Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Pet Rocks, Raven Plagues & The Necromancer Dilemma

Episode Date: September 2, 2021

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Supreme Crit Justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, as well the Illustrious Bailiff Hurwitz, as we review your cases. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! CREDITS: Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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the Honorable, justice Murphy joined, of course, by crit justice, axeford, Tanner, and the returning, bailiff Jake. Yes.

Oh, there is down there. I see him. Hey, come on. Wow, they got you being bailiff on Labor Day? Yeah, you know, you can't take a day off. The wall does not sleep. So, shall I?

Yeah, lunch, lunch back into. Can you give us a, okay? I'm sorry, you feeling well. I see you, dude. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, Axford, Murphy and Tanner presiding. Didn't quite stick the landing, but I started strong. All right, our first case comes from Sarah B. They write, may it please the court and disc rental the bailiff, nice.

I present the case of the flavorful Ravens. The party IGM for arrived at a new town, which I described as being covered in Ravens. The party IGN4 arrived at a new town, which I described as being covered in Ravens. Every surface was covered in them purely for flavor. They had no real meaning. The party made a big deal about how every surface must be covered in bird poop, and one player shouted, Bullshit, when I started making up something about the Ravens being magical. I gave in and said the town was inches deep and poo and we moved on. That's a beautiful sentence. I gave in and said the town was inches deep. It's just like a DM being like, fine. Yeah.

You're trying to throw shit everywhere. Yeah, that's what you wanted, right? You wanted to be covered in shit. Sure. Make them smoke the whole pack. Later they attended a banquet at the town hall and I had them role constitution against sitacosis, a disease that you can get from eating slash inhaling bird poop. Jesus, I'm gonna or ensued.

And I was accused of taking out my frustration at being caught out on my PCs. Justices of the court, I asked you this. Did I go too far in the name of the realism that the party asked for? Was I too salty or did they deserve their dastardly disease? Things taste better with a little bit of salt. And I think that was the right choice. I think if you're making them make like constant citacosis checks, then that's not fun. But like, one round of checks because they wanted the world to be covered in ravens. Yeah, I think that you're making them make like constant citicosis checks, then that's not fun. But like, one round of checks,

because they wanted the world to be covered in ravens. Yeah, I think that's a fair trade-off. They made, they made their bed. They covered it in bird shit. Now they got a role around it. That's how it works. It's instead of talk shit, get hit. It's talk shit of shit.

Oh shit, yeah. Talk shit, eat shit, get all of the shit side effects. But also, I was really funny the way. The wording of like this town is covered in Ravens. It was that, right? Or it was like on every surface. It just does sound like truly so many Ravens. That really though, it's so funny that your players

went in on that because like that feels like such a fantasy trope that I wouldn't even think But covered just the wording even in their question I think I understand why the players went there while they went like this insane Because if you're like you walk into this fucking tavern there are Ravens fucking everywhere There's like you try to sit on the table. There's fucking Ravens there You've got have you never thrown out bread for a bird in New York City? You can have like a covering of birds. Yeah, you get a bird carpet. That's true. Yeah, you get a bird carpet. It's just really

funny to think of it's just absolutely covered in Ravens. Just Ravens every inch. It absolutely makes me, when we say bird carpet, I'm just picturing like a feather carpet of like real bird feathers and just like This is why lesson a lesson for all the DMs out there never ever use a literary device Yeah, never say it's like probably don't use a simile ever because your players will just gobble it up and make you look the fool Yeah, I think you know, as someone who's made completely of salt, I am on your side, of course, anytime. Oh, yeah. Someone who loves a man made completely of salt.

I do. I am. I like the salt. I'm a salt elemental, yes. A biblical pillar of salt. Yeah, this is the game at its best. It's tit for tat. Yeah, your players won. Yeah, yeah. It's tit for tat. Yeah, your players won.

That's a shit. You've got a fast for it. They yelled bullshit when you said it was magic. Instead of a picture, they should've yelled bullshit. This is why I play the game. He's to be able to push the DM and then get punished for it. Yeah, absolutely. I luck, because when I push Merv's buttons,

all the salt comes out and then that's when the fun happens. Yes. And then that's when the omelet tastes good. Yum. Have you guys ever had eggs without salt on them? Fuck you. Yeah, probably. Yeah.

Like flavorless. Yeah, no, it's a weird way out of that. Absolutely way worse, yeah. But yeah, this is the equivalent of the DM being like, okay, if you go into this party You're you're doing a stealth mission, so don't wear anything ostentatious or something like that And then the players like I walk in and I've got a big twirly hat that has bells on it That's actually really good and then the DM's like, okay, go ahead and roll the stealth check with disadvantage. And I live for that moment.

It's a DC's a crazy high because your bells. Oh fucking bullshit, dude. The guards fucking. Clearly I cast momentary stasis on all of my bells. That's smart. That's how you go away with the hat. That's up. I can't kill you now. If you guys momentary stasis on the dang little bell, you use all four of your charges. The bell keeps saving. How?

We can only go off what the DM has said here, but the fact that they had to roll for this, I hope they only had to do it like once or a couple times because they just threw out the whole session to just have them all constantly rolling Constitution checks. That's too salty and that's like a health hazard. Yeah, yeah. Also then psychotosis or psychosis. Psychotitis. I don't know. like a titsetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetetet Margaritaville. I got a hair fever. It's a rare infection caused by chlamydia, sci-catic chai, a specific type of bacteria. The infection is also known as parodise. That's what Jimmy's about. Parody of him explaining what hair fever is. Parody, nice, very friendly. I'm fire! I'm recording right now. What are we doing?

We got so. Oh yeah, no, the person needs to be. I'm the first time I've ever done that I completely forgot if you were doing a mixed band or a short band. We're talking about parrot shit too much. What are we recording? I'm fucking worried now. There are parrots.

There are roving gangs of parrots in my neighborhood. They could be giving me centacosis. Whoa. What are the symptoms? In people, the disease typically resembles the flu or pneumonia. Okay, symptoms usually begin approximately 10 days after exposure. Oh, uh oh. You can just like, you can just like, You can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, you can just like, because this isn't how a citacosis works. Oh, but they could be failing the contracts. I'm gonna defend the DM here. They could be doing the contracts in 10 days again.

And they're gonna wait 10 days and they're gonna have, and they're gonna have like two levels of exhaustion. Oh, like it's so funny to fucking mate. Like if they fail a contract and you just say, okay, you write something down. And then you don't hear, oh my god. This is eight days from now. That's absolutely.

You wake up with four levels of exhaustion. That's perfect fuckery- That's absolutely. You wake up with four levels of exhaustion. That's perfect, fuckery. It's perfect. You see a man, is he there? Is he not there? He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt and he's holding a guitar. You guys wanna go on to the ruling phase? I'm gonna rule in favor of this DM.

