Nobody Panic - Still Panicking: How to Have a Wax

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

Still Panicking: Why not carve out a bit of you time, as this week, we look back on Tessa and Stevie's best self-care How Tos.That's it, just pop, pop your butt over here, it's wax time baby! Stevie has recently discovered waxing, is bald as a coot from head to toe and has a lot she would like to discuss.This episode was first released on 30 May 2023.Recorded by Naomi Parnell and edited by Aniya Das for Plosive.Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/nobodypanic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Carriad. I'm Sarah. And we are the Weirdo's Book Club podcast. We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday, 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies. Tickets from kingsplace.com. Single ladies, it's coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September. At the London Podcast Festival. The rumours are true. Saturday the 13th of September. At King's Place. Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet. I love going on. What?

I think you like this. But now I see immediately what it was, and I'm sorry. I think if you could just see the, if you could see me, it would look like an umbrella. Can you got any other noises in there? It's just the same one again. Yeah, I'll have it again. It was so good. Oh, weird.

Just pop that there. Just hold that bit of skin for me. What? My bot cheeks. Open. Just display those, just spray that butt completely open for me. I like how I'm. Oh, wait.

Just turn over? What are we doing today? Everything. Everything. So we're doing how to have a wax. I wanted to do this episode because it's very deep, even like how to have a bath was very deep for me. It doesn't take much for it to be very deep for me.

Fantastic. I honestly think since I was maybe, because I remember I was at uni, since like 18, I have not only thought, not only like thought, but fully believed to my core that it was very gendered back then, but now I'm just going to open out to everybody. I thought every single person was having a wiser.

wax every six weeks. And I was, it was, I was genuinely disgusting for not. I presumed, because I've been socialised throughout their noughties, that you've got a, you've got, and we're talking, you're Jenny's. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Never called it out before. I like it very much. That's what we're going to be calling it. You're, your generation exes. Your business, it was that like everyone was getting everything shaped perfectly. Right. And that I wasn't. And that was a deep sense of shame until I was quite old and was like, well, I'm just

old now and I'm still not doing it about two years ago. No, actually, before lockdown, I was like, I'm just going to join the rest of the community and started it. And then the pandemic happened. And I was like, well, that's the end of that. And then I've rejoined the community. And since I've rejoined the community, it's been made aware to me. that no one I know gets it done regularly.

And actually, now everyone, whenever I bring it up, everyone's like, oh yeah, is it as bad as everyone says? I'm like, yeah, no, it is, yeah, yeah. And now I've realised that I spent all of those years, like a gnarled tree inside my stomach. Oh. Being like, I'm not a good person. No, at the time it was very jaded,

so it was like, I'm not a good woman, because I've not had everything ripped out all the time. And now, ironically, I'm relaxed about it, but I'm now doing it quite regularly because I'm in the cycle now. Questions? I mean, so many. I've got so many and it's me. Okay.

What's your own question for yourself? What's wrong with you? My question I suppose is like, why did it never like, you did it never come up in conversation? Did no one ever discuss it? Like you, it sounds like you had just taken on this truth, but never like asked anyone or checked or it never came up or no one ever sent him off for a wax or I've just had a wax or no one ever talked about it near you. So mutual friend of ours, Liz, at uni, she once said like, oh God, I don't. I hate Wax Day, just very casually. I get really, like, nervous about it.

That was at uni. So I was like, right, well, Liz has a wax day. Has that, yeah. So that means it's more than once. And that's one person. You're like, it's Christmas Day. So you're like, okay, it's Wax Day. And that must be, because I know every, it's Witson.

Yeah. And it must be every six weeks, because that's what we know. That's what we know. That's what we know. And between that, between one woman saying it. One woman saying it's Witson. Witson. And then Cosmopolitan magazine.

Yeah, between the two of them. Between the two of them. You're ruined. Everyone's doing it. And also felt like it was a very thing of like, I don't know what, no one sat me down and said it's a right of passage that you must be hairless. But like it felt like it was a right of like driving or learning to paint your nails or makeup or something. It was like these are the things that you go through if you want to dress in a kind of feminine, femme way or be sort of feminine. And I didn't realize it until quite recently.

