Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Super Hot NPCs

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

Welcome to Dungeon Court! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner, Axford, and the newly respected Bailiff Hurwitz as they convent to pass judgement on your trials at the table. Support us at Patre...on.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.CREDITS:Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:15 so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Dungeon Welcome to Dungeon Court. Dun Dun Dun Dun. Dun Dun Dun. Oh yeah, I am your Supreme Crit Justice Murphy, joined by Supreme Crit Justice's Axford and Tanner and the Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Loll What a come up. I love you and we appreciate you. Whoa, should we have a really positive J.
Starting point is 00:02:06 Yeah, let's have a positive J. This is our positive J. Fudge. Yeah, great. I don't want to see the backlash for this. He's fucking cool and he's good looking and he's awesome. Let's get into it. J. You're looking great.
Starting point is 00:02:17 You got some hair done there. The beard is flowing. Oh, this makes me so uncomfortable. Pay lift, take me to paradise. Oh my God. Jake, you've been spending so much time amongst the loley worms that you've become attuned to nature. You're a deity.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Wow. You have decomposed into the perfect solar composition to sprout a beautiful flower. Like a phoenix I'm rising from the ashes. Jake and Bloom. Jake and Bloom. Here you hear ye. Crit is now in session. The honorable Supreme Crit Justices acts for in Murphy and Tanner presiding.
Starting point is 00:02:54 Our first case comes from Woohoo indeed. Our first case comes from Brady M. And Brady writes, to the great and honorable Justices and to the great but certainly not honorable bailiff. Whoa. Hey, that's my friend. That's tough, Brady. I can't believe you. It's pretty. Come on now. This is my friend Jake. Okay. We are being so manipulative. He's a really good guy. He's a great guy and a great friend. He rose from worms. How dare you.
Starting point is 00:03:28 King of the worms, Jake Herwoods, we love him. I'm so sorry for interrupting you, Jake. Come on. Thank you, man. It makes me so deeply uncomfortable. It feels like someone's gonna get pulled out from under me. I think that's why I'm liking it so much. I'm watching you absolutely squint and re-eating.
Starting point is 00:03:46 It's like popular kids in high school being way too nice to you. And you're like, no, you're playing a joke on me. Who fucking is this going? We're just going to drop. I'm waiting for it. As the DM, I'm running an apocalyptic campaign focused on survival.
Starting point is 00:03:59 And when we had a session's year, I was very upfront about this. This is crazy. Can I, I'm sorry, can I interrupt? Because this is just crazy. Literally last night in my dream, I was in an apocalyptic dream. I have those all the time because I don't know, they're more fun than normal nightmares. And in the dream, I was like, for some reason, I don't know how I was able to think this.
Starting point is 00:04:22 I was like, I need to run a survival campaign. It is so fun trying to survive. Yeah. It was basically thinking back on my dream it was basically Fortnite because we were infiltrating various things to find weapons. Classic survival situations.
Starting point is 00:04:35 So I was in Fortnite in my dream. I feel like I'm in a dream. So good awesome dream. Right, so it was like survival, but also Dr. Strange was there. Yeah, what I'm trying to say is Brady, I love that you're running a survival game. And in my dream last night, my subconscious was like, Emily, you must do this.
Starting point is 00:04:50 So you're on the move. Yeah, Emily's dreams approve of this campaign. So Brady writes, my players keep track of rations, water, and even materials to make healing potions. Our Elven fighter uses a bow. And every time I ask them about the amount of ammunition they have, they'd always respond with, I should be good. So I started writing down how many arrows they'd released and not collected.
Starting point is 00:05:11 I even warned them that their quiver was feeling lighter. When they finally took their 20th shot after I started keeping track, I narrated how as they went to pull an arrow out, they reached back and found none left in their quiver. My player was furious, claiming that their character sheet is their responsibility, and I violated their privacy, and that if my world was my world, then their character should be their character. Just to see, I besieged thee.
Starting point is 00:05:34 Did I reach a boundary I was unaware of? And was I too harsh in my punishment? If so, I'll humbly accept whatever punishment you deem necessary. I wanna throw out one thing, this is not a ruling at all. I feel like, because I've played in campaigns where I tend to play a lot of healers and as a healer, like the healing resource will be managed. And sometimes it feels like you get punished for like, kind of gathering your spell components
Starting point is 00:05:58 while the ranger just magically has as many arrows as they want. So I don't mind balancing, my first thought is, well, if you're gonna make it hard for some classes, then it does make sense to make it hard for all classes. Also, it sounds like that's what this campaign is. Yeah, they were warned several times. I feel like essentially what happened
Starting point is 00:06:19 is this player wants to be able to cheat. Kind of. Yeah. Because you should show you what I do. I mean, he be able to cheat. Kind of. Yeah. Because you should show you what you're doing. I mean, he'd like to cheat. You should just be mad that this happens. The only way you could get mad is by being like, no, dude, I've got it on my paper.
Starting point is 00:06:35 I've still got four arrows left or something. I've been keeping track of this. I look at this more than you do. That's a fine defense, but it just be like, how dare you? I mean, they got no like stand on, yeah. Yeah. From what you've read, I almost feel like this player is not on board with the conceit of this world because saying, I should be good.
Starting point is 00:06:56 Yeah. I should be good. Yeah, no, we're looking all right. We're actually pretty no clear. This has the energy of like somebody getting caught cheating like in a text message, and then somebody be like, you violated my privacy by reading my messages. Yeah, like, to do, no, I was totally fletching arrows.
Starting point is 00:07:14 I was fletching, I was fletching during that short rest. I, yeah, I can sympathize with this archer because like, really? He, they're playing the sort of dumb ass D&D. I like to play where you just keep it fast and loose and are not paying attention to this sort of thing. And then later on, retroactively ask the DM, if you can say that you fletched a bunch of arrows
Starting point is 00:07:35 during a short rest. But like, I think that it was laid out pretty clearly up top that like that was not the situation. Like you gotta be, you gotta be doing fletch checks. You gotta be making sure that the arrows are knocked and ready to go. And they were not doing that. Do you think that if this character was constantly being
Starting point is 00:07:52 like every time they shot something, the DM would be like, okay, we're moving on to this thing or whatever and the character is like, well wait, I'm gonna go retrieve my arrows. Let's roll to see how many I can retrieve. I like that. Would the DM like that? I think so.
Starting point is 00:08:04 That's like what the DM wants. I think the DM would like it, because it seems like when I was thinking of survival and my dream it was more about being running away. Yeah, right, yeah, doing dances and dropping it. Dance and it was air, playing as good as, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:18 That's Kakashi sense. Right, yeah. Sephiroth is there for some reason. But, but it sounds like this DM is like, part of the fun for us is like, let's do some resource management, which I also get into. So I feel like, I feel like the DM would have liked it.
Starting point is 00:08:36 Yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess I kind of games, like in video games, if you look at like Resident Evil, that's about resource management. You don't wanna have infinite ammo in Resident Evil or else the game is too easy. But then if you play like Doom or Duke Nukem, you don't wanna constantly be searching for ammo,
Starting point is 00:08:53 that's no fun. So it's just a different kind of game. And Breath of the Wild, you're always picking up your arrows. Yeah, and it's not even that hard to do. You're like, hey, I'm gonna go like pick up my arrows. You're right, it's just like a D10 roll or a D6 or however many arrows you got. It's like, it doesn't take that much. But it sounds like this person wasn't even looking. They didn't even care. They were
Starting point is 00:09:10 just kept saying I think I'm good. And then also I sort of, I don't like this move of bringing it to this very loaded thing of being like, oh yeah. This is your world. But my, I'm in charge of my character. You're in charge of the world. How many arrows you have isn't quite a, it's not a private thing. I know, fucking Aaron Sorkin bullshit is what it is. It's like, sir, you made control of the sphere, but I am a lowly island upon that sphere.
