Nobody Panic - Still Panicking: How to Get Involved in Christmas Around the World

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Still Panicking: This week we look back at the best Christmas How Tos, to help guide you through the festive season.From Krampus to the Crapping Log, journey with us around the world in Christmas traditions. Let Stevie and Tessa offer a canapé board of traditions you can incorporate this year IF YOU WISH. Or just launch these out as facts at the dinner table. Recorded and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. I'm sorry to everyone, German, who listens to Nobody Panic. Oh, it was German. Welcome to Nobody Panic.

Today. Christmas edition. We're doing the Christmas edition. We've been doing this podcast for a while. Sorry, I'm Stevie and Tessus right here with me saying things like, I didn't know that was German. Just supporting me along my journey. So we're going to be doing Christmas around the world. I can't wait.

I'm already chomping at the bit. Should we do an adult thing before we begin? I expect so. I've got a Christmasy one. All right. I made a roast. It's amazing. I know.

Only three people. I was one of the three. That's still massive. I made a roast. Did it get well? Yes. It went well. No burns on myself or the food.

Wow. Food delivered to the table on time. Food good. Then I made a crumble. Oh, no. That's amazing. I know. I've never made a...

We've stopped doing this podcast. I know. Now transcended. I know. It's too much. actually. I made a crumble. Not only have I never made a crumble before, I've never made a pudding. I've never baked. Interesting. Anything. Right. This was huge. That is huge. Huge. Mine's very, very quick and easy. Last year, I tried to make a gingerbread house and had a nervous breakdown. This year,

I made gingerbread and it was like, you know what? I'm going to make gingerbread without the house element. I'm just going to, I'm just going to, we're just going to cluck it, cluck it. Crack it into bits. It's gingerbread shards. And then, you know, if I want, I'll just get some icing and I'll do a Christmas tree. I didn't do that. We just had gingerbread shards as like almost like little gingerbread biscuits. And it was amazing. Oh, fantastic. Tea, melt in the mouth, amazing.

That was BBC good food as well. Unbelievably easy gingerbread. Fantastic. I much prefer that to a house. If anything, I do, actually, my truth is I get very stressed about things made out of food. Yeah, because then you're ruining it by eating it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's not good.

By its nature, death is its only path. and I hated. Yep. Oh my God. Death is his only path. Christmas. Okay, Christmas around the world. Tessa, where are you spending Christmas this year?

Is it in this country? No, you won't believe where I will be. Tokyo. Tokyo. What? I have got my, bags to myself, a gentleman caller. I've got myself a man on the go. You're in a long-term relationship.

I'm a long-term relationship with a man. And he's bags to himself. a brother. Oh, good for him. Well played, sir. And so my boyfriend's brother has bagsed himself the whole of Tokyo. His bags himself a job in Tokyo. As an amazing bit of head hunting, and this is a smaller side, but I do share it with you because I think it represents the spirit of nobody panic. He is a lawyer, I think. It's certainly business. So it could be consulting, banking, stop-broking or law. Okay? And he... very good at his job. He got head hunted by another company who offered him at Tokyo. He was

as a wife and a little baby. And they were like, we'll get you all this stuff. Pay rise, thing, nanny, house, Tokyo. And he was like, yeah, obviously, fantastic. Off I go. Goes back to his company. He's like, sorry, I've been offered this amazing job. His first company were like, whoa, whoa, show me the offer. We'll, we'll do better. Can you, isn't that electric? That is really exciting. And it may be like, that is the no, that's the nobody panic way. Yeah, but like, get head hunted. Get head hunted to Tokyo. But like just the spirit of being like, hey, think of that

of like next time you're like, oh, maybe I don't deserve a pay rise or I don't deserve this. Like your company might be so good, your company's capable of being like, wait, what's the deal? We'll give you that. Yeah. So I'm so, so, so excited. And there was a time in my life as a child when I was like,

no, no, no, no, Christmas, no, no, no, you've got to do Christmas here. But now I'm like, ah, you've only got one life. You've got to see it. Just explore all of the different options. Do you know a hugely popular Christmas meal? I did look it up because I was like, oh, I want to be prepared and ready for what we need to do to our hosts for Christmas Day. And I was so surprised I'm actually going to let you just reveal it because my breath was taken away. Yeah, so Christmas is like a relatively new thing in Japan.

