Nobody Panic - Still Panicking: How to Go to the Hairdressers

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Still Panicking: Why not carve out a bit of you time, as this week, we look back on Tessa and Stevie's best self-care How Tos.While this is for everyone, Stevie and Tessa have never met a cis man who doesn’t freak out before the hairdressers then leave looking like an embarrassed military general – so this is also very much for you. Here’s how to get a hair cut with the least amount of stress possible (eg TAKE A PICTURE OF WHEN YOU HAD NICE HAIR AND SHOW IT TO THE HAIRDRESSER).This episode was first released on 22 November 2022.Recorded by Ben Williams and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true, Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. Nobody's Panic. Welcome to the Nobody Panic hair dressing salon. Tessa, how can I help you? Hello. She's eating a yorky bar. I just had a little bit of yorky bar. Today it occurred to me that what I really wanted was a yorky. And you got it. It's so wonderful to have small dreams because

they can be so easily achieved. I remember when I was young and I had one of them little notebooks and it said like put a wish that you have like three wishes. I couldn't think of three. I couldn't think of three. I could only think of one. And it was I wish for 10 dairy milk bars. Did you ever get them? No. No, I think I did. I think over the course of the next two decades, I definitely had more than 10 dairymenclos. Well, there you go. Isn't that wonderful?

My favourite yorky of all is the biscuit and raisin. Mine too. That blows my mind. It blows my mind. But they aren't often available. Am I right? Am I right, Lance? Also, the marketing of that in the 90s, no girls allowed or no birds.

Do not feed the birds. Is that what it is now? No, no, they obviously stop that because they were like, it's 2022 and we can't be doing that. People might think of his actual birds. It said don't feed the birds and so it was like, it's not for girls and then I obviously was like I'll eat nothing but Yorkies

That's what I did as well Right? They got us They absolutely got us Anyway, you don't normally start You're going on any holidays this year? Very good There we go

Let me know if that's too hot Oh great Yeah yeah That's of course Talking of what do you think of the colour I'm desperately trying to think of another job that could be A welder

So this episode Is that about welding? What are you going to colour This episode is a suggestion that we had. And it's actually a suggestion that I wrote down at one in the morning and then went on the Nobody Panic Twitter. What you thought of it yourself? I thought of it myself. It's nice when that happens, isn't it? Yeah. And then Julia tweeted us. Turns out it'd probably been like six days earlier. I just hadn't checked the Twitter. As I prepare myself for my biannual

haircut, I find myself wondering if you've ever done an ep on this? Am I alone in feeling like I'm about to sit an exam I haven't studied for? Like, how am I supposed to know whether I want layers. I'm not the expert of hair. She's right. And I'm... And it ends there. I'm not the expert of hair. You're not a letter as a tweet. Oh, I see. Right. You don't have to sign off. Unlike Tessa, people don't often sign off. Love,

Julia. Best, Tessa. This wasn't a message to us. That was simply a tweet. Simply a tweet. Oh, simply a tweet. To us. And I said, yeah, I was literally written it down within the hour. It's hard, isn't it? It's hard. And also, if you're listening and you are a sister rate, man, it's even harder for you. Because I don't think I've ever I was going to say, ever bonked a man, ever had a relationship with a man where they've not had a, just such stress about going to the hairdressers is at all like a weird element of just like, yeah, we don't talk about it. Just one day they turn up and they've got no hair. And then when you go, is that what you ask for? They just like, they just like, yeah, it was fine. We just do something else. You're like, not to make the sweeping gender statements, but the boys get their boys annual haircut day is such a stressful day. It's such a stressful day.

It's like taking a dog to the haircut, to the haircut. It's like a dog, but it's like they just look so ashamed of what's happened to them. And if you ask them about it, they get furious. And they seem to, and this is again, like, if you, yourself are a gentleman and you've never, a lady's haircut, if you've got a shaping, a bit of layering, colour and a blow dry, you're looking upwards of £200. 100%. And you're in there five hours.

When I get my roots done, I have to be in there for seven hours. No, Stevie. That's 100%. Yeah. seven full hours just to sit there. And also, but then like guys, it takes, I'd say, minus seven minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They come out before they've gone in.