Starting point is 00:09:36 You have no dominance over my island, sir. It just, it seems like they were trying to like make a big and passion speech, and I can't get behind it. It's a weird, it's a weird move in the argument where it's just like, actually, I'm gonna say something that in my defense, you're a bad person. You actually, you know what? I lied to you're a bad person.
Starting point is 00:09:54 Right. There's also a feeling of like, I think it's like not, it's just not a synonymous situation because it is like being a DM is like planning a party and getting at the tables like being a party goer. So it is kind of like showing up to someone else's party and being like, cool, this might be your party, but it's my night.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Yeah. It's just like, yeah, there might be people with a bunch of allergies and shit, but I'm not telling anyone what's in the brownies. I'm not telling fucking anyone. This is my recipe. If you have a fucking fry, green nut allergy and there's nuts in here, you just have to roll the dice.
Starting point is 00:10:25 So does it sound like we're rolling against this player? Yeah, wow. Starting off with a DM ruling. I love it. Wow. We've been favoring the players recently. I think that I'm going to roll with the DM, but I will say, Brady, if you're looking for anything
Starting point is 00:10:41 that you could be doing differently, and this is maybe something you've already done. So it might be a completely moot point. But like, you know, just making sure that you have a communication. Like this is this type of campaign with your characters. Maybe it sounds like it sounds like it's been going well. So I'm guessing your PCs are on board. But if you had an inkling, oh, they might not be on board.
Starting point is 00:11:02 It might be worth communicating. And you can also already have. That's true. Ignore all this Brady. The players maybe like it, like this aspect of the campaign when they're succeeding. And it sounds like you might need to be so blunt to the point where instead of being like,
Starting point is 00:11:17 your quiver is feeling light. You need to be like, you feel like you've got three arrows left. Oh, that's good. You feel like maybe you can only fire that bow to your chest. You reach in and you feel the feathers of one arrow. You reach in and grab the last of your two arrows. Yes. Brady, if you're good at keeping track of stuff like that, because a lot of people are not,
Starting point is 00:11:37 that is a skill that you possess to be able to manage that level of inventory while also running a campaign. Yeah, I would say just lean into that. Use that skill to help your players out a little more. I mean, especially if it's getting dire like this and you don't want them to fail on a technicality. Also, yeah, it's definitely not a complete given that DMs don't track this stuff. I often don't, but definitely, I know when we played D20, Brennan has our HP tracked in everything like that.
Starting point is 00:12:07 And like, we would definitely have a discussion if there was like a discrepancy, I'm sure that would be. We also has people like monitoring it for it. Totally, yeah. So you each have an HP boy, right? Yeah. Yeah, like a ballboy in tennis. He runs and intakes her hip points in
Starting point is 00:12:29 Get done it when I yell at him like John McEnroe You broke a tennis racket Yeah, we also all have tennis rackets under the yeah, old wooden tennis racket. It's definitely broke Freak out and break our character sheets over our knee. It's really laborious. Okay, wait, I have a good punishment for the player. They have to dress like a ballboy, but then work at a baseball game. What?
Starting point is 00:12:56 So they keep trying to run onto the field. So just be a ballboy. Right, right, right, but they're in the wrong sport. So then they're like getting tackled by outfielders and stuff like that. There are ball boys to baseball. I think they're technically called bat boys. Bat, okay.
Starting point is 00:13:13 But they don't know. Oh, so color set. You have to wear tennis outfit. Great, yeah. And you have to. What about this, don't you understand? Yeah, and then when you get on the field and people say, are you a batboy?
Starting point is 00:13:25 You have to say no my ball boy and you have a chance loose balls in the outfield Right, yeah, yeah, you're chasing the baseball and you're fighting off baseball players But you don't belong there because you're a tennis ball boy not a baseball And you have to do that thing where you get when you get the ball you hold it behind your back So it seems kind of like your troll Yeah, and you can't you can't try to jump back over the wall You have to stay in the outfield and you can't you also can't explain that this was a it was a punishment from a dungeon court Yeah, so people you know why you're doing it and you just have to keep insisting of just a huge fan of tennis and I always wanted to be a ball boy That's gonna be really fun because for all of the people
Starting point is 00:14:05 in the stands it's gonna be like a game because there are going to be officials chasing you trying to get you out of there. So it's gonna be like oh, the ball boys on the field again. I really think that this would make baseball even more fun. Yeah, I think there should be more rogue boys. They have stopped. They've stopped showing people on camera when they jump on the field. Okay, so you won't even be getting any punishment. So you're not even going to get any credit for this. Punishment is a private one. But you're going to get a lot of love at the stadium. At the stadium. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Yeah, anyone who's there is definitely going to be like, anyone else kind of love in this fall boy, this tent is fall. Yeah, honestly, this is a punishment, but a little bit, it's a little bit of a prize, frankly. Yeah, we're all a little jealous that you get to be the ball boy. Okay, so ordered. Unless someone else had a punishment. No, I feel like that was too elaborate to get rid of.
Starting point is 00:15:01 Yeah, we can unwind this. Okay, because we could also just do like stocks. Why? Oh yeah, a day of the stock I thought you meant like Investance bed stocks. How about a day at the stock market? You got to invest in NFTs right now God you have to go become an NFT by getting a picture of yourself as the ballboy at a baseball game All right, okay. They've got a lot, a lot to handle in the next couple days. Our next case comes from Brennan C.
Starting point is 00:15:32 They write, me, please, the Holy and Righteous Court and also I think it was Baylif John. That's so good. No, no, that's Jake Herwitz. Wow. That's Jake Herwitz. He's a hilarious comedian, writer, director, actor. Jake and Amir, look at his skin.
Starting point is 00:15:51 A ground-breaking searing skin. A ground-breaking searing. It's going to be a good thing. It's going to be a good thing. One of the first. And I don't normally go for very straight teeth, but you have a nice set of straight teeth. I really don't. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Yeah. For someone with the elbows that you have, you really work those elbows well. Thank you. What do you mean work the elbows? Just like for like the elbows you're working with for like your whole elbow situation, you really open well. Okay. It feels like that's a backhand problem.
Starting point is 00:16:19 I don't know that call book out the assignment, but go on, Jacob. I present the case of the obliterated backstory. I created a character that was a medieval microbiologist druid who was trying to prove that bacteria existed. Okay. When I first introduced the character and brought up the fact that I was trying to prove to the world that microorganisms exist, my party members loudly
Starting point is 00:16:41 proclaimed their knowledge about bacteria that pretty much everyone living in the fantasy world also knew about it. My DM had already told them my backstory before we played, so they knew I was on the hunt for shit's particle related science. I asked you, a merciful council, was I robbed of my backstory or should I stop presuming the level of scientific knowledge possessed by my party? Okay, first off, you ran your backstory by the DM. The DM decides what is common knowledge. Yeah. So the party can't say, the party can't really say, oh, actually everyone in this world knows about that
Starting point is 00:17:14 because the DM already said, no, this is a fun backstory. Interesting. I'm wondering, does everyone else in this world know that bacteria exist or is it just like the party members trying to reaffirm your mission by being like, yeah, we believe you. We believe you about the little guys. If it was that, they wouldn't have thrown it into our show.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Yeah, that's probably true. There would be good friends. What should I do about this, Jay? Yeah, I feel like it was done with malons. Yeah, it was done with malons. I thought in the question they said, no, everyone knows about bacteria. Like the war, everyone in the world knows about bacteria.
