Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Goats, Rogues, and Shark Farts

Episode Date: October 1, 2021

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Supreme Crit Justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, as well the Valiant Bailiff Hurwitz, as we try your cases. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! CREDITS: Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. Plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy.

They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping with rush processing on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly. So don't wait, better sex is just a click away. That's 50% off one item, free shipping with rush processing. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adamineve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter offer code PAPA at checkout. That's www.atamineave.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast

so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties.擔心擔心擔心擔心擔心擔心擔心擔心擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心

擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔心

擔擔心 擔擔心 擔擔 擔擔心 擔擔心 擔心擔心擔心擔擔心擔心 Dun-jin-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun Justice's Tanner and Axford. I'm back baby. She's back. She's back. She's back. And then of course we've got.

Demoted then promote it. So it is kind of like pre-moded. I returned to the motion that I was. It shouldn't really be considered a demotion or a promotion. Just a side step, just a lateral move. We have the side step honorable Baylif Jake with us as well. That's right. I feel like it's been a minute since we've done a dungeon court. I guess just because we're just doing one a month now. It feels like

there's less of them. I thought we had solved it. I thought we had like solved all of D&D, but I guess there's more cases evidently. Evidently, there are. We got many submissions. I can't wait. Let's go ahead and throw it to Baylor Jake. Here yee here yee. This is now in session. Wow. Wow. The honorable Supreme Crit Justices, Axford Murphy and Tanner presenting. Beautiful. Thank you. And now shall we kick it off. The first case comes from Nicholas P. May it please the court and whomever it serves. I present the case of the arch devil versus the goats. Okay. In a previous session,

it's always the animals. It's always just people murdering me. Yeah, basically just scroll through for farm animals. Yeah. It's how I decide. In a previous session, my players went to the Nine Hells where they struck a deal with an arch devil to get immunity to hellfire in exchange for the arch devil to get their souls if they ever die in the Nine Hells. Oh, that's so fun! It's a cool game. It's a pretty standard, yeah. Flash forward to the recent session where a crazed magical devil polymorphed all but one of them into goats. The cleric, the only non-goat member, then cast Firestorm to injure the goat players enough that they revert back to normal. Whoa.

I ask, does this fall under the realm of death in the Nine Hells and would they get their souls taken? They technically had taken more damage than their max HP as goats, so the goats theoretically died. I await your swift and righteous judgment. No, sorry. Hmm. They're not goats. They're polymorphed. Yeah, I think if you're polymorphed,

like I think probably polymorph would be a way to get around a contract, right? Because it's like, you can't do this. But if you polymorph, I think that you're like a different creature. Really? So you think that if, so that's, I, you would consider that like a PC death

if somebody was like, I got turned into a goat and then hit me and I turned back into a person. No, I just said the opposite. I just said the opposite. I'm saying like, I feel like if you have a contract and it's like if you die in here,

then it's over. But I think that the goat doesn't have that, right? But I'm thinking that Polymorph. Yeah, the goat didn't make the same deal. I disagree. I think the goat is still part of the deal, but I think it's all the same person. They didn't die.

Right, yeah, they just like died. Well, they like got knocked out, reverted to human form. And they're still alive. Or human form. Yeah, and then they made death saves, right? The goat didn't make a fucking contract. But the goat is the person.

The goat is the person. Yeah, I think what you're suggesting is a situation where like when you get polymorph, you are substituted for another goat into another dimension, which I don't think is how it works. It's a cool idea though. No matter what, no goats went to hell. Is that what that's what everyone's saying, right? Well the goats, the goats were in hell. I don't know if you're saying it.

The goats were in hell already. Oh, they were already in hell. They were already in hell. I think we all agree that the players didn't die. Is that true? The play? Yeah. I don't believe the players died.

I was curious about the souls of the ghosts. And Emily is. And Emileese's death is different than the player death. And Emily's also the ghost didn't make a contract. Unless you want to go. Emily's arguing that if you shape shift, you are out of every contract you've signed. I mean, I like this idea, like, from like a metaphysical level where like when you are polymorphed, the way that polymorph works is like a goat's soul is taken from somewhere

else and infused with you and that is why you're able to transform to a goat. So yeah, maybe there are goat souls that are now in hell under the command of this fiend. But Murph also mentioned the goats were already in hell. They were summoned from hell. The goats, everyone's already in hell. Okay, I know it. Let's bring it to a different situation. If I'm in a campaign, let's say I'm with hard one.

Hard one made a deal with someone that he's like, I can't go into that house. I promise that, or I promise I wouldn't go to, I wouldn't go to that bar. Right. And then I'm like, okay, what if I pawn more if you would take that bar? Right, then that bar is like throwing a really cool party

and hard one and hard one needs to come. He's still going into the bar. But I would try it though. I would try it. I would do some kill harder. I didn't realize they were doing a dark contest that weekend. I really need to play. I do some inside checks that see if it was feasible.

This is these true. Shenanigans Emily, I'm thinking that you can get out of the contracts by being an animal. No, no, no, it's not thinking I can get out. It's thinking I can try. Okay, yeah, that's true. You can always try. I would agree with that.

If you die and goat form, do you die in real life? I don't think you do. That's major trouble. That's major trouble. Right, that's the, I guess that's the core of the essence of the question. It's like the core is aligned. Regardless of what we feel about animals being beholden to

contrast, it's Emily has very strong opinions. Oh my God, I just almost started to kombucha out my nose. And I really think I have some carbonation in my face and that's a busy, that's a busy drink. Regardless of what we agree or disagree on there, the question is not that. The question is, did the players die? Hypothetically, could the person doing the polymorph

do some kind of arcana or religion check to make the polymorph so real? I think there's a true polymorph where you can permanently turn somebody into something. All right, that's fair. True polymorph could get you out of a contract. I don't think it could, though, because it's still you. Like you still, it's like a white turn. But true polymorph in that in that instance, the that player would then go to hell, because that yeah, that's that would be you know, it would still be moonshine the goat. She would still have the same soul

This is getting like philosophical like I'm Emily into a go She is still Emily. She's just Emily the goat Right, right and we're saying if that if if that goat Emily died and they and the goat Emily had made this contract would She go to hell it It seems like yes. Yes, yes. But in this instance, the brief polymorph, which was not a true polymorph,

means that that's not a true death, which means these players, their souls are fine and they are not in hell. Yes. You know what, I'm reading polymorph right now, and the wording is the spell transforms a creature that you can see within range into a new form. And so I therefore rescind what I was gonna say and I would, I would have been like,

let's try this and then I would have read the spell and been like, you know, I don't think it will. You rescind the cows can't sign contracts defense. You know, this person did not seem like they had a, Nicholas didn't have a side of this case, but we have to rule against somebody. Like Nicholas just posed the question. Well, did a Nicholas say that Nicholas is the DM, right? Nicholas is the DM.