Before they've gone in. As you're walking past, someone just reams out the window and snips your hair. And then you see a sign, it'll be like, ladies, just. That's what the time says? So excited to talk about it. Ladies, what's it called, senior stylist? Yes.

250 pounds. Men's cut and wipe. A dog. A dog will do it. You know? It's like, seven pounds. You come in, do it yourself, and we'll pay you. Also, they never have to book in advance.

So you just walk in. It blows my mind. Yeah, every time the shadow gets his haircut, he goes, I think I'll get my haircut today. And I'm like, what do you think you will? Like, are you booked in? He's like, no, you'd have to book. Well, actually, we just had a conversation then because we were trying to do in a no-de-panac record,

and we had to cancel it because I've got my hair-dying situation happening. The seven hours. Seven hours. And it starts at two. And so the colourist is like, I forgot to say, we're going to be there for nine. Anyway, so I can't move it. But also, I had to book it three months ago, and I can't change it because she's not available for the succeeding three months. It's wild. It's a absolute wild west out there.

If you are considering a career in the hair industry, I would say, go for it. It seems like there aren't enough people. And people want to pay the top draw. May I give a recommendation that's not sponsored? No, but you do love them. I do love them. So I don't get my hair dyed there, but you can do. I get my hair cut at this place called chop, chop.

It felt like you got through the first word, then you're like, What's the second word? Well, it used to be called Chop London, but I think it's now called Chop Chop. And when in the other day, I had it incredibly long hair, all the same length. Hadn't had it cut, hadn't had it cut for two years. I bleached it so much. I looked like I'm wearing, when I had it down, I looked like I was wearing a bad Gandalf wig. Like, I was wearing a bun all the time, which means that all of it's sort of broken off because the bubbles in the same place.

And when I went in and I took my hair down, he went, oh, God, like that. And then I went, what? Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about something else. And then we laughed a lot because it was obviously about my hair. They turned that into a sort of like a mid-length choppy layers and a fringe in 25 minutes dry. No washing. It's a myth. You have to like wash your hair and have it wet. They do it dry. It was 30 quid in out. Done. And I think that is the future, isn't it? It really is. Because unless you, and I... It's all genders as well. And it's all types of hair as well. It's not just like, you know, white women. It's like anybody. Because that is a whole, and of course we haven't got anything except our white women hair, but that is a whole huge other, you know, industry, difficulties, people who won't do certain types of hair. Or say that they can and they can't, and they can't.

All this sort of stuff. So amazing to, that's the thing why you find a good hairdresser, you're like, hold onto them. But I suppose if you're looking for just a classic cut, something nice and simple, chop chop chop. Chop, shop. God's sake, do it easy. Those was laughing about Gandalf is because I had just looked up this guy's name to be clear about. it is that I once went to the hairdressers and she dyed it because I normally just get like

a T-section I say because my hair is fair but I describe it sometimes as the color of sadness. It's just like the most nice. Yeah, it's just like so it's such a washed out non-color really. You're blonde. You're a blonde woman. I'm a blonde woman but it's mouse, if the truth is it's mousy. But you say you just get like the parting and then a bit of the back. Yeah, the T section is the trunk of the tea is here. Yeah.

And we cross the tea here. At the back of the head is not the front. Interesting. Okay. So it goes T-section, quarter highlights, half highlights, full highlights. Then a full dye job. But once, I said it's really important to me that it just looks like a beachy, a little bit of a colour, a little bit of, oh. Yeah.

Oh, I haven't it been in the song? Yes. I always just like, oh, when I go in. Anyway, then she did it. It was so fair, and it was all just so shockingly one colour that it looked so fake and like a wig. And then I started crying instead I looked like, thrandial king of the woodland elves. Show me? This guy.

Yeah. Look it up. Google it. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot of the race character. Yes, very much so. That's kind of how I felt.

