Not Another D&D Podcast - Adventure Book Theatre: Light on Quests Mountain (An ENDLESS QUEST Book)

Episode Date: February 16, 2024

The Lore Lords, as well as newcomer Jaik (sp?), are transported to a post-apocalyptic future full of sentient tractors, rideable plants, and one extremely sexy lizard. Can the Book Buds survive in his strange, and at times, poorly formatted New World? Or will they succumb to the horrors of tomorrow? Click play to find out!To hear more Adventure Book Madness, subscribe to our Patreon or our NaddPod+ on Apple Podcasts!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon8-Bit Book Club Theme by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So, if you want to join the cause and carve out your own little square of digital delight, head to www.squarespace.com.papa and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain when you use the code PAPA. That is squarespace.com.papa to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain when you use the code POPPOP. Okay, that's it for me. Thanks for listening and enjoy the fish. Game, game, game. We made a podcast about that. Book. Welcome to Ape It Book Club, the only book club that makes you dumber. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

We are your lore lords, Brian Murphy, Emily Axford, and Caldwell Tanner, and of course joined by first time ever, Jake Hurwitz. Welcome to the show. Thank you, nice to be here. Pleasure. So good to have you. What do I know you from?

Out of work. Oh, right. Right. Oh yeah. I'm Jake from work. Yeah. We worked at JC Petty together in the early 2000s. I remember that.

That was awesome. Dude, you were so good at folding shirts. How you been, man? I've been all right, I've been all right. Did Dan Gerwitch cast you in something? That's right, yeah. Is that what I know you from, a Dan Gerwitch sketch? It's so funny.

Yeah, I co-wrote Beef Gerwitch. Yeah, Dan was at JC Penney and he just saw Jake and was like, you've got the look, you gotta be in pictures. All right, well, we've got a fun book for you all this month. This was actually given to us by Bridget Santos outside of the Boston show, I believe. Thank you, Bridget. Thank you, Bridget.

Thanks for coming to Medford. Yeah. Unless it was DC. No, I think it was Medford. I got it. This is great. People normally just slip us books anytime we're out. And it's nice to get one that's actually good.

Sure, every time I'm in JCPenney, people are slipping me books. I had a different life show, someone gave me one of my favorite books. Really? Yeah, that I'd only read on Libby, so I didn't even own it. Well, book was it?

It was Bear and the Nightingale. Should we read that one instead? No. Yeah, let's go ahead. It's too long great. What book was it? It was Bear and the Nightingale. Should we read that one instead? No. Yeah, let's go ahead. It's still on. Are there choices in it? No. Every book is a choice.

You can, it's just a recommendation that you go in order, but you can do whatever the fuck you want. It's true. You can flip to any page you want. The author's not gonna do anything. Yeah. The author can't do shit to you. My Goodreads is all one star,

because I keep trying to eat the pages. I'm just like not enjoying the books. I Remember getting in a heated argument in college because it was like It was some media class that wasn't just film and there was like an argument about whether or not video games were art and Somebody somebody made the point it was like you don't even have to follow the quests or follow the story or whatever And like the old-ass professor was just like nodding his head agreeing and I remember being like well You could take a book and you could just read the back of it and then read the middle of it and then fucking use the rest of it as a

Use the fucking book cover as a fucking rest for your goddamn drink We're just openly weeping. Getting pulled out of the college by security. Anyway, thank you to Bridget for giving us lights on quests mountain. Lights on quest mountain. Sorry, it's very confusing wording. Light on quests mountain. Quests mountain. Yes, it's very confusing wording. Light on quest mountain. Quests mountain.

Yes. So the mountain is light on quest. There's only gonna be like one or two questions. So that's the wild, it just this, I remember looking at this book and laughing out loud because it just has words that are in and of themselves mean something, but when all put together mean nothing. Right.

Lights on quest mountain. Yes. It's just D&D buzzwords. Yes, exactly. Okay, so this is actually an official Dungeons and Dragons book. Wow. From what year?

Because it looks ages. 1983. Wow. Wow. Okay. Older than me. Pre us, older than us. I believe the New Jersey Devils started in 1983.

Right there. As old as the New Jersey Devils started in 1983. Right there. As all the New Jersey Devils, unless they started in 82. Wow, the birth of the devil. Yeah. Holy crap. Light on Quests Mountain, an endless quest book, number 12. I love the name Endless Quest. It just sounds miserable.

Yeah. You would not. God, we're on this fucking endless quest. Yes. It would never be a good thing. When will this quest, I need to get so many bear pelts. I think it still sounds magical to me. I'm trying to hear endless quest as a bad thing

and it just sounds like a beautiful metaphor for life. Well, then never end. But life by definition is not endless. It's fine. I know, but in the dreamier moments, you can feel infinity. It does seem like something you'd say if you were having a themed wedding,

you're like, come with me on an endless quest. Oh, that's great. And then you just cut your cake with a broadsword. Okay. That was how you proposed to Sue. Yeah, exactly. All right, everybody get ready? She said, do it again.

Is everybody ready? It's a nice try, but try again. Okay, we're not ready, are we ready? Okay, attacked in the desert! Whoa! You are Ren. Wait, where? What is Ren?

It says your name is Ren. Oh, you are Ren. Is it spelled the same way? Impossible. It is spelled the same way. Oh my God, it's Ren. Yeah, yeah, Ren. You are Ren.

He's back. A youthful tribesman of the 25th century village of New Hope in what is left of America? Whoa! What? So this is like a futuristic post-apocalypse thing. What? Holy shit! D&D official future apocrysis? I guess so. At number 12 they were like, we gotta get away from fantasy.

But I have a feeling this might be a world that so far in the future, it has become the past. I think we're, I agree with Caldwell. Catastrophic nuclear war centuries before your lifetime have left your land ravaged beyond recognition of the survivors of- Poor Ren, poor us. Yeah, the survivors of the apocalypse face a hostile world marked by startling changes in plants, animals, and way of life. Together you and your monkey and lizard friends-

Oh, this is gross! Oh no, and way of life. Together, you and your monkey and lizard friends. Oh, this is gross! Yes, oh no. Shark and SARS. What, Shark and SARS? Shark and SARS? SARS? SARS?

Okay. That's it. That's the fucking disease. The eight. It says that the lizard's name is SARS. We're off. We didn't make this up. We didn't make this up.

Crazy star. Shark have set off on a quest across the dangerous sand lands Suddenly charging up a dune straight toward you streams a howling horde of creatures that appear to be half men half dogs Their weapons glistening in the desert Sun you turn to run but notice Chark frozen in place in horror the vicious dog men Nearly upon him. You only have a moment to make a decision. Is Shark the monkey or the lizard? Because that's gonna affect my decision. It does say in order your monkey and lizard friends, Shark and Sars.

Oh, he said, Shark is the monkey. Right, Shark unfortunately does have Sars. Not to be confused that Shark has Sars, but does not name Sars. If you think that it's too late to do anything to help Shark, can you choose to run for your life for the page 93? Wait a second.

Whoa, some friends. In one page, in one page, we have introduced the most insane concept. This is how you do it. Not one, but two insane animal from Millers. This is Quest Mountain. And we're also not even on a mountain. Okay.

Emily, it's not Quest Mountain. I'm page one. These quests are endless. It's Quest Mountain, it's endless. This is endless. We really Quest Mountain. It's endless. Sure, it's endless. We really need to pace ourselves. And number two, number two, if you choose to charge the ferocious dogman and hope that

by some miracle you can save your monkey head. Turn to page 140. Okay, first off, this book did not give us a chance to develop a really shit head. You can't have a monkey and a lizard. Yes! It's too much. Are you kidding? No, it's perfect because the monkey can sit on your shoulder and then the lizard can sit on the monkey really shit. You can't have a monkey and a lizard. Yes, it's too much. No, it's perfect because like the monkey can sit on your shoulder and then the lizard can sit on the monkey.

Okay, you're right. This is fucking airtight. This is airtight. Let's edit that out. Edit that out. Yeah. Okay, we charged the dogman. We charged that.

We absolutely charged the dogman. Okay. We destroyed ourselves with war. I'm wondering if technology has become indistinguishable from magic Okay, we've got to fight or they'll get shark for sure charge them you shout to SARS We charge shouting charge Yeah, charge for a charge I'm in SARS here. Okay, so you start charging as you charge down the hill

On your galloping panetto? What's a panetto? Panetto? Is that a technical term? It sounds like an Italian dessert. P-I-N-E-T-O. I think it's a Italian dessert. Isn't it an Italian dessert?

You're on your dessert. It's like a cannoli. Somebody at home screaming right now, trying to tell us what this is. It's pronounced, it's pronounced, it's pronounced, it has a 90 finger, so just mad at how we pronounce it. Not mad, but it's a. I think it's like an Italian bread pudding.

Oh, you dig your heels into it. I'm guessing it's a horse. Okay, you see that shark manages to snap to attention in time to pull a spear on the largest of the dogman. Sorry to be clear. So we're riding a horse. Correct. And we have a lizard.