Yes, but they only asked the question. They only said would their souls get to them? I think that we need to punish them proposing the questions. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, okay, that's fair. I think that's, I think that's, if you don't give us anyone to punish, we have no choice but to punish you. But we're all on the side of the players, I'm proposing the question. Yeah, sorry. Yeah. Okay. That's fair.

I think that's, I think that's, if you don't give us anyone to punish, we have no choice but to punish you. But we're all on the side of the players here right that they didn't die. Right. Yes. Certainly, yeah. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, they didn't die.

They just, they just were murdered to their true form. And Nicholas strategically doesn't tell us what happened in their campaign. They said that this happens to their players and then they say, does this happen? I guess there might have been a debate. There might have been like, Ha, ha, I tricked you. And then the players were like, what? No. And then they got no argument.

And then it was never decided suffice to say, I think it's fair that we rule against Nick. I think that you know what? I'm actually going to take it one step further and just say like, props to that cleric. That's just a really fun move. Yeah. I just think that's cool.

I was good thinking. You know what? If you wanted to, if you wanted to screw them over, a great way to do it would have been, what was the spell that they used? Firestorm to say that it's Hellfire and Hellfire because it's fire and hell and they were immune to it. I thought that's what I thought that was going to go. I thought that's where the firestorm was going to go.

In which case I was going to say the goats didn't make that do that. Yeah, I was, no, the goats are still immune to Hellfire. Emily, your goats get around stuff defense is bunk the goats don't sign contracts good the goats do sign contracts if you are a person who signs a contract and then you become a goat you are still responsible for those contracts can I recommend a punishment yeah I think that they have to DM for four goats. Yes. I think that's great. Whoa. Like goat yoga, but goat. Yeah. Go to DMing. Yeah. Go to DMD. It's, I mean, it would be very fun. And you're going to get some

cute photos out of it, but they are going to eat your, uh, your player screen. They're going to eat your dea. The logic holds up because Nicholas is reading jokes like and you're gonna have to Heimlich maneuver a goat. Okay, so the punishments you must DM for some goats. Cool. So ordered. All right, the next case comes from Cas M. Cas writes honorable justices and I guess

Jake too fair enough. I am the DM for my friends and I'm worried I was too harsh. One of my players is a dragon-born potion maker. Some quests are focused on them finding new potions or ingredients and the most recent potion. Fucking love that. The most recent potion called for a white dragon scale. I thought it would lead to a future quest, but instead my player asked if they could remove one of their own scales. I thought this was clever, and I said yes, with a successful concept since you're effectively ripping off your skin. The player then asked if they could rip off their own scales more often in order to sell them. I said it would cause a decrease in AC if too many scales were removed.

Yeah, yeah, for sure, that's a great cost. Without giving them time to grow back, my players seemed bummed, and I'm worried I ruined their fun. Should I let my PC rip off their scales? I think you offered a perfect counterbalance to this. Yeah. I think that's a weird energy to bring to

is to be like, I want to sell my skin. You know what I mean? Like even if this campaign is, it's already just like, it's quest for potions and stuff. And this player is like, I want to become a sales person. Yeah. Is the equivalent of a human being like, can I pull out my tooth and sell it? Yeah, can I pull out my teeth all the time?

Your hands, why? Although I would argue that the weirdness is inherent because you're still ripping out the scale of a dragon, which is a sentient beast in this world. So it's a little weirder because it's a player doing it, but you're still ripping scales out regardless. And if you're a dragonborn, you gotta feel like that's a little weird to do.

But presumably you're hunting them. You've killed this other dragon or something like that versus ripping off your own. It's so weird to me to like play a fantastical campaign where you're like stalking for dragons, making potions, and then you're like, actually, I want to stay home and sell stuff. That's what people do for life. So many people that play like that where they're just like, how do I get around playing this game? Yeah.

How do I figure out how to not do quests? Can my character start in Etsy shop? Yeah. You can just do that as a person. Are you in though? This is not in fair. This DM, totally right. Yeah, awesome.

However, I do think that a character starting in Etsy shop, having a resource heavy campaign, is really quite fun. Yeah, agreed. But I think that playing like a character starting an Etsy shop having a resource heavy campaign is really quite fun. Yeah, agreed. But I think playing like a traveling merchant, I think nobody wants to like visualize that just this like dragon ball ripping the scales off and then selling them.

It's really on, it's really unpleasant. Yeah, I think that's the thing is like, you gotta maybe ratchet up the punishment each time. It's like, you gotta be like, oh, this is starting to scab over and get infected. You're losing AC and also you're taking a level of exhaustion. Like, really make it unpleasant for the player. Yeah, I was thinking that you might take a penalties to their con.

Yeah. You know, like, okay, once you like sell this many, then your con permanently drops one, not the smaller number, the bigger number. They have like 18 con. It might go down to 17, you know? Yeah, the sales roles should also be made with disadvantage, because like, can you imagine approaching someone to like buy something and it's your skin and you're like bleeding?

Yeah. And see what this people would be like, no, yeah, you're, I'm not interested. Where did this come from? Where did you get this dragon scale? Oh. You want this people would be like no, yeah, you're I'm not interested come from Just a where did you get this dragon scale? Oh Hiding the giant wound. I just feel like this player if they want to make money They should just start like taking quests. Yeah Like have some more fun with it. It's very funny to picture somebody like ripping a scab off and eating it and being like I win Yeah, I bet I beat the game you fool.

So was, do you guys think cast was not hard enough? Yeah, actually, cast had the perfect response. Yeah, I think that you had the perfect response and your players being disappointed. I feel like they might be disappointed in the moment, but ultimately they're going to have a more fun game for it. Totally. So like, you didn't disappoint them. Yeah, the game has highs and lows. It's nice to be disappointed so you can be happy later.

As with all of this, as with all of this stuff, you can always talk to your player like out of character and just be like, Hey, so I'm cool with you finding like fun ways to get around this stuff, but also, you know, no one necessarily wants to listen to you

rip your skin off. And you get that right? If you understand, surely you understand that. Surely this is a reason of what? Yeah. You have to get that. There's a difference between a bit and like a character feat.

Like if you do like once or twice, it's kind of funny, but if you make it like a core component of your character A becomes a little weird. Yeah, it'd be like if Beverly ripped his own teeth out. And I was like, you're gonna have to, Beverly knows there's a line. I'm like, ripped his nails off. Oh my God.

