Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Questionable Curses, Quiet Cousins and The Ravenloft Sequestering
Episode Date: July 26, 2024Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, as well as Birdless Bailiff Hurwitz as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!CREDITS:Sound Mixi...ng and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
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It's not that hard. You, somebody's probably no, it is hard. It is hard.
I think it is really hard.
You need a mic for each drum.
Yeah.
Could you just get like the-
Or you have to, you can do like a whole room thing, but it's still incredibly
particular how you do it.
What about the drum kit from Rock Band? Cause that plugs into an X-Box.
Yes. You can do like an electric drum.
I currently have an electric drum kit, but I just feel so I really wanna be able to mic
my actual drum kit so I can get real drums.
Okay, so you can get that real.
Yeah.
Something to work towards, I guess.
It actually is like currently my dream
for my next evolution.
My dream is for the intro to go on for 30 minutes
and for it to mostly be a drum solo.
That's my dream, folks.
Yeah.
We are your Supreme Crit Justices,
Murphy, Axford, and Tanner,
joined by the lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, bailiff,
Jake Hurwitz, just a little lowly.
Drum drum.
Just a little lowly today.
Drum drum.
Drum drum, mic those drums up.
That was gorgeous.
And with that, we'll throw to our bailiff.
Hear ye, hear ye, crit is now in session.
It was so beautifully lively.
Such verve.
I made my neck really tall.
He pointed his finger out.
The swerve of the verve.
Oh, I did, yeah.
Sort of Sam Eagle style.
Justices, Axford, Murphy, and Tanner presiding.
And our first case comes from Sam Z.
Sam writes, to the right honorable justices
and the legubrious philip.
That's really good.
That is good.
Wow.
Legubrious is a beneficial term though, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure legubrious, no, is that bad?
I did Google it.
It means like sad.
I'm thinking of salubrious. I'm thinking of salubrious. Legubrious, I agree. Does salubrious, no, is that bad? I did Google it, it means like sad. Oh, I'm thinking of salubrious.
I'm thinking of salubrious.
Legubrious, I agree.
Does salubrious mean healthy?
Yeah, salubrious means healthy.
I read legubrious a lot and I never known how to say it.
Yeah, I don't know if I said it right.
I don't know.
Why were you saying it in your head?
How was I saying it in my head?
Yeah, I was wondering.
I don't know, like legubrious or something?
I don't know.
That's cute, I like that better.
Legubrious? Legubrious. No, I don't think so. Legubrious. I? I don't know. You're thinking of it. That's cute, I like that better. Legrubius?
No, I don't think so.
Legrubius.
I think you had it.
Legrubius.
I think you said it correctly.
Legrubius.
Yeah, thank you.
If only there was a way to find this out.
If only there was a website that watched everything we did
and told us everything.
Murph's pronunciation was cuter though.
Yeah.
It was cuter.
Legrubius is when you watch a Despicable Me movie
and enjoy it.
I'm definitely a baby.
So am I.
All right, Sam Z.
I've been DMing for a small group for a couple of years now.
So I think I have a good grasp on what my players like
and what they'll think is fun.
Recently, they have been exploring a-
Uh-oh.
That was your first mistake, Sam.
Recently, they've been exploring a cursed shipwreck
on the ocean floor.
Very spooky, lots of fiends,
classic cursed shipwreck fare.
I like it.
I've hidden some powerful loot,
which three of the four players have found and enjoyed,
leaving the last one hounding every nook and cranny
for their item.
I had one planned for him, but before he got there,
the group came across a ritual room
full of magical artifacts and trinkets.
My player was sure this was his turn for loot,
so he started grabbing and inspecting items, dot, dot, dot,
in the ritual room of a cursed shipwreck.
Oh, okay.
It's kind of funny, actually.
As he grabbed a particular instrument,
I rolled behind my screen using his stats
and he failed the saving throw to be cursed
by the item he had already happily equipped.
In the next fight, he went down
and I told him to make his death saves
with disadvantage for his curse.
Wow, what a curse.
Judges, he rolled a seven
and then a nat one on his next save.
Oh.
He's a good sport, but I can tell he thought it wasn't fair
since he didn't know he was cursed.
Did I wrong my player with evil DMing
or should he have been wiser about touching
all the magic stuff in the evil room?
Okay, this is actually a really good one.
I thought it was gonna be kind of like,
oh, they're mad because they didn't get the magic item
and I was gonna be like, you know, I thought for you,
I probably would have just put the magic item somewhere,
made it easier, moved where it was.
But now it's more about not telling that it was cursed.
It feels a little anticlimactic,
I think is maybe the problem here.
Cause I think if you have a cursed item
and it comes back to bite you in the ass,
I think it's kind of fun if like you rolled the dice
on something, but the Sam here is saying like,
they did this in the ritual room, they should have known,
but it doesn't sound like there was any hint
until this player went down at a later battle.
At which point, I don't know, I'm just imagining being
at that table and just being like, oh, well, okay.
Yeah.
I think you're right.
Guess some dead.
That's really true.
Oh, and by the way, roll these death saves with this
and that, have fun with that.
You are cursed.
Remember that thing you were excited to get?
Well, it was bad, actually.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's right.
That's probably where you missed, right?
Which is just a little bit of showmanship.
This is a tough one because I do think it's,
by the book it's correct, right?
Yeah.
Because you literally, for all we know,
this adventure could just be straight up out of a book.
It could literally just be like,
there's a cursed thing here.
If you don't do an insight check, then they won't know
and then they'll roll death saves with disadvantage.
Right.
But for story purposes,
sometimes these things can be like a little bit
anti-climactic if there's no hints towards it at all.
This hearkens back to the conversation we were having
about like secret checks and Pathfinder.
And it kind of like, it does in this instance,
remove the agency a little bit,
especially because like, I don't know if saving throws
should ever be secret because like the idea of a saving throw is that you are resisting something.
And I don't think that you can like passively fully resist something like that. If you pick
up a cursed item, like, I don't know, I think that's just like a pure role play situation.
Unless you roll like a one on the dice, I think you're going to know. I think that like
your character is going to know that something has tried to take you over.
You could also, I think that in order for the saving throw to be secret, there could be like lots of like fun ways
to do it, but it sounds like this one wasn't fun.
Didn't play out as fun.
And I feel like also you could have even just been like,
oh, this like, you know, let's say it's a bracer.
This bracer digs its claws into you and it would take,
and like, so you could fully communicate it was cursed.
Or you know what you actually need to do is like,
you still make them roll and you just don't tell them you actually need to do is like, you still make them roll
and you just don't tell them what happens.
You do the like, you rolled a seven, okay.
Let's keep going.
Yeah, you gotta do the like, the coy okay.
Secret curse is fun,
but you can't find out exactly what the curse is,
like right as you're about to fail the death save.
I think you can if you know that you're cursed
and you just don't know what happened.
Right, yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, it's also- Yeah, I think you can if you know that you're cursed and you just don't know what happened. Right, yeah, yeah, that's what I mean.
Yeah, I think finding out,
finding out A, that you are cursed
and B, here is what the curse does in that exact moment,
it doesn't feel like you're calling back to anything.
Like anytime you really need to be reminded of like,
hey, remember back when this happened
or something like that, that's where you went wrong.
And I know I've done, you know, I'm not fucking perfect.
So like, don't, I don't know.
Don't add me.
Yes you are.
Yes you are, you're perfect.
Thank you, thank you.
I'm definitely perfect.
I'm definitely perfect.
Just one tear above perfect.
I'm definitely perfect, but I'm not perfect.
It sounds like your player like was cool about it.
It sounds like this was just a simple
little learning experience.
You'll give it a little more flair next time.
But I do think that it was kind of on your shoulders
to make this a moment rather than on their shoulders
to receive it as a moment.
Death, and I don't think, I did a quick Google on item
that gives you disadvantage on death saves
and I'm not finding it right away.
Forgive us if we don't find it, but we're not gonna,
you know, spend most of the episode digging through every book or whatever.
Right, that's what we're talking about, drums.
Yes, that's for micing drums.
It's a very steep curse.
It's a very steep curse.
A reverse curse.
And it doesn't, I don't know,
it's like the stun mechanic or something where it's just like,
yes, technically this could work,
but it's kind of boring, you know?
Or anticlimactic.
Yeah, right, and severe.
Anticlimactic and severe.
So severe. Solimactic and severe.
So severe.
Very severe.
I will say like the player should definitely
have been a little more aware of what's going on.
