Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep. 63: Court with No Crowns (A Faerie Tale Ending)

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

Duck Team travels to the hidden village of Rousel and runs afoul some odd factions! Callie has a brush with the past, Sol embodies a cool turtle persona, and Calder tries seduction. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music / Sound Effects Include: "Club chatter, London" by mlteenie at Freesound.org.“A Wizard’s Tournament” by Emily Axford."Tundra Trudge" by Emily Axford."Left is Left and Right is Center" by Emily Axford."Eye of Akarot" by Emily Axford."The Red Fen" by Emily Axford."All I Need is One Thread to Spin a Web" by Emily Axford."Moonshine's Stump" by Emily Axford."Gunvar" by Emily Axford."Rousel" by Emily Axford."Frankie" by Emily Axford."The Gambling District" by Emily Axford."The Bronze Bastard" by Emily Axford."The Inkling Syndicate" by Emily Axford."The Rattlin' Snakes" by Emily Axford."Stallios" by Emily Axford."Triss 2" by Emily Axford."In the Dark of Dusk" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The code again is PawPaw. Thank you everybody. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bohemia, everybody. Bohemia! I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Hurwitz. Headed to Rassel to give Glen Hell call their kill day.

Ooh, I like that. Get him, get him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna meet a lot of guys that go yeah. Okay, actually I'm gonna change my rhyme to be on that theme.

Oh, okay. All right, ready? And then we've also got Emily Axford. Headed to Rissell to ring Glen's bell. Oh. I think that's a cool. Ooh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get him. And then of course we've got, with a perfect Glenn rhyme, Cold Bull Tanner. Ooh, here it comes. Headed to Rissell, because I'm about to be sell,

because I'm a gold coin, and also I'm gonna give Glenn a shell, because we have a shell, an inventory in our inventory, I'm looking at it here. No, no, no. And I feel like this rhyme is going swell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He fucking nailed it. Landing on swell was quite good. He absolutely nailed it. Just triple back flip right into the back flip area. He's still nailing it. Paris 2024, let's go. He's killing it, He's absolutely killing it. A backflip into the backflip area?

When you can't think of a rhyme, you just talk more. You just keep talking, and eventually it works. It did. It did. Yeah. You'll get there eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how they freestyle.

Every freestyle rap is just everyone trying to think of a rhyme. You can see the panic in all of their eyes. I am. They just edit it down. They just edit it down. Just a distant panic. Yeah.

They edit out all the wait, don't use that. Just imagining someone freestyle rapping in their video with obvious cuts in it, and they look so scared the whole time. Yeah. That's all real. Edit to R'Cell, feeling, swell. Oh yeah, Mer' if you could just edit. You want me to edit that perfectly?

That'd be great actually. All right, cut all this, just edit it, make me seem smart. Let me try to remember that. All right, let's go ahead and do a little recap. Yeah. So last time. Yeah.

So last time, you faced the tricks and trials of the Fey Forest on your way. On your way On your way to the hidden village of R'Cell first you encountered a fire elemental named Dan who had gotten stuck While rising from the earth's core to answer the call of the Empire you tried to dig him out But kept taking fire damage so Saul tried to smoke him out with a grenade the ensuing piercing damage Enraged to's spurring combat, but Callie managed to modify his memory, convincing him that the last ten minutes had seen you

save him from a rainstorm. Dan fell for it and offered a bit of helpful advice, the location of an overlook where you could get your bearings. You found the overlook in the form of a strange painting that would incorporate any person or object that crossed its threshold. Calder braved it and barely managed to avoid having his image frozen forever with a branch pulling at his jorts. After he got a view of your surroundings,

he was able to direct you to a nearby waterfall. There, you found the water source tainted by a strange poison. Saul found the source of the curse, but couldn't get a nearby waterfall. There, you found the water source tainted by a strange poison. Saul found the source of the curse, but couldn't get a good look at it, so he threw a grenade. Remember kids, just throw a grenade. Pierce any problem with grenades.

After drawing the ire of the nearby water weirds, he was able to pull them far enough away that Callie could get a better look. There, she found a dead halfling whose paladin aura had taken on a curse from his murder. Callie lifted the curse with a lay hands, turning the water back to normal. After searching his belongings, you deduced that the paladin was a green knight of the summer court. You gave him a proper burial and set up camp nearby.

The next morning, you followed the river towards Roussel and discovered a pile of gold along the way. After an unseen- How'd that work out? How'd that work out? I'll tell ya. After an unseen servant turned into a coin by touching it and freeing a gold troll, Saul poked it with a stick and suffered the same fate.

Only because he didn't have a grenade. Yeah, true. He could have blown up all the, honestly, then I guess the grenade would have turned into a coin. And then maybe the troll would have exploded? Yeah, that would have been perfect. After much panic, you chased down the second troll and defeated it, freeing Saul in the process. You continued your hike, but saw a strange house off in the woods that looked abandoned.

After Callie threw a rock at it, the door showed signs that it had been kicked off its hinges. You entered and investigated, learning that the house once housed green knights who were attacked and killed or captured. Based on glyphs you found on the floorboards, you deduced that the house was once part of her cell, but was left behind to cover up the attack. Kali noticed discarded tallow candles and recalled a memory of her mother being summoned by the Winter Court by strange mages who smelled of them. Amongst the garbage left behind by the attack, you also found a magazine called Mildred's Murmurs. In it, you found a story of a group of green knights who had been rooted out and replaced for conspiring against the court.

You theorized that they could have been framed because the rest of the magazine was marked up labeling some of the nobles and knights in Queen Cirilla's court as compromised. There you found an image of the newest green knight, Glen Fear Gladewin, and began fighting over the magazine. And that's where we are now. So you've just seen this picture of Glen. Kallie's yelled to rip it up. Give it to me! Okay, wait, wait, wait, hold on. I'm kissing a picture and my lip gloss is smearing the ink off. I thought you said you were gonna rip it. What are you trying to do with it, Ms. Petrified?

It's not clear. Go away, give me privacy! You said rip it but now you're kissing it. Yeah, rip a kiss. You see Licorice is hissing at it. Licorice, let me have my toxic attachments. Fine, Licorice, I hand it over to Licorice. You see Licorice starts eating the magazine.

What? Okay, I save the, you know, the person who's like circled all the compromise people, I say that, and I let him eat the picture of Glenn. Great, he ravenously eats the picture of Glenn. Great he ravenously eats the picture of Glenn if you remember correctly Glenn was the one who originally put the magic collar on licorice and used his powers for evil That's right you're gonna have your revenge baby. Cal you see as you're having a a little bit of a moment here, Foster does pop up and nestles into you.

There we go. I've actually been meaning to do something with you. Do you see how I've adorned myself to look like an autumn Aladdin, to be sort of in disguise? I think I need to, may I reach out my hands to shape him a bit? You see Foster just goes limp, turns turns basically to Play-Doh.

Yeah, I was gonna say, I know he's kind of like putty, so I'm gonna like kind of like stretch out his neck a bit, and sort of like point his beak a bit, and I'm gonna turn him into a goose. So no more quack, try honk. Honk. Honkier. Okay, getting there, getting there.

Just seems so wrong. I don't know, I like it. Miss Petricor, do we need to make disguises too? I think it's just me because I did live here at one point and I don't know if anyone knows, if Saira knows about Foster or anything like that. Well, Saira probably won't be the only person looking for us, right?

Yeah, that's true. Would you like to wear a disguise? Yes. Callie, will you turn me into a goose? Yeah, I reach out and I try to stretch Calder's neck. Ow! It cracks so easily. Remember, Calder, you want to eat grains and grasses now, not fish. I really, I feel like you put a really bad creak in my neck.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. I can't, I can't turn my head to the left. Foster tries to show you but he's doing a bad job. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. You look like you want to swim, you don't want the pond anymore, you want the field.

Ha ha ha ha. Your name is Fonkster. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Um, oh, if we're doing disguises, can I just have a turtle shell? You don't want the pond anymore, you want the field. Your name is Fonkster. Oh, if we're doing disguises, can I just have a turtle shell? I wanna lean into the turtle to frog thing. Absolutely. There actually are frog folk in the Feywild.

They run like the river rapids that you can use to travel around. Wow, is that also at Hexflags? Well, there might be a ride, I'm not sure, but. Oh, right, cause they, yeah, they would kind of duplicate the experience, make it safer to make a ride version of it, but there's an actual transportation version of it, I understand.

Kenna, what, do you, do you have an idea of what you want to disguise yourself as? Do you have an alter ego that you've been meaning to try on? Okay, what if instead of being a brave squire of you guys, I was a brave squire of whatever new personas you guys have. Okay, if that is what your heart is screaming, then we should go with that. Okay, since you're like a witch, I could be like a witch knight, like a witch squire.

That actually sounds so good. Or like a squire to the guy with a pinched nerve in his neck. Here, let me fix it. I twist it in the other direction. You stone's endurance, man. I think I just have two pinched nerves. I could at least turn right before. Now you'll just have proper fighting stance no matter where you look, Mr. Killday.

That's exactly why you're my squire. I think you're a knight now. Oh Let's I mean you're a knight that's been tasked with escorting us because we are people of such esteem We would never go to somewhere as not as for sale, but you are night escorting us. Okay Yeah, it feels a little bit wrong to pretend to be a knight, but if we're playing pretend, then I suppose I as somebody who is not a knight yet, but someday. Maybe a hedge knight perhaps. A knight wandering the realm.

Oh sort of a mercenary, I'll be a mercenary who's wandering the realm. Be a mercenary! Okay. Ooh. Alright. And you can have all these shady morals that you don't have in real life Yeah, like I just thought to spit in the road if I need to You've been waiting to release that one as soon as you turn around can it gets down and starts cleaning it up with a napkin

This is where the house this isn't the road So yeah, so Kenna will I'll say road. So yeah, so Kenna will I'll say, put on like a hood and she's got like a helm. So she'll put the grate down on her helm. And she'll put on sort of like a different tunic and sort of mix and match what she's got to look a little bit different than what she's been looking like. Yeah, and I put on some like really big oversized glasses and fashion a turtle shell for myself.

Right on. Hello. Canna laughs way too hard at you saying hello. That's hilarious Mr. Buffau. So okay, I wonder if we could just like, there's like this magic that is preventing the teleport and it left it here. If we just got rid of these runes, would it be like a delayed teleport?

Hmm, well, Russel isn't too far from here. I suppose we could just walk. Yeah, do we get eyes on it? You haven't gotten eyes on it yet, but you're about like halfway through your day. You can make another survival check. You know you're not too far. You look at the map that you made

with the star map from Swag and you're not far. You're half a day's hike away. Oh, speaking of swag, can I look at those spores in the little vial? Have they replenished yet? They do not replenish on your own. That's something you'll essentially have to meditate and replenish. Okay. It takes, it happens over a long rest. You can do it during your downtime.

You'll need to do a DC 20 like wisdom saving throw. And you need to be able to do it three times and then you can use it again. So it can be used at most once every three days. Okay. So I need to do some like really intense meditating. Yes, exactly. Like flexing every muscle in my body and also my brain.

Yes, gotcha. Okay. It'll look like you're shitting. It's just I need everyone to know I'm not shitting. I'm going to be meditating to replenish the spores. I'm not shitting. OK. Hwong. Hwongster. That was cute. What was that? Hwong?

Hwong. Hwong? OK, that's cute, I like that. We're moving in the right direction. Wait a minute, wonk, wonk. Gunk, gunk, we forgot about gunk! Oh no. He's probably thought out, he's probably looking for food.

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Kenna, not that, not that! You open, you, Kenna pours the bag out and you see that gunk is now so big that he has filled up the entire Little container you see gunk falls on the ground gunk is Fully like football sized and has two little legs and starts running around it goes ready to live Ready to live see you later I love you mom and dad. Let us teach you something. I take a little stance I'm ready to tackle. Ready to live. We still have lessons to teach you. He starts running around.