Obviously, the players, you know, again, talk shit, huff shit. If you want the shit, if you want the shit to be there, you gotta live a shit now that's dangerous. I'm gonna sentence the players to get food poisoning at a margarita. God. Oh.

Oh. What? And you know what, they're not gonna find out for 10 days that they got the poison. And they're not gonna find out. 10 days after eating at margarita build, you get food poisoning. You're gonna be there and you're like,

wow, I can't believe that parrots are bringing out the shrimp for my shrimp cocktail. They're flying it in shrimp by shrimp, incredible. The idea of parent-waiters bringing your food in their little talons is absolutely something I would show up for. I would make reservations in advance. I think you should have to sign more waivers

to go to restaurants. Sweet, let's move on, I think. Oh, no. I'm having my gavel. All right, we're good. Thank you. You're welcome. Actually, I'd like to go to a brief recess

because I have a PowerPoint presentation that was submitted by McEla. They have been studying the cases. This is a year in the court. One year of the noble pursuit of justice. This is from July. So the caveat is they these these are not stats Completely updated with the Lou and Zach episode. Okay, but there's some interesting facts and figures in here We've tried 82 cases. Wow 82 cases have been presented to the court since July of 2020 cases submitted by players number 47 submitted by DMs 35. Interesting. I thought it was the other way around because I'm always I'm always hiding with DMs.

You'll be able to raise the race in the players. Yeah. This is just submitted, Murph, not sided with. Okay. Yeah, submit it. So we tried more players submitted by players than DMs. The most common 69 of them. Nice. Our player versus DM and only eight have been player versus player. admitted by players than DMs. The most common 69 of them, nice,

are a player versus DM, and only eight have been player versus player, and there are other that are miscellaneous. Would you guys like to hear some court trends? Crisley's for sure. Yeah, this is really fun. Yeah, I mean, it's so meticulous. Since we're looking back on the history of it,

we should be playing like, I hope you had the time. Yeah, let's see if I can get the right to that. I mean, I'll Billy Joe Armstrong. Yeah. If you can try for a Jimmy Buffet song. Yeah, right. Or a vitamin C. That'd be good.

As we go. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. I remember. Yeah. Alright, so up the case. Cheeseburger and Parade. Right, that's going.

Order in the court of the cases where overall reasons for the final ruling was stated, Raw has been stated as the reason for the final ruling in most cases, that's 24 cases. Wow. Okay. So, I think that's honorable, right? I think you guys go, keep it in mind,

but- Keep it in mind, the text, the documents, the precedents. Yeah. Yeah. The overall ruling of the crit has agreed with the guest justices rulings in all, but one case, and you better believe it's Lou disagreeing with us as you're ruled for the player. Are you talking about the DMs, Judge Louis Wilson? Yeah.

Jake, you were in there. We fully, I did all bad baby player questions, and we fully flipped him. Yeah, he turned to the MC Judge now. Yeah. Wow. Oh my God, it's absolutely needs to be updated. Okay. Jake and Murph are the only ones who have been explicitly insulted in any case

submission. Jake, three times. Murph once. Okay, that's actually not true because when I collected cases when you were gone, Jake, a lot of people insulted me, telling me that I couldn't compare to you. And you know what? I didn't fucking read those questions.

Okay, so this, I don't know how this was even tabulated, but it's an incredible slide. You know, the court goes north and south. One is ruling for the DM, 20 is ruling for the players. Of course. And we have all been pinpointed with a number on the die. Whoa. On where we sit.

The farthest left, or sorry, the farthest south judge. The farthest player, DM. South is DM. South is DM. It is justice expert. Whoa! Holy holy shit. You wanna know why?

You wanna know exactly why? Because I am the partner of a DM. So I see the pain. So I actually have, even though I am a player, I see, I see I care more about my partner and what that's my partner. And so I'm always like don't do that you DM They work so hard and I love my husband. Oh

Not good off. I love Merff that the old I love my husband defense. We've heard it before That that's really interesting because I hadn't thought of that because there are definitely times when I if a DM is like because I hadn't thought of that because there are definitely times when I, if a DM is like trying their best and usually when they submit the case, I'm usually on their side, but I go in on bad DMs too. So I can actually see me being pretty anti-DM at times. Yeah, I think that's, I think that is kind of what happens. Interesting. And so Emily sits with a 10.42 and not far off. I'm just fucking wife guy. I'm wife guy. I'm with my DM husband. Yeah.

The next one up is Murph, Justice Murphy, with 10.57. Wow. So we must have been off by just like a case or something. Yeah. The next, I'm pretty much dead center at 11.1414 where I've gotten to rule. Okay. You're the bail if you're the glue. Yeah, call call. Well, Justice, just as Tanner, you are 11.23. Wow. Siding a little more with the players. And then of course we have stats for the guest justice. Oh,

rad. Not from the last episode. How did it stats? Yeah, justice slipped. But I do want to know how far he fell. Justice O'Yama is just above called well with the 12 and Justice Wilson has a 17. Or had he's different now. Yeah, we got him like eight in a row. He wasn't. He did weigh in a couple more. He like really, really tried to, really tried to stay player. But then once we got to the short rest episode. Wow, so now we, I can end this with a couple personal trends.

This is a interesting stuff too. Okay. Justice Axford has requested more information about a case to make a ruling the most and has also abstained most. Yes. Well, you wanted to lie because abstaining is often the way to start the most trouble. Yeah, I'm...

It's the way to be a freak out. It's all close from like one episode where you abstained like five times. Yeah, I fully defend the DMs because I love Murph, but then I also abstained to get a reaction out of Murf. Yeah. Emily knows how to unleash the salt. And there are two personal trends for Justice Murfee.

Most frequently upset about the final rule. I want to get you a trophy that says most upset. Most upset. Most of them. It says frequently upset. It says frequently upset. most of them. Most of them. It's so frequently of them. Equally of them. Most is yelling. Most of them.

And you also most frequently present new defenses and comparisons that become court precedents. Whoa. Namely, the Nightcrawler defense, the Legolas defense, the grandma defense, Vigo Mortensen precedent and the air butt resolution. You know, Justice Tanner has ruled in favor of the plaintiff, the least when the crit

is explicitly complimented in the case submission. Whoa. Oh, susceptible to flattery. Okay. Sorry, but like, when you're, Oh, it's really, yeah, in, okay. Or the reverse. When you're, Oh, it's reverse. Yeah, because the least,

so the court is compliment, you're not swayed by the, Wow, in fact, it just, it just stains you apparently. Yeah. You spit, you spit on the people. I mean, they're honey words,

get in the way of the salt. And then the salt must flow. Baylif Jake has more frequently ruled in favor of the plaintiff than ruled against them when they have insulted him in a case submission. So I don't know what that says about me, but when they're mean to me, I like it. I think that takes out for you, Jake. Yeah, I think it does. I notice that Murph as your DM will do that. Sometimes

he'll just be like, Jake seems quiet. I'm going to have an NPC in Soul Tim. Me and Jake are cut from the same cloth and that we both like to get razz. Yeah. I like to get roudy. I like to get into it. Yeah. So yeah, that was it. That was incredible. Thank you. Michaela. Michaela. Yeah. God, that was awesome. Michaela. I will have to do an update like that every like few months or something, because that's really fun. Now that they're tracking it, it's really cool.