This is like the equipment of like being on the Nostromo
and just like cracking open an alien egg
and being like, I wonder what happened here
as you like slurp it down.
It is definitely true that-
I think we didn't hear the way
that the ritual room was described.
So without more information,
we can't really say, oh, they should have known better.
But there is, I guess if you want,
if you go in a room and it's just like,
there's glyphs everywhere to an evil God
and candles all over the place.
And here's all this glittering treasure.
But they could have just said,
there are glyphs on the walls.
This seems to be a place of ritual work.
There's a lot of good rituals in D&D.
I do.
I would have been described as a messy kitchenette.
Yeah.
I do think, I do think.
You could tell someone made an on the go breakfast
on vacation here.
They're a glist, but you can't tell if it's just maple syrup.
If somebody was like doing some creative pancaking.
What is creative pancaking?
I know exactly what you're talking about.
I mean, I can picture it in a ton of different ways,
but I adore Caldwell and would love to hear
what Caldwell's creative pancaking is.
So like maybe you try to, you do like a green pancake.
It's like a matcha banana pancake.
And then you make it look like Shrek
because you get a little like the ears.
And then you try to like do like Shrek's face get a little like the ears and then you try to like,
do like Shrek's face with the syrup,
but like the syrup spreads too quickly
and then like you get frustrated
and you're spilling syrup everywhere.
And it's all, it's all Shrek based.
Yeah.
Any kind of creative pancake is a Shrek based.
It's gotta be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I do think if you don't tease that something bad
might happen, then maybe it's
not as interesting.
Like you could have, they could have picked it up and been like, you feel like attached
to this thing and it gives you this good thing, but a bad thing might come.
Something happened.
It is definitely like a way for a DM to set up somebody grabbing a cursed item, right?
Is to have everyone get an item and then you set up expectations
that the other person's gonna get an item too
and you set it up so it's a bad item.
That in and of itself is not a bad idea.
That's creative DMing.
That's creative DMing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a good way to get people to put their guards down.
But I think if there's no hints
that this is going to be bad,
then we do inevitably lead to the situation
where down the line, it's like,
up, you made this one, not that bad of a move,
like going up and like doing like a, you know,
a peregrine took, like going up and touching something.
That shouldn't necessarily like murder you instantly.
Like if an orc came out and just chopped off his head,
that would be kind of anticlimactic.
It's like, oh, oh no.
Yeah, but you know, you make the mistake,
you make the mistake, and then you find out that like,
oh, more bad things to come,
but instead it's just these like dire consequences
out of nowhere.
I think this kind of landed poorly.
Yeah. Yeah.
So I think you're right by the book,
but I think this wasn't super fun.
So I'm gonna rule with the player for being,
what seems appropriate, disappointed, but respectful.
Yeah, yeah.
That's true.
They actually handled it perfectly.
It sounds like everything else was fun though.
And while I was listening to this,
I just kept thinking the next time I DM for Murph,
I wanna give everyone else items, like every episode.
Cause I was thinking, well, there are some people
that it would be really funny to not give a magic item to.
And I feel like Murph would play that really funny.
It's true.
I feel like every situation you have to run
through the hot boy summer grinder.
Yeah.
Is there anything in here for like a Claret or what?
Guns.
No, and I got two things.
Check it out. It's a coconut gun.
Yeah.
Yeah. Stop rubbing in my face.
Everyone throw out one of their magic items.
Oh, sorry.
Actually there is like a glittering pint.
Okay. I touch it.
Okay.
Mack you're dead.
Do a religion check.
What? 19? It's normal. It's regular. I can't touch it. Okay. Mack, you're dead. Do a religion check.
What?
19?
It's normal.
It's regular.
Okay, cool.
The kitchen, that's a little messy
but I think everything's fine.
I get taken out by someone later and just die.
Okay.
Mack, no.
I do a 21 gun coconut salute at his funeral.
Yeah.
Yeah, that is, disadvantage on death saves is really tough.
It's pretty steep.
Yeah.
It's pretty steep.
But you know, I mean, I liked that you were going there.
I think that, you know, it was fine the way it worked out.
And now you just know next time,
if you want to do something like that,
you just got to put a little more passion in it.
Yeah.
It was a close call.
And I think if the player,
if this player had like flown off the handle
and done something crazy and stormed out of the room,
we'd be siding with the DM.
Totally.
The fact that your player actually kept it cool,
that was the type of thing.
Right, exactly.
In these submissions,
someone behaving with integrity always gets that.
Everyone in the story is normal as hell,
and that's awesome.
That's just awesome.
Yeah, so I heard it and I had to actually.
Good work.
Your table is normal.
I had to think about it for a minute
and hold you all to a really high standard.
Because normally I would just say,
by the book you are correct and thus you are correct.
Honestly, having a player be disappointed
but respectful is punishment enough.
I know.
But we are gonna punish you.
We are gonna, yeah, you're gonna have to,
what was Caldwell's thing?
The creative pancakes?
We have to make them creative pancakes.
Creative pancakes.
Oh, that's a great idea.
Do some creative pancaking.
Make a Shrek pancake.
And you guys can kinda hold hands,
talk through what didn't work,
and then be like, you know, I'm sorry about that.
There may or may not be a secret magic item
inside the Shrek pancake.
Surprise, there won't be.
Yeah, but you have to eat it to find out.
Yeah, make them a king cake
that's got like little trinkets hidden inside.
That's perfect.
And then surprise, surprise,
there is a cursed item in there,
but this time you hint that it's cursed.
A cursed baby.
Yeah, absolutely.
So ordered.
Now that's creative pancaking.
Less than perfect, but still pretty good.
Our next case comes from Server Rav.
Server Rav writes,
"'Oh great and mighty justices and the bailiff,
I bring forth to the court the case
of the conspicuous cousin.'"
Whoa.
Oh, I love it already.
Is a cousin just chilling near the table?
Wait, let's guess, let's guess.
I think it's a cousin who's lurking and watching the game.
I think it's a cousin that's just like, what are you guys doing?
It seems dumb.
And then just hangs out.
Plays Tony Hawk way too loud next to the table.
Nerds.
But he sits down at the table anyway.
Three sessions later, he pushes you, but he has a character sheet.
Loudly eats Pringles.
The cousin's working on their drum solo in the corner.
And they're mic'd up.
All right, let's mic'd up drummer cousin.
As the DM, I ran a game with my wife,
cousin and several friends.
Oh, okay.
We just played.
Cousins in it, cousins in it.
Yeah, cousins in the jump.
We could play for several hours
and therefore we would often have a break for potluck meals.
On the day of the alleged offense, my cousin attempted a deception with a local gang of mobsters to infiltrate the organization. Great. Since he presented his plan as everyone was breaking
to organize dinner, I heard him out in private where he rolled a nat one. He agreed that he
was abducted and held for questioning.
I came up with the idea that he should only speak
to the table when his character was in game with the party.
He sat quietly for two games
before they realized he was missing.
Oh, what?
So is-
You let this go too far.
This is what?
Hang on.
What?
I thought you said conspicuous. This is inconspicuous.
Yeah, it's absolutely inconspicuous.
He sat quietly for two games
before they realized he was missing.
Once this was discovered, my wife was livid,
despite her not realizing how quiet he was sitting there.
She alleges I had wronged my cousin.
I counter that he had every opportunity
to object to this plan.
And it's more on the group of people around the table
that truly did him wrong.
Almighty justices, I ask you, am I the sadistic DM
or are my players neglectful party members?
Oh, I feel kind of bad, but I feel like every single game,
my characters always say, Calder, what do you think?
Yeah.
Saul, what do you think?
It's like such a bit.
It's definitely not a huge table.
It's really strange that.
I think, yeah.
If I were your cousin, I would be spiraling,
being like, do I exist?
Props to this cousin though.
Yeah, the cousin committed so hard.
The cousin was just testing everyone and taking notes.
Taking notes, taking names.
The ominous aura of the phrase,
yeah, the phrase quiet cousin is devastating to me.
I will say that whereas in the last case,
everyone was very normal, this is very abnormal.
Because I will say, if I'm the DM,
again, I know that some people will disagree with me on this, but you are kind of the DM. Yeah. Again, I know that some people will disagree with me
on this, but you are kind of the host.
It is a little bit your job to ref
and to kind of make sure the table's having fun.
Yeah.
If you have insider information that is preventing someone
from not having fun, it's kind of strange to not share that.
You couldn't, you know, I think after 20 minutes
of this person not speaking, I might be like,
you guys look around and you see that Calder's not there.