Gonk you're B you really are getting ahead of yourself. Ready to live. Do you know the alphabet or anything? Ready. I don't know anything about the world. Yeah, I'm ready. Two, eight. What's one plus four? Ready to eat. Fine, that's a fair answer. Ready to eat. Yeah, let's do a hunting lesson. Can I look around for a little rat?

You see a cute little field mouse comes out. Run, run, run. I'm going to see you with animals. OK. Hey, who's your enemy? Hi. Hi. Do you have anyone you hate? Snakes. Snakes? Oh, I actually really like snakes.

Anyone else? Baselisks. Oh, we should definitely hunt a baselisk. That's really interesting. It's dangerous for a first prey. But one last basilisk in the world is okay with me. Okay, let's go try and hunt a basilisk. Okay. You see Gunk runs out.

Slow down, Gunk. Wait, I think I have- Do you have arms out or just legs? I think I have a- He uses his legs. He just runs around. In my pack, I have a crossbow. Okay.

So I'm gonna give his legs the crossbow. Thanks, mom. Thanks. Wow. He takes the crossbow, he throws it on the ground, he stomps on it and destroys it, and then starts eating the wood. No, not the wood. Eat the wood.

No, not the wood. Food. Gunk. Yeah. Come on. That is wood food to you. Yeah. Oh, well, OK. Is it really? Oh, I'm on it. Come on. That is wood food to you? Yeah.

Oh, well, okay. Is it really? Oh, he likes plants. Everything's food. Plant-based things, okay. Everything's food. Everything's food. Oh, he's a growing little boy.

Everything's food. Okay, well, I mean, I'm gonna give him a treat. I'm gonna knock-knock to make sure that it's not a dry-ass. He tries to eat a rock and starts choking. Ah! Ah! Okay, I give him the baby hymnal. Okay, he gives him the baby hymnal, that it's not a dry ash. He tries to eat a rock and starts joking. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! OK, I give him the baby hymnal.

OK, he gives him the baby hymnal, and he spits out the rock. Ah! There you go. No rocks. No rocks. That's your first life lesson. That is your first lesson.

Rocks aren't food. I'm going to do a perception check to find a basilisk. But I'm doing it trying to not look in the eyes. Not look in their eyes. Yeah, yeah, you got it. All right, yeah, yeah. OK, come on. On a nat one to not look in the eyes. Yeah, yeah, you got it. All right, yeah, yeah. Okay, come on, come on. On a nat one, you look in its eyes.

19 on the day! 19, okay, you only see four basilisks nearby. Okay. This place is lousy with basilisks. I'm gonna, I say gunk don't look in their eye. All right. Aim the crossbow. Okay.

And kill one of those basilisks. You see, gunk runs over to the basilisk. His foot is like small but very powerful, just stomps on the basilisk's head and just keeps kicking it just over and over and over again and just shatters it and then just starts eating its body. Yum, food! That's my boy.

This is honestly really nostalgic. I developed my feet first too. I well up with tears. He's growing up so fast. Ready to eat, ready to kill. He's angry. He seems angry at the world. Is he eating the bones? He's eating the bones. He's eating the bones. No, no bones. No, no, no. Come here. I fished the bones out with my mouth. Bones are like rocks. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, come here, I fished the bones out with my mouth. Bones are like rocks. No no, no they're not, no they're not. No bones. No, bones are not rocks. We can make a stock of them if you want, but we can't eat them whole. Not until you have teeth, mister.

Yeah. Starts to bite you. Ow, he's got teeth! No, I just realized this house is gonna stay here and it's, you know, there's so many basilisks around. Oh yeah. Why? My house.

Maybe, yeah. My den, my killed den. Yes, your killed den, and we can come and visit, can't we, little buddy? We'll call you Calder Kill Den. Kill Den. Gonk Kill Den. Gonk Kill Den. Gonk Kill Den Petricor. Yeah. I was going to say, yeah, he can have anyone's last name. It doesn't have to be Kill Den or it can be Buffon. I think it can be hyphenated. Okay. It can be hyphenated.

Hyphenated. Can I do a history check to see if there are any pre-k schools nearby sure yeah yeah I'm on a story perhaps okay that's another 19 okay becomes a dirty 20 yeah there's this is a pretty prestigious school district. Wow. Is he gonna have to test in or are we gonna have to get in the lottery? I really want one of those bilingual ones. Yeah, he's gonna learn Sylvan and Common. We're gonna camp out here until enrollment opens.

Right. I'm gonna roll myself. We should probably... I'm gonna walk you to the first day of school. When does school start? I think I'm already evolving. I think probably easier to eat this way. Okay.

See he unhinges his jaw and starts swallowing the basilisk whole. Okay. I really want to meet the teachers before we commit to this. That's smart. That's smart. I want to be on the PTA. I'll meet the teachers. Would you like me to coach your soccer team?

I don't want to be a part of it if it's a co-op. I don't want to dedicate those hours. I will, I will. Okay. I'll come. Okay, I'll see you later. Callie, Callie Calder, could we leave the Mfire Sparks in case you need enrollment money? Let's leave like maybe a hundred of them.

OK. Yeah. Because we're going to be back really quick. Right. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Can we do a walk by to check out the pre-K? Yeah, I'll take it. Let's do a little tour. Yeah. I start organizing this kill den. I'm beating some couch cushions, making a bed. You start organizing Gunk's kill den. You see he's killing a lot of basilisks and dragging them.

Save some room for dinner, right? And dragging them to the kill den. This is great. Remember, STEM is important. I'm gonna sign up a little STEM corner. You go around the corner and much like when you saw Lady Hell's Beth's hut just pop up, you see a nice little one room school house.

It looks like an old barn, but it's very quaint. It's got a little bell to call all the kids, and you see all these little critters and stuff going to school. You see this spring-a-ladrin woman comes out. Okay, I looked at her and I'm like, fucking pretend you're fucking so rich. And then I look back. Are you parents?

Are you here to pick somebody up? Oh. Oh. Oh, hello. Oh. Yes, hello, my name is. I can tell you're all very rich. Yes, we're all quite well endowed.

Yes. Oh. I'm gonna press the digitation. Well, we're all quite well endowed. Yes. I'm gonna press the digitation. Well, this is a public school, so it doesn't really matter because it's the school district, right? Yes. So it's a public school,

so it doesn't really matter how much money you make. This is just the spring court school for this district. Yeah, we're that kind of rich people where we live somewhere with a really good public school, but pat ourselves on the back for going to public school. Live your politics. That's very good.

That's very nice. Yeah, so during the donation drive, you can certainly count on us. We would definitely appreciate it. We would definitely appreciate it. Whatever you can give. Money. All right, yes, we'll take some money.

Sparks. Well, we actually haven't talked enrollment yet. We've got a spirited young boy that we love to enroll Of course what do you know how old how old is your? Hours child couple of days couple of days. He's already swallowing basilisks though. He's a good We start taking people in in pre-k. He's very advanced about three or four years old extremely advanced He's very advanced. About three or four years old. Extremely advanced. Yeah, he's really advanced. Um, Gunky! Gunstifer! Eat the score! Eat the word!

He's so creative. Well, he's certainly speaking at roughly a preschool level, I suppose. He'll be running the place after a week. Yeah, he really will. But you said he But you said he's just a few days old? Yeah, just something like that. No, I think actually, no, he's preschool age, I think. Yeah, absolutely.

He's three. Oh, yes. Yeah, sorry, when we said days. We've been in town for a few days is what we've met. Ah ha ha. Yeah, tab for a few, we just moved here. I'm a mercenary for these Parrots yes, this is a personal bodyguard yes, and I injured my neck

He's the injured his neck on the job of being a good parent sort of carrying around the young ones Anyways, he has a lot of allergies I'm gonna need you can't eat rocks Okay, no rock there's no rocks. No rocks, no bones. No rocks, no bones. All nuts are fine. Yeah, all nuts are fine.

Actually, they're encouraged. Okay, well, we have a few children with nut allergy, so Gunk probably won't be having any. He can eat their nuts, that's perfect then. Okay, excellent. Can we just send Gunk in and see how he acclimates? Yeah. You see Gunk runs in,

and then you just hear screams of children from the inside. And you see the teacher looks concerned and then runs in, but then you see that a bunch of little like, bully wugs and a bunch of little like, mouse folk and stuff, after being shocked and horrified by Gunk for a moment, seem to delight in his destruction. You see he's got a big two by four,

looks like he just like bit off a huge part of the building and is running around. That looks like a support beam. Is there an after school program by the way? Yes, we have an after school program. Overnight? Overnight? Yeah.

We don't adopt, I mean, I guess there is a boarding school we could try to get him into. We just need someone to walk him back to his Kilden. Oh, that'd be great, yes. He could walk him. He could sleep in the Kilden. His home? Yes.

Yeah. The Kilden. It's one Kilden Avenue. That's the address. All right, yes. We can definitely get maybe some of the older children, somebody can walk him home, I'm sure. That would be so good. Beautiful. I'm a turtle by the way, if that wasn't clear.

Yeah, no, I thought so, is the big glasses in the shell? Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, well, fuck, it's so hard to say goodbye. Please don't curse in front of the children. I'm so fucking sorry. It's our fucking bad. Just really fucking bad. Yeah. Just really fucking hard is all.

You keep doing it is the thing. It's fucking hard not to when you feel like your fucking eyes want to shit out so many teeth. You see a little pulley walk goes, fuck, fuck you, fuck you teacher, fuck you. Now he's fucking serious. Fuck you, fuck you. Okay, you've got some pretty crass students

but I'm gonna assume you have it handled. Yes, keep an eye on that. Yeah, maybe like a swear jar or something. All right, bye, bye, mom and dad, love you. Okay, bye, I love you. We love you, Gunky. Bye, we love you, Gungstifer. You want me to kiss you now in front of all your friends?

Give me that cheek, give me that cheek. You guys mate. He unhinges his jaw and tries to swallow your head. I let him do it a little bit. Yeah, kinda has to pull you off. All right, we need to be getting back to Kilden Lane. Yes. Very good.

Lead the way, our mercenary. All right, bye kids. See the kids continue to chase, gunk around. Don't you dare bully my boy. When you grow arms, I'll teach you how to punch. He runs around. The kids look like they're all having fun. The teacher goes and joins them.

Wow. What the hell just happened? Where did everybody come from? Where did the come from? Where did the time go? Where did the time go? Yeah, well, how did he grow that fast? Why is there a school here?

We haven't seen like anybody else in days except for water weirds. I've just learned like not to question the methods of the Feywild anymore. I guess some of the kids are water weirds, so that makes sense. Okay. All right. All that matters is that he's happy. And it seems like he is. I think he is. Which is hard, right?

Cause I want him to be happy with us, you know? Yeah. No, he's happy, but we're sad. We're actually really sad. He's happy, but he's not with us. It was sad about it. Okay, well, I need a long rest. Yeah.

Let's go back to the empty nest. With our heads down. All right. rest. Let's go. Let's go back to the empty nest. It's down. All right. Are we going to try to find the town that we're trying to find or we just go to bed? Well, we should stop a couple more basilisk in the fridge for him. OK, OK. Yeah. Through the tears in my eyes, I do a perception check for a cell. OK, great. You guys are going to have to load up Sol again. Oh, yeah. I can't. I hits you with help and a Squire inspiration. I've got you've got a bardic. I got a bardic

27 27 okay You guys have a nice evening of hiking you're getting a spring breeze as the Sun goes down. It gets to be a bit cooler Calder thank goodness. you're a frost giant because you are wearing jorts now and you have cut off. Can I add length to these denim shorts or not really? I thought you'd never ask. I just cut them back on.

Oh, there you are. Oh, you know what would be so fun if we made like, you know, like blinds. You like pull a thing and then the blinds come down and then they go up. Yes. But with pants for you. But for pants? Pantschades.

Did you read about that? Did you read pantschades and bildrids berbers? No, I invented it. You're talking about Skortans of course. Skortans, yeah, yeah. Short curtains, yeah. Skortans. Yes, okay.

I still have the denim. Can I roll maybe a sleight of hand to make some skirtens? Yeah, go for it. I'd like a pair too. That's a nine. Sleight of hand no. Ow, you stabbed me in the thigh dude. Plus nine for my sleight of hand, 18.

