Normal Gossip - 25 Bridesmaids and an Empath with Jasmine Ellis

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Comedian Jasmine Ellis joins us for a tale about an absurdly large bachelorette party involving sardines, adult jocks, and an empathetic queen. Follow Jasmine on Instagram at @jasmineelliscomedy. You can support Normal Gossip directly by buying merch or becoming a Friend or a Friend-of-Friend at supportnormalgossip.com. Our merch shop is run by Dan McQuade. You can also find all kinds of info about us and how to submit gossip on our Komi page: https://normalgossip.komi.io/ Episode transcript here. Follow the show on Instagram @normalgossip, and if you have gossip, email us at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at 26-79-GOSSIP. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney (@mckinneykelsey) and produced by Alex Sujong Laughlin (@alexlaughs). Jae Towle Vieira (@jaetowlevieira) is our associate producer. Abigail Segel (@AbigailSegel) is our intern. Justin Ellis is Defector's projects editor. Credits read by Alli Guiney. Show art by Tara Jacoby. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia.

From Vogue, The Runthrough, a new weekly podcast featuring the most riveting news in fashion and culture, with Vogue's take on the big stories, fashion in relation to sports, culture and politics, from the red carpets and runways to political and cultural events. Bringing you under told stories from around the globe, with voices rarely accessible and uncommonly authentic. On this season of The Runthrough, Serena Williams, Michaela Cole, Metrua Blasey, and more. The run-through with Vogue. I'm Chloe Matt, I'm Chominaldi,

available now wherever you get your podcasts. Hi and welcome to Normal Gossip. I'm Kelsey McKinney. In each episode of this podcast, we're going to bring you an anonymous, more so of Gossip from the real world. I am so excited to have with me today Jasmine Ellis. Jasmine is a stand-up comedian, entertainment journalist and podcast host from Arlington, Texas. She tours colleges and clubs nationally and has been featured at over a dozen of the top comedy festivals, including Moon Tower. Her debut comedy album Trash Baby went number one

on iTunes and Jasmine's comedy special Nobody's Queen was awarded in PR's Bullseye comedy album of the year Jasmine Welcome. Hi, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. I'm so excited you're here. We did this show together in Austin and it feels like a nice little reunion.

Hey, Ty, as Austin was so much fun and like the energy in the room, the people who were like fans of you and Alex and what y'all do, it was so great to be a part of that. Like, I was so happy, you were so fun. Yeah, we had such a good time in Austin, but there were not like a ton of people there. So most of the listeners who listen to this podcast have no idea who you are. This is their first time meeting you. I'm so excited to introduce you to them. What do you want them to know about you?

I want them to know that I'm your new favorite comedian. You don't know that yet. You haven't watched me, but I am. You're gonna follow me. You're gonna fall in love with me. My style of comedy is stream of consciousness. So I get two types of feedback. The positive version is,

it doesn't even feel like somebody telling jokes. It's just like a conversation with your best friend. Oh no, what's the negative version? The one that comes from redditors who are 13 is, it's just some lady talking. Look, she's not even telling jokes. I realize the other day that they're saying the exact same thing. So that means I know who I am.

And I'm like, yeah, it's just a tone difference. Yeah, we do really get the same feedback. It's like, these are just some ladies talking. And it's like, mm-hmm. Yeah. What, you hate ladies talking? You hate women. Yeah. We're happy you're here.

You're on the road right now. Is it harder or easier to come by gossip when you are touring? Oh, easy as hell, especially. Oh my god. So I'm just like in the lobby waiting for my door-dash order, which is completely incorrect. Great. Perfect. Okay, so this is what I get because in an effort to not get murdered, Um, great, perfect. Okay.

So this is what I get because in an effort to not get murdered, I changed my name on DoorDash to a man named. Okay. Because sometimes I'm in really small towns and like they're going to see jazz been e and know I'm the comedian, Jasmine Ellis at Justin case. I always change it to a male name. And I had a doordash that was supposed to be a woman. But then some guy dropped my stuff off

and I was like, oh my god, we're both trying not to get murdered. Because like I answered the floor. And it was a woman's voice. And the woman was like, my husband's in a lobby with your stuff. And I was like, thanks Mary. And Mary was like, okay. What? So just like, as Mary. And Mary was like, okay. What? So just like, as I'm grabbing my food, I just over here at the front desk on,

she goes, girl, I have some tea for you. And the way my body just froze. And then I realized I'd been standing there for like a full minute. And I had like no reason to be standing there. Like my food was eating cold. And I was like, this is real conspiracy. But like, it's, oh my god, small town tea is everywhere.

After shows, people come up to me. They tell me funny stories that are just gossip about their lives, like, it's everywhere around you. I do feel like it helps because you're coming in and then leaving very quickly. So it's like, you're just gonna leave. You'll leave with this gossip. It's fine.

Do you wanna hear the gossip that I have? Absolutely. I think that you're really gonna like it. When we were going through the inbox, I was like, let's have this one for Jasmine. That's a little treat. The spoke gossip just for me. The spoke gossip just for you.

And so happy. Our friend of a friend today, we're going to call her Kiran. One day, Kiran's like at her house, right? She gets a text from her friend and her friend is like, hey, I set you something in the mail. So like, just heads up, make sure it doesn't get stolen off your porch, right? Like, pay attention. And Kiran's like, okay, I'm like on meetings all day, a little bit annoying, could have given me a heads up before this, but sure.

