Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court - Flammable Brooms, Chokeslamming Dragons, and Grandma the Bard

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

Court is back in session! Join Supreme Crit Justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner as they decide the fate of our players. Dungeon Bailiff Jake presents your cases. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to Dungeon Court. Dun Dun, Dun Dun, Dungeon Court. Dungeon Court. I always forget what we do. We have to do a little like that. We don't, dun dun, that's what we do.

Yeah, we're like dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. I like that. We are your Supreme Crit, Justices, Murphy, Marry a Thoratado., Axford and Tanner and then of course Dunjupilif Jake doesn't even get his last name in there. Then demoted. I've been demoted absolutely. You've been demoted by doing the most comments.

The people like, you know, given their court, given their cases to me really know it too. They're like honorable, honorable justices and lowly bailiff jig. You remember there was one that we voted against the person because they did it as good as nice. Well, that's the tiebreaker. That's the tiebreaker. The gravel is going to our head. They very much have all been,

may it please the court? If they don't say may it please the court, they lose any tiebreaker. Yeah, that's the rule. Yeah, that's the law of the land. Yeah, that's just the nature of humanity is to create organization and then therefore get kriller for it.

Right. Okay, court is now in session. Why don't we go ahead and throw it to Dungeon Balliff. Jake, who will give us our first case here? Indeed. Here you hear you, court is now in session. Who. Oh, PJ E rights. May it please the court should a broom catch on fire. The PCs recently found a broom of flying and while using it, the wizard was hit with a lightning bolt spell. I started to narrate that the broom was

ignited as lightning bolt ignites flammable objects in the area that aren't being worn or carried. Yeah he sees argued that since the wizard was holding the broom to use it, that it was being carried. And worn or carried is meant to include items on someone's person. I argue that a broom of flying is more like a mount and a mount or subject to AOE spells. A magical wooden broom is still a wooden broom. So it should ignite. How would the honorable justices rule?

My first thought is, if I'm that player, I'm not arguing, oh, so it should ignite. How would the honorable justice's rule? Wow, okay. My first thought is, if I'm that player, I'm not arguing, oh, this is being carried because I'm flying it, because I don't know that that holds water. That's like saying, I'm carrying an airplane. I'm carrying an airplane defense, very good.

I'm carrying an airplane defense. However, there could be a loophole with the fact that it's magic. Sometimes magic items behave differently than regular, one thing items. So the argument was flawed. So I'm, so I'm, I'm not, I'm not weighing in either way yet. I'm just saying, I don't know if I buy the, he was carrying the room, however, a magic item I bet could behave differently. It is a yeah. I'm going to go ahead and look at the wording of

broom of flying. And I think this supports our DM here. And I will also say, this is enough within the realm of, you know, DM wiggleagle Room that I think having a lightning spell cause a magic broom to catch on fire is completely acceptable. I think this is normal and cinematic and fun. I like it. I also like the move. I think it's fun. Yes.

You also got to keep it wiggly. I also think it's fine for the players to argue at the DM because I think I think our QA is fun. I agree. I do agree with that I'm gonna agree that I like to argue so I'm not arguing with you. We support a healthy discourse at the table but I would say that there's maybe a different angle. Yes so allow me to read Broom of Flying. This wooden broom actually read it into

the record. I would have you read it into the record. Thank you so much I'll only do it because I want to go because you again are just the bailiff. So I'm. I never noticed that enormous badge that you always wear. So that's shiny. Did you take the bailiff so? Yeah, we will have to come home and bailiff. I took it by myself this morning. Yeah, could you write your own? Oh, thank you so much. Okay, broom a fly. In my hotel bathroom here. Guys, broom a flying. This wooden broom, which weighs three pounds, functions like a mundane broom

until you stand, just write it and speak. It's command word. It then hovers beneath you and can be written in the air. Hover's beneath you, so it is not being held. It is not being held, being- However, you could also look at those and say it functions like a mundane object until you speak the magic word.

So now is it a magical object and therefore is it subject to a normal, a mundane object will catch on fire? It depends on the lightning wording, which you know that into the record if you, we'll do the work. Not that I have any authority over the justice. The lightning ignites flammable objects in the area that aren't being worn or carried. So this holds water. Flammable objects.

So then it really comes down to is a magical broom flammable because it's not a mundane object. But it doesn't need to be mundane. You don't know what the witches that made that broom were coating it with. But we do though. We see the item. We see what it says.

It doesn't say it's immune to being burned. Yeah, I don't think that it's covered in a mammal when you speak the magic word. OK, I'm just saying it would be cool if it was. That would be cool. Definitely. And you can home broom whatever is sick shit you want your brims to do.

The magic brims in my world have all been rubbed with fireproof geckos. Whoa. Whoa. So that's so many geckos. Do they die? Absolutely. It's a problem. They die.

They die from them. It's cruel. It's cruel. It's a cruel process. We need to know if this was a gecko-free cruelty-free broom or not. That should be included in the wording. Any good DM worth or assault will include whether or not geckos were destroyed. You know, I ask for the cases to be brief. Otherwise, they probably would have included that. Yeah. I think this is a cruelty-free broom. We have to go with that. I think

Baylor's Jake, could you please read back the wording? Did they say that the broom was like instantly destroyed or did it just catch fire? Because I feel like it's definitely fair for it to catch fire, but I think that like any good play session, I think that you're gonna get like a round or two to try and put out the fire while you're flying, right? Yeah.

I like it. I appreciate you saying please, because you didn't have to. I started to narrate that the broom was ignited as lightning bolt ignites fundamental objects. So it sounds like they said it was a flame. Which is such a fun move to be like, oh shit, gotta get off,

or you're gonna take fire damage, which puts in the players, lap two fun options. One, you just mount the broom. Two, you stay on a flaming broom, taking fire damage, but not willing to give up your prime flying location. It's such a DM versus player thing of a DM being like, you guys tackle each other.