Oh, okay. All right, yeah, they look, I mean they look terrible because they're short blinds. They're what he wanted to make, it just doesn't make them good. But they're absolutely what you want it to make. This is my dream. This is what I was pitching.

So it's correct. It's absolutely correct. This is like one to one with what was in your mind? All right. So yeah, you guys have a pretty peaceful hike while Saul is fixing Calder's pants as you walk along. And after hiking into the evening, the sun is setting. You probably start to get a little bit worried because you begin to get near the area that you know Roussel to be from the map,

but you're not seeing any signs of it. You see a few little streams that look like they would be like a good water source, but still no town, and then all at once you walk right into the middle of it. The town is not invisible, but there's some kind of magical effect that makes it kind of blend in with its surroundings when you're not in it, almost like the village itself is like,

stealthing, like hiding, camouflage in the forest. What looked like far off rock formations suddenly look like stone homes with thatched roofs, and you see the rough and tumble citizens of Roussel going home from work or out to cause trouble as the sun sets. Yeah. Yeah, you do see a lot of dudes walking by going,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, boss, yeah. Everybody go ahead and give me perception checks. World where goons reign. 14. 11. Nat 20. Oh, sick. Feeling inspired by the Skurtans. 11. Nat 20. Oh sick. Feeling inspired by the Skirtans.

Okay. You see, you all look around. You see a fountain in the middle of the town. It pools fresh water in a lower basin, but spurts out onto the grass around it, causing it to grow long with tall blades and flowers. Near the fountain, you see a little mouse folk with a newsboy

cap shouting to passerby, brigands, bandits and gangsters. He's got various news sources from the outside world. Beyond him you see an enormous tree with huge twisting branches that spread out over the entire village. At the base of it there's a tavern called Nobody's Inn. And Callie, this is one of the few places that you recognize from your time here. You recognize the homes and stuff, but Nobody's Inn is still here. Nobody's Inn, I wonder if they still have all that stale candy and that cheap vending machine.

Yeah. I run to Nobody's Inn to see if they have stale candy and cheap vending machines. Okay, Callie starts to run. I will continue to describe what the rest of you see. You see, it's got a little veranda out front where a bunch of Eladrin Tufts have parked their mana worm mounts. These translucent, levitating magic worms. You see the Eladrin there drink and fight, doing like butterfly knife tricks and flicking their lighters. Just a lot of, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Near the ta- Are they wearing like the Feyweld equivalent of a leather jacket? Yes, for sure. They're wearing like long dusters, like sur coats. Near the tavern, you see a dryad druid covered in, wearing like crystals and stuff with flowers in her hair.

She's got a very natural look, but her silks and accessories do look quite expensive. After a moment, you see she's sort of meditating, but then she turns into an owl and flies up to a tree house in a tree above the tavern. On the other side of the village to the west, you see a big ramshackle barracks. It looks like it was originally a house or a mansion

that was built out to be more militarized. There's an iron gate out front and two serious looking guards, one Aladdin, one fire Genasi, both in heavy armor. The tufts in the yard there seem to be more serious than the ones at the bar. They practice throwing knives and spar. They've got a banner over their fort featuring a crown with a slash through it. Is that new? Callie go ahead and give me a history check 20 Wow Okay, so I will say these guys are pretty famous in the Feywild

They are a group called the court with no crowns And they are hedge knights. A lot of them are fugitives that were at one time employed by one of the courts, but are now like enemies of the courts, and specifically like Rob Knights and stuff like that. So they are anti the crown. They were institutionalists who broke bad. Yes, exactly. And their leader, you know, is a famous Dragonborn, like sort of folk hero named Zanark.

And Zanark is also known as the king who is not a king. Was he here when I was- He was not here when you were here. Because if anything, this is sort of them laying low. This is them sort of, it seems like maybe on the back foot or something that they'd have to set up shop here. Do I think that my mother ever interacted with Zanark? Yes, I would say that since your mom was like defying crown orders, they're kind of like mercenaries

that are probably not going to rob random people or things like that, but they'd probably be bodyguards for a smuggling mission. They're not that squeaky clean. They're definitely pretty rough around the edges. Well, that could be an intro. And of course you see Elzb's hut, just as it appeared before, but on the edge of town. Besides that, you also see random homes, blacksmiths, and overpriced shops.

They're mostly boarded up and extremely unwelcoming. You see little eyes darting out of the various houses, people like suspicious of each other. And Saul, I will say with a nat 20, you see that the fire genasi at the iron gate near the court with no crowns base has a little satchel and you see poking out is an Empire spark Fellas I've got our in and I'll say you also see that the mouse folk The the little like newsboy who's yelling out trying to like huck papers has different issues of Mildred's murmurs and has bounties and stuff looks like somebody who Brings news from like the outside world. Okay. All right. I feel like we're in fact-finding phase

Should we maybe try and get the latest on Mildred's murmurs? Yeah, let's talk to that mouse Alright, cool sweet. So you guys walk up to the little newsstand you see this little you see this little mouse folk newsboy Hucking his paper. He's got a little wooden newsstand behind you see a bunch of periodicals And some wanted posters And you see he looks up at you with big dewy eyes and goes Step right up, we got new-ish issues of Mildred's Murmurs We got the latest bounties, see if you're wanted Or if you are wanting some coin

This guy's a new ish new ish issues you don't have to have the new issues issues Yeah, new ish. Okay. Well yet the new issue issues Can I ask you tease me with the cover of your most recent Mildred murmurs? If you tease me with the cover of your most recent Mildred Murmers. Eh! He pulls out, he teases you with it. Are you deflating? He pulls out a magazine, shows it to you for a moment,

and you see the, actually give me a perception check to see how fast you can read the headlines. Ooh, 22. Okay. Dirty 20. Wow, okay. 11. All right. I'm good with like the font. I'm like so used to the font. Wow, okay. 11. All right.

I'm good with like the font. I'm like so used to the font in the typography and layout. So curly. Saul only sees the first one, cause it's so curly. It says, is Lady Habernat sleeping with Count Dabbledwoop? Uh, but you guys also see two other headlines. You see Princex Starlily's beach wedding exposed, and finally, a Seely Unseely summit unsealed.

And he hides it away. How much? You know, I'm just trying to get my cheese. You need cheese? Yeah, I need some cheese. That's what your currency is? No, my currency is gold, but I like to eat cheese. Yeah.

I might have some cheese. I'm just a little guy. No, I just need, no, I don't need cheese. Yeah. Yeah. I might have some cheese. I'm just a little guy. No, I just need, no, I don't need cheese. I can get you cheese. How much gold? Yeah. Just 50 gold. Come on.

50 gold. That's ridiculous. That's fucking stupid. I'm just a little guy. No, you're not a little guy. Don't you dare invoke. You're a little guy, but you're big dogging us. I'm not a little guy.

I'm so sick of these men pretending to be little guys. Shut up! I know you come from fucking privilege. This is a fucking act, isn't it? How old are you really and who are your fucking rich parents? I'm ten years old! I'm ten years old! I steal the magazine. You see, as you go to grab it from him, he grabs your wrist and goes,

Do you want me to yell? I wanted to see your true face. Cause I got friends here. Yeah, I know you do. I just wanted to take the mask off and you just have. Yeah, alright, well, it's a lot of fucking blood, sweat and tears getting these magazines in here, alright? Cause I'm fucking wanted. Yeah, what are you wanted for? Murder.

That's for me. Yeah, that's what I thought. Okay, that's what I thought. Okay, I'm gonna give him 50 girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Smuggling this shit in. What you wanted for murder for me? Yeah I'm gonna give them 50 Fucking cheese, dude Good price I'm shaking Yeah, I love like the full sweet you get the one ease to yeah the bounties Uh, yeah, you know, I gotta you know, I gotta get my cheese

So the whole charcuterie platter for us, sir 50 gold 50 how much does cheese cost here? Yeah, give me 50 gold for the magazine It should be a subscription at that price. Okay. Just reminding everybody that we have 14,595 pieces of gold so we can probably- I know, it's just the principle of it. It's true, this guy's being an asshole. We're getting bullied, Saul.

I'll tell you what, alright, what are you guys looking for? You want to see the wanted posters, see what's going on? Maybe get a little laid-back, I can tell you what's going on around town. Yeah. Tell us, tell us what's going on over at, over at that house over there. Calder nods towards, you know, where they're, the barracks.

Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, cool, with no crowns, yeah. Real interesting stuff over there. Is that all you got? You gonna tell me anything about it? You know, again, it's just like the nutrients that I need from the cheese it just again 50 gold and I got I might be I remember Okay, I'm gonna give you 50 gold and you're just gonna have a fucking 10-minute conversation with us How about that 10-minute conversation? Oh, that's gonna cost you a hundred gold

We just do a hundred gold and we're not paying 50 gold for every Okay, but that's better! If we just do 100 gold, then we're not paying 50 gold for every single piece of information. Well let's do 50 gold, and you talk, and when you're finished, we'll decide if you earned that second 50 gold. Okay, but I got friends around here, I know there's an arc, alright? He's gonna kill you if you fuck with me. I'm worried about Dunk growing up in this environment. Half the gold now, half after. Alright, and then guess what? I'm gonna tell you one lie, and if you don't give me the money, I'm not gonna tell you which thing I tell you is the lie, alright?

What? Yeah, yeah. This is hell. Yeah, it's Roussel! Ha ha ha! What do you think? That was good. Alright?

Alright, just give him the 100 gold and let's get everything. Alright, okay. You want these wanted posters? Yeah. Alright. You see, hands you wanted posters, and he goes, these are are in fresh I usually don't

just put them up because you know haha everybody around here is kind of wanted but uh you know check it out. You take the pile of wanted posters you see there are bounties for just dozens of people it takes you guys like a couple minutes just to go through it you're going fast so you see he's looking at his timer to see how long you're taking. You just see a bunch of outlaws that you do not recognize. But eventually you find posters with your own faces on them. Oh, OK. Right.

This looks like Dan wanted for conspiracy against the crown. What? OK. What are the names listed? Calder Kill Day, Calliope Petrichor, Saul Bufo, What? Yeesh. Okay, um, what are the names listed? Calder Kill Day, Kaliope Petrichor, Saul Buffau, 100,000 gold each, dead or alive. How much do the pictures look like us in our current disguised form? Exactly like Calder right now, because Calder did not change. In fact, out of nowhere, Calder, you get stabbed in the back by a brick

Wait You see an assassin comes up and goes ha that bounties mine. Hey someone stop that straight I'm gonna pull the drawstring up on my shorts I am gonna get my my feet moving okay, and I guess I'm gonna pull the drawstring up on my shorts. I am gonna get my my feet moving Okay, I guess I'm gonna turn around is yeah I'm gonna turn around and just clock just a random a random bandit was looking over your shoulder saw you looked a little shocked At a wanted poster clocked it and then tried to stab you in the back. Okay Shut this guy up I'm gonna try to kill him cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. I'll look the other way. Okay, I'll take three attacks. That's a 19 to hit.

Calder, with your minimum damage, you behead him. Oh, great. Whoa, you guys are badass. Damn, I feel a little bad. Yeah. I like, respectfully place the head near the body. Yeah, I think that's right. I need a disguise.

I need a real disguise. Yeah, real quick, real quick. Okay, you know what? Who put out the bounty? These are from the courts. Which court? Winter Court. Queen's Over Here.

Oh, she thinks it's fucking conspiracy against her? Oh God, this is... Okay. All right. We are gonna... If you are gonna I could uh you know nobody's got a CD's wanted posters yeah I do want that all right yeah give you like a day or two to get out of town yeah I'm the one who controls sort of the papers coming in and coming out so okay nobody got a house gonna cost us

yeah thousand gold I think that's a pretty good deal is that actually that's that is quite reasonable. Yeah. Considering how much I want to do it. Yeah. All right. Throw in a potion, any potion. Yeah, you got it.

