Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep. 24: Serpent Knight (The Dragon Elf Chronicles)

Episode Date: November 18, 2022

Duck Team faces the trial of the Serpent Queen! Callie does a little nose hair trimming, Sol reveals yet another alter ego, and Calder is forced to improvise. Support us at Patreon.com/N...addpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music/Sound Effects Include:"Cracking Oak Tree" by klankbeeld at Freesound.org."Sunday Acid Jam" by Georgeke at Freesound.org."A Wizard's Tournament" by Emily Axford."Crash Landing" by Emily Axford."A Fairy Remembers" by Emily Axford."Haunting Visages" by Emily Axford."Queen Cirilla" by Emily Axford."All I Need is One Thread to Spin a Web" by Emily Axford."Hospitably Hostile" by Emily Axford."A Haven Away From Home" by Emily Axford."Forsaken" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. Plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy.
Starting point is 00:00:31 They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping with rush processing on your entire order. It doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly. So don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off one item, free shipping with rush processing. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adamineve.com and select any one item.
Starting point is 00:01:00 It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter offer code PAPA at checkout. That's www.atamineave.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code www-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. ["Fast and Furious"] Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Welcome back to Bahumi, everybody. Bahumiya. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwitz, feeling neat about his feet, because it's never too soon to fight with a boon. Called her killed it. Oh, about your, oh, feet, F-E-A-T. Oh, that was, I was, I was, I was,
Starting point is 00:02:00 I'm thought it was referring to the roll, the, yeah, the new boots. That was a vague reference to last time, the, yeah, the new boots that was a vague reference to last time maybe. Yeah, that also works. So I mean, even if you misheard it, I'm surprised you weren't impressed. Yeah, I thought it was like foot fetish.
Starting point is 00:02:14 If we had some joke about that or something. I mean, there was a joke about that. But also is, yeah, is Calder taking the foot liquor feet? It's, dude. Leave me alone, man. Easy, man. Get up to 10 HP, temporary hit points for every toe you live. Sick. Come on, it's too hot.
Starting point is 00:02:33 And the effects of error was like, I just build super demeaning feats that are so good. Just for my own sick pleasure. The rule over you guys. Do I have to lick the toes more? If you lick any of my NPCs feet, you get more HP and better stats. And then of course we've got Emily Axford. Ready to die for the serpent in the sky.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Calliope, patchy call. Whoa! No, no. You're about to fight her. We need you. And you're just gonna die, I guess. That's somewhere around.! You're about to fight her. We need you. And you're just gonna die, I guess. I'm gonna go in there.
Starting point is 00:03:08 I'm not sure. You're gonna go limp and die. She's laying down her plane. She challenged you for you to prove yourself. Not for you to die. Called her, lick her feet quick. Oh God. On it.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Nothing like ruining characters during the intro. And then of course we've got Caldwell Tanner. Hey, I just fought you and this is crazy, but I'm sol-bu-fo and I am not a baby. Ah! I love it! All right. I love it!
Starting point is 00:03:38 Thank you. Hey, I just fought you. And this is crazy. But here's, I'm sol-bu this is crazy Here's arms all before Again, it falls apart when you try and sing it. Yeah, when you speak it really. Yeah, that's why I did it spoken word Yeah, we can all agree it was flawless spoken word. It only fell apart when we were singing All right guys weird energy in the room With that let's go ahead
Starting point is 00:04:04 We have a little recap Weird energy in the room. With that, let's go ahead. We have a different way. A little recap. So last time, you met Oberon, the green lord of the Beastlands. Upon meeting him, he quickly displayed a kinship with Foster, a revealing that he had created the duck, as the last request of Callie's mother, before she was hunted out of existence.
Starting point is 00:04:23 You saw a vision of her final moments, when she pleaded with Oberon to give her daughters a chance to spare the material realm from the wrath of the serpents, the green lord aggranted, the request and sent a duck to each of her daughters and has been keeping up with your adventures ever since. Well, not in a creepy way. Not, not in a creepy way. Not, not in a weird way. Upon being newly reconnected to the material plane, Oberon realized that he had underestimated humanoids.
Starting point is 00:04:54 The eggs were supposed to destroy humanity if they reaped too much from the land, but instead, human magitech had progressed to the point that the serpents could be manipulated and used as weapons. Oberon agreed to put aside his feud with the Eladrin if it meant stopping the growing threat of Alexanderite's network. You agreed if only to save the remaining serpents from being captured and controlled. Still, Oberon posited that you could not properly stand against the network unless you
Starting point is 00:05:22 divorced yourself from it entirely, and that meant getting rid of your monestones. He guided you to some animal lords that could help for you from the influence of machines and restore your power afterwards. After a quick run-in with some shit eating flies and a giant frog who thought Saul was a baby. Well, is that quick? It felt like it was forever.
Starting point is 00:05:44 It was, it was 15, that's all in 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah. And we call it a filler arc. It's true, it's like, it was like 10% of the episode for sure. After running into the giant frog, you met your first animal lord, Elder Frogson. Frogson revealed that he had known the original Saul on the material plane in the Stone Sw swamp and had trained other bullywugs there.
Starting point is 00:06:08 After a tense challenge that saw everyone get mad at me, IRL, Saul managed to land a blow on Frogson, earning a boon and ejecting his monestone. Next, you moved on to a wintery domain populated by boastful giants enjoying a lavish meal. Calder attempted to procure a wheel of cheese for some reason, but was denied and mistaken for a baby. Of course, so much baby stuff. The giant offered a boon, but only if Calder could defeat him in combat or bring him the head of the beast.
Starting point is 00:06:43 After conferring with the rest of the team, you decided to fight him, prompting a panicked response from the giants who totally got their ass as kicked. Afterwards, you met the so-called beast who revealed himself to be another animal lord, a tiny mouse of great power. He granted called her a boon and destroyed his monastone. Next, you proceeded to a starry plane where you witnessed the stars gather to form a giant serpent. The constellation called itself the serpent queen and revealed herself as the mother of
Starting point is 00:07:15 the three eggs that were sent to the material plane. She thanked you for returning one of her children to her, but said that their jobs of protecting the wild were still incomplete. She asked if you would do it in their stead and you agreed and she challenged you to combat to prove your worth and that's where we are now. Okay everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Wow, right into it. Right into it. It's one of those apps. One of those apps with weird vibes up top right in the combat. Oh yeah. So we got to blow up steam because we don't want to go in a combat.
Starting point is 00:07:47 I know you guys are going to treat my monster with respect when the episode starts the way it did. One of those apps where I roll up an 11. I will be calling this snake maim. That's going to be a 27 for Saul with his new feet active. Nice. He learned. You decided to take a alert.
Starting point is 00:08:03 Yeah. Very cool. Saul, you're highly alerted to this, but obviously everyone sees this as the sky descends on all of you. You guys see the serpent queen. This endless constellation has just jumped down out of the sky and taken on a corporeal form. Stars gather and create scales of starfire. She is gargantuan. You cannot see an ending to her Just going off endlessly into space. She's again gargantuan her head alone is 50 feet tall with starfire Fangs and eyes that burn like sons. Wow you go on for days ma'am Indeed I do and just so everyone knows up top,
Starting point is 00:08:46 this is going to be difficult. You know what? Honestly, thank you for the clarification. The other animal guards tell you that the trials were going to be hard. No. Yeah, that's no word. Improper.
Starting point is 00:08:59 Yes, there's going to be a class action thing if they're not careful. No one was upfront about it. Deeply appreciate that, ma'am. Sweet. So at Initiative 27, Saul, that is you. You feel the ground rock as her body forms and lands in the grass in front of you.
Starting point is 00:09:19 Her head is still up like 100 feet in the air. She has not even gotten down yet to fully attack before you're initiative. That is you, you are first. Okay, so I'm gonna rush forward. I want to make sure that Callie is able to just give this serpent her best impression. And in Sol's head the way to do that
Starting point is 00:09:38 is to punch her really hard. Great. So Sol's going to enlarge his throat sack and then that air is going to explode out into his fists, making them big, kind of blowing with this golden light now, and he rushes forward and he's going to attack. Sweet, go ahead and make your attacks. You go and you swing into her starfire scales. A brilliant strategy, young frog. Yes, have you met my friend Callie? She's a big fan. Yes, we were talking at some length.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Oh, does it 11 hit? No. In fact, you break a finger as you hit scales as hard as diamond. I forget to make a fist and I just... Oh, disgusting. Yeah, your fingernail shatter. Ha ha ha ha. Oh.
Starting point is 00:10:27 Oh. Ha ha ha ha. Dude. So long. Oh my. It's surfing queen. I could have said it. The surfing queen recoils.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Oh my god. Oh my god, man. That was disgusting. Are you all right? I have a second attack. We need to sit out for a moment. This is just a trial. I'm not trying to kill you. Uh, Saul's mouth is fully just filled with vomit, but he holds it in. It's just imagining punching someone with fingers out and them instantly break and he's so funny. It's still getting used to these new arms.
Starting point is 00:10:56 I'm going to take my second attack. Right. Does a 15 hit? It does not. I'm going to take my second attack. Right. Does a 15 hit? It does not. Once again, you are hitting these, and you're just hitting a wall of, like I said, like diamonds.
Starting point is 00:11:09 Like the hardest surface you could hit. So it's all like, fully breaks his right hand, and then he's like, ah, of course, I know what to do now. Makes a fist and punches again, and just breaks all of his knuckles. Well, you curved your fingers that time, that was, that was the hardest. So I'm gonna take a second. I'm gonna take a second, I know what to do now. Makes a fist and punches again and just breaks all of his knuckles. Well, you curved your fingers that time.
Starting point is 00:11:29 That was good. That was good. I am going to activate my arms, which means that she's going to need to make a DC 16. Dexave. She fails. You played right into my trap. She's just so huge, you can't avoid it. You just punch the ground next to her trap she's just so huge you can't avoid it you just
Starting point is 00:11:46 punch the ground next to her and she's just slightly enveloped. That's seven force damage and that is my bonus action so yeah that's all I can do this turn. Okay you do see Saul as you punch down and even using this magic you see that it it does look like it hits her a little bit like you see that there is a reaction from her scales, like a slight indentation, but it doesn't seem fully effective. It seems like she's able to resist it a bit. Kallie, I made the introduction.
