Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep. 33: Mounting Crows (Legends of Irondeep)

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

Duck Team investigates the source of the mind-controlling leeches! Sol advocates for piss technology, Hardwon defers to Caw Caw, and Callie sparks several resignations. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music/Sound Effects Include:"A Wizard Tournament" by Emily Axford."Tundra Trudge" by Emily Axford."Solving Puzzles" by Emily Axford."Spooky Shafts" by Emily Axford."Mothership" by Emily Axford."Mothership Lobby" by Emily Axford."Patina Glenbottle" by Emily Axford."Bonkginya, Fia Bonkginya" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. Plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping with rush

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podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Behumee, everybody. Oh, yeah. I'm your Dungeon Master, Brian Murphy,

joined by Jake Kerwitz. Hard one, sure, foot. Rhyme-less, timeless. He's here. Rhyme-less. Then of course, Emily Axford. Feeling a bit shit about her friendly fire, crit, colliding, patchickle.

Yeah, don't remind us. You think it's an ass. It felt maybe really one of the West things of heaven. Oh, devastating. And then of course called Al-Tanner. Oh, good morning, everyone. Salam befo, your weatherman with a weather plan here with today's broadcast.

I'm representing showers of dice natural ones and hopefully a few 20 scattered in, followed by a smattering of bits, goofs, sincere moments, and puns that don't make sense. And later in the day, we're going to be expecting a dark storm cloud representing the ever-present shadow of death. Thanks, Brian, back to you. I love it!

Oh my god, I can eat that. That's every week from now. Oh no! Every week! The weather report. Yeah, I can't get the weather report. I can't go back to anything else. It was perfect.

The weather man. The feather fall report. No. That was perfect. The weather man. The feather fall report. That's not great. It's not great. I thought about your weather man, Fabian.

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah. I like rockin'. We're time to think about it. We're gonna be doing it every week so we can work shop. Yeah. I'll admit to being dubious when I saw you holding up the notebook while you were doing it.

I was like, sure, you can remember a sentence. I, what about seven? Yeah, I could remember seven. When you landed on broadcast, I was, I was ready to buckle in for the ride. I loved it. I settled in. I settled in.

Glad to hear it, folks. Murf, go ahead, kill us, please. All right. Let's go ahead and do a little recap. So last time, hard one in Saul awoke defined the Leam Mun's tiny duck missing along with their friend, Callie. The campsite was dispelled as soon as she left the area, following the orders of a mind-controlling clockwork leech. You quickly tracked...

DMPC, right? My new balnore. My self-insert is a little leech. My self-insert is a little leech. A little leech. Yes, Brian Wormy. Yeah, you're very good. You ease on fire today. I don't feel any alcohol today. I don't know if the city can get this up. I had two steps of deathmish coffee.

It's all downhill from here. Yeah. You quickly tracked her and found Kali following an automaton along with a bunch of nobles, all with the same clockwork leeches in the back of their heads. You tried to ambush them, but were counter-attacked with Kelly delivering several devastating hits on hard one. Yeah.

However, she's so devastating, boys. Oh my God. Hits the body, hits to the ego. So many crits, you've never crits that much. So many crits, I took five to ten psychic damage to try to reverse one And then didn't I just roll another one and then you rolled another crib? Yeah, we used a luck point on it anyway However hard one was able to finally remove the leech from her head and cally joined the battle together You quickly dispatched the automaton sending the noils running back to the base

of someone they kept calling the creator. Yeah, we did. Yes, you did. Just dig that. All right. Trying to celebrate. Hey guys, this is my DMPC. Be nice, okay?

You know how much I care about the leeches. Don't be mean to my little leech, don't be mean to the leeches. It's a worm with glasses. Yeah. Despite similarities in Magitech, Callian Saul got the sense that these creations were too shoddy to be built by Mother Ship directly.

With the party greatly injured, you skipped out on hiking and set up an austere camp. Clipy vowed never to be a burden to the group again, mirroring Hard One's own worries. The next night, Hardwan confessed his own insecurities about holding up his team, revealing that he had lost his friend, Cobb, in his last battle. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh to feel his feelings and he cried about the tragedy for the first time. The next morning you were attacked by a pack of nolls who caught up to you. After a lost day of hiking, yeah, it had to happen. But the newly invigorated team absolutely devastated the opponents. Yes, Saul was unhiddable,

jumping from sword to sword and distracting the nolls. Hard one beheaded the pack leader, is this your leader? And Kali cut down the rest on serpent back. We let the dogs out. You certainly did. You let the dogs off a cliff. Next, you continued your hike and found yourselves at the pace of a mountain.

While climbing, the cliffs suddenly cracked apart and revealed a hidden passage. You saw fire giants entering the fissure, carrying scraps from automatons. Hard one advised against following them in and you listened, allowing the mountains to close behind them. As they did, you felt the heat radiating from their layer, but you also felt a familiar chill signaling that you may have found the location of Ultras. And that's where we are now.

So the mountain has just sealed again with one last shake. Everything is back in place, and there is no trace left of the secret entrance of this fissure. Hard one, do you have an icy hot patch, or was that what I thought it was? I do have an icy hot patch, actually, but I think it's what you thought it was. Yeah, I sense something I see within the hotness. Yeah, and it's not just my I see how I patch. It's really stinky though.

I should change it. I actually feel nothing. I put this on three years ago. Oh, it's so infected underneath. Same for me, but a birth control patch. Hard one raises an eyebrow. Six kids come out from under the rocks. We're a little laddure.

All right, okay, so I guess we are trying to go to iron deep still though, right? Yeah, but now confirmation alt Ultras is here. So that's, let's get to Iron Deep. That presence down there looks so fucking vicious. Those fire giants. Do you know if there's anyone else in the mountains who's like a natural enemy to them? Like this fucking mad scientist you talked about, does he want to control the Iron Deep mountains?

Would he, you know, raise a mutiny against the fire giants? Yeah, or it may be like sell us some suits that we can use to like go into like the magma crater that they just went inside? Yeah. The dwarves and the fire giants, they have enough power and weaponry and protection from the natural elements that they've never fought against each other, but we'd have to ask, we'd have to ask Jaina, she might know more about what's going on. Yeah.

She's going on about her. Is she, she's important? She's, yeah. She's, she's the queen general, yeah, general bronze beard. Okay. Super important. Hi. Max important.

Right. Okay, gotcha. Don't act like this around her. Okay, then I guess I and Deepa is the most important, but we may be perceived with caution because of these leeches. Hard one, smack, smack. No, we all have leech check. Do you have one on me? Everybody's check.

Leech check. We can do the full house thing every hour to see if one of us has a leech on each other. Yeah, that's smart. 13, okay. Oh no. Ah, that's a 22. Yeah, you guys don't see any leeches. Don't see, I strip naked.

That's an 11 for me. Yeah, you guys don't see any leeches, yeah. You are covered in ticks though, hard one. That's fine. Yeah, just sort of a point of clarification and hard one would know this. The situation with the leeches and stuff, whoever's controlling these, this is new.

So hard one, you wouldn't totally know what was up with this person, but you guys from the outside would gather. This probably is an official mothership person and hard one has someone from the Iron Deep Mountains. You would gather, this is probably kind of one of the outlaws that tries to run the mountain, but is doing it instead of with brute force, is doing it with like magic science. And then as far as the fire giants, hard ones got the right of it.

There are these two basically massive cities. You've got Iron Deep and then you've got a fire giant settlement. And the two are kind of at a forever stalemate. The dwarves, unless they're wearing like special protective equipment, can't even go to the fire giant's layer because they'd get burned up and the fire giants don't have the military size to invade somewhere as massive as iron deep. It's a cold war. Yeah, not that cold. That's really good. I don't even like comedy.

Cobb would have loved it. Yeah, I was like, I'm sorry, it's great. Light on to you. Well, yeah, I guess eyes on the Iron Prize then, let's keep moving. Sweet. So yes, there is a little bit more mountain to climb,

to get over the crest here. Once you do that, you'll be more than halfway through the mountains. We did decide the last time the DC, it is only a 14 for an athletics check to get to the top here now. All right, so go ahead and make your athletics checks. That is gonna be a 22 for a 5P. Clipy, spider climbs, just crawls,

looking unnatural at getting to the top. I know what I'm fighting for now. Shut up to the two crew. Okay. But with athletics, I am at an 11. So I have my bardic. I have just a little bit of coldness left to my icy hot watch after all. 16. Okay. Liberiously get to the top. Great. Sweating a little bit more than you'd like, panting a little bit more than you'd like, and you're probably trying to sell it. Like we're just doing it to kind of spot everyone else. Ooh, yeah, good thing I was leading the rear,

ready to catch anybody. Hard one, I know exactly what happened. You were trying to look a little bit bad to make me feel better. I really appreciate it. You're too late. I'm really, really, really, really appreciate it. I'm really appreciate it. Saul remember that he can run up walls,

so he just does that. Oh, so, Saul just runs up the cliff. After struggling a little bit, it just realizes he can just run. How it solves bullay, just run out. Yeah. Oh, wait, what am I doing? Yeah.

