Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep. 71: The King Consort (A Faerie Tale Ending)

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

Duck Team battles High Ember-Lord Charbin and the Fatebringer Mages! Sol plays robot peacekeeper, Calder glimpses an icy future, and Callie sends a message to Queen Jovyre. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include: “A Wizard’s Tournament” by Emily Axford."Conspiracy in the Clouds" by Emily Axford. "Forsaken" by Emily Axford. "Into the Fire" by Emily Axford. "Soul Coins" by Emily Axford. "Balnor the Brave" by Emily Axford."Left is Left and Right is Center" by Emily Axford."Escape From Smuggler's Bounty" by Emily Axford."Gunvar" by Emily Axford."The Red Fen" by Emily Axford."Greener Shades" by Emily Axford."Malscurial" by Emily Axford."Reynard" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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for a limited time. Shop now at Alienware.com slash deals. Again, that is Alienware.com slash deals. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bohemia everybody. Yes. You know what?

He comes first this week. Welcome back to Bohemia Caldwell Tanner. Thanks guys. It's good to be back. It's good to be in this room where things make sense and don't scream at you. Well, I will be screaming at you. Oh, okay, yes.

But welcome back. But you don't need anything from me other than like high quality audio. There you go. And maybe just a little milk. Just a little. Just a little. Oh, just a little milk.

I got you buddy. I am your dungeon master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Hurwitz. Giving the finger to these fate bringers, called her Kill Day. Oh yeah. And then of course, Emily Axford. Despite all my rage, I've still got my gun on a mage. You can't do that.

Yes. Wow. Can I, we've got your call. That was good because you are a very good singer and you made a choice there. You made a choice there to not be. Really? I think that was my best.

You tried your best? Yeah, I tried my best. Wow, okay. Shit, I'll edit this out. I'll fix this in post. Yeah, maybe do a pickup where you're complimenting how beautiful it was. And I'll just auto-tune you. This is also from me listening to re-editing Hotboy Summer

and you guys all do like song lyrics as your intros. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's been a minute. I don't remember that. And we all sing that well. Yeah. We already introduced him, but just in case he has a rhyme, Coldwell Tanner.

Saul Buffau here to kick some ass, bringing you a frog fact that could be the last. What? This comes to us from Emma G. Emma wrote a postcard bringing you a frog fact that could be the last. What? This comes to us from Emma G. Emma wrote a postcard with a fun frog fact on it. Some tadpoles have symbiotic algae on their skin so they can photosynthesize. Isn't that cool?

Wow. That might be the last thing you hear before we all die. Wow. That frogs love the sun. Wow. Even tadpoles look up at the sun. Isn't that beautiful? There we go.

That is beautiful. They should wear little sunglasses because you don't want to hurt your eyes. Put sunscreen on your tadpoles, folks. Everybody lather up your poles. Lather your tadpoles. Oh my God. You heard it here first.

You heard it here first, folks. Lather up your poles. Lather up your poles. Cream up your rods. You have to cream up your rods. That doesn't work anymore. It has ceased to work. Let's go ahead and do a little recap. So last time you partied with the Green Knights.

Balnor told you that he and his son Robert had spent some time in the Pokey, aka the dungeon below Summercourt Castle. You followed up with the young stag and he explained his run-in with the false green knights. Upon finding out that a knight named Leonore was working with the Wintercourt, he confronted him and then was framed as the aggressor. Robert was not freed until the Queen's death, whereupon he rallied the true green knights and helped defend the castle. The young stag shared his dream of resurrecting Queen Cirilla and you agreed to help as long as she wouldn't retake her magical crown. Robert conceded this and an alliance was solidified. You spent the night in the King Consort Lesterborn's quarters where you poured over his perfumed notes. Suddenly a device crashed through

the window as Ma Goblin appeared as a hologram and 3D printed you an arquebus that could be used against the Fatebringer mages. You immediately turned them on each other and Calder spent the night tied up in a net. The next morning you were given an escort of Green Knights led by dear old dad aka Balnor as you headed to the Autumn Court to intercept a meeting between the Automatons and Charbans forces. Once there you found the two armies in a standoff. You approached the Automatons and scanned Data for Moggoblin who confirmed that Alexandrite

was dead but gave them one last task to obtain a fae crown. The Automatons have the ability to think and learn, but they will not have free will until this last command is executed, which they will pursue to the best of their ability above everything else. You spoke to some guards and were invited into the castle, where you found Charbon atop a molten throne. You asked about Bear Lane, who had been traveling with the Automatons, and Charbon explained that she had been dealt with, showing you an image of her trapped inside a force cage, calling out for an automaton named Trashcan.

Kali attempted to cast command on Trashcan, but was counterspelled by a fate-bringer mage who revealed himself along with five of his compatriots. Charbon revealed that Jovir had offered him a marriage pact, and that their union would mean destruction to their enemies. It would appear that the automatons have concluded that Charbon now has a better chance at obtaining a fake crown and have joined him. As everyone drew their weapons, Kali face-stepped to some higher ground

and cast Greater Invisibility, aiming the Arquebus at the mages. And that's where we are now. Everybody, lather up your poles. So, not- Cream your rogs. Cream your ro. Cream your rods. Cream your rods. So you guys. It was cream your rogs, right?

Like frogs. Oh that's great. That makes a little bit more. Is that not what it was? No, that's better. He just said rods. I just said rods. Oh, well I thought he said rog

and I was like, that's really good. Thank you. Lather your nads. Okay, because nad poles is like tad poles. Okay, it's getting further like yeah it's getting further away it's getting further away so you guys are in a standoff with these six fate bringer mages Charbon and this big automaton with a drill who bare lane is calling trash can as Cali disappears everyone launches into attack the green nights with you engage nearby fire elementals I'll say there's like eight or ten of these guys that jump in and try to clog up the hallways

so more guards can't pour in. Balnor and Kenna grab their weapons and stand back to back with you. You feel the shaking of the earth as Honeysuckle tries to make his way to you, Calderhead called out for him, but he is outside the castle grounds and he's likely being attacked now that he's made a move towards the castle. It's gonna take him a few rounds to get here. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Right on.

24. 22. I got a 10. I have a question. So what is the layout of this room? It is a big circular room. There's like a magma moat around the outside and then a bunch of lava tubes that, or magma tubes,

I forget which one you call it, these tunnels that go in deeper into the castle into different hallways. There are not enough fire elemental guards in here for them to be a factor in your fight. The green knights are kind of tying them up. It seems like honeysuckle, if he gets here in time, will save you from having to fight the whole castle.

Your big challenge right now is just Charbon, this automaton and the fate bringers. Everybody's, they're spread out enough that they're not all gonna get hit with one casting of a spell or something like that. But everybody's pretty much in the center of the room with you, you guys are facing off. Everybody's just drawn their weapons.

Charvin rolls actually really low on initiative, so he goes to grab his hammer. Ha ha ha! For the Empire! And then starts kind of- Come sorts come last, huh? Yeah, he's just like clanking as he really slowly gets to it.

Ugh, you put your hammer pretty far away. You lead it on that back wall over there, huh? But the Fatebringer Mages, I've split them up. There are six here. I'm going to have them act in duos of two. The first two to act are at initiative 26. They lock in on Saul specifically remembering what had happened last time. There will not be a repeat.

There will be no escape! The first one is going to cast Chain Lightning. They're gonna throw it at Saul, Calder, and why not? Fuck Balnor. Throw just a ball of lightning at Balnor. Whoa! Hey! Come on now! I don't even know you guys. Go ahead and give me dexterity saving throws. Kali is not visible right now and has moved out of the way. That is a 13. I'll use Indomitable to try to save. Murph, your Gens is showing.

My Gens is showing? You love this spell, us Gens. I mean, Chain Lightning is just so fucking good. 10 to eight to three different people, give me a break. It's incredible. Yeah, I rolled another 13. Another 13, okay. is just so fucking good. 10 to eight to three different people. Give me a break. Incredible. Yeah. I rolled another 13.

Another 13, okay. So that was a waste. You fully, you like dive out of the way one way. You see the lightning starts to arc towards you. You dive the other way just as it bounces off a wall and connects with you. It's going to do 47 damage. Yeah, it makes sense that Jens likes it.

Yeah, it does 47 damage to Calder. Saul, what'd you get? I got a 15. Hit Saul, Saul 47 damage. Okay, so I take half of that, so 24? It's rounded down, so 23. 23, okay. So you are able to get out of it a little bit.

Yeah, you dodge like the main ball of lightning, but catch some of it on the edge and it kind of lights up your wet frog skin. Your moistened rod. No, I should have taken the bath for so long! Damn, you're so lubed. And then Balnor is hit for the full 47. AHHHH! Yeah, that'll wake you up. That'll wake you up.

Your visor's on fire. Yeah, hello. The second Fatebr up. Your visor's on fire. Yeah, hello. The second Fatebringer Mage casts a spell on himself. Callie, you see he starts looking around the room. See invisibility. And then locks in on you. Oof. Okay.

And he's got this white veil on, this blue cloak over him and kind of twists his head and then points a finger up. Okay. After the first two Fatebringer Mages, that is Saul's turn. Okay, so you got some new tricks. Wouldn't be fun if you didn't. I'm just going to try and stun as many as I can. Okay.

I'm gonna try and like pinball across them, just tagging each of them if I can get to them. Great, okay. So you go in, there's enough of them kind of bunched together that you're just throwing punches in all directions. You go into like punch one, he kind of tries to block, you kick off him and turn around and use that to kick an unsuspecting one in the face.

How about some frog lightning, huh? What? What reference is that? I made it up. Okay. You guys are so fucking unoriginal. It doesn't even rhyme though! It's chain lightning, it's frog lightning!

Frog lightning! Go frog lightning! It's grease lightning! That doesn't rhyme either! Frog the frog! It makes you cream! It's frog lightning! Whoa!

Fowlnore goes, whoa! What? What are you talking about creaming here man gonna cream your frog say oh my god We've been talking about lather and cream all afternoon. Okay. What did you get on your attacks? Okay? Let's see 26 as the one guy is protesting the Frog lightning song you crack him across the face. That's the one who is who's pointing So that's the one with true sight on okay, so I'll say if he's stunned He can't even tell his friends where she's at

I'll say he did use a free action to kind of point in her general area But he's not gonna be able to communicate he got a 19 on the die is a 21 so he does pass okay You can get him again. All right. Yeah, I'll smack him again great. That's gonna be a 22 to hit hits We'll roll again for stun that one fails A 22 to hit. Hits, we'll roll again for stun. That one fails. Yeah! Woo!

On the second hit, yeah, you crack him once. He sort of cracks his neck and gets back into it and starts to like, leer at you, and you kick him right in the gut, and he grabs like his liver and keels over. So that dude is stunned. Tell me more, tell me more. I'll do the damage after this.

I'm gonna do two more attacks on the next guys. Great. Okay, next one is going to be a 23. Hits. And then a 24. Also hits. Okay. So do you want to do two more stunning strikes?

Yeah. Okay, Nat one, next guy gets stunned. Woo, rad. Okay, and last guy, Nat four, gets stunned. Amazing. Wow. Okay, yeah. So you crack this first guy twice, resists the stun, but you're able to crumple him on the second hit,

just like a beautiful liver shot that makes him drop. And then you turn around as the guys go, whoa, man! It starts to lean in, you turn around and you crack them with like bicycle kicks across the face. That's 34 damage to the first guy. Okay, great. And then 20 damage to the other two.

