Not Another D&D Podcast - Baggin' it with Balnor: Loud Libraries, Questionable Drug PSAs, and Staying Fit w/ Pendergreens

Episode Date: August 6, 2020

Host Balnor is joined by the Morning Zoo 2 Crew (Hardwon, Moonshine, and Beverly) for another episode of Bahumia's favorite radio show! This week, Hardwon endorses a questionable drug, Beverl...y performs an anti-R. Cane PSA, and Moonshine weighs in on a number of recent Cricktroversies. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:20 brush processing. Code P A W PW-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. but I'm here with the morning zoo to crew starting with a Yiboy hard one short foot. Oh yeah, baby. Hard ones here and he's ready to party. Wow, new month, new you. Congratulations. I'm feeling inspired by that hard one.
Starting point is 00:01:56 Wow, so optimistic. We got another integral member of the morning zoo to crew here at Mochette Saban. I don't remember if we usually do introductions in this, but based on what Hard One did, I'm just gonna say, oh yeah, I'm ready to do this. Oh yeah. You want a regular introduction I had when I'm a back pocket,
Starting point is 00:02:16 but I just want to go the Hard One route. Well, all right, well, if you want epic introductions, we're going over to our last co-host here, who's the best introduction ever coming up. Ready, Beverly Toggle, the drum roll. Oh, Beverly Toggle, the fifth. Oh, woo-ga! Wow, he made a horn sound with his mouth.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Wow, who needs a sound board when you can just poke Bev? Yep, I don't know. I blacked out for a second and that came out on my mouth. How did it sound? It was the coolest catch phrase I've ever heard brother. I pinch Bev just see what noise comes out Wow Really sounds good. There's a lot of gems in this kid. I hold them upside down just shaking noises Easy easy to careful with that goal. Wow. Okay. This is the first one. Let's see if we have easy access to that one. Easy, very old cell phone
Starting point is 00:03:16 with a lot of different fun rings that we bought off an infomercial. Anyway, again, it's been a minute, you know, but we've been separated by time and space on different timelines. But the guys, true. Hey, Val, no, yeah. It's good to see you guys. The God saw fit to let us come together to record a podcast. He's a good nine level wish spell. We wish to be able to record another episode. Yeah, we had to give 10 years off of our lives in order to record this podcast, but we're still.
Starting point is 00:03:50 You know, we're back. I can think of no better use. You know what, if I had a wish spell right now, I would wish for a shout out to the news crew. Yeah, that's right, baby. We're back into it. We got some. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I uh... first one the landmark case of pebble pot v derlin uh... saw scout master denny acquitted of all charges of losing scouts to uh... kidnapping due to negligence in the moonstone swamp uh... the later on court argue that derlin had brought the lawsuit in the fey wild which was twenty years in the mortal realm and thus beyond the statutes limitations uh... so i'm kind of curious of how do we feel?
Starting point is 00:04:46 Obviously we're disappointed because we'd love to see that that Craven bastard suffer. I mean, honestly, I'm just sick of Pebblepots retreating to the Feywild to get that statue of limitations. Usually it's the other way around. You know, a lot of Pebblepots just hop over to the Feywild, get the statue limitations, come back and be, you know, absolved of all their various white collar crimes.
Starting point is 00:05:09 Right, I think, yeah, a lot of things blow over a little bit. Just using the time dilation in their favor. Right, yeah. Who's the judge that tried that case, by the way? Oh, yeah. Oh, that was, let me go ahead and look that up. Oh, I know for certain who the attorney was not, and that was Papa.
Starting point is 00:05:26 It was not Papa because I do believe Papa's only lost one case in his whole life. And it was charges that were brought up, that was charges that were brought up against him. You know, I think God he lost that case because that's what drives him. It was a case about whether or not he was cute and he had to defend him not being cute and honestly, it was adorable when he traveled. I'll be honest, he threw that case. Yeah. I've never seen him make my way possible. There were a lot of protesters outside that courtroom. Yeah, it was it was very volatile. Okay, people were furious. Yeah, I think the judge I'm seeing here,
Starting point is 00:06:06 I'm looking it up here, the honorable judge, Dolores Pebblepots. Right. This has to be not allowed. Are you allowed to just have like your mom be the judge? It is a problem. There's Pebblepots in every station of government and every branch of government.
Starting point is 00:06:24 It goes all the way to the top. The question is, are there too many pebble pods? There is just democracy. There's like a well-craven fungus. Here's the thing, that is actually the platform they ran on in Hill home is a pebble in every pot. That's a good catch phrase. That's a good catch phrase.
Starting point is 00:06:41 But you know, you don't really. But then I believe they're their Their opponent ran on the platform that we're living in a damn pot of pebbles. Yeah, yeah, why do you want pebbles in your pot? That's not necessarily For stones, obviously it rolls off the tongue Yeah, that's the that's the problem is that when you run hard against having pebbles in your pot You really are arguably semantics at that point. You lose the stone suit majority. Yeah, right off the bat,
Starting point is 00:07:10 you're losing all the earth elementals. And that's a huge part of Galatorun. You know what I mean? Like they're holding up the whole mountain. Underrepresented. What's the thing is they ran on mostly a loophole-based system on just increasing the amount of loopopholes in Hillhomes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:29 And so instead of normally, you know, someone when they're running for office will hand out like stickers or something like that. They actually handed out little rings because they represent little loopholes. So they just gave everyone gold rings. Yeah. So they kind of just bribed everyone to vote for them. You can buy an election. You know that. You that. Yeah. Absolutely. Can. In Hill home for sure. Yeah, certainly.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Yeah, I think because you usually, Bahumia previously had been mostly monarchies and stuff. So I think we associated the people in power with being rich. So then we're like, okay, let's have a democracy. And then kind of just the rich people then. They bought their monarchy back. They're close or shiny. They must know what they're doing. The bricks, the only place they got it right. That's what they would get as ass kids
Starting point is 00:08:12 in the mayor race. That's what I'd literally ask it. The last trigger was that Petri Pampopott tried to come in. Create a bunch of new laws. You know what, speaking of the Crick, I've got another shout out to the news crew We got some controversy at the crick recently First ever crick library. It's been extremely popular
Starting point is 00:08:33 But the only problem is the boisterous crick people have made it almost impossible for people to Study in silence walking in there is essentially listening to a hundred people reading out loud while yelling commentary to each other, distracting each other and leading to fist fights. I'm trying, how do we resolve this going forward? Well, I think one of the things that's in our way is the librarians are some of the loudest ones in there. Right. You know, so sort of like the voice of, this is a library is usually coming from, you know,
Starting point is 00:09:04 the people or the visitors But the librarians are usually talking over everyone to say keep it down now And you know we do have we do have an interesting temperament that a lot of us quick folk like a little noise It helps us focus so there's a bit of a clash I don't really know how you resolve that other than perhaps installing librarians with more sensitive ears. Perhaps you could dig a series of tunnels and create some reading rooms so that people could read out loud in isolation. Oh, that's interesting. That sounds like a fun thing
Starting point is 00:09:42 to stop by. People's isolated reading nooks looks bring him candy and they good yeah yeah a little bit of that create hospitality to people and be well you think if they're all tunnels underground you can just like drop some skittles down there if they're getting hungry while they're in a in a reading frenzy or something like that oh that's true we also do have a very loud groundhog and mole population. So those guys can party. Yeah, they got a couple of them by my stump too. Oh, I forgot. Hard one.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Have you been partaking in the library now that you're a quick resident? Oh, yeah. You know what? It's called, it's active learning. Like if someone's reading to me a book about History it's natural that I would want to get up and and act it out There are I'm hearing there are a lot of act outs. Yeah, right. Yeah, I feel like once you want someone Tell tells you you know you get the gist of the book
Starting point is 00:10:41 Then you can kind of take that and then you do active learning and you can fill in the end. Right. I mean, Harlan definitely reflects the quick mentality of like the books are a leaping off point. A sentence is a suggestion about whether or not you want to keep reading. Reading is more about getting the gist. And once you have the gist, you stand up and you announce, I have the gist. And then if you want to know what the gist is. And then it's kind of like a book group that's
Starting point is 00:11:07 happening live in the middle to the beginning of the book. Right? It's not to mention it now. It spawned a whole new breed of a crit folk who are called the gist makers. And they just, they just kind of sell their gists around. Yeah, they have to do gists. Yeah. Yeah, but it's basically a little bit of library, a little bit study group, and a little bit, like 13 or 14 theater productions, all going on at the same time, as people loudly act out the things that they're reading.
