Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Snitching Ponies, Wingman DMs, and Surf & Murph

Episode Date: June 13, 2025

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Also Hurwitz I Guess, as well as the Flawless Bailiff Axford as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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you will get it fast with rush processing when you use the code PawPaw. All right, that's it for me. Thanks so much for listening. Stay sexy. Alright, that's it for me. Thanks so much for listening. Stay sexy. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Welcome to Dungeon Court everybody. Dun Dun! We are your supreme crit justices, Murphy, Tanner,

sort of Hurwitz, and the- Tinnatively, beautifully. Beautiful, talented, bailiff, Axford. Hey. Yes. Take her down to Peg. Come on, Murph. Have you ever seen such a beautiful worm? Yeah, he said beautiful, talented, and left it at that.

That was taking me down to Peg. Thank you, wow. And I'm only sort of a justice. She's so quick. She's so quick. She is quick, but so is this justice over here. I'd say I think we're all great. And with that, let's move into crit.

Hear ye, hear ye, crit is now in session. Honorable Justices Tanner, Hurwitz, and Murphy presiding. Thank you. Damn, she is good. Our first case comes from Andy W. Reasonable, unrespected justices, I have a simple but important question for you. How many potatoes can a goblin carry? I was DMing an encounter for my level one players.

They were to escort a cart of potatoes from town A to town B. Believe it or not, a band of goblins ambushed them along the way and tried to steal some taters. During the epic battle, a goblin warrior managed to down the monk while two goblin twerps carried off a large sack of Murphys, in parentheses potatoes.

I guess that's a matter for potatoes. I specifically said that they had to work together to carry the sack. The party accepted and saved their monk. However, when they arrived at town B, they found out that they were missing 200 patatas. This led to an aggressive and violent IRL argument because they'd been told they would be find a copper for every missing spud.

They vehemently claimed that there is no way that many tubers could even fit in a standard issue sack. Now, justices, I will be honest, I did pull that number out of my ass, but I still feel this is entirely reasonable. The logic of 100 tatos per goblin is sound, and I feel that everyone knows it, but keeps arguing because I am outnumbered.

I have absolutely no care about the two gold pieces, but it is very important to me that my party admit I'm right. Please pass your sentence. Okay, fuck, that was so much math really quickly. It sucks so hard that AI has taken over because I cannot get a quick answer on how much of your potatoes is good way. Also, that was very well read, but like, fuck you for that Murphy fact about potatoes, because that just threw me. As soon as you said that, I'm like, is that really slang for potatoes?

And apparently it is. I do not hear the rest of the case, because I was just laser focused on the fact that potatoes used to be called Murphy's? Did you know this? It might just be a type of potato. You know how there's like- Murphy's is my favorite food. I don't know about you guys, but I love tasty Murphy. I love eating Murph's ass.

Oh, it is- Potato or otherwise. Oh, it is a slang term or informal word for potato. This is great. That's not a slang term or informal word for potato. This is great. That's not a slang when you add stuff to it. Next time I go to a restaurant and ask for Murph and Turf and get so mad when they don't know what I mean. Wow. That actually-

I want lobster and mashed potatoes, you fucking moron. What a passion, Murphy's. It's not fish and chips, it's Murph and Turf. Hot butter in that Murphy's ass, please. Am I, what is happening here? Everywhere I'm looking, it's like a hundred count size, a hundred potatoes in a carton weighs eight ounces. What does that mean?

Like that's not real. Yeah, a hundred, how much does a fucking potato weigh? Potato weighs like- Half a pound. Yeah, they weigh a lot. Yeah, I'm looking at one large raw potato is point eight one pounds one medium point four seven. So let's go Okay, yeah, yeah, so half a pound by half a pound So fifty pounds

I honestly guys I carried fifty pounds the other day. Yeah, but goblins are smaller than us, right? No, yeah, but cannot get into this fucking, this shit is not how D&D works. Literally a halfling with a 20 strength score can carry more than a goliath with a 10 strength score. He's right, that's just straight up how it works. Is there a carrying capacity that is calculated based off of strength,

because we could look at a goblin twerp? This is something that we just do not deal with at all in our game. So I'm just going to look up what this rule is because I don't know it. Yes, but Murph, this is the crit. This is the crit. This is the supreme crit and we still must weigh in.

We must reach outside. 400 episodes into the show. How does carrying capacity work in D&D? I am looking at a goblin. Happy eight year anniversary, dude. It'd be goblin warrior they were saying. No, they said goblin twerps. Goblin twerps, but they also a goblin. Happy eight year anniversary, dude. It would be goblin warrior, they were saying. No, they said goblin twerps. Goblin twerps, but they also said goblin warriors

stole stuff. Is goblin twerp a specific subclass? This is like a Murphy potato thing where you're just adding stuff for flavor. It's not potato, pistado, Murphy. Yeah, potato, Murphy, pistado. You can carry up to 15 times your strength score in pounds without any panel.

Okay, well this goblin has minus one. But what's the strength score? So nine. Eight. Eight. Eight. Okay. Eight times 15. Eight times 15. Yeah. That's easy. Everyone knows the answer.

Everyone knows the answer to that. It's more than 50. Yeah, it's 120. It's 120. Yeah, it's so much more than, yeah. Each twerp could have carried both. Yeah, I think you're right. This is pretty freaking open and shut. Okay, open and shut.

You are correct. They could carry. They could absolutely carry. They could absolutely carry. Yeah, I think the punishment, they should have to hoof Murphys like up the hill. Ooh, yeah. I'll send them potatoes.

I'll send them 50 of my potatoes. And those are big potatoes. Those are real Murphys. They're not the Gougelais potatoes that weigh half a pound for a hundred. These are massive Murphy's. Yeah. Big natural Murphy's coming your way. These are my big naturals.

You all would be so lucky to get my husband's big naturals. You wish you could Mervin turf my husband's big naturals. You wish you could Mervin turf my husband's big naturals. Natural, full of eyes. Good Lord. Yeah, this is what happens when people get, a long time ago, I remember we got into this thing of like, this halfling would never be able to do this. And she's just like, that's literally not how the game works.

Like a halfling warrior is, or a halfling fighter has more strength than a Goliath wizard. Sorry about it. I gotta say, I'm kind of impressed that there was a carrying capacity based on stats that we could just find out exactly how much these goblins could carry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm surprised it got violent at the table. Yeah, this seems like a real open and shut case. It could have been a quick, I won't call it a quick Google because it doesn't work anymore. Wow, okay, so. A quick Yahoo maybe. And ask Jeeves at least.

Andy W does say, it's very important to me that my party admit I'm right. They should. So I think that's the punishment, right? They gotta admit you're right. They gotta prepare you a Murph and Turf. Which is huge potatoes. Yeah, they gotta take you out.

They gotta take you out for a Murph and Turf. It's Murph and Turf, which is like upsettingly huge amounts of potatoes and not enough lobster. I would say it's like a full mound of potatoes and then like one lobster tail on top. Isn't the surf part, isn't the surf part? Wait. You guys are doing this wrong.

A surf and turf, turf is the cow. Right. Wait, what are we saying wrong? We're saying Murph and Turf. Murph and Turf. Murph and Turf. Murph, no, surf and Murph. Even when she pointed out where we would go.

Fuck. Let's retake the episode from the beginning, because we've been talking about this a lot. Yeah, now you want a Surf and Murf. I wasn't recording. I figured that was a good idea. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah.

No, yeah. This was a trial beginning. That's the beautiful part about it, though, is you could have Surf and Murf or Murf and Turf. Yeah, but I think that Surf and Murf sounds a little worse. Yeah, Surf and Murf is, A, funnier, and B, it's way funnier to have way too many potatoes and not enough lobster than to have a bunch of potatoes

and steak, which just sounds pretty good. I know, because you gotta soak those potatoes in brine, too. You gotta make them real wet. Ooh, you could also do kind of a trompe l'oeil thing where you make the potatoes, you put the potatoes in the lobster shell to act like there's more lobster there, and sort of carve the mashed potatoes.

Oh, surprise, it's potatoes. Yeah, and you act like it's like an elite culinary move, but you're just trying to save money. It seems like a great depression thing. Yeah. We're having lobster tonight. Stuffing a lobster with mashed potato is really funny. Ah, boy, potato lobsters again, mom?

That's a good punishment too. You guys go to Red Lobster, but your lobster is actually just full of potato. Whoa, it's just all shell and potatoes. Your lobster tail is just mashed potatoes in a lobster tail. Got him. So ordered.