You are hanging off the side of the cliff. Whoa wait, I'm not hanging off the side of the cliff because typically I have boots on that say I have better fall. And I cannot be hanging. and it's just like chill Let's just not gonna have a fun fucking action scene And let's let it play out 15 sessions ago 15 sessions ago. I picked up this razor sharp tusk I used the tusk to act as a peat on into the side of the cliff

Instant peat on as a reaction. Roll before the DM lets you. You know that example, I kind of love though. That example of like, okay, do you remember that bit I did 10 episodes ago? Actually it's gonna come into play in a really narratively satisfying way. I can't say no to a recurring bit serving a narrative purpose.

I do agree it would be cruel to destroy their magic item instantly from one spell. But it sounds like they just. I think this sounds really fun. This just sounds fun. I like what they did. And I also like as someone who's always had spells that like, like, things on fire, it doesn't really get to come into play that much. So it is fun. Yeah. A situation where it comes into play in a way that makes a character have to act differently. Yeah, I've been jumping from a flaming broom. It's cool as hell. It's very cool. It's very cool. So I'm going to go ahead and rule with the DM here. I think yes.

Or it moves ever north. Yeah. I think that we officially weigh that we like, we like the spiciness of the players that they were willing to argue we like Argumentation, right, but I think I think Murph has the the way of it Which is like you got to keep it wiggly like you got to keep it the world. Yeah Yeah, I think so I think let's move on to the sentencing phase the players are indeed spicy Is there anything we can play into that with spiciness? Maybe they have to put out a fire with a broom because as they say,

brooms do not let them fire. What? That's the worst sentence we've ever had. They have to put out a fire with a broom. That's the doc sentence. No, we've killed people before. Have we not? Yeah, we have blood.

We have to beheaded people, I believe. We've trapped people. There it is. There it is. There it is. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something.

It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something.

It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. It's just something. We could like we could fully replicate the session and then launch them out of a trebuchet with a broom Oh, and then light that on fire and then the launching process will ignite the broom We'll send them to an iffy gender reveal party

Just a broom to defend Defend themselves from the eventual forest fire that freaks out They have to prevent a forest fire. Yeah, just to team the rooms. Oh my God, it's a disaster. That is so ordered. Our next case comes from Alex J. Matt, please, the justices of the Supreme

but not the bailiff. All right. They have to be miffed. Yes. And he is. Not the barrel of it. All right. That would be myth. Yes. And he is. I have a home game with my parents and my 91-year-old grandma

based around the candle-keep mysteries. My grandmother is playing a half-elf college-of-lower storytelling bard who I created a custom spell for to summon either a hero, a stat-block soldier guild master's guide, a mage, stat block apprentice wizard from Volos, where a thief, stat block knightblade from Baldur's Gate.

However, she insists that because she's magic, she should be able to blast him with magic. I tried to explain to her. I didn't say it down, this is so hard, because I don't have any grandparents and I would so that's really loved to play with a grandparent. She's 91. She's been able to blast people gone. I tried explaining to her why bars are good, i.e. cutting words, bardic inspiration, and high charisma roles.

My question to you is should I just budget and let her use the Eldritch blast? Or should I hold her to the rules like the rest of the party? I think, okay, I am weighing in hard. I think you need to have a session with your grandma, ask her what she wants to do, and create a whole new classroom. Oh, Emily, there's one more sentence, which is, PS, I rolled her a new character as a reborn hex-blade warlock with a pact to the Raven Queen

for more offensive character, but she wanted to stay a bard. Okay. Well, I think that you just create a new class and call it a fart. She is right. Grandma is right. Grandma does whatever she wants. This chaotic grandma is so foreign to me in any semblance of a grandparent I've ever known. It's almost like I think I would like fudge the rules for a grandma more than a child even.

Because that child that's like they can't have any learning to do left is it is doing her fucking victory right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah right yeah grandma wants to they didn't have games when she was a child. There was just a ball in a cup. Yeah, that's it. Like they maybe had parcheesey. They might have acted like who can stick. They must have been a whoop and a stick.

And also my suggestion is I really think that you should be custom making spells for her all along the way. If she says she wants to blast, give her a character. She and one of the things is blast. Kim grandma dies that only has 20s on it. Yeah, I just want to see grandma be like, all right, I blast him. Yeah. Counterpoint. Counterpoint. Maybe you should text your grandma and explain to her why she's wrong. Yeah, oh, yeah, just a big, big block of text. Hey, grandma, can we sidebar?

There's a couple of Reddit threads you could refer her to if you'd like. Ha, ha, ha. I, yeah, I think Giver Eldridge Blast, it's kind of just the music, right? It's like maybe secretly take away another spell. If you don't really need to, that's really good to make her more power.

But you can help her get her life. Right, because you're still playing with your parents, your parents still need to have fun. And if grandma's just blasting away at everything, you know, they have to be. So funny that she's just like, no, I'm a part. I wonder, I'm curious of it.

If she likes the sort of performer things, we don't really know that much about her character. So is it that she likes being a musician or a performer, in which case, she doesn't have to give that up. You know, you just make her a new character sheet with abilities that align more with how she wants to fight. And she gets to keep playing her musical instrument and being a bard. And I think even if this wasn't, even if this wasn't a grandma, even if this was just, you know, a regular mom. Someone I didn't really like, like, called well, right?

Even if this is like, bail if Jake is right there Justice Murphy There is descent in the court even if this is someone I didn't like like called well or Jake I didn't even switch it. He just added me. Elge Blast is an amazing what makes it good later on. Well, that's great. Elge Blast is very good, but I feel like what makes it good later on is that the warlock can cast it more times, right? That is why it's the warlock thing. Yeah, more times. And also, there's a invocation that you can add your charisma to the damage.

Exactly. So, I'm saying even if this wasn't a grandma, if somebody really wanted to just be able to blast them, I think there's a fair way to give them eldritch blasts that's not completely overpowered. We should give all our elders eldritch blasts. It's right in the name. If you're an elder, you get an eldritch. Elder blast.

