Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Dog Slaps, Bath Bombs and the Messy Breakup Monk (w/ Robbie Daymond!)

Episode Date: January 17, 2025

Dungeon Court is back in session, featuring our newest Justice, Robbie Daymond! Join Justices Murphy, Axford, Tanner, and Daymond, along with Keeper of the Knife Bailiff Hurwitz, as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!Wishlist Robbie's upcoming game, Date Everything, on Steam!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Go to adamandeve.com slash P-A-W-P-A-W. It's the only way to get this offer. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon, dungeon Justices, Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, joined by the lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly,

lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, In your home, or your studio. Don't tell anyone the studio's in the house. Sorry, sorry, sorry. The address is. We sleep on the floor here.

We sleep on the floor here. Yes, welcome guest judge Robbie Damond. Well, almost guessed it. I gotta do something? There's a formality. We must swear you in. A quick oath you have to. Give me the knife to slash my hand.

I only take oaths in blood. Thank you. That's it. That's how we accept it. Jacob's supposed to FedEx the knife to you. Did you not get it? Well, I used it for something else. So yeah, you just pull up that oath right there,

raise your hand if you want to. I can't believe you sent it to me on parchment. This is insane. That hand is bleeding everywhere. Yeah, go ahead. I, Robbie Damon, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the players as well as the DMs against all enemies,

foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, that I will take this obligation of my own volition and that I will well and faithfully embark upon this noble pursuit of justice. So help me God! Yes. Wow! Beautiful! Welcome, justice. So help me God. Yes. Wow.

Beautiful. Welcome, brother. I learned patriotism. Jokes on you, Roddy Daman's not my real name. Oh, whoa. Well, it's justice, Daman, now. Hear ye, hear ye, Crit is now in session. The honorable Supreme Crit justices,

Axford Murphy, Tanner, and Daman are presiding. Woo. Yes, dude. And now our first case comes from one, Andy H. Andy writes, to the honorable Supreme Crit Justices and Bailiff Wormally dirt food. Oh!

That's cool. I know, please tell them that you were in the case. I posted it. I felt, okay, I'm the one who posted to solicit cases and I couldn't bring myself to pretend I was Jake. I like this. I think it just left it off. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody else actually insulted me, but this is the first one. I did say please direct your insults to Jake.

Yeah. Well, this guy added out for you. Should it please the crit, I present to you the tale of a well-meaning barbarian with a heart of gold, but hands of doom. Oh. On our party's maiden voyage into the vast uncharted realms of gold, but hands of doom. On our party's maiden voyage into the vast uncharted realms of adventure, the barbarian, spotting a humble dog, sought to bridge the gap between beast and adventure.

How is a dog humble? That's beautiful. I feel like all dogs are humble, right? Really? I think all dogs are humble. Well, I guess some look a little proud. I don't trust a Malamute. Yes. My dog isn't humble at all.

Yeah. Yeah. My dog isn't humble at all. Yeah, true. Yeah, like a breed. If it has a breed name, it's not so good. Or the dogs that are hypoallergenic. They just know, oh, I'm gonna be Sean Fries, that'll make his knees. Yeah. All right, yeah, I get it.

I do have shit all over my ass, but I do have it. This is one of the humble dogs. Are you still talking about you or the dog? Both. Okay, all right. So this is a humble dog. So they sought to bridge you or the dog? Both. Okay. All right. So this is a humble dog. So they sought to bridge the gap between beast

and adventure with a kind gesture, a simple pet. Alas fate in the form of a nat one had other plans. Instead of the tender caress the barbarian intended after rolling a crit failure, the DM narrated that the barbarian quote, delivered a resounding slap. No! What. No! What? No!

That echoed through the forest and brought shame to generations of our ancestors. It wasn't even a punch, it was a slap. A slap. I ask, how does one redeem themselves when their very first act as a hero is to unintentionally insult man's best friend? A humble dog.

It's so funny. Well, it doesn't sound like murder, it was almost, it was a slap. It was a literal bitch slap. It was a faux pas actually. Yeah, very good. Is it the DM's fault? We all felt really bad.

And I could tell. That is a mood-ruler. What a wild way to start the game as a DM, to just be like, roll to see if you kill this dog. Also, wait, it's animal handling. Shouldn't the dog bite the guy? That's a good one, is you pet them in the wrong way, they give you a nip. Also, wait, it's animal handling. Shouldn't the dog bite the guy? That's a good net one is you pet them in the wrong way.

They give you a nip. Yeah. Yeah, get a little nip. They didn't want to be pet. But maybe if you roll that net one, but you're trying to pet, you reach out to pet, you do like a e honda slap between the feet. Yeah.

Oh, you're walking over and you're going to pet, but you trip and so they whoop. And maybe the dog is so friendly that the dog is coming up to you. You think you have to reach and then. To be clear, we didn't kill the dog though. We just slapped the dog. The dog is alive. Oh, we just slapped the dog. Yeah, we just slapped the dog is so friendly that the dog is coming up to you. You think you have to reach and then- To be clear, we didn't kill the dog though. We just slapped the dog. The dog is alive.

Oh, we just slapped the dog. Yeah, we just slapped the dog. We didn't kill. Oh. We slapped the dog across the block. Why did I think the dog was dead on that? Well, the barbarian rolled damage and did crit. Oh.

No. D&D court usually would have the dog be dead. Right, yeah. Why am I assuming the worst? I instantly was just like, well, clearly the dog is dead. Disclaimer. Why did- Do not slap a dog in real life. The dog isn't dead, it's just insulted.

Yeah. Okay. I have a question. When you are DMing and your DM is the first session and you have someone slap a dog and you're like, damn, that really brought the mood down. Do you guys think there's like recourse or space in the role playing world to just be like, scratch that, that didn't happen? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd like to retcon the dog slapping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you can retcon that at any point. Yeah, you can do a record scratch on that. I don't know that we're living in a fantasy world where we regularly kill sentient beings. Yeah. Like a dog slap is bad.

Do not slap dogs. But maybe it's not sitting on the bed. There's something about it being a dog that makes it worse though, because dogs are so regular in our world. Like I would have rather slapped a centaur or some mythical beast. That's kind of sad.

You can slap a goblin. I would absolutely slap an elf but not being toys. Some DMs like punishments of Nat ones is so strange to me because like just the math of it is any number on the dice you have a 5% chance of rolling it. The idea that any person is, you know, one out of every 20 times is gonna hit an animal

every time they try to bite it is fucking ridiculous. It's like. There's a 5% chance that every dog you touch might slap. Yeah. Why was the dog there in the first place? I wonder too. I don't know, he's very humble though. Yeah, he was so humble.

Was the DM's intention for this to be a funny moment? The last line is, we all felt bad and I could tell, even our DM felt guilty. What did he do? Having made our friends smack a poot. I think we need to all get more comfortable reading the room and being like, hey, we're actually all sad right now.

Yeah. Oh guys, that didn't really happen. I do, I do. You're allowed to say that, didn't really happen. You can say JK. JK didn't happen, redline that. Or like just make, turn the dog into a devil. Then it's like kind of retroactively, it's like you find that you slammed it.