Oh, why? Let's move on to sentencing, please. Let's move on to sentencing. We're on the same side here, of course. We're against the dragon porn ripping, their scales off. What do we have to do to them that they're not already doing to themselves?

Yeah, that's what I was just thinking. You gotta go to the dermatologist. Yeah. You have to take care of your scales. Yeah. Yeah, you need to go to the dermatologist once a week and specifically like one that's kind of far away. Yeah, and also it's really,

I mean, it's really, it's hard to get a dermatologist appointment. What a standing appointment, that's a week. You're gonna be on the phone a lot. And I think that like you have to go even if they don't accept your insurance coverage. Exactly, exactly. But I'm saying it has to be at least 15 miles away. It's perfect.

And it's just in gamer and real life, I have to give the video. It isn't a real life. And they also have to, they also have to book it so that it's like, they're either, that they're perfectly, like they go at like two so that they're driving home, or they go at like three so they're driving home

with rush hour traffic. Oh, that's perfect. Yeah, I've got it too. You have to go to a different dermatologist every week and explain to them your in-game problem. Okay, now we're just punishing dermatologists. Yeah, that's true. So ordered.

So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. Our next case comes from Andrew PGL. May it please the court and any cats within your shot. I come cute. Wow, pandering.

They know. I come to you with a case in which I was not a participant, but a witness. I'm a player in a game with a ranged rogue, specifically one who uses cunning action, hide, a la dead eye to get advantage and sneak attack via unseen attacker. Tensions peaked in last week's session when the DM denied him advantage despite his 30 plus stealth role because he was shooting from behind the same hedge he had already fired from. The nolls were keeping an eye on it.

This dispute ended the session a half an hour earlier than we usually would. Who was in the wrong here? Should the DM have honored the high stealth roll and given to him advantage or should shooting from the same place twice nullify that? Okay, can I ask? Can I ask Murph a quote? There might be, I guess I'm saying like, is the argument that the noils are using

active perception or something like that? Like, are they, I thought that stealthing as a rogue was like, okay, you do your stealth role and then- Well, you do need something to hide behind. So the rules do hat, we usually because we're theater of the mind, we don't really deal with that. But if we were playing a crunchy home game, you could be like, hey, you're in the theater of the mind, we don't really deal with that, but if we were playing a crunchy home game, you could be like, hey, you're in the middle of a field,

you're gonna make this hide check with disadvantage, or unless you're a halfling and you have some ability that lets you hide behind larger creatures, you can't hide right now. Like that is a fine ruling. It's not. That's a fine ruling, but then how to hedge. I know, but if, I mean, think about it, if somebody's a fine ruling, but then how to hedge. I know, but if I mean think about it,

if somebody's in like a, if you're watching like a movie with like a Western gunfight or something and somebody's hiding behind like a saloon door and keeps popping out and shooting, you know that dude's back there. You know that. But this is only twice, it's only twice and I feel like a hedge can be really thick.

So you might be like, shit, how far on to the hedge, here we go. But also like with the, with the hedge, the hedge, you know the dudes back there, but you don't know when they're going to jump up and shoot. Exactly. That's the mystery of disappearing behind the window. Whoa. That almost makes me think, I wonder if a rogue could ever

get, if they held their action just one turn. If there was this, you can't hide behind the same place twice, then could you add the element of surprise? I'm coming out on a different round. if there was this like, you can't hide behind the same place twice, then could you add the element of surprise? I'm coming out on a different round. Oh! You could also argue that coming up from the same place twice is surprising because they might be looking for somebody moving.

Jake, did they mention whether or not the Noles made a perception check to like discern where the arrows come from? Oh yeah, that's what I was trying to understand, Murf, because I actually, I feel like when I've played, when I've played with rogues, I see the DMs always say, oh, make a hide check. Right. And then I, but I didn't know if the DMs were behind the screen rolling perception checks for the combatant.

The DM said that the, that the knolls were keeping an eye on it, quote, that's all we have. So that, that could imply that limited information. But that's a, when we play live, it's no fun to, and this goes for D20 as well. Brennan's not going to sit there and roll perception checks on a rogue that gets a 30 or something like that. And also like we're trying to keep it moving. But if you're playing a really crunchy, combat heavy campaign at home, you might say, Hey, you can't hide here or something like that. I guess that's, I guess that's what even if if we are in an empty void and you roll a 40 on a stealth check, your DM can still be like, there's nowhere to hide. It does it. Yeah, but this person has a hedge.

But the no matter what. No, that they're, I don't, I think that it's a little cheap if the DM didn't give them a heads up because I feel like everyone should be let in on that logic. It's like, they saw you shoot them and then you just went back to the same place. I think you're right, that's like the bigger problem is that like, they like let them get that far,

that let them get to the point where they're rolling their stealth check and then they told them that they couldn't do it. Like you should have like alerted them before the stealth check was even maize. I feel like. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But it does sound like everybody was being

a little bit uncouth considering that this ended the session half an hour early. Yeah, imagine your DM being like, you actually don't get advantage here and you fighting so hard we have to stop playing. Yeah, also this person was like, I was just a passive witness, makes me think that this person was maybe not

on the side of the rogue either. Like maybe everyone went to a slightly unreasonable place. Yeah, there's a chance that like the rogue was warned that like this is what was gonna happen. Yeah, we don't know that like the rogue was warned that like this is what was going to happen. Yeah, we don't know anyway, and then we're mad about it. I think it sounds like everyone's getting a little lost in the crunch. Yeah, for sure. But that's that's fine. You're I mean, like, especially for home games, the reason we don't get super, super crunchy is because we have to keep it entertaining. But if we were sitting there with like a freaking war hammer mat And it was essentially like me versus you guys and we're like playing you know combat with minis and stuff

I might be like yeah, you're behind a fucking shrub this dude is not a moron like they have like a Average intelligence or whatever you just popped up and shot them for probably like 70 damage because you're a rogue, and then you popped back down, you did a real good job hiding yourself, but any intelligent creature is gonna know that that's probably where you are. That's the thing that I keep pumping against though, because if you go behind a hedge, you have no idea. You could come up from any other part of the hedge. And that's why if you come up somewhere else, you get advantage. And if you don't, they know where you are. That's the logic of hide. If somebody, if somebody like,

shot me with a nerf gun and then jump behind a fence, I would, I didn't jump behind a fence. They didn't jump behind a fence. A hedge. A hedge is like, I guess it like, what do you guys picture as a hedge? I'm picturing a tall hedge. I think I'm confused by your definition of hedge. Your definition of hedge seems to be knee high. It's like a bush. I think of a hedge as being a tall bush. Yeah, I think a hedge as a fence, you're thinking of a shrub.