We're going to call it elder blast. Elder blast. We're rolling and we're rolling in favor of grandma I feel like though the the the DM is not at fault. Still need to punish I think so need to I'm so sorry the court must we must but they are bringing to us the exact thing And they this is unnecessarily cruel. Stand down, Joseph Hacksford. Stand down. Restrain her, Baylor. The one thing I'm allowed to do. There absolutely must be a harsh punishment for everyone. This is the world we live in. This is the world we live in. How about the DM has to go to a retirement community and DM for just multiple groups of grand parents.

Oh my God. Yes. Wow. That's a community service rather than punishment. We can maybe put like a scorpion in their pants too. Yeah. One of the Spice people. There will also be a scorpion. One who'll ask their stinger, but they're...

Oh, that's scary. But they still got pinchers. Yeah. So they can do some damage in there. Don't worry about that. No interest in scorpions. Cool, well done, Baylif. If I could speak to you privately outside,

what could possibly be justice? Yeah. The other justices are conspiring against me. I'm inspired against no one. In fact, I want to put it out there that I'm willing to turn ever since Murph went in on this nice DM. I'll turn on him. Baylif, Baylif, the time has come for you to choose.

Who do you stand with? I have, I have no authority in the court, sir. Yes, put what if I were to give you authority a shiny gavel of your own? Well, a coup. Yes. Yes, just tell me who I must remain. No need to act upon these words just yet. Just dwell on them. Dwell on them and then when the moment is right, you will know who's sent. Now let us return. You're going to yourself demoted to bail if you're not careful. Since what is a done motion? That's a lot of work.

You have to read all the cases. This was happening outside the court. We were taking a recess. You didn't hear this. All right, Sydney O. writes, name please the court. I have created a sorcerer fighter combo for a very high level campaign.

Five levels of clockwork, soul sorcerer, and 13 levels of psi warrior fighter. Wooo! The duel wheel. I took the duel wielder feat and my fighting style of choice is two weapons fighting. One of the other players has argued that I am only allowed to attack with my off hand once every turn, even though I have two battle axes equipped. And this is not how my table has played dual wielders in the past, i.e. a rogue using two knives, do I only get one

attack with my offhand, or is it too? My DM and I haven't been able to find anything in the rules about it. Okay, this is something I've actually looked into extensively, specifically for an incredibly similar build, except the Battlemaster Divine Soul. And I have no answer. I cannot, I don't understand it. I think it's, I don't understand dual wielding.

I think it's a bonus action attack. Yeah, I think you just attack once. Well, this is specifically the dual wielding like a fighting style, right? Dual wielding feet. The dual wielding feet, I believe. And we can look all this up. I think dual wielder feet. The dual wielding feet, I believe. And we can look all this up. I think dual wielder feet might just let you

do a real better ability. It lets you add your modifier because normally, because anybody can hold a finesse weapon in their offhand and make a bonus action attack, but you do not add anything to it normally. Okay. You just like a short sword would just be a D6. But if you have four decks, for instance, just be a D6. But if you have

four decks, for instance, you can do D6 plus four if you have the dual wielder feet. So I'll read it right now. You gain plus one bonus to AC while you're wielding a separate melee weapon in each hand. You can use two weapon fighting even when the one hand in melee weapons your wielding aren't light. So it's like better, better weapons. Okay. So yeah, I kind of think that you might be right, it's just a bonus action. Are we about to disagree with the entire table in their rules? Because like this seems like previously,

the table has stated that dual wielding is fine, but we're about to establish a third of that. Players calling it out, which like, I kind of don't like that. Yeah, I don't like it, it's grimacing. I'm grimacing, I don't like it when people tell on, and tell on their other players. But I mean, when I hear it,

I just like imagine somebody being like, teach or teach or wait, they're actually not allowed to do that. When the real answer is probably them just being like, oh, are you sure you're allowed to do this many attacks? I'm pretty sure it's just the one, which doesn't, you know, you don't have to be. It's probably not a big deal.

There's just so many rules is the thing. So it's like so easy to be wrong. So I personally always appreciate it when someone tells me I'm wrong. I think that it might just be a bonus action because I think I've looked into this extensively, specifically trying to figure out how to get for attacks with weapons.

Yeah. And I think you have to find a obvious way to do it. Yeah, I believe. And I will admit out of character that I'm not 100% on this, but as Justice Murphy, I know this for a fact. I think its bonus action is your offhand. So even with Gens, when he got two attacks,

that doesn't mean I got four attacks. That meant with my action, I can do two attacks with my main hand and then an attack with my offhand. Which I've tried so hard to make a two weapon character just because it's so visually cool, but it always just falls a little short for one. The plus one AC for two weapon fighting and then the pool to feed. Well that's what you have to take a feat to do that.

Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's definitely good, but I'm saying like three attacks instead of two. A lot of times I mean, I don't take feats until way later because you gotta boost those stats. Yeah. There's gotta boost those stats. Yeah. There's gotta be a way. I love Emily, I love the way that you approach these things though. Or like, it's like you're trying to solve some sort of like equation that will like help

space travel be possible. We're like, I gotta crack this. I'm sure someone will be like, oh duh, Emily, you can just do this, this, and this. I just didn't look at it from that angle. But I have been like looking into like, oh,, I'm like, you can just do this, this, and this. I just didn't look at it from that angle, but I have been like looking into like, oh, it'd be so cool to have a weapon and pull hands and specifically do a wheel or does let you hold like cooler things like this character's awesome.

They're fucking cute. Two action. Yeah, that was fucking real good. But I just like, I'm inspired. I'm inspired. I think what we need to do is we need to write all of this information on a chalkboard and then like leave like a blank space

where it's just like. And then wait for Matt Damon. Exactly, yeah. We need to actually Matt Damon was just a lowly janitor in that movie. So you know someone with a low level position of heading to genius and rising to the top. Didn't Harvey Weinstein fund that movie?

