Not Another D&D Podcast - 80's D&D Adventure Book: Raid on Nightmare Castle

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

Sound the Story Gong! The time has come for our brave LoreLords and their very special, one-time-only-guest Jake Hurwitz to take on the dreaded Nightmare Castle! Join us for a multitude of name changes, line re-takes and several incredibly long tangents that Murph barely survives. So grab your books, press play and let the adventure begin!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon8-Bit Book Club Theme by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome to Ape at Book Club, the only book club that makes you dumber. We are your lore lords, Brian Murphy joined, of course, by my life slash comedy partner, Emily Axford, my other life slash comedy partner, called Waltaner, and of course, for the first time ever, And nice little one time dip. One and done. Jake Hurley. Clearing your busy schedule for us. Thanks, man. Thanks for having me. I was on the most recent one as well. You can go back and listen to the Pillars of Pentagon. Jake Hurley, you remember the name of the book?

OK, we saved plugs for the inn generally. Yeah. That's OK. You're probably doing it. You were on a show that played something similar to this? Sure, yeah, me and Emure did it on a fire for you. Ah, we did it the week after Nodpod did that. Ah, oh my God.

Is he really like that? Is he really like that? Oh yeah, the 16-bit AV club, that's really cool. That's really original, man. Ah, ah, man. Yeah, so this month, we are going to be reading Raid on Nightmare Castle, another one of the Dungeons and Dragons endless quest books. Immediately my thought is, I just love a simple name,

like Nightmare Castle. Yeah, you know what you're in for? That's classic. Like, if you're like a better than Pillars of Pentagarn? I do, I do actually. I'm gonna come out hard on that. I like Pillars of Pentagarn. If you're sitting there and you're writing

and you're like, coming up with a campaign for your friends and you're like, and then they go to the Nightmare Castle and you're like, stupid, stupid, what's a better name? I actually think Nightmare Castle is not that bad. It's great.

It's clean, it's elegant. You know that you're gonna go to a castle full of nightmares. I'd be excited to go to a nightmare castle. Yeah. And I am excited to go to a nightmare castle, Merv, take it away. You open it and take it real. Yeah.

Very good. If you break into cacles and then immediately we get talking about the laughing, it stops being a good transition. So let's, it was too clean. She's planning something. Get right into it. So right on nightmare castle, another person. Oh, it was too clean. She's planning something. Get right into it. So right on nightmare castle,

another one of the fifths. Yes, take it away. Thank you. Yeah. Very good. This is right on nightmare. One second, Murph, one second. Okay, buddy, yep.

Yeah. You got it. Okay, thank you so much. Comedy works in threes. Let's go ahead and do it one more time. Right, I guess we did it three times. Let's move on. Right on that red castle is of course from 1983 this book is older than all of us. Whoa, just like Billy Pillars of Pentacard and Restorant of the same year.

Two old for us to even be conceived to it. Whoa! Yes, it's true. You know people are always getting conceived to books. Oh, absolutely. Return of the King is when this seed was planted. I'm pointing at myself. We're all just two consenting adults, just like finishing a turn of the King at the same time.

Is anyone, we're all, we're all, we're all 1985 and called those 1986. I believe we're right. Okay, so me, Jake and Emily could not have been conceived in 1983. I guess you know, that's the thing about books is they come out and then you can like read them after. Yeah, so we could have been conceived. So they could. We still all could have been conceived of this book.

Your absolute edition was out in full circulation. Yeah. Yeah. Can we all take a break, text our dads and ask us? And ask where you're reading this? What's your name is when I was a kid? What book was I can see? There's just nine other happy birthday texts that have no response to them before it

I don't know what would be funnier them texting you happy birthday or you texting them happy birthday and no response and then just hitting them up with What book was I can see it to? They're both disturbing. They're both so sad. If Cole will give me $100, I'll text my mom that on my birthday. I need $100, too. Just $100? Yeah. I'll get you up.

I'm weird enough that that's not to add a pocket for her. Yeah, I think my mom would maybe be so cute but try to answer sincerely. Can I tell you, I feel like my dad is just primed for this because I texted him recently to say that our kid got into preschool and we were very excited about it. And his response was just, yeah.

Oh, so I feel like if I hit him with this information, I think he would probably just like give me a thumbs up emoji and never respond in any way. That's pretty good. I think what I would get is I couldn't even do it as a joke because what would happen is I would send that text and then I would get a concerned call of media. That would turn her into a call of once wrong.

What would happen to you? All right, anyway, I'm gonna start reading this first page here. You're about to set off on an adventure in which you, capital letters, will meet many dangers and face many decisions. Your choices will determine how the story turns out, so be careful, you must choose wisely.

Do not read this book from the beginning, and instead you are faced? Yeah, we know, we go ahead, blah, buh, buh, buh. You know you read it manga style. You can read, read, read on Nightmare Castle many times with many different choices. Yes, we know. You read on Nightmare Castle.

In this book, you are Keole, a human orphan who has been raised by elves. I have a part on S. I got no it's on that name. Keole. My name, Keole, I like it. I like Keole. I like Keole.

Come back on board. Though you appreciate your step parents kindness, you long to have the chance to prove yourself Keyhole. Keyhole. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like happen. I mean if we made it right. In what book we were conceived to. I believe that that is in the book whether or not we will get that ending remains to be seen. We're gonna find out that we're heir to the Nightmare Throne. Oh shit you think we got that? Oh yes.

Yeah. Okay. That's a bad daddy. Alright so the Great gong sounds it's deep tones Reverberating in the village square you Okay, no No to that you drop your bow and hurry from archery class cute to the center of town It's it's trouble or good tidings. Yeah, that's a long range of things What kind of town is hosting a bell that's that ambiguous? Yeah, you got a big witch bell. Oh, you with a town to have multiple bells? Bells are expensive. You are different. Cool. But you interrupt your town with a mixture of confusion every time that comes out. I'll tell you right every time you have good news. Happy to have you. Yeah, I'll tell you how you do it, right? Yeah, this is good news.

Ding. Okay, good news, bad news. Ding. Okay, so it's fine when he makes an ointment. I have an idea, I have an idea. The gong is bad news, right? Cause there's something fun about that. Yeah, yeah.

The good news, the good tidings is you release a pack of doves with P&E's and their beaks. Perfect. With what? You can change the pitch of a bell based on where the Pien is, right? Oh, I'd be right. Is it a Pien or a Piel?

Maybe it is. It's a Pien. It's a Pien. It's a Pien. I think there should be a good news Pien and a bad news. You're right. You can take it easily, because the bell, like that huge bell, I understand is difficult to forge, but a teeny-peen.

A teeny-peen? A teeny-peen. A teeny-peen is, ha-ha, easy to forge. A peen is easy to forge. A peen is easy to move. Murphy Dad's calling. He's worried about you. Wow.

Okay. We're on the first paragraph. Okay. Already. This town is a full of schmoss. If you don't have a second, if you don't have a second, one-gong town. Yeah, okay. It's trouble or good tidings.

Why else would the Elven Prince Novoi sound the gong? Your friend Edis stumbles into you in his hurry. What do you think it is? Kee-oh, I have no idea you reply, but I did see some travelers near the archery field. Oh, I saw them hours ago at a says laughing, then he sober's seeing your hurt look. I'm sorry, Keel, but you know,

you can't see as well as we elves can. You don't have to rub it. Your reply is cut short as the gong sounds again. Rising 14 feet high, the gong is... GONG! Wait, what did you say before? You had it right, yeah. Yeah, you had the G-O or gong. Yeah, you had the G high, the gong is... GONG! Wait, what did you say before? You had it right, yeah. Yeah, you had the G-O-G-L-Gong.