So like, when the UPS truck pulls up up she like runs down there to get it. She comes back upstairs, she opens it and inside is this like big velvet like purple box. It's like a shoebox size and she opens it up and it has like a fancy eye mask and like fancy little incense and like little candle and like you know all these fancy little incense and like little candle and like you know all these little little gadgets and like little things in there. Very beautiful. And on the top of the inside of the box that she flipped up it is embroidered and it says will you be my bridesmaid? Oh how do you feel about this? That's adorable I love those. You love bridesmaid's culture. I do although I do wonder if now that we've gotten into

Bridesmaid gifts, it's turned a little coercive. Like maybe you should ask first, and then send a thank you for being my Bridesmaid. Ooh, I like that. I think that's a nice order. Curian is really excited to get this, because the bride, Meela, is her friend from high school. And Mela is the kind of friend that's always sending a birthday gift

that responds to every single one of your Instagram stories that remembers some story you told her five years ago. I have a marry who's just like that. I love those friends. She's the kind of girl who everyone thinks is her best friend, which is why she has 25 bridesmaids. This girl is from the south. Where is she from? Did it change your opinion of being in this wedding if you know that there are 24 other bridesmaids? You know what the funny thing is, I would be so down because there's so many bridesmaids that's

so little responsibility. What is anyone want you to do? I mean, the only thing I can think is like, how do we have a wedding big enough to justify 25 bridesmaids? You're right though, because the worst part of being a bridesmaid is that it is essentially a part-time job. Yeah. So, 25 of us is like, the more you are, the less it is, the less a big deal it is if someone can't make something when you're one fourth of a bridal party

and you miss the bridal shower, it's noticeable. Nobody gives a damn. 20, you are like thirds, you know what I mean? I would love to be someone's 24th best friend. Like this. Like as busy as I am, I love to be the part of the big team. Kieran is like kind of on your page. She's like 25 people is a lot of people,

but hopefully this means that I won't have to do very much. And she's also like, Milla is rich. So like this will be a fun wedding and a fun experience. This is the kind of wedding that has like three full days of festivities. Love that. Lots of events, lots of stuff going on.

So, curants like, yes, of course, I would love to be your bride's mate. Would you like to guess what the first problem we might encounter here will be? Does she require a physical change to curants' appearance? That's a great guess. No. The first problem here is that curing is added to a WhatsApp group.

Oh, no. No, no. Why not? You decide on a point person and you have them send you one weekly email at most with highlighted points of what you need an answer to. If it doesn't need an, if nothing in the email requires answers, the email never needs to be spent. If you need sizes, preferences on time, sure. But like, think to yourself, if there's nothing you need a response to, then there's no

reason to send a message in the first place. Uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh-uh. Okay. I'm already out. Mm-hmm. This group chat is made by the maid of honor, Natasha. Oh.

Natasha. Natasha is Mela's future sister-in-law. Oh no! They can't be that close. No. I know she wants to get in good with the other family, but the future and sister-in-law has never... there's no way you're that close. There's no way. Oh, she shows her over one of her best friends or her siblings. That's a mistake. And Natasha has like a real, hey ladies vibe in this group chat, right? It's like, hey ladies, so happy we're all here. Can't wait to celebrate Mela, da da da da da da, right?

Like this WhatsApp message is just like blinking all the time. Like here on the phone is like a light just 24 or 7. No, I would have immediately sent a message like, hi guys, I'm so sorry with my job, I'm not able to take on any more mass communication, but please email me anything that requires a response and I'll get back to you within 24 hours. And then you leave the group. Yes. Foundry. I love that you're like, the boundary here is I shan't be in this group.

I think that that's correct and good. This group is just like, it's memes. It's all sorts of bullshit. Finally, they start talking about the bachelor at party. And Kieran's like, okay, this is relevant to me. They start discussing like, where do we wanna go? People are throwing out little options, right? They're like, do we want to go to Nashville?

Do we want to go to Los Angeles? Do we want to go abroad? Never go to Los Angeles. That's not a bad story. They decide that they are going to go to a city that we will not name in Western Europe. It's on the water. It's like very beautiful, Old little cobbled streets.

These are American women, right? Yes. I'm not a fan of bachelorets that require a passport. I think that's a lot to ask it people. I mean, I get it though, but people's budgets don't be the same. But you know what? 25 of you, I don't know, getting 25 bitches through customs, chicken go wrong. That's a lot. Yeah, go off. Herein is like, this is expensive. This is difficult to get to. This is now like a whole thing,

but she's like, I'm not gonna say anything. Like, this is the hell I signed up for. I love my new home and hell. Natasha's in charge. She's making all these plans. She's like sending spreadsheets, sending listings for the house They're gonna stay in sending the dates for people to choose from so Kirin like buys her ticket

Once she has bought her ticket she butes the group text and she starts treating this group text as like her Nightly entertainment where like at the end of the workday She will sit down and like scroll the group text and then be like, that's enough, I'm done. You know? That's responsible. That's a responsible way to handle that. Every day, she picks up her phone and it's like 25, 26, 27 messages minimum.

Oh, especially when someone has like an Android and so it's like so and so hard and... Oh my God! One day, about a month before the trip, she's like, okay, I'm done with work. It's time for my nightly entertainment, reading this group thread. And she picks up her phone and it has one message.

Oh, and she's like, that's really weird. Like very strange that there would only be one message in this group. She clicks in and the message is from Meela. And it says, and I quote, Hey, besties, wedding is off. I don't want to talk about it. Wedding is off. I don't want to talk about it. Well, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? That's my question for you. Like,

how do you respond to this? I guess you ask them. This is what I would do. Yes. I would reach out to Mela individually and we're like, hey, do you want everyone but Natasha to go on a vacation with you to heal and get some dick, water side in Europe? Mm-hmm.

Cause that's the plan to me. Obviously, you don't want your ex-fiance sister there. But the rest of us, we bought a ticket. So that's what I would do. Let's heal. Here, let's heal. Let's use my airplane ticket to Europe, please. Yes.

Let's use my airplane ticket to Europe, please. Yes. Kiran's like, she knows that this is the kind of couple that has one big blow-up fight a year. So she's like, okay, do I take this seriously or not is her first question? She's like, is it April first? It is not April first. So she's like, okay, I don't think this is a joke.

She goes to Instagram and the fiance has been like scrubbed off of Mela's Instagram. Audio medium, they can't see your eyes. Yeah, I'm shocked. My eyes bugged out and I just buckled in for more. Karen decides like, okay, Mela is my friend. I care about Mela. She doesn't want to talk about it, but like, I'm going to text her on the side, right?

Like a straight text to Mela that just says like, I'm here if you need me, hope you're okay. Yep, there you go. She hears nothing back for four days. I would have pulled up on Mela. I would have gone to her house. Yeah, I would have to. After four days, she receives a text for Mela directly to her that says, hey, Gurley, exclamation point. So weird, but the wedding is back on. You're irritated, my nostril's flared. I'm gonna describe my facial extracted. Kiran is like, what? Why are all these things happening via text?

