Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Dramatic Dice Trays, Enrazzment, and The Family Fun Mix

Episode Date: May 21, 2026

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, along with Bailiff Jake, as they pass judgement on your trials at the table!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Dungeon. Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon. Welcome to Dungeon Court, everybody. Dun, Don, Don. We are your supreme crit justice's Murphy, Axford, Tanner. And let's face it, he's just lowly, lowly bailiff. Just two?

It's just two. It feels uncomfortable with just two. I don't know. It's been a minute. Rule of three. In a minute. Me and Jake. just don't feel very close right now,

so I feel like I can't razz them because, like, we're barely friends or acquaintances at this point. Oh, wow. Wait a second. Now I'm insulted. Now I'm actually insulted. I noticed the distance, but I didn't know if you guys did this. That you were projecting the distance. We've got to go to a couple dinners so Murph can be mean to me. It's true, and Jake is wearing a super interesting hat on stream today.

Yeah. It seems like it's ripe for razzing. That's right. I'm thrown off because sometimes he does wear interesting hats, but that one, that hat was a bit. It's not a real hat. It's a false hat. Caldwell made up a false hat.

It's a false hat operation. Yeah, my head's naked today. Yeah. And honestly, that's the problem. It looks disgusting. Put a hat on you. One time you wore an orange, like, Parapa the Rapa beanie. Yeah.

It was really interesting. Yeah. It was a pretty interesting hat. What's everyone's most interesting hat that they own that you, like, try to pull off, but you know that you really can't? Oh, I definitely got a couple bucket hats. Oh, yeah? He's got some interesting hats. I've got, you guys got me a dungeon-docent bucket hat for Hot Boy Summer.

Which I have never seen you rock. It's true. I have rocked it. I brought it to New York with me. Really? It was packed. I got you a Sonic the Hedgehog bucket hat. I think I saw you at Labain, the club at 4 a.m.

Yeah. I was drinking Moa and Shandin out of my bucket hat. Can I get hat service? That's what that means. Yeah. Ooh, that's good. Bucket service. Okay.

Hear ye, hear ye. Crit is now in session. The Honorable. Supreme Crit Justices, Axford Murphy, and Tanner are of course presiding. Wait a second. We didn't hear,

we didn't hear Caldwell's most interesting hat. We don't need to run down the interesting hat. No, I just realized the audience, as I said that, I would say 95% of the audience

was screaming at the audio already. Tell us about that. But we didn't hear Caldwell's. Caldwell asked the question so he could talk about his interesting hat, I imagine. He actually was an interesting hat guy at one point.

This is the thing. Yeah. is I used to have an interesting hat. I used to be a newsboy cap guy. Oh, I think I do call that. And I feel like I don't know what my, what my like future version of that is because I feel like one day I will get back.

You can go back there. Old man with a page boy cap is iconic. Right. I did, you know. I hope you didn't throw it away. I lost it in a cab and Sue silently rejoiced that. Yeah. But it's true.

I just turned 40 or I'm turning 40 very soon. So maybe I could get back to it. When you're 63, it's coming back. Yeah. It's more of a 63. You know what I should do. is I should get like a glass case. Yeah.

Break on your 63rd birthday. Yeah, well, we'll get it for you now, and you can hang on to it. Breaking case of 63. Whoa. It's really good. Okay. Now... I'm going to be so horny for it.

Now we can actually return to it. We didn't do MRF yet. I don't have any interesting hats. My head only fits like trucker hats, essentially. Yeah, the mesh. He didn't bring it up. I felt like since you brought it up, the audience was screaming. They were screaming for it.

Jake, please read a case. Okay. Well, I will. as soon as I talk about my interesting hat. Shit, Jake might actually have an interesting hat. I actually have a lot of interesting hats. Jake's definitely got one of those little like bike caps

that you wear on bike rides. It's got the super... Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah, he's a gear guy. Yeah, yeah, I do have one of those. Okay, Jackson F. writes, dear superfluous judges

and awesome hat bailiff James. Whoa. What? No, really? No, no, I threw that in. This can't be... I'm freaking out. They did write awesome bailiff James.

I was like, you are a prophet. I present to you the case of the leftover chips. I've been playing with the table of friends that I've known for years, and I joined their home game about a year ago. We meet every other week on Sundays to play, and it has been good. The problem lies... Just forced at gunpoint. Not great.

It's been good, not great. The problem lies in our snack assortment. Each player is expected to bring a snack slash drink to each session. That way we have a variety of things to enjoy. However, our human fighter, let's call him John, has had issues with this. He's been bringing big boxes of individual snack chips. But when they are not finished or only the subpar snacks are left, i.e. Funnians and Fritos, he claims that he should not have to buy snacks again until all the chips are gone,

as they would, quote, last longer than most snacks. We have had some heated arguments about this. And I wanted to ask your opinions on our snack squabble. I put myself at the mercy of the crit. This is a great one to start off. So is John purposely sabotaging the snacks that he brings by specifically bringing ones that last longer so he can repackage them? I think John is bringing those like big variety packs of chips and like the Cheetos are

getting eaten, the laser getting eaten. Right. But the funions and the Fritos. Which, yeah. Crazy to say that Fritos aren't atop to your chip. I thought that those were both a wild swing to say, oh, no one wants them, but here we are. Yeah, especially like D&D. I'm eating snacks I would never consider eating at D&D.

I definitely, I think Frito's are top tier. Funions I could take or leave, but I feel like they have a cult following. You would think somebody at the table would want them. I kind of think, okay, my suggestion is about to coddle John, so I apologize for that. But if anyone in your crew enjoys cooking for the hangouts, you've got Frito pie you can make. You can make like chicken tenders with a sort of funnier. I said if they liked you already. But John brought the funny.

John brought them. But I'm saying that also gets rid of it so John has to show up yet again. There's at least 30 recipes you can make with Frito's. Yeah. Frito pie. Frito casserole. You could require John to make a dip.

Frito cream. Oh, that's a good idea. If John brings a dip, the Funnians get better. The Fritos get better. Yeah, that's different, I would say. Yeah. If you make something out of it. Yeah, I think, I really think this is open and shut.

Make John bring a dip. Oh, you make John make a dip. They're also like mini bags, right? I don't think you're making anything out of it. I don't think you make a Frito pie out of one tiny bag. But it sounds like there's a surplus of chips. Well, aren't they? Presumably, it's like a snack pack.

Yeah, but I think it's a big one. If John's bringing like nine huge bags of chips, then what the fuck are we talking about? No, no, no. John's bringing a Costco sampler. Costco sampler. How big is a Costco sampler? They could be huge. We have to look at this.

Because if it's huge, then what the fuck are we talking about? John's a scene. It is true. But I'm thinking it's just this like little, yeah, it's, it's, a little sampler and there's a bunch of duds in there. I'm seeing boxes of like 50 bags. There's no way that that's what this is. It's absolutely that.

He's bringing 50 bags. Why is this a case then? He's bringing the Frito-Lay classic mix variety package. Then John rocks. Then John rocks. But I think the problem is... End of case. The problem is John is saying that he is exempt from bringing future snacks because he

brought a Costco sampler once. Yes. That's what we're saying. He's trying to... John bought in bulk and he's showing up every single week with the same. With the same diminishing box. God, he's wanting his cost. I apologize.

