Not Another D&D Podcast - Adventure Book Theatre: Goosebumps - The Knight in Screaming Armor

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

The Lore Lords and Relative Newcomer Jake Hurwitz take a trip to the Theatre for an unusually crass reading of R.L. Stein's "Give Yourself Goosebumps: The Knight in Screaming Armor!" Can our heroes overcome a whirlwind of cousin drama to have the Knight of their life? Press play to find out!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon8-Bit Book Club Theme by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The code again is pawpaw. Thank you, everybody. This is a HeadGum Podcast. They made a book about a video game. Game. Game. Game. We made a podcast about that book. Welcome to Adventure Book Theater, everyone.

Oh! Oh! A day at the book theater? Yes, theater. With an R-E instead of an E-R. We're all up in the balcony box just screaming at the person reading a book on stage. Yeah.

That's humor. Teeny tiny opera glasses. Yes, slash 8Bit Book Club. Welcome to 8Bit Book Club. First time on the show, welcome Jay Hurwitz. Wow. Pleasure to be here. Glad these schedules worked out.

I know my agents have been trying to hammer this through for five years. Yeah, they've really put a lot of pressure on us. Yeah. They actually haven't made it past my spam filter, but good luck to them. Damn, yeah. No, I really have to get to one of the big three agencies.

I thought it was really strategic how you crashed into my car to make this meeting work. Really cool stuff. Yeah. It's all about running. Yeah. Your agent did say that they were from one of the big 12 agencies, which I don't think there's that many. I think that's college football. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're probably talking to my uncle-in-law. Yeah. Okay. Who's your agent? Yeah.

Who's my age, him? Alright everybody, we are reading R.L. Steins. Give yourself goosebumps. Reader, beware, you choose the scare. The knight in screaming armor. Incredible. You're like the knight in shining armor. Surely, that's what you mean. No, no, no, no.

The knight in screaming armor. This is a little sick and twisted. Yeah. Screaming in ecstasy, probably? Looks like screaming. Oh, the knight in coming armor. Oh, the knight in come armor. Yeah. No, it has to be the Jaren version.

No, no, the knight in come armor. You can't call it come armor. That's just so mean. That's so different. That's so different. I'm sorry for being crass, everyone. If the armor comes, it's fine. If the armor is come, it's not. Sir, this is the theater. Okay. All right, I'm sorry for being crass, everyone. If the armor comes, it's fine. If the armor is come, it's not.

Sir, this is the theater. Okay. All right, I'm gonna start reading it. Yeah, beware, do not read this book from beginning to end. Prepare yourself to meet the knight in screaming armor, the knight in coming armor. Right. Your cousins are coming to visit England.

No, I died! Sorry, hey, you all fucking did this. It's all your fault. Oh, wow. How could we know that they would use the word coming in the book? Yeah, who would have thought? And cousins. They're bringing something with them, a little surprise.

It's an old suit of armor from your uncle's collection. OK, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sorry, they're visiting from the UK. Yeah. And they're bringing a suit of armor. Yeah, they're checking the bag. What is it? What is hard to believe?

I have to ship that on a boat. I don't think you can fly a suit of armor. I was gonna say, I do. This was the 90s, guys. All right, these are a little bit more lax. There's still a pound limit to checked armor. And they paid it. Oh, actually, you know what they did?

You can pay it. Actually, if you treat the suit of armor like a passenger, you buy it a seat and then you just prop it up, I think that's fine. Yeah, that's sick. That's great. You're right. You can also go through the carpool like.

Yeah, it's gonna sell off a medal. Okay, cool, we're three sentences in. It has a really cool battle axe and a shield, and it has something else too. Orders to destroy you. You see, there's an ancient curse that was placed upon your family in the night is here to deliver it, and that's not all.

Oh my God, on our 37th birthday? On our 37th birthday of all times? That's when the curse is hatched? A ghastly looking gardener with three heads, mud slinging monsters made of goo, made of calm, and some very nasty sheep are all headed your way. This scary adventure is all about you. You decide what will happen.

You decide how terrifying the scares will be. Start on page one, we know. If you make the right choices, you will defeat the knight in screaming armor and escape its horrible curse. If you make the wrong choice, beware. So take a deep breath, cross your fingers and turn to page one to give yourself goosebumps. Hey, that's definitely coming.

It's liberating. Yeah, okay. Pip, hip, ta-ta, jelly good, tally ho and all that rot, your dad exclaims. Dad, you plead, please. Can you try to do that more British? Pip pip, tot tot, jolly good. So this is the exact, they're making fun of the dad

in the 90s for doing this that you're making me do. Don't make me be an uncool 90s dad. I was asking you to perform it more. Yeah. Perform the uncool 90s dad. Oh, you were asking me to not do it shitty. I don't know if we need to make fun of dads doing funny voices for their kids. I don't know if that's really where we're gonna go with this. I don't even know if that's that funny. So sorry, he apologizes in his best British accents. We just want your cousins

to feel quite at home now, don't we? It's not every day we have visitors from England. It's been over a year since we've seen them. Jolly good. Ta ta. Pip pip. Your dad says again. It's those rocks. Yeah. He sounds seen them. Jolly good, ta-ta, pip-pip, your dad says again. This guy rocks. Yeah, this dad's so fucking funny. May I ask a question? And I'm sure some of our audience knows. What does pip-pip mean? Oh.

Well, the audience, okay. Are you asking the audience or us? Yeah, what are we supposed to do with this? Should we stop recording? Yeah. This isn't being live. We released this much of the episode. If you're listening at home, just jot it down.

Write it on a little notebook. Do not mail. Do not lose a bit of the software that comes after Emily. You wanna know what? If you have an answer, don't actually comment below. Write it on a piece of paper and flush it down the toilet. And that's the direct passage to my brain. Yeah, through the plumbing ideally.

Yes, your mom adds, your uncle Will is giving lectures at several important American museums. So Kip and Abby will be staying with us for a whole week. Isn't that terrific? You only half agree. Kip Saxton is your age. Sometimes he complains too much, but mostly- 37.

He's a pretty cool kid. Oh yeah, he's 30. Wait, how much is he? He's, is he your age? Okay, so he he's a pretty cool kid. Oh yeah. He's 30. Wait, how much is he? He's, uh, is he your age? Okay. So he's your age. He's 37. But mostly he's a pretty cool guy. His, okay.

15 year old sister is another story. So she's old. His 41 year old sister. Age gap between the two siblings. Yeah. Four years. No, 37 and 15. And 15.

Oh no, I changed it to 41. We're aging them up, because this is the theater. Yeah, because this is the theater. It's very mature. Abby acts like she's queen of the world, you say. She can be a royal pain. Oh, you'll have fun, your dad assures you.

Uncle Will says, Kip and Abby are bringing a big surprise with them. A surprise, you ask? What surprise? Go to page two. Gee, thanks though. We already know. Tell me about the books work.

Ooh. Oh my God. Is he bringing Jaffa cakes? My favorite British treat? Okay, oh my God. There's so much shit. Okay, they show up, they're here. You haven't changed a bit, your mom declares as she hugs Abby and Kip.

I hope that's not true, you mutter. Your tall blonde cousin is already staring past you and into the mirror behind you. Hi, you managed to say to her. Abby primps her long golden curls before she answers. Oh, hi, she says as she passed her hair. So Abby, she's 41, she's peaking. Classic self-involved 41 year old.

