Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Forgotten Traps, Sci-Fi Shenanigans & The Dice Christ Data Dilemma

Episode Date: June 11, 2026

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, along with Lowli, the Bootyshaking Bailiff, as they pass judgement on your trials at the table!Click here to see a picture of Slim Jim Guy in all his meaty glory. CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon, Dunn. Welcome to Dungeon Court, everybody. Dunn, Dunn, Dunn. We are your Supreme Crit Justice's Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, joined by the Loli, lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly. Balie J. Curwit. Loli would be like a cute name for a mascot, maybe. I'm surprised it's not like Lilo's best friend.

Well, we know this. It's the worm. It's the freaking worm. I know, no. That was copyrighted. We're talking about our new original character, Loli. Okay. You want a mascot that's just a mascot from a different thing?

It's our O-C for Lilo and Stitch. Right. This is our Lilo and Stitch OC, which we're going to spin off, Twilight style into its own original franchise. Do you understand the name? Do you understand? Merv, don't you get this? All right, think about it.

Think about heated rife. but for a courtroom and Lully is the name of our original hit character and Lowe's a mascot in a courtroom. I think that it's like a mascot but also kind of a guy. Right. Well, you're saying mascot or character in a TV show you're pitching. There are two different things, right? Yeah, follow me on this.

This is Loli. It starts off as just like a series of essays or I guess, you know, like fan fictions that we write online. And then it gets option for a book. And then it's a TV show and then it becomes an animated. And when it's the TV show, we could do sort of like, you know, we don't go full animated. We go, they look like mascots of people. There we go.

Wait, wait. When you see the Peanuts Gang, when you see somebody dressed up as the Peanuts Gang. So they have like felt costumes of people. That's good. So low, lowly is a guy who's a lawyer. So we're like kind of like practical effects are back. Yeah. A.K. adults in disturbing costumes.

And so it's just a really expensive show because you need every single actual adult actor and they're wearing suits so that they look like kind of cartoon adults. Or maybe it's just muffets. And it's as steamy as heated rivalry. I think for sure, for sure. For sure. Yeah, this is the first. We do what episode one did, but all the episodes instead. Yes, exactly. It's going to be steamy. It's going to be rated TVY 17. Whoa. What's that? Well, TVY seven year olds only. 17 year olds only. Only. Okay, I love it though. I love it. I love it. Okay, yeah.

And with that, hear ye, hear ye, Crit is now in session. The Honorable Supreme Critt justices, Axford, Murphy, and Tanner are presiding. Our first case is from Coots. Coots writes to the most perspicacious of potentates and the Bootylicious Bayliff. I present for your consideration.

That's a good name for the show. Bootylishess bailiff. Yeah. Oh, there it is. Oh, because he gets so lowly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Drop it. Like it's lowly. Yeah. And he has a huge felt ass. Right. And maybe a tiny felt head. The ass is what's big. The ass is what people are drawn to.

I think everything should be big. I was going to say like you don't see like a lot of sort of animated properties taking off where the heads are small. Well, I think because it seems like people want the heads big. Yeah. The eyes big. Oh, this is interesting. Do we pivot?

Do we try to see like where the industry is going? Yeah. Like I'm going for small heads now. We've been doing big heads. big guys for a while, now we're doing... Small heads. Huge asses. Small heads, huge ass.

What's going to be great about this is because if we are going with a Muppet approach, we won't see the ass until like, you know, an outdoor scene, like, later on. Because you'll be, like, hidden behind a booth or something. So then actually we probably shouldn't have the title have something to do with the character's huge ass. No, we should, though, because that everyone's... Well, that's why they're watching. Yeah, everyone's watching.

Oh, just a reveal? So it's almost like a murder mystery, but it's who has a huge ass. Yeah. It's a who done it, but a who ass it. Yeah. Wow. This is all really good. Yeah. Please take it away.

Oh, sorry, I close the document. I'm not reading the kids. You switch to a not bad problem. I opened up final draft. I've got a couple scenes. Yeah. Instead of a who done it, it's a booty done it. It just says interior ass at the top.

Interior ass. Every character is named ass. They say it's booty, bitty, bitty. I present for your consideration the case of the thief versus own trap. My group's first D&D campaign was 10 years ago in an office conference room. After work at a tech company where all of us work together. You were playing out of the abyss with all brand new players, myself included, and our friend who was a forever GM of older editions but was also new to 5E.

We were cautiously picking our way through the dungeon and came upon a snare trap in the middle of the hall. The thief in our party approached the trap, attempted to disarm it and rolled the Nat 20. Nice. The GM said that he had disarmed it so well that he could choose. Oh, God, I hate this shit. It's not what you think. It's not what you think. Are you sure?

Merth is way. No, no. Fuck this GM. Why, Merf? You don't want to go out there with this energy. This party needs to break up. This business needs to go under this conference room. It needs to be set on fire.

I'm kidding. Hey, quip he has so mean to four square. I assume you were working for four square. They've been through a lot. The GM said that he had disarmed it so well that he could choose to rearm it. Murph, do you want to say something?

I'll take the tiny hell. Tiny? It's just tiny right now. It's tiny because we don't know what this GM does ultimately. Okay, it's fair. Like, this GM fucked up clearly otherwise it would write it to the TV. I just got to us. Say, Murph, this is not very bootylicious of you.

Yeah. We don't know. We don't know how bootylicious it is of me. Okay, they can rearm it and would catch anyone else that comes through this way. Cool. To which the thief said, yep, sounds great. Cut to the next session. A week or two later, that same thief is being chased by some dwerger hastily retreating

back through that section of the dungeon. As he dashed through the corridor, the GM asked him to roll a deck save to avoid his own trap. Because, according to the GM, he forgot that it was there and did not say he was. was explicitly avoiding it. The argument prior to the role lasted about 20 minutes, an abridged version of which follows. GM, you rearm the trap and forgot about it. There is a live trap in the hallway, so of course you have to roll to avoid it. Thief, on a Nat 20, I feel like my character would have remembered that it was there and avoided it.

GM, you were moving at maximum speed, not being careful, and you moved through the exact square it was located. Thief. What? Dude, it's been like two weeks since that happened for me, but it's only been an hour for my character. Actually, we would have remembered. It was a Nat 20. Ultimately, it became clear the GM was standing his ground, so the thief rolled the check and failed.

An encounter ensued, which we all survived, but to this day, the thief contends they should have been able to avoid their own trap. Yeah, they definitely should have been. So, Mur, if you were wrong about the exact circumstances, I told you, this DM was just playing the long game. You know, I actually don't think this DM, I'm actually going to defend the DM more. What? Oh, sir. What's got to eat you? We cannot keep up.

