Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Razzing Refs, Misty Mysteries and The Triple Trident Proceedings

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, CaCawldwell and Gracklesford, as well as the Birdliff BluJake as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Welcome to Dungeon Court everybody. Dun Dun. Dun Dun. Yes, we are your supreme crit justices, Brian Murphy, Emily Axelrod, and Caldwell Tanner. Emily and I shook our clavicles as we said that. We like locked eyes.

It was honestly intimate. Yeah. But in the way that when you play in a band with other people it's intimate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were sharing something. We basically, I mean, we did the podcasting equivalent of bass and guitar noodling and perfect syncing together. It really is noodling. That's what podcasting is really as an art form.

True. Yeah. We're just noodling. We're just noodling here. It's kind of like 21st century jazz, you know? Yeah. You know- You guys noodled together hard just to have some good noodling. Yeah. And we've got a lot of in the room here, a lot of chemistry, a lot of sparks flying, and then over there in New York, we've got the lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely,

lonely, and lonely, actually. And lonely, the lonely bailiff, Jake. A lonely bailiff, I am in a room by myself, nobody to noodle with. Not even any lights on. Yeah, the lights are off, they turn the power off. So Headbump hasn't paid or been able to pay its electricity bill.

Right on, right on. In I guess nine months. Huh. And with that, we'll have to take it away. Hopefully you still have your laptop charged. Yeah, I might have to run into a hallway to juice up if needed, but for now, here ye, here ye, Crit is in session.

The honorable Supreme Crit Justices, Axford, Murphy, and Tanner presiding and noodling. The first case comes from Connor S, the case of the eviscerated first ever D&D character. Oh, okay. Oh no, I love these titles though. I just want to shout out everyone. They're always so provocative.

This one could have a good ending though, right? That's true. Yeah, you're right. That would be the most devious thing you could do, Jake, is just sneak in one good ending. Yeah, don't worry guys. This is one of the good ones over here. Connor S. writes, good morrow, glorious and radiant justice.

No, this one's gonna be bad. I was playing my first ever D&D campaign with a first time DM. Before he started, he declared that this campaign would be relentless. He would be brutal towards us and our decisions. Are you a high school fiend? Long knowledge, but being a first time DM and coming out that hard is so funny. He would be brutal towards us and our decisions. Are you a high school fiend? Long-term contestants.

Well, being a first-time DM and coming out that hard is so funny. I mean, it's what I would script if I were writing it. Yeah, it's just like showing up to a martial arts class and having never done it before and just being like, just so you know, I'm not gonna hold back. All right. I'm gonna do things differently, harder than expected.

A few sessions in, we were tasked to investigate I'm going to do things differently, harder than expected. A few sessions in, we were tasked to investigate a shopkeeper's basement and discovered a cult completing a ritual to summon a demon. Classic, love it. Yeah, when it was clear the purpose was to flee the demon, the rest of the party fled. My halfling Paladin, who worked to keep the peace

in the land, saw the demon standing before me as a threat to the region. And I stayed behind briefly to determine what my character would do. I decided to run before telling the demon, quote, next time we meet, you won't escape. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah.

I like that choice. Yeah. When I turned to run, my DM stated that I had taken too long. Why not? You have to roll initiative. Everyone just roll initiative. They're allowed to talk on their turn. And the DM didn't take kindly to my threat. And my character was now dead.

What? What? Why? What did the demon do? The demon would just one shot me. Wait. Wait, how? How?

Did the demon one shot him? Or did the DM just say that the demon? Yeah, how? I even witnessed it. Did the demon one shot him? Or did the DM just say that? Yeah, he just said. Big difference. The demon one shot him. All right, the demon cast one shot. There's no save, cause it is a one shot.

Power word shut up. I explained that I was just trying to set up a cool role play moment for the future. And that I at least deserve to set up a cool role-playing moment for the future and that I at least deserve to roll to see if I got away. My DM relented and rolled higher in initiative and did one-shot my first ever character. Was I over role-playing in this situation? Was I right to be upset

that he just killed my character so quickly? Or should I have taken his warning that this would be a more brutal campaign and just turn to run with everyone else? I don't know. Well, they did roll initiatives, so, we go to the DM for working with you. So that makes it slightly better.

But we're already starting in a negative place, right? It's not buttoned up. It's not buttoned up. It's buttoned up, but they did the buttons wrong. Yeah, they did the buttons absolutely wrong. The jeans are out of order. Even if you got a better initiative and got away, you'd still be like, I had to rules lawyer for the DM

to not out of character, just say I was dead in the most uninteresting way possible. For trying to insert, it's not even like you were trying to deliver a monologue. It was like, you turned over your shoulder and said, next time we meet you, you won't get away. Yeah, to kill you after that line. But it's a very funny thing to say

while you're running away, too. Just the instant turn and run after that. I mean, that's the exact type of role play that you want your players to have. You want them to say things, and you want them to interact with your NPCs. And I understand where the DM's coming from, to a certain extent, where it's like,

you're setting up a thing to establish a bad guy, and then they're gonna run into him later. So it's not time to fight the demon now, but they should be able to say something. The idea that you just have to sprint away from anyone who seems strong. Instantly. What do you guys think?

I actually think if I were DMing, it's a free action to speak. Yes. There's gotta be a limit. I feel like you gotta have like a certain number of syllables you can say before the demon gets too upset. Do you guys think that if you're surprised, you shouldn't be allowed to say one cheeky final sentence?

You should be able to say a cheeky thing. I think it's just fun to talk at the table. You can be able to talk at the table, yes. It's fun to talk to your friends. Even if, I feel like you could say something and be like, oh no, if I didn't have time, I didn't really say that or something. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can retcon a sentence, right? You can also do what I do, which is when Caldwell is rude to my NPCs that I- Why are you singling me out? Because it only happens with you. That are extremely strong and I'm trying to keep like a you know, like an aura of cool around them. I just have them sock him in the stomach.

Yes, I'm helping you tell your story, man. They sock me and then everyone realizes then we get a sense of how strong they are. Right, that's true. I actually do feel as though I am going to request more information because I really want to know what the one shot was because that gives flavor to this story which is already pretty funny to me. It sounds like it's just eviscerated. Was your character engulfed in flames? Was it carrying a great demonic maul that he- It sounds like the DM did not try very hard, was just like, this dude's stats are too good, you're dead.

Wait, what? Right. Excuse me? Like the DM barely wanted to play. Like you can't talk, my guy's not even gonna swing at you. It's just, you saw him and you're dead now. Yeah. I feel so bad, because when you play at this person's table

again, you're going to be so fearful to speak. Yeah, but that's the problem with this ultimately, is that even if you make another character, in the future, you're just going to be like, do I see a bad guy? I sprint. I sprint away. I don't say anything. I just keep running.