I'm gonna go ahead and abstain from this one because I actually don't know what is expected in a normal thing to- I would have to imagine that It couldn't have been that long. Let me just show I'm gonna I'm just I'm submitting into evidence I'm submitting into evidence a Google image search of a hedge I that's because I don't I don't want us to get locked into thinking of that the head is a head just not a shrub Some of these hedges are knee highs when, is what I'm getting at here.

People are poking over. Can. But I agree with Murph that if you jump behind a small shrub again, you didn't hide the second time. But I think if you jump behind a long head. A hedge maze, my friends. Yeah, I think there's a world where you could argue it.

That's all I'm saying. You could argue it, but they didn't. The thing is, is that they didn't move. So they didn't, you wouldn't, I don't agree with the logic that you thing is is that they didn't move. So they didn't, you wouldn't, I don't agree with the logic that you would be surprised that they didn't move because usually- They use the bonus action to hide. So that's essentially moving. That's diving behind the hedge.

But it's not saying- It's the smacking the gopher's logic. You know when you're at Dave and Buster's and the gopher's are popping up. Sometimes the same one pops up twice. Yes, but that's specifically a game with no danger. If there's- if there's, if there's, if there's, talking me away from my after- If there is like, if there's like,

if there's like, trench warfare or something like that, the people aren't shooting in random spots thinking that the dude is gonna move. Okay, I mean, they're shooting where the fire is coming from. I am now going to introduce. Combat is around six seconds. I am now going to introduce... Combat is around six seconds.

I am now going to introduce what I like to call the fired up Jake precedent. Which is if Jake gets really fired up, there's something there. Wow, I like that. I am a little fired up. The fire can burn on both sides because I find myself aligned with Murf.

If you fill your mouth with crunch and then your gum start bleeding, you know what, what did you expect? Yeah. What did you fucking expect? I gotta come down with Murf on this one. I don't know anything about how to run combat against a rogue, so I am not weighing in

and anything other than I like Jake's passion to defend. I, let me, let me say this. This is always very, because I'm playing a rogue right now. This is with, this is with very limited information. I will say that I wouldn't rule it like that. I would say if you're hiding,

I'm just going to give you advantage. That's generally what I'm going to do. But if someone were to argue me and be like, no, this isn't how I run combat. If you're going to just stay in the same spot, the dudes are gonna know where you are. Cause that logic is kind of insane. Like, let's take that out of the hedge situation.

If they were going to, okay. There is the thing, if you're a rogue, you can, optional thing from Tasha's, you can do steady aim, which is like a bonus action, just to get advantage. If the DM's like, if you hide there again, they're gonna know where you are,

so you're not hiding. You're gonna you then just be like, all right, I guess I'll steady aim. Yeah, I mean, if you have that feet. Yes, for sure. It's not a feet, it's just a optional thing for us. Oh, you're right, oh cool, cool. So I would say, if I were the DM,

I would have not done this, but I respect the DMs right to do this. And I also think that it doesn't speak well for the player that the session ended. would have not done this, but I respect the DMs right to do this. And I also think that it doesn't speak well for the player that the session ended half an hour early. It's not a huge deal to lose advantage. Even if I think if this were the DM submitting it and they relented and they were,

or if the DM submitted this and they were like, am I player seemed really disappointed? Was I too harsh? I would probably say, yeah, they were too harsh. I get why your player was disappointed there. But in the current situation, which is like, were they technically allowed to do this? I think the DM was probably technically allowed to do this.

And then also, I'm not going to give the player that much credit because they ended the session. So I think that we need to though, I think we do need to acknowledge that one thing that, um, the one thing that needs to be acknowledged is that hedges can be tall. Hedges, oh, and they can be long. We know they can be tall. They can be long. We know they can be me. We have to say that. Could you, yeah, I think you're going to need to send us an AutoCAD render of these hedges. Can a hedge just be a bush though? Can you just have a short hedge? Yeah, I think that's a short hedge. But I don't think, I think that's a shrub though. It can be short short hedge? I thought so. I think that's a short hedge.

I don't think that's a shrub though. It can be short, but I think it's still long. But it's a head and a shrub, not a hedge. I do think a hedge signals a border. That's what I'm saying. Okay, I think a hedge is a border. But I think you can have a little hedge. You can have a little hedge.

You certainly can. But I'm not seeing any hedges that a person couldn't be on their hands and needs behind. Right, of course they could. Okay, I think what I'm gonna do is I'm going to abstain for the next 30 minutes and then leave. Okay.

Why don't we go ahead and make our votes? I'm going to, I think the DM was too harsh for my tastes. But yeah, I respect your, you're right. So I'm gonna side with the DM. Yeah, I think, yeah, I don't like how this shook down, but without any further information, I feel like it does lean in the DM's favor. I will roll with the DM

I'm going to roll with Jake that Hedges are tall. Oh shit. Wow. I love that. I love it. Yeah, I think the jury can be hung I'm cool with that because honestly, I feel like people are gonna freak out about this one every once in a while Yeah, every once in a while we have a case where everyone gets so mad at us I don't know how to run combat for a rogue So I'm only weighing in that hedges can be told the bailiff persuaded you from the back of the course You guys both seem to be kind of on the player side here. I think I think don't be I am don't be don't let us brow beat you into We're not trying to do that the only thing I'm defending right now is the potential height of hedges

The only thing I'm defending right now is the potential height of Hedge. Okay. Right. I say that we don't offer a judgment and then we run and hide in the nearest Hedge maze so no one can get us. Oh, that's a good punishment. There is no punishment.

The jerk, the crit court is hung. That doesn't even make sense. But it can happen with us. Do we punish ourselves? Oh, great call. I think we put it ourselves. We're gonna punish ourselves. We all get to spend a day in a hedge maze.

Whoa, that's fun. Whoa. Yeah, our punishments can be fun, because that's all so hard for us. That would be so fun. You know what we find? Yeah, no water, but we can have a flask. Oh, it is made fun.