I don't know. Look, now that I know the context, I think this DM's awesome. What did you think was going to happen? What did I think was going to happen? Yeah, you had such a big reaction. Because they do this bullshit, like, people write in these cases where it's like you rolled a Nat 20 and you succeeded so hard on your acrobatic. check that you get dizzy from the awesome flips you do during your attack and you pass out. Like people have been doing shit like that. They're like, you rolled a Nat 20 trying to do a

medicine check. You're so strong you break their ribs as you're trying to help them. So I thought it was going to be some bullshit like that. But no, it's just some different bullshit. So I think there's a middle ground here. And so ultimately it is the DM's fault because the DM makes the ruling. So I think there is a world where while you're running away from somebody and kind of panicked, you might kind of forget about the trap that you set. And I think the player makes a good point that it's been like two weeks or whatever so that they maybe don't remember. I would say if you wanted to make a ruling as a DM of being like, you're flustered, you're being chased, roll a deck save, but do it with advantage because you're the one who said it here. Sure. That would have been fair.

Yeah. Yeah. I think just a flat deck save as if you're just another gibrony. Right. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. But I think having the idea that you would fall into your own trap is not that nuts to me.

It's mostly. Right. Especially if you're if you're sprinting. Yes. Exactly. I think the DM was using the fact that it had been two weeks ago to try to use the fact that the player doesn't remember it's there to be like, gotcha. Yeah, the DM is kind of trying to trick them.

Which I think is stupid. stupid. I really think if I had laid a trap an hour, if I had like, if I had so awesomely disarmed a trap and then laid it down for another person, an hour later, I would still be like, damn, I'm awesome. Yeah. I would still be thinking about my victory. But if someone, if someone was trying to murder you though and you're running away, like I'll kick over a glass of water that I sit down all the time. Sure. But you didn't roll a nat 20 on that glass of water. Fair. This is not a perfect pour. There's a world where this GM could have made this cool. and rewarded the Nat 20 by being like,

you're going through that exact corridor where you set this trap and it could catch the thing chasing you. Like that would have been a cooler way to honor it and brought the trap back in. I think, I mean, personally, I feel like you have to, when you were faced with this disconnect between real world time and game time, you have to lean on the side of the player for that. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, you have to like set up what the room looks like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you can't tell a player what they forgot. Yeah, that's kind of what I'm saying. You forgot that trap was there. I mean, the argument of like, Like you're going over that exact square. It's a narrow hallway roll to avoid it.

Maybe it makes sense. What do you guys think a perfect pour of water would look like on a Nat 20? Is it just like right up to the edge? Oh, I know it because I do it. You do it right up to the very edge. And you can almost get it to where this can it because you know the surface tension. Yeah. The surface tension gives a it can go a little bit beyond.

Right. And you put like a little water spider on the top. And like if it can just like rest gently on the top without it overflowing, that's so you know you've done a good job. It's also not technically a Nat 20. you then have to then sip from it. Well, you didn't roll an at 20 for your sip. That's a separate for the poor.

Yeah, this isn't crazy for me if you're giving them advantage or if you're like do an insight check as you enter this room. There should be, you should have some kind of advantage. The DM would be tipping their hand a little bit by being like, as you run into this room, do an insight check. Okay. I think it is fair to say that the trap is in play for you to fall into your own trap because I am okay with that yes I am okay with that but the fact that you the DM seems to have

intentionally sort of obfuscated this so that you would be tricked by the fact that out of game it's been two weeks is wrong I think that what's bothering me the most is saying you forgot it's kind of like if you wanted to find out if I forgot have me roll a wisdom safe well they're saying yeah they're saying the player forgot which the player did forget but the player forgot because it's in two weeks. So did the character forget? Again, have them do an inside check. I think this does come down to like GM style a little bit. Like if you want to be a hard ass, I think you still have to make them do a role regardless. Yeah. But like the fact that there was no role is really what like the sticking point is here. But like, I think that if I was jamming this, I would definitely be like,

oh yeah, you remember there's a trap there. That's fun. You've set this up. Like, let's see how this plays out. Yeah. But I think like you're allowed as a gym to be a little more of a hard ass about that, especially if you like have them do a luck check or yeah an insight there's also a world where you get caught in your own trap and it's funny and fun because you're like as you go into this room you notice it's pretty familiar go ahead and give me an inside check fail the inside check okay roll me a deck save with advantage you get this bad feeling and you're just in there like what the fuck and then you get caught by it that's fun versus just being like you went over that square asshole you don't remember this thing from two weeks ago yeah i think it's like the i think it's the gotcha of it all

I think the justification doesn't feel right. Yeah, because I was thinking I was like, I would do this to like the Hot Boy Summer guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's because it's what you guys would want and have the most fun with. Yeah, it's true. We also play characters that would forget. Like if you were like, Tread forgot this, I would be like, yeah, he did.

I also have like actively been like, let's see if you remember, give me a role. Like I've been like, okay, did you remember to put your guitar back in its case? Give me a role. You know, like it's also a different campaign because you guys want to be playing that. way too. I mean, to us, like, what's funny? Are wearing a partard or being hoisted by it? Yeah.

Do you wear a partard? What's a ptard? I don't know. I don't know. Hoisted by your own pittard, I always assumed it was like a sort of a spear. Oh, I thought it was like a doublet or something. Or like, oh, wait, isn't it like your groin protection? Oh, my gosh.

A ptart is a small bomb used for blowing up gates and walls when breaching fortifications. Oh, that makes sense. You just blew yourself up by accident. Why would you be hoisted by it? I guess you're like blow up if you fly in the air, I guess. I guess I always thought it was like you kind of stumbled and then you got like thrust into the air by your own sphere.

You get hoisted in the air when your damn body breaks apart. Okay. It means to be harmed by the very trapper scheme you set for someone. Yeah. Okay. This is, oh, I get it. Okay, okay. It's a Shakespeare phrase.

I was going to say it's a my dad phrase. My dad loves saying hoisted by your own fatari. Another dad phrase could have been a contender. Oh, that's a good one. I'm going to log back. Yeah. If you guys want to be old school dads. All right.

So we're against this DM. As I said, right off the start. I never wavered. Yeah, we could have saved ourselves a lot of grief. I never fucking wavered. Something was rotten in the state of work mark.

This could have been 30 seconds long. I have a good punishment for them. They have to do a dry run of all the adult cartoon costumes to make sure that they're safe. To make sure that they don't. get like heat stroke or anything inside. Oh, okay, sure. Yeah. Because like under the lights of the set, it's going to get really hot.

Yeah. And we put them through the ringer. Yeah. And we've got to make them dance. We got to crank the thermostat up to like 90. Yeah. And we're going to like a sort of tax haven. Mm-hmm.

We're going to get like a real hot area of Florida. Yeah. We're going to go to like. Outdoor set. Uh-huh. Even though it's so muggy. Yeah. Well, outdoor set because we're going to have like a, instead of like a live studio audience,

we're going to have a passerby audience. Yeah. I like that. We're filming it on the highway. It's sort of like man on the street but also scripted television show. Yeah. Scripted reality series. Yeah.