And I think what you've done there is inadvertently given us the first tip, which is you have to know what you want and you can't go in and go, but before we get too deep in, of course. We've got to pull back. Pull back. From Thrandreel. Get out of the chair. Take your weird cloth off that you couldn't,

don't know if you put it on back to front or forward. Yeah. And put it on like a coat or put it on like a gap. You don't know. You don't know. Put on my head. And we're going to do the adult thing of the week. So this is the most grown-up thing.

done this week. It makes us feel good about ourselves. Tateau, what's yours? Mine is my new and improved use of my eye calendar on my thing. We're really getting into it. This is an ongoing process, I see, because you did have a few weeks ago that you'd sorted out your calendar, which makes me feel like you tried to, it hasn't quite worked out, but you're still going. We're really doing it. Any time, I think anything, it just goes on there, and then I look back over the day and I'm just like, oh, and I put all the notes in there, everything, I'm really using it. I mean, like, oh, and I realize that I have this, like, this constant, level hum of anxiety that I was just like, that's how everyone feels. It's called living. It's

called living, that's living, I guess. And I don't disagree. I think that probably is living. But it turns out that was my wizard trying to remind me of something, but he's forgotten as well. To be clear, long-time listeners will know this. Short-time listeners, we call the voice that you have in your head going, probably later you'll regret it if you don't do that. The wizard sitting on your shoulder, it's your wizard. And we often do not listen to the wizard. No. And when you don't listen to the wizard, then the thing happens. And he goes, yeah, Well, I told you so. I should have listened to my wizard. It feels like my wizard has been constantly being like, you've forgotten something.

And I've been like, nah. But it turns out he's right. And I have just forgotten loads of things every day. And so that's sort of gone away a bit, the low-level hum, because now I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, the hum's there. What is it today? Oh, oh, I see. I'm supposed to be at the GP. I've got a full show to do.

Oh, I've got a full show. Oh, good Lord. I'm doing a showcase tonight, would you believe? I'm really getting in genius using my ICAL. But I would have used it for last night, which made me laugh, is that I'm having I currently have no sort of countertop in the kitchen. It's just a piece of MDF with a toaster on top. Great.

But one day, they'll come. Yeah, yeah. Maybe they'll come, please, and put a countertop on. So while I wait for the countertop, but she's got this MDF, it has got, I did not realise until last night, quite a large hole in the back. I made myself some toast late last night and really, Pong, you know, and you really push the button down. Yes.

To get it to fly up. Right, yeah. Catch it in midair. Okay. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, why not? I'm sure I have at some point.

Yeah, so you really launch the button up. You pull the button up so that the thing shoots out. Yeah, you press the council thing and you really throw your thing up. Toast up, try and get your plate on underneath. A bit of fun. Right. Missed it. Right.

Went down the back. Yes, okay. So the toast is down that hole. Oh, fuck. What am I going to do now? But then I made a note to myself on the day that the countertop people are coming. Take the toast out of the house. There is a piece of toast down the back of the dishwasher.

And hopefully I'll try and style it out. And as they take the end of the end. idea of, I'll go, oh, just grab that, and then I know. No, I think what you got to do that is go, the other day, a bit of toast fell down, and I haven't been able to reach it. So this will be helpful, rather than just going, excuse me, taking some toes out of the war and leaving the room. Okay, mine is that I'm very quick, very simple. I've started taking proper, like, multivitamins.

I would have always, not always, but for the last few years I've been taking a multivitamin, because someone recommended it out awake to me. Okay. And we were at my friend's house and my friend's sister's house. and she had these, she was like, try these. And there were these like gummies. They're called Alive with an exclamation mark at Holland and Barrett. And they are on that kind of like, by and I won't get.

Alive at the end or alive instead of the eye or anything cookie. No, just alive with the exclamation mark. At awake, imagine. Yeah, I was awake. Oh my God, I didn't even think of that. That's very funny. But they're delicious gummies. And you have two.

And then my friend put me in touch with a nutritionist who gave me a free chat and she told me all the things I should get that would, because apparently like one multivitamin is not enough. You've got to get other stuff. So I got all the stuff. I've been doing it for maybe six or seven months. No, what are we? Side in January. Yeah, seven months.

And I feel exactly the same. But I do feel better in my heart. Do you know? Oh. You know, like, because I just feel like in the morning, it's such a nice thing to do psychologically to wake up and then take all your vitamins. Because you're like, and now I sort of feel like I've done all the healthy things. Well, that's nice.

It's also a bit of like, I'm up. I've committed to the day. Yes. I've had my vitamins. And why not carry on with that level of an... Yes. And do I often? Often not.