Starting point is 00:17:52 Oh, that's so cruel. Yeah, they brought up their characters like mission and then all of their party was like, oh, we already know about bacteria. It seems like you kind of got trolled a little bit. Right, so they got your own. So I think my initial reaction is that you're probably right, and these people are probably being bullies, but let's take a moment and try to defend the bullies.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Oh, I think that's always important. Let's just try to... There should be a segment that we do in the future. To defend the bullies. Welcome to the bully pulpit with Murph. Ha ha ha, the bull pit. Hey. Jump into the bull pit.
Starting point is 00:18:22 I'm trying to see the party side here, because it does seem like they kinda threw you under the bus, but let's entertain this. Let's play devil's advocate for a moment. It is a little bit of a frustrating thing in storytelling when something the audience already knows is true, is being like explored. You know what I mean? I was gonna say that it's a bit of a curve ball
Starting point is 00:18:46 to get thrown, right? When like to be like, you don't know this exists and then you're like, suddenly I have to improvise that which it could be really fun, but it's a little bit intellectual so it might not be the most instinctually easy thing to fuck around with. But I mean, I guess like bacteria
Starting point is 00:19:02 doesn't come up that much. I don't, I don't discuss it that much with my pals. I don't think I know shit about bacteria myself. Yeah. So I could, you know that it's really real place. Yeah. It would be really fun though to think that germs were like little animals or sprites or something like that.
Starting point is 00:19:17 And this person is trying to be like, oh no, they're actually this, you know? Yeah. He almost feel like it's better the other way where you're trying to prove the existence of like fantastical little microorganisms. Yeah. That's just like better for D&D maybe. Not to, I feel like I'm, I'm, I don't know. This is like such a very specific backstory.
Starting point is 00:19:37 I feel like it's a very good starting point maybe. Yeah. It does feel like a bit limiting, especially for a fantasy campaign. Maybe I'm being critical, I don't know. I mean, you're judging them. That's true. It is my role in my job. This person was kind of just being like a little dweep, right?
Starting point is 00:19:52 Because they're doing like, science shit. Science shit. Holy, I hadn't considered that. Jake brought you a good boy. I actually love it. Okay, so I guess this little dwee loves it. But I can understand how because suddenly as a player, suddenly as a player, you're like, okay, what are all the things? It's hard. You almost have to do a mental list of what are
Starting point is 00:20:16 all the things that I would joke about? What are all the things that I know to exist that are based off of the knowledge of bacteria? You know, or like, of microorganism, essentially. So I don't, and that might suddenly, it might just be too much of a curveball. I will say, coming down from the bully pulpit for just a second, rising out of the bull pit.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Nerd. Oh, where did you get that egg? I had it in my pocket. Take that plate. That's so cool. No wonder you're on the varsity team. I just feel like if you tell this to your fellow players and insist that it's important to you and your backstory,
Starting point is 00:20:57 and then they just kind of undermined it instantly, that seems a little rough. My reaction in that moment would just ask another player would be like, what are you talking about? Tell me more about this. I've never believed it. You know, it's like a simple way. To defend the bullies once again.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Yeah. I'm actually coming around. I think I'm coming around to bully sides. You are kind of setting it up so that your character is smart and everyone else is a dumbass. You know what I mean? Like you're going into the game with real world knowledge and being like, only I know this,
Starting point is 00:21:29 and I'm gonna prove it, and know for a fact that you're right. Like, this knowledge already exists. It's just the people in your fantasy world don't know it, but the other players, you expect them to also play dumb. And they're just sitting there being like, no, I'm not gonna pretend that I don't know to watch my hands, but I, let's kill a dragon. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:21:53 I think that might have been what happened. You go into a campaign and the DM is like, all right, there's a monster that's terrorizing this town. You guys can go rescue the town spoke and somebody's like, well, and then we'll teach them a lesson about organisms. Like, you're, you're, you're doing the story. And then we'll install a public waterway.
Starting point is 00:22:14 Yeah, I definitely think that that would not be asked fun. However, for party composition, I do like having like a little more scientists coming out of their element amidst them, defeating a dragon because that can be very fun. But I can understand that the other characters being like, we don't wanna teach people about washing hands. I guess I don't know how much dysentery comes up
Starting point is 00:22:37 in this campaign, but like if it comes up a lot, then like it's probably very helpful to have a microbiologist on your team. See, I think as this is written, it kind of reads like the other players were being assholes, but I wonder if there was a level of making the story so much about your micro-oriented experience. You know what?
Starting point is 00:22:57 We're going to just do standard D&D and not go through this. I'm not really going to talk about washing my hands, but yeah. I think only you can answer the question of if you feel like you went a little too hard on the micro-organism. Yeah, I think I'm ultimately gonna rule with you because I definitely think this sounds like a fun backstory but I can understand that it could have come in
Starting point is 00:23:26 a little too heavy for people who are like, I want it to play a fighter and swing my sword at that guy. And now we're collecting beakers. I'm gonna fully lean into the devil's advocate and side with the devils. Whoa! I think that going in with the devil. With the backstory of something you know to be true in the real world and
Starting point is 00:23:49 setting kind of everyone else up to be a dumbass is kind of a strange move. And I feel like you can do something like this that actually involves fantasy stuff. You can be like, I'm going to like in campaign two, zirks trying to create like the all cure elixir or something like that. It does, it can be something, that's a little bit more fanciful. It could be something more grounded. But yeah, but I don't know. I feel like it could be in fantasy. Maybe for the other players, it was like a little too real world
Starting point is 00:24:19 because we've been talking about that stuff. Oh, like yeah. So it could have been people being like, uh, please let's not talk about germs. Tap, tap, tap Oh, like, yeah. So it could have been people being like, uh, what's that? Let's not talk about germs. Tap, tap out. Yeah, yeah, God. We all got germs on the brain for sure.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Um, wait, so do we, do we think that the DM deserves any of the blame here for kind of this like weird, uh, lopsided party composition? That was what I was going to bring. I mean, it's, I feel like it's not totally fair. We don't know if it's lopsided, because we don't know the stories of the other characters. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:24:49 This is one that it's really, really hard to weigh in on, because we don't know what. I agree. I do think that if the DM Greenlit, this backstory, that they could be like, this isn't really known in the world, so you guys probably wouldn't know it. But again, it's also just a weird thing to be like,
Starting point is 00:25:04 no, no, no, no, no. Hard one does not know to wash his hands. It's a fucking moron. Hard one wipes his ass and then eats a burger. Okay. Okay. Describe it. Toilet paper doesn't exist.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Yeah. Just fucking two lost days while hard one recovers from Jardia. Okay. I think it's hard because I personally kind of love playing stupid. So if someone's like, hey, guess what, you're a little bit stupid. I'll be like, hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Well, yeah, it's not even, I mean, it's not even dumb, depending on like the time period that you're playing. It's freeing. My only defense here is that if the DM was planning a bunch of Ant-Man style microadventures, where they went in and battled a bunch of battery-adreters. I guess, wait, there's two more paragraphs to this case.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Yes. Yes. You're up a lot of osmosis Jones. I'm ultimately signing with this person, especially because they ran it with their DM and the DM was into it. So I think you were, I think, I don't know if you were robbed, but I'm with the devils.
