Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Pre-Cog Milk Bath (w/ Rekha Shankar)

Episode Date: March 1, 2024

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford and Guest Justice Rekha Shankar (as well as Bailiff DonJon Hurwitz) as they convene to pass judgement on your trials ...at the table!Follow Rekha on Twitter, TikTok and Instagram!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:02:08 Needs poop removed. Bad start, bad start to the episode. Really sorry everybody. We are your Supreme Crit Justices, Murphy, Axford and Tanner, joined of course by the Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli. Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli. That's funny.
Starting point is 00:02:23 Balef J. Kerwitz. Happy to be here. And also, we have a very special guest judge Lillilililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililil Oh, God, I'm so sorry that we hear that. Once you read this oath, which, oh, wow, I'm so jealous. I would love to read that. I can just start reading this? Yeah, you read that, and then once you're sworn in, you can actually be really mean to me. You can be mean to Jake. You don't have to be polite anymore.
Starting point is 00:02:58 Oh, awesome. Well, before I read this then, Jake, I admire your work. I think you're really nice. Wow. I think you're just a great guy. You're great. Get ready. I love to read this then Jake, I admire your work. I think you're really nice. I think you're just a great guy Get ready Wait, maybe don't read it. A lot of those columnettes were pretty vague Do you think if a coming of Justice is gonna change Reika? I doubt it. No
Starting point is 00:03:21 I Reika Schunger do you solemnly swear that I will support and defend the players as well as the DMs against all enemies, foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, that I take this obligation of my own volition, that I will be well and faithfully, that I will be well, I guess I will be well, but that I will well and faithfully embark
Starting point is 00:03:43 upon this noble pursuit of justice. So help me, gods. Yes, wellness is important here. I really believe in that for all of us. And maybe Jake too. No, Jake is on well. You don't still admire my work? Never. What work, Jake?
Starting point is 00:03:59 You look like my great guy. Haven't seen it. Welcome, Raycad to the Supreme Crit. Here you hear you, Crit is now in session. The honorable Supreme Crit Justice's Axford Murphy Tanner and Shankar presiding. And our first case comes from page S, page writes, to the darling darling judges
Starting point is 00:04:20 and that little fart of a bailiff. JJ the jet plane. We present to you the case. That little fart of a bailiff, JJ the jet plane. Okay, we present to you the case. That little fart. He's a little fart. He's not even a big one. Not even a big one. Yeah, I keep the poop bags around in case of Jake, honestly.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Not even a wet fart. Not even a shark. You wouldn't even need a bag for a shake. He's just a little butt whistle. He's just a little, a son of a little fart. Not even silent but deadly's just a little butt whistle. He's just a little, a son of a little fart. Not even silent but deadly, just a little noise. We present to you the case of the never-ending pregame lore.
Starting point is 00:04:50 The two of us have a grievance against our DM. A dear friend of ours is preparing to launch his newest campaign and we have just begun the character creation. He has teased that he wanted to try something new for his lore and we were curious. He is a very creative guy. Judges, what we are about to tell you is completely true. What initially looked like two lore documents turned out to be a labyrinth of hidden links to more documents, which contained hidden links to more documents. There was one page written entirely in Elvish, which was a Piazza. The trend is making an interactive website. This is kind of a text adventure. Yeah, you're getting house relieved.
Starting point is 00:05:26 There was one page written entirely in Elvish, which was a PNG, so we could not copy and paste it into a translator. What? Instead we had to find within his lore a seven page translation guide so we could translate it by hand. Judges, we shit you not, there were 25 total documents, most of which were multiple pages long. And to make matters worse, within all this intricate world lore is very little actual
Starting point is 00:05:49 information useful to character creators. The only saving grace is that he claims that we don't need to find all of the hidden documents so that each PC comes in with different knowledge about the world. Two of us have stopped looking, to your result. The rest of the party seems to love it, but they're all freelancers or contract workers. Oh! While two of us work full-time jobs,
Starting point is 00:06:11 we've a seat you, Wyethans. Are we weaklings who cannot handle the lore, or are we right in thinking this is too damn much? Just, your DM clearly just wants to play Mist. Just play Mist. Just play Mist. Go on the island, push the button. Push the button, just fun.
Starting point is 00:06:25 Talk to the guy in the book. This is like a mystery box game. It does seem like this would be fun if this was the whole game, right? Yes. Or like make a little adventure, like escape room or something. Make a meow wolf.
Starting point is 00:06:37 Make your own meow wolf. Yeah, make a meow wolf. Oh, I love that. Well, I think because a couple of the people are enjoying it, we can't write this off because people are enjoying it. But these are contractors. Yeah, but they're- I didn't like that.
Starting point is 00:06:51 I didn't like that. Petty, simple contractors, brainless. They couldn't handle a nine to five on me. Is it possible that I don't think that we could weigh in on this till we know how much this DM expects you to know the lore. Well, the DM said you don't have to know everything, but it sounds like at the very least they expect you to know some of the hundred pages of the document. I mean, this is the thing about a paper escape room is you don't, you can just
Starting point is 00:07:17 walk right out. You're not trapped in there. You can just choose to stop reading it. This is interesting. This DM might get off on a technicality. I send everyone, before we start, like a 10 page single spaced lore email, and I was mad that you didn't read every single word of it. That's weird. That's not okay. But if I do that, and then I'm like, whatever.
Starting point is 00:07:40 Yeah. If you do that, and you're like, read it or don't. I don't give a fuck. There's a couple wars that happened 10,000 years before the start of the campaign and if you guys want to know about that, cool. Are you going to ultimately be rewarding these, excuse me, but freelancers? Don't say that word. That's a dirty word. Freelancers, aka free loaders, Who have the time to read all the lore. Because you're saying it doesn't matter, you don't have to read all the lore.
Starting point is 00:08:09 But then there are some people who will read all the lore and might get DM favour from that. These disgusting contractors might be billing for their time. They might be counting Mrs. Work-Owers with it. Oh my god, what are they billing? But are we charging, are we doing what they did in that Tom Cruise movie that I can't remember right now but where they charge for future crimes? My naughty report? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. I think that we haven't seen it play out yet.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Right. So we can't say for sure. So I think we have no option but to sentence the freelance. Yeah. That's actually a really good point. We have no option. I mean we have no option. I do. I feel like this is clearly between the DM and the players here. It's like the person watching outside the play house
Starting point is 00:08:58 that you sentence them. Yeah. I wonder if there's often don't have enough rights so we can kind of get that. But they might have enough time to go to trial. Yeah, that's true. Whereas the nine to five people, they probably have a ton of kids. We don't know.
Starting point is 00:09:13 We could also do a minority report type thing and fill up your bathtub with milk, put Caldwell in there for a bit, and then see if they're the pre-cox. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they were in milk? Yeah. I think they were in milk. Yeah, it looks like milk It's like electrified milk. All right. I think I only knew The like tagline of the movie about future crime and I've never seen it
Starting point is 00:09:36 What you guys are talking about with the milk? I'm gonna be honest. I haven't seen it either you haven't seen it But I would love to get into a bathtub full of milk. Here's the the thing I have two siblings we could all shave our heads get in a milk Right there are three yeah, and then I could be a pre-called and then like I could just determine you could kind of use like my Vertic to like influence the court like I just like spring out of the electrified milk and say guilty Charge the freelance people in the milk Tell you yeah, they tell her they tell not cruise what crime is gonna happen Okay
Starting point is 00:10:15 There's a little marble Yeah, we have to Telling me by saying people get naked get into milk and see the It's a privilege wait so there's three people There's three people who don't have rights, but have privileges and get in the milk right and learn They were People that are like kind of their they were born in the milk. They're all in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk.