It's like, God, I've really, it's so core within me that not only is that a necessity, that also if you don't do it, then you're odd in some way. But then if someone said to me, like, oh, I don't do it, I'm not like, oh, you're so weird. So it's just one of those weird. I think it's the biggest, what's the word, piece of evidence that I have that of how people were socialized in the noughties. That and like, like, probably like eating disorders or something are like too, or like Brad is bad. And the Iraq war. And of course Iraq.

That's the next episode we're doing next week. Just Iraq. Yeah. It's, oh, yeah. Okay, listen, putting a pin in it because it's a lot to unpack. Yeah. And before we deep dive in. To my vagina.

Into my vagina. Goggles on. We're going in. Because it is inside. That's why I get waxed. That's where the waxing happens. Let's do our adult thing of the week. Mine's I got a wax.

Is it? Yeah. What's yours? Mine is. I put some. snacks in a zip-block bag. I took some snacks on the train. They were open. Sure. They were Terry's chocolate oranges, mini eggs, Jesus Christ. You must. If you see them, you must try them everyone. They were open and my gut said, you're going to put those in your bag. They will be loose

in the bag and they'll just roll around there for the next eight to 12 months. And then, let's be honest with ourselves, you'll eat one. Yeah, of course. You'll pick a hair off it. And you'll give a little blow and you'll look if anyone's around and you'll eat that. Have some self-respect woman, I said. So I said, I've got a Ziplot bag out of the drawer and I put them in the Ziplot bag and I zipped and locked. Great. And in they went. And I felt brilliant.

Then they'll stay in your bag for six months but in a Ziplog bag, which is fine. Sure, but at least they're in the Ziplog bags. Like I'm going to space, you know. Yeah. Well, yeah. Famously, famously they, the old NASA zipper mini eggs in the Ziplog bag and the Ziplog bag. Terri chocolate orange mini-ups. Loosen the zip block back.

Anyway, so I felt really, really good about that. More, I suppose, the preemptive, it's always a real thrill for me. As you know, I don't have a lot of the forward planning. Forthought, that's not my forte. Very nice. So any time I do get a forethought, I think, oh, that's what. Here she got up. It is what.

Delight. I'll write them down to tell you about them. Any forethought. That's how rare they are. Right. Let's get in here. Yeah, let's get a wax going on. Come on.

Okay. So, what's your waxing journey? My waxing journey, I suppose, is at school nothing, but we were at least all talking about it at school. There was a lot of like, who's shaving, who's sugaring? Well, you went to a girl's school, right? So everyone's... I went to a girl's school.

So there was... I went to a boys school. I suppose there was more just like, not to make it sound like this, idyllic, like, everybody discussing their feeling more. And like, apparently so and so. You know, you know that thing as a teenage, where you sort of said a thing that you'd seen in the movie

sort of test the water if anyone else. So there's a lot of that rather than just openly being like, guys, are we shaving? Are we shaving? Is that the thing that we're doing? So shaving your legs,

sugaring, which I believe is like, well, that's the thing. It might have been made up, but someone said they sugared and we were all like, of course. I believe you rub sugar on them. It must be a product that's not actually sugar, but basically a sort of,

an intense salt scrub, sort of. Scrop your hair off. And it scrubs all the hair off. can't be right, but as I'm saying it. Well, there was this, I remember with legs, there was a mitt called like a silky mitt or something and it, or maybe it's called something else, but it was basically you sanded the hair. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It did work, but it was a bit like, what, what's it all for?

Yeah, what's it all for? Okay, then there was Veet, RIP, initially called Imak. It was the most intense, disgusting smell. And it was so like everyone's used. It was still. Oh, yeah, it was the same product, but just, you know, a rose by any other name. It was V. And then there was the shaving adverts that was a woman.