Yes, Murphy, you've been all over. You got so heated. You need to take a sip of coffee because you're not there yet. You choked Caldwell, dude. We cut it out. We cut it out, but you choked him for 30 seconds. I get up like these scratches at live shows. I'm still thrown off by how many bags of chips John Brought.

Okay, so let me read what's in the classic sampler. You got Doritos, Fritos, classic lays, Cheetos, Doritos, barbecue lays, and cheddar and I think some sort of onion ruffles. That's not it. That's not it because there's no funnions. So we haven't We haven't found it. We haven't found the chip sampler, but we have put into Murph's mind that there can be a 50 pack of chip

sampler. Where are we getting? Did he, it said Costco? No, he did. We just all happen to know what that is and you apparently don't. So you guys are just fucking wrong. It wasn't this thing. I have it now. It's the Frito Lay Snacks Family Fun Mix. Frito? Okay.

Okay, I'm Googling this. Frito Lay's. It's got Lays. It's got Cheetos. Two types of Cheetos. It has Fritos. It has Furnas. This is no fucking joke.

Yeah. Oh, wait. No, no, no. Okay. No, no. This could be a fucking joke. Because there's 42 counts. There's 28 counts.

There's 18 counts. Okay. 18 counts is still a lot. No matter what, this person is showing up. You showed up with a extended family size pack. Right. And then saying, I shouldn't have to bring anything, even though the snacks that everyone's hyped

about have depleted. And now they're staring at Fritos and Funions, which they are not enjoying. I got the 18 pack. There's still four bags of chips in here. Exactly. There's still chips left, says John. That's kind of enough to make like a small skillet Frito pie. I do.

Yeah, Emily. And we're back. Emily's right. I have a tiny little cast iron that's part of the first. making one egg. Yeah. You can make a tiny like personal pan, frito pie.

Yeah. God. Again, I wonder why you had that. This is if someone else in your crew does enjoy the process of cooking for Dean and I. If not, then John's got to make a dip.

Right. I think John has to make a dip. Regardless. Certainly. I will also say this is, I'm not going full on devil's advocate here, but I do want to say that the leftover funnions could be used as like status rings for your minis.

Oh, that's really good. I was thinking of writing some chicken tenders. I'm saying John throw out the extra bags. We're saying you got to buy a new family fun pack. Or, hey, let's face it, if people don't like two out of the freaking five things in this pack or two out of the six things in this pack, quit buying the family fun pack. Quit buying the family fun pack. Because it's not that fun for your family. If they all love the Cheetos, then buy a bag of Cheetos rather than a family fun pack in which they have to fight over the Cheetos.

Yeah, that's true. You got to buy some voodoo chips, man. You got to get some zaps up in the mix. A family fun pack is fun because everyone's finding out what works. for them, but at a certain point, the family knows each other enough. Let's say it was probably the family fun mix with 18 bags. That's what I think too. How many weeks do you think that lasts you? That lasts you two, I think. Two weeks for 18? I think you could bring, I think you could bring 18. I'm just saying, yeah, it's also crazy to be. Because there's other snacks. So I don't think people

are demolishing like four bags each. Yeah. What is the best thing to do with these leftover funions? I'm really hung up on the leftover funnions. John is not, John is bringing boxes of reused funnions that no one wants. is not making a dip. I know that the holidays are pretty far away, but I could see like a Funnian ring, like decking your tree with like, like how they do like popcorn string, but Funnion string for your Christmas tree.

Funyon towers? Yeah. Oh, that's extra year. A flame and Funion tower. This is really putting the Funnian family fun. Yeah. Yeah. Fun young.

Oh, that'd be nice. It's like you have like a taper candle in the middle and as it burns down, it's lighting the funnions on fire. So you get like a nice. onion-y or a room? Did your science teacher ever do that? No. With funions? We were learning about calories or like, you know, energy in like science one time. I think in like, you know, chemistry class. And our teacher just took a funnion and lit it on fire. Awesome. Because they're just like so

dense with calories. Really? Really? Whoa. Did it smell amazing? It did. And it did set off the sprinklers and we had to go outside for the rest of the day. Whoa, that's actually awesome though. I would have had such a good day. You ruined all the computers and school went under. Yeah, it ruined. my teacher's interesting hat. Okay. Okay. So what are people saying? Because me personally, I would, I would be open to them being like, oh, how about

this counts for two sessions? Two is fine. But I think once there's, once there's no excitement for the Funnians or the Fritos, unless someone wants to make it individual Frito Pai. John's not doing that. John needs to make a dip to move this bunk product. John needs to stop buying freaking family fun packs because it just is not that fun. if people don't like most things.

Frankly, they don't like goddamn near half the chips. John's statement is that he should not have to buy snacks again until all of the chips are gone. And I think that's wrong. That's wrong. You know what? You're right. You don't get to, just because it's a box of quote unquote family fun,

let's apply this to like a regular bag of chips. If you're just like, you guys, you idiots need to all suck down the dust before I buy a new bag of chips. Lick the bag, guys. This is nuts. Yeah. Yeah. He's asking you to look.

lick the bag. That's what he's doing. Make a beautiful necklace out of funions. Then we're done. Then we're done. Yeah. Okay. So I mean, I think we have to punish John. I mean, I do think that making a dip to sell the chips that no one like to, you know, I mean like make them exciting to the people who feel unexcited by them. Yeah. It's going to be a punishment for John. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. I feel like that's how John makes good, but I want him to hurt. I want him to love.

No, John, that's fair. John needs to make a layer dip that equivocates to every type of Chip he bought. So that's probably going to be what? How many chips were in the back? I think it was more than 18. I think it was more than 18. We don't, why do you think it was more than 18? They're getting written into it for dungeon court. I think John was like, this is a hack. I won't have to buy a snack for a year. But John has a incorrect way of thinking because John thinks people should suck down funny and dust as opposed to eating snacks that they like. So John's thinking is flawed. Okay, fine. I also sentence John to make an individual frito pie in an individual skill.

John has to make an individual free to pie and I think John's got to buy this fucking 50 pack that you guys were saying John pot. I was saying this is all John can eat now. I'm saying John can just eat family fun mix and see how John likes it. I think that John needs to bring this family fun pack to his family. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. And only eat that. And then see how fun it is. kids.

See how long the fun last. Yeah. All right. Cool. So order. That's all your family can eat. But also make a dip and an individual frito pie in an individual skillet. So if you don't have one of those, I personally don't.

I've only seen them at restaurants. You're going to have to borrow Caldwells. You are going to have to be extended family too. Extended family. You guys get a family fun mix. 18 pack. Make it last. All right.

