Normal Gossip - Vodka Sommelier Bullshit with Katie Barnes

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

We are BACK for our fifth season! Get ready for 10 episodes of drama, scandal, and pettiness. This week, sports journalist Katie Barnes joins us for a story that brings us back to our high school days. Buy Katie's book, Fair Play: How Sports Shape the Gender Debates, and follow them on Twitter @katie_barnes3. You can support Normal Gossip directly by buying merch or becoming a Friend or a Friend-of-Friend at supportnormalgossip.com. Our merch shop is run by Dan McQuade. You can also find all kinds of info about us and how to submit gossip on our Komi page: https://normalgossip.komi.io/ Episode transcript here. Follow the show on Instagram @normalgossip, and if you have gossip, email us at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at 26-79-GOSSIP. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney (@mckinneykelsey) and produced by Alex Sujong Laughlin (@alexlaughs). Jae Towle Vieira (@jaetowlevieira) is our associate producer. Abigail Segel (@AbigailSegel) is our intern. Justin Ellis is Defector's projects editor. Credits read by Jennie Vildzius. Show art by Tara Jacoby. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia.

Hello and welcome back to Normal Gossip. I'm Kelsey McKinney and in each episode of this podcast, we're going to bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. I am so excited to be here at the top of season five. I hope that everyone had the best summer. If you came to shows on the tour this summer, hello again. If you're a sub, you've been hearing us in subscriber episodes all summer, but we missed you too. If you love this podcast and want to support us, you can become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com.

I am so excited to have with me today Katie Barnes. Katie is an award-winning journalist and author covering the intersection of sports and gender. They work at ESPN and their debut book Fair Play, How Sports Shape the Gender Debates, Chronicles the Evolution of Legislation and Policy, affecting women's sports and transgender athletes. Katie, welcome.

Hello. Thanks for having me. I guess I'm curious, like, you write primarily about women's sports and transgender athletics and athletes and Can you tell me a little bit about how gossip functions for good and evil in those spheres? Yeah, I mean, I think for good right like Transactions information that runs sports journalism and so anytime you can get wind of a trade and try to confirm that or you know you are leveraging the relationships that you have to get more information like that is the literal job.

And I think largely that's a good thing in a women's sports space. So like when you think about NFL NBA, like there's such a So like when you think about NFL NBA, like there's such established transactional, newsy cultures in those sports when it comes to reporting, and that isn't really the case in the WMBA, in the NWSL though that sort of changing and it's changing in the WMBA too, but largely women sports hasn't had that sort of matured sports reporting apparatus around it that we see with men's sports. For good and for bad, I don't know that all the athletes like, right? It feels invasive at times, which I understand how that's not the best for them. But from an overall like overall, like, interlink engagement perspective, I think it is a good thing when we see more newsy, transactional driven reporting in the women's sports space, because then it mirrors what we see and more established.

So saying that, like, more transactional reporting about like, who's going where, what they're being paid, what the kind of teams think and stuff like that gives more credibility, almost to these leagues in the eyes of like sports fans. I think it's a soft, ultra-signal, yes, that like we can say credibility, but I think it also is the thing that drives consumption and attention, right, gives people something to talk about. And so if we're not talking,

then we're not talking about these leagues. And so getting those morsels of information out there is really important to drive that overall consumption, I think. And I think that largely that doesn't matter. I feel like there's been a lot of tangential sports gossip currently in men's sports, mainly because recently Taylor Swift has been dating an NFL player and I would just like to put out to any people who date women who are famous who listen to this podcast that I think it would be great to date someone in the WNBA

like a lot of them seem hot and I think that would be helpful like consider that. I think that would be helpful. Like consider that. That's very funny. Yes, people have been talking about that on Twitter. Like how do we get Taylor Swift? Taylor, please. Taylor, please. Which was the hilarious and awesome.

I live in Philadelphia and I want an expansion team. We need your service. I can't wait. I mean, we need to do it for slides. For the people? Katie. Something we did on the tour this summer is everyone who came on stage to hear a gossip also brought me a gossip as a treat.

I have been told that you may have brought a little gossip gift for me. Is that true? Yes, it is true, because friends bring gifts to one another, and you have gift for me, so I should have the gift for you. Wait, I'm being on ready, I'm amped. Okay, so this is from a friend of a friend about like another friend of a friend. Very far from that. It's a reason separation. That's how you know it's true. 100%.

Zero embellishment, we know it's true. Okay, so this person, it's Culver Sally. She was in college and decided, well, she fell in love online, which in fairness, who's among us has not fallen in love online when we were 20? I certainly did. Definitely happens to all of us.

And so she moved to England to be with him. What? Oh, what a little horrible. So it's a casual relationship. Casual relationship. Yeah. So she's just in England chilling with this guy. She's American. Okay. Yes. She's certainly not English. Okay, she's over there like asking what a pound is trying to understand what quid means. But so she was there. She'll and wouldn't come home. Her family gets

incredibly concerned because she won't come home and And her bomb tries to trick her into coming home by lying about having a severe disease. Okay. Like says like, I'm sick, you gotta come home. Homegirl still doesn't come home. Sally's like, nah, I don't care if you're dying. I'm not coming home, I'm saying in English. Like fully doesn't go home.

The major leagues of like your mom being like, I miss you like the like southern guilt trip of like you have to come home. The major leagues is like, I will die imminently. And you being like, no. Yeah, I get the sense that this was like, not something that this parent would do normally. Right? Like this isn't like a, I don't know, like a parent who this parent would do normally. Right? Like this isn't like a, I don't know, like a parent who cried wolf sort of situation. It's like literally like she will not come home.

We are concerned what will make her come home. Maybe her love for me. Okay. Turns out the answer to that is no. Okay. Yeah. So she's still over there. Bye.

So Sally's mom gets on a plane. It hurt weak and sweet. Go to England. Yeah. Right. Bye. So Sally's mom gets on a plane in her week in Go to England. Yeah, right. She says, you know what? Fine, you're right. I'm not dying, but I'm gonna get you. Goes over to England gets her brings her back. She's like literally in college. I mean, like this is not somebody who's 35 years old, like she's not very old at all. So, that she just goes back to school, like not to get asked. Girl. So Salis just said college, living her life, doing some questionable activities, you know, again, who's among us, but there was this whole detour in the middle.

I don't know, you're in college and you're waging out. You're just making choices. Willie Nellie, you end up living in England. You know, oops. Yes. Would you like to hear the story that I have for you? Yeah, I'm actually. OK, it's like a little bit longer, just a little bit.