We're going to say that people have jury duty, but we just lied, which I think is a felony. But we, you know what? If we can get away with it, the show is going to be great. Yeah. All right. So this GM is our stand-in for our main character. Right. It doesn't get to have any of the cool lines about the Gintercy Jazz.

Yeah. We have to work out the lighting on them. All right, cool. Perfect. So ordered. And our next case comes from. cited to the magnificent quit justices and cuck junk.

I bring forward the case. Another great character for the show. Yeah. Cuck Jop. That's true. I bring forward the case of the refusal of planned allegiance. All right.

That's a mouth cold. Years ago, I was DMing a home game for a few friends and two new players. Upon character creation, one of the new players, a monk, told me that he wanted to have an internal struggle with Eldath, the D&D God of Peace, and corn, the Warhammer blood god.

I thought it was interesting, so I worked with him on it. Fast forward, right before our 13th session, the monk told me that he would be siding with corn for power. I told him, cool, we can work together and make that happen. That session, the party was sailing and got bombarded by pirates. Two hours of combat and things were looking rough. One ranger was tossed overboard, another was down, and the rogue was too far away.

The monk was surrounded, and it seemed like all hope was lost. I began to narrate how the monk heard the deep and gravely voice of corn in his mind, asking the monk to accept a gift from him to be powerful enough to save himself and his companions. Judges, the monk out of character, looked me in the eyes and said, Why the fuck would I do that? What? I was taken aback. I thought I was giving the monk exactly what he wanted, but it seemed like I offended him.

I told him, you don't have to accept it if you don't wish to. He, in fact, declined and proceeded to keep a slight attitude. to did not just me, but the rest of the table as well. Okay. What? In the end, the Ranger made it back aboard the ship, and with some great time natural 20s from Dice Christ, the party was victorious. Nice.

But the mood was entirely soured, and I could feel a slight sense of hostility. That was our last session for the game, but even after all this time, I still do not have any clue what I could have done wrong to make the monk turn 180 degrees on what he wanted and feel offended. Could I have been better at reading body language to see that something? That wasn't something they wanted to do anymore, or am I simply overthinking it? I humbly await your word on the matter. Okay.

So let's try to, obviously, this player is wrong. Can I just say, this is the fucking stuff of dreams. This is what I want in D&E. I want a fucking deity to reach out to me. To say, what's up? Yes. Yeah, with a gravelly-ass voice. Yeah.

And even like, even to give me a dark bargain. I want that. I want nothing more. I can't understand where this person is coming from. Yeah. And that's kind of the yin-yang of like D&D because all I want to do is make my friend feel uncomfortable and sad from across the way. That makes sense. I want to just look at someone and be like, what the fuck are you doing?

Yeah. I love when you like order a coffee at like a coffee shop and then they give it to you and then you're like, what is this? Sorry, what the fuck was that? No, I wanted to have an internal struggle between coffee and tea and you've just given me one choice. What the fuck? Yeah. Okay. So let's try to imagine what the hell sort of miscommunication happens.

Right. Right. We're going to throw them off a ship wearing a mascot costume so they can't swim. Yeah. They're definitely wrong. You also should be at ease. You did everything right. Yeah.

There is something. We're going to get you an EP credit on the show. I forget what it's called, but you can have an EP credit. Because there was something going on inside this person that was not even, they did not attempt to communicate to you whatsoever. Here, I have a theory. Since this person came in hot with like their backstory and all of it kind of worked out, like they're literally going, hey, I'm going to have this battle between these two gods.

Oh, I'm actually going to go with this one god. They're like writing their own novel before they're even playing. And then they show up. And I think this person is maybe like kind of a control freak. And as soon as it happened in a way that wasn't how they pictured in their mind. they freaked out. So they're sitting there being like, oh,

I wanted to like, I wanted this like push pull or I wanted it to happen later or I didn't want it to happen in this section. I wanted to like write the monologue that I do when I go reach out to that, to the god or whatever.

I have another, I have another theory, which is that they wanted it to be like a dangerous secret. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That they were like siding with this god for extra power. And like in their mind,

they were like, and no one will know. I'll just be so powerful and no one will know why. I could definitely see that. And I'll be the main character. And shut up when I'm talking to corn. I'm doing it in my head. Yeah, I'll pretend to be with the one of peace

that wants to work with the party, but secretly I'm getting more powerful. I'll call you for our nighttime session than we do without the other players. Is it possible that in describing like the God of War corn that the DM made it sound like evil in a way that suddenly the player

freaked out about like being judged about choosing it. Do you think it was just like corn shows up and was like, what's up? That's my guy. We're best friends. And we've always been working together. Or did he did like corn like kind of be like and I will give you power and we will watch this world rot or something like maybe it was like sold in like this like evil way

that the player was then embarrassed to do in front of the other players? That seems, I think you might be stumbling on this thing. I think you might have found a kernel of the truth of the corn here. Wow. Right, but no matter what, there's still no reason to say something so rude. See, you shouldn't. They also just should have done it. They wanted this.

They wanted this. I think, yeah, that scenario, it might give him reason to, like, shy away. Yeah. You know what, never mind. I don't want to do this. It's a classic Berenstein bears too much birthday situation. Okay, what's that? What's that?

I think we all, do I need to explain it? Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to guess. Okay. I'm going to guess. He's called too much birthday? Too much birthday. It's Brother Bear's birthday.

Yeah. He's being kind of a pill. Uh-huh. Just, you know, and then he eats too much cake. Yeah. And then he gets sick. He's excited about the birthday all day. Okay.

Just like, can't wait for it. Can't wait for it. He's asking his parents when it's going to happen. And then it finally comes and he just like goes hard and parties and then just feels bad and feels like a little gross and sad because he got exactly what he wanted. But he like the expectation outlives what he expected. He feels gross and sad? How does he communicate that he feels gross and sad?

Well, because he... And acts like a little shit. Interesting. It's so real. What a lesson. So I think what's happening is, yeah, like, I think the player did have an expectation and it was betrayed. And, you know, much like a five-year-old bear acted poorly.

Not to talk about Berenstain Bears instead of the case. I feel like I actually relate to this because I would get so excited for Christmas morning. Yeah. And then after it was over, I think. think I would feel grumpy because I was like, but it's in the past now. It was in the future for so long and it lit me up and now my soul is empty. Right.

Too much Christmas. I kind of see what you're saying. But on the other hand, I am like just go play Super Mario Brothers too because you just got it. And that's awesome. That is awesome. It was a stocking stuffer. Yeah, that's true. That's not a stocking stuffer.

My God. That's under the fucking tree. The one of the stocking. Those boxes were big. If you're getting freaking Nintendo games in your. stocking. Jesus. Honestly, I don't remember.