Yep. Just no hands runs up the rest of the mountain. Why did I try to climb? It's much easier to run. Yeah, you guys should have told me. So you guys get to the top of this mountain and look out onto the landscape below. This is one of the highest points of the entire mountain range.

You can see canyons and vatles beneath you. You hear the howling of wind through them and in the deep distance encased in fog, you see a set of mountains that just about matches the height of this one, which hard one you know is sort of the last major mountain between you guys and Iron Deeps. You're getting closer. And this side of the mountains, like we were saying, has a lot of the same dangers as the other side, namely the nobles are still chasing you. However, the Western Iron Deep Mountains are full of these outlaw warlords who have oftentimes fled justice

from Iron Deep, and they make their living stealing from or killing travelers or working covertly with the more polite criminal organizations in the city itself. Right. But how many of these warlords are there? Do you know hard one? There's a lot of mountains out here. There's a lot of outlaws. Okay, cool.

Yeah. Yeah, it's like constantly shifting. So you might, you might have come through here a few times and it was just like, ah, there's this one major guy and then he gets murdered and then his four lieutenants all have four warring armies. So it's like one, two, eight at all times. Like, eight.

Honestly, I feel like I've worked with people like this before. So I think I can take the lead because I heard when my family was smugglers from the Feywild. Really? Yeah, and Warlords fucking loved to smuggle. Yeah, okay. I'll let you do the talking That's how they get their weapons. Yeah, I might be able to I might yeah sweet I'm so we will fast forward a little bit to the next day of hiking

But first let's do a con save to see how well this day went We'll say there were a couple fails going up the mountain So we'll say a D4 of setbacks took you guys a little bit of time to get up the mountain. Go ahead and do the con save, hard one, to see how fast you guys move today. All right. A 16. I'll use indomitable.

Okay. There it is. 27. Yeah. Even with setbacks, you guys are so fast that these noles, I'll say, on a nat 20, they will still have a chance of gaining ground on you. I'll roll in front of the table.

Okay. Try not to crit. Yeah, okay, that was good. That's a big team. They would have gotten, that would have been an 18 for them. You would have had another loss and them chasing you. They hungry doggies. Yep.

So you hear the howling of the noles, but they are having as much trouble climbing as you guys did if not more so. Great. Okay. So you guys settle down for the night. Callie, what does the camp look like tonight? I think it's same, same as last night. I'll stay bed rolls, the hearth works, there's some metal camping utensils.

You see Foster looks a little sad that they're not duck utensils. Right. Right. I'm the duck utensil. They have a little duck at the end. So it makes up a little sign that says I'd rather be camping. Just to liven it up a bit. Hardwood unpacks really intentionally his woodblock and puts it next to the sleeping bag

What's what's that oh this yeah? It's just is that your pillow no, it's just an old instrument. Oh, that's funny. I have bird pipes I take out my bird pipes. Yeah, I frog throat really crazy I Sneeze into my bird pipes and make a little melody That's crazy. I sneeze into my bird pikes and make a little melody. What? I dropped my wood block on the ground, hoping that it's in time.

Well, I'm sorry, I said I sneeze into month, but Pikes and it made it. Let me get that for you. For you. Yeah. Hard one's trying to pick up the wood block, but kind of kicking it against the side of the heart. Can we just stop? Hey, let's just start doing ston.

It's a little dirty in here. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, Oh yeah, you guys have a nice little night after if the awkward night. So you guys have kind of bonded again on a very nice way. Trial by Icy Fire. Yeah. And the next morning, you guys begin exploring this side of the mountains, the West Iron Deep Mountains. And after a day of mountain climbing yesterday, you enjoy a mostly downhill hike today.

Everybody give me perception checks as you walk down the mountain. That's a natural one. I thought you were gonna say something else. I'm thinking of bad names for us. And I'm being like, could I be stuck? And have yourself, you can't expect too much about the people. Are we still based? If you're like mounting crows, because the hard one's crawling in a pack of a lot of mountains. And mountain crows.

That's really good. Mountain crows. Because sounds like you're fucking crows. But we are like mounted on a serpent and we're climbing a mountain. You just have to clarify. You just have to be like, we're mountain crows. We don't have a fucking bird.

We don't have a single bird. The birds fuck each other. And watch. 14 for me. Okay, three for me. Got it. So, so yeah you guys are maybe arguing a little bit about the band name It should just be easily understandable Yeah, I don't think people are gonna misunderstand it best bad names all inside jokes Yeah, and if they think the crows are fucking them like what's wrong with that? Let me consult with my bird. God God

What do you think? Silence is good. No objections. So yeah, you guys reached the edge of a cliff and see in the valley below some dwarven mercenaries in scrap metal armor. They have these rusty chainsaw blades, these like chainsaw swords, and offhand bolt pistols, their hair and beards are kind of haphazardly groomed with extremely close chaves on the sides, but kind of long floppy patches of hair on top, and they look to be a rowdy crew, and yet from this

vantage point, the only one who's really seeing them well is hard one, you see that they are completely silent. You'd think that their chatter would be echoing through the valley a little bit, and they are not moving. They're standing there in the valley here. This is crazy, because Sol and I are in the market for mercenaries.

Yeah, right, right, because I'm just bringing you time to do. Yeah. I don't know if you can trust anybody in these mountains, but you're the smuggling expert. You think you wanna try to talk to them? Well, I was thinking maybe we would see how powerful they were.

Test them out. Yeah, give them a job interview that they didn't know they were doing. Interesting. Ha. Ha. He's kinda remind me of those mercenaries who met in the living wood looks like the same sort of bus So yeah, so I don't know if these guys are tougher or

Or not, but yeah, we should check them out would I know anything about this like particular band about laws based on like their Armor hairstyle from this far away with only like a 14 perception check you saw what you saw you know that a lot of fighters in iron deep use like new magic tech and stuff which there are people who use these new like chain saw swords and stuff the more kind of like traditional dwarves like somebody like jane or something likes to use like a war hammer but a lot of these guys use chain swords you would just imagine these guys are working for some warlord in the mountain. Again, they're not moving.

It's kind of a strange situation. Okay. Are they just like standing still? Correct. Okay. Can we get to a very, very secret position and just throw a rock at them? Sure.

Yeah. I just wanted to test like reflex time. Great, huh? Also like, so you know I haven't really talked. Do we have like money to buy mercenaries? Yeah, let me check the duck. I know we like live a lavish lifestyle, but I don't know if that's reflected in our purse.

We've got like 6,000 gold still? That's, that's pretty hard. I look at hard money. How many guys is that? Yeah, how many mercenaries can it's a lot of money? Yeah, really? Oh, yeah, yeah, be careful with that out here Don't tell them you have that Okay, okay, so we should low ball

Yeah, rather than like first mercenary we need be like we've got six thousand gold You're the smuggler, but let's not offer the full purse. You know how to talk to me. You see Foster's walking around with his mouth open which is gold jingling around. I'll be honest. I was so feeling jingles. I'll be honest, I was a bad smuggler.

My family tried to keep me out of the business for a reason. I guess that's why you're here. You can't even sm your feelings, Kelly. Yeah, that's true. It's true. And I wouldn't want it any other way. Ah! OK.

Is that crazy? Is that something that we would just throw over? Oh, it's a surprise. It's a surprise. Is it crazy to chuck a rock at these frozen men? Well, if they're frozen, here's a thought. The last time we encountered these mercenaries, they had a lot of grenades that proved very useful.

Should we throw a grenade? We have grenades. We have one grenade left. We have one grenade left. Let's start with the rock. Okay. We could also just walk by. How about I just do like a perception check?

Is there, yeah, let's do another perception check. Is that something that's causing them to be frozen? Yeah, if you guys would like to get closer, you can tell me how you approach. Okay. So we're on the side of a mountain, right? Correct. You're looking, you're basically looking down on them.