Made a powerful enemy this day. Wait, that's a really good sentence for the DM. Now they have to reveal down the line that this dog was actually part of a greater conspiracy. Take it to the end, take it to the end. 80 episodes later. Dog's a big bad guy. That's it. Oh, it's Cerberus' baby. I still wouldn't want to fight Cerberus though. In Hades when they don't make you fight Cerberus,

I was like, thank you, I've been dreading this. I know. I don't know, it'd be three slaps, one, two, three. It'd be two. Or you could get him in one and it feels like. Oh, in a cartoon slap? Yeah, three stooges? Being a fighter and you finally get your third attack

and then you see Cerberus coming up. Oh, you're right, that would feel sick. It'd feel nice. Fuck it. Okay, Cerberus is a big bad. It's really, yeah. I mean, I guess you would do animal handling because at first I'm like,

why are you making them roll the pet a dog? I feel like I would just be like, marry it to petting the dog. Which is like, it goes fine. I understand it though. I actually think that's understandable. First session, everyone wants to roll. Everyone wants to learn like,

what does it mean to roll and stuff like that. It is fun to be like, I play my flute. Cool, give me a performance check. I think this DM was probably just some kind of sloppy improv of just being like, okay, something goes wrong. You hit the dog for the part. You slapped the dog. I ruined it.

I ruined it. You slapped the dog. Okay. Because we've talked about the TV show, The Slap before. At length. Okay, at length. Let's start back in. What if that show had been not about a child, but a dog?

Even more upsetting probably. High instincts or less instincts? What size dog? Because like, I think like a Labrador or bigger, like they will get slapped and probably just like kind of smile at you and it like won't affect them at all. They'll smile at you? Like bring it on.

Unless it's like a really, if it's like a hard slap, if it's like an open palm slap, then like, open palm slap. We don't have to keep going in on the dog slapping. We've gone down the banjo of how hard to slap this dog. I feel like we can just say it's bad. I'm just saying with the random pet of a good dog, there's a chance for a lesson here.

Yeah. Careful when you pet a, you don't tell a kid, careful when you pet a new dog, you might slap it. Yeah. Okay, that's what's gonna happen. All right, we're gonna punish this DM, we're all against this DM, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's what's gonna happen. All right, we're gonna punish this DM. We're all against this DM, right? Cause it's a DM.

Yeah. Even the DM was against themselves. Yeah. Yeah. DM was just some clumsy improv, I think. Clean punishment, Cerberus, or something dog related is your big bad and justifying that slap. Okay. Yeah.

All right. So your whole entire campaign is about working that slap. Yeah. And maybe a dog gets to slap them. A dog gets to slap, yeah. I honestly would love to be slapped by a dog. Yeah. They're like little, little beans on your face.

Oh, that'd be cute. They kinda have claws. Do they do dog massage? Go on. Um, no, let's figure this out. Okay, fine, we'll come back to it. Quinn writes, may it please the court. Hey Jake, winky face.

Wow. That's a Quinn. I present- He's married. God damn. Yeah. Oh wait. And so is this person.

He's a married baby. I think I'm married. I present the case of the DM, me and my non D and D playing wife. My group cannot get together too often for D and Ds who are very excited that our schedules aligned to play for the first time in months. I prepared a one-shot, but only came completely prepared for the first half

since we generally can't play that long. Got you. After playing for the allotted time, my wife, who was watching our three kids, told my friends and I to keep playing. Hero. Hero. What a nice woman. Amazing.

We immediately began combat. My party was not optimized for combat at all and the monsters were much too powerful. After knocking down one of the PCs before anyone could even attack, I dropped my monsters AC and health significantly, my players do not know this, and I told them that they had seven potions and allowed them to take them with a bonus action. This is a homebrew rule we have played before. Even with the changes, my party barely made it out alive, all of them having been knocked out at least once.

Mid-combat, my wife stood where only I could see her and started mouthing the words, kill them all. Yes, I like it. Total party kill. After the session, when my friends left, I told my wife about the concessions I made and she told me I was weak. She said, it's my job to give them the world and their job to try to live in it.

She said I should have killed them all and that I took away the stakes by doing what I did. She said, it doesn't matter that the players were tense throughout the combat and that everyone had a great time. Okay, I think this must've been a really rough bedtime for these kids. Yeah. Judges, was I right to soften the combat for my players

or should my wife take my kids and leave me for a man who can be a stronger DM? I love this Lady Macbeth. Yeah, interesting. I feel like this is a wife that watches her fair share of murder porn. Yeah. She was out with the three kids in the training yards,

running them into the ground. She wanted blood. For someone who doesn't play D&D though, like the non-D&D playing wife, I do like her ethos, which is it's your job to make the world and their job to survive. That's what I'm doing out here with the kids.

The real secret is she's not gonna leave for somebody else and she's been out min-maxing on her own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She put the kids to bed in the barn, no blankets. They just gotta figure it out. Yeah, this is, it's interesting, it's interesting. I would say if this was like a first session or something like that,

and you were all like level like one or two and you're kind of like fixing it up so that you don't total party kill your players. But you guys are playing like a level nine thing. I think you probably maybe didn't have to fudge it. Yeah. Yeah. As a one shot. This is an ongoing.

Yeah. Do you think it's actually going to be the worst? As a one shot though. As a one shot. You could have killed them. You could have. You could have. Actually, I'm gonna side with the non-D&D playing life,

kill them all. I'm leaning on it too. You're weak. That's actually a good point. If you are gonna spare them, if you are gonna spare them, you did do the right thing if you were going to spare them, which is like, take this to your grave,

you don't tell them that you lowered to the AC or whatever. They all got knocked out, that sounds pretty good. Didn't, I'm going back to the evidence. I'm going back to the evidence. Didn't he confess to a smaller level of preparation for the back half, which I assume was the combat, and therefore made a mistake, and only discovered it after the first round.

Okay, so he's backpedaling. He's backpedaling, yes. Not because he's weak, but because he's unprepared. What were you doing instead of preparing? Taking care of your three beautiful children? Yeah, now that's weak. You likely story. I'm sorry, but if you're changing diapers, that is just.

You can change diapers and read Scats at the same time. Yeah. I do think one shots are the time to kind of kill everyone, right? One shots are the time to kill everybody. I think you leave one person alive to tell the tale or something like that. Oh, god.

But in a one shot, they can't even tell the tale. They're gone. No, but you could bring that future character to another one shot. And they could show up and be like, everyone, I love you. You have to earn the right to show up in the next one shot. So in this dam's defense, it sounds like, so somebody got taken down before they even rolled.

Right. Before they even went. So there is, you know, this is like a little bit of a dog slapping moment where it does just kill the table. I hope this translates, I hope this keeps on coming up in other, other, yeah. We'll keep bringing up the dog slapping. The real dog slapping.

The dog slapping precedent. This is a barbarian dog slap. Eh, it was a real dog slap. But it is, imagine just having all your friends over, you rarely get to play, and it's just like, all right, we got to go ahead to play for hours. Start a combat, that's 70 damage to you, you're dead. That's 70 damage to you, you're dead.

That's 70 damage to you, you're dead. Okay, anyone wanna play Smash Brothers? So I've been pondering for a second, and I think I need to recuse myself because I'm so charmed by your fucking brutal Lady Macbeth with wife. Yeah. That's actually true,

because I'm no stranger to my wife calling me a weak man. I'm gonna recuse myself. What? You recuse? Wow. I just sympathize too much with this guy. All right, Robbie Caldwell. All right.

