Not Another D&D Podcast - Adventure Book Theatre: Goosebumps - Night in Werewolf Woods

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

The Lore Lords (and Jake) invite you to an evening of Theatre as they swing Werewolf Woods courtesy of the ultimate Lore Lord, R.L. Stein. Join us! For the moon is full and so are our hearts.CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon8-Bit Book Club Theme by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca slash Wondery. That's audible.combe. This is a headgum podcast. They made a book about a video game. Game. Game. We made a podcast about that book. Welcome to Adventure Book Theater, everyone. Oh, ha, ha. Oh, ha. The answer. I swallowed my opera glasses. As you will.

It is spooky season, everyone, so we thought we'd do another give yourself goosebumps. Oh, man. It's been a minute since my skin pimpled. It has been a long time. This time we're going to do Night in Werewolf Woods. We had a few books to choose from that were sort of spooky Halloween themed books. Jake, you were excited for this one over zombie pen pal. The zombie pen pal looked like a limp dick loser. It was so, so zombie pen pal is a choose-your-own adventure that we sent out a group

text being like, which one should we read? And zombie pen pal has the funniest cover. For sure. Is, you hear zombie pen pal and you're like, that's fun, right? Not fun. No. Just absolutely, just a picture of like the most boring zombie standing there with like a piece of paper on like a dark street he doesn't look scary yeah he doesn't look like he's like a jovial he looks frail pen pal either it sounds like a hello goodbye song yeah and um i leafed through it and lo and behold it wasn't fun but yeah uh i'm still waiting for it someday old rl has come back around yeah with another banger for us you can't go wrong with the goose and here is how how I knew this was the one.

This is how I knew this was the one. I'm going to kick it off. I'm going to start reading. Ready? Nerd alert. Nerd alert. We interrupt your perfect summer holiday at Deepwoods Lake to bring you this special nerds news. Your parents have invited their best friends.

Honey, turn this up. Mr. and Mrs. Morris and their super nerd son, Todd, to share the cabin with your family this year. Are we also a nerd? No. Emily, if you have to ask. I misunderstood. I thought it was like... It's not happening 90s?

We hate nerds. Baseline? We're bullies. We're fucking rad. Being interested in stuff sucks. We need to fucking fit in. It is the 1990s, Emily. Todd is a fucking nerd and we can't be seen with him.

I just feel like nerd alert is saying, alerting all nerds. No, no. It's alerting all rads. It's such an optimistic read. Jesus. We might have to distance ourselves from Emily. Is she a nerd?

She might be a nerd, dude. Oh, my God. It's the 90s. Like, we have to be in. How do I wash off eight years of Nadfly? I don't know. Oh. She thinks a nerd alert is like a call to other nerds.

I'm just realizing she's been like reading books. She's not fucking books. Guys, I'm concerned about. I got her English binder. It's full of drawings of Sailor Mooncare. Holy fuck. No. Coldwell puncher.

Yeah. Okay. You're a dead arm, dude. We're going to try to overlook this that Emily thinks. a nerd alert is that you're trying to find other nerds? Oh my God, I think I'm going to be sick. A nerd alert is for

regular people, aka bullies, to know what a fucking nerd is around, Emily. Jesus. Hold on, I've got to go try chewing tobacco out of Wendy's for the first time. Thank you. God damn, we need to hang out at a fucking gas station parking lot. All right. So your parents have invited

their best friends, Mr. and Mrs. Morris, and their super nerd son, Todd, to share the cabin with your family this year. You can't believe it. your worst nerdmare has just come true. God, we're so stupid. This can't be happening to me, you say aloud, as your family's estate car pulls up and we're so rich. Wait, your family's estate car?

What the heck isn't a state car? God is fucking poor, Emily. And he's no fucking nerd. Wait a second. I need an estate car describe for me. Is that where you have a separate estate and a separate car for the estate? I don't know how it works yet. Okay. It's got to be a long car.

You're asking a long car. Apparently it's British English, a car with large carrying area behind the seats, accessed by a door through. Oh, it's a station wagon. Oh, my God. We're kind of nerds. Is Todd cool? That's the question, because we call a fucking station wagon in a state car.

That's, like, posturing. Yeah. I think R.L. was trying to be a little posh on this one. Okay. In the UK, they call it an estate car. We pull up at Woodsworld. You've already spotted the Morris's car. It's a park being the string of colored lanterns hanging over the air.

entrance to Woods World. Woods World is the cabin community that your family is holiday at every summer since you were a baby. Holidayed. Okay, so this is British. He's being a little bit. This is British. This is we oh, he's feeling really fucking British. Is Arleside British? I don't think he's British. Royal Lord Stein. Why is he? Yeah. Okay. I'm scared. Because like, we might be British. Okay. He's from Ohio. So something's wrong here. A British jock? Do we like Ohio and Cornwall. Yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah.

I just clicked into the Wikipedia article. It is Ohio and Cornwall. Or maybe like a football hooligan. Yeah, okay. Then you spot Todd. Oh, my God. He's gawky, stringy hair, and it wears thick, black-rimmed glasses. Who fucking does that?

Those are cool now. Those aren't cool anymore. Nerd alert. Those were cool in aughts pornography. Those are cool in the aughts, damn. We've all moved on. Nobody has seen a ukulele yet. I have a fuck.

mustache now. Hey, hey, what do you say? Todd calls to you. His big hand, whirly birds out of the car window in a nerdy wave. Hey, hey, what do you say? Sounds British. Awesome, right? I think we're British. Okay. Oh my, holy shit. We describe our mom as our mom. Okay, yeah. So you're going to need to do the accent. Holy shit. You're going to do that. So we're in the English countryside. Yeah. Okay. So I'll do like sort of an Austin Powers thing. so it's still accessible to our American friends here. Okay, and I'll sort of change some of the stuff. Feel free to also Dr. Evelyn. Yeah, okay. Yeah, baby. Todd is different now, says your dad.

Oh, he's different, all right? Do I make you horny, baby? Okay, I don't know. That's in the book. No, no, that's in the book of adding stuff. Okay? Okay, so be nice, your mom cautions. Yes, maybe Todd is different now, says your dad.

I love that in the book. the 90s, dads were like, look, I understand why you hate nerds. I also hate nerds. But maybe he's not a fucking geek anymore, right? Right. Oh, he's different. All right, you moan. From everyone else on this whole planet. Whoa. Okay, dark page two. Thanks, R.L. That's how books work. Your estate car and the Morris's car both roll up the gravel drive next to Evergreen cabin. You gaze around. Nothing has changed since last summer. The woods behind your cabin are still dark and deep. The sparkling blue lake in front of the cabin is as smooth as glass.

A narrow sandy beach stretches into an easy curve around the shoreline of the lake. Paint a picture, R.L. thanks. The sun is almost set, leaving behind a fiery pink orange glow in the sky. There's enough daylight left for you to notice a note tape to the screen door of your cabin. Cool, you cry. And you're not a nerd. Maybe you're not a nerd. Maybe you're not British.

Fuck, dude. Is Todd like an indie god? Like, is Todd? Like, Emily might be right. I think Todd is emo before emo was cool. Yeah. Todd is yet to bloom. Yeah.

You're witnessing a nascent Todd. Todd is going to ascend in college. Is this freaking Matt from Matt and Kim? Todd goes on. That was one of his fans, right? That was not take me to your best friend's house, right? No. That was a different man.