Starting point is 00:11:38 And that's ultimately where a lot of the clashes are coming from. Some people are reading, you know, pirate novels and they're dressed as pirates, and they get mad when they see somebody, you know, who's in a sci-fi novel or a lot of them. Yeah, a lot of them. Not too much on this sort of alcohol. A lot of them.
Starting point is 00:11:52 There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it.
Starting point is 00:12:00 There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it. There is a lot of it.able books are. Deeply. Yeah. That's an issue. There's a lot of candles, a lot of alcohol, just open tubs of alcohol.
Starting point is 00:12:13 And with all the violent sword play that is going on, reenacting the three musketeers and whatnot, it's a dangerous place. One of the most dangerous places at the crack and that's saying something. I think that you could really easily rebrand this as a tourist opportunity. It's not so much a library as it is a circus of words.
Starting point is 00:12:35 It's just so many people. It's like a 42 ring circus just going on in there with everybody reading different passages, sword fighting, getting drunk, inevitably catching books on fire and putting them out. It's a real, you know, it's a catastrophe in there. It's a panoply of action.
Starting point is 00:12:52 And I think that we have a real potential to excite people. Yeah, I'm definitely going to rebrand it as a circus of words. That sounds really fun. Not that we need any more people because again, it's been packed to the gills. It's a very of words. That sounds really fun. Not that we need any more people because again, it's been packed to the gills. It's a bar. It's a very popular bar. There's a lot. There's a line out the door. It's a line out the door. We need to, we honestly, good rebranded is just being caught, start calling it boring library. So less people come. But it is honestly rich with people enjoying themselves and learning?
Starting point is 00:13:26 So yeah, I think you accidentally invented a nightclub, it suddenly happens all day. You know what, we're getting up to our first ad break here. Hard to what I'm to understand that you were able to sell some ads that were better fit our kind of guidelines here. Yeah, I've been selling some ads on the slide. I know I've gotten some flock before, but I finally, I actually reached out across the universe, frankly, and I think I found the perfect sponsor for this.
Starting point is 00:13:58 All right, so a hard one, this copy, I sent it right down the second before we started recording, so I wasn't able to read it beforehand so they prefer a live read anyway right so I'm just gonna gonna kind of go with trust hard one here and you weren't we weren't able to run it by our legal team since we've gone into so much trouble I just I feel like we've talked to hard one so many times about it it would be ridiculous for anything bad to happen at this point. It's overkill at this point. He's due, honestly, for us to trust him.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Okay, good. So this episode of Bagnet with Hardware in Balnor, Oh, good, they took that red flag right off the bat, is brought to you by Vitamin X. Have you been missing that X factor in your life? Well, it's time to get it pill-style. Nice. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:51 Selling pills. Okay. Another one of the vitamins. Just read the copy and try not to add it. Okay. And it's all in two months. It's all in two months. Copy. I'm going to assume you've tested this and that it's safe. I'm going to say vitamin X is abundant in leafy green, so you don't really need a pill of it
Starting point is 00:15:07 if you're getting a good balanced diet. It's just convenient. It's just convenient. We're gonna have to cut all this out. Okay, the sponsor's obviously. I'll be sure to add it to this down. Your daily dose of X will make you Roman numeral 10 times better than you are now.
Starting point is 00:15:22 Okay, so that's an X. For those paying attention, that is X, X, X, okay. Now that's some sexy improvement, but how does vitamin X work? You ask, allow me to explain. Oh good, so yeah, it's not just a mystery pill. Right, it's not a mystery. Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:42 Let's get into it. It's more tight. Let's, again, reading this for the first time, so let's just go right into it. Vitamin X optimizes your body with patented natural compounds created in the lab. It's nutrient rich and completely safe. It's natural and it's also science.
Starting point is 00:16:01 But what's the science behind vitamin X, you ask? Oh, okay. They're overexplaining at this point. I think I already got it. Yeah, okay. I'll explain. I'll explain. I'll explain.
Starting point is 00:16:12 I'll explain. Right. Okay, we'll explain that too. It's simple. Nutrients and vitamins go in your body and your body becomes better. How? Well, that's the X factor. We can't reveal all our secrets.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Oh. Okay. Host adlib personal anecdote about Ovidaban X. Oh. I guess I- You were cool. Bound more way. I think I actually have some vitamin X in my pocket here. Oh, I was just unwrapping.
Starting point is 00:16:36 If you could just take it right now. Do I need to take it? Yeah, why don't you take it? It's great. Let's get through you. It's great. Let's get through you. It's great.
Starting point is 00:16:44 And Harden Harden, you've had this? I have, yeah, yeah, they sent me a, yeah. Okay. I have them. Yeah, I guess it would be your responsibility of me not to take one. Right? Host experiences required. Here, I poured you a pour you glass of cooked water and you can puff that by now.
Starting point is 00:16:57 I was trying to do it. I was very big, so I was very big. It's a big pill and I was trying to take a dry, sorry. It really is. I can't imagine it going down a half Okay, yeah, I had it I feel like I'm going a mile minute here Sweating and I have diarrhea, but I'm hyper focus man this stuff is good That's a good yeah, okay, I'm in it. I'm in it, I'm in it to win it.