Well, you know, it wasn't. You know what? Okay. That's not fair. Yeah, that was a little bit of a cheap shot. Can a Jake loves a Weinstein. I'd even say I like the movie. I just described the plot. How dare you describe the plot of that movie, sir? You're implicit. On all counts. Yeah, I think, unfortunately,

off-hand it's just bonus action. With a heavy heart, with a heavy heart, we must rule. With a heavy heart, we rule in favor of the person who told you. I'm hoping to be a fucking wrong. I'm not hoping to be wrong. I sent it to you Well if we're all on the same side, we simply have to sentence them Okay, I'm gonna sentence them to Their weapons get so sick and awesome that they're too heavy to carry. Oh

Yeah, look awesome. They look so good. Yeah, two big cloud strife, sized axes. You have to do a strength check every time you use them. So ordered, the green magus writes, may it please the court, I humbly bring before you a case of DMV players. Can a DM myself require multi-classing? Only that they multi-class and not to a specific class. The goal, create richer, more thematic characters

that can narratively grow. My players argue that by forcing multi-classing, I am stripping them of their most powerful abilities. I humbly await your judgment. Hmm. I get what they're doing. I think it's a cool idea, but I think once you bring it to the table and they're like, we don't want to do that. It's crazy to place the issue.

I think when it comes down to it, creativity comes from a place of freedom. And so if you want the richest, most interesting characters, it's going to be an authentic place and it's gonna be from what they wanna play. Yeah, yeah, then it's like the noblest intentions being rejected. And you like still can't process it. You're just like, no, no, I need to hammer this home. People always say that I'm multi-class all the time and I do for this precise reason.

I 100% agree with you. However, I'm also aware that that's my personal preference. I've definitely heard of, there's a couple of campaigns. I think there's a show, Bumbarded, and I'm not 100% how they run the game, but I think they're all multi-classed with Bard. If it's not that show, then it's a different one. But there are people out there that use this as kind of a hook, which I think is a really fun hook.

It is to add multi-classing into it because it is interesting, but again, if you bring it to the table and they're like, no, I just want to be a fighter. I don't think anyone's gonna have fun if you're like, no, you must have a richer character. You must take a level of rogue. I think like, I don't know.

Yeah, I love this idea though. And I feel like it's the sort of thing that you have to like offer at the table specifically It can't be like something that you've prepared with this grand design It's got to be something that like comes up a little more naturally like if a character You know is like losing the will to fight or something and like they take a level of rogue because they're like learning a new way to fight or something like that I mean, it's just yeah Letting it come up like that seems like the way to go.

I was gonna say, I think you can bait them, right? It's like, they meet interesting characters who, like if it's a fighter, they meet a cool rogue who fights in a really interesting way, or they go to a thieves guild and they have an opportunity to train. Or like, you know, like, they meet some like infernal but cool God

and they have an opportunity to take some warlock level. So it's like, I think that you'd dangle it rather than enforce it. Yeah, because you're saying your players, they don't know what they want. They think they know what they want, but they don't. You gotta bait them. You gotta give them the tasty little carrots.

You gotta shut the carrots. You gotta think they do know what they want. And you can. I know what they want. And you can. I know what they want. They want candy. That's what they think they want. But they're going to get sick.

There's a little candy. I just agree with this. They do know what they want. I'm saying give them the opportunity to make the choice. Right. Yeah. I really, I want to be with the DM on this because like I love, as a DM, I love like planning too much and like just having like a cool idea.

There's nothing better than like having a cool idea and getting really excited about it. But you gotta let your players take the reins a little bit. It's a weird like up front demand to be like, I need you guys to have really cool narrative arcs when like it's just starting. Those things like happen on their own. But also I would bet it's a starting. Those things like happen on their own. But also, I would bet it's a situation

where the players maybe don't have as much experience as the DM, which I think happens a lot, which has a DM, you know the game kind of inside and out. So, and, you know, they listen to an ad pod and maybe they listen to other shows. So they've seen fighters go to level 20. They've seen barbarians go to level 20. They've seen barbarians go to level 20. They've seen all these things.

So they're like, I need something fresh and new. And the players are like, I just want to make this really powerful. Yeah, I just want to get three attacks as fast as possible. And there's nothing better than looking at the sheet or the description of your character in the book and being like, all man, at this level I get this, at this level I get this, and just dreaming about it. It's very fun. And also once they get those three attacks, then you might be easier to like present options

for them to multi-class and they'll be like, you know what, I've reached the level, I've been trying to reach. Now I'm open to it. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. It's like when Pikachu had to fight Raiju and that episode of Pokemon and Raiju was a stronger electric type Pokemon, but Pikachu could learn quick attack and Raiju couldn't because Raiju evolved too quickly. So it's like you got to put them up against someone that's stronger than them so that they realize that like there's multiple ways to advance rather than just straight up leveling. Is this the moment Justice Koldal?

Oh, yeah. We sent in to you to having delicious a Koldal talk about episodes of Pokemon. What? In a whisper while he puts his baby to bed. Come, let me tell you about the time they played baseball with Team Rocket. I didn't know there was one called the riot, you.

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Okay, that's it for me go team pants and enjoy the show Okay now I have a a a final update from Tarouk. Oh god I got to warn you guys up front the torook kind of goes out with a whimper which it's so Alas, it's nice to it's nice to bring it all home. Yeah. Paul H. Wright's, Lord's and Ladies, and everyone of the court. I stand before you with the end of the Tarouk, the tiefling saga. The end.

The end. After I became DM again, we watched, we scheduled another session. I was hyped, I planned all week, and I thought I came up with some pretty good stuff. Then it was the day. I showed up early and got all set up to Rook was running a bit late,

so he wasn't home quite yet. When he got home, all he said was, oh, did I not tell you guys, I quit. I'm not playing anymore. Then he left his own house. I still feel sleepy. But he refuses to acknowledge his quitting. It's just weird tension now.