I can steal some potion for you. Okay. I'll get it for you for half price. Okay, yeah, that's great. Yeah, all right. Oh, you had people here to try to jack it up, to try to jack up the prices. Yeah.

I'll get you some potions. Okay. How many people, how many people have seen these Warner posters already? Just me. How many have you sold? Nobody bought any wanted posters today yet. Okay, great.

This is huge. An inside check just to see if he's telling the truth. Yeah. 18? I mean, he's kind of just lying about everything. So it's like, I squint my eyes and go, yeah. Okay, bud. Let's not take any chances.

We'll pay him off and also I'm gonna shave my head. Yeah, I'd love to see you rip up this wanted poster. Yeah, you got it. I've rips it up. Oh, shit, I should've got paid first. Okay, yeah, give me money. Okay, what's your name by the way in case we need to call on you?

Squirt, I'm just a little guy. Squirt. We know you're not. Well yeah, I'm a little, just not young. I'll keep that secret. Yeah, now that we're like doing business together, like how old are you? Come on. I'm 42. By the way, what's your disguise? Because I need something like that. My disguise?

Yeah. Oh, just do a high voice. People just assume I'm young because I'm a little mouse folk, but I'm... Quite old. Okay, that can work for you, Calder. I see. Yeah. Should we just give Calder a tail maybe? Yeah, we could just, I got a dagger if you want me

to just shave your beard and shave your head. Yeah, you look like a whole new guy. Ooh. Yeah, shave, okay. We give you like a goatee. Shave me. Goatee sounds perfect. All right.

Yeah. You do shaving too? Yeah, why not? Oh, there's a barber pole right there, yeah. Yeah, why not? Okay. You see, yeah? Yeah, why not? Oh, there's a barber pole right there, yeah. Yeah, why not? Right. You see, yeah, he helps you shave down.

Will you shave a couple notches in my eyebrow? Okay, hell yeah. That's cool. So I look like a soccer player. Hell yeah. Can you carve my shell? Yeah, alright. Alright.

It takes a little time, carves your shell. Alright, now what? Fuck it, shear my ponytail off. Okay, we're getting near to ten minutes. We're getting near to ten minutes if you guys got any questions or whatever. Okay, I'm gonna look for where the house disappeared. Oh, you're talking about the halflings. And I want to point out the empty plot.

The halflings, yeah. Yeah, what happened there? Okay, well, they mostly kept it themselves. Okay. Always bought Mildred's murmurs when it came out. They were really interested in what was going on in the Summer Court. They'd hang out at the bar sometimes.

Which bar? Nobody's in? Nobody's, the only bar, nobody's in. And I saw them talking to a Sunset Goblin one time. One of the members of the court with no crowns. Oh! With no crowns, those guys over there. Okay, Sunset Goblin at the Court of No Crowns. Oh. Oh, no crowns. Those guys over there. Okay. Sunset Goblin at the Court of No Crowns.

Yeah. How long have they been here? How long were they here? They were here for probably about a week and it's been about a week since they disappeared. Did they get visited by a man dressed in courtly attire? No, if we saw anybody like that, we'd... Yeah.

He pulls out a dagger and starts stabbing cheese Yeah Yeah, so you don't want to get squirted definitely Yeah, no to knock would not let that happen. Yeah. Yeah, and I think it's an arcs pretty pissed because I The Goblin was part of their was part of their crew so i have one more question yeah yeah yeah what does the narc drink snark i want to make a good impression i guess he likes to uh he's like a really big guy especially to a little guy like me i'm just a little squirt yeah you're dangerous squirt we know that of

course yeah yeah no yeah uh he just likes to take like a big keg of ale and then he like cracks it and he just like holds it on his knee. Like an egg? Over his head? Uh, no. Well, I guess I've seen him like shotgun one. That was pretty funny. Uh, but now usually he'll just enjoy it casually, you know, drink responsibly and all that.

Oh, I see, I see. Oh, crack it. Okay, I thought you meant crack it. He'll just like crack a keg and just like sip it or sort of like an intimidation thing But also like he's just kind of cool That is cool. So I know it's it's court of no crowns, right? Court with no crowns. And like do they ever use the acronym conch for that? Uh, you could try that. Okay, if I try that am I gonna get stabbed? Yeah. Okay

So just most most things that I do are gonna get me stabbed here. Yeah, probably. Cool. Gotcha. Except You know the tough silver at the bar. They ain't so tough. Actually in fact one of them just tried to stab you. Was it one of the like, the Aladdin greasers? One of the Aladdin greasers you see is beheaded right next to you. Yeah. Yeah no, nah he ain't so tough. I mean maybe take that that duster that's pretty cool. I don't think it would fit. Have you seen sire Igni recently? Oh, I seen a face in some papers. You see he begins going through your wanted posters that you were like flicking through really fast and behind you guys like stopped on your own

pictures and see that sire Igni is also wanted her bounty is 200,000 gold she is wanted wanted for conspiracy against the crown, murder, attempted murder, mass destruction, and just a litany of other charges. Okay, don't worry, Kelly. We'll get your numbers up. Yeah, please. We'll get your numbers way up. Oh yeah, no, she's nasty business, yeah. And you'd know. Yeah, I would.

Is this the first time I've seen a picture of Saira? Yeah, definitely. I will say it's sort of in, it's just like an ink drawing, but yeah, you see a fiery, a ladren woman that looks like Calliope, but literally has hair of fire and a look of fierce determination. Wow, you guys kind of look alike, huh?

Yeah, we actually have more in common than I think either of us want to admit. Can I keep this? Yeah, the papers are yours, yeah. We're going to cover up your wantedness and all that. And honestly, I'm kind of scared of you guys because you beheaded that guy super easy. Yeah. I know that, like, I'm- I'm sorry about that, by the way.

That's fine, you know. I don't, yeah, I don't know. I see people die all the time. Wow. Yeah, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that by the way. That's fine. You know I don't yeah, I don't know I see people die all the time You're so old and wise Nothing faces you yeah, I'm good. Yeah Just real quick what's the deal with that fountain in that tree? Oh, I think special about him the tree yeah So the trees been around forever, sort of like the centerpiece of the town, a beautiful home, the druid that came by, her name's Kirstra. She mostly keeps to herself, tends to her like animals and plants, and the tree grew

a lot bigger when she showed up. Do you know what type of druid she is? What sort like circle she consorts with? Yeah She's the circle nature Thank you I was trying to be clever. I don't know Sol buys it Called the rights of down circle of nature Yeah, I don't know. She turns into birds and stuff and flies around

She mostly keeps to herself, but I don't know I think she I thought the one time said she likes to be around people but you know likes nature more Sounds like we got to buy a lot of people drinks. Yeah, I think so Shall we to nobody's in to make sure that we get cold or good and disguised? Yeah Okay, and if anybody asked my my name is DD skittles. Yeah, that's a fucking awesome name. As soon as you guys leave town, I'm gonna tell people my name is DD skittle. Hey, no, why not? I just I'd like it. I think you two should fight. Fight for the name. I mean, I saw it. You squirt.

I thought, look, you gotta understand. There's some people here that are actually badass, like Junark and stuff. But a lot of us are just bandits and shit. So like, yeah, you guys could, you could just like kill me if you guys want it. Though I'm just, I am actually just a little guy in this regard. Okay. You, you can't, you rubbed us the wrong way at first, but you're providing a valuable service here. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.

I'm running around, you know, I'm putting myself in danger. I gotta charge a premium. You're alright, Dee Dee Skittles. Yeah, you're alright, Dee Dee. Thanks. What man? It really works for Dee Dee. Well, I'll steal it. Tell you what, you guys let me know what you're looking for. I'll steal it from the other vendors and I'll sell it to you cheaper. I mean, it'll be free for me, so I'll just be getting like a big cut. You know what, we actually have to make a lot of friends,

so we'll scope it out ourselves and maybe just buy it above the board. All right, right on. But you know, we'll come to you if we feel like it, please, nice. Yeah, if there's anything hard to come by, maybe we'll try and get your help. Okay, sounds good. Any illicit poisons matriculating the alchemists?

Oh yeah, for sure. Which ones? What's hot? What's hot, what's not? We could definitely get you some basilisk poison, some cockroach poison. We get some like green dragon poison, some green wormling poison, some ancient green dragon poison. I'll ask, how about grenades? Can you get grenades? I can get you, I can get you a grenade. 70 poison grenades. Poison grenades, I can get you a poison grenade. Daddy likey.

Yeah. Dee Dee likey. Yeah, I can do that. But Dee Dee skittles anything. Yeah, you let me know. All right. Yeah. You know what? I would just say just like a Whitman sampler of grenades if you can all right Yeah, you got a flight. Yeah, okay, grenade flight. Yeah All right, you guys come back later, okay?

Bye-bye, okay tips is newsboy cap and goes back to trying to sucker other people that come by hey I'm just a little guy you want to buy no squirt All right, so what's what's the move here do we want to head to the tavern? Hey, I'm just a little guy. You wanna buy a new square? So what's the move here? Do we wanna head to the tavern and try and get a little more information? Yeah, Kelly, what do you think? Yeah, I mean, we could just go straight to, what's his name again?

Zen-Arc? Zen-Arc, yeah. This is really blowing my mind because when I was younger and I believed I was an alien, I came from a planet called Zunark. Wow. So this is like really, really throwing me for a look. Whoa, that's awesome.

Like this was the name of my planet, so it's like, I'm really having to, okay. The marriage mind meld right here. I feel like we could just go straight for Zunark. How about we go and we pick up like a six pack of kegs, barrels for Zunark as like about we go and we pick up like a six pack of kegs, barrels for Zunark? That's like, you know, like a welcoming gift, because it's always rude to like show up to somebody's house without anything, you know?

I wonder. I mean, because he's part of a crew that's like, yeah, the bandits, but they've got some principles if we were to go and I'm and I'm keeping this hush hush. I realize people could be eavesdropping. Yeah. You see, Kenna has to down another greaser. Who like comes and tries to listen to you guys. They're just all trying to assassinate us around us while we have a casual conversation. Kenna's just murdering them in the background.

I really wanted to. You know, flipping them. I want to because every time in D&D, as people level higher, DMs just throw monsters that are their level at them but there are just some bandits around and you guys just it's Dragon Ball Z they just cannot get it. Can I just deck one just to like proof of point? Yeah totally. Hey you gotta watch out for the rattle in snakes. Don't snap at us.

They click twice they snap twice and then they hold up both hands to make little snakes. Wait, I love their choreography! Spare them, Dana! Spare them! Three of them start to hover around Saul. You wanna fight, Hannah? I join them. I do the... Hey, you can't do our science! Why? I'm joining up! I'm going to punch one so hard that they all do a personal private dance for us.

Yeah, you just crunch him. Danny, no! Do a dance for my friend. Do a choreographed dance for my friend. All right. They start crying. Mr. Bufa, I don't like what Power's done to you. That's DDDU.

OK, so I mean, because I feel like they're kind of principled. So I feel like if we went and we told him that we found the green knights Yeah, I Kelly I agree. We you know, we're showing them we're being directed showing them that they're a top priority We're going right to and being direct isn't usually rewarded in the Feywild, but Russell is a bit odd Yeah compared to the rest of the Feywild. It's also true that like some kind of code here. Our goals are aligned Yeah, they don't like crowns.wild. It's also true that like some kind of code here, our goals are aligned. Yeah, they don't like crowns. And neither do we.

I mean, we're here to literally get rid of them. Yeah. All right. OK, let's let's go see how aligned we are. All right. I do think that I do agree. Let's pick up a six pack of kegs. Yeah.

OK, I got it. OK, great. So you're going to nobody's in nobody's in. OK, great. As you approach, you get to the veranda of Nobody's In, and you see that it is a poorly maintained building. This huge tree is next to it. It is literally growing through it.

The effect is kind of nice. There's a lot of greenery and branches almost look like plants that were placed there purposely. But looking down, you see them literally coming coming up through the floorboards and out on the veranda are a bunch more of these tufts Smoking near their monoworms and sizing you up. They've all got these black sir coats with silver snakes Emblazoned on the back. Do their do their monoworms have handles on them? Yeah Do they rev up and guzzle gas? Yeah, they're mana guzzlers, absolute mana guzzlers These take way too high of a spell slot, higher than a normal summon steed.