The gong is flawless, clear crystal. All right, holy shit. Yeah. That's why they don't have to. Yeah, that's... Okay, this is an expensive gong. It's actually dual-deaning. We take it back.

We take back all the stuff we said about the We got an issue in Apology. It's an heirloom gong. We just want to go ahead and issue an apology to the elves here that have the one gong. This seems expensive. You can't have a good gong and a bad gong. So the crystal is Pentagon shaped, faceted to send rainbows. Oh, also a gong isn't going to have a peen.

No, that peenless. No, no, no, we're fucking morons. This perilous gong is also peenless. Peenless. And it's painless for me to admit Okay, so I'm gonna skip ahead a little bit because it's a little bit your freckles. Yeah, you're the basis so highly polished that you can see every detail of your reflection, your freckles and carrot right here. I think it's the blonde and white-haired, elven folk of Sylason. The slender limbs and thin features around you contrast sharply with your square jaw and broad chest.

Damn, we're strong. Okay. Okay. So it goes on to say that we're, we lack the agility and speed of the elves,, we're strong. Okay. Okay, so it goes on to say that we're, we lack the agility and speed of the L's, but we're strong as you glance over at the other 13 year old, oh, Edis, okay, so you're both teenagers. We're buff team.

You're a buff team. I love Edis, I hope he sticks around. Really? What, what was it about Edis? He rolled in. He just rolled in? Rock, charisma. Okay. Okay. He was like in. Rock charisma. Okay.

Okay. He was like, I saw the travelers earlier. Like, damn, yeah, you did Ed is. Yeah. Ed is. He's playful. There's a give and take with him. There's a give and take with Ed is.

You know, you know, Ed is likes to rise but is okay with being razz himself. He's affable with an edge. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Ed is affable with an ass. That's, yeah. Yeah. Ed is affable with an absolute fucking led. Okay, the crowd quiet suddenly, and the voints of Prince Novoi rings out across the plaza. My dear friends, oh my god, there's so many pages before we make a choice.

I bow to the friends. Okay, you bow. Global bow. We've had news from the North, from our kin in the mountains, great tragedy has been falling them the evil or your work. Okay, so it was bad. Oh, it was a bad, bad, bad ringing of the Kong. God, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, populace's mindset. If they came in being like, this could be good.

Right. And then you're like, hey guys, bad news. Yeah. Okay. The evil warlord, warless of goth rob has captured their ruler, our brother, estragon. A gas bar rises from the elves and Edith says in a choked whisper, Esther gone is the wisest among elves. He led the great council of peace 10 years ago.

You nod. You remember as a child. Seeing him. Okay. Okay. Damn Edith is smart too. No, this is history. Edith is smart. Edith knows his history. Aphical with an edge. The prince goes on. There's a gong of a guy. The prince goes on. There's gong of a guy.

The Prince goes on. We do not trust Ruralist to keep his promise to release our brother after we pay. Okay, so they're doing like a ransom thing. I'm skipping ahead. There's just too much. I'll say already that like I love elves, but I feel like they're actually,

when I read them in books, I don't often like them. I don't often like the traditional, like, rendered, like, you like Wood Elves, you don't like the high Elves. There you go. Yeah, like I don't love the Elves in Lord of the Rings. Do you think that like the Crick Elves have just kind of like rewritten my memory of Elves? Yeah.

In honor. Therefore, we have decided to, okay, we don't trust to keep the promise to release our brother after we pay. We've sworn never to let Elvin Magic fall into evil hands. Therefore, we cannot, okay, so Royaleus wanted magic, but they're like nah, therefore we have decided to send our great hero, Keno's, on a quest to rescue

as Trigon and destroy the evil warlord forever. Too many fucking characters. That seems their tie, just do that. Come on, Edith says, let's see who's going with him. You race off to the man or are you renowned? to the manner of the renowned like is so confidently curious okay here's well here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal.

Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal.

Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. and curious. Although you still haven't overcome your all the great Elven Magician, his stern manner and the exacting tasks see a science make you nervous around him. He's fair and a wise teacher, but you're never really sure of his approval.

Keno says a magician. You apparently. That's the thing about Eddist though, he's humble about it, like his dad is famous, but it's not like changing him. You couldn't even tell that his dad was a magician. You're my dad, this is a magician. I don't think I was a magician.

I would be a dick at all. First line, you could not write a scene with me where I did it. Come on. I feel like my dad's chrysanjul. You're not fucking peasant. Everything would be couched as the child of chrysanjul. I was conceived inside a metal cube on top of Times Square. inside a metal cube on top of Times Square. That's my dad's greatest stunt. And I live in the freaking planet all the lost voices. If my mom wasn't in it, if that makes sense.

That's how crazy the magic was. If my mom wasn't Juno Alaska at the time. He fucking mind-freaked me in the existence. That's what mind-freaking means. That's what mind-freaking is. He couldn't say to me in existence. That's what mind freaking means. That's what mind freaking is You couldn't say the real f-word Mind fucking Okay, um at the entrance to the great hall you stop the tall gray haired Kano says listening to a stout elf with blonde hair

I actually really want to see mind freak great, which is we we have to move on Respect we have to power through that. Respectfully. I really laughed at it a lot. Yeah, I agree with you. It would be funny, I would definitely go see mine. Respectfully, I must point out that a large group will be quickly spotted.

The stat alpha saying, true, I will take only as many as needed. Oh no, Edda Gaspz. That means he'll never take us. The warlord, roarless canos continues. Is's an evil man but not stupid. He realizes the value of keeping Estragon alive. We should have time to get to the castle before then he interrupts himself. How was he captured? Oh man, is Estragon bad? He was traveling with his men through the South

Out Pass when roerless ambushed him. We think Salad, Garth, the Salad. Salad was helping, and Estragon is no magician. That's very true, Kenos says, then frowns. No wonder Roylas is able to do such mischief. Salad Garth was powerful years ago, but I hadn't heard about him for a long time. Ever since he had Roylas killed King Urlar, please skip ahead.

Okay, we're getting a lot of lore, but let's bring it down for our audience, right? Yeah, so Estrengung is the dad of Edith. No. All right, absolutely. No, I'm gonna do it. Let's get out of the golf. Absolutely got the first thing wrong.

The magician, Rolus, is Edith's dad. Wrong. Okay, incorrect. Rolus is K-N-O-S. K-N-O-S. Yeah. K-N-O-S. K-N-O-S got abducted.

K-N-O-S was abducted by the warlord. No. K-N-O-S is right here. Every time the Gong rings, a new Elf is born. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna power through. Honestly, this town would do that.

They would multi-purpose this shit out of this crystal. Oh, okay. I'm gonna think all the time. All right, so I think our character has some kind of amulet. I'm literally skipping pages because we're never gonna get to make a choice at this point. So we have an amulet.

So canos puts his hand on your shoulder. You jerk away still upset. We are taking the jewel with us, but even I won't use it unless canos is unable to. Oh, Edis is going. Edis is going to take the amulet. Can we change gears and play as Edis? Yeah, we'll be Edis and we'll name the real Edis Fredis. That's a really interesting take though, right?

Because for me, I don't want to be Edis. I want to be with Edis. Okay. Oh, that's it. Jake wants to be at us, I want to be with at us. Okay. Oh, that's amazing. Jake wants to be at us. Right, so let's do two readings. Let's do two. We'll just call both characters at us.