There is no case I wanted to, I just wanted to let you guys know the conclusion of the song. Oh my god Let's do your own house So good story of Jeruk. He is like an uncomfortable depressing short film Every like Take on a different direction. It's just like, he just, I don't know. He limbo's under the bar. There's no bigger power move than leaving your own house.

I'm gonna say shout out to Paul H. who has consistently made sure to point out the funniest details in every single update. I know. Big time. If he just said he left, it wouldn't be nearly as funny from leaving his own house. He left his own half. But my guess is that this dude maybe lives at home and his dad is the father-in-law.

Because remember, this is him playing with his brother-in-law and his father-in-law. Love that we're having a feast together this way. There's nothing left at the table with your father-in-law. You're just sitting there, it's like, oh, I guess. Yeah, so it's just a- I also love that there's no explanation for this dude's behavior. Because I feel like- And also, we only know him by his character's name.

And I feel like if I was playing D&D with your dad and your brother, and your brother was insane, when your dad would be like, oh, what are you doing? Yeah. There would be, like, you When your dad would be like, oh, what are you doing? Yeah. There would be like, you know, we would be like, let's acknowledge that this is strange. Ha ha ha.

I just need to know where did your root go? Because like, D&D takes a long time. It's not like he just like, wittin' sat in the Wendy's parking lot. Or maybe he did for four hours. I think he took, I think he took a long, aimless walk and he worked out some stuff.

He just shadow boxed around the block. He's just like nursing a little egg of despair. I want to think that he went around the block in Bradley Cooper and Silver Lighting's play. Well, try to back jump. He could have run a marathon in the time it takes to run a session. I just like went and like took like a wood axe to sender blocks or something in the backyard. It's really just a kid taking his toys and going home.

I am like, I'm very sorry for you, Paul, Ange. However, you clearly have a sense of humor about it because every update is. Yeah. And a lot of people joy. It's so it's bad for me because Paul, like, Paul, the way the way Paul is writing, I'm like, I could be, I could be friends with them. And yet, Paul is very nice about the alt-to-roke situation. When I hear it, I'm like, this person is a fucking nightmare. I don't know how you even have dinner with them. I mean, Paul is always like, I was hyped.

I was excited. I thought it was going to be good. Plus Paul. Les Paul, because I really think he is handling the situation I was excited. I thought that was gonna be good. That's all. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul.

Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul.

Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul.

Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. Plus Paul. them into shape. Could we be like the the queer eye for D&D players? Yeah, we can have true to a guest arc. Like, feel like there are just like maybe better people to see. Yeah, I think this is strange because this is just an update, but I think we need to sentence to Rook. I sentence him to eternally run laps and I'm just never allowed to leave your home forever. Go on a long, long run. You Yeah, you must leave your home forever go on a long long run You must remodel an entire room of your house specifically for D&D, but you were not allowed to play That's good, too That's cool offer a bit in game room in your own home

Brutal having to do like housework and not benefit from it. Oh That just like really hit something personal Insights very funny to picture like hi. Yeah, I'll come on over. Oh, that just like really hit something personal and size. It's very funny to picture like, hi, yeah, I'll come on over. Oh, this is the deck I put in. I'm not allowed on. Yeah, I'm just like thinking of all the fucking mulching I do in my front yard. And it was just like cool. You mulch it and then it disappears. Yeah. I was I was cruel to a witch. and now I'm not allowed to use my deck Okay, Dan R writes may it please the court my players were fighting several demons in a small underground room our Bard used conjure animals to summon For I'm I'm so sorry. I just got really distracted by something

And I can't even listen to what you're saying What is it? What is it? I just know it's stupid. I just was like, I was like, you know what? I should have sentenced Tarouk to get blasted by the grandma. And then I was like, I heard the word conjure and I was like, fuck this relates to a case. I'm supposed to listen.

Grandma, it probably does have Tarouk energy. I'm just saying that I'm saying it would be really funny. That's who needs to whip to rug in the shape Can I make the grandma our executioner? Yes interesting blast to look. I'm so sorry Go on. No, I that was a worthy for the introduction definitely So Dan rise may have please the. My players were fighting several demons in a small underground room. Our bard used conjure animals to summon four Huang Harasek, huge-sized snails.

I warned him that this was a pretty small room and he said he still wanted to do it. I described these huge snails as appearing and that stretch from floor to ceiling and blocked the PCs from the monsters. Basically, no one could do anything because all of the room was full of giant snails. Snail wall. The player was mad that I let him cast the spell.

If it basically meant they couldn't do anything until they dispelled it, was that a fair criticism? Or was my warning of it being a small room enough? I feel like these players weren't thinking creatively enough. Like, you created a snail wall fortress, you can like short rest and get your shit back and then be ready to take on these monsters. Like you've improvised an incredible spell called snail wall or as I'm calling it now, snarl. And once they go away, then you have slime moat.

Yes. Oh, that's cool. That's difficult to read. We're big snails fans on this show. In every form. Oh's difficult to read. We're big snails fans on this show. In every form. Oh, God. Yeah, I think anytime you do the wink, wink, I don't think this is a good idea. And then the player does it anyway.

They're just asking for trouble. It's also like, but usually things are being like a bad idea. Like, oh, this could oh, this could go wrong. This was just like, absolutely nothing happened. Yeah. It's kind of funny. It's very funny. Yeah.

If anything, it's like it's not like, instead of it being, you like warned them, and instead of it having dire consequences, it just had a silly concept. I feel the thing is like, you know that you were doing this to like punish your player. Like, your player's getting mad, it makes sense because I feel like this DM knew what they were doing.