And basically one of the sort of central tenets to the Christmas meal in Japan is a campaign. is a KFC fried chicken bucket. So that's what they have. No only do you have it. You have to order it four months in advance to be ready. And then you will get your bucket. It's such a huge thing. It became a big thing in like 1974 because KFC did a slogan called like Kentucky is Christmas.

And everyone was like, I guess Kentucky is Christmas. And it works so well. You have to order your bucket four months in advance. And now everybody in the country eats their kentucky. Kentucky Fried Tricking Bucket at Christmas. It's such a thing. I can't wait. Also, they do like special, and KFC do special, like, decorations.

You know how, like, Starbucks here will have, I mean, I'm sure they do it in Japan as well. We'll have, like, each Christmas festive coffee. They have a different design on the, on the comments. They go, oh, big thing. What's the time? They have, like, a different one each year, and it's all, like, a lot.

I just really enjoy that. I was really not expecting that. And I hear that Christmas Eve is more, almost like a Valentine's Day. It's very for couples. It's very magical. It's very romantic. Oh, I'm so excited.

I can't wait to report back on my KFC. My KFC. My KFC. My KFC, by going on it. Christmas. I've actually never had Christmas abroad at all, but I'm sort of obsessed. I'm kind of obsessed with the concept of it. My sister had Christmas in Australia a couple of times.

And I think one of the keys to having it in a different country, which is not quite what we're talking about here, but it's still a thing, is to research all the traditions and, like, go hard on it. Because remember last year there was that Twitter thread, which was amazing, about a guy who is not from the UK, and he was having to kind of remain in the UK for Christmas with his flatmates. And so he used the time to kind of find out as much about our Christmas traditions and did a tweet thread about all the things that he'd noticed.

And it was just brilliant to see from the outside. He's Muslim. And so like his observations are all things like, observation one, Christmas is a part-time job that you have from me. mid-November to the end of December. When they outside looking at Christmas always seemed pretty simple, I just thought you perpetrate and then gave gifts to family. This is a lie. That's just observation two.

People have very strong feelings about their Christmas traditions. If someone's insisting that a certain food is what you have to eat on Christmas morning because that's their family tradition, do not suggest alternatives. They will stab you in the neck. Also, you can buy, observation three, you can buy yourself a gift, but you cannot stuff your own stocking. This is, yeah, wow. All this sort of it.

You can buy yourself a gift. You can, but you can't put it in this. There are two streams of Christmas ornaments. The fillers and the keepers. The fillers are generic. The keepers are meant to be more special and unique. The second stream is stored for your family to be one day, pass on to children. And then he got, my roommates encouraged me to buy my own keeper ornament.

They told me something that would make me smile. I bought this one and I'm very happy. It's an everything bagel. That's nice. And then observation takes ornaments are expensive. Ornaments are so expensive. My mum, since we were born, has been keeping her ornament. She buys a new ornament every year for us that she says,

one for each of me, are my sister, and that she would say that when we left home, she was going to give them to us, both of us do not live at home. Have we been given them? Have we fuck? When questioned, she said, they're too nice. Yeah, mine's got something. We've got ones in it. Apparently they're just in boxes, and because we've not been able to get them, yeah, she's just got like a box of like little,

fairy wind, like Christmas, fairy wind chimes and stuff, but she didn't say they're too nice. They're too nice. You can't have them. I like them. And when she said the heart, we're like, yeah, fine. There you go. You have them. Okay, I've got one from, I've got one from around the world. Okay. I would like to share the