Starting point is 00:12:14 So I'll give a thumbs up and it is just a mangle. Oh my God. Is that supposed to be, is that like a rotten banana in your hand? Good Lord. It's melting. I'm not happy to see it. There's something engorged in limp in your hand. Yeah, just the thumbs up, it's just a bone. It's not supposed to be that thin. At initiative 20, she is going to take her layer action
Starting point is 00:12:41 and is going to slam her massive body into the grassy plane. You see, she coils her body and slams to do it. She's essentially doing the worm, wobbling and constricting, pulling and pushing the earth with her. Everyone go ahead and give me dex saving throws. All righty. Oh, okay, that's a seven. Oh, Lord. That's a two. A 25. Okay, and here's where the fun begins because I made a weird encounter.
Starting point is 00:13:12 Ooh, so you see that as she's rocking back and forth, the land is breaking apart into like little five foot squares. You guys have to like center yourselves so that you don't fall over. And certain squares of land begin shooting up as others begin falling down. And the people who rolled even on their deck saving throws go up and the people who rolled odd
Starting point is 00:13:37 on their deck saving throws go down. Oh, this is fun. And I have pre-rolled the random feet that everybody falls or goes up. Callie fails. Callie, you go up 80 feet. As the land below you rocks as she wobbles next to you. You shoot up into the air.
Starting point is 00:13:58 You slip. You fall prone. And you just shoot up into the night sky 80 feet. Saul with a 25 dex save. You stay sturdy, you once again pull air into your gullet and then expand it out into your feet to absorb the impact. But you do the ground below you collapses 70 feet
Starting point is 00:14:18 into a pit. So you are 70 feet down, you're not prone though, so you're just down there. I'll use my fingers to brace myself and Calder you fail and to fall down 60 feet. Oh, oh, so you fall prone into a pit for right? 14 damage. Is any of it bludgeoning damage? It's all bludgeoning damage. Great. So you guys are gonna see my new boon take effect Oh I am a great So you guys are gonna see my new boon take effect. Ooh. Ooh. I am a great armor master.
Starting point is 00:14:48 So like almost like the the vix of April rub commercial taking effect. You see it's like the cold compress going down on the inflammation and I'll take three less of that. So well, we're gonna need to stop so I can watch this commercial. I am going to have to disappoint you, unfortunately, because it is, when you take bludgeoning piercing and slashing damage from attacks, it's reduced by three. This isn't an attack, you're just funcule.
Starting point is 00:15:16 So, that's just a little preview of what my dude did. Oh my god! He's he called her in his full heavy armor. He's the peak! That was so mean. He rubbed oil on himself. Looks like Brace's himself just really trusts his armor and then just falls even harder
Starting point is 00:15:34 and crashes truly so hard into the earth. Wow. So you do unfortunately take the full damage. Of course, of course they do. After the lair action, Calie, that's your turn. So she is so big, that you're now face to face with her, Callie, as you're 80 feet in the air. Hello, baby snake. I think I'm seeing this like diamond
Starting point is 00:15:57 protection. And I'm thinking, why do you invest so much in protection? If there's not like weakness underneath? I think when I look her in the eye, I'm like, how do I best you in this? Go ahead and give me a perception check. What are you looking for from your aspiring champion? I'll do your perception versus her deception. That's an 11. With an 11, Kali in this moment, looking at her face to face,
Starting point is 00:16:22 just these shimmering scales, you do not see a weakness. Okay. Well, I take out the icicle dagger. Okay. I'm like, cold it has gone very far from me, but he's still right at my side. And I take out my icicle dagger, and I'm going to use my two weapon fighting. So I'm going to do a attack from my action and attack from my bonus action.
Starting point is 00:16:47 Whoa, Sander Kelly! Just echoing from deep in the pit. What? What did you say? 25 to hit. 25 does hit. Are you going to tell me that it doesn't work for that reason? No, you can go ahead and do your damage. Nice. You can go ahead and do your damage. Go. You can go ahead and do your damage. Go ahead and do your damage. It's gonna happen.
Starting point is 00:17:07 Maybe it'll be good. Okay, well, I'm just going to do, I'm gonna do a third level smite. Okay. And I'm gonna do a flourish to get some AC. Sick. Yeah, Kelly, you are 80 feet in the air, face to face with this golden serpent of starfire,
Starting point is 00:17:23 and you rush forward, I stagger in one hand, luck blade rapier in the other hand, and swing with your rapier first. 31 damage. Nice. 31 damage. Callie, you stab into a scale. Only by nature of the luck blade, being a magical item,
Starting point is 00:17:41 is the only reason it doesn't shatter. You see, as you go to, it must forward, it bends, but does not break, but you do this burst of energy, and once again, like Saul, you see that it looks like it does have some effect, like there's a little bit of an indentation, you see like this tiny, little scratch after you hit her,
Starting point is 00:18:01 and it does look like you did some damage, but that it wasn't fully effective. Okay, then maybe I won't use my icicle dagger. Do I see a spot that I could face step onto? Like is this armor that I could like face step onto and get inside her? She doesn't have her mouth open right now. The scales are tightly packed together,
Starting point is 00:18:23 the only way to without a better way of saying it get inside her would be to go in her mouth or in her nose. Okay then can I hold my movement and whenever she talks next jump inside her fucking mouth? Sure. You see she looks at you suspiciously. I think I don't feel good about this because this is how I want to prove myself worthy of her. I don't do that after all. Okay. I'm not in range to give anyone bodic,
Starting point is 00:18:53 so I guess I just, hey, fuck it, I'll take a swing with the ice dagger. With the ice dagger? With the ice dagger. Also, it's 25 to hit. Hits? I will do another third level smite ill advise this time I'm like angling away from arcane smite and towards
Starting point is 00:19:10 Serpentine smite Just 21 damage 21 damage once again, it does not look like it has a full effect But I will say as you sort of try to lean into Drawing power from the serpent and drawing power from the wild, you see there was that younger serpent that had jumped up into the sky and joined its mother up in the night sky as like a smaller constellation. You see as you swing the ice knife forward, it flies down and gathers around you and there's a burst of stars as you swing into the surburque. What was that? Carly, what happened?
Starting point is 00:19:47 Just down at the pit. I think I broke my dagger. Hold on, I'm digging to tholders. That was a gift. You can't get mad at me for breaking a gift. I didn't do it on purpose. Yeah, I'm in a bad place. That's not really a gift if you're gonna get mad about it.
Starting point is 00:20:02 You open her mouth, Carly, now. I'm just in a bad move. I got damage. I look into a mouth. Really considered jumping in. God, this is how I want to pledge myself to someone. All right, after Cali's turn, that is a serpent queen's turn.
Starting point is 00:20:19 First thing's first, okay, we've got the two dudes down in the pits. She's gonna go ahead and just try to slam her body into Calder and just crush him harder in the pit, which arguably Calder might be into. Would that be bludgeoning damage? That would be an attack and that would be bludgeoning damage, but we'll see if she hits first.
Starting point is 00:20:41 Only 16 hit. That misses. Misses. Slams into the ground next year and you're able to roll out of the way. You're in this terrifying claustrophobic space where the land has gone up around you, and you've got this giant serpent slamming down trying to get to you. Okay, I'm already down here. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:21:00 And then she's going to try to do the same thing to Saul and she rolls with disadvantage. I miss this both of you guys. You're too far away. She's too big. Oh, he's small just that. Both of you get up here. She's going to then go ahead and take a bite attack against Callie.
Starting point is 00:21:20 My AC is 26 right now. Jesus. She fully misses. Callie, you see. As she misses with her butt, I look into the mouth. You look into the mouth? I don't know how to say it. Go ahead and give me your another perception check.
Starting point is 00:21:37 15. 15. Callie, you see enormous glowing fangs. Just rose and rose of these very dangerous teeth, but beyond it you see pink muscle After the serpent's turn that is called her's turn called her you are down in a pit. Okay How hard will it be for me to get into her mouth? Oh my god. You are 140 feet away. Okay, she's 80 feet up in your cowly and you're 60 feet in the ground. What are you saying about my mouth?
Starting point is 00:22:12 Forget it. Dude, I have anything with that. Oh, okay, so if I move 20 feet, I could theoretically hit her mouth with scorching right, which we're calling an ice-ray. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You could definitely hit her with with scorching ray, which we're calling an ice ray. Yes, yes, yes, yes. You could definitely hit her with a spell. Then I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna climb 20 feet,
Starting point is 00:22:33 or move 20 feet towards her mouth. Okay. Cast. Freezing ray. You start climbing up her scales of starfire. You feel your hands burning underneath you. You hold your hand up and begin shooting freezing rays at her mouth.
Starting point is 00:22:47 Here's the deal I'll make you call her. You'll have to roll with disadvantage if you're trying to hit like the inside of her mouth, like the roof of her mouth. I guess I'll do that. Sick. I was already a bad gamble. I rolled a three.
Starting point is 00:23:00 You accidentally shoot some ice right in front of you and begin sliding down her scales. I scoop up the ice right in front of you and begin sliding down her scales. I scoop up the ice onto my broken ice dagger. What's going on down there? It's so fixed. Thank you. Okay, as the last thing I do then, I use my goals. You get three shots a second. So take two more. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's a 26 and a 24. You got it. You hit with that one. Um, so yeah, you shoot as she says, what's going on down there? You shoot a perfectly timed freezing ray. Uh, go ahead and do your damage.
Starting point is 00:23:36 Eight. Blink it or not. Is she down? Eight damage. Callie, you are face to face with her, as she opens her mouth to speak and called her shoots a freezing ray from below. That shoots up and hits her directly
Starting point is 00:23:53 in the roof of the mouth, and you see she reacts a bit. She shakes her head. Ah! My gums, my sensitive gums. Ha ha ha ha. Callie, she has sensitive gums. I don't tell anyone that.
Starting point is 00:24:05 I was already thinking, I was just talking to my knife. And then I was like, no, I don't want to do that. I floss all the time. Kelly, she brushes too hard. Her gums are exposed. She has receding gum lines, Kelly. She is.
Starting point is 00:24:19 You still have one more shot, Calder. One more shot, okay. That is a 21 and a 25. Does the 21 hit? The 21 does hit. Yes. Seven. Seven damage.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Seven real ass damage. Ah, leave my teeth alone. It's gonna hurt if you keep on moving like that. Just let us get it the root of the cause. And I'll also use my bonus action to command Callie to take an attack. Yeah. You know the vulnerable gums.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Whoa. Callie, you have a rare chance to charge on Ultras' Helm, I believe. Whoa. Nice. Yes. Use my power. Go for the gums, Callie.
Starting point is 00:25:02 15 is going to miss. 15 is going to miss. Callie, you go to swing at gonna miss. 15 is gonna miss. Scali, you go to swing at her. She quickly closes her mouth and your sword just pinks off her powerful scales. That was a gift. That was a gift.
Starting point is 00:25:16 After Calder's turn, that is the lair action. She's once again going to do the worm. This is my thing. So funny. She begins slam to do the worm. This is my thing. So funny. She begins slamming into the ground. Everybody give me dex saving throws. 21. 18.