Starting point is 00:10:47 They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk.
Starting point is 00:10:55 They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk.
Starting point is 00:11:03 They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. Is what Tom Cruise fighting for the right for everyone to get into milk? That's actually a really interesting question I think that it comes up in the sequel Yeah, minority report to Majority report It's all about like the free will to get in the milk or not get in the milk And that's kind of the the central question of the film is, am I guilty before I've committed the crime?
Starting point is 00:11:27 Do I need to live in milk or can I choose whether I want to get out of the milk? These are kind of like the dual questions being asked. Tom Cruise gets a red marble that says he committed a crime and he's got to run. Or that he's going to commit a crime. I knew it, I knew it. He's going to commit a crime.
Starting point is 00:11:39 And then he's like, well, then these precogs must be compromised or cog-promised. Because I'm not going to commit a crime, but then it's like, well, all of the peoples must be compromised or cog-promised because I'm not gonna commit a crime. But then it's like, well, all of the people we already put in jail for their future crimes, maybe they're all innocent. Exactly. This sounds like such a sick movie.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Thanks for describing this. It kind of rips. Maybe it doesn't hold up, but I remember really liking it at the time. Okay, so since we don't know, we don't know who to sentence here. I think we can sentence the people who submitted and the DM, all three of them,
Starting point is 00:12:09 needs to get into a bath of milk. I thought you were gonna say just watch minority report. What if they get into a milk bath and watch minority report? That's, how about this? Instead of watching it, we all just describe it to them while overlapping with each other. We just did, I think. Yeah, but we just do that again.
Starting point is 00:12:24 We're all in this hot milk tub. Hot? It's got to be hot. It's got to be hot. Unfortunately, it has to be hot. Oh my god. And not hot enough to be enjoyable, just hot enough to curdle it.
Starting point is 00:12:34 Oh my god. It's a bit milk tub. So we're in there. We're describing the plot of Minority Report. We're doing a bad job, but we are going to keep describing it for the runtime. So it's fiction. So we'd have to do something different
Starting point is 00:12:46 We don't watch it again to remember half us have not seen it half us on them One of us sort of knows what's going on, but he's really focusing on the mill That's a later tonight when Murph walks in on me in the bathtub, and I'm filled with milk I'm like get out of here! Get out of here! Get out of here! I'm thinking of crying! Get out of here! You're crying here! I'm thinking of crying! Get out of here! You're in a personal club. Call divination, dude!
Starting point is 00:13:09 Alright, so I think we've come up with the punishment. Yes, we haven't decided... So here's what I'm gonna say. I do agree that if the DM hits you with a very long lore email that's very intimidating, however, the fact that it's optional, I think makes it fine. You think they're absolved? I think that slaps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's proven by the fact that some people are into it.
Starting point is 00:13:34 Right. Some people are into it. And I think you won't know if this is an offense until you start the game and find out how much you're being punished for not doing it. This is future crime. Yeah, this is future crime. And Tom Cruise learned his lesson in that movie, we can't make the same mistake. But you know what, you can resubmit if the DM does end up giving them favoritism.
Starting point is 00:13:54 Yeah. And then we'll punish everyone. He just like receives a marble. Yeah. And it's like a serious marble. It's a serious, yeah. Okay, let me describe, let me lay it out for you. Can I guess, if someone who's never seen it? Yeah, yeah, let me let me describe. Let me lay it out for you.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Can I guess if someone who's never seen it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is what happens. Basically, one of the PsyCakes gets out of the milk, usually when there's not a crime. It's a white marble. But then Tom Cruise is like, am I gonna do crimes today? And he goes to hand to get his handful of marbles to find out if he was a good or not. And he gets a marble and then he opens his hand up and he goes to get his handful of marbles to find out if he was a good or not. And he gets a marble and then he opens his hand up and he sees that it's red and he's
Starting point is 00:14:29 kind of shaking. Almost that. See there's lasers involved and they're etching the crime onto the marble for no reason at all. And Tom Cruise is wearing some really cool gloves that allow him to manipulate a 3D computer and like a little red marble shows up and that's how he knows like where the crime is being committed. And I just want to say this for anyone who hasn't come to this revelation like I did just about three seconds ago, Minority
Starting point is 00:14:51 Report is different from Mission Impossible. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's important to remember. And is that wrong? Should they be the same movie? Yes, I think so. It's the same lead I feel we have just combined them and saved everybody a little bit Yeah, I feel like we could combine them and then it also makes the mission impossible franchise have more sequels Simon peg and he's naked and in the milk and he's like oh just be crying been happened in it Okay, so ordered so absolutely everyone understands In it, in it, in it. In it. We kind of had to order it. So ordered. So ordered. So absolutely ordered. I think everyone understands.
Starting point is 00:15:28 We're all on the same page here. I think I figured it out. And I think the people who were punished forgot about what we were talking about earlier, just like we did. And our next case comes from Dylan B to the Honorable Judges and the Sweet Baeliff Cake. I bring the cake from the Dorn's Mop. Thank you for that. I forgot about the cake thing.
Starting point is 00:15:45 In my first long form game, I gave my player a plus one mop as a joke for getting a Nat 20 on an investigation check where there was truly nothing to be found. He ran with this, wanting it to be a double sided Darth Ma like a Star Wars lightsaber. Or like a really long cheerleader pom-pom. Precisely.
Starting point is 00:16:03 I can't stress enough how much I hate this mom that I gave him and he knows it, but it makes him happy so I live with it. The problem is that he wants the mop in every game I run now. Can someone, Justice Murphy, I beg you, tell this madman that he can't have his double ended lightsaber mop. I had an opinion actually. It's weird that you sing of that first for this one. I defer to golf.
Starting point is 00:16:27 You usually were on the same side of that thing. How many sides do you think the mop should have? That's the starter. I think it should be a mop star with foreheads. I want to get the Rekateka on this one. I think it sounds like you were being fun as the DM, and you gave your little player a little cookie, and I think that's really cute and nice,
Starting point is 00:16:46 and he wants the cookie to be 10 cakes. And I think that's not okay. And you're kind of like, hey man, you haven't swallowed the one cookie I gave you. Yeah, I can see it in your mouth. Think of how fun if you could find a way to just keep this mop at the low power level it is, and find a way to use it later on rather
Starting point is 00:17:05 than trying to make it a super mop. Like how fun, this is the improviser in me, like take the little nugget and then be like, oh it did come in handy later for some stupid thing. I think that restraint is missing here. Okay, here's the petty thing you could try. Try giving everyone else better weapons. I can't see if they're suddenly ready for it. The other people in the party find, you know, like axes and swords and stuff, and they're really good, they have really good stats. Maybe they're swords.
Starting point is 00:17:35 Maybe all the enemies are really clean already, so the mop just doesn't do any extra. It doesn't do anything. It doesn't do anything. Whoa. Specify, make a world that is already really clean. Resist the temopi damage. Resist into mopping damage. Resist into mopping damage.
