Normal Gossip - The Only Single Girl at Disney with Blythe Roberson

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

Blythe Roberson joins us for a story about how wrong a group text can go at Disney World. Blythe's new book America the Beautiful? is out next week! This is the second of ten episodes this season, which will release every Wednesday for the next nine weeks! Follow Blythe on IG @blythelikehappy. Get your tickets to the Normal Gossip live tour here. You can support Normal Gossip directly by buying merch or becoming a Friend or a Friend-of-Friend at supportnormalgossip.com. Our merch shop is run by Dan McQuade. You can also find all kinds of info about us and how to submit gossip on our Komi page: https://normalgossip.komi.io/ Episode transcript here. Follow the show on Instagram @normalgossip, and if you have gossip, email us at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at 26-79-GOSSIP. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney (@mckinneykelsey) and produced by Alex Sujong Laughlin (@alexlaughs). Diana Moskovitz is our story editor. Justin Ellis is Defector's projects editor. Jae Towle Vieira is our production assistant. Show art by Tara Jacoby. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. Credits recorded by Taylor Soucy.

Hey, Kelsey McKinney here. I'm excited to share that our fellow radio-topia show, The Stoop, is back with a new season. The Stoop is an award-winning podcast that tells stories from across the Black diaspora. Journalists Lila Day and Hana Baba dig deep into Black life through reporting, conversations, and personal storytelling to talk about things

that aren't always shared in the open. I can't wait for their takes on the word auntie or being called out for not being able to speak the languages of your culture. In season nine, there's also a very intimate conversation with the mom and daughter about succession planning. They get into Black psychedelic culture and so much more. The Stoop, it's where you let your guard down

and just get real. Every other Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts, and follow them on Instagram at atthestooppodcast. Hi, and welcome to Normal Gossip. In each episode of this podcast, we're gonna bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. I'm your host, Kelsey McKinney,

and this is the second of the 10 episode season four. Fuffa-fuffa-fue! Before we get into the gossip, business first. I am thrilled to announce that we are gonna be going on tour this summer. We're gonna be going to eight U.S. cities. Let's count them. New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago, Austin,

Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Seattle. Wow, beautiful cities. You can find venues and tickets at normalgossiplive.com, and we'll have that link in the show notes and in our Instagram and everything. It's gonna be a lot of fun. You know, there are glow sticks involved. We tell a brand new story.

There are special guests, ooh-la-la. General on sale for tickets is Thursday, April 12th at 10 a.m. So that is tomorrow, if you are listening to this podcast the day it came out. If you are thinking to yourself, oh my God, tomorrow, that's 500 million years away. I can't wait that long.

Well, do I have news for you? One of the benefits of being a subscriber at the friend level or a friend of a friend level is that all of our subscribers found out on Tuesday about the tour and got access to the pre-sell. If you are a subscriber and you're thinking, I didn't know about this, please check your email. Your email has the codes in it, I promise.

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Let's do some gossip, let's get into it. I am so thrilled to have here with me today, Blythe Robertson. She's a comedian, a humor writer and the author of How to Date Men When You Hate Men. She's written for the New Yorker, New York Magazine, Esquire and for the NPR Quiz Show. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Her new book, America the Beautiful comes out on April 18th. Blythe, welcome to the show. Kelsey, thank you for having me. I'm so excited that you're here. Oh my God, me too. I cannot wait to hear some gossip. Oh my God, yeah.

I can't wait to tell you some gossip. How are you today? Let's just start, you know, basics. What do you do? I am great. God, what have I done today? I have been waking up earlier and earlier because I'm getting so old.

So I just have been doing so much work. I've been researching things. I'm like, deciding when I'm packing for my trip to Florida tomorrow. Oh wow, I love that for you. Do you want to start off with our classic first question and tell me what your relationship to gossip is? Yes, I love gossip.

Wouldn't it be crazy if I was like, I think people who gossip are sinners. No, I love gossip. You know what? I have been waiting. Like I think one day someone is going to con their way through the pre-interview and get here and be like, I actually think you're the spawn of Satan.

And I'm going to be like, I've been waiting my whole life for this. No, gossip is so good. I mean, for all the sociological reasons of like setting norms and like teaching us how to behave and kind of keeping people in check. But also I think it's just like one of the most fun things on this earth

is to know secrets about what other people are doing. Yeah, I had the fun experience on Saturday of hanging out with some friends and hearing gossip and then getting to go to a second location and sharing that gossip immediately. It was so fulfilling. So I wanted to talk to you about this because I loved your first book

and I'm halfway through your second. So I can't speak about it. It's a tiredy yet. But your books are very personal and you reveal a lot about yourself. Has that kind of openness with your own personal life changed your perception of gossip in any way? I mean, I think something that I keep coming back to

in my writing is I really try to be, I mean, I would be interested to hear what you think about this, but I think I really am like, I wanna be open about my experiences and my feelings, but also really protective of other people's privacy even when those people are manipulative psychopaths. And it's like, I'm always trying to walk that line

to be like, okay, if this person's mom was reading this, how would they feel? Which is not necessarily like a good way to go cause I think it does make me be like overly careful, but I would hate to like have someone blow up my spot indiscriminately in writing. So I think like when I am gossiping, especially about myself,

it's mostly just like, what can I learn? Like what is my takeaway? How am I gonna become a better person? How am I gonna react to the situation instead of being like, X, Y, Z did me dirty and should never date again, even if that is how I feel about X, Y, Z. Okay, so I'm not trying to be nitpicky.

It's just like the way that I am. You said, right, like gossiping about myself, right? Which is a kind of interesting turn of phrase and one that I actually use often, but can you say more about that? Like I think that people very much view gossip as something that you only do about other people. Yeah, so on Saturday when I heard Hollywood gossip

and then was able to share it later, my friends were being like, oh, here's a secret, here's a secret, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, I have gossip about myself, which is really, and they were like, you're such an idiot, what does that even mean? But for me, it just meant like, I have this crazy thing that happened to me.

I do think it is just like good gossip, but also I'm sharing it with you as a friend because I want you guys to tell me what I should do or I wanna discuss this, but it's almost like trying to tempt my friends and to being interested to like hear about my life. But I'm like, here's some gossip. You're doing like what we do on this show

and being like, and what should she, quote unquote, she, live, me, do next? Exactly, totally. That's funny. So then do you think that gossip is a tone? Oh, interesting. I think, yeah, a tone or even just like a quality of adventure and excitement, you know?