Honestly, to Caldwell's point about getting hit by an NPC does show how strong they are. So if the DM really wanted to show how strong this demon was and didn't want the paladin to get the last word, you could have had him roll initiative and then be like, the demon throws you through a wall. Yeah. Your friends find your unconscious body in the rubble.

The demon says, this is beneath me. Yeah, this is a little mouse moment. Yeah. This is when like the demon's just like, oh, go away little mouse, I'm not, you're not ready for me. Yeah, there you go. Yeah.

Hit him with that little mouse. There will be no next time little mouse. And then throw them through the window. Yeah. Yeah. I think that you got totally. Yeah, you got absolutely host. You got host, dude.

The only thing I'll say in the DM's favor, I'm going like deep off on a limb into Devil's Advocate territory. Maybe they were trying to set up like a cold open sort of thing with this villain. Cause like, if this was a TV show or a movie, I could see it being like, oh yeah, you see this encounter. The paladin gets absolutely torched. That shows the viewers like how serious this whole situation is,

but there's no viewers here. Right. Yeah. Well, would it have- Well, the rest of the party. It's true. Sending a message to them. Don't talk to anybody.

Yeah, don't talk to anybody is the ultimate lesson. Don't interact. Yeah, don't interact. Is there something fun though about like, okay, like if we try to achieve what Caldwell was talking about, and if it's like, okay, he hits you for enough damage that you go unconscious. And then you're like, okay, and you lose consciousness. And then it's kind of like an unknown

and then your friends find you in the wreckage. Also, yeah, this DM really wanted to be a hard ass and be like, okay, roll initiative, then described everything that happened and made it super scary and then killed the PC. That's one thing because then it is scary and cinematic and stuff. It's still kind of bullshit because, you know, let your players talk. And if you want to have, if you want to make sure that your bad guy doesn't get clowned on, you still have them attack and do damage. But just having your player talk

is a pretty silly reason to kill them. But if you were like, everyone's gonna have five characters, we're all gonna keep running through, characters are gonna die all the time. You roll initiative and you describe a cinematic thing where this demon kills them. You don't just passively say,

oh, you waited a little too long, you're actually dead. And then argue about it. There are creative ways to run your brutal campaign. Yes, up, you waited a little too long, you're actually dead, and then argue about it. There are creative ways to run your brutal campaign. Yes, yes, yes. What would you guys do if you were in this DM situation, you roll initiative, the demon has higher initiative, and then you're like, all right, demon's gonna swing at you, and then you roll an at one.

Do you think the DM was afraid of this happening? Yes, I have the demon miss, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh no. Do you think the DM was afraid of this happening? Yes, I have the demon miss. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh no. Oh, oh fuck. You should have gotten in my head. I think I have food poisoning. I just got some name on a stick.

Give me a minute. Oh, it's just some name. Come on. It's different gravity here than there is in the abyss. Give me air. The moment you get used to it, it feels like I The emotion's changing. It feels like I'm swimming or something, like I'm underwater. What is that?

Is that oxygen? Oh, that stuff's nasty. Oh, it smells like ass in here. Does it smell normal to you guys? Is it hot? Is it? Is it fucking hot? I thought...

It's humid. Yeah, you know, you'd think that like I'd be used to the heat, but like it's pretty cold where I'm from. Devils and demons are different, actually. There's like, heat is, there is a dry heat here. There's a dry heat in this thing. It's wet, it's wet where I'm from. I missed the second thing you said,

next time we meet. Yeah, what, what were you? What was the other thing you said? Yeah, it just pissed me off that you were talking. I didn't actually know what you said. I was supposed to be someone with clothes. I don't know where my clothes went. Yeah, everyone could just see my wang. Can you stand in front of my wang?

Yeah. Here's real quick. You saw my wang, you must die. Let me cover my wang real quick. I'm grasping at just an inch of status amongst these town folk. Okay, so this demon's getting punished. This demon has to introduce, unfortunately,

that demon in his campaign to sort of pender greens, so pender blues. The demon who's not used to the material plain climate. Who still can't find pants. Yeah. Pender greens. Pender greens. Pender greens.

Pender greens. Okay. Sweet. So ordered. Our next case comes from Jake Birdman. Jake Birdman writes, dude, stop. He's trying to read over here.

I'm so sorry. Come on. Don't distract him. God damn. He's hard enough. Emily. Please. Are you a Sultan Murph?

Punch me so I know how strong you are. Heroes. I'll throw you through a goddamn wall. Oh, fuck. Have we, maybe you've gotten this a bunch before, but have you gotten Kuk-Caldwell as a nickname? Oh! No, I haven't. Really?

I thought maybe if I showed more of an interest in birds in my public life. Why would he? Why would anyone call him that? Why would anyone call him Kuk-Caldwell? Maybe if I started talking about Scarlett McCaugh a lot more. A nickname that's longer than his actual name and is so bird focused. God, I just love hearing a bird cry. Just when the murder of crows just circles above me,

there's nothing better. Moving on, Jake, read the case. I honestly can't. What do you have to say about it? Let's take a second. Just dropping so many hints being like, man, God. Just, it's been a while since I had a good nickname. Okay, Jake writes,

to the lovely judges and the bailiff whose name I shamefully share. Whoa. That's not really funny. They got your name right, actually, though. Yeah. And found a way to insult you. I bring you the case of the DM referee.

So I have been DMing for a group of my very close friends for around two years. It was recently my birthday and as a gift, one of my friends DMed a one shot where we were all minions in the Big Bad's castle. Fun. The trouble started when one of my friends who famously has very strong opinions

and a powerful will showed up in what I thought was a referee shirt, black and white stripes and all. I asked her if it was a referee shirt and she said no. So I moved on and I didn't think much of it. Cool. Cut to us playing the one shot, having a great time when one of the players had to roll a check that he didn't know the stat for.

I quietly pointed out the stat he needed, which was immediately met with my referee friend pulling out a whistle, blowing it loudly, and yellow carding me for quote, backseat DMing. She had planned this bit because she thought I might try to correct the person DMing because I was so used to not being a player. On your birthday?

Although she later admitted, I had really good manners during the session. Judges, was she right to call my modest advice on your birthday? Although she later admitted, I had really good manners during the session. Two judges. Was she right to call my modest advice back seat DMing or was I right to try and be helpful to another player? This is a case of wrongful razzing. Yeah, this is a wrong for sure. This is a wild razz on your birthday

doing prop insult comedy. It's not a surprise if you showed up and the person said, are you wearing a ref shirt? And you say no. And they asked if you were a referee and they said no. So it's not a surprise. You have to show up in a trench coat. Are you fucking kidding me?