I didn't write a whole thing for you. I did do the fair minimum. Okay, great. Yeah. The year is 2013. Racking Ball is on the radio. Obama is still president. Taylor Swift has not yet entered her 1989 era.

I feel very triggered by this because I graduated from college in 2013. And so what I am envisioning is my senior year of college, which is not a thing we need to discuss. Okay, look back to that. We're at Under Court. I'm very interested in that. Okay. Our friend of a friend, Addy, she's like four years younger than you.

So she's a senior in high school in 2013. Okay. We like it. Driven. Never done a thing wrong in her life. She has like more extracurriculars than Paris Geller, more volunteer hours than Mother Teresa. I know that person.

I, Loki, was that person and friends with that person. Yeah, no, went to a private boarding school where my parents teach. Those were the different vibe for me. So we were all those kids. Like I was a music nerd handed jock and I volunteered. Like it's just, it's a thing to get it.

Okay, so Adi, this is her whole thing, my good kid. She knows that she like is a good kid but that does not prevent her from feeling like that huge drop in your stomach. When at the end of her last class on a day in May, she gets a text from her mom that says, we need to talk ASAP. It's important come straight home. Oh no, oh no, I want to throw up. Like I want, I'm panicking on behalf of Adi. Absolutely not. I need further context. I need a you're not in trouble.

Otherwise, I'm immediately in trouble and I want to puke everywhere. So, and I know I didn't do anything wrong. And I'm assuming Adi thinks that she did do the thing, Rugg. Absolutely disaster. I need nope. I want to hit it down from the conversation on the second hand. And we've just started. I know. This is a problem. I'm not gonna make it. It's like, I've sicked in my stomach, I feel terrible. She's like, I hate being in trouble. This is clearly a like urine trouble text.

I'm like, I don't even know what I'm in trouble for. Yes, this is my big misby, and I'm a little concerned because I know that you said that Adi is four years younger than me, but now I'm racking my brain of everything I've done. You can go on with it for 2013. And I'm like, did somebody tell you a story about me

and I'm actually, I had a death holiday, so very connected, incredibly connected. I love that. She's filled with dread. She drives home after school. She gets into the driveway. She turns off the car, has to take some deep breaths. Because the options here are either,

I am in huge trouble, or someone is dying. Yeah, those are obviously the only two options. There is no benign option at all. Something terrible has occurred, and she probably did it. Or if you didn't do it, someone's deceased. She opened her up. No other outdoor. This is like a split level house, four bedrooms, two baths, but no pool.

Okay, so that's like the level of wealth we're talking about. Like basement entertainment room, but it's not finished. The kitchen has like that very specific fancy olive garden aesthetic that kitchen's had in the early ops. Like there's a rooster somewhere. There's like vines painted on the wall. There's like a handmade sign that's painted like home is where you pour your wine, right?

Like it's that kind of kitchen. Yes, or like, you know, I like to cook with wine and sometimes I put it in a stew. Yeah. Wow, you should be hyped by giant. Yeah, I'm seeing my mother's kitchen. You're ready. Okay, it's also one of the kids with a huge island.

Okay, big island, all schools. She comes in, her mom is standing behind the island and her mom is like, sit. That feels like a trouble command. That is not somebody is dead. That is a you done bucked up and I'm a totally you wise. On the counter between her and her mom are three small cups with clear liquid in them. And one plastic water bottle from like a generic brand which we're going to call crystal ranch.

The mom's like, what do you know about this water bottle? What do you think is that question? I mean, what I think is happening is if somebody put vodka in the water bottle and mama is pissed because she tried to take a drink of water and it said she drank food. Which incidentally, as somebody who took Russian in college, this is my favorite fun fact about vodka. You're welcome. So the word for water and Russian is Voda, QDA, and when right, and when you make something cute in Russian, like you would do like in Spanish, you could eat the... I love it in Russian. ...in Fushka or Ka. So Vodka? It means little water and Russian. Oh yeah. Oh no, I'm back. I love knowing this.

This is gonna ruin my life. Okay. Addy is like, I don't know what's up with this water bottle. Because like a thing about this family is that it is a water bottle family. Like the mom goes and gets like a big palette of plastic water bottles from one of those big box stores and like she puts a giant tub of them in the pantry

and then the water bottles like migrate around. Right like people take them to soccer practice. They're packed into lunches. They get carried up to bedrooms. They're offered to guests. And then each night, the mom like makes a round of the house looking for unopened water bottles and returns them to the tub. the tub. Okay, love that for them. My follow-up is just get a Britta. That's a reasonable idea. What great thought and they are not doing that in the water bottle family. They are not doing that. I mean I'm a tap girly personally so I don't get the vibe. I just I never grew up with water bottles but also that seems like a recipe for the pastor. Just having all these water grew up with water bottles, but also that seems like a recipe for the plaster.

Just having all these water bottles around you. Never know what someone's gonna put in that. And then so many water bottles that Addy genuinely is like, how am I supposed to know what water bottle that is? Like, I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Like, where'd you find that? What day? But mom is like looking at her.

She's like, got eyes. How do you think Adi should respond to this? What should she say? Well, first of all, she should deny, deny, deny. Which is also conveniently with all the information that I currently have right now, the truth. So the truth is, you don't know where the water bottle came from. You don't know what's in it.

Why does that matter? And also, why has Adi the primary suspect here? Like, does she have siblings? I have so many questions and if she's a good kid, why is she getting vodka side as? Those are my questions. I don't know what you're asking about. Like, that's a water, it's a water bottle and the mom like sighs. And Addy is like, why? Like, why are you asking this? And the mom like size. And I need like why? Like why are you asking this? And the mom's like, well, I got a call from Ethan's school today. Okay, Ethan.

Who's Ethan? Is her little brother? Well, how old is Ethan? Seventh grade. Ooh. What? If all of my assumptions are correct and that is a vodka water bottle,

I want to take a nap. it now inside even seventh grade cafeteria. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah, let's go. He's in middle school, right? So this hall edits 2013. So these hallways reek of axed-yoder-in-body spray. And like, so God. That is the description I didn't need Kelsey. It feels rude. Like it just feels like you're attacking me. I don't realize they need to use deodorant yet. Right. Like it's bad in there. Things are not good. The more it's like always sticky in

this school, right? And even though it always has those yellow things that say it's just been washed, like doesn't matter. The hallway walls have like the mascot painted on them, right? And like, is it coming out of the wall? I feel like kicking through the bricks. I'm like, where are we? Are we in Indiana because this feels like Indiana?