That's great. That's awesome. And we'll do at us with one D is us and at us with two D's. And we'll say, I'll say single D whenever it does. You guys have smart. Yeah, this is like, I've added in Eddie Roles. Yes, yes. Yes. Or it could smart. Yeah, this is like, I'm at an Eddie Roles. Yes, yes, yes. Or could be Ed Us, like Ed is Us, Ed is Ed Us.

Ed is Ed Us, and Ed is, and Ed is, as an Ed is the other guy. Ed is, I love that, Jake. And he's so much for getting things. We're so fucking smart. We're so fucking smart. It's insane. We're smart, it's like three Ed is put together.

We've read nothing. I'm skipping and I still can't figure out where to get to. Okay, so basically Ed Us wants to go along but only Ed is just going and Ed is kind of took our like amulet I think. Ed is our friend Ed Us is us. All right, Ed is. And we meet in Eda. Ed is?

Fart. Stairs at his feet not wanting to make it worse by showing his excitement. Would he like me to leave Greypaw behind? He asked nodding towards the sleek white whip it sleeping on the bed? No, you gotta break you gotta bring the whip it We gotta stop with it. This is my dream at his name the dog raises his head. What's the name of it? Graypaw Graypaw Someday wait, I have a has a dog has a voice. Oh, no, you don't great process I know with a verb Google picture with it and you're gonna want to

Reveal their real long nose. I know what they are you know In the book I know what I'm doing okay trust me in a voice Canos magically gave him I'm not giving up this chance at adventure to babysit some human. Changing the subject quickly, you ask, isn't your father getting too old for adventures? His last quest was more than 400 years ago. Edith shrugs, my God, we need to move on.

I wanna make a choice. Okay, there's somebody else named Tailsman, a hawk is gonna come along. Okay, so we have our animal buddies now. Okay, so right now to set Tailsman, a hawk is gonna come along. Okay, so we have our animal butt. Okay, so right now to set the scene, we have Ed Us, Ed Is, Keno's, and then a hawk named Tailsman and a whip it named Graypaw.

Graypaw. This is already the perfect adventure for me. This is a fucking, this is rude. Okay, all right, so these guys are going off without you, the vision, okay, blah, blah, blah, blah. You have some kind of vision that's saying, like you can follow them. Oh, you weren't invited.

Yeah, you're not. They took our amulet, right? Yeah. They took our amulet and canos and edis have gone off. Okay, we have two choices here. If you decide to follow canos and edis, turn to page 117. If you decide to follow Kano's and Edith's, turn to page 117 if you decide to obey Kano's and stay home. Okay, so it is, Obey.

So if we obey the suggestion of Edith. Yes, because Kano's is Edith's dad, and if we obey Kano's, Edith is gonna look fondly upon us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, also this might be part of an elaborate trick. Oh! Yes, let's do it. You're so trick. Oh, yes, it has to do with the nutrition.

You're so right. It's a test of our honor. Can we be trusted? They tell us not to come along. And then tomorrow morning they say, surprise, actually, there was a test you passed. You can come along because we trust you now. I have bad news, gang.

I think we thought that this was just gonna be a joke choice. It was gonna be instantly a game over. But no, this is just taking us down to pass. Oh, yes, you were good. Oh, all right. Donna's still an hour away when you wake and hurry out it was gonna be instantly a game over, but no, this is just taking us down to Pat. So, yes, he wears a goose. Alright, Donna's still an hour away when you wake and hurry out to your balcony. You could not find the nerve to disobey Cano's orders. No, we could not.

We have a balcony though, so like, why leave? So you stare in silence as the adventure begins without you. The shadow of the servants moving around the courtyard are barely visible as they prepare the pack horses. I think there's enough adventure books that I can say that there's a trend that they're really mean to you whenever you choose the coward. Whenever you're coward. Yeah and I really love it. Yeah that makes sense. Just eating a pop tart and watching your friends go in an adventure. The writer always for rates you. Hope on God.

Alright, so they mount up with all their stuff. Finally, the travelers appear in mount up to avoid the warlord's attention. Only Ed is will accompany his father. Between the dark and your tears, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Ed is saying he broke up and us is hard. They're editorializing a bit too much. I think they're editorial he broke our head. Us is hard. They're editorializing a bit too much.

They're editorializing. You cry. I made this choice. And you whined. But finally, you fell asleep. You find it impossible to read the look on your friend's face, gripping the railing and frustration. You watch as the caravan fades into the murky half light.

Signed, you go inside to begin your chores. We're all about to be chores. All these are like, oh, you don't want to go in an adventure. You get inside to begin your chores. We're all so happy to be chores. I'm like, oh you don't want to go in an adventure? You get chores. Yeah, did the wippets stay behind though? Do at least get the hang with the wippet? I don't know. Oh gosh, the wippet bites you and you cry.

A few days later. A wippet could get its hand basically up to your elbow. They got long mouths. Okay, a few days later you see Jadis slumped despairing over his supper. Probably one of the many characters introduced while we flipped through the pages. I just want to say despairing over one supper is a beautiful image that I will be trying to tell you. What do you think you're doing? How does that look? Are they just like a rotisserie? I think you ever see someone really slumped over a meal. That you're like I don't think you need to be that close to the plate

to get the food to your mouth. I feel like this happens a lot of like, hail and hearty soups. Yeah. You just see someone like, despairing over a bread bowl. Yeah. Yeah. It's not easy to eat a meal happily there at hail and hearty.

Yeah. Because it's a half a sandwich and a soup. It's not real. Yeah. And you're like, am I saving this? Yeah. Am I eating it all now? You're like half healthy and regretting that half.

Yeah. All right, so Jadis was left in charge by canos, the elderly sorcerer has spent hours following the caravan by Claire Voyance. What's wrong, you asked? I can no longer see the master's group. There was much confusion and then nothing. I fear the worst.

I knew I should have followed them, maybe it's not too late. You find out from Jadis where the group was last seen, and you ride out with Tails Spin. Ooh, okay. You hope that you can still help your friends, but keep in mind you were a coward. So it might be too late.

You're gonna find their corpses. Shit, we just got bullied into disobeying Canos so now we're not part of the trick. We were a coward, left out friends, but we're back to dispin! Only 90's kids we're not part of the trick. We work how it left our friends, but we're back to spin. Only 90 skits remember. I actually don't remember.

Emily doesn't remember. It doesn't matter. A lot of watch TV. I still think you're going to be, okay, we're a page 117, in case you're reading a log, you're getting it. I still think you're going to be in big trouble.

Your Hawks voice is harsh with worry. Listen, tailspin. If I had stayed home, I'd be of're going to be in big trouble. Your Hawks voice is harsh with worry. Listen, tailspin. If I had stayed home, I'd be of no use to anyone. This way, at least I can still help Kano's and Edith, the black hawk on your shoulder flaps is wings angrily ruffling your hair. It's all very well for you, master edit at us, but Kano's is liable to turn me into a mouse.

I'll be eaten by my own people. You chuckle softly, slowly running your horse grasping. I like this. I just get into canos' machinations. This bird has a wild imagination. Canos is a cruel magician. Yeah, that's what we're learning here. I'm a little preserved by that. He's an absolute mind-free. Yes, he gives you the gift of speech so that you can then fear his retribution. Right, that you can beg for mercy before he trains you into a mouse. Yeah, give you intelligence so that you learn fear. Okay, so you enter Orchmerotter territory. As a lone rider, you would make a good

target. A chill wind sweeps down from the mountains ahead of you and you shiver. The sun ducks in and out of the clouds. As you search for signs of the elves' passages, darn those elephant eyes. If they couldn't see so far, I could keep a closer tail on Edith. Do you want me to fly ahead? No, it'd be just our luck that they'd recognize you. That insolent gray poss certainly would. He's had an infarmy for a long time.