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Starting point is 00:17:42 and you'll get your first bottle of X totally free. When you subscribe to our monthly vitamin delivery service, which were news automatically. And you'll get your first bottle of X totally free when you subscribe to our monthly vitamin delivery service, which were news automatically and is subject to increase without notice. Side effects for vitamin X include hives, nasal dripping, anal dripping, lots of toenails, lots of hair, random smelly, and being awesome, get your X today.
Starting point is 00:17:59 Now, the eyes are totally black. I can't see anything. My finger nails are falling off. They're falling off really fast That's gonna happen They're falling off fast. They're gone. But they're going in faster. All of my hair is gone. My mustache is gone Hell Your red is all an aspiration. Please
Starting point is 00:18:19 Restoration so many pump my fucking stomach man We're gonna have to cut all this out. We're gonna have to cut all this out. This had stuff right here. Thanks, Bev You know what the rules did fall out when I touched you that's weird That's true. I'm getting a bit of a contact high and it doesn't feel good So it gives you a plague kind of guess that's the X factor, huh? That's the X factor Can I just ask you, Hart one, what sort of associates did you interact with
Starting point is 00:18:48 to retrieve this ad deal? I just want to know if you met the people or making it or what laboratory are we talking as we are, we're talking Gladheum. Oh, see, yeah, no, this actually came from another world called Trinaville. I met this fine, fine older Elvin fellow. It was kind of like, yeah, it seemed like maybe a hundred,
Starting point is 00:19:10 crow's feet, graying hair. Well, he was probably would be pretty young looking still. Yeah, you would think, you would think, but it seemed like life had really gotten down. You seem down-treated. I think he really needed this W. So we give him, so we're gonna sell, try to sell this product in earnest.
Starting point is 00:19:29 I think he really, like, sort of like, a ambassador for the vitamin is now trying to sell it through us. So an ambassador is now buying ad time in other dimensions. It's a bit of a Ponzi scheme, but the Ponzi scheme should theoretically work as long as we're getting in early enough. Sure, yeah. And the problem with most Ponzi schemes is just a pyramid scheme, but this is a trans-dimensional pyramid scheme. So that's some real confusing geometry.
Starting point is 00:19:56 When you think about it, very hard to track and trace. You know what, and in a twist of horrific irony, it seems that our next ad break is actually from Beverly who is going to do an anti-drug campaign. We actually just started this. Oh, sure, yeah. We're trying to get kids off of drugs. Oh, are you talking? I'm just telling the pills. Are you talking about how you mean the PSA?
Starting point is 00:20:21 Yeah, we have a PSA. Yeah, it's really nice that we've agreed to start doing PSAs. Yeah, we have a PSA. Yeah, it's really nice that we've agreed to start doing PSAs. Yeah, I think this is actually we were punished for running the vitamin X sponsorship. So this is actually a direct response to that. That was fast. Yeah. I mean, the vitamin worked fast too. So that makes sense. Everything's cool. Are you coming down from a now bound or are you feeling? You know, with the holy power of Beverly, I now just have a 105 fever and insane diarrhea. The other than that, I feel fine.
Starting point is 00:20:56 I think you pretty much had all that before though, right? I run hot. I run around 101, so this is still pretty hot for me. True. I have been using a lot of wish spells to go over to the other dimension and touch hands balanor so that he can sleep at night. But you know, it's been a good, you know, when Beverly is your air conditioner, music gets to see your friends a lot, but it also means I'm calling him a lot and, you know, make, probably make it hard for him to move on with his life anyway. It's not examined that too deeply.
Starting point is 00:21:29 You're kind of the theater director here for our PSA. Yeah, okay. So the Galatoron Safety Council actually commissioned me to come up with a new cool relatable campaign to help promote anti-Arcane and I guess now vitamin X awareness. So I am very pleased to introduce my new program that I've come up with. It's called resisting the consumption of arcane narcotic elixirs or arcane for short. So that instead of doing arcane, you can practice doing arcane. Arcane.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Exactly. I got some shirts printed up. You can see it says, I don't do arcane. I do RCA and E. I think it's pretty clever. I think I like it because the you know, cowards who want to fit in can still on the surface level fit in. Exactly. Yeah, it gives that like the near of acceptance. It's kind of like somebody having a shirt that says, I don't do cocaine, I do cocaine. Yeah, we just definitely, I would just think that that person did cocaine. I'm just, I'm really glad you guys get it. I thought maybe it was a little too intellectual.
Starting point is 00:22:37 I'm proud of you either way, but this is all so much. So yeah, I put together like a little morality play, which I'm calling Arcane. Are you kidding? No thanks. A cautionary play by Beverly Togel the Fifth. And there's a part for each of you. I will play myself as well as the narrator. Great. And there's another part later on, but I don't want to spoil anything. But Boundore, if you could play that part as well. Okay, I can do that. Okay, here we go. I think I'd have spent all my time in the Crick library. I finally know how to read early sandwiches. I'm going to need you to read this script and not just whatever script you want though,
Starting point is 00:23:15 like they do in the library hard one. Okay, I might go off book at one point, but. Only one point though. I'm trash like I usually have in the library. I'm not. Honestly, the best read and I get done is when I'm trash. It's just sort of like positive reinforcement of doing it that way. They say that if you like study while you're chewing gum,
Starting point is 00:23:35 then you'll do better on the test if you're chewing gum. So like if you read while you're trashed, if you're trashed all the time, you're just smarter. A book of us, sure. Yeah, that's what we call it. I'm trashed right now. We open on the SS Stormboard. Munchine, Hard one, Beverly and Balanore
Starting point is 00:23:53 are listening to music and all dancing equally well. Oh, okay. Phew, that was fun. I can't believe we're all such good dancers and none of us tripped or fell over even once Anyway, I'm going to go get us some snacks be back in a jiffy Beverly does a perfect moonwalk off stage Bound or wipes his brow I think moon shine is gonna moonwalk too. Sorry. I know I think
Starting point is 00:24:19 Star one sort of said the pressure Not really in the script. We're staying on book. Okay. I dropped a split. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is my next line. I got the next line.
Starting point is 00:24:31 That's how I get my stage chat. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Great timing. My armpits are drenched and I smell like a pile of dead leaves. I don't know about you guys, but I could use a bud heavy.
Starting point is 00:24:39 Anybody else want one? No thanks, Boundlord. I'll stay with Creek Water. What about you, hard one? Neither. I'm going to take a big hit of arcane instead. Oh, nice. Bev, do we have to mention that arcade? What? I'm gonna drop arcane. That's actually just a prop. Okay. It's a prop. I'm just gonna say, but I'll hold it if we need it. All right. Well, even if it was just like, you know, like, so I don't know. It's our glass sand, so don't still shouldn't just don't snort anything just in general, okay? Just in general. Yeah, I'm gonna snort the prop just to see
Starting point is 00:25:19 Well, I mean all this is gonna make my next line seem a little less believable since we just spelled the myth of the sand being our cane But but wait isn't that drugs? It sure is it's not sand at all when I take it I feel invincible and cool. I'm so stuffed up and I feel invincible and cool come on try some sound fun Me too. All three snort arcane and begin blasting fire and lightning from their fingers and mouths. Suddenly, Beverly re-enters with a tray full of Ritz Bits. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?