I think also like our, maybe like our gift giving strategy was like a little more functional. So maybe there wasn't like, because my dad bought Super Nintendo for himself, so he had that. I'm going to be a contender. Just playing Super Nintendo and quoting, was it Marlon Brando and Shakespeare?

I'm going to get a Nintendo. Terrible. I relate to the small bear. Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Too much birthday, for sure. Too much birthday situation. So, yeah, yeah.

So obviously, this DM is not wrong. Oh, but I relate to the small bear when I was a small bear myself. Right. This person's an adult. And they, yeah, yeah. That if they had a too much birthday situation, that's something to like interrogate within themselves. This, this monkey's being a bit of a small bear. I still think.

The point is you did nothing wrong. There's no body language you could have read to have handled this better. They wanted something very specific. and you're not a fucking mind reader so there's no way that you would ever know that and they're rude as hell. Yeah, like no matter what, even if it was like a slightly more relatable thing

like, oh, like it sounded evil and suddenly they were second guessing whether or not they wanted to do it. That's still not on your shoulders. If they got a little shy and bashful, that would be fine. That's fine, but that's also not your problem. Yeah.

But it didn't sound bashful. It sounded like... The opposite of bashful, it sounded grumpy. We're going to go with one of the seven, dwarves and honestly a little dopey yeah thank you yeah is there anything else no definitely wasn't sleepy and hell it wasn't doc couldn't have been doc we know it wasn't we know it wasn't doc because doc it was dopey i think it was a dopey yeah i agree what are the other ones dopey bashful doc

grumpy sleepy happy one more who we fucking missing sneezy there you go could have been a little sneezing could have been a little sneezing could have been a little Sneezy. Maybe he was sick. They should have a mopee. Yeah. We're going to do that. You're mopee. You're right. Lopie is a really good one.

They're going to need to get rid of Sneezy because of life. Right. I don't think that. I don't think people are comfortable with that. Sneesie. Yeah. Sneezy is like spreading disease. Yeah.

Let's get a sneeze. Let's get a depressed. Let's get lopi instead of sneeze. Lopi. Why is it sneezing wearing a mask? Sneasy? Yeah, wow. Well, the dwarfs have those big noses. I don't know if it would fit. It's the problem. Dude, you say that. They can, they can fit. They don't mean to do. No, they're going to wear them like boomers do. Yeah, they're going to wear it on their chin. Yeah, sorry, can you cover your nose? It's not a chin strap, all right? Sneezy.

The loudest sneezes. I'm tested negative. Don't worry. I tested negative. Don't worry. I tested negative. All right. Sneezy. out, Mopee's in. This monk is Mopee. You have to wear a felt suit of Mopee in Florida because you work a Disney World now. Yeah. I can't wait to see this sort of odd couple of happy and Mopee. Whoa.

And this is, we've talked about sneaking into Disneyland to do stuff before. I guess Picks are kind of did happy and Mope. Oh, and also, okay, so this is an even bigger punishment because then you have to deal with. So your Mopee, they're like, they do. do this big thing where they're like, we're getting rid of Sneezy, here's Mopey. And then they introduce you and you're going to be booed. People are going to fucking hate you. In Florida, they love Sneezy.

They love Sneezy. They want Sneezy back. Yeah. But you can't win anyone over. You're mope. They're going to phase you out in a month and bring back Sneezy and clarify that it's allergies. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, and you're going to get thrown under the bus.

They're going to be like, it was this monk's idea. He kept talking about corn. I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about. We thought, you know, we just got caught up in it. We put Mopee in there. I can see it perfectly now because it's your Mopee. You ride a moped. Oh, that's good.

Being Mopee on a moped is so funny. This isn't what I wanted. That is kind of how this monk was acting. That's what's going to happen is like Mopee is going to be too distracted because he's upset while he's on his moped. And he's just going to, he's going to go off a ramp right into a swamp. There's also, you know what's going to happen is when they want to phase out Mopee, they're going to stage an accident.

Oh, my God. Mopi dies. To bring allergy, Sneezy back. Right. A moped accident. Sneasy shows up and shows that like he doesn't have COVID because he can, he's so, okay, so this is what happens. He does an allergy panel.

Yeah, he doesn't. Like, it turns out as hayweed. Well, hang on. This is sort of getting different from the, uh, um, Mopey dying. So Mopey crashes into riding his moped. It goes out of control. They're like, oh no, the evil queen has cut the brakes on his rope. This is so different that I was picturing.

I was picturing that the official line is just he tried to cut in front of a semi-automatic truck. Yeah, I think the accident has to be his fault. No. Otherwise people will feel sorry. This is perfect. Yeah. He goes, he goes. No, no, no, no, guys.

He goes to Parsland. He goes to Carsland. All right. Now, all right. I'm on board with this called. And Mader runs him over. Mader runs, okay. What if Mader hits him on?

Okay. And he's sort of like tips. So, okay, so like he flies off of radiator springs. Yeah. He's in the freaking rocks. Right. He's like off the side. It was Corvette rocks, yeah.

Sleepy. Or not sleepy. Sleepy, sleeping. Sleeping is not there. Sleepy, sleepy knows he can't drive him up to head. Whoa, wait. Hang on. That's good.

Sleepy is there sleeping. So we see how irresponsible sleep he is. Sneezy out of retirement Starts running right He starts running Climes the rocks In like record speed And everyone's like

He clearly doesn't have COVID If he had COVID He'd be coughing instead of sneezing His lungs wouldn't be able to handle all this Chasing him as his allergy doctor Saying it was ragweed It was ragweed Yeah and that could be doc

That could be doc Oh my God it's dock The allergy And sneezing is shirtless You see the allergy panel And you see how many allergies he has And he sees there which is allergies all along

And he goes to try to save Mopey And he can't Because Mope's dead Through a wall of dander So it's really brave He sacrifices himself He reaches out to Mopee

And Mopee goes to take his hand But then says, why the fuck Would I do that? Yeah And then a big rig just And then grump T-bones Yeah

Oh yeah And then Mader comes back And just runs over his head And it It explodes like a watermelon And no one's sad And no one's sad at all Okay, so that was one of the more elaborate punishment.

Yeah, the monkey is mopee. Yeah, but I think it's fitting. So hoisted by his own pachar. Yeah, Sneezy's back. Sneezy's uncanceled. Comedy is legal. Yeah. Sneezy just had allergies.

Sneezy is fucking legal again. It's just allergies guide. Yeah. And all the other dwarves have natural immunity, so just don't worry about it. Hey, everybody. It's Emily here to talk to you about Mint Mobile. When people hear that Mint Mobile plans are only $15 per month, a lot of people wonder, what's the catch? Well, I can tell you there isn't one.

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Goodbye, sweeties. Okay, our next case comes from Sean M. Sean M writes, Honorable Justices, Jake, my boy. I come to you with the case of the bed shit deception. Okay. It's frankly crass, I know. But to whom else could I turn?