So ordered. Our next case comes from Romy S. To the honorable Supreme Crit Justices, may I present the case of the conflicted lover. Okay, so this one is actually kind of treading into a territory I'm going to call, I just came up with this name, If I Were You. Oh wow.

Interesting. It's a little bit of real life advice. Okay, yeah, Murph, I Were Okay. Yeah. Murphi were you. Yeah. That's so unique. I love that. Murphi Murph you. Okay.

My party's barbarian went through a breakup with his long-term girlfriend, not a player, but a friend. So these are real. So this question is referring to everyone as their D&D class, but we are talking about the actual. Wait, two PCs got together and broke up? No, no, no, this is outside of the table.

Okay, wait. A friend, not another player. Wait, you broke up with a friend? No, no, no, they're saying it's not another player at the table. Okay, they just broke up with somebody. Yes, so the barbarian at the table had a girlfriend outside of the game.

I feel like this could have been described differently in a clear way. You know, we're having fun. Yeah. And so is Romy S. Okay, great, okay. So they broke up a couple months ago. Now recently my party's bard started dating this very girl

and is unsure of when and how to inform the barbarian of the news. An initiative. We have a... Wait, hang on, is this in real life or in the game? This is in real life, I'm telling you, we're using D&D classes, but it's about real life people

who are not at the table together. We're through the looking glass. It's the bard and the barbarian. I'm so confused right, okay. The bard and the barbarian. There's no D&D game. There's no D&D game. There is a D&D game.

Okay, so let's give an example. Murph, before you take up time being confused. If Murph were you, yeah. Caldwell. Jake, you understand what's happening? Absolutely. Let's say Caldwell is dating someone in real life. Yes.

The four of us play together. Caldwell's dating someone. He breaks up with that person. Oh no. Later, I start dating that person. What? So we're at a table together. Wait, was that, did you, did you say this?

I am reading this word for word. Okay. I don't know if I haven't had enough coffee or what's happening here. Okay. Is anyone else confused? No, I got it, but I see why Murph was confused. Yes, I understand.

I think we're all still thinking about potatoes. Yeah, this has been... Yeah. Yeah, you got Murphy's for a reason. Yeah, she's... Okay, so, all right. So a bard at the table started dating... It's simple and it's been over explained.

So, within a... Here's how I would describe it, right? I am gonna ask the question! The people played a table together, barbarian in real life dated someone, now the bard at the table is dating their ex. That's what's happening. Exactly.

Great. Unfortunately, it's cleaned up. Yeah. Okay. Cool. The breakup was relatively amicable, but remains a touchy subject for the barbarian. We have a session coming up in two days. What I am seeking to hear from the honorable justices

is when the best point for him to deliver this news would be. I worry that telling him before the session would sour the mood, and I feel that he deserves some time to brood over this. At the same time, I feel strongly that keeping it from him would not be fair either. Additionally, I would like to request a ruling for the two players involved regarding the future of the campaign in case the barbarian decides he no longer wants to continue playing with the bard in the party. I patiently await your fair judgment. Okay, so I know that there's been a lot of confusion about IRL and in-game,

but I don't think that this is the DM's responsibility. Yes. I'll see. Yeah. That's so funny to take this on as the DM. Yeah, my advice is to cancel the game. Yeah, my advice is that you should not be at the table when these two people find out about that.

Realistically though- Just take this D&D part out of it find out. Realistically though, if you have it coming up in two days, do you think, what do you think is the window of time? You text the bard, aka the real person, and say, tell the other person that you're dating their ex. Right, yeah, because the bard doesn't have a phone. Maybe the bard has a speaking stone. Yeah. But I really don't. You have to imagine as well that, like, I mean, everyone is on social media. I have to imagine.

They probably have heard, like, murmurings. There's probably, the barbarian must have some possible understanding. There's going to be an IRL, another IRL flight at a table. The fact that it's called, I would say, like, I don't know, maybe this would be salvageable if it was a situation where they weren't like together, but they like date, like quote unquote went on a few dates or something,

like they dated or something like that. But the fact that it was called a breakup means that it was like an exclusive thing where they were actually dating, which means this probably isn't gonna go over super great. It doesn't, it sounds like it's all very recent. Do it before the session for sure, but like way before the session.

Yeah. You don't do it at all. I didn't do it right now. You're supposed to stat out goblins to figure out how many potatoes they can carry. Oh yeah, no, I don't mean the DM, I mean the bard. Yeah. Yeah, the bard needs to tell them.

But this conversation needs to happen ASAP. Your job as the DM is to try to have people not get into a physical Obtocation at your house. Yeah, right. You're like hosting a party kind of I think you need to text the barn and be like hey Let the barbarian know that you're dating their ex and then we'll decide if we still have a D&D group We don't yeah, but we can decide We do I would say even that is forward that is a very like bold strategy My thought in this would just be to wait until they say it aloud and be like,

oh wow, no really, that's crazy. Yeah, oh yeah, pretend you didn't know. Yeah, maybe the thing is you need to reach out to the bard and be like, hey, have you considered telling this person, do they already know? You have to just tell the bard to tell them because you're also gonna get yourself in trouble Because your French is gonna be like you knew that

We were all hanging out together and you were just keeping it quiet Yeah, this happened and you still planned a heist. Yeah. Do you think they need to Hamlet this thing and have like a mirrored? and have like a mirrored encounter. What part of Hamlet are we referencing? You know in Hamlet, when they put on the play, they put on the play to like try and indict the uncle, I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because in the play like mirrors what's happening in real life. Oh, so the DM needs to give the barbarian a girlfriend

and then the bar takes, but this time at the table. And say, how does this make you feel? Would you be theoretically cool with this? a girlfriend and then the bar takes, but this time at the table. Like, merborigely hot. And say, how does this make you feel? Would you be theoretically cool with this? I think, yeah, just like perfect parallel to what's happening in real life and just see what happens. You need to pull the ripcord

and get the fuck out of this situation. Well, they do. This is above your pay grade. This is zero tolerance because you're just yapping for your friend. This is way above your, you know what? This is above your potato grain. Yeah, this is.

I will say that they actually also asked, I would like to request a ruling for the two players involving regarding the future of the campaign in case the barbarian decides he no longer wants to continue playing with the bard in the party. I have to make it clear that has not happened. They are not saying that that has happened. They are just hypothetically thinking, is there a person who, if there's a friendship breakup

because of this, who gets the D&D campaign? Wow, that is tough. The barbarian. Stop focusing on the campaign. That's what I'm gonna say to the guy. That's true, that's true. Yeah, I'm sitting here. Yeah, it's starting to suck me in the language of it, but Jake's absolutely right.

You're right, you're right. This all has just nothing to do with anything. Yeah, this is bigger than the campaign. If you can believe it. Yeah. Everybody roll some new characters and let's go ahead and, you know, do an old fashioned, you need a new D&D crew. It is like worth saying, like,

if in the event that they're like, I'm not playing with them anymore, then I think you're like, cool, the two of you can decide who stays in the campaign. Yeah. Sure. You could also, I think that it's like totally within your wheelhouse, totally viable to just text the group and be like,

oh man, work's being crazy this month. Can we postpone? And then just never play again. Postpone it for like two months and see how mad it is then. We postpone it until the bard tells the barbarian that he's dating their ex. Yeah.

Just keep kicking it down the line. I mean, you can like, you can play other games. If you kick it down the line long enough, the Bard and this person might break up. So then you avoid the issue altogether. Ooh, okay. Yeah, just start a Blaze in the Dark game with other people, I think, is really the play here.

You just gotta get the Bard to do the work here, because the Bard. Yeah, he's on the Bard. The Bard has some confessions to make. Okay, so I guess, is really the play here. You just gotta get the bard to do the work here, because the bard. Yeah, he's on the bard. The bard has some confessions to make. Okay, so I guess we're gonna punish the bard. We're gonna be hard on the bard. It's kind of a wild move to not say anything.

Kind of like, if you think about it though, I know that technically it didn't happen at the table, but it's like kind of heartbreaking that the bard stole the barbarian's card. Yeah, if this was in game, it's actually a really interesting story. I think their IAL persuasion is higher. With that, I feel like I'd have more power to weigh in.

But yeah, I guess the, yeah, what would the Bard? Take the Barbarian out to Red Lobster. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And order yourself. They can have the surf and turf, but you must have this. Yeah. Which is just all mostly potatoes and shell. Yeah.