I feel like Michaela is officially a crit reporter now. Oh, yes. Absolutely. Congratulations. I've got the tiny little keyboard. Yeah. Spanographer. So yeah, now let's bring it back, but I will actually be relinquishing my role graduating to a new one.

Yeah, that's true. That is true. Jake, I'm going to step off. I'm going to step off my receipt. Yeah, so careful. It's so high. Experty is vacating the bench, which leaves an opening. If anybody has someone to be nominated to sit, I don't know if the news is gonna be able to do that.

We had to hear it so fast. Yeah. Well, yeah, I don't think he is. We haven't had Chauvin on D&D Court yet. We could text, but I feel like we're all on airplane though. So we probably just go to get her and you're on the street. You know what? I have a crazy idea.

Bill of Jake, would you like to step up to the bench here? Yeah, I mean, are you sure he's ready? I wasn't expecting this at all. We have no choice. Think about what you're asking, man. I know, I know, I had no idea, but I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the players as well as the DMs against all enemies

for an antimestic that I will bear true faith in allegiance to the same that I take this obligation of my own volition and that I will well and faithfully embark on this noble pursuit of justice so help me God. Yes! Yeah! Beautiful. I want everyone to know I recited that from memory. Beautiful. Okay, I'm rating it.

Ha, ha, ha. We get it with his eyes closed. Okay, so since we were doing this, I had some leftovers. So I said, Jake, I can happen as bailiff and maybe they'll let your lowly ass onto my fucking high chair. Maybe they'll have to.

By high chair, I mean a baby's high chair. That's able. Emily says that a little high-chair. That's what my- Yeah, that's what I'm sitting at. It'll be perfect. I will throw a tantrum. From Kevin A. to the honorable Justices and Baylor's

expert, if it may please the court, I submit my case of the discouraged cleric. In our Pathfinder game, we recently got into a discussion about who should foot the bill for spells like Resurrection and Restoration, where there is a material component cost. As the cleric, I use my loot to buy upgrades to help my party, but having to buy diamond dust worth 100 to 1000 gold pieces or 10,000 gold pieces diamonds for the spells is a lot. I think the person who needs the spell should reimburse for the components.

One of my team members said if I should change my alignment to evil, then I could do this. It was suggested that going forward 10% of the party's funds go towards this. But I also think that penalizes the whole party when some members don't use the spells. Also the ones who are reckless and just charge into a room or leave the group might think twice about it. What do you think? Should the Claire captive foot the bill, the individual member who needs the spell or should the whole party chip in? Thank you for your consideration. I am hoping Emily having played clerics in the past will have some helpful insight. Wow, but now you're the, but now you're the bailant. What can you win?

That's true. I can't. I can't. Wow. Which truly what is this campaign that they're... I think it's a really funny question. No, it's a very, it's definitely a very funny question. It's just, yeah, just to get all into like the group finances is very funny. The funniest part is the people,

is the people being like, no, I think the clerics should... Yeah, that's wild to me. That's insane. Although I will say, I don't think I'm on anyone's side here because I think I'm against whoever thought that the clerics should put the bill because that's fucking ridiculous. Like, the person is already playing a cleric.

God bless them. They're there to heal you. They're gonna help you out. They're gonna bring you back to life. Be nice to your clerics. But I will say, the resolution that they came up with sounds like what it should be, which is that everybody should just pull their money together

and buy the spell components. The idea that you have to pay for your own resurrection is kinda weird. I think it's kinda funny though. If someone did a really stupid move, the idea that you would resurrect them And then the entire party would be like you always fucking diamond we get cash for what you did Just vinmoing people a vinmo request and then that fucking player who like made a stupid move has to like fucking

This is literally the healthcare system. This is literally the healthcare system. Uh. Right. I never go down. Why should I fucking prop you up? Yeah. Exactly. The clerics aren't the government. They're still just another person. Right. That's where I say, where is the government? Where is the DM in this? Why is it real? The D. I think it just think it's fun to do the nitty gritty of it. Make them, you know, I worry. I think that there's an absentee DM or maybe they don't know this is happening. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,ic or a druid or somebody, when people are using all of their abilities and all of their downtime and everything to help the party, when meanwhile fighters are finding like cool swords and shields and armor and shit. Often times these support classes are neglected and you do need to kind of go out of your

way to be like, I'm gonna leave a cool fucking mace for the cleric. I'm going to put things specifically in my games to reward the support players because the stuff with fighters, paladins, all that stuff's gonna come naturally. It's so easy to just throw like a plus one sword in the game, but it's a little bit harder to reward clerics and stuff like that. And I think what we've got here is we've got an embittered cleric for a good reason. I think it's crazy that the player. I think it's so insane that the other players will be like, it's you should pay for my rest of the action.

Yeah, absolutely. The fuck yourself. Yeah. Yeah. They were forced to take an insane position because they didn't want to pet, like, right. But like, this shouldn't be a problem at all because no one wants to pay for this stuff. But like, now that they have to, it's like,

well, I don't want to do that. I just like swinging it shit. Yeah. But as somebody that is mostly plays fighters and is constantly getting resurrected, I can't imagine also being like, thanks for that. But I'm gonna, I'm gonna also need you to pay for it. That's entirely on you. The components not on me for this, right?