It's corn mace season, for sure. It's corn mace season for sure. Corn mace season, we go to corn mace and then like, so how this works is there's like a Cake and you can fill it with whatever you want and it has all these really long skinny straws What are you doing? Is this how you beat the maze? No, I was just thinking of a fun hedge maze party. Wait, why do you have so many straws? Let's move on you have to describe the skinny straws

Everyone is everyone wants to know what you're talking of does anyone else know what you have like the skinny straw I think wait, I mean that so you could like go into the maze, but you're still sitting from the straw wherever you are in the maze I realize that is kind of flawed. Okay, it's a Straws are flawed Wait, why are there everyone has a straw that's so long that it goes at the end of the maze. It was a really fun. I know. But wait, wait, I'm just so what was even do you guys remember when I choked out my kombucha? I think a little bit of carbonation went to my brain and is pressing on a weird part of my brain. I'm trying to realize what you're visualizing

though. So it's everyone walking around with a super long straw in their mouth. Right, but you were worried that it was. You were worried that it was. Why are you making me talk more about this? I jumped out of the plane, I pulled the rib cord, I'm supposed to be safe from it. What's not to get, Murf, you've got a long straw

that is retractable like a tape measure and you're using it to navigate the corn maze. I actually think that if you went over the corn maze, that in that case, it wouldn't give away where the ending was. Because you would generally know the direction of the straw coming from. No, it's a thesis in the Minotaur. You're using that to keep track of where you've been. You're starting at the entrance and then you keep drinking the keg is at the entrance. You use the long straw so you know where you've been so You're starting at the entrance, and then you keep drinking. The keg is at the entrance. You use the long straw so you know where you've been, so you don't get lost in the maze.

Oh, the kit, the, it's at the entrance. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, that's good. But sometimes you have to double back in a maze, in a maze maze. That's where you have multiple straws. We have to move on. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you

five bird dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look.

And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dog's invented a cloud-knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com

slash papa or enter promo code papa at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash Papa or promo code Papa for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants and enjoy the show. This case literally tore the jury. Yeah, the pit of part, I'm sorry. Now I've got brain bubbles, I don't know what happened. I actually do have something for this,

a quick remedy because I found a question or a case that I'm considering a heartwarming, crit recess. Whoa. I don't think we have to judge it or anything. It was just, we could put some in my face. We could put them in my weird fucked up. But I don't get it. I sure it might be a case for that.

So all right, May writes, may it displease the court as much as it displeases me? Whoa. My little sister has started DMing over the last year and now has three weekly campaigns running at the same time with mostly new players who she has introduced to the game. Her crime you might ask, she doesn't think she's a good DM. This dungeon queen who has kept the campaigns running through lockdowns, exams, terrible

Wi-Fi, and players not learning their bloody character sheets thinks she's a bad DM. The only time she took a week off was after a wisdom tooth surgery when she physically could not speak. She's even let her maniac players choose the kind of world they want to play in and let's one group go to Hogwarts and another have a Star Trek campaign. Hear my plea and judge her for the most heinous crime of undervaluing her sick DM skills. If found guilty, may the court punish her harshly like giving her a medal for every session she's run. She would surely drown under them or having her players kiss her boots and cry, pray

as to the dungeon mummy until she appreciates how great she is. Oh, this is very sweet. I hear by declare that this court be named the dungeon mummy court. Yeah, it sounds like she's doing an awesome job. Those sound like super fun campaigns. I mean, letting your players pick their world, I feel like that means that your hearts in the right place.

You're saying, what are you gonna have fun doing? Then I will do that for you. I agree. This sounds like the dream. Yeah. And this was a beautiful question, but we do get a lot of cases like this that are a lot of DMs, second guessing, what they've done or like,

they might fuck up, are my players mad? And I think it's a good way to remind people that DMing is hard and DMs should have fun too. There's a reason this crit often sides with the DM because it's a hard job. That is literally, last one literally, it was like kind of a tie tie maybe even in favor of the player But I was like yeah, I'm gonna side with the DM in this case because it is so much work

I would say tie usually goes to the DM like like don't didn't we learn from our PowerPoint presentation that I am the most DM leaning Yeah, oh yeah, because I love a DM. Yeah Top word I Miss Brian Murphy. I think like I believe I said the B word. I think that it's very commendable that she was able to keep up three campaigns at once. That's crazy. That's awesome.

And I'm sure she's doing an awesome job for all of her players, especially just like letting them choose what kind of world they want to do. But I also, you know, I want to remind your sister to look out for her too. Make sure she's having fun and to be, make sure you're running the games that, you know, you want to run and that you want to play. And if you're catering to your players this much, and if you care this much about what they want to play, what their experience is, I am positive that she is a good DM. Also, the fact that all three campaigns are still running,

it means you're doing something very right. Yeah, you know you're a bad DM if all of the campaigns are done like after the first session. Yeah, we get so many questions of people, like even people who are good DMs with good groups of friends, still talk about how hard it is to schedule. Like, it's, it's, I think, a feat to even be meeting up every week. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the thing. If any of these players aren't grateful, we're going to come downstairs and we're going to give them a talking to. That's right. Yeah.

Don't make me come down there. We're going to, we're going gonna give them straws and we're gonna throw them in the hedge maze. All right. Why is that a bit? Why can't we forget that it happened? We can't. Never. Yeah, never. Okay. Chris is back in session.

Recess is over. And we're coming back for some shark farts. All right. Let's be mine again. Sharks! So many animals. Ryan F writes, can a wear shark fart if it pleases the court, but this pleases the lowly bailiff.

During quarantine, I started DMing, don't worry, it'll make sense in a second. I started DMing for my four and seven year old sons. During a session of my four year old, yeah, now they're, that's still cute, so the two are cute. Two are cute now. During a session for my four year old wear shark, yeah, now they're, this is cute, no. This is cute, no. Two to cute, no. During a session for my four-year-olds Wehrschark, named Sharkbait, they were attempting to sneak behind some goblins,

but after failing his stealth check, I said he farted and alerted the goblins. My four-year-old retorted that sharks can't fart. I said that he could, since he's a Wehrschark with a human-like legs, and he would have a human-like butle. But my seven-year-old, after recently learning about sharks, came to his brother's defense saying that his character had a shark tail. He would have a cloaca and anal fin and his farts would be silent.

So which is it? Does a wear shark have a human-like butthole or a shark cloaca? Also, would this ruling extend to other wear beasts. So I looked up do sharks fart. Me too. And what I'm reading so far. Sand tiger sharks just about this. Gulp air from the surface of the water and store it, which prevents them from sinking

when they stop swimming. We've all seen tiger sharks and aquariums just hanging there unlike most sharks, which would sink. Well, this is their secret. They let air out in the form of a fart when they want to lose buoyancy. Ask for other shark species. We just don't know. So more research is required. They're not ripping loud ass though. Yeah, but they're expelled and gas from their clothes. They explling air from their butts though. But specifically the tiger shark, they said for other sharks, they don't know. I think if your child is gonna bust out the word cloaca,

you have to go with them. Yeah, to be like, oh my god, I'm so proud of you. Excuse me, little genius man, nurture this in you. Your kids are running circles around you. And it turns out that like, the four-year-old is a low-key genius too. Because the four-year-old knew about the cloaca without actually knowing the word cloaca.