I'm definitely have two minds of this, because I'm like, this definitely could have, in addition to killing the characters, killed the vibe. And it sounds like everyone got knocked out and it did end up being like a tense fight. So maybe this person, because if you're running a module, right? Modules are built on,

you're supposed to have a certain number of people. Like if you were to run Curse of Strahd straight out of the box for three people, you do have to change it a little bit than if you're running it for five or six. You know what I mean? Like X amount of vampires in this room versus, you know. X minus two or whatever.

You gotta scale that XP and whatnot. Yeah. That's a really good point, but have you considered it's his job to create the world? His job to survive it? Because that's fucking poetry. I don't want the podcast to come off as anti-wife guy. Interesting.

I just imagine her sharpening and toning the kitchen knives. Yeah. Mouthing kill them is so fucking. As she's nursing your daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kill them all. Yeah. Kill them.

What if I marry? Yeah. I used that fire. It is a tough one. It is a tough one. It is a tough one. Because I do think, I think you did the right thing if you wanted to keep them alive, but also your wife is

very funny. I'm going to go back to the evidence too. Didn't he also say that he knocked everybody down at least once with the adjusted AC? That means it was still a hard, fun fight. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It probably sounds like it was still a really fun session. And if everybody still got knocked down, even with adjusted AC and everything,

I'm like, would this have just been a one round total party kill? Because there's a huge difference between, everybody exhausts themselves, everyone uses all of their stuff, they've killed three of the four bad guys, but the last guy gets them, and then the session ends. That's way different than just those four guys

go before your four guys. And we, you know. Yeah, you didn't make it easy for them. It was so crazy hard. Yeah, so this being this hard, I think, oh, but Malfang killed them all is so fucking funny. Yeah, it just makes it hard to rule. I think I have a punishment here, a white punishment.

I think that like, you do need your wife to kind of act as like your dark vizier during the next session. Oh, that is interesting. Just be like whispering in your ear. I think the punishment was already delivered. Because he was gonna have a great night if he'd have killed them all. Cause his wife was totally, you know what I'm saying? He missed out on that heat of passion.

Yeah, yeah, I think he missed out. Punishment delivered. If you had like, she's sitting there being malignant, He missed out on that heat of passion. Yeah, yeah, I think he missed out. Punishment delivered. If you had, like, she's sitting there being, Malvin, kill them all. And if you had, in that moment, not breaking eye contact with her, crit, crit, crit.

Oh yeah. You're all dead. And then you walk over, dip your wife, smooch her. Yeah, yeah. Move the baby, she's nursing away. It's bedtime, babe. Dip her, smooch her. Just scooch that bassinet.

Oh, it's awake. That's the next hour of your life. I don't know. You know what? Okay, so here's what I'll say. Yeah, I'll say, I think I'm gonna rule very slightly in favor of the wife because I think if you are going to fudge something like this

during like a one-shot, you do have to take this to your grave, and you told it to your wife. Oh. So you didn't take this to your grave. And you told it to your wife. So you didn't take it to your grave. The secret is leaking. The secret is out. You should only tell us if you're gonna lie. Though your wife sounds very ride or die.

I can't see her telling any of your secrets. That's true. So mostly just cause it's very funny to whisper, kill them all. Does it have to be unanimous? It doesn't have to be. We have to see what's the- We can split them both.

Yeah, splitting the both. I'll say because you told someone, you shouldn't fudge, so I will lightly rule in favor of Lady Macbeth here. Okay, okay, so then that's two versus one, so then that means that we sentence him to what just happened, which is that. To what just happened. Yeah, that was what I was gonna say.

I rule in his favor, he did the right thing, but his punishment was missing out on that most loved Mickey baby. I think we're also all a little terrified of the wife, right? Oh yeah. Who else is, yeah, my type. I love her, I love her.

I'm married to Ginger. Kissed by fire. All right, so ordered, and our next case comes from Nick A. To the studious judges and the redacted Bailiff, who is a big Dragon Ball fan, I hear. I present the case of the surprise monk. I was in a game where halfway through a session, the DM Surprise introduced his friend

as a type of cowboy assassin bounty hunter coming after us, complete with a drawl and two katanas. Cool. That's great. The guy was playing a Kenzie monk sent to hunt us down. He was level five, same as the rest of us. He proceeded to absolutely beat the shit out of the party, dropping four out of five of us to death saves

in just a couple rounds of combat. He took out my Dorf fighter with 49 HP and 18 AC in one round. He then proceeded to steal some of our key magic items as he walked off into the sunrise whistling a tune And telling us to visit the king to get our stuff back. He also beat the shit out of our NPC Why a kid named Charles? Not our dog just just some dog. To make matters-

Could've been Wild Shade Druid, we don't know. To make matters even more interesting, this was a guest appearance. He only showed up to kick our ass and steal our stuff. He had just broken up with his long-term girlfriend hours before the session in a reportedly messy breakup. What the fuck?

So the DM probably felt bad for it. You have to not go to D&D that night. You have to not go to D&D that night. That's what the breakup was about. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just designing his cowboy with two katanas. The bounty hunter rides tonight, babe.

Oh God, not again. That's very funny. You don't pay enough attention to me. Do you think I should have two katanas? If I use a bonus action, I can. We laughed a lot. He seemed like a good guy and felt bad about whomping us. But judges, I ask, was this okay for the DM and guest player to surprise whomp us like this?

It's pretty fucking weird. In a 1v5 and steal our key quest items? I am at the mercy of the court. I think you were pawns in someone else's therapy. Yeah. And it sounds like it probably would have felt pretty good too, to be like, man, I just lost the love of my life. Let's assume it was the love of his life.

And then just go and just mow it down. How messy could the breakup be if you went to play D&D that night? Yeah, that happened. If you had four plans. Yeah. Did he keep a thousand yard stare across the table? Did he show up on the back?

I withdraw my second guitar. Right. Yeah. Did he show up on the back? I withdraw my second guitar. Right. Yes. He just very mechanically destroys everyone. Yeah. I like this. I hate it. I like it.

You hate it. I like it. I think it's fun. I think like, because he was like, if you want to get your weapons back, go see the king. Makes me think like- How to be a plot hook, right? Great, this is a plot hook,

which is actually better than a lot of the stuff we get. Right. Yeah, this team like sought an opportunity. Yeah. To be like, all right, I can do something to give my characters a plot hook and I can help my friend get over their messy breakup. Do we think that?

I think this was pre-planned. Before breakup, yeah. Yeah, I think it was pre-planned. But do, no, do we think that though, that it was like, hey man, I need a place to stay, I just left, I can't get back. Objection! Hypothetical! Hypothetical is our bread and butter. This isn't a real card. You do a thing called Generous Reads.

I need to know if the players, if there's like a trash bag of clothes in the corner of the room while they're playing, that really informs it for me. Just really poorly packed, like a single sock with no pair. Just a PS5 and three socks. I think that's a fun little, I think it's a fun little guest star piece of man.

I feel like when it's, when you bring on a guest star to PvP, specifically to have them be better than all the people at the table, there is a kind of weird vibe. There's also- I think it was not level five. I think that there was some miscommunication that this was not a level five.

