Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Tiny L's, Cursed Bran, and The Dinosaur-Free Jurassic Park

Episode Date: February 2, 2024

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, as well as the lowly, lowly (just two?) Bailiff Hurwitz as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Dungeon. Dungeon. Dungeon. Dungeon. Dungeon. Welcome to Dungeon Court, everybody. Dungeon.

We are your Supreme Crit Justices, Murphy, Axford and Tanner, joined by the lowly lowly, Baleif, Jake. Whoa. Just two. That two, I like that. That was Kurt, precise. That was amazing. That was a little dismissive actually. I don't know what to think about.

It's almost like I didn't matter at all. It's like bookends. So like what's inside of those bookends? You got Loli over here, Loli over here, and then like a whole volume of insults we can add. Yeah, that's true. It's meant to make him question himself because if I just did one Loli, he'd be like,

oh, he's being kind of lazy today. He's just saying it the one time, but the fact that he said. Yeah, that's true. It's meant to make him question himself, because if I just did one lowly, he'd be like, ah, he's being kind of lazy today. He's just saying at the one time, but the fact that he said it twice, that feels loaded. Yeah, some loaded lowly. That's how you know we're off to a good start. And with that, here you hear you. Crit is now in session.

The honorable Supreme Crit, Justices, Axford, Murphy, and Tanner are presiding. Here, here. Justice Tanner has been disbarred. He's been disbarred. My God, I gotta go for it, you know? Here, here. Where's your sense of decorum?

Sir. Control yourself. I'm enthusiastic. What do you want from me? Call one had a pixie stick before, this one is off the wall. He snorted it, it was laced. The honor of the court actually has to be restored

before he gets started. I don't know if you guys remember, but last time we all met, we declared our first ever mistrial. Oh, it's the T-Rex one. We were unable to find justice for Tobias and the T-Rex. Tobias the Bard turned their player, James, into a T-Rex, then a wizard turned them invisible

and the T-Rex burst through a bandit camp and injured two bandits. Right, and then the DM said that that gets rid of invisibility. We asked Tobias for more information. Tobias writes, I apologize that not being clear enough has led to a mistrial and will now endeavor to provide enough information to resolve this case. First of all, it's not your fault.

It's not your fault. It's not your fault. You should kneel down. It's not your fault. The DM is a Gemini and the wizard is a Pisces. I guess we asked for that information. Ah! Ah!

Okay, I don't know anything about Pisces, but I had a lot of friends who are a Gemini's and they all tell me how messed up they are. We did ask for information. This is our fault. They're like we're two faced. We have two sides. We are arguably asked for too much information.

We are all good friends and remain so to this day. And we've had many sessions since with no issues. So I may have overblown the amount of bickering. Wow. It is one of those things that both of them vehemently stick to their guns when it comes up though. And I wanted a resolution they would accept.

To clarify, only the T-Rex lost invisibility. No one else. Okay, fair. And the wizard was the one complaining about the T-Rex lost invisibility, no one else. Okay, fair. And the wizard was the one complaining about the T-Rex losing invisibility. James was just enjoying being a dinosaur and I, the bar, enjoyed the carnage. I love being a dinosaur.

I have received this message from the whiny wizard after they listened to the ruling. So it sounds like someone is going to represent themself in court. Okay, interesting. The whiny wizard says, and I quote, after they listen to the ruling. So it sounds like someone is going to represent themselves in court. Okay, well great. Interesting. The whiny wizard says, and I quote,

I think my main case points are rule of cool, invisible T-rex, cooler than visible one, even for one round, and the attack versus cause damage wording. But very much not bothered because working out of swords are us, would be pretty sweet. He also wanted to clarify that the barbarian was on the ground below the tree house not bothered because working out of swords are us would be pretty sweet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha collateral damage, count, ass, and attack. And I gotta say, I don't think it does. I don't think it does, but as we said last time,

and it's very hard to remember because it was a month ago, but I believe what we said last time is that the DM was narrating a cool thing and did not have to have collateral damage. Could have just said, right, the T-Rex popped up. I will also argue against this player who says that an invisible T-Rex cooler than a visible T-Rex disagreed.