Starting point is 00:25:34 11. Okay. Everyone goes up and down same as they did last time. Kali, you shoot up an extra 30 feet. You are now 110 feet in the air, but you pass your deck save this time. You do not fall prone. Call to remind me you're safe.
Starting point is 00:25:51 21. 21 odd number. You continue going down. You actually only fall 20 feet, so you're just back down where you were 60 feet. Fuck. So you just fall back into the same exact pit. The land doesn't change at all.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Saul and 11 fails and you fall an additional 60 feet. So you are going to land prone and take nine damage as you hit the ground. Okay, I think that damage will be halved because of an ability I have as a monk. Sick, but yeah, I think I'm still prone. Okay, Saul, you are now 130 feet deep into a pit. Saul, hello, after are now 130 feet deep into a pit.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Saul, hello, after the layer action. Oh, sorry, Saul, that should have been your turn, but you can take your turn now. Okay, Saul quickly pulls out some extra bandages and wraps up his hands so that they're functional. Oh man, that's not going to do anything. Who asked you? I don't know, I just felt like commenting on it. I want to try something a little silly.
Starting point is 00:26:50 I want to try and like run along the strip between spine. Okay. Try and get in a position where I'm on her head. I don't know if I can do that in one shot. Okay, so her head is up 80 feet and you're 130 feet down, so she's 210 feet up. All right, so I'll use a bonus action step of the wind.
Starting point is 00:27:07 Okay. My movement is have because I was prone. So you get about within 100 feet of her head, called her. You see from down to the pit, suddenly Saul begins running up her spine, just climbing up this giant serpent, glowing in the night. He's just careful with that thumb, man.
Starting point is 00:27:28 I thought the one I activated my powers, he would fix it, but it didn't, it made it worse. It's bigger. They're really bloated. He's the key, the ground. Yeah, Saul, you begin climbing up her. And I will say, now that you're gripped to her, you can do a deck save to like hang onto her,
Starting point is 00:27:43 so you don't fall any further down. Gotcha. After Saul's turn, that is Kali's turn. Okay, I should have done this sooner. I'm gonna try and jump into a mouth. You're gonna try and jump into a mouth? Okay. Kali, I'm gonna say that's gonna be essentially like holding your action until she tries to bite. Okay. Okay, okay. Kali, you ready yourself.
Starting point is 00:28:03 You kind of fake going forward, like you're're going to attack to kind of go to her And she is go she is next. She's going to jump forward and go to take a bite at you Here's how we'll do this. Why do we do contested athletics checks? She is strong, but does not have proficiency in athletics But I rolled pretty damn good. Number to be is a 21. I got a 21 also. Oh, roll off.
Starting point is 00:28:31 Okay, so Callie jumps up into her mouth. She tries to slam her mouth down to stop you from getting any deeper. You are reaching up and grabbing the teeth, trying to stay in. What are you doing, Gellie? Stop it, stop it. up and grabbing the teeth, trying to stay in. What are you doing, Kelly? Stop it!
Starting point is 00:28:47 Stop it! The fairy has become the dentist. Okay, that time she just got a 14. I got a 10. You just got a 10. Okay, Kelly, you are spit out, but I will say that that counts as her bite attack. Kelly, you're in kind of a stalemate with her here, but she is going to try to slam down on Calder.
Starting point is 00:29:06 Um, fuck it, I'm gonna, I have a bonus action still. Yeah, ooh. Um, I'll just face up into her mouth. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. Sick, okay. So, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:17 I didn't realize it was gonna be so hard to get into her mouth. I would have just done it from the start. Yeah, so you, yeah, you guys are wrestling back and forth. Fuck it, I don't have to lie. I'm not athletic. Out of here. Fucking dexterous. Suddenly you, yeah, you guys are wrestling back and forth. Fuck yeah, I don't have time for this. I'm not athletic. Out of here. Fucking dexterous. Suddenly you disappear into her mouth.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Whoa, wait, you can do that. What are you doing? What are you doing? You based up to Callie. You guys see Callie has disappeared inside of the serpent. She's gonna take a slam attack down onto Calder. She looks really bad now. Get out.
Starting point is 00:29:44 20 to hit, Calder. Shield. Shield, Jesus. Yeah, arcane shield comes up. Blasts her back as she attempts to crush you with her body. She's going to use her third attack as opposed to going after Saul who's just running up her back right now. She's going to attempt to constrict Cali. So Cali, you face step into her mouth.
Starting point is 00:30:04 You're like down her throat. You see all this muscle around you. She's gonna attempt to constrict Callie. So Callie, you face step into her mouth, you're like down her throat, you see all this muscle around you. She's go, it's pretty gross. You see the muscle begins to constrict as she tries to crush you inside. Yeah, that's right, constrict me. All you're doing is further recreating the rebirth.
Starting point is 00:30:19 I'm going to experience the metaphorical rebirth. Callie, she does not manage to hate you to beat your AC. So once again, you're able to hold your arms out and sort of wrestle with these muscles as they try to constrict you, and you're able to stop it. After her turn, that is called her turn. If I shoot more freezing rays at her mouth,
Starting point is 00:30:42 am I gonna hit Kali? No. Great. I'll gonna hit Cali. No. Great. I'll do that. Sick. Okay. I will say at this point, you won't do it with disadvantage anymore because she is fully coughing and hacking, trying to spit Cali out.
Starting point is 00:30:56 She's got me. She's got me. Thanks, Cali. I'm like a pub in your throat. I think we're pub in your throat. A pub in your throat. I think we're making a great impression. Oh, and a 22 to hit. 22 hits.
Starting point is 00:31:12 God, it's like I've got a pub in my throat. A 22 and 18 and a dirty 20. Only the 22 hits. Fuck me. It's got 21 AC. Nine damage. Nine damage. Does seem to affect her.
Starting point is 00:31:25 You see it hits the raw gums between two teeth. Ah! Ah! Ah! Stop everyone. Stop everyone. You needed this. Your gums are filthy.
Starting point is 00:31:36 This is a deep cleaning. Back up to Sol's turn. Sol, you are running up her back. You are 100 feet away from her head. If I use another dash action, I can get there because my, combined, my normal dash is 90, so I'm going to use a bonus action step of the wind, sec, which will get me there. And as I approach her head, I want to pull out two grenades. Oh!
Starting point is 00:32:01 And I want to plug her nostrils with grenades. Oh my god. Good god. Yeah, you go up. You you plug grenades into her nose. This is not how the trials of the animal launch is supposed to go. This is a full body cleansing grenades up the nose man. Come on. Okay, she's gonna do dex saving throws. Okay, so as an action you can throw a grenade up to 60 feet. So you can do one grenade as an action. Oh, just one grenade? One grenade as an action. Oh, hoping you wouldn't catch that.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Oh, so you're being like set this precedent. Yes, I've got two hands, man. Go ahead and it is 5d6 of damage. Okay, shove it up her nose. She does seem concerned right away. Have you ever done a nitty-pot? It's gonna be kind of like that. She fails. Go ahead and do the full 5d6. 5d6. So funny and stupid. Caulder's in a hole. Sol is sticking grenades up her nose and Callie has been swallowing. A conjunction. But I have a fucking tech bum on me that I'm gonna use in a second.
Starting point is 00:33:04 Injection, but I have a fucking tech bum on me that I'm gonna use in a second Listen, we didn't want to go down this path, but it seems like the mouth is the only option or if this is are the only way Well, you say it like that. It sounds weird. Stop making it weird. I don't feel good about it That is 16 damage 16 damage sweet Like the world's most disgusting nitty-pots, a bomb explodes in one of her nostrils, shooting blood out of the other one. I hang on to her, Yvula, so she doesn't sneeze. Ah!
Starting point is 00:33:35 Ah! I want to sneeze, but I can't. I want to sneeze so bad my nose is so itchy. I have to look at the moon. So just quietly says, thank you for this opportunity, Namb. These are the noble trials of the animal lord. After that, that's the layer action. I'm gonna need deck saves from everybody. Saul, if you fail this, you'll be flung from who?
Starting point is 00:34:01 Oh boy. Do you need a deck save from me? Yeah, I'll say you'll get knocked prone. And she could have advantage on you potentially. Shout out to the two crew. Jesus Christ. Call her, you fall another 80 feet down into the pit. Well, that's, wait, it's even, shouldn't I go up?
Starting point is 00:34:16 Oh, sorry. You go 80 feet up. Oh, so you are on level ground. So you're back to where you started. Oh, call her, you just go back to where you start. Go. Go back to where you were. What an honor to be at zero. I get a nine. A nine, six, fourteen.
Starting point is 00:34:29 Call you fall prone. Saul, you are tossed. Full. And you are going to fall 100 feet. Can I see him from through the nostril? Absolutely not. The nostril is really big now, because I blew it up. You're saying that the nostril is not like a skylight,
Starting point is 00:34:51 because I just like, I don't know that I buy that. Yeah, it seems like it should be the windshield of a car anyway. Calder, as you rise up and finally get back on level ground, you look up, you see, Cali has disappeared. Saul is up there shoving bombs that they heard, nose fighting with her. As she's swinging and crashing into the ground, you see that Saul is thong off into the night. Her head was 100 feet in the air, so Saul
Starting point is 00:35:19 is going to fall 100 feet. Don't land on your thumb. Whatever you do. It's all you fall for 35 damage. 35 damage. Ooh. It's all ejects his tongue and it balloons out into an umbrella. And he negates all that damage with slow fall. Oh! Whoa! Is that that's a reaction that you use? Yeah. Six. 40 damage reduced. I thought I was going to have to feather, I was sad I couldn't feather follow you, but I'm glad I couldn't. Yes, I saw you command this new magical power
Starting point is 00:35:49 within yourself. You balloon your tongue out and you slow your fall and you land next to Calder on the level ground down here. Hey, that was insane. Wait, was that, is your body full of hydrogen? What's, what happened? I got magic frog gas inside me. I don't get you.
Starting point is 00:36:10 I pop my head out of an astral. Hey. That's not a Cali. That was awesome. Thank you. By the way, grenades work. After the lair action, Cali, that's back to your turn.
Starting point is 00:36:25 Okay. You are inside of this giant serpent. Question is, do I try to attack? Do I just use another grenade? So you do see, so here's the weird thing about her, is that it seems that by creating this corporeal form, she has created a body, but it's not totally real.
