Normal Gossip - Weedsgiving with Zakiya Gibbons

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

This week, our pal Zakiya Gibbons joins us for a story about a Thanksgiving home rental gone horribly, horribly wrong. Zakiya is the host and editor of Hang Up, a new reality dating podcast from Radiotopia! We are obsessed. Check it out! Speaking of Radiotopia....support Radiotopia's fall fundraiser! You can support Normal Gossip directly by buying merch or becoming a Friend or a Friend-of-Friend at supportnormalgossip.com. Our merch shop is run by Dan McQuade. You can also find all kinds of info about us and how to submit gossip on our Komi page: https://normalgossip.komi.io/ Episode transcript here. Follow the show on Instagram @normalgossip, and if you have gossip, email us at [e-mail] or leave us a voicemail at 26-79-GOSSIP. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney (@mckinneykelsey) and produced by Alex Sujong Laughlin (@alexlaughs). Jae Towle Vieira (@jaetowlevieira) is our associate producer. Abigail Segel (@AbigailSegel) is our intern. Justin Ellis is Defector's projects editor. Credits read by Vicki Bolf. Show art by Tara Jacoby. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia.

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We'll also have the link in the description of this episode and the link in our bio on Instagram. Thank you so much. Woo! Hi and welcome to NormalGas. I'm a fan of the video, so I'm going to be a fan of the video. I'm going to be a fan of the video.

I'm going to be a fan of the video. I'm going to be a fan of the video. I'm going to be a fan of the video. Thank you so much. Woo! Hi and welcome to Normal Gossip. I'm Kelsey McKinney. In each episode of this podcast, we're going to bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. I am so excited to have with me today's Zakia Givens. Zakia is an award-winning story editor, podcast host and writer based in Brooklyn. She's the host of a brand new, super fun

and juicy reality dating competition podcast called Hang Up. The best way I can describe it for the listeners who have not listened, which you absolutely should, is that it's like, what if love is blind and the bachelor had a baby? And then that baby grew up to be like queer is hell. Yes.

Sikia, welcome to the show. Thank you for being here. Oh my gosh, hi Kelsey. My heart literally fluttered when you're doing that intro because I cannot believe this moment has come where I can be a guest on normal gossip. I love the show. I love the vibes.

It's very much my vibe. Thank you. Just a space, the fact that at the top of our call, you gave me permission to be met. I'm like, say less, say less, I am here for exactly that. So thank you for having me. I'm so happy you're here. I think the two of us may be troubled today

because we recently went to a conference and people were asking both of us how we are on Mike and we were like I don't know you just like flirt with the guest. Yeah, I'm just like just just be a vibe just yeah Just flirt and people are like um anyone else in the room have to What see um how are you how's it going? Oh my gosh I'm one of those people where if you ask me how I am, I'm gonna give you the honest tea. Great. How I'm doing right now, very excited and grateful to be here with you, but also huge butts. So a huge butt literally. Yeah. But that's neither here nor there.

But yeah, okay, I'm feeling a bit flustered and I was gonna say disgusted. I don't think that's too strong of a word. Okay, but not I mean maybe a little morally disgusted, but I'm just like I literally have no words to tell you how I'm feeling right now. So I'm in LA right now. I'm based in Brooklyn. I was like, let me go out to LA, have the cute two weeks, get a cute Airbnb, see what that life is like, like really cosplay as a bicostal baddie. Yeah, you know. You know, get the juices, get the sun, drive with your windows down.

Exactly, that was the plan. Got an Airbnb with two of my homies right around the corner from our other friend. Cute. Yeah, so cute. So I get to Airbnb and I've been talking about taking a shower the whole time. Be like, oh, y'all, I cannot wait to get home, take a shower. You know, smoke some weed, settle into bed, all moisturized and clean. Yeah.

And so I go into the bathroom and I start to disrobe, I pull up in the shower curtain and literally right as I'm about to put my delicate little foot into the bathtub, I recoil. No, because what's in there? Not just like one stray hair where they miss something. You know, or like caught in the drain. It was a dry tub full bush worth of pews. No. Full, bush worth, full, ball sack worth of pews. No.

Sprinkle on the back of four on the edges. As if I could picture someone lifting their leg and taking a razor. It was like, you should not be able to picture that. That's, and that's too much. And I literally had to take a picture of it

because I was like, oh, I'm a channel my Karen. I am filing a complaint. I feel righteous in this. I literally almost vomit. And like, I stupidly went to Watch my hands. I was like okay, what least the towels must be clean There's a fucking washer washing machine dry right there And I honestly I feel really stupid for this. I brush my teeth as well

And so I like wanted to dry my face. I dabbed the corners of my mouth No No On my hands and mouth Where's my mouth? Ugh. No. Pube? No! Pube! I'm my hands and mouth. No! Oh no, no, no, no. Like, what's happening here?

I'm angry, and I know they were pubes, cause we know. Yeah, you know. You know what I mean? I knew they were pubes, which like, no judgment. But why choose To be like you know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna shave my ball sack right before I have guests come over like and not clean up Yeah, and so I'm sleeping in bed. I couldn't sleep that night. I was like trying to levitate off the bed So I wouldn't have to touch the linen. I usually I like to sleep on my side

But I was like I don't want these pillowcases touching my face. I use my own hand as a barrier so that my face skin wouldn't touch the pillow, but I'm like, now I'm gonna break out. I'm gonna eat by more shreddocks. Are they gonna reimburse me for the shreddocks? No, of course they're not. They're not. They're not. I had to, me and my friends had to fight Airbnb support now, and the, the, the host had the audacity to try to make this our fault. It's like, sir sir those weren't my pubes. These were your pubes. Also you have photos that are timestamped so like. Yes. And also based off the ethnicity of me and all my friends these pubes you cannot connect these pubes. That is not our curl pattern okay. So I so how I'm doing, I'm feeling grateful

for being here, grateful for our friend, for housing us while we find a new Airbnb. But I am also feeling thoroughly disgusted and I'm choosing to be a Dululu girly and just lie to myself and be like, none of that ever happened. There were not stranger pubes in my mouth and on my hands, it just didn't happen.

I salute you, braver than the troops. Incredible. Thank you. It was honestly so harrowing, Kelsey. It sounds harrowing. I kind of like not to give away the whole podcast today, but I am sorry, but we are gonna kind of like get into that kind of trauma.

So I just need you to like emotionally and physically prepare yourself. Let's get into it. Let me get like settled. Let me see what I want. Yeah, settle down. Let me just story time. My first question for you is like, which holiday do you think has the best like setting standards for like a horror movie?

I mean, I feel like the basic answer is Halloween because that is when drama and like this real world is an acid trip. Okay so my argument is that I think the like spookiest most horror primed holiday is Thanksgiving. Oh say why. Okay it's like actually fall. Winter is coming, so your death is all around me. Yes. It's a deeply racist and scary holiday that has a ton of bad vibes. It's the worst travel days of the year and family can be hard.

Yes, I agree. I feel like Thanksgiving has, when you're speaking of it in terms of horror What's coming to my is kind of like mid-Summer where it's like visually? Scorges and it's spring and it's like but there's like this like eerie undertone that quickly Switches to an overtone of like oh my god. I must get the fuck out of here I feel like Thanksgiving has the same vibe where it's like oh things smell like cinnamon and the The leaves are on the ground. We're all wearing sweaters, but there is this impending doom that no one really wants his name until it's too late.

OK, so this is the vibe. Like Thanksgiving doom and dread. OK. Oh goodness. OK. Is there anything more terrifying to you than meeting a significant others family for the first time? Oh my goodness. So I've done that once in my life, but I did meet my college

way friends, parents, and let me make it clear, they are so lovely. I really like that. This doesn't have to do with the parents. Yeah. Yeah, but it was still like that doom of like, where are they going to think of me?? They're like wasps from Vermont. I am me from Atlanta. And that's like always feeling like, I'm in staying in their house. And like, I'm just, I'm looking over my shoulder and like they're just so waspying that I'm different energy.