Catalan tradition of the log that poos. Oh, please. The Christmas crapping log. Oh, great. And it's legitimately called the crapping log. his name is Kagga and I'm so sorry

to the pronunciation but his name is Kagatio the crapping log you smack him with a stick and he craps the presents out of his little bottom you think it's weird that baby Jesus carries them in

this log will shit the present itself here is the song which I will not sing in Catalan but I will translate just off the cuff as I go it goes poop log poop log

poop log log of christmas don't poop salted herrings they are too salty poop chiron's now question i don't know what a poop chiron is i believe it's a ball of nougar because that's what comes out of the of the of the pooh of the log first before the presents a poop chiron they are much better that's the song then you hit him with the stick um it's like a bit of like a piniat like a christmas pinata i have not got

so the turon is a nougar traditionally made of egg white honey and sugar and almonds, delicious, fashioned into rectangles and served into bite-sized pieces. You leave oranges for him at night and in the morning, what would be there? Poo. Peels. So you feed him for weeks. Then on Christmas Eve, a blanket is placed on the crapping end, away from his face. Then, and then it says, then the singing and the beating would commence. You sing and you beat him with a stick. You are sent to, you, the children are sent into another room to pray. And when you return, the blanket is lifted, revealing both the Turin, the New Gar-Poo, and also the presents. Wow, okay. So all over Central Europe, people enjoy carp for Christmas Eve dinner, but rather

than picking it up from the supermarket, traditionalists of this sort of, I guess, tradition, they let the fish live in the bathtub for a couple of days before preparing and eating it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, alive. Yeah. Because legend has it, the scales bring luck and good fortune for the coming year. And where's that happening? It's traditionally a lot in central Europe, but Slovakia. Carp for dinner and pop it. And he's been living in the bathtub?

Pop it in the tub. For a few days. Yeah. So no one's washed. Well, I suppose you could have a shower. Well, and stood in the water that the carp is in. Wait, you might have a separate shower to your... Sorry, sorry.

You know? God, all right. The queen. I don't know. You're right. You make a good point. If you haven't got a separate shower, you know, right. Actually, look, kids,

name them, the children name the fish. I'd find that very disturbing. But then people, yeah, if you don't, they just say here, if you don't have a shower, then you can't bathe. And then some people admit to, in their childhood, like letting the fish go free because they've named them

and they've like become friend to them and they've lived with them. They are unable to go through with their plans to eat them. Oh, and then what do they do with them? Just put them in the river. But one of the issues is that carp, which is the traditional which is the food that they use, are bottom feeders.

So a few, which just means that they have like, you know, stuff that is not nice that they've eaten. So the idea that they go in the bath is so that when they swim in the clean water, it flushes mud and gross stuff from their digestive tract. So, but actually, apparently, according to scientists, that would take a lot longer for that to work, so it doesn't really do anything. God, are they crapping, they pooping out into the bathtub?

I guess they are, but then I suppose they'd be clean it out. And then you rinse the bath every day and give you new water to your carp. Yeah. Bathop carp is one of several traditions that's time to Christmas Eve. It's also the day children told when baby Jesus brings a Christmas tree. Oh, he brings it? So the baby brings the tree. And it requires very elaborate subterfuge from the parents.

He must hide and decorate the tree without the idea of like... There's quite a lot of that. Where are we now? We are still in Slovakia. Slovakia. Yeah. So in Austria also, and do stop me if I'm wrong. The Crampus, Jesus Christ.

No, sorry, before we even get to Crampus, in Vienna, you also have to do Christmas Eve, like not a hint of Christmas till Christmas Eve. And then, admittedly, this is in a book I read that was set in 1910. Things could have changed. They're going to Stolzberg and there's loads of Christmas market. What am I talking about? Listen. Is Salzburg in Austria?

Yes, it is. I think, in this book, it was like, there was no Christmas at all. And then suddenly it was like, and now, here it all is overnight. And it had to be this, like, big, the, subterfuge, you know, because Jesus is bringing it, or in this case, the Christmas Angel. Okay. So, like, it is interesting, like, how many people there's is, like, this very secret and quite intense aspect to it.

Like, very intense, because also at the same time that baby Jesus is bringing the tree, that's when the carp is meant to be killed. So the God, it's all going, isn't it? So, so also as well, you're trying to decorate this tree with your kids not noticing. I mean, how big does your house have to be? And then, and then, when this is happening, traditionally it's the father takes the life fish from the bathtub and slices his head off. But, so that means there's only one parent doing the trick, like, there's a lot going on.

Oh my God, and sometimes they're, because the fish are quite big and they move quickly. You have to hit the fish in the head with a mallet. This is horrible. Christ, what big Christmas this is. Yeah. A lot going on. There's actually, I'd say too much going on there. A lot of option for tears.