So ordered. Our next case comes from Rook. Rook writes, dear honorable justices, Axford, Murphy, and Tanner, as well as the questionable but endearing court bailiff Jake. Thanks. Wow. This was several years ago during one of the first campaigns I'd played, so I was still pretty new. I was playing a cleric and the party was in a church when a fight broke out. The crowd immediately started panicking and fleeing. During my turn, I cast an area of effect spell. I don't remember which one on a group of bad guys. The DM asks, are you sure? This, of course,

gave me pause, but I couldn't figure out why I wouldn't cast the spell. I spent a full 10 minutes going back and forth with both the DM and my own party trying to figure out why this was a bad idea. But even my own party refused to tell me. So I gave up and did it anyway. Lo and behold, there were still civilians in the church

and I ended up killing five innocents and injuring another. And no one told you? This ended up affecting how the rest of the town treated us. The rest of the party gave me shit for this at the time and they still maintain they're in the right and continue to razz me. to this day. Let's all take a moment to clap for this awesome DM that tricked their players. Got them.

By nature of the game, you can't actually see because it's all pretend. So we fucking tricked them. You got them. That's some family fun right there. That fucking rocks. That's a family fun pack right there. And let's give it up for the players too. Right.

We're not helping. For being. They know who's not helping. This new didn't understand the game. God. Yeah. Wow. That's right.

You ever just like hand someone a controller upside down? and not plug it in and be like, you don't know how to play the game, you idiot. I invited you over to have a bad time. Yeah, here, have some funny and dust. Choke on that. Choke on that. I'm not buying anything else. Waters for critters.

They continue to razz me to this day, but I thought all the people had fled the church. And while I don't necessarily blame the DM for not telling me, should my party have at least helped. Yeah. I think everyone. And do they still have razzing rights? I leave this up to the court.

This is... Okay, if they all knew that it was someone in there, you essentially were like, let's imagine you're actually on the battlefield. It's you being like, hey, am I cool to go after the church? And then a bunch of people seeing innocent civilians in there and being like, it's up to you, dude.

Yeah. Your call should it find out. Did you be so funny if you did this? Yeah. The only... Yeah, I guess they're probably more complicit. Yeah. For sure.

Yeah. Not even that. just like knowing homicide. Right. It would be like, I don't know, it would be like someone asking for directions and you being like drive through that store over there. Yeah.

Is it possible they crave to the drama? No, because now they're razzing the person. Yeah. They wanted to raz and they couldn't earn it. They couldn't earn it the right way. Yeah, you had to trick someone into a rass. Manufactured RAS. Yeah, this is a manufactured razz.

This is an absolutely bigger than a funer. Canned razzing. And Rasmitt. In Rasmitt. You were in Razz. You're in Razd. Which is actually like illegal. Yeah, this is, there's, there's no, the DM should just tell you what the room looks like.

Like that's just the DM's job. Right. One thing I will point out, and I don't want to commit fully to this. Sure. It feels off, but they did mention that they didn't remember what spell they cast. They kind of called. About the years ago. It was years ago.

Yeah, I think they say a few years back and they were a new player. So I think it's just hazy. I would say the only thing I would call this player, out about is if you're sitting there for 10 minutes on your turn and everyone's just like, we're not going to say anything and you still commit to that, that's kind of an interesting choice. Right. Yeah, that's true. That's true. If I saw, but you'd need to be razzed for that, I think. Like, we were all trying to trick you and you still got tricked. Yeah, we made it really obvious. Like, we made it really obvious. For 10 minutes, your gut was screaming, I'm being tricked.

And you said, I'm going to not listen. Yeah. But still, I just, I think this is just, you need to be razzed about that specifically. No, but I think that there's no, I think there's no lawful Razz in here. Yeah, no, no, no, it's in Rasmint, you're right. 10 minutes is a long time to debate this, though. It's a long time, but 10 minutes. Guys, what are you doing?

It could have been a minute. They wanted you to kill those innocents so bad. They really wanted to kill those. This is a new player. Yeah. Okay. I get an entire Frito pie in 10 minutes. You could make one in 10 minutes.

Yeah. Make and consume. In my tiny little pan. Yeah, I guess also if everyone's just. Because it's just for one. It cooks so quick. It's just so quick. If everyone is being quiet, I guess you are just like, everyone here is fucking with me.

So sometimes you don't even know how to take it. And it's true. Like sometimes when you're like, everyone's fucking with me, you kind of just got to follow through. Be like, all right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Because you probably are like at a certain point. Like, if they're not telling me not to, then there can't be a reason not to. Like, if it was going to kill people, they would tell me not to.

It's just straight up how, like, the game just works. by the DM telling you what's there. Like, you're just, you're not actually an elf, you know what I mean? Like, it's just, this is just what the game is. Fair. I am an elf. Speak for your elf, Murph. Yeah.

We're all actually elves. Sometimes I play a dwarf, but I'm an actual elf. Our ears, we've glimmered them to be sure. You fool. We've been, we've been toying with you this entire time. I'd be so mad if you guys are elves and I was a human. That would suck. We'll be playing for another 200 years.

You are merely a pawn in our current game. This is a simple fay trick that we like to play. The long con, as it were, the council shall be pleased with our mirth. This is why I scurry to the woods at night. Have you never noticed all the milk baths I take between recordings, mirth? All right, I take it back. I actually don't want to be an elf with you guys. All right, so this is in Rasmid.

This is cladish. Why are people trying to trick their friends so bad? Especially a new player. And also, it should be on your best behavior. Just trying to trick people with the mechanics of the game is so fucking weird. It's like playing a video game in the tutorial, just being like, I'm going to tell them it's triangle to punch when it's not. Yeah.

Like, triangle makes you use a health potion. It'd be so subversive. That'd be so subversive. Oh, that sucks when you use a health potion, but you meant to punch. Yeah. I do it all the time, Resident Evil record. That's the worst. Always pressing that right bumper.

You thought you were pressing triangle, but you pressed square. I know everyone's dead and it's your fault. You fucking idiot. Seven people sitting around making fun of that person. So what about us a punishment? All of these players and the DM are sentenced to have all of the buttons in their every single console controller switch around. I love that. Oh.

And then a gaggle, the peanut gallery. The peanuts gang, in fact, make fun of them. Spark Charlie. Can you imagine someone so deeply sad rasing you? If Charlie Brown just went in on you, like he flips. Like suddenly there was a life in his eye that you've never seen before. And he starts off by saying, I'm sick of the shit. And he looks you in the eye and just goes off on every one of your insecurity.

Charlie Brown tore me a new one. Sparky's whole crew came out. Charlie Brown just says, fuck it. He looks at you and goes, you're a bad dad called well. Franklin, bad me up. No one else is saying it, but I will. Everyone's thinking it. Why are you letting him talk to me like this?

And Linus just fucking backs him up. What are you going to do? Hit us with your tiny skillet. It's perfect for one egg. They're children. You can't hit them with a skillet. It's a child-sized skillet, I say. All right?

Pepper and patty's strong. I could whack her, right? Yeah, okay. That's true. She'd be fine. She'd overpower you. I've seen her on the field. She'll overpower you.

She'll overpower you. She'll make me eat that skillet. Yeah. So the Peanuts gang. Uh-huh. Peanut's gang rises you. Okay. Yeah, getting roasted by the Peanuts Gang while their controllers betray them.