I don't think that one level five monk could destroy a party. Yeah, maybe they were gonna be level five before the breakup, and then they got a couple extra levels here. When they arrived, tears running down their face. Besides like everyone grouped together and like a wizard hitting them with like a huge spell

or something that like. Which level do you get stunning strike at? Maybe like stun people? Stun everybody. That's interesting. Just went around and stunned everybody. That's kind of rare. Maybe a level five monk could

if they just got really like bad. That's the thing. If they were actually level five and they kicked the shit out of them, that's kind of rare. Maybe a level five monk could, if they just got really like bad. That's the thing, if they were actually level five and they kicked the shit out of them, that's kind of rare. But do you know how the thing, if he unfolded, like was the DM helping the guest player in any way? Were they engaged with exterior combat, meanwhile they're just getting stabbed in the back while they're fighting other people?

Do you sometimes also feel like the dice show up for you when you're, let's go here. Do sometimes also feel like the dice show up for you when you're, let's go here. Do you ever feel like the dice show up for you when you're like, your personal life is not, you're not rolling that 20s in your personal life and the 20s start showing up? Start showing up. So it could also be that this guy showed up

and the dice were like, you need this. Right, it was Dice Cry speaking to. Yeah. I feel like I'm too emotionally invested. I might have to recuse myself as well. Because I, as a person, I'm like a 25% good natured troll. I love that shit. Like, I love if you're like in an MMORPG

and there's like a high level character waiting by the squirrels. Like, that's my favorite. It's gonna steal your shit. So I kind of like this guy. I don't know. The thing that's making me like totally feel kind of okay with it is just that it was like, okay, you got your shit taken from you, but this is more like,

this is breath of the wild, you're going to, you're losing all your shit to then reclaim all your shit. There isn't a feeling of like just stealing your shit. And the person who really lost something was that monk. They lost the love of their life. Yeah. And then person who really lost something was that monk. They lost the love of their life. And then still went out and hung out that night. That's weird. What if they went and became a real monk afterwards?

It's one way to recover. Wait a minute, what do you want them to do after they just had a breakup? I think going and kicking a bunch of people's ass. Sounds really fun. If it's a quote unquote messy breakup and you're done breaking up by like 5pm to go. What do you suggest he do? What do you suggest you do? I would assume you would keep arguing like all night. I would think right Okay, so Murphy's saying he didn't fight

Breakup it shouldn't be you shouldn't be done by the time Yeah, that's pretty clean the time that was pretty clean if they're like fucking clean breakup if you have plans at 5 p.m. and you broke up that day and you go to those plans I got news for you it wasn't and you remember your action economy yeah yeah did it say who broke up with who though because like you know I'd have literally been like he woke up at 9 a.m. he sat in the lobby and like break up with girlfriend and then go to DMT. He had like a pretty long day. He had six hours to get over it.

That's so efficient. Uh-huh. I think that, yeah, there's clearly some tension with the amount of DMT that this guy's playing. It's just the calling it messy that is bumping me. The idea though, there's also like a part of me that's like picturing this monk just like, it's another crit.

He said he was like. Sorry, I's like picturing this monk just like, that's another crit. I'm like, sorry, I'm like Katana has the bleed property. Sorry, I'm getting a lot of texts. Oh, now we're actively breaking up during the session. That's my dream table to be at. Oh man, this phone is buzzing nonstop. Right now I'm creating my dream table for myself, and it is this guy playing,

and then the Lady Macbeth wife whispering in the cork. Oh yeah, and then the dog slapper. The dog slapper, yeah. The dog slapper, this is a pretty legit team. Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. Have you guys played the dog slapper subclass? A little fuzz of it.

Yeah, you have advantage on any attack against the dog. I did look it up and fifth level. It is when you get stunning strikes. So it's possible. This person's like a dwarf with like 48 HP and 18 AC or something. I got taken out. That's a lot of damage to do for a monk. You could hypothetically have four attacks and everyone rolled bad, you could have stunned all four people in one turn. Yeah.

But still, like doing like, having to do like 200 damage. You'd have to be creating so much. He could have been kitted up, maybe he's got some style. DM gave him some goodies. Can say, yeah, can say like they get like cuts. If he's got two Katanas, maybe he's doing like double D8s of damage as opposed to like the standard d6 for a monk

I don't know even that I feel like just just the idea that I have like a crew of people that I play with and I'm just like my other friends coming by He had the cleanest breakup ever today. Isn't it cool if I invite my sad friend to the D&D game today? He just comes and kicks your ass, you're just like, cool, I'll never see you again, I guess. I'm also struggling with stuff. Yeah.

I guess, yeah. The more you describe it, the more I like it. Yeah. The final question is like, was he being a good heel about it? Like, was he like- It sounds like they kind of had fun, but also, this person rode into our show this, so they are

a little upset. I think I understand why you're feeling a little miffed, but I think that just focus on the fact that you will be able to reclaim your shit and like maybe it was just a one-off. You can laugh about it later. Yeah. And maybe, maybe the DM could do it so that... here would be a sentence. The DM doesn't level up this monk. And then in the future, when you guys are higher level,

you get a rematch. You go back and you kick his ass. And you kick his ass. After they get back together. After they get back together, once they get back together, they will. Once they get back together, they will. Once they break up and he showed up,

he probably went right back. Once he finds somebody else. But this is, should we do a vote here? Cause I feel like we're kind of split here. I have to go back on precedence. Cause I feel like I have voted in the past against DM pets that come in and PVP. Oh yeah. I guess I think I'm like,

this is like the D and D is not about, it's not about stealing girlfriends. Where sometimes when a story is really funny, I just really like it. You want to let it exist. I think ultimately maybe I would rule against the DM and the guest, but I guess I would just sentence the DM to give you your shit back in a fun narrative way and then give you a rematch that makes you feel super strong. Yeah. I lied. I want to vote. I absolutely love it. Yeah. I want it, I like it.

You're good in my book. Well, don't worry. Yeah, no, it's fucking fun. Okay. Oh no. Deciding vote? I mean, I don't know, week to week, if you're playing this D&D game consistently,

like, and like you've got a crew that's like meeting a lot, I think it's kind of like a fun change of pace to be like, oh, there's just another guy here all of a sudden. And he has six guns and he can wield them all at the same time and he has sneak attack with everything. I think also if we found out that he was like way statted out, but he just got really lucky rolls

and you get a nice gun. There's no way he could kill like four or five people. That's the only thing making me hold back too because the DM did say they were level five. Not real. So if that's, if it's true and they just got lucky with the roles. Yeah.

I think that we should play test this at some point. I do think, yeah. Maybe we need to re-ex, we need to re-litigate this, I think. I guess, yeah. Wait, should we do our first re-enactment? Yeah. We don't have enough stats in front of us.

I don't know if stats in front of us. But I am, I am literally like, I think if they were, I guess if they were grouped together, I'm just, I'm still like, I don't think any melee class that is level five could kill four other melee characters unless they rolled like absolute minimum on their HP every time. It would need to be like, everybody's got 20 HP. You're right. Cause you only have a limited supply of key points and what I'm talking about,

that magic first turn where you get everyone, that's what, one key point per stun and then another two key points for a flurry of blows. Yeah, you had homebrew stuff that gave you like an extra D6 on some attacks. You still, if you hit on everything you did at like level 13, you could do like 35 damage. Yeah, I can maybe take out one.

Yeah. There was some damage boost that was I understand. No, no, no. I'm not trying to do things because are we talking about do you want to come on our show sometime and kill everyone? Yes, please. It would be an honor. Are we ruling against the guest player or the DM? Oh, I'm gonna bring up one point.