That's how I feel right now. I feel a bunch of them. All the tables are like those long tables that have the benches attached to them. And eventually you have to sit with like your home room class for lunch. Assigned seating. Then is on student council. And every other week student council gets to sit at like their own special table to have a meeting during lunch. So he's seated at this table into his mind like the best kids in the school, the elite, the highest standards.

He's like, we are the role models for our peers. Absolutely, they were voted upon by our peers. Never mind that they all probably ran on a post, but whatever. Everyone is pulling other lunches and Ethan is happy because he has lasagna for lunch. And he's like, lasagna is my favorite food. Nothing can stop me. I'm having a great day. Yeah, I would do if I had lasagna.

Especially if it's lasagna. Lasagna for my mom. Let's go. He has a few bites. He's like, oh, delicious. He removes his crystal ranch bottle from his lunchbox. He twists it open. He takes a big glug and he's like,

ah, burning, it's burning. His mouth is on fire. He's like, Satan has spit down my throat. Oh my god, yeah. God, what a way to wash down sub-Lazania. Your homemade vodka sauce. Curdacy of your water bottle. Just a quick swim of your water bottle.

Just a quick switch. Is it like water rig? His crush is seated across from him at the table and she's like, are you okay? Oh. And he's like, something's wrong with my water. Yeah, I see it. So. And she like smells it and her eyes begin to water.

And she's like, I don't, I think there's something wrong with this. And Ethan is panicking. He's like, I'm being poisoned. Someone is trying to poison me, I'm gonna die. And his crush is like raising the water bottle to her lips. She's like taking a little sip and he's like, no, but she tastes it and spits it right out. She's like, I don't know what this is. And he's like, no, but she tastes it and spits it right out. She's like, I don't know what this is. And he's like, am I being poisoned?

And his crush is like, maybe. First of all, I just want to say, for 12-year-olds, how innocent that they don't really know what vodka is. Right, it's so cute. Not the eye. Drake, at 12-year-old years. I've done that. Zero judgment for the listeners who did, especially those of us who grew up in Indiana. I was not that person. I famously in my family did not drink until I was 20. What a perfectable citizen. Yes. Again, I was terrified of being in trouble.

Student Council are good kids, right? So they're all passing this water all down, sniffing, sipping, being like, this isn't good, this is poison. Okay, but first of all, Ethan, like, I understand that you from know that it's vodka, but you seem to believe that somebody's trying to murder you and you're just letting all of your student councilmates. It's called a murder. It's a team. It's called teamwork Katie. I guess. I just have some serious questions. Like I understand not knowing what it is, but if you actually can serve that it's bodily harmful, which in fairness, I

would also argue that I'm not really harmful. I just don't know why we would also let everyone else, including our crush, like sample the possible poison. Like sir, dive over the table and slap it at everyone's hand. It's dead. Yes, what's that fifth givery? What are we doing, Ethan? Finally someone takes an actual glove of this, right? Like not like a tiny little sip and sprays it out on the table.

So like the student councilman is our wet. There's pandemonium. Everyone at the student council table is like poison. Like running around. Oh my god. First of all, calling alcohol poison is the most. And I feel attacked. It's like, it's not just me. Second of all, calling alcohol poison is a lot of nose. And I feel attacked. To like touch at me. Second of all, I just, ah!

The whole glug of the possible poison and then spring and everywhere and now everything's gonna leak of booze. It's just a terrible, terrible situation. Or anyone can get up to find a teacher. As you may imagine, a bunch of seventh graders yelling and one of them spitting has brought a coach. You know a coach. He teaches quote-unquote history. You are correct. I do know those types of coaches and that one of those who is one of my favorite coach. But why do the coaches always teach his, like that is. Because the American children don't learn history,

so it's not important. Yeah. OK, well, Coach Gary, I know you actually teach his dream. Thank you, Coach Gary. But everyone else, yeah, everyone else doesn't know why is this the thing? Because of course they teach his dream.

It's coach, you know, he's like always wearing a whistle. He's always making people run laps as punishment for things that are not athletics. Right? Like he's like this kind of coach. Is the whistle though around his neck or is it? Oh, you that's a word title or is the whistle in the pop? No, no whistle in the pocket with the land you're hanging out because like that's a moot. Notting about that. And honestly, I think it's probably that one, because the information we were given about this coach is that everyone had a crush on him,

like including Ethan, who identifies as straight. So like that kind of coach. That's a hot coach move. Hot coach. Oh yeah, yeah, no. Hot coaches don't wear whistles. They have their little broken out. The hot coach comes over and he's like,

what's going on over here? And Ethan's like, something's wrong with my water. It's poisoned. The coach like motions to be handed the water. But of course, this has to come to me other end of the table because all of these kids have been trying it. So they're like passing it down, you know, their arms like fully extended away from their bodies, trying to like hand it down.

The coach, the hot coach, sniff sit, takes a sip, looks concerned, and is like, where did you get this? Yeah, and what's the thing to say? It's obviously. I got it at my house. Like, my mom packs my lunch, did my mom try to poison me? And the coach is like, come with me. And the coach has like come with me. Oh, this is so, here's the thing. I am a reader sometimes and I like to consume the information like I need to finish. So like I don't read notes all that often

because once I start I don't stop because I get so frustrated with people dangling information and all these people do this. If I was Ethan, I'd be so upset. Like't poison or no bro like what is this like there's no Information he knows what it is he's not sharing and Homegirl mom is also doing this to our girl Addy and I'm not happy about that either like just say what it is people You're right. They're headed down the hallway the co-runs into an older, you know, an older gym teacher. Ethan's like, you know, the gym teacher is a hundred years old. And she's like, what's up here?

And the coach is like, smell this. And the older gym teacher's eyes widened and she's like, smells like foul play. You need to take him to the principal's office. foul play. What is this noise now? Oh, what? Ethan is like, my life is ruined. I am a student council Secretary or whatever and I am being driven by every member of the faculty down this hallway to the principal's office

It's so echoey. This is my nightmare like we're marching in unison to my death. I Am uptowned his behalf So we have all these good kids, right? All these good kids. And I'm like, who's doing this? Let's try to assassinate these poor, assassinate these poor babies with their vodka. Like, I just, I have so many questions. So I'm very excited to go to the principal's office. Sorry, Ethan, but- He was front of principal's office. The principal's like, what happened? The coach hands over the bottle.

He's like, smell it. The principal smells it and it's like, what is this? An Ethan crying is like, my water bottle was poisoned. I don't want to be in trouble. Help! I don't know what happened. And the principle is like, was this bottle sealed? Ethan's like, what? And then what's the deal?