So 10 each. So 10 each. So 10 each, got it. No joke, Saul is a whirlwind in the middle of this room. After Saul's turn. Could I use a free action to talk to Trashcan? Yes, yes, I would allow that. I'm gonna play this by the book.

I've got DCs for how hard it is to convince them to join the side, how hard it is to get them to stop the side, how hard it is to get him to stop attacking, things like that. But right now he looks very willing to attack. You see, just looks around, kind of calculates the situation, sees that you guys are a little bit outnumbered, is on Charbon's side, revs his drill, and you hear a loud buzzing. Beep, beep, boop.

I respond, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. You are speaking his language. What do you say to him? Tell us where Bear Lane is. If you really want to know who's the best fit to get the crown, you'll let us all fight it out here. It's an experiment, a hypothesis. Interesting. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. Okay. I'm using Albin's science words. Ah, 15. 15. You see, he looks at you, scans you, you feel like a blue light go over you,

and then a red light. There is some hesitance. Then he looks down one of the magma tubes, like one of the hallway, and goes, beep boop, beep boop, beep, and says says let's test your hypothesis but keeps the drill revving but motions towards where Bear Lane is being kept I thank him for the infrared bath and then relay this

information and I will say mechanically he is now attacking with disadvantage because you've got him thinking that you might be the right side okay, so he's still gonna make attacks, but they're gonna be with disadvantage After Saul's turn that is Kaliope's turn Kaliope you have the high ground Yeah, six of these fatebringer mages three of them are stunned right now. Three are stunned only two have gone So I want to go for someone who's not stunned and who hasn't acted yet. You got it Okay, and since I have greater invisibility, I can roll with advantage. You can roll with advantage.

So Calliope has this giant arquebus. She only gets one shot at this before she has to reload it again. It takes an entire attack action and an entire action to reload. So Calliope, you try to steady it. You're looking down at these fate bringers. Okay, first one is a nat 20.

A nat 20? Yes, dude. Yes, dude. Without even advantage. If I rolled two nat 20s, could I just win? I didn't, I didn't. I did it, nat 20. Here's what I will allow though.

On a nat 20, this thing is kind of janky, right? So it doesn't do any damage, but I will say how I will reward you on a nat 20 is that you only need a bonus action to reload it for this round. This thing basically like charges up to full power. You feel it like glowing and vibrating in your hand. It shoots out, it wraps around one of the fate bringers

that has not acted yet That was like looking to attack Saul who was attacking his comrades the Arcane net wraps around him pulls in super tight to the point where it Knocks him over and he can't brace his fall and just bangs his head super hard on the ground brutally I felt that. It's almost like having a wet towel over you or something like that where it forms over his body. This was designed to keep these mages restrained

and set to their exact magical frequency. So you see he's trying to cast spells, trying to cast a counter spell or something to get him out, and a shock of arcane energy goes through him as he writhes. And this dude is incapacitated unless one of his friends can use like a full action to try to help him out. But it's pretty unlikely. So then I'm going to souls communicated where Bear Lane is. and I'm gonna say, do we want to try to send Kenna to free Bear Lane, maybe with the helm? Yes.

Oh, that's a great idea. What do you guys think about that? Calder takes off his helm, and he nods. Okay, so then I'm going to ask my bonus action cast Sanctuary on Kenna. Ooh, nice. Whoa, sick. So anyone who wants to attack her has to make a wisdom save in order to attack her.

Sweet. Right on. Okay, yeah, you cast, I'll say as a free action, Calder goes to toss the helm to Kenna. Kenna catches it. You see it's way too big for her head, but she bravely puts it on. She's got a bucket over her head, essentially. Use the chin strap.

Tilt it back. Don't worry, I can handle this. You see she runs into the wall twice before going down the right magma tube. Thank God she's wearing a helm. Okay, and then I'm going to move my position away from where the mage was pointing. Nice. Great.

Okay, yeah, you use your, wow, that's awesome. Okay, cool. You use your movement to move out of the way. You've just shot this net from that direction. The only guy with true sight is stuns They're just crumple on the ground. He's pointing in a direction that I'm not. Oh he ain't pointing anywhere. He's grabbing his tummy Next in the initiative order is a rare good Kenna Initiative role yeah, and I is going to with the bucket over her head charge down a magma tube

is going to, with the bucket over her head, charge down a magma tube. And you see, it's kind of just banging into everything. You see she knocks over a fire elemental, just like bowls him over. A bunch of guys try to take a tax on her, but she has Sanctuary, and you see she disappears down the tunnel. Yes, my little tank.

After Kenna's turn, that is two Fatebringer mage's turns. One who is stunned and one who can still act. Kenna's turn, that is two fate bringer mage's turns. All right. One who is stunned and one who can still act. Okay, so a lot of you are problems. A lot of you are, a lot of you have proven to be huge problems. That's what our bounty posters say. Yeah.

Huge problems. Huge problems. But maybe most of all right now is Saul and you are up in the mix. Kali has disappeared right now so they don't know where she is. Calder and Callie, you guys are watching. Saul is fighting all these fate bringers at once trying to just get a few hits in on each one to-

Trying, succeeding. Succeeding, succeeding. But he's holding them all off, right? You see one whips his hand around and from the outside it kind of looks like a portal or something, like a window into another world, puts it up almost as like a veil or a shield between him and Saul and then reaches through and you see his hand becomes necrotic and turns like skeletal, grabs Saul's face and pulls it through this little portal. Whoa and as the fate bringer does that

Saul at first you feel like this cold necrotic hand grab your head and pull you and then you feel a warm wind blow over you and Find yourself you and find yourself transported to another world you see that you find yourself in a maze of moss you see tall swamp grass that is packed so closely together you can't make heads or tails of where you are Go ahead and give me a perception check. Oh no, he sent me to an escape room. It is kind of an escape room. Nat 20.

Ah! Oh my god. Wow. In your face, Brian. Oh my god. It's just for a perception check, you fucking idiots, all right? What are you doing?

Right, I thought it was a save. No. God damn it. Not yet, yeah. But he isn't amazed, that's very good. With a Nat 20 perception check, Saul, you look around, you are very overwhelmed at first, kind of losing your sense of reality.

You're like, okay, my friends were just here, but where is this? And then you see an autumn eladrin maybe like 15 feet away from you, like in the distance, but her face is obscured by swamp grass. Hmm.

And you hear her go, You're looking right in front of you. You have to look up. Oh, like a tadpole looking for the sun. You see she nods and with that Nat 20 perception check, you feel a shh like break in reality, and you see her hands grow to be like long claws, and she looks taller, and you see like a crown of thorns, and you instantly know this to be Jovir in another form. What?

What are you doing here? I'm trying to show you the way you look up and see a sky full of glittering stars But beyond that you also see galaxies and planets and moons and planar pools these different colored Portals to other planes almost it looks like you're looking through like a telescope or something. You're seeing this like close-up view of the galaxy and they all seem to revolve around one glittering green planet. That is our world. The crown jewel of the gods. It was created by all of them together. But when they couldn't agree on how it should be ruled, they signed a pact to never become

directly involved in the everyday affairs of humanoids. But when Theola ascended to godhood and attacked the material plane 200 years ago, she broke that pact. And now rogue gods fight for domination of the outer planes. You see that a few of the multicolored planes in the sky turn red. You see a meteor begin shooting out of the multicolored planes in the sky turn red. You see a meteor begin shooting out of the sky

and flying towards the swamp. How long before they come for this world? The one they all created together. And you think that you're the one to stop them? You think that you have the power to control this whole world and make decisions for it? I know it. I have seen it.

We've met people beyond this world, beyond the stars that are working to protect us. Hard One Shorefoot. Amongst others. They're losing. How could you know that? I saw him. He was brave. He was courageous. He had friends. There's no way he could be losing. The reason you met him in the first place, Saul is because he's failing. How long before they come to our shores? Saul, you see the meteor that had begun falling out of the sky gets bigger and bigger and bigger and keeps coming closer

and closer to you. See she reaches her hand out and goes, only I can lead you out of here. No, we'll do it together. We'll all work together to stop this. You can't take all the power. It never works. You'll be crushed. As you say that you see a break in reality You see the hand turns long and claw like and she goes it does work I have seen it your way doesn't work Reaches out and attempts to grab you go ahead and give me an intelligence saving throw You can make this with advantage because of your excellent perception check Talk about bad crits that was actually the worst crit of all time was on that perception check.

Aw. I guess knowing it was Jovee was good, because otherwise, if you just grabbed her hand, then you'd be screwed. But yes, you can tell that the situation is bad. Ooh, and that nat one would have been worse, but it's going to be still bad, just a seven. OK.

You feel Jovee reaches out for you. You refuse to take her hand. You kind of stumble back. That meteor gets bigger and bigger and bigger and you hear it crash. Jovir hidden amongst the swamp grass. It just speaks to you in a booming voice. Fine. You've made your choice.

Die then by Grimsh's hand. Had you hear stomping through the swamp grass, coming to find you, a god. After that Fatebringers turn, the other one is stunned. That brings us to just the way the initiative worked out, another two Fatebringers. One is stunned, one is stunned, one is restrained by the net.

One in the stunned condition comes out of stunned and tries to analyze what's going on with his friend that got hit with the net. But Saul has disappeared. You see that as this Fatebringer pulled Saul through the portal, Saul is gone. After all of the Fatebringers have gone, used their turn getting out of stunned and everything, that is Calder's turn. I think I stride over to the

Fatebringer that pulled Saul through the portal. Yeah. And I say, where is he? He went somewhere to treat with the Queen Jovea. Bring him back. I will send you to him. See, prepares on his next turn, swaps the portal over to you and prepares to launch at you. I think I might want that portal to open. So maybe I'll use my attack. Who else is around me? Is Charbon close? Charbon. Yeah, you see Charbon is lumbering over just has a giant hammer. Even for him, this giant that is super strong, his ego is so large that he has an oversized hammer. Yeah. Ha ha! Sorry, I can't resist.

I'm gonna try to hit you while you're walking to your hammer. Right on, okay. Wait, really? You don't wanna, the portal guy, no? So a 23, a 27 and a 15. 15 does not hit. That one bounces off of Charbon's armor. He laughs and then you crack him so hard twice.

That's 32 damage to Charbon. Sick. Okay. Charbon is pretty hardy and you see with each hit, flame erupts under his armor like a furnace and you see more smoke pouring out from his armor. He looms over you and gets ready to swing his great hammer. Bring it on, Charbon.

