Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Long-Winded DMs, Dashing Daddies and The Tale of Ser Flatbread

Episode Date: August 22, 2024

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, as well as the Bailiff who puts the "Dung" in Dungeon Hurwitz as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Thank you everybody. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Court everybody. Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun. Wow. Yeah, just a little spicier for you this time around. A little extra pizzazz. We are your Supreme Court Justices, Murphy, Axford, Tanner

and you know what we haven't been mean to Jake in a while? The lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly lowly He's just awful, pathetic. We haven't gotten that far with the lowlies. Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli,

Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, Loli, hear ye, shit is now in session. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's running with it.

The honorable Supreme Court justices, Axel Murphy and Tanner are presiding. Our first case comes from Lorbs. Lorbs writes, behold, to the venerated and illustrious justices and the baby bailiff, Jort. Jort. I present the case of the DM monologues. For the past year, I've been in a lovely campaign

with some friends from work and our partners. Our DM is very invested and has been brewing up the world for a long time, which has allowed for rich stories to emerge. However, lately there's been less world building and more world telling. Recently, he has been spending upwards of 20 to 30 minutes narrating flashbacks, dreams, conversations between NPCs

and other scenarios where roles seem to make little to no difference and outcomes are essentially predetermined. At our most recent game. We keep wintzing. God bless. God bless the effort, but it's in the wrong direction. Some people really phone it in. You remember Taruk?

Yeah. This is the opposite. At our most recent game, a new player joined us for their first ever D&D session. Our DM opened this session with over an hour of pre-destined scenes one-on-one with each already established player at the table. Midway through one scene, he even stood up from his chair and saying

a two minute adapted karaoke Disney song in the persona of one of his NPCs. Oh my God. All of this happened before the new player introduced himself. What? Some people need to do improv class. I was just gonna say,

our sentence is gonna be sentencing this person to take an improv class. Not to get better, but just to enjoy it. They're clearly looking for an outlet for creativity. Go on, take it. I think you need to take a TV writing class. They don't need improv. This is clearly a different outlet.

Yeah, it seems like they're good at improv. It's just that's not totally what this is. They should write a TV show. They got a lot of ideas. They should do a one person show. Yeah, this is, I mean, they should do a one person show. Yeah, this is, I mean, this sounds like a one person show. Because their creativity is not fitting within the conference.

Right. A collaborative storytelling. Okay, so Lorbs concludes, I love this campaign and want to create stories with my party in the DM, but I feel increasingly like a passive audience member. Am I responsible for redirecting the group or should our DM recognize it's wrong to turn our campaign into a one-man musical theater?

Okay. Okay. Yeah. So I know we've got a lot of suggestions here on how to fix this, but what if we didn't fix it? What if we took the coward's path and you just turned it into dinner theater and everyone shows up, it's a potluck, and then you just let your DM go off. Yeah. I am, I actually do think it is hard to give advice on this because it's really easy when a DM is slacking off

or trying to fuck you over or being a jerk. And I don't think this DM is doing that. This DM is over enthusiastic. It's like getting a gift that you don't like where you have to kind of, you'd have to kind of like crush someone to give them a note on it. Yeah, yeah.

I don't even know how to like give guidance. It's kind of just like, you gotta- Yeah, how do you- Because even I'm trying to think of like, the obvious answer, right? Like the correct like adult answer is to just, you know, pull them aside and just be like, hey, like this can be a little bit more

collaborative. I think maybe some of us are feeling like we can't really participate or something like that. Even as you're saying that, you're smiling because you know. Cause I'm imagining. Well, that's what you, that's what you should do. But none of us would do that. I don't know that I would do that.

I couldn't do that. I guess I could take one verse off of the karaoke song. Yeah. I could make that concession. Have you tried clearing your throat a lot? Just like, I wonder if instead you could just be like, holy shit, you should do improv

or like maybe like join a musical around town and maybe they'll sort of exorcise this desire to perform. I do wonder if the DM is getting a lot of compliments because maybe he does have like a cool story because he's clearly getting some kind of positive feedback to just be going off. I've definitely known people that would go off just whether or not it was being enjoyed.

Yeah, you're right. Have you tried sarcastic clapping after the karaoke? That could be kind of good. Or what if just in the middle of a monologue, you just start, you just like roll a dice really loud. Yeah. A really loud dice. Yeah. Do you need to be a little petulant like that

and start checking your phone, like watching TikToks with the volume on? Oh, it's so devastating to think about it. Okay, we can't give bad advice. Right, no, we can't give passive aggressive advice, though that's, I think what I would do in this situation. I don't know. I think if a DM no, we can't give passive aggressive advice, though that's, I think, what I would do in this situation. I don't know, I think if a DM was completely

just putting on a one-man show, I think I would probably just stop playing with them maybe, and just cut our hand race. And they've got both hands off. I have some advice. Okay. Start initiating scenes with the other players. Yeah. Because then,

that sort of takes the DM out of the equation. If you feel like the DM is really having a heavy hand, if you start initiating scenes with other players, then you guys have time to really be making the story your own. That's true, but if this DM really is intent on having these like backstory one-on-one things or whatever it's like, you talk to the Paladin

and it reminds you of this time back when you were at church. No, it doesn't. It actually doesn't. It actually doesn't though. It doesn't. No, it doesn't. It actually doesn't though. It doesn't. No it doesn't. I hit my head on a rock and I don't have any memories now. I wonder if you could do sort of a compliment sandwich

and do, no, no, no, here's what you do. You're like, your storytelling is so fantastic. How do I get on your level? Because I feel kind of intimidating, almost like I can't chime in. Oh, that's good. That's really good. Is that good? I can't chime in. Right? That's good. That's really good. Is that good?

I don't even know if it's a compliment sandwich. I feel like that's hiding the vegetables in the mashed potatoes. Yeah. It's a compliment and it's also kind of a lie. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, you're lying. It's just a lie.

Yeah, for sure. It's a lie. It's honeyed words. But you're asking for what you want, which is how do I get in the game? Hey, how do I get in here? Also, it might not be a lot. I mean, it's a half lie, presuming that the DM is, I mean.

And the player did say that they enjoyed, like our DM has been very invested. They said they enjoy the campaign, which made me that they're really missing the campaign part of it. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems like the DM is taking those compliments and doubling down on them, being like,

oh, I'm really cooking now. I gotta get in there and I gotta make everything longer. I gotta make these backstories longer. I gotta make these flashbacks longer. My songs need to have a bridge. Yeah, some people take positive reinforcement too far. Right, I do think obviously we are on your side. I think the DM.