One, two, why did you tell us the wedding was off if it wasn't like, absolutely, we canceled the deposit off. That's crazy. But she's like she's texting like do you want to talk about it? And Vila's like not everything's fine. Kieran goes to Nila's Instagram and the fiance has returned to the feet. This is crazy. Expression of confusion. Yeah, she's like, Meela, do you wanna go out for drinks? Like, what if we went out for drinks? And Meela's like, oh my God, yeah, I'd love to go out for drinks. So they go out for drinks and Kirin's like trying to push,

trying to like be gentle, but be like, what happened? Yes! I deserve an answer at this point. Yeah, and Meela's like, oh, we just got into a really big fight, but we worked it out. It's okay. And Karen cannot get anything else out of her. That's crazy.

I'd be so irritated. No. Yeah, she goes on that night after their drinks and she's super irritated. The next day, she gets a text for Mela. And it's like, hey babe, I'm about to text the group until everyone that the wedding is back on. But Natasha and I have had a bit of a

falling out so she's not going to be the maid of honor anymore obviously. You and I have such a long history and I admire you so much and you are so kind to me at our drinks the other night. I would love to have you stay next to me as my maid of honor if you're willing. Ooh, that is. I mean, how are they really close, right? Yes. Okay, okay. If this is like one of my closest friends and I kind of expected to be maid of

honor instead of her sister, then I rip. It depends on the relationship. If I'm like, that's a lot to ask. I think an important clarification though, is that they're like high school friends. Okay, so they know each other. Okay. I would ask to be part of like a made of art or committee.

Because it's like, if you have 24 best friends, then realistically, four of us are your closest friend. If you really like a school, statistically, you have a basketball team as a best friend. Yeah, I would say about fifth of the, you know what I mean? Because the average bridal party size is about like five

eights, and you pick like when brides made in that scenario. So how about three to four made of honors? I love this plan. Kiran though is like kind of flattered. She's like, oh, it's like really nice that she wants me to be the Meela Vonder and I know she's having a really hard time.

And so she's like, yes. And Meela's like, great. I'll tell everybody that the wedding is back on. Like I'm gonna text the group now. Meela texts the group and it's like, so sorry for the confusion. Hope nobody like had a hard time. The wedding is back on. I'm super happy. Thank you also much to do do do do do. Everyone of this group text is like yay yay yay they're like sending hearts. They're sending

gifts. They're all like very happy. After that Militex curin and it's like hey can you text the group message and just remind them about the Bachelor at Trip and like that they need to be like looking forward to that? This will be the first text since like all of those gay messages. How do you want to handle this? You're the maid of honor now. I'm sorry, but I'm going to nicely tell her that she needs to give them an explanation and an apology because like people might have

gotten their money back. If she, if you said weddings off, my very first thought is, let me get $5,000 back. Or however much I spent on this. You don't mean? Yeah. And honestly, I would say that it's kind of inappropriate to still have the, I mean, I don't know how much time has passed between these interactions. But I would try, if I was the bride, I mean, I don't know how much time has passed between these interactions, but I would try, if I was the bride, I would try to like maybe plant something a little bit more like localized to probably, you know, I mean, like, yeah, like just read a mansion and have a sleepover and thank everyone for their time because I don't know. I'd be, it's a lot to ask people to pay for a fancy trip. I think cancel it.

I think that you're assuming though that these are normal people. And if they were those people, we would not have this story. So that's absolutely not what's going to happen here. What happens here is that Karen is like, okay, in her brain, she's like, I'm happy to coordinate all of this. But I don't have any of the information. Natasha has all of the information. So she has to text Natasha.

I'd be like Natasha, can you give me access to all the Google docs? Even though the bride had a falling out with Natasha. Yes. Yikes. And Natasha's like, sure, period. Okay. But she does give her access. So that's great. But she's like, okay, period. Okay. But she doesn't give her access, so that's great.

But sure. Karen's like, okay, she texts the group text. She's like, basically I'm in charge now. I am a captain now. We will miss Natasha coordinating plans to go to Western Europe. Can't wait to see you all, like, let's coordinate when everyone's arriving.

And everyone is like, what? What happened to Natasha? Kieran's like, see you soon. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! My gosh. Are you ready to go on this weekend,

Bachelor at Trip to Europe? No, I already got my money back and I left. And if I'm Bachelor of 21, 22, 23, you won't miss me. We're good. You're not though, you're Kirin. Oh, I'm Kirin. I'm ready to go, that's my girl. Everybody is lying to your Europe in clumps.

Kieran is flying with Mila. And their flight lands in Europe like 20 minutes before the flight of one of these clumps. We will call one of these clumps the book club clump because they all know Mila from book club. Okay. So, K and Miele, wait at the airport. She's like, okay, we're going to get the five girls from book club and then we're all going to get into like a giant car and we'll drive

to our rental house. It'll be great. They're waiting at baggage claim, waiting for the girlies. They get through customs, they're walking up, but Karen is like counting and she's like, that's, there's six girls in this group, not five. That's weird. So she's meeting them, you just like, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. One of them younger than everyone else is like, hi, I'm Natasha, it's so nice to meet you.

What? Natasha still goes. Natasha is apparently still going. She's here. Okay. What do you want to do? I could not care. Whatever.

I mean, if she's still married this man, then that's still his sister. Yeah, so whatever falling out they had, they have to get over it. Cause they're going to spend the rest of their lives together. So this is the beginning. Let's bridge the gap. Yeah.

Kiran is like, I'm fine with her being here, obviously, but like, I wish Mila had told me. Yeah. So she pulls Mila aside and is like, Hey, like, why is Natasha here? And Mila's like, she's his sister. And Kiran's like, I've got that part, but like, why didn't you tell anyone that she was still coming?

And Meela's like, of course she's still coming. She's a sister. Here's like, okay, sure. Meela's weird, dude. They all go get in this van. And you know, it's tight because they're eight of them. They drive to the rental house, and no rental house in the world is big enough for 25 people unless you are renting like a castle.

Yeah. So the way they have planned to do this, you know, this is one of those houses that's made for a ton of people to stay in it. So there's like two or three beds in every room, there's some bunk beds, whatever. What they've decided to do is that everyone will sleep in a room based on how they know Miele. Okay. Miele gets her own room because it's her special weekend. And Kirin and Natasha are both sleeping on couch beds in common rooms. Okay. Because they are not part of a group.