After Calder's turn, that is Trashcan's turn. You no longer understand what Trashcan is saying because Saul is gone. But you see, pulls the cord on his drill. You hear it buzzing. This disgusting, like rusty drill goes in and goes after Calder. Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep. But it's gonna take attacks with disadvantage because it's conflicted and misses on both of them with disadvantage. So it's kind of half-heartedly attacking you to make it appear to the rest of the room

that he's doing his part, but looks like he's trying to analyze the situation. Mm, okay. After Trashcan's turn, that is Balnor's turn. Yes. He's gonna run in and I guess I'll just join your side I'll just follow your lead and take some cracks at Charbon do it for the visor. Okay, uh, Balnor. Oh wait No, uh, Balnor is not a champion in this timeline. Balnor is a purple dragon knight in this timeline

but hits three times and is going to do 32 damage to Charbon. So no joke at all. Charbon has already taken a decent amount of damage, but again, looks quite hearty. This giant, primordial giant screams in rage about the Empire. Would you say that he's got a purple heart? Because heart is the word for deer and he's a purple dragon knight. Stop, dude. Okay, I'm in a maze. I can't do anything. After Balnor's turn,

that is high Ember Lord Charbin's turn. Charbin is going to take three cracks down on Calder with his forge hammer. So swings this, uses his momentum. It's got it like up on his shoulder. It's so heavy. Does a press where he like presses the giant head of the hammer and then uses his momentum to swing it around and Calder it is like a wrecking ball coming at you. That's a really big hammer. 23 to hit on the first attack. I'll cast shield to avoid that. Wow!

Calder. Usually when you cast shield, it just, it goes up and it magically deflects the attack. In this case, you throw up a shield, you see his magical weapon essentially shatters the shield and sends you like 10 feet back, protects you, but it's like getting hit by a car while you're wearing a suit of armor, you're still like, oh, oh fuck, wow.

Wasn't that shieldy. Yeah, shield reforms though and holds up. You see he charges at you, and once this guy starts getting momentum, he actually goes pretty fast. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. 4DM fire! Takes a second swing.

Hold on. 29 to hit, so that's gonna hit no matter what. So this one- Yeah, I'm kind of excited to see how much damage it does. 26 damage. Just hits you in the gut with this wrecking ball and slams you into the wall. And you're going to need to do a constitution saving throw.

Wow. It hits you in the gut so hard. That's a 27 for my concept. 27, you are all good so you steal yourself and you stand toe to toe with this giant as best you can. Third attack is a big whiff. Hits you in the stomach you kind of crumple over and just instinctively fall forward. He's expecting you to stay down like he's underestimating you and you see he heaves it over his shoulder to swing it down to do like a final shot to just watermelon explode your head but you

recover fast enough that you whip your head up as you see this wrecking ball boom crashes where you just were. After Charbon's turn you hear some business happening down the magma tube that Kenna has just run down. You hear trash can! And you see trash can looks up and looks concerned. Beep boop. You're in trouble, dude. I mean, I mean, beep boop.

Yeah. And you feel the room is already kind of shaking from Honeysuckle being on his way. You feel it shakes even more as another giant begins stomping down the hallway. After Bear Lane's turn, that is back to the top of the order. One of the fate bringers is stunned. Will come out of the stunned condition

after Saul's next turn. But for now cannot do anything. So just continues to grab his liver and roll around on the ground. Ah the other fate bringer is Going to use his eighth level spell And you see Kali as you're watching from greater invisibility. You still have this arquebus ready to go. You see once again swirls to create this portal reaches out in a crotic hand and

Is behind Calder grabs Calder like by the hair and yanks him through. Calder, you're totally locked into pitched combat with Charbon and then you are yanked back, completely disoriented. But as this necrotic hand grabs you and pulls you, you feel a cold wind wash over you, and then you find yourself in a maze of ice. Hard-packed snow on the ground, walls of frost in front of you that lead into twisted corridors and halls, howling winds that blow through the tunnels. You look to your left, you see there's a path. You look to the right, there's a path. In front and behind you are thick walls of ice.

You're losing your sense of reality. You know you're in a bad situation, but you're trying to remember why. And right now you're looking around, you're like, where are Callie and Saul? They're somewhere here. Go ahead and give me a perception check. Alright. 16.

Which way do you go left or right? Whenever I call Shard I call Shard to my right hand so I turn the way of my sword. Oh yeah. You reach your hand out you feel Shard begins to form in the air. There's a cold wind coming from that direction. So you follow it. You go through the winding path continues to branch. There's no clear way out, no clear destination. And as you look behind you,

you don't recognize the way that you came from this thing seems to be shifting every time you go around a corner. The paths just multiply and multiply and multiply. And the more you walk, the kind of more lost you get. You keep turning around, turning around, more paths, more paths. And then with that 16 perception check, you come to a corner, see a wall of frost, and you hear muffled screaming coming from behind it. I take shards health and I start smashing it against the ice to try to break through

you break off a few chunks of ice this these like white chunks of snow that you can't see through and eventually gets to that you can't see through and eventually gets to clear ice, you see the twisted and pained face of your brother Gregor dead. He has, as you brush more snow, you see that he has died of a brutal festering axe wound to the chest. I keep on pounding at the ice, but I'm losing heart and I'm just yelling, Gregor! Gregor! You keep pounding into the ice and as you do, almost like you're breaking a mirror, more images appear as the ice spider webs. You see scattered bodies, the rest of your family,

Mira, Yurk, Gawain, the giants of the ice knife, all slaughtered. I start pounding with my fist instead of my sword. You pound until your fist is raw, and then you hear a woman's voice echoing through the maze. This is the path that you walk. a woman's voice echoing through the maze. This is the path that you walk. This is where it ends.

You see an Aladdin emerges from another nearby wall of ice, like she phases through it. You see her leafy hair is covered in frost. At first, she looks like a winter eladrin, but you see that under the snow, her hair and skin are autumnal. She's got like brown, red, and yellow leaves for hair. You see her face is kind of soft and round,

and she speaks to you in a soothing voice and goes, we squabble amongst ourselves, but our enemy is united. A great danger is on the horizon, and Bahumia's not ready. And you show me this because you want me to trust you? You show me my family and my friends dead to earn my respect? my friends dead to earn my respect.

I'm trying to show you what will happen. What I have seen happen. If we don't unite under one banner, I've seen only one path to victory. I'm tired of working with people that only see one path. I'm tired of working with people that only see one path." She nods and looks to kind of, almost like she's trying to explain something to a child or something like this, like kind of condescendingly like patient thing. You see the little flickers of like the hands kind of turn into claws for a second as like the illusion breaks for a moment. And you see in the various walls of ice around you visions of Grumsh this Cyclops warlord

dominating the Feywild and the Material Plane destroying cities killing brave heroes by the dozen with each strike but you see she gestures down one path amongst the dozens of branching ones, the walls of ice show a path to victory. You see the Feywild and the Material Plane united under the banner of the Winter Court, carrying these black and blue flags. You see Queen Joveir in the form of a great archfey with a crown of seelie and unseelie power beats back Grumsh and his forces. She takes on different faces like she's wearing a mask, at times using rays of sunlight, other times enhancing her

attacks by cloaking herself in darkness. And she holds her hand out and offers it to you and goes, there is another way I can take you down the right path. Yours only leads to ruin. You're just showing me what you want me to see, but my brother's still alive out there. He's still gonna fight. I'm gonna fight with the living. I'm gonna fight with the living. I'm gonna fight with my friends.

You see her face kind of twitches, the illusion starts to break. She begins reaching out to you with a clawed hand go ahead and give me an intelligence saving throw. You can do it with advantage. It's a 16. You back away from her. And as you do, you had heard muffled screaming from that wall behind you. Instead you hear a war cry.

As you see a Cyclops Warlord god gets bigger and bigger and bigger and shatters through the barrier and begins chasing you through the maze. You are still trapped in there. Kali from the outside, you see that Saul and Calder have both disappeared. After that guy's turn, the other guy stunned, we cut to Saul. Saul, you are stuck in this maze spell. The way the maze spell works, Saul, is that you can use your action to attempt to escape. When you do so, you make a DC 20

intelligence check. We'll call it a save though. Not that it helps you that much. I will still allow you advantage because you refused Jovir and you see this place for what it is, a trap. And, uh, yeah, you hear Grumpsch or some kind of other extraplanar being screaming and running through the swamp grass. Do you really think that you're big enough to stop that by yourself? By myself? No. Then what, with all the armies connected under you? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Don't you understand? All the power is consolidated! If you die, Grumsh gets it! Then what? Then...then we lose! But we're already going to lose! You don't know that. I do!

No. I have seen it with my own eyes! She reaches out to grab you. You know what I think? I think you've seen more futures than you can ever see, and it scares you. You've seen possibilities that scare you beyond grumpsh. You've seen yourself falling because you know that there are other ways and you're hiding them from us. Your fear is what's making you do this. I'll show you another way.

Fuck. No I won't. That's a 14. You see, she grows taller and taller and taller. She grabs you by the neck, reaches you up into the sky as an offering. As you see this giant extraplanar grump begins walking towards you. You feel yourself choking and losing consciousness. After Saul's turn, that is Callie's turn. OK, does it look like I have to try to go into this portal? Or if I break the concentration, these portals will spit them back out?

It looks like if you break the concentration, it would spit them back out. And then I think I'm gonna throw my arquebus over my shoulder and take out my swords. I will say if they're incapacitated in the net, they also would break concentration. I know, but I'm taking a chance here to try to get both. Okay, hell yeah. Alright. Oh wow. So I am still greater in visibility, so I can attack with advantage.

Hell yeah. Great, nice. I'm gonna go after the mage that has cast the portal on Sol first. Okay, great. That's a 19 hit. A 19 does hit. Okay, I'm gonna do a fourth level smite. Okay.

31 damage. Okay, is going to make a DC 15 constitution saving throw. Natural one fails. Yes. Okay. So Callie, you run into battle. This dude does not have true sight on is holding his hand out concentrating on a spell. You go up and stab him right under the ribs brutally. You see his arm drops, just goes limp. The portal disappears and Saul materializes.

Saul, you are being held up, being offered as almost like a sacrifice to this extra planar being. And then you feel your slippery froggy-ness slip from her grasp. And as you fall and hit the ground where you would hit the swamp grass, instead you hit the floor of the middle of this volcanic room. Okay and then I'm going to go after the one that

did the portal on. Hell yeah yeah you see another one reaching his arm out. This is a 16 hit. 16 just hit. Oh thank god okay I will do another fourth level smite. Okay. 32 damage. Okay, DC 16 constitution saving throw with 17 passes. Okay, and then I'm gonna go with my offhand. Okay. Okay, so that's a 29 to hit.

Hits. And I'm going to add a bardic defensive flourish to this one. Okay. Maybe. So it's another fourth level smite. Hellits. And I'm going to add a bardic defensive flourish to this one. Okay, baby. This is another fourth level smite. Hell yeah. Spit me out. 40 damage. Oh wow, okay. Yeah. Yeah. DC 20 constitution saving throw. These guys add plus two to constitution. So Nisi get an 18 or higher. I'll roll this in front of Emily here. That's a 13. Fail.

Whoa! Yes, dude. So, Blah. Calliope, you see the true, like, zealotry of these mages and their conviction because the other one you were able to stab in such a way that Arm just kind of went limp and dropped concentration. You see this other one, you stab him in a way that you think would be like a mortal wound on he started just crunch his teeth

and keeps concentrating, keeps holding his hand out. And you have to stab him actually like in the shoulder to get him to release. Drops the spell, Calder, you are rushing through this maze, trying to get away from this avatar of Gromsh that is racing after you. You turn, you see a wall of ice in front of you,

but see the image of your friends fighting Charbon and the Fatebringers in the ice. I'll hop out of that. You shatter through it. You guys see the shatter of ice as Calder appears on the battlefield. And then I'm gonna hand Calder the gun and say it's a bonus action to fix it,

but I think that I have to start like casting spells or something like that. I catch it cock it. Yeah Or I can even throw it to Balnall. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I throw it to Balnall sweet Action to lock and load and then not mine you have to use one and then I'm gonna like continue to move Maybe just out of the way. Okay, you know he's got his hunting license. After Callie's turn, that is Kenna's turn. You see Kenna runs back in the room, has to use a full dash action to get in, but takes the helm off and throws it back to Calder.