Starting point is 00:25:59 In Pellowar's name is going on. Hard one, you have a nosebleed. This is fucking coarse sand assault. We're doing arcane. Come on Beverly, take a hit. I don't know. Can't that stuff make you explode and die? That's just a myth you weiner. Come on. If you do it, we'll think you're cool. Well, if it will improve my social standing with my friends, then okay. Beverly grabs a vile and starts to sniff what's left of the arcane. The end. I love it. I think that's perfect. This is when he was talking about going
Starting point is 00:26:41 off book. Okay. Okay, guys, you you know, Bev you've got some more screen Directed yeah, there's a little more. This is a little more than real is doing great so far. Just stay on book or Nearly on book Stay like in this section of the library, please and Suddenly a loud voice is heard from off stage stop right there Huh Spectral papa wearing a backwards hat and sunglasses rides in on a skateboard. Whoa! Spectral Papa! That is right. I sensed you three were in danger and kick-flipped
Starting point is 00:27:17 here from the astral plane to tell you not to do those drugs. Why not? Arcanus is harmless as crick water cigarettes or medicinal cocaine. That's not true mother. In fact, once again, your friend Beverly was right. If you take Arcan, there is a 5% chance you will explode and die. What? I had no idea. Guess I'll just stick to cigarettes. Munchine lights up all refreshing, Marlboro red. And that's not all. If you do it on a hurricane, it can cause a wild magic surge. We're stunt your growth, which is why hard one is only five feet and 11 inches tall.
Starting point is 00:27:57 No! I've ruined my body. Hard one falls to the ground. Yes? I don't usually smoke those hearts. Those aren't prop cigarettes. I couldn't find any prop cigarettes. You're just going to need to smoke it.
Starting point is 00:28:14 I think they're sand in the cigarettes, too. The sand is everywhere. I dropped the cigarettes on the beach. I'm sorry. You coughed and the sand got everywhere. You snorted half a bit that sneezed It's gonna be from the inside Hard one falls to the ground and starts crying, but Balnor doesn't look convinced
Starting point is 00:28:35 Whatever I don't care about those side effects. I've cheated death before and now I'll do it again Balnor no Balnor takes a huge bump of arcane and then transforms into a sheep. Baaah! A sheep. Maybe if I eat that, I'll get taller. Hard one, no!
Starting point is 00:28:56 The arcane has warped your mind! Hard one, each sheep, Boundore. Beverly, weathed profusely. Moonshine walks over. Still puffing away. Hey, what happened to Balnor? I was too buzzed to notice. No! I swear on Pillowers' perfect pectorals
Starting point is 00:29:14 that I'll never do arcane! Good for you, Beverly. And remember, if anyone ever tries to get you to do arcane, just tell them that they are being insane. I will. Now how about some quick water and cigarettes? Now you are speaking my language. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean, that's really good stuff. Thank you. Yeah. I don't want to spoil this for you guys. This is a few years off in Bahumia, but you know, time loop stuff and everything.
Starting point is 00:29:51 And I was talking to Alonus for a while. It actually turns out that cigarettes are bad for you. No way. What? It's going to be discovered at a certain, but I know it's just like eating an apple or having an orange or something. I'm pretty sure the tobacco farmers would need to tell us if that was the case. That's a super interesting theory.
Starting point is 00:30:08 I'm pretty sure the Pebble Pot tobacco farm would have to be born. I think just kind of connect the dots here that the Pebble Pot. Connect to the pot. Are you saying that all those big billboards that say cigarettes, it's for breakfast now, are what? They're misleading to say the least. He has a lot to update my script a little bit, huh? Can I pitch something for your script, Bev? Oh, sure.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Yeah. I think another catch phrase you could have is, our cane, you are able to say no. It's a biblical reference. I know we don't have a Bible in Bumia, but if you go to another dimension call Earth, there's these characters called Cain and Ables. I read a part of it at the library, actually.
Starting point is 00:30:54 I got the gist, and I pretty much filled in the rest, though. A lot of people do that, actually. Normal way to take it in. Yeah, you're right maybe the booking bad but the way that is you sometimes is oh yeah although the people who take it completely literally are arguably worse but anyway you know what we've we've got big news in this world another shout out to the news crew big news former lord of the one hell's current guardian of the dusk mother in the ruby dawn pentagast the betrayer aka pender greens has finally finished
Starting point is 00:31:30 digesting the hellfire crown. And he's free to travel the planes. So please welcome to the material plane and to the studio this time. Pender. I'll guess. Get out. Oh,
Starting point is 00:31:43 well, what's up guys? Sorry, you guys got another chair here. I can just sit here. No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, when you worked out. Finn agrees now you're here actually. I would love to test something with you. Seeing as you got a magical digestion that made you digest the hellfire crown, can you just try this little thing called vitamin X? I just wanna see how you break it down. Yeah, yeah, okay. Right, right, that's a big pearl and I knew that. But he still took a dry.
Starting point is 00:32:21 Oh yeah, took a gun dry. Oh, oh yeah. It's even down yet, it sounds like it's still stuck in the mouth Oh, yeah, took a gun dry. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's down, it's down, it's like a still stuck in the room. See you, bro. See you, bro. Oh, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro had to chew it down. For me, this is sort of a baseline. I skipped lunch, which for me is normally four to seven monster energy drinks.
Starting point is 00:32:51 So this for me is just kind of a lunch, if you will. So I think this stuff's great. I fully endorse it. If anybody dies for me, you can soup, bough, nor don't rat me. I think I should. Yeah, we can split this Yeah. We can split. We can split this in.
Starting point is 00:33:06 We can split this in with the early rat. No, I mean, I'm literally willing to read anything for money if you want. I'll get in my mind. Yeah. Finally. Well, what about this morality play against our cane? Would you be willing to go on the record being against our cane? Uh, you know, kind of just letting bygones be bygones. If something makes somebody explode, you gotta kind of look at it from the other side and be like,
Starting point is 00:33:30 is that kind of rad. Anyway, you know, reason I came here was to talk to Boundor a little bit beforehand. I wanted to do sort of a diet and exercise segment because, you know, me burning off the hellfire crown. I think to do sort of a diet and exercise segment because you know me burning off the hellfire crown. I think it's you know it's a summer a lot of people trying to get that type body trying to lose the Luzio bees or you know maybe maybe beef up a little bit. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Good nice and big. It was trying to work off their crown tummy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So you know I their crown tummy, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, I was finally able to digest
Starting point is 00:34:07 the health out of crown. So, you know, I just want to give you guys some tips. So, you guys know, it's hot out, right? Like, it's summer and it's like hot out, so I- Yeah, you know it's hot out, yeah. So, if you've got- It's bad hours running hot even. So, when it's summer, kind of a good thing to remember
Starting point is 00:34:24 is that you're gonna want to eat things They're gonna cool you down No, not necessarily so I've actually got a play by plan how I kind of burned off the hellfire crown So three p.m. You're gonna want to wake up you wait. Oh, it's late, right? Okay, you're to get a lot of sleeper You wait, oh, it's at the late, right? That's so cool. It's a first. You should be away from it. Okay. Is that you're to get a lot of sleep or is that what you do? Well, you know, we'll get into that. You start your day, right?
