Normal Gossip - Should've Said No to the Ceviche with Sarah-Violet Bliss

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

TV writer and showrunner Sarah-Violet Bliss joins us for an evening of moral quandaries and infinite amounts of ceviche. You can support Normal Gossip directly by buying merch or becoming a Friend or a Friend-of-Friend at supportnormalgossip.com. Our merch shop is run by Dan McQuade. You can also find all kinds of info about us and how to submit gossip on our Komi page: https://normalgossip.komi.io/ Episode transcript here. Follow the show on Instagram @normalgossip, and if you have gossip, email us at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at 26-79-GOSSIP. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney (@mckinneykelsey) and produced by Alex Sujong Laughlin (@alexlaughs). Jae Towle Vieira (@jaetowlevieira) is our associate producer. Abigail Segel (@AbigailSegel) is our intern. Justin Ellis is Defector's projects editor. Recorder orchestra by Jenna Bull, Ellen and her husband Spence, Laura Cannon, Ian DeHaven, Natassia Perrine, Robert Beard, Bene Cordaro, Sasha Stone. Credits read by Thang Pham. Show art by Tara Jacoby. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. Support Radiotopia's fall fundraiser!

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[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hi and welcome to Normal Gossip, I'm Kelsey McGuity. In each episode of this podcast, we're going to bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. I am beyond excited to have with me today, Sarah Violet Bliss. Sarah Violet Bliss created directed and show ran the critically acclaimed HBO Max comedy series Search Party

alongside her partner Charles Rogers. Previously, the pair co-wrote and co-directed the feature film Fort Tilden and Sarah Violet wrote for Wet Hot American Summer First Day of Camp on Netflix and Mozart in the Jungle on Amazon. Sarah Violet wrote for Wet Hot American Summer First Day of Camp on Netflix and Mozart in the Jungle on Amazon. Sarah Violet, welcome to the show! Oh my god, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. No, no, no me. Me, me, me. Let's fight. Yeah. A birdie told me that you may have brought a little gossip story for me. Is that true? Well, this was so hard because it's so hard, because I don't want to share gossip of

someone that I know. So I obviously, I've literally been thinking about this for months. Oh, no. Okay. Well, here's what I came up with, which, because I just, I can't, like, people will know that I'm talking about them. So, I have, I have, like, maybe some off the record stuff that I could tell you after we talk.

I'm gonna look back to that, and I love that. But, but like, so what I have landed on is, have you seen the original ending of Titanic? Yes. You have. So, because we used to have the box VHS. No, no, no. Oh, I mean, have you seen like it did not air? No. Okay, so my little piece of gossip is that you have to go watch the original ending of Titanic on YouTube. Also, just to like, in the original, the ending that was already made, or whatever, the ending that we all know and love. Rose just goes to the edge of the boat, brings out the heart

of the sea. Then we have the flashback of young rose and it's in her pocket. And then she looks over and she tosses it into the ocean because it means nothing. And like kind of casual. Yeah, casual life is bigger than a hunk of jewelry. Do you think we could watch it? Let's watch it now. I want to watch it right now. Absolutely.

Okay, great. Let's watch it now. I want to watch it right now. Absolutely. Okay, great. Okay, so we have Old Lady Thru in the ocean again. Well, she's walking towards the ledge. We've got the beautiful Titanic music. Night sky.

She looks very sad. These like, there's so many detail shots right here. Oh no, she's climbing the railway. I'm scared Two people are running out. She says don't come any closer. They're running up to her. She's got the heart of the sea She's threatening. She says I'll drop it Bill Paxton is trying to persuade her to Delegately hand him over the heart of the sea. He's trying to do a classic male move of, please be logical. Yes, yes.

No emotions are illegal. Be logical. Hand me the multi-million dollar jewel. She's teasing him with it a little bit. She lets it touch his hand. Only life is priceless and making every day count, which is a quote from what Jack said earlier. Yeah. In the movie. He reluctantly opens his hands. Now we have swelling music. Oh, and then she tosses it over. She tosses it over

with a little... and then the other crewmates rush over and say, Christ, no! Now Bill Pullman is looking at his empty hand in disbelief, and now he begins to laugh hysterically. Oh my god! And then there is a overhead overhead Shawshank redemption shot. Pulling back of him opening his arms out and laughing. Like finally he understands what he's been looking for the entire time and it has not been the heart of the sea. I love this gossip. I want to know when you first saw this. Do you remember?

When I first saw, like, when the alternate, the alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity.

The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity.

The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. The alternate identity. This is a classic because I have logged out a good party idea would be just like show me the YouTube video you're obsessed with. And like this is a good one, right? Like it's just, that's a great one. It's beautiful. I mean, I know I've had it for at least five years because I showed it to my husband. Anyway. As a test.