Starting point is 00:26:08 I'm with the fiends. The fiends? Oh, right. Wow, yeah, very good. There's no angels in this story, baby. Jake, who submitted this one, by the way? Was this the DM submitting or was this the player? This was the player.
Starting point is 00:26:23 This was the player, Brennan. the player this was the player player this was the player Brennan This backstory from was instantly just like I know what bacteria is Okay, can we walk away from whether who's writer who's wrong and just laugh at that mole Just like all the anticipation of going to your first session sitting down there you get introduced you say The thesis that you would like to explore with your character and everyone says no We all already know what back. Yeah. It's just a barbarian wiping blood off of their acts and like yeah I know about biology. I went to high school. What are you talking? I? Was an AP Yeah, I know about biology. I went to high school. What are you talking about? I was in AP. So, so M's on the one side, I'm on the other side.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Devils are fiends. Choose your side. Pick your fighter. We're honoring Baylor Jake today. So everything's a little topsy, Tervy. I think I gotta go, I think I gotta go with the Devils. Yes. Okay, Jake, you're gonna be the tiebreaker.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Devils are fiends. Who is who in the situation? Devils. The Devils are the other players. I won't tell you, no, no, you're gonna be the tiebreaker. Devils are fiends. Who is who in the situation? Devils. The devil's on the other players. No, no, no, don't tell him. I already did. Yeah. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:27:32 You're our genius bail if you can figure it out. If I didn't know, I would say I would have said fiends, but I do think, I think going into session one with a backstory that you're like hell bent on following through is also kind of a mistake. I feel like all my characters, I had back stories and arcs that I thought I would fulfill and they went different ways and they're better for it. Oh yeah, for sure. So you're looking back, I think you'll be happy. Yeah. And thus I rule with the bullies who are mean to you. Hard one not being a virgin
Starting point is 00:28:01 was your microbiology. It's true. That's true. Exactly. I do hope that these players can all figure this out and find a pivot for this backstory because I think it's a cool idea for you to be trying something new like this. But yeah, I don't know. I hope that you can reach in a chord. That is my greatest wish. Here's the deal with Dungeon Court. Is we have to leave room for rousing.
Starting point is 00:28:25 We just have to. Because there is a correct answer to each one of these. And the answer is the more below it. We know it. We know it. We are not about rancant. But we can't do that. We can't be correct.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Baila Peruits has all the correct answers in that golden briefcase over there. And we refuse to look at them. Because we just, we deliberate. And we reach the answer we think to be true and we ras people along the way you're right we do need a punishment oh my god the rock okay uh germs aren't real anymore oh maybe your character has to prove that astrology is real now there you go that's a
Starting point is 00:29:00 thing that's actually that's it's good one. Yes. I love it. Yeah, I love it. It's actually that would be a really sick campaign where astrology is real. Dear God, let me play in that world. That seems really fun. That's probably more accurate to most fantasy. Medieval science. Yeah, that seems like it's more fun.
Starting point is 00:29:17 You have to prove astrology is real. Love it. Okay, so ordered. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you five bird dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts. Love it. Okay, so ordered. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's
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Starting point is 00:30:33 We promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show. Our next case comes from Stephen H. Stephen writes, man, please the court and titillate the bailiff. Wow. You know what? That's nice.
Starting point is 00:30:50 You deserve some titillation. Thank you guys. Thank you everybody. And we should do a titillate verdict at the end of this. If you do get titillated or not. Yeah, absolutely. If you feel comfortable to be public about your titillation. I'm certainly, I'll tell you ahead of time
Starting point is 00:31:03 since I've already read this question. It is titillating. And I think it's going to tell you that a titillated bail if we I absolutely titillated. Steven writes, I started recently making Pinterest boards for my long running D&D game. It's been really helpful to grab from a bit of art. If say I need a half elf, femme NPC or a tabaxi noble at a moment's notice. Oh, I love that.
Starting point is 00:31:26 One of my players has complained to me, quote, hey, your NPCs are all too hot. I have a hard time talking to them when I have a mental image of the art you picked out. I get flustered. They were referring to this picture. I'm going to put it in the chat for you guys. Wow. So we can all get titillated. Yeah, you can't, D&D characters.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Okay, yeah, that's a lot of picture. Yeah, I think this, I actually, I think that this player, they are having a wonderful, safe chance to learn how to talk to hot people. Yeah. I'm sorry, we cannot be tauted forever. Yeah, to talk to hot people. so you have to talk to them.
Starting point is 00:32:07 It's a skill that you need to learn, actually, to be able to talk to hot people. And you're going to be better for it. This is a great chance for you to build some confidence around smoking hot people. Yeah, here's the thing. You might meet Evangeline Lilly and she might have glowing contacts in and look exactly like this person and like, what are you going to do then? Yeah. What are you going to do then yeah what are you gonna do then you gonna free out I'm glad if you are if you are like oh I've done this before I've had a fucking dress rehearsal
Starting point is 00:32:31 where I talk to this fucking hot Silvering creature you're gonna fucking wow of Angeline That's what you want you build your confidence at the D&D table so then you're out you're at a party You're at a bar you're at out, you're at a party, you're at a bar, you're at a dinner, you're at a gala. Forgotten thing. You're just like, think about, think about that elf necromancer that I talked to you, think about that, think about how I was. Think about how confident I was, think about how I flirted with this fucking hot person that I thought was out of my league, and I fucking found my flirting sea legs with someone that's so hot that normal people can't even live up to you.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Yeah. D&D characters are way hotter than normal people. I have a con modifier plus five. What's up with you? Ha ha ha ha. And then Evangelion Lilly says plus five, are you fucking kidding me? Is that your maxed out stat?
Starting point is 00:33:22 Or do you have other stats that look like that? Well, we'll need a fully level level. Love it. Oh my God. Oh my God, Jake, you absolutely failed this, but she was impressed with you. She was from that app. What your HP was.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Yeah, I know my confidence is so low. But now you haven't been talking to hot NPCs enough. Is that so? Yeah. Really flustered. So Steven does ask, Supreme Crit, I need your help. Do I stop providing hot art for my NPCs, I yield the remainder of my time?
Starting point is 00:33:49 Wow. I really can't relate to this because truly, like getting flustered in front of a hot NPC is so fun. So I cannot relate to this at all. And I feel like you're talking about losing. I think you're talking about losing one of the fun things of the game. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:34:06 My friend, it's a JPEG. It is a JPEG image. It's true. Definitely photo card too. It is real. She's a hot cartoon. I'll give her that too. She's a hot cartoon.
Starting point is 00:34:16 She has a really good, you can see her bra under her dress, which is such a hot look. Yeah. But this is saying, if I was playing World of Warcraft and I had to talk to like a hot blood elf That I just like couldn't do it. I would have to quit the game Yeah, I mean in Warcraft all the characters are hot It would be just walking around the elf city being like I simply I simply can't take a single mission in Silver Moon City. I would trump too hard.
Starting point is 00:34:47 I'm gonna have to play Final Fantasy 14 on Real Reborn. I love just button mash because I don't order a spot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Fuck! Fuck! Fuck every movie I watch is filled with hot people! I can't fuck shit. It's also so funny because it's like so clear that this is just this person's thing because it's not like you're making the, they would say like, oh, you're making the NPCs too sexual. No, no, no, it's very specifically.