Starting point is 00:34:50 No, late 3 p.m. Gonna wake up. Gonna have breakfast. That's gonna be three mini bags of cool ranch Doritos and a York peppermint patty. I have regular side bags. Yeah, I was gonna say one regular side bag. Why do you think the regular size bag? That's super interesting
Starting point is 00:35:06 Uh, this is all about portion control is really what that's all about So that's why you get your chips and mini bags is it allows you to do portion control Exactly so that because you want to do numbers, you know what I mean? You want to crush bags so you don't want to just be like oh, I heard today I had 10 bags of cool wrench Doritos. But if you do that with a full size bag, that's a little bit of a problem. But if you have ten mini bags of cool wrench Doritos
Starting point is 00:35:32 in a day, that's fine. A question I think we're gonna get from our audience is when you buy the mini bags, you've got to buy them in a variety pack. So are you buying, I guess, three times as many variety packs as you need, so you can get all the cool ranch Doritos. Or like the Fritos gonna come into play later.
Starting point is 00:35:48 No, you just throw those out. Yeah, okay. Okay, I'm gonna put them right in the garbage. Cool, right, all right. Okay, I kind of like them, okay. This is where your paycheck's going. Okay. This is where your paycheck's going.
Starting point is 00:35:57 So the cool ranch is gonna go ahead and cool down your stomach and then of course the York peppermint patty is gonna freshen your breath and clean your teeth. So what about, you can brush your teeth. I imagine you will. I'm so sorry. You can brush it? Yeah, well yeah, you can. You can brush your teeth, but there's a lot of different ways to kind of keep your teeth
Starting point is 00:36:16 clean. Can you just give me a flash me a smile, bend your greens? Oh, yeah, you know, I sort of, when I smile, I do sort of an o-face because like, when are you more happy than when you're slanging some rope? Excuse me? We're moving on. Oh please, please. Moving on. 4 p.m. You're going to want to BoFlex freak out.
Starting point is 00:37:07 You're going to do, this is high intensity interval training. You're going to do 15 seconds on, one game of rocket league, 15 seconds on, one game of rocket league, 15 seconds on, one game of rocket league, 30 seconds freak out, blue gain rate break. So that's a minute and 15 seconds total. Oh, I'm so sorry. We do a math here. Hold on Never We're a guy or math guy
Starting point is 00:37:37 Yeah Hardwood shuts up Hardwood I noticed you were drinking a red gatorade, even though it's summer. That feels weird. Pinter greens, what would you recommend for that? Yeah, so, you know, you're gonna want to stick to the Blue Gatorades.
Starting point is 00:37:52 I prefer the Frost series. There's Frost Glaser Cherry. Frost Glaser Freeze. And of course, Frost Tropical Mango. Blue Gatorades are staple. Blue, even though it's mango. Of any diet. That's a lot of blues. That's actually kind of staple You know it's mango of any diet That's a blue that's a kind of yellow but it's got that frost in there and frost is a blue word if that makes sense
Starting point is 00:38:12 What about frost cinnamon? Frost cinnamon. Oh, here. No, that's a little bit of a contradiction, but isn't life just sort of a contradiction Moonshine remembers Fender green saying slinging rope and vomit again a sort of a contradiction. Um, moonshine remembers fender green sangs linking rope and vomit again. Everybody thinks about it. We can't move on. We move on and we always come back.
Starting point is 00:38:37 We can never forget. Hi, Fries. You're going to want to put it in order at Pizza Hut because it takes time to make a pan pizza And you have to respect that because you don't want to be a knob. So Pan-pizza is well they're deep That's okay. Yeah If you're being a question a lot of people think I was thinking of a personal pan. No, there's not personal
Starting point is 00:39:01 This is well personal. I call it a personal family style. That's when you eat a family style dinner just by yourself. Oh, okay. Pintergreens, I must ask, a pizza is a pretty warm dish. Is there any way that you cool that down? That's actually a great question, sir. That's what I was just about to get to that. So at 6 p.m., you're going to go ahead and eat your two large pan pizzas,
Starting point is 00:39:22 a family style by yourself. Then you're going to cool it down with a blue slushie, or if you don't have a seven, 11 nearby, you can slump it with a blue gatorade. Do you have a seven, 11 nearby? Oh yeah, there's tons of seven, 11s in hell. There's pretty much nothing but seven, 11s in here. That's where we get all that groceries.
Starting point is 00:39:43 Okay, not to be a math guy again, because I'm an I have a workout guy. But at this point, you've been up for three hours, because you woke up in 3 p.m. You've had three bags, small bags of Doritos, on your cup of new patty. You played, I think, four games of Rocket League, worked out for a minute and 15 seconds
Starting point is 00:40:02 then over the pizza. You've been up for three hours. You've had two two large pizzas I just want to also clarify how many gate arrays have you had at this point three hours? I'm just thinking about sort of the the biological processes you need to Well, you can do You do like sort of, uh, extra large sword piece, so it only counts as one drink. So that's one.
Starting point is 00:40:27 That's smart. Yeah. Uh, or like a gallon. I go to, seven of them not go to, says you can just bring your own container. So I've got like a home depot bucket. I fill with blue slushies. Sometimes I'll get like a coke freeze. Uh, some rounds don't get cherry. I'm not gonna lie.
Starting point is 00:40:42 It's red, and that should be hot, but it is an icy. So it is by definition icy. It's red, that should be hot, but it is an icy show. It is by definition icy I So at this point I've had one book at home depot bucket full of frosty and then I've had three to six regular data range Okay, oh, Pina green says is all making perfect sense to me and then I've had three districts right of a data range. Oh, okay. Okay. Pinnigreense, this is all making perfect sense to me. Thank you. But I have to wonder, with all of that blue flavoring
Starting point is 00:41:13 to keep you cool during the summer months, how do you avoid getting nasty blue mouth? How do you avoid staining your lips of very dark shade of purple or blue? Oh, well, I'm trying to do a really interesting question because then you're actually gonna heat it up by 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. you're gonna have a heated gaming marathon.