Yeah. And you got to cry on the shell. I actually think potatoes and shrimp tail lobsters and crab shells are a really good way to hide messages. Cause like, you know, you just like ream those things out, fill them with potatoes and put a little fortune cookie message in there. You could spell out in chives.

Yes. He took your girl. Mr. Steel Yo Chick. Say it with potatoes. Your side piece is now my main squeeze. Oh, right next to the lemon squeeze. That's perfect. That's good, that's good. It is wild that this was presented as a D&D problem.

Imagine having this awful conversation when somebody's wearing a lobster bib. Oh, put it on the bib, that's perfect. They unpeel their bib and it says I'm dating a bitch. Yeah, how mad can you be at somebody in a lobster bib? I'm so fucking sorry, I think it's a small thing. Although, no, you know know what it's actually a multiplier If I was endeared by someone they were wearing a lobster bib I would be

Times as endeared by them and if they made me furious, I'd be ten times as in period. Yeah Yeah, and there are a lot of like stray crab claws lying around yeah uses weapons Yeah, be so careful. So that was a little a little segment called If I Were You. Wow. I think it could really work out. Yeah, I think that could be our new segments on the show. Oh, we could spin it off.

OK, so ordered, there's going gonna be a confession via potatoes and a red lobster between the bard and the barbarian and not you. I think this is a whole business for red lobsters. They can just start doing confessions in the shells and whatnot. It's true, look at people back in the door. Next case comes from seaweed.

The judges, Murph the Mercurial, actually seaweed, Surf and Murph. Whoa, a seaweed salad. Yeah, we're Murph. Obviously. Whoa, a seaweed salad. We're on, we're on. It's a perfect time. Wow, okay. To the judges, Murph the Mercurial, Caldwell the Quick, Jake, and Jimmy R.

Oh, come on. Archibald. Come on. Oxford. It's so good. I present a case of equine intervention. Picture the scene, adventurers trekking their way through dense jungle

on a journey to unravel the mystery of why they all washed up on an island and to find a gem they'd been asked to acquire for passage back to the mainland. We gotta find a gem. We came across a combat, a dwarven mining crew, clear cutting the jungle and a group of treants defending the jungle who we decided to side with. At the end the treants decided to finish off any survivors but we, not being monsters,

untethered their surviving ponies so at least they could get away. Eventually successful, discovering a prophecy and picking up a newly formed demigod, we got back to town, but we discovered there were wanted posters of all of us for the disruption of mining and murder. Investigating this, we found out that not only had the ponies made it way back to their camp through the dinosaur-filled jungle, they'd been questioned by someone who just happened to have speak with animals, and the ponies described us so well they made full sketches on posters three days later.

The kicker was this was used to remove our leverage negotiating our way off the island and completely negate the abilities of our dedicated negotiator. The defendant, our GM of six, stands accused of unreasonable levels of horse snitchery. Does this court concur or are we overreacting to our surprise witnesses? I want to hand it to them, but I feel like you probably need to do at least like one role for this. I feel like the horses needed to make like a history

check or something. I think if you check speak with animals, it might have some definitive rulings about how smart the animals are when they speak to you. I think this is like maybe rule of cool gone too far, but I like it, but I do feel like there needed to be maybe like one role in front of the table here. I will read, speak with animals. You gain the ability to comprehend and verbally communicate with beasts for the duration.

The knowledge and awareness of many beasts is limited by their intelligence, but at minimum beasts can give you information about nearby locations and monsters, including whatever they can perceive or have perceived within the past day. Day, so not, wasn't it three days? Yeah. It's also the wanted posters with like perfect pictures

of them is really funny. I feel like this is just a matter of, it seems to me like the DM had in their minds that the players would either side with like the miners, the people like stripping the land or whatever, or the treants. And if they sided with the treants, there would be repercussions

and came up with like a bad like fallout from that. It would have been so much easier to just be like, yeah, someone saw you. Like there was, there's other people around. It didn't have to be a horse. Yeah. Just have other people like near bot, like why do you, did they kill every single miner at the site? Did they slaughter every single person? Like have somebody run away. Yeah.

No, no, no. What happened was the horses came back, uh, a druid awakened the horses. So they had advanced intelligence. Yeah. And then, uh, the horses did a sleight of hand check to sketch in charcoal. The pieces. The horse with its hooves drawing is a miracle. This to me, like the consequences makes sense, but the smoke and mirrors of it is very not good.

Yeah. Right, right. A wanted poster showing up of you feels like in line. If you're having a battle out in the open like if you're not Assassins that are like quietly going through and getting rid of people if you're just in having a battle It makes sense that there would be people that saw that happen and they're like, okay this faction this faction hates people now Or hates the party now, but yeah this as it is explained is dubious. Yeah, I would say the wanted poster

is maybe the only thing that's a step too far for me because like you are adventurers, you're definitely flashy and gaudy as hell. You've probably got identifying clothing and wardrobe on you. It would not be a huge stretch to say that the horse has like clocked one feature on each of you. And then maybe if there was like a wanted poster

that just had text describing you, I'd be okay with that. I think it is just like the perfect description that the ponies gave. I feel like a pony could be like, if you had like a goblin in your party, a pony could nod at a nearby goblin. Although then that would just look like the pony was saying they did it.

Right. This is why you can't trust ponies, right? No, I think this is dubious. I think with some work, the DM could have explained this better. It does sound like maybe the players had had run-ins with this crew before. So it is possible that you could say

the ponies just had some identifiers that would identify these characters. And the people recognize them already. They're like, oh, great crew of five people. That is a halfling, a dwarf, an elf. Yeah. A robe. Like, but picture how funny it is if you get caught and you're doing a police lineup and the pony is just like in the witness box. Yeah, I actually think they could have done that.

Yeah, that makes more sense. I think they could have done that even though it sounds insane. Or if the picture was what a horse kind of thought they looked like, like how a horse would have described them. Yeah. I think this is ever so slightly wrong on the DM's part

where I'm like, this kind of makes sense because there was nothing said here that was like, we were super careful and we did all these stealth checks and everything. There wasn't anything like that. So you assume like, I don't know, this was done kind of out in public. It was like a mining site.

You'd think someone would see it. But for them to describe the ponies having run back to their- To bring the horses into it. To bring the horses into it. It's tacky. Frankly, frankly, the horses into it. It's tacky. Frankly, frankly, it's crass and it's tacky. Is there, just to give a generous read here, is there a chance that these were Shadowfax

level ponies? That these were like really smart ponies? Shadowfax would never be described as a pony. Shadowfax would never snitch either. Yeah, for sure. Shadowfax isn't a tattle horse. So you think we want to give the DM maybe like a slap on the hoof for this one? Shadowbacks would never snitch either. Yeah, for sure. Shadowbacks isn't a tattle horse. So we think we want to give the DM maybe like a slap on the hoof for this one?

Nah. Oh, okay. We have to go full on. Nay, you mean? Nay, thank you. There you go. That's awesome. That's why she's the bailiff.

Yeah. Yeah, so it sounds like you guys are gonna punish the DM. Yeah. Okay, so we have to punish the DM. Something with Murph and Turf, something with Murph and Murph. Oh, we could eat the DM's horses.

Oh, wow. You know, that's Turf and Murph. In game, yeah. Uncomfortably describe. It's a different kind of Turf, but it is still kind of Turf. Technically Turf. It's uncomfortable, I don't like it.

Okay. Yeah. I think that's what we have. Can you beat it? Okay, yeah, they're at the Red Lobster Something with trade carefully, there's a barbarian kicking the shit out of a bar Sit with those two at their table that red lobster after this episode comes out red lobsters gonna be like Oh, I was looking over the numbers. We had a bump.

We had a bump. We got a huge bump, but we also, like lots of costs and damages. People kept having like. Also people were having like really cheap meals because they were saying, can you hollow out the lobster and fill it with potatoes and slivs? They were negotiating with the menu.

I mean, here's the, we saved in the shrimp for them as the thing. If you fill the shrimp with potatoes and mushrooms. They were negotiating with the menu. I mean, here's what, we saved in the shrimp for them is the thing. If you fill the shrimp with potatoes, you really can make it endless. So they should be thanking us. A good punishment would be you have to wait on the table of the bard and the barbarian. Oh, I like that.

So you're going up like, do you guys want popcorn shrimp? Why is this guy crying? Yeah, okay. You have to be a really attentive waiter to the barbarian at the bard's table. Our waters are full, please. Yeah. All right, so ordered.