Okay. Yeah, good luck playing Progmata now. And then Peppermint Patty wails on you with a tiny skill. Yeah. Yeah. Pepperman Patty then kicks your ass silently. Uh-huh. She doesn't even, you don't even hear her say Chuck.

She doesn't even talk to you. Wordlessly. Excellent asking sir. Yeah. Charlie Brown just goes off on you. They basically like. Pepperman Patty just stewing walks past him like she's been thinking about killing you the whole time and then beats your ass. And eventually the other peanuts crew tells her to calm down.

Hey, come on. He's not worth it. Pigpin shoves dirt up your nose. You're done. Okay, so ordered. Our next case comes from The Good Ending. They write, For the beautiful boy and my best friend Job and the trio of terror, I bring you the case of the every class and subclass.

A few years back, I attempted my first ever campaign as a DM. It was with a group I had been a player in, but the DM wanted a break, so I stepped in. I asked all my players to come up with characters and backstory, and I said that I would allow some homebrew it would just have to be approved by me. Well, one of my players, a very passionate player, took this as homebrew was 100% on the table and proceeded to create a wizard character who had the ability to, at every rest, change classes and at every show. short rest change subclasses. No. He also, can't he just say no?

If this DM, if this, if the DM let this happen, it's the DM's fault. Because this is wild. He also had come up with an admittedly cool but long and complicated backstory he had spent a weak writing. I was charmed. Having a player so invested in the world was amazing. But I told him that the idea of the character was just too overpowered. How was I supposed to plan encounters if he could just change who he was every rest?

He promised not to abuse the power. And he had already been working on all 13 character sheets and said he would not make him too powerful. I put my foot down and I told him no. Yeah. And he began to ghost me on Discord for a few nights. Oh, not in Discord. I will admit, I do believe he would have tried to make it fair, but I found it far too overwhelming for a first time DM. Yeah.

And it just felt wrong. He came back with a real character, a monk who was very cool, but I could tell for the whole campaign that he was disappointed not to play as Wizard of many faces. So I ask you, was I right to destroy my friend's passion project of a character? Or should I have let the chaos of the multi-class class into my game? No, I think you did exactly the right thing. It was such a bad idea that had you allowed it, we would have blamed you. I also think that though your friend might have had fun doing that, it's possible that

everyone at the table would, it would have made it more difficult for people at the table to sink their teeth into the world. if one of the mainstays of the party was constantly changing and they couldn't keep up. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, even if they were just that overpowered, if you come and you're like, oh, hey, if it's Homebru, can I have like a plus one sword that casts a spell? Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, sure. Okay, great. My character is 14 different classes. Yeah. I feel like, I feel like there is a compromise you could have made where you're like, either choose you can change your subclass on like a long rest or you can become one other class after a long rest, but it's limited to you have maybe two different character sheets. And even that, even that would be you really stretching yourself.

For sure. There has to be things that you can, you can make this character with like flavor because wizards have access to so many spells of all these different classes. Isn't this just magical secrets? Isn't this just what a bard does where like you just get other spells and abilities? Oh, yeah, there you go. I was thinking that it's more like an Eladron where you like have four different seasons you can go into and you can be changing it.

And so I'm kind of like, why couldn't they just narrow their scope? But I think that they had no right to feel mad at you for saying this is too much for a every single class. It's also such a red flag that like ghosting on Discord for being like, unless you make me super special, I'm not going to be your friend. Unless you let me cheat in your game that you're doing all the work for. Yeah. We just can't even talk.

I think it would have taken up an enormous amount of space in the campaign. I think it would be like, because usually like a lot of times it's not a bad thing to every single time there's a short rest have some downtime where the PCs are getting to know each other. Instead,

that downtime would have been the wizard describing their metamorphosis into a fighter and then narrating it. Yeah. And also it's just like different characters get to shine in different parts of the campaign. Like if you're playing a wizard, chances are you're going to really accept

in like combat and like things were like maybe you need to like dispel magic or like any kind of like magical situation if you're the rogue you're going to be the one that sneaks ahead and everything if you're the fighter you're going to excel in combat so you're making it so this person their skills are applicable to every single situation you're just making them the main character yeah yeah you're like inviting overlap yeah it's needless what they're playing is a red mage from final fantasy or Bradley default. And even in those games, it's really tough to play a red mage because, like, they are jacks of all the masters of none. Yeah. So they have, like, access to spells from every class, but they don't get any of

like the higher level advanced spells. And like, that's really the way to do it is like, you can dip into everything, but you're never going to get like the higher level shit that you want. Which would just be multi-classing. Like, you could absolutely, if you want to waste 13 levels and just be 13 levels of all every, are the 13 classes? I don't know. I'm just guessing. Is that what they said? They said 13. 13. They said they were preparing 13 character sheets.

I don't know what that translates to. Yeah. So if you were going to make a level 13 character that was level one and everything, by all means, that's there. I think that there's a... That would be really fun. A way more low maintenance version of this too, where it's like... Because wizards, they get access to a lot of spells,

but they have to choose only a certain amount. So I feel like there is a version of this that's way less distracting. That's like, okay, I have... like this wizard has all like the necromanic spells and this wizard has all the transmutation spells and this was like maybe it was like you have a different spell list that you wake up to and like that even is very overpowered but it's still like it would be so much less distracting for the group and for you yeah if you were gonna home brew something you'd almost have to be like maybe you have like unstable magic or something and like you wake up with a different specialty every day or

something like it's like you roll for it or something that's fun but just the idea of being like I know there's a heist tomorrow, so I'm going to be a rogue. I know we're entering a wizard's tower, so I'm going to be a wizard tomorrow. I don't even agree with what I'm about to say, but I'm just throwing it out there for argument's sake. Is there a world where this DM, rather than saying no, you know, tried to find the note behind the note and been like, well, I don't want you to play 13 different classes, but what are you trying to accomplish rather than saying no? I think they could have, but I think that like a lot of their defense is like this is a lot for a time DM.

Yeah. And I think that it was smarter for in the long run for you to follow that instinct because it even if you felt like, oh, they weren't as excited about their monk, you were probably able to show up for everyone else more than you would have been able to. Yeah. I think for home brew, they probably meant like, it's okay to use grim hollow content. I mean, they're not just like fucking break every rule ever. It's so brazen to just like start working on 13 character sheets before you've cleared.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's also, I think like the red flag of being like they don't, they're not talking to you on discord and stuff. There was never any negotiating with this person. You know what I mean. Yeah, you certainly didn't need to be punished for saying like that seems like it will be hard. Yeah. It's like making dinner plans with friends and then being like, I want a special seat. If I don't get a special seat, then I'm not talking to anyone. Or even being like, hey, I want to have you guys over for dinner. I'm going to cook. And then having them send you like really fancy recipes. you're like what? No, I can't. I want a paella burger. Yeah. Yeah, here's the menu. I'm looking forward to eating. Yeah.

I want all the types of seafood on a burger, please. Uh-oh. Do they put seafood on burgers ever? Sure, like a fish filet. No, no, no, sorry. I mean, like on top of a hamburger, like a ground beef patty. Oh, like a topping. Yeah.