They're in the valley down below you guys. So we'll say like 50 feet down. You don't have to jump down. You can walk around, but they could potentially hear you depending on what their actual condition is. Yeah, no, let's keep the higher ground. Keep the higher ground, but if we can like,

maybe almost like snake around towards like a different vantage point, like keeping behind rocks, roots, trees. Great, go ahead and give me a cell check. I will definitely use a luck point on the net one that I just got. Can I have a luck point for my net one? Oh. I guess I won't use my luck point on the net one that I just got. Can I have a luck point for my net one? I guess I won't use my luck point.

Yeah, maybe don't. I got a dirty 20. Okay. So, Callie, Saul, and Hard One, you guys begin snaking around trying to get closer but trying to keep the high ground. And as you guys get closer to these mercenaries, you hit a chunk of rock that cracks and breaks off, sending hard one and Saul falling right directly

in the middle of the line of mercenaries. Throw the rock, throw the rock now, Kelly! That was the rock, you just wrapped it! You see that as a bunch of these rocks collapse, they just bury one of the mercenaries who just falls over and is buried by the rocks, you guys crash down next to these mercenaries and they just keep staring forward.

Are they dead? Can I take a pulse? Go ahead and give me a perception check. 17. You feel a heartbeat, but it's strange and slow. And as you go over to each guy, they all have the same, the heartbeat paste the same.

Do they have leeches? And they do have leeches on the back of their neck. Do I want a mind check? Leech check, everyone! It's all frog! Is there a leech? Leech people! Leech people!

You guys do a leech check, and none of you guys have leeches. You guys look around and you do see that these guys do have them on their necks, but they're not moving. And you also see, you also notice something else strange. You see that over their scrap metal armor, some of them have different sigils on their tunics. And you know that a lot of these raiders and warlords and stuff, you know, and you know that a lot of these raiders and warlords and stuff,

you know, they're probably not a part of any actual prominent dwarven house, but a lot of them take on their own sigils that then their soldiers wear, and one of the weird things about these guys is that there are like three or four different sigils mixed into this one crew. I see.

I throw down a piece of paper and a bit of charcoal, and I'm like, take impressions of the sigils. Okay. Are you sure? I mean, I could probably just draw some of them and describe them with writing. Yeah, that works too. Fucking hard one, etches.

Great. Yeah, you guys take some time, and you write down the different sigils here. They're like very meat-head-y. It's all just like, like in school, you guys take some time and you write down the different sigils here. They're like very meat-head-y. It's all just like like an axe-going, you do a skull. And things like that. It's a lot of like weapon-based stuff of people that are trying to project power and violence. Okay. And yeah, you guys like looking at these dudes, they are not acting like the noils were or anything except for the fact that they're all kind of

in lockstep like even their heartbeats are the same, they seem to be almost offline or something. Like they're not doing whatever they're supposed to do. A C-C-C-2-V I think, I think someone's like surveilling via these leached people. Wow, could we do that or could be the fact that their creator is like stepped away from the keyboard or something like that. Oh, that's a good call to you. Should we unplug them?

Should we get them offline? One of the times. I think that's probably safest, yeah. One at a time. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you guys go through and you pull the clockwork leeches off them. And you see that like the nolls, these guys die as soon as you remove the leeches off them and you see that like the noles these guys die as soon as you

remove the leeches they were already infected enough by the leech that it had already like taken over their back. I need we need to stop on these leeches yeah yeah you guys take you guys take your time you crush each of the leeches we have a little problem and I make some like they start crawling up on people you catch them with a leech check yeah. And I make some like, they start crawling up on people. You catch them with a leech check. Yeah, yeah. I've earned them a very good one. Can I make some acid rain?

Yeah. So like, yeah, you burn up all the leeches here. You make sure that each one is accounted for based on the dwarven mercenaries. But yeah, you see that these guys were mind controlled into death essentially, like the leech got at their brain, but they were offline for whatever reason.

I know that these are just like minor families in IND, but we are looking for allies anywhere. Does anyone have like any identifying thing on them that we could bring to the family and say, hey, we found your, you've been looking for this person, we found them. This is what happens to them. You look around and hard one, you don't recognize these as being any of the major families and you think that these are, again, likely just, they fight for this warlord, they're mercenaries from this order and they have their own sort of ramshackle kingdoms. So there's really not anything of value on them.

I mean, if you look around and you can look for grenades, I'll say they probably have some grenades on each side. I will do a grenade check right now. Romeo D6. Can I look for some health potions? Yeah, let's go ahead and roll. We'll say D6 for grenades and D4 for health potions. Okay, I'll go for the potions.

And we'll do greater health potions for D4 plus four. Oh, fuck me, one. Okay. Two grenades. Okay, two grenades. One health potion. Yeah, you can imagine these guys whenever they were fighting, whatever autumn matana or whatever that captured them, probably used up a lot of their weapons.

Yeah, we have this thing that we've done before. That's like we cast silence and then we throw grenades into it, so if we like come upon something that we don't want to investigate, we can always do that. I feel like I only know one other person who has thought about that. Have you ever been a guy you were talking about? Oh. Alright, pass it out.

Everyone gets a grenade necklace. Ooh. Wow. I already a grenade necklace. Ooh! Wow, I already have a necklace. Okay, they're getting both fit. Just wetching out the house now. I pulled a pin trying to get it off. It blows up Gaka. Okay.

Alright, um, yeah, let's keep marching. Sweet, I must say, anyone wants one of these bolt pistols for some reason. Who? What? Bolt pistols for some reason. Who? What? Bolt pistols? Yeah, they do have like laser like pistol guns on them. Yeah, I will take a bolt pistol. Cool.

Yeah, that's good call. I'm going to tape one to Foster. Great. Foster has one. I will say I don't think any of you guys are proficient in firearms, but you guys can take them. It's not bad to have options. Yeah, but it just a threat in someone. Yeah, okay, cool.

Sweet, as you guys continue walking, a few miles away, you find the likely cause of the problems amongst some of the mercenaries here. For the first time in a long time, Saul and Cali, you guys see an official piece of mothership machinery. You guys see an enormous mothership crawler. Large, treaded tires, blue, armored,

plating like a tank, with a huge plasma cannon that can be operated by an interior gunner and a gattling gun on the back, operated by an interior gunner and a gatling gun on the back, operated by an exterior gunner. There are docking ports for smaller vehicles, which are mostly empty, except you see that there are two hover bike things here

that look like they would be better at navigating the mountains. It looks like some of them have been taken out into the Ruffer terrain here. Manning the crawler, you see dwarven soldiers in pristine blue plate with chain blades that look essentially like the trained well-armed version of the mercenaries you're seeing. Like their chain blades look new and magical, like crackling with some kind of magic. And you see in addition to the soldiers, there's a couple mechanics and like riflemen. Some of them are dwarves, some of them are goblin or human.

The crawler is not moving, but there is an interior telescope that is searching the area, suggesting that there's at least one person inside operating it, and the soldiers on the outside of the tank are looking a little bored like they're waiting for something. And you can see from here, actually go ahead and meet perception checks to see how many guys you see. Six. Okay, dirty 20. Shout out to the two creatures.

Okay, Saul, you're able to, you think you get a good view of everybody who's out here. You see there are two of these chainsaw nights. You see one soldier who's not as heavily armored is at like an exterior machine gun And then again, there's presumably at least a couple people inside somebody piloting it and somebody manning a cannon or the telescope thing. The telescope is kind of looking all around to make sure that no one Comes after them, but you see it is favoring a sort of pocket of canyons to the north. Again, like they're kind of waiting for somebody, and the soldiers are

kind of like waiting there looking a little bored. Wow. We have a chance here. We do, right? I mean, are we all thinking we try and take this vehicle? I mean, hard one, you can pile it a ship, can you pile it up that thing? You damn right, I can. Hard one says with no confidence. I feel like I could go nuts on that fucking gun. That plasma gun. That telescope? Who, boy?

Okay. Does your duck fight? We're as a gun. He has swallowed the gun. No. Okay. Okay, so what's the movie here? We've got these two chains on it. The person on the the gun. No. Oh, okay. Okay, so what's the movie here? We've got these two chains on it,

the person on the machine gun. So when has to take out the gunner? Yeah, I think this might be a good chance for pass without trace to get as close as possible. Do we want, does it look like there's a point of ingress that we could use to get into the? Yeah, you, with Saul's perception check, there is a hatch that looks like it will not be as easy as just going over

and lifting it up with a free action. It looks like it'll be something that you would have to destroy or something that you have to, um, rip open with like a really good strength check. Okay. You, you would imagine it would be locked. Okay, strength. I know who does that. Um, I think that instead of like the sound of rain being the pass without trace, now it's like

the whipping of a northern wind. That kind of muffles are. Hard one shivers. Get you a sweat as boys. So that's a very big snot bubble. And then let's try and get closer. Okay. Everybody go ahead and give me stealth checks.