I felt like I was always not because of them, but I felt like I put the pressure myself. I was always on edge of like, oh my gosh, does a fork go to the right or the left? And I just was right. It's just that internal tension, but with having the face of like, oh my gosh. I'm so happy.

I'm Mrs. Johnson. It's just for having me while I'm screaming on the inside. Yes, okay, so that, we have now set up the story for today. That's it. Dread screaming on the inside, feelings of terror. Oh my gosh, okay, got it. Very relatable, been there. Our friend of a friend today, his name is Noah.

Noah has like been in a lot of relationships that got to the one year mark and then died. Okay. And he was like, he can't figure out why, right? Like he's like, I don't understand why I keep like getting these girlfriends that I like, like serial monogamy land. And then we get to the one-year market, it like doesn't continue. They break up with me. So good for Noah. He gets a therapist.

He spends a lot of money. And what he and the therapist come to the conclusion of is that these girls that he's dating can't imagine their future with him. Like, he's creating a situation in which they can't see it going further. And he's like, but I do want a future with someone. Like, I want to get married, I want to have kids, I want these kind of like traditional things to happen to me in my future. But you know, the apps are a nightmare. Okay, I get it. So he hits the mark where he's like, I'm done, but he's like, I still want to date.

So what Noah decides is that he is gonna start saying yes to everything his friends invite him to. He's like, Shonda Rhymes' year of yes shit. Yes, we love a yes and being open. Yes, okay. But this kind of like yes and behavior is how he ends up at like a one man, three hour show with one intermission.

Okay, wow. The vibes of this show are like, that scene in girls where Marnie seems stronger. Oh, I was just actually rewatching girls, so this is very like salient for me. Oh my gosh, okay. Like you could not cringe harder. At the intermission, know it is like,

you know what, maybe my year of yes needs to end. Right, like he's like, maybe this is it. Maybe no more yes. So he goes outside and he's like, you know, I'm gonna hit my vape a little, gonna have a little weed, feel a little better and who does he meet but Sydney? Okay, Sydney, all right.

Sydney. And Sydney is like, what do you think about the show? And Noah's like, you never know when you're talking to a performer. You never know when you're talking to someone who knows a performer. So he's like, you know, I've never seen anything like it. And Sydney meets him, right?

And is like, I hate it. I think it's bad, right? That's Sydney. And then she's like hate it, I think it's bad, right? That's it me. And then she's like, hey, I have these gummies. Would you like to have one? And Noah is like, you know what? Maybe one more yes. He's like, yes, I will have a gummy.

Then they stay out there chatting, gabbing, hating it off for like five minutes. And Sydney is like, do you want to not go back in there, just like play hooky from this whole thing and Noah's like, yes again, yes. Ooh, this sounds cute. Like this sounds like- There it is. If this were me, if I were Noah and the midst of this, I'm like, is this my love story happening

or is it right now? Yes. It just feels, it's just, this is such a cute, neat cute. I love it. I know. You want to get out of here? Like when that happens, like- Rare. You have to say know, you want to get out of here? Like when that happens, like, you have to say yes, you have to see where it goes. Yeah, so Noah does, and then we're gonna zoom forward

because they date for like a year and a half ever since. Oh, cute! So that is the setup of this little relationship. Okay. I would like to ask you now about a different kind of relationship, which is what is your relationship with weed? Oh, I am a big time stoner. I smoke every day.

Not all day every day. So I feel like I can't call myself a stoner, but I partake of heavily. I always travel with my, for me, it's phone keys while at vape. I love being high. I, yeah, I, I'm a weed girl, yeah. Okay, so you and Noah are like soul sisters here, right? Noah is like, I don't think that I can consider myself a stoner, that's not my culture, but I love weed.

And he has like, you know, one of those fancy cigarette cases to keep his pre-rolls and he has like a heavy grinder. Yes. Like the kind of guy he is. All the accoutrements. Yeahrolls and he has like a heavy grinder. Yes. This is like the kind of guy he is. All the accoutrements. Yeah, no he has all the accessories. Okay, I love that. An artisanal stoner.

And Sydney's vibe is like smoking hurts my throat. I only eat addibles. Okay, okay. I had a moment where I, so I've smoked weed for years, and then the pandemic hit, and then you know how people are, I mean, this is like a very privileged thing to say, but like some people are like,

my pandemic purchase, like something that they bought just to be like, I'm just gonna buy an adult, I'm just an adult toy. Okay. That's what I was talking about. I was gonna say, I'm gonna buy a treat for myself to make me feel better. So like my

pandemic purchase was this huge iridescent Bung that I named Princess Mona Noke and I smoked it every day and Naturally, I have a raspy voice, but I was it was a fucking pandemic. I'm I deserve to be high all day every day. So I was hitting a huge bong for two years That was your best friend every day straight literally my best friend. We would literally we With her on my chest like a little puppy like sleep on my chest And like that was my best friend, but I realized like oh this is like Grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, and I can be careful with this God given instrument. So then I did become a gummy girl, but so I go between both. Okay, so you're both. I'm both, I am verse.

I am verse in all the ways and I'm verse with this. You know, I like both. Okay, so as a couple, they are like, don't usually smoke or like have weed together, right? Like it's kind of like an independent time activity unless something stressful is happening. Okay. And then they are like, okay, it's time for us to like calm down and debrief and like we will have these edibles together.

So they are having these edibles today because Sydney's mom has called and she wants them to come home for Thanksgiving. Okay. So it is like done, done, done time to meet the family. Okay, so as soon as they got the call, they're like, where are the animals? Yes. We got to decompress from this. Okay. Yes. This is Noah's first time meeting the family, right? So he's like, I need the edibles.

And her family lives in this kind of big house in a medium-sized southern city. So they're like, we don't want to sleep there. That's too small. So for Thanksgiving, they need to find a house that's big enough that like everyone can fit in it. Because Sydney and Noah will be there. Sydney's mom and stepdad will be there. Sydney's little sister will be there. And her stepbrother is bringing his new girlfriend So they've got all these people coming and they're need to find a house and so they're going to search for a house

You know on a service where you can find houses that you might rent Do you have an idea of what we could call this service that they're gonna look the house up on? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay I was gonna say home for you. That's not good. Honestly, I love that. Okay. They went homeforu.com.

They go on homeforu.com to try and find a couple of day rental that they can have things giving out. Okay, do you trust parents to find a good home on home for you? No. I say that with, I feel like such a brat for saying that. Yeah, you're looking for any signs that there might be pubes in the bathroom. Right, exactly.

Yeah, exactly. But I guess I didn't do a good enough job of that this time. I wasn't. You know. So Sydney is the oldest daughter. And so she has a bossy streak. And she is like, Mom, you have done, you do so much for us as a family.

What if I looked for the listings? And the mom is like, you know what? Okay, like here's our budget. No one in Sydney are thrilled about this. Because now for Noah, he's like, I get to meet these people is like, you know what? Okay, like here's our budget. Noah and Sydney are thrilled about this because now for Noah, he's like, I get to meet these people on like neutral ground. Yes. But they start looking and there is like nothing.

Like everything they find has like not enough bedrooms or it has a small kitchen or it only has three bathrooms or it's like ugly and the mom doesn't like it. But one night the mom sends over a beautiful home for you listing, like home for you listing to end all home for you listings. Oh my gosh. It's in a fancy neighborhood.

Okay, okay. In the like, Appalachian foothills. Okay, so gorgeous nature, trees, mountains, wraparound porch, photo-genic. Oh, fuck yeah. It has a huge kitchen with like a giant island, like Nancy Myers who. Yes, okay, this sounds very lovely.

Five bathrooms. Nice. Like, see, of bedrooms, like, light better than the Vatican. It is like in the price range. Oh, hell yes. The mom is like, do you think we should book this? And Sidney and Noah are like, book it right now. Yes, immediately.

There's no question. If I were Noah, I would feel on top of the world. I would feel, I would be like, oh my gosh, my prayers have been answered 10 times. I'd be excited by all the space. It sounds like it's big enough that you can kind of slink away and get some slow decompression time and no one would really notice that you're gone.