Freshly divorced. So freshly divorced. She just bleached her hair blonde for the first time. So preoccupied with her looks. She's talking to. She just bleached her blonde for the first time. So preoccupied with her looks. She's talking to you about intermittent fasting. Yeah, she's talking about giving herself goosebumps. Reclaiming your past. Still the same old Abby, you have to admit.

Forget her, someone says laughing. It's Kip. Kip is still 37. And still married, actually. Still married, yeah, but they're on their opposite. He's here without his wife from England and he brought a suit of armor. That's not true.

He had to choose between the suit of armor and his wife. They can only afford three seats. Okay, forget her. Someone says laughing it's Kip. Can you give me a hand? We've got some stuff to bring in. Kip would have a British accent, right? No, actually.

Really? Cause he's from England. Yeah, but he's 37. Yeah, but he's traveled the world. He actually was born here and then at 32, he moved to the UK. Yeah, yeah, they were born in Dallas. Yeah. Wow, to get away from his wife?

Yeah. Your sandy-haired cousin moves back out onto the front step and points to two huge wooden crates, a crater taller than your dad. The tallest thing anyone can be. My dad is nine feet tall. Let's make sure to tell our dad that. He's going to really like that. This's make sure to tell our dad that. He's gonna really like that.

This crate is taller than you, Dad. What the, you start to say, artifacts, your dad chimes in. Uncle Will is coming here next week to lecture at the Medieval Museum downtown. I told him we'd store some exhibits here until he arrives, but I never expected anything this big. These crates will have to go in the garage. They're taller than me! And I'm five foot eight! Just perfectly average. He's coming to lecture at the Ripley's, believe it or not.

Yeah, I thought they said the museums were prestigious. Yeah. What's in the crates anyway, you ask Kip. Two suits of armor, Kip says. That's what's in the crates. They're really old from the 15th century. We call one of them the evil knight. It's been with the Saxton family forever.

The other suit was Sir Edmund Saxton's. He's our great, great, great, great. Well, you get get the picture the crates are on wheels. You can kind of lazy Sorry, just tell me how many greats say how many greats? Okay. Yeah, you're 37. Yeah, you're 37 You have time to know this that's really that's when you get a real interest in the past in your family legacy So you're ignoring that about yourself. Yeah, actually, I think once the separation becomes official, that's when I think he'll be really like getting into genealogy. You notice a label on one of the crates. Hey, look at this, you cry.

You read the label aloud. It's because it's our 37th birthday and no one's acknowledged. Yeah, true. It's tomorrow. Beware, this dark and evil night cursed still from long ago until a good night fights for right. This night brings misery and woe. That's kind of spooky you add.

No, don't read that out loud, Kip cautions too late. It's an evil curse in the whole Saxton family. Kip, get off your phone, okay? The separation will be there when you are ready. I curse you laugh. You don't believe in curses, do you? Sure I do. And so should you if you know what's good for you,

Kip whispers. My marriage was cursed. Yeah. I guess you've never heard the tale. The tale? Oh my God. There's so much. I wanna hear the tale though.

Okay, the tale. What tale you ask? The legend of the curse of the night in screaming armor, Kip answers. Years ago an evil sorceress got angry at the king's best knight, Sir Edmund Saxton. You know our ancestor? She's so hot. He killed her favorite dragon or something.

Anyway, she put a curse on him. The curse of the knight in screaming armor. Wow, spoilers for Skeltova, right? Yeah, you kidding me? She made a special- You guys know I read this before I DM'd, right? Of armor and sent it to him as a gift. The armor was haunted and held the spirit of an evil knight.

That night, horrible screams and cries were heard from Saxton's castle. In the morning Sir edmund and all of his family had been killed Kip's eyes grow wide as he goes on all of his family was dead except one son He had been out hunting anyway, he kept the armor He was too scared to throw it away the four of you arrive at the garage and your dad reaches down to open the armor This is that armor family legend has it. Oh, thanks. Can we get a we talking about. Can we get a physical description of the sorceress?

Did you skim over that? It feels like we could have really lingered there. I feel like here, I'll hand you the book, and you give us the physical description of the sorceress. Yeah. Okay, according to the book, super hot. Whoa, okay. Stacked. Oh fuck. Stacked. I knew Emily would really go in on the breast side. Not a day over 39.

Crisp 39. Wow. You can tell is only getting crisper with each year. Belly button piercing. You can see the belly button piercing, pulsing out from underneath her sheer gown. Damn, you pierced an Audi? That's a baller.

Arches on her feet, like a ballerina. Like, whoa. Wow, awesome. Okay, Kip's side. Sorry, that was all RL's time. That was all RL's time. Not a word about this. That was all Stein's.

Mine. This is that armor. Family legend has it. Stein not mine. Everyone shut the fuck up. Stein not mine is pretty good. Everyone shut the fuck up. This is that armor.

Family legend has it that one day it will wake up again, thirsty for Saxton blood. Then it will destroy all that is good, unless a brave and noble Saxton can defeat it. It has to be a member of the Saxton family. Ha, you laugh. I'm related to you, so I'm a Saxton blood then it will destroy all that is good unless a brave and noble Saxton can defeat it It has to be a member of the Saxton family. Ha you laugh. I'm related to you So I'm a Saxton wasn't evil knight suit of armor got to do with me get your answer turn to page 96 Okay, no choice for shwire. Oh we got choices coming up. Here we go You can just forget that screaming armor story Abby snaps before a kid gets a chance to answer you It's the intermittent fast food. She's really cranky. She hasn't eaten. It's the intermittent fasting. She's really cranky. She hasn't eaten yet because it's not noon.

She's really cranky. Yeah, her window is noon to eight. Yeah. Abby, have a seltzer or something. Abby, have a baby carrot. It's not going to hurt you. It's totally stupid. It's not even true.

But long after everyone has gone to sleep, you lie awake thinking about the crates in your garage. Hours later, you've just dozed off when you are awakened by a chilling scream and it's cumming from the garage. Yes. Is it C-U-M-M? The curse you got.

Yes, it is cumming from the garage. The armor is jizzing. Damn, RL was wild in this game. Night in jizzing armor. Okay. I didn't see slime going for those ballerina witches. If you try to ignore the cum, turn to page 13. If you'd like to investigate the chilling cum,

turn to page 19. I would like to investigate. I would like to investigate. The chilling cum. We simply must. OK. I'm turning to page 19. Let's cruise to the splooge.

Yeah. OK. Do we think it's that the armor contains the cum and doesn't stain it? We'll find out. Or it makes the cum? Oh, that's a good question. Did we think it's that the armor like contains the calm and doesn't stain it? Or like it makes the calm? Oh, that's a good question. Oh! Shit.

Did we slip in the calm? Another calm fills the night. Kip and Abby are as wide awake as you are. The piercing combs draw the three of you. Abby, you need to give up on intermittent fasting. It's simply throwing off your hormones. The piercing screams draw the three of you together at your bedside.

You grab each of your cousins by the hand. We have to go out to the garage and investigate you, declare. We have to find out what's out there. Another cum pierces the air. Abby forgets how much cooler than you she is for a moment and clutches one of your arms. Kip grabs your other one.