Perfect. Next up, we've got Jelly. To the distinguished sweeties, I play at my DM's house and they have a Belgian Malinois guard dog. It is not well trained. One of my fellow players brings their two medium sized dogs to each session, riling up the DM's dog

and causing it to bark and be extra aggressive. Awesome. He's riled up the dog. The player with the two dogs hasn't gotten the memo not to bring them every session despite the DM hinting at them being unwelcome. Last session, as I was arriving, the DM's dog bit me and left a bruise.

Jesus, fuck. They were very sorry, but I don't really wanna play in that setting anymore. Yeah. The problem is, the DM is the one with the huge D&D setup, custom table, lights, et cetera. Am I wrong for thinking that this dog is a big deal? Should the fellow PC get the hint

that we don't need extra dogs during the session? I mean, it's a guard dog, just like put it out front. Let it guard the house, right? Yes, that way it'll bite the children that pass by the house. Yeah, I do. You gotta give the dog a job or something. Like put it in the backyard

and like make it sniff the perimeter. It depends on how awesome this setup is, right? Yeah. Because you have to decide if you wanna get bit for it. True, right. That's why I- It's not that awesome if there's a dog that bites. I don't know.

I mean like the setup isn't ideal. I get bit- It's specified lights, custom table lights, et cetera. I get bit for a fog machine, I think. Yeah, right? Yeah. I actually, I have a friend whose dog sometimes bites a little bit, but love bites. Yeah. I actually, I have a friend whose dog sometimes bites a little bit, like love bites.

Yeah. I always just, I always just come up with an excuse to use the bathroom. I know where the Neosporin is. And then I go back out. Yeah. I am not the right person to defend this case because like, I'm looking at this dog. It's clearly like a German shepherd adjacent dog.

I think if I saw this dog and like jumped up on me and gave me like a little nip I'd be like, oh it likes me. Yeah, a nip is fine, but it sounds like yeah Yeah, it sounds they're writing in a D&D court right Do you think maybe they could bring the dog a Murphyn turf true Can't you just maybe say so well, it's the other Dog yeah, it's the other dog. It's the person with the other dog. Yeah, it's the other two dogs. Yeah, it's not the DM's dog, right? It's not the DM. No, no, the DM's dog is the one biting people,

but it's because the dog is riled up by the other dog. Some dogs are pretty territorial and they don't like other dogs, and it sounds like that's the situation. And there's two other dogs being brought. I think if there's one dog, you can just put that dog in the bedroom or something like that.

It'll be fine. Well, it sounds like the dog is like fine if it doesn't have the other dogs riling it up. Right. It feels like if you were bit, then you are allowed to bring this up. Like I would say. It should be addressed. I do think that weirdly this is kind of the DM's realm,

not because they're the DM, but because it is their house. I think if their dog is going nuts because someone else is bringing dogs to their house, they do have to tell the other person, hey, your dogs are driving my dogs. Yeah. You can't have. Yeah. Is there a possibility that the dogs are playing some sort of form of canine D and D that involves them getting all riled up and fighting?

Oh, shoot. So and maybe they're in a violent IRL fight because of a rules dispute. And like the specific odors they're presenting, the pheromones, that's how they roll dice and stuff like that. Well either way we gotta kick out these these dogs that are causing problems at that table. They're dating each other's exes and whatnot. They shouldn't be here. We gotta send these dogs to Red Lobster. No it's, bringing two dogs. These dogs gotta go to the lobster. Bringing not one, bringing not one, but two ill-behaved dogs to a friend's house

that is doing work is a move. I will say that. It's such a faux pas. It's such a faux pas. Yeah. If I were the person that brought the dogs and some dog bit a friend, I would volunteer to stop bringing the dogs.

Uh-huh. Yeah, seriously. It is, I guess, yeah. I would kind of take that on me. I guess it is ultimately on the friends that brought the two dogs. It is kind of everyone's fault, except for this person that wrote that he got bit. Yeah, I was gonna say, I do think that like the DM, I think I understand why the DM

doesn't feel comfortable saying it, is struggling to say something, but they're fully within their right to say, hey, the dogs can't come here. Or if they come, maybe they hang out in my bedroom. It is funny because the other two dogs aren't the ones biting people. It's the first dog gets riled up by the bad influences.

They're just stirring the pot. And then it makes the dog bite people is awesome. And then this DM's setup is so sick that this person's like, well, maybe it's worth getting bit for. I know, they've got a window surface, one of those big screens that's a table. It's just, it's really sick. There's built in snack trays in the table.

It's absolutely epic. I mean, the fact they said lights makes me be like, oh, okay, there's lights happening. What, like there's music cues that are coordinated with lighting. This bite is the perfect excuse to get these two bad influence dogs out of here. And also maybe you could score like a legendary suit

of armor as well. Cause the DM can use this, right? So the DM can be like, hey, so my guard dog's getting riled up without the stuff. I think we can't have other dogs there. My dog bit one of our fliers. Because of your bad influence, dogs. The DM might not wanna say anything

until you tell the DM that you didn't like when the dog bit you. Then the DM can be like, oh, I don't like when my dog gets riled up. Now I should say something. That's a quorum of people that don't like the two bit you. Then the DM could be like, oh, I don't like when my dog gets riled up. Now I should say something. That's a quorum of people that don't like the two trouble dogs. I like how we didn't get breeds of the trouble dogs.

There is clearly, the person wrote in with a bias for like pro the guard dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I'm looking at pictures as a very cute dog. Yeah. Okay, so who are you guys sentencing? I'm sentencing for sure the player bringing the two dogs that just like notices the barking and the madness

and is fine with it. But counter to our previous argument, I do think that the DM has a responsibility in the social setting here to maybe say- Because it's your home. Yeah, it's their home. Though I sympathize, I think that we should go light on that DM because that is awkward. No, let's punish home. Though I sympathize, I think that we should go light on that team, because that is awkward.

No, let's punish everybody. Except for the player that got bit. Send him to the lobster. The order is double dog owner, single dog owner. Yeah, OK. Yeah, you get a punishment for each dog you have at this section. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

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only at buyraycon.com slash p-a-w-p-a-w. That's buyraycon.com slash pawpaw. Okay, so what's their job at Red Lobster then? I guess you had to bring your dogs to Red Lobster. I also can't imagine how it goes because I feel like I have a group of friends that always brings their dogs and most of our conversation, anytime we get on a conversation not about a dog, a dog does something and then we just start talking about the dogs again. So I don't understand how you play D&D,

because it feels like when dogs are around, the conversation is dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, the dogs are just gonna be like grabbing lobsters from the tank and just running away. Ooh, no! That is so scary! Oh wait, no, they have little things on.

They got rubber bands, so it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, don't worry, the lobsters are helpless. Yeah got rubber bands. They got rubber bands, so it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, don't worry. The lobsters are helpless. Yeah. It'll be like that scene at Andy Hall, but with dogs. Okay. Yeah, you might just have to start running this game

at a Red Lobster is what the DM should do. Because a Red Lobster has custom tables and lighting. They have long tables. Yeah. It has lighting. And you could use lobsters as minis. That's cool. Don't do that actually Yes, I say that out loud. I don't want that. Okay. No, no, you seem to put your table underwater so that the Okay, that's fine. Actually, that's fine. Actually, and then you let them go

Tank is pretty sad. This is anyone has ever made a used an aquarium to make a underwater Battlegrounds set that I have to hope. Oh used an aquarium to make a underwater battleground set. Battle map. I have to hope. Ooh. Have to hope. Someone out there has done that. And that's beautiful.

I bet. If you had metal dice, you could like roll them into the aquarium and see how they landed. Yeah, then you could use magnets to move them from the aquarium. Let's in general not use animals as mini. No, no, we're not talking about animals.

No, just underwater. Just an aquarium. Like an underwater battle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Right. Well, you'd have to empty all the fish out of the aquarium. Yeah, yeah, you'd have're not talking about animals. I'm just an aquarium. No, just underwater, like an underwater battle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Right, well you'd have to empty all the fish out of the aquarium. Yeah, yeah, you'd have to put them on the floor of course.

Yeah. Yeah. Although that could be a fun agent of chaos if the fish nudge your dice and change the number. No, you don't want to be putting your goddamn hands in the fish tank. I kind of like that idea. You use a net to put your mini down.