Oh, God. Anyway, moving on. Okay, cool, you cry. You jump out of the car. That must be a note from my friend. you tell your parents. You sprint across the line. Excuse me my mates.

Yeah, true. I actually think we might not be British anymore. We're not, yeah. I've been really trying to decide if we're supposed to be British or not. Yeah, baby. It might be a note from my friends. That makes me horny, baby. Yeah.

You pull the note off the cabin door. To read what the note says, turn to page three. Thanks, R.L. That's own books. Do you think that we should do like a content warning to be like Austin Powers? Awesome powers for this many minutes. Heavily. Yeah, features heavily in this episode.

You go might get too horny. You unfold the note. Oh, my God. Okay, this is one of those. All right, this is making me read a lot. Okay. Oh, wow. There's someone named, oh, the Murphy Brothers.

Okay. Oh, wow. You unfold the note, you read it aloud. Kids only campfire tonight, 8 p.m. at the beach. Wonderful, your mom cries as she hurries up behind you. It's only 7 o'clock now. You can help unload the car and then go. This will be a perfect opportunity for the other woods world kids to meet Todd.

Fuck, dude. Todd's debut. You might have I bring more guitar. The note is from the Murphy brothers? No, we don't. I read ahead, let's see. And a perfect opportunity for them to think I'm a nerd too, because I'm with him, you mutter. But no one hears you.

Your parents and Mr. and Mrs. Morris have gone inside the cabin. You watch Todd unload his stuff from the car. As he pulls out a red tin box, three very large red-haired boys bike up your driveway. They're the Murphy brothers. Yes, dude. Freaking bully Todd. Please. Jess Buck and Sharky

Welcome to Woodsworld Jerk and Sharkey That sounds like something I would name Outdoor Cats Yeah Sharky Murphy fucking rules Welcome to Woods World Nerdo The oldest brother Sharky taunts Todd

Sharky is 15 Holy shit he's so fucking old He looks as if he has been lifting weight Since he was two years old Last summer a kid told you that Sharky got his nickname Because getting into a fight with Sharky He's like trying to survive a shark attack

I see you brought us a present Sharky says to Todd He grabs his in box and tosses it to his youngest brother, Jess. Hey, Todd shouts, that's my pewter figure collection. Bring that box back. Whoa. Okay, Todd. I wanted to be. Yeah.

Tears form in his eyes as the Murphy brothers peddle away, taking the box with them. Turn to page 12. This is totally unshagged out. Okay, what the heck does pewter figurine? He's got, he's in a warhammer. Yeah. His little miniatures. Yeah.

Yeah, but I guess since he's British, they're probably like actually little, like, you know, army soldiers. They could, but the Brits love Warhammer. Oh, yeah. It's true. I also can't help but notice how quick our parents and the Morris's pawned off on us to go mysteriously into the cabin. Oh, the parents are gone. They're swinging.

Do you think they're swinging? Oh, my God. I feel that. They've got a date with the Murphys later. Yeah. It did mention that they had pineapple shirts on and they walked in and they held hands with each other's spouses. Whoa. Put the keys to your estate car in the bowl.

Yeah. You try to pretend that you don't see Todd crying, but this kid is not a quiet scene. This is so funny. It's so funny that in the 90s we're just like baseline, you fucking hate other kids and you hate it when they cry and you want to make fun of them. You have to fit in. It's so important. I think that we see Todd crying and we're like, you have a freedom that I want to allow myself. Yeah.

Very true. You are Owl City and you need to write Fireflies. Yeah. And he will. A thousand fireflies. Yeah, that's a good one. And maybe he wrote that about freaking Woods. Maybe he wrote that about his pewter figurines.

Yeah. Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, Todd cries. Tears spurt out of his eyes like a water main break in the middle of mainstream. He's crying a lot. Whoa. All right, all right, you find. All right, you finally say. I'll go to the campfire and get your precious pewter collection back.

I'm coming to, Todd says. He wipes his nose on his sleeve. Gross. You glance over at the ports. The parents are so busy talking. They don't notice that Todd's tears are flooding the place. Does it say if they're fine. Bondling each other.

Yeah, and then they're grabbing each other's junk. Now you have to decide if you're going to take Todd to the campfire or leave him to cry at the cabin. So we can take Todd or leave Todd. Okay, I think we need to take Todd. Yeah. Because here's the thing. If you look at it from a shrewd, um, anti-nerd thing,

Todd's going to get all of the nerd hate. Yeah, because the Murphy brothers, yeah. Let's face it, we're not as fucking strong as the Murphy brothers. We're like bringing him like a sacrifice to the Murphy brothers to get their good We need Todd to pull ag grow on the Murphy brothers. Yeah, right. He needs to tank this. Okay, so we're going to read Todd.

We're going to drag Todd and go to page six. The idea of being a nerd tank for bullying. I will be so nerd that no one else can be bullied. My wedgy sponge. Okay. Can we do a parents chapter quick? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Okay, so it goes into detail about how Mr. Morris and your mom. go in the room for like a long time and Mrs. Morris and your dad go in a different room but your dad finishes super quick and they sort of come out Mrs. Morris and your dad and have to wait a long

time and then your dad says like it's not a competition right like several times and Mrs. Morris doesn't. He hears his wife having an earth-shattering orgasm from the other room with Mr. Morris he's like making tea as the headboard just slams repeatedly against the wall

and Mrs. Morris keeps trying to make excuses to go join them. Yeah. And then, but your dad looks really hurt. Yeah. I think use a little help with my shepherd's pie. Yeah. And then finally your dad goes to the bathroom.

Mrs. Morris does go join. Right. And your dad's just eating, having dinner by himself. And your dad's staring in the mirror being like, am I British? You have to tell me if I'm British are. He's being British my bag, baby. If my son calls my wife, mom, does that mean I'm British? All right.

What's so crazy is that like, looking at Todd is kind of a, like looking at a distorted mirror of ourselves. Are we related to Todd? Whoa, especially with all the undocumented swinging between our parents. Isn't that why we hate Todd is because we see a little bit of ourselves and Todd.

Yeah. Is Todd secretly our half-brother? Todd's dad practices edging, so he jizzes so much. Shit, whereas your dad is so quick. Whereas your dad is so fucking quick. He usually jizzes as he's unzipping his pants. So there's not a lot of semen left.

Yeah, so it doesn't even make it in. So, um, honed. Is Todd's dad our dad? Okay, you can't help feeling sorry for Todd. You decided to take him to the campfire. Maybe if those Murphy brothers see you crying, they'll feel sorry for you too, you tell Todd. They're in the meanest boys I've ever met Todd Wales. It takes a packet of tissues.

You have to relax. Yeah, he's tough. Wales is near England, so that's why he said that. He takes a packet of tissues out of his shorts pocket and blows his nose loudly. Really, Todd, you say, you'll scare them with that honking more than they could ever scare you. I just want my pewter collection bank. It's my most precious possession. As soon as Todd says this, the taps open again.

He can't stop crying. I can't go to the campfire. He sobs. My sinuses are all claws now. Todd, what happened in the car on the way here? Did you hear something go down between your mom and your dad? My parents really were excited to have sex with your mom. And no one was excited to have sex with your dad.

