Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Pre-Cog Milk Bath (w/ Rekha Shankar)
Episode Date: March 1, 2024Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford and Guest Justice Rekha Shankar (as well as Bailiff DonJon Hurwitz) as they convene to pass judgement on your trials ...at the table!Follow Rekha on Twitter, TikTok and Instagram!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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For anyone that needs poop.
Okay.
Needs poop removed.
Bad start, bad start to the episode.
Really sorry everybody.
We are your Supreme Crit Justices,
Murphy, Axford and Tanner,
joined of course by the Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli.
Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli Loli.
That's funny.
Balef J. Kerwitz.
Happy to be here. And also, we have a very special guest judge Lillilililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililililil Oh, God, I'm so sorry that we hear that. Once you read this oath, which, oh, wow, I'm so jealous.
I would love to read that.
I can just start reading this?
Yeah, you read that, and then once you're sworn in,
you can actually be really mean to me.
You can be mean to Jake.
You don't have to be polite anymore.
Oh, awesome.
Well, before I read this then, Jake, I admire your work.
I think you're really nice.
Wow.
I think you're just a great guy. You're great. Get ready. I love to read this then Jake, I admire your work. I think you're really nice. I think you're just a great guy
Get ready
Wait, maybe don't read it. A lot of those columnettes were pretty vague
Do you think if a coming of Justice is gonna change Reika? I doubt it. No
I Reika Schunger do you solemnly swear that I will support and defend the players
as well as the DMs against all enemies,
foreign and domestic,
that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same,
that I take this obligation of my own volition,
that I will be well and faithfully,
that I will be well, I guess I will be well,
but that I will well and faithfully embark
upon this noble pursuit of justice.
So help me, gods.
Yes, wellness is important here.
I really believe in that for all of us.
And maybe Jake too.
No, Jake is on well.
You don't still admire my work?
Never. What work, Jake?
You look like my great guy.
Haven't seen it.
Welcome, Raycad to the Supreme Crit.
Here you hear you, Crit is now in session.
The honorable Supreme Crit Justice's
Axford Murphy Tanner and Shankar presiding.
And our first case comes from page S, page writes,
to the darling darling judges
and that little fart of a bailiff.
JJ the jet plane.
We present to you the case. That little fart of a bailiff, JJ the jet plane. Okay, we present to you the case.
That little fart.
He's a little fart. He's not even a big one.
Not even a big one.
Yeah, I keep the poop bags around in case of Jake,
honestly.
Not even a wet fart.
Not even a shark.
You wouldn't even need a bag for a shake.
He's just a little butt whistle.
He's just a little, a son of a little fart.
Not even silent but deadly's just a little butt whistle. He's just a little, a son of a little fart.
Not even silent but deadly, just a little noise.
We present to you the case of the never-ending pregame lore.
The two of us have a grievance against our DM.
A dear friend of ours is preparing to launch his newest campaign and we have just begun
the character creation.
He has teased that he wanted to try something new for his lore and we were curious.
He is a very creative guy.
Judges, what we are about to tell you is completely true. What initially looked like two lore documents turned out
to be a labyrinth of hidden links to more documents, which contained hidden links to
more documents. There was one page written entirely in Elvish, which was a Piazza. The trend is making an interactive website. This is kind of a text adventure. Yeah, you're getting house relieved.
There was one page written entirely in Elvish, which was a PNG, so we could not copy and
paste it into a translator.
What?
Instead we had to find within his lore a seven page translation guide so we could translate
it by hand.
Judges, we shit you not, there were 25 total documents, most of which were multiple pages
long.
And to make matters worse, within all this intricate world lore is very little actual
information useful to character creators.
The only saving grace is that he claims that we don't need to find all of the hidden documents
so that each PC comes in with different knowledge about the world.
Two of us have stopped looking, to your result.
The rest of the party seems to love it,
but they're all freelancers or contract workers.
Oh!
While two of us work full-time jobs,
we've a seat you, Wyethans.
Are we weaklings who cannot handle the lore,
or are we right in thinking this is too damn much?
Just, your DM clearly just wants to play Mist.
Just play Mist.
Just play Mist.
Go on the island, push the button.
Push the button, just fun.
Talk to the guy in the book.
This is like a mystery box game.
It does seem like this would be fun
if this was the whole game, right?
Yes.
Or like make a little adventure,
like escape room or something.
Make a meow wolf.
Make your own meow wolf.
Yeah, make a meow wolf.
Oh, I love that.
Well, I think because a couple of the people
are enjoying it, we can't write this off because people are enjoying it.
But these are contractors.
Yeah, but they're-
I didn't like that.
I didn't like that.
Petty, simple contractors, brainless.
They couldn't handle a nine to five on me.
Is it possible that I don't think that we could weigh in on this
till we know how much this DM expects you to know the lore.
Well, the DM said you don't have to know everything, but it sounds like at the
very least they expect you to know some of the hundred pages of the document.
I mean, this is the thing about a paper escape room is you don't, you can just
walk right out. You're not trapped in there. You can just choose to stop reading it.
This is interesting. This DM might get off on a technicality.
I send everyone, before we start,
like a 10 page single spaced lore email,
and I was mad that you didn't read every single word of it.
That's weird.
That's not okay.
But if I do that, and then I'm like, whatever.
Yeah.
If you do that, and you're like, read it or don't. I don't give a fuck.
There's a couple wars that happened 10,000 years before the start of the campaign
and if you guys want to know about that, cool.
Are you going to ultimately be rewarding these, excuse me, but freelancers?
Don't say that word. That's a dirty word.
Freelancers, aka free loaders, Who have the time to read all the lore.
Because you're saying it doesn't matter, you don't have to read all the lore.
But then there are some people who will read all the lore
and might get DM favour from that.
These disgusting contractors might be billing for their time.
They might be counting Mrs. Work-Owers with it.
Oh my god, what are they billing?
But are we charging, are we doing what they did in that Tom Cruise movie that I can't remember right now
but where they charge for future crimes? My naughty report?
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. I think that we haven't seen it play out yet.
Right. So we can't say for sure. So I think we have no option but to sentence the freelance.
Yeah.
That's actually a really good point. We have no option.
I mean we have no option.
I do.
I feel like this is clearly between the DM
and the players here.
It's like the person watching outside the play house
that you sentence them.
Yeah.
I wonder if there's often don't have enough rights
so we can kind of get that.
But they might have enough time to go to trial.
Yeah, that's true.
Whereas the nine to five people, they probably have a ton of kids.
We don't know.
We could also do a minority report type thing and fill up your bathtub with milk, put Caldwell
in there for a bit, and then see if they're the pre-cox.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where they were in milk?
Yeah.
I think they were in milk. Yeah, it looks like milk
It's like electrified milk. All right. I think I only knew
The like tagline of the movie about future crime and I've never seen it
What you guys are talking about with the milk?
