Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep. 1: D-Class Knights (The Mothership Saga)

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

Welcome back to Bahumia, everyone! Join Sol, Callie, and Caldor -- three low rent Synthetic Knights -- as they try to prove themselves to the Mothership Corporation and the people of Ezry. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects include:"Engine Room" by Zimbot at Freesound.org."Organ Ambience" by InspectorJ at Freesound.org."A Wizard's Tournament" by Emily Axford."Fantastic & Fuddling" by Emily Axford."Mothership" by Emily Axford."The Frog" by Emily Axford."Tarragon's Terrarium" by Emily Axford."Microbrews Cruise" by Emily Axford."The Frost Giant" by Emily Axford."Paetina" by Emily Axford."The Trade District" by Emily Axford."Alexandrite" by Emily Axford."Synth Night" by Emily Axford."Cable Car Ride" by Emily Axford."Hexbuds" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. Plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy.

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so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code PAAW-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in Welcome back to Bahumia, everybody. Bahumia. Bahumia. Bahumia. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwitz. Jake Herwitz don't say your character's name. We don't want to spoil anything yet, but say hi. Say hi. Howdy, everybody.

Hello. Good to be here. All I need is Jake Herwitz. I always love fake polite and drugs. I can absolutely fucking slabber my stink on that. Pleasure to be with you with the politice intro of all Emily Axford thank you so much for having me it's really been an honor to be even invited and so to actually be launching into this is a thrill

on the last guest on the show you said not to do my character voice but that is my right wow so muted. Just so even in flat for radio, I love it. And then of course we've got Coldwell Tanner. Hi, it's so great to be here. I can't do this, I'm fucking pumped, I'm coldwell Tanner, let's fight some teeth. We are back in the studio, we are back together. It is nice kicking off a new campaign altogether.

I like it. We didn't get to do that. No, we got to finish together, but not start together. Yeah. Pippa's moments together. We're so erotic. It sounds erotic, but how do you know? I've never started masturbating on the way.

Oh, gosh. I was wondering how it was going to work. But we warmed ourselves up and then we all had sex with each other. That makes sense. Okay. Everybody. The nuance is gone. Yeah.

There's no more looting. That's what happened. Hey, we gotta get back in the moon. You know Very good Very good anyone that fucking got over the dragon pussy thing. Yeah came back for this episode and they're like, you know what? Allow me to try they never change Why a lude when you can keep it lude? Thank you. All right, now that our non-real fans are gone. Yeah.

Hello to the day ones. Yeah. And only the real ones are here with us. Oh my God. I'm going to go ahead and do a little bit of a world overview before we meet all of our characters. This is the same setting as campaign one. For anybody who hasn't listened to it, that's okay though. It's

gonna be 200 years in the future. So if you haven't heard it, it's no big deal. It's not the same characters. There will be obviously some spoilers about the world in general and the fate of certain characters, but then you can just treat campaign one as a prequel. So I think that's all very fun. You can listen to it however you want. And with that, let me set the scene. It has been 200 years since the goddess Theala brought cataclysm to the world. In the time since her defeat, at the hands of the Titans of Bohemia, the realm has changed

dramatically. The heroes de facto home base, the floating city of Gladeholm, subsequently became a beacon of hope for Bohemia reborn. The greatest minds flocked there, arguably the greatest minds, and discovered breakthroughs in science and magic that made life in Bohemia better for everyone. Damn right. However, the utopian metropolis eventually outgrew the mortal realm and used its advanced technology to teleports the entire city to the astral plane

where it now deals with matters of universal importance. Good for them. Wow, those characters sound cool. They sound like good. They sound like good. Whoa. Let's jump to the astral plane. No, put me in the shit.

We cut two. We cut two, three graves. Let's go. I'm going to have to cut two. Oh, God, that's good. A group funeral. That we would want to go out. Oh, a big grave.

So, Glade Home, this utopian city, this floating city, has disappeared to the astral plane. That was 25 years ago. With many of the world's best and brightest gone, a struggle for power has emerged on the material plane After centuries of relative peace, the five remaining kingdoms quietly vie for power as tensions bubble Blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue I know that but it wasn't intentional, it wasn't intentional. Yes, one of these kingdoms is where we will be starting our adventure. This is the city of Ezri, famous for its magic technology and arcane force field that acts as its city walls. The force field is a giant magical bubble that protects the enormous city center.

The upper classes and the people who work for them live in the bubble while the lower classes are relegated to the unprotected outer rim of the city. The city center is a man-made mountain of gorgeous stone buildings teared on top of each other, cobblestone pathways, wrap around the city and climb upward to the higher districts. The city is much too big to walk bottom to top, so you'd probably take one of the many cable cars that shoot through the air to get from the lower districts to the higher ones and vice versa.

Very cool. Yeah, very cool shit. Hi, Desperate Desire, cable car fight. Ah, we'll see. There is open air between the different tiered districts to make room for a constant flow of airships in and out of the various docking stations constantly doing business around the city.

I'm here in hustle, I'm here in bustle. I love there's so much hustle, there's so much bustle. Damn. The greatest ship of all is the mother ship, a humongous air yacht, think like Imperial star destroyer, like huge, huge, huge, completely dwarfs any other airship. This hovers over the city and hosts the offices

of the mothership corporation. Mothership is a magitech monopoly that controls the city top to bottom. They are like Kirkland meets Lockheed Martin. Wow. What a mix. What a mix. You can definitely get some trail mix there,

but also the make-up missile. No, seriously. This is great. They literally sell you the magic items that you need to get through your everyday life, then use that money to fund the Esri military, then use that strength to get power, then use that power to make more money.

They make a great tub of pretzels that shaped like a tank. They definitely do. Heena Butterfield too. Yeah, incredible business though. I like them actually. These people sound great. No qualms, no problem. Great socks.

So there is technically a king of Esri, but he is such a shill that he literally resides on the mothership in a royal quarter. Wow. The old castle has a branded crown. He does it. He does now. The old castle is now a magic university. The mothership launchpad academy.

Oh my god. Oh my god. All those little learners, so many little learners. The Launchpad brings in bright-eyed students only to feed them into soulless jobs and chanting items all day or encouraging them to join their Super Soldier military. Hmm. These Super Soldiers are the pride of Ezri, the synth Eldritch Knights.

They are implanted with powerful gemstones called monostones that allow the company to artificially upgrade their magic powers. The best of the eldritch nights were historically the A-class synths, but a team of experimental S-class synths, why am I having such a hard time saying this word, S-class synth sense? What is S's? We're recently developed. However, this small S-class squad was mysteriously wiped out, along with some of the scientists who developed them, slaughtered at an outpost on the edge of the neighboring forest. This forest, the living wood, is home to several factions of Dragon Elves. The captain of the S-Class team was a defected Dragon Elf named Beatrix Netheran.

The company believes the Dragon Elves are responsible for the murder and are using this to gain public support for military action against them. But here we are talking about A-Class synths and S-Class synths. Sounds great. Yeah, it would not. It's too a dude. They're not who's important right now. I'm ready to do you my A-class synth character, Mer. We've got some very lovely D-class offs coming. Just as good. That's what you want to write.

It's good. Hey, if it's a brass size. Yeah, so we are going to go ahead and start with Coldwell's character. Oh, great. Coldwell, you or dude, is getting ready for work. The sun has just gone down and D-Class synths, unfortunately, get the night shift. You are technically a synth eldritch night of Esri, but the C and D-classes are effectively city guards. Everyone has a job, everyone has a purpose, and I will fulfill it to the best of my abilities

We called them would you like to describe? Your character how he looks and what he's doing to get ready for work sure I'm a should I say my name as well. Yeah, of course great. I am a solemn Boo foe but you can call me Saul. I am a bully wug. I'm about three and a half feet tall or on halfling size I would say. And I am wearing a homemade sweater that is in the same pattern as the standard issue Synth Knight sweater, but that one didn't fit me so I've crafted my own as a replica. The sleeves are a little long. I'm still working on it. I like to knit in my spare time to just quell my thoughts a bit.