Okay, what about you start, this is like technically passive aggressive, but it can be seen as supportive if you get like a little spotlight and whenever they start. Oh my God, that's aggressive. That's just sort of progressive. Anytime they start monologuing.

You have a tiny little soap box and you just slide it over every time they start talking. You could just learn like the clarinet or something and start just like playing a little bit, like whenever they're monologuing. And just be like, oh, sir, I thought this was gonna go on for a while. So I thought I had time to write it.

I do think there's a version. Maybe you just have to interrupt. You just have to be like, oh, while this flashback is happening, can my character do this? My character is gonna write a letter. That's tough, though. That's definitely a suggestion,

but I feel like that just ends up reflecting poorly on you without the DM intuiting that it's their fault. Yeah, I feel like it'll be poorly received. I think you do. You gotta cover the Brussels sprouts and mashed potatoes. Right, I love the world. How do I get on your level? Yeah. How do I get in there?

And go tit for tat with the dungeon master. And you are a master. Maybe you don't have to lay it on that pick, but yeah. Could you just say, hey, I actually really want to explore my relationship with other person at the table that's not an NPC that you play. Yeah.

You could just be really mean to the NPCs and like try and just like drive them all away so that it's just you guys. Like you don't have a DM NPC. There's only the NPCs are villains. Yeah, I mean, at this point, if I'm in that campaign, every NPC, I'm like, thanks, bye. Yeah.

I do, maybe if you gave a note, I could see this DM, I imagine a situation where they think they're doing an awesome job and are working so hard on all of this. And they're probably doing a lot of things great. Find out that it's not totally appreciated and just, you know, their world is shattered. I could see that happening, no pressure.

But if you give a note in a way that's like, I think for the rhythm of the campaign and stuff, it would be great for us to all do more stuff together so that those one-on-one scenes are more impactful or something like that. It might be as simple as just saying, we're all so excited to play in this world that you've made. Like, is there any way you could reduce the recaps

and the backstory? We wanna get to it. We wanna get to it. We're tired of the ride. I don't know how to do this in a way that isn't rude. Okay, another suggestion, because I don't know how to do any of this. Really loud food. These are all passive aggressive. how to do this in a way that isn't rude. Yeah, yeah. Another suggestion, because I don't know how to do any of this.

Really loud food. These are all passive aggressive. The best part about this show is we do not have to give advice. That's definitely true. We're just here to punish. I think the best advice, personally, what I would do in this situation,

I would not do the head-on confrontation. I would just start initiating scenes with other actual players. Okay, and I have a new one. I think I just, when the DM starts talking, I pull out a little timer and I just put it away. And you don't comment on it. Like, what's that?

Like, I'm just timing this actually. Yeah. I own research. And then you stop it as soon as someone else talks. Yeah. Just pull out like a full rotisserie chicken. Again, we strayed from the path of the rotisserie chicken, but this is when you pull it out and you start chowing down.

Yeah, I think that there is a way, I know it's hard, I know it's complicated. I do think there's a way where you can compliment the DM. Em's got both hands up. I think you can just say something to the effect of, really love the world that you built. I feel like we might be spending too much time one on one would love for all of us to like actually get to pay off

some of the backstories and stuff that we built at this point. Love the world, would love to play in it. Yeah. And tell them during his dance rehearsal for this monologue. Really, this person definitely needs to get into at least regional theater, if not more. I was gonna say, you could become like a memory thief

and modify memory and everything and just wipe everyone's past stories. Everyone forgets their backs. That's cool. The little memory stick from Men in Black. And then I think that you're like, my new thing is that the past is getting erased. And I'm trying to make that happen more.

And then the DM. I feel like the DM would just be like, all right, before you erase all of these pasts, I'm gonna narrate that happen more. And then the DM. I feel like the DM would just be like, all right, before you erase all of these paths, I'm gonna narrate that. You flash back to them. And then you begin to remember little parts. But then you take out your men in black stick and you're like, boop, stole that one.

You can't do it now. Good luck with this. This seems really complicated, but we're gonna rule against the DM, certainly. Obviously, yeah. You can't do this. And I've definitely sent something to them to take an improv class, get a notebook, one of those ones that say,

like, thoughts for my future book on it. That's good. The only true solve here is that you and your DM both start writing books, and this just becomes like a book writer's workshop. And you just slowly phase out the D&D altogether. And then like, I guess you've just written a novel and your DM has written a novel

and then I get to read two fantasy novels. So this works out great for me. Maybe when your DM starts to narrate, you take out a notebook and when they're like, oh, sorry, what's up? You're like, oh, you're writing a book. So I'm like, damn. These are so passive aggressive.

You just inspired them so much. Yeah, just take a massive notebook out. Oh, I'm just taking notes. I'll need all these pages. Yeah. It's weird to call it an insult, but I think just scream, just write a book. All right, this DM has been-

Just pin a tone. Sentenced to improv. Yeah. Okay, you're taking an improv class. Our next case comes from Darius D to the stalwart upholder of sanctity and justice, Bailiff Jake. Thank you. I believe I have been called shitty in some respects.

That was a self-punishment. You said something about Darius D. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. And the rest of the bench warmers with the ropes and such. What? Wait, is that a good thing to be a bench warmer? You silly or no? It's not.

Oh, it's a bad thing. Yeah, I bring you the case of the neglected responsibility. I started DMing a campaign for two friends of mine, a brother of a friend and my girlfriend. One of my friends and I had played D&D several times in the past and we both have experienced DMing while everyone else was having their first experience

with D&D. Since it was their first time, I designed the campaign to be fairly quick to resolve with the option of continuing their adventures if they enjoyed it enough. Everything was going fine, but my friend who had experience with D&D got a job elsewhere and moved.

Can't blame him for it. I hope him the best. However, we all hope him the best. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. We'll see. We'll see how this the best. No, fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. Yeah, we're seeing opportunities. We all do, we all do.

We'll see how this turns out. Okay. However, since he's left, things have gone off the rails. Their mission was to investigate these magically corrupted human monster hybrids and stop their production, but instead they've decided to kidnap a high elf noble who had no information to offer them, torture him,

and are now planning to use him as leverage as they attempt to rig the odds of a high wager bet for an underground monster coliseum. Okay, okay. Sounds different. Yes, different. I fear that in my attempt to allow them freedom of choice, I have let would-be heroes turn into definitely actually villains. Judges and Jake, should I have kept my players on the straight and narrow or was I right to allow them to become the monsters they once swore to destroy? I will be awaiting your judgment while I continue to freestyle their next session completely off the dome.