Yes. I think you better think this is good. Very chaotic. I am glad that they picked the other ending. I think that was the right choice. Yes, me too. Personally. It's a wonderful movie.

It's a wonderful movie that we all love. And perhaps would have been less beloved had it had such a corny ending. So we respect the iterative process of creative work. Sarah Violet, would you like to hear the story that I have for you? I'm dying to hear it. Our friend of a friend today, his name is Blake. Blake. Blake is about to have the best weekend of his whole life because Blake's like only hobby, his only interest in the world is eating.

Okay. He wants to go to restaurants. He wants to order whatever's on the menu, right? The sourdough bread with like seaweed mixed in it. The homemade pasta, roti and a charcoal grill, whatever it is, he wants to eat it. I don't relate to this

because I've always just been like the kind of person who would prefer to not have to eat in order to live. Like you would prefer to not have to eat in order to live. What? Like, you would prefer to drink your food. I would prefer they're not to be food, like, that I don't have to run on food. You and Blake diametrically opposed. Blake is like, this is gonna be the best weekend of my life

because it's gonna be great food this weekend. Okay. His boyfriend Lucas has invited him to a whole weekend or deal. Lucas' best friend from high school, Kora, has graduated from an MBA program. So she's having this big graduation party. Think about Kora, she's like a cool girl, right? Tattoo's blue streak in her hair, always six months ahead of a trend. Okay. She's graduating from a low-res MBA program, which is on its face not cool, except that she's doing it

because she wants to start a brewery, which is cool. Okay, very cool. She wants this awesome brewery with lots of little food, treks, and stuff in the Ozarks, where they live. They live in the Ozarks?

They live in the Ozarks. Okay, sorry. And Kora is Blake's friend. Kora is Lucas's friend. Lucas is friend. Okay. It's complicated. Okay. That's as complicated as it gets though I promise. Blake is like, I love this brewery idea because I want the brewery to exist. This is good for me and my ideals and visions which are eating snacks. Yes. So this this celebratory weekend, the plan is K Korra's graduated, it's time to party. Great. And all, of course, friends, party by eating.

They're like chefs. They own restaurants. They own breweries. They're these kind of people. Nice. So the plan is Saturday night, there's going to be a huge dinner, basically a wedding, catered by one, of Korra's friends. We're talking like tacos, margs, Big Bar, all sorts of stuff.

And Friday night, the night before, they're going to have a small dinner for her closest friends. Tens, really fun if you want, if that's what you're into. No, it sounds great. I would, it sounds wonderful. Yummy, yummy. And good socializing. And I'm happy so far. Yeah. and good socializing.

And I'm happy so far. Yeah, okay. On Friday, Blake gets into the car with Lucas to go over to Corra's neighborhood and they start driving there and he's like, wait, wait, wait, we're not going to Corra's neighborhood. Like this isn't where Corra lives. This is like older houses, they're bigger,

they're more suburban. And Lucas is like, oh yeah, we're not going to Korra's. We're going to some like house that her friend has that's big enough to host all of us. Okay. Lucas and Blake get there. They go inside immediately. They run into Kandee with a K. Okay. Kandee with a K. Kandee is Korra's mom. I want you to think like, Kookie lady beaded glasses chain. Like if Eileen Fisher had patterns. Okay. Like the kind of clothes you would buy at an airport,

but nicer, right? Yes, I got you. Candy lives on the Gulf Coast, which is where Lucas and Kora are from. And Candy is so excited to see these boys. She's like hugging both of them. She's like, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so happy to see you.

You're so strong. Can you help me? Uh-oh them. She's like, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so happy to see you. You're so strong. Can you help me? Uh-oh. And they're like, yeah, of course we can help you. Can't eat no problem. And she's like, okay, okay, great. Come with me. I have done a ruse.

Oh no. And they're like, uh-oh. Lucas is like, can't eat. What ruse? And can't eat like, I brought something, come with me to my car. They go outside, back outside. She has this big SUV. She opens the back of it and inside are those giant,

white industrial-sized coolers. You know what I'm talking about? They have like clipped stuff on them? Yeah, like the yetis. Yeah, basically, exactly. Big yetis. And she's like, can you help me carry these into the garage? like the yetis. Yeah, basically, exactly. Big yetis. And she's like, can you help me carry these into the garage?

And the boys are like, oh yeah, this is an extremely simple task. We're happy to do this. But they pull the first cooler out and it is like so heavy. Like very, very heavy. They have to like waddle their way to the garage. They're like, I was not expecting to do a physical labor here.

I'm wearing my cute outfit. They set the first one down. They're like a little sweaty. Okay. One more. They go get it. They bring it into the garage. Now they are rather sweaty.

Yeah. And they're also like these cooler smell a little weird. Can I guess what's in them? You may. Is it crawfish? Great guess. Okay. They're like, candy, what is in these?