Also as well, like you've got to take water with them, so you're drinking water as well there, which I would never do anyway. And it's so much easier than even things like a hot lemon and a hot water, which is always just like, well, I've got the lemon and now I've taken one thing. I've got to put the lemon back and now the lemon's gone off. You know, all that sort of stuff. Now I've got an off lemon. I've got an off lemon. Let's say continue. And that's that story that you told her the hairdressers.

And that's where I told the hairdressers. It's right. So earlier today, I asked my lovely Instagram friends and foes to give us some suggestions, some tips. will be peppering this with the tips there's been some very specific ones there's been some just really really great ones so when I asked for some tips what's very funny is that I got

the spectrum is a lot of people just going just don't go right okay right okay good and through to one of my this is my favourite tip because it's so specific this is from Alice hello Alice if they offer you a drink get a black coffee because it stays hot longer than if milk

is added that's my favourite no it's so good. I think it's so good. This is a good one. Don't make friends with a stylist. So this is all that Juan has said. However, what no more. That's it. No. But I do understand what Juan means. Because I've been in situations where I have been to a particular hairdresser. I've tried loads of different hairdressers because getting your hair cut and getting your hair bleached is a good colourist. It's two separate things. I get my hair cut at one place and coloured somewhere else.

I have tried to get it coloured at a place where I was regularly going. going to get it cut and sort of made friends with the guy with the owner who's like really fun and really cool. But when they did the colouring job, it was really bad. And it was really far away from my house as well. And it was like a nightmare. He did it really quickly. And it like had chunky bits. And I kind of left with roots and was like, well, hang on, I've just paid to get my roots done. Why have I got roots? And then, of course, the next time I go somewhere, I haven't been for like, you know, now to get my hair colour there for years. But I do get it cut. Sometimes. there, not all the time, because I've now started going to chop chop, of course.

But he knows that I've, because he knows me and we have this, and then you suddenly feel like it's personal and you've like, you sort of dumped them as a friend. Because when you sit there for hours with somebody, you sort of create a bit of a relationship and then you're like, oh no, I've got in too deep. So you can't get in, basically, you've got to keep it light, you can't get in too deep with the, with the size or start to feel like they're your friend because at one point you might have to let them down. Amen. And I think so often we see somebody will talk, you know, a famous person in the back of a magazine or somebody will say, I couldn't live without, you know, Jeremy, my stylist, he's my godson. And we have such a laugh. And he also is my best friend. Yes.

You know, Jeremy fucks your hair off and you're like, oh my God. Well, exactly. So, like, therefore, you always get in your head of being like, okay, I've got to look for this fantastic stylist best friend. Yes. Yes. So when you find a good chatty hairdresser, you're like, oh, great. You'll be it. And then you see their work and you're like, oh, no. But we did, I did the friend thing too quickly. Yes. it's park the breaks on the be like, I couldn't live without them. And we're committing to their work. It's a professional working business relationship.

It's a business relationship. And if they're chatting and fun, God bless, thank you. Yes. I would say that for almost anything, anything that you get into relationships. Friendship. But anything that is transactional.

Right to the microphone of me. Sorry. Go ahead. Continue. You should have friendships and just wretched. Yeah. Friendships. Ah!

Anything that is transactional. If they're fun, bonus. But if you let them be. the fun is the main thing, then you're like, what are we doing? Yes, and also, yeah, you are paying them, and right up front, you do have to tip. That is something that I didn't realize.

For years, fair play, I was very poor, and I probably couldn't have tipped even if I wanted to. I think it's that it's so much, isn't it? It's so much. Because in your head, you're like, you're like, okay, it'll be this much. Then I've got, I'll pay $20 pounds, and then they get there, they're like,

and it's this, and this, and so that's $250, and you're like, what? I'm dying, yes. And so then you don't want a tip, you'd already calculated. the tip into what you thought the price was. And then that's now so much more than that you're like, okay, thank you ever so much, goodbye.

Yes. And it is, it's sort of, you know, you're looking at sort of 10 to 15% is the normal tip thing for a hairdresser. But like, yeah, of course. In your head, what happens is you calculate it. But then often what sometimes they do is they will like upsell stuff by just putting it on your head and going like, oliplex.