Like a surf and turf burger. Yeah, I think the surf and turf burgers definitely exist. I can't think of the time I've like had one, but they have to. What's the surf? that they put on top. Maybe some fried shrimp or something like that? Fried shrimp on a burger? Yeah, why not?

Yeah, why not? I could see that. You put fried onions on our burgers. Crunch that down, tails and all. Whoa. Oh, okay. All right. Come over to my house.

I also make you one of my tiny skillet. We have to punish this wizard of many faces to get their asses kicked by peppermint Patty. Yeah, I think so. I think peppermint paddy is our executioner today. Skillet wielding peppermint paddy. Yeah. And the other, see, with the other person, they were getting made fun of it by the peanuts crew. And so, like, they kind of sense the growing tension in the room as Pepperman Patty showed up and kicked their ass.

I do think this is-perman Patty's just going to break down your door and kick this wizard's ass. That's too bad because I was about to say that the first one, like, does have an erotic tinge to it. Just getting, like, dressed down by, like, the Peanuts gang while Peppermint Patty spanks you with a skillet. But this one, we've taken any. anything you could cling to out of there, out of the mix. Purely out of the realm of passion. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not charged at all. You're just like going to a vending machine. You get clocked over the back of the pot with a skillet. We're paying peppermint paddy to do this. She is a bounty hunter. Oh, you know it would be cool. If you get your ass kicked with a skillet, you basically pass out. You don't even see what happened.

Then later you review security footage and you say, holy shit. Is that peppermint Patty? Oh, I was peppermint Patty. And pepperment Patty. And pepperment Patty. She's also. like a cartoon. Yeah.

Like she's still a cartoon and you're still a human. This doesn't make sense. You can't even report it. Like, right. Because people will just be like, this is AI. Pepperman Patty come to life. To keep your ass. She's not real. Yeah. Okay. She's not real. Yeah.

So worded. Hey there, Nat Bowles. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket money can track subscriptions,

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Thanks, everybody. Hey, everybody. It's Emily here to talk to you about Squarespace. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Squarespace gives you everything you need to grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Squarespace domains makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. They offer cutting-edge design tools to help anyone build a professional-looking website.

And for my poking around, it's pretty fun because they give you lots of different color palettes. And it was fun to ask myself, what color palette would I want my website to be? Then, once you've got your domain and design, you can start posting your wares for, sharing videos, soliciting donations, making appointments, all of the exciting stuff you want to do to grow or maintain your business. So check out Squarespace.com slash pawpaw to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using promo code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, sweetie. Our next case comes from Mystery Soup to the Honorable Justices and Jorts.

For the longest time, me and my friends been gaming together for about a decade. decade now. Right on. Right on. Let's get a quick game in for 10 years of gaming. 10 years of gaming everybody. Yeah, dude. Shout out Bloodborn. Oh, yeah. That's 10 years ago, I think. Yeah. I think you said that's so complicated. I think more actually. It might be like 13, 14. So definitely you can't celebrate their 10 year anniversary because it has happened. Oh, okay. You just celebrate it really belatedly. Yeah. We've had a meets it, beats it rule in regards to player roles versus NPC roles. Recently, I had the idea that it could be fun to introduce roll-offs in that situation

where the player rolls against the NPC in front of the table for a nice dramatic moment. Okay. Oh. I proposed the idea and told my players they could vote on it after the final votes were tallied. Roll-offs won. The problem, though, is that I introduced this idea mid-session. Right after my friend, our other Forever DM, had just rolled to meet an NPC role. My friend had voted against the roll-offs, but was still,

willing to participate since the table had decided. I went to go get a tray to roll off into when my friend announced I got a 19. Judges, I trust my friend with my life. We have fought together hammer an axe through the end times. I know he got a 19, but he didn't roll it in my big tray in front of it. I brought my big boy tray. That is really tough. Got a tiny skillet in a big tray.

I told him, I'm sorry, but you have to. to roll it. No, come on. I love it. No. I love it, you little maniac. The court. This is your brother. This is your brother in arms. I mean, I'm technically against it, but I also love it. They voted against it. You fought through the cathedral ward, through Azarov. So I know he got a 19, but he didn't roll it in my big tray in front of everyone. Yeah. I told him, I'm sorry, but you have to roll it in front of us. He said, no, I'm not rolling. I said, you have to re-roll or you forfeit and the NPC wins. He said again, I'm not re-rolling.

Whoa. So I then narrated the NPC seeing through his lie and continued on with the session. Justices, I kind of felt like a dick. He rolled that 19. He rolled that 19. It would have been hard for this NPC to beat it. But I wanted to be dramatic. I wanted a suspenseful role.

where all my players eagerly stared into the box lid tray in the center of the party. And it would have happened the next time. Yeah, really would have. You were going to get it no matter what. Yeah. That big tray would see its day. A big, it's a box lid. You made it seem like it was a cool tray.

You made it seem like it was a real cool tray. It's just a lid of a box. I literally thought it was like airloom from your parents or something like that. My parents used to roll on this. Yeah, you went up to get it. Yeah, this was a samovar tray. Was I right to make him roll again? Or was I being a DMVAR?

dictator focused more on the moment than the mood. I ask the punishment, please be elaborate, cruel, and harmful. I feel like the D stands for diva in this instance. Yeah. Yeah, I think you spelled out exactly what happened here. Yeah. Which is that you're way too focused on trying to manufacture this moment when it wasn't a moment.

You change the rules mid-session, which is like kind of strange. I thought this was literally just going to be like, and then they bold thrilled a and the player lost the roll off. Like, was that a bad idea? And even that, I would have been like, yeah, maybe. I don't know if you should be changing the fucking rules mid-session. This, to me, is egregious.

Yeah. You did create drama. You wanted drama. You just created the wrong kind. Yeah. You wanted drama and you got it, sir. The way you phrased it, too, is like, the player said no,

and then you said it again, and they said no again. So you knew the whole time that you were knocking down a door that you didn't want to go down. I know there's going to be people that are just like, it's nuts for the player to say no to the DM or whatever. But asking for a re-roll on a role that you already did is very strange.

And just like, imagine how deflating and frustrating that would be to roll a 19 and just be like, no, no, no, Caldwell, I want to see you roll it in my specific way. And then you roll again, you roll a three. Like, that's bullshit. You would definitely feel robbed and also like not to bring the church. into this, but that is against the will of dice Christ. Murph, we fought together against Diablo, brother.

You would dishonor me this way? Roll it in my shoebox. Yeah. So really this is... I had to go upstairs to get this. So really, this is almost like a matter of heresy, even beyond law. And so I would suggest that your

punishment would be sort of a Hieronymus Bosch painting where you're like in... With all the peanuts? With all the peanuts. But with the peanuts, is exactly what I was going to say, Caldwell. So picture

amongst all those little like imps and dragons and hell imagery. You're not in the paradise part of the Boston building. You're in the hell part

and then also peppermint patty is there. And this is appropriate because you know Pepperment Patty is Satan. You guys know what this DM is? This DM is being

an absolute Lucy. Yeah. Like pulling the football out? With the football, yeah. This is the football move. This is the football move. Yeah.

You asked for a role. They gave you a role but not in the way you want. And Lucy will go to hell for that. Yeah. Yeah. Lucy's in hell right now.

