Not Another D&D Podcast - 8-Bit Book Club: Choose Your Own D&D Adventure

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

8-Bit Book Club returns! Join Murph, Emily, Caldwell and Permanent Guest Jake Hurwitz as they take on the "Dungeon of Dread" a D&D-themed Choose Your Own Adventure Book! Will their leather-clad hero survive the endless corridors and annoying halfling sidekicks? Tune in to find out!CREDITSProduction and Editing by Trevor LyonSONGS"8-Bit Book Club Theme" by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item, plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority.

Plus 100% free shipping with rush processing on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly. So don't wait, better sex is just a click away. That's 50% off one item, free shipping with rush processing. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adamineave.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire.

Just enter offer code PAPA at checkout. That's P-A-W-P-A-W at Adamineve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. This is a Headgun podcast. They made a book about a video game. Game game game. We made a podcast about that book.

Welcome to A Pit Book Club, everybody. The only book club that makes you dumber. Oh my God, I remember that. I am Zolt. I'm Brian Murphy, joined by my Life Slash comedy partner, Emily Axford. Whoa. What did I use to do with the intro?

I think we just, I just did it. And then my other Life Slash comedy partner called Ultanner. It's so good to be back. I didn't remember any of this because the books did make me dumber. That's true. And be back. I didn't remember any of this because the books did make me dumb or fast. That's true. And then we've got, I think we,

Suz was on an episode of A Pitbook Club. True, right? So second guest, Jake Kerwitz. Second guest or first little buddy? First, yeah, first little buddy. Welcome back. It's only guest. Yeah, that makes sense.

Welcome to the guest on your own, Fee. I was going to say we're probably going to be doing doing these more so you are a permanent guest. Wow, all right. Cool. Yeah, welcome to our permanent guest. I hope it's something I'll get. I'll graduate to a co-host maybe. Is that launcher?

It's a very early life partner. Comfortable for you? We switched it out of the garage. No, I can tell it's covered in mites. We're doing an adventure book so we should probably get into it. Yeah, we have a tendency to take us forever. Murph said the scene. What adventure book are we seeing?

So this is Dungeons and Dragons, an endless quest book. Pick a path to adventure, because choose your own adventure, I believe, is trademark. Yes, you're on thanks. So this is Pick a Path. Pick a Path. Pick a Path. Pick a Path.

I think it's actually pretty good. It's a Sunday and it's raining. What do you want to do? Let's do a pick a pass Mac remain a pick a pass I'm getting like a very wasp Yeah Darling Darling come into the drawing room of doing a pick a pass The servants have laid out the options darling I can't finish this pick aa-past without you.

Okay, it's called Dungeon of Dread. It's called Dungeon of Dread, and it was released in 1982. Great. This book is over the past. Oh, that's cool. And that's old, because we're old. It's just dripping with wisdom and knowledge from a time before.

So much wisdom. Or. Yes, this is quite an old book. Let's dive into it. This is like a clue, let's sploosh in. Oh. Sweet diving. Let's go start picking paths.

Okay, so. That's me diving. I will start off reading. Amazing. I'm most on the rails. Goddamn it. I'm so tired. What are you doing?

I'm so tired. I think myself so thin. Welcome. Here's your new life into the world of fantasy. What's up with me? This adventure into the dungeon. It's fine. It's fine.

I don't even want to do it. No, no, no, no. Coupon. I was just gonna say Coupon. I'm good. Okay. Let me start over. D.D.

Let me start over. Thank you. Welcome. We're One word and one word in and I can't get it out. I can't get it out. I Can't get one word out. Well, okay, welcome to a journey into the world of fantasy This adventure into the dungeon of dread is a Dungeons and Dragons adventure You will find a complete adventure between the covers of this book with many possible courses of action, blah, blah, blah. Who cares?

In this book, you play the part of a human fighter. As an adult, you stand five foot nine inches tall. And wait, about 150. No, that's incredible. It's from 1982, people used to be shorter. People were so strong back then. In the 80s? Yeah.

Oh yeah. This guy's probably towering over everyone in the 80s. I am stronger and her than this human fighter Five nine that is Second wind this is what fantasy is all about can you imagine? Okay, you're smart and have survived many adventures using a little more than your wits You are an in have survived many adventures using little more than your wits. You are an infighter. You are an int fighter.

And you are well-schooled in the use of weapons in our powerful opponents. You carry a sword and a dagger and wear a long-sleeved green tunic over leather breaches. Oh, that's classic. Fine leather boots guard your feet. A long green hunter's cloak protects you from the cold. You carry flasks of oil, a tinder box of length of rope, and other gear in a leather pouch tied to your belt on there. So, wow, there's a lot of leather on this.

This is good. Yeah, yeah, there's your old lot of animals die. We're all leathered up. We just look like a meatless cow just covered in its skin. I hate it when books don't describe the bridges. Good luck and good adventure. Good adventure to my adventure. Good adventure. It's in my bag.

You have stopped for the night in a strange forest tired after a long day's walk. The area seems eerie and strange. There is no moonlight, so the shadows are very black. Can we just call out one thing right now? We are alone. Yes, we have no friends. We have no party.

We don't even have a horse. It's just a long walk into weird woods Yeah, leather pants We're five nine for it We're slightly over average Nothing but the bridges on our ass look at five foot nine leather daddy skinny skinny leather daddy. Oh wow everyone was like that is back It's hard but it's not weird enough almost like that is back best. Of course it's weird, but it's not weird enough.

Describe the shadows, Mark. The air is still in heavy. Even the usual night noises of small birds and animals are missing. Ordinarily, you would have pressed. The birds. There's birds at night. I know.

I'm worried about them. You're worried about the birds they're missing. Where's this owl snatcher? I had tossed him. Ordinarily, you would have pressed on through the dark woods to the nearest town, but this night, you are too tired to take another step. Not this night.

Rapid. Very good. Yeah, what is our dude's name? Oh, do we get to name them? Well, I guess I mean first name leather last name dad. That's good. Leather daddy. Okay, so leather daddy.

Oh, could be LD, that's nice. Okay, LD. Yeah, LD. Yeah, LD. Okay, LD. All right, wrapping LD's cloak from the around LD self, LD lies down upon a soft bed of moss. I'm just gonna go back to saying,

you are, wait for your sword to close at hand, you are soon fast asleep. You dream that some of your breezes ruffle your clothes. Oh. Ripley through the leather. You slowly awaken, breeze, there is no breeze. The night is calm. I'm gonna freeze to move that leather.

Your reflex is scream and alarm and you awaken. I snapping open, you see a three foot tall halfling. Okay, so we are tall. Probably a thief. There's a little race. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Excuse me. Whoa, whoa.

While you're searching your clothes, okay. Okay, so a fellow, you don't lead with the halfling part and then say probably a thief. This is a fellow leather daddy, obviously. This is a follow, just looking at your leather. Probably checking out the wares. Yeah, in one smooth, swift movement, you jump to your feet and grab the unlucky half-fling

by the scarf of his neck. Hey, well, how? Very good, thank you. That's a nice shine. That's El D's voice. Shine in the moonlight. Yeah, the half-fling is like, who? Hey, what the hell did I do?

I was just looking at your, I was looking at your leather dare daddy. I was like, I was very easy to see. Well, hafling, can you give me one reason why I shouldn't feed you to the crows? Oh, for sale there are no birds out of the age. That was LG saying that.

Oh, please don't do that. Why is the hafling? I'm just a poor hungry hafling named Loris. I'm no danger to anyone. Why, I just now escaped terrible fate. Is there an option to lie to the halfling and say that the, I'll pull an L.