Oh, okay. You're lucky to have suddenly the clash of steel on steel rings thinly through the still morning air. Your horse shies and you struggle to hold it down. Faint cries and shouts echo from beyond the next hill, but you see nothing disturbing the peaceful scenery. Tails bin, there's a fight. I'd better go to help.

What if it's not Keno's, but some orcs fighting? If you decide it's not your friends and to keep out of the fight, turn to page 16. If you decide it is the elves and you ride forward to help turn to page 31. I think I'd like to turn Tailspin into a mouse right now. Okay, just go ahead and get that out of the way. Tailspin's a mouse. Great, you have the power to do that.

We have one spell prepared. We have magic initiative. I think that, like, we wouldn't be disobeying canos by going into this fight, so I think we should go into the fight. Okay, yeah, don't send a bird to do a man's work. Yeah. Yeah, okay, do a teen's work. Alright, if you decided as the elves, page 31,

we're gonna try this out. Yeah, okay, literally like six pages. Okay. Uh My lord, okay man Okay, we traveled a long way just to help a canos and edis and weren't edis We're not going to risk failing them now. You tell that's right. That's what we tell Yeah, we tell tales spin the mouse Sparing your work on crazy when in the narrative that I was flying

Okay, so you Okay, with a yell you ride into battles swinging your staff fiercely finally reach edis who is pinned against the rock hall by 10 orcs No, they know how cool it is It took ten it took ten to do anything to edit it It took ten it did You see they slash into Eddice's abdomen and his perfect existence pour out. He slurps them back in, he likes that talent.

Yeah, they get sucked back in. Hold on, you shout him right here. Eddice, your friend Gap. Eddice, your friend Gap's desperately striking with a wild horde around him. What did you come from? Bubba Blah. You do your best to rescue Eddas,

but more of the creatures push you away. And soon you are also surrounded. Struggling to your, you get knocked down. Struggling to your feet. You see Kano's off to your left blood is seeping from his left arm and he's being held by two tall orcs carrying heavy wooden clubs. Canos, don't give up.

I'll be right there. You cry. Why are you so much better than the magicians? Suddenly, Greypaw leaps at one of the orc guards, Starling abiding, a swift blow with a thick club knocks the dog aside. Yeah, it works here. It's a whip it. And the orcs pull a strangely quiet canos away.

I think there's, I think there's, I think there's some sort of, there's some sort of magic. There's some sort of magic. Unless there's some sort of mind control. Oh, that's true. He does say, okay, there's a traitor.

He did say, Estrogen, they're like a more surprised. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so I think that there's a traitor, a meddus. Like, like, meddus. Look at us. What? Eddus?

Oh my god, dude. She just crossed. Did everyone get it? Like, a meddus, but like, Eddus. Okay, did you explain it one more time? Yeah, I could explain. So it's like, the name is Eddus. And I said, there's a Yeah, actually. So it's like the name is Edus. And I said there's a trader, a medus, like amid us.

So like Edus is in there. But isn't this saying a trader among us? Yeah, among us. But you could say a midus, a midstus. I guess I should've said a midstus, a midstus. Let's move on, we'll think about it. We got it. I love it.

I know, I know, I will think about it. I love it. I know we'll think about it. We gotta just go. This is an us problem now. You know, we'll all get together. Yeah. When we, when we, a short rest, we're really gonna forget this one out. Okay. So, Edis and Kenosuke captured.

The orcs make you stand up and then they bind you tightly. We also get captured. They check you for valuables, but in their haste, they miss the amulet. They leave you the small. Wait, how did the amulet come back? I don't know, man. We took it back. They leave you the small bag on your belt, which only carries flint for making fires.

We bring them in alive. The Orcs leader warns you have your orders. So it's such a good plot device. Yeah, bringing them in alive. You got to bring them in alive. Really keeps that alive. Yeah. Really keeps that tension. Okay, so you're being dragged by the orcs,

you're getting like a caravan. The road crests the top of the hill and starts down, making it going a bit easier. Finally, you arrive at the orcs stronghold, a cave hidden within a clump of trees. The horses are led to another cave not far away. After stumbling along dark tunnels, you are untied and shoved into a small dungeon,

but your captors drag Edison canos away. Alone in miserable, you stand in the middle of the dungeon, afraid to touch anything. Walls are slick with dripping water and you can barely see your hand in front of your face. One of the more. Can I do an insight check for Greypa? Yeah, please.

I don't have a doubt. Okay, you don't have a doubt. I mean, if you, you don't have a file. Is he so narrow that like if you like, if you don't get a nat 20 Okay, you don't have a dice. I mean, if you, you auto-fail, is he so narrow that like if you like, if you don't get a nat 20, you're just gonna miss him. Oh, good call. I got a 10. Okay, I, great pop.

But it's a good sign. Great pop is filled off screen. It's failing. Yeah, great pop is too dimensional. You just look right past him. Wait, okay, I see a picture. Okay, so you, okay, so. So you go to sleep and then I had to turn to another page

and odd wrestling sound snaps you away. This is no time to be sleeping a familiar voice. Whisperer's tailspin, how did you find me? He didn't, I sniffed you out. He'd have been lost without me. Right-possed voice floats out of the darkness. This is interesting because now they're coming together because at first I was thinking how, their their rivalry, their animosity. I was trying to think like

canos is cruel. He's teaching them language so they can turn their animal fear like articulated into anxiety and complicated emotions with each other. But now actually that language is becoming a bridge. So I miss judge canos. Oh, okay, so he's a good guy now. Yeah, got it. In short, I miss judge. All right, Gray Paws says, I stole the keys from the guards table and he didn't even see me, thank you. Now give me the keys.

We also brought your staff. We figured you'd need it. Gray Paws says, by the way, it looks like Mike Rose, the demon is behind all this trouble. Okay. I crossed thanks for the update. Yeah. Of course, micro.

The Lordoth grows. Yeah. As I waited at the entrance to the cave, I heard the orcs mention him. Oh, it would be woken up by a dog and told all the finer plot points. Yeah. Hey, um, great Paul leaves the way deeper than the seven bad guys we've already introduced you to you. There's no choice. I'm gonna sniff your butt.

It's actually a demon at play. It's just another two pages of no choices. Okay, so, um, uh, there's a door, uh, you go with Gray Paw, you find Edison canos are chained to the wall in an alcove. Canos's left arm has been bound with a white cloth. He looks as if he's asleep and Addis is struggling to keep his eyes open. Yes. There looks like there's a strong spell on them.

But he's so curious. He's so curious. He's so curious. He has curious eyes. His eyes. He's curious how he's going to get the fuck out. He's eager to drink in the environment. Yeah.

Yeah, he's reading a very intriguing novel. He wants to know what's up with all the geodes around. Ah. Okay, so you creep into the halcove, motioning the animals to stay behind. Edus, Edus whispers. They'll be back soon. You must get back to our village.

Kano's half-wakens and shakes his head as eyes full of pain. I don't think he agrees with you. You tell Edus, so confusing. Kano's lowers his head and stairs at his belt. I think he wants you to take the jewel of Kai back. Edith's whispers, can you use it on micros? Okay.