On our shoulder is a monkey monkey and on the monkey shoulder This is that's just utility the monkey and the lizard are our friends and the horse is just our mount Yes, correct. Murph. Did you miss read it? Is it pinto? Is it a pinto horse? P-I-N-E-T-O Okay, well, there's a pinto horse. This is yeah, so this is a dessert Pinato comma P-I-N-E-T-O, it might be pronounced Pinto, I don't know. It is not Pinto like Pinto Bean. All right, I'm saying Pinetto Wine, let's see, Pinetto dessert.

P-I-N-E-T-O. So it's Pinetto, comma, Italian bread. It says, dig your heels into your Pinetto side. Oh wow, okay, so if you go to Il Tol Cetto Cake Shop, it's not too far, actually. Okay, so we're just on a dessert. Oh, great. Okay, okay, the mutant okay, so Chark is

Getting us head in the game the mutant dogs don't know what to make of your spy. Oh, okay So this is just world-building. Oh, you and dogs don't know what to make of your spiny plant mounts Whoa us and Chark have oh, Panettos was made up word. Got it, okay. Maybe that came from book one through 11. Yeah, that's true. This is book 12. Well yeah, you make the dessert from the Panettos plant.

Right, okay. This book is like really dry. It needs to understand that we're dumbasses and don't know a lot of real words, so just be feeding us this stuff. You gotta hit me with the fucking capitalization if you're gonna give me a fake now. True, true enough, yeah.

Yeah, geez. They hold their shields high and attack the tough plant steves first, giving you a chance to use your spears. I'm gonna do the cry of the plant steve, everybody. Okay. Like that? Very good. Wave after wave of the ferocious dogman

fall to your weapons and for a while you feel as if you may win. But for every one kill or drive off, two or more of the barking dogmen appear in the sand. Soon your mounts are slain. What? And you are forced to stand and fight. The blows in their clubs.

I give CPR to my plant mounts. Dead, sorry. The panetta, the panetta was dead. Is Charks life worth all of the mounts lives? Yeah, we'll see. We should have ran. Plants in a desert, it's so rare. What have we done?

The blows of their clubs soon weaken you and your spears are knocked out of your hands. All three of you are caught by the creatures. They put your fur skins over your mouths and tie each of you to a long pole that they drag behind them as they march off into the hot desert the end. The end? Is that true? That's 100% true. We don't off into the hot desert, the end. The end?

What? Is that true? That's 100% true. We don't get to like try to escape from the camp. Well, see, the thing is, as a child reading this book, you're supposed to know not to help your monkey friends. I feel like I just got beat up by a book. Yeah.

Well, it's crazy. That was a cool. You're supposed to not help your buddy. You're not, you're supposed to not have crazy, yeah. It has to start with us sacrificing our monkeying our monkey friend also the fact that our monkey friend was also riding caponetto Implies that it was like a planet of the ape style monkey friend. Yeah, like probably was sentient and could have I think that's that's the vibe. Yeah, so we have to go back and leave charc behind We have to begin this tale losing our dearest friend

It was just worded wrong. Like I feel like if the choice was let Charke fend for himself because he's a brave little monkey and he's on a plant mount, I would have been like, oh yeah, let's do that. I think Charke's got this. True, I didn't know that Charke was writing a brambly Pimento. I feel like what's gonna happen is Charke

is gonna do something really courageous and join up with us later on in the desert. Yeah, it really like labels you are coward. It's like if you think it's too late. Well should we attempt the heartless shark run? Yeah, okay. Run, shark, you shout. There are too many of them for us to fight.

The monkey snaps to attention and barely manages to turn his panetto just before a dogman swings at his legs. Wild. Okay, so he just gets away. He just fucking gets away. The book did a bad description of that scene. I didn't realize that shark was mounted on a plane. I love it.

If I didn't know that, I would have behaved differently. I feel just absolutely. I want a Panetta, I want to grow one. Sounds fantastic. Okay, yeah, it says, yeah, you run off without your plant mount, you'd surely have been caught by now. Thanks, bad description.

You started to breathe a little easier as a distance between you and the dog men widens, though they continue the chase. So the, what are the Panettos? The Panettos are faster than the dog men. Why was this made to sound like we were leaving Shark to die? Shark is fine. Right.

I think this is to show us that in the 25th century, in this post-apocalyptic wasteland, you have to fend for yourselves. Like you cannot be weighed down. Okay, okay, wait. I, Murph and I have been watching a bit of Survivor, the TV show, so we have to get into that mindset. Yes, you're right. We have to outwit, outplay, outlast.

Right. We should make alliances. Okay. Did they have the world ended? Like did we have anything to do with it? Yeah. Probably. No, not us. It was no. I think an episode of survivor went nuts. Yeah. That's what I'm worried about. It started, there was an episode of survivor that started wars. Right. There was one where the community idol was plutonium. Yeah. Let's try and make an alliance with the Plutino. Wait the Panett. Panett. Yeah. Presumably we do have an alliance. They're letting us ride. Okay, let's I think we need to make an alliance with the dog Men they're obviously very They're just barking at us and have killed us in our

Chewie off of him. We offer them some joint treats. Yeah, let's see. I'm in based joint treat Okay, so you get to a machine, the machine starts and you hear it shout over the noise. I am skipping around a little bit, because this is very long. And it has not proven itself worthy of us reading every word. Okay, okay. So then we actually at this point now, now that you are actively skipping around, we can't can't criticize the book anymore. We don't understand. Cool.

Okay, respect mode activated. Okay, soon again you reach the metal machine still digging up sand. Okay, so there's something that digs around in the sand. You hide behind it on the side away from the dog men. The thing suddenly stops digging. In some way you feel it become aware of the dog men, a greater threat to it than you and your friends are. The machine stirs and you hear it shout

over the noise of the dogs in the language of your people. Whoa. More arcs to bother my gardens. Well, I know how to take care of you pests. No dog is going to mess up my plantings. Several huge moving saws emerge from its side angle toward the dog. This is a self-driving Tesla, right?

Yeah, sounds like it. It is a robot gardener. She was like, stay away from my plants. And then has a bunch of weapons to protect his plants. This is great. And it's speaking in the language of our people, Italian. Yeah. The barking soon turns to howls.

Those dogmen who aren't hurt by the blades run for their lives. I don't like this. Yeah. Blows from the dogman's club, have dirty the machine a bit, but haven't even dented it. The machine runs its blades through the sand,

wants to clean them off and puts them back wherever they came from. You and your friends sit on your mounts watching with astonishment. As the last dogman yelps out of sight, the machine turns to you, page 116. There's something interesting. We are on mounts right now,

and yet we're facing off with a self-driving test. Okay, I'm seeing a picture. This machine is fucking huge. I thought it was just like a plow. Oh, oh my gosh, look at that. Look at that like border on that picture. It's much more like You know when we're in hell and excuse me like in the campaign I didn't get a pain and they have all those war Machines. Yeah. Yeah. I believe it wants to talk to us as SARS. Yes, but what do you say?

It's just ours can talk SARS can absolutely talk. Yeah, but what do you say? Wait, SARS can talk? SARS can absolutely talk. Can the monkey talk? We'll see. Okay. Yeah, but what do you say to something like this? It's rumored that many of the machines of the ancients were more intelligent than the ancients themselves, you say. Maybe it's multiple self-driving Teslas that have collaborated in Form Day Alliance to function as one large war machine. A mind meld, that makes sense. When they talk about the ancients,

they're talking about us. That's kind of sick. We're the ancients. Nice. We are the ancients. I guess I ask it to shut itself down. I say open up your DOS prompt. Open up your DOS prompt please.

If it's a Tesla, I try to use the handle. Impossible. If it's a Tesla, I'm gonna fire up some family guy funny moment clips while I'm driving Yeah Ask it what it's doing here proposes SARS Chark boldly jumps off his mount and addresses the creature metal monster. What are you doing here in the desert?

Very tactful shark you moan rolling your eyes. You're ready to defend yourself against the offended creature Stand the creature speaks to shark in the wobbly voice of a friendly old man. Well, no! My sensors have seen everything! Just as the ancients spoke. Would you like to watch some epic memes on my console? Okay, so the machine just keeps talking for a fucking long time. Yeah, okay. I have been programmed to plant tropical foliage

in this part of the country. Funny, I used to be able to drop a seed anywhere around here and it would grow, but that was a long time ago. Any unit can see that planting here now is useless undertaking, but my programming remains intact. Is there anything else I should be doing? It asks you. The machine is planting seeds

that will never come to fruit. Wow. In the desert, fruit Wow in the desert Wow Isn't that what we're all doing if you and yeah, this is truly an endless quest. Yeah, this is for sure an endless quest I'm sure you're doing a fine job. You say kindly tell me do you know anything about these lands it heaves a huge echoing sigh This machine is actually the most interesting part. Yeah, sure to the north right along the mountain ridge is an airplane It looks to be in good shape too from what I can tell have we ever seen an airplane before? Definitely not the creature pulls out a way that an airplane is that an Italian dessert? No

It's yes, it's a biscuit with wings. The creature pulls out a wet fern plant and little shovel I can, drops it into an already sand filled hole, pours water on it from a small metal container on its side and pass the sands down. To the southeast, there's a large oasis that I made, did a rather nice job of it, I do say so myself.