You grab a flashlight from your desk and make your way out into the night. You pull your cousins along behind you. Eventually, you come to the garage door. You pause a moment and listen to the jizzing. Well, here goes. You say you reach down, grab the handle and lift it open. Turn to page 113. We can handle this guy. Okay. We have to put on a brave face. Yeah. We know this, this armor is not stopping jizzing. Yeah. The garage door swings open and out of your way. Dark was never as dark as this.

Monsters seem to lurk in every corner. Familiar forms look strange. The beam of your flashlight cuts past the frightful shadowy figures to the two crates. They stand like tombstones in the middle of the garage, except that one of them is vibrating, taking back and forth. It's coming.

It's coming so hard. I think that a button got triggered. Yeah. What is this, Night of the Living Cummies? Stop. What the hell? I know, I thought it was good. What the hell? What is Cummies off of?

It's that Night of the Living Dummies. It's another R.L. Steinbrook. Dude, stop. Wow. That was so self-referential. Everyone in the theater is applauding wildly. Baudrillard is just wild. I got it.

I just thought it was too crass. The light reflects off the jizz-st I just thought it was too crass. The light reflects off the Jizz Stained label on one of the crates. Now that's a cum joe. The one with the curse on it. Then you notice another handwritten label near the top of each crate.

One says Jizz Night. The other says Good Night. Which one should we open, you say nervously. Neither, Kip replies. He seems terrified. maybe a little too terrified You're not sure you buy all this curse stuff Maybe it's all a big trick kipp and Abby could have gotten someone to shout and shake the crate around who's really in that? Jizz night crate anyway you wonder then again those those screams of ecstasy do sound pretty spooky

Maybe you should play it safe and open the crate marked good night As soon as I'm record come in handy if there is some Crazy curse if you open the crate marked good night turn to page 33 if you open the crate marked jizz night turn to page 49 I was saying a night full of jizz is a good night Yeah I feel like I feel like we have to be the brave one here because I'm he's fresh off a divorce And then kip is in a trial separation and we've never been in we've never been in a relationship before Wow and then Kip is in a trial separation and we've never been in a relationship before. Wow, really?

It feels like we're the one who has maybe faced the least hurt and so we have to be brave. Here's the question though, is that fear holding us back though because we're afraid of Kip? Yeah, is it fear or is it perfectionism? Because we're looking for the perfect sorceress with the perfect power.

We're trying to find Mrs. Perfect, but we can't find Mr. Good enough. Yeah, we need to take off our armor, really, that's protecting us from the- Yeah, that is dreaming armor. No, but the question is, do we want the good night armor first so that we can fight the evil knight armor, AKA the coming armor?

Well, what's so evil about Jizz? I feel like Jizz armor is fine. Okay, it does say, I will confess, that wasn't all Stein, it does say Evil Knight. So some of it was mine? Some of it was Emily's, yeah. No, yours. Mine.

No, it was Emily's. Mine, I had to say mine. Okay, so what does it say in the book so that we can know how it maps onto our emotional landscape? Thank you. What does Stein say with the first draft? If you open the crate marked good night, turn to page 33.

If you open the crate marked evil night, turn to page 49. It seems like we probably want the good armor first. Okay, but since we've never been in a relationship, we haven't gone through a bad boy phase. Right, exactly. All right, so we wanna die. We wanna do a real fast run first. Is that what we're gonna do?

I'm saying metaphorically. We wanna do the fast run. We wanna face our fears. Okay, yeah. We wanna make mistakes. We want to do a real fast run first. Is that what we're going to do? I'm saying metaphorically. We want to do the fast run. We want to face our fears. Okay, cool. We want to make mistakes. Page 49. Oh, we want to make mistakes. So we want to do the bad choice.

Understood. We're young, wild, and free. We're only 37. Okay. Okay, okay. The fun's over, you declare. You move over to the Crate Marked Evil Night and start to loosen the straps, holding it shut.

It's still shaking a little, but the screaming has died down to a faint moan that's actually in the book. You really had me going there for a minute, you continue. Those screams sound pretty scary and all that moaning and shaking. Wow, you guys are good. Kip and Abby look as if they don't know

what you're talking about, but you know better. Who did you get to help you with this little prank anyway? My dad, you ask? Your dad is just the sort of goofball to go in for something like this too. Our dad would do this. He's been like, you need to start dating. And he's been trying to push us

and we said, no, I'm waiting. He's like, it's time. I'm not dating, I'm waiting. It's time to move out of the house. Pip pip cheerio son. Yeah. You fumble with the leather straps, but you finally get them undone.

By now you're chuckling to yourself. It really was a good prank. Complete with these oversized crates. Still, you can't believe you fell for it. Speaking of falling, that's what the front door to the crate does next. It's also what your lower jaw does. It falls open. You try to scream, but all that comes out is a little whimper.

They're in front of you about a foot from your face. You stare into the laser light eyes of the knight in screaming armor. Ah! Oh! Oh! Turn to page 16 if you dare. I'm screaming, I'm screaming! I do dare, I do dare!

I think that we need to get a visual of our bad boy. Okay, the evil knight's head is a steaming hunk of black metal. He's sparkly and dallion hangs around his neck. Oh, I always knew we would go for someone wearing a chain. Something about his medallion holds your gaze. You can't stop looking at it. With you standing there helpless before him,

the Evil Knight raises his heavy sword and he brings it down and slashes open the crate behind him. The wood shatters like ice. In the land of Saxton's you shall be destroyed. His voice booms over you. You shiver. He glances back at you. Wait, did he put in you shiver or is it? No, that's real. Yeah. Yeah. I should do it more like he's jizzing while he says this. In the land of Saxton's you shall be destroyed. No, I kind of liked it before because it was like he's our bad boy thing. Oh, got you, okay.

All right, I'll do more of a bad boy thing. You're not sure how long you stand there in shock. The next thing you know, Abby and Kip are standing next to you. Did you see that, you stammer? Yeah, no big deal. Abby tries to sound cool. Look, Kip exclaims.

This hole in the back of the crate, there are hills in it? Hills? Hills in it? Okay, portal. We got a portal. First off, Abby's going after him too, right? Oh, for sure. Oh yeah, this is the competition for Abby.

Oh my God. Fuck. Fuck. Yeah. Abby has bad boy eyes. Abby has that- And she's competitive too. Abby has that like hot, like post-divorce thing going right now, where you like feel like she's like a wildfire.

Her ex was an accountant too. She wants to go against type. She wants to cut loose. Yeah. She's been on 13 wellness retreats. where you like feel like she's like a wildfire. Her ex was an accountant too. She wants to go against type. She wants to cut loose. Yeah. She's been on 13 wellness retreats. Okay, let's elbow her out of the way. Elbow her out of the way.

Okay, we elbow Abby right out of the way. But he's right. You peer through the hole. You see emerald green hills and a pale blue sky. You feel wind against your face. You feel yourself drawn to the scene like you were to the medallion. We'd better go through, you say,

without taking your eyes off the scene before you. If not, we'll never break the curse thing. You push aside the splinters and step through. Turn to page 119. Okay. Bro, we're just going for it. This is great. This is so not us, but, and yet it is.