I see, gotta say, invisible T-Rex is out my window right now. I don't see any goddamn dinosaurs. I wanna see a fucking dinosaur. If something bursts through my house and it's an invisible T-Rex, I'm just pissed that my house was destroyed. If a T-Rex. I'm just pissed that my house was destroyed. Okay, this you know. If a T-Rex shoves its fucking face through my house, there's part of me that's like,

holy shit, dinosaurs are real. Murph, think about how much more tense Jurassic Park would be if they edited out all the dinosaurs. Yeah. There's some, I do think visually cooler, and I do wonder if this is why the DM ruled it this way, is they've got this bandit camp, right? This person turns into a dinosaur,

it's invisible at first, but then once the trap has sprung, the dinosaur has shown up in the middle of camp, way fucking cooler visual than invisible dinosaur. I'm just going to keep it concise. I'm gonna say I've been swayed by your visible dinosaur is cooler than invisible dinosaurs. And I say that we officially sentence the wizard. If they wanna work at a sword, they're as they can,

but also we could sentence them to watch a dinosaur list dress. Yes, I love it. The way Spielberg intended. The director's cut. He even didn't want any dinosaurs. He said they all have cloaking devices. It's like Jaws where they don't show the shark very much,

but instead it's Jurassic Park where the movie was clearly intended to have a lot of dinosaurs in it. So the movie's just 15 minutes long and everyone looking off screen kind of scared. Oh no! Oh my gosh, they're all over there! Oh, they're at the buffet. Yeah, I think you need to actually edit yourself the dinosaur list cut. Yeah, oh, that's great.

Yeah, and you release it in the movies just called park. Yeah, they should edit the cut though and give it to us and then we'll put it up on our Patreon. I feel like that's, I want to monetize that. That's a huge market. I'm picturing Jake just refreshing the post, being like, no one's watched it. It's been up for three days and not a single view. Something must be wrong with the app.

Yeah. Do I have to pay to boost this thing? Yes, I do. I paid to boost it and it's still not a single view. The hell is going on here? Okay, that sounds good to me. So ordered. So ordered.

So dinosaur ordered. And you know, this is reminding me. Oh shit, he's still on it. That actually, no, no, no, this is, well, not justice, sorry. The lowly, lowly bailiff, Jake, has reminded me has reminded me of a controversy from last episode,

which was the Dr. Evil, which people in the comments brought up that I quoted Dr. Evil as Jen's Liddell. And I just wanna say, first off, you got me, all right? I'll take the lower case, I'll take the lowercase l, okay? I'll take the lowercase l, not a capitalized l. Somebody cut his mic. Somebody cut his mic. Because there's a difference,

there's a difference between making your character entirely based on a character from Austin Powers and saying one line as your character as a funny thing that your character thinks ladies, you didn't say that. He said one million gold. I'm gonna follow up with my own update that at the time I had not seen Austin Powers and I've since watched all three

and my main complaint is that. In the correct order too. I watched it three, two, one to piss off Merb. She actually did. She actually did. Yeah, the three, two, Call of Blast off method. I'm gonna tell you. As a joke said to watch it three two one

and Emily Lutri did it. When you watch it in descending order, you feel the absence of many me in episode one. Oh my God. So profoundly. Anyways, now having consumed the entire Uvra, I think that actually what I would have weighed in on is they shouldn't have played Fat Bastard,

they should have played Dr. Evil. Dr. Evil is actually funny, and Fat Bastard is not funny. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so that's my only reason. So that is also another reason that it's only a lowercase l for me. Ah!

I don't know if it works like that. It's a lowercase l. No, because it's, I'm, okay, here's where I must have. Here's where I must have, here's where I must have. I said that quoting things is not funny, but I do sometimes quote things, so I'll take, I'm wrong on that. I'm wrong on that sometimes.