Starting point is 00:17:46 Yeah. So to be clear, so the double-sided mop, I would assume, is just got the mop on both sides of it. Both sides, yeah. Yeah, right, yeah. Rather than the handle, which would be less dangerous. Which is actually a really good idea for a mop. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:02 Because I know like you're mopping. Right. And it gets dirty and then you have to wring it out. But you can actually, rather than wring it out, you could squeeze. Could you imagine how dirty you would get? You could, and then it gets, all the dirt gets on your shirt.
Starting point is 00:18:13 And then it gets on your shirt. And then it gets on your shirt. And then you wear, we sell those shirts. Right, we sell those shirts. That's good. Art, yeah. What are you cleaning up? It's a bunch of milk.
Starting point is 00:18:21 Here's your mopping shirt. Yeah. Because you're cleaning up after the pre-cocked. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, gotcha. Because up after the pre-cocked moped. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, you're not gonna. Because now they can get out if they want to. They're spilling milk everywhere.
Starting point is 00:18:30 Someone has to clean that tank. Each side of this mop can soak up an entire tub of milk. That would be a cool power. Yeah. Imagining joylessly mopping while another mop head is spilling. Wait, no, you just need a special hat. You just need like an upside down umbrella. Interesting. A bucket hat.
Starting point is 00:19:00 It came up organically. Okay, everyone needs to describe context. We're doing a bucket hat bit before we started recording. It's not a bit, Murph. I actually want one. I don't know why you won't take Emily seriously. And the bit is also that I won't, that I quote, won't let Emily buy a bucket hat. Which isn't real. She can buy the bucket hat if she wants. And I will. Yes. And you should. And that's fine. Murph, your trad values have no place here. Yeah, truly. I had no idea. Women can wear bucket hats. I'm gonna wear a bucket hat with two cute little braids
Starting point is 00:19:33 and you're gonna change your tune on bucket hats. Don't do cute braids. I have a tune. I can't change my tune when I don't have one. What were we talking about? The double-sided mob. I mean, I really think that you should just try to give everyone else better weapons and see if they The more you can do to remind this player that they have a mop is probably good. See I feel like normally I do want to be on board with this mop thing But this is just classic kung fu shenanigans where like Jackie Chan's gonna use that mop for one fight But it's gonna get broken. Like that mop's not gonna last.
Starting point is 00:20:06 It's not durable enough. Who knows what would happen if you gave up the mop. What else could be out there? Oh, you're holding yourself back. Two-sided broom. Two-sided swiffer. Two-sided swiffer. A Roomba mountain.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Yeah, I think that's the problem. You haven't gone far enough into the cleaning thing. Yeah, imagine a stick with two Roombas. The custodian class? I'm here to clean up the dirt. I'm kind of sick, I don't hate it. Just imagine like an orc who's spick and span, just like so clean, so absolutely shining, not a speck of dirt on him.
Starting point is 00:20:45 Oh, your attacks are useless against me. So we're really against the player. Because the player took a fun little joke and just beat it to death. Yeah, wants to use it in other campaigns outside of this. And so I think we've come up with a good punishment, which is I think you give your other players Roomba's Darth Maul Roomba's.
Starting point is 00:21:04 Yeah, okay. Throw it in their face. Either way you want to do it, you can do a stick with a Roomba on each side, or you can do episode one branded Roombas, which I do think is kind of cool. I mean, R2-D2, we don't know what he's doing. He's kind of just a Roomba. They simply must have like an R2-D2 themed Roomba. I'm sure.
Starting point is 00:21:25 They should. If they don't, if they don't, they should. I really should. We should make them do. Yeah. He's not like super litigious or anything, are they? They'll never find us. Yes.
Starting point is 00:21:35 They'll never. They don't know where we post from. Yeah, dude. Well, we'll all have to move to Sweden. Yeah, I'm sure. The podcast stopped. They made R2-D2 Roombas and fled. Yeah. Dude, we'll all have to move to Sweden Podcasts stop they made our to do two broom buzz and flat They doubled down on it. They wouldn't stop production
Starting point is 00:21:55 Okay, so that settles that how do we punish Murph for not letting Emily have a bucket? I would say the punishment is Emily gets a bucket But I think that would actually like Murph would go so nuts Yeah I think that I get I get three bucket hats and I change which one is on top every day. Oh. It's kind of like it's sort of a ceremonial thing. I wake up and I switch so that the different one is on top. How about Murph is like your hat rack and he's got like seven bucket hats on his head?
Starting point is 00:22:20 Yeah, I think he should have to wear like an uncool hat. Yeah. I think I think he should have to wear like an uncle You know having seven because you can only ever get super mad at one by the end of the day It refreshes the rage My to be my bucket hat hat rack So I have one for every day of the week and he's wearing the other six I'm wearing Murph to be my bucket hat hat rack. So I have one for every day of the week and he's wearing the other six, I'm not wearing. The most brutal punishment we've ever doled out.
Starting point is 00:22:52 All right, Murph is the bucket buddy, got it. Okay, so bucketed. Hey there, NAD polls. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place.
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Starting point is 00:25:57 To the beautiful, beautiful judges and the lowly, low-key, lazy, loveless bailiff. Whoa! I plead my case. One of our players in a long-running Eberron campaign came across the deck of many things. Having bought the fancy new set of cards, I eagerly brought the set to our next session.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Nice. Needless to say, it did not end well. Yeah. In a total of seven draws, four of them were either Don John or The Void. Since our DM claimed that once a player drew their cards, they rejoined the deck. It ended up with our entire party being zorped away and leading to an impromptu end to our campaign. In the days since, we've been questioning the likelihood
Starting point is 00:26:34 of all of us drawing the worst cards imaginable. Was our DM correct in reshuffling the cards back and punishing us for our hubris? Or was foul play involved? Also, will DiceKraiz forgive me for bringing the nicely minted cards to the session, urging us to continue drawing cards? Thanks in advance and may Baba Yaga not take you this night. Wow. Okay, so deck of many things we know,
Starting point is 00:26:55 the void is the one where you just get like sucked into a gem. The void actually, your soul is drawn from your body and contained in an object in a place of the DM's choice. So just your soul is put in. Okay, oh, then it's fine. Two of the people's souls got, okay. As long as I'm a shell, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:27:12 That's kind of, I'm not gonna do this to you. Yeah, as long as the object is a bucket hat, I'm fine. Yeah. The work will allow it. Yeah, my soul is in a bucket hat already. Yeah. As long as I look hot in my bucket hat, I don't give a Yeah, my soul is in a bucket hat already As long as I look hot in my bucket hat
Starting point is 00:27:33 Imagine Frankenstein with a bucket hat Which is the only thing that matters if you're Jack. See how hot Frank inside the mech is? So bare. So enormous. And then I've got some info on our man Don John. You disappear and become entombed in a state of suspended animation in an extra-dimensional sphere. So that one's kind of closer to the gym.