Right. She's dead and in hell. Yeah. It has to be. Okay. So, yeah. So then I think you and Lucy are going to be shackled and tortured by... By the penis.

Yeah. By Woodstock with a human ass. Wow. Holy shit. For all eternity, forever and ever. Well, now they have a little something to cling on to. It's a little fun. It's lovingly rendered.

Okay. Enjoy the afterlife. So ordered. Our next case comes from Cameron. To the honorable justices, I bow before you and to the bailiff. I dab you up, but please don't leave me hanging. Come on, man. All right.

You know, I got you. I bring you a case of alleged DM favoritism. A few years ago, my friends and I were reaching the end of a four-year-long homebrew campaign. And due to decisions made by the characters, we all agreed and thought it'd be fun to end the campaign with a PVP three on three, where myself, a Drake Warden Ranger, another player, and a DMPC, artificer, and cleric, would face off against three other players, homebrew vampire paladin, necromancer with the dragon familiar and a mid-max sorcerer barred whose only goal in life was to stun. Whoa. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, no. You guys are screwed

because I love the flavor of a Drake Warden, but I remember it was not the strongest Ranger class. Well, there's one of, one of them is a DMPC, so that's interesting. If this sounds slightly unfair, you'd be right, but we had one thing, my plus three forple sword. Okay. Nice. When hits warping. The battle begins, and the sorcerer bard cast telepathy on my character to disarm him and throw the sword into a pit. Whoa. I failed the save.

Whoa, that is so meta, though, right? Well, they're doing PVP. I don't know. At that point, you're just playing warhammer. I rescind. It's my opinion. I take it back, I shrink back into the corner I have nothing worth saying.

Nothing to stay. That's right. Let me speak, Emily. Finally. However, the DM allowed my dragon familiar to use an opportunity attack to try and grab the sword on which I rolled a Nat 20.

Oh, yeah. I like it. The player then complained how that's not fair and stood up pointing at me yelling DM's pet, DM's pet, DM's pet. Oh my God. Wait, but why did they get? a reaction after why did they get an opportunity attack to grab a sword the DM allowed a dragon familiar

they just allowed it because they have a the drake warden has a little drake companion so it's just kind of like a fun thing right oh if if it's flying past my Drake can it use an opportunity to attack to try and get it and then they got a Nat 20 on that oh okay I thought that the Drake was like taking an opportunity attack to go and retrieve it but no it was like the Drake used its opportunity attack as a reaction yeah I like that that's that's uh it's not fun for the other player who use their whole, like in a PV piece, you're dead. If you wasted your turn, you're dead. That's a good point.

It is a good move. Like getting someone to throw their sword using like a high level mental spell like that. Yeah. But so if they're throwing the sword, though, the Drake is literally right next to them. But I guess you don't get opportunity attacks on objects. Yeah. Why would you get an opportunity attack to do something that you don't? Like, the DM made that decision to essentially undo.

May I counter it? This is a psychotic reaction. They are being a DM's pet. I'm going to yell it too. DM's pet, DMs, DMs. Maybe. Whoa. But let's see if there's anything else.

Right, I'll finish. DM's pet, DM's pet over and over, which really killed the mood of an otherwise cool finale. Yeah, I was going to say, that's just a weird. Justices, was this justified? Was the DM trying to keep my team's one ace in the whole fair? Or am I just the DM special baby boy? Let me see what a Vorpal sword can do.

I got to pull it up. I think if you get a knot 20 to decapitate them? Whoa. Or am I making that? And they actually do mention, P.S., we agreed beforehand the Vorpal sword couldn't one shot on crits for fairness. So it must do something like that. Yeah, it says if you roll a 20 on an attack roll, you cut off one of the creature's heads.

The creature dies if it can't survive without the lost head. Okay. So they nerfed that. So they nerfed that. So it's just a plus three sword. Yeah. For me, if I were the DM and someone was like, I'm throwing my sword, can my dragon that's bonded to me use an opportunity to attack?

to try to catch it as I throw it. I would say yes to that, but I would also be extending creative freedom to the other players as well. So I don't think that that is an instance of favoritism. But I 100% agree with you when it's against the DMs like monsters. Like if you guys come up with a creative solution

where I'm like within the action economy, this makes sense physically to me where I'm like, I understand how this movie plays out. But once you're being like the other player just fully wasted their turn in this, like, yeah. Actually, I think I do agree that in in PVP, you're just kind of a ref. A lot of like, like, your license goes out the window because you were like, it has to be so by the book to not show favoritism.

May I suggest, though, that this is why PVP doesn't work. For sure. Oh, yeah. It turns into someone standing up after literally only one person has taken a turn and making a personal accusations at another person. Which maybe beats every other detail of the case is the fact that this person stood up and pointed. Yes.

To me, I'm like, if you agree to PVP, there is a degree of you have to swallow, you're going to be losing to your friends. You have to swallow that. But you also have to understand that in PVP, you're just going to get into fights in real life. Like there's no way to not. It's just how it works.

Yeah. I think I just wouldn't DM PVP. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole table sounds toxic. I don't think, yeah. It's also weird. Wasn't the DM also on this player's side in the PVP? Yes.

That's also strange. Oh, okay. That's fair. If you cut out the reaction of DM's pet and you just say like, DM, you're the DM, you're pushing the scales in your favor. You're allowing some fuckery because it helped your side of three people. That's compelling. That's compelling.

It feels like the sniff test is like this fight was so one-sided. The DM knew they were going to lose. and worked backwards to not get the sword thrown out. Which just don't do PVP. People are all going to get mad at each other in real life. I just can't. I think I just can't get over how uncomfortable it was to just stand up and shout. Shout DMs back.

Yeah. That's fair. Yeah, if we're just saying like who was rude or at the table, it's the person who stood up and yelled. I think the only person that's cool here at this table is the cleric who hasn't been mentioned except for the very dirty. Yeah. Everyone else could be punished. I imagine.

I don't think that the person who, like, the DM let their Drake get an opportunity attack is at fault. They just, you're allowed to be like, oh, since my Drake is here, can it do that? And the DM's allowed to say no. And you have to smile and be okay if they say no. And if they say yes, you smile and you're okay with that. I think we can have ranked punishments. Okay. I think we can like, we can like, like, slight.

Oh, so like the worst offenders get like the meanest peanuts characters. Exactly. Exactly. Who's the meanest peanuts? Of the peanuts. So Linus is going to smother somebody with his blanket. You could tell the whole thing was going south because they said they ended the campaign due to decisions made by the characters. We all agreed that we should end the campaign with a PVP. Oh, you're right.

It was all falling apart. Yeah. The answer is right in front of us. Yeah. This is fraud. I think that there is ever a situation where like let's say you have a, let's say you have a table. and within the campaign, people are budding heads and the party isn't really working out as a group,

is there any situation where PVP resolves that or only exacerbates it? I think it only exacerbates it. The idea that it would be this cathartic release doesn't track. The problem is when there are judgment calls, with things that for some reason the game just doesn't spell out, like with things like disarming and stuff, I even find the ruling confusing when it comes to like a battlemaster like knocks a sword out of your hand or something like that.