Starting point is 00:36:46 You know what I mean? Like, it's not made for her to digest anything. So all she's able to do is try to like crush you by controlling her muscles. There's no like acid in here or anything like that. So you're kind of relatively safer than you normally would be being inside a giant worm. Just a big wet tube.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Just a big wet tube. Just a big wet tube. Actually, it's kind of a dry tube. Ooh. I mean, I really want my metaphorical rebirth to be out of an Austral now. But that's the only thing I know. Why don't you say in there? What are you allergic to?
Starting point is 00:37:18 We need you to sneeze. I think I can do more damage just trying to attack her. So I'm going to try to just attack her rather than use a tech call Daddy 20 dirty 20 hits on the inside Okay, yes different AC when you're not looking at her scales Yeah, believe it or not Believe or not throat just stab stabbing into the inside of someone's throat is more damaging than their scales my weakness.
Starting point is 00:37:47 Okay, I use a third level smite for 32 damage. 32 damage. You guys from the outside see a glow inside of the serpent's throat as she reacts and hacks and coughs. That seems to do a lot of damage. You see the muscles around you begin spasming and recoiling. And then I think I'm going to use the ice dagger to try to, I want to put it in the nose hairs.
Starting point is 00:38:17 Oh, okay. Try it. And try and rip out the nose. I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. That's super gross. Kelly, that was a gift. That is a 24 to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. That's super gross, Kelly. That was a gift. That is a 24 to hit.
Starting point is 00:38:28 24, yeah, that gets the inside of the nose. I'm going to snobbble out. I'll do a second level, Smite. Jesus Christ. Only 17 damage. Only 17 damage. It does seem to affect her fully though. That is her turn.
Starting point is 00:38:45 She's going to try to constrict Kali and- We did an nostril. With her nostril. Oh, come on, what did she do to you? She sucks in and tries to hack you out like a loogie. A pupe. Jesus Christ, shout out to the two crew. She's only done damage to you guys
Starting point is 00:39:01 by doing the worm and flinging you down. She misses on that. She's going to slam to you guys by doing the worm and flinging you. She misses on that. She's going to slam down and try to crush you guys. That is a 29 to hit calder. That does it. Yeah. Nothing I can do. Okay, so that is 22 damage calder. Was that an intentional, uh, bloodshedding? That was intentional. Bloodshedding damage. You could take off three from that. That's right. 19 mother fuckers holy shit that guy down there's good and wearing armor Then it's gonna take a slam on Saul that's 22 to hit Saul. Oh, oh disadvantage. He hasn't hit you yet. Yeah Still still hits she hits 22 is the lower one. Yeah, good. I can finally use my hellish review sick
Starting point is 00:39:42 Okay, oh wait get her to use my reaction for this round You did yeah, yeah, it's a reaction shit. Okay, I just take it Okay, you just get a lock it with my hands You put your hands out and yell hellish rebuke and nothing happens Just played right into my trap again Blood just sprays from your broken fingers as you try to cast out. You take 30 damage as a slam. Yes, when I hit I actually do damage believe it or not. Very impressive ma'am after the Serpent Queen that's Calder's turn. Calder, her head is 100 feet up in the air
Starting point is 00:40:23 and you are on level playing ground here. Level ground finally. Okay, so I'm going to grow ice skates on my feet and cast expeditious retreats. Sick. That means I should be able to get close to her head this round, right? If you are just running for it, if you've got a speed of 30, you can get 90 feet. Okay, I'm going to go the full way. Full 90. You go full 90 and you get you skate up her scales. Saul you see from down below the silhouette of Calder in the night going up the starfire scales climbing her body and you get up to her head. Apollo O'Hennel style.
Starting point is 00:41:01 Wow. Then I will action surge. Sick. I will say, I said her head was like 50 feet long. I'll say getting within 10 feet of her, you can make swings with your sword. All right, sick. Because she is coughing and sneezing. I keep popping in and out of the nostril. Stop.
Starting point is 00:41:17 Every breath. God, it's like getting a COVID test. Just cut it out. It's over, Calder. I will also call on Ultras and use his strength for both of these attacks. Whoa. Sweet. Go ahead and add two more charges to the helm,
Starting point is 00:41:35 and you can add a D12 to each of these attacks. Okay, so that is a 25 to hit. Hits? The other one's only a 19. Okay, 19 misses. Okay Fuck me. I rolled a two on the D12 14 damage 14 damage you hear Ultras laugh in your head
Starting point is 00:41:56 You're the one that missed with your strength. I didn't miss let me out. Let me out. No show you how much I hit You do see though with your slash. You do actually affect her and she recoils and reels back and you have to hang under her scales to not be thrown off. I can't wait to punch inside that guy's mouth. After Calder's turn, that's Saul's turn. Saul back on the ground. Yeah, I'm just gonna rinse and repeat. I'm gonna do step of the wind. Prepare another grenade. just gonna rinse and repeat. I'm gonna do step of the wind, prepare another grenade. It's same. Get into her nostril.
Starting point is 00:42:26 You get flung off, hit the ground horribly hard. Jump back up, just, up, up, up, up, up, up. Climb back on the horse. The grenade hits me in the face. She's so good. I like you're out of her nose. I'm actually gonna cover this one in paprika. Ah!
Starting point is 00:42:41 Ah! She rolls a three, just blows up in her nose. My eye staggers all caught up in her nose hair. Oh, come on, Kelly. Why does this snake have nose hair? If she's going to give that back, she's done you a disservice. She manifested this physical form
Starting point is 00:42:58 and gave herself nose hair. It's really soft nose hair. It's like lying in like Irish grass. Ooh, Cali saves them. I can use it for knitting. What are you two talking about? I look at it stuck up in my icicle dagger and I think, yeah, I think I'm going to save you some.
Starting point is 00:43:18 Please roll your damage. 18 points of damage. Sick. Yeah. Once again, explodes after Sol's turn. That is the layer action. Kali is inside, so it can just fall prone. Doesn't really affect her, but everybody go ahead
Starting point is 00:43:34 and get me deck saves. Colder and Sol. This time, we don't have to worry about you guys going deeper into the land, but you do have to worry about getting flung off. Uh-huh. 16. 16 passes. Colder getting flung off. 16. 16 passes.
Starting point is 00:43:45 Call her you hang on. 12. Saul, you are once again flung 100 feet off of her. You did say rinse and repeat. I'll say the, the, the, don't look a grenade went off. 37 damage, Saul. Slow-fall it again. Slow-fall it again, sweet. Reaction to slow-fall. You're able to absorb the damage once again. Balloon tongue. Land on the ground. I did my imaginary half. He is my least favorite. Let me just say that.
Starting point is 00:44:22 There's someone inside of me killing me. And he is my least favorite. Let me just say that. There's someone inside of me killing me and he is my least favorite. I'm six Morgan aides. I'm Cali. I'm gonna say actually that as you fail, you feel yourself slip away from the nose and begin falling into the abyss sliding down her body inside. Grab to the nose head. Just for flavor. Sure. Okay, go back up to the nose head. Ellie falls into the abyss. It's super cool and scary and cinematic. She uses her movement to climb back up and rip out the serpent's nose hairs.
Starting point is 00:44:58 I'm gonna cry onto my icicle. I saw it. I thought I swallowed it. I'm gonna cry. I crack onto my icicle. Ah! I saw it! I thought I swallowed you when you stopped. Stop!
Starting point is 00:45:12 I'm going to sneeze when I can't. It's not no-tat, it's no silk, I think. Oh! And then I'm going to take out my luck blade and try and like a shave off the no-silt. Val, go ahead and make your attack. 19, does that hit? 19 hits on the inside yet.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Okay. And we view a silk scarf, Kelly. I'm going to do a second level serpentine silk's my ass. And a bardic. Flourish. And a slush. Hey, yeah, you see this scarf, it's pure snake hair, man. Pure snake nose area.
Starting point is 00:45:47 You wouldn't think it, but they've got a lot. 28. Okay. And then I'm gonna do... You guys see on the outside, her scales begin cracking and light to begin shooting out. Oh, uh oh.
Starting point is 00:46:01 And then I'm gonna try to use the ice dagger. You stab in with the ice dagger. Yeah, to shave off more no silk. Just cringes. You're welcome for that, by the way. That's my cring. Ha ha ha. Give her the silk.
Starting point is 00:46:14 Jesus Christ. I'm gonna do another second level smile on the silk. Is the baby serpent just watching all of this? The baby's serpent isn't able to talk or anything But you see it blinking and just staring at the whole scene looking kind of confused Just majestic and confused It's beautiful isn't it? 40 damage
Starting point is 00:46:36 Galley Finish the serpent queen Okay, so like almost like I'm making cotton candy I like. Oh, what the fuck? It's too much. She's just swinging her outer nose. No, so I get it like real good and sticky.
Starting point is 00:46:56 And then I rip. Oh, this is related. You guys see from the outside, the serpent queen begins glowing from the inside as she begins pulling in a terrible sneeze, just, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, Eventually shattering as she lets out a mighty sneeze exploding Callie out of her mouth, expelling her. You guys all crash into the ground as you see her scales break apart and she explodes into pure starfire.
Starting point is 00:47:36 You see she shoots back up into the sky and scatters once again forming the constellation. That was weird. Cradle my bouquet of 17 stars silk. I sign a silk. That was weird. You guys. That was. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:02 I, I want to say well done. But I think in all honesty, I don't, I don't know that I can. I feel like, okay, can I just ask you, like, where did you see this going? Right? Because you're acting like, wow, that's so weird. But you also set us up to enter your all-sense. Okay, well, you did the worm. You were doing the worm.
Starting point is 00:48:20 I was, I was, I was, I was, you started this. I agree that I was doing the worm. I get admit that the worm that was on me making it silly But my You said the tone Okay, my number of you was that this was about like Journeying into the belly of the beast and kind of being brave and charging forward into the unknown to prove yourself but you guys You know use the use the oh word a lot, orifice, and then we're pulling at nose hairs. I don't know that, I don't know that that needed to happen necessarily.
Starting point is 00:48:54 Points for creativity though, I feel like Kelly gets two boobs. I asked the nose silk to solve for him to get started. He starts bawling it up into a little yarn ball. Jesus Christ. I do need new boots. I have to I have to like all of you. So everyone could stop talking. A lot of people say that. All right, well regardless of how things went down, you have proven yourself worthy. Now things went down. You have proven yourself worthy.