And I'm afraid what that means for this weekend. Mrs. Morris kept saying, don't leave me alone with you. Okay. You have to face them alone, I guess. Alone, you repeat, cheering up immediately without you, Todd. I'm sorry, Todd weeps. I just don't feel like going to a party tonight.

If you insist, you say happily, okay, we're getting kind of railroaded here, all Stein. We thought we were going to bring them. Okay. Well, but wait is probably... Choo-choo-choo. Railroad.

Yeah, we're getting railroaded. Oh, I see. Yeah. Nice. Chugga, chugga, chugga. You leave Todd to cry alone at the cabin. You stay here and unpack your stuff. You say to Todd, I'll go to the campfire,

get the box back for you. You hurry out the cabin door. You head for the usual campfire spot at the south end of the beach. A giant fire is already blazing when you arrive. You see your friend, Lauren Woods. Okay. Her parents own Woods World. Come on. That's not why it's called fucking Woods World.

That's... Cheez-O-S. There's not even trees here. R.L. It is the beach. You're railroading us and just being like, they call it the forest because Jake Forrest found this place. Well, it could be spelled like the British Way of Woods, So W-O-D-E.

It's not. It's not. Reading a book. Okay, shit. She and the regular crowd of Woods World kids are sitting around the fire listening to Sharky Murphy tell a creepy story.

Remember the legends of the werewolves, Sharky is saying mysteriously. At first you may think you are talking to a friend. Then when the full moon comes out from behind a cloud, you'll see hair begin to grow on your friend's face. Fangs take the place of teeth. A voice that once was human turns to a beastly howl. Sharky paused and lowers his voice to a whisper.

Look, he says. The full moon is out tonight. It's a perfect night for werewolves of Woodsworld to appear. is safe here not now not ever go to page 28 full moon also makes sense why all the parents are so horny right yeah oh yeah right that's why mrs morris is howling yeah do you guys think todd is a werewolf oh do you think that's why he's such a freaking geek oh you think he was saying what happened on the way over here and maybe it is just the general anxiety of what's coming of the full moon yeah okay yeah it's crazy that sharky is allowed to talk about warwolves which

is admittedly a nerdy subject but i guess he's just got that confidence in that swagger, right? It's because he's jacked. He's been lifting since he was two. It's because he's so fucking strong. Sharky laughs and evil laugh as he finishes the stories. The kids sitting around the campfire, study each other's faces, searching for hair or maybe fangs. As cloud covers the full moon, the campfire party

breaks up. Everyone says, good night. Lauren Woods laughs as she calls to you. Nighty night, don't let the werewolves bite. Have you ever seen a werewolf sharky? One of the younger kids asked before he leaves. Ha! laughed Sharky. My brothers and I saw plenty of werewolf tracks in the woods just before we came to this campfire. Isn't that right, Jess? Yeah, the youngest

Murphy brother says, we saw the wolf tracks when we were burying that nerdy kid's box. So you think to yourself, they buried Todd's box. But where? You promised to get the box back for Todd. But should you go out alone tonight when the moon is full? If you decide to look for the box tonight, turn to page 13, if you decide to go back to the cabin, turn to page 71. I have to say, burying something feels very wolf behavior.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is what wolves love to do. Yeah. So we can't go back yet because our parents said that we cannot come back until at least midnight. Yeah. And if we come back, we should bring sandwiches. Yeah. I think that we should go

try to find the box. Okay, let's go try to find the box. Because the other, the alternative is like facing the familiarity in Todd's face. Yeah. And reckoning with the fact that like we're likely related. And Todd is talking to our dad right now. Right. And our dad keeps asking, where did your mom go? Yeah. And like, and dad needs validation. And we don't want to have to do that tonight. And we're going to have to be like teenage boy ring bearers like out of parents remarrying. Yeah. And it's just going to be awkward. Yeah. A promise is a promise. You promised Todd you would get his box back tonight. You decide you have to go into the woods alone. It's no big deal. You think to yourself. I've been coming to woods world forever. I've

never seen where-wills here before. You follow the Murphys up a gravel path to the woods. You hope they will lead you to the box. The only problem is the Murphys are nowhere in sight. They've sprinted up the path in the darkness. You peer ahead but see nothing. The full moon is behind a cloud. Total darkness surrounds you like a thick blanket. The woods are silent tonight. Even the raccoons and other night creatures seem to have gone to bed already. Nothing is out here. nothing except me you say softly to yourself how ow ow ow ow ow you whirl around what made that horrible noise you glanced to your right and then to your left nothing you continue along the path the gravel crunches under your trainers of trainers so british and then you see it a light flickering up ahead turn to page 106 another clue we're british all along yeah who is my dad and am i british it is the iconic questions we all trying to answer.

A candle burns in a jar next to a large boulder on the side of the path as you hurry closer a breeze makes the flame flicker. There's a note taped to the large rock. You bend down and grab the note.

Did someone leave this for you? You draw the candle close, squinting in the darkness to read writing, wax strips, and hardens on the side of the jar as you read the note aloud. The werewolves of Woods World, they love to see red.

So the box that was Todd's is now their box instead. The werewolves of Woods World disappear at dawn, so you must find the box before this night is gone. Okay, so they've left us a little puzzle?

Okay, so the werewolves are like game masters. They're game masters, yeah. This does lend credence to the theory that Todd is a werewolf, because maybe all the werewolves are nerds. Or is Todd freaking Van Helsing and the pewter things are actually silver? Oh, wow. That's such a good guess. Thanks, hon.

You fucking, you fucking stone cold. Yeah, I stone cold freaking solved it. Yeah. Werewolves, this must be a joke, you tell yourself, but you can't help gazing into the darkness, searching you hold your breath and listen. Then you hear the crackling of twigs. Footsteps, you're not alone after all. Someone or something is out here with you.

Turn to page 133. Okay, we hide. We hide. Actually, we take out a gun. We take out of gun and we shoot into the darkness. We shoot straight up into the sky to announce that we're here. Yeah, that's again. And we scream nerd alert while we do it.

We scream nerd alert and we shoot into the air. Does pewter do something different to werewolves than silver? I don't know. Does each elemental metal do something different? It makes them horny, baby. Yeah, it makes them horny. That was Todd's plan. Well, it makes them horny.

So then they'll fuck each other instead of killing us. Oh, quickly you duck behind an old tree stump as you shoot your gun off into the air. I do make you horny baby. Yeah. You listen for the footsteps again. They're closer now, but in the darkness, you can't exactly tell where they are coming from. Your heart pounce like a jackhammer. Footsteps.

Closer, closer, closer. Ah, you scream. A hand is on your shoulder. You're afraid to look. Hey, hey, hey, what do you say? Todd's voice breaks through your scream. Really? You have a catchphrase?

And it's also a rhyme, just like the note. Hey, hey, hey, what do you say? Yeah, hey, hey, what do you say? Is it what it is? Oh, you know what it is? It's like an early Indies refrain. Oh, yeah. Hey, hey, what do you say? Oh, yeah. Lots of clapping tambourine. It's pretty mumford inside. It also feels like it could be like a football chant. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's just me. I came out to find you. After all, it's my box and I should help you find it. You can't believe this guy. He just scared you out of your wits and I should help you. Wait, how does he know? How does he know? He might be a freaking werewolf for a werewolf hunter. We're trying to figure this out. He's tried, he just scared you out of your wits and he's still talking about that stupid box. You catch your breath. and try to slow your heartbeat down to normal get a life todd you snap at him you shouldn't sneak up on me like that i just want to help find the box todd whines look oh my god man we're all looking to find the box aren't we right look i've even brought a torch you're glad it's todd and not a werewolf in fact you're glad for any company on a night like this wait todd brought a torch it's a that's the

british word for flashlight oh okay got it yeah well follow me you say which way turn to page 75 Donalds. Maccas. This way, you answer, towards the two red lights. You lead the way through a wall of thorny bushes. There should be a path

to the beach around here somewhere. You say, youch, Todd cries. These stupid thorns are scratching me all up. Better watch out. You don't bleed too much, you joke. What?