Starting point is 00:27:59 That's the one where you get sucked into a gym essentially. Wow. So seven draws, four of them were either dodge on or destroy. So now let's weigh in on if you, does it specify if the cards go back into the deck under the description. They might have updated the rules for that new set
Starting point is 00:28:15 that came out, I'm just looking online. But I think from what we vaguely remember, we can make a call, right? Once a card is drawn, it fades from existence. Unless the card is the fool or the jester, the card reappears in the deck, making it possible to draw the same card twice. Oh! So they did change it.
Starting point is 00:28:33 It's back into the deck. Wow. It seems, and correct me if I'm wrong, fucking impossible to play. Yes! If everybody's stuck in another dimension. Yeah. Can I suggest if anyone out there is like,
Starting point is 00:28:47 hey, I'm really sick of DMing, my players are being really evil, you could just stack the deck of many things to be all bad and then get rid of your board. Yeah, Don Jones. Oh, the dude who's really excited about the mop. Oh, you're in a sphere, you're gone. Pick a card reveal, it's 25 Don John's.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Oh, you didn't read my lore maze. You and your mop are in a gym now. Your soul is gone. You fell for it, the quadruple Don John operation. That is statistically tough, but statistically possible. Yeah, I mean it is possible. How many Don Johns and Void cards are in the deck? What are their 21 cards in there?
Starting point is 00:29:30 Okay, so there are 22 cards. Okay. 22 cards. I thought it was like full on 52 cards. That's not wild. I mean, how many times have we rolled, you know, a two twice in a row or a one a couple times in a row? I don't know who we can rule against in this though.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Well, I mean, on a- The DM was technically correct that the a couple times in a row. I don't know who we can rule against in this though. Well, I mean on a- The DM was technically correct that the cards reappear in the deck. I mean, I think this person is essentially accusing their DM of stacking the deck. Of stacking the deck. Are these future crimes? Yeah, we just- Oh my god. We're not even top cruises in Minority Report, okay?
Starting point is 00:29:58 I'll draw the book fast. My hand is shaking looking at the red bead. No pre-crime here. Marvel. We cannot try you for pre-crime. My fingerless gloves look so good. But there's another thing that, and I don't know if they've updated it at all, because apparently now they're like printing and selling the real cards, but there was a time where you had to declare how many cards you were pulling.
Starting point is 00:30:22 But if it's different characters, they could pull the same card. Like, it disappears and it goes back in the deck. So the deck does not get depleted. The same person cannot draw the same card twice, I don't think, because I believe you say like, I'm gonna draw two cards and then they give you two cards. In that moment, you can't have a duplicate because there's only two physical cards.
Starting point is 00:30:43 So I think if it's set in there, like I got sent away and then someone used a wish spell to bring me back and got it again. That's not cool. This has the energy of somebody sitting at a Blackjack table. NBA. I got it. I got a 20. How did the fucking dealer get a 21?
Starting point is 00:30:58 Yeah. This is impossible. Yeah. Rika, have you encountered the deck of many things in any of your? I've never seen it. Yeah. Rika, have you encountered the Deck of Many Things in any of your? I've never seen it, but I'm really interested in this sort of card counting, the rotation of it, where it's like, does the house always win
Starting point is 00:31:14 and all your players are stuck in a gem. It is a game ruiner. It is a campaign, potential campaign ruiner. Yeah, I'm sure. This one has an impromptu end to the campaign. You know, I'm a new justice. I'm new to the deck of many things, but I wonder if everybody just kind of needs to take some time in a gem. Yes!
Starting point is 00:31:32 That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. Oh my god, maybe this DM is like about to go on like Paternity or Maternity Wave and they're like, oh shit, you're all in gems. Uh oh. And we'll all be back in six to eight weeks. This is actually a great question.
Starting point is 00:31:49 Like if you could have your soul severed or your body placed in the gym. Yes, 100%. Yes, yes. And you're in. Easy, never had an easier question. I'm like, all right, so time works differently. Like you get like a little time in the gym.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Like your body is just like ragdolled for an indefinite amount of time, but time is moving differently inside the gym. Let's say maybe like- Is there milk in there or no? There's so much milk in there, you get milk. You get like a week in the gym and that's like a whole day
Starting point is 00:32:16 where your body is just ragdolled, do you do it? I don't think I do it because I think my mind without my fingers to express myself would go absolute. My mind and my fingers are interconnected. Yeah. It's huge right? I need my fingers. And you'd be separated from your bucket hat.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Would you be like a ghost? Yeah, you'd be like a ghost. Could I get work done in the gym? Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. What are the benefits? It's just that I'm away from my body for a week? Is there anything that's good about it? Well, I think you get a week and a day.
Starting point is 00:32:43 You're contracted in the gym for one week. Yeah, yeah Theoretically so theoretically I'll give you an example right? Episodes take a while to edit the game. I'm gonna say take a while to edit so I could just put myself in my bed Right transfer my soul to a gem sit there In the gem, edit for a week, and then get out and only a day has passed. No, no, Wi-Fi in the gem, man. Oh, they know!
Starting point is 00:33:10 They know! Only if I turn the time out in the gem into a work vacation. Can I bring a book? Yeah, you can bring a book. Yeah, you can bring a book. Like, there's a lot of... You can... Can I bring a journal?
Starting point is 00:33:20 Yeah, for sure. Can I bring a TV? Can I bring my dog in my car? You're not awkward, my God. Everything you want. Everything you want can be in there. Can I bring all my work? Yeah for sure. Can I bring a TV? Can I bring my dog and my car? You're not awkward, my God. Everything you want can be in there. Can I bring all my work?
Starting point is 00:33:31 My work, my husband. Wait, this is just turning into my house. Oh, can I bring my house? Yeah, your house is there, but you can't. You can have a little room. If you can have a little room. No, you can't bring your car. I think if you could have a little room,
Starting point is 00:33:45 I would consider doing it. But yeah, I think that would be maybe not fun. I think you'd regret it a day and you'd be like, I'm getting so much work done. And you'd be like, I don't want to be in here. It's a staycation, right? That's what we're talking about. I look at the staycation and like, what is it, a ruby?
Starting point is 00:34:01 It could be any sort of gym is the thing. Okay, petition for. No, it has to be a Ruby. It is a Ruby that I'm in. Everyone to change the Don John card to be a staycation. Yeah, I think so. With a man named Don John. Like, look at the positive.
Starting point is 00:34:16 I challenge you to sort of look at the positive. Your character is trapped in a gem. Oh, boo-hoo. Actually, yeah, that's a much better hypothetical. So like, you're in the gym, you can get work done, but Don John is there and he's going to try and slap the flash drive away. No! Without ejecting it properly.
Starting point is 00:34:30 He's like, man, come on! You gotta chill! This is free time, brother! So it's not a staycation, it's you're staying with Don John. You're at Don John's Airbnb and you're like, you're never going to see me. And he's there! I don't like when the host is there. Okay, staycation on an Airbnb hosted by Don John.
Starting point is 00:34:49 I think it could also be the punishment. And it's like you clipped like entire place but Don John does live there. He does live there. He like lives in the basement and is acting like the rest of the house. And he's like, oh, I'm never in the main space. But he's always in the main space.
Starting point is 00:35:01 Dora, there's a baby gate between the basement and upstairs. But he's just climbing on top of it, okay? He's doing the front. So I gotta come up and use the bathroom. I think I'm number one down there because I have a jug, but I'm number two. It's a railroad set up to the bathroom. I just take a lot of shit.