So I'm in my room, I've done my morning exercises, my evening exercises, sorry. I've done about a hundred tongue presses just to get ready, just to make sure that my tongue is ready to go, because unfortunately I'm a bit too small to use any of the armor that a synth might use. So I rely on my natural talents and abilities. And at this point, I'm probably making a amoeil

for my roommate when he wakes up. Great. So yeah, so Saul, you are wearing like the sweater. I'll say it's like a blue one because the synth eldritch nights, the colors of Esri, the nights wear like these like crackling of magic blue plate. That's what the A-classes and the S-classes. Wow, it looks so good.

It looks so fucking cool. Resplendent. The B, C, and D-classes don't have an exact uniform, they just wear the colors of Esri, so they just wear the dark blue. So yeah, so you went through the whole program, you got your monastone implanted, where is your monastone? I think mine is proudly implanted over my heart, kind of like a badge or an emblem. That was definitely so dangerous. And the doctors and scientists were like, please don't make me do this, son.

If I die, I die. I give it all for Ezrae, as they say. And you were exposed to this magic, and unfortunately, it did not manifest in the way that the school wanted it to. It did manifest it yet. It did not manifest yet. Still time.

Simmering. You do have magic powers, but you're maybe not as like cookie cutter as the other night. They want it to be very uniform. They're looking for a very particular type of soldier. So as you get ready, you've just made food for your roommates. You do see that your roommate was not sleeping. Your roommate was at work.

So your roommate, Albin Pennbrook, enters the apartment. He's wearing an ill-fitting suit. It's like a little too big. He's got a loosens tie. His hair, he's got like this kind of mop top. Um, hair looks a little disheveled and his glasses are a skew. Steps one foot in the door. Drops his messenger bag.

Oh, so, Albi! Hey, buddy. How was your day? Any good quests? Quests? No. I'm... Who did you defeat? You know I'm not a knight like you. So I'm... I'm sure a grand wizard? No that's... I'm Okay, okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. Oh my God.

No. You're right. Just a cool mage. Right. I'm a mothership mage, which means I spend all day enchanting items. Today I enchanted toilet paper for 12 hours. I cast a sustains, press the digitation,

can trip on rolls of toilet paper so that people might wipe their bum once and then get shit on it, and then the shit would disappear, right? And then they could wipe again, and it would be clean itself. Saul puts a hand on Albin's hand and says, think about how much comfort you have brought

to the assholes of Esri. Thank you, Saul. You always have a way of looking at the good side of things. Be buoyed, my friend. Be buoyed. I see you've made me dinner. Thank you so much. Yes.

It's three types of spaghetti, which one do you want? Alfredo, Carbonara. All of them just put them all together. Oh, I'm doing that. Albin special. See, he comes over, just starts a for- Big Eddie salad. Just starts, God, the dream.

Just starts eating this disgusting spaghetti, just this very sad dude and his frog friend. And you, Albin was this like brilliant boy wizard who you went to the launch pad academy with him and you were the boy wizard and his frog pal and you guys went on all these great adventures together and kind of just got chewed up and spit out but you are very much like keeping your kind of sunny persona.

Best years of our life, until now, until right now. Yes, yes. Listen, I do have some good news for you, though, Saul. I've heard a rumor that they're making more S-class synths. Oh, really? And believe it or not, you may actually be eligible. You know, you don't say. Yeah, because from what I hear, from the talk

around the toilet paper table, some of the other more important mages, you know, it trickles down, which is not all shit on toilet paper. It should trickle down. The toilet paper is not working, it's just trickling. Yes. Normally, when it comes to magic upgrades with your monastone, you're exposed to more and more magic as you graduate up the classes. You're given a base level at D class, then a little more at C all the way up to A. They see how you respond to it, and then you graduate as you earn it.

It's considered incredibly dangerous to jump classes, but apparently these S-classes are different. They think the technology is strong enough to effectively patch the entire military and bring everyone up. We're all going S? I don't know. I mean, let's it if they're gonna test the new stuff on anyone It would most likely be someone like you right someone who can handle it Someone it's someone with a lot of potential. That's that's right. Um, so um make a good impression I guess do it do it for both of us because I'll be on the toilet paper rolls

When I'm done. I promise I will help you get promoted to Badez. Oh, please so. All right, why don't you get off to work? Well, too. I will be here, trunk, when you get back. I prepare a series of pre-batched cocktails, they are in the fridge. I go over cracks open a cocktail. So it all pops out the window and gets to work.

Yes, there's perfectly normal door. Open so window and just leaps out, falls like 30 feet. He said ribbit. There's a scream that's let out. I cast slow falls or reaction, but still get pretty hurt. Emily, your character is also getting ready for your shift. Do you want to describe sort of your living situation and how you're getting ready for work? Okay.

Kaliope Pachikor is a rainy day alladrian who's currently on the run from her criminal family in the Feywild, but also going through her really messy breakup. She's unstable, brimming with emotions that are just absolutely spilling out everywhere. She's basically a full rainbow of emotions in a little punk glass of a girl. She's got blue air in a bubble ponytail, sea glass sonnies, a rabbit of song lyrics she had tattooed on a forearm after a breakup

and an umbrella with a really sharp tip. Yes! And I live in a bail-free of my friend who's also a criminal. Um, he's very modest, so I think I wake up. I try, I'm working with a therapist named Jessica. On my breakup and individuating myself and developing a bit of, I understand enough who I am outside of my relationships. I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all.

I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all.

I'm not that good at all. I'm not that good at all. Sarah, and I think, and I think I got really angry, really fucking angry, I said get it together, Kale! And I do some really emotional, fast, sun salutations. And then I cast this guy's self on myself to maybe look like I'm not crying and just weep behind my disguised self. As I just plod down my little bell-free spiral staircase, wetly. I really like emo yoga.

I think I'm gonna do that. That's a mood. So, Callie, yet you have a slightly different situation than Saul. Your problem has been that like your powers have manifested themselves, so they become more dangerous as you get kind of more emotional. Like you become kind of more powerful with your emotions and you're having a hard time controlling that right now.

So, Kelly, as you leave the bell tower and enter the actual chapel, you enter this wide room with tall ceilings. You see there's an altar in front with a stage and a statue of Moridan, the dwarf God. I do like a sign of a cross but making a door for you. Like a sign of the hammer. No, no, no, no, no, it will be. In the pews, you do see a priest. You see forage father Krugen. Krugen?

Krugen. He is a quote unquote priest of Moridan, who is using the church as a front to commit crime within the bubble. Which you respect. Which you of course respect. Yeah, you see that he's this gray bearded dwarf in a black clerical frock. And he's talking to a hob goblin in one of the pews. This goblin has like dark orange skin.

Long black hair has a duster over a dirty breastplate. You see has like a sword at his side. Definitely looks like a tough dude. They've just exchanged some kind of package. And as you enter the room, you see both their eyes shoot up and the hop- I'm fairly loud as I enter. Yeah, it sounds like squeaky wet tennis shoes. As you squeak in, you hear the hobgoblin goes, and Krugin holds his hand up and holds the hobgoblin back and goes, whoa, whoa, don't worry, she's not actually with the mother ship,

she's a friend, she's a friend, because you're wearing the uniform, Galley, when you walk in here, you're scaring my parishioners a little bit. Yeah, I'm not looking for the mothership, I'm going to a parade, and this is my costume. Right, yeah, no, she's, she's my girl on the inside, yeah. That's it. Oh, I didn't know if he knows. Yeah, no, he's, I just, I didn't say it.

We're doing crime right now. Yeah, I'm actually from a very famous, just, I just didn't say it. We're doing crime right now. Yeah. I'm actually from a very famous sum. Don't tell anyone you are. Okay, okay. I bow wetly. Bow wetly. You see this guy looks like pretty steamed whispers something in Krugin's ear and then walks off.