Each group that arrives has like their own little brand, their own little way of behaving. The book club girls are here with us. They have a immediately open to wine. Love them. They're talking about dates. They're talking about apps. They're talking about everything. The next group to arrive is the sorority sisters. I knew she had the sorority. I was like, that's the only way to excuse how high this number, this number got fast, big fast. Yes. So it's under pledge glass. There's 10 of them. There's a bunch of them. Yeah. They show up. They're like bubbly. They all look incredible, despite having just been on like a giant flight across the ocean. They all have like 16 lookages with them. The next group to arrive are the Jocks.

Mela played tennis in college. And so all of these like tennis girls are here now. played tennis in college. And so all of these like tennis girls are here now. Okay. The jocks are not chatty. They show up, they like put their weird duffel bags in their room and like a soccer ball emerges from somewhere. Okay. The last script to arrive are the doctors. Mela is a doctor. So these are people who work with her being a doctor. They are the last to arrive and they are plastered from the time they get there. I love this. What an eclectic mix. Kieran is like, I have so much to do. I need to get everyone ready. We have stuff to do today. It's our first day here. And she's also like, this is weird because all of these groups like, don't know each other. I don't know any of them.

I'm like a little on the outs. So everybody gets ready. They like walk around. They see some sites. They go out to dinner. They're seated at like one of those giant long tables with candles. Everyone's talking. They get like two glasses of wine in them.

Everyone's like trauma dumping. The sorority girls are talking about their love lives. The jocks are talking about their lost dreams. The doctors are talking about hating their jobs. The book club's talking about how they all feel alone. Natasha is saying nothing. Kirin is saying nothing. Mela is trying to help everyone solve every problem. That's wonderful. Because this is the kind of friendship. So there are 25 people here who all have an issue.

And she's like, okay, but what if you did this? Like, have you considered like this? I bet you're none of these people really don't Mela. She's holding everyone's hand. That's amazing. Finally, after hours of this, someone is like, Mela, stop it. Like, this is your bachelor red.

You're supposed to be like doing tequila shots. Like, we are not, let's stop doing group therapy. Stop trying to help everyone. Have fun. And Mela's like, but I love all of you. I want to help. And Kirin's like, you can help everyone later. And everyone is like, wow, it's so nice

that Mela wants to help us. So now everyone is talking about how much they love Mela. Everyone is crying. Mela's crying. A good bachelor I should involve a little cry. Like a little bit. A little bit. Yeah, like I, my older sister gave this beautiful toast

at her bachelor at party about how much she loved all of us and how she never thought she was gonna get married. And it was great. And my bachelor at party, I got punched through the head. And it was so. And it was. And it was. And it was.

And it was. And it was. And it was. And it was. And it was. And it was. And it was. And it was. And it was. And it was. Yeah. It really, really like, six street, bar lewee, this dude was fist bumping and he just punched the back of my head. And he was instantly so fucking sorry.

And my eyes just like watering like crazy because it broke man. Punched you man. And it was just, and my ears were ringing, and it was horrible. But honestly, I kind of deserved it because moments earlier, this girl tried to like cut the line, and I said, get the fuck back, Belman, because I thought she was dressed as a bummer from Scooby Doo, and that was just her clothes.

Oh my God. I really heard her feeling. And then like, you Carmette yourself at the beginning. Oh my God. I really heard her feeling. And then like you carmed yourself and they get a hunched and they did carmen at hand punch. So yeah. But a little crying, that's every bachelor at party. Every bachelor's a little cry for sure.

Yeah, they go, they like go home kind of early on Friday night because everyone is jet lagged and has been crying. And so they're like, we'll just drink at the house, we can go to sleep tomorrow's our day to go out. It is now Saturday. 8 a.m. Kirin is awoken because someone in the kitchen has popped a champagne cork.

8 a.m. Go off. 8 a.m. Kirin's like, okay, I'm great. So we're going off today. We're getting up early, everyone's waking up. And she's like, this is fine, we do have a lot to do. Like, I can be a mimosa, like, let's go.

The plan for today is to like see the city. They get up, they get going. The city, as they're getting closer and closer to the downtown area, smells like smokey. Okay. And they're like, that's kind of weird. There are like paper lanterns and streamers hanging everywhere on these like little cobbled streets.

All the girls are like taking pics of each other, right? They're like lean against that door, put your right foot forward, right? Like cock your hip, they're getting little photos of each other. So cute, but this means it takes forever for them to get downtown because they have to stop in like every cute doorway and there are 25 of them. Oh.

Yeah, they get closer and closer into the like downtown area. And curious like, oh my god, it like smells like fish. Uh-huh. Like it smells like fish and like basil, maybe. They get down there and there are sardines everywhere. Gross, love it. This is like a sardine festival that happens in the city that no one in this bachelor at party knew was coming. So they're like little booths filled with sardine stuff. Art of sardines sardines on toast s, Sardines on Duh, Sardines everywhere.

The groups respond differently to this. The sorority is afraid of Sardines. They are terrified, they hate this. The shops are housing Sardines. Like they're just eating as many Sardines as they can get their hands on. The source of protein, man. Exactly, that's protein baby gain season. The book club has a couple girls in it who don't speak the language of this country, but speaks Spanish. And so they're trying to ask questions and communicate with people.

The doctors are eating a few sardines casually. Kieran is like, okay, this seems fun. Like we don't have to do all the things on this list. We can just hang out here for a little bit. But she can tell that Natasha is mad. That she's been like, oh, these other things we're gonna do. We're now not gonna do because one, a lot of stuff is closed because it's a special sardine day for some reason.

And two, there's a lot of sardine activities to do. Yes. People are like, there's sardine shit everywhere. At this point, the jocks buy sardine hats that are like, they go on your head like a regular hat, but it's like the face of a sardine fish pointing up so that it's a love it like above your head. So, it's like, shapes like a Pope hat basically. This makes so much sense, because they go, they love team colors, team, they're like, we're on team sardine.