If that's you, then you have to reveal that. If you ripped a trench coat off and revealed a ref shirt. You're wearing just a big sweatshirt over it. Yeah. Yeah. That works too if you don't have time to get it. Big sweatshirt's gonna be tough though cause you're gonna have to like pull that over your head. And you might accidentally take your shirt off.

That's fun though. A zip could work. A zip could work. A zip hoodie, yeah. This is so- This was so poorly executed. I'm gonna give a red card to this person. Absolutely.

A whistle and a card ready to go. And then like not getting enough to use it. So you kind of get desperate. And you're like, oh shit, I have to use it now. You know what, that is what happened. They were so ready to razz you and you didn't end up giving. So then they had to kind of meekly. Oh yeah.

This sounds like it's just a- Just do it on a moment of just like gentle helping. A really high effort joke that just does not land? Yeah. It's a yellow card that would be overturned by VAR. The worst part is like when somebody says like, hey, are you doing a joke right now and you nervously say no,

you can't get over the joke. Now you're just wearing a black and white striped shirt. Oh, that would be so funny. Oh my God. If someone says, am I being pranked right now? You have to just say yes, if you are. Is it possible that this friend already lived out her punishment?

Because- A little bit. That's what I was thinking. Awkwardly kind of like war, did a bit that didn't end up paying off and had to explain it. Yeah. The surprise got called out immediately

as soon as you saw it. She had to lie about it. Then she had to kind of do it for a pretty innocuous offense and then come to you after and be like, you were actually really cool. I thought I thought it was actually. But I guess I was the one that wasn't cool. Somebody at the table actually asking for help

and you offering it on your birthday? Yeah. Sent to your original. Tweet! Wrong, Thomas! Yeah, wow. Also, it's just like, why is there a ref? Why is it like a soccer ref? What does that have to do with D&D? It feels like a Michael Scott joke.

It's just like almost a bit, and it's just not. It's so high effort. It's just not there. It's so high effort for solo reward. I have a feeling his friend probably knew it wasn't working as it was happening too. Yeah. I'm telling you, I think they lived their punishment.

I'm panicking, I think they called out for the ref shirt. Just casually wearing the ref shirt. It's just stripes. I also, I mean, just to go to the- I'm dressed as Beetlejuice. The quote unquote yellow card, I guess this could be table to table, but every table I've played at, it's very communal.

We're all like, oh, that's this right here. Oh yeah, because I feel like we all learned together. If we had a new person playing with us and they were like playing a fighter for the first time or something, and they were like, what is action surge? Don't help them, don't help them. Yeah, if one of you guys answered and not me,

that's not you guys backseat DMing It's just being a person. I also don't think I've ever felt anything to someone like being like, oh, yeah You can do this like great, right? Like we're on the someone helping It's also the ref joke. It's just tough because it's also you're already playing a game, right? So be one thing if you're like, okay, the joke is to take like a soccer ref and put it in real life and give people like red cards or yellow cards for like social faux pas or something.

But this is already a different game with different rules and a different ref that already, it's almost, the joke is like having a soccer ref at a different game. If it all went exactly how this friend thought it was going to, it's still not good. Still not good. That's what I'm saying.

I think it could have been cute, but I think that the second you said, are you wearing a ref shirt, it was over. It was over. And I think your friend knew it too. I'm just spitballing here because I think you just in general shouldn't be mean to your friends who are trying to help.

But wouldn't it arguably be a better joke if when someone quote backseat DM, if you brought a dungeon screen with you, a DM screen with you, and then you put it in front of them while they were doing it, you're like, if you're gonna be the DM, why don't you go ahead and do it?

And then you make it into a hat and they have to wear it because they're the Dungeon Dunce. Sure. Yeah, you could do that too. We're getting away from us a little bit again, but. Yeah, we could give this person a punishment, but like I said, I kind of think they lived it. I think they already lived it.

Yeah, no, they did. They just called out. It's so fucking real, it's terrifying. I can see the text in the group feed being like, I've got this great bit I'm gonna do, and no one responds to it, and they just do it anyway. And then you call them in blank, because you're like, they feed being like, I've got this great bid I'm gonna do, and no one responds to it, and they just do it anyway. And then you're like, they're just busy, I guess.

This person buying a referee outfit, they obviously had to buy a whistle. They had to buy the red cards and the yellow cards online, probably. It's also so funny to- If you wanna be realistic. It's also so funny to go ready to razz someone for something that you haven't seen them do yet,

and then have them not do it. Right, I showed up in the ref outfit, I have to call out something. I feel like if I make fun of my friends, it's like for stuff they already do, I don't know if I've ever been like, oh my God, my friend is gonna fucking do this stupid thing. I'm trying to figure out how much this bit costs.

So far, $15 for a ref shirt. OK, sure. You could go cheaper. Red card, yellow card. Well, you want it to look good. OK, $10. So $25 this person spent. So you could have bought them a birthday present.

Oh, the whistle. Let's see the whistle. Well, maybe the friend gave them the ref costume after. Oh, that's nice. You know, like, hey, we can always remember. Yeah, whistles. You get a $5 whistle. This is like a $30 bit right here.

Figured you'd want this whistle to commemorate the great bit that we did. Well, what you have to do is, yeah, you can actually really tastefully frame this refters and the whistle and the cards to commemorate this perfect bit. And then it can say backseat DMing. Actually, you were pretty, you were pretty chill.

And hang it in the room where you play so this player has to see it all the time. Imagine at the end of the session there is a moment where they all exchange gifts and then the referee first is like, well, my gift was kind of like the razzing gift. I'm the razz and ref. Everyone get ready for your birthday when I razz you. I'm not the Dungeon Dunce. I'm the razz and ref. Everyone get ready for your birthday when I razz you. I'm not the Dungeon Dunce, I'm the razzing ref. All right, so I sentence this referee to remember this moment as they go to sleep tonight. I know, I know, I would in their shoes. Although wouldn't it be equally weird

to show up in a ref costume and be like, I got a bail on this? Like you can't act? I never. Well you could just be like, I just wear a black this. Like you panicked? I never. Or you could just be like, I just wore a black and white shirt. It kind of really makes me want to wear a black and white shirt to an event sometime

and have, see like people's instinctual. Cause like anyone who watches sports, you see that shirt and you're like, why is this here? Why is this here? Sure. Why are we doing this? Yeah.

Are you watching me? Are you going to call me on something? I think, you know, you just bail and you like put some dirt on it and say, I'm sporty Beetlejuice. What are you talking about? I'm sporty Beetlejuice. You're so right.