Krugin what is going on? You need somebody, you needed to pray to the hammer. I was giving them a package, alright? I'm smuggling stuff, you know this. Okay, okay. Yeah, listen, I looked into that thing that you wanted me to look into, yeah. Yeah, okay, we're speaking in a lot

of sort of failed language. I'm falling in, I'm... Right look into, yeah. Yeah, okay, we're speaking in a lot of sort of failed language. I'm following. Okay, good. Yeah, what were you going to talk in failed language? You know, because of the things we do, yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay.

So look, I looked into what you were asking me about, and it turns out that your family has indeed put a bounty out on you. Okay? Okay, okay, okay. that your family has indeed put a bounty out on you. Okay, okay, okay, I, this is fine. I can integrate this information in my sense of self. Actually, this might be really good for me. What was the price? Because that might help me understand

sort of like myself worth, you know? Because I'm actually trying to navigate it. We're beasters, so. I'm a bounty now, you know. So I've got good news and I've got bad news because it's 35 gold, you know. 30. Which if you think about it, maybe it's like, I spent more on my fucking shoes than 35. I didn't even think for a second about giving you up, you know, for that.

I would hope you wouldn't think of doing it for anything. We've been living together for how long? Oh, I'll cry again, but you can't see because I've passed this guy so far. You can't see it, but you must know just that so much water is pouring in at my shoes. I'm clearly keeping it together, okay? Here's the thing though, is that this is most likely your family trying to get a rise out of you. Yeah. So if anything, they care a lot because they're trying to piss you off, right?

That's not because it's like triple reverse psychology, right? They're putting the bounty out low bounty to make you feel bad. That is how my family expressed their love. Yes, I get it. I get it. I'm saying it's a bad thing. I'm on your side here. Okay, easy to me or is this actually a terrible thing now because now I'm going to have low-grade assassins coming after me, which means they're not even going to kill me. They're just going to hurt me into a bad chop. And there's going to be a dime a dozen.

As you say that, go ahead and give me a perception check. Oh no. I'm actually really good at that. So I shouldn't be a problem. Never mind, I have a plus three. Well, that's okay. 13. You hear sounds coming from upstairs, sleeping in your room.

A bell-free? Okay, one minute. I've run as fast up the bell-free stairs as I can without slipping on all the water. You run up the stairs and as you get up there, you see that someone has indeed entered your room. You see a little duck sitting on top of your diary. White and fluffy with an orange beak. Is the window open?

No. Wait. Hello? Can I fucking help you? Just sit there looking at you. Are you a fucking low-grade assassin? Come to off me because if you are you might as well fucking get out of your duck form and take out your fucking sword and we'll have it out. You see uh goes over and just uh basically like I've been prince on you like if like a duckling gets lost like away from his mom.

Oh, what the fuck? Okay, he's a dude. I'm just gonna level with you. I'm currently working with my therapist Jessica, kind of fucking ate her. And I'm a little process called individuation, okay? So, you're interrupting at all. So it's important for me to understand myself outside of relationships. So if I'm gonna work on my co-dependency, I can't be taken on a fucking dependent, get it? Okay, well, you know what? Your legs are

fucking tiny. I like to see you try to come up and I run. As you start running, it just starts flapping and flying. That's right. Follows you and you do have to get to work. So you do leave. And then we are going to go ahead and cut over to Jake. Jake's not the duck. Jake, believe it or not, is not the duck.

Okay, we're not. Okay, I'm going to, so here's the thing, Jake. Your character is actually doing something slightly different than the other guy. I'm throwing you something different here. Okay. You have been summoned to the mothership for a meeting. Lucky.

You had to take a cable car up to this huge... Oh, you're so lucky! Get the window seat! I've been saving up for a coin all month! Starting off strong. You guys see cable cars all the time. Yeah, but not to the mother. You're what a scene.

That's true. That's true. You take a cable car up to this huge area. You've only been in there a few times. You are brought to a lobby with which is this huge room with high ceilings. You see the walls are sleek and white and spotless. There's all this impressive magical technology around floating orbs that are projecting news from around the city. You see a bunch of stories about the dragon elf attack on the S sense,

and tributes to Beatrix Netheran, this elite Esri Warrior. And you see that she has bright red eyes in the picture. And you have definitely never met Beatrix because she's just on a way higher level than you for lack of a better description. Yeah, she rules. We suck. You're in this lobby. There's all these like animated broom sweeping and cleaning and chanted instruments playing soothing lobby music while important looking mages and crisp robes hustle by as you're sitting here waiting to like check

into reception. What does your character look like and kind of what is he doing? Okay Seven foot seven Here we fucking go Broad barrel chested with a close cropped blue beard and sweat back blue hair and sweat-back blue hair. Oh, no. We've all got blue hair! Yeah.

Oh! Called her Killed Day, even though he's one of the biggest guys in Esri holds himself like he's small. He's half-giant. The smallest of his people, and he was always fiercely protected. So he's made his way down to Esri, where he can finally make a name for himself. I guess leading into this meeting, I polished the heavy plate that I've cobbled together. I have a really cool antlered helm. Whoa, that I

that I didn't have the courage to wear to the meeting. So I just borrowed another one. So I'm sitting on a chair that's way too small for me, like it fits. Yeah, you see that there's a bigger chair available, but you think that maybe one of your brothers or sisters would be more appropriate. That's for a big guy. You're sitting just next to a little halfling in the halfling seat. Hey, you are eventually snapped up by a receptionist and brought to a conference room where to your surprise, the CEO of Mother Ship is waiting for you.

It is a shock. It's like being like, hey, we wanna do a screen test for this movie and you walk in and it's just you and Martin Scorsese. I guess immediately your gut is just punched. You see this halfling woman in a red pant suit that kind of looks like a mage robe at the top. This is patina glenn bottle.

She is reportedly in her late 60s, but she does not look a day over 45. Really? She is a tight grandma. Oh my God, it's good. I look at the tight grandma. My husband feeds me. She's naive, it's crap. She's got like a tall, beehive hairstyle

and a bold red lip. Yeah. You see, as you walk in, she's sitting down on the other end of a conference table. It's like very long. She's looking at a clipboard and she's sitting down on the other end of a conference table. It's like very long. She's looking at a clipboard and she looks up and she goes, oh, it's cold well, is it? Ah!

Really, really close, almost close enough. Colder, colder, kill day, colder. Right, sit down, sit down, colder. I am. Ah! Ah! Right, okay. Calder, I'm going to cut to the chase here.

We're making more S-class since, and I'm looking at your file, and I'm seeing the numbers that I like. Your 7 foot 7? Yes. 400 pounds. That's correct. 6% body fat. Yeah.

You're working on that. I can get it down to 5. We don't need that. We don't want you to be unhealthy here. Look, how are you a decent? Because I'm seeing here that the other members of your squad, one of them couldn't handle the weaponry or equipment, and the other one was unstable powers,

and injured one of the proctors. But you, as I see here, failed to light a campfire? I can light a campfire in the standard way with wood and Flints the okay here's yeah with wood and flints okay, right? Shears with a link here. Okay. Get a campfire. Look. I hey I might I'm a lively another yes, I am calder call her look at me. Yes, I'm right look at me I wasn't born yesterday right I have a child and my child have a child, and my child has a child, okay? I'm a grandma, okay?

Wow, I can have it all. Truly, Florida. You can, I don't learn that, okay? Listen, I was not born yesterday, even though I looked like I was. I don't eat you too light to fire the regular way. Yes. We spent money, we implanted a monestone in you. And it was an honor. And you

should be able to cast the magic. It's very simple. You're able to do much more advanced things. Tell you what, new tests right now, light my pipe and I will fast track you. You see she kicks her feet up and pulls out a pipe. Can't believe you look like that and you smoke. pulls out a pipe. Can't believe you look like that and you smoke. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Um, just the, just the magic that we put in you. So the, um, I'll, I'll go for, I'm going to cast. I'm going to do my absolute best to conjure a flame. Okay. Shouldn't be that hard.