You know what I mean?
Can I offer a counterpoint though?
Because like the person who's really getting the bum end
of the deal here is the cousin.
Right. Yeah.
Right? So it's like, and they might be liking this
for one reason or another.
And if you jump in and you're like,
maybe you should look for the cousin.
They might be like, oh, I was kind of enjoying that.
But two sessions.
Two sessions?
You could have been doing other stuff.
This is like a test you don't want to conduct.
You're like, oh, let's see how long people will go
without talking to me.
Oh shit, it's two full sessions.
Days. Oh no, I full sessions. It's days. Days.
Oh no, I don't like knowing this.
But the cousin could've-
Like if I were at a table with someone
who didn't participate for two games,
I can't imagine going on that long.
But once I realized, I'd be like,
hey, are things cool in your life?
Yeah.
Are you good?
Yeah.
Wanna talk to me about what's going on?
There is- I mean, I guess we play with like all performers, so everyone's just talking all the time? Yeah. You wanna talk to me about what's going on? There is.
I mean, I guess we play with like all performers.
So everyone's just talking all the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A bunch of ham sandwiches.
Yeah.
But still.
I could see, I mean, not talking at all for two sessions
is absolutely wild.
Right.
I could see, I could see being in a situation
where you're with someone at the table.
Sometimes there are people who are just quiet
and maybe they want to be there and be involved
and do the fights and stuff,
but maybe they're not piping up.
They could be like enjoy being a quiet cousin.
Yes, so you could be, but a quiet cousin is different
than a silent cousin, okay?
A silent cousin, that's kind of strange.
You guys are on my last nerve.
I'm gonna summon my quiet cousin on you.
Sounds like a tummy gun. I was going to say a mobster's gun.
I think this is wild by everyone involved
because I think it's wild.
Including the quiet cousin.
I feel like the quiet cousin is complicit.
Quiet cousin I think is also complicit.
Okay, I kind of can relate to the quiet cousin though
of feeling like this is really fascinating.
How long will this go on?
No, I think it's the cousin is testing people.
It's a social experiment.
Yeah, I'm not saying I'm above it.
Cause I could see myself being like,
surely they'll notice me soon.
It's crazy they haven't noticed me.
And then start to be like,
Do you think, yeah, is the Quiet Cousin at some point
being like, these chips are really good.
Are they like talking out of character at all? So I guess that's my, so that's my point, yeah, is the quiet cousin at some point being like, mm, these chips are really good. Are they like talking out of character at all?
So I guess that's my, so that's my point.
Yeah, I can feel the wife's frustration here because like they were all involved
in a social experiment that they didn't sign up for and they failed.
But like, are there three people at the table?
It's wild though.
So I'm going to a couple of friends.
Right. It was it was white cousin and a couple of friends. And OK, so we don't know. So maybe a couple in order of- Is that a couple friends? Right, okay. It was wife, cousin, and a couple friends.
So we don't necessarily have.
Okay, so we don't know.
So maybe a couple is like-
It could be a decent amount.
Maybe they've got like five or six people at the table,
in which case-
And this could be a normally quiet cousin.
Yeah, and then the cousin could normally be pretty quiet.
So the cousin's quietness could have been, you know-
We don't know how quiet the cousin is normally.
The quietness could have been quototidian. Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
Oh, that's very good.
Rather inquisitive of you.
But I think I've got a list of people
who are responsible for this.
And at the bottom of the list is the cousin.
Yeah.
At any point, the cousin could have just been like,
hey, does out of character,
does anyone think it's weird that I'm not here?
Yeah.
I know that everyone's like,
oh, metagaming, metagaming.
If you're not having fun, it's okay to speak like a human
to the other people at your table.
However, I also understand the weird place that that puts you
and that fact that you might be self-conscious
and I might do exactly what this cousin did,
which is sit there and stew that no one talked to me
for two episodes.
Does the submission say what the quiet cousins take was?
Like, was it like, oh, the cousin was disappointed
or we don't know?
Let's call them Quinton.
No, it didn't say.
Quinton the Quiet.
Quiet cousin Quinton.
No, it did not say.
Did not say how quiet.
But I mean, like the fact that they did it for two games
means they have to be at least bought in a little bit.
And then the DM I think is also at fault.
Cause again, you have this information.
So you are a little bit the decider of who has fun
and who doesn't have fun.
It's so easy just to say like,
and just Quentin, how are you feeling about being imprisoned?
Yes, go ahead.
Yeah, exactly.
How do you not cut to the other people?
Or even just be like, we'll cut over to this scene.
Or you could even have like one of the mobsters show up.
But that's totally true, right?
It's like, if you establish the rule,
okay, you're not gonna talk
unless you're actually with the party.
It's still, if we were running a session
and I was like,
Callie got separated from the rest of the party,
even if Saul and Callie were talking about something else,
at some point I would be like,
Callie, we cut to you in your cell.
Callie. Right, and then everybody'd be like, oh my, we cut to you in your cell. Cali.
Right, and then everybody would be like,
oh my God, that's right, Cali didn't say anything
for five minutes.
Oh my God, what the fuck are we doing?
Yeah.
Cali, you wanna go to 7-Eleven?
Yeah, so I don't remember who said it,
but who said this is a social experiment
that you didn't tell me you were doing to me.
Or Lovely Baby.
Which is, yeah, Jake said that,
and I do agree with that.
I also do think that you failed the experiment. It's a pretty easy experiment to me. Or lovely baby. Which is, yeah, Jake said that. And I do agree with that. I also do think that you failed the experiment.
It's a pretty easy experiment to pass.
You just notice your friends.
This is just that meme of the guy standing
in the corner at the party.
Yeah.
Yeah, they don't know I've been captured by my mother.
OK, so it is the DM's cousin.
So it is possible that the cousin isn't
as good of friends with everyone.
So I could see being in a situation
where if I'm with six or seven people and there's someone at a table that is someone's cousin, So it is possible that the cousin isn't as good of friends with everyone. So I could see being in a situation where
if I'm with six or seven people
and there's someone at a table that is someone's cousin,
I might not notice if they don't chime in that much.
Or like I might not know them well enough to be like,
what is your character thing?
My character is talking to your character.
Are you just throwing a party together?
Like they hang out a couple.
I would definitely notice if someone was completely silent.
Yeah.
The difference between quiet and silence is big.
It's massive.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can tell.
No matter what, I think this is just a really funny story.
This is a very funny story, but I'm having a hard time.
Like I think technically the players are worse,
but I have a really hard time siding with this DM
who never cuts to the other person
for two episodes.
Yes.
This is an absolute mess.
This is the opposite of the other table.
This is a creative pancake gone wrong.
This is an absolute mess.
Syrup is everywhere.
This doesn't look like Shrek at all.
It doesn't look like Shrek.
It looks like the guy from Goose, wait, no,
not Goosebumps, Ghostbusters.
Slimer?
Slimer? Looks like Slimer, not Shrek. Oh, that's a least salvageable.busters. Slimer looks like Slimer.
That's at least salvageable.
And Slimer kind of looks like the mask from,
was it the haunted mask?
Yeah, the Goosebumps book?
Yeah, it's true.
There's a lot of interesting things.
A lot of cross over there, wow.
Lot to think about.
I'll tell ya.
Maybe we'll sentence you all to get to the bottom
of the conspiracy of Sler looking like the guy
from Moosebumps.
Yeah.
I mean, the players, that's the wildest thing, right?
Because we assume it's four or five people
and they didn't notice.
I think the players are at fault,
but I do think it comes down to the DM.
I feel like just, you're the host.
This is like Pat Sajak not asking a single personal question
about people during Wheel of Fortune.
Here's the deal. Should we say it's everyone's fault
except for the quiet cousin?
Should we punish everyone except for the quiet cousin?
I think there should be tiered punishment.
Yeah.
Yes.
Why, why let yourself?
First ever tiered punishment.
Love it.
Okay, everyone is guilty.
Let's say that, right off the bat.
I think it's possible to do that.
The DM is the most responsible because they have the most
ability to control.
Yes.
And it was their idea.
But it was definitely their idea,
but socially it's so strange to talk over somebody first
for like nine hours and not notice that they didn't speak.
Again, we don't know how quiet
the cousin comedy is.
And we don't know.
Again, the difference between quiet and silent is a lot.
That's true.
And that's the detail that we don't know
because we don't know was the cousin silent in game
or silent in and out of game.
Oh, that's a great point.