And you go, yeah, if that's, you know, why not without realizing that, I don't know, oliplex or oliplex, or however you pronounce it, is something that they add to, if you get your hair bleached, that you don't need to have. Like, and they'll make it sound like you need to have it. So you go, well, it's almost like they're going, shampoo, you're like, well, obviously, yes, but it's not. So you have to all, and don't be frightened to go, like,

what's that? Is that an extra charge? Yeah, because. Just casually. Just like so casually, because also, as well, they make, and it's not a manipulative thing. They do it because you're going to be with them for a long time, and they're also, like, it's all about sort of hairdresser bedside manner,

almost, you know, they chat and they make you feel comfortable. But in doing that, it can feel then awkward to discuss professional things, like, is that an extra charge? Because you forget they're giving you a service that you are paying for. And the amount of times I've spoken to, especially boys, but also like me and just people in general, where I've definitely gone in, had a haircut, I hated it so much, walked out, cried, and then my mum has gone, you have to go back in. That is a terrible haircut. Gone back in and I can't go out without This is when I was like in my 20s, can you come with me? And then I, just so you're there, so when I say it, I don't feel embarrassed.

And then like, and then I go, would you actually, so sorry, I know I left earlier, but like, would you mind tidying this bit up and this bit up? Because I just, is that okay? And they're always absolutely fun. I'm always amazed by how not angry hairdressers are when you go, actually, would you mind doing that a bit more? However, the other day when I got my haircut, I asked for a fringe. He did a very sort of, you know, a very normal sort of like bar-dowy fringe.

And then I said, can I have a heavier fringe? And he went, why? And I said, because I sort of would like it. And then he was like, okay. And then I, I think my asshole went into my body. I was like, so tense. And when he was cutting it, I had to close my eyes because I was like, have I just asked for something wild?

When I open my eyes, I'm going to look like I'm wearing, I don't know, a visor or something. And did it look nice? It's just a heavier fringe, literally what I asked for, and it's fine. But that's the first time I've kind of experienced maybe not even rude, just like, oh, why? You know, and you're like, what do you mean why? And then you panic. And I think that's what happens is with a lot of barbers and stuff, they'll go like, well, one of the big tips here, which I thought was very helpful, don't do what I did, ask for two inches off without knowing what that means. You have, if you're not specific at the start, because you're like, oh, I don't know, just like whatever you think.

You all know, you know. They don't know. They don't know. It's your hair and your body and your face. you have to look at every day. Yes. And if you're not specific, you're going to lead yourself into the situation of being,

of not liking it, of being boiling hot and wanting to ask for more off or asking them, like, can you do more of this and them going, what? Like you get, so it's up to you to tell them. Also,

I think, like, we have it in our head that, like, when you meet a professional in any capacity, but particularly with, like, making something look lovely, whether that's like clothing or makeup or hair or interiors,

interiors, that you'll meet this person who will magically be like, hmm, for you, have you tried? One streak of red, just there. And lower on that side than that side. I'm into it. Right? And you're like, okay. And you have this idea that they'll spin you round at the end.

You'll be a totally transformed person. And I'm sure that person exists, but they probably cost £1,000 an hour because what an unbelievable talent that is to know everybody's different face, hair colour, eye colour, everything with different shapes, big hearts, big hearts, small hearts. And then to be like, this for you?

this, you know, but it's really all they can do is you give them the instruction and they say, and here I have delivered the thing that you have asked for. Yes, I always think about how you got your, because Tessa got her, like, years and years and years ago, got like a hair and makeup person for a shoot. And they did your hair, like big blow out and it looked incredible, but it also, you've never done that in with your own hair. So as well, not only they could think of the most incredible thing to do with your face shape, with your eyes, but they also have to know your personality and what you do every day

because otherwise they won't get it right. So that's why as well, what I like to do is, and I've only started doing it the last two years, since seeing how bad my partner is at it, number one tip, you have to show a picture no matter how embarrassing it is. Or who it's of. And that's the thing,

because I had to show a picture of, essentially it was Billy Eilish, and I'm a 35, well, 34-year-old woman. Like, that's embarrassing, being like, I want to look like Billy Eilish. Like, I won't. I don't. That's your dream.

But no, I liked her haircut. And that's fine. And that's totally fine. But also, it can help so much. I said, I'd like to look like Kate Middleton, please. And they laughed so much at me. And then they're like, what do you mean? Like what bit?