We have a purpose. This makes sense. Yes. The rest of this trip, the jocks are wearing these sardine hats. They love them. They're like, we know a bit when we see one and we will be riding this one to death. Like we love it. I love it

The whole time that Josh is like aren't we gonna go to this aren't we gonna go to that and Kirin's like no People are having fun. We only paid for one activity and that is this afternoon So we can hang around we can do. The afternoons adventure is sailboat. It is like Princess Diaries' Corps, right? Like, sisterhood of the traveling pants the part where Rory goes to Greece, right? Like, they get into the water and like, go around the city and look at everything

and it's like beautiful. Shiny water, perfect breeze. They have their little life jackets on. They're taking photos. The jocks are still wearing their sardine hats. They're like posing next to the water. It's great. Adult jocks sound really exhausting, but also very fun. Yeah, it's like being around about to teen boys. Like, what do you do if you're good at sports? But then there's no success path for you as an adult. You buy already had now a good time, I guess.

Everything is going great until a book club begins vomiting. The sorority girls are like holding back her hair. Oh, everyone is like, oh no. Now, Mela is vomiting. The water is too choppy. People are becoming seasick. Many people are vomiting off the side of the boat. Oh, because they're full of sardines. Oh, god. Sardines part two. Sardines return to the ocean. Like it's bad.

Oh, no. The jocks are fine. So they're like patting everyone on the back to be like, you're gonna be okay, buddy. So instead of doing another activity after sailing, Kieran is like, we're gonna go back to the house. Everyone is gonna take a little nap, drink some water, be calm.

Kieran's right. Tonight's big activity is like a giant dinner. So everyone takes their nap, everyone gets ready, they go out to this beautiful space. It's like huge stone walls, candle lit, or Nate tiles everywhere. The vibes are atrocious, because the doctors are hungover.

The blood rolls are angry. Oh no. The jocks are wearing their sardine hats, but they're also sunburned. The sorority girls are the only ones that are fine. They, in fact, look better somehow. But this dinner is a prefix menu. And the first courses come out and they are sardines. No one is happy except for the jocks who are very happy.

Mela is unhappy. If you're a Kirin, do you do something here? I gotta make sure Mela is happy. So I figure out what would make Mela happy. Is she unhappy with everyone being in a bad mood because we can't fix that. Right. Is she unhappy when eating sardines because we can maybe fix that. What do we do? So you ask me, and you're like, why are you unhappy? And me is like, I cannot eat another sardine. Okay, fixable. Fixable. I talk to the chef. See if there's

anything not sardine available. Yes. Curent is like, let me talk to someone. She goes, she's like, hi, is there any way that we could get some courses that aren't sardine? to someone. She goes, she's like, hi, is there any way that we could get some courses that aren't sardine? And the waiter is like, it's sardine festival weekend. And Karen is like, yeah, yeah, I totally understand that. I rescinded it. I love sardines. But like, could we have some dishes without sardines? I wonder if this is like one of those very Google things. It certainly is. Like anybody who would know if you visit this country, this time, the Sardines rule this city. Like, yes. But the waiter is like fine.

I'll get you some courses that aren't Sardines. So Mela is now happy because some like land meat has emerged. Everyone is eating. Everyone is starting to feel better and better, the vibes are increasing because it's like we have been fed something that is not sardine.

The plan for after dinner is club. Okay. Do you want to go to club? How old am I? Probably early 30s. Honestly, no, because I heard in Europe club age is like 16. So I'm not trying to be like, you remember that entire season of Jersey Shore, where they kept me like she's too young for you, bro, and they were like 27. So I'm 34. And I'm about to be in the club with 16 year olds, no ma'am.

That's how Karen feels to it. Not about the 16 year olds, but just about she's like, I'm about to be in the club with 16 year olds, no ma'am. Mm-hmm. That's how Karen feels to it. Not about the 16 year olds, but just about, she's like, I'm exhausted. I've been doing emotional labor all day. Everyone is very sleepy. Everyone is like being weird. I think we should just go back to the house and drink fair. So she offers to the group.

She's like, hey, I know that we've had a long day and the vomiting was rather unexpected. Does anybody want to go back to the house? That's totally an option. Everyone else is like, no, we want go to club. Rally, okay. They go to the club. It is immediately like, oons, oons, oons, oons.

Lights are purple. Everyone's in. Okay, lights are purple. Everyone's drinking. Whoa. Moona, moona, moona, moona. Okay, I'm in the mood. I'm mentally in the mood. Curious is like within minutes of being in the club is like I feel better. Like the base like enters her bloodstream

and makes her brain soft. So she's like, this is great. There are like two groups. The sorority girls and the doctors and Milla and Atasha are dancing. The book club girls are like hanging out by the bar, loitering, talking, flirting. The jocks still wearing their sardine hats are doing shots. I love it. Which group do you want to go with? Okay. I don't think I to go with? Okay. I

Don't think I can hang with the jocks. I'm worried the book club girls are gonna want to talk about something serious Screaming in my ear so I like farting. I hate when someone's trying to have a real conversation with bar There was another group right the dancers everybody's dancing. I want to dance. You're going to dance. You want to dance with somebody Meal is Meal is also with the dancers so Kirin's like I want to dance too Like that's my girl. I'm gonna go be with her. It'll be fun Yeah, it's so fun. Kirin's having a great time. Meal is sweaty everyone sweaty Kirin's like dancing with some guy wearing capri pants.

Like, it's going great. Oh yeah. At some point Mila is like, I need another drink. And Kieran's like, okay, Mila goes to the bar. Kieran watches her order of drink. She's dancing. She watches Mila talk to the book club. And then suddenly Mila runs out of the club.

Okay. Karen is like, huh. She's like, I need another drink anyway. Like, I'll go to the bar. I'll find out what's going on here. Like, maybe she just went outside for some air. So she goes to the bar, she goes up to the book club, and she's like, book club.

What's up? Where's Mila? And book clubs like, oh, she ran away. She ran away. She ran away. She ran away. Karen's like what? And the book club is like oh yeah she's a runner. She's a track star. Karen's like what? And the book clubs like oh did you not know this?