She goes, she's coming, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. She seems really pissed off. Don't let her squeeze you. I think that's a good thing. I kept saying, just look at the helmet and concentrate. And she's, she kept saying, I'm going to pop you. Interesting. That's good. She's focused.

Hopefully she was talking about Charmander. Yeah. After Kenna's turn, that is two Fatebringer Mages, not stunned because they've come out of it at the end of Saul's turn. One is gonna burn another chain lightning, go after the same people as before, go ahead and give me Dexterity saving throws.

Just grabs this ball of lightning, throws it up into the air, it turns into three arcs and goes after balnor calder and salt that's a seven a 12 36 damage i'm going to use um stones endurance cool shake off as much of it as i can that's pretty good the other one cannot see cali and thus cannot target her with a spell but knows that there's an invisible whirlwind going through. So he's gonna throw a fireball in Callie's direction. Callie, go ahead and give me a Dexterity saving throw. I mean, I'm up with his friends. Like, wouldn't he hit some of his friends?

Sure, yeah, I think that's fair. I'll say, we'll hit the one that you just hit. He'll do a Dexterity saving throw and fails. I definitely fail, I got 11. Okay, you and his friend take 31 damage. Yeah, as you two are locked in, you've just like stabbed through his shoulder to try to get him to release the spell.

As you two are locked in together. Fail, my concentration, I'm not invisible anymore. You fail your concentration, okay. As you two are locked together, this fatebringer mage makes the cold decision to just fry both of you, sends a 31 damage fireball and blows up both of you. Does he look hurt?

Like emotionally? He looks emotionally hurt and physically hurt, yes. Okay. He literally used like my two best mites and he took a fireball and he's still standing. I don't think that we can beat these guys. We gotta net these guys. Well, there's one that's on death's door,

one who is netted, and then a couple that have taken 30 damage each. After those round of fate bringers, just the way initiative worked out, two more fate bringers. One is incapacitated and just rolls around in the net. Ah! Tries to cast a spell, gets more hurt,

gets a level of exhaustion. The next fate bringinger is going to Yeah, fuck it See no don't fuck it is gonna throw a fireball in Callie's direction and fry his friend as well And give me you can fuck it a little bit. Okay, actually yeah, dude. Do fuck it. That's an at one. Okay? natural two for the other guy that That is 36 damage, Kali. But he completely fries his friend. The friend is gone.

Kali, you are hit with this fireball and are just covered in the viscera of this other fate bringer mage. These guys are so cold. Cool strategy, guys. Thank you. I looked through his child corpse for his spell casting focus.

Yeah. Just, I don't know why, just so I can throw it at someone. You find kind of like a cool marble. Fuck, that is so cool. I wish I knew your story, Rudolph. Yeah, you find it's like a marble that looks like a crystal, and it's kind of like a kaleidoscope as you look into it

It just looks different based on how the light hits it. This is so cool. I'm done for the rest of the battle After that fate bringers turn that is Calder's turn. Oh, all right, and you're back I'm back. Did you go to Joveir's escape room too? Yeah, mine was really cold What was yours like? Mine was like really wet and gross and swampy, so it was kind of nice. But like I couldn't even enjoy it because she was there. And I got kicked out the way I normally get kicked out of escape rooms by getting everything greasy and then they get really mad at me. Really?

Yeah. I was chased out by a cyclops so... Another interesting experience. A cyclops? Balnor, can I borrow your gun? Yeah, of course. Balnor tosses it over to you. You've got the arquebus. It is not loaded right now,

because Balnor has not had a bonus action to shoot him. Yeah, but because of my nat 20, this time it'll only take a bonus action to reload. Sweet. All bonus action loaded up. Hell yeah, you load it up. Is there a particular one that you are going after? Do you want to strategically kind of go after one

that is acting at the beginning of the initiative or something like that? Yes, I'll be smart for the first time and do that. Okay. Hell yeah. I'll train the Archibos on that guy and pull the trigger. Great. Shutting my eyes.

That's 22. 22, so with just a plus six though, it's not your normal attack. Yeah, plus six. With a plus six, 22. Yes. That hits. So burst of arcane energy explodes out,

wraps around this fate bringer mage. You see it's instantly pulled taut and this guy crashes forward, bangs his head on the ground and begins writhing and screaming, trying to cast spells to get out. Give me your marble, you piece of shit. I don't have a marble!

What the hell am I fighting you for? He's just got a weird rubber band, right? You see, he does have a cool rubber band. You see, playing with a rubber band in his other hand as he concentrates it. That other one, his focus is just a finger trap. And another one's a fidget spinner. Give me the fidget spinner.

We gotta get that. I'm gonna action surge and train the arco bus on the fidget spinner guy. That it will require a reload now. Okay, so I guess I'll action surge and I'll reload it and offer it to Balnor actually. Hell yeah. Okay.

So you cock it, toss it over to Balnor, you see it powers up and reloads, but you guys have taken out another Fatebringer. One's been blown up by his friend, slash Cali who did a lot of damage to him, and two have been restrained by this weapon. After Calder's turn, that is Trashcan's turn. You see Trashcan starts to look worried now that Bear Lane is on the way.

Beep, beep, boop, boop, beep. You gotta just tell her, man. Is going to prepare an action to deal with Bear Lane when she gets here. What? You would turn on your mother. Beep, beep, boop, boop. Looks kinda sad.

It's okay, we'll vouch for you. You got to remember the day ones. Beep. She'll understand, man. Just tell her. Yeah, just come clean. Yeah, she's reasonable. That's one thing we know about her.

Yeah, you'd be surprised when people can get past. Beep. I think underneath all of that dirt and anger, there's just a nice warm heart that you can reach. Go ahead and give me a perception check. That's a 31. That's not bad. Okay I'm gonna say that's awesome. I'm gonna say trashcan has not been completely won over to your side or anything, but now thinks he can deal with Bear Lane. I can explain this rationally to Bear Lane.

Okay. All right, let's figure this out. What are you gonna say? Yeah, try it out on us. Yeah, test it. Okay. You know, that sounds really good actually. Yeah.

I think you've got this. I think you have. Uh huh. Trashcan! Everybody! After Trashcan's turn, that is Balnor's turn. Locked and loaded. Is going to take a shot.

You see this like little halfling with an Arga bus that's bigger than him. Is definitely gonna blow him across the room. We'll take a shot at one of the fate bringers that's first in the initiative. So one of them is already restrained. I'll roll in front of the table. Balinor needs to get a 10 or higher. He's got no shenanigans to get advantage or anything like that. He's got to get a 10 or higher to hit.

Come on, dude. That is a five. You see, boom! Blasts him across the room and he almost fully falls into a pool of lava. Oh no! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Yeah, that's scary. That would've been a terrible death. That would've been really bad. That would've been no good. Could you imagine? Yeah. All this way just to die in a pool of lava. I'm thinking about it.

It'd be bad. We would have said it happened another way. He will action surge. Oh, right, another fighter. Yeah, he's going to cock it, load it for another charge, and then prepares just to toss it to whoever can use it. Nice. That is High Ember Lord Charbon's turn.

A lot of focus on these mages! Not a lot of focus on the leader of the Empire! He's going to run forward and just take three more cracks at Calder. Don't you mean King Consort of the Empire? Yeah, King Consort. Leader Consort. Consort of the Leader. I am not the King Consort! Go ahead and give me a... Man, this would be like a taunt check.

So you can do intimidation or persuasion, but when you say that, that actually hits deep. You see, it's like when you're razzing your friend and you're like, uh-oh, I've struck a chord. This isn't fun anymore. So you guys are like talking shit about like the empire and stuff. And when you call him King Consort,

he goes like, it wouldn't be like that. Didn't you just go into like a private room with her? Oh, yeah, she said it was gonna be like that Minutes in heaven going to be the Empire slash yeah, winter court No, she says you're gonna mostly like cut ribbons at factory openers Go ahead and give me persuasion or You did a doctor. You're basically arm candy. Go ahead and give me persuasion or deception or intimidation.

I'll allow anyone for a hard razz. Callie, you got this. I give her a squeeze. That's a 19 on the die plus 15 for persuasion becomes a 34. Fully going to self-consciously roll with disadvantage as he swings down and you see he's doing the math in his head as he sees like the fate bringers aren't following his commands they're not trying to protect him

and he kind of as you guys call him king consort there is a rage that takes over him. You see his eyes turn fiery and he's swinging down at Calder. He still has a high plus to hit but is gonna be rolling with disadvantage. Still at 24 to hit. Rolled an 11 on the lower. Okay that even with shield that would hit me. Okay you do see hits you with like doesn't hit you with like the head of the hammer is like over swinging. Hits you with like doesn't hit you with like the head of the hammer is like Overswinging hits you with like the bar part because he's just kind of swinging with rage now 25 damage It's going to swing with disadvantage on the next attack and I'll say he's not gonna completely focus up He turns around and swings at Saul. Well natural one

swings at Saul. Well, natural one. This is big time. Crashes into the pool of lava that almost killed Balnor. Saul limbo's over to dodge and says, do you have any good hobbies? You're probably gonna need a hobby. Oh yeah. Oh, you know what's fun though?

You'll probably get a mistress zip line. Ah. Yes. I'm too strong for a mistress zip line. I would simply weigh it down with my mask. Well, you don't have to use it. Yes, I'm too strong for a mistress You don't have to use it the mistress Will swing with disadvantage on Calliope a Raz has never worked so the thought had occurred to him and

It is hurting. Okay lower one is a 17. So that misses. Cause my AC. No, no, he gets a 31 though. A 31? He rolled a disadvantage and got a 17. Okay. 24 damage, Kali. 24. You could probably get a Mistress Lava Tube. But that is the end of Charbon's turn. I will say the bonus to that, even though he hit, well, he missed on one attack because of disadvantage, but he's also just trying to crush you all like whack-a-mole instead of focusing up like he was before After High Ember Lord Charbon, you hear stomping down the hallway as Barilain emerges in a Flying leap like it looks like she started jumping like halfway down the tunnel that you couldn't see her. She crashes into the middle of the room. She looks full of rage, but her eyes are red. It looks like she's been like crying.

I see like tear stained cheeks as she points her like boulder like fists at trash can and goes And she's going to run in and start taking emotional club attacks at trash can Have this round but after this one trash can. Oh no, wait. You need to let her have this round, but after this one. Uh, misses on the first attack, rolls a natural three, um, but does manage to hit on the second attack for 32 damage. Okay, Baleno, I love that you're working out your anger, but you're gonna have to listen because he's not the one that you're gonna want to be hitting.

Yes he is! He's not the one that put you in the forest cage, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Consort Charbin did that. Do you mind if I drop the king and just call you Consort Charbon? Consort Charbon did that! That person is not here because I am not a consort! There is no fire pun that you could make about that and thus it can't be true!