I'm gonna be honest. I haven't seen it either you haven't seen it
But I would love to get into a bathtub full of milk. Here's the the thing I have two siblings we could all shave our heads get in a milk
Right there are three yeah, and then I could be a pre-called and then like I could just determine you could kind of use like my
Vertic to like influence the court like I just like spring out of the electrified milk and say guilty
Charge the freelance people in the milk
Tell you yeah, they tell her they tell not cruise what crime is gonna happen
Okay
There's a little marble
Yeah, we have to
Telling me by saying people get naked get into milk and see the
It's a privilege wait so there's three people
There's three people who don't have rights, but have privileges and get in the milk right and learn
They were
People that are like kind of their they were born in the milk. They're all in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk.
They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. They're always in the milk. Is what Tom Cruise fighting for the right for everyone to get into milk? That's actually a really interesting question
I think that it comes up in the sequel
Yeah, minority report to
Majority report
It's all about like the free will to get in the milk or not get in the milk
And that's kind of the the central question of the film is,
am I guilty before I've committed the crime?
Do I need to live in milk or can I choose
whether I want to get out of the milk?
These are kind of like the dual questions being asked.
Tom Cruise gets a red marble that says he committed a crime
and he's got to run.
Or that he's going to commit a crime.
I knew it, I knew it.
He's going to commit a crime.
And then he's like, well, then these precogs
must be compromised or cog-promised.
Because I'm not going to commit a crime, but then it's like, well, all of the peoples must be compromised or cog-promised because I'm not gonna commit a crime.
But then it's like, well, all of the people
we already put in jail for their future crimes,
maybe they're all innocent.
Exactly.
This sounds like such a sick movie.
Thanks for describing this.
It kind of rips.
Maybe it doesn't hold up,
but I remember really liking it at the time.
Okay, so since we don't know,
we don't know who to sentence here.
I think we can sentence the people who submitted
and the DM, all three of them,
needs to get into a bath of milk.
I thought you were gonna say just watch minority report.
What if they get into a milk bath and watch minority report?
That's, how about this?
Instead of watching it,
we all just describe it to them while overlapping
with each other. We just did, I think.
Yeah, but we just do that again.
We're all in this hot milk tub.
Hot?
It's got to be hot.
It's got to be hot.
Unfortunately, it has to be hot.
Oh my god.
And not hot enough to be enjoyable,
just hot enough to curdle it.
Oh my god.
It's a bit milk tub.
So we're in there.
We're describing the plot of Minority Report.
We're doing a bad job, but we are going
to keep describing it for the runtime.
So it's fiction.
So we'd have to do something different
We don't watch it again to remember half us have not seen it half us on them
One of us sort of knows what's going on, but he's really focusing on the mill
That's a later tonight when Murph walks in on me in the bathtub, and I'm filled with milk
I'm like get out of here! Get out of here!
Get out of here! I'm thinking of crying!
Get out of here! You're crying here! I'm thinking of crying!
Get out of here! You're in a personal club.
Call divination, dude!
Alright, so I think we've come up with the punishment.
Yes, we haven't decided...
So here's what I'm gonna say. I do agree that if the DM hits you with a very long
lore email that's very intimidating, however, the fact that it's optional, I think makes it fine.
You think they're absolved?
I think that slaps.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's proven by the fact that some people are into it.
Right.
Some people are into it. And I think you won't know if this is an offense until you start
the game and find out how much you're being punished for not doing it.
This is future crime.
Yeah, this is future crime. And Tom Cruise learned his lesson in that movie,
we can't make the same mistake.
But you know what, you can resubmit
if the DM does end up giving them favoritism.
Yeah.
And then we'll punish everyone.
He just like receives a marble.
Yeah.
And it's like a serious marble.
It's a serious, yeah.
Okay, let me describe, let me lay it out for you.
Can I guess, if someone who's never seen it? Yeah, yeah, let me let me describe. Let me lay it out for you.
Can I guess if someone who's never seen it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so this is what happens. Basically, one of the
PsyCakes gets out of the milk, usually when there's not a crime.
It's a white marble. But then Tom Cruise is like,
am I gonna do crimes today? And he goes to hand to get his
handful of marbles to find out if he was a good or not. And he gets a marble and then he opens his hand up and he goes to get his handful of marbles to find out if he was a good or not.
And he gets a marble and then he opens his hand up and he sees that it's red and he's
kind of shaking.
Almost that.
See there's lasers involved and they're etching the crime onto the marble for no reason at
all.
And Tom Cruise is wearing some really cool gloves that allow him to manipulate a 3D computer
and like a little red marble shows up and that's how he knows like where the crime is
being committed. And I just want to say this for anyone who
hasn't come to this revelation like I did just about three seconds ago, Minority
Report is different from Mission Impossible. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's important to remember.
And is that wrong? Should they be the same movie? Yes, I think so. It's the same lead I feel we have just combined them and saved everybody a little bit
Yeah, I feel like we could combine them and then it also makes the mission impossible franchise have more sequels
Simon peg and he's naked and in the milk and he's like oh just be crying been happened in it
Okay, so ordered so absolutely everyone understands In it, in it, in it. In it. We kind of had to order it. So ordered.
So ordered.
So absolutely ordered.
I think everyone understands.
We're all on the same page here.
I think I figured it out.
And I think the people who were punished forgot about what we were talking about earlier,
just like we did.
And our next case comes from Dylan B to the Honorable Judges and the Sweet Baeliff Cake.
I bring the cake from the Dorn's Mop.
Thank you for that.
I forgot about the cake thing.
In my first long form game,
I gave my player a plus one mop as a joke
for getting a Nat 20 on an investigation check
where there was truly nothing to be found.
He ran with this, wanting it to be a double sided Darth Ma
like a Star Wars lightsaber.
Or like a really long cheerleader pom-pom.
Precisely.
I can't stress enough how much I hate this mom that I gave him and he knows it, but it
makes him happy so I live with it.
The problem is that he wants the mop in every game I run now.
Can someone, Justice Murphy, I beg you, tell this madman that he can't have his double
ended lightsaber mop.
I had an opinion actually.
It's weird that you sing of that first for this one.
I defer to golf.
You usually were on the same side of that thing.
How many sides do you think the mop should have?
That's the starter.
I think it should be a mop star with foreheads.
I want to get the Rekateka on this one.
I think it sounds like you were being fun as the DM,
and you gave your little player a little cookie,
and I think that's really cute and nice,
and he wants the cookie to be 10 cakes.
And I think that's not okay.
And you're kind of like,
hey man, you haven't swallowed the one cookie I gave you.
Yeah, I can see it in your mouth.
Think of how fun if you could find a way
to just keep this mop at the low power level it is,
and find a way to use it later on rather
than trying to make it a super mop. Like how fun, this is the improviser in me,
like take the little nugget and then be like, oh it did come in handy later
for some stupid thing. I think that restraint is missing here. Okay, here's
the petty thing you could try. Try giving everyone else better weapons. I can't see if they're suddenly ready for it.