It's kind of acceptable. I'm gonna check out the porch or walk around the foothills of the Appalachian. And I mean, it seems like they're not gonna be on top of each other. It's a beautiful, comfortable space. When you're in a beautiful, comfortable space, you can be your best self, you know? So I'm very relieved on behalf of Noah. Okay. Mom books the house. We skip ahead in time. Okay. Everybody in this family has like a

pretty crowded schedule. So the way they're planning for the Storwork is that everyone will arrive in the early afternoon on Thanksgiving. They will cook Thanksgiving dinner. Wait, everyone is arriving on Thanksgiving day. Listen, that's when the house was available. Uh-oh. Okay, anyways, go on, go on. Okay. Everyone else in the family, Mason and his girlfriend and the parents and the daughter can drive to this house.

Okay. Because it is like within a, you know, reasonable driving distance. Sydney and Noah have this house. Okay. Because it is like within a, you know, reasonable driving distance. Sydney and Noah have to fly. Okay. They decide to fly very early Thanksgiving morning. So because their flight so early, they have to pack the night before. Which puts us in a little bit of a question mark as Noah, which is, do you bring weed

on this family trip? Oh my gosh. Okay. And like, do you bring like a whole kit of weed? Do you bring tinctures, do you bring pre rolls? Like, what do you do here? This is, as I have a lot of experience with this, because like I said, I'm a phone keys wallet baked type of girl.

And especially with, I love my family, I'm gonna get clear and we always have a great time, but like sometimes, you know, you do need, you're solo decompression time. Yeah. You need just like a little toke, just be like, a minute. I've never felt comfortable traveling

with like actual flower, you know. I don't do that, but I have friends who do that more power to them, but just my own comfort levels. I'm gummies and vape when traveling. Okay. So here's how Noah sees the situation. He's like, pros of bringing weed are my vape pinnest small. So it's easy.

Gummies are small. It'll calm me down. Thanksgiving is an eating holiday. Yeah. So this is helpful. Also, we're going gonna be in this beautiful place and I wanna frolic in the field. And Sydney's younger Ginzy sister may think that this is cool

and it could earn me points with Charlotte, right? Yeah. Cons, the state they're going to, it's illegal at this time. Okay. And he wants to make a good impression. See, this is where I'm taking it. You're still bringing'm Yeah, I'm so bringing it because I'm gonna do me You know, okay, so does it change your mind though to know that the stepbrother Mason is like Uptight kind of right wing will declare you an enemy if he finds out you have weed on you. Oh gosh

I'm so brave. I'm gonna do me. Like I want to do what I'm gonna do, but I would be like extra care. But that's like another reason to bring the carts for the vape and the gummies because with flour, there's no hiding that. You take that and they're gonna smell it. This is your first disagreement with Noah. In that Noah is like invested in my future, denying myself my like dreams and happiness for what I want long term, I choose not to bring it. Oh my gosh Noah! But on the way out the door to the airport, Sydney's like, you have your pen, right? Like, did you pack my gummies? And Noah's like, no, I'm trying to make a good impression on your family. And Sydney's like, but what if I need it?

I would be so pissed if I were Sydney. I'd be like, how the fuck dare you to try me in my medicine! So this is how Noah ends up in root to family Thanksgiving with a vapin and a tin of gummies. Hi, I'm author Lindy West. And I'm Democracy Policy Expert, Megan Hatcher-Mays. We are real-life best friends, and we're here to tell you about our new podcast, Text Me Back. Every week we're going to dig into important news. News about politics, news about animals, of course, news about our lives, and maybe try

to make you laugh. Even when the world gets you down, text me back is a production of K-O-W Seattle's NPR news station. New episodes come out every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts. The travel goes fine. A miracle. They take off bright and early, they get to the house in their rental car around noon. There is only one car in the driveway when they get there and it is a big pickup truck.

So they're like Mason, the stepbrother. They always say pickup truck is giving Mason, yeah. Before they're even like fully parked in the driveway, Mason and his girlfriend are like coming out of the house to meet them. Wow, okay. Hyper-Vigilant older sister Sydney is like, do they look upset to you? Noah, do they seem upset? And Noah is like, I have literally never met these people.

Like, how am I supposed to know? Like, I know. He's like, they look normal to me and Sydney. They are just walking towards us. I cannot get their energy yet. But you know, like when you're in a car with someone in their stress, you're like, oh, the vibes in here are suddenly bad, right?

Like, I'm concerned. Oh, God. So now he's nervous. He parks the car. He's like, these people look normal. I don't know what she's talking about. He's like, try to hype himself up. He gets out.

He hugs Mason's girlfriend, Anna May, because she hugs him. OK, OK. But Mason goes in for that weird handshake that straight men do, where they pat you on the back of the shoulder. Yes. And it's so weird to see them do that.

They'll do like to put it there, pat it. Yeah, and then the next person, hug is like a woman, they like, and they're like, it's so soft. Yeah. And they're like, yo, y'all are doing too much. So relaxed.

Exactly, this gender performance, it's out of control. It's out of control. Mason does this little handshake, shoulder pads, situation with Noah. He steps back and he goes deadpan. It smells like marijuana. Huh. What?

Ow, they just got off the plane. They weren't smoking. No, Noah starts freaking out. He's like, did my vape pin get smashed or something? Like, does the smell live inside my pores and hair? Like, he's like trying to smell himself, right? Like, while he's like trying to manage the situation and he's like, I don't know what you're talking about.

Like, I don't think that I smell like weed. Do you think that I smell like a marijuana to Sydney? And Sydney smells him and it's like, no, you smell normal. And Mason's like, not you dude inside. Oh, few. Okay, if I were to know, I'd be like, oh, thank God. I'd be so relieved that the target is not on me. Oh my gosh.

Because what a way to start the trip. They're not even in They literally just closed the car door and to be already accused. Okay, wow Yeah, that's also good because But already like it's The scent mason sent he's already directing it elsewhere That's not Noah and Sidney so I'd like, okay, this is actually working in my favor. They won't suspect me because it was already there. Yes.

Noah's like so relaxed by the fact that it's not him that he forgets who he's talking to. And he's like, how do you know what weed smells like? Oh, he does. And he doesn't need it in a mean way. He really wants to know because Sydney has briefed him that Mason is the kind of person who's always sitting articles that's like weed is laced with fentanyl and is a gateway drug and you know, did it or not. One of those, yep. And Mason's like, I have self-control, it doesn't mean I live under a rock. So now it's like yikes the clock, right? Everyone is stressed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, why Mason?

Stressed. Hey, hey, hey, why, Ethan? They go inside and sure enough, it like wreaks of refer. Like it is so pungent walking through the door that Noah's like, this is crazy. The house is like the same as the photos, right? Like it's clearly the same house, but it's like slightly off, right? Like the whole place is kind of dark.

There's some weird things that have been added to the walls, right? A taxidermy thing and a kind of kind of kind of kind of kind of kind of kind of kind of frat house. Oh, okay then that's not cute. Can you describe the smell of a frat house? Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

Just shitty, cheap, watery beer. Like, I'm imagining a dive bar, but at least this smells kind of part of the immersive experience. It's experienced. Yeah, I mean, so you kind of like allow for it. I'm also like imagining, you know, smell like when you go into pet smart or pet co,

and it's just like that general animal. Yes. You know, I'm just like, like that general like animal. Yes. You know, just like they're like the kitty litter like all the dried up stuff that is used that they all like frolic and like ferrets. I know I'm just like channeling when I was a little kid where my favorite thing to do was to go to PetSmart and play with the ferrets that's how I spent my childhood. So gross.

I don't know why I did that. But I'm like I'm imagining it to smell like pet smart. Like, very smart. Yes, that's like exactly right. And it's like all of that plus the vague scent of like chlorox wipes, right? Like someone kind of tried. I'm imagining like Hawaiian ocean.