You use a net to move your stuff? To put your mini down. All right, if you have super long prongs. And if a fish knocks over your mini, then you take falling damage. Okay, yeah. Right, that's good. Okay, so you have to have sterilized prongs

to put your minis into a deep fish tank. Yeah. And then you can move them around for your underwater fight. That's right. Let's do a live show at deep fish tank. Yeah. And then you can move them around for your underwater fight. That's right. Let's do a live show at Red Lobster. Yeah. Hollywood Bowl is cool and all,

but let's go to Red Lobster. But let's go to Red Lobster. Yeah. Does Rainforest Cafe, they're the one that have like the big aquariums, right? Oh my gosh, Rainforest Cafe was so cool. Your Rainforest Cafe rocks. Oh man, Ned bought live at Rainforest Cafe.

And those are animatronics, so we don't even have to. We're focused on the aquarium, you're focused on the animals. Can you just focus up, can you fucking focus up on the branding here, the world's first underwater D&D show. Shit, I'm getting available dates from SeaWorld, I'm sorry guys. SeaWorld? No. It's a collab that will ruin us. we're gonna. Sea World. No. No. It's a collab ship.

It's so shamed. We're out. We're out. Okay, so not ordered. So not collabs. Not collabs. Next up we've got Sean Q. Sean Q writes,

to the honorable judges of the Supreme Crit and the ever noble Bailiff that I slipped 20 bucks to as a bribe. Okay, it's coming out now. It's coming out. That never happened to me. I bring to you the case of the boy who cried unfair. For the past few years,

I've been DMing a fairy tale based campaign with my partner and close friends. Nice Shrek, got it. Yeah, it started off as a few sessions, but everyone enjoyed it so much that it's become nearly 50 session high level campaign. Awesome.

It's the best campaign I've ever run with an eclectic party of Little Red, Puss in Boots, Hans the Hedgehog, Jack of the Beanstalk, and the Boy Who Cried Wolf. Me and the Boy Who Cried Wolf's Me and the Boy Who Cried Wolf's player have been close friends for years and have been playing D&D together for almost as long. However, as we've gotten into higher levels, I've noticed that he can trivialize a lot of combat, which makes it difficult to balance.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf is a rogue slash shepherd druid. So sneak attack mixed with hordes of summoned snakes that have 40 HP makes it hard to create balanced encounters. So I've started directly targeting him in combat more than the other players. High level enemies using area of effect spells to try to hit more of his summons or strong targets that target directly him to make him break concentration. This all came to a head in our most recent combat where they were fighting a campaign long villain through a mix of breaking concentration on haste which causes targets to

lose their next turn and rounds spent in death saves. The boy who cried wolf was basically inept for five plus rounds of combat. He brought this up to me saying that it upset him that he was being targeted so much. But I rebutted that because he's such a strategic player with a strong character, enemies in the campaign would logically think to prioritize him as a target. And I, as a DM, needed to account for the

encounter ending shenanigans, but still I feel bad knowing he's stressed by this targeting. Judges, am I in the wrong for targeting this player or is it fair to have my enemies play smart and go after a big threat? P.S. totally not relevant to the case, but the Boy Who Cried Wolf's player was actually a bartender at the D20 Madison Square Garden after party and talked to Emily for a bit about our party's little red.

Oh, wow. Okay, so we do have to rule with that person. I am going to rule with the boy who cried wolf because what's up? How you been? I think this is more of a, this is less of a targeting problem and this is more of a, it absolutely sucks ass to sit there for five rounds and do nothing. It absolutely sucks ass to sit there for five rounds and do nothing. It absolutely sucks. So I don't know. I think this is one of those situations where the player is upset about a particular encounter

that sucked for them. That doesn't necessarily mean that you can't take into account the fact that they're a strategic player in the future. I mean, I guess the question is though, I think that a lot of enemies wouldn't know that they were the biggest threat until a couple rounds into combat.

I mean, if it's a high level campaign where they're going for 50 rounds and especially in the realm of fairy tale, they would have reputations. Certainly. True. I mean, think about our most recent long campaign was campaign three.

All of the bad guys had a connection to you guys at some point. And it was like you guys were public enemy number one. Yeah, we had wanted posters. Yeah, you had for sure had wanted posters and they would know. Ponies ratted us out. Were those done by horses?

I can't remember now. Ha ha. Or was Kugrash a shepherd druid? Yes, yes. So you know a little bit about it. I feel like the conjure animals thing, like, do those get their own initiative when you conjure them? I don't remember.

I don't. It's pretty high level. Kugrash is not like crazy powerful. So I am kind of shocked. I am wondering if there's like a misreading of the rules here because Circle of Shepherd is not known as being one of the more powerful druid sub-bosses. But maybe at higher levels it is. Yeah.

If I'm playing the devil's advocate a little bit here, giving the generous read, the sinuous read perhaps, I just feel like I wonder if this person is also monopolizing a lot of table time because they're going, all of their familiars are going. They're kind of doing that kind of long winded spiel where they take a ton of time to describe their turn. That's maybe a bit cruel of a read to them, I think.

I think that they're just trying to have fun. Yeah. Well, but they did bring up, I've been, they know that they're being targeted in multiple combats. Yeah, yeah. To a degree, I feel like the DM just kind of has to, they got to take their wamp because it is like a high level campaign.

Like your players are just insanely powerful at this point. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know, this is a tough one. The boy who cried woof more like, right? Yeah. I think it just absolutely sucks to get knocked out and stuff. Totally. So I think this player just had essentially a session

where they just sat on their hands, which absolutely sucks. I think like maybe the solution here is more like you knock them down for like one or two rounds and then that gives the other players a chance to shine and help the druid get back up on their feet. And then like that's when they want you. I feel like you like.

No, you don't balance encounters so that you get whomped eventually. You just play the fight. Like I. I wonder if you like, you can split things up so like there is something that this shepherd is focused on and something the rest of the party is focused on. Oh, I like that.

Yeah, then there's other people are dealing with one threat while the shepherd is dealing with another. That's a really smart idea is like, is like instead of just battles being, getting people to zero, if you start thinking of battles that there are objectives, then sometimes the hit points won't matter as much.

And you can send really powerful stuff after them and they just have to survive it to complete the objective. Right, totally. I think every DM does this to a certain extent as well. Like if every single encounter is the players beating the shit out of the bad guy, you realize you have to give your monsters, have them do more damage, have them break concentration, have them do all of that stuff. There is a level of it that is meta gaming.

And, you know, when you get to combat, sometimes you're just kind of playing Warhammer with each other. That're just kind of playing Warhammer with each other. That is just kind of how it is. It sounds like this player said something to you, the DM, and you as the DM responded with a pretty solid response. So that might've landed for them.

They might be like, okay, I guess I am just, I'm a threat. Your response was great. When I talked to the boy who cried wolf at the after party, they were not upset. They didn't bring this up at all. Yeah, not complaining. You know, so maybe you feel worse than they do.

Yeah, I think I would just think that this might be more of a, this session sucked for them, which sometimes a session sucks for you. Like it's very easy to just get like sometimes if you get knocked out at the beginning of the battle and your friends like don't bring you up, then you just don't play that time. And that sucks. But I do think DMs are allowed to play

to like the top of their intelligence. Not completely, like you shouldn't know everything about the other player, but it's like if you've got a wizard or something like that, like they'll shoot a fireball if there are 10 snakes coming at them, you know? You're not gonna sit there and try to ping them down. Yeah, true.

Yeah, I think going after the snakes makes a ton of sense. Like every bad guy would be like, cool, we gotta get rid of those snakes. I know if I were getting attacked by a bunch of snakes, I would target the snakes. Yeah. I would also target the snakes.

I guess I would encourage you as the DM to think of this like, have monsters, have like reactive things that they can do to deal with this player, but they shouldn't know everything that the player can do, right? So if this player is stealthing and a bunch of snakes are attacking them,

they don't necessarily know like, oh, the boy who cried wolf is a druid rogue multi-class. So they must be hiding in the bushes there. So I'll do an area of effect thing in these bushes. It's like, no, they would see the snakes. They would attack the snakes with like a cone of cold or something like that. There's nothing wrong with being strategic that way.

I wouldn't metagame to the point where you know like the stats of the player character, if that makes sense. Are there any monsters that can steal summons? Ooh. Charm, anything that can charm. Yeah, but it'd be cool to be able to steal the whole swarm of snakes.

So you're saying to target this player harder is what you're saying. I like steal a spell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steal a spell someone else is concentrating on. Could these snakes be lobsters? Yeah. That would make me understand a lot better.