When you twisted the cap, was it hard to twist off? Like, did it crack? And he's like, yeah. And the principle is like, we need to call your mom. Ethan's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, please don't call my mom. My mom is a lawyer. My mom does not take any shit. My mom does not want to get a call. It worked from the principal.

See, this is an important context. That's why homegirl had three cups set out. Right. I look at it, I look. She's a lawyer. What kind of lawyer? I don't know what kind of lawyer. Would you like to pick a type?

And then make some general. Well, she's certainly not a public defender. She's definitely an offensive player. She's not a defensive player. You know, I've really heard a good joke, which is that all offensive lawyers are attack librarians. And I think that that is really what I love that joke. I'm sorry to all the lawyers.

That's exactly what they are attack librarians. You got an attack librarian for a mom. Ethan's like, don't call her. The principal is calling her. Well, yeah, because you can't bring booze to school. Like that is an immediate phone call. Hi, this is last name. I've got Ethan here and we seem to have a problem. She's like he had one of these crystal ranch water bottles in his lunch and he said it tasted like poison and I have it

here with me and it does in fact smell like lighter fluid. The principle is like I think we have a big problem. I think the water bottle company must have had some big mix up. Like, there has to be rubbing alcohol in here. I'm sorry. Lighter fluid and rubbing alcohol? I mean, I guess maybe, but why does the principle not know what vodka is either?

Those are questions. That's a serious question I have. I don't understand why the jump is to, I mean, I get it was sealed. Right? I mean, come on, these 12. But the immediate process is, oh, the water bottle was sealed according to this 12 year old. And therefore, the water bottle company has clearly put lighter fluid or rubbing alcohol in the water bottle. Instead of the obvious thing that occurred, which is that somebody replaced the water with

a clear alcohol. The mom on the phone is like, uh-huh. And the principle is like, I thinkhuh. And the principal is like, I think you need to throw out every water bottle that you got from this case. And like, if you have the information on where you got it, like, I think that would be helpful. And the mom's like, yeah, okay, I can do that.

Do you need anything else for me? And the principal's like, no, that's everything. And the mom's like, okay, great. Could you make sure that Ethan is sent home without water bottle, please? Full on attack, librarian, because mom knows it's vodka. And what I don't get is, okay. So there's a pallet of water bottles.

Just open another one if it's normal water. Obviously it's not a water bottle problem. Ethan is like, my mom hates me. I've been poisoned. She does not care. He asks the principal, he's like, do I have to go to the emergency room? Do I have to have my stomach pumped?

He's like, I feel weird. My body feels warm. Am I dying? No, he's just anxious and a little broke. It's like you can go to the nursing lie down, but I think you're going to be okay. Okay, so Mom tells her this whole story, the one that I just told you. She hands Addie the bottle and says, smell it. Addie smells it and she's like, whoo, this smells very bad. And her mom is like, I'm conducting a little experiment.

You know, she's smelling, she's comparing densities, she's doing like science fair-ass project at the kitchen counter. Attack my variant. Yes, this is a crime lab now. Her hypothesis is that Ethan has not been poisoned and this is not a company mix-up, this is vodka. Right.

She has poured herself three cups. One of them has rubbing alcohol mixed with water in it. One of them has like kettle one, and one of them is the water bottle liquid, and she is like sniffing, comparing tasting. So see a tack librarian now a little drunk too, a little tipsy Wednesday. Mom, is this yours? How do you want to play this as Addy?

Well, if it's not yours, Addy, say it's not yours. If it is yours, Addy, also says it's not yours. Deny, deny, deny. She's got nothing. Of course it's not mine. I've never been to a party in my life. This is true. Addie's also smelly-gibberish.

She's like, are you sure this isn't rubbing alcohol? Like it smells so bad. And the mom's like, yes. I'm certain it's not rubbing alcohol. She's like, I went to law school. Get a lot of out of this. Yeah, well, it's not mine. Do you think mom is satisfied by this conversation?

Definitely not. She's an attack librarian. She wants like some sort of packed sign in blood. Absolutely not. She's absolutely not satisfied with this. Like, no way in hell. At this point, Adi's older sister Fiona, who is in college,

but lives at home. Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. There's been an older sister at home, this entire time, and yet who's in college? And yet the person sitting in this interrogation is the 17 year old who never does anything wrong who clearly doesn't know what vodka for. She writes home, Fiona is the older sister's name.

The mom begins with a bottle. She's like, smell this. She's like, oh my God, what is this vodka for people? You hate? She's like, oh my God. Yeah, her vodka last. I'm on.

And it's like, is this yours? And Fiona's like, what do you think of me that I would drink vodka like this at this stage in my life? Like, this is high school shit. I am over 21. I can buy my own alcohol. Also, who drinks vodka? Like I have an vodka in five years.

And then she's like, I mean, never. I've never had vodka. Mm-hmm. First of all, Fiona's a boss. Oh, man. I love her. Number one. Number two, not a terrible argument.

Although, me thinks the lady does for tests. Interesting. Interesting. Right, like, that's going hard in the paint. Right, like, oh, arguments, although me thinks the lady does for tests. It looks interesting. Right, like that's going hard in the paint, right? Like, oh, how I am so much more sophisticated than whatever vodka. This is I would never and also from a smell, you know, quality of vodka. I have questions. Homegirl is barely old enough to legally drink and I'm supposed to just like believe that she has developed such sophisticated like nose quality that

she's all about this absolute. 21 year old yeah yeah with vodka no come on the best vodka she's had is Fedka yeah. Yeah, that's probably true. And it's the one that comes with that like pink and yellow bottle, right? Like it's like not even their regular. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Right, it's flavored. It's not no label Spedka. It's like great group each. Feed out of here. Full stick. Hasn't worked on mom. So Fiona and mom are not looking at Adi. And Adi's like, I don't know, it's not mine. and the mom's like, well, it has to be someone's

Adi is like that's true for sure. It does have to be someone's great point Hard agree. Are there other siblings? That's what she's like racking her brain, right? She's like it's only the three of us siblings, but she's like, who else has been in the house? Who else's could this be? Theoretically. Who has a significant other who likes cheese vodka? Oh, my cool cousin, Quinn, who's my age, but way cooler and hot, she's been here.

but way cooler and like hot, she's been here. And so she might be drinking terrible vodka as all cool hot cousins do apparently. She's like, cool cousin Quinn came over for family dinner like the last weekend with her parents before she went out to hang with her friends. Cool cousin Quinn goes to a lot of parties that she never invites me to. It's like totally feasible that this belongs to Quinn.