Starting point is 00:35:20 Please don't show me a hot... Yeah. I can't look at a hot person in perform. I can't do it. It's also, it's a roll. It's a roll. You like, you can stutter through, yeah, like any speech and then it's like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:36 All right, yeah, roll a persuasion check. It's like, I said, oh, hi, hi, hi, or you, oh, the one that you're bashful. If you're not full, yeah. Yeah, there are definitely people who will take your flustered, flusteredness as like a charming, cute, attractive. Also, I just, going back to what we're talking about before, I just really shuttered to think what you'd be like,
Starting point is 00:35:58 talk you do an actual hot first and if you can't, maybe you can't look at this cartoon, and just keep playing the M.D. Hi, oh, I'm so glad you could make it. Yeah, there's some snacks over there, and that's my friend, Jessica Rabbit. Would you like to meet her? Imagine seeing a hot cartoon
Starting point is 00:36:15 and then not being able to talk to you at the point. I'm like a cute, and having a little snack. Or if I can't fucking talk to you if you're pretending to be a hot wolf. Okay, can we put the AC on him over You day, all right, we tried to defend we tried to defend the bullies last time Let's try to defend the hornies this time, okay, if we were let's say we are all These are not the hornies. These are not the hornies because the bachelors enjoy it. Yeah, the bashful
Starting point is 00:36:42 Okay, we're gonna try to defend the bashful. Let's say Let's say we were all out at a bar. Yeah, right. It was a very very provocative image of Jessica rabbit In a frame picture We need to do something that we would all react to more because Jessica rabbit. We won't so let's say it's a very very provocative image of J. Lo from Anaconda with Okay, oh my god, yes, I would talk to anyone because I'd be staring at that photo the entire time. Yeah
Starting point is 00:37:19 Cartoon J. Love Cartoon J. Lo from anaconda J. L. Cartoon J. L. with Roman and the Wilson Wink is happening. There's an anaconda eating on Wilson. Eating on Wilson. Nothing. Would we just chat about the Wilson Wink the whole time? Not that snake it in this bar. When I jerk off to a JPEG, it's got to have a story in the background.
Starting point is 00:37:40 Yeah, if I'm jerked off to a JPEG, it better be J. L. You know what I mean? See, this is why I want every JPEG, it'd better be J-Lo. You know what I mean? See, this is what... Ah! Ah! Ah! I want every JPEG to be a magic card where there's like a little caption in there and there's like, you know, a crumbling tower in the background.
Starting point is 00:37:55 And you know, ideally a snake eating on Wilson. I do think it would distract from the table talk. Yeah. Or would it be like just a fun new thing that we all talk distract from the table talk. Yeah. Or would it be just a fun new thing that we all talk about at the table? I think so. And also, here's the other thing. D&D is a chance to grow.
Starting point is 00:38:14 I think that this is your opportunity as a player and as a person to work on talking to people. I think that's true. I don't think that it really is. I feel like D&D is the most fun when you're getting outside of your comfort zone. And look, other people may have different experiences with how they like to enjoy media,
Starting point is 00:38:32 but I like my media to take me outside of my comfort zone. And I think that is gonna be fun. And you should have to talk to hot cartoons. And you're gonna have to talk to hot cartoons. Everyone's in a while. You're gonna need to talk to a hot cartoon. Yeah, and a while? You're gonna need to talk to a Hot Cartoon. Yeah, and you're daily life. You will run into a Hot Cartoon every once in a while.
Starting point is 00:38:49 And I realize the JLo analogy doesn't quite work because adding in a celebrity is loaded and makes you confusing. Like if this person was using celebrities as their NPCs, that would be very different. Yeah, yeah, we said that at, Murf, we said that as a joke. Or I Yeah, yeah, we said that at Murph, we said that at us on joke. Or I mean, audience, we said that at us on joke.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Yeah, but we're only kidding. We're only kidding. I know, I feel like and I was talking about the joke. Let's continue. Let's move on. I know. I know. I'm talking a big game.
Starting point is 00:39:19 But if I was at a bar and I bumped into Interstellar bounty under Samus Aran, and she lifted her visor and looked at me with her piercing blue eyes. I don't know what I would say to her. Like, I don't know if she's interested. I'm just feeling, you got to fall in love with that feeling. You got to fall in love with the feeling of being thrown off and finding your feet again,
Starting point is 00:39:36 because that's truly all that life is. It's like role play. It's like, yes, there's a small challenge to overcome. You're going to talk to an attractive person. Let's see if you can rise to the occasion. If you make every single interaction, like, oh, this person is Milto's vanilla boring person. I think we gotta continue the DM domination this episode
Starting point is 00:39:55 and say that as a DM, you're allowed to make everyone as hot as you want. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. You know, like I think that they have to respect other people's sexual boundaries, but they can be hot. Yeah, I would agree with that. You know, I think that they have to respect other people's sexual boundaries, but they can be hot. Yeah, I would agree with that fully.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Two things are true this episode. Jake is a beautiful, bailiff, and a wonderful friend. And the DMs can make everyone as hot as they want. Agreed. Great. So we all agree. There's also no like, there's no fan art of just regular looking people. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:40:26 It's either a huge hulking monster or it's the hottest wizard you've ever seen. You should start sending just pictures of the guess who board. Yes. This is just Tom. All right. Yeah, cool. It's also like, how much, I feel like really,
Starting point is 00:40:44 when you find someone who's like really interesting looking, then and you're giving that as a visual cue to your players, they're gonna have more interesting interactions with this person because they're gonna be more interested in them versus if you're just like, all right, here's a picture of the bearded guy from Guess Who. Alfred. He's work in your, he's the guy from Guess Who. He's a... He's working your...
Starting point is 00:41:06 He's the blacksmith in town. That's boring. What's the point of it, usually? I'm actually gonna play Next Campaign as Alfred, I think. Oh, cool. I'll play as Daddy from Don't Wake Daddy. And you're just asleep the whole time? Yeah, Cuddly, you should be the guy from Operation. Are we all ruling for the DM here that you're allowed to have hot NPCs?
Starting point is 00:41:25 I think so. Maybe you're, and I think it sounds like you're doing something fun using these like little Pinterest boards. I think that you're expanding the game and yeah. Yeah, and I think we got to reward that prep. I think this player to further get used to talking to hot cartoon characters will have to start a blood elf. Yeah, and walk right over to the little bit.
Starting point is 00:41:47 And then go talk to Lady Sylvanas, because she is hot, hot, hot, hot, good luck friend. She is a hot zombie lady. Let me tell you. Hot hot. So many people just don't make it past that. So ordered our next case't make it past that. So ordered our next case comes from RoarW. Roar writes, dear judge Murphy, judge Axford and judge Tanner and Jake. And just so you guys know that they didn't use his full title.
Starting point is 00:42:19 They did not capitalize my name. Everybody else has really good appreciation. That's massive. That's okay. That's massive. Yeah. That's okay. That's not okay. Thanks guys. You know what, you're capital J. J.