Okay, yeah, that's cool. That's cool. All right, cool. So worded. All right, our next case comes from Sean H. To the venerable judges and to the one who lurks in their shadows, I present you the case of the PCs turned jesters. I recently joined an online

campaign with some strangers and it has been going okay so far. This is like my favorite genre is just like online campaign with people I don't know. We should just have like a series of like pre-made red flags so we can start flipping up online Online, strangers. Yeah, in a rough outfit maybe. Yeah, the strangers get a yellow card. We are stuck in the Underdark searching for gods to give us MacGuffins so we can find MacGuffins, et cetera. One session, we came across Carl Glittergold, a gnome god known for being witty.

Oh, I've seen that. He told us that we needed to tell him a joke that would make him laugh in order to get the MacGuffin. Oh no. Being a minus one charisma wizard, I thought it was a challenging ask, but maybe with some good history or religion roles, I could find out his sense of humor

and relay that information to the other players. Oh, that's thoughtful. There were no roles. The DM instead said that his sense of humor was the same as hers, so we actually needed to make her, the DM, audibly laugh. Wow. That's... Cut to two straight hours of uncomfortable joke time with little to no results. The streak

was finally fortunately broken by the one PC who has known the DM for years. So I asked the crit justices, do you think it was fair to make the players host a comedy night for this DM? Or do you think some sort of rolling could have been involved in the challenge? Did anyone else, this went really differently than I thought it was going to. PC's turn.

I thought it was gonna be like, I'm a DM and all of my stupid PCs quit being adventurers to be jesters for a kid. They roll with Disadvant. Because of all the bells on their suits. This is bad for like professional comedians. Yeah, it sucks when someone's like, tell me a joke. I can only imagine if it wasn't like my job.

That is the worst. When somebody finds out that you're in comedy and they're like, oh, you're funny, make me laugh. Tell me a joke. I think make me laugh is different than tell me a joke as well. Like tell comedy and they're like, oh, you're funny, make me laugh, tell me a joke. I think make me laugh is different than tell me a joke as well. Like tell me a joke is like, okay, this needs like structure, this needs a setup, but like make me laugh.

Like I could just like jump on the coffee table and hurt my arm and everyone's gonna laugh at that. If you jumped on a coffee table and hurt your arm, you'd have to jump so hard. I'm not gonna break my arm. I actually don't know that I would laugh because I think it would happen so fast that I would be... If Caldwell, quote, jumped on a coffee table and hurt his arm, it would mean he had to like elbow drop onto it, which would definitely make me laugh. Let me,

let me finish. Let me give you the whole setup here, which is that I've gone to the kitchen and I've fetched a snack and I'm like, who wants chickpea puffs? And as I say that, I go, whoa. Okay, okay. I love it. And I throw the bowl up in the air. I trip over the sofa and then I launch myself. Okay. As long as there's preamble. The wording jump on to the coffee table. I pictured it literally being me standing in a conversation with you and you just suddenly leaping and me not actually being able to laugh because I went straight to the coffee table. It wasn't falling onto the coffee table, it was jumping onto it and it was your arm not your legs. And this is why this is such a bad challenge is because like I really panicked and I had to rethink it. I'm laughing at him describing what happened.

To be fair, I actually would laugh a lot if Ca-Caldwell fell on a coffee table. Yeah. My buddy Ca-Caldwell. If he fell on a ca-coffee table. It's also a weird vibe too, right? Because we all laugh at really stupid shit. So if I did have a character do this to you guys in a campaign, you guys wouldn't have to tell structured jokes. It would just be like, Paw Paw puts on a wimple or something. Yeah. Yeah.

Like we would, there's ways for characters to be funny. I think, yeah, the DM is going to do this. I have to be ready to give like a quote unquote pity laugh. It's like, okay, this person actually earnestly tried to give a joke. I will chuckle. I know that it can be a bit controversial in podcasting, having people who laugh a lot, but I am someone who laughs a lot. It would not, like the idea of trying not to laugh seems sad. Don't get it. Yeah. Maybe this DM was really going through something

and they just needed to smile. I don't know. Some DMs I feel like are just kinda on like a power trip. It's true. Just like make me laugh is really strange. I think this player went about it a great way, which is going about it earnestly, right? Which is, okay, cool, there's this god

that needs us to make them laugh. So I'm gonna use my character's abilities to try to figure this out. Let me find out what they like and give it to the other players. And then they could do something like, moonshine puts a wimple on Papa or something like that. Yeah, it's really good. Yeah, it's really funny.

But just having- Do you like it? Do you see it? The rat's wearing a wimple. Yeah. See, we're laughing. Here we are laughing. It is good.

All she had to do is say it like that. It's like, it's sometimes it's just the cadence to it. Yeah. Hard ones, pants fall down. it's sometimes it's just the cadence too. Yeah. Hard ones pants fall down. Yeah. But that's just, you know. Oh fuck.

But we're just a laughy podcast. Yeah. Yeah. We have a good time. As I'm trying to put myself in the mindset of like someone who's like, hey, I'm actually gonna try not to laugh. I'm gonna like close myself off to joy

and you guys need to pry the doors of my heart. Imagine being this DM and you're DMing for a bunch of like strangers. Right. And after like an hour and a half, you go to like, you go to the bathroom and are like, you guys keep thinking of jokes, I'll be right back.

And you have to like leave, like go do something. Wait a second, I bet I know what happened. Maybe this DM just didn't have anything planned. Maybe they didn't have a session. They were just spinning wheels. This is a bad way to improvise. And they're just gaslighting their players and feeling like the session was two and a half hours long

because of you, not because of me. And it was easy not to laugh because you're just thinking of how little you have planned and how underprepared you are. Yeah, you're so worried. And how you have an open mic night to go to that night. Oh! And you're so- Oh, and you're just collecting jokes.

And you're collecting all the good jokes. You have to bite your lip to not laugh at these serious jokes. This fucking DM is a fucking huckster. Wow. Stealing these jokes, just mining and farming jokes from these internet strangers. Writing down, trip over coffee table. Yeah.

Yeah, all right, so this DM. I think I sent this DM to come clean at the open mic. Yeah, to go to an open mic. Give credit to all the jokers. A two hour set at an open mic. Yeah. With all the jokes. Like a tearfully honest, like hour long set.

Yeah. Where they're just like really getting into it. And then you culminate with falling on a coffee table. You say, even that wasn't original. Yeah. You say, did anyone order a cup of coffee? And then you jump onto the table with a pot of coffee in your hand.

We had a character named Caw Caw and we never called Caldwell Caw Caldwell. Fuck. It's not that. It's such a missed opportunity. It's not like necessary. It feels like it was right in front of our eyes. It wasn't that. It's such a missed opportunity. It's not like necessary. It feels like it was right in front of her eyes. It wasn't though, it doesn't, it just.