I'm gonna see if this, this, this comes a little bit ready. Okay. So one of two things happen, right? He and the guest star got together and decided I'm going to use you as a plot device. For me, that's no different than creating an NPC that you're going to fight and do that with anyway. But on the other hand, if the DM didn't know

this was going to happen and it was just lucky rolls and this guy did just have an asshole build to kill everybody else, then the DM's a gangster because they took this scenario that could be negative and turned into a positive by spinning it into the, so I think it's good DMing. I think it was premeditated.

I think the DM planned it because the monk said, if you want your stuff, go to the king. It seems like the DM was like, I want them to go to the king, take all their stuff so they have to go to the king. It seems like the DM was like, I want them to go to the king, take all their stuff so they have to go to the king. I want them going to the king and humble dog-like play. I'm King Ruff Ruff. Oh no, I slapped him.

I think I'm ruling against the DM, but so lightly just saying that my sentence stands, which is give them their stuff back in a fun way and maybe a rematch could be really fun. We have to go to bail if Jake. Okay, wow. I would go against the DM. Okay.

All right. I think the DM was trying to play God. Suspense. Spoken. I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Justin. It hurt my heart. Is he saying you treat your guests?

Kood, you finally hate me like everyone else. No, no, it was minute one. Slap him like the dog that he is. Okay, so we're gonna do a light punishment for this DM. Maybe, you know what, how about the, justice says that Justice Damon gets to do the punishment since you don't want this DM punished at all. I do.

You can give them the lightest punishment. You get to go into this game as a tri-katana wielding. Whoa. Roaner Azoro style. I'm gonna fly to Madison, Wisconsin and be your guest star just to jack up your home game. I've got three katanas and I'm married so I'm not combined, relationship wise.

Holy shit. There's nothing going on at home. He's like Zorro but he's married. We're in therapy. Shin, shin, shin. Yeah. Uh. Punishment is, oh, I got one. When you go get their stuff back,

whoever you fight there has to be underleveled to your party. Oh. It should be a massacre. That's good. That's dangerous. Throw a bunch of squishies at them. That's fucking balanced. That's good stuff.

Okay, so fucking ordered. So freaking ordered. I, so fucking ordered. So freaking ordered. I took that oath seriously. Yeah, you did. You're still bleeding a lot. Today's episode is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs

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Megan Kay writes, honorable justices and Jersey boy Jack, that's me. It's my favorite sandwich chain. I present to you the case of the bath bomb delay. Whoa. Justices, I started an online Saturday game of Lost Minds to try and help some friends who wanted to play D&D yet never had the chance.

About halfway through the campaign, my friend shared that her friend was also interested in playing. Let's call her Amy. At first, Amy did very- Whenever they redact the name, I always know it's gonna be that. Let's call her.

Yeah. Yeah. Let's see what Amy did. Let's call her Shithead. At first, Amy did very well and was super interested in playing, but slowly her interest began to fade. She started canceling sessions,

loudly talking to her boyfriend during sessions, and in general, just not paying attention. During our final session, she didn't arrive for our 8 p.m. start time. When we messaged her, she stated that she had just drawn a bath and put a bath bomb in. I told her to come to D&D and have her bath later but she insisted she would have to bathe for an hour prior to coming because she already put her bath bomb in. Okay. We were really must bathe.

We were already planning on a shorter session because- The ritual must be an act, you know! Most sumptuous bath. It's bombing as we speak! We were already planning on a shorter session because a few of our players were not feeling well. She conceded that she would only join if someone paid for her bath bomb. What?! Her friend at the table did offer to pay for the bath bomb. What are you doing?! Her friend at the table did offer to pay for the bath bomb. She did join and we played,

although she was very disconnected from the game. Justices, I asked you, should we be obligated to pay for her bath bomb? And should she be allowed to remain in the campaign? I need to know about the relationship between the friend who paid for her bath bomb and her. We know the relationship. Yeah, I can see them in my mind's eye.

They met at Sigma Alpha. There's a power dynamic going on here. We don't know about. One has always been in love with the other one's boyfriend and has never dated anyone. It's so, whenever these questions come up and it's just like, this is not a D and D thing. This is just your rude in real life thing.

Yeah. Yeah. I have a question though. Okay. Have you guys, have you guys used a bath bomb before? I don't know what it is. You don't know what it is? No.

What a crazy word for you to not know what that is. I assumed it was like some kind of- Did you think it was a weapon? No. Yeah. I thought she was doing demo on her back. Yeah, okay. Just like get some salt and herbs and spices. Yeah.

That's probably not the thing. It's just like aromatic. Yeah, it's just like a little ball of like fragrant aromatic stuff that you put and then it dissolves into the bath. Someone gave me one in a can and it had a full dice set in it. Oh wow.

I actually used it after it done. But then after it was over I was like, ah, he's like pee like D4 up my butthole. Wait, it's dice actually use it. But then after it was over, I was like, I was like, yeah, do you throw up my bottle? Dice like came out in the water. Yeah, we was in the bath bomb. And then I was like, oh, this is nice. I was like, how now? It's like stepping on Legos. Elevate in the drain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My daughter had a bath bomb that was like really fun and cute. I had like a little toy inside, but it was pink and red. So at the end of the bath.

Yeah, you don't want to see that. You showed us a picture of that. That was horrifying. Truly horrifying. She come with a warning. Everything's OK. Yeah, we got a fucking horror movie. She did not butcher a chicken in the tub.

I love the hubris on that one. It's so funny. Yeah. It's so funny. Yeah. It's also because to me. Yeah. It's also because you had plans, right? So it'd be one thing if they were like,

okay, we got to do this last minute. We got to move this two hours earlier or something. If somebody has something and you're like, I just drew a bath. I just put a bath bomb in. I don't want to waste it. But it's a humility to lie. Just be like, I'm busy. You don't have to say it with one. Lying would be better than being honest in this situation. What if it's a lush bath bomb?

Those are priceless. Yeah, yeah. But I lowkey love this. I was once in a voiceover session. Robbie. Robbie. Sorry. Robbie.

I'm not in my line. I told you. Robbie. Robbie. Robbie, you are going to give perfect information. You're going to defend bath bombs. I was in a voiceover session, and Eric Mouser came in. We were in Nickelodeon once, and he was like 20 minutes late,

and like, Shown Runners were pissed. And like, he comesodeon once, and he was like 20 minutes late, and like, shown runners were pissed. And like, he comes in the door, and he's just kind of cruising, and like, where were you? And he literally just goes, sorry guys, I was eating chocolate covered almonds. And I was like, that's the most gangster thing I've ever seen!

Great! You gotta get your voice right! Chocolate almonds, do I get your voice right? They're like, good on him. Like, pre half an hour late late and just joyfully saying, I was doing something extremely mundane is kind of fun. Even an apology. There was no apology in this.

There was honestly a threat. Someone needs to pay for my bath bomb. And she was already late. She was late and they're like, are you coming? She's like, I'll be coming after my bath bomb. Let me be clear. I do not like the description of this person. I want to bring up something that bomb. Let me be clear, I do not like the description of this person.

I wanna bring up something that actually really bothers me about this. I'm a huge bath bitch myself, but an hour long bath, how fucking tepid is that water at the end of the bath? I'm mad at you for going over 45 minutes. You gotta be cycling the water. She's probably draining and reheating.