He just said sharks can't fart, and he's fucking right. This is a great way to accidentally teach your kids is to DM harshly against them so that they have to research things and then fight you. Yeah, and then someday they'll be famous scientists and they'll buy you a fucking house with a fucking pool. And you can go get a shark and see if it hurts. Yeah, one of these kids will be accepting their Nobel Prize for shark fart research.

How do you think? Yeah, I actually think that I do agree with the kid. The kid said they have a shark tail. Yeah. So they would have like a shark butt, not like a regular butt. That's true. I think I agree with their logic. And also I think I'm going to remind everyone blast and grandma.

There's like some people, like kids that are trying to be clever, not cute, and grandma's that they get what they want. And this is honestly the DMs fault because normally when we do a session zero, Murph asks us, we talk about the farce. Are those are not? Yeah, yeah, we do do a whole session.

That's just like what sort of noises can I make? Are our farts caused by the butt cheeks? Cause like dogs. Dogs fart and it smells terrible, but they don't like real ass. You don't hear like a loud, it's like, Oh, can't hear a dog fart. That's a good question.

Call, well, do you ever hear your dog fart? I don't think so. I've definitely smelled her Farts. Yeah. My baby can fart and does quite often and it's very funny. But the dog silent fart. Yeah, it's the cheeks It's the ripple. It's the ripple the sharks don't have cheeks Yeah, although air coming out would make a glug glug sound

But it sounds like they weren't underwater in this battle right again They're a way to ask your players. What's going on down there? Yeah, yeah, but cheeks. How many holes? What do you have but cheek wise? I want to say something in the shark dad's defense or The cheeks doesn't make a squeak Very I put that before the court Ladies and gentlemen of the jury So here's my here's what I would pause it though In the in the Harriet defense

There's no noise, but there was it. there's a smell, there's a stench. No, no. Oh, in defense of the stench, someone could be alerted to activity near them if the smell changed, if somebody farted, and it was silent, but then yeah, you could be discovered. And sharks have a diet of mostly meat and garbage, so you know it's gonna be a stinky fart.

I don't wanna rule against the children. I'm just, I'm, so be a making a case for it. Okay, so Jake is officially ruling against the children. Holy shit dude. This is, I was playing devil's advocate,

and I liked actually, and I'm thinking about how excited. I'm just a bailiff. I shouldn't be talking. I'm not supposed to be here. I'm a Jake. I'm a bitch. I'm a Jake here. Now I'm starting to be here. I'm a chick. I'm a chick.

I'm a chick. Now I'm starting to feel like a holy shit. Like what did I do? Who have I been complicit? I wasn't supposed to talk during the case. I really... I just say the decision afterwards. All right, I don't want to.

He's having it both ways. Don't let him get away with it. I think I'm just landing on No Cheeks No Squeaks. No Cheeks No Squeaks. This is the Vigo horse rule. No Cheeks No cheeks no squeaks no cheeks no squeaks. Yeah that's the this is the Vego horse. No cheeks no squeak no cheeks no squeaks you can sneak. Sorry dad. Oh no squeaks no squeaks you can sneak. Tell your kids tell your kids this rhyme. The rhyme makes it can. The rhyme makes it can and oh they're gonna get in trouble at school. Kids take a seat. I would say in 99% of other cases,

if this was brought up, it would just be like, yeah, of course we rule with the DM. They failed their self-check. This stuff would just said for flavor, but kids take everything literally, so you can't go to a kid and be like, this is what happens, because then they're gonna be like,

oh, but here, you've left yourself open for your very smart children. Yeah. You should be proud, but also we need to punish you. Like you've left you've left yourself open for your for your very smart children. Yeah You should be proud, but also we need to punish you. Yeah, sorry kids. Yeah, your dad's getting punished Your dad's getting shocked. Are we all siding with the kids except for Jake Three to one three for the kids It's unanimous fucking brutal. I love the children. What are we gonna do?

We gotta go to this dad's house. Yeah. What? Holy crap. I guess, yeah. The punishment will be Jake and this dad have to hang out and shit talk your kids. What?

Wow. How would it do that? Jake, go in there. It's like a privilege for Jake. I wanna do that. Jake, go in on your children. Cool and unusual punishment for both of us. It's like a privilege for Jake. He's into it. He can't wait. No.

He hates children. Seriously though, congrats on your, on your very smart kids, geez. Yeah. All right, well, I guess so ordered. Message me, message me your address. And yeah, I mean, to an arrow where we can't agree. Yes, so ordered. Message me your address. And yeah, I mean,

I'm doing it to an arrow where we can't agree. It's a nice, have an easy case, everyone, so I know. Yeah. Okay, well, we've been ending these, these crit sessions with the confessional. So if you guys would like to hear, hear one, oh, yeah. Take me to church.

Abbey are, because we don't separate church and stay here. Right. Horribly corrupt. We are now in the house of Dice Christ. The judges take off the robes and put on Popeats. It's really fucked up. We take off our robes and put on different robes.

We basically dice Christ robes. Yeah. The bailiff becomes the organ player. All right. Jake, Jake, tell us the sins of our listeners. You got it. Abbey our rights. May it please the court or church?

This is actually me turning myself in for something I was, I believe, was unjust of me. A while back, I was DMing a casual high level one shot for a group of friends. The players all had powerful magical items, and one had the nine lives cleaver, a sword that on a nap 20 the target must make a con save or be fully dead as a joke during some RP the

character with the magical item said that they bonked another character over the head with the sword and as a joke I told them to make an attack roll they rolled in at 20 and the person who got bonked made a con save which they failed I told them it was okay and they didn't have to be dead, because it was just a joke. But the rest of the table was committed to the bit, and the character stayed dead despite my protesting. They told me that it was okay, and since it was only a one shot, they didn't care.

But I've never stopped feeling guilty about it. Was I in the wrong, or was it a funny joke that went a bit too far? Wow. I think there's a funny joke. It seemed like it didn't go too far. It sounds like the other people were committed to it. Yeah, it seemed like everyone everyone liked it. You left this to dice Christ and dice Christ gave you your answer. That is true. The dice tell their story. Once this was introduced, it needed to kill someone.