I think we'll get an opportunity at a live show someday. Caw-Caw comes out sometimes. You're called, yeah, okay. I'm actually over the door to the podcast studio. I'm just gonna put like a little picture of Caw-Caw and then I'm gonna put like my glasses on it. Oh my goodness. So I'm just gonna slap it every time I leave

being like, damn, you know what? You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. on it. Oh, my goodness. Slap it every time I leave being like, damn, you know what? You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Right on. So true. Let's move on. Okay. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about ExpressVPN. Halloween is right around the corner and who doesn't love a spooky movie to get into the spirit of the season? With all the streaming services out there, however, a Halloween movie marathon can get expensive fast, but not if you have ExpressVPN.

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So get your money's worth and get three extra months of ExpressVPN for free when you go to expressvpn.com slash papa. That's for free when you go to ExpressVPN.com slash Paw Paw. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N dot com slash Paw Paw. ExpressVPN.com slash Paw Paw. Goodbye, sweeties. Today's episode of NADD Pod is brought to you by Alienware. This season, Alienware has premium gear for every gamer's wishlist.

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Shop now at Alienware.com slash deals. All right, that's it for me. Thanks for listening and game on. So ordered. So ordered. Our next case comes from Ben C. Venerable Justices and the infant child baby bailiff Jackson. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. We've all gathered here to bring him gifts. Venerable Justices and the infant child baby Bailiff Jackson.

He's just a baby. Oh, he's just a baby. He's just a baby. We've all gathered here to bring him gifts. Our group is in the early stages of Curse of Strahd and currently at level three. A strange series of events led us to confronting Strahd extremely early with him inviting us to his keep.

This interaction was clearly meant to introduce us to him and reveal a few other things. He eviscerated us because I responded to the invitation and I was eviscerating. When the interaction was complete, Strahd transformed into mist and started to exit. Our cleric took the opportunity to cast create slash destroy water, attempting to destroy the mist.

The DM laughed and said it was a creative play, but clearly would have no effect on Strahd. He awarded the cleric inspiration for the move, but said it had no effect. The cleric insisted that this should, at the very least, force him to change forms again and should potentially cause damage. No, he's Strahd.

He's got like 17 legendary resistances. He's got legendary resistances. This is, okay, so this character, if this character was eviscerated, that would be fine. If the DM was like, okay, let's do this, not Myst anymore. You're level three, here's Strahd. Strahd is a vampire. Strahd's gonna take a legendary action to claw you.

You have died. You saw Strahd's wang, you must die. Strahd took three damage from your Myst thing. Yeah. Okay. The DM was insistent that this would not be the case. We moved on from the interaction, but after the session, the cleric brought it up again,

this time in more adamant terms. He argued that mist is water and therefore should have done something, all caps, to Strahd. The mist, the mist is a vampire. The mist, this is not real. What do you want? A vampire. Yeah, it's vampire. The mist, this is not real. What do you want? A vampire.

Yeah, it's kind of like the mist, maybe the mist burned a legendary resistance. Sure, yeah. Or something. Fine, maybe it just went off. It's literally fucking magic. It's just not, none of it's real. The arguments on both sides became more heated

as the race went on. I'm getting heated. Should the spell have had an effect on the big bad or is our cleric being unreasonable? Absolutely unreasonable. I think being unreasonable. Like the DM already gave you inspiration. Yeah, the DM sounds like they went above and beyond.

Yeah. That's also a thing of a DM being kind of being like, look, this was a moment for Strahd to introduce himself to the party, to kind of like flex his muscles and show his like magic and stuff. a moment for Strahd to introduce himself to the party, to kind of like flex his muscles and show his like magic and stuff. You attacking him or doing something to him

could theoretically just get you total party killed right there. So the DM is just being kind. Yeah, the DM is being nice by being like, okay, Strahd feels you cast a spell on him aggressively and says, let's go. Yeah, yeah, decides to keep leaving. Yeah.

I don't know what the plan was here. Did you think you were gonna one shot the BBEG? Because even if this mist move was going to one shot him, he could legendary resistance it. So it doesn't, like he could do that three times. Well, there is no save with your creator, destroy water, right? But I still think it just seems like, I mean no save with your creator destroy water, right? No.

But I still think it just seems like, I mean, like, do vampires really turn, they don't turn into water. They don't actually turn into water. I have the stat block up right here. So it says, Strahd, he can use Misty Escape if he's at zero HP. That's not this case.

He can shape shift into a Misty form. But the only thing it says about vampire weaknesses is they're harmed by running water. He takes 20 acid damage and he ends his turn in running water. Classic vampire stuff. That's what I thought that they were creating water to try to harm him.

But I don't think that when vampires turn into a mist, I never assumed it was a water mist. It's just like their essence. Wait, alt mist isn't water, right? Whoa. No, I mean, you can make a mist out of anything. You could have milk mist, I guess. Could you have marshmallow mist?

Wait, could you have milk mist? Oh my God, I'd love to eat marshmallow mist. You could definitely mist a marshmallow. Guys, people in the comments are going to murder us. Yeah, and I love it. Yeah, tell me. They're gonna be like, wow, Jake, that's a really smart question.

Could you? And the answer, according to Google, is yes. Mist is made up of water. Oh, it's only water? So you couldn't have nut milk mist? There's water, right? Isn't there water in it? Yeah, would the nuts cling to the water?

Would the nuts, I guess they'd be too heavy as the thing. I mean, I think what we're looking at is a million dollar invention here. It's like, how do I get the milk to cling to the mist? Yeah. How do I get that thick mist that I so crave? I bet you any, that's like a fancy restaurant thing. Yeah.

And for your moosh moosh, here's a milk mist. If you could please open up your food hole. Oh wait, here we go. Another search. Yes, technically mist can refer to tiny droplets of any liquids suspended in the air, not just water. Okay, all right, milk mist is back on the table. So it could be a mist of oil, chemicals, other liquids,

and maybe a vampire. Isn't milk just like mostly water, like liquids or water? There's so much to it. Okay, okay. There's whole mues. There's take the joke off the table. Yeah, but there's water. What about I mean like, yeah, oil. I have some definitive.

I googled when vampires mist, are they made of water? Oh, when vampires transform into mist in folklore fiction, they aren't typically made of water in the same way as a natural mist or a fog instead is usually described as a supernatural transformation where their bodies become an intangible ghostly vapor. Yes, exactly. as a natural mist or a fog, instead is usually described as a supernatural transformation where their bodies become an intangible ghostly vapor. Yes, exactly, it's not real. So for many reasons this player is crazy. If they were a movie, if they were a water mist

and they use it to travel, they would be running water, which is like one of the only weaknesses we know. You can't become your greatest weakness, okay? Yeah, duh. Oh, maybe you can. I'm gonna think about that one. But that's what Batman did. Who would do that? Shit, shit.