They were going on safari with her friend. And the friend would be like, she was packing razors in her backpack, which, to be fair to the woman, don't take up a massive amount of space. No, yeah, yeah. And then the girl was like, the other friend was like, we haven't got room for this. And like, threw her razor away, just into the jungle. through that war hawk or something they were going on safari definitely how long could the safari have been

and she throws the razor away and then she's like we don't have space for this and the woman was like but I need to shave my legs and then she said like just use for the elephants for the elephants I can't not shave my legs

and then it was like just use this or whatever and then she in the advert used to drop a tissue down her leg is this? Yeah but that I don't think yes yes yes I'm coming back it was like a woman dropping a tissue down her leg and it was so silky smooth

the tissue just like went down. Because obviously when you've got hairy legs, the tissue just stops. It gets trapped in the hairs. And I remember even as a teenager being like, this isn't a good advert. Like you think, and I remember like having these very downy,

but very fair that you could, and I was convinced myself that because they were blonde and no one could see them. But of course they were just downy as you like. I remember being like, it doesn't, I can drop a tissue down my leg. This is absurd. Anyway, and then, oh God,

I became obsessed with the waxing. I really became up because I... Never what happened? Oh, sorry. So she, so she threw it. drew away the razor, then what did she produce? Like a smaller razor? No, I'm sorry, it was Imak.

She had done that, so she didn't need the razor because it lasted, no, please. It lasted three days rather than one. One day, exactly. It doesn't last, exactly is like rubbish, absolutely rubbish. So then it was like, all of these products are stupid, you've got to start waxing. So then it was like, but if you wax, you'll die, like the pain will be so much, you'll leave your body.

But then we all became obsessed with like desperately wanting it, but... being terrified of it. We didn't want it. You wanted to be hairless is what you wanted. And then I remember, I had totally forgotten this, comic relief day, red nose day. The male teachers in our school had a wax, a leg wax.

And a lady came in. And I remember just like, I went up and touched the leg because I was so obsessed with being like, will it be as silky smooth as I imagine? Otherwise it's all for naught. And then I touched it and it wasn't. It was just like, there was just a bit less hair, but it was still a bit like,

I just dreamt that it would feel like an egg, you know? Like it would feel like nothing, but it didn't. And then I was like, well, there's no point then I'm not doing it because of Mr. Lang's leg. Okay. Right, sure. Because I was going to say, when you do wax, it is, I mean, there's no hair there. It is a weird. It's like you're like a bald plucked chicken.

So I guess they just hadn't done it quite properly. But this moment of touching Mr. Lange's egg made me be like, right, it's not enough. This still isn't enough to go through because it's still. The tissue is going to want to drop the tissue. It's not going to get stuff. There was still hair on it. I wanted it to be nothing. Nothing.

Oh my God. Then I started plucking my leg hair out with tweezers. We've all done that. I tried to do my forearm hair. I was absolutely, because I once, when my mom was finally, you can shave your legs. Not that, like,

because she kind of like tried to discourage it for a bit because I, she's like, you're just going to chop your leg off because I was about four. Yeah. And dark hair and not naturally blonde. And pale skin. So how you're saying like, oh, I was blonde.

I don't think people could see. I couldn't get away with that. Truth be told, nor could I. You've seen them. I went through an experiment once where I thought, how big can I grow my leg? How long can I get my leg hair? And it was longer than you think, wasn't it?

It was long enough that I've also been through those sort of periods of time. And when you showed me, I thought in my head, don't be shocked because feminism. And I think I screamed. It was so long. It was. I forgot what I'm talking about. Plucking, you plucked your up.

Plucking, yeah. So I immediately was like, oh, great, thanks. And then just shaved everything. So I shaved like my eyebrows. I shaved all my arms. And then my mum had to be like, it's going to grow back very stubbly. You could have said that before you said you can shave your legs.

I was just like, you beat the legs isn't the thing. I had like a four o'clock, five o'clock, six o'clock shadow. Because the first time that first shave. Oh my God. It's nothing you've ever felt before. Yeah. Every moment from then is chasing that dragon. It is because I was like, it looks amazing.

It looks amazing. It's done. I'm done now. That's it. I'm a woman. I'm transformed. Two days later, yeah, I had itchy beard stubble all over body. And I'd also, I'd sort of shaved, and then my poor sister who was maybe like three years younger than me, so I was been, what, like 11 or something, maybe 12, 12. And so my sister was me 9 and she looked about four. And she'd seen me do it. And so she shaved her eyebrow off and then also tried to wax her own moustaches and gaffered. And went to school with her. a huge scab mustache and like one eyebrow. Oh my god.