Starting point is 00:42:29 Yeah. What's your call in a capital J? No. That's good. Yeah. You're taking away capital J. Oh my god. It does sound like you're a DC-based comedian
Starting point is 00:42:40 or something like that. But I kind of like it. Capital J. I present to you the case of wrestling versus rolling. I'm currently giving a game in which one of my players is playing a Goliath X pirate who wrestles everything and anything he can. Upon describing a wrestling move,
Starting point is 00:42:55 I was confused and the player offered to show it to me. In my hubris, I said if you could pin me with it for six seconds, I would let him auto succeed his role. Needless to say. Very fun. Love this auto succeed his role. Needless to say. Love this already. Yeah. Needless to say, I got pinned, my head locked in his legs,
Starting point is 00:43:11 and like a vice for six seconds. Now the player insists, I allow him to do this with every wrestling role. Oh, okay. No, no. The judges I ask you. No, no, no. The judges I ask you,
Starting point is 00:43:22 should I learn to wrestle and defend my pride? You should, you should for fun. You should, you should. And I think that it's a really fun thing to have in your back pocket. What you're doing is, I feel like a lot of these stories are like, hey, I gave my kids candy and now it's all they want to eat.
Starting point is 00:43:38 Yeah. And the answer is always just not all the time. You can't give them candy all the time. I do love the idea of you like quietly taking jujitsu lessons and like becoming really good. All the while just saying no, demeaning every time. You have to be sure that they weren't training though
Starting point is 00:43:54 because they're just gonna be better than you always. Just holding on a little bit better than you instead of a lot. There are two things. One is like the question is what you did wrong, no and not at all. Two, should you start training wrestling moves? Yes, for sure.
Starting point is 00:44:07 Yeah. Absolutely. This is such a fun thing to pull out of your pocket. Yeah. And if you don't want to spend all that time, I guess maybe you could just give your friend a little bit of food poisoning. Oh, so you need him that way?
Starting point is 00:44:16 Oh, interesting. Yeah. I'm just throwing out ideas. Or just make your NPC that they're wrestling super hot. And then I think the last thing you'd want is to wrestle someone with diarrhea Oh, true, true Just more of a joke on you Yeah
Starting point is 00:44:31 But what still win? Do you submit? Do you submit? Oh no Oh no I submitted! I'm so sorry I submitted I submitted
Starting point is 00:44:42 I submitted I surrendered I mean already I submitted. I surrendered. I mean, I already, I feel like I want to like punish them into taking jujitsu lessons because this seems fun, but you should not be expected to do that. Yeah, just do it for fun. Yeah, I think, yeah, this is, this is, this is, we joke a lot about bullying and whatnot,
Starting point is 00:44:57 but this is, if your player every session is like, I can do it if I could beat you up in real life that you can be bullied. Calm down. But it's also possible, it's also possible that I could beat you up in real life. That would be bullied. Calm down. But it's also possible that this person is saying it in jazz. I know, we're just like, let me do it on the edge. In which case, that's fun.
Starting point is 00:45:12 In which case, it would be fun for you to reward that every once in a while. I, yes. I think the answer is to lay down the law and say, no, we did that the one time. But after this, you have to roll. But then secretly take to get to lessons. And then at some point, when they ask, you say, sure, let's try it this time and then get out of it. Or also,
Starting point is 00:45:36 you say, sure, let's do it. But I'm going to elect a champion to fight for me. And then boom, what up in the rafters? Who that oh my god it's sting it's sting at his height It's classic In the background and he's he's providing the backing track. We're pretty strong. He does a lot of yoga. He has sex for a long time Can't really love tantric sex I time. He loves tantric sex. I think that would help. He'd be in great shape. Yeah, he wouldn't tap for sure. Yeah. He's so flexible. I guarantee it. Yeah, I can last. Wait, was that the punishment or a solution? No, no, because I think we're punishing this. Yeah. We're on the the outside. Yeah. Okay. Technically we're punishing the player. We could just have them eat
Starting point is 00:46:24 way too much candy and see that it actually doesn't feel good. Okay, eat too much candy, get diarrhea and wrestle sting. Could be kind of interesting. The motivation. Yeah. A tantric wrestling session while you are sick from too much candy and have diarrhea. So what you're gonna need to do is you're gonna need to get sting to put on the makeup and And then while the player is eating all that candy, sting is gonna be just underneath the table.
Starting point is 00:46:47 You're gonna need to get a tablecloth so no one can see sting under there. And then at the moment where this player challenges you, that's when you summon sting. Whoa. Summon sting. Or if you just have a super tall step brother or something like that.
Starting point is 00:47:03 Yeah. You could just be like, yes, but I have elected to use a proxy and then whistle and you're super tall. And you have to fight Tom. And you have to fight Tom. Yeah, oh shit. Tom enters the room.
Starting point is 00:47:15 Or you could theoretically try to set up one of your parents with one of Sting's parents. And then Sting would be your step brother. So we could kind of do both. Sting's actually really good with one of your parents. You know what he wants to? It's not a stretch. It's not that crazy to have this.
Starting point is 00:47:36 So this is gonna be a bit of a long combo. This is okay. That the punishment is instead of having to pin you for six seconds, this other person has to be able to pin you for the amount of time that sting has sex for, which is like 12 hour sessions. That's incredible. I can't trick pin.
Starting point is 00:47:54 That's gonna be a tantric pin, which isn't, no one's gonna wanna waste their time doing that. Yeah. I throw this out, I throw it out. I was trying to incorporate a sting, and I failed. No, I think it worked. I was trying to incorporate a sting and I failed. No, I think it worked. I think it's good. I think it's good. I think it's good. New form of measurement. You're too good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:09 In sting minutes, a sting minute is... It's a sting minute, it's two years. Yeah. In that building in France where they have the golden ruler that represents a single meter, they're just going to put sting in there. And you see a friend you haven't seen for a long time, you're like, man, I haven't seen you in a sting minute. I think it. Yeah, a sting it.
Starting point is 00:48:30 A stinger. I think a sting it is, yeah, it's 12 hours. And so, there's two stingets in a day. So I would be like, if you saw someone for breakfast and then you saw them again for dinner, you might be like, whoa. Haven't seen you in a sting it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:43 But you wouldn't really say whoa, because it'd be kind of recent. You'd be like, whoa! I haven't seen you in a single second. Yeah. But you wouldn't really say whoa, because it'd be kind of recent. You'd be like, hey. Yeah. It was like a word that we've been needing in the English language. Yeah, so next time, yeah, for someone you can have over 12 hours.
Starting point is 00:48:53 How do you read someone's, that you saw 12 hours ago? Next time they try to wrestle you, you shoot them a slice mile and you say, yeah, if you can pin me for six stingets. Yeah. Six stingets? Which is three days. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Very good. The sun will rise three times. Very dumb. I think we solved the issue. We solved the issue. We haven't doled out the punishment. We gave correct about the... Yeah, we have to punish the player.
Starting point is 00:49:24 This Goliath wrestler. Yeah, okay. We're ruling with the DM again, which I like. I like this streak. Yeah, we are having a really was this an all DM day? Yeah, one of them was I think was player versus player. Right. So but I think that one was still DM leaning a little bit. Yeah, interesting. Very interesting. So yeah, we let a DM off on that one. That's true. That's right So we are being we're being good to the DMs today. Yeah, we're being DM lenient for sure Gosh, what is the punishment here? I mean, I thought you were onto something with the food poisoning candy Oh, I think I was just I think that it wasn't food poisoning candy
Starting point is 00:50:00 I think it was just candy which can be too much in itself But if you want to like if you want to throw a little something on there I feel like it should be sting related Then come up with it, Merv. Oh my god. Okay, you have to listen to sting's worst reviewed album. Whoa great That's actually really tangible, actionable. Uh-huh. So yeah, listen to Sting's worst album. Can I offer a flip on that?