But they do have, their other dish is potato salad, which I really like, really like potato salad. and you know and if someone everyone sits at the table and no one's permitted to get up during the meal someone leaves the table even to go to the bathroom it means there will be a death in the family before the next Christmas arrives

well if you get up what during the meal yeah and once the meal ends everyone checks under their plate to retrieve fish scales from the family carp if you've got the fish scales underneath your plate then it signifies look for the year ahead I will share a personal Christmas tradition Okay.

Yes, on Christmas Eve, we read the night before Christmas, which used to be a parent's job. And then when I learned to read, it was my job. And then after many years of pitching that she should be allowed, my younger sister was allocated, I booed from start to finish. Now I was very polite about it. And then everybody fights every year for who gets to read it.

Oh, the fly. Then one year I sang it in the form of a couple of a couple. country and western song while playing guitar the year of... Do you play guitar? No, I can only play

three chords nor can I sing so it was quite a tedious performance the year after that I had been doing BSL British Sign Language at university

and so I signed it Oh nice Yeah I had worked quite hard on it but I think anybody who does use British Sign Language would have been like

I could gun to my head I don't know what this is you're trying to say here I signed it and then we did we've done a, and then last year it was a, it was like a quiz. And you had to say what the word, everyone had to shout at what they thought the words were.

Just evolving over the years. It's because we all know it so well that no one can just sit to a reading anymore. Or even if someone does, does the reading, someone else is like, okay, I've got a different, I've got a different version now. I want to do my thing. That's really nice. I'd do my thing. The year, the very first time I was away for Christmas, I was working in Canada and I was

working in a hotel. And even though we were in the snow. And I was so disappointed. the like the stuff, they just didn't feel like they were doing enough stuff. And so I was quite a precocious teenager. And I, you can, we can all believe it. I was 18 and I just was like, I'm doing this now to the, to the hotel. To the hotel.

I was like, you're not doing enough. The worst employee. All the best. Yeah, no, I was bad. I was bad. We did create a nice Christmas atmosphere actually. I guess was like, we're doing this. Why aren't you doing enough stuff?

So on Christmas, if I put a note, a thing up being like, we'll be doing a reading in front of the nightmare before Christmas. of the night before Christmas. And then so many, all these children came. So I was really like, oh, people do want to come to my reading. And I was wearing a little Father Christmas outfit. And I read in front of the fire. And this little girl really knowing her job, climbed onto my lap and fell asleep.

Oh, yeah. And I was like, God, this is electric. But then after it ended, everybody wanted to go. And so, like, various other people had to get up and then also do their reading. So I feel like that everybody wants a piece of the reading is common. Yeah, no, no, very much so. It's very nice, though, to have such a... I like the idea that you've got such a history with those words, you know?

There's so much... The words for me, that's for me is like, that's the only thing that's like a sort of set in stone bit of Christmas. Christmas Day has evolved as everyone's got older, and then various people have tried to, like, take control of the lunch. My sister attempted the breakfast one time until she screamed, fuck off, there's no more Holland days and threw an egg on the floor. Then, so, like, you know, as we've all fought for power

in our later years. Christmas Day itself is neither here nor there but Christmas Eve. That's the stuff. That's stuff. Okay, hit me with more. In Austria. Please. Christmas is a surprise. Oh my God, no, it's not. No, sadly, it's about the crampus. So, you know how we have the, if you're naughty, you get coal in your stocking?

They have. And when I went, I went to Salzburg just before Christmas though, it was like 20th to the 24th one year. And we read about the crampus and in Salzburg, he, he's, stalks the, people dress up as the crampus and he's terrifying. I don't want to look at him. I hate the crampus. He stalks and jumps out at people in Salzburg.

And so we spend the whole timing like, genuinely, is this like goat man going to just... Where is... Did you see him? No, we didn't. But you were on edge. But it's just, I think we'd misunderstood. And it was just saying that like, if you've been naughty, the crampus will get you. But they do have... So in some places, yeah, men dress up as the scary character for the...

the crampus louth, sorry, for the pronunciation, or translated as crampus run, in which they parade for the streets to blow off steam and scare naughty kids back into that. Multiple crampuses. Just run around screaming and scaring children. He's a half-man, half-goat. St. Nicholas gives good kids gifts, and the crampus terrifies the living shit out of them. I'm so afraid of crampus. When my sister went to Australia for Christmas, she was a bit like, what's it going to be like? Barbie on the beach. Oh.