What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? Is there the L in L, the L in your bed? Don't ask, right. Just say your bed. My full name is Loris Daddy. Okay, so wait, so the halfling full name is Laura's daddy

Okay, so wait So that is Laura's and let the daddy's new name is Laura's daddy Yeah, okay, we're lying Oh Okay, so you lie like a so-so-so-pathic mirror I'm choosing the option to tell Laura's that your name is also Laura's right Laura's daddy Ignores you and continues. I'm no stranger to anyone. Why, I just now escaped to terrible fate.

If you spare me and feed me, I'll tell you where to find all the treasure in the world. That's feed him daddy. Over him daddy. Over selling. You hesitate, then lower him to the ground, saying, I have no need for all the world's riches, but what you say sparks my interest.

I will spare your life and feed you if your story interests me enough to pay for my lost sleep. Oh, so Laura. Oh, we're kind of fucked up. L.D. feed him till he's full. Yeah, but we're I think we're being weird about all. I don't want any cash. I want a story. I want to do it. I will murder you because I'm gonna fucking write down that story. He published it under my name and collect royalties. What a silver, and some dora's daddy stealing. Laura's a story. Dealing Laura. And all lor- all lor- lor-s did was look at leather.

Stealing fat war. Just look at her. Laura lor-s loves leather. Yeah. Okay, but I warn you if the tale does not, I will feed you to the crows. Carefully switch watching the halfling. You gather, dry wood from beneath the trees to start a fire.

Soon you and the halfling share its welcome warmth. Okay, I like this though. There's something kind of like the odyssey about it, right? The exchange of a story for hospitality. For not murdering, yeah. Yeah, soon you and the halfling share its welcome warmth, it's bright light holds back the shadows of the night. You brew mugs of strong tea, it's kind of nice.

Like you'll care about getting sleep at all. You're like, I'm so mad, you woke me up. Let's start a fire and drink tea. If someone made a fire, if it made some tea for me after I looked at their leather and they started to kill me, but made me some tea, I'm clearly, you've got a lot in common. Yeah.

You brew mugs of strong tea as the halfling falls ravenously on a mud leg and round of cheese. He eats as though it has been here since he last saw food. Okay, I'm feeling a lot of sympathy for Laura. Laura is eating a wheel of cheese. I also want mutton and a wheel of cheese right now. More than anything. I don't know if I told you guys before recording, but I am starving.

Yeah, we are hungry. Oh wow. So, okay. Is it okay if I eat this turkey leg? Well, record. Please, just give me a sniff Half length you spoke of treasure and adventure you urge trying not to show your curiosity Fucking a horny for the horny for stories. We are a steady horny for stories

Okay, Laura's wipes his mug with a grimy finger searching for any sugar his tongue might have missed. And he's horny for sugar. Everyone in his forest is fucking free. This is kinda hot. Yeah. Okay. Not just the fire. All right, so all I'm gonna skip ahead a little bit because there's like 10 pages before we get into choices.

Settling back against a tree stump, a far away look comes into his eyes and halfling begins as tail. Of course. I've lived around these parts all my life, and the right pleasant place it was until the magic user showed up, a magic user. The magic user.

That's the name of Maynux character. Coleman, he calls himself, which sounds like the last name of somebody who went to high school at the end. Right. Coleman, no one knows. He knows. No one knows who he is or where he came from. Coleman's the second most popular kid at the end. Right. Coleman, no one knows. He does. No one knows who he is or where he came from. Coleman's the second most popular kid at the moment.

Yeah. What name is Mark Coleman? I just got a four wheeler. It's the ludatorian. No one knows who he is or where he came from. One day he wasn't here, the next he was. Things soon began to change for the worse. People grew poor and sickly,

crops withered and livestock weekend and died. And throughout, are you just reading a sticker right now? Did you just grab a sticker and start fiddling? I was just looking at it. Jik just grabbed a sticker and started reading it and playing with it. Jake, that was poor for it. I know.

I know you're... It's utterly silent. Are we? It's more disruptive if I drink from my class. I understand that we have a bit of disrupting Merv, but you know we are professionals. Why don't you allow your photo to check? Over the entire intro. Here's your damn sticker. It's gone. You can't imagine everyone on entertainment. That's it.

Throw the sticker and it's're flooded back onto the table. They did, Murph, now I'm doing on you. Everyone gets, everyone gets fucking serious. Okay, yes. People agree before and say, I'm afraid to touch anything on the table. Which I guess is what you want. There's so much stuff. You touch a lot of stuff.

You fiddle, yeah. Normally there's dice for us to hold on to. You're not like sitting there looking at every number on the dice. Mona, but actually Jake has a really good point. Our call was a really good point. I usually am playing with my dice. Yeah, but you're like touching. He was really.

He was really. He was really. It was a fence. It's, it's, it's, they're three inches big and it just says sure. I don't, I don't, I don't, I was talking to you. I think it ticked me to repeat it. I don't know if you were. I was, you were looking at it for a long time.

You were just staring at, imagine if you were doing a podcast with somebody. Right now, see you. I think everyone just makes fun of Jake the whole time. Yeah, we're just doing it for everyone. This is how I like convenience that you try. It's worth it you're here now. I was trying to deduce the colors of it. I tried to deduce the colors of it.

So then you were paying attention, I was... Lord Loris' story, Lord Loris looks at Jake specifically. Wow! It says, when Coleman came into town, people grew more and sickly, crops withered. I was like, we can't deny. And throughout our troubles, the magic user grew rich and powerful. Rich and powerful. Which?

That was rich and powerful. At last, people had their fill, gathering their courage, they came upon Coleman in the middle of the night, Burnt is house down, Jesus, and drove them from the town. This is a cursed act. This is why the birds are gone. This is why the magic user killed all the birds.

This guy just wanted to make his cool lanterns and sell them in stores and his fashionable tents for people using the woods. Oh, Coleman, yeah. We're protecting a lot. I literally sat here and was like, fuck, was that said in the book and I missed it? He fled to these woods and claimed them as his own. We townspeak stay far from the woods, with travelers who choose not to listen to our

warnings, enter the woods and are never seen again. We saw no one. I was always too smart for my own good size to halfling. One day I decided I would learn the secrets of the woods. Why is that smart? Why would that be a smart thing, more Laura? It's a star. I learned the secrets of the woods. I'm too smart for my own good. That's why I'm here wandering around the woods starving.

Looking at my life here. I find any food or clothes. Desperate for a fucking cheese wheel. I even had a sweet beer par with it once. I'm getting cheese and munchaws. I'm near death, cause I'm not going to be able to eat it. I'm not going to be able to eat it. I'm not going to be able to eat it. I'm in a car, but it's months. I'm getting cheese and munchaws.

I'm near death because of how smart I am. I'm fully in ketosis. It's also a really funny character trait to be like, my character is too smart for their own good. Yeah. Clearly, clearly I was too smart for my own good. Too hot for their own good, too smart for their own good to smart for their own good Okay, I know 150 but that's that's law that's Laura's daddy Laura's daddy who is

55 this halfling is probably not even 150 One day I decided I would learn the secrets of the woods the missing travelers and perhaps figure out how to kill the wizard If I could do that I could return to the village as a rich hero. So one morning without even a goodbye to me misses, I slipped into the body, bad husband, a good husband. It's the beat of the joy. There was something going on there that's come in the office.