Yeah. It was Chekovups sword. It absolutely had to destroy somebody, especially in a one shot to have that over and to have it actually come into play. For sure. I think that happening to me in a one shot, I would be like, no, no, no, I stayed dead. It's funny. Yeah. Absolutely. I would be that player. I guess I want to know if the player like an hour in is like, okay, I would like to come back to life, please. He said it was a joke. It sounds like it must have happened at the end because they just had a one shot. I mean, this DM literally said you don't have to do this and all the players were like, no, no, this is awesome. Yeah. Can we offer a dice-crisp blessing to this player for committing so hard? Yeah. A dice-crisp blessing to you all.

Oh, I like that. To you for caring so much about your party, but we have absolved you of your sins. Yes, you're right. Dice Christ absolves you of your sins. We actually have, we have no power. We can't do it. We do it on their behalf. We're about vessels of dice Christ.

We're about vessels, indeed, on voice. Unlike normal church, you can just come in for confession and we might just say, you're fine. You didn't do anything. Yeah. We're totally good. Yeah fine. You didn't do anything. Yeah Just think about how you really not a monetary incentive for us to punish you. So yeah, no punishment No punishment at all did nothing wrong. You know what? Do you want to hang out actually? Yeah? Yeah, you can get out of this confession, but we can go get some donuts. Oh, that's cool Or you can come you can come visit like the Shark Dad with me and we can shit talking to children.

Oh, goodness. All right, hang was going so well. All right, everybody. Why don't we go ahead and wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening. You can listen to Heart Side chats. That's the bonus this week over on our Patreon.com slash NAD pod.

That's any DDBOD don't sing yet. Oh, there's anybody have anything they'd like to plug? I would plug the the head gum podcast live show. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's the same night as us. Head gum, the head gum podcast is opening for NAD pod. That show is sold out, but you can catch the other one.

Check it out. And we'll hopefully be announcing other live shows soon. We really want to get back out there and see everybody. Thank you to everyone who bought tickets already. It was crazy. The sold out is really so fast. But it was definitely a call to action for more live shows. And we here.

More seats. We want to see everybody. So we'll do more seats next time. If you didn't get it this time time We will be on the road again soon So we don't look out for tickets when we announce them and hopefully we'll do so sick of this house I'm so sick of this tiny room where I record Sweet guys anything else to plug I would love to shout out some stuff from our PO box if that's okay Sweet, let's do it. Here we go. Marcus L sent us a copy of the guide book

for their home brood world of Blithemeyer. It looks absolutely sick. This is a thick-ass booklet. I'm very jealous of your players and all of the fun treats that await them. Troy and Kelly sent us a birth announcement for their first-born daughter who they named Binky Fiasco.

Oh my gosh, I'm not sure how many Binky Fiasco's are out there now. So many little Binky's in the world. Actually, gosh, another how many Binky Fiasco's are out there now? So many little Binkies in the world. Actually, JK, they named her Fia Jean, which is I think a slightly better name, just slightly though. Congratulations, you two. That's so cute.

Very cute, baby. Big Tim, a big Tim's funny books, sent us a scene called Gorilla Warfare that's full of talking apes you can use in 5E. It is perfect for Trentavale. We'll have to go back to the Rana 4 called Gorilla Warfare that's full of talking apes you can use in 5e. It is perfect for Trentaville. We'll have to go back to the Rana 4 so I can, you know, I guess you can have some conversations with apes.

Nice. Wow. Let's see. Chris P. Sinus and nice notes. Apparently Chris, this is very fun. Just ran a marathon and crossed the finish line while listening to the Smap Fire bit from Elder Morn. Oh, that must have been fucking chariot of fire

We are all succeeding together and each of our accomplishments are as cool as you finishing America send me your medal because I would love to put it on my wall Yeah, yeah, technically we all did it together. Yeah, haha It's intermedeal to dungeon monmer melt melt it down and send us some of that metal. Something tells me that your efforts made you look a little better than ours. Yeah. Shayan sent us a nice note and a graduation announcement. Congrats on graduation. Yes.

Grace sent us some big 3D printed dice with the third mate's emblems on them. They are super big and chunky and I cannot wait to roll a two on this bad boy. Yeah, baby Thank you so much grace bring them on stage bring them to New York. Oh, yeah I can't yeah, I'm gonna accidentally I'm gonna step on it and I'm gonna trip But anyway, thanks again Grace if you would like to send us something you can do it at 1920 Hill or stab any number two to two Let's police California and zero zero two seven. Oh, thank you sweet guys Thank you all so much. You can follow us on social media that we may or may not use at teach Murphy's me at called He's called well at Chikur which is Jake and at the expert is Emily and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that's any ddp

O.D We are the We are the youth of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elder, starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Haldorf-Rostbach, Steelbreaker, and Matt M. The goat's Nicholas P. is being forced to DM for. They actually spent the first hour of the session diligently rolling characters, but as soon as Nicholas started describing the tavern they were in, they all scarfed their dice and started kicking over lamps.

Goats gonna goat I guess. Jordan DJ, CutterW, Jive G, and Dylan B, marine biologists who have spent their entire life trying to figure out if sharks are capable of farting, 90% of the Supreme Crit salaries goes to financing this vital scientific mission. Daniel the Dastardly Dame, Andrew M, Beardman Dan, Scott D and Danny P, Dragonborn merchants who used to sell their scales to potion makers, but now exclusively sell them to wandering bars, turns out they make incredible guitar picks. Mixologist Michael McDee, Vincent W, Bounder's Boy, and Andrew B, farmers and artisans

who crafted the corn maze within which the Supreme Crit is currently trapped. They want to help rescue the justices but are under specific instructions, not to intervene, no matter how many times we tug on our super long straws. Just an eye, Ragnar Fadewind, TGM, the Nome Barbarian, intervene, no matter how many times we tug on our super long straws. Just an eye, Ragnar Fadewind, TJM the Nome Barbarian, Alaina M and Traylee the Cray-Fay,

Rogues who replaced their cunning action with a pruning action and can perfectly trim a bush to conceal their shape, many have tried to stop these hedge lords but all end up bush-wacked. Jerrod E, Austin Bonesaw MR, Damular, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt and Gage M, the monks of Dice Christ, they live in an abbey in the middle of the woods and play D&D all day while drinking homemade wine. They're not celibate either, literally there are zero drawbacks, these people have better lives than us and we simply must accept it, such is Dice Christ's way.