Do you want to throw your cool cousin under the bus? Well, depends. Do we like cool cousin Quinn? We do. We really like and want to be cool cousin Quinn. But the thing is, Quinn never gets in trouble. Like her parents are chill, so the calculus is kind of like we love Quinn. But she could take this one on the tip. Oh, but here's the thing. How do you like? Is it? Because if it is yours, that's really shitty.

But if it's not yours, which I'm sure we'll be reviewing at some point in the story and we'll get there. So whatever. But I guess if I'm operating under the assumption that I, Addy, didn't do this and I'm trying to get out of this because mom bought hook line and sinker fionas vodka yeah bullshit you need you need somebody else you need reasonable doubt to get the tack librarian off your back right so other plausible theory like you know little

shrug maybe it was quid fionas eyebrows race mom is like would quid do that Maybe it was Quint. Fiona's eyebrows race. Mom is like, would Quint do that? And Adi's like, I don't know. And Fiona's like, I doubt it. And Mom's size. And it's like, we'll discuss this more later. First of all, Fiona, who's girl? Girl, are you?

Like, sis. What happened to the holiday? I'm so ready. Yeah, like what are we doing here? Like, sisters before cousins. Now, I think that's probably the rule. I mean, especially since she came out so hard denying, the only other plausible theory is Addy.

Like solidarity. You got to ride hard for the household. I feel like you're atty at this point. I'm gonna murder my sister. 100% no question. I say this as an old-ass. So I would, as someone who has a middle sister, we have the same order in my family,

myself, my sister, and my younger brother. And yeah, I have a speaking suspicion that if I did that to my sister, she would have murdered me in the bedroom that we shared. Adi does not feel good. She's like, I am very stressed by this whole scenario. Yeah, I feel like shit. But there's also something that you don't know about Adi.

She's about to disappoint me. The thing is, Addy spent all of her entire academic career trying to get into an Ivy League school. She wanted Harvard. Oh, and she didn't get Harvard. She didn't get Yale. She didn't get Princeton or Cornell. She got waitlisted at Brown. Which Addy is like, I think Brown is like a jiffy loop with a library. So how dare I

get waitlist. Oh my god. Sorry, anyone went to Brown. She only got in to like the big state school. Okay, well, could she apply to any like high level or is not? Of course not. Of course not. She was upset about this. She had a little cry. She was upset for a few days. Okay. Fair. I get that. You said the movie book smart. Can you explain it for someone who may not have seen it? Ooh. Okay. I've seen it. Ooh, okay.

I've seen it once in my wife. Keep trying to make me watch it multiple times. And I say no. It's a little emotional. It's a movie with a lot of hearts. Booksmart is about two Dweebie girls that played by Caitlin Devere and BD Feldstein who realized that everyone who partied in high school got into the same school as them.

So then they're like, this was a huge waste. We couldn't have been partying too. Adi has a very similar experience, except that she didn't get into the school she wanted. So she's like, I wasted years of my life trying to get into Harvard. And in her rage, she decides like, I'm going to go to one great high school party. He's just before after the water bottle. She's like I will live it up. This will be my consolation prize. She's like as Olivia Rodrigo once said I'm so sick of 17, where's my fucking teenage dream? She's like my teenage dream is to have one night of recklessness. She's like my teenage dream is to have one night of reclessness.

Fair, although, I guess this is 2013, because I was just like, who's going to be around we go with 2013? We love this, okay, but. I spend the leave. Also, I am suspending belief, ask someone who did not go to any high school parties. Were those fun? I didn't know, she's never go to any high school parties. Were those fun? I didn't know.

She's never been to a high school party. And she has romanticized the hell out of this, right? Like she's seen all the flowers. She's like, I want to dance on the table like cat in 10 things I hate about you. We all want to be her. I mean, sure, but she does can tell for some fun. Just that after where she gets to kiss you, Fletcher. So like is a little CTE worth it? That's a question you should always ask to kiss people.

I mean, as a contingent, I'm just going to keep watching. There. The whole spring semester, she's like certainly prom will be the time, right? Like prom is a classic party night. Prom came and went, oh my god. No party for Adi. No party. The thing is when you spend the first three years of high school very adamantly telling people

that you do not want to go to parties. Everyone's like, we don't know. Exactly. Oh my God, it's like super bad when they got so excited about getting invited to school. Yes, already. I didn't know what to do. They brought beer at a laundry detergent container closest. Addy ever got to go into a party is when Cool Cousin Quinn came over like a week ago.

And Cool Cousin Quinn was like, I'm going to a party afterward and Addy kept trying to like get invited, right? Like she kept trying to be like, take me. Pick me. Choose me. Literally. 2013 little Mary Brick.

Cool Cousin Quinn is like, this isn't even a real party. Like it's not what you think it is. It's just like swimming at someone's house. I think a party to me. I want to go, but she didn't get to go. Because Quinten taker. This is Quinten taker. I take it back from her under the bus.

Like this is 100%. You're like dropping hints like, I want to go to a party and Quinten's like, not girl. Not bringing you to this pool party where nothing is happening, but everybody swimming about, what if you wanted to make out no pool?

Slopperly. That's your right. That sounds fun. American Dream, baby. I've seen that depicted in so many films. That's what it's supposed to be like. Adi is like furious. She spent all summer trying to do this.

After prom, she's like, you know what? I need to be prepared for any minute where someone could invite me to her. So she decided, you know, I can't like not have anything. And she knew that there were these guys who were like fionist age, right? So like in college, who live in like, what we'll call Walsh out city, USA,

which is like the back of the big box parking lot, right? Like they are there all the time. And they are the kind of guys that have a method. Their method is they take the plastic cap and the ring off a water bottle. They put a funnel in it. They pour vodka in there. Then they take a second bottle.

They cut the whole like top third of it off. they put that into a like boiling pot of water. They boil it, then you can pop the top with the seal off of that water bottle and screw it onto the other one. No. No. This is like some Russian Olympics doping shit. That's the level that we're at right now. Addy paid these in. What? Boys, $40, for a water bottle, filled with something called, she doesn't know, T-Nose.

And T-Nose. It's supposed to be like nice vodka. Tino's, she was told it doesn't smell like anything. So when her mom handed her that water bottle, she was like, that can't be mine. No girl, first of all, 40 dollars? Like, these boys are running a racket and honestly I respect that. That's not because of you can turn.