It's just like updating my friends on my life is just like, yeah, but then gossiping about my life is like this crazy thing happened. So writing a memoir is like kind of creating a self gossip, right? Because it's like you're building the world that you actually existed in and telling like a form of a story that you care about.

Do you wanna talk about like what that looks like for your most recent book? Yeah, oh my gosh. Oh, wow. Okay, building a world. Or gossip in the book. Gossip in the book. Well, there's one instance in the book wherein I kiss anyone.

One kiss. Only one kiss. I know, literally I only kissed one person in two months and I did go fully insane leading up to it. I was like, I flew out to Chicago in like June thinking I would be on the road for like three months and I was like, I'm a sane person. I'm very normal.

And then like two weeks later, I was like, I haven't fucked anyone in two weeks and I'm freezing. So by the time I got to like Portland, I'd been on the road for a month and I was so horny. I was like, I possibly should be jailed. I just was flirting with everyone. You were getting bonked. I was like, yeah.

Go to a horny jail, bonk. Exactly. And then I was like, all these people are following me on Instagram, so maybe I'm being okay and I'm just hot, but also I should probably stop flirting with everyone I see. So I did, and this is in the book, have sex with someone in a car in Portland.

Weren't you sick of being in cars? I was so sick of being in cars, but this guy was staying with his parents and didn't want to bring me to his parents' house to have sex with me. I gotta admit, I'm not loving these vibes. I mean, when you hear about it as a person who has maybe recently kissed someone,

it's like, oh, that's probably a bad that I don't know that I would have sex in those circumstances. But again, I was so horny. I was like. You were on the verge of death. Right, exactly. And so I had sex with this guy in his parents' car in Portland on the street.

Was it a nice car? It was like an SUV of some kind. Probably a Subaru, but dig at least. It was big, I mean, and the back seat was taken down. Oh, great. And I made him drive. I was like, we can do this, but we have to go somewhere that's secluded.

And he kept on driving places that clearly had a person just walking next to the car. And I was like, you're from Portland. Like you should know one secluded place. Like I didn't kiss anyone in high school, but I presumed that this guy probably did. This is a very like high school problem. Right? Exactly.

We need to kiss, but we can't at either of our houses and we need a cul-de-sac. Right, exactly. He cannot find a single cul-de-sac, but finally he found this like park type thing and was like, how's here? And I was like, this is fine. We were like, whatever, I'm gonna die at any moment.

So I was like, let's just do it. So we have sex parked outside this park type thing, which it turned out wasn't a park. It was a seminary. Oh my God. I know. The Lord. I know.

The Lord was like, you know what? I get it. She's really horny. So then he drives me back to my car and he was like, hey, don't post on Instagram that you had sex because you tagged me recently in a post and people will find out that it's me. And this was like one in the morning.

And I was like, oh, okay. And like just felt so bad that he didn't want anyone else. Yeah, that's a shitty thing to say. I know. I've since untagged him from that post so people can't like go back and find out who he was. But that made me like when I was writing the book, I was like, well, clearly having sex in a car

in Portland is going in the book. So yeah, just like trying to figure out a way in that. And in so much gossip, to share like the emotionally pertinent details without sharing anything that can like blow this guy's spot up. And then I was like, okay, he's going to find out that he's in the book. I doubt he's going to be thrilled, but it's fine.

But I was like, what if my friend, who's our mutual friend finds out he's in the book and is like, oh, that's fucked up that you did that. So that was the most scary thing for me was telling my friend like, hey, I wrote about having sex with blah, blah, blah. And she was like, that fucking rules. Like I can't win.

So that felt good. So when you're thinking about taking a story from your own life and turning it into a piece of like publication for public consumption, right? I'm asking this question for the listeners and also for myself. When you're doing this, that you're thinking about like other people's privacy

and the way that you want to respect them, is your inclination to like make yourself the villain? I don't think I necessarily want to make myself the villain. Like in this story that's in my book, I definitely wasn't like, I somehow wronged this man, but I did find that like, while I was doing the final, final, final edit, I kind of softened the amount of like hurt

that I felt when he was like, don't post that you had sex because it made me feel really bad. And for a while, I was like, this was so fucked up that he said this to me. But then I, in the very final edit was like, this was, it made me feel really bad even though it was, you know,

possibly an innocuous thing to say. And I think that's where I try to go is like to have as much a full understanding of where the other person is coming from as I can. And I think that's like maybe a fault of mine to try to overanalyze like, oh, this person treated me badly, but it's only because of blah, blah, blah.

Like I have a friend who like in my last breakup, which I have been writing about a little bit, I definitely was like, oh, he treated me really bad, but it was because this had just happened to him. And friends who have like dealt with similar situations and have gone to like Alanon have been like, oh, the because is not your job, the because is their job.

But I think in writing when it's just gonna be published forever, I think that there's still just a little bit of some sort of duty to be like, let me try to see it from their perspective because this person is not a writer, he's not gonna have a chance to like, yeah. It's a power dynamic, right? And like, I think what you're talking about,

I mean, I think it's very beautiful that you make this a goal of yours. And like, I think the generosity of trying to say like, why do people behave the way that they behave is a lot of the reason why anyone becomes the kind of person who wants to tell stories, which is like, I'm curious about other people. And it is like a huge point of growth

to get to the point where you can be like, I can understand why someone did this and not excuse that behavior. So your first book, How to Date Men When You Hate Men had like a renaissance of a bit. A little bit after it came out, I feel like that could be the wrong read, but you can say more about it.

Did you get any good gossip out of it? Like did readers contact you? Oh yeah, I get DMs all the time from people being like, I mean, most are just people being like, this made me feel really seen and like I also blah, blah, blah. But every once in a while, I do get like, my boyfriend is crazy in this way and in this to me.

And that always just, it's the same kind of thing where it's like self gossip and it's just like, I have to tell someone else that this happened to me, which I totally get. And I always am like, damn, I'm like so sorry that that happened. I mean, it sadly is always like, there's nothing new under the sun that a man can do to a woman in my DMs

that I feel like a man has not done to me in my own personal life. But yeah, I've seen this film before. Right, exactly. But yeah, I do always appreciate when people DM me and tell me their stories. So I encourage everyone to do it and I will read it and I will tell you that a man did the same thing to me.

That's beautiful. Yeah. I love that. Well, our gossip today is not about a man treating a woman badly, but it is about a woman treating herself badly. So would you like to hear about that? I would. Can I interest you with that?