Starting point is 00:50:31 Sure. You have to watch Tarzan, but you can't listen to the soundtrack. Oh. Mm-hmm. It's spill Collins that doesn't have that. That's it. It's a spill Collins. Cut this, cut this, cut this.
Starting point is 00:50:40 No, this is still going. Staying. Leave it in. No. Wait, you have to play, you have to play, you have to play, you have to play, Sting's album over Tarzan. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:50:50 And when, as Phil hits, you be more hot. You just hear, it's fucking something else. That sounds right. Absolutely slaps. I'm gonna fucking listen to it. I'm so bad at music. I can't believe I mixed up Sting and Phil Collins. Son of man.
Starting point is 00:51:04 All right, cool. So ordered. Punish me. You guys want to do a quick little dice Christ confession to Santa Claus. Yes, my child. I would love that. Let's do it.
Starting point is 00:51:13 All right. We've all been a bit naughty. We've stood in the bull pit of this episode. So I think we all need to be blessed and baked in dice Christ like this. Well, some of us, some of us, sided with the fiends. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:23 No, we all stand together, Justice, expert. I think that of us sided with the fiends. Yeah. No, we all stand together, Justice Xford. I think that devils are naughty and fiends are nasty. So you guys are naughty and I am nasty. Yeah. That ticklates me. Yeah, naughty, you know the rules and you're going against them. Yeah. So naughty.
Starting point is 00:51:40 And nasty is just like, you don't even know the rules. Yeah. You take them nasty. You already even care. If you saw the rules, you would. Yeah, you take the last. Or do you even care if you saw the rules you would. Yeah, I like that. I think I'm afraid. I agree. You don't care that there's a difference between Phil Collins and Sting.
Starting point is 00:51:53 Yeah. He's just a little fiend. All right, let's see what this little fiend Sean J wrote. Take us to church. To my dear lovely Supreme Court justices and the radical tubular and all around solid bailiff Jake. Wow. Oh, I wow. Finally. Finally. There are aspects that you deserve, Jake. I really like turn was coming. I'm so glad it didn't welcome.
Starting point is 00:52:18 All right. It's going to happen at the very end. We're going to rant about Jake. I have a confession for Dice Christ. I am a DM and while running my game early on, my player's fought and almost lost to a young green dragon. However, in a rejection of Dice Christ's will, I fudged a role that would have resulted in a TPK.
Starting point is 00:52:37 Now, I believe I am paying for that sin because I have recently rolled four consecutive NAT 20s against the same party while they were battling an avatar of Tiamat. Once again, nearly resulting in a TPK. Thus I ask, what should I do? I await your benign and righteous judgment. Wow. Here's what I would say. If you feel like you're rolling too hot with your players as a DM, roll in front of the board. Just roll in front of the board because they it it hurts less when your DM crits on you in front of the board. Just roll in front of the board because it hurts less when your DM
Starting point is 00:53:06 crits on you in front of the board. Yeah, true. When it really starts to come down to it, it keeps you honest and it makes it so, because I don't know, you always feel a little cheesy when you're sitting there being like, oh, one more hit and this person goes down, they gotta get a 15 or higher
Starting point is 00:53:22 and you roll it behind the DM screen and you get it. You always feel like people are gonna think you're cheating or something. So I would recommend doing it in front of the table. It's kind of fun. You did go against the dice crisis, but dice crisis has punished you already with these net 20s against your players.
Starting point is 00:53:39 Yeah, this is so interesting. There is part of me that's like, they're kind of living with punishment. Yeah, yeah. Does dice crisis see a story? He's hungry, they're kind of living the punishment. Yeah, yeah, does dice Christ see a story He's hungry. He's hungry for blood for sure. Yeah, yeah, it's Christ demands a sacrifice Yeah, that Christ loves narrative blood. I would say he loves the life blood of a story But I think don't force it
Starting point is 00:53:57 I think that maybe just if you if things start getting dodgy and you're like fuck man Like I'm rolling too hot to start rolling in front of the board and if dice Christ has their way, you know. That also atones for the sin, I think, because you fudged a roll behind the screen and dice Christ is trying to come out. You know, dice Christ wants to be heard. So cleanse it by rolling in front of the table.
Starting point is 00:54:19 Let the light shine on this little dice of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. This little dice of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. This little dice of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. You don't have to do it for every role, just for like a big role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You might want to.
Starting point is 00:54:33 Something that you might feel like you want to fudge, you can get it out there and let the raise of dice crazed shine down on it. Let the raise emitting from your player's eyes, which everyone knows that player's have raised emitting from your player's eyes, which everyone knows that players have rays emitting from their eyes, yeah, normally. Yeah, normally.
Starting point is 00:54:49 Yeah, I do want to just give a quick dice-crissed praise to this DM, because I believe like a young green dragon and an avatar of Teama, that's like Yalvan putting in some sessions. Yalvan, that sounds really fun. Yeah. Yeah, that's good.
Starting point is 00:55:06 I will say, I think that if I ever had to deal with a TPK, I understand why this DM was like, you know, for story reasons, a TPK kind of sucks, because then you're just, you're starting something. They also said it happened early on. Yeah, you're starting from early on. I don't know that your instinct was right. So I don't know that your instinct was right.
Starting point is 00:55:24 You made a bargain with dice cries, right? Yeah. So from early on, I don't know that your instinct was right. So I don't know that your instinct was right. You made a bargain with Dice Christ, right? Yeah, here's what I will say though, is how I would handle it, because I've thought about this before for the show, and I think other people could use this. I think if you're ever in a situation where there would be a TPK,
Starting point is 00:55:39 go forward with it and knock everybody out, and then let them roll and whoever survives the death saves naturally, like wakes up in the debris of the room or something like they're the sole survivor or a couple people survive or something like that. You know what I mean? There's also always the fun thing that when there's going to be a TPK being like, all right, I'm going to, I have this one person that I know it would be narratively satisfying for them to make a sacrifice right now. You could reach out to one player like if someone has a god or something from their backstory
Starting point is 00:56:14 means like there is going to be a chance for one person to sacrifice themselves. Also, there's always a chance like people can even sacrifice themselves not with like a god intervention. They could just be like, cool, I'm gonna run in the other way. I'm gonna run in the other way, drag them away from the party. So you could be like, okay, this is bad.
Starting point is 00:56:33 You know, like you guys could try to run away. Yeah, instead of like death saves, they do kind of like, you know, hero saves or something like that to see if they can like, you know, sacrifice themselves, nobly for the party. I don't know, I think you got a lot, a lot of options to work with here.
Starting point is 00:56:46 You need not worry about the burden of dice Christ upon you. Though dice Christ is coming to collect, it seems. Absolutely. You must have learned some blood. And you will let it. Some blood. Yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:56:58 Deliver some PC blood. Yeah. You're rolling in front of the table. And with that, church and court are adjourned. Although we will be doing more cases over on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash NADP, that's NADP, OD, don't sing yet. Hoey, don't do it, absolutely don't do it. Just can't do it, don't do it.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? Yeah, I've two things I want to plug actually. One, our live shows, we've got live shows in Portland, Los Angeles and Vancouver. That's the end of the show. That's Vancouver. That is announced. That is announced.
Starting point is 00:57:34 Portland is June 16th. Los Angeles is June 17th and Vancouver is October 21st. June 17th we're coming home. Take this for all of those shows are over at natpod.com slash live. Portland is almost 21st. June 17th we're coming home. Take it for all of those shows are over at natpod.com slash live. Portland is almost sold out, so definitely get those pretty fast. And LA will have some exciting guests likely.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh okay, surprise. That's where we live. And then the other thing is my wife, Jillian's movie that she produced last summer is coming out this week. So if you have a Hulu account, check out Fire Island.