And it isn't. Why don't you let me hold the pipe? I would hate to do it while it's in your mouth. What? Okay. Why don't we go awry? I'll meet you halfway. You see she walks it down, places the pipe in the table in the mouth. Okay. Light the pipe. Okay, fight the fight. Calder grips his fist, feels magic, surging through his veins, only to feel the heat disappear, and his hand becomes a fist of ice as he casts Rayafrost.

Oh my God! It's just that. Spray this Ray of Frost completely, cake the conference table. Patina's hit with all this frost. You see, she doesn't flinch, she just goes, all right, called her. We'll be in touch.

You're a D-class, right? You should get into your shift, probably. Yes, if I can have one more chance, I can- That won't be- That won't be necessary. Okay. Thank you. You see, as you walk out, you see another 7-foot-7 guy. Oh, no!

I- I cower out of the way of him. Ah! Excuse me, sir. Ha! So all of this in the locker room looking at his watch and being like is it daylight saving? What's going on? So you guys all come together. You guys are all the same squad.

You guys are this D class squad of synth eldritch nights. Hey, galley. What's with the duck? Oh, you know, I don't really know. What's your deal the duck? Oh, you know it's, I don't really know. Hmm, what's your deal, duck? You know what, call the Ashley since you brought it up. I need you to kill the duck. Really? Yeah.

Alright, call the walk's over the duck. Whoa, hey! Excuse me. Oh, never mind, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, keep can't keep it leaving out. Well, it's a duck So it's D-class as well. It's perfect. Oh, it could be our mascot. That's good. Yeah, I'm allured mascot We need a little bread. We need a little something extra I think if we're gonna catch the attention of the higher ups and I'm glad that you are thinking that because on my way here

I was like, how the fuck are we gonna get out of fucking shit like we are I got bad news It's it's not any better when you have their attention What what happened I just came from mother ship Sal's running in circles around it. Did you meet patina? Did you meet patina? Did you know she's a grandmother? Is she as tight as they say? What? Titer. Oh, Titer still.

Oh, I think I'm crying again. Salt punches a wall. Crying again. I'm used to angry yoga. They're giving everyone another chance. They're giving us a chance again. But I fuck I blew it I Did you do the deice? Yeah ice again?

No, is that the fucking basic thing? I don't I don't I did you tell them about the flint and tender? I said right up top We did just you just pull it out of your pocket. It's not that hard. You actually make a really quick camp fire We learned up north that's right. Yeah, when we were up there, getting rid of the sproes and sewage systems. That was a bad trip. I didn't love that. Yeah, so you guys have been getting really bad jobs. You guys all report to this small security tower

in the middle of the trade district. This place is bustling. Imagine sort of a steam punk time square, if you will. Wow. There are all these lit up enchanted signs that illuminate the many bars, restaurants, and shops. Most of them are owned by mothership. A lot of them are called mothership mini-ships

and sell magical items, just like everyday stuff. Oh, my purse. I'm gonna buy something. I'm gonna buy something. Yeah, I gonna buy something. I'm gonna buy something. Yeah, I gotta pop into the mother and mother store. I gotta get some M&Ms. Call the grabs the purse. It looks like a clutch.

You guys run in, you buy useless things that you don't need. You buy an endless bag of socks. The discount is too good to ignore. Give me a bag. A kit of dope, I dopamine I get from spending money. At the security tower, you guys, unfortunately, are gonna be relieving some of the previous guards here. And you recognize a squad of C-class scents

led by this hearty dwarf woman named Gifford. She goes, well, well, well. Looks like it's time for a demotion. Leave us alone. Leave us alone, Gifford and she goes well well well looks like it's time for a demotion Live sound Gifford we're not in the mood all right, so I'm gonna go to bed at a normal last time because I'm C class Yeah, and joy not having a duck you idiot We have a duck we're D squad we're duck squad Of course we don't have a duck that be so weird. Yeah, we got a duck and it's our mascot and we love it Yeah, okay, so you have a cat cuz you're D squad, we're duck squad. No, of course we don't have a duck, that'd be so weird. Yeah, we got a duck and it's our mascot and we love it. Yeah, okay.

So, you have a cat because you're C squad? Yeah, I have a cat at home. That sounds lovely, what's their name? What's their name? My cat's name is Bubbles after the bubble, after the Esri bubble. That's clever as hell, I feel like we got off on the wrong foot, I would love to meet your cat one day.

Yeah, maybe we should fucking hang out, soul instead of you hanging out with these other people. Why can't we all hang out? You're dividing lines that don't need to be there. We're all working for the good of a people of this city. Okay, I'm just gonna cut to the chase. What's the day been like? What are we taking over?

Well, what are you waiting for? We pretty much cleaned up the streets over here. We had a 12 year old trying to steal some up the streets over here. We had a 12-year-old Trying to steal some of the endless toilet paper. Oh god Albie works so hard on that we're able to get the toilet paper back But the 12-year-old's got away. Oh Fast Yeah, we're gonna be cleaning up some apps. Yeah, yeah great

So all the excitement for the day is done. And that was it. So, Settling, Settling, guys. All right. Gifford walks away. Giving Saul a death stare. Like really, like really focuses in on Saul. Everybody give me an insight check.

Okay. That's a nat 20. That's a nat 20 for me. Wow. Wow. Wow. Whoa. Oh. Wow. Wow.

Gifford is, I got a seven. A seven? Oh my god. Get over it. With my Nat 20, I want to know something Gifford is embarrassed about. Great. Okay. With the two people with the Nat 20s, I realized instantly that Gifford is in love with

Saul. And Calder, you just assumed that Gifford hates Saul. Okay, so we should case the mech or jealous. Okay. Okay, I turned to Saul and I make out with him. What? I just, I thought I'm going and I said, go with it, trust me. Saul gets really nervous and accidentally ejects his tongue.

Oh my god. I am falling. He fall back. What is going on today? Saul and Mike out. Give her a fucking bunch of the wall like he's walking. I just wanted to get on those skin. I Don't think I'm the rebound you need

You guys feel Where does that were everybody's monostones? Solzes over his heart But for everybody they're kind of like they're like tattoos almost. They're they're like implants, but they everybody they're kind of like tattoos almost, they're implants, but they stick out of your skin. Right, so as I said, I'm going through a break up, so mine is definitely in the tummy button. Okay, so you have a gem there, like a troll doll.

Oh wow. I have a really cute little punchy tummy. Mine is the bicep classic. Right. It's not regulation, the exposed midriff, but I will allow it because it's cute. Swem power comes on. So your guys, monastones begin to glow. I guess Cali's kind of like a care bear.

You guys have a beam that comes out from your monastones. So I'll definitely black out a little bit every time his buzzes. Yeah, in your heart. You feel all the heart. Yeah, all the blood goes to it somehow. I can't tell when they're about to shine. You are so feeding way too fast, it's terrible.

You guys see small beams shoot from your stones and create a projection of this person named Alexandra. This is the mother ship AI who gives out missions to the soldiers. She is a purple reddish figure with mechanical flourishes that makes her look sort of like a synthetic dry add and she looks out at all of you and goes, greetings, D team. There is an important mission for you. We're duck team now. D team, D since we're working on the title, duck team. Okay. Yeah. That doesn't necessarily have to stick right away. For Alexandra, I'm just saying like that's two votes. Putting into system ducting permanent.

Pee, stoke, because the duct, I promise you, the duct isn't gonna be here for forever long, right? We hadn't discussed it internally. Because I don't have the emotional capacity to clear for someone else right now. Saul is measuring the duct for a sweater. Measure the duct for a sweater. Alexandria laughs politely. Ha ha, you are all so funny and entertaining.

Honestly, I'm so stuffed for attention that works. Thank you. There is an important mission for you. 2000, 22 feet to the northeast at Strixers, Elixirs. Strixers, Elixirs, and that'll just be beamed into our emblems. You guys know Strictors, elixirs, as being a combination potion store slash chemistry lab and warehouse.