Like, you didn't just make this snail wall appear and have it not work out of like, you know, this is just what would happen. Like, you, it's just classic D&D though, because I'm just picturing the scene and it's just a beautiful, anticlimactic moment where you like, some of these giant snails. And then all of a sudden you've just got like this,

fortress of snails around you and you just light a campfire and you have a nice little heart to heart as these snails tower above you. Or you're pressed up against the cave wall. Yeah. It is a really funny thing. However, I also can see conjure animals, I think is a decent level spell

and it could have been this person's highest level spell slot. So it could be like, fuck, that's my only third or fourth level spell. I mean, you know what? Here, okay, I'm like trying to be really diplomatic here. So that's why I'm like not just like gut reaction being like, yeah, you did your work. The only thing I would say is that like maybe, maybe because when you play theater,

the mind's saying it's a small room, like maybe in the future you should be like, it's a x by x room. Like if you know what the dimensions are, then maybe you should tell them so that then they can. I think though, with conjure animals, they did not need to summon giant snails. You know what I mean?

It's true. You didn't need to do that. There are other animals. It definitely sounds like specifically the DM warned them after they said I summon giant snails. Yeah, you know what this sounds like? This sounds like somebody tried to do

a looney tune space jam dunk and then this DM just came out and just stuffed the ball back in their face in a very funny way. Just somebody taking a katana to Michael Jordan's arm And then this DM just came out and just stuffed the ball back in their face in a very funny way. Just somebody taking a katana to Michael Jordan's arm, have a group of space. Exactly. So yeah, and I was gonna say like, oh, maybe you could maybe they could have tried to like summon them on top of them, but it is unoccupied space. So wait, Emily, I have a follow-up question. Can you unsummon specific animals from the conjure animals?

Oh, like, can you, if you summoned two, could you like unsummon one of them? Yeah, so you have like sale cover. That would probably be like a DM's choice. Like, can you control it that way? Yeah, cause if you've got this snall, then you like dissolve part of the snall. Oh, the snall? And then all of a sudden like, yeah, then you like dissolve part of the snall. Then all of a sudden, then you can use the snall as cover.

It's like almost like balustrades or whatever those things are called that people shoot arrows through. Yes, oh, I love that. Or you can stand right next to the part of the snall, dissolve it and try and get a surprise round. Because I don't think that the monsters are going gonna be expecting the snull to partially dissolve. Mm-hmm. The snull dissolve. I, yeah, I think that, especially considering that the consequences of this

were just that it fills up the room. I think you could have maybe done in our conno check or something to have them like try to control it. That way they kind of understand the stakes of it as it's happening. That being said, you warned them and all you did against them was like waste of turn. So it's just, it's just not that big a deal. Well, but also wasting maybe this person's only third level spell slot, depending what level they are. But the DM said, wink wink, this is a bad idea.

Yeah, totally. And then they did it and that it was a bad idea. So the DM gave the wink. Yes. Yeah, no, I do agree with that. I do agree with that. Heed, heed the wink. Heed the wink.

I used to. Heed the wink. So we're gonna go ahead and sentence this player, this player, death by Stale. Blasted by grandma. It's gonna get blasted by grandma into a bit of a spell. We can't use the grandma for every kiss. We can for the rest of the set-up.

It's all I wanna do now. She must rest. Emily, she's so tired. You know what, let's do one last one. Grandma must have lasted. Let's do one last one here. Nothing at party and I'm gonna do one last one here. Nothing I do rights. I'm in a campaign right now and we were in a cave that had a white dragon in it. My character is a barbarian and the sorcerer in our party polymorphed me into a giant ape.

The ceiling was like 60 feet in the air. I was able to climb up the wall to the ceiling where the dragon was hanging from. I successfully draped the draped dragon. Draped dragon. I successfully drappled the dragon. Drappled the dragon. Drappled the dragon. Drappled the dragon. He drappled. I got one fucking job as the bailiff.

I successfully drappled the dragon, but the DM wouldn't let me body slam the dragon because of his ability to fly. I think that's dumb because I don't think a dragon could fly with a huge creature on its back. Thoughts, judges, also, I was holding the dragon by the neck. That's a strength check.

That's at least some sort of a kid, right? You can fucking body slam someone that flies. In fact, you can, that's like how you kill a fly is essentially body slamming them with your hand. It's grapple. It's grappled. So it's speed is zero. So it has the ability to fly, but it can't fly at the time.

You know what I mean? That's a really good call. If you'd grab a dragon, they're speed is zero. You could do straight up, I'm just going to describe all the cool body slums that you could do from the top of this game. I'm going to say, Tombstone Pile Driver. I'm going to say you have it by the neck. Flip it around.

Grab it around the waist. You drive it. Ape holding dragon. You are the undertaker. This is Kane. It is the late 90s. Fire all around you. Slant down.

Your parents love you. Your parents love you. Your parents love you. They're not disappointed in you for watching wrestling. Who's going for the trapple? Oh, I can't believe it. Also, what am I thinking holding the dragon by the neck? This is choke slam territory baby.

This is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, undertaker throwing mankind through the top of the steel cage in Hell in a Cell. I feel like I know what the punishment is gonna be. I just, I just, this DM is going to be facing the Undertaker at Summer Slam. He's coming out of retirement, people. It's not possible.

The dead man rides again. And who's that? That's gotta be Kane. I don't believe this. It's Kane. And all my years of complicating. I've never seen anything like it. You have to face Kane and the Undertaker now on a sell match.

I disagree with how this DM ruled it, but I admire their willingness to be a stickler. Because if I were a DMing and presented with this scenario, I would absolutely be like, oh yeah, you choke the dragon and suplex it because that's cool as hell. And like, who am I to stand in your way? I would fold like paper before this brilliant minute. But I also think that they, but I also think what Murph said is, I think that the player was straight up right.

If they're grappled, a grappled creature has their speed. I think if you're a spank and fly. Yeah, I think that the rules. You can misty step out of a grapple, but I don't think that you can fly out of a grapple. Nope. Maybe I'm wrong. Unless the dragon had really cold hands, because it is an ice dragon, and it touched the

gorillas chest, and the gorilla got a little chilly, and that might have thrown the gorilla off. So I think that's a viable ruling, but no, I think that the speed is going to be zero. Yeah. I'm saying even if the rules weren't on the player side, I feel like I would still allow the player to do this, because it's dope as hell. It's just the right thing to do. Yeah.