You know what's cute? You and Lesterborn should start a group of consorts. There is nothing cute about me! A group of consorts and There is no issue about me! A group of consorts, and you guys could call yourself the... There is no group of consorts! And if there was, I couldn't be part of it! And you could call yourself the consortium.

Oh! That's great! That's great for someone else! You know, who needs world peace when you've got side pieces, right? There will be no peace! He's just screaming. But you see Bear Lane is tackling

Trashcan. Trashcan wrestles with her. Bear Lane very clearly does not understand why Trashcan did what he did. But you guys scream and you do see she looks up and she clocks you guys. And you see she points at Saul and goes

I like you. I remember you. Yes. I'm not gonna pop you no, but if you need a good squeeze Let the anger out. I'm here for you She just reaches down We're the ones who sent the girl with the hat with the hat that got you out of the force cage Girl with the hat? I like the girl with the hat that got you out of the Force cage. Girl with the hat? I like the girl with the hat. Yeah. Yeah. She's with us and I point to Calder, Balnor, me. And also the worm that's coming.

Hi. You see, she looks around in a pure emotional rage and starts trying to clock it, but you see she's clocking some of the wrong people, like looks past Calder, talks like a pirate. No, no, not the mages, no, not the mages. He's cool, you're cool, you're cool, you're cool, you're not cool.

Wait, that was me. Yes, sometimes points at the wrong people for who's cool or not, points at Baldor, he's dead. What, wait, hang on, hold up now. Seems like still a wild card. I knew we should have brought name tags. Top of the initiative, there's one who is not restrained. There are three left.

So two restrained, one who got blown up by his friend. You see this one is going to use his eighth level spell of the day. And you guys see swirling portal. And now that Calliope is out of invisibility grabs Calliope and pulls her through it and as he does Calliope you feel a hot wind wash over you as the spell hits and you find yourself transported to this maze spell in a thick maze of trees. Go ahead and give me a perception check.

15. Okay. You see there is a fog that makes it hard to see which way is which. You can't see anything on the horizon and the trees are packed incredibly tight together. But you realize that the fog is smoke pouring in from the west.

Smoke pouring in from the west? Yeah, it looks like there is a fire deeper in the forest coming from one direction. With that perception check, you can tell which direction that is. Okay, I'm gonna go towards the fire. You start rushing towards the fire. As you jog, you see orange embers in the distance. The further away, the bigger the flame, and the fire is spreading.

Embers on the wind reach the trees around you and begin lighting up the leaves, coming in all directions, now engulfing the forest behind you the smoke is like getting in your eyes you're having kind of trouble breathing your your eyes are watering it's hard to keep them open and now that the fire has spread to the forest behind you there is a thick cloud of black smoke. You hear a voice coming from it, coming from behind you go, this is what awaits the Feywild if we do not unite. Material plane, Feywild, Shadowfell,

competing factions must come together and only I can unite them. Can I turn to the voice? You turn to look into the smoke. She is covered in black smoke, completely obscured. So this is why you're doing everything? Who's going to do this to the Feywild? There are rogue gods running wild, but I have seen a future and I can guarantee that Bohemia

can survive the years to come. Can you honestly say that you could do the same? No, of course I can't. But I do think that your divination is imperfect. And I just can't believe that the only way forward is to unite people with deception. That's such a shaky grounds for cooperation. I think that you all really, really think that your divination is a perfect science. But I don't believe that it is. Did you foresee everything with my mother?

Is that why you turned her? Is that why you gave her the powers of divination so that she would betray you and then you would have a public execution for her? Was that all some master plan or was that you reacting to things that you didn you didn't expect that you didn't see that your divination was not perfect enough to anticipate you Are saying this in defiance of fire itself you speak this into? This fog that is burning you as you look into it, but you stay Standing and you sense that the person in the smoke is getting bigger. You heard their voice coming from someone that was about your height so probably

an eladrin but you begin to feel a looming presence and a booming voice projecting through the forest. Yeah that's right when you don't have an answer, you just get bigger and louder, don't you? The face of Jovir appears out of the smoke. Thorny crown, she's as tall as a giant, and she reaches out, pointing at you, just clawing at you with long claw-like fingers. You think me a monster? That is by design. No, I think you a liar.

I think you a liar and I think you are a fearful person who's grasping at power because your ego needs something to feel more special than anything. Fear will unite us. You think you are special because you are Peregrine. Fear will unite us? Yes. What a beautiful worldview.

Man, I'd love to see what you could do with the Feywild. That was sarcasm if you didn't. I know what sarcasm is! You think because you're Peregrine that you are special, but you have no destiny. Our predictions would be perfect if it wouldn't be for people like you. There would be peace. That's the difference between me and you. I actually don't think I'm special. You think you're special, and maybe the reason that you can't predict me is that I'm not trying to fucking leave my fucking thumbprint on history. I don't fucking care if I'm entirely forgotten. I just don't want all the fucking trees to get fucking chopped down to make

fucking statues to your ego. You will not be forgotten. Oh, really? Yes, you will be remembered for the pain you brought to the people that you indoctrinated with your whimsy. Who have I tried to indoctrinate with whimsy? Listen to yourself! This army you're gathering, your sister will die tomorrow. She will be a symbol of the crown's justice. No, she will be yet another goat at the altar to your fucking pride. Just like my mother was. Just like the entire Feywild will be. The thing is, if you succeed, you are gonna be Grumsh's first fucking meal.

Go ahead and give me a intimidation check. Just a five on the die. So that becomes 12. You feel the hot gust of air that was swirling around her begins pushing you back. She begins rejecting you, starting to throw you through the forest. And you just hear this booming voice of indignation screaming out,

Crushing you and your army will be a symbol of the crown's strength. The realm will rally around your corpses. No, it will be a symbol of the Queen's fearfulness That's what it will be a symbol of God. You're fucking pathetic You do not actually was mad at my mother with the day that you executed her I really thought God my mom has turned on the fucking wild and here's this woman who I can't help but respect for putting an end to what my mother was doing and Now I see it was all just part of this

stupid fucking bid for attention bid for attention you feel a Rage through this place. I think I feel interested that all along, she's got these rogue gods that she's trying to do all this for, and I'm just thinking, God, what an idiot. She's just gonna get herself killed.

After screaming with this booming voice of anger, you hear a change of tone, almost like a pettiness. I know what you're fighting for my mages heard you speaking to your sister I know about your alliance with Oberon yeah your allies were sent to illusions demiplanes but this this is real these are the beastlings the terms of your alliance are done. Oberyn is dead. You see more flames explode from around you.

Can I look around? Is it really? You rush to the edge of the forest here, choking because of all this hot air and you can't breathe the smoke. You gasp, you breathe in the fresh air as you get to a cliff's edge and as you gather yourself and look around, you see the floating island and on it you see the great tree is aflame.

You see more flames explode from the old tree, Oberyn's face is gone, just dark and charred bark. And in the smoke above, you see flashes of marigold as the fire licks the dark sky. Oh, I will take everything from you if you won't give it to me. You've killed Oberyn to try to protect yourself from Grumsh. I can't believe what you've done. What you've done is absolutely fucking catastrophic. That poor fucking girl, I gesture to my record. What you've made her do, you are a fucking monster.

Do what you fucking will. I don't wanna live in a world where you fucking win. Callie, go ahead and give me an intelligence saving throw with advantage. 15. Okay, you see Marigold has like glazed eyes. Looks like she is definitely under some kind of charmed condition or something, but shoots out and begins coming for you. After the Fatebringers turn, that is Saul's turn. Oh, okay. So I see Callie just disappear in one of these portals as well. Yep, and you see there's a guy holding his hand out.

Yes, yes. I think that's the guy doing it. Oh, you're going down. What me? No. I'm concentrating on a delayed blast fireball. I don't believe you. Yeah, I'm just gonna try and run over

and kick him with both legs. Okay. Nat 20. Yes! You did it! Okay, you wanna do a stunning strike? Yeah, I'll do a stunning strike on him. I also got a 19 on my next attack,

but I'll probably focus on the other mages. Nat two, he is stunned. Calli drops. Calli, you see? I come out covered in smoke and shouting, Merigold! Callie, what'd you see? She's destroyed the beast lens.

What? She's gone to the beast lens. She's taken Merigold there and they've destroyed the whole thing. She wouldn't. Oberyn is gone. Are you sure? What about the serpent queen?

What about Froggson? No, you're right. Maybe it was an illusion. I can't be sure. Let's- Uh, Callie, you see as you say maybe it was an illusion, you see Foster has his head hanging low. Foster, is it true? Is it true?

Wraa. Foster. God. Well, Oberyn's gone. Hey there, nadpoles. Let's be honest, what most people really want for the holidays is to see their favorite people more often. That's why this year, the best gift you can give besides plane tickets is an Aura digital picture frame. Named the number one digital photo frame by

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Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mintm Mobile for details. All right. So one guy's stunned. Now I'm going to kick you extra hard. You weren't convinced on the pitch. You have to do this for the greater good. We have to unite. We're all on the same side.

Listen to yourself. This is just pure evil shit you're spewing. Yeah. You want me to go and roll attacks or should I save that for the end? Yeah, go ahead and roll attacks if you want to stop. There's only two other guys left, only two other fate bringers left. Okay, really? Oh, right because you keep stunning them Stunning and gun him. Okay. I got a 31 hits Would 16 save no 18 shit. Okay fails second guy is

Conked out. Okay. I'm gonna go ahead and do a flurry of blows Second guy is conked out. Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and do a flurry of blows. That's gonna be a 30 and a dirty 20. Hits, okay. So last guy I'll do. Jesus, natural four fails. All three of the remaining mages are stunned right now. Saul's starting to sweat a little bit.

All right, okay, that's a lot. After Saul's turn, that is little bit. Okay, that's a lot. Yeah. After Saul's turn, that is Kalaipi's turn. I'll just grab the gun. Sweet, you take the gun from Balnor, you got this giant arco bus. Okay. You get advantage, because they're all stunned. Yeah, I'll just go on a stunned one.

25. 25 hits. Okay. You fully take out another one, they're restrained, this net shoots out wraps around them They collapse down and begin writhing trying to get out and you hear Charbon as he's swinging at you guys trying to play whack-a-mole looks down at these mages Come on, just wiggle harder wiggle out

We've gone fishing and we've got your mages. Dang, your wife's gonna be pissed at you, man. I don't care if my wife's pissed at me! You're gonna have to sleep in a bedroom so far away from her. You don't even know that. And then I'm gonna use my bonus action to give, I think, Calder's pretty low on health. Can I give him a health potion? Yeah, certainly.

Or do you want a bardic? Do you want a bardic or a health potion? Ooh, do I get to choose? Yeah. I'll take a health potion, I'm pretty hurt. You'll take a health potion, okay, great. After Kali's turn, that is Kenna's turn. Kenna is going to,

ksh, ksh, lock and load the arquebus as an action. And then is going to, we'll throw a Squire inspiration at, or actually, you know what? She'll use a bonus action, help action. That's one of her abilities. Nice. For Calder, who's still not gone. Okay.

Next is a mage stunned. Next is another mage stunned. Calder, that is your turn. Sit down. Tosses the gun to you. Gun me. I love playing past the gun to you. Gun me. I love playing past the pistol. It's a 25.

