Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Stubborn DMs, and Immovable Rods

Episode Date: January 8, 2026

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, along with Bailiff Jake, as they pass judgement on your trials at the table!Come see us LIVE in Australia and New York City!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon, Dungeon, Dunn. Welcome to Dungeon Court, everybody. Dun Dun Dun Dunn, Hun. We've been your Supreme Crit Justices, Murphy, Axford, and Tanner, joined by, hey, New Year, New Attitude. Okay, all right. The highly touted, bailiff. Did you say touted or doubted?

Touted. Touted. Touted. motherfucker. Actually, no, I said doubted. I said doubted. I said doubt it. Don't you dare take the tout from him. I'm sorry, I'm doubting the tout. Don't doubt my tout.

Don't knock my confidence. 2026 is just getting started. Who needs clout when you can have towed? That's right. And with that, knock it off, Caldwell, pipe down. All right. Tout it from a loop. Hey, quiet. Hear ye, here.

Hey, dude. Hear ye, hear ye. Crit is now in session. The Honorable Supreme Crit, justice. says Axford Murphy and Tanner presiding as well as the touted bailiff. It's here in your eye. Hold on. I don't know if I can read this case.

Beyond a reasonable tout. Our first case comes from mind freak. Oh, wait, really? Chris Angel himself is a fan. Close enough. Dear Supreme Crit Justices and that oh so handsome rat man jank. All right. Oh, okay, that's a touting.

I present you the case of suggestion shut down. My character is a chaotic level three wizard named Piss Angle. Okay. Not on your side. You might be asking for it. You're playing. You're not, you don't have home field advantage. I'll tell you that much.

Sure. You're definitely away. You're playing in enemy territory. You are away. Go on. Piss Angle in my friend's 5E homebrew campaign. While traveling, our party ran into a troop of performers and exotic barterers. One of the barterers was a strange half-orke that said he had some treasures we could see in his wagon.

The party goes inside and sees, among other things, a magical sword and an immovable rod. Our bard at the table really wanted that rod, as did I. And our barbarian wanted the magical sword. The barbarian was about to pay for the sword when our DM mentioned that this half-orke liked to gamble. So our barbarian challenged him to a card game for it. After many rounds where the whole party stopped the orc from cheating and inspired the barbarian, the game came down to one final hand. It was at this moment that the bard decided to cast suggestion, one of his only level two spells. He told the half-orc he should go double or nothing.

We give him all our gold if we lose, or he gives us the rod as well as the sword if we won. The half-orke rolled a save and failed. And then with a Nat 20, the barbarian won the hand. We were ecstatic. That is, until the DM tells us, quote, I am not giving you that rod. Justices, me and the bar shared a brokenhearted look across the table. Our DM reasoned that he thought the rod would be too game breaking.

Then don't put it in the game. You lost the home game, DM. You fucking lost it. You lost in front of your fans. His ankle, I was prepared for. the suggestion to be like, jump out the window. But instead, it was actually really reasonable. Go double or nothing.

Like, that makes a lot of sense for a gambler to, like, succumb to that temptation. We're throwing catfish on the ice. You're in trouble. It's literally an uncommon item. It's so, yeah, damn. Not that game breaking. What is the point? Why put it in your game if it's off limits?

Yeah. Keep going. It can't get worse than this, but maybe it can. Oh, yeah, yeah, true, true. Yeah. So our DM reason that he thought the rod would be too game-breaking, especially for a chaotic character such as me, Piss Angle. Should my DM have given us the immovable rod,

or was he right to keep it out of Piss Engel's hand? Okay. I think that the DM should have never put it in the game if he wasn't willing to give it to you guys. If you're going to allow a character named Piss Angle, you can't zip up that piss. Yeah, you shouldn't have allowed. Piss angle is your fault for allowing it.

Right. There's piss on your hand. Yeah. Piss angle is already the DM's fault. You let your players go crazy. Also, the gameplay here was not chaotic. It was quite clever. Uh-huh. Yeah. Just showing the immovable rod and then saying I'm not going to give it to you with like a gambling merchant. So what the fuck are you doing? And it was all coaxed by the DM too because they went into the wagon. They were just going to buy the sword. And then the DM was like, oh, this orc likes to gamble. And that kicked the whole thing off. I don't know. Maybe it was one of those DM moves where the DMs like,

it'd be really funny if I also sold their money right now. I guess so. And it's just like, okay, well, but if you're going to introduce gambling, the dice are going to decide who wins them. Yeah. That's how it works with real gambling. Yeah. There wasn't even like an in-game shutdown, like, oh, a bunch of bandits

descended and robbed us. Like the DM just like broke character and was like, I'm not giving you the fucking rod. Yeah, I thought that maybe the joke would be that like he was going to give him the rod, but then he goes to move it and it just won't move. And he's like, oh, it's just, stuck in this cavern, sorry. I guess it's stuck in this tear of it.

I mean, I actually would, that would have sucked and I would have been against that, but slightly less against it that I am now. I at least would have laughed. If you were going to be, if you were going to be a hard ass, you could be like, cool, the suggestion works. He gives you the rod and then the spell wears off. And the guy says, hey, you cast a spell on me

while we were gambling. And then you fight. I'm going to kill you now. And then the, the barterers attack. Right. That to me would add up. I have a question.

Is there any scenario in which you guys as DMs would include something that it would just be like, this is not an item you can ever have? I've studied from the MIRF School of Damning and I know not to, if something can break your game, I know not to put it in. Or to eat your just desserts when you put it in. Yeah, you just eat your just desserts. You definitely can do stuff like, hey, what's up? Here's this evil demon that has a flail that eats souls.

And then after the person dies, it's just like, yeah, you're not like a demon god. So when you use it, it's like unlocking a boss in a fighting game. It's just not as good. Yeah. I think that makes way more sense, though, to be like not every weapon and enemy uses you can use. Because there are attunements. Exactly. Right.

You couldn't just like, I don't know if you could just pick up somebody else's lightsaber and use it. Although they do show people doing that all the time. Yeah, they do that all the time. They do it all the time. That was actually one of the last thing I've ever heard. Caldwell. Wow. Let's just fucking plow past that.

Oh, especially from Caldwell. I expect that from myself, not from you. I guess I was thinking about like in the extended lore, sometimes they say that it's like a little more tricky to handle them because I feel like there's like a gyroscopic element to the lightsaber. Okay, and there's the Caldwell. All right, let's look up the movable rod and see what the DM was so afraid of.

Rod, uncommon, right off the bat. This iron rod has a button on one end. You can take a utilized action to press the button, which causes the rod to become magically fixed in place until you are another creature takes a utilized action to push the button again. The rod doesn't move, even if it devised gravity. The rod can hold up to 8,000 pounds,

but you can do a DC30 athletics check. Somebody can move it if they're like a giant monster or something if they're super strong. Are we worried that this DM was concerned that the player was just going to make a lot of dick jokes about their uncommon rod? I had that like concern. But like at that point, okay, give them two sessions of dick jokes and then steal that thing.

They can also do it. Piss angle can do that with a movable rod. Yeah. That's true. Piss angle's just whipping out his dick. Let's face it. He can't get a piss. His name is fucking piss angle and he calls himself chaotic in 2026.