And then I found a picture and I was like, just, it's nice, isn't it? And they were like, well, it's been brushed. Yes. Well, you're describing there as a blow dry. Yes. And I was like, but it looks so luxurious and big. And they were like, well, Yeah, she's got extra bits in there.

So there's more hair. And it's been curled. Do you see that? And it just looks healthy and well because it's been blow-dried. That's how you get this volume in it. And I was like, oh, right. But that's helpful for you. It's so helpful, you know.

And he was like, well, if I'm honest, and I've only just met you, but it feels like this will never happen for you because you're wearing two different shoes. I was wearing two different shoes. Good for him, actually. They were two, but they were both conversed. And I thought I could get away with it. And they would do different shapes. And he was like, if I may, you feel like you're fairly low maintenance

and you sort of just go out with your day. And he's like, do you blow you dry your hair? And I was like, not really, it's quite fine. So I just like let it dry. Yeah, your air dry. Well, you've always got wet hair. I've got to ever see you. Yeah.

Every single time. Exactly, I was always got wet hair. And he was like, well, that's why. Yeah. You're never going to take an hour every morning to do this. So there's no point attempting it. Like, what you're looking at there is not me with the scissors. That's every single morning a professional does that.

Yeah, what you want is what I want and what I asked for you the other day. And it really worked. I said, like, this sort of style. But I was like, see how she's like curled the front of it. I'm not going to curl anything because I'm never going to do that. Yeah. I just really want a hairstyle that when I wake up, I can brush it and it looks fine. And I was like, sort of like, you know, layers, chopy layers, a fringe cut in.

And he was like, okay. And so I really described it. And then he was like, okay, I need to see a picture. they basically always ask for a picture because what I'm describing, he's got it in his head, but it might not be what I'm thinking. So that's, and I think that's... And now we've all got Google, you know, it's so easy. It's so easy.

But what's fascinating is when I told my partner that, he was like, no, I'm not going to show a picture. And it was like, but why? And he couldn't really tell me why. And I think it's just because I think guys don't show pictures to barbers. It's like a weird thing to do. But it was like, you don't have to show a picture of a celebrity and go, I want to look like Tom Cruise. You could take a picture of your... Of yourself.

But you thought I looked nice here. And then he was like, oh, it's too much. Because the whole idea of it is so stressful, just any element of it. He was like, it's too much, I know. And then he came back and he looked like a beast thought, right? And he's like, what you've done there?

And they're not so angry as well. Yeah, angry, sad, sweaty, upset, embarrassed. But then, so what I'm doing, and obviously he hates talking about it. He'll hate that I'm talking about it as well because he's just like any conversation about it, you just can't stand. But what I'm doing, what I've done is,

there was a period of time when he liked his hair and I thought, great. So I just took a picture. Propos something else. Now I've got it. So next time he goes in, I'm just going to go, show them that. And it'll go, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's of me. I'm not showing them a picture of, like, machine gun Kelly or something.

Yeah. I want to look like, I don't know, some kind of young rap star who's going out with Megan Fox. Megan The Fox. That's very much Megan The Stalien, Megan Foxx. But anyway, whatever. Yeah, I think both of them on either side comes down to this, like, a fear of vanity. Yes. So it's either this like, oh, whatever you think.

Yes. Whatever you think, brackets make me look like a princess. Yes, you've got an idea in your headby. And then he'll be like, oh, whatever, you just cut it. A haircut should just be practical and, you know, not styled. And it should be the sort of Soviet Union, like, how dare you take interest in yourself? Yes. And you do whatever.

It's like, why not? You have to look at yourself every day. Yes. Why not try and be the nicest you can be? Yes. And doing this small thing now will mean in the long run, you'll feel so much better rather than looking in the mirror every day and hating it. The other thing is what I found very helpful.

Vigorously poke ears to ensure that there's no earwax visible. I don't think it's very funny. You leave being like, oh my God. Or like, I had something in my teeth. Oh, my God. Well, some of the Turkish barbers, they light your ears on fire. And your nose. Yeah, probably check that that is not one of them.