This is a symptom of an alarm clock standing problem. Yeah, so it tells me that this mission that you've dedicated yourself to is just a distraction. If you need a divorce, there's your ways to do it. I Explored every inch of the evil woods and found nothing. Finally, I came to a mountain just outside the forest. I was cold and tired, so I called up on a ledge. God shut up. So you wanted to find me Halfling. He's I blah blah. I must have fallen asleep. For the next thing I knew I woke up to find me, Halfling. I, Bo-Bah, I must have fallen asleep. For the next thing I knew, I woke up to find

Coleman standing over me. Oh! So you wanted to find me, Halfling, he said, well, now you have, and I wager, you'll get more than you bargained for. With a wave of his hand, he put a spell on me, so I couldn't move and slung me over his shoulder, like a trust-up rabbit, then was slipped through

and opening in the side of the mountain. Okay, so a little. We love to be trust. Secret pain. Trust me, Daddy. Okay. Are we like, call me when I say trust me, Daddy? Trust is the king of the freaks.

Yeah. This magic user can throw me over his shoulder any day. I cannot and will not tell you all of the frightening things I saw. This is, hello, Laura's talking. I don't even want to think of them, shutters, the halfling. He carried me to the very center of the mountain, maybe the center of the world for all I know,

and there I saw all the treasure in the world. You said you were smart. Yeah. Really, probably not. It's a bit of a myopic worldview. You wanted to rob me, said Coleman. So look upon my treasure. You will always know just how much you have lost those who seek danger

Foolishly always find it those who know how to handle both danger and wealth are few and far between you are lucky I feel generous. I shall let you go and not even change you into a newt a little My high-thon reference there every clever reference there. Very clever. I didn't get it. I don't care me and to a new. Oh God, Betta, it's really funny. Should we go on? Should we just do the movie? Yeah. I not even change you into a newt as you deserve. When you return to your home, none will believe you. Your friends will think you have been drinking fermented corn juice. Oh, which honestly honestly, as a listener, rather than a reader, I am not sure that he hasn't been just drinking

fermented drinks for a while. Definitely, yeah, fermented corn juice. He's been out. Corn juice story for sure. Been hitting the corn butcher. Yeah, corn butcher. That's good. Thank you.

You could be drinking corn butcher. And have made the story up to cover your absence. They will laugh at you. Only you will know what you have the hell to lost. Now be gone. Black smoke came out of his fingertips. When it cleared, I found myself in these dark woods alone in Hungary.

So hang on. Common rules. Yeah. Common. So Lord, Louris was like, I saw the worst things in the world. Coleman was like, you were gonna murder me. So let me take you to my house. Look at all my treasure.

And now I'm gonna just put you back in the world. Check it out. I'll let you back in the living room. Check it out, let you go with the warning. What's up, I have several watches, an Xbox and a PS5. Fuck you, get out of my life. You thought you were gonna... It's more of a pan. It's definitely like a robber on the skirts of your house.

You find them, bring them in and you're like, look. This is my sound system. You check it out. You check it out, you check it out. It's safe and you will never, and here's the pain I'm gonna impart on you as you'll know you will never have. Behold my model train set. You're lucky. I won't turn you into a new. Like I'm gonna come back with all my friends.

Laura Stairson the fire for a long time without speaking. Not that dramatic, my dude. Finally, he roused himself and says with a shaky laugh. You can see now I'm just a poor halfling of no harm or help to anyone. This guy is a shaky laugh. You can see now I'm just a poor halfling of no harm or help to anyone. This guy is a victim complex. This guy's fucking gone on the board. Do you guys think this dude is Coleman? Wait, maybe.

Why did Coleman die in the first place? Or did he chase out a town like this? Because it was just like mad that he was mad to go. I mean, I think he showed up and everything bad started happening while Coleman showed up. So it's not like Coleman necessarily did it. They said black smoke came out of his fingers which might imply some sort of like some sort of medical condition or medical condition that's true.

Leaky fingers and drugs. All right. Carbon fingers. So I'm going to skip ahead a little bit. So Laura's daddy says, Laura, Laura's you say gently, could you find that opening in the mountains again? So our medium sized king. Yeah. So he went from not saying he doesn't give a shit

about the riches to being like, where's the whole of the matrix? Where's the BS for in the auto turns? Yeah, okay, half length stairs eight you for a moment. Surely I could, but it would mean your death. Coleman would not allow you to survive as he did me. I was a moment's amusement, but you would be a serious threat. I agree with you Coleman is the fucking magic user I mean the half of the half of the more is Coleman more

Coleman is Laura's but you would be a serious threat their names out anyway They're absolutely anyway the monsters would get you first. They're scary, blah, blah, blah. Okay, so there's monsters on the way. You fold your arms and stare at the halfling, tapping your fingers against your shoulder. Lord Laura shakes his head and says, I see nothing I say will persuade you.

As the wizard said, those who search for danger will find it who can tell. You might even succeed where I failed. I will take you to the rock. At least it will prove I spoke the truth. So he's taking him to take us to the tight little pocket in the rock. At least it will prove I spoke the truth. So he's taking him to take us to the tight little pocket in the rock. As the last mountain rises before you, I skipped a little bit, silhouette it against the night. The halfling searches about for a while then cries, aha, here it is.

A large dark crack looms in the mountain before you. You turn to the halfling, almost expecting him to have disappeared, but he has remained faithfully by your side instead of scurrying off into the night as soon as you found the opening. Okay, so he didn't leave us like he left his wife. Right. Lord or his left is wife. Yeah. Well his wife didn't have strong teeth. Right.

Halfling, what will happen to you if you return to your village? Lord or his laughs have been her laugh. If I tell the truth, me misses will scold me. She's a hard woman because you leave. Yeah. Because you leave. She's scold me so hard. She's so good for running off in the middle of the night. I need your food for days.

You're a hard man. You're a hard man, Lord Loris. My dude loves corn. He loves just sipping down that good wet corn. How can you blame him for living this life? Like, starving in the woods rather than get scolded. All right, he's worried he's going to have to go back to being little Loris, the baker's helper get scolded. All right, he's worried he's gonna have to go back to being little loris, the baker's helper.

Um. Okay. Um. We start calling people a baker's helper as an insult. Moris daddy tries to convince them to come along, uh, halfling smiles, uh, eyes rimmed with bright tears. I guess we're inspiring him. Jesus, what you guys are saying.

I gotta say, I'm gonna buy this emotional, emotional, horrible. Yeah, we're getting into it. We're becoming friends. Wow. Okay. As your eyes grow accustomed to the darkness, okay gonna buy this emotional. Yeah, we're getting into it. We're becoming friends. Wow. As your eyes grow accustomed to the darkness, okay, so this is us, so we have gone into the, we've, we've descended into the crack. Okay.

As your eyes grow accustomed to the darkness. Into the darkness. Into the center. You see a skeleton leaning against the wall in one corner, staring at the opposite wall. A small shield lies at its side. With a little polishing, a mic shine is brightly as your own.

You pick the shield up and give it to Loris. Also, heading him your dagger. The half-length takes the weapon and shield, holding the dagger gingerly with his fingertips. For Arming Coleman. It's not going to bite you, you say. Hold it firmly. Be ready. Don't strike until you're certain of your target.

And once you begin, do not falter. Or five-nine and we got zero brains. I'll try to do my best. Laura says, putting the dagger in his belt, I'm scared, but I won't let you down. He begins polishing the shield. Keep in mind that I skipped over that becoming friends.

Yeah, yeah. I won't let you down. Like I let down me missies. Yeah, I let you down. I'm looking at down everyone on the trail of children. I feel like polishing the shield, wouldn't that just be vanity? It's not going to be a better shield by your...