Oh, wow, what a bath hack. You said you're a bath bitch? 45 minutes you got to be cycling the water probably draining and Wow Have you thought about wasting like an extra Yeah, you can just all the way up and leave the drain on Lane the claw tub in your bathroom. It's almost like a shower. Yeah, you just never plug it up ever. Just keep it going. God, I mean, I'll say that's fucking clever. Real bath bombs just know. I actually gotta go take a bath right now.

I actually might need to right now. Unless you wanna pay for my bath bombs. But this seems like- I bet she already took the bath and she was just trying to get everyone to pay for the bath bombs. Oh, it was mom. Okay, so I've only ever,

I think I've only ever received bath bombs as gifts. So what is the upper limit of how expensive a bath bomb could be? I think I've only ever received bath bombs as gifts. So what is the upper limit of how expensive a bath bomb could be? I think you can get into like 30 bucks. Search goop bath bomb, Jake. That's gonna find us the ceiling. Wow, I did find a almost thousand dollar bath bomb.

Is it gold in there? Oh wait, no, I think, sorry, I think this is a bulk apothecary class. That's a lot of bath bombs. It's 1,000 bath bombs for one guy. These expensive ones are for a lot. Church Goop bath bomb. And while you do, I wanna picture what would be the most,

I really am kind of into the idea that you had a bath bomb that you didn't know there was something in. Yeah, we're in the $50 range. Yeah, okay. 50 seems like high end. It's pretty significant. Maybe. We're in the $50 range. Yeah, okay. 50 seems like high end. Maybe it was. 50 seems like high end. But still, it is like, if you have,

let's take this out of D&D. If you're like, we had dinner plans and you're like, I already threw a bath bomb in exactly when we had dinner plans. I'll be an hour late unless you want to pay for my bath bomb. It's nuts. It's a weird confession to be like, I forgot about you.

I'm doing a bath. It also seems like this would have been a perfect excuse to have them not be in the campaign anymore. Yeah, I think- Cause all of the other stuff is like, I get it. You don't want to be confrontational. Somebody's checking out. And you said this was their final session.

Well, here, this is a selfish person. Yeah. This is someone that doesn't belong at that table for a group activity. Yeah. There's self care and then there's selfish care folks. Hey! Thank you, Carl.

Thank you, Carl. Hanging in the bath. I can actually see someone saying that though, like as a self discovery thing. 2025 is all about self-ish care. Me first and only. Take your time. Take a bath bomb. If you can't do it

in the bath bomb length of time, then it's not worth doing. The next time you make plans, throw a bath bomb in and see if they will accommodate you. Your true friends are worth the bath bomb weight. This is the friendship test. Someone sang this on a podcast. Would you help me move?

Would you pick me up at the airport and would you pay for my bath bomb? Yeah. I'm the most powerful person in your friend group. Find out now. Yeah. Establish dominance in your friend group. That is such a, yeah.

How do you win people and get free bath bombs? Yeah. It's a power play pals. Yeah. Such an insane power play. Okay, so I think- It sounds like we're unanimous. We're unanimous.

Yeah, we're absolutely unanimous. That's good, because we've had some tense disagreements so far. So far. Yeah. So far. I like the energy in the courthouse, though. It feels nice. All of our fingernails are digging into the table.

You start me like a dog earlier. Anybody have a good punishment? This person has to play D&D in the bathtub with a bath bomb full of dice. Oh, yeah. Or Amy can never draw bathtub with a bath bomb full of dice. Oh yeah. So many. Or Amy can never draw anything beyond a lukewarm bath again. Oh, that's good.

I would say they should let everyone at the table buy her a bath bomb, but it's a novelty one. It's like, nah, you smell like shit. Yes. Congratulations. Okay. That's good. I was gonna say we hide things in her bath bombs,

like, like, like peppers. Defores. Pe peppers. D4s. Peppers. Oh my God. So that it would get so uncomfortable. Are you fucking about assaulting someone like that? Gentle! Okay, okay.

If anything, it'd probably be a bit exfoliating. What if she's got like a little cut? What are we doing? Okay, fine. Okay, what if we remove her bath and install a stall shower at her house? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

It's all just a little too small for her. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like a motor home one. Yeah. I hate to go off on this now, but shower bombs is like a real potential market that has not been explored yet.

Oh perfect. I got a shower bomb as a gift. You got a shower bomb? I haven't used it yet. How does that work? Do you like attach it to the nozzle up top? I don't know. I looked at it and I was like, you seem like

I have to figure you out. And I put it deep into my cupboard. You put it in a condom, you wrap the condom around the shower head and then you poke it with stuff until it pops. You swing the condom around. After your shower. Yes.

Okay so. It's a freezer like a priest's censor. I mean a good punishment is that you have to figure that out. You have to figure out shower bombs. She has to figure out shower bombs. Yeah. Okay, cool. Because we are removing the toilet. So showered. So. Okay, cool. Cause we are removing it.

So showered. So showered, good luck, Godspeed. Our next case comes from Luna Lust. Luna writes, if it pleases the cuties of the crit and the extra cutie bailiff, Rake. All right. That's kind of me. He's a rakish lad.

Extra cutie but wrong name. I bring, so they're talking about somebody else. I bring you the case of the main character DMs. I have been in this D&D group for a while now and we have three rotating DMs. The DM changes with every new campaign. The problem is that two of the DMs work together to make each other the hero of the campaigns

that they are running. Some examples of this are DM one, letting DM two become an adult dragon with all of its stats to fight the big bad in the air while we spawned on the ground and watched. It's so funny. He got bit by a dragon. He got hurt. Someone becoming a dragon.

Another example, DM-2 stopping a big bad fight to tell us that DM-1 was the only one who could defeat him. Then he made us sit through a long cut scene where he described DM-1 making the ultimate sacrifice that only he could make after a whole campaign of his patron telling him that he was the chosen one. Ultimately, it wasn't even much of a sacrifice because his character stayed alive in a ghostly form. He's insider trading. Basically, yeah. They make the backstory of the DM who is a player at the time intertwined with the main story and even go for long stretches just talking

to each other as if it were something they had rehearsed. Then telling anyone who tries to join in to be quiet. As if it were something that was rehearsed implies that you think it was rehearsed. Two man show. This two man show has gotten so bad that it even started spilling into the third DM's campaign with them literally talking to each other about their backstories while the third DM is trying to narrate their story.

I've brought it up with them and they have said, quote, it's a good story. You're just not getting it. Am I in the wrong for wanting to quit this group? Or am I missing something? You gotta get out. You gotta fucking get out. Is it a good story and you're missing something?

No. You gotta get yourself a bath bomb. Yeah. Or you need to come together. These two need to write a book together as well. Yeah, they should just kiss already. Just write a book. I really feel like just kiss.

Like there's some energy between the two of you that you need, that they need to work out. You can have a two person game. You can have a two person game. It would devolve so quickly. Yeah. Oh yeah, and then you hit the dragon with your mace. It's like, oh I do, I do.

It would get so weird, so quick. I'm growing, I'm an adult dragon now. Yo. I think I feel wings coming out of my back. Ow, ow. Everyone on the ground watching them fight me. I take my shirt off Dragon Playing out with them not sitting down at the table I just wish they would stop getting in on other people's yeah, Yeah. It's like clearly... But I think that's where they get off. Yeah. It's cramped.