That's a net one. Oh, but I do have my luck blade, it's a new day. It is, nice. Okay, go ahead and roll that. 28. Okay, that's great. Love it. Dirty 20.

I got a three, but my stealth is nine, so that's going to be a 12 plus 10, 22. Woo! Okay, 22. I'm going to roll in front of the table for these guys. Most of the guys are just using their passive perception because the person with the telescope is doing all the looking.

Yeah. The telescope and the person inside of it have a plus seven to perception. I will go ahead and roll that in front of the table. Loist roll is what? 20. 20 and then a 22. Let's see what they see. That is a 24. You guys begin sneaking towards this tank, hoping to get the jump on them, the telescope. Suddenly you see it as if it's got some sort of aura around it or it's like some kind of high level magi attack. You see that it seems to get some kind of signal or something swoops around, locks in on hard one and

Saul and everybody go ahead and roll initiative as you see the plasma can and begins charging. Oh wow. Oh okay. All right. Fucking hell. Shout out to the two crew. Ugh. That's a twenty. Sixteen. Ugh, that's he 20. 16.

That becomes an eight for me. Okay, first act is Cali. These two chains on ice that are here. Pull a cord and begin revving their swords. Ugh, fucking raiders. And start running towards you guys. They do not act yet. Cali, you are first act.

You see this plasma cannon on the tank begins loading. What I want to do is I want to jump in and attack one or both of the chainsaw nights. Okay, great. And then I want to face step two, the hatch. Okay. Using my winter alladron face step to hopefully scare one of them so that they can't move closer to me. Okay. And then basically make it safe for hard ones to go in and get this hatch off.

Sick. Alright. Do we think that's crazy? I love this. Okay. Yeah. Things have already gotten crazy. So, here's the fun. These chainsaw nights rev their chainsaws begin running towards Sal and Hard One. They don't even see you, Callie. You got to high enough stealth check that they don't even see you. So you do get advantage on your attack as you swoop in. And I believe the serpent is still in play. Yes, it's not been in. But it's not gone down, yeah. So out of nowhere, slithers in lightning fast and go ahead and make your attacks.

24 to hit. That hits. Yeah, as you swoop in with a serpent, slash one of these guys in the back. You see they turn around and go, ah fuck, some kind of giant leech! And then, uh, 19 to hit. That also hits.

Why are you all obsessed with leeches out here? Huh? We're not the ones with brain worms. I'm going to either of my, why do you guys all love the leeches? Can I do a perception check to see if he has a leech? Yeah. 17 does not have a leech? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Seventeen does not have a leech. Damn.

Okay, I'm gonna do a third level smite. I'm gonna focus in on one guy. Right, yeah, yeah. You're just pounding down on one guy. Nice. As this one guy's getting beat up and the plasma cannon is charging, they are kind of like yelling to each other. Fucking jam the signal!

Some of the leeches are down! Jam the goddamn signal I thought these things were out. Oh, oh, shit. I maybe we can use this they have the leeches I think they're trying to like block the leech signal. Oh, gotcha They think that we're leeched. They think we're elite. Oh, I see mm-hmm Voltitude damage Okay, this on my first attack Yeah, the one guy is crazy hurt.

Yeah, you blast into him. A bunch of pieces of his plate mail burst off. You see, he's already bleeding and injured. I mean, it's just screaming for them to get rid of the giant leech. And I'm gonna do a second level smile on him. Great. 26 more damage.

Kali finishes first chance on night. So, yeah. So, what I want to do is I want to grab his body and be like, this is your fucking future to the other guy. And then I want to face step next to the hatch, which uses my new winter Aladdin thing that he has to do a wisdom save or be frightened of me. And if I'm in his line of sight, which I will be from the hatch, he can't willingly move towards me and he has disadvantage on attack rolls. Got it.

Okay, nice. So, yes, you encase this dead chainsaw night in ice and this guy just looks at the frosty visage of his dead friend who then disappears into icy nothingness as you appear on top of the tank and what kind of saving throw does he do? It's a wisdom saving throw. Or he'll be frightened of me until the next time. Well.

That fails. He fails. He looks shaken. Those things are double-plated. You can't do shit up there anyway. What do I care? I can't give a shit if you're up there. I'm after this guy, this frog guy,

and this other guy. Don't underestimate the worms, brother. I do, I don't overestimate the worms. I don't want to be on the worm stage. That is Sal's turn. OK, so there's still a guy on the Gatling gun, right? Still a guy on, yeah, there's an exterior gun around a Gatling gun.

You see, yeah, this little goblin with this huge gun. Oh, shit, man! It has not gotten a chance to act yet. Yeah, you see one guy there, and then there's an interior gunner, and probably somebody else in there. I'm gonna try to lean into the worm fear, and I'm going to like pull out my entire tongue and make it look like the worm is just taking over my body. Oh shit, I'm in there!

And then I'm gonna run up, and I'm gonna try and stun him. Sweet. That's gonna be a 23 and a 25. Both hits. Great. So we'll do a con saving throw. Yup. Unfortunately an 18.

18. Okay. Well the team. Okay. Let's try it again. Great. Yeah, babe. Let's go again.

Next one is shout out to the three creeps. Yeah. Yeah, you popped this topic twice twice, hit him one time, but directly in the face, let's go of this Gatling gun. I wish for two of them. There's a worm in you now. No! We're stoning him, we're frightening him.

We're stoning, now we're gunning. Saul gives a big thumbs up that he's in position on the Gatling gun and prepares for his next turn. Great. You can go ahead and do damage to this dude still. Oh, boy, I'm gonna use a draw. He's gonna come back next turn if he passes his check. Might team damage? He's looking fucked up.

Yeah, I'll go ahead and flurry of blows. Great. Maybe. He stunts you, roll with advantage. With advantage, yeah. That's going to be another 25 and another 24. Yeah, you beat the shit out of the stunts, dude. Wait, no!

Yes. Don't fight it. Cut it out! You'll come to love the worm. I'm gonna die! That's going to be 15 more damage. He's dead. Right.

He's done in so bad he's to be able to become unstunned. He's actually, he's done, did so. He's done. Now he gets to use my new ability, touch of death, when you reduce a creature within five feet to zero HP, you gain plus 13 to very hit points. Shit. Yeah.

Yeah, you see some scores come off your hands and begin to absorb life energy as you see some spores come off your hands and begin to absorb life energy as you see the goblin skin dries out and becomes a husk. Oh damn dude, you just husk that guy. I husked him, I warmed him and I husked him. That was so sick. The chain's hot night looks around. What the fuck are you doing? So this is the secret to how you're so hot.

So a lot of protein, yeah. The high protein diet, lot of souls. Your moisturizer is other people's moisture. Sweet, okay. This chain song tonight is going to attack the only person he has not seen do something terrifying, which is hard one. So runs up to hard one and is going to take attacks with disadvantage, right? Yeah, because Callie still within line of sight. So first attack on the lower end is a 12, misses, chainsaw blade looks cool, but is a little bulky, misses, clumsily swings, 16 to hit on

the second attack, misses. Got it, okay, misses. Just casually stepping out of the way of each of these swipes. What are you doing, man? Hard to win that is your turn. Okay, I wonder if I just breeze past this guy and try to rip the hatch off. I think that's cool. I'm a side step of it just so fucking. Because he can't come towards me. Yeah, excuse me loser.

Woo-hoo! He's gonna make an attack with disadvantage, try to get you on the lower end. That one is a 19. Okay, that'll help. Okay, so you are hit with a chainsaw, hey, which isn't great. But oh my god, I rolled two ones.

These guys are bad as I swear. I swear these guys are bad as you take just seven days. It makes sense, he's bright in this. Oh no, that was crazy, man. Did I nick you? Yeah. Did he file your neck? Did I get a little scratch? Wow you cut you cut my beard a little

Wow looks great for that. I usually would kill you okay But yeah, I'm gonna run over to the to the hatch Okay, great you go over to this hatch and yeah, you see that it is this sealed metal hatch on top of this like tank like Vehicle so you can either attack it and try to damage it and break through it that way, or you can try an athletics check. I will say attacking it's gonna take a little longer, but it's the safer route.