It's got a dock in the back that feeds out to a series of cable cars that lead up to the mother ship. Important mission. Every mission is important. Dock workers at Strictors,ers-Alexors are in danger. Yes. Oh, good.

Yeah, let's go. Wait, are they covered in toilet paper? Are they actually in danger? There are rats on the docks, and they are scared of the rats. Okay. And it's slowing down an important shipment. All right, okay. Please get rid of the little rats.

Yes. Oh, okay. You didn't need to say little. The rats are little. They're okay. Little didn't need to say that. The rats are little. They're okay. Little tiny rats for a deep class. The idea told you was that. Compare it between me and Calder.

How big of the rats. Even where the same size. Even smaller than Calder. Wow. Wow, that hurt all of us. Okay. We'll go clean up the rats. Okay.

Should we take a cable car? There's not really a direct line, but we're not doing anything else. Should we take the cars? Hi, hills! You guys leave the train just shripped on a cable car. It's night, so yeah, you see the lights of all of the airships going by. Oh, God, they're all doing such important things. It's so pretty.

I love seeing this. Oh, me. We could be a little bit higher status, right? Just a little. Just a little. I would love to ride on an airship sometime. Me too. You know, I've actually thought about, like, piloting one one day.

That seems fun. You know? You'd be amazing. You think so? From everything you just did in my mouth. I know. That is true. I could use my hands to pilot it. You think so? From everything you just did in my mouth. You know what? That is true. I could use my hands to pilot it and then I could use my tongue to switch all the gears

and levers. Yeah. I put that on my resume, but they didn't go. They didn't work. I try to shut the door, the cable car door, before they duck. That's it. You see the duck flies after the cable car. Oh, fine. I open it and We're at the top. We're at the top. We're at the top. You see the duck flies after the cable car. Oh, fine.

I open it in one of them. We're at the top. Comes in. All right. Okay, so we'll take this, then we'll take the cross town, and then we'll take the other cable car back. Yeah.

Should we prep? Should we just like get our head straight for what we're doing when we get there? I kind of just want to stare up the window and daydream. I'm sure, yeah. Can we swing by my place? I have to pick up my there. I kinda just want to stare out the window and daydream. I'm sure, yeah. Can we swing by my place? I have to pick up my helm.

I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering.

I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering.

I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I's quite. It's not. It's thinking though. They call us decent, which sounds like decent, right? So it's like a compliment. When you say it, yeah. What's that mean? No, right. I immediately get so insecure, it's not crying again. Oh, no, your disguise self is breaking.

Forgive the puddle. You see that as you do that, the duck hops in your lap. Oh my God, it's a comfort animal. Ha ha ha. That sounds like really good for someone else. Oh, Kelly, it's dry. Pick it up, yeah. Maybe, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Try, try petting its feathers. Do you have any fucking commitments right now? I don't have to commit, I'll hold it. What? Oh, I pet the duck. And then the duck says, actually, I'm another girlfriend, and I never liked you, and then it leaves me. Duck, are you seeing anyone else? Right.

That's clearly a yes. Are you emotionally available? Right. I don't know, I trust it. Ha ha ha ha. I don't trust the duck, you could have ate. We're all sharing the duck and we're duck team, but you need the duck right now. No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Great, awesome. I'm a chill, I'm calm. This is the New York equivalent of you had a mission on like 50th Street and you were on 42nd Street and you went to Brooklyn. If that's the case, I definitely pick up a falafel and eat it really messily on the subway. You guys eat on the drink.

Are you go back? You get cold yourself. So I was holding a pizza sideways and I live in Queens. You guys head off after taking a really roundabout way. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now, we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's

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You see this huge potion warehouse. I'll say at this point, because I've been gone for like a bit. So the store's kind of closing up for the night, but you travel through an alley and reach the back of the building and there are these airship docks. You see there's also freight cable cars

with pallets and boxes traveling up and down. One particular cable car with a big wooden box on it is beset by rats. You see a bunch of workers are just staring at it and shaking their heads. You see a foreman with a clipboard walks up to you and goes like, you the sense they said you guys took like an hour and a half.

I heard you were just around the corner. We had to get our equipment. It was very important. We had to get our ducks in a row. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We brought you.

That's hilarious. Yes, so we got to put your rats here. So we can just get the rats. Get the rats here. Yeah. Okay, so this sounds like a really important. We're probably going to be doing a lot of really dangerous magic, so you might want to send your employees home.

For the whole night, because we need to get this to the mothership. Can they take like an hour break maybe? They should just stand out of the way. Yeah. All right. Why don't we do a 15 minute break? They stand out of the way. That's great. You probably have the rat. You need a sanctioned 15 minutes for sure. You guys see this foreman yells for the workers to back off of the cable car. You see that there's all of these rats around. And you see that a few of them are like up on top

of the cable car and after these dudes back up, you suddenly see four of them on top of the car, whew, transform into like rat folk rogues, bite into the back two cables, and the cable car drops, and you see it starts swinging down, like dropping hundreds of feet down. Everybody go ahead and roll into,

Whoa, yeah, we got our wish. Are there, there's dang on the cable car? Like, it's swinging away. Like swinging on it like tarzan, like it's essentially like connected in four parts. The back two get bit off the cable snaps from the air dock. The cable car drops, but it's still connected

at the front two. Start swinging down. And just so I understand, is the main thing that there's people on these cable cars? No, it's the shipment. It's like a shipment. It looks like they're trying to steal

whatever's on the shipping container. Yep, okay. Folks, we're back. That's a natural one. There you go. I got a 21. A 10. Okay, that's gonna be a five with my initiative though.

Nice decks. Yeah, I got good decks now. Sweet, at initiative 21, that is calder. Calder, you see, I will say, these guys effectively got like a surprise round. So normally you could fall like 500 feet in a round. I'll say it's being slowed down a lot by there's like other cables around and stuff

and it's kind of like crashing through. It's also still connected in the front. So it's like it's swinging. It's not completely falling. I will say it is fallen about 100 feet already though. It is like down deep. I mean, we have to get on to it. I'm gonna jump. You're on.

Are you gonna try to grab on to anything? Or are you going to, so there's other cables, like there's other cable cars around and stuff. You could try to snap something and swing after. Oh, okay, yeah, that's what I'll do. Great, nice. And one of those severed cables that might be on like a similar trajectory.

Rad. Yeah, you go over, you find another cable that's not connected to anything that's just like a support beam for this one that just fell. You cut it as a free action and you swing. I will say go ahead and make acrobatics or athletics to try to catch up with this swing and cart. Wow, this is the most exciting that I've ever seen. Oh hell yeah, that's a 26.

Woo! Yeah, you successfully do it. I'll say with just your movement, you run over, cut this one cord, grab onto it, swing down. You guys had talked about being on these cable cars. You had talked about being on these airships. Now you are swinging through the air. You see all the lights of Esri around you. You see these four rat folk rogues that are on top of this like shipping container, swinging down, and you are able to catch up to it and get on top of it.

Hell yes. Hey, what the fuck are you doing, man? cares you're gonna die for this you D class? I draw my sword as I unsheathed it just coat it gets coated in frost You take a class you take a class why what's the thing you I'm duck team Go ahead make it a tag. No! Yes! Shout out to the two crew. Delicious.

You've just done this insane 100, 200 foot swing. You land directly on it. You deliver this awesome line. You feel fucking great. And for a split second, you look at these little rat folks and you go, is that how short I look? Then you go to swing into them and it throws you off. But we have started this campaign at fifth level, so you have a second attack. I do. There we go. Okay, you know, it was the antler helm. It sort of covered one of my eyes. Flip it over. that's a throat. No! Oh, you're kidding me!

Jesus Lord. Room to go. I just winked twice, but you are on top of this cart with us. So I miss twice fall over and I say, stand down. I will say it is already, I'll say that. It took the surprise round for it to essentially cut free. It fell through some other wires and stuff going down. It fell about what I say 200 feet down.