40 HP lobsters. You have to imagine though, in the war room for the big bad, they're like, we gotta get rid of the snake guy first. Like that's priority number one, is get rid of those snakes. Yeah, I guess I would say unless it's a big, bad, evil guy or like one of their minions that has personal knowledge

of these characters, I would give your monsters tools to deal with multiple enemies and stuff like that so everything's not a cakewalk. But I wouldn't have them know all of the player's abilities. At that point, that could be annoying to just be like, they're sitting on a counter spell because they're waiting for you to cast a spell like from the bushes because you're hiding

and they know you're a rogue. Like that's bullshit. So I think don't strategize, but give the NPCs tools. Maybe, yeah, this is a great idea. Like create a minion that is like a circle of the aquarium druid that summons lobsters and those lobsters are gonna instantly neutralize all the snakes. So then there's like a side battle going on between summons lobsters and those lobsters are gonna instantly neutralize all the snakes.

Yeah. So then there's like a side battle going on between snakes and lobsters. Yeah, lobsters and snakes, which is what, like it's kind of the age old battle we've all been wondering who will prevail. Right, and there was a group of horses that drew all of these snakes

so the lobsters know exactly what the snakes look like. The animal kingdom is dramatic. I actually think this one I can't fully weigh in on. I feel like we don't have enough information because we don't know how hard this rogue was targeted. I'm siding with the boy who cried wolf because we go back. I think that works. We go way back.

So I think we're lightly siding with the boy who cried wolf mostly just because we've met the boy who cried wolf in real life. But really I think there's no, there are no bad guys in this story. Right. I think you as the DM have the- It's just a lot of snakes. There's just a lot of snakes.

I think that you have the right to strategize unless you were really like meta gaming to the point where you knew all of their abilities and stuff like that. And we're just like sitting waiting for them to do stuff. That's no fun. But if you were just like, this character is clearly the most powerful, all our guys are gonna shoot fireballs at them.

That makes sense to me. And yet I also understand why the player would be bummed that they didn't get to play. Are we tossing it out? Or are we like saying that maybe they just need to like continue? I think they got to go to Red Lobster and they get Murph and Murph. That's where you get no surf or turf. It's all potatoes. Share one potato, a friendship.

Since we know the Boy Who Cried Wolf, the Boy Who Cried Wolf is allowed to have turf or surf with their Murph. But the DM gets Murph and Murph. Yeah. with their Mers. But the DM gets Mers and Mers. Yeah. I think maybe sort of like a baked potato flight could maybe bring you guys back together. Because there's a lot of really fun toppings

and tell the kitchen to get creative. Say challenge us. We'll actually be splitting the Mers on parade. Yeah. So I think your punishments are, and this will bring you closer together, is to go to Red Lobster, say, not referring to anything on the menu. Make it clear you have not looked at the menu. Just sort of double tap it with your palm is the way to approach it. Say we'll have the baked potato flight.

I was like, no, no, no. We'll have the Murphs. I was going to say the Mervs on parade. We'll have the Mervs on parade. Order it by name. In parentheses. And you got to wink. You got to wink at them. Feel free to get creative. Challenge us.

They want to be challenged. OK. So order. So order. Fun nub, so much better than having to camp in Buffalo in the winter. Yeah, it's true. Okay. So ordered at Red Lobster.

So ordered at Red Lobster, Merson Parade. Merson Parade. Oh, I had the same thought. Okay, next up we've got Sammy. Sammy writes to the esteemed justices in the saucy bailiff, Emily, or if it's that other guy, sup. I come to you with a case of the inept wingman DM.

My friend Riley asked me to DM a one-shot campaign with some of her friends, including our mutual friend, Ingrid. Riley wanted to use this one-shot as a way to play match friend, Ingrid. Riley wanted to use this one shot as a way to play matchmaker for Ingrid and one of her friends, Carl. Ingrid did know of these matchmaker intentions and was fully on board with him.

Okay, cool. I'm a relatively new DM, so I ran a pre-made one shot and it was a lot of fun. The players all said they had fun and I enjoyed DMing. Great. Here's my case. What did Riley do? This was designed to set up Ingrid and Carl.

Oh no. But that effort utterly failed. The adventure was sort of puzzle based and there wasn't a lot of time for the characters to interact with each other. Therefore little time for Ingrid and Carl to get to know each other. It didn't help that Carl's a very quiet dude and didn't speak much until directly asked to in character. I did

let Ingrid's character shine in the final boss battle by putting the boss in the perfect position for her monk to flurry of blows it to death, but other than that, I feel like I let my friend down as a DM wingman. Should I have done more to throw Ingrid and Carl's characters together or did I do enough by DMing the adventure and trusting Ingrid to work the magic herself? You failed. There could have been charcuterie, there could have been cheese and wine.

Why was there not wine? Did you even hire a string quartet? Was there mood lighting? It should have been taken place in a burlesque sauna. Oh. This makes a lot of sense. Yeah. This is a disaster.

Perfect. I'm appalled. I actually have, I have a different opinion than Jake. Okay. Okay. I actually think, I think you handle this perfectly. And Carl maybe wisely just figured out it wasn't the best place to like flirt, I don't

know, at like the D&D table with a bunch of people. Interesting. Because I think- That's a take. A quiet as someone who can be extremely loud when he's on his microphone on his podcast, but also extremely quiet sometimes in social situations, I think that I would have a much better chance of coming out of my shell if I were solving puzzles with people. I think that actually is the best move

that you could have done, is to have a lot of out of character stuff, because ultimately, like, I don't know, having them flirt as fake characters isn't necessarily going to lead to anything in real life. You're more likely to find common ground, I think, if you're kind of solving something in real life. And also as someone who can be kind of introverted, the idea of first meeting someone by being like,

I'm an elf, and I'd like to talk to you about elf stuff right now. That's a mighty fine bow you have, lady. I can't even fucking imagine. I bet, you know, that's a really compelling argument, but I am still with Jake. I think that the puzzle- What?

Would it kill you to light a candle? Who knows? We don't know that they did it. It doesn't sound like- How is the puzzle solved? With a kiss, then you failed. Oh yeah. That's really good.

I feel for poor Carl. Carl's just like quiet quiet getting setting up with. Yeah, I think maybe you could have like taken a step further where like the villain is like making everyone do icebreakers to like say like two truths about themselves or something like that. Be like, ah, what is your greatest strength? Tell me. You the player, not the PC. I think solving, I think presenting people with puzzles to solve together is a great icebreaker. I think this DM did the exact right thing.

And Carl, let's face it, maybe just wasn't feeling it. Or maybe it was just being shy. Or it just wasn't the venue. You also might've just lit the spark. Like you don't know how long this, how long the tail of this relationship could be. That is true. Sometimes it's like, oh, we saw each other in passing

here, there, here, there. And then finally one of us made a move. Right. I think, yeah, like the machinations have just begun. I think you got a full on parent trap. This. Yeah. I think you gotta do like two more sessions, two more one shots. Then like the third one, everyone's getting together. You're like, Oh gosh, man, I didn't have time to prep. We're just going to watch a movie in the dark, except I am in white, some candles. And I've got ideas. DM me. Yeah. Yeah. I honestly think that there's kind of no one

who did anything wrong in this situation. Right, yeah. I like your friend's idea to be like, oh, this is kind of a fun way for them to meet. And then I think you gave Ingrid a chance to shine. Ingrid was on board. I think everyone was just having fun and maybe planted a seed.

You gave them the best possible chance of talking to each other by presenting a lot of puzzles and metagaming stuff. The idea of taking a shy person and being like, flirt in character, dude, go, is what a nightmare. What an absolute nightmare. Could have shucked some oysters. Oysters are an aphrodisiac. Right.

Ordered them at Red Lobster. You know where they sell them. Yeah, it's true. Like, I don't know what you wanted to happen here. Like, you want them to like leave halfway through the session? They should have been fucking on the table by the end of the session.

I think they wanted like the PCs to flirt or something like that. Which like, I, yeah, I don't know. I would never do that. Yeah, I think matchmaker, all you're supposed to do is introduce two people. Yeah, yeah. And light a candle.

Right, yeah. And yeah, light a candle. Put out a plate of oysters. Just a small plate of oysters. But you know. Some muesac. Yeah. Sometimes the best laid plans of snakes and lobsters

all fall to the wayside. I think puzzles are perfect. You figure it out together. Everybody's brainstorming. I do have a friend who was like, every single first date I go on is an escape room. That's cool. And she was like, it's cause you really find out

about a person and how they handle shit. And she was also like, also I wanna go to escape rooms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's, one thing you'll know about me is I like doing escape. Yeah. You learn a lot about a person, whether or not they like escape rooms.