Oh, freestyle rapping. That's another thing the DM could try. Yeah, that's true. The last DM should try that. What they're doing doesn't sound not fun. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm thinking is like, I could say that being really fun. As a as a mostly forever DM, or I guess not a forever DM, but a lot of times.

Yeah, a mostly DM. It would definitely mostly DM. I would say it's tough to put a lot of work into a session and then for people to just be like, I'm just going to torture one of your characters instead. And we're going to try to go to a party, I guess. You know what my suggestion would be? Okay.

You're with your friends. You know what they're weak to or what they're sympathetic to. If they're sympathetic to children, if they're sympathetic to animals, if they're sympathetic to, you know, figure out potential love interests, try to come up with one of those and put it in their path. And maybe you can override their desire for destruction. You know, like if these monster hybrids, like right now they're just like,

great, we're just gonna fucking make our own play. We're entering the criminal underworld. Instead they find, you know, a little kitten that's been wronged. Oh my God. By this monster enterprise. Did they get like, was there a phone scammer or something? Yeah, one of the monsters was a phone scammer.

Once you get into this dark, seedy underground world, then there's kind of the root of like, it's all bad guys down there. So it's like bad guys versus bad guys. I mean, the battle of good versus evil is a very hard thing, especially if you like, you want them to be moral and they're just not. But if like, you surround them with all bad guys versus bad guys. I mean, the battle of good versus evil is a very hard thing, especially if you want them to be moral and they're just not. But if you surround them with all bad guys

and they're also bad guys, that could theoretically work. Yeah, I do think you could get these guys from chaotic evil to chaotic neutral if you do so. I think we need to stop the torture is probably number one. Right. But ideally, for sure. Yeah, ideally we'd stop the torture. But beyond that, I do think there is a world where you could run a campaign where it's like,

they're trying to get into this like illegal monster fighting thing. You could have other rival crime lords and things like that. And that could still be really fun. And then maybe that's what the campaign becomes. I think, you know, we're on your side here. It sounds like the players just are not willing to engage and are just attacking random people and kidnapping people.

And that's tough to deal with. That's an interesting problem that you didn't anticipate having. I made this world to like continue if they were interested. And it turns out they're very interested in not having what you want them to be into. Well, I've definitely experienced this in home games and stuff where people who are kind of new to the game

are so excited by the freedom that you get. That they're like, I punch everything. Yeah, where it'll be like, oh, here's a store. You can like afford this item, but not that item or whatever and they're like, I punch the store key. Can I just attack the shopkeeper? You're too cheap. We'll have a sword, don't I?

Yeah, I guess so. The town guards will try to stop you. Y'all just kill them. And you're telling me I can systematically remove the teeth from this elf one by one, extract information that way? Awesome. Look, it's in my starters kit.

I have pliers. I've got a molar puller. What else is the rope for? I've got a molar puller. What else is the rope for? I've got tools. I think you said that there's another person who also has DMs before in this group. That's the one who left. That's the one that got a new job and moved away.

Who ultimately is kind of the villain here, right? You know, abandoned the party? Yeah, sort of abandoned the party. You know, another thing you could do here is you might need a Murph-esque ringer to come in. You need someone who's gonna be the DM's friend. Because currently, there's no DM's friend. There's no one to be like, okay guys, we've had our fun,

but we should really keep on the mission. I think like Murph, you're really good at playing those characters when you're not the DM. And I think that maybe that could help here. Yeah, you might need another DM's pet to come in and keep everybody on the straight and narrow. Although they might just get tortured. Yeah, true.

Yeah, they might. Yeah, it's certainly possible. Yeah, I do think it's up to you if you are thinking, oh, this vibe might not be my vibe. You are under no, there's no need for you to continue this if you don't want to. But if you are looking for a way to make it fun for your players, you could just lean into

what they wanna do, which seems like gambling stuff, it seems like they wanna be involved in like the underworld and things like that. So instead of being like, oh, let's have them collect this thing or be heroes, you can make it more like, oh, these rival crime lords wanna take them out because they're trying to take over this monster fight or whatever it is.

You could also have them meet a future rival crime lord and have them be like, wait, sorry, you tortured someone? None of us do that. That's crazy. Really. We don't do that anymore. That's so fucked up. We all got together and agreed. We thought that's kind of a red flag behavior pattern.

Holy shit. Okay, so it sounds like we're going to sentence the players. The DM is fine. And maybe we sentence the guy that moved away as well. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think that's the villain in all of this. I think that we got to sentence the guy that moved away as well. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think that's the villain in all of this. I think that we gotta sentence the person who moved away

to come back and be your DMs, Pat. Yeah, definitely. Because you need one of the PCs to be like, all right guys, I actually have a moral compass. You didn't need a new job, but you already had one. We are gonna be contacting the guy who loves employers and having them fired. So, they can do it. Whoa, holy shit. Yeah, yes.. So yeah, we will be acting as an anti-reference.

I mean, a crime ring campaign does sound very fun. So, you know, give it a, give it a second. If you wanted to lean into this, it's pretty clear what your players are interested in and you might do better to prep for that. And once they get involved, someone in their crew might get taken out by a rival crime Lord and then suddenly like a more authentic vendetta comes and maybe they discover a more righteous path. I mean, if there's this Elvin noble or something that had no information, right.

They could still be connected to somebody else. And all of a sudden they can get attacked by like the knights of this noble house who come and steal all their stuff or something like, I don't know, make an enemy of them. You broke a barren shins. That's not gonna go well for you. They don't have to get away with it. You're in complete control of it.

Yeah, but I get it. Like, you know what? Scoundrels are having a moment. Everyone wants to be a nasty little rapscallion these days. And I get it. you know what scoundrels are having a moment everyone wants to be a nasty little rap scallion these days And I get it. Yeah Scallywags are on the rise. I think we sentence these players to We're against them, but we've unfortunately given you advice to make them have more fun So you know what they have to take an improv class as well

So you know what? They have to take an improv class as well. Yeah, they should take an improv class. Oh, this is going to be a big class. Everybody's going to improv. I run across the screen to edit. But I think they need it for a different reason. The first DM just needs an outlet for all their boundless creativity. They'll be in the same class,

because that's just how it works. Yeah, this team needs it just to like get on board with working together. Although can you imagine being in that DMs improv class? I, yeah. It's only gonna further radicalize this crew. That's true. Okay, so ordered.