It's also crazy to think of like hard one having to take on jobs to pay back Bev for revivify and moonshine for reincarnation though. Yeah, but I agree with Jake that this cleric got put into a crazy position by people being like, yeah, I think you should foot the bill. But it's also like a fun thing in role play and D that like when people bring me up, I would, I'm like, oh, I'm indebted to you. Yeah, of course. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I appreciate that. I owe you like at least my thanks, but to be like, that's your fucking job. You know what I mean? I found what you were supposed to do. I found my sword in the woods. That was your big moment. To be clear, I am with the cleric on that part, but the fact that it goes on,

it's like we came to this resolution that we're just gonna split the loot and have it go towards, some of it go towards components. I think you should pull all your funds. That's exactly right. It's actually kind of crazy to me, like reading between the lines here and being like, oh, these players all sit here and are like,

I have 50 gold, you have 30 gold, you have 20 gold, you have eight gold. That means that I can buy a nicer thing than you and we're not gonna, I've never played in a campaign where we don't just pull our resources. Yeah, we just, we pull everything and we try to get rich. We like, we gotta go to the casino. Yeah, we don't need rich together. That's the fun part about like a shopping trip in D&D is being like, all right, we have this much gold. Who needs what? Like you're all together on it. Right. Yeah, we've, I don't think we've ever on our podcast talked about money in terms of like,

this is what I personally have. It's all, every time podcast talked about money in terms of like, this is what I personally have. Every time we say an amount, it's like, that's what I can contribute to the pot over the months. So I think like, Kevin A, like, first off, like, I'm totally on your side. They shouldn't have asked you to put the bill. That's insane. We should like try and start introducing some more like communal property vibes. Yeah. try and start introducing some more like communal property vibes. Yeah. I will say, I'm wondering if the other players or the other DM are just crazy because that

does happen. But I'm also trying to read between the lines here a little bit because they said like, you can charge people for revivifies if you change your alignment. That makes me think that this this cleric might have been trying to charge people for or vilify. I don't think they were. No, okay. I think they were just trying.

I think they got told that I think they were like, hey, how am I I need to get this diamond? What am I supposed to do? Right. Everyone's like, I don't know. It's your spell. You figure it out. Yeah, no, that's not. And then they were like, cool.

Wait, really? And then I think that they probably brought up like, well, maybe since it's you, maybe since it's you who's, like, they probably brought up the option. And then someone was like, if you did that, you should change your alignment to evil. Totally. Yeah.

Some of the guys, this guy's getting gasped a little bit. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I guess if I have to choose between a cleric who's rightfully angry that the other players are asking for the cleric to pay for the- They're not angry. They're specifically discouraged. It's a discouraged cleric.

Oh, if it's discouraged and not angry, then yeah, discouraged is better than piss. I think you found the right answer, which is to share the- share the cost amongst everyone, but I understand why you're disillusioned with your party now, because they sound maybe like they're crazy. I feel like we need a full dossier, every time we answer one of these questions. I need to see the crime scene. I need a profile of every player

so that I can make a full opinion. Don't really do this. Every time you're like 3D, 3D, little pictures of each player. Yeah, but we really do this. Yeah, I'm sure you like 3D 3D little like pictures of each player. Yeah, we really do need we need the we need the case from the other players I'm Marketer I'm walking through the scene it with like nano machines or casting holograms everywhere It would honestly be awesome to find a like a deep dive case and literally interview all of the

like a deep dive case and literally interview all of the way. Yeah, it's like cereal, but like a jit court, like a real court case. Yeah, that would be so fun. We really, really heard it someday. I think everyone's able on it. Oh my God. I think so much food is right. I really want this. AD&D game.

Yeah, good God. Oh, yes. Nothing like giving ourselves more work. If we do it, we should do it for club game bowl. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Sweet guys, let's move on to the judgment. I think we're all on the cleric site here

is anybody on the party site. On this podcast, we should go ahead and say that everyone in America should have socialized healthcare. I think we should make that declaration. Yeah, for sure. And we're talking awesome. We're pro cleric. So now we have to sentence the party. Of course. Everyone gets healthcare except for them. Yeah, there sure. And we're fucking awesome. We're pro cleric. So now we have to sentence the party.

Of course. Everyone gets health care except for them. Yeah, there you go. Wow. Sorry guys, no more. Yeah, almost as harsh as when we made somebody go swimming in armor. Yeah.

Yeah. Definitely did not expect that from you question to get so political. But it was in there. Okay, next up we've got Mason L. May it please the crit justices, I bring to you the case of a necromancer who demites people.

I made the enormous mistake of giving one of my players a bag of holding. Soon after he began trying to collect corpses to put in it to save for later combat, you know, a necromancer can bring them back. That's okay, cool, typical necromancer stuff. Things got bad when I told him the bag has a weight limit. And to cut down on it, he started dragging the corpses

out of town to de-meat them, to make them lighter. Then it got even worse when he started looking for the corpses of halflings and dwarves as they would be lighter. He even tried collecting corpses of dead towns people right after a battle to protect the town He now kills collects and demites short people It's got some proof Which is something that the rest of us hate to listen to what to put it into this and NPC stole his bag. Even though it is retrievable

will be and it will be very difficult. I fear I'm in the wrong here for stealing my players. I don't know. I don't wait. Judgment is put myself at the mercy of the court. No one likes listening to it. Why are you playing with this first?? Yeah, I want to know how audibly everyone expressed their uncomfortableness with this situation at the table. Because this is bad. This is obviously bad. But if everyone's just kind of sitting there

uncomfortable, I think you've got to call the shit out, is what I'm saying. I will say it's annoying even when other players at the table are doing something that's not super gross or whatever, but if they do a thing that's like their private thing that they go off and do it all the time that takes like lots of time is annoying and is a little bit like that problem player thing. So to not only to not only do that to be like while everyone else is taking a long rest and waiting for the next day for the adventure. I'm gonna go around and collect fucking corpses and go and strip the fucking meat off the

bones like a maniac. I can't really hate listening to it. Yeah, everyone hates listening to it. I guess so the thing is like this is potentially a fun conflict. This person's gonna get caught. They did though. Nobody likes to take it. They got to take it. They got to take it. They got to take it They did, though. Nobody liked taking this.

For sure. Yeah. I mean, they got the back taken. Yeah, that's the conflict. Yeah. Oh, I imagine that the Necromancer thought that was unfair. Definitely. I mean, hints the court case.

I think you did the right thing, my friend. Yeah. Is there like just an out of game solution? Because there's like the in game one, it's like building it into all that like steal the back. But like you could just be like, Hey, man, by the way, now it's kind of gross when you do that. Stop.

I think you're upsetting other people. Right. Yeah, can you just fucking sidebar? A true sidebar and just be like knock it off. And I don't think it's even tied to like their character. I don't think their characters fucked up. It's like purely for metagaming purposes just so that they can have like,

like, a many of corpses? Oh, you're right. You're right. I feel like there's a solve here where just like, if they just want a bunch of skeletons to command, I think you as the DM maybe need to come up with like a way that they can just like summon this stuff so they don't feel like they need to collect.

I was thinking that to be like the dwarf daddies. The dwarf daddies that I had that I could not call and I had like Three call yeah, there's also like I mean you're in a magical world if you're disturbing this many graves Ghost are gonna come after your ass There are yeah, this person is playing like way too fucked up of a necromancer Yeah, have a have a brief freaking ice their ass. Especially if they're going off on their own to do this.