Great. Okay, well, let's do it. Trigger warning for you. Ha ha ha ha. What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? For our story today, we are going to Florida. Oh my God, it's so relevant to my life.

I know, you came on and you were like, I'm going to Florida and I was like, in the back of my mind, which my first question for you is, have you ever been to Florida? What do you know about it? I've been to Florida so many times in my life. My grandparents moved there to retire.

They moved an hour north of Disney because they wanted to encourage the family to visit them, which I always thought was kind of sad, yeah. But it worked because the family visits them all the time and now my dad and my aunt have both retired near my grandparents. So I'm going there tomorrow to see all of them. So you know all about the humidity,

all about the heat, all about the weirdness of central Florida. Oh yeah, big time. Oh, I also lived there for a couple of months of the period of COVID. I was visiting my dad and for really convoluted reasons, I didn't have a return ticket. And then while I was down there, COVID happened,

like Tom Hanks got COVID. And I was like, I guess I live in Florida now. So my hair became like five times the size. I like that you blocked that out entirely. You're like, sure, I've been to Florida a few times because my grandparents lived there. Not I personally lived in Florida for two months. It was quite a time.

Old people constantly told me, you're too young to live here. And I was like, I know. And you were like, you think I'm hot. I was like, I'm gonna pull so many old people. I love Florida, the hottest one here. Okay, all right, she's okay. Our friend of a friend today, her name is Olivia.

She's a student at a big public university in Florida. She's like on the younger side, right? Like sophomore or a junior, but she is like not from Florida originally. She is like a Midwest girl born and raised who went to Florida for college and she is having like a little bit of culture shock right there, like sparrows everywhere.

Have you ever had a culture shock like this? I had a similar culture shock when I went to college in Boston. No one came nowhere. Yeah, I was just like, everyone here looks like they're studying all the time. I too am a Midwestern girly, but I was a teenager in the 2000s

everyone in Illinois dressed like we were surfing in California. Yeah, that's beautiful. Pucka shell net glasses. Yes. And you were arrived in Boston and they were like, what? Yeah, exactly. Okay, so Olivia moves to Florida.

She has like a little bit of culture shock, but not a ton because her entire like dad's side of her extended family is from Florida. Oh, wow. And this side of the extended family is huge. Like the dad's side is like 25 people, 15 first cousins and they are like very Southern, like call grandma Mima Southern.

Oh, wow. So Olivia and her like nuclear family who live in the Midwest kind of like avoid this part of the family and because the family is so big they don't have to see them all that often. They see them like, you know, every six or seven years they make a diplomatic showing at Christmas and for the most part they are just doing their own thing.

Well, how did her family end up in the Midwest is what I wanna know. That's a great question that I don't know the answer to. What I know is she lives in the Midwest. Okay, great. That's what I've got for you. I'm gonna assume that her parents are in the corn industry. I love that, yeah, they're part of big corn

and so they can't leave at the holidays because corn is famously a Christmas treat. Yeah. Yeah, stocking and pepper. Just my raw year of corn. Okay. Delicious. Out of season.

Okay, so all of Olivia's extended family was like thrilled when she ended up going to Florida for college because they're like, oh my God, she's like moving close to us, they're like, you're a tried out legacy. Are you gonna rush? And she's like, absolutely not. And they were like, well, that's okay. Like we're so glad that you're gonna be nearby.

That's nice that her extended family was like, we're so excited to see you even though you clearly hate us and never visit us. Yeah, it's kind of nice. Not like bad vibes from this family, to be honest. Okay, cool. But Olivia is like busy, right? She's in school, she has a lot of extracurricular activities.

So she like sees them every once in a while but never in like a big group, right? She'll see like one set of aunt and uncle or one cousin kind of like in one off situations. Cool. Little less drama. Until one day she has a little bit of a problem. Oh no.

She's on the phone with her dad and her dad's like, your uncle Hector and your aunt Nadia are planning a 50th anniversary party for your grandparents. He's like, it's gonna be a huge party, like 25 people. Aunt Nadia got a reservation at this like hard to get restaurant. He's like, I can't go because I have to continue

doing my job for big corn. Would you consider going as like an emissary of our family? That sounds great. Having been to my own grandparents 50th anniversary party at Disney World, I say she should go. I just... How dare. I'm so sorry, just give me one second.

Okay, the thing is, Olivia's like, yeah, maybe I'll go. Maybe I'll go to this dinner. And then her dad's like, yeah, it won't be that bad of a drive because the dinner is at Disney World. Oh no, Kelsey, I can't believe you picked my story for this episode. I didn't know that you're great by it. Oh my God, when I went to my grandparents 50th anniversary

party at Disney World, my aunt said, no good Catholic could ever support abortion. And I was like, how dare you? Because I'm a Catholic and I support abortion. At the time I'm like 14 years old, but that was the entire... At Disney World? Yeah, at Disney World.

That was a good family drama. So do you think that Olivia should go to this dinner given your own experience as a 14 year old? Yes, 100%, Disney World is a great place to have family celebrations. Why? You just have to hang out with your family, eat one meal, the food is totally normal and fine,

and then you can split off into little groups and go on rides. So this is what her dad is like trying to sell to her. He's like, you just have to go for dinner, it'll be fun. And Olivia is like, absolutely not. I am an adult, I do not wanna see our whole family at Disney World, I am not a Disney World girlie.

Okay, this is the problem with people who think that they're too good for Disney World, which I have been in my own time. My family went to Disney World a lot when I was a kid because it was just a place for all the family to hang out. And then when I was also in college, I was like, culture is organic, this is like the cult of capitalism,

everything I'm seeing is fake. Hyper produced, yeah. It's hyper produced, this could never be fun. My family is Philistines, how dare, blah blah blah. And then I was like, you know what? It's just nice to see my family, I'm an old woman now. And it's fun to sit on a little train and go really fast up and down a fake mountain.

And I think like getting to that point is galaxy brain. Yeah, you've made it, and I'm really happy for you. But Olivia is like 21. She has not made it to galaxy brain land yet. She is in like, it's embarrassing to go to Disney World land. She's like, absolutely not, no thank you, I don't wanna go. And her dad is like, okay, but like please consider it.

Like your aunt Nadia worked really hard, she got this like 25 person reservation at a Disney World restaurant, which is like a huge undertaking she had to call every day for a month. And Olivia is like, no. And her dad is like, what if I paid your gas money and a night in a hotel room for you?