Well no, but you also learn a lot about if you work together, if anyone's weirdly competitive or anything like that. Yeah. But then if you don't like the person, you are trapped in a room with them, which isn't great. That actually is a really good point. But then it's only-

But it's monitored. Those rooms are usually monitored. There's like a penopticon in the escape room that we sometimes chime in. Oh yeah, so you can always just say, hey, this isn't working out. Yeah. And hey, maybe you fall in love with the person

who's on the microphone, but you can't see. Oh, that's true. Who's saying, have you checked the book? Yeah. Yeah, if you go to an escape room Who's saying, have you checked the book? Yeah. Yeah, if you go to an escape room as a date, make sure that the person you're there with isn't going, hint please, in a really sexy voice. Because then you're in trouble.

Make sure they're not flirting with you, God Mike. All right, with that, we have to punish? No one. No one. I think no one. We have to let love bloom. It sounds, well, this DM, okay, this DM feels like they failed everyone,

but they didn't fail anyone. So we have to punish the players. Maybe we should punish their self-talk. Let's punish Carl. Let's punish. Let's punish Carl. What, Carl? What are you doing here?

Let's punish Riley. No, we're punishing Carl. Oh, that's interesting. Let's punish the DM to run another one-shot and see if love can bloom on the battlefield. Yeah, a one-shot can turn into a forever shot. I think they, yeah, they wanted them to flirt in character, which is such a nightmare for an introvert.

I don't trust them. I do think you got to have more downtime. Literally take a break in the middle, let everyone grab a drink and chat a little bit, have some time up top for people to get to know each other. Yeah. Just under plan, honestly. Or yeah, plan a session where Carl will shine, time up top, so people get to know each other. Yeah. Just under plan, honestly. Or, yeah.

Plan a session where Carl will shine, so Carl feels comfortable chatting. Carl sounded like he didn't like when the spotlight was on him. Carl sounded like maybe he didn't even like Dee Dee. Well, you do a passive. Carl sounded like a dud, okay? Let's fuck this.

Look, Carl is clearly hot. What are you seeing, Carl? Carl is clearly hot. He's clearly hot. We know this. He's hot, that's fucking say it. Look, Carl is clearly hot. What do you see in Carl? Carl is clearly hot. He's clearly hot. We know this. He's hot, that's all. We know this. Has to be gorgeous.

Yeah. A fucking shy introvert. Look at that jawline I can imagine on him. We can only imagine how hot Carl is. Just rich inner life on this Carl. Like that candle. Yeah, I would say a passive Carl session where you do something that might entice Carl

to get more involved. Bring the potato on a cold shelf. But you don't have to be like, Carl, give me a monologue. You could be like, Carl made his character a fighter or something like that. So you do something with like a fighting pit or something like that.

But what do you even know about Carl? He's such a beautiful closed book. That's what I love about him. He's a mystery. How can you possibly entice him? You gotta crack those pages. His pomade smells so good. And there's so much of it.

Everyone needs to apologize to Carl, I think. That's a good punishment. Yeah, that's a good punishment. Everyone needs to be like, look, we want, look, you, an introvert, we expected you to flirt in game and we would have taken that as a huge W and honestly, we were so off base. Just lay off Carl, lay off Carl.

Wow, we really swung from punishing Carl to telling everyone they were fun. I never wanted to punish Carl, Carl has been set up. Carl is getting punked. Okay. All right, just ask Carl out. Somebody ask Carl out. Please. I'll do it.

Scoop him up. What if everyone asks Carl out? And then we get to find out who he really is. Yeah, what if you start next session by being, yeah, have a character, this is what you do. This is what you do. All the characters meet in the tavern, right? Yeah, great.

Wow, after they already met. After they've already met, after they've already met. After they've already met. You say, we're gonna reset clean slate. Carl, you enter the tavern. You walk up to the innkeeper. Innkeeper says, hey Carl, who do you like IRL? And then you just, whoa. You the player, not the character.

You the player, not the character. That's really good. The barkeep looks into the camera. There's a camera here. This is a prank show. You have been punked. Who do you like? The walls of the room fall down.

Mission Impossible fallout style. You reveal yourself to have been Ingrid the whole time. Rip away your voice strip and mask. Carl runs away with those little chops that Tom Cruise does every time he runs. Runs with like a perfect perpendicular arms. Not to get too much more deep into this, not to go back into the waters. Is it possible that Carl is not an introvert,

but Carl's just so in love? He's so bashful. Just awestruck. Fuck. Wow. I mean, imagine the internal monologue simmering under that beautiful shy face. Yeah, that's what I'm wondering is like,

did Carl go home and be like, you fucked it, Carl. Oh, shit. You absolutely beefed it. That was your chance. Yeah, the first time Carl's ever been at a loss for words. Oh my God. Yeah, usually typically so smooth. Yeah. Anyways, let us know if Carl and Ingrid ever get together

because I'm invested now. We're pretty invested. I know now. We're pretty invested. We're very invested. And if someone else gets together with Carl, right? Because it sounds like he's a hot commodity. Right, like this newly single barbarian. Yeah, I do think you all maybe are the greatest wingmen and I think it's maybe not for the reason that you think.

You might need to just do like speed dating where you're just introducing Carl and Ingrid to a lot of different people via D&D. Oh, we could do it at Red Lobster. Yeah, here we go, speed dating at Red Lobster. And I think double down on the puzzles, don't be afraid of the puzzles. I know puzzles are a great way to get to know people.

Okay, so I think we're sentencing you all to apologize to Carl, ask him out, take him to Red Lobster. Figure out what Carl is really good at and focus the puzzles towards Carl so that Carl can like figure out what Carl is really good at and focus the puzzles towards Carl so that Carl can like figure out the puzzles and then Ingrid can be like, oh my God, Carl, you're so smart.

But will Carl even like that though? Who knows? Will we ever, could we ever know? So aloof. So aloof. The pommel smells so good. So ordered. Shall we step into church? Shall we step into church?

Shall we step into church, yes. I feel like we gotta cleanse ourselves. Kingsley S. writes, confession to the esteemed apostles of the most high-rolled queen worm and that one guy who is a motorcycle mammal, I think. Oh yeah, we should have a motor guy. A motor guy. Mine for Mars. Yeah have a motor guy. A motor guy. Mine for a Mars, mine's for a Mars.

I bring you the confession of the unprepared birthday stats. It was a Tuesday afternoon and as I was preparing at work, I decided to text the group chat, D&D Saturday. To my surprise, the chat immediately started blowing up with emojis and gifs to be seen everywhere. One thing was clear, this Saturday, we were playing some D&D. Cut to Saturday.

It's like the start of a country music song in a weird way. Well, thanks for sure, we're playing D&D. Well, well. Cut to Saturday, four hours before my party members were to show up at my house. I'm staring at a blank piece of paper, a blank map and a blank encounter tracker. I have not prepped a single thing for the session

except for the story beats and milestones. I decided to throw on one of the best podcasts ever, specifically a dungeon court episode for a little motivation. Okay. It was a very birthday heavy episode. No! Oh wow.

Which reminded me, it was one of my player's birthdays today. Okay. It's your birthday focus. You're not forgiven. No. Now I had a choice, spend the time I have prepping for this five hour session or make preparations to celebrate Boreas the

wisest birthday. My dear clerics of crit, I chose the latter. I got a cake, I made food, I even texted the group chat to remind them it was the players birthday. This led to them bringing snacks, drinks, and gifts for Boreas. Even though I did not fudge a single role during the session. I did fudge every single stat of every single NPC they encountered. I just went with my gut for whatever felt right, adding between plus seven and plus 13 to attacks and rolling twice the damage die

of whatever my players did previously for damage. Somehow Dicegryce was still handing out the nat 20s to my players and shit rolls for me, ultimately leading to my whomping. I don't really feel sorry for what I did. I honestly- What is with this recent trend of people writing in to just tell us to fuck off?

It's not a confession. This is not a confession. You are not forgiven. Serial killer energy. I honestly don't even know if this is technically a sin in the Dice Church. It was kind of stressful though, but luckily my player suspected nothing. So like, am I good?

P.S. Everyone had an amazing time. Boreas was a very happy 25 years old. That's great. Happy birthday, Boreas. Yeah, I think obviously for home games, when you're not like recording, you don't have to take a ton of time. You can just kind of make stuff up on the fly.

I will say this is a little too birthday focused for my taste. And keep in mind, okay, you got a group. We got five or six people. You gonna do every other session, we having a birthday party? Is that what we're doing now? Huh? Cause I guess we like Boreas the most.