Yeah. Kip and Abby follow you through the hole in the back of the crate. When all three of you are through, something stands shut behind you. Get away! This isn't yours, Abby! And Kip, haven't you run far enough?

You turn to look and the crate has disappeared. All you see around you are hills, soft green rolling hills. It's so beautiful, you say. It's a whole new world of dating. You rub your eyes, but it doesn't go away. It's our world, Abby exclaims. We're back in England. Oh, she's trying to share everything.

Yeah, it's exactly where the evil night wants us to be. Oh shit, she's gonna know all the hotspots because she's from jolly old England. Right, but we're gonna be so exotic to this night with our American accent. Yes, and we have to really dial up the Americans. Oh yeah, they love it. They love Americans.

Because we're American, we have an American accent and we also have a cell phone. So we're gonna be very freaked out by it. Okay, quick, pull up a fun game on ourselves. Okay. I'm too impressed with that. Okay, quick, pull up a fun game on ourselves. Okay. To impress the bad boy. I pull up, oh dude, Tiny Wings. Tiny Wings?

Yeah, I pull up Tiny Wings. It's exactly where the evil knight wants us to be, Kip says softly. England, the land of the Saxons. England, who cares, Abby says, we're home. Don't look so happy, Kip warns. The evil knight wants to destroy us. We may be home for good, or should I say for evil?

You gays are evil? Right, yeah. You gays are- Was that Stein or mine? We may be home for good or should I say for evil you gaze for evil You gaze around. Was that Steiner Mime? Yeah you gaze around. It says do it and then talk to your evil voice. You gaze around you stunned. There's no way to explain what just happened to you. Hundreds of sheep are grazing on a nearby hill. One wild-looking Ram glances up at you your heart jumps his eyes are glowing you, your pulse starts to race. The horned head of the ram morphs into the armored head of the evil knight. He lowers his head and paws to the ground, steam pours through the grill in his helmet.

He's going to ram us, you cry. Run for your lives. I push Abby out of the way. I stay to get rammed. Yeah. I'll take it. Led by the evil knight, the whole herd of sheep stampedes.

Terror grips you as the thundering herd bears down on the three of you. You are about to be trampled. The stampede sounds like a sonic boom. You wrap your arms around your head and wait to feel the pain of a hundred little hooves pounding you into the grass. So this is how you plan to- Okay! So this is how you plan to destroy us, you think.

You open your mouth to scream, but you can't hear anything over the thundering of sheep feet. Damn. Crush me, evil knight. Crush me, sheep. Then suddenly there's nothing but the sound of screaming, your own screaming. You peek through your arms. The stampeding herd is gone. The hills are gone. All that's left are prickle bushes. You're buried in prickle bushes and they hurt. Oh, oh. Turn of page 132. Not a lot of choices here.

Okay. Yeah. This is great though. We're abroad. Yes. We're page 132. Not a lot of choices here. Okay. Yeah. This is great though, we're abroad. We're experiencing new things. Yes. I think we just need to like find a hostel and like meet some people.

Yeah. Yeah. As a 37 year old. As a 37 year old who is potentially embarking on our first bad boy phase. Yeah. Ouch, Abby cries. She breaks herself free from the prickly bush.

You can't help laughing. Abby's a human pincushion. She has little prickly leaves stuck all over her. Ouch, you and Kip say together as you follow the bushes, you find yourselves looking like two porcupines too. That's a really good joke. Say it out loud to Abby and Kip and hope that the bad boy night overhears.

Yeah, yeah, that's good. I feel like a porcupine. I feel like a porcupine. In an American accent, if you can muster that. I feel like a porcupine. I feel like a porcupine. In an American accent, if you can muster that. I look like a porcupine. Perfect. You hear giggles. Hold up your phone.

I play Pokemon Go for a peasant. I say I'm from Dallas in a southern accent and then hold my phone to show the Pokemon show. What is this demon? Yeah, that's Squirtle. That's Squirtle right there. You hear giggles and they're not happy. You find yourself a Pikachu. You got any nightclubs right here? Oh shit, Cubone! You're trying to lasso a Charizard.

You hear giggles and they're not abbeys. You glance over your shoulder and see something you never imagined you'd see. A Pokemon? Holy shit, it's a Bulbasaur. They're real here. Kill it! Kill it! Wait a second. They're real here. Kill it!

Kill it! Wait a second, are Pokemon Go the fairies of the US? Is this the work of Morgan Le Fay? Two miniature men are laughing and rolling on the ground. I'm one of them! Two miniature men are laughing and rolling on the ground. I'm one of them! Each man is about the size of a football. They laugh and smack their knees and point at you.

Pixies keep cries. Pixies you say? No, Pokemon, Pokemon, not Pixies Pokemon. In America we call Pixies Pokemon. In America we have a little saying, Pokemon go to the bowl. No! Come on, man. The plants! The little men disappear for a minute. They resurface in the bushes close by.

This way out, one giggles pointing to the left. No, this way out, says the other, pointing to the left. No, this way out says the other pointing to the right. Which one can you trust? Follow the pixie pointing left, turn to page 32, follow the pixie pointing right, follow the Pokemon pointing right, turn to page 32. You can't trust either of these Pokemons. No, is this Minusel and Plusel,

the little like Pikachu clones? These are Meowths. So you don't throw them to the right. The little men disappear for a minute. They resurface in the bushes close by. little like Pikachu clones. These are Meowths. So you know they're up to no good. Oh really? Fuck me. The little men disappear for a minute. They resurface in the bushes close by. I'm trying to read and see if there's any clues here. This way out, one giggles pointing to the left.

No, this way out says the other pointing to the right. Which one can you trust? Oh, says versus giggles. Says versus giggles. Here's the thing. Does the one think it's funny because they're doing freaking double reverse psychology on us or reverse psychology rather?

No, this is the 1500s. Double reverse psychology hasn't been invented yet. But I think it's actually just reverse psychology, right? Oh. Right. Yeah, it's only reverse, right? Yeah, it's only reverse psychology. Unless it's double reverse and they think we're gonna think that the Giggles.

No, I think since it's not double reverse, then it means giggles is good. Giggles is good. I think Renaissance is when one reverse psychology was invented. Okay. So I think, yeah, we're good. We're good for, so we wanna go the giggle round.

We're good to giggle. I'm thinking, yeah, let's go gig. We're gonna go giggle. Let's get giggly. Okay. Follow the Meowth pointing to the left, turn to page 32. We go and catch that Meowth as well. Okay. Yeah, we do boy howdy Okay

Let's go to the left Abby says pulling thorns out of her arms. There's a cottage down the hill Maybe we can get help there. Hello. Am I the only one who thinks there's something weird going on here? You ask Abby and kip can't hear you They're already walking across the windy meadow towards the cottage. Pokemon, you mumbled to yourself. You take off after Kip and Abbey. You don't get far when you hear a deafening rumble. It sounds like an earthquake. You see bits of turf flying in the air. You turn and look behind you to see hedges. Killer hedges. They're growing at an incredible rate. What would a hedge be? Like a plant type Pokemon, maybe an executor. Okay.

Or a, oh, a snivy. I don't know. I don't even know what that looked. I said all the Pokemon that I had. Tangela, fuck it'd be Tangela. Okay, Tangela. Actually, they're not so much growing as bursting through the earth in jagged lines.