The other people in the party find, you know,
like axes and swords and stuff,
and they're really good, they have really good stats.
Maybe they're swords.
Maybe all the enemies are really clean already,
so the mop just doesn't do any extra.
It doesn't do anything.
It doesn't do anything.
Whoa.
Specify, make a world that is already really clean.
Resist the temopi damage. Resist into mopping damage.
Resist into mopping damage.
Yeah.
So to be clear, so the double-sided mop, I would assume, is just got the mop on both
sides of it.
Both sides, yeah.
Yeah, right, yeah.
Rather than the handle, which would be less dangerous.
Which is actually a really good idea for a mop.
Yeah.
Because I know like you're mopping.
Right.
And it gets dirty and then you have to wring it out.
But you can actually, rather than wring it out,
you could squeeze.
Could you imagine how dirty you would get?
You could, and then it gets,
all the dirt gets on your shirt.
And then it gets on your shirt.
And then it gets on your shirt.
And then you wear, we sell those shirts.
Right, we sell those shirts.
That's good.
Art, yeah.
What are you cleaning up?
It's a bunch of milk.
Here's your mopping shirt.
Yeah.
Because you're cleaning up after the pre-cocked.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, gotcha. Because up after the pre-cocked moped. Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, you're not gonna.
Because now they can get out if they want to.
They're spilling milk everywhere.
Someone has to clean that tank.
Each side of this mop can soak up an entire tub of milk.
That would be a cool power.
Yeah.
Imagining joylessly mopping while another mop head
is spilling.
Wait, no, you just need a special hat. You just need like an upside down umbrella.
Interesting. A bucket hat.
It came up organically. Okay, everyone needs to describe context. We're doing a bucket hat bit before we started recording. It's not a bit, Murph. I actually want one. I don't know why you won't take Emily seriously.
And the bit is also that I won't, that I quote, won't let Emily buy a bucket hat.
Which isn't real. She can buy the bucket hat if she wants.
And I will.
Yes. And you should.
And that's fine. Murph, your trad values have no place here.
Yeah, truly. I had no idea.
Women can wear bucket hats. I'm gonna wear a bucket hat with two cute little braids
and you're gonna change your tune on bucket hats.
Don't do cute braids. I have a tune.
I can't change my tune when I don't have one.
What were we talking about? The double-sided mob. I mean, I really think that you should just try to give everyone else better weapons and see if they
The more you can do to remind this player that they have a mop is probably good. See I feel like normally I do want to be on board with this mop thing
But this is just classic kung fu shenanigans where like Jackie Chan's gonna use that mop for one fight
But it's gonna get broken.
Like that mop's not gonna last.
It's not durable enough.
Who knows what would happen if you gave up the mop.
What else could be out there?
Oh, you're holding yourself back.
Two-sided broom.
Two-sided swiffer.
Two-sided swiffer.
A Roomba mountain.
Yeah, I think that's the problem.
You haven't gone far enough into the cleaning thing. Yeah, imagine a stick with two Roombas.
The custodian class?
I'm here to clean up the dirt.
I'm kind of sick, I don't hate it.
Just imagine like an orc who's spick and span,
just like so clean, so absolutely shining,
not a speck of dirt on him.
Oh, your attacks are useless against me.
So we're really against the player.
Because the player took a fun little joke
and just beat it to death.
Yeah, wants to use it in other campaigns outside of this.
And so I think we've come up with a good punishment,
which is I think you give your other players
Roomba's Darth Maul Roomba's.
Yeah, okay.
Throw it in their face.
Either way you want to do it, you can do a stick with a Roomba on each side, or you
can do episode one branded Roombas, which I do think is kind of cool.
I mean, R2-D2, we don't know what he's doing.
He's kind of just a Roomba.
They simply must have like an R2-D2 themed Roomba.
I'm sure.
They should.
If they don't, if they don't, they should.
I really should.
We should make them do.
Yeah.
He's not like super litigious or anything, are they?
They'll never find us.
Yes.
They'll never.
They don't know where we post from.
Yeah, dude.
Well, we'll all have to move to Sweden.
Yeah, I'm sure.
The podcast stopped. They made R2-D2 Roombas and fled. Yeah. Dude, we'll all have to move to Sweden
Podcasts stop they made our to do two broom buzz and flat
They doubled down on it. They wouldn't stop production
Okay, so that settles that how do we punish Murph for not letting Emily have a bucket?
I would say the punishment is Emily gets a bucket But I think that would actually like Murph would go so nuts
Yeah
I think that I get I get three bucket hats and I change which one is on top every day.
Oh.
It's kind of like it's sort of a ceremonial thing.
I wake up and I switch so that the different one is on top.
How about Murph is like your hat rack and he's got like seven bucket hats on his head?
Yeah, I think he should have to wear like an uncool hat.
Yeah. I think I think he should have to wear like an uncle
You know having seven because you can only ever get super mad at one by the end of the day
It refreshes the rage
My to be my bucket hat hat rack
So I have one for every day of the week and he's wearing the other six I'm wearing Murph to be my bucket hat hat rack.
So I have one for every day of the week and he's wearing the other six, I'm not wearing.
The most brutal punishment we've ever doled out.
All right, Murph is the bucket buddy, got it.
Okay, so bucketed.
Hey there, NAD polls.
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Our next case comes from Scott W.
Scott W writes,
To the beautiful, beautiful judges
and the lowly, low-key, lazy, loveless bailiff.
Whoa!
I plead my case.
One of our players in a long-running Eberron campaign
came across the deck of many things.
Having bought the fancy new set of cards,
I eagerly brought the set to our next session.
Nice.
Needless to say, it did not end well.
Yeah.
In a total of seven draws, four of them
were either Don John or The Void.
Since our DM claimed that once a player drew their cards, they
rejoined the deck. It ended up with our entire party being zorped away and leading to an
impromptu end to our campaign. In the days since, we've been questioning the likelihood
of all of us drawing the worst cards imaginable. Was our DM correct in reshuffling the cards
back and punishing us for our hubris? Or was foul play involved? Also, will DiceKraiz
forgive me for bringing
the nicely minted cards to the session,
urging us to continue drawing cards?
Thanks in advance and may Baba Yaga not take you this night.
Wow.
Okay, so deck of many things we know,
the void is the one where you just get like
sucked into a gem.
The void actually, your soul is drawn from your body
and contained in an object in a place of the DM's choice.
So just your soul is put in.
Okay, oh, then it's fine.
Two of the people's souls got, okay.
As long as I'm a shell, that's fine.
That's kind of, I'm not gonna do this to you.
Yeah, as long as the object is a bucket hat, I'm fine.
Yeah.
The work will allow it.
Yeah, my soul is in a bucket hat already.
Yeah.
As long as I look hot in my bucket hat, I don't give a Yeah, my soul is in a bucket hat already
As long as I look hot in my bucket hat
Imagine Frankenstein with a bucket hat
Which is the only thing that matters if you're Jack. See how hot Frank inside the mech is?