Starting point is 00:49:31 You guys feel the wind around you begin to pick up as she sucks in and blows out a great breath, sprinkling you with star dust, Cali. Um, and as this surge of energy flows through you, you feel your monastone beginning to come out of your belly like extract, would you like to keep it or destroy it? What I want to do is I want it to sort of like shatter and cover me like body glitter. Or like, do we, but also, starry? It shatters into star dust and encapsulates you in this glittery shine. And you hear the serpent queen goes, yes, this suits you. And Callie, you have been freed from the network and claimed your own power. You have also earned a boon and can take a feat. You can take either Sentinel or mounted combatant. Ooh, a mounted combatant. And Kali, as you feel this new power,
Starting point is 00:50:29 as your monestone shatters, and you see this starfire swirling around you, you hear the serpent queen speak. And she speaks to all of you. She looks at all three of you and goes, we are bound now, Our destinies intertwined much like nose hairs around the shore. I know I were all thinking it so I just said it. I gave you a boon for passing my test, but consider this a token of friendship. You see, she sends down the smaller serpent. Once again appears as a constellation. It's the one that you had saved, the smaller serpent. It flies over
Starting point is 00:51:13 each of you and sprinkles star dust. And as you guys are all filled with power, you all gain access to a new spell. Oh, Calder, you feel that as this power enters you, you suddenly disappear and rematerialize 30 feet away in a shimmer of stars, and you have learned the spell Misty Step. Yes! Can we call it Frosty Step? Frosty Step?
Starting point is 00:51:39 Yeah, you see Frost is left behind where Calder has just disappeared. I put up a slippery one wet. I'm always good to be careful. Careful over there. Saul, your throat sack fills with starfire and you let out a burst of energy from your mouth that empowers your allies. Calder and Cali, you guys feel emboldened just being around Saul and Saul.
Starting point is 00:52:05 You have learned Silvery Barbs and you can use this once per day and you can recharge it with two key points whenever you'd like. And Silvery Barbs is a spell, it's a reaction. You magically distract the triggering creature and turn its momentary uncertainty into encouragement for another creature. The trigger and creature must re-roll the D20 and use the lower roll. So it's almost like a a luck point or something like that where you can make somebody re-roll. Nice. You can then choose a different creature you can see within range. The chosen creature has advantage on the next attack roll, ability check or saving throw it takes within one minute.
Starting point is 00:52:45 A Creature can be empowered by only one use of the spell at a time. Yeah, Saul just breaks into a beautiful frog song, which enemies would find hideous and weird, but my allies find beautiful. Yeah, you guys. Seriously, dude. You guys were a little disgusted by hearing Saul call out
Starting point is 00:53:03 to the bigger frog that was calling him a baby, but you feel yourself enchanted by the shrug song. You're kind of being won over by it. It's actually yeah it's nice and basic. It kind of rips. And Callie, you see the constellation of the baby serpent disappears and you suddenly feel yourself jolt up as it materializes underneath you in a corporeal form. You have learned find a steed. And this is an avatar of the serpent that you saved. This has War of War stats. Oh my God, I was literally like,
Starting point is 00:53:48 well, I can't really take notes. Oh my God. That's why I offered mounted. Come back in a minute. Oh. So, Kali, now you can do the worm whenever you want. You're right. I do the worm on the worm.
Starting point is 00:54:03 You're right. The only thing that was stopping me was my mental block. Now that I have a seat on him, I feel confident enough to do it. It's absolutely synchronized. It looked so weird and unsettling. We really have grown. The worm also turns.
Starting point is 00:54:23 You see, as you do the worm on top of the worm, with a sword full of nose hair, the serpent queen just looks at you from the constellation. There's just an awkward beat. Yes, we're all done. I think I'm, I take a break from doing the worm. I'm getting really serious. Yes, alright, let's all take a breath. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs.
Starting point is 00:54:55 They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud-knit
Starting point is 00:55:25 fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-a or enter promo code pop-a at checkout.
Starting point is 00:55:54 That's birddogs.com slash pop-a or promo code pop-a for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, Go team pants and enjoy the show. Let's all get really serious turning on a dime. Can I see like if I touch this Stead do I see in the sky where the serpent is yeah, like does affecting the avatar like Yeah, I'll say that as as you pet the serpent you see the stars shimmer in the sky like across the serpent's back okay um so I think since I feel like this avatar like it can it can sort of like hear me via this avatar I think I whisper in its ear like
Starting point is 00:56:42 okay the one you and me we're gonna get your siblings back. And I just see if there has any effect on it, like does it here? Yeah, you see, it looks up at you with these big curious eyes. And then you see the constellation of it begins kind of swirling and sparkling. You see it breaks apart and forms three little serpents that hang up in the sky.
Starting point is 00:57:16 But then you see the two other ones, the stars fall out of the sky and break apart. Oh, so heartbreaking. Okay, well, I know I did you wrong once, but I'm going to do you right now. fall out of the sky and break apart. Oh, so heartbreaking. Okay, well, I know I did you wrong once, but I'm going to do you right now, but I want to know, I'm here, I'm in your service, but what do you want of me? Do you want devotion? Or do you want vengeance against the people who did this to you, in your siblings? Or do you want redemption.
Starting point is 00:57:45 Kali, much like your connection with foster, or foster doesn't speak, but you get certain feelings, and you can kind of feel like an intuition. You lock eyes with the serpent, and you hear the word protection. Protection. I can work with that. you hear the word protection. Protection. I can work with that. And yeah, you feel this, um, this serpent was sent to the material plane to return the
Starting point is 00:58:16 Fey Wild to the Wild if the Fey were to abuse the land, essentially. And the world has changed greatly. The serpent was manipulated. It was used as a weapon, but it still has this sense that it wants to protect the wild, that it wants to protect the natural cycle. And now that it's bonded to you, it sees alladren and humans as animals, as like part of the wild that it needs to protect and help in this upcoming fight against the
Starting point is 00:58:54 machines, against the growing network. Okay. I hear you, I feel you, I give it a little pet, and I think that's as much of an answer as I need. You see, it swirls around you as starlight and star dust gathers around you. Kelly, what did it say? Oh, did you hear my side of the conversation? Yeah, I heard you ask the question, I didn't hear anything. Yeah, it was kind of like, what do you need of me if I'm like sort of like your night? And I think it gave me, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:30 And I think it gave me a pretty clear answer. I thought, I'm amazing. I'm forward. Cool. Yeah, but called it, get over here because this starlight is like, cool, it's cold. It's like you. Yeah, it reminds me of you.
Starting point is 00:59:44 Called her jogs, I put some of it on my hands. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. You're thumb. That's what that was. I thought you were holding a rotten banana with a fucking chicken wing. Oh, don't show me that. God. You think that's bad. You should see the other hand. It's even worse. It's a bunch of rotten bananas. Yeah, you see the starlight wraps around caulder and saw as well and called and saw your finger snap back into place. And caulder,
Starting point is 01:00:15 you feel the cold light. Yeah, can I lay on hands on to Saul's hands? Yes, yes, lay on them hands on hands. Just a very slow high five. You're having this discussion amongst yourselves as this giant constellation of a serpent is in the sky and she just goes, well, I send you onward with the blessings of the serpent. I think I cut see politely and I say I've pledged myself to your child so in a way I'm pledged to you and I hold out a shooting star flower which is it's a wild flower that grows in wetlands and places with enough moisture. You hold out the flower, you see it disappears and appears on her head. She goes, pledged yourself to my child, very well, grand baby snake. Go now. Return your world to its natural order order and her eyes glow kind of menacingly or I will do it for you. And she scatters back into
Starting point is 01:01:31 a million stars that disperse into the sky. You see the land rumbles and rearranges itself to a level grassy plane. And you guys are left alone here on this impossibly starry night. Wow. This... I think I make another star map, right? Yeah. Did I do that one time? Yeah, on the beach.
Starting point is 01:01:53 Yeah, this is quite possibly the most perfect opportunity to do this. Yeah. Someone give me a piece of paper or parchment or an animal skin. You see Foster throws up a piece of paper. I'm gonna punch out little holes to look like the night sky. This is definitely a day to remember. Yeah, this is one to keep. Yeah, let's sleep out under the stars.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Yeah, that sounds good. Yeah, you guys take out your bed rolls. You don't even need to set up a tent. You can set up a little fire for some warmth and cook some dinner if you'd like. But it's a perfect night. There's no bugs out or anything like that. I think that the piece of paper that Foster threw up
Starting point is 01:02:34 is from my empty who am I journal? Oh wow. And I think in this moment, I realized I was like, like I was asking the wrong question. I was asking who I am when I should have been asking like, what do I want to do? And so I'm just like, good fucking red ins. Who needs naval gazing when you could be stock gazing?
Starting point is 01:02:53 Oh, you furiously poke through the paper. While we're sitting all around, I think, because Saul was the only one that kept his monestone, he's gonna take some of the snake floss and attach it and make a little necklace for himself. So he can kind of remember where he came from, was the only one that kept his monestone. Yeah. He's gonna take some of the snake floss and attach it and make a little necklace for himself. So he's kind of, remember where he came from but also where he's going.
Starting point is 01:03:10 Sweet. So you make a little necklace. You guys see it glows against the fire from the campfire. And Kelly, you feel in the beast lands, you feel kind of a stronger connection to foster, maybe even than you had before. And you feel foster hops up into your lap, but here, instead of feeling kind of warm and fluffy,
Starting point is 01:03:32 like you normally does, it feels a little bit cold. Are you okay? I think I like, like when you're trying to like warm up a child, I do like that little rubbing of the show. like, hmm, like when you're trying to like, um, warm up a child, I do like that little rubbing of the show. You see, you see Foster looks okay, but you feel as you pet him to warm him up, your hands turn blue like a winter elitron. Oh, that's why.
Starting point is 01:04:02 Hmm. That's really nice. I think I just, um, I think I just scoop him up and cuddle him because I'm taking comfort in his origin. You cuddle up with Foster and do you guys all go to bed for the night? But Calder, you do have some charges on your health. Okay. So I use three charges, I believe. Yes, you do have some charges on your health. Okay. So, I use three charges, I believe. Yes, you use three charges.
Starting point is 01:04:28 So, Calder, you fall asleep, probably feeling a little bit more comfortable after getting all these powers from the Beastlands, after facing your fears with these giants and everything, these boastful huntsmen, you go to sleep and you close your eyes, and you find yourself once again on this icy plane, but you look around and see that the force field is gone. And you just see this dot in the distance, charging towards you, getting bigger and bigger and bigger, go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. I'm coming for you, you piece of shit.
Starting point is 01:05:06 I want you to start so far away. No more magic between us. It's not my choice where you show up. It's a dirty 20. Yeah, that'll do it. OK, you see as he gets about like a hundred feet away from you, still charging for you, this very long gate coming for you,
Starting point is 01:05:25 earthquaking underneath you. You are able to kind of stumble back, concentrate, think about going back into your body, think about going back to Cali and Saul, and you wake up the next morning. God, yeah, I think even as I'm making fun of him, I'm just like, I'm wondering why isn't it working? Why am I left yet?