Like this Mila's just like she's a type of girl that she gets drunk and she runs away. No, I'm sorry, that's unacceptable personality to me after like age 25. And it's unacceptable in a place that requires a passport. Because you're gonna run away without your identification and end up in a jail. Like, no, you know, unacceptable. That is exactly how Kieran feels. Kieran's like, thank like thank God we're leaving tomorrow like I'm so sick of this shit

She's like why did she run though? And the book club is like oh who knows she just runs and the jocks are like nah, they were fighting Kieran's like what? Apparently what happened is Mela wanted the book club to dance. Okay. Fair. The book club didn't want to dance because... Of course, they're nerds.

Because they're nerds and they were made fun of in middle school. Yeah, and some of them knocked their glasses off. It's very... Somebody's gonna call them Velma. Oh my God. Oh, and the circle's back. One of the book club Girls, like jokingly, is like my trauma about like being on a dance floor.

Another one of the Book Club Girls jokingly is like, yeah, we all have traumas. Like maybe you gotta have trauma to be friends with Mela. Mela did not like this joke. Oh. Mela did not like this joke. Oh! She immediately starts arguing with the book club about how the trauma of someone being mean to you on a dance floor is not the same as other kinds of trauma. Oh, okay. So she's a little too drunk to have a sense of humor right now.

She's taking stuff literally. Yeah. And one of the book club girls is like, yeah, like, of course, there are levels of trauma, but like trauma is trauma. And me list, like, I know, but like, this is a safe space. You're with a safe group. I'm trying to help you. I feel that I, I'm putting myself in me list shoes. And it's like, all I want is for everyone to have a good time. Yeah. And I feel like part of my group just won't give in. Yes. And that would hurt my feelings.

Yeah. Although running was not the solution. The book club is like, we understand that you're trying to help, but we're not asking to be helped. That is. Like, we're asking you to understand. And honor that we're weirdos. Got it.

And Mila said, I do understand. And then she yelled, I am an empath. And then she ran away. Oh my God. Okay, astrologically, what do we think Mila is? Real quick. Ooh. It feels very cancerous.

It feels cancer, yeah. It's so great. I think she does feed off everyone having problems around her. She kind of loves it. She wants to be the mama bear. But then the running would call down on it. Yeah, it feels real cancer, Jesus.

So now we have chaos. Because Mela does not have a key to the rental. Mela does have a phone, but she has turned off her, find my friends for everyone. Some of them have cell service and some of them don't. So like the divide in this group is, some people are very worried and are like, call the police, like this girl is dead.

And some people are like, I'm not worried at all. We should probably just buy an air tag for Mela so we know where she is. Jesus Christ. We're turning off your fine, my friends, is petty, petty. Yes. I don't like that at all. That's actually super fucked up.

That's emotionally that's kind of abusive. What do you want to do here? Cousin of the fuck out. You don't know where she is. I don't like that shit. That is, that really puts me in a bad head spanish. I'm a little triggered. I'm super triggered. I don't like. I'm too anxious for people who aren't communicative. And I just learned to be like, you know what, if your

style is avoided, I have to avoid you. Because my style is what's the opposite of avoid it, and anxiously attached, you know. Yeah. So I'm Kieran, what do I do in this situation? Just go back to the house. So somebody's there when she gets there because she doesn't know how to get inside. I leave the girls in their groups and we go home because of what are we gonna do? Like walk through the streets of Italy trying to find her? Yeah, they decide split up. Okay, that's the horror movie we'll go off. We will send the book club and the jocks

who aren't dancing anyway back to the rental. They will wait there in case Mila shows up there. Okay. Everyone else will say here at the club, and case she comes back, and also because we don't want to leave. And we are not worried. Okay.

The book club and the jock's leave to go home. All right. And here in notices a passport on the bar. No. And she's like, oh my god, one of these book club girls left her passport here so irresponsible, she opens it and it's me less. No!

Immediately after opening it, she gets a text in the WhatsApp that's like me less back at the rental. Okay, yay. Praise God. Cool. So she's fine. What do you do with this passport? I just go to the rental and give it to her. Okay, that's not what we're doing here.

That's a reasonable adult thing to do. Kieran decides this is my passport now. Oh my god. Kieran. Kieran. Mela's being irresponsible. Mela doesn't even know this is missing yet. So Kieran's like, I I'm gonna keep it for her, and I will give it to her tomorrow when she realizes it's missing. Because I think it's fucked up that she ran, and I think it's fucked up that she won't apologize for it.

And then she stays out dancing. With the other half of the group. I'm mad at Kiran now. Kiran is being a petty, petty, and I don't like it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Kieran is an earth sign, probably a cap report. And she's hit a wall.

She has no more empathy left. No, she ran out and now she's getting villainous. I don't like it. They go back, they go to sleep. It's now Sunday. Again, Kieran is woken up by the pop of a champagne quirk. She looks up from the couch. It is a jock standing there in a sardine hat. She's like great. I keep imagining the jocks would like a football jersey sardine hat. No pants. Yes.

Exactly. Yes. Yes, exactly. Yes. Kieran is so hungover. Everyone else somehow seems fine. She's like, this is a nightmare, but she's like, it's fine. We're all out on a 2 p.m. flight. Like, we're going to get it together.

Do you think that that'll be fine? How are you feeling? No, absolutely not. It wouldn't be a normal gossip story. If shit didn't go really wrong. Yeah, things are about to get worse. Everyone is out on this on like two 3 p.m. flights. So the sorority girls are making waffles.

The book club girls and the doctors are packing. The jocks are like tidying up. Okay. Book club is like everyone should make sure they have all their stuff and are ready to go to the airport by 11. At 10 a.m. Mela realizes her passport is missing. She's Freaking out everyone else is like oh no, and she's like we need to go back to the club and they're like Mela Sweetie. It is 10 a.m. on a Sunday the club is closed. Oh damn

You're curing how long do you let her panic? I tell her right then and there, I've got it. Yeah, I'm responsible and I love you. Say thank you, because I'm a kind, you know, whatever. Exactly. Curin is like, I have your passport. You left it on the bar. Mila is like throwing herself around curin. She's like kissing her cheeks.

She's like, thank you so much. And Curin's like, I'm not giving this back to you yet. And Mila's like, what? You can just kiss me. And I'm just like, hello, I'm in the seat. That's how I'm in the seat. You can just eat that. Hello, I'm in the seat.