And Olivia, you know, she has roommates. So she's like, now I am intrigued because I would get to like swim in a pool and I would get to have my own room. Yes, it's so nice to be in a hotel. I personally can't swim in a pool in Florida because it'll make my skin and hair too crazy. But I think Olivia's got to treat herself.

Worst case scenario, she like has a nice meal. She, you know, celebrates true love and she like gets to wear a robe for a night. Yeah, exactly. So Olivia is like, I'll consider it on the phone with her dad. They like hang up immediately. She gets a text on her phone from her dad

that is in a group chat with Aunt Nadia and says, Olivia says she might come. Nice, that's a good move on the dad's part. Aunt Nadia, of course, is thrilled. She's like, oh my God, this is so great. We can't wait to see you. We haven't had you in this big group and this is such a long time.

Like here are all the details. Here's where we're going to be there. Like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And Olivia is like side texting her dad furiously. Like how dare you do this to me? And her dad is like, listen, you can tell Aunt Nadia that you don't want to go.

Nice. But thank you for representing our family, like salute emoji, salute emoji, salute emoji. I love this dad. This dad seems like a fun guy. He's fun, yeah. So this is how Olivia ends up driving to Disney World on the Saturday afternoon.

She like checks into her hotel room first thing, right? She's like, I'll go find out where I'm going to stay. And immediately she's like feeling weird because there are like kids everywhere, right? Like swarms of kids running around. There are like families, you know, coordinating plans, looking at maps, trying to figure out like where to go. There are like people wearing those like Mickey Mouse ears

that have like a veil on them, right? And she's like, I am the only one at Disney World alone. Yeah. Classic way to be at Disney World. The only single girl in Disney. Is that a classic way to be at Disney World? Oh yeah. Just really romantic kind of introspective way

to be at Disney World. So Olivia's like, I'm feeling weird. I'm having a lot of regrets about being roped into doing this. Then she gets to her room and it has like a big tub and like a balcony and there's a pool downstairs. And like sure, you know, the wallpaper looks tasteful at first but then has like little secret Mickey Mouse ears in it, but like the robe is very soft.

Yeah. And so she's like, oh, maybe it's fine. Does she have included in her stay at this hotel tickets to any of the parks? Yes, yes. So she has tickets to the Magic Kingdom. Okay. She doesn't have like all the parks,

but she has the Magic Kingdom because that's where she has to go for dinner. Nice, okay. Okay. So she gets a text from her aunt in audio when she's like, you know, taking her bag out or whatever. That's like, dinner's at 6.30, can't wait to see you. It is 5.30 PM.

What do you do? You have one hour. Okay. We have one hour to get to, I mean, if I'm her, I'm going to the Magic Kingdom and I'm going to ride Splash Mountain. You're going to ride Splash Mountain. You're be lining for Splash Mountain.

Yes, definitely. Show up to dinner a little bit wet. That is kind of like a theme park staple is just being like slightly damp either from like sweat or some water ride. Yeah. Olivia is like, I'm going to get dressed. I'm going to like look at my phone for a few minutes.

I'm going to decompress and then I'm going to go to the Magic Kingdom. Nice. So she like goes downstairs. There's like a little bus for her. You know, like the Disney buses that like takes her from her little like hotel to the Magic Kingdom.

She like, they scan her ticket. She goes through the gates. She's like walking down Main Street, USA. Would you like to describe Main Street, USA for the people who do not know what it is like? I absolutely would. As a Disney expert. Yeah.

So Main Street, USA is when you enter the Magic Kingdom you are spit out into a kind of idyllic turn of the century American Main Street town with cute little pastel shops lining a avenue where characters kind of roam about and photographers take your photo and you're walking towards Cinderella's Castle but you've got like ice cream shops

and little like candy stores and a lot of places that sell t-shirts. I saw a good take online recently that said that Americans love Disney World because it's a walkable city. Yes. Which I think is a great take. Like it's like, yeah, it's a nice walkable city.

There are lots of little things to do and see. You don't have to drive in your car. It has public transit. Right. Everything you need in walking distance you've got food, you've got t-shirt stores, you've got a space mountain. Yeah.

Just what everyone needs for every day of their life. One space mountain. Exactly. So that is exactly what Main Street, USA is. Thank you for doing my job for me. I love it. While Olivia is like walking down Main Street, USA she gets a text from her Aunt Nadia.

In classic like Aunt age person, Aunt Nadia has texted Olivia in the group text with her dad. Great. And has said, I got the pager. I'm going to run an errand and I'll text you when the table is ready. Perfect. And Olivia texts back, great.

Let me know when it buzzes. And her dad texts back, jealous with exclamation point. Nice. And then a photo of him just surrounded by corn, which was there. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And Olivia is like, I don't really have enough time

to like ride a ride because I spent too much time looking at my phone, a classic problem. So she's like, I'll just like walk toward the castle. Right. I'll go look at the castle. Perfect. She has come in very jaded. She has come in like, fuck Disney world.

I don't want to be here. And she's like walking toward the castle. And either like people collapsing for videos to be taken, right? Like they are like crying with joy to see the castle. And she's like rolling her eyes, right? And as she gets like closer and closer to the castle, she's like, okay, it is like very lovely, right?

Like it's like almost sunset. The castle is pink. She's like, it's beautiful. She's like, is this the magic? Is this the magic inside of me that I feel? Aw. As she's looking at the castle, she gets a text from Aunt Nadia that says,

table's ready. Great. Her dad texts back, table's ready. Olivia texts on my way. I'm so excited for Nadia to see her whole family and to eat some food. So she arrives at the restaurant. All 25 people in her family are like waiting in front

because they like can't go in until all of them are there. So she has to like hug them like a bride, right? You know, where it's like you have to hug every single person in a line basically. And the buzzer is like going off. You know, this buzzer is that you get it chilies. It's like vibrating, like it's gonna explode. So her Aunt Nadia is like trying to hurt everyone in

like a dog, like please like sheepdogging them into the entrance. And she's like, oh my God, I'm already so overwhelmed. Like this is so stressful. This dinner is at a place called the Crystal Palace. Have you ever been to the Crystal Palace? I have. I have many photos of.

Do I? What? Yeah. I have photos of Tigger kind of like attacking me at the Crystal Palace. You're great. It's very charming. It's on Main Street, USA.

Yeah. Okay. So for people who haven't been to the Crystal Palace, I have not been there. I will try to describe it based on what I have learned. You can tell me if this is wrong. It is like kind of what Southerners think a Victorian greenhouse is like.