I don't think any of us would have agreed with you that quoting things isn't funny. Right, but I said that. And you made a character who quoted something though. Exactly. It was more of a commentary on the time of the gense is. Right, but I will also take back that,

because it is funny to say one million dollars in certain circumstances. In certain circumstances it's funny. Murph put that gins stink on it and made it its own thing. The only reason I'm saying it's just a lowercase l and not a capital l is because I do feel like people are taking the fact that I quoted Dr. Evil and making it exactly the same as someone naming

their character Fat Basterd and telling everyone to get in their belly. There's a huge difference. Yeah, there's some- There's some complaining of it. Yeah. If you just said, I'm Ron Burgundy one time in the campaign But otherwise we're playing you know a dwarf paladin or you're actually playing Ron Burgundy

There's a difference there, right? Can we agree if you want we can do you want to strike from the record the fact that you ever said No, they don't have the haters No, the haters the haters have a little bit of a leg to stand up. They have a lowercase L. They have a lowercase. They have got a kickstand. They've got a lowercase W and I will take the lowercase L, but this is not the big fat L that everyone's making it seem like.

I think my favorite thing about this being an audio show is you can picture Murph saying this at a wedding to complete silence. You can just like, you can picture Murph going on this rant anywhere and it just becomes so much greater. Just me saying that my haters are only kind of right. Just Murph at the DMV going off. Just put in wherever you want. Listen up haters.

You got me. Listen up haters. You have a point. What's up haters? You have a point. You're not making a full meal out of point. What's up haters, you have a point. You're not making a fool meal out of this. It's a medium sized meal.

It's a lunch at best. It's a snack. You and this battle haters, but the war continues. Yeah. Okay, our next case comes from earn with stepdad, earn with Stepdad. The case of the cereal brand Curse to the Honorable Justices,

especially the lovely wife, Orm Emily. And I think his name was Jupe, that's close. I'm such a worm. Indeed, we are but tillers of the soil. I merely aerate the soil for my husband. I offered to DM a game for my friends to teach them D&D. However, I've been buddy heads with my only other friend who's played before after she pitched a truly insufferable character

and told me she wouldn't compromise on anything about him. I built a fantasy style pirate campaign for my friends and she built a canku named Albert A. Albertson who's an uncharismatic suit wearing bard from Illinois who only speaks in a monotone voice and has a brand serial curse that makes him boring and sad. I tried to compromise and tell her she could think she's cursed but I wouldn't have it actually be true in the world due to the fact that my main BBEG's whole character is built around a curse as well as another PC who wanted a curse

related to that BBEG. I thought it would ruin the build up if there's some divorced dad who's cursed because he ate cereal. My friend got super upset and her girlfriend texted me telling me I was a control freak and a buzzkill. Should I let her have her joke character or am I right for not wanting a joke character in my campaign? My first thought is someone says, I want to run a pirate campaign and you don't think of 17 different pirates. You should try. What's going on? You don't even want to be from a port.

You want to be from a landlocked state. I guess there's a lake. There's just a type of player that for some reason just wants to play a sad guy from the real world. There's a lot of them. And I mean, I guess I've played them. I've played them to a certain extent.

I do think that like, I mean, this is the common joke about joke characters is you play them for like three sessions and then all of a sudden you care deeply about them. And then, you know, you were trying to undo this brand curse because it's got some deeper connection to the real world. And these curses are being filtered into the post-serial factory via some sort of pirate magic.

And you gotta undo that and that's fun. You gotta work it in. But it is true, like you're the DM. If you don't want to put up with that, then you don't have to. By the way, it also sounds like this DM was like, okay with everything except for the brand serial code. Yeah.

Cool with Illinois, cool with the suit. That's ultimately what I'm kind of confused about because it's like, yeah exactly, being cool with Illinois and everything in the suit. That's ultimately what I'm kind of confused about because it's like, yeah exactly, being cool with Illinois and everything in the suit and everything on a pirate adventure but then the one thing you bump up against is the fact that there'd be two curses. Listen, Sanji, can you use this me, I guess? Sanji wears a suit, he's the cook for Luffy's crew

and one piece, he wears a suit. So there's precedence for wearing a suit on a boat. And the only fights with kicks. I don't know what the good advice is here because I am the kind of DM who's like, what your players want to do is the most important thing. What's interesting to them is the most important thing. And yet I'm also the kind of player who's like,

show up with seven different character pitches and the DM will tell you which one they like. So I don't relate to... It's also also I feel like you all could have just worked together to come up with something that fits a world because there is a world where You know, it's like Hank Hogfish was this guy a little bit was just like a sad guy In eldermore, but we fit it into the world There there are like modern things about him that plays into tropes of like the sad dad or something like that. Yeah, I don't think there were hot plates