You don't want those werewolves to catch the scent of fresh blood. Todd's Trey's tremble as the two of you pushed through the overgrown vines and trubs. Are you sure this is the path? Todd asks, it's so dark out here.

I can't see a thing. Before you can answer, you hear, how this time the terrifying noise is very very close oh no todd whines what was that sound you try not to panic for todd's sake you flip on the torch switch darkness still surrounds you you hit the torch on your hand once twice still no light stupid batteries you mumble but even without light you notice the ground under your feet changing from dry to slippery and very slimy where are you turn to page four no this is him like my favorite show doctor ooh it's a cave and all the summers

i've been coming to woods world you say to todd i never knew there was a cave out here. Let's check it out. Then you hear a voice from somewhere deep in the cave, a voice calling your name. You think the voice sounds like Sharky Murphy, but you can't be sure. Hello, you answer. You start to move forwards into the deep black cave. Todd tugs you back. Don't go in, he warns. Again, the voice

from inside calls your name. You feel pulled by the voice and pulled by Todd at the same time. What's it going to be? Go in or stay out. To answer the call of the cave, turn to page 8 and 1. If you feel safer, listening to Todd and staying out of the cave, turn to page 37. We have to listen to Todd because he is our brother. I'm not going to listen to a nerd. I will never listen to it. And I feel

Like, really, Jake. We can't ignore the filial connection there. Todd is going to save us. Todd is Van Helsing. I want to defy Todd also. Really? Because right now, like when it's saying, oh, you, the pull of Todd, the pull of Todd makes me want to prove myself. Makes me want to be like, actually, I am your half brother and I am half responsible for that box.

Todd is a few years away from founding death cab for cutie and marrying Zoe Deschanel and then later divorcing her. You don't think we should. He already has a messenger bag. Yeah. We're trying to get in on that new girl money. Yeah. Do we really not want to get in on that now? It's like, this could mess up because, like, eventually she's going to marry a property brother.

True. Okay. This can change everything. And they definitely seem on the opposite side of nerd alert. Yeah. Do we, okay. So me and Caldo don't want to listen to Todd. Jake and Emily do not want to listen to Todd.

I don't want to listen to Todd. Okay, let's roll for it. Okay. Okay. Okay, so let's say. One through five, we'd listen to Todd. Boy, wait. I know, no, no, no.

No, one through ten, we listen to Todd. Go ahead and listen. One through ten, we listen to Todd. Is you to be ten? 13. 13, okay, we don't listen to Todd. All right. Yes.

Take that property, brother. Okay. To answer the call of the cave, turn to page 81. I just, like, really hope that we get to be, like, in the wedding pictures for Zoe Deschanal's wedding. Yeah. Come on, Todd, you say. We're going to be the ring bear, obviously.

You reach over and hold onto his arm. We're going in the cave. We're not going to let those Murphy brothers scare us, are we? We aren't Gulp's, Todd. I mean, no, we aren't. A thin beam of moonlight shines into the mouth of the cave. You can see that the floor is pure slime. Take one step forward.

Your feet fly up into the air. You land flat on your back and bring Todd down with you. Then you and Todd start sliding faster and faster. Whoa! Your two voices blend into one. You squeeze your eyes shut. It harmonizes. You feel as if you are sliding down the world's steepest water slide.

Down, down you go. Faster, faster, faster. You and Todd zoom down a slime slick tunnel in total darkness. Wow. Let's like throw up the shocker. This sounds fun. Okay. We sing an entire postal service song.

Just when you think your body can't take one. more second in this wild ride. It ends with a grand slam. Bam, you smash in a wet cave wall. If you open your eyes now, go to page 85. If you can't bear to look, keep your eyes close and turn to page seven. No, we're brave. We got to embrace it. Yeah. We're brave because the alternative is going home where it stinks like a threesome that one person's been left out. Yeah. You and Todd, hit the cave wall with a giant thud. You both open your eyes at the same time and see the same eerie sight. Eyes, hundreds, no thousands of bright yellow eyes. Eyes in the ceiling on the walls on the floor. Bats. Todd exclaims. Sounds more amazed than scared. They won't hurt us. I studied all

about them for a science report. Oh, he is emo. Hey. Holy shit. Todd, have you considered that you're actually an emo? Todd looks at all the bats and starts saying bad facts. You're not so sure Todd's right. Two bats fly right by your face. The yellow eyes whizz past you like shooting stars. The flapping of their webbed wings creates a, creates a breeze that sends chills down your spine. You whip your head around to move out of the bats flight path as you duck down. You feel bat wings brush across your face, their tiny claws catching your hair. Okay, Todd, I do have to say, if you are a bat fact

person, you have to understand that they are vectors for zoonotic diseases, especially within the depths of caves. Todd doesn't get into it that much. Then they fly away, yanking out small clumpsy of your hair as they go. Ow. The bats around you. You turn to find Todd. It's hard to see through the thousands of flapping black wings. Where is he?

Todd is standing next to you. He is just as surrounded by the beastly bats as you are, but Todd is acting like they are butterflies instead of bats. He's been reaching out his hands to them. Guys, is Todd cooler than us? Yeah. Or is he a bat? Is he a vampire?

He's having like a superhero origin story. A sudden gust of wind blows to the cave. The bats beat their wings, fiercely, which creates an instant whirlpool. The force pulls Todd backwards. You can't believe your own eyes. Todd is being sucked into a tunnel. A tunnel filled with yellow bad eyes.

Todd yells, you scream, bats, bats everywhere bats. Todd yells as you watch him being drawn deeper and deeper into the tunnel. They're beautiful. You know this kid was weird. Now what are you supposed to go down the tunnel of eyes after Todd or turn back and run for hell? Okay. He's a vampire.

Right? That's what I'm thinking. We're leaning vampire now? Yeah. Oh, he would need the pewter so that other people couldn't have it. Maybe he's keeping it safe. I don't know. Are we going after Todd?

Yes, because right now we are we made all these brave decisions. Are we fucking scared? We made all these brave decisions and then he gets to become a superhero. No. He was just a tag along. If he's a vampire, we could maybe be a vampire too because of the blood because we're related. Yeah. I just worry that he said it's so beautiful.

That's what everyone says right before they die. Yeah. Okay, we're following him. You know you have to try to save Todd from the bats. Even if you have to face millions of bat faces yourself, you step into the tunnel, you don't even try to fight the power of the tunnel's air currents, you let your body be sucked into the open mouth of the black hole. Suck me, bats.