Your pants are getting wet. It's just how it is. I'm going to say I'm going to rule against your DM. I'm on your side, piss angle. I'm on your angle. Yeah. Once you accept the stakes of a. bet you cannot back. Yeah. This is, it's essentially a ring of featherfall, right? Because like,

the best thing about it is that it's just a pull-up bar that you could throw up like as you're falling off the cliff. Yeah. Yeah. And then everyone can grab on. But there are, we have had cases that are very creative uses where they put it in a monster's mouth so that they can't close their mouth. Sure. But with the strength saving throw in there, there is a way around. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just get out of it. No, I think it's, it's like a quintessential D&D item for a reason because there's like a lot fun uses for it and it is very open-ended. And I'm honestly upset that I've never put it in one of the campaigns I've run because it seems like such a fun way for your players to fuck you over but in ways that like won't totally ruin the campaign. It seems like very manageable fucking over.

Very manageable pranking. And you can always say no. Like this DM is running scared of piss. Because I feel like if piss angle tried to use this rod in a way that was quote game breaking, you could just be like that does, it doesn't work like that. Yeah. I just got to say I'm rolling against your DM. I rule super hard against this DM for being completely inconsistent too. I stand with piss angle, unfortunately. Because once you allow piss angle,

it's so weird. It's like when somebody did the Anchorman thing and then you try to reel it back in, it's like once you let someone be Ron Brandy, it's like you have to let them say, I love lamp or fucking whatever. Like you can't, you don't reel it in after that. You can't put the piss back in the thing.

Yeah, this was actually really serious. You can't put the piss back. In the bottle. Okay. All right. So, yes, so how are we

going to punish this DM who just lost it home in front of all their fans? Maybe they just have to hold their business. Yeah.

They're not allowed to fucking piss. For a whole session for beyond, yeah, well they have to do a cabin weekend with their, to make up for it.

Put in lots of classic D&D items, a bag of holding, Warple Sword, and moving a rod, et cetera. And give it to their players.

and then also they can't piss for the whole year. Yeah. You see how you like holding piss back. Yeah. To unleash piss. Yeah. You literally can't. Yeah, you love holding piss back.

Love it now. Good. Okay. So we're did. Our next case comes from Wolfing von Barkscher. Finally, a normal submitter. Wolfing von Barksher. Welcome.

Dear honorable and a bit delicious judges and the no good bailiff, thank you. I'm actually touted. I bring before the case of Shadow Mastiff Massacre. Long ago, I played a fire-hating Goliath Barbarian in a homebrew campaign DM'd by a good friend of mine. I was joined by a sly, smooth-talking warlock and a pyromaniac artificer. We were level five. I love that like Wonder Years narration. Yeah.

And we were level five. But it is actually always really good contact. Yeah, definitely. We were investigating a house in a big city and discovered a trapdoor in the bottom of the chimney leading into darkness. We descended and were informed we had to enter. entered a multi-level dungeon of the DM's making. Excited, we proceeded down a corridor and came upon the first room. After carefully peering in and seeing nothing, I said, quote, I step into the room.

The DM said I was immediately surrounded by four shadow mastiffs that I hadn't seen and narrated that I was in the center of the room, not just inside the door like I had intended. I proceeded to get mauled by the shadow mastiffs. And then on the warlock's turn, he elected to cast burning hands. hands on me, a fire hating Goliath and the shadow mastiffs. This downed me, and from there, the mastiffs proceeded to TP KS All. Wow. The DM laughed while narrating our demise to country roads, take me home, and then appeared

a little sad that we died in the... Oh my God! That we died in only the first room. This is a roller goaster. The first room of his huge dungeon. Also, yeah, can I point out that it was the smooth-talking war-lawful? that burned this person to death and not the pyromaniac? Was I hearing that correctly?

That interesting. Sounds right? Yeah, the warlocks. Yeah, the warlocks turns. So they're all just maniacs. So there's someone who hates fire and a pyromaniac, and then the guy who does neither is the one that cast the fires. They'll have some relationship to fire.

Yeah. Judges, I implore thee. Does, quote, I step in mean I go straight to the center of the room? No. Should the DM have thrown a deadly encounter right at us in the first room of the dungeon and then laughed as we got TPKed, only to then be sad that he did that he was such crazy. Well, that actually is a very human moment, laughing and enjoying it and then being sad. This to me just says like really, really new to DMing.

Right. Yeah, okay. That's, that's the generous. Really excited to play with your toys and then you're like, wait, actually, the toys are over now. Yeah, you have buyer's remorse. And then the last line is, and can we talk about the friendly fire, killing my fire, hating Goliath? Yeah. Yeah.

So the move of like cackling as everyone dies in the first room and then being sad shows that like the DM fucked up. So like don't want to absolve the DM. But it's mostly the warlock's fault, I would say. Because let's say they're playing theater of the mind. We assume because they're getting like pretty funky with like where they're standing in the room. Yeah. But this person walked in.

They said they got attacked by four shadow mastiffs. I think four shadow mastiffs could probably if you didn't see them and you stepped into the room, they could still surround you even if you were a step in, right? Right. Like you're not. I think that's the thing because if you don't say I peer into the room. You say I stepped into the room. If somebody's waiting against the wall, as soon as you take that first step, you are, you know,

they're behind. Three or four guys could jump on you, I think. You've gotten flanked. Yeah. Yeah, you could get flanked, I think. Yeah. If you're just peering in, then you're in the doorway. I think three people could hit you.

But as soon as you step in, I think four people could hit you. I am going to have pulled up shadow massive as a bonus action while in dim light or dark. the shadow mastiff becomes invisible. Okay. And shunning sunlight, these hounds are usually met as a pack. Okay. So at least the shadow mastiffs being invisible and as a pack is true to lore. This seems like it's mostly on the warlock.

Just literally I had like a bad guy character do this in campaign one where I had Wren just be like, watch out hard one. and would like hit like bad guys but also you guys with call in a phone of cold and the purpose of that was to show that he was like didn't care about anyone so like I don't know a fellow PC doing this to you that's supposed to be like one of your allies

and also the smooth talking one not the pyromaniac it's so funny I can't smooth talk these dogs but right I totally agree with you you're right that like spacing does matter so if you say like I just step in And then your DM's like, oh, you're in the center of the room. And in a lot of cases that would fuck you over, because maybe you step on a pressure plate,

maybe you don't see something. Maybe you get surrounded by eight people or something. But in this case, if it was, am I correct, Jake, it was four shadow masks. Yeah, four shadow masks. So I believe four, if you stepped into a room, I think the squares, there's enough squares that they would surround you. Definitely. I also think that you could say, oh, I should have, when I say I stepped into the room,

and then they're like, you're in the center. you could be like, no, I only stepped in one, but I think still four would get in. Yeah, because you've got two hands and two legs, and that's each a place for a shadow mast if to bite. So you're good. Yeah. Mechanically, your butt's fine.

Yeah, also your butt's fine. Not your neck. Your butt is just there for the smooth docking warlock to burn your hands. Yeah. To roast. If they bit your butt, you were wrong. Okay, because your butt should have been in the doorway. Right.