It's very easy to be like, all right, here comes, yeah, a bunch of nasty ghosts. Yeah, like next time you go into a fucking graveyard, there's somebody there that's, oh, it's so easy to catch them. Yeah, yeah, they're going off on their own. Yeah, this is always the problem is like, I'm a Probably I'll be in a little scamp in a D&D game. It's known. It is a known fact, but I also love it when Daddy Merv punishes me for being a scam. That's why you scam. You scam for that reason. You scam to get punished. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I think you did the right thing. I think getting rid of the bag of holding fully was actually a kindness to everyone else.

Yeah, it's good. And it just grew in the seat. It's good. It's for the greater good. You have to think about that. You're not wrong to give one person a sour experience who's kind of fucking it up for everybody. Right, yeah.

Everyone's hating it. And this person continuing to do it for MediGame purposes. And also the DM, like, read between the lines. If the DM is saying, hey, you actually can't just fucking debone 10 corpses and put them in the bag because the bag has a weight limit. And their solution is like, I need to find smaller people. No, dude, just stop.

Sorry, man. I meant to say you can't No, dude, just stop. Sorry, man. I meant to say you can't do it, just because I don't want it. I don't want it. Go home, yeah. I meant to say leave. I'm feeling the skin on the back of my neck, pick up as I'm hearing this DM be like,

and you all go to bed for the night. Actually, oh, well, actually, I'm going to cry out of my, actually, I look for corpses. Cool. Everyone else, I guess, you're asleep. Yeah, yeah, we're asleep. Yeah. Okay, so I have a thought for how to, I have a thought for how to punish this player because clearly I'm sorry, I'm personally excited with the DM. Yeah, of course. Take the bag away. Oh, yeah, I'm going to say that this person has to eat wings

without taking the bones out. Whoa, that's a death. Whoa. Is it death? I mean, definitely. Like good use. We've sentenced people to death before. I know, I know.

There's precedent. There's precedent. We've sentenced people to death. I called your older older past. Okay. You can do one bone. Oh, I think you could do it. What if we grind up the bones and you just have to drink bone juice? Bone broth.

That's bone broth. That's actually healthy. Yeah, bone broth is really, actually really good. Okay, you're only allowed to have bone broth? What's the punishment that won't kill you? Oh, beer bone bone bone, beer bone broth. Yeah. That's what we're going to aim to see on it.

Really gross. Yeah, because like, you could sip on bone broth in the dead of winter, but yeah. I am in the press. Making it in the early summer. Be your bones scalding hot. Oh my god. Fresh off the kettle.

Always on the dead, always on the dead. You guys are too soft. You're not allowed to put turmeric in it. Because turmeric really makes that both broth sing. Yes. You're not allowed to put turmeric in. Yeah. Okay. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs.

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or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Next up, from Drew F. May it please, the Justices in Supreme, Baylif, we had some downtime in our quest to stop a dragon cult.

So I asked to spend a week hanging out with a friendly dragon to learn draconic. Our DM said in a week, I could only learn to recognize when draconic is spoken to which I respectfully disagreed. I felt that in seven days of 12 hour language tutoring from a gold ancient dragon, I'd be able at least to understand

and speak some draconic. I accepted the ruling and just bought a ton of comprehend language potions instead. In a world full of magical bullshit, was I wrong? Was I wrongly punished for trying to learn a language the hard way? Who. Yeah, I think the DM was over the line because, look, man, if you take seven days of hard studying a language, you will know some words, you will be able to read some stuff. You definitely won't be able to speak it.

I think being able to be like, I can speak a little is wrong. You'd be able to say your name. You'd be able to say a few things. You'd be able to memorize phrases. You can't learn. But also like a dragon's mouth is so different. Yeah. We might not be able to pronounce their words

because we wouldn't have that cute forked tongue, we wouldn't have smoke to sort of accent our words with. But for the purposes of trying to infiltrate a dragon cult or whatever, you could learn lots of key words, you could learn spells, you could learn what to look out for. Yeah, I think you were done dirty. You could learn lots of key words, you could learn spells, you could learn what to look out for. Yeah, I think you were, I think you were done dirty because you can,

Actually, and draconic is a language that anyone can speak. So in the world of D&D, draconic can be spoke by any of you. Right, yeah. I think they could definitely ask the dragon cult is where the bathroom is. I think they could learn that much. Yeah, so they're alabanyo. It's still fucking hardwired in me.

But you're saying that, but smoke comes out your mouth. Wait, am I missing something? Did this DM let this person do this for seven days and then didn't let them do it? I think they asked, they were like, can I spend seven days learning draconic? And they were like, no. So then they just went and bought

comprehend language potions. I see, all right, great. I thought it was like, you know, like when we were in Bahumia and you like spent day after day in the library. Yeah. Like that, I thought it was like that. Like day after day in the library, then you go to speak and they're like,

you don't know it. That would be both. Oh yeah, that would have been fucked up. That would really be it all. Yeah, this is, I think it's a less egregious offense in that case. While I don't necessarily agree, I think that it's it's like flippant. It's a flippant miss You know mistake. Yeah. Yeah. We rule on this a lot, but I think that this is

ignoring a a very common tool that the DM has at their disposal, which is just to make an ability check like if you want it to be hard You know, you can obviously make them do like intelligence saves or something like that If you want it to be hard, you know, you can obviously make them do like intelligence saves or something like that. Maybe their throat gets really raspy from trying to master the language. I don't know. I just think that like the die is there for you to use my friend. Yeah, you should just be doing checks every day, and then that determines kind of how much you've learned in everything. And I think no matter what, I mean, the idea that you would spend seven days and all you could do with that is know if someone's speaking to your conic. Like, I can hear, if someone played me a YouTube video of somebody speaking a language,

I could sit there for five minutes, watch it, and then from then on, I would know what that language sound like. You know what I mean? You don't need fucking 90, 100 hours of study to figure that out. I do, I understand where the DM's coming from where they're like, I don't want to let you learn a language in a week. But you can, I mean, people learn languages in in in months, in in a year, in under a year. So the idea that you wouldn't be able to learn like

some key phrases, especially when you've got this goal in mind, right? Like you're going after a cult. So presumably you would have things you were looking for. Yeah. And also, it seems like buying the Comprehend language scrolls accomplished the same thing. So I'm a little confused as to why the DM wouldn't allow for this cool little weak retreat with a dragon.

But I want to hang out with a dragon. That sounds great. Maybe they were just like, I don't want to take a week. Maybe they were just trying to expedite. Maybe could a week. Maybe they were just trying to expedite. Maybe. Could be true. Could have been just trying to expedite. Yeah.