Starting point is 00:35:16 Oh shit, were you asleep? Three AM shit in a railroad Airbnb. Oh no. This makes me wanna make a joke version of the entire deck of metal. I think that sounds really fun. Ooh, wow. Okay, so from what we know, technically it is possible to draw these cards again. And also it does say that they kept drawing them, right? Yeah, and it sounds like they were drawing them from a deck that this player brought in so you know
Starting point is 00:35:46 that they weren't rigged. So it's decked, yeah. If you're drawing multiple cards, the idea that out of six or seven people that you draw the same card twice is not weird at all. Mm-hmm, yeah. We have to acknowledge this person's heartbreak though, because you are having so much fun with your D&D group
Starting point is 00:36:03 that you guys find a deck of many things and then you make a little deck You show up with the fresh cards. Yeah, and you guys slowly just realize that your campaign is over Cool prompt though In a thousand years you guys all break loose And the world has been destroyed and you need to save it But your skin is glowing I know that's nice. And the world has been destroyed and you need to save it. But your skin is glowing. You have been rested.
Starting point is 00:36:29 You are so relaxed. You and Don John patch things up and you wrote a novel together. You've been good. One novel in a thousand years. That's actually not that bad. With Don John bothering you? Yeah, that's how long it takes. A thousand years.
Starting point is 00:36:48 I have an idea for the middle of the book. Yeah, for the middle. I have more of an idea. That's not helpful at all, dude. That's not helpful at all. You right, I'm gonna play basketball. Alright, so we're punishing the player? I think, well...
Starting point is 00:37:04 I think we're saying that it sounds think well punishing the player we have Sounds like they did it according to the rules. Yeah, but it sounds like the players already been punished Kind of like yeah, I guess we had to put them in a gem with Don John Play the reboot of their characters. Like the, when they all flip up. What about something I know? They have to suffer. They just deserve a heavy. Isn't there like a surf company or something called like Ron Johns?
Starting point is 00:37:31 Hmm. Oh yeah. Is it Ron Johns? You're asking the right people for that. Actually Jake does surf. You do? Yeah I do, but I don't know anything about Ron Johns. Okay.
Starting point is 00:37:41 I'm kind of going back in my memory. What did I do last week? And what was the brand of all the stuff I bought? And it was probably Ron Johns. I'm kind of going back in my memory. What did I do last week and what was the brand of all the stuff I bought? And it was probably Ron John's. Yeah. I was the last board I was spreading. I was just going to say maybe you could just be stuck in a giant Ron John's for a while. Bucket hat with a chin strap so when I go surfing.
Starting point is 00:37:58 It's day. The hat with the strap. They do have a bucket hat. At Ron John? Murph, it's $22. How? We just get it. Get it for all of us. Get it for Ron John a bucket hat at Ron John Murph. It's $22 I Potters clay color
Starting point is 00:38:22 Really, these players all do have to buy Ron John's bucket hats, but not this one. This one's mine. That one's already gone How many colors are there? How many colors are there? It's actually a pretty dull hat. It's not a dull hat. It's a Potter's hat. I would say that it exudes the surf lifestyle as I understand it. I would say it looks sun-fated. Right, so there is that.
Starting point is 00:38:40 But Rhaegha, your surf lifestyle is kind of more bright. It's very aggro. Neon yellows, kind of putrid greens. Yeah. Neon yellows are... So you can find me, you catch me in the ocean. You can see me from far away. Oh, shit, Rhaegar's a bitch.
Starting point is 00:38:57 How many bucket hats do you need to see in one group to assume that they're a cult? I'm thinking like three, right? Two. Two. Yeah. Two to me is like, oh wow, they're either best friends or like a couple and they're just like vibing
Starting point is 00:39:13 on each other's energy real strong. Three, absolutely, you're very into cult. It might be like one is already a pattern, you know? And then two's the cult. Yeah. What if you're at, okay, taking this to something we've talked about before, which is like, if you're at a restaurant, everyone else is doing something
Starting point is 00:39:30 how long before you start questioning yourself. So go back to that old question. If you're at a nice restaurant, everyone there is wearing bucket hats, but like, deadly serious? Do you talk to the waiter about it? I love chit chat. I love to chit chat. I'll absolutely be like, hey, is there like a bucket hat thing?
Starting point is 00:39:49 Yeah. So right away. Before I'm even seated, I go to the host. I'm so sorry. I forgot my bucket hat. Do you guys loan that? Do you have any? Do you have another question off of that?
Starting point is 00:39:59 I'm a size. Yeah, do you have a dinner bucket hat? Do you have a dinner bucket hat? Imagine you're at the same restaurant. Everyone's wearing a bucket hat. You not having a bucket hat, do you have a dinner bucket hat? So imagine you're at the same restaurant, everyone's wearing a bucket hat. You not having a bucket hat, but you go to your seat and there's a bucket hat on the chair. Do you put it on? Okay, headlights is a thing. Yeah, but did it have a plastic liner? Oh good question.
Starting point is 00:40:20 It's not fresh. Oh. But it looks like, it smells like it's just been like dried. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't look rank and it doesn't smell bad. But it's not fresh. Oh, it looks like it smells like it's just been like dried. Yeah Everyone else is wearing almost everyone else almost everyone else. Yeah, I fucking put it on I think if it's not, you know Cuz like we go to hotels, right? Yeah We do Put your feet no slippers after after you surf you go to when I after I'm, you go to a hotel. After I'm done, I go to a hotel. I soak right in the bed.
Starting point is 00:40:49 I dry off because I know those sheets are clean. You can just like sneak in when someone's leaving. You don't even have to pay for the hotel. No. That's true. Yeah. You go, hi, I was just here. I left my watch up there.
Starting point is 00:41:02 You live here sometimes. I'm soaking up my watch up there. He lives here sometimes. You're soaking him. Yeah, I'm soaking wet. My watch is up there. Yeah. Okay, so we're punishing these players. They have to, I don't know, live in a bucket hat or something.
Starting point is 00:41:17 Living in a bucket hat with Tom on. Oh, bucket hat or anything. Buy all of us Ron John bucket hats. Great. Or maybe all of you have to wear them. Yeah. We'll start a little cool. All of you have to wear them. Yeah Except for this one that Jake wants. Yeah, I think we're just gonna forget it But I want to try and get bucket hats so that the next time we record an episode all three of us put on bucket Wait, why am I gonna forget? Don't forget
Starting point is 00:41:45 It'll be a surprise. You're going to forget it. I'm going to reference his bit. Don't tell Emily what she's going to forget. That's her choice. She can remember what she wants to. Bucket hats would be perfect for D&D because you could turn up the brim and put your dice in it.
Starting point is 00:42:00 Yeah. And it's like fishing your dice out. And then when it's time to roll, you just roll your head down. You tip it down. You tip it down. It's not your head. Yeah. It's like fishing your dice down. And then when it's time to roll, you just put your head down. You tip it down. You tip it down. It's not your head. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:09 That's nice. Man, there's some really cheap bucket hats. This one's only 15 bucks. And it's not just. Is it 15 bucks? Is it really cheap? I didn't think it was gonna be $15. Holy shit, they're giving these away.
Starting point is 00:42:20 55 bucks? It's like a reasonable price. It's like a reasonable price for a bucket hat. For brand new? Not brand new. Who said brand new? Reika. This is actually... For $15? Extremely reasonable.