Does that mean on your turn at the beginning you can be like as a free like object interaction? Can I just pick my fucking sword back up making the battle masters thing useless? I think so. Yeah. So I don't know. So that's, PVP is so bad because then you have these judgment calls that are being made by not only the DM who then has to kind of show favoritism towards. someone because there's no rule for this. So they just have to rule with one person or the other person.

And on top of that, the DM is in the fight while being a ref. Yeah. This is nuts. Dude, Snoopy's cousins are going to have a fucking field. The peanuts. Here, you want PVP? How about PVPV peanuts? Okay?

Because the peanuts gang is going to show up and kick everyone's asses. And they all got skillets. Yeah, they all have. They all got tiny skillets. And these are large skillets, too. These are well made. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're not using swarm rules, dude.

They are all acting individually an initiative. Yeah. Because there is, I mean, if you read peanuts, they are individual. They are. Two of all. Too a fault. Are they funny? No.

Unique individuals with fun perspectives on life while also being children. Yes. Are their heads too big? Of course. Yeah. Do they speak like adults? Yeah. They kind of do.

They voice adult sentiment. And now they're your problem because it's Peanuts VP. They're just tiny people with like adult baldness and adult sadness. They're little folks. They're Sparky's little folks. I have just gone full circle in this where like I understand where everyone's, except like if you, if this person maturely was just like, hey, you're kind of showing favoritism here. Like this isn't really fair.

That'd be much better than standing up and yelling DM's pet, DM's pet. But I am for interest of the show, I'm trying to. trying to just like determine that it was their actual favoritism as opposed to just being like yeah you're rude so you're wrong yeah guys imagine if they made a peanuts movie and it ends with bob odenkirk showing up and he says my little folks that's the only thing that can save them we just like Bob odenkirk kind of looks like an adult charlie brown yeah yeah he does have that kind of like put upon quality yeah yeah yeah why haven't they done adult charlie brown with bob oenker yet or is it in the works I own it I own it trademark trademark who owns peanuts Apple television wait really yeah

okay does anybody have an in with those guys okay I gotta talk to Apple TV and Bob Oded Kirk Google's telling me majority owned by Sony yeah let me see if I can cold email some Emily can I pass to your ideas mine no see see me and say Emily Axford's idea And it's fine.

And then put parentheses, she's shy. All right. So this was always, this was always going to be a mess. There's no, this is, this is fucking ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. The penis gang. Okay.

But you know what, thanks, because it led us to our peanuts movie. Yeah. Starring Bob Oding. Good old Charlie Brown. It just is like kind of fun because he has more Harrison adult than he did as like a, what is, what is Charlie? Is he seven? Well, he's Benjamin Buttoning. He's so world weary.

No, I think he just got finasteride. I think he just, like, figured out his look. Okay, cool. That's cool. Yeah, he just went to our hair doctor. Maybe, oh, maybe he got a transplant. No, whoa. That's all right.

And that's what turns his life around. Movie opens on him stepping off a plane from turkey. Fresh blocks. There's red dots all over his scalp. Sally holds a football. He shakes his head. Not this time. He takes a football.

I'm a new man. I'm a new man. Tiberl hits loose and square in the face. Now we need someone other than Bob Odenker. to play adult Charlie Brown. Bradley Cooper. Be sure. Oh, I could see that.

50 years old. I really could. He's old now. Yeah, good old Charlie Brown. Got you. There it is. It's just adult Charlie Brown. It doesn't need to be old.

Okay, well, Cooper can still play 45. I don't know how old that man is. He's older than us and we're 40. So you'll have to play adult Charlie Brown, though, is the question. He's an adult, yeah. I would argue if you're, doing like early adulthood you would You guys want to guess when did Bradley Cooper come out?

Yeah, yeah, I absolutely could do that. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So what? He is the cool guy in all the movies when I'm like 20. So he's nine years older than me. He was born in 1976. I'm going to say in 1978. I'm going to say earlier, and I think he's taking care of himself,

1975. Wow. ding ding ding Caldwell God Wow Wow Off of my fucking guess Dude you know

I set I set the fucking base I rationalized Earlier one year Yeah Murf did the Murph Yeah I did I'm gonna go way earlier Than the Murph

Rips off I'll go 1970 I thought about In 1974 but something in my gut told me that if I To benefit off Murf math

I must not be good at detecting age Because I definitely was like It's probably like 82 I mean, he could have been. That's the Cooper charm, though. I also don't think I've seen that man in something in a decade.

Until good old Charlie Brown comes up. And he shows the world a new side of him. Yeah. His career has really been stalling out. We can help him. Okay, shall we step into church? This confession is from Kyle to the esteemed judges and the host of MySpace BFF season two, episode 10.

Wow. Deep pull. Is that real? I did host a game show on MySpace called BFF, but I don't think there was a second season. So it's half real. Maybe they just split the first season and two so they had to pay you less.

Yeah. Well, there's still time. We can pick it up for a second season. Nice. Nice. I'm going to look MySpace is up to, but I'm free. I would like to bring up something before the church that I have witnessed. I just joined a game with a player I have never met before.

During the first game, I discovered he has a very unique dice rolling method that makes me uncomfortable. Is it a belly button roll? No, we did discover that. He uses a dice tower and covers the bottom tray with a piece of paper so he cannot see the dice roll. He then rolls his D20 into the dice tower and keeps the bottom tray covered up.

When he is called on to make a roll, he lifts the paper and gives the result of the previously rolled dye. In some instances, the dye is cold and has been sitting in the tray for 20 plus minutes. Oh, my God. When he's done rolling dice, he covers the tray up again and rolls a D20 again, so he has a roll sitting and waiting. When I asked why he was doing this, he told me it was a faster, more efficient method of rolling dice. Wait, why? Because I guess it technically saves you like a second.

I've run the numbers. We will finish our game five minutes early as a result of my efforts. Judges, have I witnessed a sin against dice Christ? Is it blasphemy to allow a roll die to sit 30 minutes before being used? is, it's, I kind of don't think it is blasphemy. I think it's weird and I don't understand it, but I don't think it's against the will of the dice in a weird way. I think it's his version of worship.

Yeah. You think so? Yeah. I mean, the restraint that he has to show. Yeah. To not look at that dice. I do agree that this person isn't cheating because you like see them roll it. So you see them like drop it and then they just save it there.

But isn't it kind of defeating the purpose of the game? isn't the purpose of the game, like, that everyone rolls and it's fun together? Yeah. But maybe they want to feel. I guess I'm letting the religion take over in my head. But I am too. And that's why I am like, I don't think that because there is a different take on it, which is that like I want to distance myself rolling as much as possible so that the number

is coming from the dice. And it's like divorcing my action so that it's. is just there and it feels like it is purely coming from the dice. What I will say is that much like going to church, it's a communal activity. Everyone is there together. They are all witnessing the role happen in the moment. Wouldn't it be, yeah, I do agree with you. I'm of two minds on this because I am now that I'm thinking about it, I am sitting there being

like, what is under that paper? Yeah. And then when that person, when it's like, oh, time for persuasion check, pulls the paper and reveals what was rolled 30 minutes ago. I'm kind of having fun. I don't know. It's really weird, but I also think I don't think it's blasphemy. Is it kind of like when people are like, I go skydiving.