And our next case comes from Maximus Awesomeness. Wow. And they write. Sure, welcome. Welcome. To the mediocre judges and the bailiff, I'm currently blackmailing. Whoa.

I assure you they're not. Confessing to a crime. I present the case of the Olympic guards. My brother runs a campaign for me and my dad where the first arc took place in a clockwork city. I play a stealthy ranger and my dad plays a rogue. We had just been framed for military leaders murder and we were on the run.

We were trying to take some guards clothes to sneak into a noble's estate So we found a troop of four guards thinking we would use ranged weapons to overpower them You can imagine my surprise when I was placed within ten feet of the guards when combat began I was instantly grappled by one of the guards and for the next three rounds He had the guards stabbed me as I failed to get out of his grapple and my dad ran away I was forced to surrender after After the session, my brother revealed that these guards were challenge rating three

and each had 16 strength while we were level one. In his defense, he said that the entrance wasn't defended in the chaos in the attempt to get us to leave, but we both missed that. So judges, should I surrender to my brother's guards or should I min-max the most powerful ranger this world has ever seen? I mean, I definitely think you should do that.

I think this is a, okay, so I think I see what happened. So nights are challenge rating three. Yes. So it's not unreasonable for nights to act as guards if it's a particularly important person or something like that. Like, yes, when you guys are, you know, you shouldn't be able to like metagame or whatever. You can't just be like, oh, everyone should be a level one quarter challenge rating guard or whatever and have 10 HP or something terrible.

You can't tell if people have a land deed just by looking at them, which would determine if they're a knight or not. Really? Knights have land? I think knights all have a little bit of land. Yeah, they're given land. What? You can get a little bit of land. That's huge. Now I get why everyone was trying to cozy up to knights. Every lady wanted herself a knight, she wanted that land.

You got a freaking parcel. Yeah, dude. Looking for acreage. Yeah, well, I think for the purposes of the game, it just means beefier dudes and armors. Well These are, these are landowners. How many hectares was there? You shouldn't have been trying to steal their clothes. You shouldn't try to steal their deeds. Yeah. And they're hot on property, on owning property. I don't think it's wild that challenge rating three dudes would be around, especially if like some high ranking person was just murdered.

It's not crazy that there would be some nights on retainer, right? Yeah. So that's not nuts. What is weird, and maybe you should have argued this in the moment. I think I'm still siding with you, but I think as soon as your brother put you within 10 feet,

I would have been like, I didn't do that. When did I say that I run up to them and attack them as a ranger? You should have been like, I didn't do that. When did I say that I run up to them and attack them as a Ranger? You should have been like stealthin'. I think the purpose is that this player was. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. That's what the DM should have been like,

okay, you guys are trying to sneak up. And then as you're sneaking up, maybe they give you a perception check and it's like, damn, these guys have nice swords. Yeah, cause- Or whatever they were stabbing with you with. When you get into a fight with your brother, who do you tell?

You tell your dad and your dad is there and your dad ran away. So it's a tough spot to be in. You're right. That's why this went to shit because your dad wasn't there to mediate. How did the dad get away? Was the dad allowed to be more than 10 feet away?

Well, I guess did the dad have some sort of rogue ability that would let them just like sneak off? I mean, yeah. Disengage, cunning action. Dad's allowed to do whatever he wants because dad's got the car keys. Yeah, dad took the coward feet. Right?

I mean, they did beat dad feet. Yeah, if they're all level one, they all got like 10 HP. These knights should have been able to stab them and knock them out like in a hit. But yeah, I think the bullshit here was not about the challenge three rating. It was about placing you right next to them

because your brother could have been like, this is an area I don't want you to go to. There are some knights in front of it. You're not ready for them yet. And you would have found that out if you shot an arrow at them. And it was just like, it pinks off of their very expensive arms.

You see that- And it falls onto their land. Yeah. You see it falls onto their land deeds that they dust off and they put it back in a folder with all the other land deeds they have. You hear them discussing property taxes, and they see a cross.

Yeah. This guy's more than a knight. He's a landlord. But yeah. Yeah. This guy's more than a knight. He's a landlord. I want to know what was going on with your dad for all three turns that you were getting stabbed. Was it like, all right, dad, it's your turn. And he's like, um, yeah, I'll do another dash. I'm out of here. It just hides. I think it's a road. You can just hide. Dash action, is that what it's called? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, daddy dash.

You got to keep in mind, right? It's better for one person to not get caught and then the dad can break you out later. No, we're not siding with the dad in this. The dad didn't necessarily abandon you. The dad's coming back for you, come on. Is he? Three rounds have gone by.

Yeah, dude, this campaign just got daddy issues. That's very interesting. This is sort of a situation where Rafael gets captured and now Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello gotta come together to save him. That's true, because he was acting a little rash. He was acting a little rash. I wanna hear from the dad.

We do need to interrogate the father, certainly. Yeah, we do, yeah. But yeah, I do think the original problem here is putting you within 10 feet of the knight. Yeah, we do, yeah. But yeah, I do think the original problem here is putting you within 10 feet of the knight. Yes. You should have been able to, you know, shoot at them, they bust their shields out or whatever. You see that they're strong or you hit them.

Yeah, and you can run away like your dad. You crit on them and then you see that they pull the arrow out of their neck and they're fine and then you run away. Yeah. So we are gonna sentence this DM, it sounds like. Yeah, definitely. I think this is on the DM. Yeah. Not on the deck.

I imagine this is theater of the mind that they're playing, right? This is the only time where this could actually happen. Well, no, it sounds like they bust out the battle map. It could be, yeah. And when they did, the DM puts the Ranger really close to the next person. Yeah, right.

Yeah, the DM's like, oh shit, this is happening, slaps down a map, puts them in there. That is a good advice for any DM is, once you're bringing the play mat out, is like giving people a chance, hey, where do you think you are on the mat? Yeah, and also players, feel free to like, argue your case before things get really bad.

You know what I mean? Before you start getting stabbed repeatedly. Maybe halfway through the second round of stabbing, you're like, wait, I actually think I wanted to do this differently. Yeah. Yeah. This isn't think I wanted to do this different. Yeah. Yeah.