Philbert the Fabulous, Richard X Machina, Michael L, Trast the Traveler, and Sir Carl, loyal subjects of the Dungeon Mummy, aka the Dungeon Queen. Currently she's letting them play in an anime based campaign where every character has blue hair, a giant sword, and a personalized, Gundam, truly her benevolence knows no bounds. Jury S, Dana G, Calamel, and Jack L, mad scientists who created a shark with butt muscles capable of farting, unfortunately adding these glutes also allowed the shark to slither on land like a snake. This is how the world ends, not with a bang, but with a super hilarious farting shark. Flullis Whale, Sam L, Nicholas C, and Samuel B wear sharks who don't fart, not because

they anatomically can't, just because they eat that clean. Mike H, Udish Malik, the baby bronze dragon, Matthew E, Colton B, and Adam G, Dragonborn dermatologists who are absolutely seething at Kasm's questions, also as Dragonborn dermatologists. They are quite literally Dragonborn potion makers and are struggling to believe that a Dragonborn potion maker would be so gruesome. Megan S, Nibbadger, Panama James, and Cummins the Bard, Hedge, Maze, Scapers, who knew exactly

what Emily was talking about and weren't confused at all. Good for them. Captain Sijil, Grace G, Drew Nasty, Ceci Lulu and Barnesinator, reverse rogues who use their bonus action to get everyone's attention and get flaunt attack, which is where they add extra damage based on how loud and flashy they can be. Insufferable. Michelle O, Timmy R, Jonathan W, the crack-wearing warrior, Lucas B. and Aaron S, a pantheon of goat deities

that hold the secrets of goat life and death. Only they can say what truly happens to a goat when they die, and they've hidden themselves in a pocket dimension after a brutal war with the sheep gods. It's Kevin, run down Johnny's pubic mound, New York, Steven C. and KJ, hedge crafters who make topiaries that are the perfect size and shape for rokes to hide behind. Michael M. Mike K. Joy T. Nick W. and Taylor A. The Polymorph Parallegals, these students of law, are working to set a new precedent for what a polymorphed individual can get away

with. As may M. Kelsey C. Kazemir the All-Kknowing, Big Bad Beard of the Mad and Eric McD, makers of the Cloak of Displacement, it acts like the Cloak of Displacement, but can only be equipped by Wearsharks and Wearbirds. Giant Monsters on the Horizon, Thrath, Burley T, J Dragonborn, Joe Rodeanopropro and Cody B, a crew of goblins that specifically has advantage on perception checks for farts, turns out a lot of stealthing adventurers get caught that way. Liam D. The Sandrian, Ben A. Feldonis, and Dave H. Congress possums who are currently drafting a

bill to get polymorphed goats out of their human contracts. Here's hoping the Cric government passes it. Koala Bear, Catherine S. David Kay, Christian S, and Dustin S, anthropomorphic sharks who escaped SeaWorld by subduing their keepers with silent but deadly shark farts. Conor F, the Timewalker, two left eyes, and DPC is awesome. Dragonborns who collect dragon scales, they're covered in horrific sores,

but their collections are growing. Ashton S, Blair the Bug Bug Blair Barbar Blarion, Pork Chop, Chinil M, Vla C Raptor, Hedge Nomes. These tiny tricksters will steal your lawn care equipment and then disappear into any nearby topiaries. Teehee! Manette F, Pat L, Achootha A, Lauren H, and David M, Moll Ninjas who carry replica 9 lives cleavers with no magical powers, somehow they've still managed to behead each other.

Elias Hawthorn, Alex H. The Eldest Barry, Evan V. Ryan S. and the Bone Duster, the goat goats. These goats are the greatest of all time. These absolute legends can hop on rocks and crush chinkans like it's nobody's business. Robert CRSP, Idrisill, Brently Sea, Micahbee, Ploups, and Carly Ann, Wershars who bite people to spread their Lycanthropy and make some new friends. Unfortunately most of the new friends end up dying of Grievous Shark Wounds. Laurie P, Seth AJ, Spam Gaming the not-so-skilled gamer, Connor Savage, and Christopher J. Pepplepot, literal, hedge knights.

No, they aren't wandering knights without a kingdom, but rather brave knights who protect a single line of bushes. Leviathan, Bioquart 7, Remington CD, Amber Dextrous, Thrill of the Fright, an adventuring party who were polymorphed into possums. Unfortunately for them, everyone knows into possums. Unfortunately for them, everyone knows that possums are highly litigious, so their contracts all stayed intact. Sullivan H, Trub Hop Dropper, Sydney T, Alex C, The Element God, and Lindsay W, Goats in the game, Nicholas P must now DM, they're all playing Iroh Cockroo Rogues, and if that's

not bad enough, they also ate Nicholas's Dubey. Champ Wilde, Valin, Sprite Pepsi, Carlin Sea, Anthony S, and Jake. Weir Sharks who should be good at sneaking around since they never fart, but actually Valin keeps burping, and Jake continually knocks stuff over with their tail. CCA, Matthew J, TRP, Michael S. The Bone Dusteruster and Noah. Ryan F's other children who weren't playing in Ryan's game but nonetheless are going to be ruthlessly shit talked by Baylor Jake. Sorry, that's the ruling. A still. Baroness, Soestian's romance partner from the Baronies. Conflicted DM, Justin LB and Dandy. Dragonborn, who recently found that their

scales are worth good money but decided to use their intimate understanding of their own scales to forge fake ones smarter, more sustainable, not gross. Jennifer R. Clifton A. Richard G. M. Barber and Marcos P. Dermatologist who are suddenly getting a ton of appointments booked by Cass M.S. player. They're surprised that their new patient is booking at peak traffic times as well, but hey, money is money. Pub-K-Lash Gabriel M. Learns the balance druid. Dakota JP and Pago's self-proclaimed Faye Prince, Hedge Maze designers who have built a Hedge Maze that is impossible to solve no matter how long your straw is. What? Tracy P. The Crick-of-Libraryan. Andiee, Scrumpe, Bogpipe, Holly, and Anthony A,

Quartz Synographers, who also act as Deacons when the court shifts gears to church. It's inconvenient to lug a typewriter and a robe to work every day, but at least there's free lunch. Abigail, Egg, Infinidum, Sloth King, 777, Chungle Down, Cal, and Commodore Galaxy, the Knowles from Andrews Game, who will freely admit they were not keeping an eye on anything. Wow, we should have called witnesses. Edison N, Russell H, Neo's and Laura R, lawyers who were arguing the polymorphed goat case,

until the goat started bringing and bucking to the point where the case had to be called off because it just seemed like everyone was already in hell. Thank you all so much for listening. Thank you to all of our listeners, all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course, all of our benevolent Council of Elders. You can head on over to our Patreon.com slash NAD pod to listen to the heart side chats that we did as bonus content this week. Until then, we'll catch you all next time. guest.