Okay, it could be a Geodude. Walls of Geodudes. And it looks as if yes, they are heading right for you. It's time to start sprinting again. And there's no use screaming about it either. Now's the time to move. Turn to page 27. Guys, I think there's a chance that our knowledge

of Pokemon is what's holding us back in the dating scene. Cause we just like info dump about it. Or is it that we like the chase too much? We've learned to enjoy the chase too much from Pokemon Go. Oh, we like the, yeah. So we can't settle. So we like the chase, but not the catch. Yeah, exactly. And we're always trading out for new Pokemon. Yeah. We're maximizing.

Geodudes are exploding out of the ground, fully grown. Geoductrios, others. Ductrios are spreading towards you with amazing speed. You're no match for them. They burst past you, blocking your path. You try to stop short, but not fast enough to avoid a face full of Doug Trios. Kip and Abby too. You start to run the other way, but you don't get far before you come up against another wall of Doug Trios.

It doesn't seem to matter which way you turn. Any open path is instantly blocked by a solid wall of Doug Trios. Doug Trios grab at you as you run past. You shake them off and keep on running. You have to get out of here. The Doug Trios around you Trios grab at you as you run past. You shake them off and keep on running. You have to get out of here. The Doug Trios around you grow higher and higher, cutting the sky into lines of Doug Trios.

The three of you race in every direction, but it's no use. You stop for a second and catch your breath. The ground beneath you starts to rumble and shake. Ah, you scream. You can imagine the Doug Trio about to explode through the ground and up through your body. You brace yourself, but then it stops. It's quiet again, except for Kip. We're trapped. He bellows. What do we do now? Try to escape. Turn to page 78.

Kip, you're trapped in your marriage. Don't extend that to us. Yeah, exactly. We're open to dating a Doug trio if it works. We're free. If it's like the meme with the jacked guy underground, we're up for that. Howdy, Nadpoles. Caldwell here with a big question. What does the future hold for business? Unless you're a precog chilling in a Bloomberg branded milk bath, the future is totally uncertain,

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Netsuite.com slash pawpaw. Okay that's it for me friends. Thanks for listening and stay milky! This Father's Day, let's show our dads that they deserve the world, but at a price that even they will be impressed by. This Father's Day, treat dad to a pair of everyday earbuds by Raycon. Raycon's latest model is better than ever, with a 32-hour battery life, quick charge function, and active noise cancellation, which is often difficult to find at a dad-approved price point. My dad likes to use his exercise bug and grind Diablo on infernal mode, so you better believe Raycon is there letting that multitasking madman listen to

his favorite tunes while he does it. So go to buyraycon.com slash pawpaw to get 15% off site wide. Right now Raycon is offering up to 15% off site wide when you go to buyraycon.com slash pawpaw. That's buyraycon.com slash P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, sweeties. You stare at the walls of Doug Trios surrounding you. The Doug Trios are too high, you say. We can't climb over the Doug Trios. It looks like a Doug Trio, Abby.

You know, Kim Kim where am I? Didn't take you for Pokemon go player, you know Kip like they used to have at Royal palaces and stuff. I wonder if there's a way out We'll either have to find our way out or break through the Doug trios We can't stay in here forever. You say forever kip whales knock it off kip you and Abby both cry So what will it be? Doug trios, we can't stay in here forever. You say forever Kip whales, knock it off Kip, you and Abby both cry. So what will it be? We try to find you.

Tell that to us part, not again. If you try to find your way out, turn to page 51. If you try to break through the hedge instead, turn to page 116. Okay, so I will add that RL Stein didn't specifically mention Doug trios, that was me. So these are hedges. We might be able to break through them easier

than Doug trios. Well, we can have a breakthrough. Steiner mine, that was mine. In a are hedges. We might be able to break through them easier. Well, we can have a breakthrough. Steiner mind that was mine. In a relationship with the Doug trio. Yeah. Do you want to break through? Emotionally. Like break through the hedge emotionally. I think we're looking for a breakthrough.

Like we've been lost in a maze. That was what our thirties was. Yeah. It's time to break through. And as we approach our forties, we're like ready for a reinvention. Yeah. We want that Abby glow up. Yeah, yeah.

I think we want a little a little poke amary. Yeah. Yeah. OK, turn to page 116. It's no use trying to find your way out of the mess of Doug Trio surrounding you. We'll have to break through, you decide. It's our only choice. But I better not get a scratch, Abby warns. I've worked too hard for this beautiful complexion, going on several wellness retreats and drinking mineral water. Three

of you turn your backs. You're in a lot of debt, Abby. Yeah, you really are. Let's be honest about it, Abby. You're burning through your alimony. The three of you turn your backs to the high thick dug trios. On the count of three, we ram it, you say. You link arms. One, two, three, you count. Altogether, you throw yourselves backwards against the towering dug trio wall. You fall through, landing flat on your backs

on the other side. Hooray, Kip cheers, we did it. Before you and Abby can add your own cheers, thousands of little animals tumble out of the hedge and cover you. Their fur is thick and coarse with spines. Oh, I hate dirty critters, Abby exclaims. Get out of my hair.

Hedgehogs, you cry. They're holding us down. She paid a lot for those extensions. Cyndaquils, it gotta be Cyndaquils. Page, turn to page 94. Not a lot of choices in this one. Yeah. I mean, I guess Arl Stein was just cooking.

He was just like, no choices. I know what I'm doing with this one. He was like, this rocks. I actually don't trust the audience to not, you know, do their own self inserts and stuff. Pokemon go to the next page. Thank you. Oh my god.

Thank you. You guys are both fired temporarily. There are hedgehogs squirming all over you. They jabber away. Chitter, chichi, chatter, chim, chitter, chichi, chim, chim, chiru. Yeah, they're talking to each other. They're talking to each other. They're talking to each other.

You mutter through a mouth full of hedgehog spines. Ow. Two hedgehogs are holding a meeting right on your face. Now that's hot. What the hell? Holy shit. It doesn't feel very good. You manage to sit up.

Dozens of the balled up hedgehogs roll off you then pounce again. The lead hedgehog squeals. It is weird that Sonic is like not British up hedgehogs roll off you then pounce again. The lead hedgehog squeals. It is weird that Sonic is like not British because hedgehogs I feel like are very like European animal. And it's weird that they just like totally stripped that from his persona when they invented Sonic the Hedgehog. Maybe there is a British Sonic. Yeah.

Like the first draft was supposed to be very British. He's like, Pip Pip Cheerio. Yeah. Yeah, Pip Pip. Go fast. Maybe that's where Pip Pip comes from. I think actually, yeah. It was like originally a Sonic thing.

Because when Sonic gets a big bubble of water, when he's underwater, he goes, whip, whip, and that's kind of like Pip Pip. Yeah, okay, okay. That's the only thing they change about the games. I'm glad to have gotten that answer. Yeah. Our three hedgehogs nesting in Abbey's hair look up.

The ones on Kip's shoulders curl into balls and roll down his chest. Spiny fur balls roll out of your sleeves, off your head, out of Abby's hair, and even out from inside your shoes. What? In a flash, they scurry back into the hedges behind you. What's going on?

You feel a blast of wind. It's warm, not cold. You raise your eyes up to the hills. A dark mist is rolling down over them. Hey, you say, we better get out of here. Whatever that mist is, those little animals were scared of it. Where are we going to go?