This isn't how I wanted it to go. Sorry, I think there's been a miscommunication. Dad? Yeah. Dad? Yeah, I do. He basically left the table. I do wonder if this player was put down there

and then was just like, whatever, these are just guards. They're like challenge rating a quarter. Yeah. Me and Dad take them out. Right. Dad? Dad? And then get their asses kicked. If Dad had the highest initiative I'm like, I'm just concentrating our quarter. Me and Dad take them out. Dad? Dad? And then get their asses kicked.

If Dad had the highest initiative and immediately ran. Yeah, I don't know. It's very possible. These guys must have had pretty good initiative to, they don't even have anything with decks. So I don't know, they just beat this Ranger on the rolls. And they just ran in and grabbed him, but not the Dad. Not the Dad.

I don't know. I love that they grapp grabbed him, but not the dad. Not the dad. I don't know. I love that they grappled him, but then also stabbed him. Yeah. For three rounds. To be held and stabbed is so funny. That's 18 seconds of stabbing. That is a lot of stabbing.

Dad! I'm kind of wondering if we're getting the whole story here. Because I don't know. How do you, as a- They keep stabbing, dad! This player's level one. They said, yeah, because one level one character could get

stabbed for three rounds. Not a ranger at all. I mean, it could have been like some of them were continuing to grapple, hold him down and then one person was doing the stabbing. Maybe they had like a D4 weapon, like a dagger, although

a knife with a dagger is quite strange. So they're challenging three specifically, they're beating them up. Although I guess they do need something to open up their deeds. Were they just, they were just. Blast people's deeds. They were using their car keys.

Yeah, they're. I can't believe they were out there having, cause they're like traveling half the time. The land is wasted on them. Why didn't I get land? I guess it's a thank you. Well, they got people to maintain it, you know? Okay, okay, it's a whole production.

It's a tough gig, because you're out there nighting all day and then you gotta go home to your correspondence desk and check on your ledgers. Ugh, not for me. Wow. We could sentence the DM to do that, to write correspondence for nights.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that sounds good, yeah. In like old English too. Yeah, I would say if this person owns any land, they need to bequeath it to knights immediately. It's a policy. You need to hire a security guard

and give them the piece of your land. Yeah. Okay, it's only fair. Or to bequeath your battle map to. Yeah. Okay. It's only fair. Or to bequeath your battle map to a knight. Oh, that's good. Because this DM is improperly using their battle, their battle map.

Go to medieval times. Go to medieval times. Roll up your battle map and hand it to the first knight you see. Or no, hand it to the one who wins the tournament. It's gotta be the one who wins. And you know what? What about the title, the title to your car?

Give the title to your car. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, to a night. To a night at medieval times. You owe a Toyota Corolla to a night at medieval times. So we're technically all like night, Toyota nights? We're Toyota. We are all, yeah.

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That is squarespace.com slash pawpaw to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Thank you everybody. Okay, so ordered. And the next case comes from Itay B. Itay writes, to the wise justices and John, I present the case of the pizza monk. Wow, hi John.

Yeah, John's not bad. I like, I go by John sometimes. Yeah, don't you? No, you don't, do you? Yeah, don't you remember Bailiff John? Yeah, I do. I am the DM for my friend group and one of my friends recently asked

about doing a Game of Thrones style campaign since he had been feeling inspired from watching House of the Dragon. Sick. Love it. I'm feasting. Continue. We described his character in Exiled Prince and the dark complex world he was a part of. When bringing this up with another friend, that friend said it sounded very cool and then reminded me that a while back we had already discussed that whenever the next campaign was going to be, he wanted to play the pizza monk inspired by the obscure Instagram page of Luigi Primo, a party world, rasslin pizza wrestler. God damn it. God damn it. I fucking, I hate how much I love this shit. I hate how much I love these films.

Just picture him spinning those pizza boxes, just using a pizza paddle as his weapon. It's good. Yeah, it's really good. Wow. Is it? He admitted this character ruined the serious tone of the campaign, but I said it was okay. And I found a way to fit him in and his origin into the play. What?

This is all right. Verging on your fault already. Picture Matt Smith being like, I must parlay with the pizza monk. Arguably would have been a better arc. There was a kid named Pork Pie in the first game of Thrones. Hot pie. Yeah, hot pie, that's right.

Okay, my quandary now comes as a new person will be joining our group as we start this campaign and whether I should tell them about the pizza monk. If I don't, I only present them with the more serious aspects of the world for them to pick a character and hope they don't mind this goofy-ass dough-tossing wrestler, or I tell them about it and I run the risk of them also wanting to create a silly character concept. I humbly beseech the court's guidance in this manner." Okay, I have a suggestion. Which is that I looked it up and pizza was invented or originated in Naples, Italy during

the late 18th and early 19th century. However, the concept of flatbreads with toppings has been around for much longer in various cultures. Can you convince him to make it a flatbread monk instead? It doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well. No, no, the hot pie precedent really helps here because just a stranger named flatbread just evokes a weird air of mystery.

Like are they some sort of gladiator that escaped that only ate flatbread? Are they like a cook that killed someone? What is flatbread's deal? It really depends how involved the pies are with the character of the pizza bun. I do think there is a world where you can be a cook, you can be hot pie with some levels of fighter.

Yeah. There's like a lot of, in Magic the Gathering, there's a lot of chef commanders. Yeah. But are you throwing hot cheese on people at the battlefield? But also people, they did pour boiling hot oil on people during sieges, right? It's not a stretch.

That's what I do wonder if you could be like, hey, let's workshop it, let's ground this idea. It's a really fun challenge. You have to do that. Yeah, I think if you go chef. Yeah, flinging pizzas, I think is not great. Yeah, I'm trying to make this idea work. I'm trying to be a-

I think your name is flatbread. Yeah. Right. For sure. Let's start there. Yeah, let's start there. Let's start there. I think having like a baker's paddle as a weapon, that could work.

I mean, sure. I think that could work, but it has to be- If that's what you want, if that's what you want, it has to be, yeah. I think that could work if they've never fought before and they get attacked while they have their, while they have their, what did you call it? The pizza paddle?

Well, while they have their, well, it'll be a flatbread paddle. Right, flatbread paddle. Right. Pizza's a flatbread paddle. Right, flatbread paddle. Pizza's a little too world-breaking, but flatbread really swaps in nicely. Flatbread is medieval pizza. Yeah, and instead of key points, you have yeast points.