Athletics check, there is the chance that you just completely fail. I'm gonna use my strength to try to rip this thing up. Try to rip this thing up. Go ahead and give me a strength check. It is going to be a DC 20 on the first attempt. Okay. I play my feet on either side of the opening and try to Yoink it up Not 20

Hard one you tear it completely off its hinges. We're not raiders. We're the mountain crows off its hinges. We're not raiders. We're the mountain crows. Ha ha ha ha while we're hiking. Okay. Yeah, okay? We duck team. We suck when mounting crow But we don't fuck the crows right It's just all this talk about fucking and birds and you got a bird necklace on We respect the birds. We're glad that they're fucking yeah You rip the top off of this tank with your fucking bare hands, just snap it off.

And you hear two guys shouting inside. I'm gonna soldiers inside. I'm gonna action search and just pencil dive down there. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah, and you see that there's one guy in front of like a bunch of levers. Oh, shit man! Yeah, I see another guy that was charging the plasma cannon.

There's not even anyone to fire out anymore! Yeah, you're right about that. You're still charging, man! You could fire on your friend. I want to. I want to. Okay. I'm gonna swing my axe at that guy.

Great. That is a 19 to hit. 19 hits. And I'll take my second attack. Okay. That is a dirty 20 to hit. Both hits. 30 damage.

30 damage gets one guy down to death's door. All right. Right on death's stoop. Mm-hmm. Oh, fuck. I'm my friends gonna care you across the threshold. All right. All right.

Wait for the milkman. After Hard One's turn, that is the regular soldier's turn. One of them was taken out by Saul at the one gunner position. The other one was loading the plasma cannon, but there's not really anybody around. So that soldier is just going to pull out like a little bolt pistol and is going to take some shots at hard one. Just firing wildly in the cockpit while the other guy screams. I did crit. I am going to I'm near him. So I'm going to reaction Paladin disadvantage. Okay, I'll give. Rolls again, we'll hit, rolls a natural 17,

so just gonna hit the one time. Does do 14 damage. No more crits on our joke. Yeah, no joke, but just gets the one attack is mostly supposed to be using bigger things. The pilot is going to use another weapon though. I'm gonna need consaves from Kalyope and Saul. You see he takes his hands off like the switches and stuff

and the things he was using for like the telescope and slams a button and there is a thunder wave that blasts out in like a shield out from the tank. Yeah, you guys give me the consaving throws. Does not affect anybody in the cockpit, so hard one's fine. That's a 21 for guys 17 for Saul you guys both past you take half damage you just take 10 damage and you are not knocked back So you guys just bear the damage did that chainsaw guy takes some of that the chainsaw guy ran out to try to get

He's pretty far away. I'll still be on the money. Yeah. That is the end of the two soldiers turns. And I'll say, these two guys, once they see, hard one has not gone down from getting shot. They see the tank is being taken over. Their chain saw, Guy, their guard

is not coming towards them. Hold up their hands ago. We still them. Hold up their hands a go. We surrender. Oh, yeah, you surrender. You did shoot me. I know you attacked me first. Yeah, but you shot him then said we surrender. We surrender.

I think we all get to take one punch at you. And then you can say we surrender. Okay, I'm gonna try and punch it. Sweet. I got a net one. Okay. You hurt your fists very badly. Ow!

But yeah, it is close quarters. The light of the clipy is your turn. You can take these guys out if you want. No, I'm gonna be like, okay, okay. What is this vehicle? What are you waiting for? Who do you work for? And how much would it cost to turn your coat?

You see on the outside of the tank the chain saw guy is going to take off and just run into the mountains. The two guys that are in the cockpit here are kind of stuck. One guy is a goblin gunner the other is a door of an pilot both are wearing blue mothership uniforms just very scared around you you see various glowing levers and interfaces including like an aiming mechanism for this plasma cannon you see there's also the rotating telescope and shifts and wheels for steering and additionally you see there is a screen with information on a target. You see a picture of another goblin who's got like cracked goggles and sort of

a gray hair going in all directions. It's a tomato you just. And it does have a name. The name of this person is Frisnic Fizzlebang. Oh, fuck, I love him. Alias, the creator. There's like a list of his like crimes essentially. And he, you can very quickly gather from this like rap sheet.

You see, he's got, he was a scientist who was thrown out of Iron Deep for unethical experimentation and inventions. Oh, okay, never mind. He's making worms that take over people's brains and kill people. He's not good. I know, but his name is Fritz Fizzle Bear. Yeah, we people's brains and kill him. He's not good. I know, but his name is Fritz Fizzle Bear. Yeah, we appreciate the name and the aesthetic.

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promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants and enjoy the show. You see the dwarf in the goblin, the pilot in the gunner both have their hands up and the pilot goes, we work for Mother Ship, we're working with our supervisor, Bronvra Bronzebeard. She's off capturing this Fristic Fisselbang. We want to offer him a job at Mother Ship, where I don't want to offer him a job. I just, I drive the crawler, okay?

That's all I'm doing. She's off with a couple of bodyguards. She's got a jammer thing that has been able to take out all of the clockwork leeches and have basically made all of his guards inert. I have a question. What was our salary at Mother's Ship? I would say they supplied your food and a lot of times you're housing and things like that, but did not pay you well, I would say. TGI Skyd is gift cards. TGI Skyd is gift cards. I would say like 10,000 gold a year.

Wow. Okay, I was gonna try and meet the annual price. So never mind. Well, you can still get pretty damn close. Okay, what are both of your names? I'm Crom and this is Vort. Vort's the in the shower. Yeah, I shot you.

Okay, I I worked for Mother Ship. He worked for Mother Ship. And we're on the other sides of that and we're thriving. Mm-hmm. You guys, we're hiding out in the mountains and you gotta smell like shit. Okay. That is old beans, sir.

Yeah. We're in a band. Yeah. We're in a band. Yeah. We're in a band. We're hanging out with a guy who's got a dead bird around his neck. You could either be a soldier or you could be in a band. Okay. I saw the grenade around my neck.

Right. Did he know that I used it? Did you guys have benefits? Yeah, the benefits are friendship, chili, and... Twister. Twister, and... Not dying. Being in a band. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I mean, just tell and... Twister. Twister, and dying. Being in a band.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, just tell us what you want. I don't want to die. Okay. We're getting somewhere. Yeah, I don't, this is just a job. I mean, I'm, they're going to be very upset when they find out that I failed. Bronra is going to, Bronra is going to destroy my career.

Is Bronra doing this behind Jaina Broner's back? I think so. Mother ship operates under the laws as they are. Jaina does not get to decide what every single company does. How many Broner's beards work for Mother ship? All of them except for Jaina. Okay, got it. So, okay.

Here's an idea we want to float to you. What-huh. What if, when Bronra's coming back, we shoot her with a plasma cannon. You could- And the mad science. Yeah! Okay, could I leave before you did that? Because Bronra and the people that she went with are strong, and they're gonna come back, and they're gonna,

because you see how, you know, the leeches were like a problem problem and this one guy kind of just started controlling all of the warlords in the area and stuff. She's just gonna kind of make it easy. She's just gonna take them. Like, I'm fine if you're gonna leave and you're gonna be a coward, but if you're Alaya and you're gonna go tattle on us, I have problems with that. I just need to get out of here. Can I do an inside check?

Yeah, go ahead. 10. I would say just common sense. This is a soldier for hire that is working for a company. You don't get the sense that these guys are willing to die for this cause and pretty much everybody that you just fought right now, when they had the choice fled.

Okay. Do you want to leave something so we can fake your death? We're pretty good at it. Yeah, that'd be great. Here, just pulls out a chunk of his beard. Take this. Great. Yeah.

And I don't have a beard. A boot? A tooth will do it. Yeah, you can have my boot in my tooth. See, easily, pulls out a tooth. Here you go. That was really loose. That should have happened so easily. Okay, we scatter a tune. Here we go. That was really loose. That shouldn't have happened so easily.

Okay, we scatter them under some treadmars. Great. And all right, I opened the door, like lighting a cat up after you trapped neuter, return it. Oh, little, little. Yeah, thank you. Okay.

All right. All right, can we have like a sandwich or something? See how many food? We don't have. Can you guys have a sandwich in here before? Yes, we have like a sandwich or something. Is there somebody food? We don't have a sandwich in here before, because if so, you can grab it. Oh, we do have some leftover nolderky if you want that. No. Take your own sandwiches as long as you got them.

Yeah, you can take anything that you brought in here. We go into the, like a little mini fridge and take out a bunch of waters and some food. Just one question. If Bronner comes back and she notices you're gone, I have your tooth, but your sandwich is gone. She might. She's all right.