Abby asks, if you return to the hedges, turn to page 23. If you wait where you are to see what's coming, turn to page 75. We can't go back in the hedges, right? No. We can't. And we also- We also can't wait. That's a weird choice.

Yeah. There's not anywhere else we could go. I wanna like sprint towards it. Yeah. I'm getting flashbacks to hedgehogs waiting to see what happens and remembering some terrible endings in Metal City Mania. But I do think that's the best option,

because I do just as a reader, I don't wanna go back in the fucking hedges. Right. Although maybe we should ask Abby if this is like natural acupuncture, just like getting like our bodies punctured by hedgehogs. Is that like good for us without like help our chakras? Abby doesn't have any interest in going back either. It help our chakras? That's a good question.

Abby doesn't have any interest in going back either. It's all about forward momentum. That's right, true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause the second, she doesn't even wanna stop cause the second she stops, she has to reflect on if all the money she's spending on self care is paying off.

Yeah, right. And she's not ready to have that honest conversation. And yeah, meanwhile, Kip is just standing still in his life. So I think we just join him for that. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. Yeah, so I think we just join him for that. Yeah, let's walk towards this warm fart. Yeah. Okay.

The hedges are behind you. The green hills are in front of you. There's a warm wind in your face and something, something is coming over those hills. A dark black mist is rolling towards you. It's already halfway to where you're standing. I don't like the look of this, Kip says. The warm wind picks up, dark clouds gather,

dust whips around in whirlpools. Dude, is this Jizz clouds? Warm salty wind. Jizz is in the air around you. Look, you remark, sooner or later, we're going to have to face this Jizz night. That's the only way to break the curse, right? Only a Saxton can defeat him.

I prefer later to sooner, Kip starts to answer back. He never finishes a sentence. Is it defeating or conquering? I say, and I look at Abby competitively. The scream of the evil knight announces his arrival. Find out what happens next on page 85. All right, we try to steal some of Abby's moisturizer real quick.

Yeah. So that we look right for the night. Okay, we get so moisturized. Let's rip the lul Lulu lemon tag off of her pants and put it on ours. Yeah, and maybe we can get like a strand of her curly blonde hair so we look curly blonde too. Yeah, so we just have one coat of blonde hair.

Steal one of her extensions. Yeah, oh there we go. Put it in the happy extension. Okay. We're wearing her clothes and her hair. Yeah, we use the hedgehog needles to sew ourselves a new costume. The evil knight screams and comes,

mingle with the whistling blast of hot, calm wind. You can almost feel his evil breath mixed in with the wind. You know he's so close. The dark mist rushes at you. Hi, I'm Gabby. My name is Gabby. I yell, shoving Abby aside. The foresaw of the gale throws the three of you backwards towards the hedge, but you don't

feel the prickly leaves. You don't land on the ground where you were before. In fact, you don't land at all. We're falling. The three of you cry together, falling, falling, falling, falling in love. Yeah, I think so. If the chair you're sitting on has a cushion, turn to page 48. If it doesn't have a cushion,

if you're not, if it doesn't have a cushion or you're not sitting on a chair, turn to page 72. RL, you are wild for this one. We got cushions. We got cushions. RL, how many people do you think were just reading his books on like a wooden bench?

I think about it at school, at school. Yeah. I feel like school chairs were designed to torture you. Oh yeah, they keep you awake. I guess if you're reading this during indoor recess. Okay, we have a cushion. Yeah, I have a cushion. Yeah, dude, it's not raining,

and we're not in fifth grade, so we're adults, we have cushions. You land on something soft. It's like 30th grade. It's a body, a human body. Oh! Please get off me this instant. A regal looking 39 year olds dressed in tights

and puffy shorts pushes you, Kip and Abby off of him. Okay. What Pokemon is this? You all stand up and dust yourselves off. Who are you? You ask the 39 year old man. He looks about two years older than you. I am a page answers the 39 year old man.

Page 48 in a class of 144. A page, Abby asked, what's a page? That was nothing. I'm gonna lean in and say a page. I'd like to take a page out of your book. No, I think this is perfect. Cause this guy, like this guy's kind of a wiener. Like Abby, this guy's perfect for me.

Oh, you're right, you're right. I love you in this way. You're right, you're right, you're right. I love you in this way. You're right, you're right, you're right. Yeah, we already did say that. We have to lock Abby up, so we're single. Emily already did say that clean line though. So you see that the page leans in. Okay, by saying that.

He brushes your one blonde girl behind your ear. And then I think I'm just gonna be like, Abby, are you recently single? And I'm gonna walk away. Yeah. See, his pants are you recently single? And I'm going to walk away. Pants are actually from aloe. A page. Abby asks, what's a page?

We are nights in training. The 39 year old answers proudly and we're trying to get away from a night. You remind Abby, can you show us the way out of it? We do remind her that get page 48 points to a gate that opens by itself. That's the way out. He says it's the valley of rocks. Hurry. You order Abby and Kip. The gate is closing. You make it through just as the gate that opens by itself. That's the way out, he says. It's the Valley of Rocks. Hurry, you order Abby and Kip.

The gate is closing. You make it through just as the gate crashes down behind you. You look back. Page 48 is gone. All you see before you is a night sky in a strange mysterious valley full of rocks. Turn to page 72. Whoa.

Shit, is he dead? Yeah. Wait, was that page 48 that we were on? Yeah. Good joke. That is solid. Good joke, RL. Wow.

And are there 144 pages total? There are. He was cooking? That is solid. Good joke, RL. Wow. And are there 144 pages total? There are. He was cooking? Dude, he was cooking. He really was. That's why there's so little choice. Wait, sorry, there aren't 144 pages. There's only 134.

It's a little undercooked. I just assumed. He was right for real. That's pretty undercooked. That's pretty undercooked. That's pretty undercooked. Yeah, maybe there are 144 in the first draft. Yeah, maybe he's including like the little things up top,

the fan club thing. We have to ask him. We have to ask him. We'll have to ask. Oh my god. We should interview him. You've landed in a valley, but the Green Hills. I think I'd be starstruck.

Yeah, I would be starstruck too. And he'd be really upset at all the liberties we've taken. Right, yeah. Don't listen to any of the content we made around it. There's a chance you would hear us and be like, how did you know that I had a perfect draft that was rejected? You've landed in a valley, but the green hills of a moment ago are long gone. In fact, there isn't a blade of grass as far as I can see.

It's all rocks, broken up shards and boulders and stones. And it's dark. A pale moon shines up above. Abby tries to move and barely balances on a wobbly platform of stone, despite all those retreats. Yeah. Work on your balance, girl. She shrieks, this is like an avalanche waiting to happen. Be careful, all those retreats. You work on your balance girl. She shrieks, this is like an avalanche waiting to happen. Be careful Kip warns.

These flat rocks aren't as steady as they look. Yeah, thanks for the tip Kip, Abby says. I think we noticed. They're right. The rocker's standing on tips and throws you backwards to another flat rock below. Whoa, you cries. Your new rocky floor seesaws back and forth.

You glance down. There are more jagged rocks waiting to catch you below. Next, you look up at something flashes high up on the rocky point of the mountain. Something silvery shimmers in the moonlight. Seems to be silver come. It seems to be calling silver. Come. What is it?