If we're all sitting at the table
and one of you brings a cousin,
I don't know your cousin very well,
and the cousin is like cutting it up,
talking about the chips or something.
That's what I'm saying.
I might not notice that they're not with us in character.
It's socially they are there.
That's really interesting.
If you say like, me like mesquite,
and you're thinking like barbecue chip jokes.
Well, at that point I noticed them pretty hard. If you say like me like mesquite and barbecue chip jokes.
At that point I noticed them pretty hard.
At that point I'm like relieved they're not contributing
to the storytelling.
These are still tiered punishments.
So let's say this right off the bat.
And in the question they do say that he sat quietly for two games.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
I think, and also I think if we put ourselves we put ourselves into this cousin's spot, right?
We're mad, right?
You're there and you're a little upset.
I don't know why I'm driving to the second session.
Yeah, I know.
Well, cause just at pure indignation,
you just want to find out if they're gonna ignore you again.
Yeah, you gotta see the end of the social experience.
I'm personally having an existential crisis being like,
do I exist?
Have I ever existed?
This is another, this is doing your cousin,
this is doing your cousin so dirty too,
because you know that your cousin had to have their feelings
hurt a little bit the first time.
And you as the DM are just like,
we're gonna let it roll and just see when they find out
that they failed.
Whoa, you're right.
Between game one and game two,
there was a check-in that you, the DM,
should have done with the cousin.
And you're married to one of the other players.
You could have been like,
hey, there's a human being at the table
that you haven't noticed,
and their feelings are probably hurt.
We should all talk about this.
I also think it's possible that, again,
I can imagine myself in this situation
either spiraling about whether or not I exist
or being like, this is really funny
that they haven't noticed.
And so like, I don't know that we know
that it hurt their feelings.
The wording of quiet for two sessions makes me think
that they weren't making like hangout conversation either.
Which is, I say, if we're doing tiered punishments,
I do think, I'm gonna put the players, I think,
have a higher tier of punishment than the DM.
Oh, interesting.
I'm doing higher tier of punishment for DM
because I think that a check-in between game one
and game two with the Quiet Cousin.
They let it go on too long.
Yeah, so I think DM is tier one,
player's tier two, and then I'm letting quiet cousin off.
They can do whatever they want.
Here's a very low tier challenge for the quiet cousin.
Oh yeah.
Cousin make yourself a Shrek pancake.
And just enjoy it.
But that's you know what at the table say,
Hmm, this Shrek pancake is good. It's got layers.
Me likey miske about the miske.
No, you don't have to say that necessarily.
Voodoo, don't mind if I do.
Yeah.
I think more so just enjoy the Shrek pancake
and feel free to share your feelings
about the Shrek pancake.
Don't be shy.
And in tier two, we're gonna put the players,
which you also have to make Shrek pancakes
for the quiet cousin.
Okay.
You know what, maybe they should have to role play being like, the quiet cousin. Okay. You know what?
Maybe they should have to role play being like,
I'm so sorry.
Like ask their characters be like,
I'm so sorry that we didn't notice you were gone.
And maybe just try it out.
You have to plan a rescue, a super apologetic rescue.
Yes, plan a really cool rescue.
When you get them, you have to be like, holy shit.
We have taken our friendship for granted.
Bring it in.
And then you all give them a magic item.
And for the GM, you have to make all of your dice
out of pancakes and flip them that way.
Yeah.
Oh, no rolling, just flipping.
Just flipping pancakes.
Oh, you could make like a little arancini,
like one of those rice balls,
and put it into almost like a shaper
that would make it shaped like a D20.
Holy shit, I wanna go to this restaurant.
Yeah.
So I would think making a dough decahedron R and G.
An R and 20.
That does seem like a lot of work.
R and 20, oh my God.
You have to do that for everyone
so that they have full dice.
Yeah, for your full set.
Including, yeah.
Yeah.
And you have to mail them to Jake.
Actually, mail them all to me.
I'll distribute them.
I would take this advantage if I was allowed to eat the R&20.
OK, so ordered.
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That was a tough one.
Yeah, it was, but we got these.
These are tough.
I think we did good though.
The first one extremely normal.
This one is extremely abnormal.
Let's see. I think this one might be a layup.
We'll see. Okay.
All right. This one comes from David P.
To the esteemed justices and that one shadow dweller jog.
May it please the court as I present the case of feathered frustration. Ooh, that sounds hot.
Is this gonna be a sexy one?
Yes, it's burlesque, it's birdlesque face.
Okay, great.
Ooh, birdlesque.
Don't mind if I do.
Since we have talked about birdlesque.
Don't mind if I cock-a-doodle-doo.
Yeah.
In a Ravenloft campaign,
I played an owlin beastmaster ranger
as an archaeologist and
zoologist dedicated to the study and taming of large avian creatures as companions.
Cute, love it.
Owl-en.
So it is pretty less.
Commencing with a large toucan adapted from the stats of a large owl within our narrative,
the game thrived at the beginning of the campaign as we weren't in Ravenloft yet.
However, the narrative took an abrupt turn
upon our party's unwelcome relocation to Ravenloft.
Okay.
The crux of the matter rests in the DM's assertion,
birds by their decree did not exist in this realm.
What?
That's not even-
Are you kidding me?
That's not even close to true.
Number one, not true, but also like the spookiest creature
doesn't exist.
There's also where Ravens, there's like a whole thing.
I've read this book.
This is incorrect.
You're trying to give me vampires without crows,
Ravens, Crackles.
Come the fuck on.
I don't wanna live in that world.
Yeah.
Yes. They continue.
A realm called Ravenloft did not have
a single annoyance species, not even a single raven.
I imagine the DM sitting there sweating
when you call them out for that.
And you're like, it's Ravenloft and there's no birds?
Oh, I'm already committed to it.
No, that's what they had to double down.
It's named after Lord Raven.
Yeah, you don't want the bird PC to be able to fly.
So you make up an absolutely insane ruling.
It's named after ravines, actually.
The geographical features.
It's ravine loft.
That's actually a really good pivot.
I'm on board now.
Thank you.
It's gonna be spelled differently.
Let's hear the consequences of this insane.
So there's no birds.
No birds.
Moreover, there was an express disdain
towards avian-like entities such as Alan and Kenku.
But can I just bring up-
Why do they hate birds?
There's no birds there.
Can I, yeah, that's true.
Also like, it should be, if there was no birds,
it should be lousy with insects.
Oh, that's really true.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah, you gotta think about that.
Yeah, this is such lousy world.
Just imagining getting the book for Curse of Strahd
and just being like, how do I make this my own?
How do I make this my own?
Okay, no birds, straight up.
We're taking the were ravens out of here.
Fuck them, fuck those birds.
No birds.
And it's just, how would that affect the world?
Not gonna think about it.
Ripping a page out of the module.
How would it, okay, how would it affect them?
There'd be so many bats, right?
Are there still bats?
Yeah, I guess they-
Because bats would have to take the spot of the birds
as far as that niche.
I guess they would hate ecologically.
Oh, logically.
If there weren't birds around for no fucking reason.
I mean, it's true, like, if I didn't know what a bird was
and then I saw a kinkie walking around.
But there'd be bats, you're right,
there'd be bats around
because there's so many fucking vampires.
So you would see shit flying through the air.
So you'd be like, you'd be like,
oh no, something flying.
Oh, thank God it's not a bat.
It's not a vampire.
You would love birds.
Perhaps that is where the DM decided
that they would hate birds
because birds are so close to bats.
Bats being associated with vampires.
Emily nailed it.
Emily absolutely nailed it.
Let's just use that as the generous read
to proceed forward.
What about flying squirrels though?
What about flying squirrels?
Oh, they're so cute.
No one could ever hate.
Yeah, I think that those would be seen
as kind of like an auspicious sign.
Yeah.
I also think Strahd can,
I mean, not that you have to do anything by the book,
but again, just your homebrew being that there are no birds.
Could a fine squirrel kill a bat?
Wow.
Midair.
No, I think bat has more maneuverability.
Flying squirrels gonna like lie.
Okay, let's continue with the question.
If they got them, come on now.
I guess, yeah, if they ambush.
If they glided directly into the bat.
Yeah, a flying squirrel is gonna be more sturdy
than a bat, I think.
It depends on what kind of bat.
90% of fights end in a grapple, all right?
If that squirrel got a tanz on a bat,
if that squirrel's on the ground, it's game over.
Yeah.
Okay, let's continue with the question.
Of course.
So yeah, they hate birds and Ravenloft.
They're no birds, but then they're also hated.