Let's see, something will last, that will last in the sandbox. but are there biscotties there? All of us are so put off by this. I'm just look at like it Jake has like a face of discomfort I'm digging this is very near automata. I'm gonna do it the old robot machine man. I think his name is swine flu, right? You know my job would be much easier if all types of desert pets would stop charging me. I have had to go on Vermin Watch nearly every day this week.

It really saps the reserves of a poor ecology bot, if you know what I mean. OK. You don't, but you say you understand. Then you thank the machine and bid for a while. So a coward and a liar. Anything to get out of this interaction. Yeah, you gallop a short distance away from the machine.

Before speaking, we've already seen the Oasis, but it says this airplane, whatever that is. Aeroplane. Is right along the mountain ridge. I'd certainly like to see that, says SARS. I'd rather climb the mountain, says Charke. After all, that's where we're supposed to be headed. Why? Why are we supposed to be headed there?

Number one. To get an endless quest. Yeah, exactly. True. Okay, that makes sense. If you wish to go to the Oasis to rest, and then on the mountaintop, and it's robotic installation, turn to page 131, if you'd rather take time to find out when an airplane has turned to page 85.

I want to find out when an airplane... Yeah, I want to dip one in my gelato. Yeah, I want to find out what sort of delicious dessert is in store for us for the airplane. What do you suppose an airplane is? This is, I hate this book. Good thing it's endless. Yeah. Jesus Christ. What do you think an airplane is? They talk back and forth about what an airplane could be. Okay. What are their theories? What do stars think it is? Really, shark, there isn't that much here. It shouldn't be too hard to locate, you say, nudging your mount to move faster.

You continue north for some time, staying inside of the mountains to your left. Gradually, the land levels out. The sand is replaced, great. We've got to rest, you finally say. It'll do us no good to find this thing of the ancients, great. Gets hot out. Woo, the sun sure is hot, you say, wiping your brow.

Bring back the fucking dog, man, I wanna be killed. Are we gonna die in pursuit of this airplane? Yeah, okay. We could go to a mountain. Yeah, so I think we went to a mountain, the landscape changed. We start resting our head on an old log. You close your eyes and fall backwards.

Jerky into a sitting position. You turn and see that the ground around the log has collapsed into a huge hole. Your heart leaps into your throat as you realize how easily you could have gone into. Must be an opening to something's den and I bet it's nothing nice, Chark whispers. Notice that it's not dark down there.

Something must be giving off light, Sars says. Notice that something very, very big must have made that hole, Chark shouts. How did we sort of get into this friendship with Chark and SARS? It's a great question. Right. Well, I imagine we came across SARS wondering in the path.

We got to know SARS and then SARS was like, well, I have this, I'm friends with a monkey. Yeah. You think like SARS invited us to like a board game night and like Chark was there? We were like in post-apocalyptic mode. We saw a lizard. We were like, well, I there. I think we were like in post-apocalyptic mode. We saw Lizard, we were like, well, I guess I'm gonna kill it and eat it.

We put our knife up to Sarz's throat and then he said, wait, I'm having a board game night. Do you wanna come? And then we pressed it into his jugular and we said what board game? And he said, ween spam. And then when we took our knife away and then we became friends.

Yeah, we took our knife away and then we said sorry and we gave them a bunch of sorry pieces. We're like Sarsie, all right? We have to get away from here, insist, Chuck. I have a bad feeling about that hole and I certainly don't want to climb down into it. If your curiosity is greater than your fear, turn to page 89.

If you'd rather play it safe, ignore the hole and continue on toward the airplane, turn to page 65. Wow, our choices are an airplane or a hole. It's insane. I wanna jump into the hole. Really? I feel like it really punished us for being brave at all. Why don't we punt SARS into the hole?

No, you want us to do? Yeah, can we send SARS down? Okay, do we wanna go down the hole? Yeah. I mean, I think so. What is that? What's interesting about a fantasy fucking airplane? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. If we have an airplane, then we can rule the 25th century. That's something. This is Delta Flight 63, St. Louis to Tallahassee. I don't know man. Show me the dog

man. Imagine if we reinvent FedEx. Okay, so SARS actually is gonna elect to go in by himself. So the whole is just too interesting to pass up. So we are punting SARS. Okay, so let's get a read on the personalities of SARS and Char. I know, I think we do. I think we do need to. Well, Char got scared of the dogman and just stopped moving. Okay, almost got us all killed. Right. Based on board game psychology, it's like, SARS is the one who got the game, learns the game, teaches it to us. Okay. Right, so SARS is very, and also SARS is-

You got wingspan, right? Yeah. And it's a really hard game to learn. I have wingspan and I went to pull up a YouTube video to learn how to play it and it was 16 minutes long. Whoa, yeah. And we're the guy that shows up late and is just like, do you guys wanna just have a drink and listen to music? We don't have to learn how to play it and it was 16 minutes long. Whoa, yeah. And we're the guy that shows up late and is just like, do you guys want to just have a drink and listen to music?

We don't have to learn anything. Yeah. I brought a deck of cards in case we want to just, you know, gin rummy. OK, yeah. You plunge into the hole behind SARS and find yourself in a lighted tunnel. You look closely at the glassy smooth walls

and realize that the light comes from a glowing moss that grows on them. The moss light lets you see a long way ahead. Get into this. It's wonderful, Sar's says, more to himself than to you. I wonder what type of creatures could build such a home? Sar's gets his answer as the corridor widens into a large room. Ants! The room is filled with huge ants. Why, every time they introduce something interesting,

they make it in the least interesting way possible. Oh, you think? Who could have, who could have built this? Giant ants who build labs underground, that's kinda cool, okay? That could be cool. Yeah. Are they, are they wearing?

I thought it was gonna be magical druids living beneath a desert. Wait, Mer, for the ants wearing tiny little spectacles. So we know they're smart. It does say that. Yeah, it says they're wearing dinosaurs. Finally, something that made the plane they're smart. Yeah, it says they're wearing sizes. Finally, it's something that made the plane seem more interesting.

Yeah, God. Ants, the room is filled with huge ants. Each one must be longer than SARS is tall. So is SARS tall? Is SARS like a Komodo dragon? They're not just, I mean, I'm, I realized they're gonna be people that are like, they're skipping over.

I can assure you I'm reading everything while they're doing bits. And it assure you I'm reading everything while they're doing bit and it was never said that SARS was super tall. Okay, so these are like, so are they just like pretty big? If SARS is like the size of an iguana, I guess like they're maybe like one to two feet long. So is this giant ant in that it's like guinea pig size and that would be a giant ant?

Okay, those glasses are gonna be so small. Okay, cool. I mean that's, okay. Those glasses are gonna be so small. Okay, cool. Have we kicked them? Yeah, a few of the quote unquote giant insects notice you but go on nibbling on a giant leaf. So what, they built the fucking lab but they're just nibbling on leafs and not clearly. Well they might be having a snack.

Okay, so they're really big but they're still eating leaves so they're not very threatened. I think these ants must have gotten into them. Yeah, they haven't discovered burritos yet. Okay,. Oh my god. Don't tell them about Chipotle It's still Chipotle in this world. Yeah, 24 58 How and we could be the distributor for all of the avocados if we can find that airplane Oh my god, that's a huge upcharge

Okay, how remarkable star says the species has grown to a huge size and is greatly different from the ants at home I didn't like ants there says shark and I like them even less here. Let's get out of here fast Oh, we don't have anything to worry about these are worker ants Sar says Alright, so Sar's smart. He's curious. He's motivated. Yo, wait, is this ours? He's fucking huge He's a fucking lizard man. He was in Jack's. SARS is six feet tall. For the listeners, SARS is taller than us.

We finally got to a picture of SARS, and he is taller than us. He's got fucking 8% body fat. He's Jack. Oh, shit. Absolutely Jacked. SARS is juicy. SARS, what's your workout?

Can we answer SARS with a workout? Are you doing calisthenics or you lifting heavy? I need to also has glasses on he has glasses on he's jacked. I love this for SARS Okay, I'm more interested. Well, so he's ripped and smart cuz he knows a lot about ants if you wear glasses Do you wear the glasses when you work out stars? Yeah Don't they get fogged up because you're like just getting so hot and heavy in there Yeah, he pulls you in close stop asking questions. Sorry. He's gonna turn on that. I just want to know your diet, dude Cuz like I know there's a lot of protein in bugs it mostly a bug heavy diet or what pushes you up against the wall Stop asking

I take off his glasses and say, he's beautiful when his glasses are off. As soon as his glasses are off, what like he, you didn't see that he had like a nice bob of hair before, but as soon as his glasses come off, they fall beautifully disheveled in his eye. Look at that quaff, Sarge. Sarge, you don't need these to see

what's going on between us. I tussle his hair. I absolutely tussle his hair. Charke, can you get rid of the ants or something? Charke goes, I'm scared of these big ants. I rest a hand on Sar's pectoral muscle. Oops, I dropped it. So smooth, so nipple-less because he's a lizard. He has nipples.