She had a bad time. But I could just wear long sleeves. But yeah, I remember that feeling of like, because it's nice now because I've still got very fluffy thorns, but I don't really think about it. It's that fear when you're younger of like not, you've got to fit in and you don't want to be the one with hairy legs. That was like then.

And maybe now it's different. I hope because you see these, you know, like underarm hair is very cool now on girls and anybody, it's like a cool thing now. Then it wasn't even, it wasn't cool. It was like, you couldn't imagine it. Like, I couldn't imagine. Like, Julia Roberts went to a premiere and she had very arm under arms. And it wasn't just like, oh, wow, what a choice.

Everyone was like, ah, like throwing up. I was. If anybody is too young for this, when Notting Hill came out, at the premiere of Notting Hill, Julia Roberts wore a strapless dress and had not shaved her armpits. and it made the national news for a week. Yeah.

A week. And she eventually had to bring out a statement. Apologising. And saying that she'd forgotten. She'd just forgotten in the stress of it. But she hadn't because that was weeks' worth of hair. Yeah. And back then, you really knew as well because everyone was going to pick a half.

And also you had a glam squad. You know, there's no way that that was so to say like, oh, I'm sorry, I forgot as opposed to being like, yeah, I fucking knew. I was making a statement, you know. It was very cool. It was really cool. I wish she hadn't apologized for it. Me too, but I do remember being so...

And then we were also at the stage as well, which is awful. But like when I got a little bit older, sort of uni time, that was when photographers were fucking upskirting Britney Spears every five seconds. But they all had to, obviously, one, being like, oh, that's so horrible. Because even at the time being like, oh, God, don't go with that skirts. But then actually there was an element of like, oh, God, don't not wear pants, Brittany and all of this.

But the thing I took away from it really subconsciously without realizing is like, oh, everyone's got a little bald valiant. Yeah. Like, no one's got any hair on the badge. You're like, okay, so I can see through, and there doesn't appear to be any hair. Yeah. What's wrong with me? So there's no hair.

So how are they doing it? Yes. Because it didn't, it looked so well done. It wasn't, now I understand it was just well done and waxed. But at the time it felt like, okay, they don't grow any hair. Yes. Whereas I do and that I'm broken and troll and I need to go and live under the bridge where I deserve to live. Yes.

And then you shave. So then I was like, okay, well, shaving is a thing. I've heard that in, in common parlance, but then like, if I take a razor to my thighs, I'm getting a shaving rash. Like, I get such bad shaving rash. It was like, well, I can't do anything. So I did VET slash imak for ages. You know, it is like chemically burning the stuff off. Yeah, it's insane. And you can do it in a way that you get the sensitive one and you kind of like try to get, you know, steer clear of the bits that would not sort of do well with chemical burns. Sure.

But then, but it's not, smells awful, really messy. And also like, goes back after about two days and it never, that never fully feels smooth because it just could have like, you can still, you basically, you leave with stubble. You're like, oh, okay. It started getting waxed regularly. And so you said, which I thought was quite interesting, when you were younger and everyone was talking about it, how much it hurt and all of this. Because no one really talked about it that, it wasn't like no one was talking about it,

but we just didn't, really, never really came up when I was growing up. Well, this is what I knew for sure was miscongeniality. Oh yeah, they all go, wah! She screams at the time. of her voice and then the two men listening outside looked at whether they were like bikini works. So you're like understood it's like

Guantanamo, it's the worst thing that can possibly happen, it's a torture. Right, so I got from that it's, oh it's painful but it's something that everyone does so it's like when Kevin McAllister goes, ah, with the after show in Home Alone, that sort of thing.

And then I've never had one done until maybe my late 20s then where I was like, okay, I'm going to going to go for, and I actually know, I think I might have even been 30 when I was like, you know what, I'm going to go and I'm just being like, get it all off. So 30 first wax? Yeah, I've been imacking all the way through my 20s. Wow, wow, wow, wow.

I was like, well, if I'm going to do it, get it all off, you know. But what's this first moment before you walk in there? 30 years. Yeah. 30 years of rebellion and then there's this one day. So I get my nails shalacked and was like, well, I've done this now. I'm here now. So let's do it. Oh, wow.