Turn to page 28. Is your come silver dude? Yeah, dude. Incredible. He does the Capri Sun. He's got that Alex Mac cum. The silver silver. Yeah, he's got that Alex Mac.

Yeah. Where are you going, Kip asks, as you carefully step off your rocking rock and onto his. Look up there, you say. You point to the gleaming cum. I've been thinking whatever's up there is something we need. I don't know why, but I had to find out what it is. I'm going up to get it. I'll come with you.

I'll come with you, Kip volunteers. Stop right there, Abby orders. Don't take another step. You're not leaving me alone. Oh yeah, Abby's afraid of heights, Kip mumbles. I'll go by myself, you declare. You two stay together here, balancing on all fours, you move up onto the next rock.

You feel as if you're climbing on eggshells. One false move and the rock you're on could crumble away. This does sound like entering the world of dating. Yeah, you would tumble all the way to the bottom. You test each rock before you move to it. It's amazing how many of them have jagged edges. Higher and higher you climb. Then you see it, a hand sticking up out of the rocks.

Turn to page 133. Geodude, it's you. It's Geodude. You peer closer at the hand sticking out of the rocks. It's only made of stone. That's when you notice that the rock you're sitting on has a face. Ah, you yell. The stone face is frozen that the rock you're sitting on has a face. Ah, you yell.

The stone face is frozen. Dude, you're sitting on someone's face. Thank you. The stone face is frozen in expression of pain. You move to another rock, but as you look around, all of the broken rocks are shaped like people, broken pieces of people. Tabby, Kip, you cry, but there's no answer.

You can't see them from where you are without losing your balance. What if they're turning into stone or something, you think? You call out again. This makes so much sense though, because people, they get their heart broken and then they let their hearts turn to stone. Yeah, and they crumble.

You harden yourself to the world. I think that in this moment, aren't we like, maybe we should turn around and stay open. Is every geo dude just a broken heart? Damn. I wanna look at the face of the guy that I was sitting on and kiss him and say, who hurt you? Yeah, yeah, I think we do that.

We do that. You kiss the rock, man. Great. What's going on? Maybe they just, so you yell for your cousins, they can't hear you. What's going on? Maybe they just can't hear you from down below,

but maybe you could climb back down and check on them just to be safe. If you keep climbing for the shimmering object, turn to page 124. If you scramble down the mountain to help your cousin, turn to page 35. We don't want to scramble down the mountains and our cousins. We do want to kiss the stone beneath us. Is there any consequence from that? Yeah. So we kiss it and that makes us climb upwards. And we say, who hurt you, let me fix it.

Who hurt you, let me fix it. In this other, who hurt you, let me fix it. Who hurt you let me fix it. Okay, who hurt you let me fix it God damn it. And flash Pokemon Go. Yeah we flash Pokemon Go. We say it's time for you to evolve your relationship. You may be climbing on pieces of people but as rocks They're not going to hurt you or you them for that matter. Kip and Abby are probably fine Maybe maybe they just can't hear you. If they are turning to stone,

they're not going anywhere, are they? And you're not sure of what you could do to help them anyway. I feel like we're in the eye. You decide to keep climbing the last little bit of the slope. You'll grab that shining object, whatever it is, while you've got the chance. You're almost there.

The rock you're standing on is totally unstable. You have to do a real balancing act to keep from crashing down on the rocks below. Slowly, carefully, you reach for the silver object It's long and shiny when you've got a hold of it You try to lift it up, but it lifts you up into the air the shiny thing is a metal finger That's attached to a metal hand that that's attached to the knight in screaming armor 66 you lifted me up you lifted me up

You lifted me up. You lifted me up. No, you can't bring him up at all. You don't know who's screaming louder. You were the bad boy night. You stare in his glowing eyes. You feel the steam of his breath on your face. And then he reaches out, lifts you up and flings you over the mountainside.

Down, down you tumble. Your arms and legs bash against the sharp rocks. You can feel the bumps and bruises starting to swell even before you reach the rocky bottom of the mountain. At last you tumble to a stop next to the motionless figures of Kip and Abby. You don't move a muscle because you can't. You're stiff all over and getting stiffer and stiffer and stiffer. Eternally stiff with no release. Your heart is a rock with blue balls, the end. Oh, that's so painful.

We got so close. Bad boy with blue balls. Wow. I thought it was a moment. He was lifting us up. And then when he was like, and he flings you, it was like, oh, like we're going on a fling together. Yeah, the language of that oh, like we're going on a fling together. It makes perfect sense.

The language of that was really like reach out. I was hoping to get an object that could then maybe reverse the curse of the valley here. And instead it was no, you're supposed to go down. We should realize every once in a while that these are to teach lessons to children. So whenever it's like, go back and help your friends, you should always just go that way.

Right, right. Oh, okay. We have a- That's interesting. Children also need to learn lessons about taking chances romantically and not letting it turn you to stone. Yeah, true. Grabbing life by its shiny finger.

Yeah, that's true. And 37 year olds need to realize that sometimes their friends are holding them back. Yeah. Sometimes you have to play through. That's true, true. Yeah. Actually, I have no regrets on what happened. I'm glad we returned to stuff.

Don't focus too much on your cousins and what their lives are all about. Yeah. You know what? We got so caught up in competing with our hot divorcee cousin that we forgot to be ourselves. Yeah.

We literally wore her hair. Yeah. We think that she was divorced, but really we were divorced from our true selves. Yeah, that's so true. Also, we forgot to do a southern accent and talk about Pokemon Go when we met the night. True.

Oh, that was good. How we were gonna catch him as we were. Yeah, because we kissed that face earlier on and they probably saw that. Cause if he saw the surfing Alolan Raichu that we have, he would have just been like head over heels. Oh, the night was in the sky. So probably also, yeah, saw it.

Like Jake was saying, saw us flirting with the 39 year old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's been the story of our lives cause we're giving ourselves away. We're afraid to settle down. And a lot of times the bad boy is really only a bad boy because he got hurt in the past, right? So his armor is essentially hardening himself.

So he saw us flirting with someone else and was like, not another person who is all over the place. Right, and so maybe if we harden ourselves, we'll sort of become the bad boys well. Shit, do we need to get a chain medallion? Yeah, we need to get a sick medallion. A chain medallion and a chain wallet. Yeah.

We need to get double chain. A chain together. It's a night in the screaming chain wallet. Thank you all so much for listening. We're gonna go ahead and wrap this one up. You know, we're gonna do something kind of fun that we did during the D&D Court Month where we do one of our series in the main feed and then something different in the Patreon. So over on the

Patreon I've come up with a bunch of new surprise rounds. So the surprise rounds are going to be over there. It's gonna be really fun. Head on over there to patreon.com slash nadpod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. Don't sing yet. Does anyone have anything to plug? I do. We've got Dimension 20 shows coming up June 1st at the Hollywood Bowl. Be on the lookout for that. We're also going to be in Seattle in July on July 20th. And we're gonna be in Vegas in November. Search Dimension 20 live to get your tickets for those.

Anybody else have anything? I do have something to plug. Nice. I did a little voice for a video game called Date Everything. Oh yeah. And in June it's coming to like proper consoles. Yeah. So be on the lookout for Date Everything?