There's nipples in the picture. Oh, God. Yeah. So this is what is, wait, is Charke in the picture too? Are they like both? Charke is? Charke is in the picture. Yeah, they're both humanoids.

Okay, wow. Does Charke have anything going on or is it mostly Charke? Charke is, you can't really see Charke. Charke's just pointing at the worker ants. I think that we should include a picture of this for the thumbnails so that people understand how jacked. The art is curses. I'm gonna have to make like a photo collage.

Yeah, the lizard is so jacked and yeah, the glasses make him look so intelligent. Okay, we don't care about what an airplane is, we don't care about the ants or their underground laboratory. We don't care about what's happening here. But this does make sense because like when Saras popped out of the ground, we saw his head first. He was like, why not come to a board game night?

I'm not, I don't know. Yeah, we tried to kill this jacked man for food. That has to be retconned. I never would have tried to kill him. Yeah, we're going to go ahead and retcon. Yeah, we're going to retcon. We never ever tried to kill Saras. We never tried.

I don't want that to be our history. We were too shy to even approach. Sars approached us and we blushed the entire time. Right, yeah. We're blushing the entire time. Oh, and since like with lizards, that's like a mating symbol, because like lizards, they inflate their throat

and they make it like red and puffy. So when we blush, Sars must have thought like, oh, maybe they're into me. Yeah. Well, that would explain how we got ourselves here. Yeah, okay. However, we probably should watch out

for their larger fighter types. Larger than that says shark, a gassed. Oh yes. Wait a second. The answer twice as big as SARS. So that is really big. So the answer is 12 feet. What a ride.

Yeah. Okay. So everything is big as hell here. Okay. Great. The machines are big. The lizard men are big. We're very small. All right. You know what? We were wrong to doubt it. This rules.

I'm here sort of. This is kind of nice though, because it's like pre human history is more like the age of giants. Right? There was like all these giant creatures, giant lizards and now post human history after the self driving cars the self-driving cars interaction. Right. Yeah. Now, like, we're back to, like, humans are small and all the animals are huge. And the ants are huge, yeah. Okay.

Once the cars learned how to have sex, it was over for us. Once the cars movies happens. They were too horny to work for us anymore. They kept crashing. Yeah. They started having recreational sex and all over. The highways were just pile-ups. So you feel a rush of air behind you? Okay, so bigger bigger ants are gonna start showing up It's a warrior ants that SARS smell that odor ants often communicate through odors

It's probably warning the nest about intruders. SARS is so fucking smart and jacked. I know so my nose in his Yeah, he holds you close stay here. I'm scared SARS Stay between my pecs hold me SARS stay between my pecs You won't have to look at anything. I make a life between Shark go gather leaves Shark leave so you and SARS can whereas a horny as a Tesla right now Stop abruptly exclaiming, where are the intruders?

We've got to get out of here. What do you suggest? What do you suggest, brain? The tunnel is blocked? Is Chark, angrily? Okay, so Chark is calling SARS like brain as like a... Okay, well Chark, I think that's proof that Chark thought something was happening

between us and Charke. So now Charke is taking pot shots at SARS. Right, got it. Let's nip this in the bud. Let's just tell like, Charke, nothing was ever gonna happen between us. We don't like you as a friend. It's a no for you, not because of what's happening

with SARS, but because it was never gonna be a yes. Randy Jackson style, that's a no for you, not because of what's happening with SARS, but because it was never going to be a yes. Randy Jackson style, that's a pass for me. We got to hook Charq up with a nice Tesla Model S. Oh, that'd be good. So hot. Charq, you considered a horny self-driving car that caused the apocalypse. OK, so you start to trip over each other as you run away. You speed up and burst out of the tunnel into the open.

You stop abruptly as you realize that you're on the ledge, high on the wall of a giant cavern. You stare down into a huge room lit entirely by moss plants. The floor of the cavern is a vast expanse of delicate structures shaped like beautiful crystal buildings. Can we say that genre aesthetics are all over the place? Yes, I agree. Again, we're in that classic.

So far in the future, it's become a fantasy past. This is we're going to the village of the Eloi. But I can't believe it didn't tell us that the lizard was enormous. I'm gonna literally go back and reread the first page. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Blue Land. Each year, Americans throw away 25% more trash from Thanksgiving to New Year's.

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Well let's see. Intro intro says SARS is tall and high. Yeah, baby Okay, egg on my face if I'm wrong, okay You must survive in a devastated world in light on quests mountain You are ran a young boy living in a possible world of the future in this world The man has been forced to live as much as he did when spirits and survival were a way of life The people of this society are both helped and confused by the remnants They find of a civilization far more advanced than inhabitants of the 20th century

can imagine. Legends says that long ago, so long that no one you as we're and no was living then, terrible war swept the civilized world, leaving vast wastelands where no man can live. Well, wasn't war was a love actually. Yeah. Considering it was all the self driving. Okay, before the war began, man was ruler of the earth.

It was a war G. Man was ruler of the earth. It was a wargy. Man was ruler of the earth, but one result of these terrible wars was that creatures rose from the ashes. The genes of the earth's animals and plants were altered until strange new creatures arose. Creatures of awesome power and fierceness and often great intelligence. Courageous member of your village has returned from the far north to boast of an intelligent race of lizards, which is starting to build its own civilization. Two members of a 15 member Southlands expedition

has returned with evidence that huge machines are building a society from the ashes of an old one. Robots function in a way no man ever put into their circuits. Villages like yours have sprung up in areas least damaged by the wars. Man no longer rules. He must share the land with caution and luck. He exists. Okay, So that's pretty important.

This is, this was all pretty important. How did I miss all of this? Okay. So how did I miss literally all of this? I hate to say it, but it's all my skipper. You're sure. No, dude. I don't even know how I started where I started. What the fuck happened? Okay. Let's start from the top. Wait, I'm so, I'm literally so confused. I can't wait. Okay, let's start from the top. Wait, I'm so I'm literally so confused. I can't wait. Okay. Oh no. This is so stupidly laid out. There's it. You know what? It's not my fault. I'm going back to I thought it was my fault. Okay, not my fault. Hey, you know what? There's a lot of different ways to read a

book as we've established. No, okay. Okay, so check it out. Ready? I'm gonna show all of you that I'm not dumb. Okay. I might be dumb, but I'm not dumb in this way. Check it out. Page one, attacked in the desert. The first page that I read gave me an option to either help shark or not help shark. Okay? So it tells me specifically to either go to page 93

or go to page 140. Was that the preview? That was a preview. Apparently I was supposed to ignore that Which is not how adventure books usually work That's not usually not give you a choice It would just say something like the choice is yours on to quest mountain. Yeah the next page Oh my god

The page that says who the cover art is by and who the book is written by okay, and then it has the dedications And then it has the setup of the whole world Holy shit, and then gives you different choices wait, so we're on deep and we started in medias race ignore a charc run Yeah, this is fucking wild look. I don't think we missed anything. I don't think we missed that much. I'm caught up. Yeah, what a wild way to set up the book. Cause at one point we did say that we had already seen the Oasis, but we hadn't. So that's what it's referring to.

Is it thought that we were gonna skip the first page, I guess. I just thought it was normal to be that confused during these books. Okay. Endless distress. Okay. You stare down into a huge room lit entirely by moss plants. The floor of the cavern is a vast expanse of delicate structures shaped like beautiful crystal buildings. Far across the room, some worker ants

seem to be spitting out a white liquid that hardens into beautiful crystal shapes. Oh, gonna be rich. It's gonna be rich. Yeah. Okay. So they're just gunking. I guess you're not us looking at SARS. They're gunking crystal shapes. You watch as an ant puts the finishing touches on a lacy spire. The spectacle of the strange ant city takes your breath away. I wonder if there was more context for ant city. The spectacle of the ant city takes your breath away. Yeah, okay.

Is there something else that's maybe taken our breath away here? Yeah. Yeah, even with danger behind you, you pause and wonder at the site, but then you remember your peril. That's because Sar's behind us, and he's dangerous for us.

We've got to move, you say, hurrying the others along the ledge that encircles the upper level of the cavern city. Why do we have to move? It doesn't say. We don't know. Oh, we have to move because we essentially came out of a tunnel

with a warrior ant that we smell chasing us You passed several tunnels opening off the ledge before you look behind and find that more monster ants have joined the chase Looking ahead you realize that still more of them are on the ledge in front of you Your path is blocked quickly you glance into the two tunnels nearest you one is dark and silent The other is lit by the strange moss and you think you hear the sound of running water somewhere inside Which tunnel skinny dipping with stars? Okay, if you choose we have to go skinny dipping. It's the only way we can survive. We almost win one adventure book without falling

Actually, this is all worked out perfectly because if we had known he was a lizard man from the beginning We might have gotten too familiar with it. But like the shocking reveal. We started as friends, so it's so organic. Okay, so we're gonna try to skinny dip with Sarge. This feels like the most solid relationship we've ever had. Yeah, this should be so.