Yes. Right. You know when some things are like some giant shit and things, like a cheese. It's like a cheese. Yes. Right. You know what? So I take some giant shit and things like this. It's like, for breeze. For breeze. Well, helping. It's like, no, it actually made it worse because now it smells like pure shit and like

someone just like dropped a flower puddle in here. Like that's not doing anything. And now it's just sweet and savory. Yes. For breeze smell. Okay. So that's the situation. Got it. Mason's like, you guys go to that room and know it's like,

okay, great. So he's like, I'll take the bags to the room and Sydney's like, I'm gonna look around. He's like, great. So he takes their bags to the little room that they're gonna stay in. The whole walk there, he's like filling with dread. He knows it's irrational, but he's like,

what if the mom thinks that this is me somehow? That's the anxiety speaking. Oh, no. And he's like, I've already had this little tip with Mason, like he could very easily throw me under the bus. He's like paranoia 101, right? He's like, I think we need to call Sydney's mom and just like preemptively tell her

that the house smells like a frat house so that she like knows what she's walking into. Yes, that is relatable as someone with anxiety. It's like, what can I do? Try to control everyone's reaction by control of the situation which is like, we know that's not how life works. But I, that resonates like, let me preempt all of this and former explain and all of this and explain and

Okay, so you think this is a good idea a little bit. I'm not necessarily saying it's a good idea. It's what I would do Great clear vacation. You know, I'd be like I too would be like let me make it a Bunt and clear and overcome communicate that I too detect this problem and it was not me Yes, so Noah is like, that's what I'm going to do. He drops the bags, he's like, time to find Sydney, but he cannot find her. And this house is big, right? Like he checks the bathroom near their room. She's not there.

He checks the other bedrooms. She's not there. He checks like the big primary room and that big tub and she's not in there. He's like checking the big dining room, no Sydney. Uh-oh. He's walking around the kitchen island looking for her. When from outside he hears a scream. Oh my god.

And now I'm just remembering that you said this is a horror story. Oh my god. The moment it midsummer when it turns, it's like, oh my god, they're in the cute fields. I'm sure this is like when it turns. Oh my god. A literal in the cute fields on trees And this is like when it turns oh my god a literal scream okay a scream noa sprints Across the biggest living room in the world. He like vaults over coffee table He's like throwing open the doors out of this wrap around porch running around the corner

That's sexy where he finds That's sexy. Where he finds it. Like, you hear me scream, you better run to my rescue. Where you, yes, no, yes. Okay. He runs. He comes around the corner. He finds Sidney and another woman.

Okay. Okay. So he like scans Sidney quickly and is like, she appears to be fine, like not hurt, even though she screamed. And then like his, his quick brain is like, this woman to be fine, like not hurt, even though she screamed. And then like his quick brain is like, this woman cannot be Charlotte, right? Like she cannot be the younger sister. She has no fine line tattoos.

She has not dressed like Billy Eilish. She like is not young enough. She's also not old enough to be Sydney's mom. So like, he's like, this is a stranger, right? Like, no as lizard brain is like, stranger's like, this is a stranger, right? Like, Noah's lizard brain is like, stranger, stranger, stranger. So he steps like in front of Sydney weirdly to like put himself between her and the stranger.

And then he does what like everyone interacting with a stranger and feeling a little uncomfortable does and like sticks out his hand and is like, hi, I'm Noah. Yeah, yes, okay. And the stranger does not tell him her name. She's like, I'll be done in a second. I'll be done in a second. And that's when he sees it.

All around the woman on the porch, it is red. Like deep burgundy red. Oh, what? Like deep burgundy red What and Noah is like blood Murder murder house Noah is like how am I gonna introduce myself to sit these parents being like hi? My name is Noah and your daughter has died on account of this home for you being cursed as hell There's blood everywhere help that's why I'm okay. I have a question. So this blood is in like an intentional circle, like which he's circle, where it's like intention, or is it like blood splatter someone got hurt,

like freshly sealed? A ton of liquid. It's just blood all over the ground. and when Noah steps back. Oh my god, he like inhales And he's like oh, it's not blood. It's wine. Oh my god I literally was holding my breath But it's like so much wine that it's like still very concerning Yeah, he's like why is there so much wine here?'s like still very concerning. Yeah. Like why is there so much wine here? Why is this stranger here? And why does she say I'll be done in a second?

Not like, oh, I'll clean this up in a second or like what? So that implies intention anyways. Oh my gosh. Okay. The woman gets a hose and is like, I'm gonna clean this off. Okay.

Like, give me a minute and gonna clean this off. Okay. Like, give me a minute and it'll be done. Okay. And so Noah and Sidney like back up a little, but they're like still kind of there. And Sidney is like, why are you out of breath? And Noah is like, I'm out of breath because I've ran across the house to rescue you from danger.

Why did you scream? And Sydney's like, she scared me. So this woman just like materialized? Yes. And Noah's like, you scared me screaming. Yeah. And then Sydney's like, oh my God, you ran for me. Oh my God, why is her city and I the same?

She's like, oh my god, that's so nice. Oh my gosh, that is so funny, because when you said a city, you was like, why are you out of breath? I'm like, I'll be grateful that he ran for you. Like, not for you, but I would be like, oh my god, you ran for me? Like I am.

Noah's like, yeah, maybe, of course I ran for you. Oh my gosh. And the woman on the porch is like, can the two of you do this inside? Stopping so corny and cringey in my vicinity? Yes. my guys. And the woman on the porch is like, can the two of you do this inside? Stopping so corny and cringey in my vicinity. Yes. So Noah and Cindy go back inside. Noah's like taking those kind of like in through the nose out through the mouth breaths that you take to try and calm your heart rate back to a normal level. Me all morning trying to unwind them. Toppubes on my face. So yes, I'm very familiar with the box breathing method.

Yes, I get it. Breathwork. Once his breath gets back to a reasonable level, he remembers that he was trying to find Sidney to ask her a question. Can you remember what the question was? Oh my God. I was so distracted by the blood fake out

that I generally don't remember the question. So he wants to call Sidney's mom and tell her that it smells badly. Oh, right, right, right, right. Okay, so he offers his question up to Sidney and Sidney is like, I think yes, we should do that. She's like, I think that's a good idea because like, it's beautiful.

It's totally gonna work, but like we wanna manage her expectations. Good, okay, good. And that's good to get the cosine from Sydney. She knows her mom best. If she thinks she's a good move, it's a good move. So Sydney calls her mom and is like, hey, how far out are y'all?

And her mom's like, oh, we're like 25 minutes out. We can't wait to get there. Dada, da, da, da, da. And Sydney's like, yay, yay, that's great. Here's the deal. The house is so beautiful. And we really love it. And also just wanted to give you a heads up

that it really smells like pot. She can hear her younger sister in the background going sick. Hell yeah. Love this. Yes. Oh wait, wait, with the mom is the mom like Mason where she's like very anti and judgmental

or what's her really. The mom is like, we don't know. Right? Like Sydney and Noah have not tested this. It is untested territory. Okay, okay. But the mom's response to this isn't like, oh my god, the house is occupied by heathens. Her response to this is like,

is there anything you can do to fix it so that it doesn't smell bad? Which is like a fair question. Yes. The mom's like, can you air it out? And they're like, totally. We'll air it out before you get here. Yeah.

So they like open all the windows and doors. This is a great idea in theory, except that now the wine smell from the porch is wafting inside. Oh my God, how long does it take to hose it off? Great question. Like, okay, okay. Anime tries to find some candles

in the hopes that this would help, but she can't find any, all she can find is incense. And she lights these, and so now it, like, it smells crazy. I was gonna say it was not the move. That was not the move. No, it didn't make it even worse. Yes, so, smells crazy in there.

Anna May and Noah are both freaking out because they're about to meet their like significant others parents, but they're freaking out in like different ways. Noah can't stop like picking things up and putting them back down. Oh my gosh, I relate a little. Just like running around.

Yeah, let me be helpful. Let me feel like I'm being helpful. And then but you're so anxious that you're not thinking straight that you're literally just doing nothing And then, but you're so anxious that you're not thinking straight. Yeah. You're literally just doing nothing. But you feel you're performing as if you're doing. Anime is just talking, like to no one, right?