in Elremorne before Hank. And I don't think Jill ever texted you that you were being a control freak. Right. That's hard too, right? The text from the, the text from the significant others saying you're being a control freak. It's like, is that evidence that maybe we're not getting

the full story from the submitter or do significant others sometimes take their partner's side a little too vehemently? Yeah. It sounds like significant other didn't get as much information. Yeah. Or I mean, I do think that there are some people

that don't give DMs enough respect. No, that sounds too dramatic. But there are, I think people that underestimate how much goes into world building and everything like that and how much, you know, I don't know if I'd go as far as, yeah, I mean, like pride that you take in your world that you created and everything and you're writing a story and spending a lot of time

living in it in your head while you're planning all these things out. And so to have somebody come in and make a total joke of it, it does make it hard to plan sessions. I think a lot of these cases we get would be solved if DMs when they were running it said, pitch me two characters.

Yeah, that's true. Right. That's actually a really good point. That's a good point, honestly. And we kind of do do that. Like people do- I can't stop pitching characters. I know, we all come up with characters, we literally need the DM to say,

okay, actually this is the one I want you to do. M has usually a seven or eight and then everyone else has two or three. We usually come together and we're just like, what is the best kind of party balance here? This person's playing this, this person's playing this, this is how they'll come together. It's just, it's so fun to open up

the little guy faucet in your brain and just let those little guys pour out. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they can be from Illinois, Nebraska. Yeah. Wow. There's so many, There's two of it at Kodas.

Literally, Imagine a sad guy from Florida. Yeah. Whoa, just the Midwest, okay? Yeah. I'm gonna say in branch out. Right, Florida's out is different than Midwest's out. I know, that's why I suggest.

Because then you are truly pitching two different characters. Yeah, that's true. I wanna hit one more piece of advice. This is a Murph classic, copyright Murph right here. Hit him with that yes, but. Always hit him with that big yes, but. I've never heard of that, I'm just kidding. Or no, but.

Yeah, no, but, yes, but. Just know that these are the two cheeks of Mur, I'm just kidding. Or no butt. Yeah, no butt, yes butt. Just know that these are the two cheeks of Murph, we called them, the no butt and the yes butt. Wow. Oh my God, Murph, that's your next tattoo. Yeah, yes butt, not a butt. Yes on one cheek, no on the other cheek. That's really good.

That makes sense. Turn the other cheek, that's what it's all about. Yeah! This to me, shows like kind of just a little dance. We're still talking about my goddamn ass. I'll only tell you to shake it. I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna wait. Are we good? You do a strip tease where like you pull like one cheek down and you see the yes and then you pull the other cheek down and you get the butt on there and

then you just shake it around. He's twerking. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Okay. Yeah. Good. Uh-huh. All right. I feel like this is a profound like misunderstanding of what goes into being a DM because I think that the significant others response is I think like obviously pretty confrontational but if you're playing like a board game or something,

then it could be warranted to be like, why do you care so much? Just let them play what they wanna play, who cares? But it's like as a DM, you're spending hours and hours and hours and this person isn't giving any thought at all into your world, which is kind of disrespectful. So I think this is just a case of like, I think this probably isn't gonna work out,

you know what I mean? I think there's a profound disconnect between DM and player here. You know what, that's a good point too, because this session, the reason for it is to teach other people how to play D&D. And to basically show people how to play D&D. So you really don't wanna go into it

with the energy of somebody so aggressively trying to play a joke character that their girlfriend is texting you, calling you control freak. That's not a good learning environment for anyone taking on TV. I agree. And kind of like once that, once all of that stuff gets on the table and it all becomes like very aggro, it's kind of hard to say, oh, well, you know, maybe you work on it together, maybe you come up with a character together. You just text back and you're like, you know what, actually, no, the Kanku can totally

be cursed by Bran cereal. They're just not gonna be in my campaign. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, I don't wanna DM anymore actually. Yeah, that is kind of intense energy to come into the, like to come into the campaign with and it might be good to avoid that.