And she's like, fish! Very close. She opens it and inside are these like giant sea bass. Sea bass. Big big fish. Okay. Blake looks at Lucas and Lucas looks at Candy and it's like, Candy, what? And she's like, yeah, these are my fish. They're like inside that like crushed sonic ice. You know, like just like packed in ice. They're dead, right? They're dead. I got caught.

Yes, it's like these are my fish. Like, they're like, I take my fish with me wherever I go. Okay, those are my bets. Why do you think these fish are here? Do you have any... I'm concerned that candy is expecting cord to be really thrilled by all this fish that she's then going to have to like saute for everyone.

Lucas has a question first, which is, did you drive these fish here? No. And candy's like, yeah, I drove them from the Gulf. Lucas has a question first, which is, did you drive these fish here? Oh no. And Candy's like, yeah, I drove them from the Gulf. This is like a more than 12 hour drive. Oh no. And Blake is like completely lost. He's completely confused.

Lucas seems like kind of happy. He's like, why is my boyfriend happy? That his friend's mom brought all these fish from the Gulf coast. This doesn't make any sense. And so he's like, I'm so sorry, but like, what are these fish for? And Lucas and Candy look at him like he's the silliest man alive. And they're like, Blake, Kora's favorite food is Candy's Seabass ceviche recipe. Okay. Okay. And Blake's like, okay. And they're like, yeah, these are the fish

that we use for the recipe. So she has driven these fish all the way to where Coralibs so that she can make ceviche for Coralibs graduation party tomorrow. And they just, they don't have sea bass in the Ozarks. It's a great question. My guess is that probably they do. But these fish have been hand chosen

and love their food. They're good. Blake is like kind of happy about this I guess it's probably they do, but these fish have been hand-chosen and love their food driven. Blake is kind of happy about this because he's like, I love ceviche. Like, great, sure. I can't wait to try your ceviche candy. Thank you. And candy's like, you're welcome. They go inside.

Kora and her partner are cooking. People are like milling about having wine. There's like maybe 15 people total here in this house. They're like crammed around a dining room table. Before dinner, they're watching candy like make the rounds go up to people and like whisper. Some of them are nodding, some are shaking their heads. What do you think this is about? I don't know what ingredients go in ceviche, but it's like, do you like your ceviche with green or red sauce or something?

Great, great idea. They're watching her talk to all these people and they're like, we need you to come over here and tell us, right? Like, this is miserable. What is she doing? Finally, she gets over there and she's like, hey, I need people to stay after today to help me make the ceviche. Like, are you two down? Okay. Do you want to stay and help Candy with the ceviche. Like, are you two down? Oh, okay. Do you wanna stay and help Candy with her ceviche? Do I? Well, just to hear the rest of the story,

but I would, for real, I would be like, I so cannot. I must go. I must not. Yeah, no. Blake is like kind of on the same page as you. He's like trying to get out of this. He's like, Candy, I've had two glasses of wine

I can't cook and candy's like that's fine. No knife for you. We'll find you a different job And Lucas is like of course we're gonna stay in help So now you have been I just want to say that I like it feels manipulative to me to be like which could you like help like Tell the people beforehand that you have this surprise, or at least be like, I'm thinking of doing this, but in order to do it, I would need a lot of help. Would you be willing to help me? And if so, great. If not, I won't bring the sea bass.

Yes. Yes. But now the sea bass is here. Now I'm just roping people in and they are either, I think unlikely doing it because they're just like, sure, I have nothing else to do. I think they're most likely doing it out of mom pressure. Yes, and mom pressure is very strong.

It's one of the world's strongest forces. They sit down for dinner. They have this long leisurely dinner, right? Like Koren, her partner had made like red sauce pasta and a big salad and chocolate cake. Right? It's like a whole ordeal. Everybody's having wine. Everybody's chatting. They're doing like icebreaker questions, right? They're asking like, what amount of money would you have to be paid to let someone break your arm? And what reality showed you think you could win? Good. Good. I I spray her questions?

Yeah, yeah. By the time the dishes are like being cleared, Amaro's are being served, right? The kitchen is being cleaned. It's 11 o'clock p.m. I mean, I'm in bed at 10.30. So your face is horrible. No, no, no.

Um, I'm done. I'm done. I've stayed longer than I wanted to stay already. I don't like the setup. I already said it. Even if I were interested in helping with fish, I would be like, I don't like how you approach this. And for that reason, I'm setting my clear boundary and I'm leaving. I love this firm boundary.

I am like the biggest sucker to everyone's mom. Good for you. No, I'm, I'm, yeah, I'm going to go watch the original side and do an obstetanic and sleep well. It's 11 p.m. Everyone's eating kitchen's clean. Candy is like, Kora, you have to leave. We're gonna make a little surprise for you.