Like she is just like verbally talking, talking, talking for this whole 20 minutes. Oh gosh. When they hear the car start to come up this little dead street, Noah suddenly realizes exactly why anime and mason ran out to meet them in the driveway. And it's because he's like, I don't want to meet anyone in here. It smells weird. Right.

Okay, so he like, and then it's kind of like a shared communal thing where it's like, hey, heads up, let me escort you in. It's like this. Pre-traumabond, you know, like it's like, welcome to my home. Yeah, it's like, I get it. Okay, okay. Yes, Noah like grabs Fidney. They go outside to meet the parents. Parents get out of the car, right?

They're hugging. Everyone's hugging. Charlotte's like looking at her phone. Noah's like super aware of his like posture, right? He's like trying to stand up straight. Yep. And the mom is like to the younger sister, like posture, right? He's like trying to stand up straight. Yep. And the mom is like to the younger sister, like, Charlotte, stop looking at your phone.

Like I need you to take the pies that I bought at the store and put them in the fridge. Like do it right now before they melt and Charlotte's like, okay. So she like goes inside with the pies. And the mom turns to Noah and is like, can you help me carry things? I have so much to carry.

And Noah's like, I would literally love nothing more than a task. Exactly. Exactly. There's love nothing more than a task. Exactly. Exactly. There's nothing more grounding than a task when you feel frenetic and all you want to do is go full up, but you're too anxious to think, what can I do?

Like, Yes. So he has like big turkey, right? Like giant, giant turkey, two heavy bags of groceries on the other shoulder. He's like walking toward the front door when he hears a shrill high pitched heel. Whoa!

He scans and he is like, Sydney is out here with me. Everyone is out here with me except for Charlotte. Oh my gosh. And then he's like, oh my god, the strange woman. Right? I should have checked on that woman. I should have made sure she left this house. He's like, we let Charlotte a little 18 year old girl

go running into this house by herself with a stranger in there. Noah is running again. He is running with the turkey. It's like bouncing against his arm. He's like, I'm gonna to be bruised for weeks. Some say, is Noah is really channeling his Superman running as he's like tearing his shirt open.

Okay. Okay. He's blazing around the corner. He comes like into the kitchen at full speed where Charlotte is fine. Okay. Good. She is laughing, like bent over laughing. The doors of the fridge are open

because she has gone to put the pies in there. And inside the fridge, I'm scared. It is just like a wall of beer, like hundreds of cans of beer, just like stacked perfectly to fill up every single inch of fridge space. Wow okay wow. Wait she screamed at that? Because she was excited.

Oh okay okay okay I'm very do you happen to know what kind of beer it was? It's like natty light it is not good beer right like it is like cheap beer. Okay if it was some delirium like a nice nice, beautiful, I'd be like, you're yelling. I'm yelling. Nadi, like, I'm like, please, this is taking up space. Charlotte is like,

this is the best day of my life, right? She's 18 years old. She's like, this house smells like pot, which is funny. The fridge is full of beer, which is funny. Yeah. She's like, taking photos on Snapchat, right?

She's like, no, I get in my photo. Yes, it's a great content. Yeah, so no is like in the photo with the turkey in front of the fridge full of beer when like everyone else arrives and is like, Charlotte, are you okay? Oh my God. And she's like, yeah, of course I'm okay.

Why? Because you screamed. Like, no one came running in here to help you. And Charlotte rolls her eyes. They're like, why are you yelling? Like, this is so silly. Meanwhile, the stepdad is like, it smells like, why are you yelling? Like this is so silly. Meanwhile, the stepdad is like, it smells like college in here, right?

Like, he's like, he's like, it's crazy in here. And Charlotte's like, I hope my college is just like this. Okay, yeah, she's getting that pre-college experience. She's loving it. I'm glad to hear that the stepdad seems chill about it. Like, it's acknowledging it but not like, oh, he's just like, it is what it is. That's good.

To balance out the anxiety of the others, they were all bringing a very anxious energy. Yes, so they have to like unload a lot of the beers out of the fridge, which is fine. Beers don't like go bad, you know? So they have to like make room for the pies and the turkey and all these like pre-made casseroles and shit, right? So they do this, they get together,

they unload a lot of the beers. The step-dad opens one for himself and offers one to Noah. Do you accept this beer? Yes, I do accept it because it feels like a nice gesture. You know, like let's be on, you know, I'm attending to your knees, you want to, I mean, even if I didn't want the beer, I was still accepted. I would even meet people, even if you were allergic to beer.

I still take this so much. To be like, oh my god, thanks. And then we're now friends. Yeah, I'm accepting the beer. Noah is like, he's like, I feel that two tests are happening. The first test is like, I have been offered a beer. He's like, but the second test is like,

am I going to take that beer and go sit on the couch and not be helpful? Oh yeah, no, that is not the right thing to do. I feel like Noah would never. He is sprinting and vaulting across coffee tables to attend to these people. He's not gonna then just sit and drink the beer while everyone else tries to air out the house and shit.

No. Yeah, he would never. So he's like, thank you so much for the beer. I will drink this while I help prep. He's like, boys can have it all, right? Yes. He's chopping, for the beer, I will drink this while I help prep. He's like, boys can have it all, right? Yes. He's chopping, he's slicing, he and Sydney cook a lot, so they have like a good banter, a good system.

He's like on his best behavior. That's the other test. It's like how pro social you are in the kitchen. And also like what level of adult are you? Do you know how to be like, I don't care, do you know how your basic knife skills? You I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I mean I come up from their room, which is downstairs, and they do not look happy. They're like, this house is a nightmare. I don't like it here. Like, these people clearly are heathens. They have no morals. They're like,

it smells even worse in the basement. I would imagine so. If it feels, if it smells that disgusting on the main floor, you can only imagine what the basement smells like. And Anna Mays, like, I had a boyfriend that smoked weed in high school and he moved to California and went to UC Santa Cruz and changed his major to environmental law and then he campaigned for Bernie Sanders. She just loved this like a... Yeah, he does. He does.

Yes. And so no one's in here like oh That's a wow that's crazy for real But everyone is like be be careful out there in response to this except for Charlotte because teens are ruthless He immediately turns to the stepdad and it's like weren't you a huge pot head in college? Yes, Charlotte bringing the chaos. I appreciate Charlotte's presence in this story. And the stepdad is like, no, no. And so everyone's eyes are just like big eye emoji, right? Like staring at him like, we think maybe you were. And so the stepdad to get out of this is like, what can I do to help? What me help?

To flex, yes. To flex. And so they're like, well, can you grate cheese? Like put a bunch of it in a bowl. He's like, of course I can do that. But then they start looking and there's like, no cheese grater to be found. Okay.

So he's like looking in the hall closet by the front door when he hears a knock at the door. Uh-oh, okay. Do you answer this? Whew. Yes, I do. I do. But I hold my breath because I'm like what other mother fucking shenanigan? Is it the lady? Like yeah, I'm answering the door. No, it opens it. There is a man standing there. Okay, the man is like, hey, is that here? It's wait, sad THAD not dad, sad.

Sad. Okay, sad. I know that that is a name, but I've never encountered a sad and I've never encountered someone saying that name in my presence, which is, well, I was like, no. No? No? He's like in his brain like, what's the step-downs name?

Right, like he's like, he's like, uh-oh. And this guy's like, oh, I mean, I usually just like swing by. Do you like need an appointment now or something? What? And Noah's like, I don't know, man, like we're just staying in this home for you,, I can't help you. And this guy's like, oh, okay, yeah, like no problem, man. Sorry to bother you.

And then he leaves. And Noah's like, what? And I feel like at this point, everyone just got, I feel like they're only like an hour in into the whole Thanksgiving weekend. Hang. And so much has happened. Oh my God, there's too much to process. Okay, Noah is like, my brain is so tired.

I don't have time for this. He's like, I can't look for this greater anymore. Like, I'm done. He like makes his way back to the kitchen. He positions himself to chop when he hears another blood-curdling scream. What is going on? This time it is coming from one of the bedrooms. At this point you are Noah. You are here with your hopefully future in laws. You have a run twice for screams about nothing.