You know? Which leads us neatly to The Christmas Witches. Oh, where's that happening? I'm going. Come on. Russia and the other Slavic countries. Oh, it's what a shame.

Slavic countries, up for. Russia, difficult. Difficult time for Russia. Baba Jaga. Okay. Now, in your friend in mine, John Wick, the bad guys refer to him, I think, as Baba Yaga, and they, as in, like, the boogey man.

And he's like the spooky character. Listen, John Witt, what a fantastic film. But Baba Yaga is not the boogeyman. She's a woman. She's very clearly a woman. Babiaga is an old witch. She has iron teeth and a longed hooked nose. She's quite scary. Oh, awful. Awful bit of business. And she lives in a hut on four massive chicken legs. Sorry, and the hut is on chicken legs. Yeah, the hut is on four moving chicken legs.

Holy shit. Yeah, awful business. She is here to steal children's presence. So you've got to be good because otherwise Baba Yaga is going to get them. Yeah, I see. God. Now, it's really terrified children here. In Italy, La Bafana, not quite so spooky, but similar witch energy, she rides a broomstick that she used to clean up the ash, that she scatters when she drops into houses through the chimneys. Like Santa.

Yeah. Oh, even if she hasn't made a mess, La Bafana always sweeps the floor before she goes in, symbolically sweeping away the problems of the year before. They often leave her a small glass of wine and a plate with a few morsels of food. But beware, if she catches you, sneaking. a peek at her. She'll thump you with her broomstick. What's she doing in the house? Giving you presents. Oh, it is giving presents. Sorry, she stuffs good kids stocking.

It's like she just comes in sweeps and then like hits you and face and leaves. No, it's a good, the good kids get candy and presents in their stocking and bad kids get coal and garlic or a stick. Interesting. But I think, I believe the origin story is that she meets the wise kings on their way to baby Jesus. Right. And she's like, I want to give me one second. and I'll go get a present.

And then when she goes back in the house to get her present and when she comes back, they're gone. So she's like, motherfucker, so she tries her best to follow them to give her present to baby Jesus doesn't get there in time. So along the way, she doesn't know where she's going on,

who she's looking for. So she gives every child a present in the hope that one of the houses will be baby Jesus. That's nice, isn't it? That's nice. Yeah. In Iceland, they celebrate 13 days before Christmas

and children get presents from 13 different Santa Claus or Yule Lads. What? The Yule Lads! Each of these lads has its own different qualities. They're a little bit bit feisty. But if good children place their shoes on the windowsill,

the Yule Lads will lead them little gifts inside their shoes. If they haven't behaved, the Yule Lads give them rotten potatoes. I'm going to go home and put my shoes out. I'm really excited to get into it and steal some traditions. If you're feeling maybe tradition, Christmas this year is looking a little bit different or whatever, But hey, there is a smorgasbord of traditions out there. And if you're really feeling scrooge and you don't want any part of it, can I offer you medieval Christmas?

Put on the spookiest mask you have. Fuck, anything. Medieval Christmas, please. But they just put on masks. Medieval Christmas in England. Yeah. Was insane. What happened?

Oh, you truly looked like, what's this guy in Nightmare before Christmas? He's wearing a big... Jack's going to. No, he's a sack. Oh. Oh. Oh. Boogiman. Boogieman. Bogeyman. Yeah. That, but like, demons, monsters, bits. Mumbing. It was called mumming.

And you just went out that night and you were just doing pranks. Anyone was allowed to snog anyone. Everyone was fucking, it was like a set, a big monster sex fest. Comic-Con, if you will. Mumbing hoggling and the feast of fools. Yeah, exactly. No presents, no stuff, just getting fucked up dressed as a monster. Well, you'd want to do, it was sort of a bit like, as well, bits of it were like trick or treating really. Yes, it has a lot of spooks.