And Kora is like, what? No. Yeah. No, no, no, no. And Candy is like, goodbye, Kora. And then everyone's like, goodbye, Kora. And so Kora and her partner leave. Was Kora supposed to stay at this house? No, but like they are just kicking her out

because it is now ceviche time. There are like 10 people here. Somebody puts on a playlist, right? It's like Spice Girls, Lil Wayne, right? Like party music. Blake has stopped drinking. He's like, all these people are cool. I'm having fun, like I'm feeling good.

He helps Lucas bring the huge containers of fish into the kitchen. Everyone isn't a great mood. Do you have any idea how to make ceviche? I don't even eat fish because I just don't like it. Okay, so there are many things you need to make ceviche, like lots of little things. So Candy divides them up into stations. So there's like one man who is a real chef at a real restaurant who is scaling and deboning the fish. Oh my God. Very messy.

Thank God he agreed. Oh, yes. This is also very loud because that man is just yelling the whole time. Okay. What is he yelling about? I don't know that. I was not giving that information.

All I was told is he's just yelling. Okay. His friend who's also a chef is over there chopping the fish fillets into cubes so that it can go into the city chain. He's doing this so fast that everyone is like a little scared. Right.

And so they position everyone else away from the fishmen. Okay. Everyone else has a job. Lucas's job is avocados so he's like cutting them in half, taking the pit out, scooping out the junk, chopping them up, putting it in a bowl. There's several girls, one of them's chopping onions, one's chopping cucumbers, one's chopping tomatoes, one's chopping cilantro. Blake, because he is not allowed to have a knife because he said that he had a couple of glasses of wine earlier, is put on lime duty. Oh, okay. His job is just to juice the

limes. How many limes, like, five million limes? Oh, my God. Okay. I think like juicing one lime is stressful enough. To make it more stressful, this kitchen does not have a juicer. No. So the chef guy comes over and teaches him this way to juice lines that they use in kitchen, sometimes where you like use a fork and a spoon. But what this means is that you get lime juice like everywhere. Like you have a little cut on your hand, you're gonna feel it for the rest of your life. Yeah. At midnight, everyone's having fun.

We're still in the early phases. Somebody's like, candy, can we have a beer? What's your stance on the beer? Do you think you should have a beer? Yeah. Candy's like, of course you can have a beer. You can have a high life. It's a kitchen beer.

What's a kitchen beer? Low ABV high fun. So she hands out the high lives. Everybody's having a high life except for Blake because he's so busy trying to hold these limes with our arms and his hands for a beer. He doesn't have hands for a beer, exactly. Nelly comes on the playlist.

Nice. The onion chopper is grinding on the cucumber chopper. Like, meaning people are getting out of control, right? They're getting a little rowdy. Okay, yeah, no, like it's getting hot in here. It's getting hot in here, Exactly. Lucas keeps like leaving his avocado station to come chat with Blake. The fish scalar is like picking up scales off the ground and like raining them down like confetti. Like everyone is

partying now. The dougie comes on and it is like chaos. The person chopping the cilantro starts doing the dougie and then trying to teach everyone else to do the dungie. Okay. So at this point, Candy comes in and is like no more beers. Okay. You're getting too rowdy. We need to finish the ceviche.

We need to finish the ceviche. At 1 a.m. the fish scaler is done scaling and deboning the fish. This is like actually, I'm like, why did they need so much ceviche? Yes. Why? Why? It's like, oh, I have a gift for her. I'm gonna make her ceviche.

Can't you just do that with one sea bass? Okay, I think that. But that's not what we're doing. The fish scalar and deboner is like, I'm done, I'm sleepy, I'm going home. But the problem is that he is the ride of the guy chopping the fish into cubes. So he's taking the cube guy away. So now there's no one to chop the fish.

And Candy is like, can anyone else chop the fish? Who do you think should chop the fish? I mean, I guess Blake is doing the limes, right? I guess like enough of the limes, right? I guess like enough of the limes, Blake hasn't had a drink in a while because he hasn't had hands. Yeah, it's probably sobered up. I think he's ready to use it. Wheel to knife.

Exactly. Blake is like, I'm the only one who didn't drink my high life, right? Like my life is full. So I think I'm the one that should hold the knife. And he's like, I'm an accountant. Like I have good attention to detail. I've read Michael Paulin's book like five times. And Lucas is like, babe, that's not how it works.

And Blake is like, my fingers hurt. Yeah. Did you see him climbs like, please let me do the fish. To go from like one job, or like, please let me chop the fish. To go from like one job, or like, please let me chop the fish. Like, tells you how bad the first job was. That's not a good, that's a bad thing to want. He's like, I wanna be the best guy.

It's like I'm getting a carpal tunnel. Yeah, he's like, my cuticles are gonna follow out. I'm like, he chops a one fish filet into like, perfectly nice cubes. And he's like, I'm an icon, I'm the best at this. He puts it in the bowl. He does a couple more. He's getting confident.