It really is. If you have a handle of dark eyes, or whatever lighter fluid you can cut, this bottle, and you're selling 20 ounces for 40 dollars. No, even 20 ounces. Like a regular size water bottle. It's like 12 ounces. Oh girl. Ah! Honestly, she deserves whatever she's got

to come and see her for that. And she's like, I didn't put my water bottle in the places where teens hide things. Like I didn't put it in the underwear drawer. I didn't put it under my bed. I like, I knew that it looks like a water bottle and so I didn't need to like super hide it. So she put it in her closet, like on the shelf

next to the sack of like her jeans and her sweatshirts. Okay, but her mother collects water bottles that haven't been opened. So putting it in the underwear drawer actually makes sense. Addy, because why is your mom gonna be looking for a water bottle in the underwear drawer? My mom doesn't go in my closet, so this is fine.

My mom respects our space. Oh! And that's kind of true. The mom doesn't really go into these kids' rooms. Okay, sure, but girl, that assumption has hurt you best. From the kitchen counter. Addy hurries to her room. She enters the closet. Okay, sure, but girl, that assumption has hurt you best. Absolutely. From the kitchen counter, Adi hurries to her room. She enters the closet.

The stack of sweatshirts is messed up. It's not neat, like it should be. Someone has messed with it. And where is the water bottle? It's gone, girl. It is gone, girl. She is freaking out. She's like, shit. That water bottle might be my water bottle that my mom has. And to make matters worse, right before her mom texted her in that last period class, the girl in front of her leaned over

to the girl next to her and was like, oh my God, are you going to some guys house tomorrow night? And that girl was like, yeah, duh, everyone's going, it's going to be a rager. Oh, so not only is she in trouble at home, she also has lost the source of her fun. Yes, her fun found. Addy was really brave. Like, she leaned forward and was like,

hi to those girls. And was like, do you know if it would be okay if I came to the party? And they were like, first of all, that is actually really great. That's incredible. And they were like, Adi, you don't party. And Adi's like, I would like to try a party.

And they're like, they're like, absolutely like give me your cell phone number. I'll text you the address. And Adi's like, they're like absolutely like give me your cell phone number. I'll text you the address and Adi's like great. But then the girl didn't text her the address. So now Adi doesn't have a water bottle. Maybe poison to her little brother and is going to be grounded for life and doesn't know where to go to this party. Like nothing is coming up. Adi. That's fair. Although given that she has seen such classics, like she's ready for her

moment, it should be down a drain pipe and escape to a party. So you know, nothing's coming up, Addy, but we're just in that like really tough like scene and act to before the fun happens. So just ride it out, girl. We'll get there. Your water bottle is missing. Do you think it's possible that the water bottle on the counter isn't yours? Like, should you search for your water bottle? You definitely should not. You're not for your water bottle, girl.

You should wait for your mom to leave and then just put the little cap on and replace it with water and then peace out and take your water bottle to the birdie. You're being really rational. Addy is 17. Yeah, so she searches. I was like, she's got a bind of the water bottle from these seats. Opening every bottle in her room. She's opening every bottle in the entertainment room. She's opening bunches of bottles in the pantry. She's like checking bags and opening bottles there. She's like, where could it be? She's doing this when her phone rings.

It's cool cousin Quinn, do you answer it? No, you let that chick go to voice mail, you don't answer at all. You're gonna sorry, busy. She doesn't answer. She lets you go to voice mail, she's like all of the text. Quint calls again

Now do you answer Is you said that's a voice mail and he wait for the answer is that No, hey Quinn and Quinn's like did you tell your mom? I left a water bottle filled with vodka at your house? Hey Quinn and Quinn's like, did you tell your mom I left a water bottle filled with vodka at your house? Technically, she said So the answer is no, no, I didn't say that. Adi's like I told her it wasn't mine and Quince like why would you say it was mine? You know it isn't. And Addy's like, I didn't say it was yours. I said it might be yours.

And Quince, like, you know it's not mine. And Addy's like, I don't know that. You go to parties all the time. I never go to parties. And Quince, like, you think every time I go anywhere, I'm going to a party And he's like what and quince like I would never drink cheap vodka out of a water bottle when I can just steal shit from my parents Who doesn't quitess cool, man? Like, who causes a quintess? She's got it right.

And Adi is like, yes. Okay, but like, now she's collapsing. She's like, you know how it is for not. Like, you know she's so strict. Oh, blaming the attack librarian as a mom. That doesn't mean that you can just throw me under the bus for something I didn't do. Especially since it's more horrible. And Addy's like, well, I didn't do it either.

And Quinn's like, Addy, come on. And Addy's like, I didn't. And Quinn's like, Addy, I know it isn't mine. Who else's would it be? That's a fair question, especially since Addy bought vodka from the dude by a thumster and the back of the box for parking lot. Like she bought vodka in a water bottle. Addy, yeah, Quinn, that's exactly the problem.

My mom isn't gonna let this go unless she knows who did it. She's like, and yours will get you in trouble. Like, can you please just say that you did it? And Quinn's like, so it was yours. And Addy's like, I don't think so, but I can't prove it. And Quinn's like, I'm not taking the fall for you for nothing.

Oh, what is Quinn want? He's like, what would you take the fall for? Katie, you're a bourbon drinker. What kind of bourbon would a cool teen want? Ooh, a cool teen? Oh, probably something that looks fancy, but isn't fancy. So I would go with like a gym beam black, right? It's not expensive.

It's not fancy. But it's a little fancy. Yes, it's got a black label. It's like a regular gym beam. It is. It's like a little, yes, it's like a little wider's like a little, yes, it's like a little wider. It's like, ooh, it's special or something like a gym beam devil's cut. Like, just, just, like, I want a handle of gym beans devil's cut.

And Addy's like, I handle of what? It quins like bourbon Addy. And Addy's like, how am I supposed to get devil's cut whiskey? And quins like, that is not my problem. Like that's a you problem girl. What do you do here? You have a potential out,

but it requires you to get a handle of bourbon for a cool cousin, Quinn. Yeah, so I mean what I would do is I would have just taken on the chin from the job, but since Addy is determined to believe that it's not her vodka and she did nothing wrong. Yeah, good kid. She's a good kid. That's her narrative. Yes, a good kid who That's her narrative. Yes. A good kid who issues all of his spots at the full of the accountability, but that's fine.

Otherwise, he wouldn't have a story. Good kids just make it. That's what that means. Yes. Good kids just have good grades. And then you're good. There's no, there's nothing problematic about narrative at all. The other people that I know is Addy who have booze

are so cute back in the park, kick-locked. And so I feel like you probably got to go make a deal with them or actually know I take that back. Before that, you got to talk Fiona. Yes. Sisters before mistress, that's what you do. You go talk to your sister, go hey girl.