So bare.
So enormous.
And then I've got some info on our man Don John.
You disappear and become entombed in a state of suspended animation in an extra-dimensional
sphere.
So that one's kind of closer to the gym.
That's the one where you get sucked into a gym essentially.
Wow.
So seven draws, four of them
were either dodge on or destroy.
So now let's weigh in on if you,
does it specify if the cards go back into the deck
under the description.
They might have updated the rules for that new set
that came out, I'm just looking online.
But I think from what we vaguely remember,
we can make a call, right?
Once a card is drawn, it fades from existence. Unless the card is the fool or the jester,
the card reappears in the deck,
making it possible to draw the same card twice.
Oh!
So they did change it.
It's back into the deck.
Wow.
It seems, and correct me if I'm wrong,
fucking impossible to play.
Yes!
If everybody's stuck in another dimension.
Yeah.
Can I suggest if anyone out there is like,
hey, I'm really sick of DMing,
my players are being really evil,
you could just stack the deck of many things
to be all bad and then get rid of your board.
Yeah, Don Jones.
Oh, the dude who's really excited about the mop.
Oh, you're in a sphere, you're gone.
Pick a card reveal, it's 25 Don John's.
Oh, you didn't read my lore maze.
You and your mop are in a gym now.
Your soul is gone.
You fell for it, the quadruple Don John operation.
That is statistically tough, but statistically possible.
Yeah, I mean it is possible.
How many Don Johns and Void cards are in the deck?
What are their 21 cards in there?
Okay, so there are 22 cards.
Okay.
22 cards.
I thought it was like full on 52 cards.
That's not wild.
I mean, how many times have we rolled, you know,
a two twice in a row or a one a couple times in a row?
I don't know who we can rule against in this though.
Well, I mean, on a- The DM was technically correct that the a couple times in a row. I don't know who we can rule against in this though. Well, I mean on a-
The DM was technically correct that the cards reappear in the deck.
I mean, I think this person is essentially accusing their DM of stacking the deck.
Of stacking the deck.
Are these future crimes?
Yeah, we just-
Oh my god.
We're not even top cruises in Minority Report, okay?
I'll draw the book fast.
My hand is shaking looking at the red bead.
No pre-crime here.
Marvel. We cannot try you for pre-crime.
My fingerless gloves look so good.
But there's another thing that, and I don't know if they've updated it at all,
because apparently now they're like printing and selling the real cards,
but there was a time where you had to declare how many cards you were pulling.
But if it's different characters, they could pull the same card.
Like, it disappears and it goes back in the deck.
So the deck does not get depleted.
The same person cannot draw the same card twice,
I don't think, because I believe you say like,
I'm gonna draw two cards and then they give you two cards.
In that moment, you can't have a duplicate
because there's only two physical cards.
So I think if it's set in there, like I got sent away and then someone used a wish
spell to bring me back and got it again.
That's not cool.
This has the energy of somebody sitting at a Blackjack table.
NBA.
I got it.
I got a 20.
How did the fucking dealer get a 21?
Yeah.
This is impossible.
Yeah.
Rika, have you encountered the deck of many things in any of your?
I've never seen it. Yeah. Rika, have you encountered the Deck of Many Things in any of your? I've never seen it, but I'm really interested
in this sort of card counting,
the rotation of it, where it's like,
does the house always win
and all your players are stuck in a gem.
It is a game ruiner.
It is a campaign, potential campaign ruiner.
Yeah, I'm sure.
This one has an impromptu end to the campaign.
You know, I'm a new justice. I'm new to the deck of many things, but I wonder if everybody
just kind of needs to take some time in a gem.
Yes!
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
Oh my god, maybe this DM is like about to go on like Paternity or Maternity Wave and
they're like, oh shit, you're all in gems.
Uh oh.
And we'll all be back in six to eight weeks.
This is actually a great question.
Like if you could have your soul severed
or your body placed in the gym.
Yes, 100%.
Yes, yes.
And you're in.
Easy, never had an easier question.
I'm like, all right, so time works differently.
Like you get like a little time in the gym.
Like your body is just like ragdolled
for an indefinite amount of time,
but time is moving differently inside the gym.
Let's say maybe like-
Is there milk in there or no?
There's so much milk in there, you get milk.
You get like a week in the gym
and that's like a whole day
where your body is just ragdolled, do you do it?
I don't think I do it because I think my mind
without my fingers to express myself would go absolute.
My mind and my fingers are interconnected.
Yeah.
It's huge right?
I need my fingers.
And you'd be separated from your bucket hat.
Would you be like a ghost?
Yeah, you'd be like a ghost.
Could I get work done in the gym?
Yeah, that's what I'm wondering.
What are the benefits?
It's just that I'm away from my body for a week?
Is there anything that's good about it?
Well, I think you get a week and a day.
You're contracted in the gym for one week. Yeah, yeah
Theoretically so theoretically I'll give you an example right?
Episodes take a while to edit the game. I'm gonna say take a while to edit so I could just put myself in my bed
Right transfer my soul to a gem sit there
In the gem, edit for a week, and then get out
and only a day has passed.
No, no, Wi-Fi in the gem, man.
Oh, they know!
They know!
Only if I turn the time out in the gem into a work vacation.
Can I bring a book?
Yeah, you can bring a book.
Yeah, you can bring a book.
Like, there's a lot of...
You can...
Can I bring a journal?
Yeah, for sure.
Can I bring a TV?
Can I bring my dog in my car?
You're not awkward, my God.
Everything you want. Everything you want can be in there. Can I bring all my work? Yeah for sure. Can I bring a TV? Can I bring my dog and my car?
You're not awkward, my God.
Everything you want can be in there.
Can I bring all my work?
My work, my husband.
Wait, this is just turning into my house.
Oh, can I bring my house?
Yeah, your house is there, but you can't.
You can have a little room.
If you can have a little room.
No, you can't bring your car.
I think if you could have a little room,
I would consider doing it.
But yeah, I think that would be maybe not fun.
I think you'd regret it a day and you'd be like,
I'm getting so much work done.
And you'd be like, I don't want to be in here.
It's a staycation, right?
That's what we're talking about.
I look at the staycation and like, what is it, a ruby?
It could be any sort of gym is the thing.
Okay, petition for.
No, it has to be a Ruby.
It is a Ruby that I'm in.
Everyone to change the Don John card to be a staycation.
Yeah, I think so.
With a man named Don John.
Like, look at the positive.
I challenge you to sort of look at the positive.
Your character is trapped in a gem.
Oh, boo-hoo.
Actually, yeah, that's a much better hypothetical.
So like, you're in the gym, you can get work done, but Don John is there and he's going
to try and slap the flash drive away.
No!
Without ejecting it properly.
He's like, man, come on!
You gotta chill!
This is free time, brother!
So it's not a staycation, it's you're staying with Don John.