I think the other ones have all been desperate, but this one's for real. We've all been toxic, but this one feels real. Let's do this right. Let's actually do this right. Yeah. His love is infecting us. Like the world ended, but it one feels real. Let's do this right. Let's actually do this right. Yeah, his love is infecting us like the world ended But it's also beginning again, right? Wow

Yeah, do you think you can like run across the water like some of those lizards carrying us in his arms? Wow that beat was too jacked Let's jump into yes, too. He's too huge. Yes, I'm remembering SARS fear of darkness is SARS afraid of darkness Wow, he's opening up this guy. Yeah, he's too huge. Yeah, he's too big. I'm remembering Sars' fear of darkness. Is Sars afraid of darkness? Wow, he's opening up to us. Who knows? Yeah, you rush headlong into the lit tunnel and immediately opens up into two caverns, one on each side of the passage.

Both caverns are filled with neatly stacked boxes. Wait, is this? We're moving in together? And now we're going into the water. Ha ha ha ha ha. All right, yeah, okay, there is water. Okay, we're getting there. Then you spot a river flowing between

the stacks of boxes into the darkness beyond quickly. Skinny dip. It's the only way to save ourselves. Take our bailings. It's off to be quick. Disrobe. Disrobe. Everyone. Oh, Chuck, you're fine. Chuck, you're good. You're good. You're whatever, Chuck. You're fine. Yeah. Yeah. Do whatever you want, Chuck. I don't care. See if you can find a key fob.

Sarge, we should grease ourselves up. Just to be slick so that we're so slick in the water. Char, go get the grease. Quickly choosing between the giant ants or the water. Not much of a choice as far as you're concerned. You shout, we've got to jump. You grab one of Char's arms. Sarge grabs the other.

Wait, we don't want. Yeah, yeah. This is confusing. We don't want to get possessive either Okay, so we're trying to make stars jealous. Yeah. Yeah, let's pretend that we don't even notice It was organic at first. We're getting toxic now. Yeah, it was organic at first, but now we have to make something happen We got to warm up that cold because honestly if something to happen, it probably would have happened in the Oasis that we don't remember fully. Yeah. Yeah.

On those first couple of days. Right. We would remember it if something happened. That Oasis was such a blur. I mean, like who can remember that night? A swift current grips you and sends you careening, but you managed to keep a foot. Ah! Ah!

Your legs and arms scrape against the underwater rocks, but you were swept away before you can catch hold of anything. Suddenly you feel yourself thrust out of the water and you struggle to remain on the surface. Opening your eyes, you find yourself in a pool being pounded by the spray of an underwater fall. It's really like swept away, thrust, pounded. We don't even, we're not the ones making these sexual.

That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah, it's all here. It's all here. It's all here. Not awful. It's absolutely awful. It's absolutely all here. Okay, looking frantically around for Charke, you find him clinging to a nearby rock.

The fear slowly- Let's make a big show about saving Charke. Okay. Oh, okay. We run over a sober- Charke, we got you. We're so strong. We go over and we save Charke.

Then you realize that you can see him because more of a glowing moss lines the cave walls. What's this says SARS fingering a chunk of metal floating inside. We don't even bring that energy. The energy is there. We merely reflect it. It's like a Tesla autopilot.

We look at the metal jealously. Yeah. Okay. Oh boy. Is it a wedding? Okay. So we're Is it a whirling? Okay. So we're laying in the water around you. You are countless, you find countless more bits of curved metal, which appear to have been broken off something.

You see that some of the chunks have washed up under the sandy beaches surrounding the lake. Is it an airplane? Yeah. Let's see. I look for first class. Yeah. Are there any Delta Biscoffs?

Yeah. There's a few Delta Biscoffs. We love Italian dessert. We're looking for the Biscoff. Here's the confusing thing. There's also JetBlue blue chips. What? Oh my God. The planes collided.

Oh my God. So the planes could have collided. Or were they self-driving? The planes were making love in the sky. Or were they self-driving planes that then got the sexual urge which then led to the apocalypse, these planes were pumping. Aerial coitus.

And exchanged chips. Or was there a being so great in the past that had JetBlue Mint and Delta Diamonds? It can't be. It's never happened. It's never happened. Really? I don't know.

It's impossible. Are you referring to the Skylander? Yeah, maybe someone achieved both statuses and the world imploded. Yeah, that's Skylander? Yeah. Yeah, maybe someone achieved both statuses and the world imploded. Yeah, that's a great question. Yeah. OK. Yeah, since they were riding on so many planes,

they just depleted the ozone. That's adds up. More likely. Yeah, OK. As you make your way to shore, you say, I wonder where these things come from? Wherever the stream that feeds this lake comes from, answer, SARS.

Thanks. You say, sarcastically? Whoa. SARS cast. Whoa. So thanks you say sarcastically. Whoa. SARS cast. So how we say SARS cast? Does he like it? And where might that be? We're trying out senses of humor to get SARS touch.

Do you like the ride? SARS looks down and says this isn't you. This isn't us. Quick, we need to think of a problem. Shark laughs so hard at it though, which is interesting. I don't want to see that. I don't want to see that. Thanks, you say, starcastically.

And where might that be? Well, the stream comes from the mountains. SARS replies, matter of fact. How in the world do you know that? Shark asks, is curiosity reviving after finding yourself in water? Oh, jealous much. Stop, I kick water and shark.

Shut up. The water is cold, much colder than this cavern, so the lake must be fed by a mountain street, maybe from a glacier. SARS is so fucking smart. That's really smart. Yeah, I blush. I blush, I blush when it's so cold.

Careful, you blush too much. I try to hide it. I just dunk my head in the water and say I'm so thirsty. But not for you. I blush again and dunk my head in again. Should we send Charq on a smart water run? Just say we're really creating some smart water.

Yeah. Yeah, this glacier water is no good. Can you go buy us water in a plastic bottle? Yeah, essentially a robust. Yeah. Okay, so it shouldn't be too difficult to find. Emerging from the water, you and your friends separate to look for the stream.

You soon find a gently flowing shallow stream coming from a high tunnel. You turn to tell your friends but spot shark among the metal rubble on the beach. He's holding a fist-sized oblong object with a small ring on the top. Is it a plastic water bottle? You remember?

Oh, maybe one of those metal aluminum bottles. I was gonna say... Wait, you said a ring on the top? What kind of ring? What kind of grenade is this? I assume? Oh! Or is it a... Are they proposing?

Oh, shit. Could be a grenade or an engagement ring. Or who could know? Who could know, but it's going on our finger one way or another. Put the ring on the top. Either way, you remember your uncle telling you about such a thing that it was very dangerous.

Our young uncle told us about this. Love is dangerous. Okay. Charq, throw that thing away, it's going to explode. You watch the- And uncle being like, marriage is a dangerous thing. It really is on brand. You know what, there's a reason that they put rings

on grenades because you put a ring on your finger, it's all gonna blow up. But also grenades too, they're dangerous too. So don't get married and don't put a grenade. Okay, so- I want you to meet my friend, Sars. Okay, Sars throws it away. You watch the monkey hurriedly toss the thing far over his shoulder, then you dive at Sars,

knocking his large worm to the ground. You're throwing yourself. I'm scared, Sars! Sars, help me! You throw yourself on top of him as a massive explosion rocks the cavern stars. I saved you Wow, you see Stars tenderly hold you for just an extra beat I take a deep

It smells I get into the nape of his neck Yeah, well, it smells. Old spice, where did you find this relic of the ancients? There was a destroyed Walgreen. You're so resourceful. You open your eyes to see sun filtering through the dust and falling dirt. I found the way out, guys. Charq says sheepishly.

Sheepishly is sitting on it. Yeah. Go ahead then. Yeah, go it. Yeah. Go ahead then. Yeah, go ahead. If you found the way out. I think you did find the way out. I'm exactly where I want to be. Yeah.

Thanks, Charq. So why don't you see yourself out, dude? Yeah. Charq, in his element again, leads the way up through the opening carved out by the explosion to solid ground. I hope our penedos are still here. Remember them? God it a five. How can you be thinking about Italian dessert?

I don't think that's... It also, yeah. The beginning of the book presumably told us what these mounts were. No, we did it right. We absolutely did it right. No, we absolutely did it right. I honestly, I feel bad for whoever wrote this book

because I guarantee this was an error by like the publisher or something, or by someone pushing it and just like, we really need everyone to understand that this is a choose your own adventure. By each one, they need to know they can choose. It's like a straight up publisher. It looks like a mistake. I think it might be.

If you do that, they're gonna fall in love with SARS too early. We need tall SARS reveal. Okay. You find your plant seeds a little wilted, We need tall SARS reveal. Okay You find your plant steeds a little wilted, but otherwise unharmed so just waiting for us Chark skips up to his and gives it a hug. We need rest. I feed mine some bottled water Grateful he grumbles it down you glance down nectar of the ancients You glance down at the hole that started it all.

You taste that butt. Those are electrolytes. I'd rather not be ant food. Let's ride away and look for someplace else to rest. You all get flasks of water out of your packs. Give some to your Panettos and sit off across the desert way. So that was all. I just realized that this has been a while since we've made a choice. This was the choice that we made just jumping down the hole.

Yeah, we just went in the water for going down the goddamn hole. OK, soon you find another group of boulders and scout the area, finding it safe. You camp there for the night in the morning. You return to the Oasis planning to head for the mountaintop. God, it always comes back to the oasis, huh? Wow. I guess. Oh my God.