Addy has a fake, I need to talk Fiona. So go talk to your sister. Go hey girl. Adi, I need to talk Fiona. So she goes. Yeah, that's the thing. She like knocks on the little eat of a like door frame. Because that's what you do when you want something from your sister is you don't barge in. Oh no, and you don't knock on the door. You do a little knuckle tap on the door frame. Yes, it'll soften like it like that. F-D, yes. Fiona's like what? And then Adi notices that Fiona is wearing a like vintage Courtney love whole sweatshirt,

which is her sweatshirt. That Adi found at Goodwill and bought with her money. Oh, so now Fiona's done stealing her shit. She's like, not only is Fiona stealing my shit, I know for a fact that that sweatshirt was in the stack in my closet. Fiona found the vodka water bottle and then left it out and now Addie screwed.

Unbelievable. Fiona owes her one. She better come clean and leverage that shit. And he's storming into the room without being allowed to enter. She closes the door behind her. She's like, it knocks my sweatshirt. And Fiona's like, yeah.

And, Addy's like, you took it. And Fiona's like, yes. And at least like you did not ask. At Fiona's like so. Oh. Classic, older, and at least like give it back.

If Fiona's like why it's not like you were aware of it. Yo, okay. I feel like there's like some sibling tension with Fiona and Adi. Like they aren't backies. So you admit it. And Fiona's like admit what? And Adi's like that you took it from my closet.

And Fiona's like, I didn't get it from your closet. And Adi's like, you did. Oh my God, like you're such an asshole. And Fiona's like, dude, this is sweatshirt. Like why are you freaking out right now? And Adi's like, you know it's not just a sweatshirt. Did you take it? This unclear antecedent situation, like girl,

like you gotta be very clear about what the it's referring to. What is that feel? And Fiona's like, like, what? And Addy's like, the water bottle. And Fiona's like, what water bottle? Then Addy begins to panic. And she's like, my favorite water bottle. And Fiona's like, oh, you keep your favorite water bottle

in the closet. And Addy's like, I feel like, yeah, I do. And Fiona's like, no, you don't. And Addy's like, fine, it was a regular water bottle and Fiona's like, a regular water bottle, full of vodka. And Addy's like, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, man, nothing like your sister to get you to admit something that you're really trying hard not to admit yourself. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around.

The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around.

The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. The other way around. little funny Eddie and little funny. Not funny. Like did you give it straight to mom? Like why did you do that? At the bow. It's like, oh no, no, no, no. This is funny as hell, but I did not touch that water bottle. Like, I don't know what you're talking about. She's like, I took this sweatshirt out of the laundry room.

I didn't even go in your closet. Do you believe her? I mean, I don't believe in anybody. No, I believe zero people in this story. I'm inclined to say yes, I guess, because if you think it's so funny, because you just got your sister to admit to something and like is in trouble, because of pure happenstance of the situation as she figures it out, as now admitted this, because you sold her sweatshirt on a laundry room and she did that after closet like L.O. Well, that's funny. So I mean, it's plausible to me, but also who else was rummaging through sweatshirts and taking a

water bottle unless like this Ethan also rummaging his sister's closet to feel for her to think. She's like racking her brain. She's like, when was the last time I saw the water bottle in my closet? Right? And she's like, you know, it's one of those things that like you see it every day, so you just assume it's there. You don't notice if it's missing or not, right? And so she's like, I don't know, like, would Fiona lie? She's like, Fiona's laughing so hard that it leads me to believe that she didn't know that this was my water bottle. And in fact have confessed and therefore like she wouldn't take it but she still has all of these problems. Mom still thinks it's her. Theona now knows it's you and she still doesn't have the vodka water bottle

for the party tomorrow. She's got to do a deal with Fiona. She's got to like, we're going on a quest. She needs to get any kind of leverage to get Fiona to join this quest. She's like Fiona. Don't tell mom. And Fiona's like, I'm not gonna tell mom, but like, she knows it's you. She just can't prove it. Do you tell Fiona about cool cousin Quinn's offer? 100% because no way you're getting that handle of a bourbon without Fiona's idea. I actually have a solution to prove that it's

not me and Fiona's like but it is you and Adi's like maybe. like, here's the thing. I talked to cool cousin Quinn. Cool cousin Quinn will take the fall for me if I get her a handle of Jim Beam Devil's Cut. I will give you the money for it. Can you go get it for me? That is a fair question, but the question is, what's Fiona gonna want in exchange for the...

They're in a separate... What do you want for the parent? Like, what do you think she's going to want? Oh, what is it? You want me to now do two favors for you. Not tell mom and get you this Jim Beam devil's cut for nothing. What I would want in this situation is something that is like valuable within the family, right?

Like I want I want someone to do my chores, I want someone to be my assistant for a month. Like I want something that is so valuable that it's not something I can hold in my hand. That's what I'm saying. I mean, like what if you keep the sweatshirt? And Fiona's like, I'm already wearing the sweatshirt. It's a possession.

I tend to love baby. Like, already mine. What if I give you extra money? And Fiona's like, I don't need your allowance money. And Adi's like, what if I pick up Ethan from judo every time it's your turn. That's what I want immediately. Stinging thing, I'll be right back. Okay, so now your problem is solved. Kind of.

Sort of, it's not solved until she gets back with the good man. A couple of cousin Quinn. And she's like, Fiona is going gonna get your handle for you. And cool cousin Quinn is like, thank you. Do you wanna tell your mom it's me and then I'll confirm? And Adi's like, I love you so much. And cool cousin Quinn's like, totally no problem.

Well, I see you at the party tomorrow. And Adi's like, what party? And cool cousin Quinn is like, the party at that guys house, He like goes to your school and Addy's like oh yeah, but I lost the address could you send it to me and cool cousin Quinn's like totally? Yes, boom boom what a move. This is a power move. We are getting ourselves What's the closer to shimming down that drain pipe and go into this party with our lighter fluid ass vodka. Addie.

He goes to the kitchen and she's like, hello mom. And her mom's like, hello, Addie. Do you have something to tell me? And Addie is like, yes. Yeah. And in her heart, she's like, my mom is an attack librarian. But I know that my mom has no evidence. And she knows that she has no evidence. So all I need is a big closing argument to seal my deal.

So she goes big, right? She's like, I'm really upset that you believed that I would have that water bottle when I've never shown you anything to make you believe it was mine. Wow, yes, 100% guilt card. Let's go. How dare you think so little? She's always been a good kid. How she just serves the benefit of the doubt, right? She's like innocent until proven guilty. You have no evidence that this is mine. She's going on and on about like her college dreams, her extra curriculars. She's like to believe it is mine. You should be beyond a reasonable doubt, which I just don't think you can have when cousin Quinn copped to it on the phone with me right now and

said that she's sorry. 100% also not even for ponderance of evidence. Like, mm-hmm, zero evidence. What is there? It's all circumstantial. How dare you believe this about me, Mom? I mean, her heart is like, you know, if the bottle doesn't fit, you must quit, right? Like, she's like, I'm not your first one.