Okay. Your butt is facing the threshold. If they described in any way, the dog's touching your butt, Yeah, you were wrong. You're okay. Even sniffing it. Yeah, even sniffing it.

Even if a friendly dog was there. Even if a friendly dog was there. Even if they shouldn't have been there. Yeah. When the DM described the shadow mast is just going to town on your private parts, just ripping them to shreds. Yeah. That's fine.

That's the front. That's the front. That's the front. That's the front. They can rip your junk off. They can do that. We have to hand it to the DM. But backside, they don't have access.

They just don't have access. They don't have access. They don't have assets. But yeah, I'm going to. Do you think, though, that the, the smooth-talking warlock just kind of panicked and made, is it possible that this was just a cluster fuck and everyone's new? Maybe the pyro guy gave him the idea. They probably were egging each other on.

Just like, I don't know, man. It sounds like they didn't care. Yeah, I would agree. Because they hadn't even been hurt yet. Yeah. It wasn't like, okay, desperate moment, can you take a hit? All right. And we go for it.

It was like very first action. This all sounded so cool. Like a trapdoor in the chimney leading a, into darkness and then a dungeon crawl of the DM zone making. It's all, it's all awesome. I really love the DMs just dissent here. Because I've been in the situation, very rarely, I should say, where like you're doing damage and you're like, uh-oh,

like you go from being like, ha-ha, I'm really kicking their ass to being like, oh-oh, if I roll like a Nat 20, they're all dead. Yeah. And I think like it seems like the DM just put all the pieces together and didn't realize that they were building a guillotine. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you're going to have these creatures hiding with a high probability that they get an attack off before anyone else gets to do anything.

Putting four there against three level fives, knowing that the party's going to have the surprise condition likely. And you have to think this might end in a total party kill. But a lot of it is the warlock's fault. So I'll say... They are CR2. Check out a calculator, an encounter calculator with a challenge. two, four challenge rate and two versus, I guess three level five. Is that what it was? Yeah, but, you know, borderline two level five because one was completely surrounded and they were

targeting their own player. Okay. Yeah, looking at these, yeah, three level fives can take these guys certainly. I'm going to place most of the blame on the warlock. Right, because the warlock downed the barbarian. Yeah. So hastily. Yeah. The barbarian was the tank that could have taken the damage and the warlock killed me. I mean, I know we play a little fast and loose with like holding reactions we essentially, I essentially let you guys just like do a turn, which I think is fine. But like, I believe you can just hold an action as like a reaction. So you could just be like, I'm going to wait until they move and then cast the spell. Yeah. Like you wouldn't get to cast a bonus action or anything. Or I mean, or you could just be like, hey, I want a burning hands. Can I

angle on two of them? Yeah. Yeah. And then miss the barbarian, which I would think most DMs would be like, yeah, that's cool. Yeah. I, the only generous reading come up with is they were like trying to just light something on fire so they could see the mastiffs better. But like there's other things to light. I don't think you need to light your friend. And also like by the laws of the

spell, I don't think that things that are being worn can be lit a flame by the spell. So I don't know. By the way, your friend who's like backstory includes that they're really afraid of fire. Yeah. Maybe they were like, we're going to get you through that quick. Yeah, maybe they were trying to give you a character moment.

So some weird moves from the DM here, but ultimately it didn't, if you're playing theater of the mind, they might have just been describing like, I don't know, they just wanted to describe the room and make it seem scary, but honestly, you stepping in would have mechanically ended up with the same shit. The weird move was being like, huh, you guys died from my really scary encounter where a bunch of dudes were waiting in the dark to spring on you and were maybe going to get a surprise round and kill casters super fast. Yeah, maybe that was possible. Shouldn't have been super shocked, but the warlock is the real

villain here. Whoa, we're going to sentence the smooth-talking warlock. Let's sentence the smooth-talking warlock was arguably a fucking pyromaniac. Yeah. Right. All right, so are we saying that they can't pee for a week or what? How long do

they have to hold their piss? Yeah, they probably had to hold their piss for a while, right? Something with fire and piss. They have to piss out of fire. Oh, they have to join. Yes. They have to join their local fire department. Oh yeah, join your local file department. Yeah.

Join your local fire department. Try to piss out a fire in front of really tough firefighters so you kick your ass. Every time the other firefighters see you, you're just chugging water to be like, I'm getting ready. And then show up to the calendar shoot day and then find out that you didn't make the cut. Yeah.

Because you're too bloated with you. Yeah. Oh, you got so much water weight. All right. You ain't making the calendar warlock, no matter how smooth talking you are. All right. So ordered.

Our next case comes from Jonathan C to the all-knowing judges and that breathing expert guy. Highly touted breathing. You have to be a Patreon member to understand where that comes from. I bring to you the case of the off-day TPK. Ooh, we got a lot of TPKs.

That's right. I'm part of a long-running campaign with a group of dads. During one session, most of the group had to cancel last minute, classic dad. Yeah. Leaving only me, the grung fighter, and our war-forged mom.

The DM told us he would go ahead and let us scout the dungeon ahead of us. Ooh. All went well till at the end of the session, with only a few minutes left, we made it to the final room filled with giant statues, obviously the final fight. Feeling pretty goofy at the time, I raised my sword and taunted the statues, thinking that we would just end the session there. To my surprise, the DM told us to roll initiative. We both rolled low, and the statues came to life and acted first.

The DM quit twice, doing a total of 140 damage. We are level six, so we both died instantly with no options to react. Oh my God. I fell to the floor in a laughing fit, but the monk player seemed really upset. The session ended with our deaths, but the air afterwards was a bit tense as we packed up. It all worked out in the end and the monk player got to revive his character through a separate adventure, but I asked the judges, was the DM right to let us start the big final battle with just two people knowing it would kill us? You started it.

to punish my You started it. You did start it. You started. Look, I understand it. You spend all day caring for wonderful children, giving so much. You just wanted to take a little something for yourself. Yeah.

You want to stand up for once. You want to be the naughty child. Yeah. You wanted to act out. This I... It's my turn to throw a... When I heard, because we've had nuts stuff happen before, right, where it'll be like... Nut stuff and nut stuff, yeah.

Yeah, nuts stuff. People will be at... won't be at the session and their characters will be like killed off in like a cut scene or something like that. We've had stuff like that. So when I heard the title of this case, that's what I thought it was going to be. And then the player was like, we got to the last thing and then I taunted the statue. It's like, yeah, the DM is trying to set up a challenging encounter.

They're trying to say, hey, this is no joke. I'm letting you scout ahead as a session to be like, this is how serious the situation is. and then you're like, fuck you and they're like, okay, yeah, you waved your sword, roll initiative, and then they killed you. Jonathan,

you got cold opened. You got out of my friend. You are unfortunately not a main character in this story. You're Drew Barrymore and screams fuller. You're the cautionary tape. Yeah, and if anything,

that's kind of rad, right? Because like, if you're the other players, you're like, holy fuck, that's scary as hell. I mean, they hired Drew Barrymore for a reason. Yeah, they hired Drew Barrymore for a reason. You were not expecting that. You thought she was going to be the star. Yeah.