Since we're never gonna know, what do you think happened between SARS and us at the oasis? I think we got like buzzed on smart water. We all got, we were chock full of electrolytes and we kissed. Because in the future. It was the alkaline.

They're past, but our future, they invent alcoholic water. Yeah. Okay, so there are a ton of plants in the oasis. Okay. Oh, maybe it's almost like where all the plant creatures gather like a watering hole for the plant. Oh, yeah. That makes sense.

So, Char. That's a Panettos party. Yeah, it's a Panettos party. They're naming their Panettos. I have a feeling this is something we were probably supposed to read earlier and now I've jumped back. Chark says, I think I'll name my daywind after the area where we found it. Wait, OK, this is not.

No, it's OK. It's OK. Can we just say whatever? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Really dismissive. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah. Let's say that's nice and then sort of angle our back to Chark. So, Sarge, what are you gonna name your panetto? We should do matching names. What is Sars' name his panetto?

Sars says to Charke, you could call it dead duck after it's careless master. If you walk much closer to that shooting cactus, Sars says quickly throwing a dead branch at a large door in the fall like a plane. We don't fully get the joke. Yeah. We want stars to think we have a sense of humor.

We don't know what this cactus is that he's talking about. Wait a second. You're so funny. You're always talking about cactus. Zanger. I knew you were smart and strong. I didn't know you were funny. Wow.

Really? The Tribeca. Yeah. Okay. We must find a safe place to rest. Such a good idea, Saras. You two go ahead. I left really hard and grabbed my own ass.

Ooh. I hold up a hand for a high five, and as soon as he high fives me, I do it in between fingers. Yeah, that makes sense. Grab. Yeah, and then I crossed my arms. High five. Gotcha.

The claws are sharp. Gotcha forever. You two go ahead and rest while I stand the first watch. I purpose with a good pace. Who's standing watch? I don't know. Okay, we better leave it something. Can we stand watch but just stare at SARS the entire time Not looking at the door not looking at our surroundings. Just watch him sleep

Assuming that means looking at stars and his beautiful goddamn listening body the way his chest rises and falls my god Okay, yeah. As your friends sleep, you explore further. You can't go too far away. Your friends are counting on you to protect them. You can't take your eyes off SARS. You have to find something for SARS. Walking.

We have to find a gift. Okay, walking. We crack a stiff smart water. It's so stiff. Why there were so many smart waters left over at taste. It tastes just like water, but it has 45% alcohol. Okay, so you're looking around. There's a lot of flowers.

One patch of flowers in particular catches your eye. You bend over close and look at one yellow bloom more closely. The blossom grows from a bull-black stem and has five thick, wavy, bright yellow petals that look like the fingers of a hand. Curious but cautious, you stand on one side and use your spear to poke the blossom. No danger, seeds are raised, shoot out, but a gooey yellow sap oozes from the wound. When you bend to touch the fluid, a searing pain shoots through your head.

Oh, sorry, tell me. Sorry. I'm scared, sir. Through growing darkness, you hear a voice. Human, you have thoughtlessly killed some of our number. Your race has always been thoughtless. Oh no. The voice bypasses your ears and speaks directly to your mind. The plants are smart.

What? Who are you? What are you, you ask, as if in a dream? We are the collectors of light. Your ancestors indirectly created us in their great struggle many passings of the sun ago. Because of the debt that we owe your race for our beginnings, we will give you the gift of understanding, watch and learn. You see yourself

among the yellow flowers. This is all over the place. Okay. Which you know are the collectors of light. Then the vision shifts and you are looking across the desert beyond the oasis but in the blink of an eye the desert changes to a cool scene of green fields filled with sweet plants. Plants are tended by metal creatures that you recognize as belonging to the ancients.

You travel over these fields to a huge village inhabited by the ancients. They look just like the humans of your village. You could live like this again, says the voice in your dreams. Then you see huge rows of metal flying toward the dream village, the arrows explode, and immense fires of unimaginable force destroy the village. Okay, so you see like this. Yeah, so you're seeing Tesla's fucking and blowing up.

Oh, do you think it was like a Odysseus thing where like one of the Tesla's wives was like taken across the sea to marry like another king? Oh, I didn't know that there I thought that they were just recklessly fucking. Okay, so the self-driving cars all fuck each other until they explode explode this is how it started you will see how it would end the dream blurs and you find yourself Oh my god, we're never gonna make a choice again. There's two more pages. I'm making a choice right now We're gonna smear it. We're gonna be like this is a lot and we're gonna smear this nectar on So that green some upke is really engaged with this

and Charke can be in Charke's. Yeah, that's right, yeah. Oh, we're sending Charke to the moose. Oh, Charke, I thought. And then we'll focus on our love story. And just be like, yeah, SARS, I had the craziest dream. Can I tell you about my dream? Oh, that's smart, yeah.

Okay, suddenly the forest around the village parts and hundreds of metal monsters of the ancients move through your town, destroying everything that gets in the way. Your father moves towards one with his weapons and is knocked to the ground. Father run, you shout. The image fades and you hear the voice again.

This is the future that might happen. You must see that it does not. Okay, so the machines are gonna kill us. How can I do that? Go to the mountain of light and end what has begun there or would all be doomed? Did we just get the quest? I think we did.

We just got the call to action. What? It's okay though. You know what? It's not terrible, right? Because we've had time to really understand where we are. Okay, so we wake up our friends. We say we gotta go to the mountain.

Panettos, okay so. No, we wake up SARS. We say SARS. Yeah, SARS. Don't wake up SARS. Don't wake up SARS. We have to go to the mountain. We have to go SARS. We have to go to the mountain. Panettos, okay so. No we wake up SARS, we say SARS. Yeah SARS, don't wake up SARS. Yeah SARS, we have to go. We have to go to the lab. We have to go SARS. We have to go.

There's no time to bring chark. I just don't want to wake up chark. Okay you guys leave chark. He's sleeping so peacefully. You guys leave chark. He's sleeping so peacefully. You see the machines begin to close in on the oasis as chark sleeps through it. We're just going to take all of chark's smart water water. Yeah, I'm just gonna take his water and his food

Remember the way he saved himself the dog Okay, so we go to we find we get our faithful Panettos, Sharks eyes well with tears. Whoa, shark, what are you doing here? We can't take the panettos. Shark heads up. Oh good, shark, you made it. You guys almost left us, thanks for carrying my pack. Thanks for carrying my pack for me.

Yeah, we just wanted you to get a little extra shut-eye. Yeah, wow. Thank God. Thank God. Yeah, wow. Just as we planned, you're here now. Okay, so we have to leave our Panettos behind because we have to climb up a cliff okay, no I'm honestly good riddance. Yeah, I'm really am like you know, I'm not I've had too much dessert. Yeah, oh

Right the dessert mounts for back on that you and stars follow using rope soon Even shark has a hard time finding handholds, but the monkey would never admit it I told you this would be easy and fun. Shark says gleefully so closed off as Shark smiles down at you the rock in his right hand breaks loose from the cliff He scrambles frantically to find something else shark you scream. Oh, no holly Without extending my elbow fully I reached my hand out I reach out my hand. Without extending my elbow fully, I reach my hand out.

I got you. We grease our hand with butter. I'm emotionally pressing clothes on the elevator. Sartre flips out his powerful tail and bats the thin airborne monkey like a ball. So powerful. Perfect. Where to is that? Okay. When Sartre hits the cliff next to you, you grab him quickly, holding him until he finds a handhold.

Okay, so it gets back. Thanks, Sars. He gasps after some time. The lizard shrugs, but looks pleased. The rest of the climb passes quietly, pulling yourself onto a ledge. You see in dismay, the Mormon stretches ahead of you. It's endless. It's a good chance for us to be like, so Sars, what do you kind of see as your future like once we're done

with this quest? Once we finally get the Tesla's to stop fucking and settle down. Yeah, like what do you see like are you are you thinking kids? I don't know. I guess I've been so into mastering my own body and mind that I haven't thought that much about the future. I'm just kind of present. Right. I look just kind of present.

I look at the hole in his jeans where his tail juts out. Look at the bulls where his tail is. Blah, blah, blah, where's the light? Well, we're certainly not at the top yet. You look around and then point up the mountain. It looks as if there's a lake up there. You see blue water sparkling through the trees in late afternoon sun.

Quick, skinny dip. Sars, we have to skinny dip SARS SARS oh my god Chark Chark I hate to say this we left our Nutri-Grain bars at the bottom of the mountain okay so please turn to page 56 so we go to bed we awake in the next morning yeah we have slept a lot in this book. Yeah. Getting closer and closer to SARS every night. Dude, there are, I've skipped a lot. There are five single-spaced pages before we make another choice. So guys, I hope you're really excited because Camping

3 is going on hold. Yeah, we are going to have, this is truly an endless quest. Okay. All right, let's head for the lake. Okay, so we're going for the lake. You look around and see more of the shiny chunks of metal in the water and washed up on the shore. Something or someone is dumping them more deliberately or they're being washed into the lake by a mountain stream, you say.