This is a huge mistake. Okay. He gets confident, chop, chop, chop. Wish. He chops his little finger a little bit. Okay, but I really thought you were saying off. I said a little bit. I said a little bit.

He's a little bit. Now there a little bit. There's a little bit. Now there is blood. You know how fingers bleed. Yeah. A lot of blood. Our guy, he hates blood. Okay. He's feeling woozy.

Yeah. He's like looking at the little fish filet. It has blood on it. He's like, I don't like this. He sits down on the floor holding his pinky finger. Mm-hmm. Candy comes up here and is like, what happened to the fish? Why does it have blood all over it?

And Blake is like, oh, I just got a little cut on my finger. Do you think I should go to the ER? Do you think this man should go to the ER? I mean, I would need to see the cut, but at the very least, he could, it should be like, I've got to go. Like, I'm done. And this is at the very least, he should be like, I've got to go. Like I'm done. Yes. And this is at the very least an excuse to end the evening at 1 a.m. or whatever it is

at this point. Right. Excuse to go home. A bunch of the people in the kitchen are like, well, how bad is the cut? Yeah. How bad is the cut is the answer of whether you should go to the ER?

Yes. So the cucumber, onion, tomatoes, cilantro, all these girls take one look at this cut on his finger and are like, do not go to the ER. Okay. Like we have those butterfly band aids stopping a baby you're fine. Lucas, it's like let me see it.

Or maybe it's like, is this like you should go to the ER because you've been around fish and like you shouldn't get fish in your cut? Or something is that, is that like a, that's a great idea. Lucas is like, let me see it. And he looks at it and he's like, honey, I think you need to go to the ER.

Like I don't like this. You've been around around raw fish. Like you should go. And now Blake is like, no. Okay. Everyone will think that I'm being a baby. I'm fine. Oh gosh, just everything about this story is like y'all are in your 20s. Like, yes. It's a fuck what they think.

Go to the ER. Go to the ER. Or say you're going to go to the ER and go home. Yeah. To me. At this point, he has washed his hand off, thank God. But he shoves his little pinky finger into his mouth and he's like, it's fine. I'm fine. No. Lucas is like, will you please let me look at your finger again? And Blake is like, no, it will be in my mouth until it falls off. Like I am staying here.

Oh my God. Candy is like, well, you can't chop fish anymore, clearly. That's not allowed. So I'm going to give you an easier job. His job is just to like tidy up some things that are around, right? Like peels and rinds and extra stuff. Okay. And then to go get the buckets of things that people are done shopping and combine them in bowls. They have been here for a long time already, right? Like the avocados are starting to go brown.

This is the goal thing. He's picking up things from the station. He's putting the avocados are starting to go brown. This is the goal thing. He's picking up things from the station. He's putting the tomatoes and the onions, the cucumbers, and the bulb. At this point, Lucas comes up, and he's like, oh, it's really coming together. And he like takes a bite.

And he's like, ha, and like, like, uh oh, why ha? And Lucas is like one sec. Oh no. And he goes over to where the vegetable girls are. And he takes off a piece of the cilantro and he eats it and then he comes back and is like, can you taste to this? Is this cilantro? Oh no. Blake tasted it and he's like, hmm, I don't think that's cilantro but he's like, what do you do? If you're not 100% certain that it's not cilantro. Oh, I would, I would absolutely not say anything. I just like, whatever.

It's like, I mean, what we're gonna do this all over again with, I mean, I don't know, I would, honestly, I would gossip with other people about it. I would be like, you'd be like, uh-oh. Oh, I think this isn't cilantro. That's basically what Blake does. He's like, cucumber girl come over here. Yeah. She comes over and he's like, cucumber, try this. And she's like, oh, shit. This is parsley. Yeah.

100% this is parsley. I'm getting Nathan and I'm Sam Raquiloff. We're here to tell you about another defector podcast called Name Dropping. Name Dropping is a show about how our names affect our daily lives. It's also about a stranger guessing your name right, a nickname that's a racist slur, and how to give your kids the coolest last name possible. We went deep into the moniker minds for this one, to bring you a bunch of new stories. I'd say there's some people who are immediately like, is that your real name?

Which like, yes, it is. I had this moment of, should I just go buy my middle name, should I just make up the stage name altogether? But this is who I am. Why would I come up with something that is supposed to be me and I limited to this one realm in my life, which isn't the total me, right? If I'm renaming myself, I'm not about to like enact colonial violence by giving myself a white Anglo name. We learned a lot while making this season and we can't wait for you to hear it. We'll have new episodes every Tuesday until Thanksgiving.