I was like, I'm 30. Like, let's experience it. It's time. I'm sure it's fine. Like, when you're 20, when you're even 25, like, you've not lived. I've lived. I know pain, you know. I once fell over.

I know what pain feels like. I banged my knee. I've never had any, like, procedures or anything painful. Because then when I went in, I've actually blocked it out. It was probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me. The woman put up her, had to put her foot on the thing and tug at one. point. I started crying at another point and then she was like, please don't leave it so long next time. And then when I saw what the result was, I burst into tears because I looked like

a little baby. But red. But so red and it looked so sad and upset at what I'd done to it. And then I didn't think about it for another like four years. I was like, I'm not doing it. Why would I ever do this again? And then someone was like, if you do it every sort of six weeks, it gets, it gets used to it. You get used to it. So after the, and I went back to like of eating. I'm like, I can't, I just,

it's, it's so regular that I'm getting rid of this. And I've been, I've tried to be like, I don't care, but I do care. Like,

I do not feel good when I'm not like, you know, I've not dealt with, with, with, with, and I don't know why,

and I hate myself for not. And my partner was just like, rather than like continually hating yourself, why don't you just do it for yourself so you can stop being like, I'm sorry that I'm not, you know,

it's like, I'm so bored of you having this, like, psychological, you know, thought process every time, every four days where you're like, you see you're wearing pants, you're like, oh God, I'd look great. Like, what's wrong with me? And I should actually have a huge 70s bush and just be like, live, you know. I want to be Julia Roberts in the, but I'm actually all the media. Wow. Yes. And I'm very hard. Wow. So I thought, okay, I'm going to commit. I mean, this was like a year ago. I was like,

I'm going to commit. I'm going to do it every six weeks. So I booked in six every single six weeks. and I did it and the first one was really bad it was so bad so bad I didn't do any of the things that you're meant to do I didn't take paracetam

beforehand I also just like it was just really bad and then the second time I went in I was so embarrassed by this I got I was shaking and sweating

and had essentially a PTSD response my body I was trembling and I'm crying and then I got a nicer a bikini wax. The first woman did it, I think I've spoke about it as an adult

thing at the podcast before, she did it in about 10 minutes and she did it in like three strips. She did one side completely in one go. It was the most pain I can imagine ever feeling. It was horrific and she'd already

put all the wax on the other side and I think I said, I think at one point I was like, I said to her like, I actually am okay. I think I'll, let's let's leave, honestly let's stop it. let's just so I don't mind having one bit I don't mind she was like oh I've put the wax on and I was like

can you just melt it off and she was like no when I got off there was um they put like paper down on the the shades long whatever it's called there was an outline of me in back sweat and my little butt cheeks as well like we're a little sweaty butt cheeks and then I got another lady the next time

and because I said because when she said take your trousers off I started crying and she was like With all, she's like, you are so, you're sweating so much. I can't do it. I'm sweating off my vagina. Okay. She's like, you're so, she's like, it's okay.

She could obviously see that I was having it. So she's like, we're going to, we're going to take 40 minutes. We're going to do it in tiny little bits. And we're going to stop the outside. So you're going to get used to it. And then we're going to go. And then the big ones are going to be like, I'm not going to do it in big chunks. And it was, it took a long time, but it was so much easy.

So one of my first tips is like, if you have a bad experience, say to the waxer before I'm really scared. Can you start from the outside? Can you take your time? I'd say don't go in for a Hollywood as you first go, which is everything off. That's too much. And I was just from all levels,

psychologically for the next sort of month, I was just like, I feel like there's too much, there's not enough friction going to sliding off my trousers. But then, but yeah, and so now I request her every time. and I think I've gone like this is like my fifth one because I was like well now I've started it

I must continue I had it yesterday it's now fine like it's actually completely fine because the hair is now much weaker it's more sparse thinner the skin is more I guess like just used to trauma now I don't know if it's necessarily used to trauma so much as like it's like I think it is just it's a thinner hair

and I think years and years of shaving and I think if we had listened to the advice which was never shave, wait and then begin waxing and start doing it regularly, which is what all the advice is. I think it wouldn't be as bad. I think it's because people are like, I'm not fucking doing that. Then they do 10 years of cheaply chemical burns. Chemical burns.