That's exactly how I would have described it. Like it's like glass windows on the side that like look like they could be doors that open, but I assume they don't open because it's like 100 degrees in Florida all the time at 90% humidity. The roof is also glass and there's a dome made of glass. Yeah. It's like a conservatory.

Yes. It's like a conservatory. I have no idea how it's not 500 million degrees in there. It looks so hot. That's such a good, I never thought of that because you know, I'm never really thinking about science when I'm at Disney World, but that's a really good point actually.

There are like lamp posts that have like little lights and little hanging plants from them. It looks very cute, very idyllic in there. But also the floor is carpet, which seems important to me for some reason. Yes, this is also true. I think that's kind of like a show of we trust you all to be refined in here.

Don't get your food on the floor. Oh, that's so funny. I assumed that it was like a legal liability problem of like, if children are gonna run, they won't be slipping, right? Like there will be no slippery surfaces at Disney. That's a good point. I mean, in that case,

all of Disney should be carpeted. That's a great idea. I did when I was looking at the map for the Crystal Palace, notice that it was right next to the first aid place. And I was like, if you work at first aid at Disney, that number is 2679 gossip. We would love to hear what's happening in there. Okay, so they're at the Crystal Palace.

They're like navigating around all these giant circle tables to get back to their like big long table for 25. The way it works at the Crystal Palace is that you have a waiter for drinks if you're in this big of a group, but not for food. The food is a buffet. Also, there are characters walking around. So while the waiter is like delivering drinks,

Olivia feels like hands on her shoulders and she looks up and over her head is the like giant orb of Tigger's like orange face. This is literally my lived experience. And Olivia is like, oh, no, thank you, please no. And Tigger's just like waving. Nice. She's like, I hate this.

She texts her dad and she's like, there are characters here. And her dad texts back, what kind? And she sends a picture of Tigger like standing behind her cousins on the other side of the table. And her dad's like sicky. That's so great. I love Tigger.

Basically, yes. Her dad's like, this seems great. I'm so happy for you. But also like, this is the kind of family that feels like they're better than this, right? So they're like, he's kind of like, oh, well, glad you're there and not me. Right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Nadia like stands up once they all have their drinks and like gives a little toast. She like talks about how her parents have been married for 50 years and they love each other so much. And it's like so beautiful. Happy 50th and she like ends with a joke when she's like in celebration,

nobody has to order off the kids menu. And Olivia turns to her cousin Meredith and who is like the same age as her. And she's like, I thought this was a buffet. And Meredith like leans over conspiratorily and she's like, it is a buffet, but do you want to know, do you want to know the goss? Oh, yes, Meredith.

And Olivia is like, yes, duh. And Meredith is like, she's just joking because apparently Uncle Hector took like one of their other cousins to dinner who was 17 and made that cousin order off the kids menu. No. So even though like this family has plenty of money, Uncle Hector was like, you're ordering off the kids menu.

Like pretend you're 14. Wow. That's crazy behavior. Yes. And Olivia is like, thank you so much. I love this information. I will hold it and cherish it in my heart. I love that Nadia is like, I've worked so hard

to get this reservation. I've heard it all of my family, my friends have been in love for 50 years, but I have to make one joke about my brother. Yes, exactly, her husband. Oh no, her husband. Oh no, even better. Well, I don't know if that marriage is gonna go 50 years.

Well, yeah, we can't know. So Olivia is like, okay, great. Well, this information, she's like, I guess I should get my food, right? Everyone else has food. I'm gonna go get my food. At this point, like Eeyore is leading like a parade of children.

The kids are like running behind Eeyore, like waving green napkins. And Olivia is like, I want to die. Like this is my worst nightmare. Aw. She feels a hand on like the back of her shoulder and it's piglet and his face is like so big and like the color of Pepto-Bismol.

And she's like, please, like I just want to take my food back to the table and eat it. Like I want to eat this weird pasta in peace. Can every character leave me alone? You know, I'm just like that pasta is definitely in the shape of Mickey Mouse's head. For sure. I feel like I'm having bodily flashbacks.

So like some weird like mac and cheese. Yes. Exactly. So Olivia is like sitting at her at this long, long table eating her like Mickey Mouse shaped mac and cheese shoveling into her mouth. When Aunt Nadia spots piglet and is like, piglet, oh my God.

And she like gets up from the table and she's like, Meredith, Meredith, Meredith, can you take our photo? Take my photo with piglet. So Meredith like gets up and Olivia is like watching over her shoulder and she's like, oh my God, this is like insane. Like this woman is a grown adult,

so excited to see piglet. She's like, this is a great opportunity for me to make joke to my dad. So she opens her camera. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. She opens her front facing camera and it's like, so it's like her face in the foreground and she's like grimacing.

And in the background, you can see like piglet and Aunt Nadia like hugging very tightly, right? And Olivia like takes a photo. She like puts it in the text. She's looking at it and she's like, I need like a good joke, right? I need like a little dig to send to my dad. And what she comes up with is,

imagine calling the Disney 1-800 line for 15 days in a row to be felt up by piglet and she hits sin. No. Her dad texts back and it's like, I'm so glad I bribed you to go to this. If I had to see piglet, I might off myself. And Olivia like does the ha ha response, right? She's like sipping her Mai Tai,

has like an umbrella in it, it tastes like a starburst. She's like gulping it down. Her aunt is still posing for photos behind us. Her cousin is still taking the photos when her phone buzzes and it's a text from her dad that says, Mayday, we have a problem. No, oh no. Her stomach is like full of rocks.

There are no texts between her and her dad. Above Mayday, we have a problem. Oh no, oh no. So she goes back to the messages and she sent the photo and the like little riff to the group with her dad and Aunt Nadia. Yeah, that's, we gotta get Aunt Nadia's phone. She like turns in slow motion to look over her shoulder.

She's like watching Aunt Nadia like laugh hysterically with piglet as she's like posing for photos, right? She's like turning her shoulders, like looking really great. Olivia is like watching the phone in Meredith's hands and she's like, I have to get the phone. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah.

Olivia is like, there's an easy con here, which is that I tell Meredith, like, giving the phone and you need to delete some texts, and I tell my aunt, I want to take a picture of the two of you. Oh, that's smart. Right? Yeah. So she, like, leaps from her chair, like, an Olympian.

And she's, like, springing toward them. And she, like, turns toward them. And her vision is just full orange, because, like, Tigger is right here. No. And Tigger is, like, playing defense. Like, he's, like, blocking her out. Like, she's going right, and Tigger's going right.