Oh, they need an audience. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. So wait, even while one of the others not DMing, the other one's playing. They're just the DMs up ahead, essentially, every time they play. A group that rotates DMs, and then whenever they're DMing for each other, they make each other the chosen one.

You can only. This is very egregious. I could see this happening by accident at first, where it's like, we're the two DMs of the group. So we chat about what we're doing for prep and everything. Maybe throw ideas off of each other. You probably need to. But once people are watching a battle

while they're in the air, while the rest of the party is on the ground, you have to realize something's wrong. You have to realize something's wrong. You have to realize something's wrong. And everyone's mouth is just a game. It is so awesome! I'm breaking into song! I can't help it!

My scales, they're forming! I think sometimes people forget... My transformation, it's so gnarly and beautiful at the same time I think people forget that it's a game blowing fire If it is a rock yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe's entertaining. Everybody roll to see how enamored you are. I actually do want these two people at my table as well. Oh man.

They're making an incredible table. What does the Fed do when someone does insider trading? Cause I feel like we have to like face our punishment off. I think they show up in windbreakers for sure. Okay. Okay, then we're they show up in Windbreakers, for sure. OK. First thing. OK, then we're going to show up in Windbreakers. This is actually kind of opposite of a punishment for us.

I love Windbreakers. Uh-huh. Oh, right. Oh. So we all get Windbreakers. We stop. We raid their house, and we're like, give us your notebooks. Hands away from your notebook.

They digitally lock their accounts? Yeah. Like, you're out of your D&D Beyonds route. You're locked out. We get access to their text thread. Yeah. We get- You don't want to see that

between the two of them. You don't want to see it. I do. I know. We get access to their PCs and we can just sync their PCs. Oh. We can just narrate the least epic shit.

The guy who became a dragon is like, I'm reverting. I'm reverting to smaller than I was before. I'm becoming a salamander. Not even a giant one. I'm challenger rating 116. It's not sexy. It's not sexy. Yeah. Okay. So if we take control of all their PCs. Okay. Yeah. Can our jackets, can our jackets say fed D and D on the back? Yeah. Okay. So we de-level them. Then the wife from the other campaign comes in and says, you're a weak DM. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we get windbreakers.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, what is, are those windbreakers in the corner? Yeah. They're not ready. We're It's, it's what are those windbreakers in the corner? Yeah. They're not ready. We're ready. Yeah. What aviator size do you wear? Dragon size. I just need holes for my dragon wings. I'm giant, but I can still build my sword so I can do extra

attacks. I have two katanas. These guys suck. Yeah, you have to absolutely not play with these people anymore. The fact that it got to the point where you said like, hey, this is weird, meant that they had already gotten in the way so much

and then their response was absolute bullshit. Yeah, like bless you for even going to them. Because I don't even think I would have advised, like talk to them. I would have told you to get out without. Yeah, but you guys have rewritten the last Jedi together. Yeah. Like that's a guarantee.

Yeah. You just wouldn't get it. Yeah. They're one session away from having their own language that you can't comprehend. Oh my God, don't teach these guys about thieves can't. They will spend a 45 minute made up language. Yeah.

All right. They're being de-leveled. The D&D Beyond accounts are being frozen. I think that if you can stay in this campaign, if you want, but you have to go there being like, I am here to collect stories to make other people laugh. Yes. Oh, that's good. You can stay in this campaign, but you have to tell us everything about it from now on. Yes. You need to make other people laugh. Yes. Oh, that's good.

You can stay in this campaign, but you have to tell us everything about it from now on. Yes. You need to be our informant. I'm in Naruto and I am not Naruto. That is what you have to accept. That feels like a personal attack, actually. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I wanna be in fucking Demon Slayer. Yeah. Yeah. I made his swords, okay? Yeah. It's a pretty cool role. I want to be in fucking Demon Slayer. I made his swords, okay? It's a pretty cool role. Okay, so that's the punishment. So ordered. And now, of course, Justice Damon, we step into church. You're comfortable with that, right?

Yes, myself. I'm becoming a bishop! I'm becoming a bishop! There's no new ozone. My head's so tall. My bishop wings and my bishop claws. And your old Oz cherry's over there. My bishop breath! Rawr!

My raiments, my raiments, they're so pure! I'm a naughty little bishop. All right, this confession comes from Ally. Dear noble justices on high and their part-time intern douche. All right, this confession comes from Ally. Dear noble justices on high and their part-time intern douche. I feel like that was like a step too far. I have a Dice of Christ confession.

My friends and I started our campaign at 15. We all still play together 12 years later. Wow. That's amazing. Yeah. That's right. And I've shared many wonderful memories at the table. How'd you fuck up? 12 years later. Wow. That's amazing. Yeah. That's right. I love it. And have shared many wonderful memories at the table.

How'd you fuck up? We'll see. However, one memory haunts me from when we were 15 and I experienced my first character death. Needless to say, I was distraught and much to my shame, I did not handle it well. Okay, okay. My character was called Sky and only wanted to quote,

be an outlaw, which translated to him stealing openly, attacking anyone who disagreed with him at the drop of a hat, hitting dogs, just kidding. Very good, very good. And even killing a saloon owner who wouldn't give him a free beer. He was a true maniac and I was the kind of player I wouldn't let within a mile of my table now.

Okay, that's not your 15. Yeah, gotta get it out. Skye was arrested and eventually executed by a sheriff. Shh. What? This was a fair. By a who? This was a fair and good in World Way.

For the DM to kill. I think that speaks to how much of a shit they were. Execution was fair and good. This guy sucks. I feel like it's such a D&D trope to be about to be executed and then escape. They were execution was fair and good D&D trope to be about to be executed and then escape that someone went through the whole process It was like I had a trial I lost my drive to appeal The floor did drop out Execution is gonna roll attack damage

to chop off your head. This was a fair and good and world way for the DM to deal with my shit head character. Unfortunately, this was not the end of Sky as 15 year old me made another character called Sky who was essentially the same person. This started a series of five Skies I played. Five Skies?

Five Skies. Five guys? Five guys. Five guys. Each one more unhinged and unhelpful than the last. All died in a variety of very justified ways. The last two. I love a penitent person who's just coming being like, hey man, I deserved it. Sky sucked.

But just imagining playing, I know you were 15, so you're all good. But imagining playing with this person for 12 years, where they're like, I keep playing the same guy. I keep killing everyone. Sky's like, no, it's different. It's Sky with two eyes this time. It's Sky five.

All died in a variety of justified ways. The last two were killed by other PCs. Oh, Jiminy. Justified murders by their PCs, insane. I love your adult awareness that you were wrong. It's pleasing to hear. I want to know how long it went on, though. Is this past 14?

Yeah, it was the last. I know you're not done yet. I'm not done yet. Were you 16, or were you 20? I got 20 of that when I was 28. Something tells me the fact that PCs were killing them. I think the Skies were lasting three sessions. The last two Skies had to just be undone immediately.

There is at a point you are just like a revenant and you're just coming back constantly. Like the last one could have been like, hi everyone, I'm Skye. I attack. Yeah, push in Skye. After a talk with my DM, I saw the error of my ways and I made a reasonable character who engaged

with the world and campaign collaboratively. But I still think of the skies sometimes, and I feel nothing but shame and embarrassment. I hope one day to earn Dice Christ's forgiveness for the session after session I derailed with my series of edgelords. My child, you have. You are forgiven.