Come on. And her mom is like, hmm, okay, thank you for telling me I appreciate that, Adi. And Adi's like, you're welcome. First of all, mom doesn't apologize or say the same stuff to the argument. She says, thank you for making such an argument. It's just because your mom doesn't have to believe you. It's because you found someone to confess to your crime.

So like, she can't prove it. you found someone to confess to your crime. So like she can't prove it. Well, we have somebody who has said she would confess to the crime, has not actually confessed and has not received payment for the confession. So there's a lot up in the air here. We're struggling a lot of balls and Adi is close and hard without any certainty. She like from the hallway listens to her mom call Quinn on the phone. Oh no okay. Cool cousin Quinn you better come through. Great thank you Quinn and then she's like Adi can you come in here? And then she's like, Adi, can you come in here? Nah.

Nah, Quinn, Adi. Quinn, she's like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. And her mom is like, I just got to tell them a Quinn. And she confirmed your story. And I just want to apologize for assuming it was yours. Cool cousin, Quinn, I'm so sorry, I doubted you. Cool cousin, Quinn is cool. The coolest cousin Quinn ever.

Adi's like I accept your apology. Adi the next afternoon delivers the like bottle to cousin Quinn. On her way there she makes a stop at the big box parking lot to pick up another water bottle for the party. Did she pay $40 again for lighter fluid? At least negotiate them down because that's not she knows. She and Cool Cousin Quinn like go to the party together. Cool Cousin Quinn like immediately takes this water bottle from her and opens it. Taste it and it's like, this is what I agreed to say was mine.

Goose and Coen is like, I would never drink this. Like which toilet did this come from? That's a fair question. She didn't even end up drinking this vodka at the party because Coen was like, you can't drink this. It's trash. So. Again, cool cousin Coen is the coolest and realist. And also I have questions about

how big Andy's allowances that she's just got $40.20 and two weeks. I don't get that. But she did have a great time at the party. How are you feeling? Who's side of my on? I'm on the side of the chest. I'm on cool cousin Quinn's side. Whatever side she's on is where I want to be. Although I'm probably about to find out that she was a villain, which is incredibly exciting. But yeah, no, right now, I'm on her side. But I'm also rooting for Addy. Like, wait to turn something.

Enough to turn something enough to end the theories about how this actually happened. I think maybe Fiona was lying and she took the water bottle out and then it ended up somewhere or I don't know. Part of me is like is there like some sort of like gender neutral sweatshirt that Ethan wanted and he accidentally took the water bottle and thought it was a normal water bottle and put it in his lunch? Like that's not only other things. Do you want to hear the final update that I have? Obviously. Like three months after the story took place when Adi is like packing up to go to college.

She's like, where is that little tote bag I have that I like? And she like checks the closet, she checks her room, she checks all the spaces it should be, and she like can't find it anywhere. She goes to the hall closet where tote bags like go to die, it's not there. So finally, she's like, mom, did you see my like, have you seen this tote bag that I love? And her mom's like, oh yeah, it's in the laundry room. And Addy's like, why is it in the laundry room? And her mom's like, I found it in the basement a while ago by that big bean bag chair. And it had like that sweatshirt in it

that you and your sister were obsessed with. And so I brought it upstairs to wash them both. And Addy's like, when did I leave that down there? She like can't remember. She goes to get the tote bag from the laundry room and She's like wait a second Fiona said that she got my sweatshirt from the laundry room and She like sticks her hand in the tote bag and she pulls out like you know the weird

Resid like trash receipts at the bottom of tote bags. And the day is from May. And she's like, wait a second. This is right before that whole water bottle incident. It's because that weekend that cool cousin Quinn came over for dinner and left early to go out afterward and hang out with her friend. She's like, oh my god, she did it to herself. She'd take in the water bottle out of the closet, put it in the tote with the sweatshirt. Took the tote downstairs hoping to get invited to the party with cool cousin Quinn and then didn't go to the party and stayed down there playing DDR with the rest of the cousins and then forgot the tote bag down there. Oh, so then her mom brought the tote bag with the sweatshirt into the laundry room and took the water and put it back. Oh my god, that is incredible. I would like to say I'm sorry to Fiona because as an oldest sibling I should have believed in her. Here's a final note that we got

from Ethan. It says it turns out it was not cool, cousin Quinn. Nope, it was my filthy, dirty liar of a sister, Addy. It was her bottle, and it was her vodka. And it was her little brother who believed he was living his last moments on Earth during his student council meeting. The moral of this story, stick to tap water. Oh my God, that sounds like a little brother because my little brother still bitches about the time I threw a pressure I've been hidden square in the back.

It was like 20 years ago. Yes, I got a good arm but how do you feel about this information? That's hilarious. It's just objectively funny. What a great story. I don't love my side. You get owned and sometimes you own yourself. You know, if you were atty and you realized to this, do you confess? No. You save it until like 10 years later at Thanksgiving, everybody's home, everybody's old, nobody cares anymore, and then you say you want to hear the real story because my sister did that real once during a Thanksgiving time and it was the greatest Thanksgiving meal I ever had because we all thought we knew a story and she was like nah you

want to know the real thing and she told us it was great. That's what Adi should do. What Adi did. Is she waited until after she was like well past 21 and then she was like she's little sister shit right there. But she never at any point in her telling said it was her water bottle. She was just like oh it may have been mine this whole time It's very on my clue. Yeah, I'm just saying really nobody can prove it was hurts

100% oh my God, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. This is a delight to have you oh Thank you for having me. I feel like I joined this family, honestly. Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at NormalGossip at Effector.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679 Gossip. If you love this podcast and want it to continue making it, become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok

at Normal Gossip. You can follow Kelsey on all social media at McKinney Kelsey. This podcast was produced by Alex Sujong Lawton. Justin Ellis is defector's projects editor. Jasper Wang and Sean Koon are defector's business girls. Tom Lay is our editor-in-chief. Jay Tolviera is our associate producer. Abigail Siegel is our intern. Dam McQuade runs our merch store which you can find at normalgossip.store. Tara Jacoby designed our show art. Thank

you to Sabrina Imblur for your help on this episode. Thanks to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned subscriber-based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney. I'm Jenny Villegis, and remember, you did not hear this from me.