It fell 200 feet down. It's not going to move again until next round. So you guys have the same opportunity. But that is the four rats turns. Oh dear. And you were down there with no, they are going to go, all right, if you want to die for this, they surround you and they're going to stab into you with knives

They're rogues foot first one attacks. Ooh just a 11 hit that misses attacks you with a dagger you dodge out of the way Second one another 10 I cool it You're more acrobatics than I thought you would be your huge man really You're more acrobatic than I thought you would be. You're a huge man. Really? Next one, as you say, really? Next one gets a 22 and stabs you in the back. Ah!

But, fucking moron. As I say, really, I raise my hand up and it forms a wall of ice and I cast shield. Yes! My man. So my AC is now 23. Yes, okay, he misses. Wow, it's swinging spells.

Wall of ice there crazy. Last guy goes. He's got to get like a 19 or 20 misses Pink's off the wall of ice as you guys swing down Cali that is your turn. Okay, so am I down there? No, I Want to try to get down great. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to like swing on something or do you want to use a spell? What do you want to do? I have face step which will get me 60 feet? So you can literally jump and then face step closer. Yeah, great. I do that I think my face step looks like I'm Improved into water and then like reappear as water insane so Cali you

You also just had this night where you were just like, man, it'd be great to ride on an airship. You guys usually are like, you guys have literally had nights where you've like, unclogged toilets. It's like in scene, the shit they send you guys to the night. But now- Finally, challenge!

Callie, you jump off, you get within 30 feet free falling, I'm gonna then you face up to land safely, right on top of the cargo as it's flying down. Oh, can I see what cargo is? No, it's in like a sealed wooden box, like the type that would be like nailed shut. Am I near the rat? Oh yeah, you're right there with that.

I'm in the scrub. Hey, what are you doing? Come on, what are you doing? I'm in the scrub. Hey, do you know what you're stealing? What do you, do you, do you, do you, do you, we need the stuff? What's you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, what are you doing? Hey, So I'm gonna take all of these negative feelings and transfer them to him and I'm gonna use my cantrip, Doomblade. As you cast your cantrip, Doomblade and you start to get emotional and angry. You see the duck, flaps down, jumps down with you, so it's going, like he's helping me. Like yelling at the rats oh All right, yeah, you can stick around And I'm going to try to make an attack 17 on the die. Yeah, that's gonna hit I'm also going to sort of like asses is happening this tempestuous magic is taken all of me

I'm like, Ashes is happening, this tempestuous magic is taking old of me. I'm going to also smite and flourish. Ooh, this is Christ's voice. Yeah, why not? What? What's up both? He's deaf, that's good. Why not? You just swaying over them is the problem.

You're very tall. I thought we were the same size. Hey, look, it's like I fucking dwind. Gally don't listen to them, they're words cut deep. Mary tall. I thought we were the same size. Yeah. Look, it's like I fucking dwind. Yeah. Galley don't listen to them, they're words cut deep. Yeah. It's that 85. Woo.

Um, my god. You see, as Callie starts to get upset, swings in, there's this explosive smite, the power surge, from your monestone in your belly, goes throughout your whole body as you yell there's this like static there's like this crazy like lightning charts that explodes this like fury that mothership was afraid of while you were training you injured one of your proctors while doing your test. I look at Calder, but really embarrassed,

because this is what got me onto the day. I know. I know, I know. You, what you're doing now. You blow up one of the rat's heads and almost completely destroy the other one. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God.

Stand down, she's with me. Oh. We're all with the duck. After Cali, you guys see on initiative nine. You see that as you guys are fighting on top of this falling cable car. You see a getaway airship appears from out of the clouds. What's inside of it? What's it say on the side? It looks like a shitty ship,

like the equivalent of like a flying forklift. It looks like it's for like freight. Aboard it is another rat folk rogue piloting it. And you see a big buff rat folk. You see these dudes are like stealing potions from mothership. It looks like these guys are maybe modding on their own. You see there's a big buff rat folk rogue

with an extremely infected monestone in his chest. Oh, do we know that guy? You have no idea who this is. Wait, that's the fuse. You got that, but chin you beach. You know I got it from fucking here. Did you kill one of my friends? Maybe, but it's all because you wouldn't tell me

what you was stealing. You see, this dude, this big buff dude, has a magic cannon with explosives. There's two dudes down here that are there to pick up this package. We're breaking up a heist. I'll say they see big Calder. Calder, you probably don't realize

that they're shooting at you because you're big and intimidating. You think it's just because you have that bar. Yeah. Oh, so the big guy is going to go down there. Don't bother a little me. I'm going to say the one guy that came with him has to concentrate on flying the ship because he used his action to like fly it up.

Other dude is going to shoot at you with this like magic cannon, this like barkabuss that like shoots out a burst of magic. Okay, so my umbrella that I just attacked with, I think I flick it out so that it goes out like a shield and I'm gonna impose disadvantage because I'm a protection paladin. Oh my God, I totally just cower behind, I'm cower.

Calder, you drop down behind this umbrella that gets, you see like as the big bolt of energy comes towards you an arcane shield comes up like widens out from the umbrella and blocks it and it deflects off. Can I say that it like comes out like raindrops, but then when it get interacts with your iceiness, it like almost like freezes. Oh, like another ice trough.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Frozen ice drops. Yeah. Sick. Thank God that umbrella is the same size as me. And Saul, I'll say you're so excited. You've just watched all of this

the most exciting stuff that's ever happened. You're like, here we go. I'm like psyching myself up, like ready to go and then I notice that they've already jumped. Oh, okay. All right, here we go. So it's like a hundred feet away. Yeah, I think it's 200 feet, but I'll give you the same deal that I gave Calder, which is that this car got caught up in some of the cables on the way down.

You will be faster if you swing on something. Is there a parallel cable track? Yeah, definitely. Okay, what I want to do is I'm going to, as a bonus action, activate my spectral gauntlets, which is my astral month ability. You see this like psychic metal forms around my arms and then I have these like massive fists made of metal on and I want to run to one of these cables and grab onto it and zip line down and then at the moment where I'm like adjacent with the cable car flip myself over and land on the cable car. I see does this, I lean over to a rat and I'm like I'll just tongue down me throat today.

What the fuck are you people? Go ahead and get up now. Do athletics or acrobatics? OK. It's true, I saw it. Acrobatics is very good for me. I will do that. Hell yeah, that's a 22.

Yeah, you flip right down there. You are down there. You see, one is on Deaths Door. Cleaver rules are in effect. We did that with Callie. Same applies to you. When I activate my gauntlets, I do get to do an area of effect attack.

Can I go and do that now? Of course. So everyone's all of the rats within 10 feet of me are gonna need to make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. Here's a question. Actually, do you want to land on the airship with the big dude and the guy piloting it?

Or do you want to be on with the three guys and big dude and the guy piloting it or do you want to be on with the three guys and Calder and I'm worried about my team got it. Okay, so you jump down they're going to go ahead and do dexterity 73. Great. DC 15. Okay. First guy fails. Yes.

Second guy fail. Yes. These guys are pretty good decks but they all failed. All through fail. Yep, all through fail. That failed are gonna be 2d6 damage Okay It's gonna be 9 damage you land you ironman punch Oh, yeah, just astral energy comes out all around you one of these guys is completely blown off dies falls off

After that happens I say we can talk about this. See people have been killed. And the other two guys look pretty fucked up by that. Okay so that's my bruntment and that is my bonus action. You know what I do feel a little bad about going into aggressively. I think I am going to try and restrain someone. I'm going to use my tongue whip, which is a reflavored thorn whip, right? So I flick out my tongue at one of the rats. Okay, and let me see if I hit. 17, 17 hits, fantastic. So that's going to be another 2d6 damage and then I pull them 10 feet toward me. Jesus Christ. That's nine more damage. Here's the funny, here's the really funny thing, Salt. You take your tongue out to grappling, go straight through one of their eyes and you pull back and bits of brain are on your tongue. Oh, holy shit! This is not the spaghetti I wanted.