No, the sound, this, this sounded cool. I like your instincts and I think your DM should have rewarded you a little bit more. You should have been able to like, you know, read certain words and know certain phrases and stuff. Yeah. Should have been able to do a lingo with this dragon. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, imagine sitting there with do a lingo for fucking 12 hours a day for seven days. You know some stuff. You would know a

little bit. Yeah, and it's like also like immersion too. You know, you like you learn languages so much. Yeah, that way. Especially if you're like hanging out with this dragon and like you're at like a nice cafe with the dragon and like the dragon orders an omelet and then you like kind of internalize what the dragon says to order the omelet or something like that. I just think there's like a lot of opportunities for immersion if you're hanging out with a dragon for me. Should you be able to ask where the bathroom is

and order an omelet of draconic? I think that the issue here is that like clearly, clearly the ritual is going down in the cult's Biblioteca. And nice, if they knew the draconic, they would the cults Bibliotheca and Nice and if they did your comic they would know where the Bibliotheca is and then that's that's an instance all Sweet guys, so we're all on the player side here, right? No, I have a gentle sense. You abstain. Yeah, I abstain. Why? Whoa, I don't know Using your power. Wow, you've lost. I've never gotten to do that. Absolutely all of the good will that you gave

out from the licensing, thrown it away. Yeah. And realize that we had raised a maverick to our state. Oh my gosh. I'm taking Justice Axford's seat. I need to, I need to break some chaos. Stay in random way. Justice Axford, more like Justice Abstinence.

Nice. Wow. That gets a more like justice abstinence. Nice. That gets a gamble. So gross. I really just said that because it's a really gross. Yeah. Just as abstin withs. Okay. So we are we are on the player side here. Yeah. I think that the DM has to do do a lingo every day for seven days for 12 hours. And then it's not allowed to use it because apparently that doesn't work. No, right?

I think you have to do it But you have to do it in your own language so you're not learning The phonics book. Yeah Oh my god so funny Did you do a link for your own language? Oh, so boring. What a waste of time. Next up, Mateo C, may it be most pleasurable to the court.

The wizard in my campaign wanted his familiar to be a government-issued pet rock named Rocky. This works pretty okay, but he also wants Rocky to be able to do traditional familiar things like give the help action and scout for the party. I said that despite being your familiar, Rocky is still a rock and cannot act on his own volition. This was fine until he attempted to turn his familiar into a living bird for a scouting mission, and I said, and I said, you turned Rocky into a bird-shaped rock.

He protested and agreed to bring it to the court. Was I wrong for treating Rocky like a rock and not a rules expert and familiar? I actually think that if they, if they tried to cast fine familiar again and get a bird instead, they should have gotten a bird. Yeah. Yeah, a stone bird that can fly have gotten a bird. Yeah. Yeah.

A stone bird that can fly, that's cute as hell. I'm gonna say as much as I respect that you want to punish silly shit, as much as I respect that, you got to nip this shit in the bud early. You should have, if you were gonna like not allow them to do anything with this rock, it shouldn't have been allowed. It's essentially, it sounds like Mateo

was very much not on board with this idea, but just allowed it anyway. And just if you really don't like something, you can just be like, no, is it okay if we don't do this? This is a little too silly for this world. I think it's gonna break immersion. I don't want this. And then on the flip side, this player wants to be able to have their cake and eat it

too in a way. They're like, no, no, it's fine. It'll just be a rock. It'll just be a rock. And then they want to be able to have a familiar as well. But I think like ultimately a character's familiar should be able to do whatever it says in the book. There are elementals. There are constructs. There's kind of no reason a rock couldn't walk around. Like if you're magic, like, I think my feeling is if they're using the fine familiar spell, then yeah, I think you gotta,

I think it's like let it be a rock, but be like, okay, so which of the familiar is that you can summon? Like which stat block are you using? Yeah, the key here is to either be like, yeah, I'm not okay with this, please don't do this. Or to just describe it cooler than what the player described it as.

So the player's being like, oh, I want a pet rock. And you say, cool, yes, Rocky is this little rock elemental who follows you around? And then it's- Also, such a cute moment if like at first he's just a pet rock and then when he goes to do something, he like sprouts little legs like these rocks that you fight in Breath of the Wild.

Sorry, I like Breath of the Wild on the other side. No, that's right, yeah. Quite frankly, it's my comfort and joy. I think it holds water here. Yeah, it's a one to one. And those rocks are cute. Sometimes they got gems on them. Yeah It sounds like the court moves ever south North god damn it. I'm never gonna fuck you. Yeah, we're never gonna get this north

North towards the towards the 20 towards the player north towards the light. We should have just said player and DM the light. Well, you should have just said player and DM. Yeah, we should play a leading no. Oh, no, you should route it. Yeah. How dare you go against the laws of the land. I will, I will say somehow I have been ruling with a lot of silly players lately as much as it kills me. We're growing on you, man. No, you were not. It's absolute. Silly players are absolutely not growing on me. I just can't go against the books. I'm sorry. I wish you could have seen the grimace,

Murf made at government issued rock familiar. Yeah, the fact that it's not. It was definitely a mouthful assault. It was definitely a mouthful assault. Mateo, I love you, but I got a rule against you here. I think you could have made it a little rock elemental. We're not allowed in the first place if you didn't like it.

Always another option with a rock. Secretly an egg. There you go. Whoa. Oh, okay. Okay. Secretly a bird egg. And that's why you should try to bite every single rock you come across in the wild

because it could always be a hard thing. It can always be a major one. Try to make it omelet with every rock that you find. That's a point of it right there rock omelet. Turn your rocks into omelets guys. What are other what are other people's rulings here? I'm going I'm going with the player because I think oh wait I'm I'm not fucking going with anyone. I'm a stupid little ball Whoa, hey, ball. Oh, there's nothing it's an honorable position Steve Bailey I'm up here In yeah, wait

That's that I might abstain this You're just you're fucking fish What? She's just... What? You're just, you're fucking fishin' for a dress. You're fishing for Michaela to give you a dress. Call 12 vote to strip her, uh, uh, uh, just to serve us.

I don't think I should be talk to like that, Baylif. Jake, I'm so sorry to do this, but I'm gonna have to push you out of the hide chair. Yeah. I'm gonna really get back up here. Oh! I'm gonna really come back up. Thank God I'm back up and put my feet

through the little hide chug thing. And Carl Wulta to mash up some avocado for me. The avocado is browned. I hope you like banana. All right. Justice Axford's and Tanner, are you guys for the player here or for the DM? I'm going for player. I'm going for player.

I agree. I agree that I can understand the DMs. I don't know. I think I honestly think it's kind of cute. And finally, a million of the Spell, and I love the little rock elemental idea, so I'm signing with player. I just think yeah, it's so cute for your normal rock to turn into something more magical.

I think that's really sweet. Yeah, I think this is the DM needs to step it up. You didn't do a bad job, but I think there's room for improvement. Or this rock happens to be from some kind of meteorite, it like chipped off of some kind of meteorite. So it's actually fucking an alien rock, my friends. Whoa.