I also find the, always the mirrors, I think that's also part of it. You have to stare at yourself for ages. And the mirrors are very unflattering. And that's another reason that people don't want to go and I don't want to go. So quite often I've, so in Edinburgh, when I got my hair for the first time I died blonde, I went to a place in Edinburgh and I was so hung over. I was actually like, on the way I was like, I think I can't go, I think I'm going to

throw up all over them, but I didn't. I managed to like hold it. But I looked, like, I had to look at myself, hung over with no makeup on for five, six hours. No makeup and the hair slicked back to your hair. It was like a wet egg. I looked like a thumb egg, like one of a naked mole rats. It was actually genuinely upsetting. When I left, I was like, I think I have to get a face face.

lift. Now, you just don't want to look at yourself. There's also, like, they need to like the man with the you've got two different shoes on. They need to get a sense of you as well. So if you go dress like you normally, like wear the makeup that you normally wear, if you always wear, like, if you always like really dress like, go dress like you are because then that will also help them to kind of get a picture of you too. Yes, I suppose if your aim is you on a good day, go in the rest of you, show up as you on a good

day, you know, and be like, this is, this is a level of regular care I am capable of. You know, check for nits beforehand. Sure, check for nits. Just some more tips that I'm just reading out. Really great tip here. So I've lied before and said I've got a sore throat and need to rest my voice to avoid the annoying chatting. Gorgeous. That's really good.

Another thing is that if you'd feel bad lying, get your laptop out and just start doing some work. That's what I've done before as well. Very helpful. Yeah. Producer Ben is looking at me like I've just said, just piss yourself and sit in it and then they won't talk to you. Okay, so we're being informed. Producer Ben is at the gentleman's barber. It's so fast, there'd be no time for a laptop.

Imagine that. Here we are having to explain to you how you could lie your way out of the chat. You don't need that then because you can manage chatting for 20 minutes. Also, we're hearing some anxiety vis-a-vis the robe. Okay? Now, I find the robe very anxiety-making because I never know if it's front arms. Yeah. And increasingly these days they've become put it on like a coat and they know to say that nice and quickly.

But I've definitely, they're holding it out like I should put in a coat And then I've put my arms straight into it. Like it's a sort of a doctor's, you know, thing. And a sort of Dr. Frankenstein, you know. And then they're like, no, no, now you're hugging me. You need to take your arms out. And then I'm like, oh, God. And then I sit with that shame for the duration.

And then also like, oh, take your bags. I always got too many bags. And then I'm sorry, I do actually need that one with me. And oh, God. So a little moment of preparation outside, then be like, be ready for the coat anxiety or the robe anxiety, not to panic. They'll tell you how to put it on. Yes.

And then we're hearing. that some gentlemen feel that you have to put all your hands under the robe. Just keep them there. And keep your hands on your lap for the duration. I think it is okay if those hands come out. I'm always on my phone when I'm on the hairdresses. Your robes don't have sleeves.

So we're just getting some more information here. This is live coming in live, but they don't have sleeves. We've just had some more news in. Hot news from producer Ben. Fresh from the barbers. Saying that his robes have never had sleeves and also you can't really do anything because we can't look down

because, again, men's haircuts are so fast that, and you can't have to move your head all the time. What I'm finding is obviously longer hair, haircuts for longer hair. There's a lot more waiting around. Especially if they're putting the foil wraps on and they're like, I'll come back in an hour and a half. Die jobs, obviously, yeah.

And then you're just sat there, obviously. So it sounds like the Rapid Barber is an extreme experience. Yes. There's no need to be, there's certainly no magazines. No. No way. They're lighting you on fire. And it sounds like if you move in any way,

somebody smacks you on. She's on the chin. Smiley's you on the chin and said, uh, like the hair hair. I think producer ben's, I think producer ben's hair cut at like my auntie's house. Maybe this is where they're all going.

Yeah. And no wonder it's very stressful. And no wonder the shadow is like, you can't give a picture to this man. If he smacks you in the chin for, you know, yeah. This isn't really a space. It sounds like this is like,

this is a man's space. And it's, uh, there is an element. You do as you're told. There is an element of that, which I think is there's a lot more aggression in male barbers where it's like, come on, do this.