Yeah, it's not a good shield for polishing. Unless you're up against some villain wouldn't that just be vanity? It's not gonna be a better shield by your... Yeah, it's not a good shield for policy. Unless you're up against some villainous creature that can cast laser beams. Oh, or even you could have catch the sun and blind them on all the way. Yeah, fucking good. We're gonna have to our first choice.

Your eyes follow the skeleton's gaze and see a message, scrolled in red on the wall of the cave. Watch the water that is not water and beware the basilisk. The rest of the cave is empty, except for a pile of leaves and twigs in the west corner and a hole in the wall under the message. Well, Laura's where do we go from here?

Do you ask? I do not know the Halfling replies. I do not remember any trails to some of the things I saw. Okay, so we got two choices here. Okay. If you wish to investigate the hole in the wall, turn to page 13. If you wish to check the pile of leaves in the corner turn to page 15 We've got to check the pile

Watch the water that is not water. That's like a dissonny or like a smart water water that is not water Yeah, are the leaves water watch the water Beware the basket. How the basket the basket is so the skeleton was looking in the hole Yeah, oh like turn in the hole. Yeah. Basketballists, like turn people to rocks, don't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if we look at the hole, there's a basketballist in there. So I think you guys are right to the leaves, right?

Oh, yeah. Interests. I think the leaves are the way to go. Maybe there's some slugs in there that we could give to Laura. All right, we all cool with leaves. Yeah, we're looking for slugs. I'm slow with it, unless it, like, results in something bad in which case I'll be like, I never saw it. Right, okay.

In which case, let me get a take of me saying, no, we shouldn't do it, because you can edit it in. Okay, okay, we just gotta clean. Yeah, let's get it clean. Come on, take it, make your choice. I don't know guys, I think we should look in the hole. Okay, let's get the other one, now.

So that one can you be your idea too, so I can just place it in. Okay, I say we're looking to leave folks Okay, that's really good So we have got to do one Okay, so we have gone over to the leaves. Yeah, hopefully that's our choice. Let's kick them before we look. Okay, you keep the leaves. The bio looks like a harmless clump of leaves and twigs,

perhaps the nest of an animal. However, just to be sure, you placed one foot into the middle of the pile. Oh, I was right, we kick it. Yeah, yeah, intending to spread the debris out on the floor of the cave. Your foot finds no solid footing, and your arms waving wildly, you lose your balance.

Wush your forearms. No! You are falling, you slide rapidly down a shoot carved from solid rock. The sides are as smooth as glass. You are moving much too fast to stop yourself. You fly out of the shoot and land on your back. The fall knocks the breath out of you.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. You are attempting to catch your breath the fall knocks the breath out of you. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Oh. You are attempting to catch your breath when thud. Another figure flies through the air and lands on the floor beside you. A friend named Thud. Friendly, a friendly thud groans Laura.

A sexy thud. No. I thought you were saying when thud lands, but I thought another person said thud. Laura. Thud. Thud. Laura. Uh, lands behind you. I was so scared. That's not Laura. Lance behind you. I was so scared when you disappeared like that. I thought maybe you were eaten by a monster.

No, not a monster, just a hole. Are you on the right? I'm on the ground. Are you all right? Any bones broken? No, he moans. No. I'm not hurt.

As a two of you catch your breath, you notice you are in a quarter, carved from solid rock. Single torch burns in a bracket on the wall, and you can see that a tunnel branches off to your left, sweet, I think we made the right choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, although they might just be arbitrary. And they may need to have their own dangers and entrapments.

Yes, okay, we got another choice right away. Ahead of you, you hear footsteps approaching, a large ugly man thing walks into your sight, carrying a torch. The creature has an ugly snout and long sharp teeth. It's an orc. It will discover you at any moment. If you choose to try to step into the side tunnel without being discovered, turn to page 22. If you decide to stand and fight the orc, turn to page 20. I don't agree with

our medium king's depiction of this orc. I think that there's beauty in all creatures. And I think we should approach the orc and let them know. If it were up to me, I would just be a half work. Right, okay. Now I have a little underbar. Well, we don't have that choice. So do we have that? You can open Coke so easy.

Do we want to sidestep the orc? Do we think, okay, so right now we are all performers. We've played, we have to really get into the mind of the orcs. Of the orcs. Of the orcs. And be like, what is is Laura's daddy? Yes, more steady. Laura's daddy.

Laura's the most important. Laura's daddy. Laura's daddy. The medium cave. Okay, the medium cave. Or wants to believe that he's brave. Like he came to this cave after saying he didn't even care about the treasure.

Yeah, he just like, confronting this or is what he wants. That's what he wants. That's what he wants. That's what he wants. That's what he wants. That's all I think. Like we're in a place where you can just fall through leaves. If you just dive into a hallway, who the fuck knows what can happen. That's interesting.

Oh, I love that. Okay, yeah. I've been fully convinced. Yeah, ZW, you know. All right. This complete sociopath, Laura Loris attacks this random dude. I'm not Laura Loris, sorry. Right. Laura's daddy.

Go forth, Lord Daddy. Page 20, let's head for that side corridor, urges the halfling. Laura's there isn't time, you say. We wouldn't make it, we'll have to fight. As the orca approaches, you see that it carries a sword and a wooden field. You wanna hook your cloak quietly

as you do Laura steps into the orc site. That's a cool move. That is a cool move. The beast rushes after him immediately Holding your cloak by an edge you whip it around your head and fling it at the menacing orc Clothes so great. Are we essentially doing throwing a blanket on a dog? Yeah, we're throwing a blanket on this stuff I like I thought it was cool just to take the cloak off

Like more than a child. No, I didn't think was talking about. I didn't think he was fucking... No, we're tricking this dude to murder him. Right, we're gonna make the orc think that he's asleep. Right, I see. The cloak flies to the air like a giant bat and wraps itself about the orcs head. The orcs is taken by surprise. Well, it struggles to free itself from the cloak.

You and the half leg rush forward and swiftly attack the foul monster with your blade. Oh my God! This is 1982. I really thought we were gonna have a conversation. Yeah, no, yeah. So we will learn no lore. No, sad.

We'll have to invent our own. Yeah, we murdered lore. You remove your cloak from the dead bees. We already killed them. And lore says, shakily, I didn't, wait. Carrick? Just like you said, oh, shakily, I did it. Wait, Karek, just like you said, oh, I guess our name is Karek. I did it, Laura Stadi, just like you said I could,

but I feel awful. I've never killed before. Oh my God, wait, you've killed your wife's soul. Yeah. Okay, you killed your married. You just skipped down a responsibility. Laura Stadi goes on to explain why it's okay. So the big guy in my wife

satisfies that you have won your first encounter. The two of you continue down the corridor. It bends to the right. It looked fucking sick, Laura. What you did was good. The corridor is long and narrow. And another corridor joins it from the right. A torch flickers at the entrance to a room

where the two corridors join. So somebody corridors for this Jersey boy. Approaching carefully, you be around the edge of the door and are startled by what you see. You see a large baboon. It sits on this oak and wine barrel wearing a blue cloak. Where leather bridges and a frayed leather sword sheath. So much leather, another leather. We worship this beautiful creature. The sheath holds a rusty sword. The baboon is drinking deeply from a mug. You are truly puzzled for you.

Have never known baboons to live underground. Much less wear clothing and drink wine. Can we be the baboon? I don't want to be a fucking... Okay, I think what's happening here is that this is ape wine. This is clearly ape wine and the person is... What is ape wine? The person is drank deeply of the ape draft

and has been transferred to the baboon. Okay, furthermore, the baboon stirs gloomily into its mug and seems depressed. A depressed baboon, how very odd. What's this, Laura? Laura, you ask? I don't know the Halfling replies, I've never seen anything like it.