And build this like incredibly thick hair that's all coming at different angles at different bits. Some of it's, you know, some stuff's growing light years ahead of the other stuff. And then what waxing does is help all the hair to get into the same. pattern and it's like thin a sparse a hair that's like we understand but if we truly knew what that first wax was going to be like we'd never do it because it is it is astonishing how bad it is I thought I was going to die yeah yes I thought I used the phrase I'm being flayed yes you're taking my skin off yes I honestly thought when I look down at my leg I thought she went up the bone of my leg and I honestly was like I don't have a leg anymore you've taken off my lap my my my lax wagged

my leg waxed. So that's, because I was just like, well, that'll be fine. That's a walk at the park. So that's painful as well. Just on the, no, on the bit of your ankle bone. Yeah. But it's not as bad as your front bottom. Sure, well, nothing is.

Nothing can ever be. But maybe that's quite a good thing. You start, so you start by getting other things waxed, and then you work up, because I'd never had anything waxed. So then it was like, this is utter hell. So maybe you start, try your legs under arms, why, not. And if you don't want you, like, it'll grow back. That's fine. If you don't want your underage, it'll grow back. It's an experiment. It's an experiment.

It's an experiment. And then go for, like, normal bikini wax. And then if, because if you want to have, like, you know, you want to be fully hairless, like, I keep wanting to say, bald like an otter with their famous, clover. It's slick and smooth. It's so thick as well. And slick and smooth. Yeah, I suppose it's because the water just sort of slicks them down. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Actually, that's what I was like the second time because I've all sweat. Yeah, that's you were slick like an otter. And then you build up to if you wanted a Hollywood, you put a build, don't just go straight in it at the top being like,

it's character building. Like, it's not character building. I can see you going in there. Well, I'm a writer, so now I can draw on this new great well of experience that I'll have in here. Hello, I'm here for new emotions and experience. There's no well of experience. It's heroin.

It is astonishing me bad. But unfortunately, the thing is true, like, oh my God, the first time I was like crying on the table as the woman was like, like you've got to come regularly and you've got to keep coming. And that's what makes it better. And it's so bad now because you've been doing all this DIY. And you was like, I have women who come in and they fall asleep. And I was like, you are a liar.

She's talking shit. You are a liar. But I, you're a liar. I hate that woman. Yeah. While being tortured, someone saying, people fall asleep through this. You're like, shut her. Shut up.

And I think also basically what your partner was saying about being like, it's very boring being near you every day. Yes, basically. It's very boring being near you, you going through this psychological thing all the time and constantly being like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I used to be the media and I got Julia Roberts quite quickly because I was just so bored of the feeling of being the media. I was like, this is so tedious. And a friend constantly reminds me that we were on holiday and she, we were 25 maybe, and she was going to go home with this man. And then she was like, and then I was like, yes. I mean, you know, you're doing that

sort of thing of being like, all that tedium of being like, where do you live? When are you going to drop her back? What's going on? You know, all of this stuff. And in that she was like, like her main concern, even though she was going home with a strange man that we'd met on holiday, she was like, but I haven't she. And she says I slapped her. Yeah, well, you have a sort of strong core like that where you can be like, well, fuck it, you know? Yeah, but I was like, that man is having the privilege of seeing you naked and you are worried about the presentation of it. It's exquisite. And whatever it looks like, it's exquisite. And then she said she was like, yes, off I go. Tadda. Anyway, so I just was like, it's.

But I had that similar thought of being like, it's so boring. And the waxing again, you're like, yeah, I would, maybe it would be cool to live in a place, but you're like, I love being a downy, like a bear. But I actually quite like the feeling, the frictionless feeling of not. It's less, and I truly, if I lived on a, I think the question is like, if you lived on a desert island, would you still do it? Would I still book a waxing? I still put a waxing.

Yes. But like, if in principle, you know, a toucan or something could do it. That you'd met on the island could do it. I think ultimately I would because I do like, I like the feeling. Yes, it's also, it just feels kind of cleaner and more just like, okay, I feel just done. That also may be a socialised thing very deep in, which is fine. I know I truly believe like that's what like, you know, we're being like, it's not feminist to like shave you. It's like, it's feminist, the concept of feminism is to say, like, is your body, what would you like to do?