You're at Don John's Airbnb and you're like, you're never going to see me.
And he's there!
I don't like when the host is there.
Okay, staycation on an Airbnb hosted by Don John.
I think it could also be the punishment.
And it's like you clipped like entire place
but Don John does live there.
He does live there.
He like lives in the basement
and is acting like the rest of the house.
And he's like, oh, I'm never in the main space.
But he's always in the main space.
Dora, there's a baby gate between the basement and upstairs.
But he's just climbing on top of it, okay?
He's doing the front.
So I gotta come up and use the bathroom.
I think I'm number one down there
because I have a jug, but I'm number two.
It's a railroad set up to the bathroom.
I just take a lot of shit.
Oh shit, were you asleep?
Three AM shit in a railroad Airbnb.
Oh no.
This makes me wanna make a joke version of the entire deck of metal. I think that sounds really fun.
Ooh, wow.
Okay, so from what we know, technically it is possible to draw these cards again.
And also it does say that they kept drawing them, right?
Yeah, and it sounds like they were drawing them from a deck that this player brought in so you know
that they weren't rigged.
So it's decked, yeah.
If you're drawing multiple cards,
the idea that out of six or seven people
that you draw the same card twice is not weird at all.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
We have to acknowledge this person's heartbreak though,
because you are having so much fun with your D&D group
that you guys find a deck of many things and then you make a little deck
You show up with the fresh cards. Yeah, and you guys slowly just realize that your campaign is over
Cool prompt though
In a thousand years you guys all break loose
And the world has been destroyed and you need to save it
But your skin is glowing I know that's nice. And the world has been destroyed and you need to save it.
But your skin is glowing.
You have been rested.
You are so relaxed.
You and Don John patch things up and you wrote a novel together.
You've been good.
One novel in a thousand years.
That's actually not that bad.
With Don John bothering you?
Yeah, that's how long it takes.
A thousand years.
I have an idea for the middle of the book.
Yeah, for the middle.
I have more of an idea.
That's not helpful at all, dude.
That's not helpful at all.
You right, I'm gonna play basketball.
Alright, so we're punishing the player?
I think, well...
I think we're saying that it sounds think well punishing the player we have
Sounds like they did it according to the rules. Yeah, but it sounds like the players already been punished
Kind of like yeah, I guess we had to put them in a gem with Don John
Play the reboot of their characters. Like the, when they all flip up. What about something I know?
They have to suffer.
They just deserve a heavy.
Isn't there like a surf company
or something called like Ron Johns?
Hmm.
Oh yeah.
Is it Ron Johns?
You're asking the right people for that.
Actually Jake does surf.
You do?
Yeah I do, but I don't know anything about Ron Johns.
Okay.
I'm kind of going back in my memory.
What did I do last week?
And what was the brand of all the stuff I bought? And it was probably Ron Johns. I'm kind of going back in my memory. What did I do last week and what was the brand of all the stuff I bought?
And it was probably Ron John's.
Yeah.
I was the last board I was spreading.
I was just going to say maybe you could just be stuck in a giant Ron John's for a while.
Bucket hat with a chin strap so when I go surfing.
It's day.
The hat with the strap.
They do have a bucket hat.
At Ron John?
Murph, it's $22.
How? We just get it. Get it for all of us. Get it for Ron John a bucket hat at Ron John Murph. It's $22
I
Potters clay color
Really, these players all do have to buy Ron John's bucket hats, but not this one. This one's mine. That one's already gone
How many colors are there? How many colors are there?
It's actually a pretty dull hat.
It's not a dull hat.
It's a Potter's hat.
I would say that it exudes the surf lifestyle as I understand it.
I would say it looks sun-fated.
Right, so there is that.
But Rhaegha, your surf lifestyle is kind of more bright.
It's very aggro.
Neon yellows, kind of putrid greens.
Yeah.
Neon yellows are...
So you can find me, you catch me in the ocean.
You can see me from far away.
Oh, shit, Rhaegar's a bitch.
How many bucket hats do you need to see in one group
to assume that they're a cult?
I'm thinking like three, right?
Two.
Two.
Yeah.
Two to me is like, oh wow, they're either best friends
or like a couple and they're just like vibing
on each other's energy real strong.
Three, absolutely, you're very into cult.
It might be like one is already a pattern, you know?
And then two's the cult.
Yeah.
What if you're at, okay, taking this to something
we've talked about before, which is like,
if you're at a restaurant, everyone else is doing something
how long before you start questioning yourself.
So go back to that old question.
If you're at a nice restaurant, everyone there
is wearing bucket hats, but like, deadly serious?
Do you talk to the waiter about it?
I love chit chat.
I love to chit chat.
I'll absolutely be like, hey, is there like a bucket hat thing?
Yeah.
So right away.
Before I'm even seated, I go to the host.
I'm so sorry.
I forgot my bucket hat.
Do you guys loan that?
Do you have any?
Do you have another question off of that?
I'm a size.
Yeah, do you have a dinner bucket hat?
Do you have a dinner bucket hat? Imagine you're at the same restaurant. Everyone's wearing a bucket hat. You not having a bucket hat, do you have a dinner bucket hat? So imagine you're at the same restaurant, everyone's wearing a bucket hat.
You not having a bucket hat, but you go to your seat and there's a bucket hat on the chair.
Do you put it on?
Okay, headlights is a thing.
Yeah, but did it have a plastic liner?
Oh good question.
It's not fresh.
Oh.
But it looks like, it smells like it's just been like dried. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't look rank and it doesn't smell bad. But it's not fresh. Oh, it looks like it smells like it's just been like dried. Yeah
Everyone else is wearing almost everyone else almost everyone else. Yeah, I fucking put it on I think if it's not, you know
Cuz like we go to hotels, right? Yeah
We do
Put your feet no slippers after after you surf you go to when I after I'm, you go to a hotel. After I'm done, I go to a hotel.
I soak right in the bed.
I dry off because I know those sheets are clean.
You can just like sneak in when someone's leaving.
You don't even have to pay for the hotel.
No.
That's true.
Yeah.
You go, hi, I was just here.
I left my watch up there.
You live here sometimes.
I'm soaking up my watch up there. He lives here sometimes. You're soaking him.
Yeah, I'm soaking wet.
My watch is up there.
Yeah.
Okay, so we're punishing these players.
They have to, I don't know,
live in a bucket hat or something.
Living in a bucket hat with Tom on.
Oh, bucket hat or anything.
Buy all of us Ron John bucket hats.
Great.
Or maybe all of you have to wear them.
Yeah. We'll start a little cool. All of you have to wear them. Yeah
Except for this one that Jake wants. Yeah, I think we're just gonna forget it But I want to try and get bucket hats so that the next time we record an episode all three of us put on bucket
Wait, why am I gonna forget? Don't forget
It'll be a surprise.
You're going to forget it.
I'm going to reference his bit.
Don't tell Emily what she's going to forget.
That's her choice.