And then Nev Campbell steps up. Wow. Yeah, you unfortunately are not Nev. I thought she would be the one who screams. It sounds like, though, this submitter is like, actually, like, I'm fine with how it went down. I feel bad about the, about the monk. Yeah, that's the tough part, that they, they taunted and got killed. So, like, their punishment, it almost didn't even register because they were laughing the entire time.

It only, it was only harmful. to the other player. They were blown off that dad's team. Yeah. I think you could have, you could argue that, so the DM was definitely being a hard ass here, but I understand why they were being a hard ass.

But I will say they could have dialed it. Firm boundaries are important. Yeah, they could have dialed it back a little bit and been like, okay, the monk can still make a stealth check or whatever to see if they were seen. But I don't know if it was something that like triggered the like, if you touched the statue or something,

it came to life. why wouldn't it attack the other person in the room? And ultimately the DM let the innocent party be revived. So it sounds fine. Like it all worked out. I think it all worked out. Yeah. But I don't think that I don't think I'm like, oh, we need to sentence that DM.

No, not at all. I'm fully on the DM side. Yeah. It sounds like the monk is going to hold their piss. Dad's get a pass at the table. I think we can all agree. Right? Right.

I feel like we're literally ruling against. I'm fully ruling against this dad. Yeah, the other dad is a dad too, and he got his fucking character killed. Yeah, and he needed that. He needed to go off steam in his own way. Oh, no, I'm not saying that he shouldn't have gotten killed. I'm saying that it's still funny and okay that you got killed. Yeah, it's definitely fun.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah. Dad's a lot of fuck around is what I'm getting out here. I think it's fine to laugh and just be like, man, what a dumb way for me to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think that's that big a deal. If the other dad was like, I hate you in real life, that might be weird. If the other dad was like, oh, I'm kind of bummed that you did that.

Yeah. But I think that this submitter is saying, was the DM wrong? And I think we're saying no. No. Yeah. I think the big problem here is that like when you're playing D&D at someone's house, like they should probably always have like a bat of chili going. So that like if the air starts getting a little weird,

if everyone's like feeling a little tense, you're just like, who wants chili? And then you just go eat chili because your dad, you're probably hungry because it's like 11 o'clock at night and like you ate dinner way too early. So like. Philly at 11 o'clock at night? Why the hell not? I guess treat yourself to some freaky dreams.

So are we all in agreement? We're ruling against the player here? I think so. Yeah, we can sentence them to 11 p.m. Chile. Have an 11 p.m. Chile, and I think that your subconscious is going to work this one out for you. That cornbread is going to plug you up. You're going to sleep so good. Go to a museum and start shoving the statues and see what happens.

People are going to be upset. The security guards are going to TPK you. Yeah. You can't piss at the museum. Yeah, so we're going to punish you. Your sentence is going and pushing some fossils around. You have to do Night at the Museum, Bin Stiller style, but you got to get in trouble. Nothing's coming to life.

You're just getting the shit kicked out of you. You just have to flex at a T-Rex skeleton. I think you can flex at a T-Rex without anyone getting mad at you. Without security attacks. But without the T-Rex skeleton getting mad at you. Oh, true. Yes, true. This is, is that of the museum style.

I don't know what's going to come to life. Yeah. I forgot it was night at the museum. Okay, so ordered. Our next case comes from childish creator to the abhorrently honorable justices and Tucker's boyfriend in law. I present the case of the hamstringed ranger.

I was the usual DM for a table of high school and work friends that gathered twice monthly for sessions. Another player at the table, let's call him Jake, why not? He purchased Curse of Straw and was excited to try his hand at DMing. I was excited for the chance to be a player and I created my character. A human ranger named Mason von Hammerfuck, a boisterous and overconfident young man

from a rich family of sailors who claimed to have been a successful and effective monster hunter. The issue arose a couple of sessions in while on our way to the Wizards of Wine Vineyard. Hey. Whoa, shout out. I rolled a Nat one while attacking a vine blight

on our way to the property. The DM, we'll call him Jake. It's not confusing at all. Narrated that with my Nat one, I had broken the string on my bow. I had no issue with this, as there was a table rule of not once resulting in a negative result, such as losing an attack, injuring yourself, or an ally or giving enemies and opening and allowing advantage on attacks against you.

Okay. My grievance is that once combat had concluded, I asked if I could take a moment to repair my bow, the DM, Jake, said no. What? Jake. I asked if I could do so if we committed to a short rest. It was at this point that the DM informed me that I would not be able to repair my bow and would need to wait until I was back in town

for someone to repair it for me. Bronno. No way. You are not a ranger unless you are fixing. You are like, if you're playing a ranger, you are making your own arrows on the go. Yeah, you're taking sheep's guts and you're making strings out of them.

Yeah. This is like if you read any books about like bowmans, I remember when I was like doing some research for Scaldova. Like one of the things they brag about is how good they are at stringing their bows. It's like a big thing. Yeah. Yeah, this seems like,

you know, step one of setting off, you know how to string your bow because what do you want an adventure and if your bow breaks are absolutely fucked? Also, isn't this one of like the wish fulfillment things of playing D&D that you're like, I play a person who is so close with my weapon that I know it's every nook and cranny.

Yeah, it's too real world to be like, I broke my weapon, I have to take it to the store. Did you get an appointment? Fuck. Yeah. Is there a Cabellas in Bolivia? I think I could change a bow string with a YouTube video

and I don't know anything about. It's in strad, there's no YouTube. Well, yeah. True. Yeah, I know. The internet does exist. I know, I know. I'm saying as like an idiot.

Right, wait, right. In strad, there's no YouTube. There's no YouTube. I know. I think I was just doing like a comparative thing. And the boy is a vampire. It attacks you. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. You're right. You're absolutely right. I can't have to move before. The computer's a mimic. The computer's a mimic. Okay. Okay.

Okay. My Ranger then spent the next two sessions with no bow. Why? Oh my God. Am I wrong to assume my Ranger would know how to repair his own bowstring? Yeah, no, you're not. You're not wrong. Does a single not one in combat warrant two sessions without a primary weapon?

No. I never argued as it was his first campaign and for unrelated reasons the table disbanded and we never made it out of the vineyard, but I still hold salt in my heart. I think it's okay to hold a little salt in your heart. But since there was a precedent of not once having like a worse than normal reactions, I'm okay with a breaking mid-battle, but I do think 100% you should have just been like, cool, I restring my bow. Yes, you're a ranger.

Yeah, you do that. Holding it for a short rest makes sense. I still think it's pretty fucking bad to be like, you know, once every 20 times you roll or whatever, you fucking lose your weapon for the whole battle. You can roll 20 times in a long combat. Like, the fact that it could happen, like, every big fight is crazy. Yeah. So that's...

I mean, I guess I'm saying, like, if they are doing, though, big consequences, I'm okay with that happening once for a fight. Yeah, but that consequence is too big. Two sessions with no weapon for one bad role is crazy. Yeah, it should have been literally... Should have been short rest. Yeah, I don't even think you need a short rest. I think if you're a ranger, you can literally do it while you're running. While you're running, I think you can do it.