Yeah, I'm socialised. Anything you like, that's fine. Whatever it is. What would you like to do? And I would like to be hell as like an otter. One of the things that I've found helpful, if I would have, when you're in the wax, you've had your kind of like front area done, whatever area that may be. And then they're like either bring your legs up around your head or turn around and go on all

folds and spread your own butt cheeks. It was like, oh my God, I've just gone through that. Now I'm going to have to go through this. In comparison, absolutely delightful. Oh, the butt is the lemoncello of the meme. Best, feeling. It's just like, oh, the butt's nice. Yeah.

We're done. We're through. And you're like, yeah, I can do this. day, mate. Yeah. The part is a lovely street. It's so undignifying. It's also quite freeing as well.

You're just like, you're right in my butthole. Like that is just, fuck it. Why? Don't fuck it. But I've realised that we've talked a lot about how much pain it is, the feelings around it. We should just sort of run through some things that we've both found helpful. Definitely.

Wish I had listened and had taken paracetamol painkillers beforehand. The first time I did it. I honestly was like, well, that isn't going to do anything. Like, what could it possibly do? Second time I didn't either because I was like, I felt the pain. Nothing's stopping that pain. Parasidamol doesn't stop the pain, obviously, but the difference is noticeable.

And if you take it like half an hour, 45 minutes before, you are, it's just, it takes it from being like, to being like, okay, it's manageable. I can still feel it. It is pain, but it's not like the worst, yeah. And that's absolutely true. Mine would be having experimented, I feel, with like every waxing company in London,

having finally found a wonderful woman with her own little business at the end of my road, love her. Yes. Go and see her before weddings and holidays. So she always says, where are you off to? Because she says,

you only ever come in when you're about to go somewhere. Then I tell her, and we have a lovely chat. It's nice, genuinely it's nice having a chat with somebody. And the thing of like not being necessarily regular, but not doing anything else in between except going to see her has made it.

just so much more easier, so much more manageable. And I think it's like, if you truly hated the way the style someone did it or the way someone did it, that's okay to be like, that's probably their personal style or that place's style. I mean, like, not for me. You don't have to keep going back being like, oh God, I keep doing the thing. Like, no, there's so many places. Yeah. You know, you live, I assume within driving distance of a city, there will be places that you can try,

keep trying different places. Oh yeah. There's waxing places everywhere, isn't there? Keep doing it. And when it says there's a type of like hot wax called Lycon, and the branding is like, painless. It's not. So don't, I googled where did Licon and went there.

And that's why I was like, I was not expecting this. Because I thought it would be painless because it said pain free. Like, what the, it's not. Oh, yeah, yeah, don't listen to any of that. That's all completely nonsense. But the hot wax is, is good. Like, like, it is the best one because it's the quickest. It is so funny that they say, let me know if that temperature is too hot.

It's like, it feels exquisite. You're about to rip all the hair out. The temperature is neither here or that. I don't care. I do not care. Cover me in that lovely hot, honey. Also, if you feel like it's going inside, like it's not. If you feel like your vagina has been pulled off, it hasn't.

It hasn't. I honestly open my eyes and it would be a piece of paper with my whole vagina. I was not a bit surprised. You'd be like, yes, as expected. I like to, don't like to about doing it in the morning, so then you really adrenaline yourself for the rest of the day. You're absolutely pumped for the rest of the day. Well, I don't know the rest of the day because, well, yeah,

but then when you go about your day, day you felt like your leggings and your everything are sort of like gently stuck to you. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Okay. Fine. I suppose, yeah, you, you hadn't ever done your legs, but when I do my legs and then like there's like little pockets of like a little bit of hot wax or whatever. And suddenly you're like, oh, I'm all stuck to myself. But then you're also like, gosh, it's breezy. Yeah, morning, get it done. We're thriving. We're doing it. Experiment with appendages before you go for the big one. Yeah, build up. But hole's fine. Just enjoy it.

The last time I've done my feet I... You waxed your... When you do legs, they always do your toes. Oh, sorry, right? I think I meant like the soles of your feet. Of course, my hair is part. No, they do your toes.