Starting point is 00:41:34 Just get fucking pissed off and just fucking burn calories and just freaking freak out and eat garlic knots. And you just go nuts and you just yell at everybody and you're just a miserable fuck and you just scream and you're just at everybody and you're just a miserable fuck and you just scream and you're just fucking mad And you're just pounding garlic knots and cover nothing bear and aerosol Okay
Starting point is 00:41:53 I'm sorry. How does it like let's say I went into an epic gaming session But I just wasn't really feeling that angry How could I bring myself to that heated angry place needed to burn the calories that I want Well, you know what, you're just gonna, we'll wanna like hop on legal legends and you wanna start a new account so that you're playing with the noobs, okay? I like to try to work my way up to like,
Starting point is 00:42:16 some of the higher ranks like all in one night just to put myself through the stress or wetting and freaking out at people and getting banned and making a new account and sometimes I'll just like kick my computer and then I have to walk to Radio Sack or Circuit City In the middle of the night net fucking piece of me off So then I'm sprinting because I want to get back into my gaming session Ah so I would recommend just play with noobs that'll that'll piss you off noob for nobs
Starting point is 00:42:45 That's what I say so sometimes it for a him you're a hungry sprinting to circuit city to get a new computer That's how you spend the night something and you would make sense that's that's a better workout than the one minute and 15 seconds of freaking out on or sure get sure that it is 33 miles from my home. Oh my God. Oh, you run an ultra marathon. I see you run an ultra marathon. That's what I do. I do.
Starting point is 00:43:12 I run an ultra marathon every day. I do. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day.
Starting point is 00:43:20 I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon every day. I run an ultra marathon? I think I had to run an ultramarital on. I mean, no wonder you're taking it so many carbs. I thought you're not eating enough, frankly. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Oh, wow. We're gonna find another pizza. That's crazy. Huh? Well, you know what, you could always learn something new. You think you've figured it out. Anyway, then you're gonna have to bet around 7 AM, and I knew you gotta be ready to do it all again by three. Okay, so you're getting eight to bed around 7 a.m. And I knew you got to be ready to do it all again by three.
Starting point is 00:43:46 Okay, so you're getting in there to sleep. That's good. That's good. And none of the weekends I just sleep through them. This sounds like a pretty stressful schedule. I mean, is there part of you that struggles to fall asleep after such a busy day knowing what a busy day you're going into especially.
Starting point is 00:44:05 You know, that's a great question. I'm usually a blackout drunk super tired from the 33 miles I've just run. Just completely fast from the sugar. I've got virtually no protein in my diet. It's just all carbs, all sugar, so much exercise and freaking out getting mad, so much mental anguish. And then I just real quick just chug from smear enough ices and hit there. I ice myself. You are not going to have to go to the summer and you're inviting off that. Yeah, I gotta keep it cool. Now, Pentegrines, I know a lot of health professionals these days say you should keep a little nest of garlic knots in bed with you. Just some
Starting point is 00:44:53 nighttime carbs. Do you recommend that? Not nest. Yeah. I just know that's the perfect. I think there's kind of no wrong way to eat garlic knots, but I think not nests is probably the most tried and true way to eat garlic knots and yeah, that's what everyone I know does. Sure. All right guys, what's going on? It's been fun. Are you going to go, do you think you're going to go slang rope? I regret saying it. I'm not going to lie.
Starting point is 00:45:20 I was trying to be a respectful guy. I was trying to think of a interesting way to say, oh, and I went too far. That's not me. I'm trying to think of what you went blue, but you've been drinking nothing but blue. That's true. That's true. I'm going to get some rating for this podcast, I'm going to get some. Yeah, that's usually PG. Right. Hey guys, you're really nice. We're fine.
Starting point is 00:45:46 We'll never talk about me saying, uh, so we can rope again. OK, you brought it up again. Oh, it was rough. I'm starting to get on my shoes at this point, which is, uh, I'm out of here. Bye. Bye.
Starting point is 00:45:59 Bye. Bye. Bye, Benery. Bye. Take care. Keep it healthy. You want any vitamin X for the road? I don't want any vitamin X for the road.
Starting point is 00:46:07 I'll wash it down with a monster. Carry it off. That's the orange one. It's orange flavor. Yeah, you know if you subscribe, be sure to use our coupon code. It's called code. It's pretty interesting. I want to check that out.
Starting point is 00:46:17 Who bought a code? Claw card. Yeah. Getting him like Mike and I. He's just crunching him in his mouth. I don't think that's good. It's normal for me. Not too chalky for you.
Starting point is 00:46:27 No, you know, it's pretty chalky, but you know, pizza sometimes you get chalky if you leave it out for a while and then eat it. Well, I'm very good going. Yeah, I agree. Okay. All right. You didn't like that, Goddammit. All right.
Starting point is 00:46:41 So much wisdom hidden between those obscene statements. I know. Yeah. He really, I mean, he really proves his power every time he speaks. Indeed. Yeah. I feel like it was a little strange that he, you know, kind of failed to mention that he runs a marathon every day. Yeah, we, yeah, that was that humility though like you know like you don't get to be like in charge of hell without a sense humility Right, it's just can you imagine eating so many calories that you still have a gut and you run a marathon every day Oh, I think it's that marathon. He said incredibly inspiring. He sprints it. He's in insane shape
Starting point is 00:47:26 He's incredibly inspiring. He's printed. He's in insane shape. He's an absolute fucking machine. I'd love to examine his knees. I'm shocked. I mean, he's out to speak on. I forgot to ask him if he takes off all the armor before he sprints or not. Oh my god. It's like a word. I don't think I've ever seen him with his armor off. Yeah. I would love to see the CCTV footage in that best fire circuit city after he finishes the marathon. I feel bad for the customer service person who has to talk to him in that state. Yeah, fresh off like 18 miles,
Starting point is 00:47:56 like halfway through the run, pissed off that he kicked his old computer and needs a new one. Where's this guy getting money? He's buying, he's wasting chips. He's buying to be there. I think he's been on the side, I think he's been on the side sort of destroying
Starting point is 00:48:11 other things in his gut. And so I think he's running a small hustle, destroying magical cursed objects in his stomach. I do think so. He's also playing a lot of online poker and doing surprisingly well. Yeah. Wow. Okay, you know what? We're getting close to the end here. Why don't we do one more shout out to the news crew before we head our ways across the
Starting point is 00:48:35 plains and across time before we get to come together again, a recorded podcast as the God see fits. You know what? This last one, this is more news from the Crick. There's been a recent controversy of littering in the Crick. A large collection of homemade dwerven pornography has washed up on the shores of the Crick. Either somebody knowingly threw it out there or someone was trying to hide it and it blew away.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Yeah, I'll weigh in. It's weird. It's almost as if the tides just keep bringing it back in and someone keeps throwing it out and then the tides keep bringing it back in. It feels like a stalemate between whoever's pornography this is and the body of water itself. Yeah, it's fascinating. It's hard to, hard one. You've moved to the creek recently, correct? I have moved to the creek. And I noticed this early on, that's a good question. So you saw it. Well, I didn't see it.