Whoa. Holy shit. Oh, what's inside there? Oh, it's green goo. It's got a little green goo legs. Wow. Yeah, and I'm gonna say, you know what, as punishments, I like Mateo, because Mateo's trying to shut down the silly shit

And I appreciate that is it really kills me to rule against you really kills me to rule against you I'm gonna say your punishment is having to play with this pet rock person. That's you're already You're already living in hell Sometimes life is punishment enough. Yeah, I think that your punishment is going out to coffee, not even breakfast with Merff and having him just watching the pain in her face as he has to rule as I'm still regretfully rule against you. Addressing down. Yeah, I have to talk to you about how much I actually am okay with the pet rock idea.

I love it. Well, I bite my lips so much that it's bleeding. And I'm in the background being like, I actually love it and I think it should be from outer space. I have a mouth full of eggs and I say green doolers. Space rock, space rocks, space rock. All right, you know what, let's go ahead and do one more case.

Off the bench, I guess we're back. Oh, I'm back in my high chair. I'm back in my high chair. I've got avocado all over my shirt. Oh my God, what a fall from Grace. Can we turn to our fallen angel? I had it all. I can't believe you have

stayed twice. It could have touched the sun. I've never seen a someone shy away from responsibility. Instantly too stressed out to move. No, I'm just not really going to wait. Yeah. Hey, to kick up any dust. So instead of one final case, I actually have a submission for a D&D confession, dice Christ confession. Okay. Praise, dice, Christ. We will absolve you of the race.

Praise him. And your player sins or deems. We really don't separate church and state. Yeah. So, no, they're completely intertwined. Yeah. We all love Christ. It's problematic.

You can have personal health care, but no separation of church and state. It's weird. We're, you can't fit us down. We make our own rules. We make our own rules. Okay, this one comes from Dave aka Berner and they write, Forgive me, Dice Parish, for I have sinned. It has been 15 years since my last confession.

Here are my sins. I routinely use unbalanced magic, the gathering life counters as D20s. Usually works in my favors, but I always doubt the legitimacy of the results. Last but not least, when my players forget their dice, I have in the past deliberately given them a poorly balanced set of the results. Last but not least, when my players forget their dice, I have in the past deliberately given them a poorly balanced set of my own. Oh, it has never burned any players, but I know what I did. Praise, dice, Christ. Praise, Christ.

Praise, Christ. Praise, praise, Christ, because this is quite the sin to forgive. And twofold. Four dice, Christ, so love the world that they gave seven Little dice from their body Justice Tanner please remove yourself from the court. Oh, it's kidding Okay, here I go the bailiff can't remove you because I'm now a choir boy. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Dave, AKA burner. You have sins, but dice Christ forgives all centers. Okay. And I will dice our dice in dice Christ dies. Exactly. The magic the gathering die

Aren't actually gonna roll that unfairly. I don't think Although you know that you have sinned in your heart. You know it And send and you need to stop doing it. You need to stop doing it cut it out But knock it off. Yeah, you have to cool it Cut it out, but knock it off. Yeah, you have to cool it Which is knock it off you are fucking forgiven You're absolutely for give you but knock it off And then the dice that you're giving to your players that are unbalanced that is perhaps an even gravers and

Because you're giving them false hope Right you're forgiven but knock it off. Dice Christ, a Giveth and Dice Christ takeeth away. When we roll the dice, we are giving our fates over to Dice Christ. If Dice Christ wants us to roll high, then we will roll high. If Dice Christ wants us to roll low, we will roll low. And we must give in to dice Christ's will.

That is the only way to get true forgiveness and celebrate the true randomness at the table. Indeed, indeed, truly, truly. And with that court and church are acknowledged. So, doughnuts will be served in the cafeteria. And with that, let's go ahead and go out with the beautiful music of an angelic choir. Thank you all so much for listening.

We'll be back next week with an episode of Elder Morn. Oh, they're blessing. And a short rest after. Go with Dice Christ. Dice Christ. Go with Dice Christ. Justice is served.

Come on, Dice Christ. Dice Christ. Dice Christ. Dice Christ. Dice Christ. Dice Christ. Dice Christ. Dice Christ. Justice is served. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-d of our show, Court is adorned, and that means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Here we go. Brad D. Jeffrey S.

Howdor Frosback, Steelbreaker, and Matt M. A flock of rock birds. They began their life as pet rock familiars, then all hatched and took to the skies, leaving their owners totally stranded in the middle of a huge fight. Beautiful. Nature is healing. Jordan DJ, Cutter W, Jive G, Dylan B, and Schubert the Mushroom.

Adventurers who Cytacosis became so advanced, they developed a rare condition known as parrhod head. Now they're on a quest to find the only thing that can cure their affliction. A sandwich made by Pelorore himself, the cheeseburger in paradise. Delicious. Danielle the Dastroly Dame, Andrew M. Beardman Dan, Scott D. and Danny P. The Carpenter is who crafted Justice Axford's judicial high-chair. The design is impeccable, but Justice's

Tanner and Murphy really wish she would stop dropping Cheerios on their heads. They're surprisingly heavy. Mixologist Michael McD, Vincent W, Boundores Boy, and Andrew B. Clerics of the Blue Cross. For a monthly fee, they'll resurrect your party whenever they fall in battle. Unless you don't hit your 200 HP damage deductible. Then, you're on your own. Justin I, Ragnar Faredwin,

TJM, the Noem Barbarian, Elena M and Traylae the Cray-Fay. Statisticians who attempted to calculate the amount of unrelated tangents the Justices discussed during an average court case, but gave up five minutes into the discussion of Parrot Fever. Fair. Jared E, Austin Bonesaw MR. Daniel R.

Cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt and Gage M. The makers of Draco Lingo, an app that is guaranteed to teach you draconic in one month or less. How does it work? Simple. If you ever skip a lesson, your phone breathes fire at you. Wow. Philbert the Fabulous, Richard X Machina, Michael L. Trash the Traveler, and Sir Carl.

Supreme crit justices that watch the proceedings from the shadows and silently abstain during every case. The only time they talk is to loudly razz Bale of Hurwitz in between cases. Jory S. Dana G. Calum L. and Jack L. The dice Christ Choir. They sing beautiful songs preaching forgiveness at the table, which is very impressive considering how full of dice their mouths always are.

Wow. Flalless Whale, Sam L. Nicholas C. and Samuel B. A cluster of alien space rock familiars. Each one is based off of a different mineral, and all of them are being sued by Steven Universe for IP theft. Mike H, Udushma look the baby bronze dragon, Matthew E, Colton B, and Adam G, for insect scientists hired by the Supreme Crit to analyze crime scenes. They're very good at their jobs, but everyone agrees the amount of hair samples they request is Borderline Creepy.