Yeah, once I get a proper date. Yeah, it's called Date Everything. Once I get a proper date, I'll plug it again. Keep your eyes on this space. Sounds like Adventure Book Theater. It is romantic. Yeah. It is romantic.

I think if you enjoy our weird meandering where we try to date, you know, suits of armor while eating Goosebumps books, it could be like date everything. It is very thematic. That's probably why it popped in my head. Anybody else? Yes, speed of video games. I'll plug a Claire Obscure Expedition 33.

Oh wow. It rocks. People have been talking about that. It's so fun. We're currently playing Blueprints, but whenever we're done, I'm gonna try that. Nice. Jake, you got anything? Yeah, I'm going to try that. Nice. All right, Jake, you got anything? Yeah, check me out over at sub stack sub stack.com slash

at you're gonna get one one of these days. Emily's gonna get one. I had the thought that I was like, what if I did something because I have like all this like random music that I work on and I was like, if I had a sub stack, but then how often do you release yours, Jake? I put one out every Friday. Every Friday. Every Friday, but I do that. I write like a long column. I feel like Substack would be great for your music thing because you could like give all of the tracks

so much context and stuff like that. Yeah, but would that feel interesting even? What did you talk about this most recent one on your most recent Friday one? On my most recent one, somebody asked about how they stay present in the social internet while kind of wanting to disengage and stay in the loop with people.

Ooh, okay. I'd be interested in finding that out because I don't know. Well, check it out. I'll give an in-depth answer. All right, you can follow us on social media there, me or may not use, at CjMarchMe, at CaldysCaldwell, at XRosEmily, and at JigRosesJig,

and you can talk about the show online using hashtag NatPod, that's N-E-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. Fuck. It's the end of our show, y'all, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders! Here they come! Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel

G, Danielle the dastardly dame, Carpe Liam. Victor T. aka Bounor's boy. Hoyt's friend Justin I. Danny Danster. TJM. Trelai the Cray. Christopher B. Damiel R. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt. Targot. Stevie Wags. Hellish Rebuke or the NBDM PhD, Princess Yar, Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohemia, Mike H, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Jimma, Tyler F. Carboro Chapel Hill FPV Cici Lulu Old Cops Dunkle Older Burn Hercules Pruyere The Rabbit Folk Detective

Timmy R. Rayco Jake's Jerk Jelly Hashtag CCC Oh boy Taylor B. Insert Rins Oh ho ho ho

Laugh Here Cass Strong Grinch. Steven, shout out to Boy the Troll C. Mike K. Nick W. William W.

Big Bad B-B-B-B-Birdo the Mad. Eric McD. Ananarama. Percival Fredrickstein von Mussel Klosowski de Rolo the Third. Jaye Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cawk, Pithy Witch, Ben A, Dave H, Dustin S, not that Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfars Assistant Izzy F, Big Bad John, DPC is awesome! Shone, the Shade Tree mechanic of Zelbaldar

Summer Rose aka Grand Tare Mark, the Dark Lord's taint Kat C, Misa of House Inzunza Ariel, the occasional mermaid Selena N aka Velaesiraptor Bee Perky always Pat L., Lauren H., Serve 16, Annie the Feywild Therapist, Pierogie Frenzy, Connor S., Salil, Biocort7, Amber Dextress, Beanrat Was Innocent, Trub Hopdropper, Jack Hubert, king of the mole people under Iron Deep,

dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament. Valen. Paj, the bitch in Bunny Bard. Druidic Peyton. Carlin C. Noah the Bullywug Boy, hashtag honor the cock. James G.

Everything-Bago the Eladrin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey. Reverend Shatterbones! Hatch-hatch-hatch-hatch-hatch-hatch! Hawn. Eric B. Marcos learns the balance druid. Frida Im. Maggie! Ho-ho-ho-ho-holly! The green laughing hyena! Cal misses the D5s with all her heart. Aaron B. Russell H. A monk named Dilgo! Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Yaunt and Yunkle, Andrew and Sid. John Adams, we can be done with presidential puns. Meg the mail carrier of Bohemia.

James F. Austin S. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. To get rid of him, turn to page 42. To keep him, turn to page 69. Oreo Shane C. Barpo Goodbarrel, Bard Barian. Garrett G. AKA One Big Curd. Charlie Brown's best friend. Renee, the monster captain. Olivia, the enchanting bard, and Jared,

the soap opera cleric who will be auditioning for Kali's acting troupe. Blue Ash. Fyko, Garrett, the artificer. Valky FICO. Garrett the Artificer. Valkyrie, the Gert C. Brother. Anthony, the Raddest of Dudes. J. The fairies have all amended their ways

and are volunteering at their local petting zoo. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian. Lexi loves the two crew, thank you Lexi! MJ the BFG Roger L Nadrog the pacifist barbarian John Luca Leon Kumori Legendary hero of Bohemia from a future campaign Shenanigans O'Connor Joshua S Alexander Linz W Sky the Wise aka the lone dungeon master.

Johnny Dude K. The mischief of Nad Pod's familiars. Pavu Eskynor. The Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile. Kit. In their cat. Tim M. Tiles Lamar. T.R. MLG Cheeto Shall be Kenna's first favorite sprite girl. Thank you DM Her Kritz for this beautifully poetic romp in Scaldova. By the Ender's light, we shall return. Snailis who's infecting Worchester for within.

A bone flute literally tells a story when played. Papa Skadez Meemima Skadez, Megan In, Kason the Jester Jouster, Anthony Baxley, Savannah H, Balnor's best friend Steve, Benjamin A, Gimli the Corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A, Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmare Verse flight. The two crew blew through. Jennery. Kelsey A. Ethan the mailman. Maple the shy bookworm. Ashesaurus. Billy Batson. Tory the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes. Michael L. S LS the second Carl B plumber of the realm Dex Riddlewell Hannah A a Stregs High Lord of Critsburg Darius Davis the guy from that one thing Vin diagram, Cadmilius the consumed Clinton B, Cam the frog man, Dean Jake W

hi mom Tuesday Cross the choose your own adventure writer not the porn star Clinton B. Cam the Frogman. Dean. Jake W. Hi Mom! Tuesday Cross the Choose Your Own Adventure Writer, not the porn star. Steve L. Tyler M. Alex G. Zippity Boccarie. Kaylee.

Katarina C. Misty the Crispy Kitty Really Hates Flame Skulls. Oof, who doesn't? Greg W. who's Saderbard Whiskker is basically a crick elf. Is that cultural appropriation or just fan art? By the way, thank you Emily. Baruk Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Chupacabri, Boney is dead. Coen Pace, the Duke of Silks missing son. The Waterworth. Nick. Amy. Aegis Kunari. Ignition class Peddlestorm. Nadia, the Dice Druid, a distant relative of

both Welly and Moonshine. It turns out it all comes back to the crick. Charlemagne, not the god. DJ Dramamine, Alrik Vanzarovich. My favorite patron makes me say penis on my show. Well played. And finally, Jessica with a G. Woo! That was a pleasure.

Thank you all so so much for listening. It's always an honor getting to shout out your names. If you would like to join this illustrious council, you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nadpod. That's gonna be it for us today, but we will catch you here again next week. Thanks so much, farewell. That was a hate gum podcast.