So you will be facing the Undertaker. Or no, you will not be facing them. You will get to, you will get front row seats. Oh, you'll be sitting with us. The TV. This is real. This is real. Yep, all of us, we're going to some of our slam.

And we're going to say, oh my god. Front row seats. Front row seats. This is real. Yeah, all of us we're going to some Rosé. We're gonna say oh my god for our seat. So great from Rosé. It's just summer slim. I like it on TV. I didn't get vaccinated for nothing. Yeah. And then your DM is going to have to face Undertaker and Kane. And they're gonna fight for real. It's gonna be awesome. We don't often give out the punishment and the prize. This player is getting a goddamn prize.

Especially because we, the Justices in Bay live, got that to benefit from the prize as well. Yeah, this sounds like the best birthday party we could ever give Murf, which is what we take into Somerslam. It's also funny because it's not WrestleMania, it's Somerslam. Like, if you guys took me to Somerslam, I's also funny because it's not WrestleMania. It's Somerslam. Like, if you guys took me to Somerslam,

I'd be like, it's pretty cool, I guess. No, it's Somerslam. We got you that Somerslam you wanted, honey. Yeah, you kept talking about a slam, so I looked at the first one and saw that. No, this is good. This is probably the third or fourth best pay-per-view. Yeah, that's the kind of thing you get

for your 36th birthday. You know, like it's not a big birthday. Yeah, it's your momentous. You know what, I'm gonna say, it's the third best pay-per-view. I'd be, I'd be plenty happy. You know what, please, you should actually go to Summerslam.

You look so vigilant right now. Fuck, I wanna go to Summerslam. No, I'm not potentially, I'm, I'm furling my brows thinking if I will be allowed to go to summer slam. Yeah, I was having that thought while we're yeah, no, we're just a slam cool it is the greatest I did we're going to summer slam. And with that, I think we're going to go ahead and end this one.

Thank you Dungeon Baylor Jake. Thank you, Dungeon, Baylor, if Jake, thank you to everybody for submitting their questions. Court is adjourned. You can listen to, well, actually, no, court is in recess. You can head on over to our channel. Patreon.com, the road is halfway off now back on. I can go over, going over to patreon.com slash nad pod. That's-a-d-d-p-o-d. Don't sing yet. Yeah. To listen to bonus cases, we're going to be doing some more dnd court over there as our short rest this week. In the meantime, does anybody else have anything they'd like to plug? I have one thing I'd like to plug. Since we talked about wrestling, I wanted to plug the person whose YouTube channel you watch all the time.

Wrestling bios? Check out wrestling bios. I've been watching. Murr, always watches it when he has lunch and it's really, really cute. Yes, wrestlingows is great. I'm currently watching his series where he goes back and watches every Monday night show

and every Monday night raw and compares them back to back when they were airing the same time and is rating them on which one is better and which one is worse and just goes through every single match and I'm on like episode 20 or something like that. So definitely check that out. Everybody go. What a backlog.

Sweet, yes, check out wrestling bios. At court, it's in recess for now. Check us out on Patreon. You can follow us on various social media that we use or don't use. At Cishmer, if it's me, Ad called his call to all, Addy Astro is Emily, Ad Jake Herwoods is Jake, and you can tweet about the show using hashtag NAD pod that's N-E-D-D-P-O-D.

We are the... We are the... We are the... We are the... Baylif now, that was the time! It's the end of the show everyone and you know what that means. We've got a shout out our beautiful benevolent council of elders starting with, Brad D, Jeffrey S, Hall door frostback, steel breaker and mat em, members of the Baylif's Union who have been dispatched

to investigate working conditions at the Supreme Crit after someone anonymously filed several hundred complaints against the three justices. Jordan DJ, Qatar W, JIG, Zolo Dolo, and Dylan B, a council of witches who finally perfected a fireproof broom. Unfortunately, it requires broom and rider to be completely encased in a bubble of water. But hey, progress is progress. Shoebird the mushroom, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Andrew M, Beard Mandan, and Scott D. The Disciples of Tarouk, these chaotic players have taken the tyrannical,

tiefling words to heart and attempted to mutiny their DMs. Unfortunately none of them were successful and now as punishment, they must leave their own homes and linger in a Burger King parking lot in shame. Danny P. Mixologist Michael McD, Victor T. Boundower's boy, Andrew B, and Kevin S. Polymorphing wrestlers who compete annually in a no-holes barred cage match known as We Thought As You. Justin I. Ragnar Faird Wind, TJM the gnome barbarian, Elena M. and Trayle the the Cray-Fae, a team of debate-bards who have perfected a new spell

called Blaming Sphere, the rules of which are written in a purposefully confusing way so as to bait your opponents into arguing. Jared E. Austin Bonsoir MR. Daniel R. And Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Cave critters who watched the epic showdown between the giant ape and the ice dragon. Unfortunately they were seated in the crash zone and were crushed almost instantly. Octo Lich, Gage M, Richard X Machina, Michael L, and Sergio Salazar Salaman Sakurai Sade Sakwani.

Oh that's always a fun one to come back to. A group of elderly D&D players who all get together in their retirement community to play once a week. There's no joke here. I just thought old people playing D&D was a nice mental image and turns out, that was right. Trust the traveler. Sir Carl, Jury S, Dana G, Azoth Shadows, Calum L, and Ryan.

The Supreme Crit's execution squad who are currently out of the job due to the rise of Eldritch Blasting Grandma. Luckily, they were all hired by Baylor Herwitz for some unknown reason just what is he planning. for some unknown reason, just what is he planning? Jack L. Thlawless Whale, Temporal, Sam L. Nicholas C. and Reese NS, Baylives who meet up with Jake for a Bayl of Happy Hour every week and listen to him complain loudly and without restrained about Emily called Wellenmurf. Samuel B, Mike H, Matthew E, Colton B, Adam G, and Mateo C, champions from the WWE Plane, a plane of existence filled with buff heroes that can

only be reached by super tall and super unstable ladders. Nabadger, Panama James, Cummins the Bard, Adrian the Haffling Bard, and Dan, the Blasting Grammas. They're actually not a D&D group, just a college ocopella group. No one knows what the name is a reference to due to the high turnover rate of college ocopella groups. Nikki W. Grace G. Drew Nasty, C.C. Lulu, and Jay, an eldritch demon lord, who gifts their dark curses only to the elderly, their devotees are super-sinoine, don't take no guff. Barnes & Aitor, Michelle O.