But you begin to walk around the shore of the lake with charts skipping on ahead. You soon arrive at a swift mountain stream, dozens of the metallic chunks swirl in the eddies. Following the bank upstream isn't as easy as you had anticipated, rocks, dead branches, blah, blah. The plan life is getting rather scarce, says SARS. I'm starting to get bored by SARS, you know? No, no, no, really. Speak for yourself.

Okay. I throw myself into SARS, R. Speak for yourself. Okay. I throw myself into Sardar. Okay. So you stop accepting the need for a short rest from the hard climate. The air should be fucking rest. What do you think these chunks of metal are?

Do you think they're the remains of an airplane or like a FedEx truck? Maybe. Or maybe it's just like, oh, maybe, you know what it is? I bet it's a lot of tin foil from the Chipotle franchise. Oh Oh, yeah, I mean it could be any of those things we should be collecting all this tin foil so that we can like recycle it for the burritos We're gonna be wrapping okay Sarge start our Chipotle franchise Sarge teaches us about kids or franchise in Chipotle

Sarge right which is kind of like a kid in and of itself teaches us about glaciers We teach them about making burritos. I get my own sars when I show him how to roll a burrito. Like around his arms. Nice and tight, just like that. You really have to pack it in. The beans are going to explode out if you're not careful. You want to fill it up.

Sars. Halt. Where do you think you're going? Rasps a low gravelly voices just us walking around the to a shining future. Did you put a huge rabbit jumps down from a boulder and lands a few in front of you? Oh, no. I hide behind SARS. Hold me. It's even taller than stars oh interesting I peek out I peek out curiously Jacked rabbit yeah this is a test this is a test from heaven shark

turns to run not so fast the creature bellows it's all stopping your tracks give me something and I won't hurt you. It lasts viciously rubbing its paws together. Your mind runs through your scanty provisions, searching for something suitable to give it. You think about your Nutri-Grain bars that you left at the bottom of the mountain. We give it, we look at Char's and we say,

I think we know the only option and we just push Char's. Charke, yeah. Char? Yeah. Char, yeah. Okay, before you come up with anything, you hear a loud boom. The rabbit pressers pause to its floppy ears, jump straight into the air, and then falls to the ground with a dull thud.

To your utter amazement, your tormentor has become a massive quivering, babbling fur and flesh. Oh, that's a bad look. Oh, they're at it again. Make them stop. No more noise, please. It cries pathetically. The creature rings its paws and babbles on,

no longer aware of your presence. You look at the others and see Shark's fear turn to disgust. Where's the noise coming from, you ask? The rabbit ignores you and continues to ring its paws and whimper. Oakwood whining and into the question. The rabbit looks up and swipes one gigantic paw

across Shark's spear. The long metal spear bends in half and hangs limp. The rabbit turned it to rubber. Whales metal spear bends in half and hangs limp. The rabbit turned it to rubber. Whales shark hopping backward toward you and SARS. The evil sneer returns to the rabbit's whiskered face. Of course I did. And what's more, there are hundreds like me where I come from. When I return, I'll tell them to raid your village. You turn to look at each other. Is this, is this cowardly rabbit telling the truth? We're just running from fucking ants to rabbits.

This book is not adventurous at all. We're sleeping 14 hours a day. We've slept three times. It went in the wrong order. We haven't made it, this is our first choice if we believe the rabbit or not. I don't believe the fucking rabbit. I think we send Charke as an envoy to the rabbit.

Yeah, here we'll gift you a ward. So either- For peace between our nations. We think, either we think the rabbit's on the truth, we must go home and warn our village, or we think the rabbit is lying and you wish to carry on your quest. Let's just go home.

Let's just, if we go home at this point, it's over. So I guess make your choice. We're gonna carry on, right? Yeah, we gotta finish this out. We send Charke home. We send Charke home. Rabbit's lying, says Charke. Let's move on.

My name is Larry. The rabbit says, Testily. My name is Larry. This was in 1983, but it feels like it's an AI generated book. Okay. It was made by that planting robot.

It was made by the horny Tesla. Okay, so the rabbit. I've been working on something. I want you to see it. This is their laying in bed together. The Zards are so hot. Larry admits that he was lying. Right.

Great. And so we are going to continue. I'm still puzzled about the glacier, Sarce. Slowly, you can tell from the scratches on the rocks that there was once a glacier here, but the climate hasn't changed. Okay, okay. So it's gonna continue. I'm still puzzled about the glacier, Sarce. Slowly, you can tell from the scratches on the rocks that there was once a glacier here, but the climate hasn't changed. So it's still here. Okay, wait, Sarce keeps coming back to the glacier.

So machines must have sucked it up. Is this like a, is this a, no, no, no, I'm not thinking plot-wise. I'm thinking characterization-wise. Is this, is he trying to tell us something? Is that him saying like, the glacier, I want it to be just you and me? I want to go on a trip to Iceland with you.

Something like that. Yeah, they have like a, they're very, very encouraging of tourism. So like flights are cheap. Yeah. What's an airplane? Okay. If we got the airplane, we could go to Iceland with SARS.

Okay. I forgot about an airplane. Do they have chipotles in Iceland, Jacob? I don't know. There was no chipototle when I was there. All right, this is perfect. This is all coming together. Okay, we've got our future planned out. So we get to the top of the mountain. I think we find them at the top. Well, let's go see what's in these openings. You say you walk to the opening on the left.

It's dark inside so you step in a bit farther. You feel hot air and hear loud noises somewhere in the distance. You leave the tunnel and go to the center opening. In contrast, this tunnel is blindingly bright. When you step inside, you feel cold air and notice an almost eerie silence. Going over to the opening on the right, you see a moving belt of some sort mounted on a cavern ceiling. The belt continues on out to the opening above the stream.

As you are pondering what it might be, you hear a clanking and whirring noise. You duck just in time to avoid being hit by something whizzing past on the belt and out the opening. It's a metal robot. It rounds a corner of the belt and sails out above the stream. You stand up, dust yourself off and say, strange, I have a feeling that the light comes

from up here somewhere. We're going to have to investigate these openings. Yeah, but which one says, shark, if we go into the hot dark opening. Yeah, we do. What? Yeah. Come on, SARS.

I have an idea. Babe, I love your book, but sometimes I feel like you're just giving the metaphors away. If we go into the cold, bright cave, at least we'll be able to see. But so many things that's in there. Hot dark. Hot dark. And if we enter the third opening, the one the robot shot out from

will be able to investigate that. You dive to the ground as another robot shoots out of the opening and down the metal belt, which entrance will you enter? I'm sorry, all of my work is so sexually charged, because I love you so much. Okay, yeah, it's asking which opening we want to enter.

We do in the dark, the dark hot opening. Yeah, heart, hot and dark. We're going into the hot opening. Yeah, heart, hot and dark. We're going into the hot opening. Quick, we have to skinny dip. Just robe, SARS. Just robe, we're going to be in the hot dark canal. We skinny dip into the deep. It'll be too hot for our clothes in here.

Okay. Chirk, watch the stuff. Chirk pierces into the opening. Boy, listen to that noise, he says. He disappears inside for a moment, then pokes his head back out and says, there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. You follow Chark in and look over his shoulder, deep into the tunnel. I think you're right.

Sars will lead you until we get closer to the light. The lizard nods his head. You take his arm and step into the tunnel. You can't make out what's causing the sound but the noise gets worse with each step The heat is intense Sar stumbles and you hold this are more firmly Your eyes begin to adjust to the darkness is there really a light at the end of the tunnel You're no longer sure you can now see that the dirt walls of the tunnel are remarkably smooth Suddenly you're blinded by a bright light you close your eyes against the glare then open then open them slowly behind parted fingers. You discover that you were standing on a platform

above a large room. The noise in the room is even louder than it was in the tunnel. You see now that it comes from a whirring of wheels, a clanking of metal everywhere, huge metal boxes with dials, blinking lights. Okay, so robot room, cool. Your mouth drops open in wonder as you survey the room. Charke at your sleeve Ren. He says I forgot her name is not now not now looking Sorry, and yeah, I need a Nutri grain bar And you go back to the base of the mountain. Yeah, it was three three rests ago It was three three rests ago

Ren he says to clench teeth. There's a man with a yellow hat over there Duck you hiss too late. You were seen robots advance towards you from all sides and hustle the three of you down a staircase To where the man with the yellow hat That's curious Okay, do you know him? Yeah, that's my dad. He built these machines to kill us. Oh my God, Chark. You've gotta make up with him.

You need to reconcile with your father and live here with him. I think he's a bad guy. He's like, you need one on one time with him. I think he's making machines that suck up glaciers. Sorry, let's give them some privacy. Let's give them some space. I don't have to reconcile.

He's in the bag. Chart, just give us your sky miles. Okay. Wait, was Chart the one with the mint and diamond ball along? Or was the man with the yellow hat the one? Oh, shit. Man in the yellow hat waits on the main floor of the room.