Find us wherever you listen to Candy. He's like, Candy, I have terrible news. All of the cilantro that we have put into the city J is actually parsley. And Candie's like, ah shit, like that's no good. Like I'll start getting it out. She gives him a $20 bill and her keys and it's like go get some. At 2 a.m. in the Ozarks? It is like one ish am. You're the Ozarks, you need cilantro cilantro where do you think he should go?

I'm thinking Walmart because Although I don't know if Walmart has a food section But the reason I say that is because on when I drove from New York to LA. I got a flat tire on July 4th. Oh, no, and we were like oh no, and then we were like Walmart saved us because apparently Walmart has tires. They have, and so I, so they have food, right? Uh-huh, they do. Okay, they have tires, they have foods, they have guns, they have it all bikes.

You can buy whatever you want. Yeah, he gets in Candy's car, it wreaks of fish. Oh. So he rolls down the windows. Blake's first thought is like, what's open? Gas stations are open. He goes to the gas station. The gas station does not have some natural. Of course not.

Yeah, they have jerkeys, they have sour candies. The only fresh produce that's in the entire gas station are those oranges that look like they've been there for too long and are really hard. So Blake's like, OK, I'll just get myself a coffee and that will like, boy me through this adventure. Right. He goes to the nearest grocery store.

It is closed. Yeah. He drives to, you called it, the 24 hour super well-marked. Yeah. It is 30 minutes away. Oh. He gets there. He's now in like the biggest city nearby.

He goes in, they have cilantro, but it's in those tiny, plastic things. He needs lots of cilantro. Yes, and they are like, all the cilantro's in there look like a little sad and like willty, and also they are priced at $4 a container. No. He's looking at these and he's like,

I would need like a dozen of these. Yeah. At least. And Candy only gave me $20. He's like, I'm stuck under these fluorescent lights under the eyes of like God and drunken college kids. Like what do I do? I would text a picture to Candy of what we're working with here and be like,

and this is the only place that's open. What do you think? I love this. I think that that's a great idea to defer the judgment of the cilantro. That is not what Blake does. Okay. Blake is like, this is a failure. I cannot bring these home. He's like everybody is gonna be so upset with me He's like a foodie. So he's like I can't let them put this cilantro in this to be J's gonna make it bad like he's like no He's driving back his little thing. He really cares way too much about what other people think he cares so much about what other people think He's dry He's all the way like Google Maps, so it's taking him a route he doesn't know back to the house

when he passes like a community garden. And he has a thought which I now post to you which is should he rob the community garden? I mean, he's made so many decisions that I would not make so far. And so at this point, I'm like, no, don't do that. Actually, you don't have to do this for anyone. Just candy put you in a really unfair position multiple times over the night. Like so many times, like step up yourself worth.

And just say, no, it didn't work out because this was a terrible plan from the Gecko and you brought parsley not cilantro. Yes, bitch. So I would not rob the community garden, but I have a feeling that he will. Or how about this? How about take the cilantro from the community garden, leave the 20 in a note? Ooh, okay, I like this. He pulls over. The community garden has a lock. He, but it's like the fence isn't very high,

and he looks around and there are no cameras. So he's like, over I go. He scales this little fence with his one good hand. He's wandering around the community garden. He's like, I don't wanna take herbs from like someone's personal plot Like that feels bad, but at the back there's like a communal herb garden section. Okay. There are two green plants They look the same. Oh, no. They smell a little different. No

You're not certain on which one is cilantro. Okay. What do you do? Take both. You take one of each. Yeah. He takes both. He grabs a bunch of them, he throws it over the fence. Okay. Upon doing this, he is filled with like a sudden guilt where he is like, I feel really guilty for robbing this community garden. And so he actually does exactly what your idea was,

which is he finds a little receipt in his pocket and writes like, thank you for the herbs, tux candies 20 inside it and like places it inside the plant. Good, good. He's like, great. He gets back in his car. This man is like filled with adrenaline. Like he could run through three brick walls.

Do you take both plants inside when you arrive back at the house? I mean, I have no shame about being like, I wasn't sure which one it was, so I got both, and I stole it from a community garden. I would tell everyone, but I'm imagining that maybe he'll be like, Lucas, which one is cilantro? That's a great idea.

What Blake does is he bets. He's like, I think this one is cilantro. Oh no. Oh my god. He's so, he has way too much like shame. Yes. He walks in every one's years for him. The kitchen at this point is so clean. Like, Candy subbed in as if his shopper and like knocked that shit out. The vibes have returned. He presents what he thinks is the cilantro to Candy.

Candy takes a little leaf off, she bites it, she chews it, she's like Blake. This is the best cilantro I've ever cooked. And he's like, everyone is clapping. This entire night of me not holding my boundaries has only entrenched me more in my, in my , in my pathology. Okay. Lucas like washes and chops the cilantro for him. It like goes in, it gets mixed into the ceviche. Everyone's trying it with chips.