And as you approach, they do the double click and the hiss. You know what? I'm gonna let you each get one hit on me. What? Just everyone, I'm just curious to see what your level is. Everyone can take one hit. We could just, okay. I was gonna, this is a just... Okay! I was gonna...

This is a no- I'm gonna cast Blade Ward on myself and let them each take a hit. I just wanna see what their talents are. Fists and knives! Heh heh! Fists and knives! I don't know, what do you prefer? I prefer knives, if I'm being honest.

Yeah, totally. She wants to do knives. Yeah, your strongest knives. Sharpest blades, come on. Nobody ever says knives. Yeah, I want to do knives, yeah. I take out my sword. What's taking so long? Okay, no, no, no, all right.

But I get to go first. Do you guys need knives? Calder takes out a bunch of ice knives. Oh, yes, because yours look a little weak. I chop one in half. Ah! Oh, you guys got a lot of stuff on you. Be too bad if I stole it. Tries to do a sleight of hand, gets a 13.

Your passive is just way better than that. You just like stiff arm him, push him away. I slap his wrist. Okay! All right, I get to go first in the knife fight. Yeah, do it. Do it. Makes an attack, plus four to hit.

That's a nine. Misses. Just like hits your skin and doesn't crack it. Whoa. Oh. Kelly, are you OK? Have you been sharpening your knives? I guess, have we been sharpening the knives?

You have to sharpen your knives. That's right. OK, next up. You missed your chance. OK. All right, Tommy, come on. You got this one. Step right up.

See if you can crack Kelly. Step right up. Right here. All right, all right. I on you got this one right up see if you can crack Kelly step right up right all right I got this I got this next guy goes tend to hit misses Just plinks off your armor. Oh Just I'm trying I'm a charcuterie board and you're boldly sort of like picking at me next up, please How much XP are we getting from you, by the way? It's absolutely zero. You guys are beyond this XP.

Next greaser comes up, takes a swing. A 16 to hit. Minus six. Okay. All right. You guys, you all missed your first chance and that was free, but if you want to try to hit her again,

it's going to be five gold per swing. Yeah. Okay. Tell you what, we're going to let you in. You could be part of the Rattling Snakes. Really? Give me your jacket. Okay. Yes, sir. Yeah. Hands you the jacket. Give me your jacket too. I want a jacket too. Yes, sir. You got it. I don't want no trouble. I am a serpent knight, so I'm a sir. Okay. Yes, sir. Alright. I'll put on the jacket.

Oh, and this guy. This guy, Dee Dee Skittles. He's the leader now. Yes, sir, Mr. Dee Dee. Sal puts on some sunglasses. He wears his jacket, like, with the sleeves, like, off to the side, like a tough guy. Oh, that's too cool, Dee Dee. Yeah, yeah, get your leader here. Yeah so they just start following you guys

and saying yeah after everything you said. Yeah they can come. Okay we're going into the nobody's inn. Sweet you go inside. Let's make a big scene as we go in. I know it's supposed to be undercover but let's make a big scene. Okay so it's two clicks. Two clicks. And then

And then I'm gonna barrel roll across multiple tables. You guys enter the bar with a bunch of greasers clicking and hissing behind you that you've just bullied out of. They don't even look like they're in the gang anymore cause they don't have jackets anymore. So you've just stolen these men's jackets. When a snake you never fake you always slither on down Yeah, yeah

So inside and much like the veranda you see that the tree outside is growing through Branches burst through the walls and floorboards creating a nice effect where ivy and greenery lines the walls and tables You see there were a bunch of like tu toughs wrestling each other and playing cards, and they look up as you guys enter the room. What happened? No members? I would like to kick all their drinks off the table, then replace them with more expensive drinks.

Holy shit. All in one sort of roundabout mood. Give me a performance check. Okay. Shout out to the two guys. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Can I help by casting Frostbite on all of the glasses?

I should make a frosty. Yeah, go ahead and do roll again. Shout out to the three guys. Okay. It comes at 10. Okay, so you see Kali knocks them all over They go, hey what the hell you doing? And then as you jump over to go grab more expensive drinks

You see the ogre bartender who's got a bunch of like scars on his bald head He wears an apron covered in blood you assume from the food Hopefully he was washing a cup absentmindedly and just swats you down and goes, no. Be cool, it will make sense. No. We're good for it. Pay me.

Okay, I give him money. I give him money. Say sorry. I'm sorry, sir. Say what? I'm sorry. It's okay. What? What'd you just do? Did you cough? I did the snake sound. These guys are losers. Yeah, I'm with the king of them now. You're the king of the losers.

Yeah. It's all still singing the song. This is our leader, Dee Dee Skittles. We're a bunch of rakes and you can call us snakes. I'm the Cobra. That's right. No joke, brah. I'm the king of the snakes. You see the other guys that you just knocked over their drinks go, he's awesome. And the bartender goes, your name is Skittles.

Dee Dee Skittles. That's right. I am the leader of this here operation to King Cobra. If you don't mind, give me money for the drinks that you would like to buy. And then stop talking to me. I'm rich as hell. Cause I'm the leader of the rattling snakes. So of course I'll give you money.

Can I give him money? Okay. He give you money. Callie, give him money. Ha ha ha! Okay. Great. Here's your money. You guys pay for a round of drinks for everyone. I'm so sorry, you know what? I'm gonna work the rest of the afternoon. I'm gonna bar back for the rest of the afternoon.

We're so sorry, we're really sorry. I've done it before. Oh good. I'm really sorry. Yeah, oh good. I'll prune the tree. I politely bar back for the rest of the afternoon. As you guys make this huge scene and everything,

you do see that, yeah, there are a bunch of toughs that have taken up here. You guys are clearly much stronger than them. You see that the guys that you bullied outside go up and start whispering to the guys that were mad and they instantly calm down and look scared and start just following around saying yeah. I would argue we didn't bully them.

Right, they started it. They started it and then I also just let them each take a hit on me. And they just all miss. I want you to know that in my disguise, I look like the leader of the Squirtle squad from Pokemon. Yeah. Okay, just clarifying that for everybody. Wow. So, yeah, you guys buy drinks for all of these dudes, and you see that amongst them, Kali,

you actually see someone that you recognize. A dryad with long, leafy hair, she wears a traveler's cloak that mostly covers her up, but her hood is down. She looks like she's been out drinking for a while and is flirting with one of these Ratlin' Snakes guys, is having kind of a conversation in the corner with like a real cool looking dude.

And Callie, you recognize this was growing up one of your sister's friends. Syrah had a couple of dryads that she hung out with that were mean to you. One was named Tris, and that was your sister's best friend. And then this one was named Tris too, and she was the second best friend

and got made fun of by them. Okay. But she does not recognize you because you're in like autumn eladrin and in disguise. Okay. What do I remember from Tris Two? Does she have a favorite food? Does she have a way of navigating? What was her relationship like with my sister?

She was very much so the third rung on the ladder. Obviously Tris, the first, the first Tris, just Tris, was the best friend. And so she was the third wheel to the friendship. And so was a born follower and would laugh extra hard when other people made fun of you. Not a nice person. What?

Absolutely not a nice person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, here I was being like, feeling sympathetic, being like, oh my God, I get it. Aren't we so easily manipulated, but okay. So she would literally like throw you under the bus so you would get made fun of instead. Okay.

Just like a bad person. Calliope, Calliope is wringing her bar back towel in her hand angrily. She points this out to Sol and Calder. So this girl, first off, really fucking mean. Yeah, okay. Really. Really fucking mean. Should we frame her for the beheading we did outside? I don't think anyone cares. It's already cleaned up. Yeah. It looks out the window.

Whoa, someone's just sweeping it up with a broom. They're whistling. Oh, it was so gruesome. But I feel like she's the kind of person who might be easily manipulated. Ah, okay. So I wonder if she could be the rat who ratted out the halflings to these divination mages. Oh.

Is this, was she from Roussel? Is that where you met her? No, she was just friends with my sister. So that why, so that she's on the Rudd? Yeah. Yeah, so she's here hiding from something. Oh. Or is she here infiltrating? Do you want to try to talk to her or just spit in her drink and watch her drink it?

Clive hacks a loogie into a drink and then pours in a regular drink over it. No, I don't. Based on Mer's response, I don't do that. You see, Kenna takes it and goes, nice work. And it goes out and pours it outside. That was a test, Kenna, you passed. That'll show her. I mean, should we just follow her?

I wish we could spy on her. Well, I mean, she might have information on your sister too, right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, she's probably not gonna divulge it here. Maybe we should follow her. Okay. Do we want to do that after we meet up with Zunark? We put that aside for now?

What do you think, Holder? Zunark with Triss? Two. Triss Two, by the way. Triss Two. That's very important to remember. Triss Two. She did hate being called Triss Two. Was there a Triss Three? Was there like a Heather's thing going on in any way? No? Okay. So Tris 2 was dead last. Yeah. No, I think I was dead last. Well, if we leave and go talk to Zunark, we might miss Tris 2.

Yeah. I think we know where Zunark lives. Why don't we stake out Tris 2? Alright, yeah. And we can go to Zunark after. Why don't we stake out Triss too? Alright yeah. You hear Triss too, yells out, um excuse me barbac, hi! Um, could we get some new drinks and can you get rid of the empties? I'll be right there! I snap my little barbac towel angrily.

Alright, I mean should I go over there? Or I guess she's already flirting, so we can't dispatch one of you to try to charm her and find out information. Calder, maybe you should go on a romantic espionage mission. I was just gonna suggest Saul. Oh. You see, freshly shaved Calder. I have a goatee, I think.

Right next to Saul, who is basically dressed as the turtle from Rocco's Modern Life. Excuse me I said the Squirtle from Squirtle Squad. Yeah there you go. I'm definitely looking more like Filbert though it's true. Hey everybody it's Emily here to talk to you about Hulu. Are you ready for Hulu Animahe? Well, get ready because Hulu Animahem is your animation destination to watch full seasons and new episodes of your favorite shows like Family Guy, Futurama, Solar Opposites, Hit Monkey, Bob's Burgers, and many many many more. So get ready to be bowled over, have your socks knocked off, and get thrown for a loop all in one convenient streaming

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Hulu Animahem, your animation destination. Now streaming on Hulu. Goodbye, sweeties. Today's episode of NAD pod is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. Have you noticed that lately every streaming service has sneakily been trying to increase their subscription fees? I mean part of that is because of inflation, but most of it is

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That's rocketmoney.com slash pawpaw. One more time, rocketmoney.com slash pawpaw. Bye bye. Should we? All right. Well, clearly she's addicted to power and status. Yeah. Do we need to just show her that we're in charge here and maybe she'll just follow

us? Oh, that's interesting. I mean, we've kind of already done that with our entrance. I think we should dispatch one of you to go romance her. All right, call me. Want to do rock, paper, scissors for it? Yeah. And whoever wins gets to go or gets to stay.

You seem like you're hot to go, man. You seem like you're ready for this. Okay, fine. Winner goes, I guess. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Calder throws rocks. Ah, stones and turns, of course. Salthor has scissors.

Okay, okay. You go over there. You go over there, you go over there, and I'm gonna cast Detect Thoughts while you start to flirt with him. Okay. Okay. Calder casts Expeditious Retreat on himself

not to move fast, but just to be really graceful. You know, like. Okay. Hell yeah. I'm so curious where this is gonna go. Remember, Calder, bar stools don't have a back, so you can't put a backwards chair. Okay, so don't try to do that. Right, if I twist it backwards,

it'll just still look frontwards. It will still look the same. Saul's gonna give him guidance by dabbing at the bloody parts on his haircut. Nice. Yeah, that's true. Squirt gave you a super close shave. I'm gonna give you Bardic by giving you

a temporary stick and poke tattoo on your cheek. Ow. How temporary is this? Ow. Ow. It's going to temporarily hurt. I see. The pain is temporary.