The robots leave you and disappear beyond the boxes. Welcome, says the man. We don't have many visitors. Removing his metal hat, he runs a hand. It's a metal yellow hat. Oh, okay, so it's like he's got like a construction hat on. Removing his metal hat, he runs a hand through thick, well-groomed white hair. Light overalls fail to find his tall, well-muscled,

no, no shit, Shimmer. I dropped Sar's hand. I drop Sars hand! I drop Sars hand! Holy shit. Please, this is it. She's right. He's done it, dude. Your overalls can't keep up with your body.

He owns a fucking machine room? He owns a fucking machine room? Please, yes. He already has his own, he has his own spot. This place isn't exactly on the beaten paths, is Chark with a shrug. May I ask what you are doing here, inquire Sars? The program must be completed,

the man says without emotion. Program will be- Don't be rude, Sars. Yeah, Sars. Yeah, Sars, chill. This is about me dropping your hand. The program is the program. It is all there is, he says simply.

The program is nearing completion. In 18 hours, our robots will advance on their targets, then the cities and opposing governments will fall before us. What in the world is he talking about whispers, shark? I'm not sure, but he's not talking about anything in our world, you say with certainty. I don't like this exclaims, shark, I'm getting out of here. He turns and talk to your dad confront your father, two robots quickly roll to his side and force him to stop.

You look at the tall man and realize that he is controlling the robots. You signal SARS and the two of you grab your spears and lunge towards the man. Your spears enter his body, but he doesn't even flinch. No blood flows from the openings made by the spears. He's so well muscled. He's not human, you scream.

The white haired man speaks on, but you don't hear. Your reflexes take over and you continue to lunge with your spear. Is this what happened to Santa Claus? Oh, interesting. Oh, Santa origins. He's magic, yeah. He was immortal, so like all the other humans

would have died out and he wouldn't have had gifts to deliver to anyone else. So this is what he did with the spare time. This makes a lot of sense. The man's words become slower and more garbled with each thrust. Finally he stops speaking altogether and his shell falls shapelessly to the ground. You stand and stare odd at what has happened just as you realize that you'd better get out of here. You and your friends find yourself surrounded by a group of

robots. They appear bewildered but are quite firm about whisking the three of you off to a small dark room. As the door closes behind you, you hear shark whimper. You feel fear begin to take hold of you too. Something presses into your leg. You reach down and your hand feels a familiar shape. It's a bone. You wonder if someone else came to find the reason for lights on

quests mountain and never went home So there's a skeleton in the cell with you. Okay. Yeah the end This is what we get this is what we get for not being faithful to SARS we got put in this room Yeah, anyway, yeah, you can check us out on our patreon. I think we're gonna do goose bumps or something Anyway, you can check us out on our Patreon. I think we're gonna do Goosebumps or something. Patreon.com slash NADPOD. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. Don't sing yet.

Wee. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? I'll just go ahead and plug Dungeon Meshi again. It's really good. They made an anime out of it.

I love it so much. It's about adventurers who eat monsters in a dungeon. It rules. Go watch it. Sweet. And you can follow us on social media. There may or not use at stage where it's me at call this called wall Addie extras Emily and at jake versus Jake and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nod pod. That's any dpod We are the youth of the nation. We are we are

The youth of the nation They made a book about a video game game game game Oh folks, it is the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Let's get right to it. It is the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent Council of Elders. Let's get right to it. Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord. Hugh C. Later McSkater. Matt M. Cutter W. Jeff C. Daniel G. Daniel the Dastardly Dame. Beardman Dan.

Danny P. Bryant the Microwaved salmon and bribery guy, Vincent W, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyt's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, T.J.M, Trelai, The Cray, Christopher B, Demio R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh The Cobald Stevie Wags R.I.P. Scream He died as he lived without context Princess Yarr Jory S. Jack L. Nicholas C. star of every film ever made in Bahumia now back in action after Union Victory Samuel B. Mike H. Alcosmeltzer Plus,

Great Value Gemma, Adam G., Tyler F., Neabadger, Panama James, Haradrian, Carboro Chapel Hill FPV, Rex Daniel, The White, Deanna De Los Lopez, Cicilulu, Halecule Po Poao, Zelabat Folk Detective, Raco, Calder Cums Cold, Shoutout to the ColdCum Companions, Frosty Facial, wow. Taylor B, the Vengeful One Winged Angel, Cass, Skateboard Cass, Steven is Steepin T unevenly, you see? C. Mike K. Lady Taco and Team Incredulity.

Joy T. Jake L. Nick W. Agnity. William W. Big Bad Beardo the Mad. Ananarama. Percival Fredrickstein von Mussel Klausowski de Rolo the Third.

J. Dragonborn. Splendiferous dissident. The Sandrayan, Ben A. Dave H. Christian S. A cell from the prison of elders. Dustin S. Danny F. Hawkeye Pierce. Book Far's assistant Izzy F. DPC is awesome. Shown the Shade Tree mechanic of Zell Vldar. Summer Rose aka Grand Tear. Cat C. Mesa of House in Zunza. Ariel the occasional mermaid. Selena in aka Velace Raptor. B. Perky Always. Pat L. Maxwell J. Lauren H. Nolani the Coffee Barista Brewing Fighter of Limpial

and Bohumia. Serve 16. The Booooooooon Duster. Annie the Feywild Therapist. Skillful Ferret Insert Fan Art Request Here. Oh you know I gotta see your best rendition of SARS the lizard man Connor S. Salil weed Goku 69 aka gunk at 16 experimenting with drugs Bioquart 7 Amber Dextrous Sullivan H Trub hop dropper Jack Hubert king of the mall people under iron deep dressed in blue and fighting

his way through a bracket style tournament. Good luck. Lindsay W. Valen, Carl and C. Emily S. Noah the Bullywogboy. Hashtag release the filthy guppy cut. James G. Everything Bego, the Eladrin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey. Daddy Master Dandy. Han the Green Team. Eric B. Marcos. Learns the Balance Druid, Dakota

James P, Frida M, Pagos, Self-proclaimed Faye KING, back on their regularly programmed Faye shenaniganories. Tracy P, the Crick Elf Librarian, Maggie S, See You in Chicago, Saw You in Chicago, Hope you had a good time! Holly Hyena! Leah! Giovanni the Fighter! Akash T! DOOFINIUS! Russell H! A monk named Dilgo! Yes, the whole thing! Yes, every time! Cody Care! Keychains! Pentium II! Processor! Lorelai the Succubus and Kyra her busty queen Matt M. Your friendly neighborhood yawn and yonkel Andrew and Sid

John Adams the right-in candidate for 2024 Make the right-in choice Meg the mail carrier manager of Bahumia James F. Jimmy A. M4L Austin S. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. To get rid of them, turn to page 42. To keep them, turn to page 69! Shane C, Barpo Goodbarrel, Bart Barion, Welshlander, Garad G aka One Big Curd, Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr as finest linguist. Riley S. Fyco, Garret the Artificer, Anthony the Raddest of Dudes, Josh H. Abigail H. Caleb L. The fairies who have been partying non-stop to release hashtag CCC. We are hungover and resting and wishing the best of luck to y'all.

Right back at ya fairies. to y'all. Can'trip Dumbledore, the bare onesie wearing barbarian, Lexie H, MJ, the BFG, Cam, the frog man, Artevious Crass, Geno T, Mama Belle, the silver serpent herself, Tristan the talentless hunk. BTA Workshop. Shenanigans O'Connor. Mioce the Great. Alex K. Joshua S. Alexander. Linz W. Angela Pamela the forever vindicated. Emma S. Bred the reforged, war forged. Greg F. Aggressively palm muting open strings because frets are for chomps a cat napping in a Sunbeam listening to a podcast nyax nasty nut oh shall be can a second favorite sprite girl a level 12 circle a party druid with a once a day pinata wild shape please do not smash her. Jackson R, T3RHX, official Ned Flanders, Blake H searching for a sweet blue hole

for his bestie Big Bev, Papa Scatays, Mima Scatays, oh, it's V. Tommy W, Mike and Lisa sending love to all y'all. Haley the Human, Megan N, the Big M, Tommy W, Mike and Lisa sending love to all y'all. Haley the Human, Megan N, the Big M, Ballonore's best friend, Steve, Stephanie of House in Zoonza, Jigs Ramen Shop, RIP, Melchior,

the brave Leonin warrior, who even cares about the rest of the party. Karjish, Benjamin A, sacrificial otaku pin name for Callali's cousin, who discovered anime and is trying to spread the word all over Bahumia. Jiggy Merlino Mikkel A. Josh Hole Oh no!

The mechanical yak teams are fighting! Frokey Jacob K. Maple, the shy bookworm Ashley Seth E. Billy Batson. Tori the drogoose, son of Thomas the blind bisexual goose. Bicon and father of 69 signets. Real goose, look him up.

Sock monkey Bob. Jins jigging jizz joining hashtag CCC. We're reaching new heights folks. Michael LS. Jacob Jacob P Nova cry Parcell Dex Riddlewell Hanna a ace dregs high lord of Critsburg Joshua F and Darius D Whoo, that is all of our elders

Thank you so so much for listening if you would like to join this illustrious council, you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nadpod. That's gonna be it for us today. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you next week. Farewell. Goodbye. That was a hate gum podcast.