All right. You know what? We just talked about popping some of his head. Guys, are you willing to debase yourselves in the name of the law? We normally pass on crass. We really do. I think this time we are willing to lower ourselves. Yeah.

We are willing to join Loli B. Yeah. I'm ready to suck it up. And by suck it up, I mean suck up some dips pit. Dude. Sorry. I'm playing in a Star Wars 5E campaign. We fought some Eldridge horrors in a spaceship.

One of my party, let's call him cake, failed a constitution saving throw. And the DM narrated that he felt the sudden urge to shit. Playing along with this crass chicanery, you found a spaceship tube of some sort and shathing to that. Sure. The DM asked us to roll a D4. and narrated how the shit was sucked through the tube and splattered all over Kake's bedroom. What? We laughed like the dipshits we are.

Here's where it gets unjust. After we defeated the Eldridge horrors, Cake asked if he could deceive my character into thinking we had accidentally swapped keys and that this bedroom was actually my bedroom. I think it's fair. I would try to pawn off my bedroom too in this situation. The DM said, yeah, and told him to roll with advantage. and that I should roll insight.

No, cake shouldn't have had advantage. That's the only thing that's wrong. That's the only thing that's wrong. Cake should have rolled raw. You can't have your cake and shit in it too. Yeah. Cake beat me and the DM said I fully believe the shit covered room was mine. No.

I mean, what the fuck? Okay, wait. I ask you to ignore our shit-stained shenanigans and rule on an important constitutional question. Can you roll to deceive another player of something absolutely unhinged? does everyone have to play along if they roll bad on insight? You know what?

I think it would be fair. I think it'll be fair. How? It's a room. I'm going to say how it's fair. You know what your room looks like? I'm going to tell how it's fair. But it's like a room on a spaceship. But even if a hotel room,

if Jake was just like, I'm in your hotel room and my stuff, I'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Colwell understands. Murph, much like an airlock in space, this is going to be airtight. Okay. So this is taking place in Star Wars 5E.

What do we know about Star Wars? The Force exists. This player, might have been force sensitive and didn't even know it. They were using a Jedi mind trick to deceive their fellow player into thinking that this was their room.

Is Sebulba there? Zubalba is certainly there. I'm in. I love that guy. I'm surrounded by mopees. If you guys were like, this is stupid, but let's do it. This is a disadvantage.

That's what I was going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disadvantage kind of works. That's really the rub. I was going to also say that I think you'd be within your right to be like if you get a Nat 1 on your insight or they get a nap 20 on their deception, it'll go through. But those are pretty much the only two conditions. Yeah, it should be a tall order. You know, that also heightens everything.

Because then if you roll well and it works, then it's extra funny. Yeah. And this, you just, you just, you forced a joke. You jumped out of too hard. If like we were all sitting in a certain place in like a car and got out and then someone was like sitting there and I had like my headphones there. I'd be like, I was just there. What do you do? Like, give me my stuff.

Especially on a spaceship where there are like five rooms total. Yeah. But picture those spaceship rooms. Like a lot of times when you watch dystopian sci-fi, they're dressed down. There's like nothing going on. I agree that this is. It's halfway between like your room at home and a hotel room, I would say a spaceship room is. Right?

But you theoretically have stuff in there, right? If you, if they moved into the spaceship that morning, maybe. But when you're an adventurer, a lot of times, your stuff is just in a little satchel. Yeah. You're going from spaceport to space. But it'd be covered in, this person's stuff would be covered in shit. Why did it even, why is it even funny that that room got covered in shit if none of their stuff is in there? It's just a fucking empty void.

It's just an empty void. So just be like, cool, no one sleeps in there. I'm moving in with you. It doesn't like, what is the joke here? Like, they're going to open the door and be like, oh, this room is. carved in shit. It's not like they're going to go into the room with the lights out and lie down in the shit. I don't see how, unless they are force sensitive and they've crafted a false room within the mind of their fellow player. And subalba's there. Yeah, subalba, well, of course,

Subbo is also force sensitive and he's probably helping out the player. That's why they got advantage on this. And grievous is there too. I'm going to agree with you that subloba is probably force sensitive, but he definitely can't cast Jedi mind tricks. I think, well, maybe if he combines his powers with someone else, he would need intense training Caldwell. What do you think he's been doing since his defeat? Pod racing! Yeah, I was going to say that Sibulba has proven a work ethic that

would be capable. He just has put it all into pod racing. No, he's got too much hubris. Who do you think is bankrolling his future pod racing endeavors? It's Duku, my man. Duke who is training him. It's in the war. Take the tiny L-Merve. I refuse.

These rooms would need to be fucking voids. There's no way, like Again, why is it funny to shit in a random room that's empty? Yeah, the stuff aspect of it is definitely, that's a sticking. I really think it comes down to already it was so unfair because they had advantage and you didn't. But I think it should have been like way, way, way harder than just you having advantage. I really think it should have been like either you crit in the wrong direction or they crit in the right direction. Otherwise, it doesn't work.

If you wanted to do this joke and just be like all of the characters, are dumbasses, that's fine, but it should have been balanced so that you had the advantage. Hemp's right. Yeah. I mean, I hate to say this, because you know I love a hat on a hat. I think it's really funny when you put one hat on top of another hat. I kind of do. I do.

But this does seem kind of like that. This seems like the joke was the shit going on the bed. And then this player is trying to like double down on that joke to kind of, you know what? They're not being a graceful loser here. I actually think I think the players totally within their right to go for this. To try. Yeah. To try.

Yeah. Zia made them shit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. They're trying to evade the shit. Yeah. I think that does make sense.

If anything, they played along with this crash joke that is like so something that I would never do. Convincing someone that their room is not their room and your room is their room is. Well, okay. Insane. Imagine all four of us checked into a hotel room. Yes. But we left our bags at the front desk.

And then I shit in my room and I gave you my key card. And I said, oh, this is your room. Yeah. Oh, that's what I'm saying. I do think it's closer. If they, if they, If this D&D court began with, we all set our bags down in the pilot's quarters and then all decided which rooms we're in, completely blank voids with nothing in them. And then we left them.

And then one hour later, we were shitting ourselves. I think we all agree, though, that the DM is wrong. Yeah. Okay. I thought you guys thought the DM was right. Yeah, we just have varying takes on if the shit room is funny or possible. We're just trying to figure out if it's possible. The shitting in the room is funny.

It's not, it's only possible if you live, if the exact scenario that Jake just said is the only one it's possible. And even then, if I had been in the room, I'd be like, what? No, I'm on the third floor. Right, because you would remember if you would shit in it. Right. Yeah. holograms do exist though. So you could make it look like a room that hasn't been shit, shat in because of the power of holograms.