I did tell you to stand down. Calder, that's your turn. There's one rat up here. And you've got a huge rat in the getaway airship and another rat with him. How far away is the getaway airship? I'll say it's 30 feet down. I think Calder has a little satchel that always has a bunch of icy snowballs in it.

And I'm gonna dig in there and chuck a ice ball and ice rock at this huge guy in the other room. Okay, great. This is a catapult spell. Got it. Okay. So he will make a deck safe. All right, deck safe.

This guy does not have as good a Dex as the other guys. That was my health. It's not infected! Jake, for Zerks' sake, please land this catapult spell. I think I went the entire campaign to without landing one. Only a seven. Yes!

That'll do it. 13 damage to him. 13 damage, okay. This dude's still standing much harder, but gets hit, kind of recoils, loads up his magic cannon and prepares to shoot again. Did they say something about juice? Because I think that's where all the juice is going.

Yeah, we're here to go, we're gonna get the juice. We just need the juice to go. Yeah, juicing. Yeah, of course. You want to be as buffed as the guy with the gun. After Calder's turn, that is the last Rats turn. He's going to make an attack on one of the remaining two cords that is holding the cargo.

He successfully cuts another cord. It is now hanging by one, and this dude is going to release and jump down into the airship. So there are now two rogues down there, 30 feet down. I will, he will take a little bit of damage. I will say that the, he like aims for the big dude,

big dude doesn't athletics check and manages to catch him He takes a little damage anyway, but there's two dudes down there And now the cargo thing is hanging by one thing which a means they're about to get the cargo and b means you guys are about to plummet Off of the city into just a bus So you guys feel the whole cart Screeches and swings again to the side. That is Callie's turn. Okay, I'm really super moved. Okay, so they're 30 feet down, so could I jump down there? Yep, it would 3d6 of damage. Oh, well I think we need to get down there. So I'm going to just put on it.

Great. You take 12 damage. Then the duck follows her. Yeah, flies down. Okay, when I get down there, I want to change my tempestuousness to be more of a calm, soothing rain and let the pittata of Maraini's spirit put them to sleep. And I'm gonna cast a second level sleep. Sweet, I'll start with the guys with the lowest hit points. Go ahead and roll your HP. Yes, sleep, you roll HP, and that's how many people fall asleep. 26.

You see the dude flying in the airship and the dude that just jumped down here Pass out both the ropes only the big guys left and now it's just You you feel the airship start to like rock Okay, I um I look at him and I'm like You see what I did I work my pay charms on your fucking friends tell us what you're trying to get We're trying to get the- the fucking juice! Okay, still. Just the word juice.

We're trying to get the- stuff- the stuff they're using to make the new S-classes! Huh. What? Wait, Billy? Wait, if we help you, would you turn us into S-class? You look at this dude's- extremely infected monast and go, yeah, no, this dude could turn you into a spas. Really good go.

You know what, my friends are really good pilot and he's coming down here and we're going to fly this fucking bitch. And I look up and with my bonus action, I will give inspiration to Saul. Oh, yeah. Sweet. After. Is it manual? I can only drive so. Oh yeah. Oh. Oh. Sweet. After. Is it manual?

I can only drive manual. Only manual. After, right. After Cali, that's the big rat. The big rat is going to go ahead. Try to grab a Cali. Oh, I didn't defense the flourish this time, so. Ooh.

You couldn't fucking handle this. And rushes at you and tries to tackle you. Go ahead and give me a strength saving throw 17 on the dice plus one 18 Okay 17 passes so this thing uses an ability called headfirst charge it runs into you It tries to knock you over fails to do that after fail to do that it goes all right fuck this And shoots you with the Mage Cannon twice.

Oh, first one, 16 hit. Nice. This is second one, 20 to hit. Hit. Oh, I rolled a 12 on the D12. 14 damage. Okay. After the big guy, that is Solstern.

Okay, so I'm still on the cable car. I think I'm gonna jump down. I see that Callie is having a little tussle and a linder of hand. Great. Do you have a way to land safely or do you have to take the 3D6 of damage? I have an ability called Slowfall, where I can reduce damage. Right on.

It is beginning at fourth level. You can use your reaction when you fall to reduce any damage you take by an amount equal to five times your month level. So twenty five. Twenty five. Twenty five. Twenty five. It's not going to hurt you.

You land perfectly safe. I go to this new rat and I say I just tongue down me through a little bit today. It's true. I was taught. It's true. I was sawed. It's true. I don't know how we feel about it, but it is true. You see, one of the sleeping rats is flopping around the ground, clearly dreaming about it.

So, all right, nobody's piloting the ship, right? No, no, you feel it. It's gonna start like, oh shit, dropping, like, next turn. That's why I give you inspiration, baby. Would you let me, I have two attacks. Okay, I have 10 foot reach with my spectral gauntlets. Can I steer the ship with one hand and punch with the other? I'll let you do a dexterity check to steer.

Okay. And then you can make it attack, yeah. I'll let you do too, yeah. Rodic's derity, yep, okay, cool. Or you could use one hand to steer. Or like slight of hand if you'd rather. Ooh, Roddox, do you? Yep. Okay cool or you could use one hand or like slight of hand if you'd rather Oh, slight of hand would be love great Or you could use one hand a steer and the other hands to turn the radio on Sure, I'll say the radio. It's it's mother shit brand. So like you can just clap and like turn it

You can say like Alexandra I'd like to hear You can say like, Alex Andrey, I'd like to hear. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. Yeah, I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna go for it. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

Yeah, absolutely request that. And then yeah, I'm going to do slight hand to steer the ship. Fuck yeah, that's going to be a 26. Sweet, you're able to steady it, so you're good with your one astral arm. This has a lot more kick than my friend Albi's broom. You guys had some amazing liquidage game. Did you say liquidage? That's from Hot Boy Summer.

Is it? I think. That's good. I don't remember but it's good. I need to introduce Jordan. Oh, like a lacrosque. Fuck yeah. Yes, yes, yes. I buy it. With my action, I will try to uppercut this big rat.

Rat. Yes, baby. That's gonna be a 26. Who is this call-girl fair? That is good. Nice! This is Monk Caldwell. There's something about Bufo. You take away the spells. All that's left.

There you go., the hell. Okay, so that's going to be 10 damage. Nice. And then yeah, I'm gonna use, have I used my bonus action? No, I'm gonna do a flurry of blows. You have to do it for you. So I uppercut him and then I'm just going to slap him

and then backhand him. Great. So that's two more steering. Yeah. Oh boy, shout out to the three slap him and then backhand him. Great. So that's two more steering. Yeah. Oh boy, shout out to the three Cree and also a natural one. So, he's back. He's back. That's what we get for being happy about.

Oh, I know. Dutch is out of the way. Pee-fo. There it was right there. Sorry. After Saul, that is Calder's turn. Calder. This cargo is hanging on by one cord is at a four

There's the cargo in here. Oh, yeah You're out and the rats wanted for some reason Is there a way that I can bring it with me on to the ocean? It looks like that was their plan, okay? So I'll follow through on that plan. Here's what I will say though Everyone below is gonna have to do a dexterity saving throw. Because it's like you're having a big great fall onto this like little airship. I'm not afraid. That was the only time I don't feel scared. I yell down there but when call their yells, his voice kind of gets quieter. I read your apps coming. Look out, look out everyone. Sweet, go ahead and make a,

it's on a, a thing that's just staying still. So go ahead and just make it with advantage. That's only a 15. Passes the things, AC. You just cut the cord, you don't even have to damage. You cut it and the freight car in this box fall down onto this airship. Look out!

You are gonna take damage from falling. So you take Jesus Christ, I rolled good on damage or bad for you. 13 damage. I'm gonna use stones endurance. Whoa, what is that? Whoa. It's a Goliath trait.

So I just crack my neck on each side and shrug off a D12 plus. Whoa! That's goddamn. 12 damage that I did not do. Yeah, man. Jesus, Lord, good for you. All the rats and Saul and Kalype need to make deck saves.