Erotic. Immediately you hear the thwap of flapping wings. This is also what it sounds like back at the cabin. Yeah, back in the house. The sound is so close to your ears, it's deafening. You flap your own arms back at the bats. This clears the way in front of you. Now you can see the choice you must make.

there are two more tunnels at the end of this tight-squeeing passageway above the sound of the bat wings you hear the roaring of rushing waves of water the sound is coming from the tunnel on the left and from the tunnel on the right comes a wicked howling that can only be one thing wolves to tackle the tunnel of waves turn to page 51 to brave the tunnel of wolves go to page 130 okay we're not going the wolf way okay wait wait wait counterpoint why would we counterpoint yeah that's what i'm saying counterpoint yes okay if todd is becoming some sort of bat superhero then we are going to suddenly become at the bottom of the hierarchy of nerds. So we need to become our own superhero. The bats have already selected Todd for some freaking reason. We need to go try to get the werewolves to turn us into a war wolf. He's going to be bat-based when he gets out, and we have to be wolf-based. I think we're going to die if we go in the wolf way. And I think I'm going to die if we are more of a loser.

Okay, I'm voting to go waves. Okay, Emily, where are you? You're wolves. Jake, do we think that Todd is becoming morbiose? Is that the concern here? Is he about to get, is he about to go through the morbidus transformation? I think it is possible. Jake, give me a vote.

I've been convinced by, uh, by Ms. Axford's defense of becoming a wolf. So Todd isn't cooler than us. Okay. Caldwell. Okay. Can we go back to the parents real quick? Yeah. Okay.

Thwp, thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap. They're still going at it. Okay. They all put aside their differences and they're having a great old-fashioned, great British Orgy. I have a feeling that Mr. Morris is now reaching out to the

ego bruised our dad and like sort of like rubbing him on the back and kind of like easing him back into the melee as a quarter. Cheer up mate. She didn't come that much. Okay. Caldels forfeited his vote.

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RocketMoney.com slash paw-paw. You have entered the tunnel of wolves. Now you hear a bone-chilling. How-oh! Again, how-oh! Only this time it isn't exactly bone-chilling. It sounds more like chalk screeching on a blackboard.

I don't think that's a werewolf howl you say aloud. Then you see a very surprising sight. It's Todd. He looks awful. His hair is covered in slime, dropped by the slugs on the caves coiling. His geeky face is completely white and his mouth is wide open in a howling O shape. Todd, you shout, startling him out of his howling.

Are you totally nuts or what? What are you doing? I'm making the werewolves think I'm one of them. Todd answers in a terrified and shaky voice. I heard them running. I didn't know what to do. So I started howling. I don't believe it.

You say, Todd, you are. Then you hear the werewolves too. They're running. But which way? Towards you or away from you? Turn to page 68. Holy shit. All of these slugs are going to style his hair in a really cool emo way.

Oh, that is so. And he's already learning to howl like a screamo musician. It's all coming to go. Dude. Are you getting a Pete Wentz makeup? The werewolves, Todd shouts, start howling. You grab Todd shoulders and give him a good shake. Snap out of it, Todd.

You order him. It's either howl or run, he insists. And we don't know which way the werewolves are heading. There is one more choice, Todd. You reply. You point to a stream of light at the end of yet another tunnel. Looks as if it might be the way out. There you say.

Oh, yeah, sure. Todd says nervously. I saw that tunnel earlier. I saw that giant hole in the floor between us and the way out. Just listen to this. Todd drops a loose stone into the hole. The two of you wait to hear it hit the bottom. It never does.

A bottomless pit, Todd announces. Oh, wow. This time the howling isn't coming from Todd. He's too busy talking about the pit. It's the werewolves, Todd whisper. Start howling. No jump, you shout. If you howl to save yourself, turn to page 33.

If you jump across the bottomless pit, leap to page 11. We can't be caught dead. Howling. I feel like if the Murphy Brothers catch us pretending to be a wolf, we're just never going to hear the end of it. Holy shit. We've got this far not listening to Todd. Yeah. He's telling us to do different things.

He's pulling us in different directions. He doesn't know what's up. He's covered in slug juice. He thinks he's a bad. I'm a little concerned. Literally his hairdresser is a slug. Is anyone else concerned with the wording of this? If you howl to save yourself, turn to page 33,

if you jump across the bottomless pit leap to page 111, it just seems like he's teeing us up. I actually was like, I think the three of us were in agreement. Colwell was like, we can't be caught dead howling. and Jake was like, we've gotten this far not listening to Todd. So it's really not a discussion. What is this, if not a sibling rivalry?

You're right. Very true. We're thinking about this too hard. Like, in fact, if we're not mean to Todd, maybe Todd won't ever create the postal service. You know what I mean? And we won't get such great heights. Yeah.

Right. And also, what are the such great heights, if not us, leaping over a bottomless pit? Oh, my God. What were we thinking? Damn. We have to jump across the pit. you insist. It may be the only way out of this place. I can't do it, Todd, whines. You'll have

to go first. As soon as you hear the howling again, all your nervousness disappears. Come on, Todd, you cry. The worlds are getting closer. Without another word, you back up a few steps and take a running leap. It's so dark, you can't be sure if you're making it across the pit or not. All you know is you're flying through the air. In seconds, your feet land on solid ground. Dirt crumbles under your heels. You are half on, half off the edge of the pit. Whoa, you cry, swaying back and forth over the open pit. Don't leave me, Todd screams. I'm trying my best not to, you snap. You fall forward onto the ground in front of you. Woo! was close you can't finish the sentence because what you see standing behind todd is making your mouth

drop wide open turn of h 41 oh wow god Todd's fucking dead dude Todd just like get those bats who are like all up your ass to just fly you over right wherewolves there are werewolves behind you you finally manage to scream jump Todd jump you fumble with the faulty torch this time it goes on you point the flickering beam past Todd's slug slimed head you aim for the eyes of the starly beast yes it's working the light is hypnotizing them you shout Hurry, jump across. Oh, Todd cries as he glances back and finds himself eyeball to eyeball with the werewolves. Jump, you yell, jump.

As the werewolves reach out for him, Todd jumps. You lean over the edge of the gaping pit and grab for Todd's out, stretch hands. You stretch your own arm as far as you can. And if you catch Todd, turn to page 80. If you don't catch Todd, plunge to page 61. So we can just choose to catch Todd? Yeah. So let's say, choose to catch Todd.

Yeah. I mean, he's our brother after all. Yeah. In the end, he's our brother. Right. Okay. Also, our parents will be so pissed if we fuck up their. fuck weekend because they needed this.

Well, they've conceded at least two other children tonight, so it's probably fine. Yeah, true, true. You caught me, Todd exclaims grabbing your hand. We caught each other, you sputter. Your hands grasped Todd's hand. Not really. Yeah. Your hands grasped Todd's hand over the hole. Oh, no, we're falling. I can't look. Oh, we're falling

down the hole. Oh, brother, you think, as you feel your arms and likes to be all tangled up with Todd's. Just my luck. Of all the people in the world, I could have fallen into a bottomless pit with it had to be Todd Morris. Down, down, down, down, you fall. Head over heels with no end in sight. Todd sticks to you like syrup to pancakes. And now that you think of it, he's probably getting that syrup-y slug juice all over you too.

You're not sure which is worse. Having Todd glued to you or being slimed by slugs. You have plenty of time to think about it since you'll be free falling for quite a while. Turn to page 38. Oh, my God. That's so crazy. I thought we could just choose to successfully save him. Yeah, he got us.