Are you in my sandwich? She might. Okay. I'll give you a little bit of a sandwich. And you will just crumble this. You see the goblin goes and just put some crumbs in your beard. Okay. Now let's actuate my sandwich. There he is. Everyone takes a big bite of the beard. Okay, now let's take you in my sandwich.

There we go. Everyone takes a big bite of the sandwich. Oh, that's a really good sandwich. That's why I can't. I don't need too much of it. I'm sorry, I'm gonna, she's not gonna believe anything I say if I don't have a bit of sandwich on my breath.

It's just that we don't have, I'm gonna have to hike back for a while. I know, but I just like, it's if I want her to tell her to leave the day that you're dead and we didn't need her to believe that. I also need to go buy a sandwich. And this we didn't need her to believe that I also took a bite of this sandwich And this is thoroughly convincing, but like the sandwich looks good I just kind of want to bite just for the flavor everyone good today

You gotta have a bite Okay, I have a scrap I think we're probably gonna eat more Live out there, but it's better than you know, I'll turn it in Okay See you guys. Bye bye. See you guys tomorrow.

Bye bye. Yeah. I hope we'll see you if we live. Honestly, I'd love it. Okay. Tell your friends that you saw the mountain crows live and they were awesome. Yeah. I said that we saw some people, folks and birds.

Yeah. I tell them that the mountain crows fuck. Yeah. The mountain crows, they fuck. I'll give you. you parentheses not birds you see continues smiling as they back up and then just rush off into their arms we forgot to tell them to piss on a shirt and throw it in the opposite direction of the nose I don't figure it out yeah we also forgot to ask them how to work oh no I know how I figure it out. You guys do here, yeah, you hear the howling of

noles in the direction that they're running. Just these two engineers start running into the wilderness. I really hope we run into the water. Yeah, I like this vibe. I think Vort is going to be a constant in all of our lives. I add a picture of war to my vision war. Your vision for it. Somehow Chezwick finds them. Alright, so this, can this thing go through the valley but maybe not the mountains? Correct, you could use it to go towards Iron Deep, but you can't go where Bronra went. So let's talk about this for a second.

It seems like Bronra was trying to get Frisnik to work for Mother's Ship. Yeah. And I don't know if we want that happening either. I don't know, I think so. I'm wondering if we like set up camp, get rid of the dead bodies, and then ask we see her. I mean, we're tracking her.

So as we see them emerge, we just fucking lay into them with that plasma cannon. Interesting. Yeah. Right. At least lay into the creator. How many, would I know how many people she would be traveling with? Yeah, you can look, go ahead and give me an investigation check.

13th. You look through this cockpit here, and you look, you look around the outside, and you see that three of these like faster bikes have been taken. There's like three ports that are empty. There are two left, and you see inside the cockpit, there is sort of a ledger and stuff that has the names of everybody on board.

You see that there is a chainsaw knight captain named Captain Maldek, who is not accounted for. You see Bronra, Bronzebeard is not accounted for, and then you see three, they don't have names. It just says three mothership pugilists. Okay, so there's only, there's only five of them. Yeah, we could just let them come back. I don't really know what to think about Bronra. It's more like this med creator guy want to make sure that he doesn't get brought to mothership. No, maybe it's a simple assassination.

Yeah, maybe we just kind of wait for them to come back and just go after him. Hardware, you seem to know more about like the Bron spirit situation. This Jaina you keep talking about. She seems important I guess, but. It's super important. I'm super important.

If we took out Bronra too, is that just gonna turn all of the bronze spirits against us? I imagine it would, that'd probably be a bad move. The bronze spirits are already against us. Okay, so. You are correct, Saul, in hard one you would know, this would be a murder. This would be, I mean, you've already murdered people.

So if they find out that you killed mothership employees, this is already a problem. But if you kill Bronra Bronzebeard and come back to Iron Deep and someone saw you do that, you murdered like a high profile person that has political allies. Yeah, that's why I think we just need to go after this one guy. Yeah, so we don't want that heat.

Yeah, we don't want that heat. I think the question is if we're greedy, we try to get rid of the creator and also get this fucking cool tank, but we don't need it. We don't need it. It probably wouldn't be able to move very fast. It might just lower our escape. Yeah, we have to use the valleys and like the bikes. I don't need it. It probably wouldn't be able to move very fast. I might just slow our escape. Yeah, I have to use the valleys.

I like the bikes. Yeah, I like the bikes. I think yeah, let's get everything we can out of the tank. Let's obviously do a grenade check, Ro. Grenade check and healing potion check. Yeah, you guys are in an actual mothership vehicle. Let's say D6 for grenades, D8 for potions. Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh, five. Four grenades. Four8 for potions. Ooh! Ooh! Five. Ooh, five. Full grenade. Four grenades. Good stuff. Um, and I'm going to actually harness my divine power to get a second level spell back. And I think that I touch my holy symbol, which I think for me is my silver serpent.

Oh. So I pet my little silver serpent. Coils around you. I'll use a second wind so I can heal a little bit. I'll be resting in here for a minute. Okay. Take a little rest, rummage through other people's stuff. Yeah, any cool clothes?

Yeah, some Sharp uniforms for sure. Sharp uniforms. Ugh, I don't want a uniform again. Did you have to wear a uniform? I went dressed as a chosen. I think that's the closest I ever got. The beds? Bed people ever got. The birds, bird people. Yeah. It's the worst day of my life. I think of what you told me last night. I'm

like, okay, sure. Nothing worse than that. Okay, so you guys have gotten your short rest. You've gotten some health back. Yep. Let me know what you guys are doing to prepare. Yeah, I kind of like, do we want to lay an ambush here on this vehicle, or do we want to go find them on the road? Right, we just want the creator. Yeah. I mean, is it worth just trying to like, as soon as they come into eyesight,

just snipe him with this beam. Does it seem like the plasma beam could have accuracy like that and seem like that? beam could have accuracy like that in single-out motion? No, it's a giant cannon. It would also, if you're trying to use that as a surprise round or something, that's gonna be a pretty low insight check to see that it's a bad thing that there's a giant gun pointed out.

Yeah, true. They're just not gonna ride towards you. We almost have to make this place look as hospitable as we can, and surprise them by attacking them from their rear as they're coming towards it. have to make this place look as hospitable as we can, and surprise them by attacking them from their rear as they're coming towards it. Okay, I think that we should also figure out a way

to disable the plasma gun, so that if then when we're running away, they're not shooting that much. That's great, right. Yeah. Can I try and open up the... You guys take your time, you guys can destroy it. Okay, I'm just gonna...

Yeah. It's a little fun with it. Yeah. You guys break off the mechanism that's not keeping this. I'm going to shatter the telescope too. Great. Yes. Great.

Okay. Yeah. I'm going to tag it up and say mountain crows were here. Okay. And then yeah, I mean, should we just lay in way? Yeah, oh, do we see, these are like hover bikes, so they probably wouldn't have like tracks, but do we see like the trail that they used?

Yeah, you can, you see. Oh wait, instead of riding mountain crows over here, I wanna carve in one of the sigils that we took advantage of. Yeah, so that's someone else gets blanked. Craigs, yes, you do the one that was like an ax through the skull. You put that up inside the cockpit here.

Great. And yeah, you do see, go ahead and give me an investigation or I'll even say survival checks all if you want. 26. 26. Yeah, you see that there were three of these speeder, like hover bikes that went off into the mountains to the north. You see, yeah, three of these speeder like hoverbikes that went off into the mountains to the north. You see, yeah, three of them left the docking port

and then got into line and went off into the mountains. Okay. I think we should also gum up the treads of this thing. Yeah, let's take it. Yeah, I can do this. Yeah, great. I think, yeah, we also do that. You guys just take some time to absolutely trust.

We just, this vehicle up. Great, I'm gonna piss on it. Great, I'm gonna empty the gasoline chamber and then soul you can put piss in there Esri doesn't have technology that runs on piss yet, right? I'll then say they were working on that but it was killed years away. That's smart. Yeah. I was born to the toilet department It's really smart That's really smart people That's really smart. People are making this all the time. Brilliant. Okay, so you guys are waiting for them to come back.

Oh, should we meet them in the path? Yeah, I think I think meet them in the path. I think we want to destroy this and then lay in wait. Kind of like out in the direction that this thing was facing. That's what was waiting for them. I want to hide in that. Got it. So you wanna go out but not too far. Right, got it. Okay.

Are you bringing anything with you? You two should each take a bike, because I've got this happen. Great. Oh, okay. Yes. I wanna bury my bike in like snow and debris. Great.