Yeah. That's kinda good. I would encourage them. I do feel like, and we've had some absolutely very stupid characters, specifically like- No, I don't think ever once. Well, no, honestly, all of your PCs have been not that silly. I don't think I've ever once had a silly.

Well, you know what I mean? You guys all had- I'm joking anyway. I know you're joking, we're all joking. But you know, I think that you guys all had, you all fit the world, but everyone had some goofy parts about them. And I would encourage this player

that it's usually funnier, unless it's just like a one note NPC or something that's just gonna come in and be nuts for like a minute. Anything other than that, you're usually better off playing a character that fits the world and finding what's funny faster. If you just come in and you're just like, I use pizza as a weapon and I'm so random, it's just it's not going to be that funny. It's flatbread. Thanks. Think about like the power you wield though, because like nobody in Westeros has had a flatbread and that's a fucking game changer. As soon as they like bite down

into that mozzarella and tomato sauce, I don't think they've had a flatbread. I've seen there's a lot of cheese on bread. Not mozzarella. I don't think they've had mozzarella melted on a flatbread sir, no thank you. I don't believe so. I think also your player is down to ground this character

because they offered you an out and you didn't take it. But I think at this point you can backpedal. That's a key tenet of D&D though. You gotta be down to ground. You have to be ready to meet your D&D halfway. Yeah. I think it's definitely funnier to just forget everything that you know about the pizza monk.

Just build your entire world, not even thinking about the pizza monk. And then when they arrive, we'll see how silly they feel and just kind of like let them turn their pizza into flatbread. Kind of on their own. Sometimes you pitch a really silly character named Cinnamon, but then you show up with earnest facts

about the spice trade and it feels actually really grounded. It feels really grounded actually. It's the world and all of those characters, as fucking weird as they were, they weren't like, I don't know, they weren't like, I'm powered by M&Ms and I shoot them out of my nose. Like they all have. You can't just be giving this away, man.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, no, I think we've got it here, which is that you gotta to meet them in the middle. You got to ground it a little bit. You have to let a dragon fire their breath into a pizza stone oven. Into a pizza oven.

Maybe bring up the idea that they're a chef and that their long term goal could be by the end of the campaign, they discover pizza. They invent pizza. They say, this is more than a flatbread. This is a pizza something else. It might sound crazy to you. It's a journey to find sauce. Well, I've got a dream.

All right. Murph has his fingers to his temples. I have my fingers in my temples and my eyes. An oven as hot as dragon's fire. I'm not against the idea of having a chef in the campaign. It makes sense. You can go into a cave And discover a strange stone. Yeah, okay, check this out.

You have a flatbread shield. Yeah. With like cheese on it. Okay, it breaks through zero AC minus AC. And you fight a dragon. Minus AC. You raise your shield. It burns you and dies.

And the dragon toasts the meat. Cheese gets melted on your skin before your skin gets flayed off by the fucking absolute fire shooting out of this dragon. Okay, all right, now I'm gonna try to have sex with my aunt or something. Yeah.

So that's very on theme. So at that point, you were so on theme that you earned the pizza. Well, ultimately, okay, so this DM did ask us, actually, should I lie to my other players? Oh yeah. I think you shouldn't tell them this. Well, you have to.

Really? You did this. I guess that's fair. You're right. You could just be like, and one of them's playing a pizza monk, but we're not really doing that. Yeah, yeah.

That's weird. Right, yeah. I'm actually- But I wish they weren't. We've had precedents in other cases where we have to, even though we think the player is the one who's acting wacky, if the DM just lets all of this go unchecked,

it is the DM's fault. Right. Especially if the player comes to you and is like, hey, we had said we were gonna do this. I know this doesn't fit the world, but, and you go like, no, it's okay. I'm just going to not tell the other players about you because I'm so against this, but I'm going to allow it.

This has the energy of like the next player being like, and I want to play real life Tom Cruise. And like, okay, I can make that work too. Yeah, that'll work. Yeah. Yeah. And that way you kind of just have to run in Izakay where everyone's been transported into House of the Dragon.

God, Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise doing dragon stunts, are you kidding me? Mission Impossible Medieval Times. More on to something here. I'm gonna rule against the DM. Yeah, unfortunately this is on your shoulders. Yeah. I do wonder too if this player is gonna,

this is actually sincere, I do wonder if this player is gonna end up regretting it if they play something so weird and out of the world anyways. Cause I feel like we often hear stories that are like, this person wanna play this crazy character. And then after one session, they were like, I actually didn't like playing that. Can I play something else?

If we started playing and like, and Murph was narrating like, the exiled Prince walks in and throws a cloak over his shoulder He looks into a fire and like my character is wearing a pizza oven and has a paddle I think I would just be like, oh, Murph, can we sidebar? I have a different idea for a character I'll just be Aragorn or something. Oh, I wonder if that's the move.

If you send Pizza Monk like a little bit more, AKA flatbread fighter, a little bit more information about the world and be like, just in case this inspires a different character idea. I do think that's the thing is I think this DM ultimately could have just worked with this player because it sounded like the player was being kind of reasonable was just like, hey, just so you know, I did wanna play

like a character like this. There is a world where I'm not against the flatbread fighter who was a chef before, was making flatbreads, and now has to become a monk or whatever after their- Damn. Fights with a baguette. After their tavern was burnt down or something, and they still cook, and that's still a part

of their personality and all that. Yeah, they put pepperonis over the eyes of all their foes when they slay them. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Wow, that's gorgeous, Caldwell. That's awesome.

I mean, at this point, just the player. Holy shit, I'm crying. At this point, Caldwell's basically done everything that this player should do, so it's already been done. Why does Caldwell DM for this player? It would be a goddamn privilege. Right, but okay, so ultimately this DM, it seems like, doesn't want to do that, right? Because the DM doesn't want to tell other people about the pizza monk.

So you are allowing something in the game that you are so ashamed of that you won't tell the people who are going to find out about it, about it. They will have to fight alongside the pizza monk. They'll have to defend the pizza monk. They have to fight alongside the pizza monk. They'll have to defend the pizza monk. They have to fight alongside the pizza monk. So you're just, you've punted this problem and you have to deal with this. The player asked a fair question, which was, can I play this ridiculous character?