I think you got to base it on. Merv, you don't believe. You can do it while you're running. I think someone could do it. Legolas. Let go last. Leggolus could do it while he's running. I agree.

Because they had YouTube in Middle Earth, so he knew how to do it. Yeah. Pray, allow me to pause here. I must look up a tutorial. You must skip that ad, my friend. Oh, man. There's got to be some sick tutorials on how to like blow smoke rings using long bottom pipes.

Imagine that. Just like all sort of like smoke hacks. Definitely but probably with vapes now. Yeah. Just Gandalf chugging on the elf. Yeah. This is weird.

People that really, or DMs rather, that really feel the need to like nerf their players so that they can't use any of their stuff. It's just, I don't know. I think it's just trying to create steak. I think it's insecurity that they won't be able to create stakes.

This might seem strange to you guys, but some people like to run Curse of Stroud kind of hard ass. But like you can do it hard, like taking away your magic items makes sense. Like literally making your starting equipment not work, I think is wild. Yeah. I also just think, look, if you're like a fifth level ranger, I think you can while you're running restrain.

Theoretically, you can do it while running. You could do it on horseback. I think he can do it on horseback. Yeah. On horseback, no problem. Easier than running, I would say. What if somebody's tickling you? Do you think you could still do it?

Yeah, I think it takes you a little bit longer because you have to say, stop. All right. What if you're holding in your piss? Okay, so we're definitely on the player's side here. We sentenced the DM. Against the DM. Definitely. Sends the DM to get tickled while restringing a bone, a horse.

Is that? And they can't piss. And they can't piss. Certainly can't piss. Only got horseback riding while holding your piss. Sounds really difficult. While getting tickled? Yeah.

Even without the tickler, just holding your piss on a horseback. The horse could be tickling you with his long tail. Oh, yeah. Tickled by a horse. I don't know how viewership is for the Olympics. I imagine still pretty good, but if they ever need a little twist, I feel like just restricting piss could be fun. Yeah.

Pretty interesting. Every equestrian competitive is holding in two days worth of piss. Yeah, it says how long each jockey is holding in piss. Exactly. Really impressive. This gymnast from Illinois is not pissed in three days. Oh, God. These are all, like, urgent care amount of time reciting.

You're going to poison yourself. If there was any advantage to be gained by not pissing, people would die so fast. I know. I know. With, like, all the weight cutting and stuff that happens for, like, sports with weight limits and stuff, if they were, like, if you hold your pace for a day and can prove it, we'll put you three feet further.

It's the body's gatory. You have to hold it in. Just half the competitors would die. Luckily, we only know that holding in come is the only thing that makes me. Yeah, that's true. It is no nut January. Yeah, no nut January.

I guess you're all jerkless jam. Jerkless jam. Yeah. Because I did no nut November. Deas nuts December. That was where I was nutting every day. Yeah, where you just doubled down. How about, how about, oh, jerk, no,erry.

Jerkno way. Like, jerkless January was good. Yeah, I feel like, I just like there to be off wings. I just like, you know, I wanted to be like multiple choice. You don't have to punch it up. Just do the next month. Rub you worry. Oh, rub you where.

Oh, ruby-y-wary's good too. So is webb new nuts again. Yeah. Yeah. You have to, you have to temper it with one month where you jerk off non-stop. You have to go, whoa. Yeah, one month on, one month on. It's called cycling.

genuine touch on your dick. Okay. Just if we need more options, just in case we need to more. Dude, we're on to March. Yeah, we have to move on. Yeah. Okay, and speaking of moving on, our next case comes from Eric D. No, you're just jerk. Go on.

This episode of Nadpod is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Folks, I really hate to break it to you, but unfortunately, the Hogletays are over. Elves have been removed from shelves. Lights have been tangled into wads and shoved in boxes. and the streets are paved with extremely dead, extremely dry Christmas trees. There's nothing left to celebrate except for MintMobile, because MintMobil is the only wireless provider helping you cut back on spending this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless.

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These plans start at $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash pawpaw. That is mintmobile.com slash pop-aw. Okay, that's it for me. Happy regular January, back to the show. To the effervescent justices and the less than average bailiff, the players IDM4 murdered an NPC in what I consider to be cold blood. Whoa. This is, wait, this is like a real, we're like, this is a murder trial.

Okay. Yeah. Let's get serious. See if we can solve this without reasonable tout. Yeah. Everybody's holding your come. Here we go. Yeah.

Everyone has not come in a while, so we're so fucking dialed in. Oh, my gosh. You can see it on the judge's faces. Yeah, juries are like no social media and no coming if you want to be unbiased. They didn't trust him. And later said it was because he didn't have a funny voice and therefore wasn't likely to be a recurring friend of the party. Justices, does an NPC having a bland voice indicate that they are untrustworthy or meant to be a one-and-done character? P.S. As I DM often, I do use funny voices for many characters, good and bad. I just kind of forgot to with this one.

Forgot to because the character was a secret agent, huh? That needs to be murdered. I feel like if someone doesn't have a funny voice, then I'm like, oh, okay, tuck in. We're going to learn something important. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Because like the DM is like, all right, this is important enough that I don't want to get distracted. attacking an MPC from hearing their voice and being like, this guy's boring. You're a murderer, right? I think he's to fucking murder a little bit. What's wrong with your affect?

I do understand like the impulse here though because like every DM kind of has a tell with their funny voices where it's just like as soon as the, I will tell you a tale voice comes out. You're like, all right, this person's going to give us some lore. We're going to have to follow this guy into a cave or something like that. Yeah. Or they do the grisbee thing. Yeah. Where they really try to make grisbee happen.

Yeah. And they're like goofy, they're like, this is the new guy. Uh-oh, I dropped my eggs. There is something about me, though, that I actually have the opposite instinct. There's like a huge swing of a voice. I'm always like, I don't know. You're out of here. You don't have anything to tell me.

I mean, I think it's a really fun misdirect. It's like, because if you do have exclusively silly voices and then there's just like one normal person, then like, yeah, I understand their apprehension. But don't just stab first. Like, ask at least one question. Yeah, especially because, yeah, the players are just denying the fact that they're murderers. Like that's, this case is literally just like, are the characters murderers for murdering? And the answer is, yeah.

I'm trying to imagine it. And all I can imagine is that everyone was like buzz and feeling themselves. Oh, yeah. So they got, they whipped themselves into a frenzy. It's like you guys killing Balnor. Yeah. And I would have just been like the band of boobs are bad. guys.

You guys would have been like, check his pockets for poison. I don't know if we've done this on this show or other shows or just in home games, but I feel like sometimes people, I feel like we have like sometimes like each day. What are you? I don't know. She's preempting this in a way where I suspect that maybe she just did this.

No, no, no. It wasn't. I think it was probably a joke that I hopped on because it was making me laugh. What is the joke? She can't even speak. What the hell is this going to be?

Now that anything I say is not going to live up to what I'm doing right now. I've set myself up for failure. You're fucked. I mean, how many times have you met a gnome in a barn? You just toss them off a bridge. Emily's absolutely fucked. She's laughing so hard. This is going to be the funniest thing.