Yeah, if it was kind of just, if they were just rousing you and everybody's just joking around and you are gonna go ahead and play together, I would suggest coming up with sort of a Henry Hogfish type character where it works within your world. If they wanna do a curse,

I know maybe you don't wanna double up on curses, but I think this is something where you could- Well, curses, I think that you can double up on curses. I agree, that's, yeah. For sure, but it just feels like this, yeah. I mean, like curses could be a theme of the campaign. Gorgeous, we love it, but I do think that, maybe it's not the double curse that's bothering you.

Yeah, I would say focus more on the Illinois, focus more on the, well, apparently, I mean, wearing a suit is fine on a pirate ship we've decided. Yeah, yeah. Sanj decided. Yeah. Yeah. Sanji precedent. It's more it's more the fact that they're just not respecting your world by being like, I'm from the regular world. Yeah. Everything's regular and I'm a joke character.

It's just try to try to find a way to kind of get in between where they're respecting your world. OK, so it sounds like we are going to sentence the King. The player. The King. Yeah, he's this bird. I mean, I guess we could just curse their brand.aroo. The kangaroo. Yeah, we're gonna name this bird. I mean, I guess we could just curse their bran. Right. Cursing their cereal, IRL. Yeah.

It's there for the cursing. Yeah, it really is. Yeah, we can make their raisin bran taste like, is there another cereal that's worse than raisin bran? Cranberries. Cranberries, there you go. Just a little bit different. Oh man.

Just Cran bran. Branberriesberries. Just a little bit different. Oh man. Just Cranberries. Cranberries. They definitely just have, this is definitely a real syrup. Right. Cranberries inside. But if you go in expecting those like sweet, sweet, and two scoops of raisins and all of a sudden you've got like cranberries in there, it's a little too tart. Oh, your breakfast is ruined.

Yeah. Too tart. It will unravel you if every time you have a raisin it tastes like a cranberry. Yeah. Sweet. Well, so ordered. May all your raisin brand taste like raisin crayon. Now that's a curse. Oh man. Okay. That's how you fucking say somebody. Gotcha. Okay. We should go get some raisin crayons after this. Stolen from the mouth of a witch. Crayons are a thing. Yeah. Yeah, they're cranberry raisins.

Yeah, it's not that off. It's not that off. But the mascot will be a witch who's like, get me back my cranberries. Oh wow, there really should be a cursed cereal mask on us. But they kind of all are cursed in a way. Like the tricks rabbit can never. I mean, isn't the tricks rabbit?

Yeah. Yeah, they all have like a cur, they've got like a Sisyphean thing going on. Kuku for Cocoa Puffs, he's addicted to those things. Right. Yeah, it's so dark. Was it just the sugar aspect that made everyone want to go nuts with their mascots? It kind of became like a arms race to see like who could create like the most

craziest mascot that's going to reach out to the kids and be like, this is what happens to you. I have a stupid question because I don't really eat cereal except year! I don't need that once a year! How did you not know on it? I don't fucking make the box be in my cereal box! Surely you've watched television once in the past 40 years! Do you like pour the box and instantly put it away? Are you not looking at the box while you're pouring it? Oh, Fred and Barney are all over that shit.

They're all over it. I have a very... They're pebbles. My- It's lint stones. My attention is precious to me and I gift it only to the things that deserve it. He named the cereal after his daughter.

Don't you understand? Well, so I didn't know that context. So that went unnoticed by any- Anyways, do they still, so since I only really eat that, like what's here, do cereal, is cereal still going nuts with mascots? It's still, most of them are still around, I think.

Best of my knowledge, yeah. But there's not any new ones popping up on the scene? Yeah, I don't think they've like changed any mascots. I guess they felt outsized to me at the time, cause I was like, you know, nine and eating all these cereals. But if people are still eating them, maybe they care about the mascot. People did catch on to the fact

that children should not have sugar all the time. They slowly figured that out a little bit. Remember when we grew up and you could just have full sugar juice, that was just all kids' drink. They don't do that anymore, turns out. We figured out that's bad. And also the mascots were kind of creating an unhealthy relationship with the cereal to begin with