Do you run? Honestly, yes, I do, because I've already now had the reputation of running to people's rescue. And if I don't run this third time, this person will take a person like, why didn't you run for me? You know what I mean? I took up the appearance of man who runs to save the day. You know what I mean? Yes took up the appearance of man who runs to save the day. You know what I mean? Yes.

This is your brand now. This is your brand now. Like he put himself in this position. You know, he could have calmly walked, he could have hollered everything all right, but like you gotta run the third time. And you said that this screen is blood curdling. This isn't a yelp like before.

This isn't like a just like blood curdling. You got it, you got it, you got it, you got a sprint. You got a sprint. Noah sprints. Good. He goes down the hallway. He is the first one there. To encounter anime, sitting on the bed,

facing an open wardrobe, both hands over her mouth. And Noah's like, what is it? Are you okay? And Anna May says nothing. Her hands are shaking. And she like lifts one arm and points towards the wardrobe. Just like in the movies, literally like in the movies. Noah is sweating so much. Like he's like my senses have never been higher. He's so scared. He's scared.

He's scared. As slowly as possible, right? Like, he's like preparing himself. He's like, prepare myself for the worst, right? Like, pivot toward the wardrobe. Slowly, eyes low. Be ready to run, right? He's so scared.

At the bottom of the wardrobe is a huge Ziploc bag. And it is stuffed with weed. Oh, fuck yeah. My thought of what was in the closet, it's an animal carcass being like blood-letted or whatever. Yeah whatever blood raining into like a basin of blood. It's just a carcass hanging. But oh my god, bags of weed. I should have fucking dug. Obviously, it's the weed delivery guy. Of course. Okay. Oh hell yeah. Okay, I am gonna share my screen with you. Okay. Do not describe the person in this photo, but can you describe what they are holding? Okay.

Oh my gosh. Okay. This is the mother load. If it is someone holding a huge, it looks bigger than gallon. What's the size bigger than gallon, what's the size bigger than gallon size? I have no idea.

But it's bigger than a gallon size typical ziploc. It's like maybe a few gallons worth of, looks some green fresh weed. A huge bag, and it looks kind of professional in a way that like it looks like they also squeezed all the air out of it. So it's like nice, flat. It looks professional. And doesn't like someone just have hazardly dumped

some spare weed in the bag. Like this looks like a weed dealer's bounty. Oh, it looks delicious. Wow. Charlotte was probably so excited. Yes. So because of the scream, everyone is now standing in this doorway, except for Mason, who is like comforting anime. And Noah is like having impure thoughts, right? Like he's looking at this

bag of weed and he's looking at this bag of weed and he's like, this is the most excited I've ever been in my life. I feel like the universe keeps answering his prayers. Like in this moment, I'd be thinking, am I one of God's favorite children? Like, yes. Okay, this is exactly what Noah's thinking.

Noah is like, how did I end up holding this bag? I don't even remember picking it up, right? He's like, holy grail, most exciting day of my life. Also somewhere deep in the back of his mind, he's like felony? Yeah, that's what it's like. It's like a mouth of, oh yeah, cause I forgot. Cause you all said you said that we're in a state

where this is illegal. And so this isn't just like, oh, like someone stash or they left behind, this is like a dealer's worth amount of weed. Okay, so you're Noah, you're so happy but you're trying to seem neutral. The whole family is standing in the doorway. You need to show them this bag of weed.

But like, how do you like present it like Simba? Oh my God, how do you like present it like Simba? Oh my god, how do you? How? As someone who always does the most. Like to overcome it like, I, if I were no, I'd be like, okay, I need to perform as someone who is also morally opposed to this, if not neutral. And just because I am just so expressive Me thinking I'm doing a neutral phase. I feel like there'd be a glimmer in my eye

I'm overcompensated by performing shock You know, I feel like I feel like oh my god like I would like eyebrows furrowed looking back before Between the bag and the people be like can you believe someone would Leave this and in in a home for you where we are coming and they don't know our relationship to this substance? This is offensive. Like I would do too much, but I would try to show it to my body language in face that I am not here for this.

Noah, thinking very rapidly, is like, I'm gonna hold it really flat with both hands, like a pizza delivery man, and maybe that will look neutral, right? Like, this doesn't indicate anything. I buy that. I feel like I would do the most and hold it like with my fingertips, like you're holding like a dirty napkin

far away from the body, like a towel covered in cubes. Exactly, exactly. Like the towel covered in cubes exactly exactly like the towel covered in cubes that I'm fucking wet my face with I would just be like daily like how dare the home for you to put in this dire situation everyone gasps at this obviously because it isn't obscene amount of weed it isn't obscene amount Sydney forgetting where she is is like oh my god that is more weed than I have ever seen in my life. Yeah. The stepdad also forgetting where he is is like I've seen more weed than that. I like the stepdad. I like it. And Charlotte is like I told you and then she takes the weed back to the kitchen carrying it like the way she would have carried like her Samantha

American girl doll. Right like she's like this is my baby. The way that I would carry Princess Mona no. Yes. Which is really how I'd like to like my baby. My child. Yes. My beautiful daughter. Okay get it. Yes. The only people truly unhappy here are anime and Mason. Yes. The fact that she's like shuddering and crying and Mason's like, grow up. Yeah, just like grow the fuck up, dude. Grow up. They're like, I don't wanna be in a house

with this much weed in it. Like, I'm scared. Oh my God. They're like, we're leaving. And Noah's like, bye. Yeah. Bye, anime, bye Mason. Like, you had dinner.

Bye, see you never. Oh, yeah. Good riddance. OK, we have made it through this enterprise. We go back to the kitchen to chop things, but everyone's like emotions are heightened. But where did they put that big bad? Charlotte carried it like a baby into the kitchen,

where she set it on the counter. OK, so it's just in the kitchen. It's just view. In the kitchen, where she set it on the counter. Okay, so it's just in the kitchen. It's just view in the kitchen in public view on the counter. Got it. They go back in there. They're chopping everyone's trying to like calm down. The mom is like apologizing to Noah. And she's like, I am so sorry that you've had this experience.

Like I never want you to feel uncomfortable around our family. Like I don't want this to be hard. And Noah's like, oh, I'm not, I never want you to feel uncomfortable around our family. Like, I don't want this to be hard. And Noah's like, oh, I'm not uncomfortable. Like, I think this is funny. Yeah. And the mom's like, you do. Uh-oh. And Noah's like, yeah, I mean, like, obscene quantities of anything is funny. Yeah, right? Like having a lot of stuff. That's inherently comedic. Exactly. And the mom like trying to be casual is like, oh yeah, like do you smoke pot? Oh my gosh, I'm lying to her face. You are. Oh my god, yes. I'd be like, I mean, I don't judge it for it's not for me, but you know, I don't

tell people for doing it. You know, I'm not judge it for other, it's not for me, but you know, I don't judge other people for doing it. You know, I'm not even used to being around weed like that. So seeing that amount just really shook me, you know. But yeah, no, I'm lying. And I guess if I end up getting married to a city, I'm like, I'm going to continue this lie that I am straight edge. Yes. Noah is like panicking.

He's like vibrating. He's like, if I could be that Homer Simpson meme like straight through the edges, I would be. Right? He's like trying to figure out how to quote Bill Clinton and be like, oh, well, I mean, I didn't inhale in some way that like won't incriminate him. But really, he's just standing there open mouth saying nothing. Yeah. When Sydney is like, Mom, of course he smokes pot. Everyone smokes pot now. It's totally normal.

Like we live in a place where it's legal. Pot is not this scary thing anymore. And the mom is like, oh, well, how'd you get into that? Well, if I'm not, I'm trying towards Sydney being like, you take the lead on that. Like I'm like, yeah, I'm like, now this is a A&B conversation between mother and daughter

and this I'm segwaying the hell out of here. Noah's like, I guess high school? I guess I know it from high school. And the mom is like, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to my daughter. Ooh. See, he's like, he's like, what's the subject that I just did? She pivoted you, I'm talking to my daughter. Oh. So he's like, I was the subject that I did to.