If you decide to enter the room and face the baboon, turn to page 54. If you decide you don't want to face the baboon, go down the corridor in the round to page 71. We got to talk to this student, right? Yeah, but we have no choice. I'm having though, is facing the baboon. I thought we were gonna talk to the or I said attack the or okay, okay, I was the option

Okay, but now you said face are we going to face? Okay, I think this one is just gonna talk okay Because the last the orquan was literally like do you want a side step at her fight the orc? Right, okay. I'm pretty sure that's what it says. I don't remember what happened. You almost your class before. I wanted to take the ape. I do want to talk to the ape.

I don't want to throw my fucking cloak. But this isn't completely real D&D, so I can't promise you we're not just going to kill this dude because our main character is a maniac. When did I get rid of Apoin? Which edition? So I'm going to turn to page 54 because we're going to face him, whatever that means.

54. Who knows? Okay. I don't like the looks of that monkey mutters, Laura. Laura's neither, neither do you replace Laura's. I'm sorry. We have a new best friend. Neither do I. You reply, but we can't leave without knowing what this means. Holding your shirt before you, you enter the room, Laura's needs to be behind you. Looking for yet another story to pawn off at the road. The baboon sees you and whimpers into its wine, it drinks the contents of the cup in one large gulp and stirs it you sadly making peculiar noise and gestures. You realize you're just trying to talk to you, maybe it's polymorph. Oh, tragic, yeah.

Can you understand him, Laura Laura? I can't make out what it's saying. Nope, it's all nonsense to me, he says the half-langed tears pour down its cheeks. Oh, I don't realizes you do not understand. We must help his ape. Oh my God, this is hurting my soul. Heaving a great sigh, it jumps off the barrel and drops you in another full cup, drinking in one goal.

Bebun drops the cup and stairs at the crowd for a long moment then without warning the creature pulls its rusty sword and rushes towards you. Whoa! Why? No, I will not fight it. Oh, go ahead and have our will say, we'll say, back up, Laura, as you said.

I don't want to fight this fellow. Okay, okay, we understand. But the bad wound will not let you leave the room. It lurches about swinging. It's rusty sword wildly and attacking clumsily, but with great strength, realizing you could be killed by this strange beast, you reluctantly raise your own weapon. I don't think it's trying to win.

You pant as you block a wild thrust. Couldn't prove it by me. Crys, Laura is frantically own weapon. I don't think it's trying to win. You pant as you block a wild thrust. Couldn't prove it by me. Christ, Laura is frantically hiding behind you. Even though you do not fight hard and merely try to protect yourself, the baboon throws itself on your sword and falls dying at your feet.

No! What the heck? Actually, we'll fuck. What the heck? Go back, we have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back.

We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back.

We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back.

We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. We have to go back. You wave it away with your sword and five go away. Oh, the final, a final two. A final two.

Yeah. As you wave away the fart with your sword and you find a bump merchant with a large red nose lying on the ground. The baboon is gone. Oh, the merchant whispers. I thank you for the service. Oh, so we basically did enough damage

to break the polymorph. Great. Or is that just, you know, it's dead to break the polymorph. Great. More, ee. This is, you know, it's debt, he's debt. You get it, you get it. It's talking, number three. Okay, okay. I thank you for the service.

My good wife always said, I was ugly as an ape when I was in my cups. I guess she was right. And I was in my cell. Everyone's bad to me. Everyone needs to be better to their wife. I think he's better than a wife. I think Coleman has like a really cool wife.

So far, we can't help but root for Coleman. I'm rooting for the wife. The wife guy on the wood. Yeah, the wife guy on the wood. The wife's taken over the town. OK, the fart cloud reappears. And when you fan it away, only the rusty sword and the cup are left lying on the ground.

There's no trace of the babble, and avoid the man. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. There are a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud knit fabric

that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style Tumblr.

You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Wait, so he just whispers and then goes away? Yeah, whatever. Who cares? You click the link in the room and hurry down the corridor on the other side of the room. You pass a corridor on your left as you peer into it, you see a strange green light. The corridor is empty. It runs straight for over 100 paces, then divides. One path goes to the right. The other to the left.

While you and Lord Loris are trying to decide which way to go, a hobgoblin comes down the right and corridor. It's yellow eyes, shift from side to side. It sees you unless for the tremendous roar and starts running towards you. All the tall creature is intent. All of the tall creature is intent on tearing you and Laura's limb from limb.

Dude, hobgoblin, you gotta fucking get out of here. We just watched an ape die. We can't deal with you right now. Oh, guys, I gotta say okay. Here's a deal. If we choose to fight the hobgoblin who did roar and charge at us, we do get to turn to page 69. If you choose to run down the corridor to the left, turn to page 62.

Also a sexy number, pretty sexy. Okay, we've done so much killing though. I know, I know I'm feeling like a little bit like, we just went through an emotional moment. Don't you think that we're emotionally kind of retreating? I don't think we deserve 69 honestly. Okay. For what we did. I am a little, so one interesting thing I would say,

is that 69 sort of feels like 69 is mutual kind of lingus. Yeah. Okay. And phalacio, but like 62 feels kind of like just performing it on one person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's like you're kind of like kneeling in your two. And we need to give back. The two is just like sitting in a chair.

It has it worth. Yeah. Well, they'd be like kneeling on the floor, right? Sure. Yeah. I have to look at the number. Yeah, sitting on a chair. Yeah, no.

Okay. Yeah. My point is that I think they're really hot. No, I think Jake's actually right. I think 62 62 is when you 69 by one person sits in a chair and the other person does a handstand in front of you and you Perform moral sex Okay, so we're gonna do the 62 we're gonna sit on a chair and we're gonna have a world sex with this hobo one

Yeah, the coolest guy in my high school of 62 every weekend. She's loved hearing those stories. So many chair blowdops. Okay, so many chair blowdops doing hands dance on us. Chad Kalman was getting 62. It is dad's playhouse every weekend. As you enter the corridor, you hear the sound of grinding stone and see some dust fall from the ceiling.

Something's wrong, you whisper to the half-ling. Let's get out of here. Well's wrong, you whisper to the half-ling. Let's get out of here. Well, duh, we're getting charged at. You turn around and start retracing your footsteps. However, before you have gone to pieces of tremendous roar knocks you off your feet and the passage before you collapses. When the dust settles, you see the corridor is completely blocked with large

boulders, heavy timber and dirt. It's impossible, you say. We'll never dig out without tools. We can only go forward. Reluctantly, the two of you stagger to your feet, so this dude just like pushed us into a place that collapsed. Reluctantly, the two of you stagger to your feet, turn around and walk down the corridor, alert for danger at every step.

The corridor ends in a room, a feeling of menace hangs heavy in the air. But what you see seems harmless enough. The room is approximately 20 feet square and dimly lit. The ceiling and walls are rough, with stalactites hanging from the ceiling, the floor is smooth, a stone well about three feet tall stands in the middle of the room. The well is covered with mysterious carvings

of ugly faces. Yes, we drink the well. After we kiss the faces and drink the well. Yeah, and then we stand on our tippy toes and we kiss every stalactite. Kiss every little stalactite. I'm 62 all the stalactites Sort in hand you approach the well carefully don't do that get away screams the halfling you stare at the halfling and shock There's something horrible in there. Laura says trembling

But I can't remember it clearly comment picked me up by my feet and dangled me over the pool He thought it was funny I didn't think it was as funny. What kind of monsters is it you ask? I don't know, he answers. I never saw anything like it before. Sneaking carefully up to the well, you glance in quickly and discover it contains only a shallow pool of water. All of your instincts are danger. Water, that's our water.