That's how I worship and stuff like that. It's like a rad youth path. It is a bit of a rad youth pastor. Yeah. Do we have to like, maybe we're being stodgy. Is this like? But I think we're not being stodgy because our minds are open to this. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. No, the church has to keep on growing. The reason, the reasoning being it's more efficient. I'm just kind of ignoring. It's definitely not. Wholeheartedly ignoring. Theoretically, you would be able to, like, save, like, this is how long it takes to roll a dice.

The problem with D&D has never been that, like, it takes too long to roll the D20. If you're looking for a more efficient game, D&D is not for you. Yeah. Maybe this person likes the Dice Tower too much, and maybe the Dice Tower does take a little too long. Maybe that's anything. But the Dice Tower is part of how they worship, and maybe the dice like that little journey down. Yeah. Exactly.

It's fun. Maybe it's fun for the dice to descend a tower. Yeah. Some people worship on a surfboard, man. That's fair, dude. First morning light. For some reason, it feels almost more ascetic than like youth pastor. Oh, yeah.

It's a little more like a monk in a tower. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, yeah. It's like a vow of silence or something. Okay, so I'm going to say we all worship in our own ways. Is that what we're saying here? Yeah.

As long as this person doesn't ask you. Except your brother at the table. Yeah. I mean, as long as the, yeah, if the rules are legit, and you get like a fun little reveal. I mean, don't be wrong. This is very strange. This is very strange.

I'm thrown off. I'm thrown off. Guys, I got a letter here from the dice pope. We have been excommunicated. Oh, shit. No. Well, we're going to have to start a new church. We have to start being cool.

Yeah. That's true. Okay. It's time for a cool pastor move. I love it. I almost want to try it. I think I would hate it because I love the act of rolling the dice. But when you think about it,

loving the act of rolling the dice, That is a little bit, that's ego driven. This person is taking ego out of the mix. Here, you got a piece of paper right here. Let's test it out. Wait, but I'm not going to, I'm not going to reveal. I can't test it out right now. This is giving.

Well, she'll reveal it on the short rest. This is giving flip a DVD. I put it, I rolled it as under a thing. No, we can't talk about it for. We'll talk about it on the short rest. On the short rest. We'll talk about it. We've just proven how bad this is.

All right, you have to stop this person. It's fun because you get to see the flip. and also you can watch the DVD later. I will say, though, you could probably go to the rule book and be like, buy rules is written, you can't do this because you do like call for a role. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, so you could just buy the book, just say, no.

But I don't know. I think it's okay to be weirded out by it, but keep an open mind and see if there's a way that you can find some beauty in their unconventional tactics. Yeah, it's true. We're thinking about being cool with this. We'll find out.

We'll find out. We'll find out. Yeah. I reveal my role. Yeah. Honestly, if the role's good, we're on board.

Yeah. That's, yeah, that's how we'll decide. Oh. All right. Uh, with that we're going to go ahead

do you think that we should, but now that we know what the role is, should I reveal it? No, no, got to leave this roll. Yeah, all right.

We're going to wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening. We'll talk more about this specifically the mystery of the role over on the short rest. If you want the mystery to be revealed, you got to pay us $5 dollars for my children. Thank you.

Patreon. com slash Natpod. that's NADD-D-P-O-D don't sing yet. Sweet. Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? Ooh. Yes, we are coming to London on September 30th, the London Palladium. Check it out.

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It is time to thank our benevolent council of elders And they are Brad Dee Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord Later Mick Skater Cutter W Olivia A, Daniel G Daniel the dastardly dame Carpe Liam

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Wow. Congratulations. Blue A. Fico. J. K. Guard. Ferry's in a summer slew hanging with the two crew. Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bear Woonze wearing Barbarian. Lexi H. MJ, the BFG.

Roger L. No-Drog, the pass-a-fist Barbarian. Nick J. Zudrick's unofficial fifth crow. Guestos. John Luca. Hannah Rose. Shenanagan's O'Connor. Joshua S. Alexander. Lynde's W. Sky, the eldest coffee master of Bohumia, enjoying a nitro cold brew with Balnor. The spud fucker himself. Johnny Dude K. The mischief of Nadpods Familiers. Pabu Eskinaw, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile. Jakewell, Murfley, Tim M. Dragon Knight 86. Richard. Scrungle, the main event. TR. MLG. Cheeto. Shelby, Kenna's first favorite Sprite girl.

A possum moved in under my porch and we have named her. Mama, damn right. Jet S. Meeting a vampire princess at a goth club right before City Council of Darkness started. Changed my life for the better, Morgan. Eleanor V. Stormy 52. Me-Maw Sky Days. Fuck you, I love you.

Eat a rat. Megan N. Anthony B. Balnor's best friend, Steve. Stephanie of House in Zunza Benjamin A. Sacrificial Otaku bringing otaku culture to a fantasy realm near you. Michael A. Josh H. Pilot

of the Nightmareverse Flight. Ethan The Mailman. Adrian M. Maple The Shy Bookworm. Nick A.J. Ashosaurus. Billy B. Mithril Mage. Tori the tungsten Dragoose. My other car is a twink. Michael L.S. the second. Carl B. Plummer of the Realm.

Sunworm. Ace Dregs. Highlord of Critsberg. Vind Diagram. D. M. Charby. Catamilius, the consumed. Cam, the Frogborg man. Dean, Jake W., hi, Mom. Tuesday, Cross, only here for the serf and mirth. We love you, rat Jesus. Smores, Tyler McM., Zibby to Backery, Bad Gigi Snake Release, Kaylee of the Okin-Or, Katarina C, Carly C, Carly C, Rachel Dyeson, and Animorphs, Damn it, Casey Jay, Pawpaw's Litigation Associate. Greg W, go listen to Short Rest, it's Bonfair behavior. Baruch Thunderhelm, 5th Generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Cappy B. of the schooner, Louis R. French. Richard E. Jen's left glove tailor. Kajudan, the Alaskan Almanac artificer Archivist. The Waterworth, your four-legged Greg companion.

Nick, Mo, Pawpaw's pen pal. He says Pensacola is nice. The raging Ranger Echo Ashmore. Chef Julie B., Mama Mayhem. 404. Error Ick. Almost Dr. Katz. Lorelei, Oscar the Salad Zar, Thomas C, Little Dark Lotus Creations, Kendra M, James the Polymorphed Boot, Joshua H, Jacob M, Lou H, Ben V, Prince Slagothor, the 3rd, Timothy A, toxic ghost, Daniel McA, Chris A, Angie H, Fern M, Kenna's least favorite Sprite Girl, Shy Sign 23, I'm Just Sam, Anthony H, Anthony H, proprietor of the Cricks Lazy River Floating Tour, Nate P, Kenna's Leasey Private Sprite Girl, Cage B. Ernie is a good boy, Helena, sister of Maureen Emporium, and of course, Pam S.

Thank you, everybody. That was a headgum podcast.