She's going left, and Tigger's going left. They're, like, in this dance that she can't get out of. And Tigger, like, thinks this is funny, and he can't talk, because he's a Disney character, so she's just, like, losing her mind. That is kind of classic Tigger behavior. So it does track. Do you have a strategy to get around Tigger?

I think you've got to just be, like, Tigger. I respect the method acting, but I know there's a human in there, and I have to delete some texts. You've got to let me by. And just hope that Tigger has been in the same situation. I like that you're, like, I will simply announce to whatever a six-foot-tall man is inside Tigger that it is a crisis.

Olivia goes with the hug and pivot. Like, she, like, hugs Tigger's middle, and then spins around, so that when she releases him, she's, like, on the other side of Tigger. For a woman who claims to not like Disney, she really does have, like, an innate understanding of how to handle this situation. She's doing great.

She's on the other side of Tigger. She's, like, walking toward Meredith, and she sees Meredith give her aunt a thumbs up, and she goes, no, as she watches Meredith lock the phone. No. No. Oh my god. Meredith turns to her, and she's, like, why were you texting

Aunt Nadia? Like, I saw your text pop up while I was taking the photos. No. And Olivia is, like, pale as a ghost, right? She is, like, a sheet of paper. And Meredith is, like, oh, shit. And Olivia is, like, help me. You have to help me.

And Meredith is, like, what did you do? And Olivia is, like, while I was shit talking with my dad, like, it was just a bit, and I texted it to the group with Aunt Nadia in it, and I don't know what to do. And Meredith is, like, oh my god. Well, so in this case, you have to be, like, what is Meredith's birthday? Because that is definitely Aunt Nadia's passcode.

I love where your brain is going. Aunt Nadia is, like, shuffling toward the buffet. So Meredith is, like, I will go with her and, like, delay her, distract her for as long as possible. You take the phone, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now you're holding the phone, and you're, like, Olivia is, like, I need to sit, right?

She's, like, I cannot hold two phones surrounded by characters who are moving and get this done. So she's, like, I want to be seated in a way that when I have the phone, and Aunt Nadia comes back, it doesn't seem weird. She has three places she could sit, right? She can go back to her own seat. She can sit in Aunt Nadia's empty seat,

or she can convince one of the two people on either side of Aunt Nadia's seat to move so she can sit there. What would be the benefit of sitting in one of those seats? That when Aunt Nadia returns, you're, like, seated there to talk to her if you need to explain. Oh, interesting. I think just sit in Aunt Nadia's seat for now. Why make more people move?

I think that that is a great idea, except that Olivia is looking at the table, and she's, like, the people sitting next to Aunt Nadia are her husband, Uncle Hector, and some great aunt who's, like, trashed on my ties already. Oh, wow, okay. And so Olivia is, like, if I'm looking at Aunt Nadia's phone, these two people will know.

Oh, yeah. I think she's got to just go find a corner of the Crystal Palace. Go to the bathroom. We're already in so deep. We might as well be even creepier. I guess tell Uncle Hector to move, please. How?

Say, Uncle Hector, here's $10. Olivia being very smart at her feet goes, Uncle Hector. I really need to talk to Aunt Nadia about, like, a girl problem. Could I sit in your seat until she gets back? And Uncle Hector is, like, bolting away. God, so smart. OK, but now you have the problem that you already expected.

Aunt Nadia's phone is locked. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think all aunt's passcodes are their children's birthdays, so that's just what you've got to do. Yes, so she tries the children's birthdays. And that doesn't work? Doesn't work.

She texts her dad from her own phone and is, like, what's Aunt Nadia's anniversary? Oh, that's nice. No luck. She tries her grandparents' anniversary. No luck. Just as she's, like, about to try Aunt Nadia's own birthday, Aunt Nadia returns.

Oh, God. Olivia is hunched over two phones. Oh, no. Frantically typing. And Aunt Nadia is, like, why do you have my phone? Oh, no. What do you do? OK.

I have tried to get into my mom's home before. I forget why. Uh-huh, you forget why. I forget why. I was in the car. I had her phone for the purpose of something that I was supposed to do. I think I was supposed to look something up.

And her code was, I guess, this is opening my mom up to hackers, but her code was some combination of her children's birthdays, but I kept on forgetting what the order was. And I tried so many times that I locked her phone, and it became a brick for, like, 10 minutes. So that's one option. Just do a couple more and brick the phone. Yeah.

But then that kind of just kicks the can down the road. I mean, we have two options, right? We can either just tell her I accidentally texted something really shitty. But then that kind of kills the vibe. Or, yeah, just lie and say, like, oh, I wanted to take a photo of blah, blah, blah. Or I want to airdrop something to you

and hope she doesn't know how that works. So be like, open it and give me both phones, and I'll do it. Or no. Oh my god, here's what you do. This is what you do. You tell Aunt Nadia that you want her to airdrop some photos to you, but you assume that she doesn't know how airdrop works. So you say, I need you to unlock your phone,

and then I'll airdrop it to myself. And then you go and you delete the text and you airdrop the photos of her being fault up by Picklet. This is great. I also came up with some options that I think are pretty good, like tell Aunt Nadia that you sent her a virus.

Yes. Oh my god, that's so good. Throw the phone into a fountain and run away. Run away is also always a good option. Olivia does none of these things. She's like, Aunt Nadia, sit down. Oh god. And then she weaves a tail.

She is like, Aunt Nadia, I'm dating someone new. And Aunt Nadia is like, oh my god, who? And she's like, oh, just this person, this guy, Olivia is a lesbian. She's like, it's going really well. And Aunt Nadia is like, oh, that's great. And Olivia is like, yeah, we've been texting. And Aunt Nadia is like, that's so great.

And Olivia is like, yeah. And Aunt Nadia is like, I'm so happy for you. And Olivia is like, yeah, but the thing is, I was trying to send him some photos and I accidentally sent them to you. Good job, Olivia. This is really good work. And Aunt Nadia is like, what photos?

And Olivia is like, you know what kind of photos I was sending that you can't see. And Aunt Nadia's eyes go really wide. And she's like, at Disney World? Which is a valid point to be fair to Aunt Nadia. And Olivia is like, yes. And Aunt Nadia is like, at the table? I think that might be illegal.

There are children here. And Olivia is like, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't take them at the table, but I did send them at the table. So she's like, please, I just need to. And Aunt Nadia is like, oh, OK. And Olivia is like, can I delete them off your phone? And Aunt Nadia is like, of course.