Because it was stealing that you know everyone wanted to steal it from you. You were ravenous for it Yeah Wait was the tricks rabbit the only one that was never allowed to eat their own cereal because lucky the leprechaun was kids were always Kind of like chasing him down trying to get his yeah, but he was doing like a ritual with it I think I think he needed lucky charms for like his magic. I don't know if you wanted to eat it But the children were ravenous regardless. There was the what was the cookie one? There was like a Cookie monsters the cookie crisp. I loved cookie crisp. I know I liked cookie crisp Yeah, it was a little bit too much. I was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. If not good enough of a cookie

and not unhealthy enough of a cereal, in my opinion. Were cocoa puffs related to the Flintstones? Coco puffs is their cuckoo for cocoa puffs. But it looks like a prehistoric bird now, in hindsight. There were, I believe, chocolate pebbles that were like cocoa crisps. Yeah, they're very similar. I think I knew that those were Flintstones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're very similar.

I think I knew that those were Flintstones. Yes. So those were really good. I'm taking the small L for not noticing that a cereal I like had a cover in a mascot. You own the Flintstones box and didn't realize it. But like back off haters, this is just a snack. Okay. Just a snack.

Just a snack. Just a snack. Okay, so we've ordered, so we've already condemned this. What the fuck are we talking about? Okay, all right. Punishment. The cereal is cursed, this case is closed. It's cut and dry like the cereal. Caste closed, cereal cursed.

All right, cereal cursed. Our next case comes from Ruben S. Ruben writes, may it please the honorable justices and haunt the lowly bailiff when he is cold and alone at night. Oh, wow. So that was between the two lowlies, a ghost. I bring to you the case of the main character. About a year ago, I joined an online campaign

that had already been in progress for six months. I played a tiefling sorcerer and the party consisted of a tiefling warlock, a human wizard, and a dragonborn paladin, plus her DM. To join the party, I had to have a one-on-one fight against the paladin. I rolled high on initiative, so I went first, and you can imagine my surprise

when he took no damage from my spell because his armor made him immune to all spells. What? All spells. All spells. All spells. This is how five year olds play. He was simply immune to every single spell. Naturally, I lost the fight,

but the Paladin told me I had fought bravely and I still was accepted into the party. This was just the beginning, however. As with each session we played, it became more and more clear that the Paladin was this story's main character and the rest of us were merely his sidekicks. Important NPCs would refuse to speak to anyone but the Paladin.

Whenever we received new items, they were all immediately given to the Paladin, and he got to choose who to give them. When making plans, the person who always got to make the final decision was the Paladin. He also had a full selection of magic equipment with his armor that made him immune to magic, a rain that gave him a flying speed of 30 feet, a plus two greatsword that did double damage on evil creatures just to name a few while the rest of the party had basically the standard starting equipment. I became increasingly frustrated, but what confused me the most was that all the other PCs seemed perfectly content to be minor characters in the story. Eventually

I had enough and I quit the campaign, But was I crazy to think that the collaborative game of D&Ds should have been played collaboratively? I think honestly we don't even need to talk about this one too much. This is such a weird unsolvable situation. If they're all happy in this campaign, God bless them. But also I would have left that campaign. This reminds me of being a kid and playing Star Wars

and stuff and being like, I'm stronger than Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan, but also I'm as powerful with the forces Yoda. It's like that kind of energy. Do we think that there's any chance that in this Paladin's personal life, something was going on. And so their friends rallied around them. To gas up.

Gas them up. And these weekly, Powerlessness in life you get. These weekly D&D campaigns were, let's gas up our friend while they're going through this tough time. Because that's the only thing I could grab my head around.

Kyle really needs this flying hand. Okay. Listen, gas lighting doesn't need to be a bad thing. You can gas up and gas light. Gas up and gas lighting. Is this the wholesome, I guess it's kind of wh thing. You can gas up and gas light. Gas up and gas lighting. Is this the wholesome, I guess it's kind of wholesome. It's a wholesome gas lighting.

But yeah, I think you did the right thing by leaving this because it's not a situation that's ever gonna change. It is insane. I'm wondering if it's a situation where it's two people that are friends, then met a bunch of people online and so it's like they're really just playing with each other. I don't even know how you balance armor

that doesn't let you get hit by spells. Yeah, that just seems no fun for anyone. No. That's bonkers. It really, I feel like you just walked into like the weird room at a party and you kind of had to be like, all right, I'm gonna just back out.