Starting point is 00:49:35 I didn't see it. I just was gonna say there haven't been that many people who've seen it. Oh, well, I've heard about it. I heard it. I never saw it. Yeah, it's pretty much same day that hard one starts laying his roots. I heard it. Right. I never saw it. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:45 It's pretty much same day that hard one starts laying his roots. It starts happening and you know, people were making jokes like, ah, this is a welcoming committee for hard one, you know, because he's only new person. That was funny. But I mean, so is it, is it, is it pornography or is it, is it art? I, because I haven't seen it. I didn't know if it was, you know, yeah. Well, that's a big question. There's a petri charge and charge and some brown leaves to see it.
Starting point is 00:50:11 And I, of course, I, what better way to spend my leave. So I actually have looked at it. And I would, I could say definitively, it's not art. So you would, it's tasteful. You would, it's tasteful at all. Functional from what I hear. Yeah, it's functional. There's there is an anatomical coldness, but also a like sort of shaky desperation. Yeah, from from what I've seen, and it's they've actually added some to the library at the crack. So I was able to check some out. Yeah. And what did I, I'm interested just on your take because I knew I know moonshine didn't find it to be very
Starting point is 00:50:52 tasteful, but I, you know, you've seen you've been doing it. I got the job done. I was able to function. Yes. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But do you see, do you see like an early talent and emerging, not talent?
Starting point is 00:51:03 Mm-hmm. Do you feel like there's raw potential there for the pornographer, for this sicko to maybe get better? I found it strange how it was like a perfect fusion of surgical and desperation. Yeah. Where like the hair was beautifully rendered. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:51:22 It's interesting. Interesting. But then it would be like you would get to like the feet and it would almost seem like the artist had given up and like didn't want to draw them. And just a lot of times would put like a bunch of rocks or like a sword or like it would seem to be like a crudely drawn horse in front of the figure just like trying to disguising. The hands kind of like they don't do any accentuation of fingers, it's just like a little mitt with a thumb. For all, every single one I saw.
Starting point is 00:51:53 Yeah, it'd be like if Michelangelo really, really focused on the dicks and then just like put them all behind trees so you couldn't see their arms or anything. Yeah, and then just like sort of a straight line smiley face. Yeah, look, I'm as disgusted by this as everyone is, but I may be the artist is maybe they're trying to say something. Maybe just that, you know, that society focuses just on these,
Starting point is 00:52:22 just on the nudity and... It's funny that you mentioned this because at one point, it got put in the Crick Museum and there was a plaque added to it that precisely said that, of course, this was not put in by the curator, this was an active vandalist. Does it call it that? Quickly removed.
Starting point is 00:52:43 But yeah, the plaque did make the same point. You know. I do think my favorite piece in the collection has to be the one where it's um, it is a a giant dwarven woman it seems. And then a very small human man being held in her palm. And there's a little word bubble that's saying, I'm so small. Oh gosh, I'm just so tiny and you're so big. That's so big. Yeah, that's the one that actually finished me off. Part one breaks into a flop sweat. And where did you find that one?
Starting point is 00:53:17 That one actually a crow kind of just like, what was it? It was stuck in a crow's talons. Yeah, we actually, um, you, you know, there's been a full on investigation into this because the Cric does not take honestly, littering or destruction of pornography lightly. And so we've actually got the head investigator on this resident, Barry Boy Cudder is on the case. Got some updates for us. Let's get him on the list officer. Hey, all so listen up, we've kind of narrowed it down to sort of the area that we think the pornography started at. We've kind of spoke.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Okay. Maybe we can just cordon that off and just forget this whole thing ever after. Let's just shut that section of town. Just making like a biohazard zone, you think. It actually, hard one, you might be interested to hear that it is in your area town. So I don't know if you'd want to shut down.
Starting point is 00:54:25 It was right over by, strangely enough, by you and old Cobb, but the only thing is, is that there's just so much of it that there's just so much of it that I don't think you could have done it in that short amount of time. It just seems like it would be impossible, just dozens and dozens and amount of time. It just seems like it would be impossible. Just dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of pieces. So we're looking at an old cop right now. Wow. You know, I, I'll be honest with you, Cuder. I had this exact same problem on the SS stormborne. I don't
Starting point is 00:55:02 know if you guys remember, but that ship was littered with pornography. Oh, yeah. And it really, it actually overlapped almost entirely with some time that old Cobb spent on the ship. So, so you will, so will you will testify against old Cobb? I guess so. God for the littering and destruction of pornography. Papa, will you be representing old Cobb in this case? Papa, uh, if I'm going to roll an insight check. Papa looks up at hard one, then looks at you and gives a nod.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Rare. Okay. Uh, I never mind. I played a guilty. Kudder. Kudder. What's the maybe what's the punishment? Oh, the the punishment is you got to draw some more for us because people are going crazy
Starting point is 00:55:55 for it down at the library. Yeah. You got to stop throwing in the creek because get all soggy. Yeah. We do not like our pornography soggy. It was definitely me. It was definitely me. It was definitely me. I'm going to work on the hands.
Starting point is 00:56:06 I'll work on my hands. Those are your shaky hands hard on. Not anymore. Now if I can do it in the full light of day. Actually, Harwan, we all knew it was you. And I don't mean to jump the gun, but I take out a easel, a beautiful wooden easel, and some art supplies.
Starting point is 00:56:28 Hard one sits down and pops a vitamin X. You'll have a thousand by the morning. I'll stand behind him and touch hands every time he starts to pass out or overheat. Thank you, but close your eyes. All right. Thank you. Thank you, but close your eyes. All right. Thank you. Thank you so much, Couture. I think that about wraps it up for this episode of Bagganit
Starting point is 00:56:53 with Balnor. We've caught the culprits. He's been inspired to create more art. Thank you. What a beautiful thing. What a truly beautiful thing. Thank you so much to the morning zoo, two crew. You know what, let's go out.
Starting point is 00:57:08 Let's give Beverly a squeeze and see what kind of noise comes out. Oh, oh, oh, oh, Did you get into the vitamin X? Bev, did you get to the vitamin X? I just looked at one. I just looked at one for a minute straight. Oh, you got to close your eyes, bud. Oh god. Oh. Oh.
Starting point is 00:57:34 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's the end of the show, everyone.
Starting point is 00:57:43 And that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Jeffrey S. Andrew M. Beardman Dan, Brad D. Cutter W. and Danielle the Dasterdly Dame, employees at one of the Ruby Dawn's many 7-elevens whenever they see Pendergreens approaching, they send a runner to light the torches so that all the realms many convenience stores can be forewarned of his coming. Danny P. Dillon B. Alainacy. Howdor Frostback. Steelbreaker.