Karen is like, I'm not giving it back to you yet because you ran, you made everyone a panic and then you didn't apologize. That's some whole shit. And Mela's like, I don't think everyone was panicking. I think it's fine. It was not fine. The rest of the group is like gathering around.

Everyone is here except for sorority who is packing. Good. Curien's like, raise your hand if you were panicking. Everyone's raising their hand. She's personally victimized by Mela's actions. Oh, she's gonna hate this. She's gonna feel like attacked. Yes, she's like apologized. And Mela is like all apologized when book club apologizes to me for saying I didn't care about her. And book club is like that's not what I

said, but I'll apologize for you understanding it that way. And be like, that's not an apology. Now, everyone is yelling. I thought Natasha was going to be the problem. She's not in the problem. A sorority girl comes out of the room where she's packing and she's like, you guys yelling, yelling, yelling, no one can hear her. She's like, y'all, no one's listening. Finally, she's like y'all no one's listening finally she's like hello everyone stop everyone stops sorority three is like we've got a little problem sorority four has just tested positive for COVID oh no we are now entering a dark era they're not getting on this plane so now we have

a coordination nightmare which is you need to move all your flights, which are all booked separately. And somehow try to stay in this house. The rental needs to be extended, and everyone needs to test. Yeah. This takes hours. They send one of the jocks to the pharmacy for tests.

The jocks come back with like 60 tests. Okay. And the jocks are like, can you believe it? These tests were like 20 euros total. And everyone's like, that's great. Okay. And the jocks are like, can you believe that these tests were like 20 euros total? And everyone's like, that's great. Sure. They all test.

The jocks are negative, Kirin, negative, doctors, positive, sorority, positive, shit. Natasha, negative, book club, negative, Melaela positive.

Shit. What do you want to do? I mean, the safest thing to do is actually for everyone to function like they're positive. Yeah. And they just all quarantine together, which is bad for everyone with a job. Oh, that's bad. Mela bursts into tears. This is bad. She's like, I didn't want to get anyone sick. I don't Oh, that's bad. Meela bursts into tears. This is bad. She's like, I didn't wanna get anyone sick. I don't want anyone to feel bad. Like, I'm so sorry that this messes up everyone's plans.

And everyone's like, Meela, it's fine. Like, you didn't mean to do this. This is not your fault. Like, we're all gonna be fine. Yeah, and we don't know who got COVID from Lou and let's Meela knew she had COVID before she went in. That is, that's not a happy normal gossip. I don't know who got COVID from who and let's me live new. She had COVID before she went in. That is that is not a happy normal gossip on a like that. No, no, everyone who is positive is quarantining in their rooms. Everyone in the house is masking. Okay. The doctors are like, if you're negative and this out. I'm gonna coordinate food being delivered. I'm gonna like make sure there's enough people in every room.

I'm getting cold meds. Like some people are sick, some people feel fine. They're lucky, it's like a pretty mild strain everyone's vaccinated. So it's like not the kind of thing that's like gonna decimate anyone. The second day, they're like getting their shit together. They have one tiny laundry machine. So they're like getting their shit together.

They have one tiny laundry machine. So they're like doing loads and loads of laundry, hanging it out on the balcony. All of the healthy people are mad because they're like, we want to drink on the balcony. Why are these clothes here? Whenever we need a clean clothes. No one can agree on food. And the biggest problem is that Mela keeps hearing someone say that they need something and leaving her room to try and help.

And everyone's like, go back in there. And she's like, I want to help. And they're like, you can't help. You're positive. Stay in your room. Oh my gosh. Days three and four, things are getting darker. Everyone is grumpy.

The book club snaps on a jock. It is like, take those stupid fucking hats off. The jocks are like, no. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. The sorority orders food to the house,

but only for them. One of the book club girls keeps demanding to talk to the delivery drivers because she quotes speaks Spanish, which is basically the same language. And everyone's like, that's not the same. And she's like, then how come I can communicate? And they're like, oh no, stop it. Oh my gosh.

By the time this is like getting nearer to the end, it is like life story time, right? Like people are so bored. They're telling everything that has ever happened to them. The people who are quarantined in rooms are like pressed up against the door trying to listen. All the negative people are in the living room. One of the book club girls is telling this whole story about how she wants her boyfriend to propose, but he won't propose and he says he wants to, but they're not making any progress. Bobo-Bobo, blah. Everyone's chiming in with their opinions on this. Natasha is like, I think you should break up with him.

Through the door, Mila yells, you just think everyone should break up. Now it is very quiet. My eyes bugged out in shock. Okay. Okay. Cause I just put together that Natasha is the reason when Mila and her fiance broke up the first time. What do you mean?

When she was like, sorry guys, wedding's off, Natasha said some shit. And that's why Mila broke up with her brother, for sure, right? Natasha yells back through the door. I don't think everyone should break up just some people. And then Mela yells back through the door. Yes! You told my fiance not to marry me. Ah!

Petty, petty, petty. What happened next? It is silent in this rental for like five seconds and then there is a roar of everyone talking at once. People are yelling through the door, tried to say stuff. Mela opens her door to come out and everyone's like, no, back in there. People are yelling at each other, people are whispering, it's like game over. And also everyone has a kind of like frenzy that happens

when you've been waiting for the information on something for a while and then you're given it, right? So everyone's like all jittery. Oh, this is nuts. You're Kirin. You've just realized like basically why you were given this made of honor job. I'm just quiet.

I just wait to see what happens. That is really nice of you. I'm just quiet. I just wait to see what happens. That is really nice of you. What Kieran does is go up to the door that meet us behind and resign as made of honor. Kieran is nuts too. And that's why Kieran and Mueller are friends. Because they're reactive nut bitches. They're really nutty. Yeah, incredibly reactive. When Karen is upset, she does not think twice and she goes for the jugular.

Why would she quit? They're insane. All action no thought. Oh my God, that was so thoughtless. Karen is like, you only asked me to do this because like, you wanted someone to run this trip for you. I feel like you didn't to run this trip for you. I feel like you didn't communicate with me at all.

Like, had I known that this is the situation of this trip, I would have been much better capable of handling things. She's like a friend to all as a friend to none. Like, everyone is quiet listening to her. Mela, through the door, is like, but Natasha would have felt excluded if she couldn't come. Natasha is shaking her head no. Natasha, I've been fine. I'm cold.