What are we going on here? Fine for you guys. That's absolutely true. You walked into the weird room at a party and now it's time, you left and you did the right thing. Yeah, everything worked out. There's no way to make that room any less weird. Right, I think you did the right thing

by just gracefully exiting. Yeah. It's like, it's an ecosystem that seems to be thriving. Yes, they are all happy with it. So, you know, But we do have to punish them unfortunately, right Do we punish the lot? Well, how are we gonna punish this paladin? They they're immune to everything and they can fly away Oh, maybe pour acid on all their armor and equipment. Yeah

But they're gonna acid damage actually It's actually super immune to acid damage, like super immune to actually get healed by it. So I can use key points and spell slots, actually. It's just crazy. It actually makes me a monk, but also I'm still a paladin. And so I still can do the add wisdom to my AC, even though I have armor on

because I'm a special kind of monk that can do that. How are things going at work, by the way? Yeah, I was gonna say, this person just. You know, right now things are kind of stagnant. They had to make up a new type of furloughing for me. Yeah. I think we have to make their armor look dumb. Oh, yeah.

Okay, the problem is... Maybe we just write, I need this on their armor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Make all of the characters and all of the villains start treating you like real kid gloves and like, oh, sorry. Yeah.

Here you go. Oh, you really, that really hurt. You're so strong. You're powerful. You know, we can actually, we can actually hit two cankus with one stone here. Yeah. I just swapped the characters. This paladin becomes the canku from Illinois.

Okay, cool. We cursed their cereal. We cursed their cereal. And they watched, they watched dinosaur list dragon, not dragon monkey. comes the canku from Illinois. Okay, cool. We cursed their cereal. We cursed their cereal. And they watched dinosaurless dragon, not dragonmulvies. They're not dinosaurless dragons. There are dinosaurs in Dragon Ball Z sometimes. If you took the dragons out of Dragon Ball Z,

that'd be a problem. Yeah. Goodbye Krillin, right? Shit. That's what I was gonna say. That's what I was gonna say. It's just dead. Why would Krillin be gone, Jake?

Yeah, how come, dude? We should get to another case. Yeah, I wanna say for the record, I know this, and Jake doesn't, so I'm not an idiot. No one thinks you're an idiot. I'm just a deeply present person who forgets anything I don't actively need. It's honestly, you know what?

It's Goku behavior, eating fruity pebbles and not knowing who Fred Blaine sent in. That's true. That's definitely true. Who's that? I just like because they look like little rocks. All right, so this is some more cursed cereal. Sounds like. They're swapping characters.

The character from Illinois is allowed in this. All right, so order. Perfect. Yeah, we give the palette and some cursed cereal because they're taking all characters. The character from Illinois is allowed in this. All right, so order. Perfect. Yeah, we give the Paladin some cursed cereal because they're taking all the items anyway. Yeah. And they just like, they eat it and they're transported.

Oh, that's a good idea. Love it. Sorry, can we just go back to laughing at like all of them just passing the items to the Paladin for them to just drink? Just feels so... And loving it. Yes.

Please, Mr. Power. Please tell us what we're gonna do, sir. Items for you, King. Which item can I have? Are you sure you don't want them all? We did this. I knew you can only have some equipped in a tune at the same time, but you might want back up.

No, you keep it. I don't mind my minus one sword. I have a dead piece of a reed here. I'll just play with that. I know that you have a plus two great sword, but you might want this plus one long sword just in case you ever wanna do a wheel, sir. I'm fine with my barrel as armor, sir.

Yeah. My boots are socks. I don't need a shield. You're my shield. Cause you're invincible to magic at least. Already in a cursed campaign. Okay, so ordered and our next case comes from taller baller. And they write to the effulgent justices

and the meritricious. Why are you trying to trick you? They're trying to throw in big words to make me sound stupid. Well, guess what? You did. Asshole. That's another little L for us. Okay, one tiny L.

A couple tiny Ls, all right? Pretty easy to use an online thesaurus though, okay? Tough to make you read it. All of us are doing a tiny L, but Caldwell. That's right. You gotta be strong for us Caldwell. I'll take all of your Ls and distribute them. Or strong and cool bailiff if that's what we're feeling today.