The ink is forever. How does it look? What is it, by the way? It's a skull. Great. Who is Tristu talking to? She's talking to one of the Ratlin snakes. She's got like a pompadour and she's got a long duster with a silver snake on the back. Okay. Yeah, I skate over, I jump up, do a pirouette and crack him across the skull.

Whoa! I don't think so. jump up, do a pirouette, and crack him across the skull. Whoa! Oh! I don't think so. He's a bandit. So you, yeah, you crush him, he crumples to the side, she goes, what the fuck? Yeah. What are you doing?

Rock, paper, scissors is never wrong. The only guy that should be talking to the hottest girl in this bar is me. All right. should be talking to the hottest girl in this bar is me. All right. I've cast the tech thoughts and I am going to probe deeper. OK. So I've got some good news and some bad news for you.

OK. So the prince in disguise. I would say typically, typically that would not work and you would roll with disadvantage. But Triss too is a deeply flawed person. So it works a little bit and I'm just gonna let you do a flat, we'll say persuasion or deception.

Okay, and in order to get advantage, I'm gonna try one more thing and I'm gonna just look over Clock Callie or deception. Okay, and in order to get advantage, I'm gonna try one more thing, and I'm gonna just look over Clock Callie and say, "'Excuse me, the second hottest girl in the bar.'" Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! What? Calliope wants to like wave her bar back towel around like she's at a soccer match, but she has to pretend like she's not listening. Okay. You see Tris two sneers.

Go ahead and give me a deception check. You got it. Tell me everything I get to add to this. What is your deception? Well, you have a guidance and a bardic. Okay. The guidance is a D4 and the bardic is a d8. Okay. Well, my deception is, it's negative one.

I'll give you the total. I'll give you the total. I don't wanna tip your hand. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. He keeps closing his eyes and breathing a lot. They add up to a nine. No!

I'm realizing now that we sent over the person with the worst social care. You see, Galdor walks over, freshly shaved, kind of covered in blood. He begins to, as he moves a lot, begins to pour out of his pores, so just bleeding. Crushes the dude that she's flirting with, then calls her the second hottest girl at the bar. I thought for her psychology, that would have been a good move. Callie.

It would have worked on me, Calder. Callie. At least an old version of me. Can I get you a deviled egg? You have cast. Yeah, detect thoughts. Detect thoughts. You hear her suspicion in her head.

Oh my God, they came for me. She looks up and yells, Wintercourt, Wintercourt's here! We got a mark! She starts pointing at Calder. What? You see immediate chaos. Winter Court's here! We got a gnarc! She starts pointing at Calder. You see immediate chaos. Tufts begin cheesing it. Several of them jump out the window.

They're chasing it, they're chasing it! No, no, no, no! No, you can't leave! Get out of here, these rattling snakes have got a lot of way! This is bad, if the tufts are chasing, this is bad! They start rattling away. You see the ogre behind the bar

pulls out a blunderbuss from under the bar. You see Triss gets up and gets ready to jump out the window. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Fuck. Oh. Jeez. That went so bad. I think that's the first time he's ever done that. It's really perfect.

And I rolled a net one on my initiative to cap it out. 18. So just standing with ice skates, Truly perfect and I rolled a net one on my initiative to cap it out Don't jump out the window I didn't get your number Did you just notice that his flies down you'll never me. I think the stick and poke is already infected. How is that possible? What did everyone get on their initiative? 18. 27.

And not one, but it becomes a three. Honestly, Calder, you played it perfectly. It's not your fault that the pitch was bad, right? That like the stadium was bad. All right, you know what? We needed a secluded environment and you got all the people out of here. Initiative 27. That is you, Saul. So Trist, who is trying to flee.

Yes. I guess don't feel good about this, but I'm going to pursue her and try and stunning strike her. These guys are absolutely from the Wintercourt. They're here to get us all. I just feel like the less she says the better. 21. Okay, you're just trying to stun her. Yeah, so I'll take, I guess, see if that one works

then maybe we'll take two more attacks. Great. Ooh, 17 to 17 pass? Meets it, beats it, yeah. Okay, so just rattled back. Jesus Christ, who the fuck are you? I'm with him! Jesus Christ, who the fuck are you? I'm with him!

AHHHHH She screeches and is just clawing at the windmill I'm his wingman Is this helping? This is worse! We're doing a bad cop bad cop thing That's a That one on my second attack

You miss and punch the wall See the ogre just has a blunderbuss getting ready to shoot. We deserve it. I'll go ahead and do a flurry of blows. Okay. 18 and 17 to hit? Both hit.

Okay. I'm so sorry I'm rolling so well. She only has plus two to con. Natural 19, 21, she passes. Ah! She keeps climbing out the window. Get the fuck away from me, you weirdo turtle! Hey, I'm the hottest turtle in this bar, okay?

Maybe the second hottest. What? I see one of the tufts is a cool turtle with a pop of hair. Oh my god, I need your hair. Pompadour defies gravity. Saul tries to stun her, fails. On Tristu's turn, you see she hops out the window, puts her hand into the earth,

summons a like elk made of leaves, hops on it and begins riding away through the town square. Oh! They're here for us! They're fucking here for us! Follow that deer! After Tristu's turn, that's Callie's turn. Okay, what direction is she running?

As you look out the window, you actually see she's running towards the court with no crowns. Okay, okay. At Barracks. Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to try to command the barkeep to not shoot. Okay. Drop your weapon! Okay, rules of wisdom saving throw? try to command the Barkeep to not shoot. Okay. Drop your weapon!

Okay, uh, Rolls of Wisdom saving throw? Yes. On an at four, C goes, I don't take orders from anybody, but then drops the gun. Oh. Okay, Colder, that should buy you some time, and then I'm going to hop on Licorice.

Okay. And then speed towards her, and then face step near her immediately after I use my face step up to two creatures of your choice that you can see within 10 feet must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be charmed by you for one minute. Okay.

So yeah, so I'm gonna choose her and her elk. Okay, great. Her and the elk are riding, who the fuck are you? Why are you here? She's going to roll a wisdom saving throw. 19. That passes. Okay, so she still doesn't like you,

but the elk will roll and the elk fails. So you see the elk just starts jogging next to you, just galloping next to you and licking licorice. What the fuck, run! I think I'm just gonna be like, I think I'm just gonna, this is, we're in a serious moment, so I'm just gonna be like, Triss two, it's me, it's Kaliope, where's Cyra?

Screams, ah, I fucking hate your family, get your fucking whole family away from me! Get your whole fucking family away from me! Get your whole fucking family away from me! And I'm just Triss now! Cause Triss, Triss is dead! Triss is dead? Yeah, I'm Triss! Syra got her into some fucking bullshit

Like she's gotten me into some fucking bullshit Your family's bullshit! You're bullshit! What? You're bullshit! You're bullshit! You're bullshit! You're bullshit too! Call her look, she's hitting on him now I got the original bullshit! You're bullshit! You're bullshit! You're bullshit! You're bullshit too! Call her look, she's hitting on him now. She just gives you the finger and keeps riding. I'll give her two fingers!

In honor of Beatrice too! You see, she starts yelling towards the gate with the barracks of the Court with No Crowns and she's yelling It's the Winter Court! The Winter Court! It is not the Winter Court! We has nothing to do with the winter court that frozen guy is unrelated

he has culture covered in blood he's on the material plane go ahead and roll a contested persuasion check against Tristu I'm gonna shout, I'm gonna shout we're not from the winter court, we're here to suss out the Rat and Rousseau. Ooh. Not you, Squirt. She got a 22.

Got a 15. Okay, you see Triss 2 starts to try to ride towards them. It is not her turn, and also her mount is charmed and just licking licorice. But you see these two guys at the gate Rush out and are trying to help her okay At initiative eight that's Kenna Kenna. I guess we'll hop on to Honeysuckles back and have honeysuckle scoop calder

Oh and take both of you out so you guys are up in the mix, but can't really do much I don't know what else to do. Mr. Kilday. This is bad. No, we had to get out of there. That was really embarrassing. Yeah Yeah, I think the bartender might have killed us. I can never go back to that bar. You were flirt so hard you ruin your campaign Okay, then that is the two guards' turns. You see the autumn eladrin guard is going to take two shots with his long bow. Shout out to the two crew, whizzes past you. I'll say the elk that you have charmed

kind of pushes you out of the way. Stop fucking doing that! Thank you, what's your name little one? His name is Greens, leave him alone. Greens? Leave him alone. Ah, Greens? Like Ruffage? Like Veggies? Yeah, like he's made of fucking vegetables. Get it?

It's fucking cute. That is actually pretty cute. Yeah, I know. She puts her hair behind her ear. Is her last name Leaf? I'm alone. Trist, have you ever? That's good.

Okay, second bow attack is a 17 a hit. That misses. Okay, both shots miss. You see the fire Janasi pulls out a scimitar and rushes in to engage, is going to take a few cracks at you. Ooh, not 20 on the first hit, so that's gonna hit no matter what.

Oh no. That is 36 damage. Actually, I have a reaction. Okay. Defensive duelist adds, oh, that's not gonna negate. Yeah, he got a 30. He has plus 10 to hit, he got a 30.

Okay, so you go to Perry and just directly, and it just directly deflects into your chest. I do a dance into the sword You take 36 damage He takes a second crack at you 19 to hit that hit okay 21 damage on the second attack Fiery scimitar strikes into you. These guys are no joke. These are not the ratlin snakes I choose not to Try to like send their attack back at them or anything because I'm like trying to stay on good terms

Okay. Yeah, you see these dudes Look rattled as they're carving into me. I'm like I understand there's been a misunderstanding and so I'm not gonna hold against you the actions that you're out taking. There definitely hasn't been a misunderstanding. They're sent here from the Winter Court to get us. I'm not, I'm not from the Winter Court. It's not true. After their turn, that is down to Calder's turn.

Calder, you're up in the mix now on the work. He's the worst one of all. I totally take responsibility for this. We got off on way the wrong foot. Tristew, I'm sorry. That was, I don't socialize very often, is the thing. I'm not, we're not from the Winter Court. We're, and you know what?

I'm gonna breeze past her and I'm gonna go up towards the fire genasi and say, we're here to destroy the crowns. We don't want the crowns. We're not from the winter court. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage. Uh, okay. That's a 17. Okay. Calder, you see that that seems to hit the guard. The guard looks at you, looks at Saul, Callie, and Kenna, and this ragtag crew does not seem like they're from the Winter Court. The Fire Genasi holds a hand out and goes,

Alright, everyone stop! And Triss too, Triss two stops. I cough up fire and blood. Oh no. I'm running in from the tavern. Get her. What are we doing? What are we doing?

You see Triss two holds her hands up and goes, I don't know why I need to stop. I should be inside because I paid you all to protect me from the winter court and they're from the winter Court, why else would they start a fight with us? I'm not from the winter court. I'm just awkward He just has no game you must understand he's gameless as You guys are all shouting at me. You see that the automoladrin runs back and a moment later you hear a booming voice go, What is the meaning of all of this? And you see pushing past the guards is a huge blue dragonborn.

He's got one pauldron and other than that is just shirtless and just scales. But you do see scars across his scaled chest, including one right over his heart. He's got a number of banners and taverns tied to his waist, and he's got a long serrated blade at his side. He's got like big meaty arms. And you see his headband has the symbol of like a crown with a slash through it, and it covers up one eye. See the other yellow eye narrows like a snake's as he looks out over the crew here. Liz, what is the meaning of this? And Triss too goes,

these are clearly spies from the Winter Court. They attacked people inside. Nobody's in. And now they're trying to take me in for a bounty and I paid you all to stop things like that from happening so if we could just get rid of these guys that'd be great. This is fully a misunderstanding we are not from the Winter Court in fact I have a personal grudge against Queen Jovier because I am the daughter of Olana, who you've worked with.

You may remember me. You see, Zunark leans in and goes, yes, I did work for your mother at one time. I did some bodyguard work. All right, let's all go inside somewhere more private to speak instead of making a scene. Yeah, Triss 2. You see, Zunark looks up, what do you mean, what is Triss 2? You said your name was Liz. It is Liz.