He got us. He gave us the old R.L. We got goose. This fall. thing is starting to get boring. With no bottom of the pit there's nothing to look forward to. Since there's not in the sea down below, you and Todd gaze up instead. You immediately are hitting the eyes with drops of

some liquid. Yikes, Todd screams. There's a whole pack of those werewolves up there. They're fucking pissing on us. Todd's right. At the room of the pet, 20 or more hunger werewolves are leaning into the hole. Those drops that hit you in the eye were drops of pits dripping from the dicks of the werewolves.

What? No. What? It's strips of drool from their face. Gross. The werewolves want food and you and Todd are it. You can feel their fire red eyes staring right at you. A hot glob of drool hits the tip of Todd's ear and dribbles down the side of his neck. Oh, disgusting, he moans. He pulls his hand away from your arms to wipe away the streaming drool.

Uh-oh, Todd is falling away from me. You're both on your own now. Go to page 102. This is all exactly what's happening in the cabin with our parents. Yeah, right? Yeah, they've discovered a secret fuck pit. You really can just intercup between all of the slug juice drool. and dadges.

Yeah. You hear from the darkness below you. It's Todd and he sounds very far away. You have lost him now for sure. Too bad, you think, sadly. I was just starting to get used to having him around. Goodbye, Todd. You call as loud as you as you can.

I'm sorry I said you are a nerd. I really do like you, you know, honest. With tears in your eyes, you call out one last. Bye, Todd, I'll miss you. Really, I will. You really will miss me. A happy voice calls out unexpectedly right next to your ear. Wow, that's swell.

Huh? What's going on here? Turn to page 93. Okay, he's a bat. Because I was thinking it goes against physics that we would be falling at different rates. So he must have become, he must have entered bat form. Oh, okay.

So that he's flying now. Todd, you explain when you hear his voice right next to you, what's happening? How did I catch up with you so fast? You didn't. We caught up with you. Before Todd can say more, you realize that you were no longer falling. You and Todd are both sitting on the back of some giant winged thing. What the, you start to ask? It's a pterodactal. Todd explained.

What? Huh? Probably preserved in this pit for centuries. The huge prehistoric flying reptiles moving its head first up, then down. It seems to be asking you to choose which way you want to go. Up or down. Down? I want to see more.

You're mixing your stuff here. Is it like in a tarpid? This all makes sense. It makes a lot of sense. It's just in a pit. It's bog logic. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just been preserved down here and the new transfer of ball. All right. Do you want to go down into the unknown? Yes. Into the unknown. Because I feel like that's where R.L. is really spreading his wings. Yeah. Okay.

What's going to the unknown? Let's go into RL's bottom list. Yeah. Right. Yeah. The parents are exploring themselves. You know, they're probably moving on

to the psychedelics portion of the end of the end. Yeah. So, like, we need to do the same. Yeah. You and Todd agree. You've had enough of the werewolves. Let's keep going down.

You say, yes, Todd agrees. This territory had enough of this book. Yeah. Let's do another book. I've had enough with, I've had enough of the title of this book. This teradactal has figured out how to stay alive for centuries.

Maybe it will know how to keep us alive for the rest of the night. Good thinking, you reply. Then to the tarodactal you order down, please, with a giant flapping of its bony wings. The prehistoric creature points its head downwards. You and Todd, hold on the loose flaps of skin on its neck. Down, down, down, the deradactal flies.

Without warning, the downward flight takes a turn to the left. You shine the torch, straight ahead and spot a ledge. Todd sees it too. Look, he shouts, pointing over to the ledge. We're going to land over there. Turn to page 98.

We have the secret of immortality right beneath us. It's a friggin pit. We have to get a sample. Yeah, seriously. The pterdactal nose dives down to the the ledge with a great swooping motion. You and Todd are sure you're going to be thrown over the creature's head, but the pterodactyl evens out its flight and

glides to a smooth landing. The two of you tumble off its back and onto the rocky ground. Thank you start to say before you can get the whole word out. Its wings are flapping again. The taraddle is heading back into the darkness of the pit. You and Todd are left alone on the narrow ledge. Behind you, there's a door. It slides open. Going down a man dressed in an elevator

operator's uniform asks. What? Do we have a choice? Todd asks. Is this a Jurassic Park crossover? always the man says mysteriously are we on the lost island is he wearing a white suit it looks like colonel sanders you peer over the ledge and see a greater nothing

than you've ever seen you gaze up darkness you get it's down again darkness either way it looks the same to you totally frightening I guess we better get in the elevator you announce you push Todd forward into the waiting car door closes behind you and Todd wearing sound begins but you don't feel any motion the closet size space is illuminated by dim red light

the light seems to be blinking on off, on off, on off, on off. Then you figure it out. It's a time machine. I know what's happening. This is a time traveler and he's making sure that everything in time stays on the right path so that Zoe Deschanal marries a property brother. Oh, wow. Okay. That makes a lot of sense, actually. The property brothers are chronomancers, for sure. You know what? Actually, I don't know if we're British or not because don't British people call elevators lifts. That's what's happening. We're a lift. We're turning. Oh, my God. There's

two timelines. They need to correct the timeline so that we're British. We're becoming American. yeah the red light is on when the elevator operator's eyes are open and off when his eyes are closed on when they're open off when they're closed his eyes are the blinking red lights in the red glow you notice the man's teeth are growing longer and sharper todd elbows you sharply and cries he's one of them turn to page 11 wait it's a werewolf elevator yeah or a vampire or a bat or a slug or a man or a taradactyl it's a lytanthropy there you're nice a hideous laugh erupts from the man's fanged mouth his eyes flash a Red or Red, spotlighting a face covered with coarse werewolf hair. Claude, hairy hands reach for your neck as the man growls. Yes, I am one of them. And soon you will be one of them too. He opens his fanged mouth to bite you.

Suddenly, you spot two buttons by the elevator door. One reads stop and the other reads go. You stretch out your index finger and press one. Go or stop. Go, right? Yeah. We got to go. Go.

Because we want to go. Are we in Hollow Earth? Are weirwolves from Hollow Earth? Is that what's going on here? Yeah. Like the werewolves have like an infrastructure that I didn't anticipate. Yeah. Yeah, we thought it was lizard people inside the earth this whole time, but no, it was where wolves.

It checks out. Well, that sure took a lot of courage on your part. Nobody ever pushes go when a Claude Harryhand is reaching over to grab his or her neck. But guess what? You push go and now you and Todd are both going to have the ride of your life on the bottomless pit elevator. But wait, the elevator door slides open. The elevator is stuck. No.