No, it's not. It's not going to fuck it. He's going to land. Everyone calm down. We're all going to take a breath. Ready, three, two, one. I'm filming this. This is going right on the top.

Emily, Emily, go ahead. Okay, I think that it reminds me of, like, I don't know if it happened in any of our campaigns or other campaigns or home campaigns. Like, sometimes everyone just, like, takes a swing in NBC. And it's just kind of like a little joke. Yeah.

But you know what I'm talking about? Wait, what's such a vague thing to say? Oh, you mean just like socking them? Yes, so I'm saying like, it feels like a little. Like they all just got a little giddy. That's fucking how fantasy high starts, isn't it? That makes sense.

We're all just like punching each other. Yeah. But I'm saying like, but I think that it's like a recurrent bit. Like sometimes it'll just be like. It's true. We have done that on Division 20. We have done that on Madpot. We've done that.

I remember in a home game, there was a character that was like someone's love interest. And then he turned out to just be like kind of a snake. And we all just kept socking him in the gut. Yes. I think that's what I'm thinking. Because he wasn't like a bad guy, bad guy. we're like we have to fight him or whatever we're like you bastard i sock him in the gut and this is great and you're all doing like one damage and then it just because of a funny recurring thing where it's just

like everyone's like talking talking and then someone and they says one more thing and it's like i sock them in the gut i do too so to me i'm hearing this and i'm like maybe they just got a little giddy and punch drunk well it sounds like they murdered because i do think ultimately i think that's a very funny move of if someone's just like, ha ha ha, ha, I hold all the cards. If you want to go against me in court, oh, you socked me in the gun. It's like, knocking the wind out of somebody is super funny. Yeah, just like anytime someone's just like, I hold all the cards in this moment and you sock them, it's like the DM might be like all of the guards attack and kill you, but in all likelihood, like I normally would just be like, oh, fuck. Yeah.

All right, fuck you, man. You do, like, so little damage. Yeah, you do so little damage. It's kind of in consequence. Like, maximum four. Yeah. Yeah. So this is an actionable solution here.

Yeah, the players should have just socked him in the gun. Just so out of him. Just so much. Socking people in game is so funny because it's so ineffective. Although your DM, like if the grung player from before, uh, socked a statue, the DM would also. would instigate a fight. You risk that the DM might just be like, you socked him in the gut, he attacks you with his sword.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're taking a risk. Some people think it's funny when you sock them. I am imagining it being that like the guy comes out and he's just like, ah, it is good to meet you. And then someone's like, he's not a funny voice. I had one with my sword. And then everyone's like, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And then they all do the same thing. Yeah. But yeah, no, they're murderers. Yeah. Why are you so serious, man? Yeah, first degree bit. Yeah. Yeah, so I think they've, they're murderers.

Right. They could have to sentence them. We have to sentence the player, certainly. For murder? Yeah. I mean, 25 to life. Yeah, so we just look up. So this would be like second degree murder, right?

Yes. So let's just sentence. But it was, let's just send them to real prison. It was a bit. So I don't know if that length is. Involuntary because they were. No, this isn't involuntary. Right, but I'm saying like,

It's so voluntary. I think that it snowballed in a way that like sometimes group think can feel involuntary. So secondary murder is essentially doing it without premeditation or deliberation. We don't think it's premeditated. We don't think it's premeditated. Yeah, it was spur of the moment. It was heat of the moment. Yeah.

Okay. So second degree murder sentence. Was it self-defense? Do you guys think? No, not at all. It was not self-defense. I think they could argue that. They were trying to play this like they were like pre-cogs and they like foreseen that this person was going to betray them.

Okay. So I'm seeing it's like, uh, 15 years to life. Okay. So let's give him 30 years. 30 years. But you're in the Shawshank prison so you can maybe dig a hole. Okay.

Oh, and you get to meet Morgan Freeman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so that's nice. That's nice. Yeah. Okay. You guys are murderers. You gotta go to prison.

You gotta go to movie prison. Is this a piss-free prison? No, they can piss freely. It's a pissed freely. Yeah. I mean, if Jackie can go a few days without pissing, that's a problem. You can't go 30 years without. pissing that's dangerous.

That's super dangerous. Yeah, Paul, this dangerous. I'm sorry, you know, like modern medicine dictates it, but we don't know. I saw a cul-in-the-stomber. I do too.

I do too. I'm touted. All right, our next case comes from Lauren to the Honorable Supreme Crit, the comedic heavyweights justice Asford, surf and Murph and Tanny. And Jake.

Yes. Where this begins. My wonderful players had an epic battle against a mechanical dragon. Awesome. One player cast water walking on the entire party pre-battle. During the battle, another one of them decided to mount the dragon because they were a melee fighter and naturally wanted to get up in the dragon's business. Well, the dragon flung him off, and since the battle was on the coast of a lake, he asked

if he could aim for the water. To which the DM said, sure, make a dex check. He then succeeded and promptly landed in the water. I ruled that hitting the water from 100 plus feet would be equivalent to hitting land. But he argued that since he had water walking, he should at least take half damage because the spell would attempt to keep him on the surface of the water. Reading the spell, it says move across any liquid surface as if it were harmless ground. So I ruled that landing on the water would react like landing on the ground. This player almost died, but ultimately ended up barely surviving.

My table still argues that the water walking should have reduced the amount of damage he took. honorable judges, please settle this once and for all. Okay, I think we got to do a quick spell check round here. What is the component in water walking? A piece of cork. It's a piece of cork. Which suggests that the water walking spell works by making you extremely buoyant. If you throw a basketball from 100 feet, I don't think it's going to pop.

It's probably not going to be in great shape, but it is going to plunge under the water and then pop back. I actually really disagree that it makes you. I actually really disagree that it makes you. If you throw basketball off a building, it might just pop a little bit. Because if it made you buoyant, there would be other, there would be other issues.

It would be like, basketballs and people are different. If it made you, if it made you buoyant, there would be like a asterisk on water walk. That was like, by the way, you can't take a bath until this is over.

I don't think you could. I don't think you take a bath. Yeah, you can. An affected target must take. a bonus action to pass from the liquid surface into the liquid itself. Oh, okay.

So you can choose. Interesting. Yeah. But that's like saying like if you're wearing a life jacket, you can still swim underwater a little bit. You're just going to pop back up to the surface. Okay. But water walk wouldn't be,

it would have to be like life jacket shoes. Yes. Okay, but now imagine a basketball in a life jacket. Uh-huh. There's basketballs and people are very similar. Of people like throwing basketballs off of high rooftops to bounce and go in a net. If you did that to a person, they would get so injured.

Right. I kind of think because when I read the description of the spell, it grants it to the ability to move across any liquid surface as if it were harmless, solid ground. I don't disagree with the DM's ruling. Obviously, we can't take any real world stuff into account. I think Waterwalk just does not address this. Yeah, an effect to tart. And it says must take a bonus action to pass through the liquid surface into the liquid

itself. So if you don't have a bonus action, which you wouldn't, if it's not your turn, it says right here in the spell, it's buttoned up. It's landing on solid ground. So you're landing on solid ground. I don't know if the person who cast the spell can maybe drop their concentration, but from everything it says here, it just says, must take a bonus action. Yeah. So, yeah, you're hitting that water. And I don't think there's any special rules for water. I do agree that jumping, you know, off a 30-foot cliff into water versus onto the ground would be different. I don't know how different it is in D&D rules. Yeah.