Starting point is 01:05:43 Why am I like it? It always happens one second after I think. Yeah, I'm just like I'm wondering why isn't it working yet? Why am I left yet? It always happens one second after I think I'm dead. So yeah, so you guys wake up It's a bit disorienting because it is still nighttime. So you wake up still Exactly the same starry sky. Oh, check the star map. Did they move? Did they? It looks like it's holding up against the sky. It looks a little different It looks like the serpent queen may have been doing the worm a little bit in the middle of the night. Wow. You guys didn't see that, did you? I thought I saw everyone with their eyes closed. That's just your thing. That's all I'm a serpent. I actually was transcing, so. Oh God, you saw the whole thing. I saw you practicing to see how many underlations you could get. And you guys, after a bit, after you wake up and kind of get your bearings, suddenly the ground begins rumbling and the great tree that houses Oberon suddenly bursts from the ground and
Starting point is 01:06:40 grows rapidly. You see the canopy of leaves quickly emerges over you, blocking your view of the sky, and roots grow beneath your feet. And a moment later, you see Oberon creaks out of the tree. Greetings. Good morning. I didn't see anything weird.
Starting point is 01:07:00 Then you weren't watching that fight. Ah, ah, ah. Yeah, I actually did see some weird stuff. I flipped my hair over my shoulder and he said, you some no silk like extension. Oh my god. Oh, Cali. Wow. No thing would happen.
Starting point is 01:07:21 I only have to transfer four hours, so I had like four hours to work. I'm going to go on. It's over. It's crazy. She threw out her journal and she had a glow-up. Yes. Well, if you desire a passage back to your world, I can grant that to you. Is there a price?
Starting point is 01:07:44 Three dollars. Okay. They have American dollars. I got a lot of gold, but what is that? A dollar? I need cash. I pressed the digitization on the envelope. We have three dollars. Three American dollars in it.
Starting point is 01:08:00 Alicia, we have a three-each or three total. They actually did it. I'll give this to you on the other side. three-eature three total. They actually did it. I'll give this to you on the other side. All right. This was a, it was a goof. Obran, do you know what's going on back on the material plane? Do you have any idea like how the crick is? If things are safe, things are settled. Like what are we going to be materializing into?
Starting point is 01:08:22 Yeah. Well, my access to the material play is mostly through foster. So, I haven't seen much. What about Ollie? Are you allowed to tell me? Your sister is getting in over her head and beginning to see the dark side of the family business. Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:58 Interesting. Yeah. How she looked though. I don't really think of her like that. I'm a fucking tree. I'm saying I feel a little competitive, so I just want to like make sure that I'm just like that way. Okay, so let me try to make this clear to you guys.
Starting point is 01:09:20 Objectively, whose hair is longer. You didn't say that. Yeah, that's kind of what I'm like. And thank you for that. I'm like, you can't talk longer. Did you look higher? Yes, I do the worm on my wife. Let me, if you do the worm on the worm,
Starting point is 01:09:33 let me, I am, I'm like a tree, right? So you asking me who looks better would be like looking at like a grape in an orange and being like who's more attractive. Like it's just I'm just not there if that makes you calling us petty and you asked us for $3.00. That was you have to admit that was funny. I'm sure you're asking for $3.00.
Starting point is 01:09:58 That's $3.00. Yeah, $3.00. Yes, $3.00. I think about it. Yeah. $3. $3, yes. $3, yes. I think about it. Yeah. I don't think it's Callie. I meant to ask you this last night, but you know, we've got a choice between the Feywild
Starting point is 01:10:14 and Iron Deep. It seems like things might be more pressing in the Feywild. I don't think so, though, because if she feels like she's getting in over her head, that doesn't mean that she has a super expensive egg on her hands, right? Right. Unless, over and can you tell us that? She does not have the egg. Okay.
Starting point is 01:10:36 So, I think it's not as pressing as I and Deep. Okay. If you're all right with that decision, just letting you know that if you want to head that way, I'm happy to do it. I think I'm like willfully still avoiding my sister until I feel like I can. You got that. Yes.
Starting point is 01:10:51 If I'm being honest, I don't mind laying it. All right, let's take the long way around, man. Sweet, you see that Obron gestures a long branchy finger to his tree and the bark begins to break apart, creating an archway and beyond it you can see the light of the morning sun hitting the creek. That looks idyllic. Yeah, let's go through one more mouth.
Starting point is 01:11:19 Yeah, another metaphorical reaver! Here it comes. You guys bid goodbye to Obran, enter the tree, and exit the other side. Instantly hit with the muggy air of the creek. Oh, there we go. It looks like it's morning here. You see the sun hangs low in the sky. It does seem like time has probably passed similarly here as it did in the sky. It does seem like time has probably passed similarly here as
Starting point is 01:11:45 did in the Beastlands so you've probably been gone a day and as you guys enter the creek I'm gonna do a little recap because we've been away from the creek for a few weeks of real time. So here's the situation as it stands in the living wood based on everything you know. So Glen has been presenting as a green dragon elf but is secretly a Crick elf who resents his people's passivity. He's been sowing chaos in the living wood hoping to force the Crick elves into a war. Despite some setbacks, he's still likely to succeed.
Starting point is 01:12:23 Glen has been faking Voidelf attacks on the blue dragon elves for some time, and the powerful faction has been hunting for the Crick ever since. The massacre at the summit is likely to get back to them, and when they find out that there are traders in their midst, they're likely to blame the Void elves, the supposed thorn in their side. To make matters worse, the blue elves have a shrumrot, Queen Umberspore's brother in captivity, and he knows how to get to the creek. It may take some time to extract the information from him through magical means, but eventually
Starting point is 01:12:57 they'll figure out how the creek portals work. So that's where we are now. There's chaos in the living wood. Peace was always tenuous. Once the blues find out about the traders, they're liable to go nuclear and try to wipe out the other factions putting the Crick in danger.
Starting point is 01:13:13 But back to you guys. You guys have just returned to the Crick. You see that you are in the same area that you were when you left. There's still a rune circle where the spell was cast, but there's no one here. It's been a day, but it's a bit strange that no one waited around, because you're just, you know, less than a mile outside of the town. Everybody go ahead and give me perception checks. 22. 16. 19. Sweet. Good perception checks. You guys look around.
Starting point is 01:13:41 Okay, 19. Sweet. Good perception checks. You guys look around. You're outside of the town square a little bit far away from it. So it's not crazy that you don't hear a ton of noise, but yesterday when you arrived, you could definitely hear music right away. You hear that there is no music.
Starting point is 01:13:59 You can make out some noise, but it sounds like something's off. Like the vibe is off. The trick is usually loud and rowdy, and you hear a gathering of people, but you don't hear singing or revelry, or then welcoming somebody or something like that, and they're a happy, boisterous people.
Starting point is 01:14:21 It does not seem like a happy, boisterous vibe. And with an above 20 roll caulder, you notice someone sitting alone, not near the room circle, looks like he was off by himself. Away from the room circle, you see a gangly old crick-Ellif, your friend Bumpy, is just in the woods by himself looking off in deep thought. Hey, hey, hey, hey Bumpy. Oh. You shout out, hey Bumpy, you see,
Starting point is 01:14:55 he looks kind of startled, didn't even notice you guys coming back, you can assume there was some kind of magical force when you guys came through the portal, and he looks kind of startled, is kind of knocked out of his trance and gets up. Oh, oh, hey, hey guys. Um, hey, bumpy. He walks over to you guys.
Starting point is 01:15:11 You good? Well, things have gotten a little complicated in the past, uh, 24 hours or so. Where's Mima? Mima was, uh, yeah, she had to, uh, deal with something in the town square. Is that something Glenn? He nods. Yeah, um, oh, Glenn, Glenn came back. He showed up last night as an envoy said that he had an army to lend to the creek for when the blues come for us. We said to him, you know, we don't want to negotiate with you, you're kind of like a war criminal who's who's working against us, so
Starting point is 01:16:08 war criminal who's who's working against us. So we'll do you the the solid of of let me go. Or we're gonna have to we're gonna have to capture you. And he just kind of let us capture him willingly. He's in the the time out tree right now. God, this is so hot that he let you capture him, really. It was kind of confident, is it? I fucking paste. I'm having trouble keeping up with what's hot. It's real hot. It's real hot. If you were there, you would have sold it.
Starting point is 01:16:38 It was hot. I think it's just like anything he does is hot. It's just like, it's the confidence. Yeah, and it's weird too, because when he was like, in the is high. It's just, it's like, it's the confidence. Yeah, and it's weird too, because when he was like, in the little sale that he's in, like we didn't take any of his clothes off and he took his shirt off.
Starting point is 01:16:51 Oh, all right. So he's kind of like listening there under 25. That is like, wheelingly, so my service is like hot. Bump, you need to stop describing the situation. Sorry, yeah, no, he's, he's glistening for sure. Anyway, so he came, we put him in the time out tree. He's, he's in a cell right now.
Starting point is 01:17:12 We sent our scouts ahead and sure enough, he's telling the truth. There's a bunch of dragons and soldiers set up camp about 10 miles out. The greens? Yes, it, the greens. It's a mix. It's, I think it's some of the people that were left over from the summit.
Starting point is 01:17:28 There's white dragons, white dragon elves, greens, a couple blues. And look, they're not that sizeable of a force, but we can't really afford to fight him and the blue elves. We're in a tough spot. The old folk circle is gathering to not to vote on it. Glenn says he was back in the living wood last night and did some recon. And thinks we got about two days before the blue show up. But all right, he plays his cards a little closer to the chest when he talks to people like, like me,
Starting point is 01:18:05 ma, people in authority, but I don't know. Kelly, maybe you can get something out of them. Me? I don't know. You knew him, right? I mean, I think he knew me more than I knew him. I think he put up a visage that I would respond to. Kelly, I know that you only knew one side of him, but from what you've said, I feel like
Starting point is 01:18:31 he showed you his true intentions. He showed you some aspect of his true self. We got to at least give it a shot. Yeah. Kelly, the fact that you know that he's too faced means you know him better than you think you do already. Yeah, but the problem is both of those faces are fucking gorgeous. I know, he doesn't have a bad side.