He flipped the jewel from the bag. Okay, so the jewel is separate from the jewel. Imagine if the, in the course of one hour, someone was like, hey, by the way, a demon exists. Hey, by the way, will you use a jewel on the demon? Uh-huh. To be fair, amulet? No, no, no, separate jewel. Did the by the way, will you use a jewel on the demon? Uh-huh. Do you need my amulet? No, no, no, separate jewel.

Did the dog not explain this to you? Yeah. So this- If you go to the appendix, Edus has a jewel and an amulet? No, canos. If you go to any appendix, there's a list of magical jewelry.

Edus. Edus has an amulet. Edus has nothing, right, except for a curious mind. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality.

And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality.

And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. And a great personality. It's so tasteful. It's blender. It tastes for a little earring. It tastes for a little hoop earring. Take your dog to dog clairs. Okay.

And tailspin is a septum. Here's to. We have goth animals. So canos gives you the jewel. You slip the jewel from the bag on canos's belt. The Ruby blood red is set in a twisted gold arm band and surrounded by ice blue gems. The beauty of it is quite deceptive.

It is a powerful magic item that I properly use. I love that color combination. Blue red. Yeah, I don't love it. Yeah, it's like, I mean, I think maybe it's cause it seems to be patriotic or something. Okay. But those colors don't wanna be in a moment. Yeah, but they also don. Oh, okay. But those colors don't want to be in a moment.

Yeah, but they also don't run. So, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. And Edice does run. It does. It does run. Uh, I rule.

Torch danger. I salute the gym. Okay. It can be very dangerous in the hand of a novice. Both you and Edice have trained with it, but you are always a little afraid and he is better than you. Dare use it.

Edis sees you conflict. It's really afeable. Yeah, and says gently, I too would be afraid to use the jewel. If you cannot, I will not blame you. Save, extra gone, Kano's gassed, fighting against the spell that saps his power. Edis glances over at his father, then back blame you. Save, Estragon, Kano's gast is fighting against the spell that saps his power. Edith glance his over at his father then back at you. He wants you to rescue Estragon.

Yeah, we know. Yeah, we heard him do. Yeah, we heard him. Edith. Edith is kind of saying the obvious here. It's an Edith's, I think, where dumb? Edith thinks Ed us is dumb. Oh, that's a bad look on you.

Which is kind of a bad look. It might be right. Yeah, I don't like it. Okay, that's the my dad is a magician energy partner. Yeah, that's a bad look on you. Which is kind of a bad look. Which is kind of a bad look on you. Yeah, I don't like it. Okay, that's the my dad is a magician energy partner. Yeah, we always knew it. He's finally using it. Back against the wall, you gotta use the my dad is a magician. You gotta put the my dad is a magician.

Sorry, dude, you left me no choice. You have to tell your dad is a magician. My dad is a magician. I'm sorry. You've left me no choice. I have to tell you my dad is a magician. My dad is a magician. I'm sorry, you've left me no choice. I know that you're facing a difficult decision and I need to just lightly weigh with this drop. My dad is a magician. I just, yeah.

Just, I need to clarify, and this is gonna be important. I was conceived via mind-freak, know like Anakin Skywalker in the prequels my dad and my mom mine freaked Mine freaked my mom That's why I don't trust you my mom could be anywhere Okay, um, but I can't leave you here. You cry softly. We're always crying. Oh my goodness. You're placing this book.

Yeah, we've heard the tenderness between Edus and Edus. Ed Ed Ed, and I saw him. It must be why we have such similar names. Yeah. You must, Edus replies, and you can't fight my crows. Okay, with only your staff. But Grayposs says, my crows working with Ruralist, you say, worry-y, who are all these people?

Okay, I can give you a tour of my life. I can't keep track of the lore. I will actually give you a sincere read. Ruralist is the one who captured Esther Gawd. And now it seems as though he's working with this demon. With Mike Rose. Yeah, with Mike Rose. The thing machines, yeah. Yeah. Micro machines. The thing is that this choosier

own adventure book has very little choosing. It's all adventure and no choosing. Yeah. Because at the end of this, it just is please turn to page 25. OK. Maybe it's responding to the fact that originally the very first choice, we chose Chor.

Right. So now it's just pushing like a long line. You know what? Now it's like we don't trust this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The just like, yeah, now it's like we don't trust. Yeah. The author of this book was mind-free. Okay, we've decided to leave Chris Angel and his son behind and move on. Okay. So, Edith's dad is now Chris Angel, performing next to a Miss Angel studio? Yeah. Yeah. If Chris Angel trust me to save

Estragon, then I can't ignore his wishes. I'll go, but only because he insists. I promise I'll be back to rescue you, Edith, no matter what, you say gripping your friend's arm. You place the jewel securely in a bag hanging from your belt. I'll guide you out of here,

but I'm staying with my master, Gray Paws says, what about the amulet? Can we have the amulet bag? I think we already have it. hanging from your belt. I'll guide you out of here, but I'm staying with my master, great pa says. What about the amulet? Can we have the amulet back? I think we already have it. I think we'll give it a reacquired gap. Yeah, okay. Again, there hasn't been a lot of choices.

I've had to skip stuff. There's some kind of jubil, there's some kind of amulet. Okay, that's where we're at. Who needs you? We'll find our own way out. Tailspin squawks at him. There's always two animals fighting. Yeah, squabbling. Quiet both of you, you snap. Oh, all right. We'll find our own way out. Tailspin squawks at him. There's always two animals fighting. Yeah.

Squablin. Quiet both of you, you snap. Oh. All right. Yeah. You're our magic jimmy. And all of a sudden you're in charge. Yelling at animals.

You pull at Greypaws hoop earring. Jesus. Oh. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. With one last look at Ed. Edith.

You hurry back down the dark tunnel, holding it towards that you grab from a bracket. Suddenly, the tunnel branched in the three parts, which one leads to the side. Hey, perfect. I can smell something strange in the left tunnel, great Paul reports, but also... I think it didn't give us a choice, I think it was an awesome fresh air. You think it would be a good choice to continue the adventure and not go home and do chores? Wait.

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but I'm not sure you tell them. Okay, so we've got left tunnel, some smells bad, but there's also fresh air. We've got right tunnel, which tailspin sees light. Okay. And then we think we came in through the middle tunnel. So here are my thoughts on the situation. All right, yeah, right up for us.

Tailspin's a fucking moron. Yeah. Okay, the light at the end of tunnel is clearly a trick. Yeah, I also think fresh air is harder to mimic. Yeah, so what's stinking in the first day? And we have a mouse who can fly, so we probably want to work out our mouse. Right, yeah. We should put the mouse on a string so we can like send it down and like yank it back. Okay. So we put tailspin the mouse on a string.

Uh-huh. Very long strings. We're not going to talk about what we're going to do. What page do we turn to for that? Yeah. So okay. Attach the string to septum piercing. Okay. Great. That's so. We need to stop yanking on these animal spirits. It'll be a gentle tug. Yeah, it's a gentle tug. Just let him know to come back. Okay, so we're gonna, okay, so I think the fresh air and the bad stink.

I'm not gonna accept him, the piercing is so disturbing. To mouse, yeah. I'm like, oh, you're right, you're right. I mean, either or. I was just trying to get out of those little bird you know, I'm told. I mean, canonically, it tells me

it's absolutely not a mouse, but we've made him a mouse. What's fun is like, out of those little bird, you know, I mean, canonically, it tells me that it's absolutely mad about it. But we've made them a mouse. What's fun is like, they do put little, like, you know, rings on like, animal's feet, so they can like, so they can track migration patterns and whatnot. We've talked about this. We've talked about bird jewelry before. Yeah, but we didn't land on septum piercing sorts.