You're all good. We are all edgelords. Sky's the limit. Oh yeah. Sky was the limit and you understood that. And you got past your limit. The fact that they and you understood that. Yeah, and you got past it. The fact that they feel remorse means they learned their lesson.

We have a lot of submitters to D&D court that are acting like Sky and they're in their 30s. Yeah. And doing it with like strangers at game stores. So you're good. You know the most powerful thing in this world is redemption. Yeah. There is a possible world where when you're mature enough,

you build the final sky. Oh, wow. And sky has learned their lessons. And you redeem yourself via your character. I think it's possible. That's healing. Sky come back. I think it's time for Sky.

Or are we the devil on this person? Let's bring back sky. Kill them all. This is a great party kill. Kill them all. Totally party kill. Kill them all. All right. Good stuff. Amazing.

So forgiven. So forgiven. That's all for this episode of D&D Court. We'll be doing some fun bonus stuff. We're gonna do Tortle Tank over there. That's right. Yeah. Over on Patreon.com slash NADDPOD.

That's N-E-D-D-P-O-D. Don't sing yet. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Robbie, do you have anything you'd like to plug? I think I'm bleeding out. No. I don't know when this thing come out.

I don't know. This week. Oh, sweet. Then please go onto Steam and check out Date Everything. Yeah. You can add it to your wish list and yeah. Come hang out with us. It's a fun game.

Hell yeah. Emily, did you do voices for that too? Yes. I don't know if it made it in. Shut up! Really? Okay. I'm just kidding. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What better place to say you're amazing in the game? I didn't know, you never know if you make the final cut. You are unannounced except for now. Whoa! That's right. You heard it here first. Fuck, I got to break embargo, yes!

If you wanna hear more of this, like. I'm immediately texting our PR team. This episode will never see the light of day. No, you're amazing. The windbreakers are outside the window. They come for us. They took my steam code. All right, you can follow us on social media. They may or may not use at CH1ME, at ixredemily,

at calledeasecaldwell, at jkherwichisjake and Robbie what are your socials? I'm Robbie Damon or Robbie dangerous. Don't ask I was 15 when I did that. Fine, we are the youth of the nation! Just a joke from episode one that we never sound through. Oh, I didn't get the cue! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-d Later McSkater Matt M. Cutter W. Jeff C. Daniel G. Danielle the Dastardly Dame Carpe Liam Bryant Victor T. aka Balners Boy Hoyd's Friend Justin I Danny Danster TJM Trelae the Cray Christopher B. Damule R. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald Targot Stevie Wags.

Hellish Rebuke-er PhD. Princess Yar. Jory S. Rachel from Animorphs. Jack L. Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bohemia. Mike H. Alka Smeltzer Plus. Great Value Gemma. Tyler F. Herodrion. Carbro Chapel Hill FPV.

Rex Thaneal the White. Cici Lulu. Old Cobb's Dunkle. Haradrian. Carbro Chapel Hill FPV. Rex Thaneal the White. Cici Lulu. Old Cobb's Dunkle. Older Burn. Hercuil Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective. Timmy R. Raiko. Calder Comes Cold. Shout out to the Cold Cum Companions.

Frosty Facial. Taylor B. Maybe the Real Treasure was the friends we made along the way. Cass Strong Grinch, Stephen, and then there's something I think French. That, according to a translator, says, I like dark beer. C. Mike K. Nick W. William W. Big Bad Beard-O-The-Mad. Eric McD. Ananarama. Percival Fredrickstein, von Musel Klosowski De Rolo III, J. Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock, Jocelyn M, Ben A, Dave H, Dustin S, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Book Vars Assistant, ICF, Big Bad John, DPC is Awesome, Hashtag Honor the Cock,

Sean the Shade Tree Mechanic of Z Zobel dar summer rose aka Grand tear Mark the Dark Lord's taint cat see Misa of house and Zunza Ariel the occasional mermaid Selena and aka valacy Raptor be perky always Pat L Maxwell J Lauren H serve 16 Annie the Feywild therapist Connor s Lauren H. Serv 16 Annie the Feywild Therapist Connor S. Saleel

Bioquart 7 Amber Dextrous Trub Hopdropper Jack H. King of the Mole People under Iron Deep Dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament Valen Podge

The Bitchin' Bunny Bard Carlin C. Noah the Bullywug Boy Hashtag Honor the Cock James G. EverythingBago The Elad Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey. Reverend Chatterbones.

Han. Eric B. Marcos, learns the balance druid. Frieda M. Maggie. Holly the green laughing hyena, finally caught up to the duck team. Akash T.

Cal knows you're listening, Ricarda. Comma wink. Aaron B. Russell H. A monk named Dilgo. Yes, the whole thing. Yes, every time. Cody C. Lorelai the succubi.

And Kyra the succulent snack. McKenna Stout. Your friendly neighborhood yaunt and yunkle Andrew and Sid. John Adams didn't win the vote, but won your heart. Meg the mail carrier of Bohemia. James F. Austin S. Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 62.

Keep them, turn to page 69. Shane C. Barbo Goodbarrel, Bard Barian. Welshlander, Garrett G., AKA One Big Curd. Renee the Monster Captain. Olivia the Enchanting Bard. And Jarrett, the soap opera cleric, who are playing Stick It to the Man down with the Monarchy.

Winterslade Fico Gareth the Artificer Damon, son of that one merchant named John Anthony the Raddest of Dudes Jay The Fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo Cantrip Dumbledore the bear onesie wearing barbarian Lexi loves the two crew. Thank you, Lexi. Roger L, NoDrog, the pacifist barbarian. Gino T, Gianluca, Tristan, the talentless hunk.

Shanannigan's O'Connor, Mios, the great. Joshua S, Alexander, Linz W, Johnny Dude K. Pavu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile. Tim M. MLG Cheeto. Shell B. Kenna's first favorite sprite girl kicking off 2025 seeing D20 live at MSG dressing up as Sophia Lee. Looking forward to seeing you Shell B. Snailus who's infecting Worchester from within.

Pawpaw Skydays. MeeMaw Skydays. Megan N N Anthony B Savannah H Balnor's best friend Steve Stephanie of House and Zoonza Benjamin A Gimli the Corgi Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend Mikkel A Josh Hole Pilot of the Nightmare Verse flight Froakie

The Two Crew Blew Through Jennery Ethan the Mailman Maple the Shy Bookworm Ashesaurus, Seth E., Billy Batson, Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, Michael L.S. the Second, Carl B. Plumber of the Realm, Dax Riddlewell, Hannah A., Ra, Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg, Darius D. The Guy From That One Thing, Troy's Mom, Vin Diagram, GKC, Teehee, Teehee, Catamelius, The Consumed, Bard of Holding, Clinton P.,

Grinchful, Cam, The Grinch Frog Man, Dean, Jake W., Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, The Choose Your Own Adventure Writer, not The Porn Star, Steve L., Tyler McEm, Alex G. Zibba Da Bakery Nicole Katarina C. Lady Jacqueline P. of Castle Whitestone Greg W. wants the D20 Truck Nuts Jake thought up Baruk Thunderhelm 5th generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide

And finally, Chupac Aubrey Thank you so much to all of our listeners, Thank you so much to all of our listeners. Thank you so much to all of our Patreon subscribers. And of course, thank you so much to our benevolent council of elders. We'll be over on our Patreon with the after show. In the meantime, we'll see you all next time. That was a hate gum podcast.