True. We do have to go by the Batman precedent. I will become the mist. No, this is wrong on so many levels, just arguing, DM, why didn't you kill me? Why didn't you kill me? Why didn't you make Strahd be Strahd and stay and fight me, a level three cleric?

Yeah. This is, yeah, this makes me mad. I'm like four different levels. What are we gonna, I just like this cleric. Okay, we got to sentence the cleric. Oh, we got, this is kind of like new for us. We don't really hear about naughty clerics too much. I know. Oh, it's funny.

It's kind of like Paladin energy from a cleric. Yeah. Except for in campaign one, there's one very famous one. I don't remember. Just kidding. Just kidding. Spoiler, but theola is a cleric. Very good.

Oh, is that how you pronounce her name? Very good. Sorry. Theola, sorry. Yeah, there you go. If I remember. I guess we could just sentence them to invent some sort of like gastro. Oh yeah. Like cotton candy is kind of like sugar mist.

So they don't need to actually that's been invented. You don't need to invent cotton candy. Yeah. Well, I mean, again, the milk mist because if you cause like you, you know, you've got shaved ice, you can flavor that. That's really fun. For some reason, I really want a marshmallow. Well maybe cotton milk. The milk mist, because you get shaved ice, you can flavor that, that's really fun. For some reason I really want a marshmallow. Well maybe cotton milk. Oh!

Oh! Cotton-coated wool is clearly variant of milk right now. So maybe there's a combination between cotton candy and this milk mist. Do for milk what cotton candy did for sugar, right? I feel like such an idiot, but I just, I feel like water is in all of this stuff, right? Yes, in cotton candy it's sugar that's making up the clouds.

Right, but you're like, milk mist is doing the water mist. But wouldn't it still be water mist? Yes, we have to make the thick mist where the sugar and the milk clings to the water. That's the problem. Yeah, dude. But why does it? I think it already does though. If you had a, okay, so I have a humidifier in my room

and we used to joke that I put mayonnaise in it, but we could after this try to put my oat milk in the humidifier and see what comes out. I think this question's not wrong about water. And if you could put that on a stick, if you get that on a stick, you could sell that at a fair. You know what, I actually don't wanna ruin my humidifier, so I'm gonna sentence this cleric

to put oat milk in their humidifier. Right. Let me know, let me know the results. There we go, we found it. I mean, it's still water mist, but it will stink, so yeah. Right. If you, yeah, so breathe in and if you feel full, we'll know it worked.

Yeah. All right, sweet. That's awesome, honestly. So we're very curious too. Can't wait to hear. Our next case comes from Andrew PGL. To the honorable justices Murphy, Axford and Tanner, and choose your own adventure if we're being nice to Jake.

Turn to page 69. If you're being mean, turn to page 451. It seems like we're being mean to me. I actually think that you've been really nice and supportive of Caldwell's new nickname. So we're being nice to Jake right now. Okay, all right, great. Right, yeah.

I don't really like Caldwell's new nickname. The wise and fair Bailiff Jake Hurwitz. Okay, that's a bird's-of-a-feather flock together. C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C- Billy Eilish might have said that and got edited out. Yeah. What? Quote the Javin, so ordered. Mm, Javin, I love that. What does this have to do with Billy Eilish? I don't know what's going on. Keep going, Jake. I come to you today with the case of the multiple Tridents.

I recently attended an adventure where I played Felix, a Roman gladiator-esque battle master who fought with Tridents and his fists. Cool. During our first fight, before entering melee range, I threw my trident at a Skellington, then drew a second trident to throw, upon which the DM asked how I have two tridents.

I told him I have three on my character sheet, two from the fighter's starting gear, and one purchased pregame for five gold. That's cool. Sure, yeah. He told me it would be way too difficult to carry three Tridents. Oh, come on, why? Why, you're playing a buff person. Who cares?

I argued I was well under my carrying capacity threshold so it should be fine for my 18th strength half elf. He insisted I correct my character sheet. I didn't press the issue and I made corrections and the session was otherwise great, but I asked the court, is it fine to delve into dungeons with three Tridents on your back? Or was my DM correct in keeping my character realistic?

You were so right. It's a case of mistaken Tridentity for sure. Oh, Cacawdla. Stop, stop, stop it in. Stop, Cacawdla. Cacawdla. Stop, everybody. The Javen approved.

Hey, when he finds a treasure, he's gonna squirrel it away. Stop, everybody. The Javin approved. Hey, when he finds the treasure, he's gonna squirrel it away. Dude, edit it into the old episode. The Blue Jake loves it. I forgot what happened. I mean, I do, I personally, it is like ever so slightly silly to keep taking out Tridents,

but in a way that I really like. I think if it's a throwing weapon, I mean, like, yeah, you think of it as like a javelin. Right. It's like, the characters have multiple javelins. It's not weird at all. Although, let's say, I actually am not saying this to Wei and on the case, I'm just saying that I think it would be way

harder to throw a trident because of aerodynamics than a javelin. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, there's the same. I think it would be a really different. I mean, it's just the three prongs, I guess so. I think there's the same. I think it would be a really different. It's just the three prongs, but it's. It would be a really different throwing experience.

This is not about the court case. That's a great question though. I just don't, I don't want to get into the aerodynamics. I don't want to get into whether how much water is milk. Murph? What? You hate science. I, why do you stand away from progress?

I know that I don't know. I know that someone's writing paragraphs about what a moron we are. I just know what I do not, I know that I do not know. But we love them for being smart and they love us for being stupid. Our molecular gastronomy restaurant could be called the Misty Escape.

Ooh. And Murph's invited. Yeah, because he hates science. Yeah, dude, you'll fucking destroy us with one Yelp review. God damn it, I don't hate science. So I did look it up. A javelin weighs two pounds, or just as two,

which I imagine is pounds. And then the trident weighs four pounds. So it is heavier than the javelin. But you can carry it so much. Yeah, you're an adventurer. Honestly, I'm gonna say this, I'm not an adventurer. I could carry 12 pounds around with me and be happy. Yeah, I agree.

That wouldn't be an issue at all. I would need to rig some kind of little satchel for myself for easy access for throwing. You need a trident bjorn. There would be forethought that, yeah, I would need a trident bjorn. Yeah, of course it's called a trident bjorn. Yeah, people at Starbucks would look at me weird, but I would be able to carry them. Yeah, I would need a trident. Of course it's called a trident. Yeah, people at Starbucks would look at me weird,

but like I would be able to carry them. Yeah, I could do it. You would have to duck when you open the door. How fierce of a trident would you have to have to be like stopped by walking around with a trident? Cause a sword, they're gonna stop you pretty great. Like you walk around a mall with a sword. I think you get stopped immediately.