I think it's a pretty elegant solution. It's through the beak, through the beak. Yeah, that's a great, that's a cool trade. Yeah. I'm a bird piercer. It's actually, yeah, it's great for tracking migration because then what you do is just you look up and see where people are tweeting about all these golf birds.

You know what I'm saying? It's gonna be like, I saw this weird bird in Florida. You're like, okay, we've gone south through the winter. Yeah, let's go towards the stinky left tunnel. All right, yeah, I like it. Yeah, backtracking is really boring. Can I just real quick though?

How can it be stinky and also have fresh air? Well, I guess like, he smelled it, the dog smell it, because it could be like a dog's fresh dog shit. Yeah, a dog could smell with that sort of complexity in your life. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, mm-hmm. Okay, a little smell can hurt us, you say,

and the air must mean we can get outside. Waving the animals ahead of you, you tiptoe down the left tunnel. Soon you get a whiff of the strange smell. It reminds you of fungus and moldy wood. Woo! You whisper. I hope we don't run into a giant mushroom.

Worst in that, Greypaw Yelps, it's, his voice is cut off suddenly. You move forward with the torch and stare into the hairy face of a giant spider. Why does a spider stink? What's behind it, a huge web fills the tunnel. Greypaw, like an oversized fly, struggling in the sticky strands. The spider quickly weaves a cocoon around Greypaw, like an oversized fly, struggling in the sticky strands.

The spider quickly weaves a cocoon around Greypaw's body. Just a width that is not built for this sort of adventuring. Before you can believe your eyes, the spider has attached the white bundle that was Greypaw to the wall. Oh no. He's right, it's worse, you moan. Poor Greypaw, saddened and angry. We gave up quick on that. You know what? Greypaw gets to save him, rightan. Poor Greypaw, saddened and angry. We gave up quick on that.

Yeah, no, what? Greypaw gets to save him, right? No, Greypaw's dead. Oh, no. What? Yeah, I mean, Greypaw got, like, cartoon killed, which is just like, uh, Yeah.

Dumbled into a web. Yeah, Greypaw ejected a parachute and fired it away. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Greypaw's been bundled into a web. Just stuck somewhere. We're gonna lay a ear piercing on his tomb. Yeah, husband bundled into a web. Just stuck somewhere. We're gonna lay a ear piercing on his tomb. Yeah, I apologize for taking us down the stinky way.

I thought it was the sure way. You know that was my instinct as well. Yeah, this route stinks. Sad and angry. I was lobbying hard for the light, but anyone listening already knows that. Yeah. Do you wanna quickly get yourself saying that?

Yeah, we'll pick it up later. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll edit this in. Can we get you that in a three, two, one, go ahead. Action. Let's try the paths with the light. Okay, I guess that clean. If that's going to be about 44 minutes, 33. Okay, I want to clip that. Oh, if you want wanna like really sell it,

let me also, let me get a reaction. You wanna like, are you a gangster? Oh, that's good, yeah, yeah, yeah. Three, two, one, action. Interesting suggestion, Jake, to suggest that we go with the light. I actually disagree, but I do know that you suggested the path of the light.

Yeah, that's good. I'm actually great. I'm gonna get a little pick up because somebody count me in real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Three, two, four, one. Okay. Yeah. Jake, I think that's an interesting idea while I agree with your idea that we should follow the light. I think we should take the stinky path

while acknowledging that you did decide that we should have done the light. But I think you're outvoted even though you did choose the light. Yeah. Guys, I would love to get one more take of the Amedas joke if that's okay. Oh, yeah, that's my end. And great. Just so everyone comes out.

Yeah, that was good. Let's go. Thank you. One, action. Something is suspicious. Amedas. All right, we got that. We got his game. We'll end it on the laughter.

Well, I didn't end laughing from like a bagging it with Boundless on the grid. Yeah. The last time we ever laughed. The audio's so damn. Some of my voices changed. Okay, so Grey Paws just been killed. This is what a spider's killed a dog.

He's right. Nature, man. You moaned poor Grey Paws just been killed. This is a spider's kill to dog. He's right. Nature worse. You mown poor Grey Paws. Add into angry you thrust your flaming torch at the spider. Instantly it whips a sticky white strand around the torch and pulls it from your grasp. Yeah. Go for help.

You yell at tailspin striking at the spider with your staff. The spider leaps away then darts around you, laying strands of web on your shoulders and arms. Are weps come? This is really strands of web on your shoulders and arms. Are webs come? This is really making me think of slinging webs. Slanging webs. Slanging webs, whatever. Slanging rope.

Our science is keeping something from us. OK. When you try to fight the sticky fibers, cling to your staff, and soon you are too wrapped in a thick white blanket. As the spider attaches your cocoon to the wall. You hope that tailspin can find help quickly.

Otherwise this is the end. We lost. We lost. We lost. Well, that's such a bleak ending. I love that. We got cocoon. We got absolutely cocoons. You know what?

But we're dying alongside our favorite with it. And that's what's important here. Yeah. At least they killed the dog before killing us. We've got to watch the dog die. That's important. All right. OK, yeah, I'm trying to think.

You know what we can do is we can do on the short rest, we can do is- We pick a different path. We typically, but specifically, we heed the call to adventure rather than ignore. Oh, I like that. I honestly have a feeling it all paths lead to you getting sent to jail with Kano's and Ediths.

Oh, that's true, yeah. You have to be just- Yeah, interesting. Yeah, okay, so then we do, we's true, yeah. You have a good choice. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, and okay, so then we do, we pick up following the line. The stinky path. This stinky path was the problem. The stinky fresh path.

Which path? Which path do we think is like the correct choice? Yeah, you know what? You choose the wrong one again. Yeah, do you want to, okay, why don't we go ahead and maybe do a sneak peak and, and, uh. Okay, I'm gonna try to use it. Well, we'll do it.

Yeah, let's check out the Jake Path, the... The Jake Path. Alright, and then we can get a pick of if Jake was wrong again. Patrick! Yeah, we'll definitely need to edit that out. Yeah, okay, so uh, strange towards the left. Where we could, we could also do...

Light at the end of the right tunnel. We could read the answer for right tunnel and middle tunnel. That's cool, and then we could decide what we're gonna's cool and then we can decide what we're going to do. And then we can decide which one we're going to do. Oh, okay. So it was a middleing choice. A light means it's not far to the outside. You say, if it's daylight, I've lost track of time.

Let's try the tunnel on the right. You edge toward the light. Yeah, we do. Oh, affable and edgy. Are we becoming like our friend? We're ascending. Perhaps hoping your boots crunching on gravel can't be heard by anyone.

Great Pond tailspin stay behind you. The tunnel is not long and the light gets brighter as you near the end. The light is coming from underneath the door. You hear the murmur of many voices. Holding your breath, you ease the door open and peer in. It is a large room, lit with many torches and full of orcs. Many are sitting, but some are walking around talking and arguing.

You see four orcs recording a podcast. Find S. Finally. Four dorks. Finally, one orc leaps onto a table, emotions for silence. Listen, you bummed, you begins. You shut the door quickly and hurry back the way you came this is not the right tunnel go back to page Why was it a choice? Interesting Jake how do this?

We now going to just like cut out and it does make you kind of like an idiot. Yeah, I shouldn't have I can Why don't I take one where I'm not sure so I'll be like oh? Okay, I'm looking at the track. It's baked in, bud. It's kind of baked in there. I don't know if we're gonna be able to slice that. I'll send it to somebody at head gum. They can't fit it with me on it.