Okay. Shadow to the dew group. That's a 13 for soul. Okay. Ooh, there's a classic rock station We were already listening to classic rock Why there's so many dice a lot of pebbles. This is gonna be so funny our only healer is going down Okay, so I will say you you guys have enough heads up. Calls or does yell down to you guys. So this damage you guys are taking, this is like as you roll out of the way

and the same clips you. So you're not getting like straight up crushed by like a 400 pound box, that's a death. But you guys are gonna all take, you guys both fail, the big guy fails, the rats auto fail. You guys are all gonna take 66 of them. Ooh.

Oh my God. Feel bad for shrugging my damage off. 21 damage. Colliope 10 into a puddle. Oh. Duck do something. Rih, rih, rih. I see it goes over and it just keeps nustling into

Collifey as she as she drops Collifey this thing you roll out of the way, but you knock your head as you're rolling out of the way Saul you do take 21 damage You do see that all of the rats are crushed, but you guys have secured the cargo mission accomplished. I'm sort of accomplished. Yeah. Yeah, you see the box lands on this airship

and it's all your controlling the airship. You guys have defeated all of the rats, but that is Callister and Calling a Need of Deathsaving Throw. Okay. Oh no, please no, the voice is too good. It's heaping ticker. Six. Okay, that's a desk saving fail.

That is Saul's turn. Okay. I return to the dream I was having of my ex-boyfriend earlier. All right, I'm still piloting. Can I use my guidance, can trip to try and just help her with her death save? What is the language of guidance? I think it's a D4 to an ability check.

Okay, a D4 to an ability check. I would allow that for a death saving throw. You know what I do. So I'm piloting with my hands. I twist my neck around. And I flick my tongue right into her mouth. You guys start making out again. The muscle memory starts coming back. You're supposed to do chest compressions as well.

After Saul's turn, Calder, that's your turn. Calder, you have secured the crates, the rats are all dead. You're on this airship You see these two are making up a Cali. It's not looking well. I guess I'll I'll do what Saul's not doing and I'll add chest compressions Right, I do chest compressions. I'll say you can use the guidance on this you can do a D4 on this Let me see what it is to stabilize a crew trip. I it's just a Dc, yeah, Dc10 medicine check, wisdom. That's, you can add the D4. Great.

11. 11. D-J-S! Come. Come. You get Kaliope breathing again. Kaliope comes back. I think your ice ininess turns like my completely

like messy puddle back into a firm shape of Kaliipi. Oh, how are you? Oh, how are you? Calder, check and see if there's anything in that potion container that can help her. Yeah, the container is exploded, right? So I can just, I think. Yeah, I'll say that it is definitely broken open

as it has fallen. Go ahead and give me an investigate check or like an Arcona check. Okay. That's a Dirty 20. Woo! Dirty 20. You look into the crate that has broken

as it has fallen off this freight car here onto this airship. You see, Clio PLC, you pop back up with 1HP, you guys have brought her back. Saul, you have stabilized this airship, you've got it going again. You guys see in the distance, military airships from Esri begin swooping in to give you guys back up. You guys responded to this super fast. So I'll happen in like 30 seconds, like a minute. This was just the most insane minute of your lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look alert, you're good, you're good.

Oh right, big show, big show. Oh, period is it gonna be here? Right, yeah. You've got like top soul just hide the duck. So I put the duck in the glove compartment. Right, the duck compartment. Right. The duck hides. Right.

Calder, as you look at these potions with a 20, a 20, uh, arcana. Ah, yeah. OK. The way, sort of, mothership products work is that they take spells and they turn them into materials, essentially, and they combine them. So you can't tell what this exact thing is,

but anytime it's like a mix of things, you imagine it's some kind of soldier serum, but you see that there are other potions here that look like they are of a particular spell, and I'll say that, you know, studying to become a synth elder tonight and everything you do in all this work, you go over, you open one of the potions that is this like dark purple color and you sort of like dab into it and based on the smell and based on like dabbing it on your tongue like a slight taste of it,

you recognize the symbol spell, which is something that's basically like once there's a trigger something happens. Can I nib it? You want to drink it? Steal it. Steal it? Yeah you steal a simple potion? Yeah I mean it's not like our superiors are gonna be like we add this number we can easily blame the rats. There's a serial number right on the side of the bottle there. Well, I mean the whole entire thing exploded presumably

some of the color of the sign. Yeah, let's toss a couple. Do you need this? We don't get paid very well. I don't know, I just kind of want power. I just don't want to keep being in the position I'm in. And it seems like they're not going to give it to us, so we'll be right back.

We'll go. Go ahead and give me an insight, Jack. 13. You guys have just stopped a heist of what this rat described as being what the as rescientists need to make this S-class synth eldritch nights. You guys have stumbled into a much higher level mission than you could have hoped for and now you've got all of these witnesses, these airships of these different soldiers are coming down.

Okay, I got a little bit, I just put it in the glove box. I think, listen, I know where you're coming from. I have an add power my entire life. This is a huge opportunity for us, but I think we can, I think we can make this work with our superiors. I think if we show them what we found, convince them that we deserve the S-rank serum that have to agree, but also maybe stash from the right. Yeah, Just one, just one. Just one. You guys hide some of these potions as you see another airship pulls up next to you. You see there's more in the distance. And you see a few Syntheljert's nights

in glowing blue plate. Jump from their airship like 30 feet down, taking no damage, just iron man punch, land on the airship. It looks better at night. It looks so much better at night. I step out of the way. You see? I think I don't even want to know this, but I can't help.

I'm so curious to know what they think of us. I will just throw out their detect thoughts just so I know what they think of us. You do, you cast detect thoughts just so I know what they think of us. You do, you cast detect thoughts. You see as this one like Synth Elder tonight, A-Class Captain looks around. See is all of these dead rogues, looks up, sees the cut cable, sees the potions still intact, sees that you have secured this airship and he thinks, huh? I heard these guys were D-class but this looks like C-class work. So he mistakes? He mistakes you guys as C-class.

We are on our way. Where is he? I like rub my butt against the wall at the bear. He was like, what? That was a whole amp. And that's where we'll end our session. Yeah! Oh my God. Promoted. C-Class baby.

Produced a cuckst. I got a poor guy. I will work on it. He will actually work on it. I mean, why? It'll work on it. We'll ask the way we work on it. I mean, why? It's true, it's perfect. Sweet, that was super fun, guys. It's so wonderful.

So much fun to do work. It's really good work, man. Great work, man. Great work, great work, great guys. Very fun. Sweet, thank you all so much for listening. You can listen to our short rest over on patreon.com slash nat pod. That's any DDPOD don't sing.

We and don't say and don't say and please don't my throat is full don't does anyone have anything they'd like to plug oh man we got so much to plug oh yeah we got we have shows so many shows shows are coming

yeah San Francisco sold out but I think there's still tickets in Seattle I believe there's tickets in Dallas I think Austin is going on sale go on to the website everything Everything that you can know is. Dotcom slash live. There's a lot of shows coming. There you go. I believe also our plush book var. It's open to a cute little suite. Do you know the URL for that called well?

I believe it's just nadpot.com slash book for. Oh, perfect. B-U-K-V-A-R. Yeah. All right. Great. So check that out. That's a lot. That's life right now. Also, I almost called you called her. And again, you know what? Let's just go ahead and establish this now. I'm Hugh now. I'd love to shout out Brendan underscore great joy and Captain Deathcap, who were the people that made the bullywag home

brew that I'm using. Thanks to them I get a 10-foot reach on my tongue. How many put that to use? Just a nonsensual tongue. Just anytime Emily does an accent, a British accent she has to make out with cold water. Well, I was just doing it to make the, to make a Gifford jealous. Oh, I know, right. And she is not humor. It was a street T-jick move.

I punch a wall. You can follow us on social media that we may or may not use at CHMRIFUSME, at called the called well, adiacs for Emily and at CHMRIFUSME, and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nadpod that's any DDPOD. It's the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Thank you all so, so much for your support.

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