Consequently, my character's backstory,
deeply rooted in a passion for understanding
and befriending large birds, was summarily disregarded.
Cool.
Should the DM have metaphorically clipped
my character's wings or am I perhaps overreacting here?
Admittedly, the situation does hold a hint of absurdity
and archeologists stranded in a realm devoid of birds
and seemingly harboring a grudge against them.
I love this person's trying to see the silver lining
to getting absolutely fucked.
You've been targeted.
Yeah.
Well, so now it sounds like actually,
but the player hasn't referenced that their ability to fly.
If they're an owl in, I'm assuming.
Will you look up owl in and see if they know how to fly?
I don't think they do, but I can look it up.
Okay. If they don't know how to fly, then that's.
I don't know. It just,
it just sounds like they essentially just have to be,
you know, underground and can't show their true form.
I'm saying. Oh yeah. They have a flying speed.
They have a flying speed. Oh, shit.
Okay. So, so this player was story-wise nerfed,
but also, or at least disrupted,
and then mechanically nerfed as well.
Though the player did not acknowledge that,
so they may still have been able to fly.
I get, I get as well.
Yeah, yeah, they didn't say that their flight
was taken away.
Just more like their backstory was kind of destroyed.
Yeah, the fact that-
It's so weird.
Is it possible that the DM was joking?
Mm. And- I that the DM was joking?
I think the DM, I think the DM panicked because they just don't have enough. Why? Like that's what we can't have your backstory come into play in my world.
Sorry. It's just so weird to be like, okay, you've had your fun.
You summon that toucan. Now let's get to the serious stuff.
Yeah. You see the ball rolling where one initial panic leads
to bad decision after bad decision after bad decision,
and it becomes an avalanche of bad decisions.
But maybe it pays off, though, when you finally meet Strahd
and he's like, ah, what is that thing?
Yeah.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
Strahd should just have like a, maybe Strahd
has a zoo of birds
and he could free all the birds.
Maybe that's the payoff is the reason there's no birds
in this realm is that they're all being hoarded.
There's no way this DM-
This genius DM.
This DM was like Strahd is a birder
and a hoarder and a bird hoarder.
Border, he put a piece of his soul into every bird.
It'd be so hard to catch all the birds.
But that's very Eastern European,
the mythology of like putting the soul in the egg
of the duck's egg.
So actually-
To make like a homunculus?
This DM is a genius.
I regret giving this DM any, yeah.
This is actually pretty interesting stuff.
So yeah, if it comes to that,
if you go into Strahd's Lair and it's covered in bird shit.
Then this was all okay.
Yeah, this was all good.
Yeah, I think this is DM panic at being afraid
that you're gonna fly around.
And I get it, in my early years as a crit justice,
I was very afraid of Aarakocras.
Right.
I have since.
Have you softened on cockras?
Really?
I haven't even talked about this.
Yeah, Merchant's soft on cock.
This is no.
I'm soft on cock now? You got soft on cock, Merch is soft on Cock. This is the- I'm soft on Cock now?
You got soft on Cock.
I got so soft on Cock.
We know I got soft on Cockeraz.
Because, Air Cockeraz, if you're like a level one,
and you're flying around,
it is so easy to kill that PC.
If anyone abuses the ability to fly when they have eight HP, one shot from a bandit
knocks you 30 feet out of the air
and you fall for three D6 damage, you die.
So like there's no, like it,
Strahd will literally see you from his house
if you're flying over the city.
The submission didn't mention whether or not
the flight of the player was ruined.
No, no, no, I get that.
What I'm saying is I understand why a beginner DM panics.
And it's like, we've got to give penalties to these birds.
Do we think that that's what's going on because-
I do think this is bird panic.
I think this is bird panic.
As someone who has experienced bird panic,
I think this is a little bit bird panic.
You're speaking from the other side of that.
Yeah, I'm speaking from the other side of it.
But I would never outlaw, I would never,
I might've been, you know, like,
let's not play Eric Cocker's.
I might've said that, but I never would've been like,
there's absolutely no birds here in this town.
Does this mean-
There's no birds in Bohemia.
Yeah.
Does this mean that you're now ready
for an all cock campaign?
No.
All Eric Cocker. Quad cock campaign. Yeah, quad cock. I now ready for an all cock campaign? No. All Eric Rockwell.
Quad cock campaign.
Yeah, quad cock.
Groups all cock.
I think I'm not ready for that yet.
Are you ready to rock the cock?
I'm not afraid of flying PCs as much.
Okay.
Ooh.
Wow.
I don't want Caldwell to play an Eric Cock.
Is what I'm saying that,
but it's more for like the squawking and stuff
than it is any flying. What's wrong with my squawk? He's soft on's more for like the squawking and stuff than it is any flying.
What's wrong with my squawk?
He's soft on cock, but hard on squawk.
Yeah, I'm hard on squawks.
I'm so soft on cock.
I do think that Ravine Loft has some legs here though,
because like if your owls get to fly over a bunch of ravines,
that's going to be a fun challenge for them.
And if they fall, they're gonna plummet
and they're gonna take the damage.
This is a panicked DM that overcorrected.
They were afraid of,
I think they were afraid of two things.
I think they were afraid of flying later in the campaign.
And I think they were also afraid
of not having enough stuff for your backstory.
Because that's a little intimidating
when somebody has a thing in their backstory
where their Emily's raising her hand.
It's impossible for me to think right now.
Yes.
You want to keep going?
I guess.
I'm just saying, by the way, I'm going to try to speak with someone right next to me
as their arm raised.
What was I saying?
Yeah, I know I was rambling about saying something.
I think it would make me nervous maybe as a DM,
if somebody had an interest in like, you know,
archeology or like animals or something like that,
something I did not know a lot about,
it does require a lot of work on the DM's part
to throw that stuff into your game.
And I think this DM took a really bad shortcut
that was kind of not great.
It's crazy because that actually was going to be kind of the thing that I was saying is that maybe
the DM wasn't panicking about the flight as much as they're panicking about the enthusiasm for birds
and not wanting to do that. Or maybe this player came in and they were like immediately hit the
ground running. Can I do a nature check for birds?
And then got really into it.
And then maybe the DM was like, uh, I don't,
honestly, there's no fucking birds.
There's no birds.
Not to give the DM credit, not to give the DM credit,
but like walking into a town and being like, uh,
where are the birds?
And some grizzled man saying, there are no birds.
And if that man is covered in bugs, that's awesome.
That's absolutely awesome.
That maybe rocks.
If the point is that the no birds thing is like a huge deal
that, and it's a plot point.
Yeah.
If it's a plot point, there's, everyone's covered in bugs
and a lot of plants that require birds for pollination
aren't getting pollinated.
That's pretty interesting too.
But I think this is the opposite of that because even-
I think this is no thought.
Even the DM being like, there's no birds
and there may be secret birds,
that's like engaging really hard with your backstory.
But I think this is a case of this DM wants nothing to do
with your backstory.
Yeah.
Oh, for sure.
Here's an extremely covered in fig eater beetles.
Here's an extremely generous read.
Let's hear it.
There are, and this is spoilers for Curse of Strahd, but.
Murph!
Sorry.
Rachel dies in Animorphs.
Olag dies in Frozen 2.
What?
Sorry, everybody.
I just forgot again.
Yeah.
Well, get real.
Also, Ryan Reynolds was an a**.
Ah!
That was so not okay!
Yeah, I don't know, but.
Sorry.
Okay. It's been, it! Yeah, I don't know, but, sorry. Okay.
It's been a month.
People did get mad at you for that.
I'll take some of the heat off you.
I'm gonna bleep it.
I'm gonna bleep that.
I didn't say what.
I didn't say.
It's gonna be.
Yeah, make it forbidden knowledge.
Okay, that's so fucking funny.
The spoilers for Estraad, but there are were ravens in it
and they are specifically good guys.
And so I'm wondering if this DM wants these were ravens
to come out and be like, we're in hiding right now
and we only trust you.
I don't trust that because just explaining away the birds
by being like, no birds, does not give me any trust,
but that's the most generous read I can give.
I think, should we just punish this DM
by making all of this true?
Like you have to.
You have to take my advice.
We're gonna punish the DM by saying,
now you have to have wear evens and hide-ins
if you didn't already.
If you did already, then you were never in the wrong.
We get it, you're scared.
You're scared right now because birds are scary
in your campaign, they can fly.
Can you imagine like a secret organization
called the Bird Catchers just going around?
You see a, you hear a bird and then it's silenced.