Nice. And Olivia watches her punch in one, two, three, four, and hand it to Olivia. I mean, look, we're all laughing at Aunt Nadia, but the code worked. It worked. No, she didn't get in. So Olivia, like, deletes the text.

She gets it there. She, like, deletes the text. She's like, thank you so much. Aunt Nadia is like, no problem, sweetie. Be careful. Also good advice. Yeah. I mean, I am now just hoping that Aunt Nadia doesn't have

like, eye message on her laptop. Luckily, Aunt Nadia does not. She does not know how any of that works. OK, great. Oh my god. Wow. I'm so proud of everyone involved in the story. I know.

Olivia goes back to her seat. She's like, cold, because she has like, adrenaline sweats. And Meredith is like, oh my god, what happened? And Olivia is like, I deleted them. And Meredith is like, how? And Olivia is like, well, I told her that I accidentally sent her texts. Yeah.

And Meredith is like, howling, laughing. Like, she's like, this is the funniest ruse that any of us have ever pulled. I'm so proud of you. Like, congratulations. And Olivia is like, I need to text my dad. And Meredith is like, about the sex? You're going to like, you want to text him about the sex?

And Olivia is like, there are no sex. Like, I made them up. I need to text him to tell him that I got the texts deleted. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Meredith is like, oh yeah, exactly. So she like, very carefully makes sure she has the right window open. And texts her dad, crisis averted.

If Aunt Nadia asks, I have a boyfriend. And her dad is like, do you have a boyfriend? And Olivia is like, no, I am still a lesbian. And that is not the point. You owe me. Oh, I love that she's like, you owe me. But it's like, Olivia, you are the one who sent the bitchy thing in the first place.

Yes. Her adrenaline is like crashing through dessert, right? She's like a goner. She's too scared to order another drink because she's like, what else could I do to fuck this up, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The end of dinner Aunt Nadia is like, come with us.

It's fireworks time because, you know, every night in Disney World ends with fireworks. Do you go? Would you like to go to the fireworks? You know, I myself have avoided the fireworks in Disney recently because while I might think that Disney is fine, I do hate crowds. But I think at this point, you're there with your whole family.

You dodged a bullet. Why not go see the fireworks? Yeah. Olivia goes and there's like, you know, the Disney music playing and swelling, the fireworks are huge, right? They're like reflecting that moat. Like, it's very beautiful.

And she is like, I have to get out of here. Like, if I spend one more minute here next to Aunt Nadia, I'm going to explode. Yeah. So she like, Irish goodbyes. She like disappears into the night, goes back to her hotel and texts Aunt Nadia and is like, so sorry for bailing.

I was just super tired after the drive and everything. I'll come to your hotel to say goodbye in the morning. Great. Well done. She sleeps peacefully through the night. She wakes up the next morning, checks out of her hotel. She drives to the fancier hotel that her family is staying in. And they're like, stay for breakfast.

Like, hang out with us. And Olivia is like, no, I have to go to school. I have to go back to school. I have to get out of here. I'm feeling insane. Yeah. She's like, thank you so much for having me. I had a great time.

She's like hugging everyone goodbye. She gets to Meredith and Meredith is like, dude, Aunt Nadia is telling everyone about your sex. Yes. Wow. Do you think Olivia should confront her aunt? Like, how do you what do you want to do here? How do you play this?

I think you think you're lucky stars that your aunt didn't see you talk about her getting felt up by Piglet. And you just kind of roll with the punches. Yeah. That's what Olivia does. She's like, you know what? You dodge one bullet, you take another. This one is fine.

Right? Like, I will leave it. She drives back to college. She calls her dad. She's like, oh my god. Like, we made it. This story is obviously not over. Do you think that Aunt Nadia could let this go?

No. I think definitely not. I mean, you know, if your niece accidentally sends you imaginary sex, at your parents should be the anniversary party. I think why would you let that go? That's fun. Exactly.

And Aunt Nadia is like, this is funny. It's a good story. She tells this story all the time for like six, seven years. Oh my god. Whenever like any cousin is on the phone near Aunt Nadia, she's like, don't you send me sex. Be careful with your texting. Great running joke.

Good bit. But meanwhile, Meredith is telling like every cousin over the age of 15 the real version. Oh no. Oh no. So now, like 50% of the family thinks that Olivia sent the texts. And 50% of the family knows the truth.

Yeah. And it is like a true generational divide. Yeah. Oh no. How are you feeling? Let's check in. She's rubbing her hands together. Like she's doing this little ski.

Yeah. I certainly got so many elements of this are resonating with me. Like I have, I mean, I definitely won't reveal it on this podcast, but I have one main bad thing I've done in my life, the one worst objectively bad thing I've done. And when I did it, I was like, no one can ever know about this thing that I've done.

But I now have told about 20 to 30 people. And I'm just like, I can tell anyone as long as they don't know like three or four people that are involved in this. But I'm just like, that's playing with fire. You know, like at some point, someone's going to tell someone who doesn't know that that person knows some person that's involved. Yes.

I think once you hit some quorum of people, and this is me giving advice to myself, you probably should just tell the people that are involved. I think it might be time for Olivia to tell Aunt Nadia. Yeah, Olivia goes back and forth on this. But she's like, ultimately, she doesn't want to correct Aunt Nadia because it is a funny story. And it's like everyone's favorite story.

And so she's like, if I correct it, the story disappears. True. And she's also like, I still don't want Aunt Nadia to know that I was shit talking her. Like it's been several years. I have grown up. I have realized that Aunt Nadia put a lot into this dinner. And like, I don't want to be like, oh, actually,

I was being a little like asshole. Yeah, totally. And like, Olivia doesn't see this family that much. Like once she leaves college, she doesn't see them really all that often. So it's like not a problem. Did she move back to the Midwest because she missed agriculture? Probably.

I mean, she's a big corn heir. What else is she going to do? Her family lives inside the corn palace. Yeah, they live inside that giant corn that's on the side of the highway. OK, so like many years later, it is like time for her family to make their appearance at the big family Christmas. OK.

And at this point, Olivia is like dating this like absolutely lovely gym of a girl. And they are serious enough that this girl is coming to family Christmas for the first time. Oh, wow. Do you tell her this story? Which version of it do you tell her? Like how do you introduce this woman to all of this?