Everyone's like, this tastes so good. We've done a great job. It is unclear like what hour it is. It is sometime like after two and before the sun comes up. It's like past the point of no return, right? Like everyone is sobering up and also extremely tired. Blake is coming off as a adrenaline crash

and also his pinky hurts. He's writing a like very serene and dangerous edge. People are pouring like little nightcaps. Do you think that he should stay and have a nightcaper? Do you think he should go home? No, he should have been in the hospital hours ago. But I imagine that he'll be like, I have to have a nightcap with everyone. Yes, you're clocking in closer and closer. He's like, I have to have a nightcap with everyone. There's so much ceviche. They're like having their little nightcups

as they put the ceviche into containers. There's like one big cooler filled with tuberware, filled with ceviche. There are like stacks of ceviche in tuberares in the beer fridge in the garage. Candice, like, thank you all so much. This all looks so good. I love it. I'm so happy. Everyone's like no problem. Candie anything for you.

Finally, they go home and go to sleep. I'm feeling like we're gonna wake up and this finger is gonna be smelling of gangrene and like is gonna be smelling of gangrene and like, but they won't be able to tell because they just have suffice and their like noses, so they don't, anyway. Everything smells like fish anyway. Yeah. That's a good hypothesis. Luckily, that is not what happens.

They wake up the next morning, they wash out this finger like really well, they get it all bundled up. Okay. Also, I'm concerned that like the fridge doesn't work or something, but okay, go on. They get all dressed up. They go to this graduation party the next evening.

The lore of this ceviche-making party has preceded them. So upon arriving, everyone is so happy to see them. Right? Like, Kora is like hugging everyone. She's like, thank you so much. This is so great. This party is like buffet-style catered. And in the middle of it is an enormous bowl of ceviche. I'm also now concerned that everyone's gonna get sick.

Right. Biggest bowl Blake has ever seen. He's like, I don't even know they made bowls this big. Yeah. Everyone is eating the ceviche. You have now made the ceviche, your whole life for like seven hours. Could you eat it? I mean, if it's good, I, if it were a bowl of kicks, yeah, I can eat a bowl of kicks like anytime, anywhere. Like, if that's what ceviche means to some people, then sure. Blake is like, I don't think I can eat the ceviche.

Like he's like thinking about all the steps. Finally standing up for himself for once, maybe. He's, yes. Or at least considering it. Considering what do I Blake want for the first time in my life? What does my body need? Like, yeah, he's like, I can't really look at this ceviche like I can't smell it. He's like, I don't really look at this ceviche, like I can't smell it. He's like, I don't want to be near it.

Whenever someone has it on their plate, he's like, I don't want to be near this. I'm sick of this. But people keep coming up to him and being like, thank you so much. Like we heard that you sacrificed. He's telling them this tale of his finger, which is like wrapped in gauze, right?

He's holding it up. He's like, these are my battle wounds. Do you tell all these people that you stole cilantro from the community garden? Yeah, of course you do. It's like, fuck it. He's the hell's this whole tale, this whole drama of stealing the cilantro. Also, he stole it, but he also left a 20, like, which was probably way more than it would have cost. Exactly. And yet again, everyone is like, Blake, you're such a hero. Like, you did it. You alone saved the ceviche. By the end of the night, the bowl is empty.

People have eaten the ceviche. Thank God. So this is why they needed so much ceviche. It was for like the graduation party. Yes. They're cleaning up. The caterers are taking all of their stuff with them. So, you know, they take the tablecloths off. And when they do that, they're cleaning up. The caterers are taking all of their stuff with them. So, you know, they take the tablecloths off,

and when they do that, they notice a giant cooler underneath one of the tables. They pull it out, and there is like a gallon of ceviche in there. And Candice, like, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's gonna go bad. Like, I don't wanna throw it out. People have to eat it.

She's like spooning it into solo cups and handing it off to like caterers. And a lot of them are like, oh yeah, thanks. I love this red solo cup full of CBJ delicious, but she's trying to hand it out to the people who made the CBJ, and they're all like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, I don't wanna be pulled over with an open container.

You know, like it's a dry county. They're like, there's no more forks. Like, I don't want it. Candy is like, you could just slurp it down. Like, take some sugar skits. Stop it. Oh, you're such a pusher. She's such a pusher.

Candy's so happy. She's like so proud of her daughter. She's so happy that all the CVJ is gone. We are like almost at the end. How are you feeling? I'm waiting for the the the the ass is doing splot. I'm like something horrible is about to happen. QCumbergirl is like, do you guys want to come back to my house

like last night? And we'll just like, like, all have another little drink again because the bars in our tiny town are closed. And Blake and Lucas are like, hell yeah. So they go with Kora and her partner and all the CBJ makers back to this house. Blake's like, I'm gonna go get some beers. Like does anybody else want beers out of the fridge?