This team just needs to show us their notes.
If we can see that there's birds featured heavily later on,
then we'll throw this case out.
Is it possible that it literally says in the Strahd book
that birds are like snatched up
because Strahd thinks that we're, if it's-
We will have to eat some humble pie.
Are we gonna throw this case out?
Are we gonna find out that this is just how
cursive Strahd works and we're just wrong?
We'll be the birds feeling peckish for some humble pie.
Are there, I'm just gonna, just in case we're so wrong,
I'm gonna Google, are there birds in Ravenloft?
Cause this is actually-
Yeah, I Googled that earlier and I was inconclusive.
I'm scared that there's no birds in Ravenloft for real.
Okay, fauna, the primary fauna,
bats, rats and a wide variety of insects are quite abundant.
What?
Wait, hang on.
I don't, this can't be true.
Okay, I'm taking the humble pie out of the freezer
and I'm putting it into the oven.
Don't defrost it.
Are we so? Don't defrost it.
I'm, I think-
If just because they're not listed
doesn't mean they're not there.
I think I've read this book.
I don't remember them saying there's no birds.
Are we about to eat crow?
We might be.
We're fucking eating crow again.
I won't.
This isn't real, is it?
That there's no birds in the log?
Look at the were ravens, see what they are, Lauren.
Yeah, are they in hiding because the birds are?
It does say there's a lot of bugs, but it's insane.
A lot of bugs after we just's insane. What the fuck? A lot of bugs after we just said that.
Okay, just for the listeners at home,
we've gotten like the full library out.
We're like all on our phones.
We have Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft
and Curse of Strahd.
And Curse of Strahd.
We're flipping through them.
We've edited out some stuff because we need to get
to the bottom of this because if we are wrong about
this and just dunked on this DM for like 15 minutes, we have to get it right and apologize.
We don't want to be this wrong.
I'm hungry.
I'd eat some humble pie.
I'll eat picture of a raven like right here.
Okay.
That's definitely a picture of a bird on page like one.
Okay.
Yeah.
Page 37 in character creation in chapter one, there is a picture of a raven,
which is a good sign.
Submit that into evidence.
On the horror trinkets page, there's a D100 trinket list,
and one of them is, let's see, a bird cage,
a bird cage into which small birds fly,
but once inside, never eat or leave.
Whoa, that's creepy as fuck.
That's really cool and creepy.
That implies that there's birds.
But it also implies that birds could be collected.
Oh shit.
That's where all the birds went.
All right, I've got Were Raven here.
Were Ravens are secretive and extraordinarily cautious,
like enthropes that trust one another,
but are wary of just about everyone else.
Although skilled at blending into society,
they mostly keep to themselves, respect local laws,
and strive to do good whenever possible.
Not surprisingly, where ravens get along well with ravens
and often hide in plain sight among them.
Case closed.
I think that's case closed.
We can't completely confirm
because we don't have time to read the whole book.
There's also ravens on the cover
of Van Richten's Guide
to Raven Law.
Yeah, that's also.
That'll do it.
Absolutely.
Also case closed.
Closed.
All right, I cooked up the humble pie,
but it's going to have to be this DM that eats it, not us.
And the humble pie is also a messy Shrek pancake.
Oh, wait, that's the perfect punishment.
We do the classic fairy tale.
There's six and 20 blackbirds in that pie,
and you have to serve it up for your players.
Yeah.
And you also have to take our advice
and completely incorporate this into your story
and have the way ravens come out
and be like, we're being hunted.
Well, that was actually really enjoyable
to feel so mind fucked by the last scene.
I was scared.
I was scared.
I thought, did, is this sound like page one?
Everyone is scared of birds in Ravenloft.
This is the closest I felt to being in college
and a paper is due in a long time.
Yeah.
We were scrambling.
We were hitting the book.
We were dunking on that DM so hard.
And it turns out it was all justified in the end.
Okay, so they are sentenced to incorporate birds,
a hidden society of birds into the campaign
so that this owl may pursue their academic interests.
Also, if the were ravens are secretive,
then the people wouldn't know to be afraid of ravens, right?
So like they'd be scared of the bats.
They wouldn't be scared of the birds.
Right. I don't know.
You should probably throw some locust plagues in there.
Anyway, I'm scared.
I'm scared.
I'm scared.
But it's so ordered.
I think we're right.
I think we're right.
So ordered, we're scared.
So yeah.
We're scared.
Hey, we're, hey, you know what?
We're 85% sure.
It just, it took us three days of being sequestered
in this room to figure it out.
We did legit and a lot of it got edited down,
probably 10 full minutes of research.
Yeah, yeah.
But this court has ruled, okay?
This matter is, this case is closed.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Can we keep it open for one more second?
Okay? Okay.
I'm just going to quote search,
there are no birds in Ravenloft.
Let's close the book on this.
Yeah.
Okay.
A last minute please.
That is not, there are no results for that.
Okay.
Rejected.
Okay.
Okay.
We can absolutely close this.
Case closed, door shut.
There we go.
See?
There will now be a record of this though.
So in the future when people Google,
are there no birds in Ravenloft?
They will get this D&G.
Yeah.
This answer.
And the answer is an emphatic yes.
Yeah.
We need like a fucking constitution.
And keep track of all these things.
Yes question mark with us.
Probably.
Yeah, it's like when you make.
85% sure.
You make fun of your friend
and then they've got their phone out
looking up their argument.
And then you slowly realize they're right
and you know they're gonna find it.
So, God, it's the worst feeling.
Yeah.
And you're just sweating like,
they're gonna make fun of me so hard.
Shit.
And I deserve it.
Do I get out ahead of it?
Yeah.
Do I just let them find out?
I just apologize.
All right, moving on.
Our next case is from the city of Buffalo, New York.
Whoa. Hey, let's go Bills.
To the, that's right.
To the honorable Bailiff
and the low down dirty Jakes of the court.
Whoa.
Okay.
I present the case of the ultimate stiff arm.
Wow. Oh yeah.
A part of a campaign that's been running
for the better part of a year.
In our most recent session,
we finally managed to defeat the BBEG
as they stood bloodied and beaten in front of the altar of the MacGuffin, the DM began to narrate a
monologue. We've heard more than enough monologues from this jerk, so I
interrupted with, I walk up to him, plant my hand on his face, stiff-arm him, and as
I'm doing this, I cast power word kill. The already badly injured BBEG dies
instantly and I seize the MacGuffin.
Afterwards, I find out that the DM was upset
that I ruined his monologue,
which was meant to lead into a new story arc.
That is tough.
That's tough.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
Sure, sure, sure.
However, I believe this was completely in character
for the pragmatic neutral sorcerer character I'm playing
and there are other ways to introduce a new arc.
Yeah.
Was I wrong to immediately kill this extremely powerful and dangerous wizard
rather than letting him finish his monologue and possibly do some shenanigans to escape yet again?
I don't think is I don't even think you need to bring up like alignment in D&D.
Like it's OK for your character to be like, I've had enough of this.
Yeah, like that's the most relatable feeling is just being like, I'm fucking sick of you, shut up.
I get what this DM is saying.
I don't think that they should have gotten upset.
They should have just established,
cause what we do after many sessions
of having bosses just get killed
in the middle of trying to tell you what was going on.
You guys just being like, I cast a spell on him.
I'm like, fuck, okay, oh, he was a savior, fails.
He turns into a sheep and sits there.
After having that happen a lot, what I started to do
was have speeches happen on the character's turn.
So you guys can say something and take potions
and do whatever on your turn,
and the boss can do that as well.
So if the boss is dying, the boss can say that on their turn or whatever.
But if it's a player's turn, that's the player's turn.
So if you're gonna leave that open to interpretation
and you have them say a bunch of threatening stuff,
don't be surprised if your player goes up
and just one shots them.
That's just what's gonna happen.
You need to establish.
Monologuing is a free action.
Yes, monologuing happens as a free action
on the character's turn.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
You can pivot, right?
Like if you had some other way, I don't know,
if you literally have, you see as the necrotic energy surges
through them, a slight smile comes on his face
and he says, there are more or something like that.
Yeah.
Drops.
Like there's ways to do it that honor player choice.
I agree also that like so much of DMing is being like,
didn't work this in here, gonna work it in another way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, so like, I think that that's like
the most basic thing that you do DMing.
So I think you did totally fine.
The player did nothing wrong.
DMs, if you wanna monologue,
you gotta establish it in initiative.
Oh, wait guys, I'm looking in the rule book
and it says that all evil wizards are allowed to monologue
after they die.
Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, take it all back.
That is true.
You can monologue and die at the same time.
They could have easily had done that.
Yeah, the dying breath, you know.
Yeah, you say stuff with your dying breath.
Yeah, yeah. For sure.
It's just so funny to picture stiff arming a wizard though.
There's no real. Yeah.
It's hard to resist.
I like it.
I think it's all good.
Yeah, and as a DM, you have to be able to pivot
and paraphrase if you need to.
Like something, you're not always gonna get to say
three paragraphs.
Yeah, is there a third P to that?
Cause we can make it three Ps, pivot, paraphrase and-
Proliferate. There you go. Maybe I've been playing too much magic. The gathering is that an action.
It's like a thing that you can do. That's funny. Those are the three P's. I think,
I think this one's easy. Yeah. This is not birds in Ravenloft where we have the second
guess ourselves where we thought it was easy and then we panicked so hard that we were dunking
on someone who was right.
Oh, that would be another P, panic pivot.
Oh yeah, panic pivot and paraphrase.
You panic first, yeah.
You panic, then you pivot and you paraphrase.
Yeah, because the panic sort of gives them momentum
for the pivot.
There are no birds in Ravine Loft.
It's Raven Loft, like he's Raven mad, that Strahd.
Exactly, I misspoke before. It's Ravenloft, like he's Ravenmad that Strahd.
Exactly, I misspoke before. It's actually Ravenloft, cause all of the birds have gone.
Oh, that's good.
Yes, I say maybe the DM is punished
to run a birdless Ravenloft.
And we know how heavily they feature.
So it's really hard.
Yeah.
There is going to be a lot of explanation.
Uh huh.
Just, excuse me, DM, if Strahd is sort of the like
main bad guy here and there's lots of bats
and like vampires that are like menacing the town.
Why is everyone scared of birds?
Doesn't that sort of like work against your main bad guy?
Like that everyone's scared of birds?
Wouldn't he like wholly terrify them
and be like the main thing?
Huh? I can't hear you over all the locusts.
He didn't say populations are out of control.
Nice and easy one.
Yeah. Great.
Yeah. Finally.
So ordered.
And with that, shall we step into church?
Yeah. Yeah.
Is this going to be a difficult confession?
Yeah, it's going to be another tough one.
This is another kind of a doozy.
Okay.
Okay.
Doosby daddy.
Can you imagine going to a confessional booth
and the priest just says woof.
That's a deuce.
Ouch.
Yikes.
Or they just say, really?
No way.
Wait, are you serious?
That's bad.
They're like, sorry, this is crazy, but could I just like actually see your face?
Because I'm like, I just want to put a face to this story.
Holy shit. Are you for real? I just want to make sure I, I'm not going to tell face. Cause I'm like, this is, I just want to put a face to this story.
Holy shit.
Are you for real?
I just want to make sure I, I'm not going to tell anybody.
It's just like between like us and God,
but like, I just want to be able to see you to avoid you.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
Okay.
I need to be able to avoid you IRL.
Yeah.
The priest says IRL.
This confession comes from Leopard.
Okay.
I kneel before the church of crit,
hanging my head low
and bring you the confession of the fudged Nat 20.
Oh dear.
No, no, no.
This was a year ago in a campaign that I DM'd.
My players pulled off a heist
and stole the egg of a chromatic great worm.
And in the final fight that follows,
they found themselves with multiple players at death's door.
The Paladin made the heroic choice to move an unconscious player to a wizard preparing
to help the party out of combat.
But this triggered an opportunity attack.
Heralds of the church, I crit on the opportunity attack.
The Paladin was on a single digit HP.
I lied and I told the Paladin I rolled a nat one, not wanting to take away their heroic
deed.
It turns out that I forgot about their half-orc
relentless endurance and they were planning
on being attacked in order to use that ability.
Thus making their choice cooler if they got hit.
They expressed disappointment at the attack.
This campaign has since ended victoriously
and the player hasn't brought it up since,
but it eats away at me.
Well, because they don't know.
Wow.
Can I be forgiven from stealing my player's thunder
or will the lightning above smite me
for fudging the attack and dulling the moment?
You've already been smitten.
Yeah.
Dice Christ was testing you.
And you failed the test.
And we all failed.
You don't need to pass every single test.
You don't have to pass every single test.
But this, you got the punishment.
You just need to get a passing grade.
Had you trusted Dice Christ in that moment,
you would have had this epic moment
where your player surprised you,
but instead you pulled your punches
and you found out that your player
could have handled the punch.
Here's the thing, if you look around and there are no birds, maybe you're the turkey.
Oh, wow. Whoa.
Gobble, gobble. That's honestly, it makes so little sense. That makes so much sense.
If you put music under it and then like I pause for a second
and then there's like a little screen when I stay.
Do you want to try that again?
Yeah, okay, okay.
Let's do it with music.
Okay, go ahead.
I'm gonna do my, change my voice a little bit too.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
My friend, if you look around and there are no birds,
well maybe you're the turkey.
Wow.
Okay.
Good girl, good girl!
Yeah, see, you can't trust him.
I don't squawk.
You can't trust him.
This is why you can't play an air cock.
I don't squawk.
He squawks too much.
I love to squawk.
Yeah.
I love to rock the squawk.
Yeah, I think your heart was in the right place
in the grand scheme of DMing.
Yeah.
Trying not to crit on somebody dragging another body.
I don't envy that position.
I don't think I've ever been in such a tough position
because I've never had to do,
I've never had to be like, shit, I'm gonna TPK.
I literally, you hear it on the show all the time
is me being like, I'm so sorry I crit.
I say it all the time.
I think that's what I do
because I crit on you all the time.
Yeah, true.
Can I propose something here?
You know, we have like, there's box of doom.
There's the tower you can roll to be like,
this is an important role.
Yeah.
I think that the DM should have like a blindfold
that can put on for roles like this.
When you're like, I don't want to accept this,
but like, this is just the nature of the game.
You put on your blindfold of shame and you just roll
and like whatever happens happens.
I think just rolling in front of the table.
We do that.
We do that.
Brennan does that.
And in our home game, he would always do that.
And I thought that was such a great way to build suspense
and it makes it feel real, right?
Like even if that not one rolled out in front of everyone
and everyone jumped up yelling and cheering, that's so much different than you saying it.
Because there's always the chance,
even if you're a trust your DM,
there's always the chance that they're pulling their punches.
So I would encourage you in the future
to roll in front of the table for big rolls.
It's a fun mechanic.
I think that's a good thing.
If you're rooting for your players in that moment,
rolling in front of the table is a great move.
Because it makes you part of the team. Because you're actively for your players in that moment, rolling in front of the table is a great move. Because it makes you part of the team.
Because you're actively, you know,
most DMs aren't sitting there being like,
I can't wait to down everyone with Lucky Chris.
So you roll in front of the table and we do that.
And at this point, I often play like literally
without a screen and you guys see all of my D20 rolls.
I'm just like, sorry, I'm rolling really well right now guys.
And you can look at it.
You've gotten really casual. I'm so casual, Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm not hiding. I think,
I think I, since I pre-rolled damage, that's the biggest thing I would need to hide from you guys.
And I do, if, if like somebody's doing a like, you know, stealth check or something or sneaking
up on you, I roll that like way back here where you guys can't see. You also put your bare feet
up on the table,
which is a little gross.
You roll with your toes, which is kind of nasty.
I walk around in mulch right before we start.
And you always push the microphone away from you saying,
this is getting in the way.
Yeah.
But I sneeze right into the mic,
which is wild.
And then you pick up a Cheeto with your toe.
In the mulch, with your mulch toe.
One Cheeto.
Just a Cheeto.
All right, with that, let's go ahead
and wrap this one up, so forgiven, so forgiven.
You've already been punished.
So forgiven.
We're gonna go ahead and wrap this one up.
Thank you all so much for listening.
We're doing bonus cases over on our Patreon,
patreon.com slash natpot.
That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.
Don't sing yet.
Wee!
Wee!
No!
See?
Wow, you know what?
This is actually going to get people on your side
for Caldwell to not score.
It won't.
It won't.
It will get, everyone trolls me,
so it doesn't matter.
That's true.
That's true.
There will be people begging for Caldwell to play
like Foghorn Leghorn in our next campaign
or something.
Oh please God, I could crush it.
Yeah, I know, I know you could, you could crush that.
I was a joke boy, went right over your head.
Yeah, okay.
Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?
I actually do have something to plug.