Starting point is 00:42:36 Poor to fair condition. And what's on it? What's the design? Well, it says Ron Jon. Oh, okay. You lose this case, it says Ron Jon. Okay. You lose this case by me and Ron Jon. The next one comes from Tori L. Tori writes,
Starting point is 00:42:52 This has been sitting with me for years. This is my second session with my now long time RPG group. The DM allowed us to buy back alley potions and drugs. To offset the lower cost I needed to roll before using the health potions to see if it was actually poison.
Starting point is 00:43:09 I rolled poorly and I accidentally killed an NPC with it. Oh! Oh! Which was very upsetting. Oh! Another player who had purchased items from the same person used them the same session and did not need to roll to see if the product was poison.
Starting point is 00:43:22 Oh! When I asked the DMY, he just said it was because he didn't need to. I thought it might be a story thing, so I let it go, but it never came up again and we finished the campaign. It also became a running joke over the next three years that I killed the innocent NPC. Yeah, I was gonna say. It created favor, but I was never really happy with the direction my character was wearing. You're being bullied.
Starting point is 00:43:45 Should the other players have had to roll, or was I at least owed an explanation as to why? Or should I try harder to let this go? No, you're being bullied. I think we can assume that the DM saw this happen and was like, whoops, I'm just not going to do that anymore. That's interesting. Well, here's the question. Did you read your DM's lore maze? Oh, that's true. Okay, and if you did, did you click the virus inside?
Starting point is 00:44:10 Did you open the malware? Think about that. That'll open a few PDFs on the computer and I will explain everything that happened. Your character is now possessed by my malware. Oh, yeah! Okay, so this seems we're probably gonna be on the player side here. Let's talk this through. Okay, the only way to give the DM a generous read, let's say the DM went into this being like, okay, this person's selling you potions, there's one bum potion in there. And so the first person that rolls gets it, and that means they don't have to get it. Oh, interesting. That's a possibility, but.
Starting point is 00:44:49 But they could have given that specific answer. Exactly. Yes, yes. So they would have said that, so that's why it's a generous read, because it's probably wrong. Is there a chance that all of the potions looked like normal healing potions,
Starting point is 00:45:01 and then this one was just in a Grimy Doctor Pib bottle? So this is just on them, because they should have known that one was just in a Grimy Dr. Pib bottle. So like this is just on them, cause they should have known that something was up with this Grimy Dr. Pib. I feel like that would have gotten brought up. Yeah, I think so. I don't know, maybe they're- I do ask people to keep the cases brief.
Starting point is 00:45:14 If it was what Emily said to like the DM realized, oh, this is a bad system for this potion, let's have any other person who needs to do this. Like what is the philosophy on that? Like do you retcon what you've done if you realize this mechanic doesn't really work? I'm guessing what happened is they were in a fight, probably this person administered a potion,
Starting point is 00:45:35 killed an NPC, but then probably the DM was like, oh fuck, they're all just gonna be killing each other. Okay, no one has to do it anymore. But never gave a satisfying explanation because they didn't want to say, they didn't want to say, oh, that was a bad idea. Oops. Right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:45:53 I think the DM could skate out of this with my excuse by being like, there was one bum potion in there. I think you need a little smoke and mirrors to ret come. Right, yeah. But the DM didn't do that, did they? The DM didn't do that. The DM didn't do that. That we're talking about pre-non-crime now.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Yes. And that's not what this is. That's absolutely not what this is. This is present-day crime. This is regular crime. Yeah. It's not pre-non-crime. This doesn't involve a pre-cog at all.
Starting point is 00:46:18 Yeah. That's surprising. This is a blue marble. That milk does not have to come into the cup. This is milkless. Yeah. Or once. This case is absolutely milkless. I, dairy-free, vegans, come, come, get it.
Starting point is 00:46:29 We're gonna go vegans, this case is milkless. We're gonna go to the break room, that's where the present cogs are. They're fully clothed, they've got hair, they're just normal. I'm so sorry to come back to this, is there a reason why they used milk? Is it like the wisdom of a mother cow? I would say that it's not actually canon, that it is milk.
Starting point is 00:46:50 It looks like milk. It's just milk-y. So it could have been like watered down coms. I think it was. Yeah, yeah, watered down com, whatever. Because that would be like from a creation place. Right, right, right. And I was remembering, because I saw it a long time ago,
Starting point is 00:47:03 but I think in the beginning, Tom Cruise is making himself breakfast, and he like. And I was remembering, because I saw it a long time ago, but I think in the beginning, Tom Cruise is making himself breakfast, and he is making an omelet, and then he drops a bunch of milk, and that is where it leaks through his floor. And that's kind of the metaphor that sets us off. Because I remember the scene, I watched it on a plane, and on a way to a surf trip,
Starting point is 00:47:24 Tom, on the way to my surf, surf, and cruise. Tom Cruise was, thank you, righteous and righteous too, onto you. And Tom had just gotten it in and was kind of cleaning up afterwards. And then we see that kind of trip through the floor. Oh, so it's a, I mean, it could be a mix. Cause I've, again, I saw it a long time ago.
Starting point is 00:47:42 Right, right, right. I saw it on the plane, yeah. We all know the rubbish, we're all like, I've been that he had like a long time ago. I mean, I saw it on the plane, yeah. We all know the prohibition, yeah. I have been that he had like a one night stand. He could have been, I remember both of these scenes happened. He might have backed it back to back, the one night's I'm making them egg. I think it opens with him masturbating in bed.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Right. Like, what, no, it doesn't happen. Minority or not? I'm just like, I'm just like, can we also sit on the ground, the semen seeps through his stomach. He's like, stop it, postman's never. He was never. I think he looks at the camera and camera and says it's time for my post nut omelet.
Starting point is 00:48:09 Yeah, you got to break, what is it? You can't, you can't nut without breaking a few eggs. Exactly what he says. He looks directly down the barrel of the camera. He breaks the fourth wall. And he never does that again for the rest of the video. It doesn't come up much like the explanation for this potion. Excellent.
Starting point is 00:48:30 I heard you hit really hard on the reef in that surf trip. Absolutely. Banged it up real good. Superane. Big time. Okay, so yeah, so this, you're clearly being bullied by your table. The DM was wrong here because if they were going to set it up that there was like one bum potion or in there, they really shouldn't have had people roll like con saving throws going through it.
Starting point is 00:48:56 You should have like rolled a D4 and like marked them off one, two, three, four or something like that. Like you should have done this beforehand. You should have done pre non-crime Yeah, right there was a way for the DM to do this that wouldn't require everyone to roll But this was not right. You didn't do it. You didn't do it. You didn't make it milkless Okay, so you're punishing the DM here so like Tom Cruise related like Tom Cruise has that perfect center teeth You have to go to the dentist master. Oh wait No, no
Starting point is 00:49:29 I think what you're gonna need to do is you're gonna need to get a toothbrush with two sides and you're gonna be responsible for brushing Tom Cruise's center tooth that's you're gonna be your job now Yeah, a Darth brush alright, so in visible line for it Tom Cruise center, too. Yeah, a Darth Brush. All right, so Invisalign for a Tom Cruise center tooth. Yeah, that's awesome. I think I might do it too. Yeah, wait, it's growing on me. This is looking good. I like unusual teeth, so I like the center tooth.