She pivoted into the daughter, that's not even a, I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna leave, goodbye. She's cheese without a greater BRB. Sydney is like, mom, I do an edible once in a while, there's no reason to freak out, it's legal, it's fine. And the mom to her credit is like, well,

then I guess this is like an extremely hospitable home for you. Oh my gosh, that passive aggressive mom response. I mean, to be clear, my mom isn't like that. She is a black woman from this house. She is direct. But that is so funny. Well, I guess that's what we're using here.

I guess that's great for you, sweetie. Yeah. But at least she's not being an asshole about it, right? Right, that could be funny. Well, I guess it's lovely for you here. I guess that's great for you, sweetie. Yeah. But at least she's not being an asshole about it, right? Right, exactly. Like that could be worse. Yes. And the mom is like so hospitable for you. She picks up the bag.

She's like, look at all this pot, right? Because it's like, just right there. It's huge. And no one is like sure exactly how this happens. But as she picks it up, it intersects with the knife in her right hand. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? The flower goes everywhere. Like thousands of buds rolling. All the food is in there. It is flooded with wheat. Oh my gosh, are you, I honestly, I feel like

the universe is like, oh, I'm gonna have fun with Noah today. I have a new year. Yeah, make sure all the wildest shit happens. There is like a four-second pause where everyone is silent, and then suddenly everyone is like laughing so hard they're crying, right? Like everyone is like, this is the funniest thing

that's ever happened to us. Like, freed from Anna May and Mason. We are having fun. It is like, yeah, symbolism. You know what's funny though? I, out of all the times that all these people are screaming, that's when I would scream, be like, ah! Yeah, shh!

That's when I'm screaming. When is it raining nugs? And the fact that they are silent for this magical cosmic moment. Like, y'all, this is your cue to scream. And then that's my cue to like kick a nug to the side and scoop it up for later. Put it in your little pocket.

And put it in my pocket. I'm cleaning it off this counter to throw it away. Exactly. Let me clean this up. Everybody's having fun now, right? Like we're opening wine. Things are like almost ready to go in the oven. Even mom is like joking. She's like, oh my god, it's weed's giving

because there is just like, but on everything. Okay mom, oh I love the switch in energy. We just need to get rid of meek and an anime. They're being such Debbie Downers. I know, everyone laughs at this. Charlotte has this little smirk. And she's like, have you been outside?

Oh my gosh. Oh, I know what's gonna happen. What do you think is gonna happen? It's a fucking weed farm. It's a fucking weed farm! It's a fucking weed farm! They're growing weed! Everyone is looking at each other nervously. Everyone is like, we should go see what's outside.

There's like a palpable nervous excitement in the air. The set-out is like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We can't all go outside. Someone needs to find a broom, and we need to harvest what has been thrown. Yes. He's like, I need help with this. I can't do it myself.

And Noah is like, our poor sweet Noah. He's like, I will help you. Yes. They already had that moment where they bonded when they handed off the beer. Like, let's continue it. Yeah. Exactly.

So Charlotte leads like mom and Sydney outside and Noah are like sweet boy goes downstairs to try and find a broom. Okay, downstairs were mason and anime. We're like, it is unacceptable downstairs. Okay. He is like heading downstairs And it is like every step is creaking Okay

It is like dark Okay, it is spooky. It is like truly with every step of descent more rank Down there. Oh my gosh He's like truly worst moment of my life, did Mason and Anna May have a point. He gets down there and like, it's so weird. He's like, this is a smart boy, he turns on the light, but it's like, the decorations are like,

things are thumbtacked to the wall, right? There's like a sword on the dresser. Okay. He's like, why does this look like an 18 year old boys bedroom? Like why? This is a room where a fad would live. Yes.

And he's like, what is happening in here? He's like opening the little closets down there, you know, like the one with the water heater, the one with the air conditioner, or whatever, trying to find a room. To his left is a room. And under the door at the bottom, he can see that it is like glowing purple.

And he opens the store and the room is filled with plants. Oh my gosh, what are they called? Grow rooms? Like a growl that we, oh my gosh. The only sound down here is like the buzz from the lights. The only sound down here is like the buzz from the lights This is honestly the audacity for these people to list this home Yes, what's up on a literal like weed farm business space like or whatever?

Yeah, you're looking to get rough What the hell okay, honestly, I never thought I would say this. Anime and Mison, like, they had a point. This is too far. This is too far. Ha ha ha. Our boy Noah is like reading the little names of the plants. Right, he's like, she's dope dope kinks. Moonlight, outdoor passion. Caribbean, supernova, right? Like he's like, he's touching all the plants. He has like just red

one that says the greenest beans when he hears another really loud scream from outside. Are you motherfucking kidding me? All of these screams. You are Noah. You have now run toward three screaming women. You know what? If I'm Noah, and also I have to run up those creepy basement stairs like I'm still running out.

Yeah, and all the way outside. Like, they're far away. I am not running. I feel like I've proved my worth and my commitment to this family that I'm trying to impress. I've now run three times to people's rescue. I am sealing a nug.

And I'm not the only of stairs. That's what I'm saying. And Noah, you are now in sync, and that's beautiful. You've been kind of in sync this whole time, because Noah is like... Should I meet Noah or maybe... We just need to be together. Noah's like, it's time for me to not run.

Yes. He's like touching a plant. He's like, this is a soft plant. He's communing with the plants. This is like the last temptation of Noah, right? Like, he's like, this is, I am in heaven or hell it is unclear which. When he hears another scream.

Wait, then. Like, wait, like another one on top of another one. And then Sidney screaming his name. No, no, no, no. Oh. So now you gotta go, right? Like, you gotta go. So he is sprinting.

He sprints up this creaky ass stairs. He's like taking them two at a time. He sprints outside. The stepdad is like also running and has had to go a much shorter distance, but Noah like immediately overtakes him, right? Like he is like, he's gone. He gets outside, he runs across the now clean porch.

He goes like down the stairs across the now clean porch. He goes down the stairs around the corner of the house where in front of him are rows and rows and rows of sunflowers. Oh, gorgeous. And he's like, beautiful. He can see Sydney like deep in there waving her arms like this.

He's like giving midsomar because it's like gorgeous greenery like guessless two shrooms. I mean, if we weren't with these same people. Yeah. Like, it's like gorgeous juxtaposed with terror. Bubbly and so. He's running so fast. He turns down the aisle that she's on.

And as he turns, he realizes that amongst the sunflowers are weed plants. So it's like sunflower weed plant. Wow. A weed plant. Sunflower weed plant. Sunflower weed plant. He's zipping down this aisle. Mom is down.

She is on the ground. She is gripping her ankle. Oh no. Oh no. No, it's like what happened? It's Sydney's like something bit her. Bit her, I was thinking maybe she twist felons. Something bit her.

Bit her. The stepdad is like, let's get maybe she twist fell into something. Bit her. Bit her. The stepdad is like, let's get you inside, like let's look at it, let's get it cleaned off, right? He's like helping the mama. Noah's like, what kind of something bit her? Enough her to like, be on the ground, get her ankle, two screams. Everyone's like, I don't know. Charlotte, Sydney, the mom,'s like, I don't know.

Charlotte Sydney the mom are like, we don't know. And Noah is like, it's pretty important. What bit? Like it's pretty important to like how this will be treated. Yeah. Appalachian mounds in the south like growing it like snakes are like low key everywhere. Yes. And snakes are dangerous. So, Noah, he's getting his workout in. He's running back and forth down these rows trying to find Snakes are like lokey everywhere. Yes! And snakes are dangerous. So, I need to know what bearer. He's getting his workout in. He's running back and forth down these rows trying to find something. Oh goodness. Wow.