Right, God. I think you have to tell her, listen, I don't want to. I don't want you to think that I'm a liar, but we do have something that we do need you to lie about. Because I mean, there are so many elements like my aunt's going to talk about me sexting a man, that didn't happen. We don't know what Olivia's history is with that,

but yeah, I think the partner needs to be forewarned. And I think that's a nice bonding opportunity, like joining in on our massive charade. It's also just good practice in general to not have any secrets that your family could reveal to someone you're dating. That's not a situation you want to be in. Good point.

So Olivia is like, I'm going to tell her everything, right? I'm going to tell her this whole story, top to bottom, basically everything I've said here. And the girlfriend is like, this is hysterical. What's our party line? Oh, good, yeah. What do you think the party line should be? Like, do you think the party line is like, yeah,

she was sexting, who cares? Like, what do you think? Well, I mean, I do wish I had more information about the level of conservative that the family was. But I think, were it me, I would be like, sexting's normal, crazy that she did it at dinner with everyone. Like, how horny did you have to be? But we've all been there, you know?

Yeah, exactly. That's kind of what they come to, right? It's like, everyone sexts, it's fine. Olivia's like, great. My girlfriend is filled in on all the problems. I have told my family that she's coming. This is all like problem solved. Except, obviously, the problem is not solved.

On Christmas Eve, Olivia is in the kitchen like refilling a boxed wine into her glass and her girlfriend's glass. When she hears Uncle Hector begin to tell her girlfriend the story of the sext. And he is like, so do you know this story? And she hears her girlfriend in the living room go, oh my god, no, what happened?

Oh, no. Oh, I have myself feigned ignorance about a story just to see if I can glean any new details. Olivia is like, I love her so much. Like, she's such a good sport. She knows they love to tell this story. Like, she's going to give them the platform and play the captive audience, right?

So Uncle Hector begins the tale from his perspective, which is that like, Olivia comes running up to him and has a girl problem and he has to leave and blah, blah, blah, right? Yeah. This would all be fine. Except that Meredith is in that room and Meredith is looking at Olivia's new girlfriend

trying to be a good cousin, thinking like, if she hears this story about Olivia, she's going to think things that aren't true. And she goes, that's not what happened. No, no, Meredith, why? Meredith, like, clearly thinks she's saving Olivia. Like, she is, like, not clued in to what's going on here. So Olivia comes into the threshold

with her, like, two glasses of wine. And Meredith is like, that's not what happened, right, Olivia? Like, do you want to tell the real story? Oh, my God. And then Olivia has to be like, I wasn't sexting a man. I was sexting a woman. And that's the difference. And then do a huge wink while shielding her face

from all of the old people in the room. Yeah. So you are going down with the ship. Like, you're like, I will ride this lie into the grave. Yes, yeah. I'm riding the lie, definitely. Yeah. Olivia is like, Meredith, chill out.

It's fine if she hears this story. I'm not embarrassed by it. Wink, wink, wink. Like, she knows. Let him tell the story. It's fine. Yeah. And Olivia's girlfriend is like, yeah,

everybody's since sex now. It's, like, totally normal to do this. Yeah. And Aunt Nadia, too, Olivia's new girlfriend, is like, oh, did you send sex to boys, too? Is that normal for gay girls? I thought maybe, like, you wouldn't? Because, and she is, like, not stopping, right?

She's, like, rambling on. And Olivia's new girlfriend is turning, like, the color of a poinsettia. Oh, no. And Olivia is, like, now we're in a different situation, right, which is, like, I need to stop her. I need to stop Aunt Nadia from, like, bothering my girlfriend. Yeah.

Oh, no. So Olivia is, like, it is time to lie again. She is, like, Aunt Nadia. Like, this story is really fun, but, like, it's not really fun for me right now. Like, I'm feeling a little embarrassed that you're telling it, and, like, it's hurting my feelings. And, like, when you bring this up,

it makes me feel like you don't respect me. And, like, none of this is true, right? But she's, like, I just need her to stop. Yeah. Oh, god. And the room goes, like, dead silent. And Aunt Nadia is, like, I am so sorry. Like, I didn't know.

I just thought it was a really fun story. Like, I won't tell it anymore. And Olivia's, like, feels, like, shit, but is, like, thank you. Yeah. That's so sweet. That's family. It's family. But then that night, when Olivia and her girlfriend

go up to her room, the girlfriend is, like, distant. And Olivia is, like, what's wrong? And she's, like, I'm just, like, weirded out by the fact that you've managed to pull two perfect lies with no repercussions. And Olivia's, like, yeah. But they were, like, to protect people's feelings. Like, I wasn't trying to, like, create chaos.

Yeah. Yeah. I agree. I'm a big fan of lying to protect people's feelings. Yeah. And then you sit with knowing that you're a big old liar. Yeah. Like, the pain in this situation is mostly Olivia's.

Yeah. This is, like, the end of our story. How do you feel? I think good job her. I think her girlfriend should be impressed by her quick thinking abilities. And I think it's nice that she kept peace in the family. So I'm feeling good and wholesome after hearing the story.

So are you on someone's side at this point, at the end? I think, you know, maybe this is completely wrong. But in my opinion, there are no sides to be have. I think everyone behaved in a good way. And I think that everyone has to assume their family is talking about them behind their back. Yeah, that's what families do. Yeah, that's the point of families.

But I think it's nice to try to shield your family from knowing the specifics of that. Do you want to hear the final, like, updates that I have for you? I would love to. The final updates are that Aunt Nadia still does not have a clue about these, like, texts going out. And for a little while, Olivia had a problem

where every time she saw Aunt Nadia, Aunt Nadia would, like, make guilty puppy eyes at her and, like, apologize over and over again. And so eventually, Olivia is, like, still dating this girlfriend. And eventually, Olivia had to be, like, you know what? She's inducted into, like, family land now. Like, you can tell the story again.

So the story is, like, back on the family floor. And she's just, you know, that's kind of the end, is they're just still telling this sexting story, which is very beautiful. That's great. I love that the family has that. Yeah, it's very cute. Blythe, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

This is a delight. I'm thrilled to learn that you are a Disney head. This was so fun. Oh, my god, thank you so much for having me. I also am just, like, OK, clearly, like, this, you try to protect the identity of these people. So I'm, like, did this whole thing happen at SeaWorld. And I just loved it.

They all had dinner in the orcas tank. Yeah. And that's basically the kind of anonymizing we do. Yeah. Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at normalgossipatdefector.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679gossip.

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Defector Media is a collectively owned, subscriber-based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of RadioTopia. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney. I'm Taylor, and remember, you did not hear this from me.