She can remember what she wants to.
Bucket hats would be perfect for D&D
because you could turn up the brim and put your dice in it.
Yeah.
And it's like fishing your dice out.
And then when it's time to roll, you just
roll your head down. You tip it down. You tip it down. It's not your head. Yeah. It's like fishing your dice down. And then when it's time to roll, you just put your head down.
You tip it down.
You tip it down.
It's not your head.
Yeah.
That's nice.
Man, there's some really cheap bucket hats.
This one's only 15 bucks.
And it's not just.
Is it 15 bucks?
Is it really cheap?
I didn't think it was gonna be $15.
Holy shit, they're giving these away.
55 bucks?
It's like a reasonable price.
It's like a reasonable price for a bucket hat.
For brand new?
Not brand new. Who said brand new?
Reika.
This is actually...
For $15? Extremely reasonable.
Poor to fair condition.
And what's on it?
What's the design?
Well, it says Ron Jon.
Oh, okay. You lose this case, it says Ron Jon. Okay.
You lose this case by me and Ron Jon.
The next one comes from Tori L.
Tori writes,
This has been sitting with me for years.
This is my second session with
my now long time RPG group.
The DM allowed us to
buy back alley potions and drugs.
To offset the lower cost
I needed to roll before using the health potions
to see if it was actually poison.
I rolled poorly and I accidentally killed an NPC with it.
Oh!
Oh!
Which was very upsetting.
Oh!
Another player who had purchased items from the same person
used them the same session
and did not need to roll to see if the product was poison.
Oh!
When I asked the DMY, he just said it was because he didn't need to.
I thought it might be a story thing, so I let it go, but it never came up again and we
finished the campaign.
It also became a running joke over the next three years that I killed the innocent NPC.
Yeah, I was gonna say.
It created favor, but I was never really happy with the direction my character was wearing.
You're being bullied.
Should the other players have had to roll, or was I at least owed an explanation as to why?
Or should I try harder to let this go?
No, you're being bullied.
I think we can assume that the DM saw this happen and was like,
whoops, I'm just not going to do that anymore.
That's interesting.
Well, here's the question.
Did you read your DM's lore maze? Oh, that's true. Okay, and if you did, did you click the virus inside?
Did you open the malware? Think about that. That'll open a few PDFs on the computer and
I will explain everything that happened. Your character is now possessed by my malware. Oh, yeah! Okay, so this seems we're probably gonna be on the player side here. Let's talk this through.
Okay, the only way to give the DM a generous read, let's say the DM went into this being like,
okay, this person's selling you potions, there's one bum potion in there. And so the first person
that rolls gets it,
and that means they don't have to get it.
Oh, interesting.
That's a possibility, but.
But they could have given that specific answer.
Exactly.
Yes, yes.
So they would have said that,
so that's why it's a generous read,
because it's probably wrong.
Is there a chance that all of the potions
looked like normal healing potions,
and then this one was just in a Grimy Doctor Pib bottle?
So this is just on them, because they should have known that one was just in a Grimy Dr. Pib bottle. So like this is just on them,
cause they should have known
that something was up with this Grimy Dr. Pib.
I feel like that would have gotten brought up.
Yeah, I think so.
I don't know, maybe they're-
I do ask people to keep the cases brief.
If it was what Emily said to like the DM realized,
oh, this is a bad system for this potion,
let's have any other person who needs to do this.
Like what is the philosophy on that?
Like do you retcon what you've done
if you realize this mechanic doesn't really work?
I'm guessing what happened is they were in a fight,
probably this person administered a potion,
killed an NPC, but then probably the DM was like,
oh fuck, they're all just gonna be killing each other.
Okay, no one has to do it anymore.
But never gave a satisfying explanation
because they didn't want to say,
they didn't want to say, oh, that was a bad idea.
Oops.
Right, right, right.
I think the DM could skate out of this with my excuse
by being like, there was one bum potion in there.
I think you need a little smoke and mirrors to ret come.
Right, yeah.
But the DM didn't do that, did they?
The DM didn't do that.
The DM didn't do that.
That we're talking about pre-non-crime now.
Yes.
And that's not what this is.
That's absolutely not what this is.
This is present-day crime.
This is regular crime.
Yeah.
It's not pre-non-crime.
This doesn't involve a pre-cog at all.
Yeah.
That's surprising.
This is a blue marble.
That milk does not have to come into the cup.
This is milkless.
Yeah.
Or once. This case is absolutely milkless.
I, dairy-free, vegans, come, come, get it.
We're gonna go vegans, this case is milkless.
We're gonna go to the break room,
that's where the present cogs are.
They're fully clothed, they've got hair, they're just normal.
I'm so sorry to come back to this,
is there a reason why they used milk?
Is it like the wisdom of a mother cow?
I would say that it's not actually canon, that it is milk.
It looks like milk.
It's just milk-y.
So it could have been like watered down coms.
I think it was.
Yeah, yeah, watered down com, whatever.
Because that would be like from a creation place.
Right, right, right.
And I was remembering, because I saw it a long time ago,
but I think in the beginning,
Tom Cruise is making himself breakfast, and he like. And I was remembering, because I saw it a long time ago, but I think in the beginning, Tom Cruise is making himself breakfast,
and he is making an omelet,
and then he drops a bunch of milk,
and that is where it leaks through his floor.
And that's kind of the metaphor that sets us off.
Because I remember the scene, I watched it on a plane,
and on a way to a surf trip,
Tom, on the way to my surf, surf, and cruise.
Tom Cruise was, thank you, righteous and righteous too,
onto you.
And Tom had just gotten it in
and was kind of cleaning up afterwards.
And then we see that kind of trip through the floor.
Oh, so it's a, I mean, it could be a mix.
Cause I've, again, I saw it a long time ago.
Right, right, right.
I saw it on the plane, yeah.
We all know the rubbish, we're all like, I've been that he had like a long time ago. I mean, I saw it on the plane, yeah. We all know the prohibition, yeah.
I have been that he had like a one night stand.
He could have been, I remember both of these scenes happened.
He might have backed it back to back,
the one night's I'm making them egg.
I think it opens with him masturbating in bed.
Right.
Like, what, no, it doesn't happen.
Minority or not?
I'm just like, I'm just like,
can we also sit on the ground,
the semen seeps through his stomach.
He's like, stop it, postman's never.
He was never. I think he looks at the camera and camera and says it's time for my post nut omelet.
Yeah, you got to break, what is it?
You can't, you can't nut without breaking a few eggs.
Exactly what he says.
He looks directly down the barrel of the camera.
He breaks the fourth wall.
And he never does that again for the rest of the video.
It doesn't come up much like the explanation for this potion.
Excellent.
I heard you hit really hard on the reef in that surf trip.
Absolutely. Banged it up real good.
Superane.
Big time.
Okay, so yeah, so this, you're clearly being bullied by your table.