Is Liz. I like that. And Zunark brings you all in, opens up the gate and leads you into this yard of this ramshackle barracks. You see a bunch of knights in mismatched armor. As we walk in, can I give Triss to a flat tire? Yeah. Ow, what the fuck? Sorry, it's just like a long time coming. Oh yeah?

Well, how's this for a long time coming? She tries to give you a flat tire, but she's in front of you. What, stop turning around behind me. What's up? That's so weird. What are you doing? You're weird. You're being weird. You're being so fucking weird. Now I understand why you're a trist too. Oh, yeah? Now I understand why we never got along.

Oh, okay. Well, um, I understand why we never got along because you are a cry-li-ope and you cry all the time and you ruin fun. Huh. I don't. I don't cry also. Kenna puts her hand on your shoulder. There's nothing wrong with crying and showing your emotions. Oh yeah, that's actually the lesson I should be saying.

Yeah, and it kinda gives Triss to a flat tire. Yeah, you see, a bunch of these knights of the court with no crowns They've got like intentionally mixed up armor and you even notice like they'll have like greaves from autumn court nights Bracers from the summer court breastplate from winter court. It looks almost like trophies from other nights. They've killed. Oh shit So Zunark brings you inside you see it is this very like crappy safe house, windows boarded up, old broken furniture, stacks of hay and barrels used as chairs. He sits in a makeshift chair and motions for all of you

to sit. And Tristu goes, I don't know why you don't just take these guys out. That's what I'm paying you for. And Zunark goes, you paid us to protect you from the courts. These four are clearly not from the courts. Why doesn't everyone, including you, Liz, tell me who you are?

And you see Triss too, puts her leafy hair behind her ear and goes, Okay, well, my name is Triss, just Triss, Triss One, if you must. I don't know who these other fucking weirdos are, but this is Calliope Petrichor, she's Cyra Igne's little sister. It's true, everything except for being Triss One.

Yeah, she has proven herself a Triss two. Or a Liz. You see Zunark eyes up Triss two and goes, she did seem quite nervous when she was saying that she was Triss, like she was trying it out. I was not. Actually, I am. Actually know a Liz back at the ice knife.

So to me, you're Liz too. The negging, it's working now. We actually, so we're from the Material Plane and we've come here on a mission that, based on the insignia that you wear, and I gesture to the headband, I think would be quite sympathetic to your cause. But then we saw Triss and we know that there's

a rat here in Rossell and we- There's a rat here in Rossell? Not Squirt. Are you talking about Squirt? Oh no no no sorry a metaphorical rat. Squirt's a mouse. Squirt's alright. Yeah Squirt's alright with us.

I do like Squirt. Yeah. Yes. Um no sorry I thought you knew that. We found evidence of someone in Rossell being taken out by the Winter Court divination majors. And the only way that anyone could have found out would be if there's a rat here. So when we saw Tris, we thought, we've got our rat. And so we, I called her, expertly went over to romance her. How you doing?

Yeah. Expertly went over to romance her. How you doing? Yeah, I hate to break it to you Liz too, but that was all business. You see she does actually look kind of upset. So you don't actually think I was the second hottest person at the bar? I was really thinking about anything. Shit, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. She does look upset.

You see Zunark turns suspiciously towards Triss too. And Triss goes, I am definitely not a rat, okay? I might have given you a fake name and downplayed my situation, but it's it's mostly the truth. I am on the run. She turns to you, Callie. The truth is your fucking maniac sister got us in way over our fucking heads and I'm out. Your sister made everything way more serious and she's playing revolutionary, so I had to get the fuck out of there before she tries to kill Queen Joveir. So that's why you're scared of the Winter Court, not because you've been working for them,

but because... Sire got you into trouble with them? Yeah, I mean, we're always in a little trouble with the Winter Court, but now she's like... attacking fucking Winter and Autumn Court garrisons and shit, and like, killing people and hiring spies and stuff and like has plans of trying to kill Queen Joveir. Whoa. Oh.

Wow. Okay, I mean, I guess we kind of knew that was probably going on, but we didn't know it'd be so organized. Yeah, I guess I didn't realize like, how forthcoming she was going to be about it. I thought that she was still kind of acting selfishly, but she's just full on going for it. Yeah. Okay, well, here's the thing. She is fucking selfish,

because we used to just party and have fun, and now she's out trying to break the crowns because she's mad or something. Well, that's good, we want to break the crowns. Yeah, that's exactly the reason we're here. Okay. Definitely the first thing sounded selfish. Okay, all right, yeah.

Right, okay. But let's, okay, so she doesn't actually have a good plan, right? Because basically all that happened was we had these eggs that we were trying to sell, right? And we lost one because some fucking idiot just ran off on the material plane with one. I wonder who that is.

Looks over at you, Calliope. I start to cry. Oh yeah, it was Cryliope Petriforo. By the way, she's lying about her name because she said her name was Calliope. It's actually Cryliope. He's not Cryliope. Cryliope, he's the bed. She's barely crying. You see.

I'm not Cryliope Petrasnore. I'm not. I'm really not. Let it out, Callie. Let it out. She snores so loud. that's why she's not allowed at the sleepovers. I was crying, I'm in petrol snore. And honestly, I still am if I'm sleeping on my back,

because I've got apnea. Zanark goes, everyone relax. And Trish two goes, it's not actually like any kind of well thought out plan. We had these eggs, we were supposed to sell them, we got rid of two of them, or you lost one, we sold the other one, and then the other one hatched. Okay, so now she's got some gold serpent that grew super fast. Emerigold.

Yeah, how the fuck do you know the fucking serpent's name? Because I am connected. Oh yeah? Yeah, she's super smart. She cares about other people. Yeah. I care about other people too? Who do you care about Triss to? Sorry, Liz too. Me?

Uh, name one other. People who are nice to me? People who can do things for me? What is this? I liked these guys here until they didn't kill you. And now I'm undecided on them? Okay, I like what? just like whatever she's paying you will pay you double to just kick her out.

In Empire Sparks, if you like. Do you guys take sparks? Yeah. You see, soon Ark just rubs his temples and goes, we do not take Empire Sparks. We unfortunately do, we are honor bound to protect her from the courts. You are not the courts, but she will remain here safe. But we are not going to get involved in your business.

Do you believe us enough that I can ask you a question? To be perfectly frank, I am not altogether unfamiliar with what you're trying to do and who you are. Really? You've heard of us? Was it the wanted poster? Did you see the wanted poster? Because Squirt said no one else had seen it.

Squirt lies all the time. But no, it wasn't Squirt. It was not Squirt. You see Triss too goes, you've heard of them? And you see she folds her arms angrily and leans in and Zinark goes you can go now Liz Tris too whatever you'd like to be called Wow that's crazy our name precedes us and your name precedes a two Tris just punches a wall

because she can't think of a comeback to that. Quit copying me. Actually, I think I want her to stay and I wanna look at Triss to slash Liz to, like it's an olive branch. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah, you see she puts her hair behind her ear. Okay. Yeah.

You see, she puts her hair behind her ear. Look, Tris, it's so stupid that we always bickered at the bottom of the ladder, but really both of us, we were just fighting to not be lowest spot, fighting to not be the rung that everyone discards all the mud on their boots on. We should have worked together. Here I am, acting like Cyrus still around and like she can still boss everyone around

But Cyrus not around anymore and apparently you're really popular So if anything I should be listening to you She said have you seen her bounty poster she's so popular and worth so much money. Don't cry happy tears, Kylie. Do not cry happy tears. She's like, do you know how long I've waited? Not. To have one of them say that.

Cyra, Altres, Altres 2. Zunark's just once again rubbing his temples. So I'll take over. I need to just take a nap. Here, you need to drink some water. You cried a lot.'ll take over, I need to just take a nap. Here, you need to drink some water, you cried a lot. Yeah, yeah, I'm dehydrated. Yeah, you see Triss too sits and joins your little crew here

and she goes, just let me know if I could be of help in any way. I mean, clearly you can, because you've seen Cyra the most recent of any of us. Yeah, where is she right now? Okay, so again, she kind of went off the deep end and took our little operation and made it a big serious operation. And by operation, I just mean she does everything herself with her giant serpent essentially.

But she's working alone. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. So apparently, there's some kind of summit happening between the Winter Court and the Summer Court. They're supposed to meet at some island south of Free Spire. And I think she's going to try to like fight Queen Jovir there. By herself? I mean with her serpent. She's gone off the fucking deep end, Kelly.

She's gonna get herself killed if she tries something like that. Yeah, no shit. By herself. She's so fucking stupid, isn't she, Kalibe? She smiles and sidles up next to you. Calder stands between them. Kalibe, honestly, like, being concerned about S sire is overriding her? Desire to you know engage in the social camaraderie that she was left out. I think she's like Yeah, honestly, I'm really worried about her

If she's doing this by herself, what is she thinking and what is this summit? Summit we have the newspaper. Oh, right. Yeah. You guys pull out Mildred's murmurs and the other headlines are just stupid, flippant stuff of like celebrity gossip within the fake court. But there is one article called Seely Unseely Summit Unsealed. Seelie Summit unsealed and you learn that because of extra planar threats, which you can assume are the automatons, Queen Jovir and Queen Cirilla, along with their advisors, are meeting at a secret location in the Spring Court to discuss a plan. So it looks like Triss actually has more updated and specific information about this in that she knows where it is. Oh. Zunark, have you heard about the automatons coming through the Merringate side?

Yes, we've in fact gotten word that they've been wreaking havoc in the autumn court, and we have reason to believe Queen Jovir might be allowing them to do that. What? She tried to work with him? Or just use them as a distraction? I'm not sure if she's working with them directly or what she plans on doing. But we had someone defect here from the Autumn Court not long ago. We had a Sunset Goblin from the Autumn Court by the name of Rus. He left Jovir's army because he refused to abandon his post. It was a garrison that was near the Planar Rift at Marengate between the two worlds.

They wanted him to abandon his post and he thought it was suspicious. He came here, we offered our protection if he joined us and he agreed to join. Is he here now? Yeah, can we speak with him? He disappeared the other night with a group of halflings. Oh no.

That group of halflings, that no. That group of halflings, that's- That group of halflings? That group of halflings, we found one of them dead and we found the remains of their house which had been left behind from Roussel. Someone came in, betrayed them, undid the magic on their house. We think the wizards might've gotten to them.

So that's what happened to him then. Which brings us back to the rat in Rassel. Yeah, who could have tipped off these divination mages that these halflings were here because all of Rassel is, you know, has non-detection on it. Someone got rid of their non-detection so that the divination mages could see them. Could it have been your Sunset Goblin? I suppose it's possible. I'd hate to think of that as one of our own,

but he, when the Halflings came here about a week ago, they had a similar story to Rus'. Different court, but they were essentially pushed out and framed as traitors. But in the end, we really couldn't help the Halflings because they didn't want to join. They wanted to go back to their court and save their queen, or whatever it is they wanted to do.

So technically, we're at odds. Right. Roos, I guess, got curious because of the strange happenings between the courts, and he was seen talking to them at the bar the night that they disappeared. I suppose it he seemed like a nice enough fellow but I guess he could have came here to infiltrate and betray the halflings but we haven't seen him since he disappeared the same night.

You're very liberal with your protection I sayaias, I look at Trist too. What was it about Roose that made you trust him? We shared similar pasts. I was hunted by the Winter Court as well, and I continue to be. For what? You see, he shrugs and goes, I'm not sure exactly what I did. That is the problem with these divination mages. No future crimes. They precog your ass.

I smell a milk bath. Minority report style. Oh, that is so awful. Yes. So they originally I was to be arrested for conspiracy against the crown. And it is possible that the divination mages were right because here I am conspiring against the crown. But did they make that happen? This is the folly of Jovir's paranoia. She is relying on divination, and there are thousands of ways to obfuscate it and self-fulfilling prophecies like this one. If the Alexandrite army gets a hold of that power,

we'd be back to square one. Yeah. OK, so Jovier might be pulling people back from the autumn court, so she might want the automatons to come through. It's right in the name, autumn, automatons. It all makes sense. So autumn, automatons, kind of grabs her head.