People were asking for Home is Where the Hearth is, And I put it on Spotify and people also asked for it on
Apple Music and some other YouTube music.
It's not, so it's all over the place.
Yeah, search it.
So be on the lookout for that.
Just search Home is Where the Hearth is,
wherever you listen to music.
Nice. Hell yeah.
Oh, I have some PO Box stuff.
Just shout out if that's cool.
Taylor H sent in a custom version of the
Eladrin Dragon Giant Chest.
Oh yeah, that's cool.
It's complete with rules and a beautiful wood-burned board.
Thank you so much, Taylor.
Dan H sent, oh, gold dice sets because they said that we are
the gold standard in D&D, which was very sweet.
And I'm going to say, Dan, you've got a heart of gold.
So right back at you.
Let's see, Julie Mary H of busydaydreams.com
sent, oh, baby pawpaw stickers
and a ceramic mug she made while listening to the show.
She's also a fan of your mom's pottery.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, that's so nice.
Yeah, a multifaceted fan.
Wow.
Alex and Kennedy K.
Oh, they sent dice that were placed
under the total solar eclipse on April 8th.
So sick.
So these are like super blessed or super cursed.
We don't know yet.
I'm gonna bust them out for the next step, I think.
We're gonna find out.
Nat from Nat20diceforge sent handmade dice sets.
Each contains a little scroll
with a story related
to the dice.
It's really sweet.
I really love the Dragon's Horde set,
which has a bunch of different gemstone colored dice,
like a little dragon sword.
Very cool.
Excited to just get my greasy little fingers
all over these beautiful dice.
I mean, your fingers aren't greasy
because you pick up your Cheetos with your toes.
Exactly.
But I use them to make my pancake creations.
Covered in syrup.
And then finally, James and Elle sent a nice note
and a crocheted duck hat.
Oh, crocheted duck bucket hat.
Yeah, a ducket hat.
Yeah, a ducket hat.
There we go.
With that, you can follow us on social media
that we may or may not use,
at StageMarsMe, at Call These Call Dolls,
at AXE for Demi-ly, and at DEMO and actually gorgeous Jake and you can tweet about
the show using hashtag and ad pod that's any DDP od
we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are we are Bandit. Who shoot him with arrows. I actually don't get those references.
If you can believe it. Dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, M.O.A. Later McSkater, Matt M.
Cutterie W., Jeff C.
Daniel G.
Danielle the Destinely Damed.
Beard Man Dan, Danny P.
Carpe Liam.
Bryant, the very worst DM.
Victor T. Balnor's boy.
Hoyt's friend, Justin I.
Danny shares a birthday with Goofy Danster,
TJ M, Trelai the Craffay, Christopher B,
Damia R, Jordan L, Cyborg Version of Josh the Cobold,
Targot, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebukeer PhD,
Princess Yar, Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C,
star of every film ever made in Bohemia,
now starring in the Iron Deep production
of Hey Squire Never Tires, Samuel B, Mike H,
Elka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Jemma, Tyler F,
a new podcast called Fightin' Favorites,
Nebadger, Panama James, Heradrian, Tyler F., a new podcast called Fightin' Favorites.
Nabadger, Panama James, Heradrian,
Carboro Chapel Hill FPV, Rex Thunerotha White,
Cici Lulu, Old Cobbs Dunkle, Older Burn,
Erkuparos, the Rabbit Foot Detective,
Timmy R., Rico, Calder Comes Cold,
Shout Out to the Cold Compan companions, Frosty Facial.
Taylor B. The Vengeful One-Winged Angel.
Cass, 40-year-old with a car.
Cass.
Steven, Sample Simmer and Sulphurous Sheshwan C.
Mike K. Lady Taco and T-Min Cridulity.
Nick W. William W. Big Bad Beard of the Mad.
Eric McD, Ananarama.
Percival Frederick Stein, Van Mussel,
Klausowski, DeRolo III.
J. Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe,
Honoring the Cock.
Oral Hex, Ben A, Dave H, Christian S,
showing sweet blue-ho!
Dustin S, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce,
Bookfarts Assistant Izzy F, DPC is awesome!
Hashtag honor the cock, shown the shade tree tree mechanic of Zell-Bud-Ar.
Summer rose grand tear.
Cat-see.
Mesa of house in Zunza.
Ariel the occasional mermaid.
Selena and Valacy-reptor.
Bee perky always.
Maxwell J.
Lauren H.
Serve 16,
Annie the Feywild Therapist, Skillful Ferret.
You know I'm trying to see Boomer Poo.
I don't remember if we talked about that in the main feed
or the short rest feed,
but if we only talked about it in the short rest,
then consider this A-T's.
Connor Savage, Salil, Weed Goku 69,
looking for my alcohol, Soleil, Weed Goku 69, looking for my alcohol Vegeta 420, Bio Quirt 17, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat was innocent,
Trub Hopdropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deam, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket, style, tournament, Lindsay W, Valen, Paj, a dummy bunny bard, Carlin C,
Noah the Bullywug Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G,
Everything Bagel the Eladrin who just wants to hang out
with his pet badger Stripey, Daddy Master Dandy,
Hon, Eric B, Marcos, learns the balance druid,
Freda M, Tracy P, the crick elf librarian,
Maggie S, Holly the green laughing hyena
finally caught up to Duck Team,
Akash the car, Doofinus, Aaron B, Russell H,
a monk named Dilgo, Cody C, Lorelai the succubi,
Grinchomancer, and Kira her dad. A monk named Dilgo, Cody C, Lorelai the succubi,
Grinchomancer and Kira her dad. Your friendly neighborhood yawn and yonkle,
Andrew and Sid.
John Adams, the writing candidate for 2024.
Meg, the mail carrier manager of Bohemia.
James F. Austin S.
Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls.
Get rid of them, turn to page 42.
Keep them, turn to page 69.
Shane C.
Barpo Goodbarrel Barbarian.
Welsh Linder.
Garrett G.
One big curd.
Havy the half-orc.
Renee the monster captain.
Roe Box Fleshton, Olivia the Enchanting Bard,
and Jared the soap opera cleric who are playing
Stick It to the Man, Down with the Monarchy,
Winterslade, Fico, Garrett the Artificer,
Anthony the Rattest of Dudes, Josh H., Caleb L.,
The Fairies Say Om Nom Nom Nom Honor the Cock
Cantrip Dumbledore the Bear Onesie Wearing Barbarian
Lexi H MJ the BFG
No Drog the Pass a Fist Barbarian
Geno T Derrick D Tristan the Talentless Honk
Leon K Legendary Hero of Bohemia from a future campaign.
Shananigans O'Connor.
Mios the Great.
Joshua S.
Alexander Linz W.
Angel La Pamela the forever vindicated.
Emma S.
Pavu Eskenar the Agoliath Paladin
providing service with a smile.
Tim M. Five Titties Flapping in the Wind. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Sam Hampton, Shelby, Kenna's second favorite sprite girl manifesting the Bullywug Bucket
Hat merch, please don't ban the Murph.
Jackson R, Snailus who's infecting Worcester from within.
Official Ned Flanders, Blake H searching for a sweet blue hole with his bestie Big Bev.
Papa Skydays, Memaw Skydays, Taylor B, a part-time clartist.
Oh, it's B, sneezing for clout.
Achoo!
Megan N, Savannah H,
Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza,
Benjamin A, Gimli the Corgi,
Papa and Foster's canine friend.
Mickle A. Josh H. Froakie, the two crew blew through.
Jennery, Lulu Bug, the Crix Nanorfly scientist.
Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashesaurus, Seth E., Bailey Batson,
Tori the Tungsten, Dragoose,
purveyor of the Gamer Grinch bathwater,
Michael Lyle, S. the Second,
Jacob the purveyor of shenanigans,
Parcel, Dex Riddlewell,
Hannah A., Ace Dregs,
High Lord of Kritzberg,
Darius D., Troy's Mom,
Vin Diagram, GKCT, Hi Lord of Critsburg. Darius D. Troy's mom. Venn diagram. G K C T he he. T he he. Oh
pardon me I said that wrong. G K C T he he. Catamelius the consumed.
Hossinator. Bird of Holding. Clinton P. Cam the frog man, Dean, Jake W, Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, the Choose Your Own
Adventure Writer, not the porn star, Devin G, Steve L, Alex G, That Guy Quan, Zippity
Beckerie, and finally Nicole.
Thank you all so much for supporting us.
We love you.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
Goodbye, sweeties.
That was a hate gum podcast.