Is there snow? No. Okay. I wanna bury my bike in debris. You bury your bike in some dirt. Oh, and we should all wear masks too. Oh, great. Cause they might recognize you.

Yeah, you have super famous. Are you on any currency? Hmm. I think I'm on the $5 bill or $9 deep. I remember correctly. It's incredible. We might let anything. He's on money.

We might not see it. They're mostly cashless there these days. You guys hide out on the side of these mountains here. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Okay. Okay. 22. 19.

15. Okay. You guys take some time. You're hiding out in the canyons here in the direction that you saw the speeder bikes take off. Day begins to turn to night. The sun begins to go down. It is dusk.

The sky is kind of getting that like orangey glow. And after a bit, you begin to hear the sounds of speeder bikes as three bikes come into view. You see one that has the chainsaw night captain. You see a night that is of the Gith species, which are these big hippo people. You see this gray skinned hippo dude in blue armor with a monocle. He's got

a chain saw blade on his side and on his back are one of these pugilists, these like live fighters who wear these blue body suits and they have like gas mask type looking things around their faces. You see another bike that has two more of these pugilist sky, and you see one more that has the leader of the crew who is this dwarven woman with red hair pulled back into a tight bun. She has a short, well-kept beard, and wears a smart blue leather armor suit with way too many straps.

Ha ha ha ha ha. They're not connecting to anything. She has a bolt pistol at her side. It's kind of riding in the middle here and on her back like tied to her is the knocked out scientist. It's just straps for strap sake. Knocked out is good.

I'm gonna look at both of you and say hey With a mountain crow's and we fuck and that's a bardic for each of you. We fuck. Okay after that bardic I'm going to pass without trace again that northern wind whips up about us It's frigid hard when puts the hood of his cloak on Yeah, it's all snuggles into his scarf. Don't get too cozy, frog. Okay, so I'm gonna need individual stealth checks from you guys, and this will determine who of you,

if any that they see. They are on the lookout. They are aware that there are raiders around here and other warlords. 33 Jesus 41 oh 18 I have plus that I plus 13 to stealth 18 on the die plus 10 would be 41 right frog she abandoned us She's just that good um, that's just a flat embarrassing 30 for me.

Okay. I should. I just go. I think they couldn't possibly see you. We'll see. We'll all make you guys do a re-roll if any of them get a nat 20. So we'll go all roll in front of the table.

So this will be the pugilist bike. It's good. 17 is not gonna do it. No. Five's not gonna do it. No. Five's not gonna do it one last one. You. Fuck. That's in that 20 from Bronn Rob Bronzebeard.

So she is on the lookout. One of you will have to do a reroll. Who has the best health? I do. I do. You want me to reroll? Wherever she is. Wait, but I have a luck point.

Oh. Yeah, you have luck point. Okay, I'll do it. 23. I'll use a luck point. Oh, yeah, you're luck point. Okay, I'll do it. 23, I'll use a luck point. Okay, I think I can do it. You can do it. Let's dream big. Dream big, dream big, dream big. Not 20.

Mount the crew! Okay, yeah, absolutely note that the Dicecris has decided you guys have not been spotted. I disappear with Galley. I think we blend into the trees, like Oberon literally comes out and takes us. So these guys are essentially, as opposed to just being regularly surprised,

this first round, they are essentially taking dash actions on their bike. So you see, they begin to fly by a hard one, you were first to act at initiative 22. I think I'm just gonna see the bike go by and hook my lightning javelin at him. That's the scientist. That's the scientist. Okay, go ahead and make an attack.

I'm gonna say we're not gonna use his AC. We're gonna use the bikes AC because it's going fast. Okay, trucking this javelin. That's a crit. Yay! I'm critting like Callie over here. You could potentially kill him in one hit. So go ahead and roll your damage.

Okay, I'm going to call the lightning. Critting crow. Oh, yeah. Watch a shit call lightning. Watch a crit call lightning. Watch a crit call lightning. Oh nice. Be nicer to yourself, dude. Right.

39 damage. Hard one. The scientist had 38 HP. Yes! Oh! So at negative his max HP, you successfully kill the scientist as the bike is going by. Hard one describe what happens.

Fuck yeah, I think I Chuck the javelin as far as I can thinking it's gonna nail him and then it looks like it's falling short Right up until that cold misty pass without trace there makes it dip and go right into his butt. Ooh, like a little wind stroke. You hit this mad scientist with the javelin, the explosion of lightning separates him from Bronra, Bronz Beard's back, and shoots him off the bike and pins him into the mountain dead.

Fuck yeah. All right. Amazing. We'll talk about how great that was later. Let's get out of here. And you see Bronbra looks baffled and you see the pugilists and the captain start looking around looking for an ambush,

but they are surprised. After Bronbra's turn, Bronbra's surprised. Callie, that's your turn. He does have movement though. You do have movement, you do it every want. Can I just rev this bike and haul ass? Yeah, you can haul ass. The bike goes 120 feet, has a speed of 120 feet.

Oh, yeah. All right, let's go. Yep. Turn on the radio. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na fly off. I will say you know that they have the same bikes. Callie Serpin is gonna be slower. I put out my hand just in case Callie wants to ride. I'll hop on. Great. You hop onto the back. You dispelled the Serpin? Yeah. Sweet. Serpin disappears.

Hard one, you rev the engine and fly off into the mountains. Is it possible to action surge and fly even further? Oh, that would be using your action. Oh, yeah, I think that, yeah, action surge would allow you to make a taxing stuff but the bike only gets its movement. All right, sweet, I'll just action surge to play a different counting croissants.

Sit. Okay. You're in. After hard one's turn, Bronra is shocked, looks over, sees the dead scientist. She is surprised. Callie, that is your turn. You are now on the back of Hard one's bike

as you guys have ridden off 120 feet. Okay, so what? Or you can take a full dash action, actually. The bike can act essentially. So you guys are 240 feet away. Okay, so I'm just gonna turn around so that I have line of sight of anything coming at us. Nice.

I'm just like, I think I'll prepare an action to cast Shatter if they get close to us. Okay, Cally, you are hanging off the back. You begin concentrating on a spell. You see snow begin swirling around Cally as her eyes glow white and she prepares to cast an icy spell. I think I touch his javelin and then like my eyes roll back in my head storm style.

Yeah. Yeah. Saul, that is your turn. Okay, as soon as it's hard when I go, I'm revving up my hover bike as well. I'm going to be driving, but I think I'm going to hang back a little bit. I'm not going to do a full dash.

I'm going to do like do my movement and then prepare an action to catch any projectiles that are launched at us. Shit, okay, rats. Oh my God, please catch a bullet. Yeah, please catch a bullet. It's super dude. You go like 230 feet, you stay 10 feet behind the other guys, Bronra revs her engine

to try to pursue you, but that is hard one again. Vroom vroom baby. You're gonna go another 240 feet? Uh, yeah. Good God. Okay, let's see. So that is... Cause I've been bumming around down here

for way, way, way, way too long. Okay. That is, man, you are very far. Okay. With a dash on the bike, Bronra is able to ride up to you Saul. She is next in the initiative. So you see, she turns around and expertly

is super quick on this bike, begins to ride up, and goes, I'm gonna need to talk to you for a second about what you all have done to my employee. Huh, it's really loud. Yeah, I know, okay, that's this was supposed to be a business transaction! We had an interview schedule! We're in a hurry, I'm so sorry! Okay, that's great! Can I interest you in dying?

Can I interest you in dying today? I'm about to run it out! Okay, actually, we're going to have to circle up you and I, right? You see, she's got the smile in the dead eyes. This is actually kind of a PR problem for you Yeah, okay, my mouth is covered by my scarf to hide my identity But I'm gonna flip it so that it covers my eyes and then I'm gonna just have my smile great driving blood Okay, that's a beautiful smile. I think you have a bright future at mothership

She's going to go ahead and oh she doesn't get her sneak attack or a lot of her fun stuff. Sorry. Sorry. I guess you could call us head hunters. We don't like you when people scoop us actually, okay? Yeah, that's just business. Okay, we'll have to do lunch, but first you're gonna have to eat fucking dirt, right?

Ha! Um, you see she's got this like magical gauntlet thing under her blue leather suit that has a bunch of straps on it. You see she unstraps some straps and begins typing into this gauntlet thing and she goes, yeah, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and circle up with me, okay? Circle up real quick. And she is gonna cast Lightning Bolt on your bike. But the bike has an ability called Juke

that lets you add plus four to a deck save. So you already have plus four, this will be plus eight if you try to juke out of the way. Plus eight. All right. That's a 27. Okay, that is a pass. However, you do take half of the damage.