Starting point is 00:49:54 Yeah. You just go to the dentist and you're like, can you give me a little symmetry please? So centered. So centered. Center tooth. Our next case comes from Catatles to the honorable Justices and Bailiff Joel, close. I present to your counsel
Starting point is 00:50:09 the case of the cowardly players. A few years ago, I DM'd a one shot for my friends. This was pretty much all of our first experiences with D&D, save for me having watched a few podcasts. I set my party in a town that at first seemed normal until they had dreams of one of the town's children crying for help. The next morning, they'd look for the child, asking his brother where he was, only for the brother to ask, who's that?
Starting point is 00:50:32 No one in the town could remember the kid. I was really excited about getting to see my player's reaction. Well, the three of them all looked at each other and declared that they were leaving because this town was, quote, too scary. Oh no! I was in shock. I did everything I could to stay from physically holding them back. I even had the matriarch who was secretly the BBEG and also has been established to not like the players, give them health potions and other gifts. Eventually I had to stop
Starting point is 00:51:04 and straight up tell them that since this is a one-shot, I didn't have anything outside of this town and that they needed to go back. I still rag on them to this day about it, but sometimes I wonder if I should have tried to work with their decision more or perhaps anticipated that they'd want to leave. I humbly throw myself at the court's feet, awaiting your rule. Okay, before we rule, I'll say, Murph that there is a public service here that I think that you need to do, which is this probably has happened at other tables before where there's a call to adventure and the players say, no, I'm too scared.
Starting point is 00:51:35 And then people are scrambling, you need to create a water park that if people don't want to do the adventure, you can just Google water park for coward. Yeah. B and D. And then you can be like, great, okay. And you just run that. Yeah. And you just run that.
Starting point is 00:51:52 And we'll make those booklets. Yeah. That's great. So this is tough, right? Because on the one hand, I'm like, I don't know, there does need to be some level of buy-in if you're gonna do like a horror thing. But this was, they were really quick to quit.
Starting point is 00:52:06 Yeah. This is very... It's not that scary. Yeah, it really isn't that scary. Maybe you put on really scary music, maybe you made the dream really haunting. Was it Halloween? Because it was... Were they primed to be scared already?
Starting point is 00:52:20 Right, because a missing kid isn't that scary. It's more urgent. Yeah. If it was the witching season, then like chances are good. People are just like predisposed to be scared. I guess for me as a relatively new D&D player, I hear missing kid and I go, oh, that's really sad. There have been, there's people killing their moms.
Starting point is 00:52:40 There's big monsters coming out of everywhere. I'm like, yeah, it's the same as all of this. Yeah, it's the same stuff. This is pretty impressive. I could see, yeah, if it was a situation where it was like, okay, you open the door and there's messages written in blood and somebody's like, I'm out, I can't do this. See that's fair.
Starting point is 00:53:00 But I think there is a certain level of buy-in with D&D where I think that if you're not willing to tolerate any Level of like spookiness Then you probably have to prep your DM, right? And just be like just say no if it's if there's tension I'm out And then the DM could always just use a sillier voice so you'd be like right and the kid was missing Yeah, so I guess the, so the strange thing, I guess like the thing that made it scary is that like
Starting point is 00:53:27 everyone in the town didn't remember the kid, right? Yeah, yeah. So you can see it, I mean we liked it. All of us liked it. I think you guys like it. Yeah, you like it. It's the right word there, right? Like do you have to warn your players
Starting point is 00:53:39 if the game is gonna be eerie? Unsettling. Was this the first time they had played D&D? This was not. Yeah, it was. It was the first time they had played D&D? This was not right? It was the first time, everybody's first time playing. Okay, all right. That makes more sense to me, because I think I have had to learn when my DM,
Starting point is 00:53:52 and I still don't know, is like telling me, do this thing, stop trying to go over there and go to the mall, go to the mall. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't build the mall. I didn't actually build the mall. But I'm like, but I want yous. Right.
Starting point is 00:54:08 Having to learn like, oh, the improviser queue that's like, actually do this thing. Yeah, yeah. Or whatever. And so I can understand that it's not clear on top. And you're like, oh, my character's going to die if I stay in this town. Bye.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Yeah, that is true. There is like a, I think like one of the big cells of D&D that you give to people, and it's not totally true, it's just be like, you can do anything. Right. So I think that is a little bit of a false. You can do anything within reasons. Yeah, absolutely. That's absolutely confused me and continues to confuse me as I ask Bren
Starting point is 00:54:38 and annoying questions about what I can do. And he goes, no, you cannot take my phone. Yeah, it's like, I mean, you can be efficient upon, like you can't leave the pond, and if there's a hook there, it's probably gonna be tasty and fun to go on the hook, not for the fish, but like for the adventure of it all. Right, yeah, I don't know, a little bit of a tough one. I think for like a one shot, it's pretty clear
Starting point is 00:54:59 that like you had this one thing set up and there's not really anything else to do. I wonder if your friends wanted to play D&D. Yeah. They might have just wanted to go to the water park. Yeah. And that's a different module. There's something about such a simple, easy, obvious call to adventure being like, no,
Starting point is 00:55:16 no thank you. They really might have just wanted to hang out and role play. Hero's journey, no thanks. They might have been part of my people, which is people like Chit Chat. Yeah. Eat snacks and Ch-play. Heroes journey, no thanks. They might have been part of my people, which is people like Chit Chat. Yeah. Eat snacks and Chit Chat. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:55:30 Which is its own adventure. Yeah, they're like, this is too scary. Where can we go to Chit Chat? Yeah, exactly. That's like a great thing to run, is like there's like a haunted town, but you're just trying to like get laid. You're just trying to like go on a couple of dates,
Starting point is 00:55:44 but like there is a haunting going on in the background and you just have to like make sure that you don't sleep in the haunted house. Or with a haunted man. Exactly. You just gotta avoid the donjon of this whole thing. I do, yeah, I feel like on both side, there's a little bit of like,
Starting point is 00:56:01 I think there maybe should have been a chat beforehand. To be like, what is, side there's a little bit of like I think there maybe should have been a chat beforehand. I do think that if you know I don't know if you were gonna play with a bunch of people you'd be like hey we're gonna do this sci-fi setting or hey we're gonna do this or like when you bring your character it'll be this type of thing which unfortunately I do think falls in the DM a little bit but I also do think that it's pretty bare minimum Earriness to just be like they don't remember what happened. Yeah, just kind of tap out at that You know like I think you'd need to tell your DM that you know
Starting point is 00:56:33 It's a little warn you damn for that if you look at the cover of the player's handbook. It looks a little frightened. Yeah I Sentence you all to a session zero. I sentence you all to a session I sent you all to a session zero. I sent you all to a session zero. That's a good punishment, right? Session zero is the way to go. Session zero. That's all that every single problem.
Starting point is 00:56:50 Really makes me laugh, picturing you sitting there with your three friends gathered around a table. You must have done such a good job being so creepy. Just being like, I don't recall. Yeah, I want you to damn for me. You probably killed it. Yeah, you did too hard. Congrats, I want you to damn for me. You probably killed it. You did it too hard.