Are you calling it? Yeah, I think so for sure. I think you'd get pretty far with a trident. I think it might be all right. Cause it kind of looks like a tool. It almost looks like a pitchfork. Pitchfork having multiple is the issue. I don't know how much it looks like a tool.

You could be like, no sir, it's a tool. And they'll be like, for what? And you're like, I'm the God of the sea. Yeah. And then you walk away. My father is King Trident. You walk away pretending to swim. So for stirring up the wave.

I also got a tall latte. I think you could go into a Starbucks with a Trident and order a coffee. I mean, this time of year, a Halloween costume is on the table for the next month. Yeah, the order was for Neptune. I got the sous vide egg bites. Could you just put those on the tips of my Trident, please?

Just getting egg bites in a Neptune costume. Somebody at Comic Con has done that. That's just, that's happened 100%. Oh yeah. Yeah, just going to Starbucks and just getting food and no coffee is an interesting choice on top of being dressed as the god of the sea.

I mean, their cake pops are pretty good. So you stop in, you get a little cake pop. I don't think you need a coffee for that. Wow. So it seems like the DM is kind of at fault. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, I think so. I can't even understand the reasoning for it really.

Because yeah, encumbrance doesn't come into play here. It's like not that heavy. It's like maybe a little awkward, but I don't think so. It's weirdly just drawing up. It's just weirdly being like, you can't do that in real life. But you can. Right. Yeah, you could. First of all, you can't do that in real life. But you can! Yeah, you could.

First of all, you kinda can. Yeah. Second, yeah, it's like, it is. You definitely can. That's why I'm playing D&D. Right, there are rules for this, yeah. Not only you definitely can, I could. I, as a commoner, could.

Yeah, with just your javelin. Easily. It's harder to turn milk into mist than carry this. Yeah. I feel like if you were in an actual gladiator pit, it wouldn't be like, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary to see someone walking around with three tridents because you're going to throw it. Like you're going to need extras.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're allowed to throw three tridents around. They also kind of like built their character to be a trident hucker. Like, yeah, yeah. It's kind of what they, what they were hoping for. So it feels extra cruel to be like, no, it'm just not gonna allow that, it's not realistic. Is there anything with object interaction or anything

that you think could actually be, I have no clue. No, I mean, there are, yeah, there's rules for object interactions, but this is literally, this player's just doing it by the book, they're not over encumbered. There are weapons that have the throne property that can be thrown. I think that, I guess let's look at the Javelin,

maybe the DM's being a stickler and it can't be thrown, or let's look at the Trident Rider. No, it that can be thrown. I think that, I guess let's look at the javelin, maybe the DM's being a stickler and it can't be thrown, or let's look at the Trident. No, it can definitely be thrown. Does it say that it can be thrown? Trident has the throne property. There you go. It does? You're good.

Whoa! You've been so wrong. This is so buttoned up. My assumption is that your DM is just a new DM. They didn't know all these details, but you were doing it by the books, my friend. But then they shouldn't have such hard opinions if they're like brand new.

Yeah. Your DM does need to dress up as Poseidon and go to Starbucks. Yeah, I'm going over egg bites at Starbucks. Right, and you can't get coffee, you just have to get food. Yeah, just the egg. Do you know who dressed as Poseidon at Starbucks?

So ordered. So ordered. Okay, we got another case from Taylor C. Taylor C writes, Dear Emily and those other guys, my friend. Yeah! Wow, all right! Yeah.

You're right, whoever you're mad at is wrong. So ordered. Whoa. My friend and new DM set up a gladiator one-on-one battle with our barbarian in a bar's underground fighting pit. Cool, right? Yeah. He explained it to me before the session began,

as he often went over broad strokes of his ideas with me as a more experienced DM. Cool. I had a bit of concern on how he would run the fight mechanics because I know one-on-one battles without weapons to unconsciousness using standard 5E stats can be a slog. Yeah. Really?

Oh yeah. You do like the only, you only do the amount of damage equal to your strength score. It's like one before. No, no, no. You don't even roll. Oh, you just do your automatic strength. Yeah. So if you had a plus one to strength, you'd do a damage.

My God. He seemed excited and said he'd built the opponent specifically for our Barian. So I held my tongue. What followed was an absolutely brutal brawl between two Barbarians in rage, resorting to eye gouging, nose biting, and lasting nearly three hours in real life.

What? Oh. What? My friend did not cut away from the fight to visit our Warlocks shopping spree. And my Paladin was bound by the laws of the pit from interfering. Our Barbarian's glee faded to to frustration as did the players around the table. He

finally succumbed to his injuries losing the fight and our DM cut to the rest of the players for the last bit of our session. He apologized during and after the session explaining he tried to match our barbarian stats one-to-one in his opponent and thought it would be a fun fight. We've had many great sessions since then. Oh judges, I ask not that you cast your judgment on my inexperienced DM friend, but on myself for I was the most experienced person at the table. Should I have consulted more with the DM pushed harder for him to try implementing brawl mechanics, I humbly await your judgment. Here's the problem, you could have gotten a yellow card.

brawl mechanics, I humbly await your judgment. See here's the problem, you could have gotten a yellow card. Oh, yeah. If you were to, you know. Yeah. You never know when your friend's gonna bust out a yellow card. Yeah, you have to get a whistle and a yellow card. I think this is just like a comedy of errors.

You know, everyone was trying their best. I feel so hard for your friend that they were apologizing during it. But also like, you don't want to be the person who tells them what to do. You can't tell them what to do out of the game, but like when you're in the fighting pit, like maybe you can kind of try to take control

of the combat a little more and like grab a microphone and turn it into like a pro wrestling match. But it's not the paladin's fault. Also, once it's going several hours, just for the player to lose, you got to understand. The losing is the most brutal. Yeah, as soon as you're going and both people have resistance to damage

and you're doing like four damage per attack and everyone's got, you know, ADHD and it's taking forever. Like, you know you're fucked, right? So introduce new rules. Say like, you can take an extra attacker, both of you do double damage for this, or like, I don't know, you have to pivot.

I think though, like it sounds like this is a new DM, it sounds like they should have pivoted, it sounds like they knew they should have pivoted, especially early on, like some sessions just aren't as fun as others. Sometimes you take a chance and it works out, sometimes you take a chance and it doesn't, it sounds like they felt really bad.