Yeah, okay, let's go ahead and three, two, one. Action, Jake. It could be the light, but I'm not sure. It could be the light, but it also could be the middle. Got it. Okay, not the stinky path though, for sure. It could be the light, but it also could be the middle. Got it. Okay, not the stinky path though for sure. For sure, not the stinky path. Not the stinky path.

Wow, Jake, that's a smart of you. There's a spider there, I think. Mm, that was. That was good. That was good. That's maybe two on the nose. There's a stinky spider. Jake, I have a question though.

Is there a reason? Because now we know the middle path has to be the right path. Because there's a reason you don't want to just get a good clean. I think we should do the middle path. That's true. I'm worried that the edit is getting really, really really. Like, yeah, we're going to have to talk about so much from that edit now that we're going to have to record for an extra 20 minutes.

I would love to actually get a retake of me doing That's about the hour of these. Yeah, that's about the hour of these. So much from that edit now that we're gonna have to record for an extra 20 minutes. I would love to actually get a retake of me doing that dong from the beginning. Oh, that's good. That's a 3-2-1 action. Go! Okay. Go go, go go! Okay.

Here you go. A gong crow. Ha ha ha. And that was really gong crow's. They've arrived. It has a beak piercing. Yeah. And I would, do you guys mind if I save a little face?

Because I'd let us down the stinky path. And I kind of just want to, I would get a colpah. Yeah, I would get a colpah at this time. OK, OK, we're on page 47, walking. What if the stinky thing is a big spider? Because if you think about it, a spider would have a lot of people like in its web, like reading to get get eaten and they would start stinking after a while So what if this is a

Stinky spider web come to think of it that makes a lot of sense Do you guys do you guys actually mind if I also get a version where I say the amethas joke? Perfect I also get a version where I say the Ametta's joke. Okay. The act. Perfect. 31. 31 action. It would seem as though danger lurks Ametta's. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, yum.

That's really good. That's good. Oh, I'm seeing spots. Yeah, I'm seeing spots. Yeah, I'm just gonna get one more thing about the stinky spider if you guys have a line three, two, one, action, Merf. Yeah, okay, well, it's probably a stinky spider,

a stinky spider web, like the people in it are stinking because they've been in there for so long or maybe there's like some dogs in there or something like that and they smell bad. But I just have kind of too much integrity to go back. You know what I mean? Like I feel like we chose this. And I'm not gonna like edit this

or something to make myself sound. I respect you, thanks. Through your choice. Thank you. Yeah, I'm just gonna plow forward. And you know, when lose or draw at the end of the day, we made the right choice and we have our integrity. We stand behind you.

Thanks. I head into the stinky spiders then Perfect and I'm gonna get one super clean. Let's go down the middle just On the day when I hear everything. I'm like that just sounds right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right count you down. Yeah, yeah, three two one I go five five five go one action Middle path 100% finally, let's do it guys you were not going down the middle you fucking coward You're gormless you're gormless for that choice That is kind of that is kind of gormless. Yeah What is gormless? I also wanted to know

Yeah, it's just another word for cowardly. That's a really pleasing, because that's a little bit of a word. Yeah, because that's a little bit of a word. You're a gormless little worm. Let's talk about being gormless all the time. Lacking sensor initiative. We're gonna constantly grinning, rather gormless toy. We died again.

We died again. That and what was despairing over his supper. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of great stuff. Yeah, we got a lot of great stuff. A lot of great stuff. Yeah, we got a lot of great stuff. A lot of great stuff. The joke answer that we did didn't get us killed this time, which is like a huge win. Yeah. I wasn't, I was thinking that the stinky path was like the dangerous path because sometimes you choose your own adventures, you like met a game a little bit and you're like, oh, there's a bad thing but with like a good thing clue, you're like fresh air where that's where we're going.

Clear. Light is the bad one. Well, I think this is why every adventure book is different because they're always referring to the adventure books prior to them. We should start looking at the date and be like, what was in Vogue for adventure books at this time? What are they subverting?

Right. Who is conceived to this book? Who is conceived to this book? Who is conceived to this book? Who is conceived to this book? Who is conceived to this book? Who is conceived to this book? What is that? Tell us about the world. Well books were we all. Middle paths. Middle paths were huge when our parents were fucking us. That's true. Yeah. People had like. They hadn't figured out the SATs fully yet. So they didn't know that you're just supposed to choose B all the time. Yeah. That's true. Okay. Everybody, thank you all so much for listening. You can head on over to our patreon patreon.com slash nad pod That's any ddp od don't sing yet

We're gonna be we're gonna be doing the tantalizing middle path We'll be doing the middle path. We'll be editing it in straight down the middle flow Chase uh, uh, take of um, uh, us going down the middle Yeah, and we will see where it takes us. Hopefully a spider doesn't kill a dog this time They can kill the hawk. Yeah, it's fine. Definitely kill tail spin. We don't give a shit We just have one hit of a familiar that we like and one that we don't like That's generally how these D&D books turn out. It's good ones expendable sweet. Does anybody have anything they'd like to plug? Oh, I've read some really good science fiction recently. Oh, really?

Exhalation by Ted Chen. Yeah, fuck you out of that. And then have you read it? I have. It rules. Yeah, yeah. It was great. It was a danger, which recommendation. And then I also read something that is like the first book in the Murderbot series. Cool. It's basically, I mean, if anyone has seen me on Dimension 20 Star Struck, you know I love a Ascension bot. Yeah. And that's kind of the POV that the story is told. It's really fun.

Nice. Awesome. I'd love to plug some PO box stuff. We were away in Australia, so didn't get a chance to read anything off, but at a big haul, so I'm gonna dive right in. Olivia, AKA Opie Doodle, sent us some amazing paintings of the campaign one characters.

They're all holding Papa. It looks like a series of photographs of them all holding Papa in different ways. Yeah. They're really cute. Thank you, Olivia. Anastasia and Ian sent us a book about North American Toads and Frogs,

which I will be studying intensely. It's going to make Saul so realistic, he isn't funny anymore. He's gonna be like, I have to hibernate now. Okay. Let's see, Wing Sum, Elle sent us a gorgeous handmade wooden dice box featuring pop-up on the top. The craftsmanship and this thing is remarkable.

It's really gorgeous. And you know, it's got that nice wood smell too, which I like. So thank you, Wing Sun. We're honored to play D&D alongside you. Let's see. Oh, this shows how long it's been since I checked the PO box. Sam and Joey sent us a beautifully illustrated Christmas card. Ah!

Nice. Happy March, everybody. April? Who knows? Joey, your artist fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing. Let March everybody. Who knows? Joey, your artist fantastic. Thank you so much for sharing. Let's see. Jose D sent us a little golden book version of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon.

Whoa. It's actually pretty well illustrated. I'm going to read it to my daughter against her will. The fig family sent us some 3D printed beholder can holders. You're like basically, it's got koozy, but it turns your can into a tanker. It's pretty cool. Oh, they also sent us a copy of their Christmas card. And yes, they did have a 12 foot skeleton holding a Christmas star in their yard.