Starting point is 00:57:05 Yeah, congrats. I mean, it sounds like you definitely did a good job of setting like an eerie vibe. Yeah. You should go to audition for roles and see. Yeah. Maybe you're an actor. Oh yeah, there's a chance that maybe there was like a loud
Starting point is 00:57:17 thunder strike outside, like right during a spooky line and they all jumped into each other's arms. Scooby-Doo style. Cool. Yeah, and you just can't come back from that. And if you want to be an actor, and you just can't come back from that. And if you want to be an actor, I can be your agent. Oh!
Starting point is 00:57:28 Nice. Okay. I can even the minority report us. Universe. You'll have to shave your head and be covered in milk. For your audition tape. Yeah, exactly. But I really think you'll get a callback.
Starting point is 00:57:44 But it's okay, your head's gonna be shaved, we're gonna keep it warm with a bucket hat. Wow. A really good punishment is to audition for Minority Report too. Right now, yeah. Afropo of nothing, because I'm an elephant.
Starting point is 00:57:56 Take. Okay, so ordered? So ordered. And with that, why don't we step into church and listen to a confession. Okay. Put on our tall papal bucket hats. Ooh, yes, I'm wearing that.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Is that okay with you, Murphy? Yes. Sort of like a cat in the hat, really. Which I was for Halloween one time. Whoa. Merce, light you. I'm lighter doing anything. He said I could have thing one, but not thing two.
Starting point is 00:58:24 Oh my God. He's so generous. He said I could have thing one but not thing two. Oh my god. He's so generous. He put thing two on a high shelf that I couldn't reach. I'm so tall and she's so small. Okay, Nathan J writes, I prostrate myself at the feet of Dice Christ's chosen extensions of his mercy and judgment. I fear I betrayed Dice Christ and my players. When I was deployed overseas,
Starting point is 00:58:49 I started my own game with my friends. We played very often, sometimes three times a week. One night, they begged me to play instead of going to the gym. I told them, roll a nat 20 and we'll play. Lo and behold, their first roll was a nat 20. Wow! They started screaming and I was speechless.
Starting point is 00:59:18 And it haunts me to this day. Did I betray Dicecrest and my players? And can I be forgiven or have I blasphemed beyond the point of redemption? I await your mercy or righteous fury. My friend, those gains won't last. You chose Delta over Dice. You can't do that. Yeah, we really can't do that. That's Delta over Dice.
Starting point is 00:59:38 We're gonna need a moment. We're gonna need a moment. Because yeah, we've said this before, don't ever leave anything up to a role if you can't handle what happens. We have this all the time, we're just like, I set this thing up and then my player rolled a nat 20. It's just like, why don't you tell them to roll if they can't do it or whatever. You chose to lift for yourself instead of lifting up your partner's hands. Oh my god.
Starting point is 01:00:02 Hear her, hear her. You were bulking your gains but not bulking your partners. Oh my God. Hear her, hear her. You were bulking your gains, but not bulking your friendship. Yeah. You were cutting your friendship. That's right. Okay, so I think.
Starting point is 01:00:15 You were taking your workout to the next level, but you should have been having level up. Come on, get there. Get there. Get there. Get there, dude. Getting some experience points some experience points so that you could achieve another level. Take your time. Get up there, man. Extrash. Get your own.
Starting point is 01:00:33 He's vomiting. He's vomiting. He's vomiting. He's vomiting. He's vomiting. He's vomiting pure Gatorade. Wow. Okay. All right. I think we're going to need some penance. I think you need to bench press bags of D20s. Whoa. Yeah, or a 1,000 D20s or four gallons of balcony side. Or you have to squat with a D4 under each foot.
Starting point is 01:00:58 Oh! Oh! Oh! Wow. On the back heel? OK, nice. Oh, you have to use your strong butt cheeks to roll. Oh, shit. Whoa. Oh. wow. On the back heel? Okay, nice. You have to use your strong butt cheeks to roll. Oh, wait.
Starting point is 01:01:08 Guys, we're fucking onto something here. Are we? Are we? Get there? Get there? So think about it. Take your time, but get there. Go on.
Starting point is 01:01:18 Oh, no. It's spinning up D20s. Get there to somebody to get to the punchline. That's such. He's picking up D20. Get there to somebody to get to the punchline. That's such a bad, unsupportive thing to do. I'm so rude. Koggle, get there. Get there, dude.
Starting point is 01:01:34 You were saying some kind of D29 is bullshit. Get there. It's not going to take your time, but get there. Get there, dude. We've been, yeah, we've teased in this for minutes now, dude. There's a cockroach in my mouth. I don't know how I got there. Get there.
Starting point is 01:01:46 D20 medicine balls, that was all it was going to say. Whoa. D20 plyo balls? Yeah. Wow. So I guess like start like a D20. Start a business. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:56 Yeah. Start a Dungeons and Dragons. Dungeons and Dragons. Because I think the Dojo Decahedron isn't copyrighted. Oh, Dojo Decahedron. Whoa. Yay. We got it.
Starting point is 01:02:04 We got this. We got this. Did we? So good. You're right. Yeah. Oh dojo decahedron We got I read Let's go ahead and wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening I can head on over to our patreon to listen to our bonus episode over on patreon.com Slash NAD pod that's any any DD POD don't sing yet. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.
Starting point is 01:02:28 Don't do it. Thank you to our guest, Rekha. Rekha, do you have anything you'd like to plug? Oh my God, watch Digman on Paramount Plus. Yeah! And check me out on socials. I'm at Rekha El Shunker on TikTok and Twitter. And then Rekha underscore us on Instagram.
Starting point is 01:02:46 Just do it. Great. And just look out into the ocean and you'll be there. And you'll see, if you wanna say hi, you can say hi, you can try to catch me on a wave. Totally tubular, so nice. It's really, you'll be able to see me in my bright clothes. Holy shit, she's in a barrel.
Starting point is 01:03:02 I'm in the barrel again. It's blinding. You can follow the rest of us on social media, they were made right now used, at Teen First Meet, at E-Ax for Demily, at Jaker, what's his Jake? At Caldy? Caldy is Cal- What the fuck, man? I've been in the wrong order, I don't know.
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Starting point is 01:09:00 Jackson, our official net Flanders, Blake H searching for a sweet blue hole with his bestie Big Bev, Popo Skydays, Mimos Skydays, oh it's V, Tommy W, Mike and Lisa sending love to y'all, Haley the Human, Megan N, the Big M, Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Jake's Ramen Shop, RIP, Melchior the Brave Lion and Warrior, who even cares about the rest of the party, Karjish, Benjamin A, Sacrificial Otaku, pen name for Callie's cousin who discovered anime and is trying to spread the word all over Bahumia, Jiggy, M, Mikkel, A, Josh, H, let's combine into Ultimate Mega Yakmazord 9000, Froki, Maple, the shy bookworm, Ashley, Seth E, Billy. Billy B. Tori the dragoose son of Thomas
Starting point is 01:09:47 the blind bisexual goose by icon and father of 69 signets the real goose look him up. Alright. Sock Monkey Bob Ilclatorae di Signora Grigia Michael L.S. Jacob P. Nova cry Par parcel Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg, Joshua F Darius D, Troy's mom, and of course, Vin Diagram. Thank you everybody.

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