He's like a snake, a dog, what? Oh goodness. And then what is he gonna do when he encounters the animal? Is it up to him to fight off the animal because now he's made himself hero of the day. Yeah, I'm stressed. The stepdad takes mom inside. Sydney is like Noah stop running. She's like, she's like my mom says that we need to go. Like, we need to leave this like house. We cannot stay here. It is cursed. Yeah, it is.

And Noah like Noah is like, okay, like I understand that. Sydney is like, okay, I understand that. Sydney is like, okay, I'm gonna go pack our bag. Do you wanna come with me and Noah's like, no, I can't let it go. I need to sit out here and find out what this bite was. Oh my gosh, well now my mind, I love his priorities, which makes sense, I need to find out what the bite was. My thought was like, but shit, is there food in the oven?

Like y'all were all preparing Thanksgiving dinner. What about the food that's cooking and all of that? That was where my mind went, but I appreciate that he's caring about the mom, his potentially future mother mahu knows, but what about the food? Noah stays outside. He's out there for a while

because it takes them a long time to like get everything packed up, get like the stuff that's in the oven out of the oven, get everything out of the fridge, get the beers back in there, like this whole situation. He hears Sydney call you him after a little bit. It's like the cars packed, we're ready to go. When he hears like a little rustle. That is always the scariest sound. When you can't see what's making the sound,

you can hear a rustle, with a nearby movement. Uh-oh. He hears it again. He lies down on the ground. And through the stalks, he can see a little twitching nose and eyes that are like rimmed red. red and like teeth chomping a little leaf and two very tall long ears pointing straight up. It's a bunny. She was bit by a bunny. A bunny. Oh no yeah no she got bit but like that's kind of cute. It's kind of cute Like how bad could that hurt? It's like a little like now, you know like when a Playbites you you're like all plus your heart, you know, you tried babe. Yeah That's what I'm imagining. Okay, and bunnies aren't poisonous. So mom's fine

Yeah, and they're like not like bats or dogs where it's like your odds of rabies are high. Exactly. Like this is cute. So like, yeah, so they take mom to like not even the hospital. So like the little urgent care and the doctors like she's fine. Right. Like don't worry about it. They went out for dinner instead of cooking. They were like, fuck it. We're going to a restaurant.

Good for everyone. Everyone was so hungry. So this was great. And like, no, it was like everybody got along. Like I'm having a good restaurant. Good for you. Everyone was so hungry, so this was great. And like, Noah was like, everybody got along. Like, I'm having a good time. This is great. I've made a good impression. I've been the hero of the day.

I guess I have all this nice food. I'm amazing for some pressure. And they found, like, the parents found a hotel nearby that they could all have their own rooms. Oh, hell yeah. And so Noah, like, goes into his room at night and he's, like, pulling out the little, like, buds that he has harvested

From the like counter Okay, he did pocket some Finally I can smoke See I'm glad he chose himself in the end like He is struck a really good balance of really showing up for this family kind of going above and beyond But also being like I'm gonna go for me at the end of the day though. I'm grabbing these nugs It struck a really good balance of really showing up for this family kind of going above and beyond but also Being like I'm gonna look out for me at the end of the day though. I'm grabbing these nugs How how do you feel?

Wow, I am gripping my mic so hard so I see that in my hand Literally okay. Oh my gosh. How do I feel I feel? Honestly so happy and relieved for Noah. Like you said, it's not that he made honestly the best first impression because all of these wildest things that happened to this family allowed him to really step up and show up. And there's nothing worse than a dude that is just taking up space and is not being helpful at all. worse than a dude that is just taking up space and is not being helpful at all. And so he is showing his value and worth to like, you know, showing the mom of his girl for me like, Hey, I can take care of your daughter.

I could show up. I am a helpful man. I'm the hero this family needs. I am proactive. If I'm Noah, I'm feeling on this family needs. So like, I am proactive. If I'm Noah, I'm feeling on top of the world, and I'm stepping out from the hotel and rolling in Jay and lighting one up. Like I did a good job of staying true to himself.

Also, part of meeting the parents is a performance. And yeah. And Razzle Dazzle, baby. And he gave him one. Yeah, exactly. Better performance than the one man show he went to. Were you meant to? For sure.

So I think he came out on top. Would you like to hear the final updates I have about this story? Please, obviously, yes. Please tell me they're still together. OK, we'll get there. So the family filed a complaint with home for you about the house Because they were like this is a nightmare. We couldn't even stay there like

We want our money back and they were put in a situation where like they were in they could have all been arrested Yeah, I mean, I am not a second mud. I'm a stoner But like please give me a heads up if I'm on like an elite hot end. Walthening. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Good. So home for you like opened an investigation, which is how we got a lot of these answers.

And like through that investigation, they found that the actual owners of the house had rented it out to tenants. And the tenants had turned it into this like, grow house operation. Oh my gosh. And the tenants had listed it on home for you to try and get a little extra money. Oh. And had the families stayed a little bit longer,

they would have learned that like, the woman on the porch was one of those tenants and the tenants were woman on the porch was one of those tenants and the tenants were still on the property staying like in an apartment above the separate garage. What? Okay so it's also giving parasite. Yes. Is it living on the ground so you don't even know it?

Yes. Literally what are they thinking? It took months to resolve this issue with home for you because all of the evidence that the family had because this whole story takes place over like three and a half hours, right? Like it's like a very fast time period that they were in this house. The only evidence they have are Charlottelots, snapchats.

Oh, yes. And in all of them, everyone looks absolutely thrilled. So it was like very hard to convince home for you that they had a bad time. But it's like this photo of people holding a weed bag like a baby with like the biggest grins on their face available Oh my gosh, they needed to get like a voice note of anime her voice still shaking be like

Yeah, yes Being in the presence of marijuana how dare you exactly my wife my wife my wife They needed that's that's when you need that energy Is to get your money back? Yeah to get your money back from home for you. We did learn that in the end home for you did give them their money back, which good for them. Yes. And the next year this family did not learn their lesson and they got another home for you to stay in for Thanksgiving, but it went fine. Okay. The people who sent in this story told us

that just everyone in the family now lives with dread in every home for you, and that every time someone opens a door or a cabinet, they're scared. Oh my gosh, you're traumatized. They're worried that behind any door inside any drawer could be something lurking, but it also could be like the biggest

bag of weed you've ever seen. Oh my gosh, I would love for the ending of the story to be like this was their gateway experience meet cute with weed. Oh no, and then it was rainy weed and they're like, you know what? You know what? Yeah, try it out. And then now everything's giving, they go to a home for you and share a J. The one nice like bow I have for you it's not like a perfect wrap up bow it's like one of those sticky ones that you just like yeah you pop up the present is

that no one Sydney did get married. Oh no one Sydney. Love is real. Zikia thank you so much for coming on the show it It was a delight to have you Wow, I was riveted. My hand is literally sweating and cramping. I laughed. I cried. I'm craving weed I also feel validated in my own home for you experience Yeah, that was a convenient thing. It really was. Oh my gosh. This was so fun It's delayed! Thank you to the following people who let their voices as expert-screen voice actors. Benny Cordaro.

Clara Lonegar. Freda Carr, Ramonathan. Elizabeth Gordon. Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at NormalGossip at Defector.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679 Gossip. If you love this podcast and want us to keep making it, become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at Normal Gossip. You can follow Kelsey on all social media at McKinney Kelsey. This podcast was produced by Alex Su-Jong Laughlin,

Justin Ellis' Defactor's Projects Editor, Jasper Wang and Chang-Koon are Defactor's Business Guys. Tom Lay is our Editor-in-Chief. Jay Tolviera is our Associate Producer. Abigail Seagal is our intern. Dan McQuade runs our merch store which you can find at normalgossip.store. Tara Jacoby designed our show art. Thank you to Patrick Redford for your help on this episode. Thanks to the rest of the defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned subscriber-based media company.

Normal gossip is a proud member of radiootopia. Normal gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney. I'm Vicki Bulf, and remember, you did not hear this from me. Thanks to the rest of the Defactor staff. Defactor media is a collectively owned subscriber-based media company. Normal gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney. I'm Vicki Bulf, and remember, you did not hear this from me. Radio tilp you.

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