People are like, yeah, I get us some beers. So he goes to the fridge, he opens it, the garage fridge, and there are so many containers of CBJ that did not make it to the party. Left inside this fridge. Oh my God. He's like, these can't be here. Yeah.

Because he's like, I know what's gonna happen. And it's the candy's gonna come home. She's gonna see these and then she's gonna make us take them. Yeah. What do you do? Flush it down the toilet. Ha ha ha ha. Blake goes back into the living room and he's like, guys,

there's more ceviche. And everyone's like, what? They come out into the garage, they're like, oh no. The cucumber shopping lady is like, can he's like coming over? Like I told her to come over here. And everyone's like, shit, because now you have a limited window

to get rid of the ceviche. You wanna flush it down the toilet. They decide that it has to be taken out back and hidden. They're like, we'll just pour it into a bowl, we'll take it outside, we'll dump it somewhere. And then someone's like, you can't just dump a pile of ceviche in the woods. There are bears.

So as Candy enters this kitchen, Blake and Lucas dart out the side door with this giant bowl of ceviche. They're like side stepping with it. It's like sloshing around. It's starting to get to the point where it's like also like that. That power this woman yields that people just cannot be like, I don't want this ceviche I had enough.

We have to hide it from her. Like, there's something about candy that is, I think, darker than we're allowed to, but whoever's telling this story even maybe understands, but like, people fear candy. So okay. I mean, maybe they fear her, but I think some of it is just like a fear of confrontation, right, of not standing up for yourself, where I'm so afraid to tell this woman, no, that I will sidestep with a bowl of ceviche all the way out into the woods before I talk to her. And by the way, this doesn't have to be a confrontation. That's just has to be a no thank you, ma'am. That's a conversation later.

To some people it is and you They bury the ceviche in the woods that's where this is going. They dig a hole to bury the ceviche Yucky, okay, okay Very yucky. They come back inside every what they're like a little miserable They're like trying to clean the dirt off of themselves from burying ceviche in the woods. They come into the living room and everyone sitting there looks like absolutely miserable. Mm-hmm. And on the table in the middle is another bowl of ceviche. And candy is like, I saved a bowl for all of you who worked so hard. Now you can have a little.

No. This is just a story about people who learn who need to learn to say no. Yes. Just a power of no. Yes. And because they don't know how to say no, that is how our story ends up, which is with Blake in the passenger seat of Lucas's car on his way home holding a bowl of ceviche trapped in ceviche hell.

No. This is the end of our story. How do you feel? Who side are you on? What are your takeaways? I mean, my takeaways are like, I said, this is a story about people who need to want to say no. Yes. I mean, there, but there's fun. They're different people than me. So they're like, they're like into making ceviche all night long. I would not, like if I were stuck here, gosh, I would be very miserable. You would die. Yeah.

Yeah, I would die. But I'm, I'm very annoyed with candy. I don't ever want to encounter her and her powers of persuasion among youth. And what happened to Blake's fingers? Is it okay? It's okay. He lived. No one got super sick from the CV check. So I can't promise that no one got sick at all. Yeah. It's not my

dismiss. I do feel like this is something everyone's gonna need to unpack one day and be like, I should have said no and now I need to learn how to say no. Like this is an example. Anyway. That is that is the like James Cameron revisionist ending of this, right? It's like Cameron revisionist ending of this, right? It's like in the car being like, if only I had learned to say no. I wouldn't have ended up here. Yes. Sarah Violet, thank you so much for coming on the show.

It was a delight to have you. Thank you so much for having me. This was so fun and fish-filled. Make sure to stay all the way through the credits for a very special treat. Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at NormalGossip at Defector.com or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679 gossip. If you've loved this podcast and want us to keep making it, become a friend or a friend of a friend

at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at NormalGossip. You can follow Kelsey on all social media at McKenny Kelsey. This podcast was produced by Alex Sujong Laughlin. Justin Ellis is the Fectors Projects Editor. Jasper Wang and Sean Coon are the Fectors Business Guys. Tom Lay is our Editor-in-Chief. Jay Tol Fiera is our Associate Producer.

Abigail Siegel is our intern. Dan McQuade runs our merch store, which you can find at normalgasip.store. Tawra Jikobie designed our show art. Thank you to Chris Thompson for your help on this episode. Thanks to the rest of the Defactor staff, Defactor Media is a collectively owned subscriber-based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radio Topia. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKenney.

I'm Thank F bomb and remember, you did not hear this from me. So I posted on Instagram asking people to send in audio of themselves playing Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On for this story, and so many more of you delivered than I could actually use in the episode. So first of all, thank you. Second, as a treat, I've decided to compile all of your great work into a very special, normal gossip orchestra performance. Thank you to Jenna Bull, Ellen and Spence, Laura Cannon, Ian DeHaven, Natasha ... I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not going to be able to do it.

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