The water that is not water. Danger, everything in you says leave now, but you do not. You can't go back the way you came and you've come too far to let mysterious carvings around a pool of water frighten you. I'm always saying this. Yes. What? We might be on a bad track.

Uh oh. That's good. Yeah, you look in again and see that the water is crystal clear. You see a bright gold key on the bottom of the pool. Oh, this is going to be a trap. This is going to be a trap. This is going to be a trap. And yet, if I were in a D&D campaign and a DM set this up, I'd probably be like, well, we got a trap. We got a trap. We got a trap. The Kippie trap. And yet, if I were in a D&D campaign and a DM set this up, I'd probably be like, well,

we got a trap. We got a trap. We got a trap. Where do you guys store your keys at home? Because I have a big wet bowl. No, we throw it down the wall. Yeah. We throw it down the wall.

Yeah. The tip of the key is fashioned like a cross with diamonds on each end. Color gems decorate each corner. The key must be valuable and open the lock to something of great importance. No, this is a Laura Staddy. Laura Staddy said that he doesn't care about riches. That's true. Look, Laura.

Laura's look, you call, but the halfling bearys his head in his hands. It does not respond if the key is important. Why would it be left lying around in a pool of harmless water? Perhaps the water is not harmless. You could reach in and see what happens. But if a monster does lurk in there as Laura's believes that would not be a good idea,

looking about the room, you see several things you did not notice at first glance. There are two doorways. One's your laughing. once you're right. Cool. You didn't notice two doors to where I'm doing. Dude, you had tunnel vision for the well. Yeah. Well, third arc, you cannot see beyond them. Bones lie scattered on the floor. Laura, bring me one of those big bones. That's right. Bring me those bones, little buddy. The half length slowly drags a three foot long bone towards you. Picking the bone up, you broke the bottom of the pool,

gingerly, trying to snack the key. Why? They're doing everything so gingerly. Suddenly, the bone is wrenched from your hand with great violence. The water erupts from the pool, a watery cobra like head, rise out of the pool. It surges out, usually hits mouth open.

You jump back quickly. Once you are out of its striking range, the watery creature sinks back into the pool. See, I told you, but quickly once you are out of its striking range the water Recreacher sinks back into the pool see see I told you but no you wouldn't believe me crab's the halfling We've got to get out of here before it eats us calm down. You say it can't get us as long as we stay here It's a water water weird a water weird okay great okay Loreloris knows about water weird. I still wish that loreloris was the ape it can't leave the pool I've heard them mentioned in old tales, but I thought they were never real. It looks real enough to me.

So, halfling is teeth chattering. You are silent. Okay, so this is the water that is not water. Yeah, this is the water that is not water. You are silent as you try to remember all you have heard of waterweards. You know they will attack any living thing. It drags any creature, it strikes into the pool to drown it. Weapons rarely hurt the monster.

If you decide, you do not wish to fight this dreadful monster You may choose to leave the key the monster and the room If you decide to leave you may leave by the doorway on your left you notice a cool breeze blowing from the doorway Turn to page 86 cool breeze what the fuck could that be I Feel safe for staying here now. There's more. Okay, so we can just, we can go through the breezy door.

No, what? Full of farts, clearly. Right. Or you may leave by the doorway on the right. If you choose this way, turn up 8.73, it's just a regular ass door. If you decide to stay and try to get the mysterious key, turn up 8.77.

I say no way we stay for the key. I'm wondering like, are there options for the key? Beware the water that is not, I wanna see what the options for getting the key are if it's gonna give us multiple options. No, it doesn't. That's how these books work. Okay, bye.

What if we drink it, guys? What if we drink it? What if we slurp all the water up? I think it's not gonna be an option. There's a part of me look, I'm between key and cool breeze. Oh, okay. Well, that, well, that, Jake, the choice master decide. My thinking is that that Laura's seems to know

about waterweards. Yeah. So I feel like a degree of confidence, you know? But the way Murm is looking at me, I don't think I could, I don't think I could handle killing Laura's fair enough. So I am gonna go ahead. You can go, it is, it is sort of a right of passage

of Ape at Book Club before the players to get us killed. Yeah, I do, I mean, I agree that we were specifically warned about this water. So I will say we were specifically warned about this water and it literally says weapons rarely hurt the monster. Right. It literally says weapons rarely hurt the monster. We said It literally says, weapons rarely hurt the monster.

We said, we thought this was a trap. Does everyone want to grab the key? I want to go grab the key. Okay, okay. I'm gonna vote against no matter what against the key. Okay, for the key. Go ahead and raise your hand.

Raise your hand if you want to grab the key. Raise your hand for this podcast. I'm gonna vote for the key because I think that if Laura's died here, that his wife would finally be free. Call the votes for the key. Okay. Emily's voting for Breezy Door. Yeah.

I think I'll go Breezy Door as well. Okay. I'm cool with Breezy Door. That's in the middle for me. That's what we can. We can't a breeze. We went for the breeze. Look at that.

The council is spoken. I will harbor this grudge forever. All right. Page 86. As you travel down this corridor away from the water weird where you see that another passage opens to the left. It is dimly lit, but you see nothing. Let's say out of that corridor for now, you say, as you continue down the bind to random.

As you continue down the corridor, you see stone faces carved in the side of the corridor. Or stone faces petrified from the basilisk, maybe. Oh, the face of ugly snarling features. Gosh, Laura's daddy. Laura says. This is definitely a gosh moment. Oh, the Basilisk. Ugly snarling features. Gosh, Laura's daddy. Laura says. This is definitely a gosh moment. Look at those ugly faces.

As you proceed, the Carpies come larger. They're only stone, Laura's. You say, with more courage, and you feel. Oh, they are not. They're two of you creep along under the gaze of the stone monsters. This is Basilisk stuff. A torch lit room opens before you.

Large wooden beams rise on both sides of the doorway. You notice the corridor continues on the other side of the room. As you examine the room, you feel as though a thousand eyes are watching you very bad stuff. Oh my God. We could have been slurping key right now. We could have been just just downing water weird. Maybe that'll be our bonus content on the Patreon

for the time being so to see what happens when we grab the key. I guarantee it's a death. Could be having a tasty little water weird soda be grab the key. I guarantee it's a death. Could be having a tricky. I can't see the little water weird soda. I guarantee it. I guarantee it. Before you stand to the most horrible collection of statues you've ever seen, stone monsters, only a madman could imagine.

Lear down at you for pedestals, boobies. Maybe this magic user like creates scopes from stone and then brings the stone to life. I know that there's a bachelor's. So it's probably that, but I like the idea of that being a magic user sculpting. Do you think this is a magic user that set up shop on the side of the highway and has all those fun bronze sculptures

and stone sculptures of a gorilla or a big stone shrek and you can buy them and pick them up? And put them in your garden. Yeah, put them in your garden. I think that this guy makes garden ornaments for sure. I have read ahead. I don't know what anyone said. So one of them, one of the stone statues is a gargoyle.

Oh no! The gargoyle flaps to life and is going to try to attack us. A little long day. Laura Stati thinks that it could be calm and servant. Perhaps the wizard is near. If you think you must fight the gargoyle, even though it is one of the fiercest creatures you expect to me in this dungeon,

and to get to the room and turn to page 100. If you do not wish to fight the corridor, corridor, if you do not wish to fight the gargoyle, not a corridor, return to the dimly- I fight the corridor. Yeah, can we fight the corridor? Do you guys wanna go fight the corridor? Let's fight the corridor.