I guess if the session aligns with their birthday, then yeah. We are gonna get a D&D court that's like, my DM planned a special D&D birthday event for one of the other players on their birthday. My birthday rolls around, we show up. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Just bandits robbing us. Although I guess it helps that it was on the actual birthday. That's what I'm saying. I think that's the one saving grace. Yeah. But now you have to watch over your shoulder every single time. Now you gotta watch out and make sure you don't do this again. I think you're good here because like-

I think you're good. Yeah. You didn't ask for forgiveness. I know. Yeah, but they did say, so am I like good? I'm not forgiving them. I'm just saying they're good. I'm just giving them a pat on the head.

They're still going to hell. You are like good. They don't need me to say it. Yeah. They think you're good. Yeah, sure, you're good. Fuck off. You didn't confess.

You don't feel bad, you're good. Yeah, you're great. You came here, you're good. Yeah, enjoy hell, you rock. Yeah, I do think, yeah, okay. So the fact that it is on the birthday saves it, but be, tread so carefully with that. Cause the last thing you need is birthday month stuff

happening and then you're bringing cakes to every session, come on. I do love how cavalier they are about. I just went with my gut for whatever felt right, adding between seven and 13 to attacks and rolling twice the damage die of whatever my players previously did. Respect.

Just like living on the razor's edge for five hours. He said it was kind of stressful. Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, your butt must be raw from all the ass pulls. Good Lord. All right, so kind of forgiven. You asked for forgiveness, so, sounds like a good time though, so congrats? Good Lord. All right. So kind of forgiven. Yes. Forgiveness. So it sounds like a good time, though. So congrats.

Yeah. Question mark. Sweet. Thank you all so much for listening. We're going to wrap this one up. We've got more bonus cases over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash Natpod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. Don't sing yet. Do not do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? We've got some more Dimension 20 shows coming up. We've got July 20th. We're gonna be in Seattle, so be on the lookout for that. And then in November for Starstruck,

we will be in Las Vegas, so be on the lookout for that. Yes! So! Dimension 20 Live. Hell yeah, and me and Emily have Substacks. Yeah! Equally publishing on there, so go look at that. Jay, what have the recent stacks been? What have you been giving advice on? equally publishing on there. So go look at that.

What have the recent like stacks been? What have you been giving advice on? What have the stacks been, Jay? I know some of them, but I want you to highlight your faves. Oh, wow. Thank you. Last week we did a stack about breaking up.

Someone broke up and then asked if they could be friends with an ex because they tried to like get coffee and they said it didn't go well. Wow. And their username was barbarian. That's so strange. Yeah. That's right.

Basically we continue this show over on my next talk. Yeah, it's over on the D&D court becomes a real life court over on Jake's Substack. Yeah. So check out Jake's Substack. Substack.com slash at jkurwitz. Murphi were you. Murphi were you.

And you can follow us on social media that we're remembering I use, at Jake's First Me, at Caldwell, at Eric Ferds Emily, and at Jake's First Jake. And you can talk us on social media that we may or may not use at sdjfersme at call this Caldwell at Eric Ferds Emily and at sdjjake and you can talk about the show online using hashtag natapod this NADDPOD We are we are the youth of the nation We are we are the youth of the nation Dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon dungeon Dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin,

dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, dun-jin, benevolent council of elders. Let their names be read and thus praised.

Brad D, Jeffrey S, Lord of the fjord, later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle, the dastardly dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T aka Balnor's boy. Hoyt's friend, Justin Isaacs, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trelae the Cray, Christopher B, Damiel R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt, Targot, Stevie Wags, Hellasher Buker the NBDM PhD, Princess Yar, Jory S, Jack L. Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bohemia.

Mike H. Alka Smeltzer Plus. Great Value Gemma. Tyler F. Carrboro Chapel Hill FPV. Cici Lulu. Old Cobb's Dunkle, Older Burn. Hercule Poirot, Zerabatvogt Detective.

Timmy R. Jake's Jerk Jelly, Has CCC, it never ends, and I hope it doesn't. Taylor B., The Vengeful One-Winged Angel. Cass, Strong Grinch. Steven, Shoutout to Boy the Troll, C. Mike K., Nick W., William W., Big Bad Beard-O-The-Mad, Ananarama.

Percival Fredrickstein von Muselklasowski der Rolo III, J. Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cork, This Isn't Even My Final Form, Bin A, Dave H, Dustin S, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfars Assistant Izzy F. Big Bad John DPC is awesome Shone, the Shadery mechanic of Zelbaldar Summer Rose aka Grand Tare Mark, the Dark Lord's taint Cat C. Misa, Afausin Zunza, Ariel, the occasional mermaid, Selena In, aka, Felacyraptor, B, Perky, always, Pat L, Lauren H, Serv16, Annie, the Feywild therapist, Paroge Frenzy, Connor S, Salil,

Bioquart7, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat, Was Innocrrrrrb Hobdropper. Jack Hubert, king of the mole people under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament. Valen. Posh the bitch in bunny board. Druidic Peyton. Carlin C. Noah the Bullywog boy. Hashtag honor the cock, Ribbit. James G. Everything Bago, the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey. Reverend Chatterbones. Ha ha ha ha ha. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaia Wow, make me a homunculus please. Learned the balance druid. Frida M.

Maggie. Holly the green. Laughing hyena. Cal and her cats Portland, Star and Berlin. Aaron B. Russell H. A monk named Dilgo. Yes, the whole thing.

Yes, every time. Cody C. Lorelei the succubi and Kira the succulent snack. McKenna Stout. Your friendly neighborhood yont and yonkle Andrew and Sid. John Adams. A week can be done with presidential puns. Meg the mail carrier of Bohemia. James F. Austin S. Wayfarer has to do something about the trolls. To get rid of. Turn to page 42 to keep them. Turn to page 69. Oreo, Shane C. Barpo Goodbarrel, Bard Barian.

Garrett G. aka One Big Curd. Charlie Brown's best friend. Renee the Monster Captain. Olivia the Enchanting Bard and Jared the soap opera cleric, are now performing ballads from the age of stories. Blue Ash, FICO. Garrett, the artificer. Anthony, the raddest of dudes.

J. The fairies have returned to debauchery and must now go to the carnal corner, oh fairies. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian. Lexi H. Im J, the BFG. Roger L. Oh fairies. Mios the Great, Joshua S, Alexander, Lins W, Sky the Wise aka the Lone Dungeon Master, Johnny Dude K, The Mischief of Nod Pods Familiars, Pavu Eskynor the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Kit and their cat, Tim Im, Tiles Lamar T.R. M.L.G. Cheeto

Shel Beacon as first favorite sprite girl Happy Pride to Fia Jins Wellie Moonshine and Beverly Pawpaw says Rear here Rear queer Aww Jet S. Snailess who's infecting Worchester for within A bone flute literally tells a story when played Jared the soap opera

cleric and Olivia the enchanting bard who won a great Feywild bake-off interesting Papa scat A's me my scat A's Megan in Anthony B Savannah H Balmores best friend Steve Stephanie of house in Zunza A, Gimli the Corgi, Papa and Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A, Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmare Verse flight, the two crew blew through, Jennery, Kelsey A, Ethan the mailman, Maple the shy bookworm, Ashhesaurus. Billy Batson. Tory the tungsten dragoose.

Accidental sharer of recipes. Michael L.S. the second. Carl B. plumber of the realm. Dex Riddlewell. Ace Dregs, high lord of Critsburg. Vin Diagram. Cadmilius the consumed. Clinton P. Cam the Frogman

Dean Jake W. Hi Mom! Tuesday Cross the Interactive Fiction Designer Steve L. Tyler M. Alex G. Zibbidi-bacary!

Kaylee! Misty the Crispy Kitty Really Hates Flame Skulls Greg W. There's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love ya. Baruk Thunderhelm. Fifth generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide. Chupacabri. Boney is dead. Ha cha cha. The Waterworth. Nick. Amy. Aegis Kunari, Ignition Class Pedal Storm. Holy shit. Charlamagne, not the god.

DJ Dramamine, Alrik Von Zarovich. Ooh, my favorite patron makes me say penis on my show. Ah, I'm so glad that that one's last. Nobody else is allowed to join the council because that's the best one. Anyway, thank you all so, so much for joining. Again, you're not allowed to join anymore because we've got the perfect final one to end on. If you would like to join this council, you can't, but if you would still like to try, you can go to patreon.com slash nadpod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D. You already sang, so don't sing again. It's been a real pleasure reading these names off for you.

We will be back here next week with more fun stuff. Thanks again for listening. See you later. Bye bye. That was a hate gum podcast.