You have a second chance. Do something fast. One, two, three, jump, you cry. Chew-choo, it's the R.L. Train making us do shit that we said we didn't want to do. railroad lord also look he's RL is fucking roasting us here for choosing go

yeah and let me just say this if someone's about to bite you on a fucking elevator I think you want it to go faster so they slip you don't want to stop it and be fucking trapped in the elevator with them yeah in between floors what's the door gonna do open and you can't get out Rall Stein are you fucking crazy

because their stomach's going to lurch a little bit when you start the elevator and that's going to throw them off I think that um the RL stands for Ray L road oh wow wow i let's pause for a second to appreciate it but now let's appreciate it rail the road rail the road uh okay so even though we said go the door gets stuck you have a second chance do something fast one two three jump you cry as you pull todd out of the door holding on to each other you and todd begin to fall down down deeper and deeper into the pit you pick up speed

your ears start to pop as your body plunges faster and faster your body flips upside down everything is spinning and then a sharp ringing sound pierces your ears arguably that could have been what we did by choosing god instead of having the we have to get out of here todd we have a new baby brother sister the ringing is both of our mothers are probably with child at this point did you see the full moon i bet they're synced up as we're okay so from the go chapter at the very end everything is spinning and then a sharp ringing sound pierces your ears the ringing is so loud so horrible the sound shatters the darkness you have to stop the noise some way anyway you can't stand it any longer you reach your arm out into the blackness and shut off your alarm clock what you slowly open your eyes

look around mr la road where's todd then you realize you're at home in your bed clutching your pillow for dear life your mother pushes open your bedroom door and pokes her head in her hair looks messed up but she's glowing wait a second listen to the wording though your mother no longer our mom we've become american we've become americans or at least canadian rise rise and shine today's the day we go to woods world which of course is in saskatchewan oh we're canadian shit really you ask you need to make sure it truly was all the dream red tin box the pit, the werewolves. What time are we meeting Mr. and Mrs. Morris

and Todd there, you ask. What are you talking about? Your mother says. Your father and I have decided to close the relationship, she says. Your father and I... We love each other very much. We're all we need.

What are you talking about? Your mother says, the Morrises aren't coming with us. It's a family holiday. You, me, and dad, just like always. You smile and lean back on your pillow. this may turn out to be a fantastic summer in the end in the end wow what a weird thing it was like it was dangled for us to grapple with the sort of social hierarchy of nerds and bullies yeah and instead it was just a dream and there were no repercussions yeah we just we learned to kind of like todd and then at the very end we're so psyched we don't have to fucking hang but i think like do you think that like maybe in the like 10 years will be at university. Sorry, college. Yeah. And we'll see someone that looks a lot like

Todd. It's at a costume party. He's dressed like Austin Powers. But you would know those thick rimmed glasses anywhere. And then could it be? Is this your chance to put the universes back together? Or we like study abroad in England. Oh, yeah. And then like sort of like the parallel universes start collapsing on each other. Uh-huh. Well, who knows what's going to happen now that we're Canadian, but, you know what? Actually, though, this was a night. This was a terrifying ending because we're not going to get an invite to Zoe Deschanel's wedding. Yeah.

And is death cap for cutie going to ever form? Yeah, we don't know the death cap for cutie is going to ever form. We don't know that we're going to get to go to Deschanel's wedding. Yeah. And like, what happens if the property brother doesn't marry Zaudetianel? Like, it's an unknown timeline. Maybe if we went to her wedding the first time, it would have worked out. So this is the property brothers making sure that

Oh wow Who would be able to build a fucking elevator that deep in the earth But the property is zoning down pat Holy shit There's two of them And they're twins right So you never know which one is which Yeah I'm pretty sure

I think so Fuck this all out of up And Death Cab's album is called transatlanticism Oh Because we switched across the Atlantic Yeah We thought cross the pond but it was the pond of time.

Oh my God. Can I just say that the narrator here, a.k.a. us is like as a like 12 or 13 year old is like so psyched to hang out with his parents. Like, is this kid a nerd? Are we nerd?

I think. Like so psyched to go to the lake with mom and dad in the 90s. You know what? I think we really want to do fine like the narrative here, like the metaphorical narrative. I think it is that we all have a nerdy

werewolf inside of us and some people are embracing. it and some people are letting it out. And I think that our self, as the narrator, we are just keeping it bottled up inside, like those pewter figurines inside that red box. Yeah, goddamn. I feel so, like, I actually want to know

what did the pewter figurines represent? You guys want me to just read another random ending? Yeah. I'm just going to read another random ending. That we didn't get. That we did not get. Because I'm really curious, is there, is there a timeline where Todd is a vampire? Is there a timeline where the Peter figurines

mean something? Right. Are we always dreaming. On page 101, there's another ending. You pull your arm back over your head and let the golf ball fly at the troll in front of you. Crash! Another mirror shatters. Ha, ha, ha, laughs the troll behind you. Wrong choice, losers. You and Lauren

Oh, Lauren Woods. Lauren Woods. The heiress to Woods world. You and Lauren spin around to face the real troll. Behind him, there is a mirror in which you see your own reflections. The troll has won. But something is strange, really strange. You stare into the mirror again. Lauren no longer looks like Lauren, and you no longer look like you.

We look like Todd, Lauren exclaims. He turned us into Todd's. Nerd alert, nerd alert. Your second worst nerdmare has just come true. Now you're not just spending your holiday with a nerd. You'll be spending the rest of your life as a nerd. You open your mouth to speak and can't believe what comes out. In Todd's voice, you say, hey, hey, what do you say?

This looks like a swell way to come to the end. Thank God it was just worse than death. I think that actually really hints at how diverse the paths you can get in this book are. There's a whole run where you teamed up with Lauren. Yeah, and there are trolls. That's why Rail La Road is the man. Yeah, Rayleigh Road. Most of the Road has really taken us on a winding path.

Okay, I found the stop, what we would have gotten if we chose stop on the elevator. Yeah. Congratulations. You have chosen to stop this story just when you were about to be turned into one of them, but what are they elevator operators in the bottomless pit elevator if you had not stopped the story at this point you would have had nowhere to go but down there's only one thing worse than a bad ending and that's no ending so consider your choice wise because it brings to you what is officially known here as the end what's the true speaking of trolls that is lazy these are fucking stinkers the trolls have one the trolls have one okay hang on i think i'm looking for a true ending here all right this one's werewolves this one has the murder There we go. There we go. There we go.

There we go. It's right there. Oh, because there's two, but there was secretly three. Yeah. It's true because I actually don't even know what their last name is. I would have guessed it was property. And there's no way for us to find out. There's absolutely no words for us to find out.

I think I know off the top of my head. I'm pretty sure it's Scott. Yeah. Okay. That's their first name or last name. They're both first name is Scott, right? Yeah. They're both Scott, Scott, Scott.

Yeah. Scott's property. Okay, here's another ending. You keep your eyes closed. Your body relaxes. to feel so light, so calm, so you open your eyes wide. What happened? The bump against the cave wall must have really knocked you and Todd out. Whatever happened after that is a mystery to you both. You don't know how long you were lying in that pool of slime in that cave. You

gaze around. You're out of the cave now and sitting propped up against a big tree. The light of the full moon is shining directly on you and Todd. Todd sits with his back to you. You look down and shriek, there are hairy clawed hands where your hands should be. Then Todd turns his face towards you and smiles a fanged smile. You open your mouth to scream, but the only sound coming out is a sound you've heard before you remember Sharkey's words this is a perfect night for the werewolves of Woods World to come out Sharkey was right no one is safe

here not now not ever the werewolves now have two new members of the pack you and Todd break out the shaving cream things are looking pretty hairy now the end. Okay buddy comedy where you and Todd become half brother half werewolves I think all things considered

we got the best ending Well, I actually think the one that we just read is a pretty rad one. I would become a werewolf. I would say that's not the ending, though. That's just the beginning. Yeah, exactly. But that's like, let's pitch that to Seth Rogen's production company. I feel like that's like, we've got some heat there.

I guess I like to becoming Todd as an ending. That's pretty crazy. I was interested by the fact that both me and Lauren became Todd. So it's kind of just like really weird. Okay, there's another ending where we decide to pretend to howl like Todd. Oh, yeah. It just makes us keep howling forever to stop the werewolf. So we avoided a couple endings.