Curants like this is not about that. You're just really bad at boundaries. Like you're creating a system in which everyone has to do what you want because you won't communicate with anyone. And Meela's like, I can't help it if I just like want people to have a good time. I'm just like attuned to what people are feeling. I'm an impath. And here it's like, we all know that you're an impath. But sometimes being empathetic to everyone means that you're not listening to the person who's talking to you. I'm telling you right now that

I feel taken advantage of. And then they all have to live in this house for three more days. Before anyone should leave. Oh my God. On the third day, the people who are testing negative have been testing negative for long enough that they're allowed to leave. OK. So Natasha, Kirin, the jocks and book club leave. So it's just Miele and sorority girls, like.

And doctors and doctors. I hate that the doctors were positive. I know. But like, it is helpful to have them there. It might have been that the doctors brought it technically probably. Never know where it came from. You never know.

Yeah. How are you feeling? We are almost at the end. I hate everybody involved. Except for maybe the story girls. All they did was show up, look cute, and have a good time. Like they just did what they needed to do. They were there for their girl. They had fun.

I think Keirin is messy boots too. And I think Nila is messy boots. I think Natasha is actually a real one. She's consistent. But maybe took on way too much. You should have never been the maid of honor. That was too much. Especially if she didn't think her brother should marry her. No, she's messy boots for saying yes in the first place. Yeah, all of our main players are messy. They are, they are messy. The rest of what happens we learn from the group text, because once all the negative people leave, the only communication they get from the house occurs in the WhatsApp group. And then what they are really getting is a side group text.

So one of the doctors created another group text to keep everyone informed without Mela. And what they learned in this group text is that because everyone was positive, they could come out of their rooms now because it's like, there's no one here to infect. Yeah. And because of that, they were able to have a like face to face come to Jesus meeting with Mela where they were like, why are you acting this way? Like what is going on? They're like, we think that you need to be less worried about how your responses are received

in a situation and be more worried about your responses themselves. Okay. And through this Mela was able to say like, I think I just got like really messed up by this because like Natasha told my fiance that we should break up and like the reason that she wanted them to break up was that she said that like I wasn't like thinking about him ever. And Milo was like I think that I'm always thinking about him. I wonder where she would get that idea from. Like is it coming from the brother or just her observation? Like oh all you talk about is the wedding. It's like, yeah.

Because people have this thing where they go, like, they see a bride being a bride and they go, oh, you care about it as the wedding. Yes. I'm in bed with this man every night. You don't actually see us, like, I don't know, as a bride who lost her bridesmaid. I've been in the position where people look at you like, all you care about is wedding. It's like, that's because that's all we need to talk about right now. That's basically what happened here. Is Natasha was like, you want to be married more than you want to be married to him. And Milo was like, I know we're just, I'm just planning three days of festivities for like 500 people.

So I'm very busy. Yes! Then of course, the minute they like resolved whatever their fight was about, he told Milo this. So it was like deep well of self-consciousness in her that everyone perceived her as not thinking about them. Oh my god. So that's the thing is that's how we created the bride chilla by victimizing women from caring about their weddings. We made them like, oh, you're a brideslla. So now there's all these women who are like, sure, whatever, it can start whenever

and then you just create an endless loop of communication because nobody wants to come off as caring too much about their weddings. Listen, if you're a bride listening to this, do whatever the fuck you want, because people you cannot win. Just like as women, we exist in a virgin horde dichotomy. As brides, you're a bride, chilla, or a bride, zilla. You can't make anybody happy.

So get what you want and get the damn eggplant covered, whatever, feta chini dish you want because nobody will be happy except you. Yeah, I think that that's great advice. And I think that Miele could have used it. After this, the group chat goes exactly back to the way it was before, where everyone is just sending memes constantly.

There is no chatter. There is no conversation anymore. It's like, great, we've handled that. It's over. Okay. The word nation in earnest, like nothing happened. Kirin did go to the wedding. She wasn't the maid of honor.

She was just a regular bridesmaid. And she had a great time. It was a great fucking wedding. Okay. Do you have any final takeaways? Final takeaways. I think everyone involved is messy boots. I don't think your partner's siblings should get to be made of water. Unless it was a situation where you married your best friend's brother, it should not be their sibling just because they're entering the family. That was a terrible idea from the beginning.

I think, I think, international travel during COVID was absolutely ridiculous and a terrible plan. And I'm actually surprised some doctors were down with that shit. I'm really surprised. Those some doctors that needed borders. I was really disappointed in them. Truthfully, I think everyone, except for the sorority girls, we're just really a lot of let downs.

And yeah, there should be a cap on your friendship. It's okay to not pick everyone because I definitely think she looked at like every segment of her life and was like, these are my doctor friends. So all of them go in. Yeah. These are my, don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings.

Yeah. Yes. And it's like, it's okay to be like, I'm more close to this one than this one. Like, there's no way you talk to all 10 girls. You pledge to take a cow at the same time you would. You know, like, it's okay to be like, I'm actually closer to Brady.

Like, it's okay. This is what happens time you went, you know, like, it's okay to be like, I'm actually closer to Brady. Like, it's okay. This is what happens when you're afraid to ever hurt anyone, you will hurt everyone. Yes, I think that's a great takeaway here. Thank you. Jasmine, thank you so much for coming on the show. It was a pleasure to have you. Always, always so much fun talking to you.

Always, always so much fun talking to you. Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at normalgossipatdefector.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679 gossip. If you love this podcast and want us to keep making it, become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at NormalGossip. You can follow Kelsey on all social media at McKinney Kelsey. This podcast was produced by Alex Sujong-Lowflin. Justin Ellis is defectors projects editor Jas Jasper Weng, and Sean

Koon are defectors business guys. Tom Leigh is our editor-in-chief. Jay Tolviera is our associate producer. Abigail Siegel is our intern. Dan McCoyd runs our merch store, which you can find at normalgossip.store. Tara Jukoby designed our show art. Thank you to Louis Piaz Pumar for your help on this episode. Thanks to the rest of the Defactor staff. Defactor Media is a collectively owned subscriber-based

media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radio Topia. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney. I'm Allison Ginney and remember, you did not hear this from me.