Woo! 25 hits. You see Annette goes around. Another one restrained and collapses to the floor. To make it extra insulting, can we say that Kenna tossed me the gun, I reached up, missed it, and it bounced on the floor and shot the mage. Hahahaha!

Charby just goes, what the actual fuck, guys? I am your king! Fight for your king! Stand for your king! Our king consort, or your consort king we should say. Consort king, king comma consort. No. Consort comma king.

No. Consort comma king, I think. That is Trashcan's turn. Trashcan. Trashcan, now's your chance! No, consort copy king, I think. That is trash cans turn trash can trash can. Now's your chance. Beep beep boop boop beep beep beep is just rolling with Bear Lane trying to fight. I'll say they're just grappling each other, essentially. That's Balinor's turn.

That's going to turn into a hug. Grappling with feelings. Balinor will lock and load the archibus for the last time. And then is going to toss it to Saul. Ooh. Then- This thing's big. Yeah.

There's only one mage left that has not been netted. You see Charbin looks around. Charbin's gonna hold his action. Uh-oh. Berlain is then going to, you see her and trash can are still going at it. So just pounding at each other, swinging on the ground.

They're just in a full on like wrestling match. After Bear Lane's turn, Saul, that is your turn. OK, so I just I just like click this thing that takes the safety off. OK, oh, you just drop it like cold. It was a bad throw. My hands are a little short. I'm gonna use my legs instead.

Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, so you reach around it and you pull the trigger with your frog feet. Go ahead and make an attack roll. It looks so uncomfortable. It's plus six to hit. Okay. With advantage, you do have advantage.

Yeah, cause it's stunned. All right, to the end of my turn, yeah. You got yourself that advantage. That's gonna be 19. 19 hits. Ah! Woo! You restrain the last mage. You see, Net goes out, covers this last mage.

You see Charbon looks around at the scene, looks at you guys with like pure fury, and then turns his hammer and, Raaah! Slams down and starts just blowing up these fate bringer mages that are restrained. Oh! Bam, bam, bam!

Goes over and just whack-a-moles the restrained mages who scream out. Get me that one's fidget spinner. Yeah. They scream out and try to cast spells, try to cast like shields on themselves and stuff, but they are just lying there prone as you see Charbon goes over

and just brutally executes them with his hammer. You see- Right, as one is dying, I want to look in its eyes and say, did you foresee dying, I want to look in its eyes and say, Did you foresee this, Jovier? And then I'm gonna kiss the dying mage. Ooh. Bam!

Dangerously close to Charbin. Yeah! And then you see Charbin swings his hammer around, it puts it over his shoulder and goes, Ha ha! Just as I had planned! I just wanted to test your- No, no, no. What? Wait, really? Come on.

Okay, walk me through. Walk me through. What was your plan? Okay. Alright, so I thought that if... So Jovier came here... As he's explaining, I'm gonna go and take the hammer. Okay. He's absolutely not giving up his hammer. Can I give a help action? He has it on his shoulders. You can try to slight a fan check against his strength. I'm gonna give a help action. He has it on his shoulders. You can try to sleight of hand check against his strength. I'm gonna give a help action and a bardic.

Okay. I'm gonna try to climb up his back and take his hammer. So it's an extra D10 and advantage. He's absolutely gonna roll this with advantage. Okay. He has a 26 to hang onto the hammer. I'm gonna silver barbs it. Okay.

All right. 28. Damn it. Hold onto the right. 28. Damn it. Hold onto the hammer. Okay. So I have, what's your bardic? I have a 16. It's a D10.

A D10? Oh, so we couldn't even. Doesn't seem like it could. Okay, so yes, this hammer is your size. So Calder, Charbon is kind of stupid. So you're just literally on his shoulder, just yanking at his hammer and he doesn't notice. And he goes like,

ha ha, yes, it was my superior military mind. I knew that you needed a man on the inside. So on its face, I agreed to the alliance with Joveir. But of course I realized that she would attempt to make me some sort of king consort or something and kind of sideline my plans for the empire. I knew that the future empire really would best align itself with... I think we have to let Baraleon kick your ass. I'm sorry.

Yeah, I have to be honest. I actually am doing really good for spells and I could keep going. So I'm just gonna tell you right now, the Empire has zero chance. It's not happening. There's no alliance being floated and I'm willing to keep fighting. Okay, go ahead and here's what I'll say. Give me a persuasion check to Bear Lane for her to stop attacking Trashcan and to turn her fury on Amber Lord Charbon. It's a 3 plus 15, 18. Okay, yeah. You see, Berylain looks up from trash can and then looks up to Charbin and goes, you say you're not friends with those mages?

But you were talking to them like you were friends. Yeah. And you see she starts walking towards him and Charbin kind of starts walking back and Berylain's just gonna run up and take fucking three cracks on him. On her three attacks did not roll below a 17. So she did three times for 70 damage.

Yes. And you see Charmin is hardy as fuck, but can't take too many more of those. And just goes, wait, wait, do you have no diplomacy? Are you barbarian? Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm gonna walk away. If you guys want to be diplomatic with this guy,

that is fine with me. I just, I can't be here to finagle that. Let's negotiate your full surrender. I'm fine with doing that. Full surrender? Yeah. The Empire will never surrender! There's a long list of people.

Fairlade, go ahead, go ahead, hit him again. You see, at initiative 20 of this round, honeysuckle bursts into the room. And you see, yeah, Charbin yells, gods to me! You see, guards finally start pouring in from the tunnels. As they pour in, honeysuckle emerges and swallows them as a hole just disappears under them. And Charbin just goes, okay.

Full surrender, yeah. Somewhat of a surrender. I get to, I can still call my legion the Empire. No, we need, actually, we need you to pledge yourself to a Coralill. Yeah. What? Yeah. Number one. That's the number one term.

Baralaine's gonna take three more attacks. Is that how you become a vassal of a Gorillil? Barrelane hits three more times. Can I take some attacks? Yes, go ahead. Yeah. Okay. Barrelane does 62 damage. I'm gonna kick him just for the hell of it.

Ah! Okay, I'm going to, I think I only hit once, but I will do, I have one fifth level spell left So I'll turn that into a fourth level smite. Yeah, should we just deliver him unconscious to a Corleil? Yeah. All right, I'm gonna attack too This man You see honeysuckle circles the wagons just makes a full like armored circle around you guys So fire elementals are just like running and dispersing as they hit his Scales I mean you guys and Balnor and Kenna and a bare lane are just beating the shit out of Charpin

Can I summon in licorice to beat him up to yeah, okay? Yeah right there uh-huh 35 damage You see Charpin is now Charpin is straight up at like 25 life at this point. He goes like, I'll do whatever you want! It's just you're not- I'll be the water empire! I don't care! You're just not- I don't even care about puns anymore! You're not consort material, man.

I'll do- yeah, I'll be the consort, I'll be your consort, I don't give a shit! I don't care about fucking shit anymore! Just please don't kill me, okay? Oh! What do you want from me? You want me to be a water guy now? I don't kill me, okay? What do you want from me? You want me to be a water guy now? I'll drink water.

You see he starts chugging down water with just such a look of disgust on his face as Steve just starts coming off of him. Do you want me to drink more? Do you want me to drink piss? I'll drink piss. I think there's like a form of humility that you can adopt that was less

Pissing into a bucket didn't ask you to do this. There's a lot of clams full of piss that you can drink You're doing that Did what you wanted didn't tell you I think you like it. I think you like it. I want you to admit that you like it. I love it. I'll say whatever you want. No, I want you to say what you want. I want to drink more piss.

Can I drink more piss? Yes. OK. Knock yourself out. Hey, you found your hobby. All right. If you love it so much. Can we call a Coral Hill? Yeah. Say come get your man. Yeah. You can squire for Brian Sploosh.

Yeah. I know that this feels really bad but I think it's actually gonna be good for you. Drinking piss? No, no, no. Sort of like the ego death that you might be experiencing. That has nothing to do with the piss drinking is you the piss that was elective that was Charmin Sir Brian splooge's piss boy Okay, this could be the first article for the Peregrine Post. Lord Charbon becomes piss drinker Charbon. It's an exclusive scoop! It should be piss drinker consort, right?

Oh yeah, that's good. You see, you hear Charbon yells out with a bellowing but shaky voice and goes, stop fighting! Stop trying to kill the serpents! We're piss boys now! You know what, actually, you know what your empire should do? Is that it can be really good for preventing wildfires to do controlled burns. You need to dedicate your empire to be in charge of controlled burns that help nature flourish. Yeah, you can sit up in a fire watch tower and drink all the piss you want.

Yeah, and you can also drink piss, but that's like, again, that's a you thing, that's you choosing to do that. Okay, well I guess if I had to drink piss in a tower, you could say that the controlled wildfires to stop wildfires, whereas wildfire is is sort of chaotic the Empire will bring order to the to the wildfires a natural order yeah all you guys could also just be in charge of hearths so bringing people together like around like you guys could go to the Winter Court and like make sure that the hearths stay nice and toasty and keep people gathering and feeling hope even in the dead of winter. I agree to the terms of your alliance.

Shall we drink to it? Not that. See he gathers up a bunch of the fire elementals nearby and he goes I have decided in the infinite wisdom of the Empire that we have lost our way. The purpose of fire is to keep our friends warm. Can I do an insight check? If he is sincerely feeling this. I got a 19 on the dice. Okay, for an insight check? For an insight check. I don't know what I add. He knows. Okay, so here's the deal.

Plus two, so 21. He has such a huge ego that he's almost like a positivity influencer now. Yeah, I mean with the piss drinking, yeah. Yeah, so he, also the piss drinking. So you think that he is not like a sincerely changed person but he does mean it in that he has turned his ambitions down this path and is going to run down it.

Here we go. And you know what? A Coralil can supply you with all the water you need to drink so that you can maintain your piss and also keep the fires in check. And you know, water and fire also keep the fires in check. You know water and fire What about them? Yeah continue? You know you need them both Okay, I hold up a drink to choose

Cheers you with a glass of piss. Oh, it's good to drink piss with your friends Never thought I'd be drinking piss with an elf. I cannot wait to tell Jovier that she tried to marry this man. Balmor goes, how about drinking piss with a friend? Yeah. Balmor does not drink piss. That's fair. I'm probably just going to have a beer. Yeah, I'm not drinking

Yeah, I don't know this guy's deal, but he seems harmless now Yeah, to assert okay. I think he needs to be watched constantly, but yes You see his ego is satiated you hear the fighting kind of stops But there is this tension in the room. As you see... Trashcan... stands up,

and sort of faces Barrelayne. Barrelayne just looks around at all of you guys and goes, I'm not working with you! If you're working with him! Points up at Trash trashcan yeah well hey beryl ain you gotta understand trashcan is tied to a directive he he's not acting the way he should the best thing we can do to help trashcancan is to free him. We gotta break these crowns and then Trashcan can make Trashcan's own decisions. Don't you want him to be free?

Isn't that what you want more than anything? For people to be free, to make their own decisions? To run havoc over the hills and scream and clobber goats and trees and whatnot? Ah, go ahead and give me a persuasion. I look at Sol and I'm let you use your proficiency. Ooh. Can I say that she like picks me up and like just squishes me into her forehead? Yeah, she's just looking at you intensely as she really tries to think through this

because she's never done diplomacy before. Okay, diplomacy so that we can fight more down the line. That's interesting. She thinks about it. Do you remember when you were bound in the ice? Trashcan is still bound. He's still bound to a previous life. And you can set him through,

you can break him out of that ice and then you guys can do whatever you want. You can, I don't know, you can like go to amusement parks and just like pick people out of the ride and throw them around. I don't know about that. Well, maybe that's not me.