Megan S. Inny Badger, Panama James, and Cummins the Bard. Ghosts currently hunting the shit out of the body harvesting necromancer. A bunch of them are currently hiding in the bag of holding and are gonna pop out next time it's open. Classic. and are gonna pop out next time it's open. Heh, classic. Captain sigil, Grace G, Drew Nasty, C.C. Lulu, and Barnes & Aitor. Birdwaiters at the Justice's local Margaritaville. Luckily, none of them have parrot fever,

but all of them have mono? Uh-huh, yeah. It's that kind of Margaritaville baby. Woo! Michelle O. Timmy R. Jonathan W. The Croc- Timmy R. Jonathan W. The Croc-Waring Warrior.

Lucas B. And Aaron S. People selling Justice Hurwits forever shirts outside of the courtroom. When asked how they felt about Jake being removed from the bench, they abstained from responding. Hmm. It's Kevin, hard ones horse meat, New York,

Steven C. KJ. People selling Baylif Axford for bay life shirts outside the courthouse. Upon learning Emily had ascended to justice again, they tossed all their shirts off a bridge and instantly skipped town. Michael M. Mike K. Joy T. Eccathor 666 and Nick W. The print makers who made all the justice herwitz and Baylor Axford shirts, they actually cut a deal with Jake and Emily to maximize their profit. The amount of sway they have over the court is honestly troubling.

Taylor A. Matthew R. Esmi M. Kazami are the all-knowing, and Big Bad Beard O The Mad. Private investigators who are searching for the body stealing Necromancer, but not to put them in jail, they were actually hired by a TV executive who thinks this story could be the next Hannibal. Bold. Eric McDee, giant monsters on the horizon. Thrath, Burley T, Jay Dragonborn, Joe Rowe Vienna Pro Pro, and Cody B. Doctors and Sarah B's Raven City. They don't have the cure for citacosis, but that's because they're all podiatrists for the most part. Cody B. can mold a mean insult.

Hmm, so comfy. Liam D. The Sandrian. Bin A. Feldannas and Dave H. Draconic language teachers who are very confident in their teaching prowess and believe that with the right pupil, they could teach someone draconic in about a year. Oh, sorry Drew. Qualabair, Catherine S. David K. Christian S. and Dustin S. Jester Bards who listened in anguish to the crit cases, begging someone to make a joke about the rockbirds poop being tiny pebbles that didn't cause citacosis, but no justice drew that parallel.

And for that, we deeply apologize. Keith Kaye, Connor F. The Time Walker, two left eyes, and big bad John. Rock and roll familiars, maybe not as cute as a tiny rock friend, but at least they know how to party. Connor F. has trashed many a tavern bedroom. DPC is awesome. Aston S. Blair, the mug Blair, Marblearian.

Pork chop and chanille M. Deacons of Dice Christ. Their chief responsibilities include cooking the church dice by leaving them out 20 side up during the full moon, and also pickling any problem dice. Ah, that must be some seller. The Lacey Raptor, Minette F, Pat L, Achootha A, Lauren H, and David M. Barbarians who each wield a God's hammer and who the justices are constantly hitting up, asking if they'd be down for trade zs for one of their crit gavils.

No bites thus far. Elias Hawthorn, Alex H, the eldest berry, Evan V, Ryan S, and the bow unduster. Bruisers who enforce the crit's punishments, except when the justice is synced someone to death because, as Alex H says, that's just not cool. Disagree, but okay. Robot crisps, Yodra Seal, Brent Lee C, Micah B, Bloops, and Carly Ann. Inventors of D&D Vinmo called Dunmo, which is perfect for conflict-averse clerics. You can go home after playing and Dunmo your mo your friends for rare gems and spell components.

Problem solved. Laurie P. Seth AJ Spam gaming, the not-so-skilled gamer, Connor Savage, Christopher J. Pebblepot, and Logan S. Lawmakers who are studying the stats of the Supreme Crit, and have deduced that Baylor Jake simply must be ridiculed if their clients want to have the best chance at winning their case. Sorry about that, Jake. You filthy bottom feeder. Leviathan!

Dimi A. Bioquart 7. Rimmington CD. Amber Dexterous. And Thriller the Fight. Punk Rock Familiars. Kind of like a pet rock. Only then, you know how to pump out the opening riff to fat lip by Psalm 41. So, you know, worse, in every way.

Sullivan H, Trubb Hopdropper, Sydney T, Alex C, Jesse D. L. R, The Element God, and Lindsay W. Linguist who learned draconic in 24 hours, they absolutely should have testified for the plaintiff in today's case. Too late now though. CHAMPWILD, VALEN, SPRITE PEPSEE, CARLIN C, ANTHONY S, AND JAKE. Pirates whose ship contains so many parrots sitting atop people's shoulders that the entire crew suffers from cedacosis. But don't think of asking them to get rid of their birds

because it's not happening me artis. CCA, Matthew J, TREP, Michael S, the bone duster, and Noah, Bards who work at Margaritaville. The justices in Bailiff are very much looking forward to their next vacation, where they will be absolutely joining you in the search for their lost shaker of salt. Epic. White Bee.

Estelle. Ghost. Rogue Cree. Baron S. aka Soastians Romance Partner from the Baronies and Mr. Dude Sky. Crunchy Greek Life Kids who do beer bongs of bone broth instead of natty light. It doesn't give you a buzz, but when that scalding liquid hits your lips, oh, what a rush. Conflicted DM, Justin LB, Dandy, Jennifer R, Clifton A, and Richard G. Super rich clerics who don't need your money for their spells, but they still request it

because it's just the right thing to do. In Barber, Marcos P, Puff Kaelish learns the balance druid, Dakota JP, and Pegos. Self-proclaimed they prince. Supreme Crit journalist all vying for an interview with the Baylif turned Justice, turned Baylif again to ask Jake, why did he do that? Seriously, why? Tracy P. the Crick-Elf Librarian, and E. a very big bed 91, Holly, and Anthony A. Non-biased crit room attendees

who applaud Baylor's Jake for abstaining. Sometimes it takes courage to not take a stand. Not most of the time, but sometimes. Very rarely. Leah C. but sometimes. Very rarely. LAYA-C Timothy H. EGG. Sloth King 777, Cal S and Commodore Galaxy. Crit room jurors who were dismissed for a lunch recess two months ago and never called back.

They have been trapped at an all-you-can-eat buffet for 60 days, and that's why you always respond to your jury duty summons for Dungeon Court. at an all-you-can-eat buffet for 60 days. And that's why you always respond to your jury duty summons for Dunging Court. And that is all of our shout outs. Thank you so, so much for listening. If you would like to join the Council of Elders, you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nad pod. We hope you enjoy this episode,

and we'll see you soon. Bye-bye! That was a Hate Gum podcast. See you soon. Bye-bye! That was a Hitgun Podcast.