I don't know why you want to defend this. I just think it's possible. I personally think it's possible because I think when I think of dystopian sci-fi, I think of really dressed down rooms and a little knapsack in the corner. And that's the only personalization. Therefore, I think it's possible, but I said that the mechanics

should be really hard. Yeah. Listen, we're not, we do not agree with this person. We're just trying to give it the due diligence it deserves to figure out if it is in any way possible for you to mistake your room for another room that has shit in it. Yeah. Yeah. It's just science. It's just science.

You're being a bit of a mopey right now. You're kind of being a mofie. You're like taking a fat. I'm being a grumpy, okay? Murphy, you don't watch enough sci-fi. You don't watch enough sci-fi. That's not true.

First off, I was collecting freaking Star Wars cards. Okay. Back in the day. Okay, so I know all about the little freaking garages that they live in. No, but you haven't seen the expanse. I haven't seen.

You want to see some sad rooms, watch the expanse. Oh, they're a lot of sad rooms. I'll tell you what. If you show me the expanse on the spaceship and no one has any personal touches and they're just in voids, I'll take the L.

Have you seen Balsar Galactica? No, I haven't. Those rooms are real sad. Yeah, those are all the same. Do they have anything in them? Do they have any qualities that are like our personal touches? Well, I mean, they're, they're in like a military organization. So like probably they're pretty sparse.

Yeah. Okay, pretty sparse. What does pretty sparse mean? Because pretty sparse means you have some of your fucking shit, right? You got to choose your words careful. He'll jump on anything. Say completely sparse. Mopee is on his moped.

He's revving up his moped, folks. Convincing someone that their room is not their room. It's so hard. You're really underplayed. We have given too much time to this. Let us. Too much oxygen. Let's shit in this person's room.

And then we'll say, don't worry about it. It's not your room. This isn't your apartment. I think the punishment has to be subalba related, right? Subboba shit's in your house. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I bet he is the nastiest shit.

Oh, yeah. Seafood. Oh, and he's like kicking around. He can't wipe because his hands are feet, right? Oh, yeah. So he's just kicking around, spraying shit. shit everywhere all over this DM's room and then subalba just says as this person walks in subbova says don't worry it's not your room yeah and then leaves you know he's also like housing pod snacks

that are just like oh yeah oh yeah he's doing the slim gym cheese combo oh man yeah absolute absolute gas station food it's like Jabba the hut style slim jims which are like our living little guys named slim jimbs and they're going like bigoka and like jabba just grab them Eat me. No, Subbo would never. Subbo would definitely would. Subbo would never. Subbo tried to kill a child.

No, Boba. Yeah, that's different. This was before he realized he was force sensitive and he amended his way. That was the original Slim Jim mascot guy, right? It was the guy that yelled, eat me. Really? I think so. That wasn't after Ranny Macho Man Savage?

I don't know. I don't know the time. You know what? We can look at the timeline of the Eat Me Slim Jim guy. Well, Caldwell looks that up. I'll start the next case and you can interrupt me with the answer. Our next case comes from Claudia to the notorious SCJ and the great and terrible bailiff. I present the case of the twist that turned on me.

I am DMing a home brew sci-fi campaign with two friends and my partner. So far, the PCs woke up in a laboratory with strange powers stylized from 5E classes in a town overrun by Myconids. Love it. And discovered the lab is. home to a massive sentient megashroom that wants to expand to new towns. Cool. Everything has been going great until session three when I revealed the twist. All the PCs had died in the Mycenaid attack, and they were actually all fungal reconstructions

grown using their bodies and samples of the Megasroom. Whoa. Cool. In response, my friend playing a 17-year-old paladin decided that it wasn't safe for him to leave the lab at all, and he would have to figure out how to kill the megastroom instead of exploring the town and meeting up with his PC's dad, as planned. Immediately, I could see the rest of the party look bummed. They didn't really want to split a three-person party, but seemed to be disappointed to be stuck at the lab, especially our

friend playing an 80-year-old rogue who was loving her new powers. Afterwards, my partner suggested that I just asked our paladin to retcon his character decision so the rest of the party could enjoy the rest of the world and the storylines I'd planned for them, esteemed justices. Would it be wrong in the eyes of the court to ask this paladin to change his mind and go against his character choice, or should I let the story play out? Wow. And we need your merciful wisdom. This is so, like, mature of everyone.

First off, I have to say that the paladin, I think that this is one of, like, the less, like, extreme paladin stances we've heard. Yeah. It's more logical. It's kind of being like, oh, I am part of the contagion. I shouldn't leave. Oh, yes. But I do think that you are within your right to ask them.

Because I think if you explain it the way that you did, like, a real thing. reasonable person would be like, okay, yeah, let's come up with a way that I can do that or something. A little bubble suit, like a bubble suit, or even just like what would your character need to kind of like break it and go out there and be a contagion and that could be like its own conflict for you. But there's a reason that you're like, okay, I'm willing to subject myself to this internal conflict. Whoa, wearing an all-timey diving suit to contain the contagion. That's really cool. Yeah, I would suggest as the DM, instead of just being like, hey, can you change your decision? I think you can just find out what the player's concerns are exactly. And if it is, if it is what M's saying of like,

they don't want to be part of the contagion, so they're afraid to go anywhere else, I would just then bend the rules to be like, okay, you guys are immune in some way or you guys are special in some way. And the players should be special from the random entities. So maybe they're not spreading spores. They're not spreading any of this stuff. So it wouldn't be a danger and you need to go outside the lab to help people. Jake, forgive me. I was deep in the Slim Jim Guy Wiki,

trying to figure out the timeline here. So I missed some of the details of the case. The Slim Jim guy has a wiki? He appears on other people's wikis, honestly. I was just trying to figure out if Slim Jim guy came first or if macho man Randy Savage came first. I feel like you don't lead. I feel like Slim Jim guy has to come first and then you get to Macho Man Randy Savage. I don't know.

Macho man had Slim Jim back. in like the early 90s. It's true. I think that Slim Jim guy might be in like the early 2000s, actually. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, this is neither here nor there.

I think you should maybe like include a picture of slim gym guy, like for listeners at home and also me because I actually don't know. I don't know the slim gym guys. We're going to take a quick break so that Emily can be blessed with the appearance of Slim Jim guy. Oh, there you go. I got it. What the phone? Until 2000 was Macho Man and 1998 was Slim Jim Guy.

There you. Macho Man was first, but they did, they commingled for two beautiful years. So Jake was just locked in in 1998. It was like, this is my slim gym guy. Eat me. But I do think there's like maybe a world where, yeah, like if you want to kind of, you know, use like the power of storytelling to your advantage and be like, oh yeah, the Paladins God intervenes. And like you guys are like allowed like a blessing that like purifies you. Or if you're in a lab, yeah, you find the last, you find.

some needle that you can like inject yourself with something that makes it not contagious. Right. Yeah. No matter what I think like a conversation outside of actually playing so that you guys have time to like be like strategic about this, you can, I think it's fully within your right to say like what are your concerns as the paladin? Is there anything that we can do that will still be fun for you to get you out so that we can pursue these other quests?