I've played ridiculous characters in like shorter campaigns and things like that. If somebody was, if I brought up a strange character that I was going to play and someone was like, we might play this for a while and here's the world, it's this Game of Thrones type world or something, I'd say, okay, I'm actually gonna do something different. I have an idea for a sentencing.

I think that you should go to a pizza parlor, order a whole pizza, eat it by yourself, and at the end, hopefully you'll have come up with a better idea. The DM doesn't need a better idea, the DM just needs to figure out a way to win. Stand up for themselves. Yeah, need to stand up for themselves.

Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. Yeah, that's a good, yeah, we punish you, we sentence you to stand up for yourself. Yeah, enjoy the pizza, eat it hot, don't let it cool down, you have to top it off. What? You're gonna burn the roof of your mouth, just like pizza monk will to his foes.

So ordered. Our next case comes from Ali. Ali writes, to the upstanding justices and the low standing bailiff, I bring you the case of the plot avoiding players. A few sessions ago, my players made a joke of actively avoiding the extremely obvious plot hook. Everyone, including myself, found the bit funny. However, it has been five sessions since then and they do it every session. They have decided it is the funniest joke in the world. They don't even pursue character-based goals. They took a group nap that meant missing saying goodbye

to their NPC friend who they knew was leaving that night. An NPC that they had helped save recently. I tried three times to send different NPCs or have characters roll checks to remember their friend was leaving and they might wanna say goodbye, but they insisted that they had found a hiding place and took a nap.

When I narrated that their choice to take a group nap in a secret location meant the NPC had a sad drink alone and left town, they demanded that I retcon the narration and say that they woke up in time to go and say goodbye. Oh, they got a stick. That's bullshit. Stick with the bit if you're gonna do the bit. Cowards.

Yeah, you found out. If you wish not to find out, then simply do not fuck around. Yeah. My question is, am I wrong for finding their active avoidance of any plot and consequences frustrating since I did enjoy it initially?

Or are they right that this is the funniest joke no matter how many times they do it? I lay myself humbly before the court and take a nap sleeping through the ruling. I mean, they already, it would have been funny if they stuck to sleeping through, but then they demanded a retcon. You don't get to demand a retcon. Yeah, they lost me on would have been funny if they stuck to sleeping through and they demanded a retcon. You don't get to demand a retcon.

Yeah, they lost me on that. You can't do that. That's the part of it that's the worst because otherwise you can be like, okay, clearly everyone just wants to hang out at the DM's house and talk in character. I guess they don't want to go on any adventures. They just want to chill or whatever. And that's fine. And that means you could just do zero prep and have something going on in the background that they don't know about while they, I don't know, hang out, take

group naps. I was going to say, you know, I deal with this slightly with, um, hot boy summer because it's kind of like a in joke to be as stupid as possible. And the way that I deal with it is kind of just like it's the plot is ambient in the world. And it becomes obvious that things are really bad. Yeah, yeah. I enjoy doing that.

So I think that there is a way to enjoy that and know that they're going to be mean to every NPC that you introduce to them. They're going to ignore things that they shouldn't and just know that, okay, there's going to be multiple paths that lead to the same conclusion. Yeah. I was gonna say this feels like Trinnavale behavior. Yeah, exactly. Extremely like Trinnavale's behavior.

But like, y'all three always, like you begrudgingly do the plot and it's almost funnier when you begrudgingly do the plot. Right. Right. Yeah, I think we find a way to interact with it that like makes sense for our characters. Yeah. These guys are like active. Like taking a nap is doing literally nothing.

Well, the taking the nap was funny to me. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But like you're allowed to be pissed off about it, but like to be pissed off and demand a redo, just to get them to put you far. That's the part that is the strangest for sure. And I would encourage, well, here's the good news, right?

Is that apparently the players do care about the NPCs and do care about the story. As soon as they found out that this character drank alone and left, they wanted it retconned. So I think you just have to, I'd like to DM in the previous case, I do think you just kind of got to stand up for yourself and just be like, nope, that's what happened.

You guys weren't happened. He left, he's gone. Yeah. Yeah. And rub their nose in the piss. In the hot pizza. But I think you can get into a, a mindset that is equally enjoyable where you're like, okay, like my players are not going to make the right decision every time, but I can have

it happening around them and they'll engage at some point. Yeah. I think, I think so. I mean, like I said, it sounds like they are interested in it. So I would maybe, I don't know, just prep less or you could even say to them like, hey, it's not super fun for me to DM for everybody taking naps and stuff. It's funny every once in a while.

You could definitely, I don't know, if you know that they like this bit, you could introduce characters that try to give them weird side quests or something like, please get the crystals that have the souls of the four elementals or whatever. Just have like a parody character of like an MMO type person that they can get that energy out on.

And there are another group of heroes that are like completing their- Oh, the dad. That's what I was gonna say. It's what I was gonna say is that's really funny for them to like all the NPCs that they ignored to then at some point witness them together. Right. Like doing something really righteous and wonderful.

I mean, that's a call though, that a really good job with that with Trini Vale is that we would always have like someone knocked on our door or something, we would, you know, not answer it. We would not answer the call to adventure. But as soon as we found out there was money involved, glory involved, or status, or someone else might get the attention or whatever,

we would always then rise to the occasion. So you just need to find, whatever it is that they're finding funny about it, find a way for them to be funny, but moving and keeping the story going. They don't have to be perfect heroes, that's fine. But maybe you do. Maybe the answer is to create characters

who are perfect heroes. Yeah, or even just create opportunities that they miss out on. Like they see an NPC with a bunch of gold. Yeah, just like a sick warple sword. Yeah, they wake up from the nap and there's a parade happening. Yeah.

To save the day. I feel like that would play into the joke and maybe they'd get a kick out of it. And if they didn't get a kick out of it, well, then they're the ones who started this joke. I think maybe don't even make new characters that you really put into that much thought into. Just every time they turn down a quest,

some newcomer comes into town and becomes a hero by doing the quest for them. It is funny. Then future villages they go to, there's like statues of- Of the other people. Of their friends. It's rivals are such a great thing in D&D.

And I feel like it's just an easy thing to give everybody like a little foil and just like the pettier the better. Just like make them look exactly like them, but taller. Yeah. And if for some reason you are enjoying like DMing for this, I would say like my best advice is even if you were

feeling a little nervous about talking to everyone, if there was one person in the group that you felt the most comfortable with, you could be like, Hey, I'm like, kind of wanting, like, I, I thought this was funny at first, but it's kind of standing in the way. Do you mind maybe like helping me out and being like a little more plot focused?