So the bike's gonna take a little bit of damage. So 19 damage that is one damage short of the mishap threshold. Oh my God. So your bike does not slow down. It begins like smoking a little bit as it's hit by this lightning, but it keeps going and you guys are neck and neck,

but you are going to act before she gets to go again. So she rides with you neck and neck, Callie, that's your turn. You're on a hard one's back. How far away are we? You guys got an extra dash action off, so you guys are 240 feet away. I think there's nothing I'm in range to do.

So maybe I'll say like a hard one, maybe go a little slow next time just to make sure so I'll catch you that. All right. Can you tell a bird not to be so beautiful? You can't, only if you're floating with it. Hey, are you guys talking about fucking birds? Because yeah, that's another PR nightmare for your company. We're talking about them fucking each other.

Okay, yeah. Because of our music. Yeah, we take these PR nightmare for your company. We're talking about them fucking each other. Okay, yeah, because of our music. Yeah, we take these people off the email list. Watch a documentary for once in your life, okay. And then I think like what range will they be the next time they go? They'll get 240 feet again. Okay, so if we did like a non-dash,

we can basically be within like 120 feet of that. Yeah, certainly. Won't be in range to shatter. No, 120 feet. You guys can effectively just hold your turn and wait for Saul if you want. Yeah. Sweet. Okay, yeah, let's hold our turn. Great, okay.

You guys hold up, you guys start slowing down a little bit. That is going to be Saul's turn. As they start slowing down, I say, looping a couple people in. Okay, this is actually just a private email exchange. Don't reply all right. I think it seems like fucking up the bike is the best call here. Yeah, I'll just punch the bike.

So you ride up next to a motorcycle and punch it. Yeah, just this hover bike. Hey, just a couple ideas. I want to bounce off of you. Are you punching a speeder bike? I've done stupid. Okay, we're actually not interested in you or any of your whole deal. We want the guy that threw the javelin and killed our new hire. Yeah. He was gonna do really good things for him, other shift. We had a lot of hope. He had some interesting ideas. He was kind of going down the wrong path, but we were gonna write it. Yeah. You missed your chance with me anyway.

Okay. I'm in a punch. I'm actually the bird fucking guy The bird's fuck now. Excuse me. Sorry The bird's fuck I also fuck but separately. Okay, it's really loud out here I imagine a 12 is gonna miss no. Yeah, you swing and you just hit air. Okay 22 hits though. 22 does hit great All right, then I will flurry of blows. Okay, it does have it there is a damage threshold. So tell me each hit first hit is going to be No Eight damage just bounces off the metal. Okay, I'm gonna try and hit two more times if I crit I think I can maybe do it

Does a 15 hit no, it doesn't 18 hit no god damn it No, it does an 18-hit. No, God damn it. Okay. I lift that to the top of the clipboard. You threw that. Sorry, I was such a fucking waste of term. No, no, no, that's totally fine. So now she's gonna get an opportunity attack on your bike,

unless you do a disengage, which means you're gonna have to go slower. I already used my bonus action to... Got it. Flurry of blows. Okay, she is going to take a swing. She's got like a side arm, like an electro rod thing, that she's going to swing at Saul's bike with. Okay, that's a 22 to hit hits.

I'm gonna silver barbs that. Okay, nice. Nice. So 27 to hit. That's cool. Okay. All right, I swallow that and I swallow my pride, but then I do spit out this big silver bubble

of advantageous energy towards Callie. Okay. Oh, thank you. But you could probably give it to a bike as well though. Good, all right. Sure. Okay. Yeah.

I piss into the gas tank again. That's actually not gonna work. That's not have this turn into a pissing contest, okay? I know it's a mothership. I know that you're on the cusp of piss technology. No, no though, right? So she does hate your bike for another 14 damage. So your bike has taken some damage at this point.

You're trying that HP. It is pretty fucked up. However, it has not done enough damage in a single hit to cause a mishap. So your bike still has full speed. It still has everything you can take off now. Oh right, that was an opportunity attack. Yeah, I'll do my speed.

Sweet. So you ride up, you dash with the bike, and the bike catches up to hard one and colliope. Let me know the second she's within 30 feet of us. Okay, that is the pugilists turn. They are behind Saul and the initiative. So every time they dash, they just get a little bit closer. They can't catch up until you guys slow down,

because you got that free surprise right now. Okay, so they keep going. Same thing with the captain. Captain is too slow is behind, but Bronra beats Saul and the initiative. So she can stay within like, Gotcha. So Bronra sticks with you guys, the other speeder bikes are still

in pursuit but are not visible right now as you guys carve through the canyons and everything, spitting up smoke and dirt and sand as you guys whip around corners and she continues following you guys. Okay, can we like slow down enough just to let her within 30 feet of us? So, yes, on a hard one's turn, hard one waits up. Bronra is next. Bronra begins to close in on you guys.

As Saul flies over you guys and you guys turn around to kind of surprise Bronra. I think I'm gonna say Bronra, I think I need to move you to BCC. And then I want to cast Reduce on her motor cycle. Yes, can you target a vehicle? It says choose either a creature or an object that is neither worn nor carried. Okay, I don't see any limits on this. I'm going to rule that you can indeed.

Does it do a save? It says if the target is unwilling, it can make a constitution saving throw. Okay, so yeah, so the bike actually does have a constitution. It's just the magical structure of the bike essentially, okay, so it gets a plus one on this and goes No, I'm gonna go ahead and reply all to that and say no to the BZC, okay? And I will roll in front of the table the bike has a plus one to con Not nearly as good as the crawler or anything like that. Okay Not nearly as good as the crawler or anything like that. Okay, low, think single digits.

Shout out to the fucking dude! Shout out to the Q crew. You see, as you guys are all going fast as hell through these canyons, these three mothership speeder bikes after you guys going in and out, sloloming in and out of caves, kicking up all of this dirt, hard one in Cali, getting in front at first, to Saul stays back, fights Ron Raffer a little bit, catches up to you guys,

passes you guys as you guys suddenly hit the brakes, Cali pops up and uses her magic to reduce Ron Raffer's bike, you see it gets small so fast that she flies, you look like a giant. She flies off the bike and does do like an impressive role to regain control of herself, but does look like she takes some damage as she bangs into the gravel and rolls off

and is encased in dirt. Just so the listeners know, the target size is halved in all dimensions and its weight is reduced to one eighth of normal. Yeah, just to one eighth of normal. She just immediately falls off. I'm eating. Question for me in my team. Why is your bike so small? We're gonna be looking into that actually. That's a good note.

You see she crashes and burns, falls and rolls off and is just encased with dirt and dust as you guys leave her behind and you guys rock it off into the canyons, losing the mothership employees after having successfully taken out the creator. Oh, very, very dangerous mad scientist that would have done some fucked up stuff,

with mothership money, but that is not gonna happen. You guys escape into the canyons, safe for now, and that's where we'll end our session. Yeah! Oh, yes! Ending on a win. That's not a win!

I gotta be honest. I gotta be honest. I kind of built Bronras whole character to be able to escape really easily. So I thought she was gonna make it away with the mad scientist. Wow. Really?

Yeah, I thought you guys were gonna get a little curious with seeing the bike tracks and stuff and go to the creator's layer. Yeah. That's where they went. We'll talk about this in a short while. They went and they kidnapped him. I am.

So there was like a whole scene of them kidnapping him. I'm sad we didn't get to make the creator. Yeah, because he sounds. And she has high perception. because I didn't want her. They had set up like alarm spells outside and stuff, but if you're like, we're just waiting for them riding back. The other thing I thought you might do,

what you guys were talking about doing, is just waiting inside the crawler, and I was like brilliant, she's gonna clock that a million miles away. She'll see the fucking tank pointed at her, but the fact that you guys did the in between thing, wasn't expecting it very good. Oh my God, we got it.

I am saying though, I mean, in my mind, we're wearing masks, but I do feel like at least she didn't necessarily see hard ones face, but she definitely at least got the energy of me and Saul. And I'm feeling like we're gonna have to be incognito in Iron Deed. I like that idea. You're saying some more alterigos? I think it mave and and Trent need to come out. You three are definitely very specific shapes.

And we'll need to deal with it. Sweet. And with that, we're going to go ahead and call this one. Thank you all so much for listening. You can head on over to our Patreon. You're going to talk about this. Patreon.com slash nat pod. That's NADD.D.P.O.D.

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