It didn't work out. So maybe no one's to blame here. I feel bad for this DM. I know. You're just saying that because you were complimented in the intro. I personally was insulted. The person who wrote in is like,

I feel bad I didn't tell them not to do this. Right. But it's also not your fault. It's not at all. But it's also not your fault, it's not your fault. Sorry. Yeah, I think it's not your fault. I think, unfortunately, I am gonna rule against your DM. Yeah, I mean, that's who I would rule against. But sometimes you just learn those hard lessons

at the table. But 30 hours? I know, I know. That's a lot. That's the kind of hard lesson that you should learn after an hour and a half. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you've had-

So maybe they're a slow learner, you know? I feel bad. But if you're in the point where you're apologizing, you're kind of breaking that fourth wall anyway. Yeah, you're right. You're like, okay, I'm acknowledging to everybody here that this is taking way longer than I thought. Yeah.

Maybe that's the lesson is, if you as a DM feel like you want to apologize, it's time to pivot. Yeah, you could also be like at a certain point when everybody's at half HP and it's already been an hour and a half, you could be like, you know what? We're gonna bring this down to three roles,

contested athletics checks to see who like wins the last couple rounds or something like that. Yeah, no one minds that. Like no one, no, players don't mind when you see the DM change it to be more fun in the moment. Yeah, I make bad decisions all the time where I'm like, oh, I've got this super complex thing, and then I see this is actually incorrect.

This is actually how it works, everybody. Yeah. Yeah, don't be afraid to have a bathroom freak out and then come back with new rules. Yeah, just time out and do what I do, have a bathroom freak out. Do you have a bathroom freak out? Yeah. The toilet will absorb all of the sound.

Scream into it. Scream into the toilet, rip the towel bar down from the wall. Kick the bath. I guess you could scream into a towel instead, But no, it's gotta be the toilet. No, it should be the toilet. Because you are Poseidon, god of this. Yeah, right. Shout at the water that betrayed you.

Exactly. But yeah, I mean, yeah, this is a new DM and they apologize and everything. But yeah, three hours is a really, really long time. Okay, so we gotta slap them on the wrist a little bit. Yeah, I know, you did request that we not punish the DM, but ultimately we do have to punish the DM. Yeah, I don't think we punish you.

A light one. It's our job. You know what, instead of doing a full Poseidon cosplay at Starbucks, you're just gonna do some Poseidon bounding. Which means you just have some flares. Maybe you got a little dolphin pendant or something on you. And you could do a fork instead of a trident. Yeah, you could do a fork instead of a trident

and you could order a coffee if you'd like. But not a plastic fork, it needs to be metal. We need to be able to reuse it. Because like, we're doing this for the ocean here. We're doing this for the ocean. But you do need to mention that your fork is a trident. You need to actually, just slip it in the conversation box. Or just, you go, you're Poseidon bounding

and then you give the name Neptune. Yeah. That's cool. The coffee should be half calf. Let's do half calf. Let's do half calf because you know. It's still a punishment. It's still a punishment.

But again, we love your energy. That's why we only want to keep it half calf. That's why you're just bad. Yeah, we don't want to change it that much. Just Poseidon bounding. If it was full Poseidon, you'd have to ask for whale milk, but we're not gonna do that that much, just Poseidon value. If it was full Poseidon, you'd have to ask for whale milk, but we're not gonna do that to you. Yeah.

Or whale mist. And with that, why don't we step into church for a confession? Please. From one Emily S. Emily Rice. Hi, Emily. Emily Esford.

Holy shit. Holy, Saxford. We had no idea. The confession is is I'm in love with my DM. Oh my God. His name is Kakao, what? What? Whoa, the Trinnebale guy. I'm swooping away with him.

Yeah. Most highly esteemed honorable judges and their human footstool, I have a confession. Years ago, I was playing my first campaign and I committed a deadly sin without ill intent. I'm used to playing video games with large Wikias where you can look things up and learn about the deep lore of monsters and places.

In my unholy ignorance, I didn't realize that that wasn't part of D&D. We were leading up to our first battle with some goblins and some of the players were trying to talk to them to find a peaceful solution. I looked up what language they spoke online and shared what I learned with the table. I was immediately, forcefully, and loudly shamed. I felt humiliated and I've carried that around like an albatross ever since. I fear my friends actually think less of me as a person. So strong was their reaction. Will Dice Christ forgive my transgression?

Fear of ignorance, hold up in the most divine court of law. If you go to Dice Christ Wikipedia page, if you go to the Dice Christ Wikia, you will see at the very top is an entry about how Dice Christ forgives those who act with good intentions, but still ignorant nonetheless. Yeah. Yeah.

You've already punished yourself enough. You're way, way overthinking this. Yeah. And there is a personal life section for Dice Christ. Right, yeah. You get to find out who Dice Christ has dated. Exactly. And you're married to.

Dice Christ lore, yeah. Dice Christ was very promiscuous. Also, you just looking up stats, you like learn as you are playing the game that you probably shouldn't do that, but you, you know, as soon as you found out that that's not something you're supposed to do, you knew not to do it. So you're all good, you made a mistake,

and that's, your friend shouldn't go in on you about it. And I bet you they haven't really thought about it. I was gonna say, I guarantee they all had a big reaction in the moment and like 10 seconds later had zero emotional thought about it. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't get yellow carded. Nobody blew a whistle at you.

Your friends never think about you, but in a good way. Right? Well, when they think about you in a good way, I'm saying like the things that you're insecure about, your friends aren't. Not dwelling on it. Right. Totally. No way. you in a good way. I'm saying the things that you're insecure about, your friends aren't. Not dwelling on it. Right, totally. No way, not in the same way.

You're all good. This is such a, also, right at the beginning of the campaign, just looking up that goblin speaks goblin is, you're good. You're good. It's very innocuous. It's fine, it's such an innocuous thing to quote mess up. That big reaction was good, because now you didn't accidentally learn

like an enemy's health points. Yeah. Which ultimately as a DM, you do learn a lot of that stuff and you do have to kind of like rattle your brain to get rid of it and also rely on homebrew and all of that. Yeah. You got to throw yourself into a coffee table

to scramble your brain. You got to break your arm on a coffee table. That's right. Pluck the feathers out of that albatross around your neck. That's true. And you know what out of that albatross around your neck. That's true. And you know what? Cook it up for the holidays. Yeah. That's right.

Yeah. Enjoy that albatross. Your so forget it. Cacaldwell style. What do you guys think about cacaldwells actually? Cacaldwells. Oh, I got a mouthful of fish. Why am I being punished? Why am I being punished?

I don't understand. All right. So forgiven. We're to go ahead and wrap this one up so I don't have to listen to Cacauldwell anymore. I think he's going to come out on the short rest. He's going to come out on the short rest for sure. You can head on over to our Patreon, patreon.com slash nadpod. That's N-E-D-D-P-O-D. Don't sing yet. Stop, stop, stop.

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Thank you all so much. We love you so much. And thank you to Potato Punk, because what a really fun one to say last, Potato Punk. Okay, we love you. Thank you for supporting us. Goodbye, sweeties. That was a hate gum podcast.