Starting point is 01:18:50 You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and the abs, I know. Yeah, yeah, he's too faced and like 12 abed. I know. Do you want Buffy to pretend to be your boyfriend? I don't know why I had to go into this. Just to make him jealous. I guess I could do it too. Actually, I don't know why I had to go into this. Just to make him jealous. I guess I could do it too. Actually that would be great. That would be really now with
Starting point is 01:19:11 talking so. Alright. Okay, yeah, if it solves my fake boyfriend, I think I've got the confidence to do it. I guess I'll need a new alias. Alright right, well, time out trees just over yonder. See, he points out in the distance away from the town square. I cast a third level push up bra. She's gross. So I'll make a wig out of a dragon nose hair. So that you have a beautiful mane? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:46 I freeze Kelly's ass so it's like rock, all. In saying, can't you gain, squeeze them, squeeze them. You guys go towards the time out tree and you find this dark tree with naked branches, gnarled roots. There is an archway in its trunk beyond which you just see darkness. And outside guarding it, there are two rangers. They look like guards, black dragon masks, and leather armor. And after a moment, you see Mima exit the archway. And she's helping along an older crick elf with stringy white hair. He looks devastated and is kind of just like staring off. He's got like dark circles under his eyes, stubble, and he's just kind of staring forward.
Starting point is 01:20:36 And you see Mima is kind of comforting him, walks out with him, whispers something to him, and you just kind of stays there, and then she walks over to you guys, and she goes, oh hey, sorry I missed y'all coming back. It's fine, what is happening here? Well, Glenn's kind of got us in a tough spot here. He showed up with an army, and he's essentially offered his services. In the downside is he's threatening us, essentially to swoop in after both sides have diminished each other. Oh, you think it's a play?
Starting point is 01:21:22 You think it's a play? You think it's not sincere? I think that he sincerely wants to fight on the side of the Crick-Elves. Sorry, let me rephrase that. He wants to lead the Crick-Elves into glorious battle. So in a way, it's sort of like a coup. Yeah, he wants to rule over what's left either way. She looks over at the time out tree. She looks up at the creek. She looks at the old man who looks sullen. She just shakes her head and she goes, not this. And you see, she turns over to the old man and goes,
Starting point is 01:22:20 all right, Kudr, let's get you home. She puts her arm around the old man and they begin walking back towards the creek. Okay but I know that's his father. Excuse me Mr. Kooter. You see this this old creek elf with white hair turns around and despite the fact that he looks like really devastated, he puts on like a smile for you guys and goes, oh, I'm sorry. I forgot my hospitality. My name's Kudur.
Starting point is 01:22:53 It's wonderful to meet all you. Welcome to the Creek. I'm so sorry to ask something personally invasive. Right. But Glenn is your son. I was wondering what you thought for this. I know that it's very complicated, but I want to respect whatever you need in this situation. So that's why I'm asking.
Starting point is 01:23:19 I appreciate that. You see, he just eyes, just mouthquivering as he smiles with tears well in his eyes and he goes, Let it worry, I give him a hug. Let it all burst into tears as he hugs you. And he goes, that's good. That's so sweet. That's just as bad as it is.
Starting point is 01:23:38 Happy as ever. I was just doing my best. I was just trying to be a good old foe. I know. I was just trying to be a good old foe. I'm just a good old foe. I was just trying to be a good old foe. I know, I was just trying to be a good old foe. I was just trying to be a good old foe. I was just trying to be a good old foe. I was just trying to be a good daughter. I was just trying to be a good daughter.
Starting point is 01:23:52 I was just trying to be a good daughter. I was just trying to be a good daughter. I was just trying to be a good daughter. I was just trying to be a good old foe. I was just trying to be a good old foe. I was just trying to be a good old foe. I was just trying to be a good old foe We hand out potions to each other a lot. That is valuable, that is valid.
Starting point is 01:24:08 You're here on my eyes. Do you want a tech bomb? Yeah. Yeah. You could kind of just like throw it at something. We're going to just work out some stuff by blowing things up. Like a berry that explodes. I would love to blow some stuff up.
Starting point is 01:24:23 If you guys have any bombs, I'll take one. Yeah, I'll give you a bomb. She'd like to. I'm a pretty good. Thank you so much. This is the best I've built in a while. No, I thought maybe after all these years that he might have softened a bit, but he, he planed for me as much as ever. So I'm just about the last person that should be talking to him. Okay. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 01:24:49 Well, I'm going to go blow up a mailbox. I hope you get to talk to him more. He seems complex and cool. You see, Kooter walks off with Mima, and you guys are left in front of the time out tree. You do see Mima gestures to you guys gives like a nod to the guards to like let you guys in if you decide to go. Okay, I put on my crochet bra that soul made me. I have my track jacket. I make an ice mirror in my hand to show hand to show Callie her reflection. I like make sure that my new starry body glitter is like catching all the light. I think that's has so much delaying of the inevitable that I can do.
Starting point is 01:25:36 I put on some very, very shaky wingtip eyeliner and I say, let's do this with a very dead smile. Ah yeah, squeeze, Callie's hand. Oh, so remember you're my boyfriend. Yeah, what's your name? He's got a long name of Noz. My name is Swag Daniel. Swag Daniels, that's really good. Oh, so you're too good at this.
Starting point is 01:26:04 Here to kid hand squeeze everyone swag Daniel Okay, and I'll be swag Daniel's buddy. Okay, what's your name? Dag swaniels Dag swaniels. That's really good Foster looks concerned. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Then we'll know and hear him. All right, Kali.
Starting point is 01:26:31 Swag and tag. Swag and tag. Enter the dark archway, and you see a stairwell descending beneath the tree. From here, you only have the light from outside to guide you way. And as you walk down, you see roots hanging from above. And when you reach the bottom, you are in a mostly dark room. There is a single
Starting point is 01:26:55 torch on the wall on this side of the room. And across from it, there is a single cell with powerful roots acting as prison bars. The light of the torch shows a shadowy figure inside. As we approach, I'm going to go ahead and activate my massage, which in its new form, I think a pair of like membrane slide over my eyes. Is they kind of glow a little bit and I grow some little frog horns above my head. So I look intimidating but also inquisitive. Ooh. Classic swag. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:33 Yeah. Swag Daniel says I'm too big for him. Ah. I link, um, so we swag Daniels. Yeah. And it, and swag's best friend, Doug. Just call, uh, I can, Doug. Man calls out. That's a saddened dog.
Starting point is 01:27:45 Man, Swag. Hey. No, it's cooler than you. Except maybe your new girlfriend, who I am to. I love having a girlfriend. You hear a voice from the other side of the cell echo through the room and go, oh how exciting, it barely feels like captivity with so many visitors. You see the figure moves up against the bars and the warm light hits his face, you see Glenn leaning up against the bars, and the warm light hits his face. You see Glen leaning up against the roots casually,
Starting point is 01:28:28 revealing piercing green eyes. Goliope, are you trying to make me jealous? I'm gonna give her guidance. Ah! I fucking know into a puddle. Ah! Glen. I fucking know into a puddle. Ah. Ah. Ah. Glenn.
Starting point is 01:28:47 Uh, nice to see you so close. Usually you try to say a bit more ranged. Right. Well, I had a game to play, but now I'm back where I belong. At the creek. In a cage. Sorry, hey, my name's dag. Your name is dag. Careful how you talk to my best friend. Oh, yeah, oh, you can call me Mr. Swenials. Glenn, by the way.
Starting point is 01:29:22 And I swear you. And Zag's when you're like, okay, hang on, are they? Okay, so they're not related because their name's not the same. Yes, but we are in a love triangle asking. Wait, what? There we are. I can't do in-proven. In-proven. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:39 I grip, I grip, I grip all my hands and I say in-proven. I grip, I grip, I grip, I grab his hand and I say improvise. Fucking improvise. So the sake of my fucking waiting self-esteem is improvise. He's gonna do an inside check. You see he narrows in on callder. Dag, huh? Yeah. So I guess you and Swag is it?
Starting point is 01:30:07 Yeah, these Swag are friends. And there's a little love triangle I think. So why? That I just heard about or that I am involved in. That I'm involved in. We're close. We're really close. That's really good.
Starting point is 01:30:20 So. Alright. So Grabs there's ass. Call the ghost to lean on a wall and false, as he wasn't as close as he thought he was. Well done, well done. Well, Kaliope, it looks like you've successfully moved on. I'm... I'm proud of you.
Starting point is 01:30:38 I didn't do this for you to be proud of me. I didn't say that. I just said I'm proud of you. Well, thank you. Kali, you've really outdone yourself. You've taken my weapon away, squashed my rebellion, but nevertheless, trouble in the living would always falls back on the Crick Elves. So as long as there's trouble, I'll get my war. You see, he flashes a bright white smile.
Starting point is 01:31:09 Oh, so that's why you're being such a good sport. I would think you would harbor a little more resentment at us stealing your weapon. What are you not telling me? Come on, show off a little bit. I know you love to. What have you got up your sleeve? Not that you're wearing a shirt and not that I've moved to that or anything. Easy, babe. I hate you. Sorry, swag and dag. Sorry to be doing this in front of you girl. You see, it's got so much bread and water in it pours someone's chest. I used to be that water.
Starting point is 01:31:53 Stand down, dag. I can pour water on my chest. It freezes instantly. Fuck. Listen, what... What is it you want out of all of this? Do you want to rule the Cric? Do you want to be the only one left standing?
Starting point is 01:32:13 Why are you pitting everyone against each other? Pitting everyone against each other? I just want the Cric elves to stop hiding and to fight for themselves for once. And what happens to the old folks circle if you get your wall Do you keep them around of course not it's a new generation and there's a new Peep-on town You want to be the Peep-on Hmm, I
Starting point is 01:32:40 Think after all is said and done it'll be clear who the better leader is. You call yourself a leader. You could call off all of the dragons and the elves, gav it around your cause. You could avoid so much bloodshed. This doesn't have to go the the current soldiers under my command. You see, after the scene you made at the summit, thank you for that, by the way, was... Yes, of course. Well, the Blue Elves found out about our plot against them and are out for blood. The smaller factions are understandably terrified, so I united who I could and offered them a safe
Starting point is 01:33:33 haven. I brought them to the Crick. So I'll admit, we don't have the power to beat the Blues or the Crick Elves outright, but after a costly battle between the two, who knows? Perhaps we could swoop in at the end, crush the blues and force the Crick Elves to surrender, then I could lead the Crick Elves my way, and we could start a new chapter as the rulers of the living would. I'd rather fight alongside my people, of course, which is why I came to Parley.
Starting point is 01:34:11 But the powers that be have once again made the wise decision of putting me in the corner. I heard you did it willing, May. Well, I think I'm very suspicious about the fact that he submitted to this. So can I do like a perception on this? Yeah, go ahead and do a perception check. Is it 10? Ah, Matt, while she's doing that,
Starting point is 01:34:37 can I use my visage to whisper into Cali's mind and say, we have the truth, Serum, if you can find a way to get him to drink it. I think if I'm going to do that, I might need to be alone with him. If you think you've got a shot, the Hagen I can get a room. This is... oh, it's like a full love triangle. Yeah, I think I'll sort of like slight of hand that truth potion. I'll turn to Calder and say, listen, Dag, I think she needs some time closure and all
Starting point is 01:35:15 that. Oh, yeah. All right. You say you're goodbyes, but don't you go cheat on us. All right. We'll keep a stump warm for you. So, is it a love triangle or are you polyamorous? We haven't decided.