Yeah. And you get like coins in exchange for it. That's like frightening though. Yeah. Oh, it was a spooky time. But it wasn't, I don't think they would have considered it spooky so much as they would have enjoyed this like no holds barred. The peasant be dancing with the king.

Yeah. Anyone can be anyone at monster time. This is a, you know, anyway. Or you could do the other thing, which is if you didn't want to put a mask on and go and fuck someone, you could make, you could do the thing where you make a cake, and they used to put a little dried bean in it, so it'd be, like, and then it was a coin,

but coins are a bit dirty, so I don't know if you wanted to do a coin, but you could do anything, and whoever gets the bean is the person who has all the, all the look at Christmas. So where is the bean? In the cake somewhere. They are, they, they, the game was that they would, if you got the bean, you would become king for the night,

and you have to, like, make everyone, do, everyone else do, like, silly forfeits and, like, wait on you and stuff. Like the Epiphany, If you find the baby... What's that? You find the baby in the epiphany cake? Truly, if you find the baby in the epiphany cake. I'm sorry, you're going to have to explain that more?

It's a baby. I was in like a toy baby. A little... Plastic baby with a crown on it. Plastic baby with a crown on it? Yeah. He's a little... Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. If you find him in the cake, you're the king. Yes. Here's me, fanning around with my dried beans. No, God, no. I saw a little baby. I saw someone said the other day.

That was to be why they, basically, I saw this thing the day that was like, an Amazon review of a packet of a hundred tiny miniature babies. And it was like, basically this girl had got them and just pranked her boyfriend by like, when he opened the cutlery drawer instead of all the cutlery, it was babies.

And then she just kept doing them. So then he was like, now my boyfriend is terrified to open or do anything because there is always a baby in it. And she's like, it's 10 out of 10, highly recommended. But I was like, why would, who makes these fake babies?

Epiphany case. And are they for Christmas? For epiphany. What's epiphany? What's epiphany? When the kings come? Wow. The 12th night.

Jesus, didn't dig that from it at all. No, well quite. I'm too busy sleeping. Yeah. What? Bored. When? Watching 12th night.

Right, okay. So like after, yeah, so 25 days, so 25th of Christmas, 25th of December, 12 days later is 12th night. I meant to take the decorations down on the first time. I was always excited and the kings come. The three kings we know today, of course, Balthazar, Gaspar and Melchia, thought they must be in the wrong place.

However, the fourth king, known as Hobs and Malt, showed the landlord his wonderful beer. In return, he was told the truth about the stable and the manger. Is your beer one from the four-cringsbrewery.com? Possibly. And he showed him his beer. Yeah. And we're quite sure that's from the Bible.

Yeah. Yeah. Listen, another fantastically researched and expert podcast coming to you live and free. Can you believe that? This is free. These experts are bringing you free. Yeah, what are you learning there about the beer.

There's another one called Artaban. I think that's the one. Yeah, not hops and malt. Not hops and malt. I just read it. And it is from the Four Kings Brewery. Yeah. I believe everything.

Oh, my God. So Artaban saw signs in the heavens proclaiming a king had been born. But he missed the caravan. Yep. and he can't cross the desert with only a horse. So he's forced to sell one of his treasures that he was going to give to the baby Jesus

in order to buy the camels and supplies necessary for the trip. Starts his journey, arrives in Bethlehem, too late, and he saves the life of a child at the price of another of his treasures. Oh, good guy, actually. And then he opened a pub. Oh, it's this. Oh, it's again. That's so funny.

Well, it's a similar theme of the, like, people trying to catch up the baby Jesus, or, you know, people would be like, well, let's be nice to everyone, because then you don't know where the baby is. Yeah. Listen, listen, listen. That was fun.

I really enjoyed it. I'm going to take a lot of these. I'm going to do the crampus. I'm just going to walk around and tear other shit out of people. Guys, listen, do what you like. You know, go for your life. Let's get some new traditions up in this grill. If you yourself have got any fantastic traditions you want to share,

or if you're from any of the countries and you've been listening thinking, no, that isn't right at all. No, that's not what we do. Then don't tell us. Keep it to yourself. It's Christmas. And we're trying our best. We're trying so goddamn hell.

Please have a magical Christmas. A wonderful epiphany. Get that baby and that cake. Good night.