I would probably rule it different. But once it gets up to like 100 feet, if you're falling like in full armor, it probably hurts just as bad. Like I get that it kind of sucks to be like, oh, fuck this. Like we so smartly cast this spell ahead of time. And then now it's actually like not ruling in our favor. but sometimes you just got to laugh that it happened that way. Yeah, because that's cool.

That's just narratively cool. You got flung from a dragon into water that might have otherwise kind of been a little more harmless and you fell on concrete. And instead you like skidded like it was a basketball court. Yeah, that's badass. Especially if you barely survived. Yeah. I think I'm cool to side with the DM.

Yeah. I think I'm definitely siding with the DM here. The bonus action to dive into the water. is really kind of, it's, it's, uh, tearing a hole in my otherwise perfect argument. I was going to say like, Carlwell, are you going to be the dissenting opinion on this court? Because you think that anyone with Waterwalk is a basketball? I just think that you would plunge under briefly and then the spell would take effect because it is, I think it gives your body cork like properties based on the material components. Okay, okay.

That's what I believe in my heart. I'm happy to be wrong. I'm happy to be the dissenting opinion. You are. But I think that I think it's healthy to have like a dissenting opinion. So I welcome your weird ass to sense of your opinion. I feel like the thing, the fact that they survived means that this worked out perfectly.

I think you don't need to change anything. But like I would say maybe if they were like, if they took so much damage that they were going to like instantly die, I would be like, oh, your body takes on a corky like property and you have like one HP left. I feel like there's like wiggle room to make it so that they don't instantly die from falling to the ground.

They're in like an epic battle though. That's true. Presum it like they're against a metallic dragon. You have to know. as a fighter, if I'm going to jump onto this thing's back, there's a chance that I get flung from hundreds of feet in the air. Right. Yeah, yeah.

The stakes should be there for the fact that like maybe the fighter, or maybe this person feels salty because they passed a decks check to direct themselves into someplace that, you know, was just a. Oh, that's interesting. You could have just been like, well, it doesn't matter. Right. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

I think that is totally true. Huh. Hmm. Yeah, why put that. point to mine. Why I put that text check in there? Wow, Jake, that was

not to tout you. Not to tout you. Don't tout me any further. Unless you have to. Did you're so touted, you're gouted, man. Yeah. Yeah, that's interesting.

Okay, that would be one strike against the DM because I think in two ways the DM is right here, which is by raw mechanics, as far as I know, unless they've updated it in 2024, it doesn't tell you like different damages based on different surfaces

you land on. Yeah. You fall 10 feet, you take a D6 of damage and every 10 feet after that, another D6. So by raw rules, you would be right anyway

to just be like, they fall into the water and they take 10 D6 of damage. That's normal. Then the waterwalk thing, which is like, this person does not have a bonus action, so this does act like ground.

So waterwalk would be straight up bad for this situation. But then where maybe like you messed up a little bit is you're right. Why let them have any hope at all? all if it doesn't matter. So the dex check didn't make them take like half damage or something?

No, it seems like the decks. The deck check was to find the water. Yeah. Well, because it is like succeeded on a dex check and landed in the water. Yeah. Okay, yeah. You know what? They should have, that dex checks should have benefited you something.

Yeah. Well, you know, it could have, I mean, spatially it could because, you know, I don't know, if you're in a fight and a dragon takes you up into the air and they throw you and you get thrown 100 feet away. So you have to take dash actions to get back into the fight versus being like in an area that you'd rather be after taking damage. It does still matter where you land.

Yeah, they didn't bring that up though. Yeah, but I would just, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt because I think the DM is mostly right here. I think there's no world where the person takes less damage. Right. I guess I'm coming in saying like I'm going to side with a DM because I do think that the waterwalk spell would mean that landing on water would be like landing

on solid ground. But I do think that the decks, you should have benefited from the decks check. I think it was a small faux pa. Yeah. You're largely right, but you committed a faux pa. But that's not what's on trial.

I think I would generally make a different rule for water because you could say, I mean, I couldn't, well, you know, I don't know. We don't like real world stuff. But at the same time,

like there is a level of common sense where you're like, yes, if you pencil dive 20 feet in the water, you're probably not going to get as hurt as you would. If you pencil dived into the sidewalk. Yeah. And if you're the level where you're fighting a dragon,

like you would think that you're like a hero that's hardier and might be able to sustain like falling in water like that. Without the water walk, I would say I would probably homebrew something, but I think you're also within your rights. Just be like, no, book says do 2D6 of, or 10D6 of damage, whatever. Just be aware for next time. All right, huh? Yeah, maybe next time just be like, dude, what was the decks check for?

Yeah. And then maybe fling your D20 at them. So I think we're on the DM side here. We are. Yeah. You're right by Raw and you're right by Waterwalk as well. Okay. So we're sentencing this, this paladin, right?

Yeah, to pencil dive onto rocks. No! God, I hate the feeling of that. Oh, I don't even want to think about it. How about we just, we sentence them to walk on water, like Jesus Christ did. Ooh, sentence you to learn to walk on water. Sure, yeah. Just do a miracle.

Yeah. Or just study the lizards that can do it. Oh, that's true. Yeah, you have to learn like those lizards that can run across the water. Oh, that's sick. Yeah, run like a lizard or in full armor, jump off 100 foot cliff into water. Those are your options. See how bad.

See how bad. That's fun, too. Yeah. I really don't want to study lizards, man. Yeah. You know what? It is interesting because when you, obviously, I'm not trying to bring into in real world things for any argument

because this has already been decided. But when you go cliff jumping, the higher you are, the more that water really stings when you hit. Right. The ones that go from really high, they throw a rock in to break the surface tension. Oh.

Yeah. Oh, that's fun. You're not allowed to do that, though. That's really cool. But any lizards that were running across are probably like, what the fuck? They're swimming now. Yeah, they're swimming now.

That would be such a fun party trick If you could run across water Like one of those lizards Like you would just every pool party You would be the talk of the town You would be like captured And studied by the government You wouldn't be allowed to have that

As a pool trick But they just capture you for like a weekend No they would dissect you call in all You would be disappeared And you would be dissecting It's making me think of that stupid old meme Where the guy is standing in the corner of the party And it's like they don't know

The party tricks They don't know the party trick you're excited to be doing if I wasn't scared of the government capturing me and studying me. I'm imagining Caldwell at like one of his kids' friends' birthday parties running across the water and then it smashed cutting to him in a government lab dead with like weasers opening up his leg. They're like, want me to be Abe Sapien so bad and I'm like, I can just run across water and not even for that long. Like I can get across a pool to get chips, but that's it. Just like skin and muscle pinned to the side.