And if not, are you willing to like roll a new character and we'll dispatch the paladin? That's the way to do it. I don't think you have to ask them to just be like, hey, can you just change your mind? Can you change your character's mind? Give them a reason to. Yeah, yeah. Totally makes sense. Yeah, I think don't do a retcon.

Do what I'm saying. Talk to them, be like, what are your concerns? And how could we have your character be in a place in the story where they can go out and actually have adventures? Mervis is absolutely dead on with this one. Because like in every Resident Evil game, I'm pretty sure the main character gets infected. Yeah, they have the T virus. Yeah.

They have like the zombie virus and they just like keep running around. Right. They have like, yeah, the last remaining vial of the antidote, and they're like, I got to find the permanent cure. Exactly. They have the raccoon city virus, which is different than the regular turning into a zombie virus. Exactly. So like they're slowly turning or something like that. There's ways around this.

Yeah. And if they are like rigid and they're like, no, it's just that my God says I shouldn't, says I wouldn't do this, then you could just be like, is it possible that we could leave you at the lab and you could make a new character? and then when the rest of the party goes out, we can introduce you in like the village. Right. Yeah. You could play Slim Jim Guy.

Yeah, show them a picture of Slim Jim Guy. Say this guy wouldn't care about infecting anyone with anything. This would all be fine. This is a man made from the worst meet possible. Yeah. But I think Caldow brings up a good point. You could literally be like, hey, have you ever played any of the Resident Evil games? You're just like one of the main characters.

Like you're just a little different than the average. Yeah. PC or whatever. Give them a special wristband that somehow keeps them from getting infected. There's also the Last of Us precedent where it's like you're infected but you're not. Yeah, exactly. You could be special. Yeah. Just make the player special.

Just in case they haven't played Resident Evil but they have seen last of us. Yeah. And not played Last of Us but seen Last of Us. Or played Last of Us but also No, no, just seen Last Us. Maybe they've played Uncharted which is by the same studio. Perfect. Or listens to the

uncharted soundtrack. You said, You say, have you heard that soundtrack? It's pretty good. There's actually a game based on that soundtrack. And actually, that game, there's a studio that made that game, made a different game, has to do with zombies. A different zombie game? Resident Evil.

So what we're saying here is you need to play Crash Bandicoot now. Yeah. That'd be great. Noddy dog. Wait, there's no one to sentence here, I don't think. Because I think I think I'm... We do have to sentence someone. We have to send us this person's partner for saying to retcon it.

Oh, okay. I'm down with that. I'm down with that. in. So why don't we, okay. Your partner is sentenced to your partner. Nickname could be naughty dog. Whoa.

I know. I have a better one. Okay. Okay. Your partner is sentenced to be the 1998 slim gym guy or Halloween this year. I like that. Wow. I like that.

It'll absolutely crush if you knock on my door. If you can, if you can come up with that hair, I actually think it'd be a pretty good costume. I actually have seen that guy now that I see a picture of it. The hair looks. I think you can. Make it out of paper mache. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So I hope your partner is crafty because they need to make a paper mesh wig. So yeah, either paper mache wig or just don't shower for a year. Those are kind of your choices. Yeah. Okay. Either one works.

So ordered. And our next case comes from SSS tier, Crickwater, enjoyer to the level 20 justices and the challenge rating one quarter bailiff junk. I bring the case of sort of honorable single combat. I was playing in a campaign with two of us. other level five characters while I played a level five paladin. We were on an epic quest to obtain very rare level magic items so we could venture forth and slay a young dragon holding a town captive.

Cool. All pretty cool so far. During my quest, I had hunted down a troll with elemental powers who promptly challenged me to single combat. I had at that stage gotten the fine steed spell and asked the DM if it was okay to use it within the bounds of single combat. He said no. What?

Hmm. Still okay with me. The troll then used a spell to summon woodland creatures and fairies proceeded to try and polymorph the hell out of me. That's bullshit. Why can they summon stuff if you can? I succeeded. All my saves by a miracle and my paladin in character said, since you introduced me to all your pals meet Strider, summoning my wolf steed.

I admit to being a bit steamed at the double standard, so I went all out. I think it's fair. The DM said I had broken the terms of single combat and I didn't get the awesome shield. I had been looking forward to after smiting the foe into oblivion on a Nat 20, which I got following advantage from flanking with Strider. Justices, should the rules of single combat have been maintained after the adversary broke them first? They were busted to begin with. Yeah.

Should a paladin have stuck more resolutely to the terms? Nah, they tried to fleece you. You got freaking fleeced. Open and shut. I rule against your DM. This one's pretty clean. Yeah, I mean, these are clearly both summons, by the way. Like, yeah, it's also like kind of like generous that you were like, okay, I just won't, I won't use the seed.

I guess I understand where you're like, oh, that is that single combat. But you're, but if they can summon, you can summon you can summon. I like that you were pissed and you did it all in character. Yeah. Yeah. Like, go up, like, hey, what the fuck? What the fuck was that? Like, in character, you're like, since you did that, I'll do it to.

Truly stuck your guns. Honestly, I sentence your DM to give you the shield. Yeah. Yeah. The troll broke the rules first. Yeah. And in fact, give you the shield on DVD. Whoa.

What's that? Michael Chickles? What season? The first one, I guess. I don't know. I think there are five. No. I think there are probably a lot, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you could do a 1D5 role to determine which season you get. Okay. That's probably, yes. It might have been six. I hope so. I'm not going to look it up. That's not going to look it up.

There's no way, literally no way to know. There's no way to find out. And nobody cares but me. So I'll look it up later. Wow, I can hear you typing, Jake. Michael. Michael Chickles needs to deliver you a shield.

Yeah, okay, yeah. I sentence Michael Chichlis to deliver you a shield. You're going to get a cameo for Michael Chichlis narrating. That's amazing. Wait, that's really good. We should sentence your DM to get a cameo of Michael Chichlis apologizing to you. If anyone from the shield is on cameo.

Okay. Hang on. Is anyone from the shield on camio? I wouldn't be surprised. Dutch is. probably on there. And he has to be in thing makeup too. Okay.

There's someone named Brian Patrick Wade. I don't know who that is. Okay. So basically your DM is sentenced to find someone from the shield on cameo. Yeah. Have them delivered to you an apology and your shield. It could be a chickless impersonator. Could just be able to call.

Oh. That's good. Yeah. That's good. Michael Chickliss or somebody close. Marrating. Yeah. Chickless and Jesus.

Yeah. Okay. So ordered. I really hope that your DM takes this seriously. And I actually want to see the cameo. Yeah, send the cameo to us. I honestly, now ideally it's a Michael Chickless in person. Michael Chuckles?