Yeah. Yeah. And you could, I mean, you could try out plot hooks that are more like Trini Vale-esque where you are trying to get them to work out of like spite almost or whatever. Maybe they'll think that's funny. These are some scoundrel mode individuals here. You really got to lean into it. Yeah. And I, you know, it is very fun to play and I think fun to DM for.

Yeah, I agree. You're allowed to decide decide you feel that way. There should be like a whole DMs guy that's just like, congratulations, you've adopted four shitheads. Yeah, just like shithead tips. Who's getting a punishment here? Is it the players? I think it's the players because the number one thing,

I do think that the DM could put their foot down a little bit and probably could have gotten this under control, but the biggest thing here is asking to retcon after you already did it. Yeah, they want their cake and eat it, so no, no. Yeah, that sucks, that's no fun at all. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Yeah, if you're gonna be a shithead, I don't know,

it'd be like, it'd be like in TriniVale if we were like, no, Jemz is a really good guy actually, he actually does have a core good, take it back. Take it back, Onyx is a hero. Make keychain like us, do we bread? Live by the goof, die by the goof. Yeah, we were kind of, we were on board with his goof to a certain extent. It was funny, I could see it being frustrating, but it was funny. But as soon as you asked a retcon, now you're just not compliant and you're not funny either, you know? Yeah, you didn't commit to anything.

You're cowards. So you need to eat a whole pizza at an improv class. Yes. Eat a whole pizza and then do an improv show. With your tongue in the roof of your mouth burnt severely by the hot cheese. It'll be impossible. Okay, and with that,

would you guys like to step into church? Yes, I would. I would like to. Our church does have a full pizza oven in it. Just so everyone knows. That's great. We're gonna need to chow down because this one is a doozy. Really? It comes with squibbles. Yes. Thank you. I bring a confession to the hallowed halls of Dice Christ. My husband and I both play in a local group and

we've been working on our way through a Spelljammer Academy campaign. Last session I went to roll for an attack and I got a three but before I was able to announce my role another player bumped the table hard enough to rattle it and the dice shifted to an 18. My husband and I both watched it happen. And as our eyes met over the now shifted dice, before I could say anything, he said 18. Hell yeah he did. I'm down with, I'm already listening and I'm like,

this was fate, life happened to you, God bless. I didn't correct him. And I proceeded to roll my damage dice. Take it to your joined grave. Justices, how can I continue on knowing that my husband is a sinner and I'm an unholy accomplice? I prostrate myself before the 20 sided altar

and await for divine judgment. You made a promise. Your husband is a Taoist. He's just going with the flow, the motion of the world. He's surrendering to what's happening. The rule with these things, the rule with these things is always, if you got a nat one, would you honor that, right?

If the dice got knocked and an 18 rolled to a one, or if the 18 changed to a three, would you say that that was the roll? I think the answer is no. And thus you did go against Dice Christ's way. I think Dice Christ was inhabiting the person at your table, shifting around, and it was Dice Christ that knocked that table.

Oh! I feel like your husband gave you the choice, the false choice between being a sinner or a table tattler. That's a really tough position to be in. Oh, that's tough. That's true. That is fucked up. That is fucked up.

Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, because you can imagine if this person was like, actually, no, it wasn't. Oh, no, I guess you could do it without selling them out. Without selling them out. Right, you could be like, no, no, it was a three on table mom. You'd be like, it was a three, it got knocked. Oh no, I guess you could do it without selling them out. Without selling them out. Right, you could be like, no, no,

it was a three. You'd be like, it was a three, it got knocked. My husband obviously didn't see it. My husband obviously just saw it when it was the 18, didn't see it when it was the three, he's not lying. Look at your husband with tears in your eyes. And then your husband would say,

hon, didn't you see that was Dice Christ squirming through Katie? He's the person who bumped the table. Clearly this was the work of Dicecrest. Dicecady. Is the church divided here? Because this to me is clearly a sin. Yeah.

Isn't it nice to have a dirty little secret? What? What have you all done? What is happening? What's going on? Just a sinful little secret. Is the wrap scale of you suffering? That's actually hot.

Your husband was like, this will be our little secret. Yes, that's actually maybe it's some kind of like role play thing. Let's be bad together. What are we? You've been a bad. What are we doing? You've been bad, I've been bad.

What? Let's be bad together. What is this dirty talk? It's not hot. Right. All right, we've all been punished. We're fine. Let's be back together.

Weird dirty talk. She's possessed by the Dice Devil. Something's happened to her. She hasn't. You've all been possessed by the Dice Devil. We've all been tested here. We've all failed. Bad, bad, bad, bad. All right, the next time, we're all sentenced

to the next time the table is bumped, we must take the lower role. We roll with disadvantage when we roll against Dice Christ. Nah, not in Dice Christ. We're all possessed. All right, so, forgiven? So not forgiven, really. Not forgiven. Well, I guess they're forgiven, we're not forgiven.

Right. You're living in sin. Well, all of you are living in sin. I personally feel like everyone here is sinned and I cast judgment on you all. And in that way, I have sinned because I've cast judgment on you. So we have all sinned.

Dice Christ has no power over love. That's all I'll say. What? What is this? What are we doing here? So bad. What have we done? Okay. Thank you all so much for listening.

You can listen to us talk more about this over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash an ad pod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D don't say we. We. We. Don't do it. Don't do it. We'll do bonus cases over there, so be on the lookout for that.

In the meantime, does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? I do have something to plug actually. Me and Amir are doing two live shows in September. Cool. In New York and Philadelphia. That's right. You can get tickets.

I honestly, I don't know, but I think you can Google it. You can Google it. Jake and Amir live. Google Jake and Amir live. I think you can Google it. I trust you to Google it. I was the worst plug of all time. You're not even confident that the listener can Google it. I trust you to Google it. You're not even confident that the listener can Google it?

The absolute worst plug. Prove Merp wrong and sell out these shows, everybody. Make it the best plug ever. Show Merp that you can Google it. Because jkidamere.com will not work. I believe that just forwards to a YouTube page. All right. You can follow us on social media there.

May not use at CH vs. Me, at called is called well, at extra is Emily, and at true courts is Jake. And you tweet about the show using hashtag NAD pod, the 10 ADDPOD. We are, we are, the youth of the nation. We are, we are, the youth of the nation.

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