That does sound fun. I've never thought about doing that. Belaine, can I ask you, do you hunt? Yes. Have you ever been to the Beastlands? Long time ago, yeah. It's one hunter short of what it needs. I see she nods.

Go ahead and give me your persuasion check, Sol. Back to 23. You see she looks at Trashcan. She's having this mind meld moment with Saul where she's trying to figure this out, holding you close to her. And then just goes, Right, we have to take all this rage and put it in the right direction

towards destroying these damn crowns! That's right. And you see Trashcan gestures towards you and goes right direction towards destroying these damn crowns. That's right. And you see Trashcan gestures towards you and goes, beep, beep, boop, boop, beep. And Saul, you understand that to be Trashcan explaining that he has to follow this last command, but he wants to be, he would like to be friends after.

Bear Lane seems to just kind of inherently kind of understand the tone of what he's saying. And you see Bear Lane brings him in for a hug and she goes, We'll get you a crown right before we crush it! And you realize that that would satisfy the terms of the command, is if the automatons were to have the crown for even a moment, that would satisfy the command. They don't need to hold onto it or do anything with it. They simply need to get it.

That makes sense to trashcan, you see, with a renewed sense of purpose. Trashcan nods and then turns to you guys as if following your orders or directive on the fire elementals do as well and Charbon puts his arms around you guys puts his arms around their legs oh your breath bleeds. Smell like piss. Yeah that's hot piss right there is what that is. Do not burp. I'll try not to but it's it's hard not to when you're hanging out with your friends around fire. Diesel. It's fucking diesel, man.

It warms our food. Yeah, you're right. It warms our food. Fire brings together. I reluctantly nuzzle in sorry to try to affirm this. All right, well, I've got some ships. I can send them along with the fire elementals and automatons. Yeah, the fire elementals

because there's a great fiery serpent. That's right. Right, yes. I did get some information from Queen Jovier while I was spying on her. You're too good for her, man. Yes, I know, of course. I denied it instantly.

I knew I was way too much of a- Why don't you just tell us what she said? What she said. The thing is, I'm too high value, if that makes sense. All right? And people don't appreciate that. The coronation is going to be in a little over 24 hours, I believe. As a new dawn comes in, so too will a new dawn shine on what would have been the Empire. She's just so good

at optics. Yeah. And I think she plans on doing the public execution slash coronation where she's going to combine the crowns. I think I didn't realize that the rogue gods was such a threat to, I mean, I know we met Hard One. Sorry, Cawdor, you weren't here. Who was that again? Yeah, who is that? He's like this, like from the Feywild, he was like basically like just like a rapscallion.

Oh, one of the guys who- Pulled up all the sunflowers. Pulled up all the trolls, yeah. Oh wow, a scourge. Yeah. Right. But I- Pretty handy with a hammer.

I guess I knew, but it's so distant that I hadn't really thought of it. I think that Jovier was just doing what she does best and stoking our fears. I don't know, I believe her that Grom's just out there and he's coming. And I think she probably even believes herself to some degree because it makes her all important and whatnot. Yeah, I think that like her view of the future is warped by her wants and desires. Yeah. We got to take everything she says with grain of salt but maybe we should try and get a word out to, you know, the Astral Alliance, but I'm sure they've got it in hand. You see, uh, Kenna steps up and goes, she might have been

telling the truth to a certain extent, but even if she sees a way of quote-unquote saving the world, it seems like the world that she'd have in mind probably wouldn't be worth saving. That's how I felt. Yeah. I think I'm gonna take Foster in my arms though and say, I do think she was telling the truth about the beast then, so. What does that- what does that mean? I think it's been scorched.

If Oberon's gone. You see, yeah, uh, Foster- Foster looks really sad. See, Foster's nuzzling into you. I mean, Oberon, it wasn't like, it wasn't like any of us were like, oh my God, you should be, I mean, Oberyn was weird, right? Totally, yeah. But he represented. Yeah, he was a strange guy.

He was strange, but like, he represented sort of like a raw power that had a hand in creating this world. And so I feel sad that Foster's sad. And I feel scared about the Serpent Queen. Obra's prophecy can still come true. Yeah. I mean, yeah. That's true. But the deal for your brother's soul.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. Well, sorry. No, no, no. I wasn't saying I know to be short. I just was... I think I... I'm trying to just put that aside for now because that's not the most pressing thing at hand.

Right. We should focus on the things he planted and help them grow. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm helped them grow. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm sorry, Kelly. No, I mean, look, I'm not trying to bring up the stuff about my mother. I'm just saying, like, it's just such a tragedy. The Beastlands is really quite exciting and fun and strange.

It's sad that it's been lit on fire. You see Balnor puts a hand on your shoulder and goes, well, I know Bobby's got a plan for bringing back Queen Cirilla. I wouldn't be surprised if. You see, he starts tearing up with pride and he goes, if my little guy could figure out a way to make the beast lands green, that's what the green Knights do gosh dang it yeah whoa language sorry yeah yeah you feel like every time you talk it's like I'm being

a raptin just warm denim that's the done that's the dungarees I gave you, they're on fire. Yeah, you see Kenna starts getting you guys loaded up. Packs up like the arquebus and stuff. You see that the fatebringers have been defeated. You see the fire elementals are now aligned with you because Charbon's aligned with you. Outside of the castle, the automatons begin getting in line with Trashcan and Bear Lane, and the Fire Elementals begin loading up onto ships. You see they have essentially like a navy and are beginning to set out, and Charbin goes, we'll head for the Winter Court, just as I had planned. We'll strike. We'll strike just before dawn.

Is Jovee'er expecting you in any way for like, I don't know, a consort ceremony? Well, of course. Yes, of course. Yeah, have you ever tried chicory? She's expecting me. I was, of course, going to be an important part of the coronation. Yes. Can I do an inside of this tree? Yes. Six.

He's lying. You could just say anything but a one. He's lying. Okay. Where were you invited to arrive? It was at Wintercourt Castle. They were going to burn down all the trees and sort of make like a red carpet of ash. Real quick, you hesitated for such a long time before you started talking. Right, because I was forgetting if it was a blood red carpet that had fire decals on it, or if it was ash, and I'm remembering now that it was ash. Why do they want to burn down all the trees and make a carpet of ash? Well, it's just because I requested that and as the king, not the king, consul.

Okay, so that was you who said that. That was me, yes. And they're gonna give you that or they're gonna give you like a parking pass and you have to like park in the back? I would never park in the back. Okay. So that wouldn't make any sense. So given the sort of self-work we just went through.

Right. Now what would you like to do? Like, do you still want to burn down all the trees and make a carpet of ash? Well, of course not, because what I would like to do is just for all of us to gather around a bonfire and drink piss together. It almost sounds good.

It almost sounds good. Can the piss be like symbolic maybe? Does it have to be pissed? You can drink whatever kind of piss you want. What? Okay. Yes. Yeah.

I'll have to give it to him. Yeah. I can't, it's a beautiful future. It is kind of a beautiful future, isn't it? And also because water and fire both equally important. I've seen that now. Really I've always known that. Wow.

And so. He's gotten better at lying, I guess. We will ride our iron fleet of fiery ships through the water. You see, they are kind of poorly built. Okay. We won't count on any aspect of you helping. I think that's where we're at. Yeah.

But thank you. You just get there when you get there. Yeah, you just get there and you keep this hope in your heart. Like this new sort of North Star that you've given yourself, which is gathering around the fire and you're pissed. You just keep that flame burning bright. I do think that if you want to like make like a big dramatic entrance and say that you and Jovier are done and you're splitting and like really try and draw some attention.

I could kind of make it about me. Yes. OK. Yes. Okay. Yes. That's really great. I think this is an excellent plan. Do you think you could make it like really messy? Is that within your wheelhouse?

Yes. The coronation's all about you. Yes. Can we actually send someone to sort of document the whole thing? Because it's going to be a great first issue of Peregrine Post. Absolutely.

That's true. Okay. Excellent. Yeah, you see one random green night just goes, I guess I could go with him. Are you, have you done journalism? Uh, I was a journalism student, um, but then ended up kind of pivoting and changing my major, uh, the last second. What'd you change it to? I thought, um, journalism was a little unrealistic, so I changed it to... unrealistic so I changed it to blogging. Isn't that kind of like, you know, aligned with journalism in a way?

It's pretty close but I do like more lifestyle blogging. I see, okay. So actually this is a perfect combination. Yeah, this is actually, yeah, this is pretty interesting. I'd like to see his growth. Will you do a deep dive on the potential health benefits of piss? This works because I'm a positivity influencer now so you could sort of be help me with the content creation you see this green night looks excited and you see the other green nights look excited to have

this guy off the ship founder goes that guy was a pill okay you just be like hanging out and he'd always have he'd have his phone out videoing you like can we just be could just be here could we just be like hanging out and he'd always have his phone out videoing you. Oh my god. Can we just be here? Can we just be here right now? Well now he'll be there. I think they've got a good thing going between the two of them. Oh yeah, synergy. Yeah, you see they start really hitting it off.

You worry that they might not show up to the battle because they're so excited. But you see the audios they're so excited. But you see the auditors making content. They make a web series. You see, Kenna, um, Kenna scratches her chin and goes, you know, if Eberlord Sharpen is going out into the water and we don't give Acura a little heads up, she's probably gonna kill him. Yeah, so our heads said, can we get a message out?

Okay, you want to get a message, that makes sense. You see, um, Kenna pulls out a little transmitter and relays that message to get a message out to a Coral-O that says that Charbon has been won over. I'm sorry, was that, like, did that eat up all of your minutes? That message, are you good? No, we could, uh, we could send more messages. In fact, I was gonna call Garrosh real quick and say that we need the wind. We don't have like a company card or anything.

I just wanted to make sure. No, I mean, well, we're putting it on the company card. Is what I thought. The Peregrine Post card, yeah. And it is a write off. You see, Kenna calls Garrosh and lets him know that you guys are ready to head back. You guys get onto your serpents you see

Foster nuzzles into you Callie as you guys fly comfort foster Looks really sad And I just say foster you lost your daddy, and I think I might have actually lost my mom For good this time, but we've still got each other. Nuzzles into you and you feel a warmth around him. You see the automatons begin, they kind of are like Transformers. There are these very like analog machines.

So you do see some of them take on like a floating mode and just begin like floating through the water. Whoa. Kind of following you guys. You feel Garrosh's magic on the wind and you guys begin being pulled back towards Garrosh's castle. And as you guys are flying over the continent here,

you see abandoned towns and villages, abandoned castles. Everyone has left to fight for one side or the other or they've gone into hiding. And eventually you leave the southern continent and are over the water again. It is an oddly calm ride for a while. It takes a long time, takes like half a day for you to get there. You're like, you show up in the dead of night at like three or four in the morning and you see Garrosh's castle. You see airships have pulled up. It looks like the other green knights like the young Stag has called the banners to Garrosh. Garrosh has used his power to bring them all together.