I'm gonna go fight the corridor. Stick us forward into a support beam. The corridor runs straight. Gargoyles and grotesques are actually used to, they're an architectural feature that serves a function. They're used to channels like the liquid wave. The rainbow? The water. Yeah. The way from the building. Yeah.

They're also kind of like fighting a wall. All architects are freaks. Yeah. Dirty twisty little thing. All architects are cooking. I'm sorry. Frank Lloyd Wright, your mind is Frank Lloyd wrong. All right. This corridor runs straight and smooth for several hundred

paces after a time torches line the walls. Your way is well lit. The corridor slopes upwards, twisting and turning upon itself. At last, you stand before a large boulder. The corridor ends here. There is nowhere else to go. You're puzzled. Searching the face of the boulder,

you discover a hidden handle and pull it. The entire boulder. You think there's no door? You immediately find it. Yeah. The entire boulder swings slowly toward you. You step aside in amazement. The boulder swings completely open

and fresh air rushes into the corridor. Looking around the edge of the opening, you see that it is very dark beyond. You step through the opening and the immense boulder closes behind you. There is now no sign of the door. This sounds like one of Coleman's dreams. Laura's daddy, cries Laura's, we're outside.

The blackness is only night. Cool, fresh air blows about you. You smell cool You smell pine trees and green growing things. You are outside and you are safe But you have come away with little or no treasure to make it worth your while Considering the dangers you faced. Perhaps you can find the opening in the rock and try again another day I love you pick your way down the side of the mountain, a deep mocking laughter echoes down the mountain side. That happening suddenly turns back toward the mountain and raises a clenched fist, shouting

someday, Coleman, Laura, Laura's daddy and I, Laura's will return to your lair for another battle. Next time, the outcome will be different. You and Lord Loris, turn down the mountain and start the long journey back to Lord Loris' village. The end. So Lord, that's a happy ending. Wow. He needs to go home to his wife.

He needs to go home to his wife and say, I killed my first person. Yeah. I took it. I took it out. I took a life. I took a life today, will you take me back? Please Linda. Oh, sweet Linda.

Not only did I take my first life, I saw an ape turn to dust in front of my favorite eyes. I want to be a baker's apprentice again, Linda. I guess, I mean, I guess we never had to face that gargoyle. I wonder if this we got a medium ending and a medium king. So yeah, for Lois Daddy, this is our best possible L.A.G.G.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C.E.C, still the wife. Laura's daddy's gonna realize, it's gonna see what Laura's,

Laura's could never fucking see. So Linda's getting a happy ending. Absolutely. Oh yeah. Linda's gonna sit in the chair while we go down. That's right. Hands down, style. You're gonna get 62 tonight, baby.

Oh my goodness. Look out your favorite chair that you don't mind getting a little funky. So Jake, what's the music to clean, I believe? Jake, how do you feel being on a APID book club and in classic APID book of fashion? It was not beating the adventure book that we, uh, played. I'm very impressed. This was my first time listening to the podcast. We were only on your network for two years. We sent you a bunch of A couple episodes. I'm when they're like out a lot less podcast I arguably should have what a great show

Actually, you know what you have been on a book club before oh, cuz didn't we announce? Yes, dad, yes, that's right. So I think you still are the second guest But block that from your memory or something? No, I mean, not anymore. It's a very happy memory. Should we rank this book? I thought it was kind of... Is it A to J?

Yeah, I felt, I felt, and maybe it's because we used to do adventure books when we hadn't been playing D&D, but I felt really, really, really, real rooted by this book. Oh, actually, yeah, I'm really like that. But yeah, it is. You feel like it was like the illusion of choice, it was an actual choice.

Exactly. I think the ND made me feel like we would have a lot more autonomy when we got into this. Certainly. I mean, yeah. I want to go over to the leaves, but I want to, I want to like, test, I don't want to fall through. I think you'll put it in the right,

but it's just like, fuck with my mom. I'm not going to play D&D. I'll tell you what, I want to eat test I don't want to fall through I think you You couldn't but it's just like fuck with my mom. I'm gonna play the idea I want to roll for stuff. Yeah, actually I should have been able to roll and if I rolled high You should have read ahead and given me a hint you should play son. Oh, that's a good. That's good I like that. Yeah, I will say I I liked that Cassonic we could sit there and read it for three hours Uh-huh, just get three hours. And then just get it off. Three hours of heaven. Yeah.

Because there was a rolling aspect, but it didn't tell you what the stats did. So it'd be like, Emily and Caldwell one time built the stupidest Sonic possible, where he was just really buffing really cool, but really low. A buff cool hog. Yeah. And there was a point where we had to beat a dude on a speed roll, and we literally couldn't do it unless we rolled a six, and we just died.

Like three times in a row. Yeah. And this is why we should have drank the snake. Yeah, well, we'll do that on the show. Yeah, sure. Oh, that's true. Over on the Patreon, we'll do a replay. We're gonna get the key.

Starting at the key. Yeah, that's great. And if we die right away, we'll fight the gargoyle. Friends, another world awaits you a better world This is our first time getting a media mending like Mara stuff. I usually die and like Sonic usually dies. Yeah, I think it was also like more confusing because um Like when we play us like Sonic the Hedgehog I don't have any relations to Sonic the Hedgehog, but this I was like kind of confused by the fact that we were kind of a piece of shit.

Yeah, I did not fucking like that guy. His best friend is like a leftist wife, high and dry. Leftist wife and then it is like... Stabbing apes. I think that was the part when the man turned to dust in our hand. And also whispered that like, I was like, shit, cuz my wife says that. What are you saying?

I look like an ape like in my cubs. E-cups, E-cups. A lot of them is a carrot, right? Carrick apparently. Carrick apparently, that was the two pages of them becoming friends that we skipped. So you think it would have been worse if we had read a Sonic adventure book

and Knuckles was like complaining about his wife all the time. Oh, yeah, maybe. Maybe it's because the characters in Sonic the Hedgehog are so such wonderful characters. Yeah, this was very 1982. This was all of the stuff about D&D, that was problematic, and then also on top of that, the take my wife.

Yeah. There was really nothing subversive about that. I could really see like the Dungeons and Dragons to level quality movie being made of this though. Just like very poor lighting, very bad costuming. Yeah. Just two guys in like a cave. I was looking at a leaf pile and then falling through it.

That was fun. That was a fun intro. That felt satisfying. I liked the Cursid Eight Man. pile, that was fun. That was a fun, it was a fun. That felt satisfying. I liked the Cursid 8-Man. I thought that was plastic-D-A-D. I did like it. You're right, because I did like it. It was good.

It was good storytelling, but because it was the illusion of choice, and when it worked out the way it did, and I had so little candy in it, so I think that was really confusing to me. All right, guys, why don't we go ahead and wrap this one up? We'll be over on our Patreon patreon.com slash nadpa that's n-a-d-d-d-p-o-d-d-o-n-s-i-i-s. We will be doing a little another playthrough. Just trying to grab that crossed key.

We're gonna get that beautiful key. Yeah. What if it just ends up being a decorative necklace? I definitely had a decorative necklace. What if the snake is like, ooh, tickles when you do that, thank you. You have to tune in to find out. Yeah, I will say the gargoyle,

the book was very much like, it's, do you wanna fight this, even though it's the strongest thing you'll fight here? Yeah. And so I was like, oh, that's a clue, but the water we are seeing was the same thing. But also the, yeah, it was like,

beware the water that is not water. Okay, I guess I'm gonna not go for it, but now I'm like, no, okay. Check it out. I think bravery's gonna be rewarded. Does anybody think they like to plug? Yeah, I'll plug our show, which is tonight. Yes, all right.