Tom Cruise screens everywhere. It was right in front of her face! Salt slams a table. But kind of goes, But why, why would Quid Jovir and Quid Cirilla need to beat up? And Zunark chimes in and goes,

We did not know the location of where the summit was going to happen but we were suspicious of it from the beginning. Since when does Jovir need Cirilla's permission to do anything? happen, but we were suspicious of it from the beginning. Since when does Jovir need Cirilla's permission to do anything? When has she hesitated to encroach on her territory? This seems like some kind of trap, and your sister may be walking into it as well. So if I'm understanding this correctly, Jovir let the automatons in to establish some sort

of like extraplanar threat, and now she's using the summit as an excuse to kill Cirilla and consolidate the crowns? You see Zunark hadn't thought that far ahead but eyes widen and goes yeah yeah maybe oh shit oh fuck oh yeah Triss one. You see Triss looks around for a different Triss and then looks at herself and goes like, oh my God. Triss one, where is the summit happening? Because Zunark doesn't know, but do you? Yeah, it's an island south of,

Free Spire is what Sire told me. And you see Zunark pulls out a map of the Feywild, lays it out, moves a bunch of other junk from the table. Oh man, he's gonna stick a dagger in the location. He's gonna stick a dagger in the location. That'd be so cool. I hold hands with Saul excitedly. Wait a second.

Wait, you don't wanna say it because then he might not do it. Oh, you're right, yeah, the prophecy thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. He spins the dagger around and throws it into an archipelago. Oh, right, yeah, the prophecy thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. He spins the dagger around and throws it into an archipelago. Yes, yes!

Oh, he did it. South of Free Spire. And you guys are up in the spring court here, which is the reflection from the material plane of like the frigid north. So it's this continent to the north, right around where Frostwind is, right on the water there, there is this city called Free Spire,

and then south of it, looks like you'd have to sail for like a day or something, there's an archipelago of a bunch of different islands. And you see Triss just kind of looks, panting, goes, Clippy, don't be mad at me. I don't know like the exact location, but it's got to be like somewhere in here. I would never be mad at you.

Just disappointed. Right. That's how friends act. Okay, but do you know where Saira is mustering her? Well, I guess she doesn't have forces, but do you know where she's mustering her strength? Yeah, I think she's I think the fact that there's so many little islands there, she's probably hiding out on one of them where the summit is not happening. Okay. So she's somewhere in this archipelago, I would think.

When is the summit happening? You see, she closes her eyes and thinks and goes, I think from now it would be like a couple days. Okay. Okay. Okay, so we have to get there. Yeah. I think it's in the interest of what we're trying to do, but also it's just I Need to do this. We need to find Sira before she does something stupid. She's gonna get herself killed, right?

yeah, no, that's yeah, we need to intercept her and and and try to work with her and Just make sure she's okay And if if if anything happens to her, then someone's gonna get their hand on her serpent. We can't let either of those things happen. Yeah, so actually it's really tactical. Yeah. Is what I'm trying to say.

It's smart. Those are tactical tears on your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm crying because that's a really good cold, cold. Yeah, you see Tris tries to summon tears. I'm just so concerned about Cyra right now, and she tries to force a tear out. You said she was bullshit.

You said she was bullshit before. And I did, but when I think about our deep friendship that we had, it makes me feel... Wait a second, Triss. All along, when you were calling me cry-light P.E. Petrusnor, were you just jealous that emotions come naturally to me. And you sleep so deeply. And I sleep so deeply? Are you a light sleeper who doesn't feel anything

for the people around her? You see, she laughs and lean to do, yes! Ha ha ha! Goliath be spot on, roasted! Ha ha ha! Do them, points to the other guys. Ha ha ha! Bring it in. I give Trissa a hug. You see she immediately begins sobbing.

There it is, see? See? You see as this is all going on, as you guys mentioned like serpents and stuff, you see Zunark kind of can't hide his excitement. You see that there is a Buzz about him and like a sort of knowing look like he kind of knows who you guys are and what your deal is What have you heard about how have you heard about us? Yeah, just seem like we're just getting out like have you been contacted by? oryarchs No, the Ancient hero who's been dead for 10,000 years? No.

Well, ancient heroes, their stories and prophecies echo. True. Yeah, true. He nods. Yeah, true. I guess I've spoken to ghosts and stuff. I'm a folk hero. I've done weird shit. Yeah, it is. I know exactly how it is actually. Well, look, a lot of our number, like I was saying, have defected from the

Winter Court. We still have some contacts who smuggle us information. Jovier is aware of many of the happenings on the Material Plane. She's aware of you and the possible danger you pose to the Crown. Yeah. Okay, right. And we, points out, and you see like more people are like looking in the window and stuff like these other nights are also aware of

What's going on with your serpents and the possible? Abilities that they have and we were hoping we might run into you and be able to Help you because I disguised everything but the huge serpents I made myself look like a witch my duck look like a goose, but my serpents are just out in the open. I told you. I didn't even try. We should have put handlebars on the serpents to make them look like manoworms.

Okay, but you think they're... Okay, so it is possible that Roose was a double agent and was the one who ratted out these halflings. It is also possible, though though that Roose was taken out for knowing about some of Jolvier's inner workings. About that. I think we know who took them out. And I pull up the picture of Glen from the previous Mildred's murmurs.

Do you know this douchebag? Yeah. I look at Triss specifically. As this all happens, since we're talking about rats and whatnot and showing pictures of Glenn, I'm gonna do another detect thoughts and survey the crowd to see if I suss out

someone who's like, uh-oh, they're onto me. Yeah. You don't suss anyone out that seems like they have bad intentions. I'll say the bad intentions that you feel in the room or nearby is that there's some people who doubt you or that think you're gonna bring more heat on them.

There's some people who are just more about the camaraderie and stuff. There's some people that have more grandiose ideas and stuff like that, and they're more happy to see you guys. There's other people that aren't. So that's the feeling that you get. You see Zunark looks at the picture and goes, I don't know who this is specifically,

but when the Halflings and our guy, Rus, were exchanging information, the bit that I heard, they had talked about how some of the newer Green Knights in Cirilla's employ were possibly implanted by Jovier's spies and somehow very quickly rose into importance in the Summer Court. I'm gonna take out that picture we have of compromised people circled. You see he looks at them and goes, I can't confirm the identity of all of them

as Winter Court spies, but I recognize a few of them and they are working for Jovier to feed information. Or possibly something more nefarious than that. I'm gonna pass it around. Everyone memorize these faces. And you see Kenna, as you guys are passing it around and looking at it, she goes, maybe because we're Peregrine and Diviners can't predict where we're going,

maybe they got the next best thing. Maybe they brought Glen here because he knows us. He sold us out. God, you're right. Because the most predictable I am is in how I respond to him. I don't know about that, Miss Petrified. Yeah. Yeah, he probably came promising I know them. I can pull my strings on them. You see, Zunark goes, My experience with the Diviner wizards, they make the decisions.

No one convinces them of anything. I think he may have been cherry picked. It's possible that if they can't predict what you're doing, they're trying to find people around you. They're trying to lift the shroud using the information that they're getting from Glyn. They're trying to hunt you down the old-fashioned way. Glyn! I try to pull a knife out and slam it onto Glyn's picture if I miss. Zunark nods. Very cool. Very cool stuff. Zunark, I'm wondering if Russel has any sort of log of who's coming and going from this town because you've got a rat and I'm wondering if there's anyone who the second we got into town suddenly bounced because they might be

your rat. We definitely don't have any records of anyone coming. Yeah, I thought you might not. I thought you might not. It's theoretical to the whole point of the town. It's a sort of dark web kind of thing. What about someone who can turn into a rat? What can you tell me about Kystra the Druid?

I don't know much about Kystra at all. She's been here for a couple months, mostly keeps to herself, has no interest in joining- Only a couple months? Yes. New in town. Is there any chance she could be compromised? Is there any chance she could be compromised? Callie as you say that You look up into the ceiling and you see tree branches coming all through

the barracks Kistra I think ourselves about to take another turn around What what what do you mean? I think? Take another turn around. What, what, what do you mean? I think, Kistras, you're fucking rad. I don't know why I'm whispering because I'm sure she can hear. She's everywhere.

Somebody cover the roots. She's infected this town. You see, Zunark looks up, sees all of the plants around. She's speaking to plants. That's why she made the tree overgrow. She's everywhere, she's everywhere. You see he begins shouting out,

grab your things, only what you can carry with you. And you hear people all getting up, grabbing torches. It is now night out. You just hear chaos as everybody begins evacuating. I'm gonna run to nobody's inn and get that bartender and say come with me. You see Zunark grabs you and goes they're not after him. That's far away you do not leave this ferris wheel. Okay we leave tonight we leave right now. There's a dragon turtle I know that can

get us to the archipelago. Okay, great. Yeah, right on the ocean There's no roots. There's just you never get to stick around for more than a night in the Feywild you see Zunark grabs you guys grabs a bag and Begins leading you out a back secret entrance and that's where we'll end our session I hope gunk's gonna be okay And that's where we'll end our session. Oh! I hope Gunk's gonna be okay. Gunk's fine, Gunk's at school.

I was so ready to have like a nice cushiony night here. You guys could have if you didn't start questioning the druids. Yeah! She would have happily just listened in for another night. Dang it. Yeah. God, we've given up so much information. Yeah, we could just set the tree on fire.

Let's just go back. Okay, we could just set the tree on fire. Let's just go back and we'll set it. Okay, new plan, set the tree on fire. We have a new idea. Right on. Bring in the empire. So thank you all so much for listening. You can listen to us talk about this more on our after show, patreon.com slash nadpod.

That's N-E-D-D-P-O-D, don't sing yet. We don't do it. Don't even think about it. In the meantime. In the home of the brave. What? I don't know. I was feeling inspired in the moment. Cool.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? Two things I want to plug. One is the movie Thelma. I watched it. It's so funny. It's about an old woman who gets scammed by one of those like scam callers that pretend to be the grandchild.

Wow. And then she takes revenge. Ooh. It's awesome. And then the second thing is I saw ballet for the first time and the ballerina I watched, her name was Chloe Misseldeen. She was incredible and I just found out

that she got promoted to principal dancer, which I don't know much about ballet, but it seemed like it was a really big deal. Oh, yeah. Good work, Chloe. So Chloe Meseldeen. Oh, yeah. And then, Murph, you have something to explain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do have something to plug. Oh, my God. Our buddy, Johnny Stanton, has got a crew together. They're making a five ebook that's coming out in not too long. They've got a Kickstarter launching in September. It is called Sync. You can go to get.syncrpg.com. Looks super cool.

They're working with a tattoo artist named Sam Rusk. The art looks super cool. It's like the American traditional kind of like pop art. It's all based on like sailor adventures with pirates and stuff like that. It comes with 50 plus magic item tattoos. There's a bunch of really cool subclasses. There's one that's like a ranger

that has like a ethereal harpoons. Oh, fuck yeah. Absolutely rad. And then there's all the swashbucklers. Yes, exactly. And there's a wizard that has a subclass that their body is their spell book, like they do tattoos to all their spells. I'm all in.

Sure. Well, ho ho. Got a bunch of like stat blocks and monsters and dungeons and a campaign setting that's an archipelago. Oh, look at that. Wow. Can you believe it so check out get dot sync RPG dot com on be on the lookout for that and support them right yeah and you can follow us on social media there may or may not use at see if first me don't say. Well, well, well. It's time to thank our benevolent council of elders. Brad D. Jeffrey S.

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Parcel, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A, Ace Draggs, the high lord of Kritzberg, Darius D, Troy's mom, Vin Diagram, GKC, Teehee Teehee, Thank you, everybody. writer, not the porn star, Devon G, Steve L, Alex G, That Guy Quan, Zabita Bakery, and of course, Nicole. Thank you, everybody. That was a HateGum Podcast.