Michael Chick-more. Because he's turned up to 11. He's just like the mirror version. Michael, she's got a little mustache. Mike Chick more. I was in. the sword. And with that, shall we go to church? Let's do it. Please. This confession is from Elena D. Dearest, clergy of Dice Christ, I write not with a confession of wrongdoing, but with a

plea. I am a numbers person. I love data, and a good graph is a sight to behold. So I created a spreadsheet to track and graph my dice rolls. God. I only count roles made in a session called for by the DM, i.e. sitting and rolling a D20, 50 times in a row, doesn't count. Yeah. And when rolling with advantage or disadvantage, both numbers rolled are counted. Cool. While I continue to have faith in Dice Christ and her benevolent omniscience, I fear she has forsaken me. In 2025, I rolled 353D20s across my campaigns. Oh, my God, this is really fun.

And only seven of those were Nat 20s. Yes, that is less than 2% of my rolls, 1.98% to be exact. In 2026, only 1.6 of my rolls have been Nat 20s. 6.5% Nat 1s. What must I do to regain Dice Christ's favor so that I may quit once more. Thank you for your holy wisdom. Do you think this is kind of like a Tower of Babel situation? Oh, I thought you're going to say like Heisenberg uncertainty principle. Okay. Let's, you know what? We'll at least get our turn.

Do you think that like by trying to like find the one million names of Dice Christ to uncover like the truths of the church and he's like semi-religious secrets, Dice Christ is punishing you for trying to like unveil the mysteries in this mathematical way. I personally think you are a wizard and you wield a magic. I will never know. I don't want you to stop that. No. Because it's so fun to hear.

Um, but I do think that like, you know, a particle that's observed is changed. You know, observation. A watch pot never boils too. Yeah.

Those are the same thing. Yeah. They are, I think, right? So I'm like, I'm really torn on your behalf because what you're doing is cool, but I also feel like what you are doing. is imposing upon the dice. I don't know that it's offending dice Christ.

Maybe it is, though. I kind of like this Tower of Babel theory. Hey, keep pulling that thread, though, because clearly someone's taken notice. These little rolls, somebody is trying to throw you off the sin of something big here. Yeah.

I would also say this like, like 300 rolls, that's not that large of a data set, right? That's something that someone smart would say, right? Too many outliers. It sounds like... It sounds as smart to me. So try to think like that.

Yeah. Well, yeah. I also wonder, okay, if you, I know you love numbers, but is there a way that you could introduce a qualitative aspect? Like, if you could start to track the sort of like mood or like what type of role it was to see if there were, because that might be informative about like, oh, when my character is in a bad place, the roles are worse. I know you're trying to be scientific about it, but you are going to need an aura camera that can capture what color you. your aura is when you're doing these roles because I think that's probably affecting things a little bit. Have you guys ever seen a picture of your aura? I haven't.

I haven't. I don't know. What does that mean? I don't know. I remember like 10 years ago every girl like from a coven I was in would share like a polaroid of them. That was like an aura polaroid. Yeah. And it looks cool but I have never seen my own.

Have aura cameras gone away in like in our increasingly digital age? I mean it also could just be that I stopped like hanging out with a coven. just because life, everyone grew away. Here's what I'm wondering. I think there's an element here of you're loving the analytics of all of it, but you're kind of going halfway with it, right? Because you're kind of looking for the magic of Dice Christ. You're saying like, why isn't Dice Christ blessing me?

What have I done to angered Dice Christ? So you're going at it from you're looking for magic and you're looking for miracles while at the same time being analytical, but also if there was, if this was about something else, right? If you were just like, hey, if I flipped a coin 300 times and it was actually tails like 62% of the time, isn't that kind of crazy? You'd go, well, 300 isn't that that much. That's like the odds of that happening aren't that insane. But what's happening with you is because it's D&D and because like emotions are heightened and because you're looking for this magic, you actually aren't being as analytical as you could be.

This isn't a big enough data set. You need to go on harder. Show me your graphs at 10 years. That's what I want to see. I also think that if you're looking for magic and numbers alone, that might be part of your problem. That's why I think that there is, like I'm wondering if there's a way that you could flag certain roles

so that you might start to see the numbers expressing something beyond just the roles. Also, I wonder if you use different dye. Like, are you the same dye every single time? Yeah, wow. there's a lot of variables here yeah i think you need to break out a bunch of books be looking at this like you're a character in like an eldridge horror and you're trying to discover the the insane truths of the of the old blood this is the da Vinci role is what we're writing yeah yeah so i'm searching for why the roles are so low yeah collecting that data and in 10 years we're going to crack this

yeah come see us again child until then like maybe you should be looking at for other strange, like what are the numbers that come up the most? Perhaps there's a message in there that's not the frequency of 20s, but rather the frequency of a different number. The frequency, yeah, maybe there's other, maybe there's other truths in there. Assign each number to the letter, the corresponding letter in the alphabet and see what Dice Christ. And maybe it's just saying, it's just Dice Christ says what's up.

Or maybe watch the nightmare before Christmas because Jack Skelington really tries to analyze Christmas and dice Christ Christmas pretty connected. The answer was staring me in the face the whole time. Staring us right in the face. So just watch the nightmare before Christmas. You're going to figure it out. But I don't think that you should stop doing what you're doing

because I love hearing your your datasets. Yeah. Please keep out of it. And in 10 years, if you've discovered a Fibonacci sequence that unveils the secrets of the universe, just let us know. Let us know. Send us an email. Yeah. All right. I'm so forgiven. Thank you all.

So forgiving. Yeah. It is true. This could be considered a sin in the eyes of some members of the church. Yeah. Not to me, though. With that, we're going to wrap this one up. You're doing the esoteric mystical work, in my opinion.

It's true. You are a scholar of dice Christ. We're going to wrap this up. Thank you all so much for listening. You can head on over to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Nadpod. This N-A-D-D-P-O-D don't sing yet. Wee.

To listen to the after show. Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? I would like to plug someone sent to our PO box. some flintstones. Oh, yeah. Handled mugs. From McDonald's, from back when the Flintstones movie was coming out.

And they are made of glass. Yes. And it's been a tiny L for me because I drink my water out of them every morning. She's obsessed with them. I love them. I love them. And it is like blowing my mind that the Flintstones is now on the daily bringing joy to me. You don't need a month off anymore because you're taking a little vacation every day with your Flintstone's mug.

Yes, I've looked it up. That was from Joan and Sarah. Thank you so much. Hell yeah. Oh, and also shout out to the queer history Boston archives. Joan and Sarah, I think they are affiliated with that. And it's just like a really cool repository of knowledge about queer history in the Boston area. If you're in Boston, go check it out.

That makes sense because these, not to bring you back to the Flintstones, but these Flintstones cover. feel like precious heirlooms and I think it's just because they're made out of glass, but I will be bequeathing them when I pass from this material plane. So thank you to Joan and Sarah, archivist of all sorts. Equally important history. The important histories of this world. Sweet, thank you. And you can follow us on social media there may or may not use at Cajmerst Me,

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