Welcome, I'm Jay London. Yeah, tonight in London, tomorrow in Manchester, all-manyth, and Saturday in Edinburgh, May 14th. May 14th. Yeah, so there's time. That's great. And I will plug Salt Beef Bagels, of which I will be eating one while I'm in London.

Oh, yeah. Same here. Same here. So, you go, same. You don't need to bring me one, but just like, I need like a signal at the show that you've had a Salt Beef Bagel that day. So, like, bring me like a big bag.

Oh, you can get like a little circle over your head Yeah, make like an oh with your arms if you had the salt beef bagel. That's perfect So tickets are still available at nadd pod dot com slash live Go there and go to the salt beef bagel place. Yeah, get that beef sweet guys. Let's wrap it up You can follow us on social media. They were may or may not use at CHMurf is me at called this call dual Addie extra Emily and at your girl to Jake and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that's any ddp Follow us on social media, they were Mayor Man I use, AdCH Murphy's Me, at Caldiscaldwell, Addy X for Demole and AdChi Gerrots is Jake and you can tweet about the show using hashtag NADPA that's NADDPOD.

We are, we are, youth of the nation. Wait, wait, stop, wait, we have to do the 8-bit book of ending. Oh, I'm a fool. May the Baba Yaga not take you this night. May Bahamut bless you. May Bahamut, okay. May it be?

It was, okay, you wanna just start this on again? No, let's leave this all. Let's all discover and remember it. Great. There's eight bit bookbuds out there that are listening and we're mad at this for a second. Oh, you kept listening. I hope you kept listening. They don't get off in disgust. May may be a hamlet bless you and may the bobbah yaga not take you this night. That's right. I remember that. I remember that for my first time on. They made a book about a video game. Game, game, game. We made a podcast about that. Book.

It's the end of the show and you know what that means? We need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. I'm talking about Raddy, Jeffrey S, Hugh C, later Mick Skater, Matt M, Jordan DJ, Cutter W, Jill and Tucker who want to help Jake move out. Dungeon Mama, Danielle the Dastardly Dame. Beardman Dan. Scott D. Danny P. Michael McD. Vincent W.

Mr. Cole. Victor T. Balnor's boy forever. Dominic P. Andrew B. Justin I. Ragnar Third Wind. TJM.

Elena M. Traylae the Cray. Jared E. Christopher B. Danyelle R. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Buff Danny Elfman. Who's made it to the COE? Welcome Danny Elfman, we're glad to have you.

Richard X Machina, Michael L, Calum L, Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C, Saddiast Thundress Turtle. Samuel B. Mike H. Martin P. Matthew E. Colton B. Way cooler than Angry Wheat. Adam G. Tyler F. Nabadger. Panama James.

Andrew the Bard. Captain Sejal. Diana C.C. Lulu. Michelle O. Heracule Barrow, the rabbit's frock detective. Timmy R. Grakaholic, Lucas B. Raco, it's Kevin.

Calder's, Cold, Come! Stagg can't stop me, New York, Cascade Board Casse. Steven C. Michael M. Mike K. Lady Taco Joy T. Nara

Witt and Hwimsy Jake L. Nick W. Brave the Batcher Esmi M. Mutton the Mab druid A has been trying to undo his friend who has been stuck as a polymorphed sheep for three weeks Foster the original boneless duck Veronica P. Errin the asshole ranger Polymorphed sheep for three weeks! Foster, the original boneless duck. Veronica P. Errin, the asshole ranger. Ressage, big beard on the mad!

Eric McD, giant monsters on the horizon. Burley T, Percival Frederick Stein von Mussel Klazowski Derolo III, Christian A, Olivia K, Jake Dragonborn, Joro the inappropriate, Cody B, Liam D, the San Drian, Ben A, Fel Donnis, John the third, Dave H, Vivian, Koala Bear, Katherine S, David K, Christian S, Rebecca G, Dustin S, Conor F, Huck-eye Pierce, Book Vars Assistant, Izzy F. The Time Walker.

Blair the Bug Blair Marbley-in. Katsy. Kelsi J. Porkchap. Ariel. The occasional mermaid. Selena and Valacy Raptor. Manette the Magnificent Magic Carp. Pat L. Atr truth A, Lauren H, Amber W, Joshua D, the Bone Duster, the Charming Fluff,

Robert Chris, master Brent Lee, telekitty creations, the official NADPOT and my personal favorite illustrator, Bloops, Carly Ann, Addy K, Amber, Lori P, Hasdy-K, Amber, Laurie P, hashtag end, callers cold come hashtag rise again this noise bunk. Spam gaming the submarine sailor who saw the eagle. Grant L, Connor Savage, Christopher J, Pepplepot, Logan S, Leviathan, Bioquart 7, Remington CD,

Amber Dextrous, Sullivan H, Trub Hop Dropper Sidney T Jack H King of the Mole City under Iron Deep Aferix Hashtag No Censorship Hashtag Pro CCCC Oh it's Ken Spicy and the C.O.A. Garble the Moist Juicy Kiwi Singing Lucy and the sky with diamonds in D minor. Champ Wild, Vailin, Sprite Pepsi, Caroline C. Louis is your centard dad, Armadon the only, Emily S. Harry C. Chloe L. Noah the bagel of all things, Estelle, Loyal the the oiter, conflicted DM, Justin L, Tory Lee's skirmisher, Dandy. E&D, bunny, hashtag, cluddies, did nothing wrong, hashtag, froth pal sucks.

Ooh, Marcus P, pup, calish, learns the balanced druid, Dakota James P, Frida Molo. Poccos, self-proclaimed, Faye Prince. Tracy P. The Crick-El-Flyne Brarrion. Fryer, Frisit. Andy E. Holley-Hahena. Anthony A. Kristen Z. Leah C. Page H.

Ryan Irfy, Fully Supports, Caulders, Coldcombe, Hashtag CCC for Life. Kristen, with a K, Cal, just Cal. Commodore Galaxy, Edison N. Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, Nio's the novice monster hunter. My new friend Simon, who I met last night in Dreamland,

he was a little sad at first, he seemed to think we'd met before. Morgan Monroe, a peeling sticker of a tail on folds. Steven E. Mr. Adams. Meg, the male carrier of Bohumia. James F. Jimmy A. Hi, man. Hi, man.

Yeah, that's me. Kepin, Kepi! M4L, the dragon ambassador, waferer, inventor of the SS Storm Bjorn, Andrew B, Dalton B, Coke fresh, Barbell good barrel, Birdberry, and Brewer meritus of Waterdeep. Tari rams with Jabari, Welsh lender. Garrett G, one big curd, Eric M, Mr D,. John P. Mr. Sillyhead, Monster Captain Rene S. Cameron C. Hoops dagger the only dagger of hope. Olivia the enchanting bard who will totally be making money off of the duck team tails with an on the go all the stops show. Blue Slade. Mikaela R.

Elbin's alabaster aftermath, Hashtag worth a 200. Solom's sticky sauce, Hashtag CCC, double down, Collapes, Cumulo, Gumblast, Hashtag CCC forever. Riley S. Sir Sig 93. FICO. Melvin, the Moon Tim. Love that. No one is cooler than

angry. We especially not the front half of the horse costume. Arushi and anachronistic Enigma. The game itself. And what do I want to end on? Emily. That's it. That is our benevolent council of elders. Thank you all so much. We love you. Not good bye, Sweeties.