The DM was wrong here because if they were going to set it up that there was like one
bum potion or in there, they really shouldn't have had people roll like con saving throws
going through it.
You should have like rolled a D4 and like marked them off one, two, three, four or something
like that.
Like you should have done this beforehand.
You should have done pre non-crime
Yeah, right there was a way for the DM to do this that wouldn't require everyone to roll But this was not right. You didn't do it. You didn't do it. You didn't make it milkless
Okay, so you're punishing the DM here so like Tom Cruise related like Tom Cruise has that perfect center teeth
You have to go to the dentist master. Oh wait
No, no
I think what you're gonna need to do is you're gonna need to get a toothbrush with two sides and you're gonna be responsible for brushing
Tom Cruise's center tooth that's you're gonna be your job now
Yeah, a Darth brush alright, so in visible line for it Tom Cruise center, too. Yeah, a Darth Brush. All right, so Invisalign for a Tom Cruise center tooth.
Yeah, that's awesome.
I think I might do it too.
Yeah, wait, it's growing on me.
This is looking good.
I like unusual teeth, so I like the center tooth.
Yeah.
You just go to the dentist and you're like,
can you give me a little symmetry please?
So centered. So centered.
Center tooth.
Our next case comes from Catatles
to the honorable Justices and Bailiff Joel, close.
I present to your counsel
the case of the cowardly players.
A few years ago, I DM'd a one shot for my friends.
This was pretty much all of our first experiences
with D&D, save for me having watched a few podcasts.
I set my party in a town that at first seemed normal
until they had dreams of one of the town's children crying for help.
The next morning, they'd look for the child, asking his brother where he was,
only for the brother to ask, who's that?
No one in the town could remember the kid.
I was really excited about getting to see my player's reaction.
Well, the three of them all looked at each other and declared that they were leaving
because this town was, quote, too scary.
Oh no!
I was in shock. I did everything I could to stay from physically holding them back. I
even had the matriarch who was secretly the BBEG and also has been established to not
like the players, give them health potions and other gifts. Eventually I had to stop
and straight up tell them that since this is a one-shot, I didn't have anything outside
of this town and that they needed to go back. I still rag on them to this day about it,
but sometimes I wonder if I should have tried to work with their decision more or perhaps
anticipated that they'd want to leave. I humbly throw myself at the court's feet,
awaiting your rule.
Okay, before we rule, I'll say, Murph that there is a public service here that I think
that you need to do, which is this probably has happened at other tables before where
there's a call to adventure and the players say, no, I'm too scared.
And then people are scrambling, you need to create a water park that if people don't want
to do the adventure, you can just Google water park for coward.
Yeah.
B and D.
And then you can be like, great, okay.
And you just run that.
Yeah.
And you just run that.
And we'll make those booklets.
Yeah.
That's great.
So this is tough, right?
Because on the one hand, I'm like,
I don't know, there does need to be some level of buy-in
if you're gonna do like a horror thing.
But this was, they were really quick to quit.
Yeah.
This is very...
It's not that scary.
Yeah, it really isn't that scary.
Maybe you put on really scary music, maybe you made the dream really haunting.
Was it Halloween?
Because it was...
Were they primed to be scared already?
Right, because a missing kid isn't that scary.
It's more urgent.
Yeah.
If it was the witching season, then like chances are good.
People are just like predisposed to be scared.
I guess for me as a relatively new D&D player,
I hear missing kid and I go, oh, that's really sad.
There have been, there's people killing their moms.
There's big monsters coming out of everywhere.
I'm like, yeah, it's the same as all of this.
Yeah, it's the same stuff.
This is pretty impressive.
I could see, yeah, if it was a situation where it was like,
okay, you open the door and there's messages written in blood
and somebody's like, I'm out, I can't do this.
See that's fair.
But I think there is a certain level of buy-in with D&D
where I think that if you're not willing to tolerate any
Level of like spookiness
Then you probably have to prep your DM, right?
And just be like just say no if it's if there's tension I'm out
And then the DM could always just use a sillier voice so you'd be like right and the kid was missing
Yeah, so I guess the, so the strange thing,
I guess like the thing that made it scary is that like
everyone in the town didn't remember the kid, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So you can see it, I mean we liked it.
All of us liked it.
I think you guys like it.
Yeah, you like it.
It's the right word there, right?
Like do you have to warn your players
if the game is gonna be eerie?
Unsettling.
Was this the first time they had played D&D?
This was not. Yeah, it was. It was the first time they had played D&D? This was not right?
It was the first time, everybody's first time playing.
Okay, all right.
That makes more sense to me,
because I think I have had to learn when my DM,
and I still don't know, is like telling me,
do this thing, stop trying to go over there
and go to the mall, go to the mall.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't build the mall.
I didn't actually build the mall.
But I'm like, but I want yous.
Right.
Having to learn like, oh, the improviser
queue that's like, actually do this thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Or whatever.
And so I can understand that it's not clear on top.
And you're like, oh, my character's
going to die if I stay in this town.
Bye.
Yeah, that is true.
There is like a, I think like one of the big cells of D&D that you give to people,
and it's not totally true, it's just be like, you can do anything.
Right.
So I think that is a little bit of a false.
You can do anything within reasons.
Yeah, absolutely.
That's absolutely confused me and continues to confuse me as I ask Bren
and annoying questions about what I can do.
And he goes, no, you cannot take my phone.
Yeah, it's like, I mean, you can be efficient upon,
like you can't leave the pond, and if there's a hook there,
it's probably gonna be tasty and fun to go on the hook,
not for the fish, but like for the adventure of it all.
Right, yeah, I don't know, a little bit of a tough one.
I think for like a one shot, it's pretty clear
that like you had this one thing set up
and there's not really anything else to do.
I wonder if your friends wanted to play D&D.
Yeah.
They might have just wanted to go to the water park.
Yeah.
And that's a different module.
There's something about such a simple, easy, obvious call to adventure being like, no,
no thank you.
They really might have just wanted to hang out and role play.
Hero's journey, no thanks.
They might have been part of my people, which is people like Chit Chat. Yeah. Eat snacks and Ch-play. Heroes journey, no thanks. They might have been part of my people,
which is people like Chit Chat.
Yeah.
Eat snacks and Chit Chat.
Oh, okay.
Which is its own adventure.
Yeah, they're like, this is too scary.
Where can we go to Chit Chat?
Yeah, exactly.
That's like a great thing to run,
is like there's like a haunted town,
but you're just trying to like get laid.
You're just trying to like go on a couple of dates,
but like there is a haunting going on in the background
and you just have to like make sure
that you don't sleep in the haunted house.
Or with a haunted man.
Exactly.
You just gotta avoid the donjon of this whole thing.
I do, yeah, I feel like on both side,
there's a little bit of like,
I think there maybe should have been a chat beforehand.