It's, it's, And I'm talking about, you know, just cis men barbers rather than, you know, obviously don't want to gender it too much. But it's still quite a gendered industry, isn't it? So I think, like, you've got to kind of go in with, you still have to go in with a picture. And you also have to just kind of act despite whatever energy they're giving off. So you're like, well, hold the line, lads. Hold the line.

Yes. Stay confident. Stay committed. Believe in yourself. Don't just let them say because you are giving them seven pounds. And you deserve to get seven pounds worth of exactly what you wanted, not just for them to, you know, it's very easy when you're paying for a service to be like, oh, no, no worries.

It's like, listen, I've paid for it and this is what I would like, please. Yes. So don't just do what you think is easiest and quickest, and then I'm out of here. Yes. And also, finally, so many people on my Instagram are saying things like, only go when it's got so untenable a family of Starlings have moved in. Or like, just, like, just wait until like the last minute until you can't. It's like, no, you actually, because.

then you're going in with the wrong energy. You've just got to, after you've had your hair cut, then I probably need another one in like three months' time. Just book it then. So whatever happens, it's coming up. So you're not going, being like, oh, whatever. Because you've got the whole experience is obviously very hard for a lot of people. You've got to go in and maybe have like a fun thing to do afterwards alone, if you're worried that your hair is going to look bad.

But like, you know, you buy yourself a treat afterwards. You say yes to the, to when they're like, Prosecco, you like, yes, please. You know, you have a kind of nice thing to do after as like a reward for it. You just do everything you can to make the experience. It's not as least stressful as possible because all it is is just your hair. It's not a big deal. But if you're vague, they will do something mad.

Not mad. They'll just do whatever they fancy because to this. But you'll look mad. Sure. Because to them, this is their seventh thing of the day. And they'll never think about it again. Yeah. And other people are going specific and you're not.

So it's your own fault. You're going to be telling the story about this bad haircut for the next 10 years of your life. Yes. They've literally forgotten you the moment you walk out the door. So do remember that. Sometimes you can, even to the very smart places, you can always call and ask for cancellations. Oh, great. What's a good tip.

Yes. So that's to say, you doesn't always have to be this like people, because often I am always surprised. Like you being like, oh, my head was his appointment. I'm like, I've never made an appointment in my entire life. Great. Of course, because I can't think about the future. But also, I just wait, it's not a brilliant attitude, but it is this like, I do wait till it's a full family of starlings until I'm like, and now I would like someone to wash me. You know what?

I would like to go. I take it. I'm fair. I would like it and it's like if it's a bat, oh, it's going to be pouring with rain. I've got nothing on. I'm like, I'll find, today my thing will be, I'll find the hairdressers. I do think, and I obviously speak for a position of privilege of not having a job in the day or occasionally finding myself free in the daytime and therefore able to say, are there any cancellations?

Yes. Do you have this? Can I just come in? And often people are like, yeah, all right, that's right. We'll fit you in. We can do this. And so therefore, then the experience, then I'm like, oh, this is almost treated like a spa bit of being like, and now someone's going to wash me.

and my whole body. Wash my whole body please. And the shampooing bit is nice and the bit where they do the head massage is pleasant and except when you have to put your head backwards onto the sink and then you feel physically sick. Yeah, the bit and it digs into your neck and then you feel like you can't move.

And they always say like, is that comfortable? You're like, no, I'm going to die here. Obviously it's not. Have you tried this, mate? So I think, and similarly, it's only recently that I've now tried being like, I'm going to put my knees up if that's okay. And they're like, do whatever you need.

Interesting. So like I try it in. You're going to do legs in the air. Legs in the air. No, because otherwise it is like, moving like, are you fine? You're like, yes? And you're like, I'm not, I'm simply not. My head's going to fall off.

Oh, look, it's always going to be a bit weird. But look, there are some things you can do. Hopefully that's helped. Some people, thank you so much for your tips. And do email us, NobodyPenic podcast at gmail.com. If you have any more episode suggestions, sign up to the patron, nobody, patreon.com, forward slash, Nobody Panic for some more fun stuff for the ongoing leather jacket saga, which I,

has been going for a while and is still going and there's a lot of fun and discounts for shows and stuff. And we'll see you next week. Go get your haircut. Go get your haircut. And if you're thinking, I never had one good one in my life. This one. It's going to be this one.

It's going to be so nice.