Starting point is 00:58:09 It's gonna be good. It's gonna be good. Oh shit, oh yeah, absolutely. Great. Oh, congrats. Way to go Jill. Big weekend for her and Tucker. They're gonna be here to do it.
Starting point is 00:58:19 It's gonna be great. Ha ha ha ha ha. Wow, yeah, I saw that kiss of them. It's at cans. Yeah, they're running yacht. Yeah, the kiss, the kiss cam at cans. Yeah. The kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids. Famous.
Starting point is 00:58:36 I have a standup paddleboard, but it doesn't really compete with Tucker's yacht. Oh, yeah, you're in the background wiping out. Also Tucker stole the paddle. Oh yeah, you're in the background wiping out. Also Tucker stole the paddle. So it's just a fool. I have to use my hands. Yeah, I'll plug Jiu Jitsu Kaisen.
Starting point is 00:58:54 It's a cool ass anime. I didn't have anything to do with it. I think Jill and Tucker worked on it though, actually. Really? Yeah, I'll just plug Jill and Tucker's love. Yeah, we're back to being mean to Jake I wasn't gonna force it but it came back around back to your cave Jake back to your loley cave very natural. Yeah Get out of your kiss a worm
Starting point is 00:59:20 Kiss you freaking you Kiss worms fucking miss this you can follow us on social media There were may or may not use at chmurf is me at called these call dual adi extra Emily at jk her which is Jake and you get to it And at nad pod is our Instagram account. That's true. Yeah, nad pod is also our twitter account So you check those out. I think you tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d. We are we are. We are. You're the nation.
Starting point is 00:59:50 We are. We are. You're the nation. You're the nation. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.
Starting point is 00:59:58 Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Hey, hey, it is time to thank our benevolent counsel of elders starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Hugh C. Later, Mick Skater, Matt M. Jordan D.J. Cutter W.
Starting point is 01:00:27 Jill and Tucker who want to help Jake move out. Thank you for that dungeon. Mama Danielle, the Dastardly Dame Beardman Dan. Scott D. Danny P. Michael Mick D. Vincent W. Miss Tore Cole Victor T. Boundless Boy. Foreveric Persson, Andrew B. Justin I. Ragnar Faredwind, TJM, Trayle the Cray Faye, Jared E. Christopher B. Damial R. Cyborg version of Josh the co-bold. Brian Woodland, Vice President of Business Development of Sure, Incorporated. Very nice. Richard X Machina, Michael L. Taylor S. Calum L, Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C, Thaddeus, Thunderous, Turtle, Samuel B, Mike H, Martin P, Matthew E, Colton B, Way cooler than
Starting point is 01:01:18 Angry Wheat, Adam G, Tyler F, Nebadger, Panamaj James, Andrew the Bard, Captain sigil, Diana, C.C. Lulu, Michelle O. Hericule, Poirot, the rabbit folk detective, Timmy R. Croc, Hollick, Lucas B. Rayco, it's Kevin. Cullders, cold, cum, hashtag, love to all my supporters. New York, Cass, skateboard, Cass, Steven C. Michael, M, Mike K, Lady Taco, Joy T, Nara, Whit and Wimsy, Jake L, Nick W, Brave the Badger, Esme, M, Mutton, the Mad, Druid, a Has been trying to undo his friend who has been stuck as a polymorphed sheep for three weeks, Foster the original boneless duck duck Veronica P. Aaron the asshole
Starting point is 01:02:05 Ranger. Reza big bad bearded O the mad Eric Mick D giant monsters on the horizon personal Fredericks and Von Muscle Klawowski D Rollo the third Christian A Olivia K J dragonborn Joe Rody in a propo Cody B Liam. Liam D. The San Drayon Ben A. Feldonis John III. Dave H. Vivian. Koala. Catherine S. David K. Christian S. Rebecca G. Dustin S. Conner F. Hawkeye P. Book Vars' assistant Izzy F.
Starting point is 01:02:38 The Time Walker. Blair the Bug Blair Bar Blarian. Kat C. Kelsey J. Pork Chop. Ariel the occasional mermaid. Oh, only occasionally very nice. Selina N. A. K. A. Valacy Raptor, Minette the Magnificent Magic Carp, Pat L, A Chuta A, Lauren H, Joshua D, Ryan S, the Bone Duster, the charming fluff fluff Robert Crisp, Master B, Telekin, Telekitty Creations,
Starting point is 01:03:07 fan illustrator, insert, request. Okay, Ploups, Carly A, Addy K, AP, Clarek, Lori P, those who love and give where they can. Spam gaming, who's just got, who's just some guy, I guess. Grant L, Connor Savage. Christopher J, Pebblelepot did you guys hear about the magic skillet it is made of cast iron? Nice.
Starting point is 01:03:31 Logan S. Sallile, Leviathan, Bioquart 7, Remington, CD, Amber Dexterist, Sullivan H. Trubhop, Dropper, Sydney T, Jack H. King of the Mole City, Under Deep a frex hashtag no censorship hashtag pro CC see Garble the Moist juicy Kiwi singing Lucy in the sky with diamonds in D minor champ W valence bright Pepsi carlin C Louis is your centaur dad salty burrito Emily S Harry Cox a very nice Chloe L. Ali congrats on finishing your master's degree. Love you. Oh yes, we do. Estelle Ile with the
Starting point is 01:04:13 ageer conflicted DM Justin LB, Torelli Skirmisher, Dandy E&D, Bunny, hashtag Claudius did nothing wrong, hashtag frog pal sucks. Marcos P. Pup Kalish, Lorelei F Morgan M. A peeling sticker, Stephen E. Mr. Adams, Meg the male carrier of Bohumia, James F. Jimmy A. Hyman, Hyman, yeah that's me. Captain Kappy M4L, the Dragon Ambassador, Wayfarer inventor of the SS Storm Bjorn, Andrew B. Dalton B. Cope Fresh, Barpo Good Barrel, Bard Barian, and Brewer Emeritus of Water Deep, Tari Rhymes with Jabari, Welsh Lander, Garrett G, One Big Curd, Eric M. Mr. D. Sean J, John P. Mr. Silly Head, Monster, Captain S. Cameron C. Hopes, dagger, the only dagger
Starting point is 01:05:09 of hope. Olivia the enchanting bard who will totally be making money off the duck team tails with and on the go. All the stops show blue slade. Michaela are Albin's alabaster aftermath. Hashtag come up. It's will rise. Albin's alabaster aftermath, hashtag come up, it's Will Rise, soloms sticky, sauce, hashtag, ccc, double down,
Starting point is 01:05:30 colliope's cumulo, cum blast, hashtag, ccc, forever, Riley S. Sir sig 93, FICO, Melvin the Muntan, no one is cooler than Angry Wheat, especially not the front half of a horse costume. Arusha, and anachronistic enigma. Of course, the game itself, Emily. Chowce, Kamp, aka, I am a smaffire. Shaqt, Aaron, R, Tony G, Logan D, Calder's cold come is for me. Of course, Josh H. and Jack, the Jack's,
Starting point is 01:06:08 oh my god, Jack's, the Jack's, Jinksing Rouge in search of Bohumia's biggest balls. All right, yeah, thank you everybody. That was a Hate-Gum podcast. That was a headgun podcast.

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