To be like, what is, side there's a little bit of like I think there maybe should have been a chat beforehand. I do think that if you know I don't know if you were gonna play with a
bunch of people you'd be like hey we're gonna do this sci-fi setting or hey we're
gonna do this or like when you bring your character it'll be this type of thing
which unfortunately I do think falls in the DM a little bit but I also do think
that it's pretty bare minimum
Earriness to just be like they don't remember what happened. Yeah, just kind of tap out at that
You know like I think you'd need to tell your DM that you know
It's a little warn you damn for that if you look at the cover of the player's handbook. It looks a little frightened. Yeah
I
Sentence you all to a session zero. I sentence you all to a session
I sent you all to a session zero. I sent you all to a session zero.
That's a good punishment, right?
Session zero is the way to go.
Session zero.
That's all that every single problem.
Really makes me laugh,
picturing you sitting there
with your three friends gathered around a table.
You must have done such a good job being so creepy.
Just being like, I don't recall.
Yeah, I want you to damn for me.
You probably killed it.
Yeah, you did too hard. Congrats, I want you to damn for me. You probably killed it. You did it too hard.
Yeah, congrats.
I mean, it sounds like you definitely did a good job
of setting like an eerie vibe.
Yeah.
You should go to audition for roles and see.
Yeah.
Maybe you're an actor.
Oh yeah, there's a chance that maybe there was like a loud
thunder strike outside, like right during a spooky line
and they all jumped into each other's arms.
Scooby-Doo style.
Cool.
Yeah, and you just can't come back from that.
And if you want to be an actor, and you just can't come back from that.
And if you want to be an actor, I can be your agent.
Oh!
Nice.
Okay.
I can even the minority report us.
Universe.
You'll have to shave your head and be covered in milk.
For your audition tape.
Yeah, exactly.
But I really think you'll get a callback.
But it's okay, your head's gonna be shaved,
we're gonna keep it warm with a bucket hat.
Wow.
A really good punishment is to audition
for Minority Report too.
Right now, yeah.
Afropo of nothing,
because I'm an elephant.
Take.
Okay, so ordered?
So ordered.
And with that, why don't we step into church
and listen to a confession.
Okay.
Put on our tall papal bucket hats.
Ooh, yes, I'm wearing that.
Is that okay with you, Murphy?
Yes.
Sort of like a cat in the hat, really.
Which I was for Halloween one time.
Whoa.
Merce, light you.
I'm lighter doing anything.
He said I could have thing one, but not thing two.
Oh my God. He's so generous. He said I could have thing one but not thing two. Oh my god.
He's so generous.
He put thing two on a high shelf that I couldn't reach.
I'm so tall and she's so small.
Okay, Nathan J writes,
I prostrate myself at the feet of Dice Christ's chosen extensions of his mercy and judgment.
I fear I betrayed Dice Christ and my players.
When I was deployed overseas,
I started my own game with my friends.
We played very often, sometimes three times a week.
One night, they begged me to play
instead of going to the gym.
I told them, roll a nat 20 and we'll play.
Lo and behold, their first roll was a nat 20.
Wow!
They started screaming and I was speechless.
And it haunts me to this day. Did I betray Dicecrest and my players? And can I be forgiven or have I blasphemed
beyond the point of redemption?
I await your mercy or righteous fury.
My friend, those gains won't last.
You chose Delta over Dice.
You can't do that.
Yeah, we really can't do that.
That's Delta over Dice.
We're gonna need a moment.
We're gonna need a moment.
Because yeah, we've said this before,
don't ever leave anything up to a role if you can't handle what happens.
We have this all the time, we're just like, I set this thing up and then my player rolled a nat 20.
It's just like, why don't you tell them to roll if they can't do it or whatever.
You chose to lift for yourself instead of lifting up your partner's hands.
Oh my god.
Hear her, hear her.
You were bulking your gains but not bulking your partners. Oh my God. Hear her, hear her.
You were bulking your gains,
but not bulking your friendship.
Yeah.
You were cutting your friendship.
That's right.
Okay, so I think.
You were taking your workout to the next level,
but you should have been having level up.
Come on, get there.
Get there.
Get there.
Get there, dude. Getting some experience points some experience points so that you could achieve another level.
Take your time. Get up there, man.
Extrash. Get your own.
He's vomiting. He's vomiting. He's vomiting. He's vomiting. He's vomiting. He's vomiting
pure Gatorade.
Wow.
Okay. All right. I think we're going to need some penance.
I think you need to bench press bags of D20s.
Whoa.
Yeah, or a 1,000 D20s or four gallons of balcony side.
Or you have to squat with a D4 under each foot.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Wow.
On the back heel?
OK, nice.
Oh, you have to use your strong butt cheeks to roll. Oh, shit. Whoa. Oh. wow. On the back heel? Okay, nice. You have to use your strong butt cheeks to roll.
Oh, wait.
Guys, we're fucking onto something here.
Are we?
Are we?
Get there?
Get there?
So think about it.
Take your time, but get there.
Go on.
Oh, no.
It's spinning up D20s.
Get there to somebody to get to the punchline.
That's such. He's picking up D20. Get there to somebody to get to the punchline.
That's such a bad, unsupportive thing to do.
I'm so rude.
Koggle, get there.
Get there, dude.
You were saying some kind of D29 is bullshit.
Get there.
It's not going to take your time, but get there.
Get there, dude.
We've been, yeah, we've teased in this for minutes now, dude.
There's a cockroach in my mouth.
I don't know how I got there.
Get there.
D20 medicine balls, that was all it was going to say.
Whoa.
D20 plyo balls?
Yeah.
Wow.
So I guess like start like a D20.
Start a business.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Start a Dungeons and Dragons.
Dungeons and Dragons.
Because I think the Dojo Decahedron isn't copyrighted.
Oh, Dojo Decahedron.
Whoa.
Yay.
We got it.
We got this. We got this. Did we? So good. You're right. Yeah. Oh dojo decahedron
We got
I read
Let's go ahead and wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening I can head on over to our patreon to listen to our bonus episode over on patreon.com
Slash NAD pod that's any any DD POD don't sing yet.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Thank you to our guest, Rekha.
Rekha, do you have anything you'd like to plug?
Oh my God, watch Digman on Paramount Plus.
Yeah!
And check me out on socials.
I'm at Rekha El Shunker on TikTok and Twitter.
And then Rekha underscore us on Instagram.
Just do it.
Great.
And just look out into the ocean and you'll be there.
And you'll see, if you wanna say hi,
you can say hi, you can try to catch me on a wave.
Totally tubular, so nice.
It's really, you'll be able to see me in my bright clothes.
Holy shit, she's in a barrel.
I'm in the barrel again.
It's blinding.
You can follow the rest of us on social media, they were made right now used, at Teen First
Meet, at E-Ax for Demily, at Jaker, what's his Jake?
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Caldy is Cal-
What the fuck, man?
I've been in the wrong order, I don't know.
See, you do forget.
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Wow.
I send you links from my Twitter every day.
And you can talk about the show using hashtag NADPOD, the 1080pOD.
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