Starting point is 01:35:31 I can't improvise. What? Nice to meet you, bud. So, swag and dag head off. Walk back up the stairs. Kali, I'll say there's a little stool here. You pull up, Glenn pulls up a stool, leans in from across the other side of the bars.
Starting point is 01:35:54 Well, well, Kali. Just the two of us, just like old times. Can I sort of like, is the truth serum is it labeled? No, no, it's a, like a clear potion. Okay, I know you always liked experiments and I've just come from the Beaslands and I think I want to, like, are there two little cups? Yeah, I'll say, um, yeah, he's got like a cup on his side like they're giving him food and water and everything. Can I pour two drinks? Yeah, then can I
Starting point is 01:36:32 as I go to sip it, can I cast purify food and drink on it? Yeah, go ahead and give me a sleight of hand check. Okay, you have guidance remember. Oh, 15. 15. You have guidance, remember? Ooh, 15. 15. You do a sleight of hands. You put the potion in both drinks, becouse purify on yours. Glen takes the cup from you. He holds it up to cheers you and goes to memories,
Starting point is 01:37:02 to old friends. To old friends and good memories. He takes a sip, gargles it for a moment, sucks it down, and then looks at you directly in the eyes and goes, I will come out on top, Clyde P. Petricore. And that's the truth. And that's where Melinda's. Oh my god, that was hot. Oh, my bones. That was really hot.
Starting point is 01:37:32 That was a hot word choice. I will come out on top. Oh. Oh. I'm just flying fully in my mouth. Melinda. All right. Thank you all so much for listening.
Starting point is 01:37:44 We'll talk more about how hot Glenn is over on the Patreon, patreon.com slash nad pod I'll blend. All right, thank you all so much for listening. We'll talk more about how hot Glenn is over on the Patreon, patreon.com slash nad pod that's NADD, DPD, don't sing yet. We don't even think about it. Does anybody have anything they'd like to plug? Yeah, I would love to plug our, actually I would love to plug just our Nashville and Philly
Starting point is 01:38:02 show. Yeah. The other ones are all sold out. So that's Savannah, Atlanta, DC, Boston, all sold out. So if you wanna come, come see us in Nashville. Yeah, you were coming to Atlanta, Savannah, and they ran out of tickets. Take a little road trip.
Starting point is 01:38:19 Take a little road trip, a little fun. I'm gonna plug our sold out shows, because that's fun. Oh, that's rude. Those are my favorite ones. I'm gonna plug anchor steam Christmas ale. It's seasonal beer that's got like a real nice wintery taste to it. All right. I've had a couple of this weekend. Real lovely stuff. Wow. Also, please come to the Nashville. She's coming to Nashville. It's a hometown show, baby. We're gonna pull out all the stops looking forward to it.
Starting point is 01:38:47 Yeah, okay. Sweet guys, you can follow us on social media that we may or may not use. At C.H. Merchandmi, at Caldee's Caldwell, at E.X. for Demole, and at your curvitz's Jake. And you can tweet about the show using hashtag NADPOD. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth, we are the utilization. It's the end of the show everyone and you know what that means. It's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Hugh C. Later Mixgator. Matt M. Jordan D.J. Cutter W.
Starting point is 01:39:27 Live A. Daniel G. The J-Pot. Dylan B. Who is selling a glad trading card for a hundred brown leaves a steal. Dungeon Mama. Not sexual. Daniel, the Dasterdly D Dame, Beardman Dan, Danny P, Vincent W, Mr. Cole, Victor D, Bound Lorsboy, Dominic P, Justin I, Ragnar, Ferredwyn, DJ M, Traylae the Cray-Fay, Christopher B, Damiel R, Brianna B, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Emily, applying Coltis to Merf's rollerblading injuries that happen sometimes. Richard X Machina, Michael L, Kalim L, Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C, Hemlock. Samuel B, Mike H, Matthew E, great Value Gemma. Adam G. Tyler F. Panama James. Andrew the Bard. Nope, sorry, just Andrew the Druid here. Adrian the Halfling Bard officer.
Starting point is 01:40:33 Rex Daniel the White Captain sigil. Diana De los Lopez. C.C. Lulu. Her Q. Poirot. The Rabbit Folk Detective, which I actually did not know that this was a pun and I only just started listening to the Hercule. I don't know how to say it. I just started listening to the Agatha Christie books in which this is a character.
Starting point is 01:40:58 This pun has come to life for me. Timmy R. Lucas B. Reiko. It's Kevin. Cody B. TimmyR, LucasB, Raco, It's Kevin, CodyB, Calder's cold, Come hashtag rise, my comrades, Spread the comrade! KDW, TaylorB, the vengeful one winged angel, Cascade for Cascade, Captain of the Stevens. Ooh, Steven C, Michael M, Mike K. Lady Taco. Brian G. Joy T. Nara. Jake L. Nick Wolf.
Starting point is 01:41:30 Brave the Badger. Esmi M. Foster. The Boneless Duck. William W. Aaron the Asshole Ranger. Big bad beard on the mad. Eric McTee. Galad Rosel the white rose of Galadiron. Well, interesting to have him as a patron. Christian Alvarado, J. Dragonborn, Joro the Anappropro, the San Dreyon, Ben A.
Starting point is 01:41:56 Feldonis, John III, Dave H. Vivian, Koala Bear, Catherine S. David K. Christian S. Dustin S. Connor F. Hawkeye Pierce,
Starting point is 01:42:09 Bookfars Assistant Izzy F. The Time Walker, Marky Mark, The Marvelous, Mining, Engineer, Cat-C, Kelsey J. Porkchop, Misa of House in Zunza, Ariel the occasional mermaid, Selena and Valacy Raptor, B. Perky O'Ease, Pat L. A'Chutha A, Lauren H. Ryan S. The bone duster, the charming fluft. Robert Crisp, telekitty creations, I will request. You know I'm gonna request that constellation of snakes. That's great. Bloops! Carly A. Addy K.
Starting point is 01:42:51 AP Cleric. Laurie P. Spam Gaming, who's just a raccoon that has a gun. Terrifying, because raccoons are actually really terrifying on their own. Let alone weaponized. Conor S. His raccoons are actually really terrifying on their own. Let alone weaponized. Connor S. Christopher J. Pepplepot to the two riders. My first D&D party may all our adventures be wondrous.
Starting point is 01:43:12 Thank you for being my friends. Oh, that just moved me. Celil. Leviathan. Bioquart 7. Amber Dexterous. Sullivan H. Treb Hap Trepper.
Starting point is 01:43:23 Sydney T. Jack H. Treb Hattrepper, Sydney T. Jack H. Crapster Champion of Crod's Scuttling Sideways Torts Tomorrow. Fender A. Garble the Moist. Lindsay W. Juicy Kiwi who finally converted to the comradery of callters called Com! Congratulations! Bailyn, beep! The Druid Barbarian! Carlin C, Emily S, Cody and T.R.A.P. Pendergreens roommate.
Starting point is 01:43:52 Oh, Harry Cox, no other bagel of all things, Justin L. Torrey, everything bago the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet, Badger Stripey! Dandy, Marcos P. Jordan P. the occasional crit reporter. Learns the balance druid, Dakota James P. Frida and Poggos. Betroathed self-proclaimed fey, Prince Tracy P. the crit-go-flop, Brarian, Friar Frissit. Prairiean, friar, frizzin'. Andiee, Holly Hyena, Kristen Zee, the I will use what you love against you DM. Leah C, Paige H, Helen of Brice, May B,
Starting point is 01:44:35 Pixel Stars, Akash T, Timothy H, Kristen with a K, Cal, just Cal, Commodore Galaxy, Edison, and Russell H, among named Dilgo, Nios the novice monster hunter. And I think a friend, Simon, should I be meeting him, Jake M. Murf, CWD,
Starting point is 01:44:58 you know where, if not, role intelligence safe, Patrick. Laura Lidus, succubus, and Kyra, her busty Queen. Okay. Michael, the Ezri Pop Idol, Morgan M, appealing sticker, Steven E. Chaos, the Crick mascot. Happy birthday to my hot husband Andrew L. A. K. A. Flandrew. Love you, your wife said. Ooh, happy birthday!
Starting point is 01:45:25 John Adams, yes, like the president, Meg the male carrier of Bohumia, James F. Captain Kappy, M4L, Waffer, currently in a trademark dispute with mothership over the patent on the SS Storm yarn. Andrew B. Sir Smut, Cope fresh, Barpo good barrel, Bart Berrien and Brewer a maritus of water deep, Mary Beth coverly, Welsh linder, Garrett G1 big curd, Mr D, Dana Daisy, Sean J, Mr Silly head, Ethan B, Monster Captain Rene S. Hop! The dancing rabbit. Hopes, dagger, the only dagger of hope. Olivia, the enchanting bard, who will totally be making money and
Starting point is 01:46:13 a grand novel off of the duck team's tails, with an on-the-go, all-the-stop show. Blue slayed the artificer. Michaela R. Riley S. Fyco, Angry Wheat, the game itself just trying to find himself. Tony G. Corbos, Calamatus, Comshot, Hashtag, CCC, Forever, sorry Jake, Josh H. Jack, the Jack's jinxing rogue on the run with Bohumias Balls. Mango and Banadas, rent in mules, he who made Doug DeVirgin, Darknut, Trugdor, the Bernanator, Clementine T, Caleb L, Sam, Holly Merlin, and Kucita.
Starting point is 01:46:57 This message has been brought to you by Fairies and support of hashtag CCC. Honk the Arcane Trickster Goose! Now, with the enlarged spell, can trip Dumbledore the bear onesie wearing barbarian with a bad back, Papa Wookie, MJ the BFG drinking tea by the sea! Little Ferret Powell, Samantha K,
Starting point is 01:47:23 Kronos Maximus, G-noteowl, Samantha K, Cronus Maximus, Genote, Squid, Minty, Hey, other of other of the Hey, Mama Bell, This is your daily reminder to drink water. Sheldon, the mushroom turtle, Straw man, 18 wheels of rubber and steel,
Starting point is 01:47:40 Potato Master, Timothy R, Lloyd, Tis the great and finally! Derek D. Thank you all so much. We love you. You make this possible. Muah, muah, muah, muah. Goodbye, my sweeties. That was a hate gun podcast.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.