A couple duds, yeah. Yeah. Wow, we wove around the duds. That's good. That's at least a comfort. Here's an alternate ending where Todd actually exists. Todd is real. Okay.

That is real, yeah. Honey, you hear your mom's voice. Oh, whoa, and it's mom again. So this is the English. We end up on the other side. Okay. The Pondy theory, correct. The Pons theory.

Okay. Honey, you hear your mom's voice. Honey, you've been sleeping for hours. Are you feeling all right? You open your eyes and look around for Todd. Where is he? Where's Todd? You ask your mother.

Todd is asleep too. I had to wake you finally to tell you that the Morris and dad and I are going to play tennis. Can you? Yeah, dad looks frustrated. Everyone else looks happy. Can you and Todd stay out of trouble while we're gone? Oh, mom, you assure her, don't worry. What kind of trouble could be possibly get into at Woodsworld?

You're right. Your mom says, okay, then see you later. She leaves and you lie in bed thinking of all the events of the night before. Was it all a weird dream? That's it. It must have been a dream. You close your eyes for a few more minutes and hear a familiar voice say, hey hey what do you say it is Todd's same goofy sounding voice but when you open one eye you see a hairy scary

werewolf standing in the doorway wearing Todd's pajamas oh no if this is not a bad dream you sure hope it is the end oh so that one ends with us we're still British but we get mauled to death by Todd yeah yeah so yeah so the ideal ending is that the whole thing is a dream that you don't have to hang out with a fucking nerd you get to hang out with your mom and dad yeah or your yeah your mom and and you let out a cyber relief. You get to be the coolest 13-year-old and hang out with your parents. In the woods.

In Halifax. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you all so much for listening. We're going to wrap this one up. We're going to be doing some D-D-D-Court over on the Patreon. Check that out. Patreon.com slash Nadpot.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D-O and sing yet. In the meantime, we do have some stuff to plug. We've got our Las Vegas live show coming up for Dimension 20. We're going to be doing Starstruck. So check that out. Search Dimension 20 Live. Mm-hmm. And then I'm doing a stream next week,

Ask My Cat Bruce, a little fundraiser for animals. It's called the Puppie Roll 2 Monday, October 20th, starts at 6 p.m. Search puppy roll 2. Oh, that's cute. I'm excited. Check out my substack.

Substack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz. Sweet. And you can follow us on social media that we're remembering I use. At stage versus me, at Caldi Scaldol. Add the extras Emily and at your coach is Jake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag nap pot. That's NEDD-D-P-O-D. We are, we are The youth of the nation We are, we are The youth of the nation Fuck

But that means It's time to shout out Our benevolent elders Starting with Braddie, Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord Later Mix Gator Matt M Cutter W

Jeff C Daniel G Danielle the dastedly dame Carpe Liam Victor T. Balnor's boy Hoid's friend Justin I Danny Danster

T.J. M. Trele the Crayfe Christopher B. Damiel Yes, Caldwell thinks only took six years are. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Targot. Stevie Wags.

Hellish rebuquer the N, B, D, M, Ph.D. M.H. Princess Yarr. Jory S. Jack L. Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bohemia. Mike H. Alka Smouncer Plus. Great Value Jemma. Tyler F. Carborough, Chapel Hill, FPV. C. C. C. C. Looleu. Bald burn. Acu. Pachau. So rabbit, fuck, detective. Timmy R. Jake's jerk. Jelly. Hashtagascuit. Casse. Cascoport. Casse. Stephen Sends. Cintillating song. C. Nick W. Nico, the underpaid English teacher. Oh, God bless you, though. William Wall. Big bad beard of the mad. An an anorama. Yusel Klausowsky de Rolo the Third. J. Dragonborn, guardian of the vibe, honoring the cock. Impressive Dongle. That's a funny one to come after that.

Ben A. Dave H. Not that Nick. Danny F. Hawkeye Pierce. Big Bad John. D.P.C. is awesome. Shown the shade tree mechanic of Zerbaldar. Summer Rose Grand Hare.

Mark the Dark Lords. Taint. Cat C. Mesa of House in Zunza. Ariel, the occasional mermaid. Salina and Valaci Raptor. Be perky, always. Pat L. Lauren H. Serve 16. Annie the Faywild therapist. Parogi Frenzy. Salil. Bioquirt 7. Bean rat was innocent. Trubb Hoptropper. Jack H. King of the Mole People under the iron. deep dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament Valen Paj the bitch and bunny bard

Druidic Peyton Carlin C Omri Am Noah the Gentleman Fister hashtag Honor the cock James G Everything Bego the Eladron

who just wants to hang out with his pet badger stripy Reverend Chatterbones Han. Eric B., Marcos, Ph.D., eventually. Learns the balanced druid, Frida M., Maggie, Holly the Green Laughing Hina, Grim Waller, Executive Chef of Bohumia, Aaron B., Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, Cody C, Lorelei, the succubai, and Kira the succulent snack, cow go truckin. friendly neighborhood, yawn and uncle, Andrew and Sid, education specialist, John Adams. James F. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 42,

keep them turn to page 69. Oreo, Barpo, Good Barbarian, Charlie Brown's best friend. Renee, the monster captain. Olivia, the enchanting bard, and Jared, the soap opera cleric, who recently found out that, like, moonshine, they're dangerously fertile. Huge congratulations. Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett, the artificer, J, K-Guard, Fancy Matt, the fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the carnal corner. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie-wearing barbarian, Lexi H, MJ, the BFG, Roger L, No-drog the pass-a-fist barbarian

Jean-Luca, Leon Comori, legendary hero of Bohumia from a future campaign. Shananagan's O'Connor, Joshua S. Alexander, Linz W., Sky the Wise, aka the lone dungeon master,

the spudfucker himself, Johnny Dude Kay, the mischief of Natspot's familiar's that said in all caps, and one word, so I tried to recreate. Pavu Escanar, the Goliath paladin providing service with a smile. Kit and their cat. Jakewell, Murphily.

Tim M. Dragon Knight 86. Scrungle, the main event. T.R. MLG. Cheeto. Shelby, Kenna's first favorite Sprite girl going into the zone as Barry Six for Riba, Mas, Vegas. Let's do some Kubla Kane and get nasty. Jet S. Snailus who's infecting Worcestershire for within death to tyrants.

Papa Sky Days. Memo Sky Days. Megan N. Genevieve of the Sea. Anthony B. Balnor's best friend, Steve. Stephanie of House in Zunza. Benjamin A.

Gimley, the Corgi, Papa, and Foster's K-9 friend. Michael A. SSS Tier Crickwater Enjoyer. The two crew blew through. Kelsey A. Ethan, the mailman. Maple, the shy bookworm. Nick A.J. Ashosaurus. Seth, the stroker, bearer of all hog-related burdens. Billy Batson. Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes. Michael Lyle S. the second. Carl B. Plummer of the Realm Ace Dregs High Lord of Critsburg Raina S Vinn Diagram Catamilius

The Consumed Cam the Vampire Frogman Dean Jake W Hi Mom Tuesday Cross Only here for the Surf and Murph

Me too my friend Nad Pod fan And Bar Mitzford man It's Dave O Steve L Tyler M Alex G Zibada Bakery

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