Starting point is 00:58:10 And John S. Superthemushrum. Crick Faux, who have become voracious readers since the library was installed. One day they all accidentally started reading the same book out loud. And then they started acting along to the book, and thus the Crick's vibrant theater scene was born. Jordan DJ Scott D. Adam R. Mixologist Michael McDee, Boundor's boy and Jive G. Members of Pepplepot PR, a firm who's sole purpose, is to make the Pepplepot seem electable. All of them have made deals with various devils to achieve this near impossible task. Just an eye, Elena M. Jacob C. Demiel R. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt and TGM the
Starting point is 00:58:46 Noan Barbarian members of the Clean Teens. A group of improvisers inspired by Beverly who go around Bohumia spreading anti-Arcane awareness, they are also the only improv troupe sponsored by Marlboro Reds. Destin C. Trailer the cray face, Sergio Salazar Salaman, Sakuraiya Stasequani, Kelvin Nudel's and Michael L. Pendergreens call of duty squad mates. They've never actually finished a game because Pendergreens rage quits halfway through each match. The only reason they stick around is because he sends them apology personal pan pizzas. Richard X Machina, Trash the Traveler, Troy McSee, Jorias and Ryan, a legion of wizards hired by Jen, Jen's Lindell, to teleport Vitamin X from Trinneval
Starting point is 00:59:25 to Bohumia. All of them nearly died during the procedure and Jen's has sworn to almost immediately forget their sacrifice. My Gage, Nicholasi, Saml, and Samuel B, curators at the Cricks Museum of Fine Art, currently they're working on installing hard ones' Gemma Drongs in the newly opened Hornie Wing. Solo Dolo, Austin MR, Gage M, Colton B, and Yen's Christian T, Pena Grains' Dietitians who would have killed any other client but the giant Hell Night Gamer himself. Matthew E, Andrew B, Reese NS, Eric and Andrea B, Kaley E, and Jordan L, Deep, pocketed Pebblepot lawyers who are as rich as they are Craven and Baby,
Starting point is 01:00:06 they're Craven. Matt M. Barnes & Aitor, C.C. Lulu, J.J. and J. Balnor's poker buddies who sweared they're going to listen to his podcast, but they haven't gotten around to it yet. It is going to be awkward when they get together and don't get any of his references. Christopher B. Dana G. Joe McGee, Aiden RH, and Austin C, the co-writers of Beverly's anti-Arcane PSA and the CEOs at Big Tobacco Bahumia, giving Bahumians a smooth, delicious smoke
Starting point is 01:00:36 for over 3,000 years. Eric G, Aaron S, Lucas B, Luke H, and Timmy R, vitamin X testers who have been up for nine days straight and haven't taken a solid shit since the all-is-catechlysm, get off that stuff gang. Dev and W, Michelle O, Dan and Caleb L, the cross-planar podcast company that hosts Bagganit with Valnor, they are hoping the fact that they are based in the Feywild will create a legal loophole to save them from any vitamin X lawsuits. Maxwell C, Mike K, Steven C, and Nikki W, the co-hosts of Extra Bagginit with Balnor,
Starting point is 01:01:13 a bagginit with Balnor Post-Show, with a roundtable discussion that features classic commentary by Old Cobb, it's way more popular than the actual podcast. Grace G, Karen T, Shane B, Kevin M and Mateo C, the only circuit city employees brave enough to confront Pendergreens when he's halfway through a marathon and looking for a new computer. They are employees of the millennia. Raul and Maribel, the Kitty Morphing gnome, Angel B, and S.M. Pendergreens guildmates on wow who kicked him out for rage quitting too many dungeons, only to reluctantly let him back in after he sprinted to each one of their
Starting point is 01:01:50 houses and begged them in person. Michael C, Robert F, Kazemir the All Knowing, and Chris R, the librarians at the Cric, they are essentially very loud bartenders who will fight you if you have an overdue book. Nicholas D, Michael KM, Panama James, Eric McD, and Nathaniel P, hard ones, neighbors at the creek whose stumps are constantly covered in hand-drawn pornography every time there's a strong wind. Rebecca O, Nick L, Jack L, Temporal, Burley T, and Christian A, the group of concerned citizens known as Dab, Dad's against Balnor.
Starting point is 01:02:25 They were just formed this afternoon after hearing the Vitamin X add and they're the 38th group of concerned citizens created since hard one took over selling the ad deals. Jay Dragonborn, Jonathan O, the Red Rain and Drew Nasty, Pendergreens, physical therapists, to take care of him after he's run multiple full marathons in heavy armor. They have had to reconstruct his body from scratch several times.
Starting point is 01:02:49 Dave H. Feldonis, Grant and Adrian the Halfling Bard at Greenteens, were so well behaved that they were actually heavily affected by Bebs PSA and will never try a drug ever in their lives. Good for them, except they do love cigarettes now. Oh no. Eric B. John H.N. Adam G. New York and Nick W. Crick librarians, aka amateur DJs.
Starting point is 01:03:15 Every library needs a type team and these guys are it. Be sure to pop by the library between 2 and 4 a.m. to catch the wildest part of their set. Ryan W. Axel A. Christianess, Catherine S. Sack W. and Ben A. The team of doctors it took to get Ballinor to come down off Vitamin X. He's finally back to his normal 103 degree fever and loose stool but not full on diarrhea. Thank goodness.
Starting point is 01:03:39 Douglas A. Nathan, Big Bad John, Brittany B. Emilio D. and Frankie Koala. Some bodybuilders who are all on the Pender Green's Regiment of 3 tiny bags of cool-range Doritos and 1 minute and 15 seconds of exercise. So far it's not working, but you have to keep at it for years. Keith Kay, Ritterin, Felix N, David Kay, Aston S, and Cody C. Crick teens who have gotten their hands on hard ones oil painting porn and thought about hiding it in their fort, but the paintings wreak of desperation and they're not that sexy even to kids actively going through puberty. Pork Chop, Rafael O, the San Dran, Chanile M, Hannah W, Alice and depressed demon hunter,
Starting point is 01:04:18 the group of volunteers stationed along Pendergreens Ultramarathon route to Circuit City. They have strategically laid out rest stops where Pendergreens can Marathon route to Circuit City. They have strategically laid out rest stops where Pendergreens can refill his home depot buckets lurpee to stay hyped and hydrated. Justin Raccoon, Patrick B, Vashgard, Blair, the Bug Blair, Barbar Blarion, Fincy, and Alice A, a group of teenagers who heard the dare style arcane skin instantly vowed that they absolutely had to try that epic drug. arcane skin instantly vowed that they absolutely had to try that epic drug. David M. Lauren H. Minnet F. Pat L. Sevexel and Janina E. The scientists behind the questionable vitamin X. No one is sure what the benefits are and you can't ask the scientists because they all died.
Starting point is 01:04:57 Testing vitamin X. RIP. Thank you so much to all of our listeners, all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course our Benevolent Council of Elders, you can head on over to patreon.com slash n'ad pod to listen to our after show, the short rest, we'll catch y'all next time.

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