You see that your Feywild allies have gathered here. There are dozens of airships filled with green knights and aligned houses from the Seelie Court. They prepare with members of Mob Goblin. You see Bownor gives you guys a little salute and then goes over and joins the young Stag who is getting his troops into gear. And meanwhile, G'rosh And meanwhile, Garrosh rushes over to you and goes, Well done, you've secured the green knights, you've got the fire elementals on our side, and the automatons. Yeah, yeah, well, it took some doing.

But you know, we need everyone we can get. Yeah, who have you gathered? Yeah. You see, Give us the download. Jester's around and goes, we have a solid force here. We have the members of Mob Goblin.

We have Green Knights and several houses of the Seelicourts that have come out of hiding to support us. We've received word from your allies on the Material Plane. I can't use enough magic to bring all of them here, but they're going to travel by their own means and get as close as they can to plan our rifts on the material plane, and then they will travel on the wind and I will bring them into the fight as they arrive. Amazing. Yeah, that sounds great.

Then of course we've got a Coralil, we've got stone commander Basalt Von Shale, and we've received word from the court with no crowns. Their spies at the winter court have alerted us that the coronation is happening basically 24 hours from now. Uh, yeah, gestures to the sky. You see that, uh, the sun is beginning to rise on like a new day. sky you see that the sun is beginning to rise on like a new day. Jovia will kill Cyra and declare herself High Queen of the Feywild as the sun rises on a new Fey Empire. Thousands of warriors have gathered to support her and thousands of

common folk will be attendance. Millions will be watching via the projections. We have no choice but to fight her head on. I think that like first things first before the coronation. I think we need to try to bust out Marigold. Garrosh shrugs his shoulders and goes, I think Marigold's fate will be decided on the battlefield. You'll be able to arrive shortly before the ceremony begins. Okay. Then I guess that's that.

Do you think, is there someone controlling Marigold? Or is she fully charmed? I'm just wondering if we can break the concentration of a ritual or something. I believe that might be possible when you are confronted with her. Okay. Okay. Okay. Then I think is there anything else we need to discuss or should we just go to bed and get ready to fight?

Yes, there's one more thing. Calder give your fidget spinner to Albin. No, I forgot it. You owe it to me. Come on. You see Albin is over near you. Calder turns away. I didn't pick up the fidget spinner.

I left it at the battlefield. I'm going to give you a bardic and say, yeah, I also, I don't think Calder picked up the fidget spinner. I left it at the battlefield. I'm gonna give you a bardic and say, yeah, I also, I don't think Calder picked up the fidget spinner. I wanted to and I forgot to grab it. Yeah, actually that's so annoying that we forgot that. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check or deception check. 17 for Calliope.

You have a D10 of bardic inspiration to lie. I actually, I got probably the best time nat 20 of all time. All right, you see, Albin goes over and gets in your face, and goes, why would you lie to me? On the eve of battle, when I have all these things that I'm stressed about, and I thought maybe I could have something to kind of Work some of this out and then pull it out from under me pick up a fidget spinner It's why would you yes, we might never see each other again. We might die on the battlefield tomorrow. You're right

I'm so what I was tacky. You're my oldest friend oldest friend and Your fidget spinner, okay. All right, you see, takes you and holds you and then just randomly shakes you as he thinks about the fight tomorrow. Is this better? Is this working? It is kind of working.

Okay, all right. Alvin, Alvin. Yes? I have something for you. Calder digs deep in his pocket and pulls out his middle finger. Yeah! You see, Alvin is going to cast command on you.

Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw. Oh, no. I'll give you another bardic. OK. I got an 11. OK. That's a fail. I'll use my bardic.

That's a 10 on my bardic. That's a 21. OK. He was going to command you to throw your boots off of Cloud City, but you resist that urge. And he points at you and he goes, I will make you do something embarrassing with your boots.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. And you can just live thinking about that. And Albin walks away. Calder says, ooh, I'm so scared, but then actually is kind of scared. He's ready for battle. And you see Garrosh gathers you all close together and goes, all right, everyone, get some rest.

Tomorrow we decide the fate of the realm. And that's where we'll end our session. Woo! Whoa. Oh man. We are all where we'll end our session. Woo! Whoa! Oh man. We are all set up for our final battle. Wow! What a fun, fun epi.

I can't wait. What are you cooking, Sara? Tell me. Show me your notes! You know, it was- Show me your notes! I didn't expect you guys to like, before Charbin was that hurt,

I wasn't expecting you guys to take out all of the Fatebringers, and I kind of decided last minute, I was like, Charbin's not gonna die for this. He's not gonna die for anything. I love Charbin was that hurt I wasn't expecting you guys to take out all the fate bringers and I kind of decided last minute I was like Charbin's not gonna die for this. He's not gonna die for anything I like his turn into a positivity So important drink piss you'll turn to save his life. Yeah, you can Check out us talking more about this over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash nanpod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. Don't sing yet.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? I have some PO box stuff I want to shout out real quick. Two things. Number one, Featherbone from Featherbone Studio sent us some really cute illustrated postcards and bumper stickers. They've got possums and other critters on them. They're really cool. I love a postcard. I love sending my friends mail, but not having a right to thank that much.

Oh yeah. Yeah. And then also Maggie and Shelby, AKA Kenna's first favorite sprite girl, sent us Grinch hot sauce. Oh my God. I cannot wait to break into that. It looks rancid. I do love green hot sauce.

Apparently when Maggie was checking out of the store, the person at the register laughed and said, Oh my God, why would you buy this? I love an item being so bad that someone would risk their job. You never want to hear that. Someone risked their job to criticize it. That's so funny.

That's awesome. Maybe for a mixed bag, we should try all the Grinchies. Oh yeah. I think whenever you get a nat one, you got to drink it. Grinch ones try all the Grinch ones. Oh yeah. I think whenever you get a nat one you gotta drink it. Grinch ones? Oh, Grinch ones! Terrible! Fucking terrible, I love it.

Yeah, we'll do Grinch ones at some point. We'll interview each other while eating Grinch hot sauce. Yeah. I can't wait. I love it. All right, yeah, be on the lookout for Grinch ones. We got some live shows coming up for Dimension 20 that me and Emily will be at,. Be on the lookout for Grinch ones. We got some live shows coming up for Dimension 20 that me and Emily will be at.

So be on the lookout for that. Next year in 2025, I say next year, but in the next few months, we're going to be at Hollywood Bowl. We're going to be in Seattle. And we're going to be in Vegas. So be on the lookout for those. You could follow us on social media,

there may or may not use, at JH vs. Me, at Caldys Caldwell, at AXE for Demoli, and at J Gorgeous Jake. And you can talk about the show online, not on Twitter, using hashtag NADPod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

We are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. It's the end of our penultimate episode and you know what that means. It's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, later Mick Skater, Matt M w jeff c daniel g daniel the dastardly dame baird man dan carpe liam bryant victor t balnor's boy hoit's friend justin i danny danster tj m dreale the crayfe Christopher B. Danielle R. Jordan L.

Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald Targot Stevie Wags Hellish Rebuke-er PhD Princess Yar Jory S. Rachel from Animorphs Jack L.

Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bohemia Mike H. Elka Schmouser Plus Great Value Gemma Tyler F. Heratrian Carbro Chapel Hill FPV Rex Daniel the White Cece Lulu Old Cops Dunkle Older Burn Akuparo The Habit Folk Detective Timmy R. Rayco, Calder comes cold. Shout out to the cold companions, frosty facial.

Taylor B, maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way. Cash, strong, Grinch. Steven, can rage last for four years? C, Mike K, Nick W, William W. Big Bad Beard of the Mad. Eric McD. Ananarama. Percival Frederikstein von Neuselklossowski de Rolo III. Dre Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock. Dolores Wiggle. Ben A. Dave H. Dustin S, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfars Assistant Izzy F, Big Bad John, DPC is House N'Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid,

Selena and Velaici Raptor, B, Perky, Always, Pat, L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serv 16, Annie the Feywild Therapist, Connor S, Soleil, Bioquart 7, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat was innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People, Under Iron Deep, dressed in blue, and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament. Valen, Pog the Bitchin' Bunny Bard, Carlin C, Noah the Bullywug Boy,

hashtag honor the cock, James G, Everything Bago the Eladrinrin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey. Daddy master Dandy, Reverend Chatterbones. Hon. Eric B. Marcos learns the balance druid, Frieda M. Pagos self-proclaimed Faye King,

now with real musical improv action. Maggie. Holly the green laughing hyena finally caught up to the duck team. Akash the car, Cal just Cal, Erin Begwell and Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, Cody C, Lorelei the succubi

and Kira the succulent snack. McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yont and yonkle Andrew and Sid. John Adams didn't win the vote but won your heart. Meg the mail carrier of Bohumia. James F. Austin S. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn page 42.

Keep them turned to page 69. Shane C. Burpo good barrel bard barian. Welsh Linder. Shane C. Barbo Good Barrel Bard Barian Welsh Linder Garrett G. One Big Curd Renee The Monster Captain Box Clifton Olivia The Enchanting

Bard and Jared The Soap Opera Cleric who are playing Stick It To The Man down with the Monarchy Winterslade Fico Garrett The Artificer Damon

Jay Anthony The Raddest of Dudes, Jay. The fairies say caw caw congratulations to Susanna and Caldwell on their new baby. Ketchip Dumbledore the bear onesie wearing barbarian, Lexi H, Roger L, Nodrog the pass-A-Fist Barbarian, Geno T, John Luca, Tristan the Talentless Honk, Leon Kimori Legendary Hero of Bohemia from a Future Campaign, Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S,

Alexander, Linz W, Johnny Dude K, Paavo Escanar the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Tim M, a cat napping in a sunbeam listening to a podcast, MLG Cheeto, Shell B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl loved returning to the multiverse of Mavris, Happy Hoggis to all and to all a good tug, Jackson R, Snailus who's infecting Worchester fwfwfwfw within. I'm sure I said that right.

Captain Morgan Pirate Wizard! Pawpaw Sky Days, Mee Maw Sky Days, Megan N. Anthony B. Savannah H. Balnor's friend Steve, Stephanie of House Inzunza, Benjamin A., Gimli the Corgi, Paw Paw, and Foster's canine friend, Mickle A., Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmare Verse flight, Froakie, the two crew blew through, Jennery, Ethan the mailman, we got another mail person on here,

Maple the Shy bookworm. Ashosaurus, Seth E., Billy Batson, alternate universe, Emily, Anna, Lee, Hatchetworth. Oh, okay, I could see that axe hatchet. Michael Lyle, S the second, Jacob the purveyor of shenanigans, Carl B., plumber of the realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A. Ra,

Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg, Darius D. The Guy from That One Thing, Troy's Mom, Vin Diagram, GKCTT, Catamilius the Consumed, Bard of Holding, Clinton P., Grinch Fulcam, The Grinch Frog Man, Dean, Jake W., Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, The Choose Your Own Adventure Writer, not the porn star, Steve L., Alex G., Zibbida Bakery, Nicole, Katerina C., and finally, Lady Jacqueline P. of Castle Whitestone. Thank you all so much for supporting what we do.

We are having a blast and thank you for joining us for the ride. Goodbye, sweeties. That was a HeadGum Podcast. Lights are going up, snow is falling down, there's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing, McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. At Participate at McDonald's for a limited time.