Timmy R. Jonathan W. The Croc, wearing warrior and Lucas B. Tarrouk's new D&D group, so far, Tarook has gotten two of them killed, stole in the bag of holding, and multiclasted into Rogue because nobody freaking gets me. Aaron S. Kevin M. Hock fishes above average hog, New York, and Steven C. The council for ordinary broom awareness, A group formed to spread the idea that not every broom is magical and therefore does not need to be mounted and giddy up. In fact, some are magical, but they do stuff like magically clean up spilled milk, not fly. KJ, Michael M, Raoul N, Mike K, Maxwell C, and Karen J.

The Tampa Tourism Bureau, who have politely requested we stop calling them every day to ask whether Summer Slam is gonna be there or not. Nick W, Taylor A, Matthew R, Esme N, and SpartaGNIS, Lightning Bolt Firefighters. Turns out, Lightning fires are like grease fires, and you need a really big metal lid to put them out. Nathan, Kazami are the all-knowing, big bad, bear-do-the-mad, Eric M, and Jack Meehawth. Hollywood producers who are bringing the Tarouk sage to life in an upcoming movie tentatively titled, Turning the Tables. Bradley Cooper is set to star and has been personally ruining D&D games across the country as practice for the role. Burley T. Nero, Claudius, Cesar Augustus, Dermanicus, Christian A. J. Dragonborn, Joro,

then a Propro, and Cody B. The makeup and special effects crew responsible for transforming Bradley Cooper into Tarouk. Apparently, he loved the looks so much he demanded the horns be made extra durable so he could sleep and shower in them. Liam D. The San Dre and Ben A. Feldonis, Dave H. and Koala Bear. Actors starring alongside Bradley Cooper in turning the tables. Liam D plays Tarouk's brother-in-law, and Fel Don is placed Tarouk's father. Well, send Ryan, David H and Koala Bear,

play Wendy's employees who listened to Tarouk rant about how unfair his defeat was. Catherine S, David Gay, Christian S. Dustin S. Keith Gay, the Time Walker, and Emilio D. D&D players who personally had their games ruined by Bradley Cooper. At first they didn't know it was him because he was wearing full tiefling makeup at the time and even after they found out, it was still a little weird. Frankie Koala, big bad John, Aston S, Blair the Bug, Blair Barbarian, and Pork Chop. Bradley Cooper's Entourage, all of them have started sporting Teflin horns too.

Now I'm no fascinista, but I think that horns might just be this summer's hot new look. We'll see though. Chanel M. Alice, Menette F. Pat L. A Choo-tha-A. And Lauren H. Social media stars who are all rocking horns now. That's right folks. Hashtag Hornie Summer is officially underway! Elias Hawthorne, Maddie Y, Alex H, the eldest Barry, Ryan S. and the BONE DESTR, concerned parents making a stand against Hatchtag, Horny Summers, and not because of the body modification and demonic influences either, they just think Bradley Cooper is a bit overrated. Joshua H. Rubik-Cryst! Indrassal. Brindley C. Micah B. and Poloops. A team of cobalt fighters who fight for the white dragon.

They've spent the last decades assembling a massive heart of folding chairs to be used just for this occasion. Carly Ann, Laurie P, Connor Savage, Russell H, Christopher J.O, Logan S, and Love Byethin, Tarookes, Fuddies. They're all hanging in a friends backyard and told them to come by, so they're who you can think for Tarookes, a abrupt departure. Demi A. Bioquart 7. Kenny. Remington CD. Amber K. and Everett P. Onors of an inflamible broom. It's actually a swiffer. W, Champ Wilde, and Valon, Valiant Knights who were all soundly defeated by a magic blast in grandma. Trub is the first to admit that it was their great honor to be defeated by such a hero. Sprite Pepsi, Carlin Sea, Anthony S, Sally S, and Tristan Sea, the Goose! The Supreme Crit's other bailiffs.

Hopefully they all work in a courtroom where the bailiff is treated with a little more respect. Jake, M.L.S., the new petty king of Alterborough, Sessie, Matthew J, Scrip, Scripper, and Zane C. Medium-sized snails, who heard Dan's case and are livid, they weren't called in to help. In a small room, you absolutely must employ the support of not large, but heroic medium-sized snails, long-lived snails. Michael S. the Bone Duster, Noah, Wyatt B. Estelle, Lyle Thorninger, and Rogue Cree, Barbarians

who wrestled a white dragon at Summerslam. Rogue Cree gave the dragon a rock bottom, it was epic. Daniel N. Joseph H. Baron S. Mr. Dude Sky, conflicted DM, and Justin LB. Players judges, he's sitting in a lower court room that unanimously ruled that PJs Brim should not have caught fire. Thankfully, it was appealed and justice was restored. Connor P. Dandy, Jennifer R. Clifton A. Reverend Chatterbones, and Richard G. Alex J's distant cousins who are all Amped for this year's Family Reunion. They all just want to study the game under the most

optimized DNA player of all time. Magic Plasting Grandma. M. Barber, Marcos P, and Pop-Colash. M. Barber, Marcos P, and Pup Kalish! Quadruple-wilder fighters. They fight with two battle axes and also wear ice skates on their feet and get two kick-a-dacks each turn. Take that, Sydney-os-DM, and that's it. We're wrapping it up right there with a big ol' pretty bow. Love y'all! You're too good to us. Goodbye, sweetie.

That was a hit-gun podcast. Love y'all! You're too good to us. Goodbye, sweetie. That was a hit-bomb podcast.