Oh, that's great. Yeah, that's my favorite. That's that big, home depot skeleton. We love those cute, just on the road we call them home depot skeletons. He's the answer they are. We on the road, we call them Home Depot Skeleton. He's the one that they are. I love this. He's talking around the Home Depot Skeleton. My daughter saw one and they had like one of the big ones

and then two small ones and she said, that's a daddy skeleton. Oh, that's beautiful. And I'm not gonna tell her that it's not true. Yeah. And then let's see. Oh, Jeff S. Lord of the Fjords and us, another treasure trove of dice as well as

cobalt presses, tommopiece volume three. Oh yeah. Yeah. All sure to be put to good use. Folks, if you would like to send us stuff that is 1920, Hiller, Savonoo, number two, two, two, most fully-scaled for you at 9-0-0, two, seven.

Sweet, thank you all so much for listening. You can follow us on social media. There are many, I'm right now at use, at CHMRSME, at Call of these Caldwell, at A Extra Demi, and at CH is Jake and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nadpa that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d We are the youth of the nation, we are the youth of the nation They made a book about a video game the show, everyone, and you know what that means. It's time to shout out our beautiful, benevolent council of elders starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Hussi,

later Mixgator, Matt M. Cutter W. Feared Owl, Daniel G. Happy anniversary, Nad Padd, from the sword-wielding wizard I've been a sword-wielding wizard before, and it is the shit. Dungeon Mama, not sexual. Daniel, the dastardly Dame. Birdman, Dan. Danny P. Vincent W. Victor T. Boundor's boy. Hoyt, friend. Justin I. Ragnar, Thairdwind. TJM, Traylee the cray-fay. Okay, new one. I'm gonna guess it's dyslaneous, though it does look like dyscalaneous. So I said them both. Christopher B. Damial R. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald.

Never forget that Jake forgot the peanut M&Ms. Nor will I. Princess Yarr, Michael L. Jack L. Sam L. Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bahumia, currently starring in Banana Slam of Iverse season 56 or Avenger of the Dads. Samuel B, Mike H, Elka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Jemma, Adam G, Tyler F, Nabacher, Panama James, Andrew the Druid, Heradrian, Rex

Thanjil the White, Captain Sejul, Diana De los Lopez, Ceci Lulu, Tibbiar, Lucas B, Raco, It's Kevin! Caulders, Calculated, Cunning Climactic, Clever, Crescendo, crescendo, Otris hashtag can't come cold. Taylor be the vengeful one winged angel, Cass, skateboard Cass, captain of the Steven's, Steven's Sea. Mike K, Lady Taco, Nara, Jack L, Nick W, Brave, the badger, Esmi M, Hopson, son of Hop! Foster, the bonus duck just trying to find the pugnacious pug before he kills Mark Mark Kojuga!

William W. Errin, the asshole ranger. Big bad beard of the mad, riot, riot, hungry devs, frisbee Golf Bud, and Anna-Rama, Percival Fredrickston, Von Musel, Klacklowski, Deirolo III, Aldum, the Simple Dimples. J. Dragonborn, Vincent Thrumhardt, D, the San Dray, there's some new ones in here, I'm having a good time. The San Drayin, Ben A. Feldonis. John the third Dave H. Colola Bear. Catherine S. David K. Christian S. Dustin S. Connor of Hawkeye Pierce. Bookfars Assistant Izzy F. Thank you so much for the little

kifties. DPC is awesome! Brittany A. The purpleest bitch in Bohumia, I love it. Summer Rose, Markey Mark the marvelous mining engineer. Kat C. Kelslay, Misev, Hauss & Zunza, Arielle the occasional mermaid, Selena and Valacy Raptor, B. Perky O.A.s. Pat El, Sevexel, Achutha, A, Lauren H, Talia, Ryan S, The Bone Duster, Robin Crisp, Ball Business Illustrator, hmmm, I would like to see... Gosh, I forget his name, I want to say it was Edis.

Actually, I'd like to see Edus, the Edith's conglomerate of all of us. Ploups! Carly A. Suicidal Lobster, Addy K. Spam Gaming, the not-so-skilled gamer, thanks, Jake. Connor S. Russell H. Christopher J. Pebblepott to the do-writers of my first Nevermind We Never mind we died, I'm a turtle now. Celil! Jack M! Leviathan! Bioquart 7! Ember Dextrous! Sullivan H! Sidney T! Jack H! Crapster Champion of Crown! Scuttling Sideways! Tort-Morrow! Thunder A She-Hoo-the-Winter! Queen of the Bone Purch! Lady of... Waaaww! That's really good shit! Garble the Moist! Lindsay W. Juicy Kiwi working all day and night to restock Shanky candles.

God bless you for it. And it's actually a very lucrative thing to commit oneself to. Vailin! Carlins C. Emily S. Harry Cox. Noah. The bagel of all things.

James G. Everything. Bago the Aladdin, who just wants to hang out with his pet badger stripey. Simp, it's the simple things, it is. Dandy, Eric B, Mark Ghost B, Corknt, hopes you're having an amazing day. Learns the balance, Druid, Dayton, M Dakota, Gyms P, Frida, M, Pogos, Patrolth, Self-proclaimed, Fade, Prince, JCP, they Crick-Out, Fyre, Rian, Andie, Holly Hyena, Christenzie, Leah, C, Page H, Helen, of Briz, May, A B, car, Kristen with a K, Cal, just Cal. Commodore Galaxy Edison and Russell H, a monk named Delgo, the restless spirit of Simon

trying to possess power, shiver, but will they notice in the shiver, river, role, constitution? Keychains, Pentium 2 processor, Lorelai, the succubus, and Kyra, her bestie queen, Stephen E. Your friendly neighborhood, Yacht and Yonkel, Andrew and Sid! John Adams. Yes, like the president. Meg, the male carrier of Bohemia, James F. M4L, Wayfair, now trapped in the Feywild after not fully reading the terms and conditions of their legal settlement with mother ship. Andrew B. Sirsmut, Barbell, Good Barrel, Barbarian and Brewer Emeritus of Waterdeep, Marybeth C. Melura-Divo-T.

Three, awakened, Goose's, Welsh Flinder, Carrot G. Oned, MrD, Dana Daisy, SeanJ, EthanB, Renee, the Monster Captain, Gabrielle W, Hopes, Dagger, the only Dagger of Hope, Olivia, the enchanting bard who will totally be directing an even cooler puppet show for the Duck Team. Thank you, I was gonna turn on you, but you're doing it with the deck team so we can collaborate. Winter Slade, Mikaela R, Forest H-A-K, Life is like a box of Martha Toe Gold sticky buns.

Riley S, FICO, Angry, Wheat, Yeboy Anthony, Humve positions, and can't listen to podcasts at work anymore. Josh H, Jack, the Jack's drinksining rogue on the run with Bohumi as balls. The true, neutral BBEG who is saving the material plane from an apocalypse. Drogdor, the Bernanader. Clementine D. Caleb L. this message has been brought to you by Ferries in support of hashtag CCC.

Alex R, Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian. MJ, the BFG drinkin' tea by the sea. Dogs of Babel, Calvia Silverfang, G-DOT, Mama Bell, the silver serpent herself. Faneer, Dr. Toulcus. Mao Chikko, wow, wow. Derek D. Tristan G. Jasmine and Femme, the surgeons behind Pendergreens, Juicy New Ass. Alpha Fortress, Alex K. Joshua P. Joshua Paul S. Martin T. Alexander. Lins W. Mandel K. M.A.S, Red, the Reforged Warforged, James, Mr. Craft, Hammy Beverly's distant cousin, Blue Dru, Dragon Knight 86, and The Godly King.

What a one to end on, and honestly, it's how I see all of you because you are also good to us. You help us do what we love. We love you. Muah, muah, muah, muah. Goodbye, sweeties. That was a hit gun podcast.