Oh, okay, that's good. And a lady had done that a few times and then I went to a different person and then she looked like she wasn't going to do the feet. And I was like, oh, please, may I... I was like, may I have the toes? And then she was like, oh, honey, I'm not going to leave those toes. Oh, God.

Obviously, I'm doing those hobbit toes of yours. I have personally chosen, and I have personally chosen, and I think I would recommend it not to Google or learn about any of the waxing, any of the styles, anything. What happens down there is between them and God. My eyes are shut. You've got to ask for something, though, because they'll go like...

I don't. No, you don't. You just do, no. For a bikini wax. You have to ask for a specific thing. Otherwise, oh, no, sorry, I don't just go in there and say, do as you wish. I mean, it sounded like that's for you're saying, like, you're saying, like, learning about the different types

of, pain free wax, wax, wax strips. It's just all the same. Yeah, so, like, that's the thing about being like, I don't actually know for sure. sure what they do down there. Right. Understood. Yes.

I just close my eyes. Yes. I've tried every different style. Visual stuff. You had like a picture in there, like a heart or something. Self-attempted. One Valentine's day, I did, at university, I did attempt a heart and of a jazzle with pound land, Diamante's stickers.

Amazing. Did it work? Fantastic. Wow. Well, it was actually my best ever Valentine's. He came around. I was in my pajamas and my ugg boots. And I said it wasn't very well.

And he was sort of like, oh, Oh, fine. Well, we'll watch something in a movie in bed or whatever. And then he gave me a hug and we were kissing in my bedroom. And then he was like, fell underneath my jumper and he was like, wait, what the hell is this? And like lifts up my jumper and I had this full corset. And then I threw him on a bed. And then I did a strip tis do New York, New York, which he didn't care for the music choice. But he really enjoyed the show. That's great. And I had swinging nipple tassels. And then when the pants came off, a heart and the Diomonte around it. It's incredible. It was really good. But I've never done it before. It says I thought, that's that I'm out. Yeah, you've really piqued. But no, I can't do picture work, which is a shame.

I can't. But I wish I could. So I'm trying to give us any other advice. The advice is. Oh, always have a treat afterwards. Oh, you've got to have a lovely treat. Of course. But don't have the same treat because then it will start to do what I did.

I used to have a... Your Pavlov dog, that treat. Yes, so I start sweating whenever I had like a flat white from notes. Because you thought, oh, no. It's coming. Because it's coming. Or it's just happened. It just happened.

And so have a little treat. Yeah. Have a little treat. Hydrate yourself. Aspirin, paracetamol beforehand. Start with appendages. Work your way up. Then you can find someone that you like before you trust them with your butthole.

Yeah. But also as well, I mean, it goes out saying. You don't have to do it. We're literally talking about it from our own. It goes without saying, Stevie. But I think it's like, if you're in a position that we were maybe in, I guess with so much of what we do, this is a message directly to us in the past to say. to say, put those tweezers down.

Put the tweezers down. And if hair is becoming a constant thing for you, it will free up so much mental space to just find somebody that you go to every couple of months. Yeah, for like 15 minutes, 20 minutes of like, oh, it's worth it because for about four weeks, I don't think about it. Your brain is free. I don't have to deal with all.

You free your brain. So my ass can follow. I did what that mean. What? Isn't there, isn't there, um, what do you say? Free your brain so your ass can follow? Isn't there a quote that's like, oh my God, it is actually a quote, free your mind and your ass will follow.

What does it mean? It came very deep. It's from an American funk rock band called Funkadelic, released in July 1970. 1970, but what does it mean, Stephen? I don't know. For something funky, obviously. Oh, probably just like free your brain and then like your moves. Well, if I may flip the Funkadelics on its head, free your ass.

And your mind can follow. Yeah, great. You have something in there that would be helpful. smooth. Your brain, what can your brain achieve when it's not thinking about your butt anymore? So much. So much. I hope that helps.

Wow, everyone. We'll see you next week for some more. More of this. Have you got any suggestions? Please do write in. Please do write in. Nobody Panicpodcast at gmail.com at Nobody Panicpod on Twitter. At StvM, the SS5 at Testicoats.

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