They can look in. And a thousand super soldiers walking across the ocean. As they just attack. Infantry is back, baby. The Navy's over. He can walk on water. Pounding on the glass. It's forgetting chips.

No. Okay. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. You have to go viral. Caldwell style. run on water in the gate.

You got to get disappeared by NASA. NASA. It disappeared by NASA. NASA. So you can walk across all of the water and space. Oh, think about it, though,

because there's a lot of planets that are just only water. Yeah, that's true. Okay, with that, shall we step into church? Yeah,

I think so. Delta hanging with tens, writes, okay. Cool. Seeking penance. I wish the dear clergy a Mary Eve

for mine has been somber. Wow. Prithy Y. Prithy Y. I'm a DM for two homebrew campaigns with my friends and a player in a curse of Stroud campaign with my cousins. I've only recently begun my tenure as a player and I fear for my character's life if my dice rolls continue in their current manner.

As a DM, I frequently roll high, often rolling two to three quits a session. Good for you. So much so that I will fudge my roles to make them lower. Alas, Dice Christ has heated the call for lower rolls in a different way than anticipated. In last night's curse of Strad session, I rolled seven Nat ones. Oh my God. Seven's kind of a holy number, though. Yeah, that's a really good point.

That's such a good point. Four of which were in a row. It was so bad. My cousin said, please roll that again. I feel bad for you. I have thoroughly learned my lesson on the fudging of rolls and getting what I asked for. So I am seeking for this curse to be lifted, which is why I humbly confess to the XO, XO, XO, amen.

Wait a second. This is beautiful, though, because you're literally going to be lifting a curse in curse of straw. Yes. And so I think that you just stomach these rolls and then by the time you lift the curse of Straud, you will also be lifting the same curse that you are bearing. There's a luck vampire draining you in this campaign. Can I also say ones are kind of fun. They are.

Well, but that many specifically, like, ones on, yeah, seven is bad. Ones on like attack rolls is also just like, God damn it, this isn't even funny. Yeah. Right. But rolling, like, I would rather roll four ones in a row than roll under five. Yes, I'd rather roll a one in miss than roll a five in a minute. Four ones in a row is a character development. Exactly.

If you do that, like you have to come up with a reason why. And then you get, and then you got your cousin out there. They're being like roll again, right? You think cousins are letting you roll again on a six? No. No, they are. Okay? Yeah.

So Dice Christ is teaching you a lesson while also holding your hand. I think that the only way out this curse is through. Certainly. Is that a saying? Yeah. It's some kind of saying. Isn't there something like the only way out is true is saying? It's not a curse.

It's not a lot of applies to curses. Right. But I think, I think it's, when we add curse, we make it our own and we can trademark it. When God closes a door, you go through the door. You can still jump through a window. Yeah. That's closed. That is also closed.

When there was one set of footprints, go through the footprints. But I think in this case, God's closing a door and we're saying, just keep knocking. Yeah. When you saw one set of footprints, it was God walking through the snow ahead of you so that you don't have to get your shoes super wet because you could just kind of walk in God steps. There you go. I mean, that's how that saying goes. Okay, yeah. So I think that we've given you some scripture to contemplate.

And I think you're good. Yeah, honestly, yeah. And you know what? Your cousins looking out for you. This is the real message to take away here is you've got cousins guarding your back. Dice Christ blessed you with a great cousin. A great set of cousins. A set of cousins.

Yeah. A plurality of cousins. Can you imagine? What do you call multiple cousins? Cousins. Cousins. You call one or cousin? No, no, no.

When you've got like, you know, a conspiracy of ravens. A cog. A collusion of cousins. A collusion of cousins. A collusion of cousins. A collusion of cousins. A reunion of cousins. Yeah. I think, you know what?

You learned your lesson. You learned it in a fun way where you got several ones instead of twos and things. Truly. Right? So you're going to be okay. I think it's nice. So forgiven. You're all good.

Remember this kindness that your cousin showed you and show cousins. Show cousin kindness in the future. You are your cousin's keeper. There you go. Don't forget, you are your cousin's cousin. Okay. Oh, my God. We are our cousin's cousin.

With that, we're going to wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening. Cousin is a road that goes two ways. It really is. It really is. With that, we're going to wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening. We're going to be over at our Patreon with bonus cases,

Patreon.com slash natpreg. That's NADD, D-D-O-D-D-O-D don't sing yet. We've got some stuff to plug. We've got Radio City Music Hall live show coming up. Bon Freres X, the band of boobs. Where are my boys tonight? Yes. Come see that live with us and Zach Oyama.

Bring your cousins. Go to nadpod.com slash live. Bring your cousins. That's right. And also new show dropping tomorrow on general sale. Oh, shit out in awesome. Australia at the Sydney Opera House, March 16th, baby. That's right.

The iconic venue. That's right. General Sale tomorrow. Sweet. And you can follow us on social media there we may or may not use at C. At Coddice Caldwell. Add a extra demily and at Jake Gertes Jake versus Jake. And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NatPod.

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Bogies, Buds, Best Botanicals in Bohumia and Beyond, Stormy 52, Memaw Sky Days, Megan N. Anthony B. B. Bowne's best friend Steve. Stephanie of Hausenzo, Benjamin A. Gimley the Corgi, Pop-on Foster's K-9 friend. McHale A., Triple S-tier, Crickwater Enjoyer, Josh Hull, Pilot of the Nightmareverse Flight, the two crew blew through, Ethan, the soon-to-be-married mailman. Congratulations, Ethan. Maple the shy bookworm, Nick A.J., Ashesaurus, Seth the Stroker, Bearer of all hog-related burdens. Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, left with a warehouse full of Grinch blow-up dolls after Murph and Emily skipped their last pickup. Michael L.S. the second. Carrie B. Plummer of the Realm.

Ace Dregs. High Lord of Critsberg. Vin Diagram. D. M. Charby. Ketamilis the Consumed. Cam, the Frogla Days man. Dean. Jake W. says, hi, Mom. Tyler O. The Mile High Bastard.

Tuesday Cross. Only here for the surf in Murph. We love you rat Jesus. Smoors. Tyler McM. God Dog. Zibitabackery. Kaylee. Katarina C. Carly C. Totally definitely, not the Grinch. W. W. K. Joe. Greg W., there's so many of us now, but hey, you're doing great and we love you. Thanks, Greg W. Baruch Thunderhelm, Fifth Generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Chupac Aubrey. Boney is dead. The Waterworth, your four-legged Greg companion. Nick, Amy, the raging Ranger, Echo Ashmore, A.E. 15 Kunari, Watch Meekflit my me kickflit my mech, not a DJ but we'll still take the gig, DJ Drama Mean, Chef Julie B, Mama Mayhem, Grisbee's Number One fan, Jen Rules Kinda, Thomas C, Little Dark Lotus Creations, Kendra Miller, Joshua H, Jacob M, Lou H, A.J. Dinko, Ben V, Prince Slagathor, the third, Shinka Katsune, and finally, Laney Stoop. Thank you all so much for listening, all of our listeners, all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course our benevolent council of elders. You can head on over to our Patreon to listen

to the after show. In the meantime, we'll catch you all next time. That was a hate gum podcast.