just buy osmosis. Take what they need. That's what I'm saying is that we've learned. We've learned a lot from Mike here. And I think what we can do is we can do is we can. can extrapolate those tips, ignore people if you're covered in shit. I think that's very important. Amen. I guess it raises the question, you know, if you see a buddy, a friend who is, let's say,

metaphorically covered in shit, like there's obviously something wrong. Do you say you're covered in shit or do you leave them to it for a bit? Do you let them sort it out themselves? Do you let them wash their balls with those, metaphorically speaking? Yes, I think that's a very well, you know, a very well thought of method is to just sort of leave people who are struggling just sort of to deal with it themselves. I think that's being the essence

of being a good friend. I think that's male friendship down to tea. That's what I'm revealing here. The hardest thing about male friendship is knowing when your friend would be more humiliated by you handling the ball cleaning hose. Yeah, absolutely.

Or whether or not the gift you give them is the gift of that last little bit of pride. Yeah. That's the gift. The gift of the deep. Keep. I read this in the other day that was like, think of all the times that you've seen something and then pretended you hadn't seen it to save the person, be it stranger or friend.

And I was like, yeah, plenty of times. And then it said, now think how many times you've done something looked up and no one was looking and you thought, I've got away with it. And actually, how many people have seen and looked away to spare you? Because it's so many for me that I've thought, fuck I've got away with that and then actually people are like I saw that woman I saw her when I think about it's mostly like I've eaten some gluten and it's a harrowing fart you know I think it's fine and everyone's like oh god but everyone's looking right and I'm like I think I actually I must have just made that up in my own nose I think it's absolutely yeah no one else can smell that

do you say I think I made that up in my own nose yes yeah the classic nose falsity if you know She and Mike are cut from the same narrative cloth, you know, they speak in a similar parlance. Would you consider spending good money on a kind of odour bodyguard, someone whose job is to leap in front of the blame? A dog, just get a dog. Just get a dog and go, oh, what a shame. Yeah, always. I once did it on a dance floor at a wedding. It was at the wedding, wasn't it?

Yeah, you were. And I remember that afterwards. And there was a lady dancing with a beautiful. beautiful baby in a little baby outfit and the baby was fast asleep on her shoulder and everyone was like oh my god the baby and then I did this terrible fart and everyone was like the baby

and it went what's in that baby? And then everyone was like looking over at the mum and the mum was giving this like yeah isn't my baby lovely face and everyone was like oh doesn't she know that baby and I was like it was me

but I didn't say anything I let the baby take the fall I remember I was dancing close to that Baby. And I remember being like, oh, our baby really ruined. It's ruined. Valerie. Who's the father, a turd?

Jesus. Oh, God. Listen, listen, listen. Tatt attack. Tatt attack. It's going very Irish. We've got some tap from Chavorn. Oh, lovely.

Let's please. Shiv. Shavon says, hi, I just wanted to pass on some driving tat that I spotted yesterday. Great. So tat's in the car, car tat. It's car tat. Chavon says, I feel like it would be a tough one for the tat whisperer. So we'll see.

So I'm the Tats whisperer, and I basically try and guess, and please join. Guess how this tat's going to end. So Tatt is sort of phrases like, live, laugh, love, love, it's wine o'clock somewhere, just sort of goofy shit like that. Keep calm and keep crocheting hats. Yeah. I once saw a bag that said, off-duty mermaid. What does it mean?

Oh, I love that. What does it mean? Very good. So this is printed on the rear of a car. It's not within the car. Okay. Okay. Like a bumper sticker vibe.

Sort of, yeah. And it says, and I'm going to sort of blank out the last word of the slogan, if you will, powered by blank. And I will give you these clues. Blank is a compound noun of two words that aren't often together. It's quite a weird, made-up words. So if you guess it, I will flip my lid. A compound noun.

Could you give an example of a compound noun? Cheese knife, if you stuck it together. Cheese knife. But in this case, this is a compound noun never before seen? Not by me. Not by you. Okay. Okay.

If it's any help, the font. Yeah. Is the Disney font. Ah, that is too much of a clue, if I may. Powered by Princess Breath. Ooh. Oh, okay. Princess Power?

Fairy dust. Oh, you're so close, Phil. Fairy princess. Joy oil. Joy oil. Joy oil. Joy oil. So I'll give you what you've got so far.

It's powered by. blank dust. Phil got it right. Fairy dust. Princess dust. It's something dust. Fuck dust. No, shit. That's closer. Fuck dust. It's the closest thing. If a detective's factors to find out if someone's had sex in the room, he leaves on the floor and sweeps his hand across the ground and goes, fuck dust.

See that? Fuck dust. Fuck dust. There's a subgenre of tat, which is quite aggressive and angry and needlessly sweary. Phil and I once were sent a mug that said something like, I'm a dad. taco bitch. And I was just like, what? I'm a taco bitch. It was something like that, yeah.

Bitch dust. Bitch dust. It's a Disney font. Powered by bitch dust. That is incredible. What's bitch dust? I think it's like fuck dust, but on its own, I don't know. The general essence of being a bitch.

Being an unpleasant person, like an unpleasant person dust. Bitch dust. Powered by bitch dust. It should be like, if it was like bitch fuel, you'd be like, okay, yeah. We're going somewhere. Bitch dust, we're going nowhere. Like, oh, God. I hate it.

Magical bitch dust that you're somehow using on your car. Well, you have to turn it into pellets first, so then pellets is the usable form of bitch. Yeah, biofuel. You're such a bitch, I guess, that you have this dust and it makes your car somehow more powerful when you kind of shake your head into the fuel cap.

Just like dandruff. It's almost like, bitch just lives in your follicles and you brush it out, right? Okay. And Chavon, as a little bonus says, I didn't get a picture, but the sticker on the other side of the rear windscreen was a unicorn dabbing.

Wow. This person sounds like, from my essay, so this person sounds like an absolute nightmare. Yeah. She sounds, if I may, the worst woman on the hendu, this woman.

Yes. I saw someone on the train there was a hendu and one of the girls just had a ring, a silver ring that just said, fuck. Like, you're not really saying anything. You're just being like, fuck. And that's it.

What more do you need to say? I think it's a good, good enough place to end on. If you're listening to this, working out, like, how do I be a good body? Then just listen to Chavon's story. Don't let people put that stuff on their car. Actually, you know what? I'd say the opposite. Let people put bitch dust on the car.

Just let them and let them live their lives. And also don't help them if they've got them. their balls covered in shit. I think it's a consistency there. There is. Yeah, it's all about establishing just the right amount of closeness, of distance. Yeah, knowing when to jump in, knowing when to leave people to wash their own balls, you know. I think we've actually really got to the nub of it.

Thank you so much. It's been an absolute pleasure to mash up with you. It's been really wonderful. To buddy up with you. Thanks so much, guys. What a pleasure. Thank you listeners for being here. and if you want to donate to Comic Relief, please consider doing so.

This Red Nose Day, your donation will help people here in the UK and around the world live free from poverty, violence, discrimination and support them with their mental health. This includes helping people right now in Ukraine and the mass displacement of people in many parts of the world. Head tocomicrelief.com slash podcast mashup to give what you can now. And to donate 10 pounds, text the word podcast 270210. text costs your donation amount plus your standard network message charge and 100% of your donation will go to Comic Relief, a registered charity. But remember, you must be 16 or over and please ask the billpayers permission. For full terms and conditions, visitcomcom slash podcast mashup. I love terms and conditions.

I'm going to go and read those now. TC, that's my initials. I love them, baby.