Of the Supreme Crit, I bring you the case of the Panther High Jump, our gnome ranger, Nomio, and his faithful Panther companion, Luna. Oh, I thought it was gonna be Julia. Had fallen, or were maybe pushed by another member of the party into a 10-foot empty well. But lassie style. Nomio climbs on Luna's back and attempted to use the Panthers jump to get out of the well. Our DM, not liking fun, ruled that that was not possible, spawning an hour long argument about Panther jump heights.

Our dear friend Nomio Googled actual Panther jump height. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And insanely they can jump 15 feet in real life. Our DM stuck to their guns and we ended up having two rope and pulley system Nomio and Luna out of the well. And insanely, they can jump 15 feet in real life. Our DM stuck to their guns and we ended up having two rope and pulley system, Nomio and Luna out of the well. Justices, was our DM right or were Nomio and Luna robbed of an Olympic level high jump performance?

Let's look at what the Panther is in Dungeons and Dragons again that we're playing, not Wikipedia. That's very, very fair and accurate. Pounce. Well done, you know what, your lovers love you. Okay. Pounce. Well done, you know what? Your lovers love you. Okay, pounce. If the panther moves at least 20 feet straight toward a creature

and then hits it with a claw attack on the same turn, target must succeed on a DC12 strength saving throw or be knocked prone. If the target is prone, the panther can make one bite attack. No special jump things. Oh, it does have a climb. Climb a 40 feet.

Oh, could have climbed down. Oh yeah, it's have a climb of 40 feet Yeah, although I don't think that you guys were on the right though because you didn't you should have just looked at your panther Yeah, just yeah Why did you argue for an hour and then look and then you went to Google and didn't look up panther 5e? Why did you look up panther 5e? You just googled panther general. I think I'm so against this defense that I'm having a hard time because you're kind of right. You're kind of right. They have a climb speed of 40.

Your instinct was right, right? You were like, well, it makes no sense that a Panther wouldn't be able to get out. But instead of going to the stats, you went to Wikipedia. The game supported your instinct, but you didn't ask for it. What do we do here? There's precedent.

There is precedent for us being against, you know, people looking up like squid stats on Wikipedia and stuff. But at the same time, they said that this was an hour in. How do you fight for an hour and not just look at the stat block? It must have come up at some point, right? Maybe the fight was kind of fun.

Yeah, true. The fight could have been a little fun. It could be a debate. Also something. Yeah, debates can be fun. Sometimes loudly arguing about Dungeons and Dragons for five minutes can feel like an hour. Yeah, true. The fight could have been a little fun. Also, some debates can be fun. Sometimes, loudly arguing about Dungeons and Dragons for five minutes can feel like an hour.

True. It could have been a heated spat, not a fight. Yeah. Who do we have our rule against? Because I think that maybe this entire table just needs to be sentenced to reading the Panther stats. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting.

Right? Let's be constructive about this. Okay. Okay. So, for last time time we had our first ever mistrial. This is going to be our first time ever group punishment. Everyone's guilty. Has any court ever done that? What if it would be, we can make it kind of fun for them. You all have to read, it's almost like a poetry slam. But all of the poems are just the character sheet

for a panther. If I need. I think yeah, just cover to cover everyone reads the monster manual. No, that's too hard. Wait, are you saying we give him detention? We give him detention. No.

Everybody gets detention. I'm getting tired of this. Detention for a poetry slam with the panther stats. You can choose your pen or something. Cover to cover your own detention. You're all in slam with the Panther stats. You can choose your poems. Cover to cover, you're all in detention. You're all in Panther detention. Panther poetry slam. We figured it out in a minute.

In a minute. You could also watch 2011's No Mio and Juliet starring James McAvoy, the animated film which I imagine is where they got the name No Mio. Because where else could you think of such a unique name? It would have to come from this film. Yeah, you can either read the script from Nomeo and Juliette's cover to cover, or you can read the monster manual cover to cover.

Or you could have a Panther poetry slam. I feel like you keep ignoring this offer that's going to place on the table. What if you edit the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park into Nomeo and Juliette? Oh, could they eat's great. That's because they have to go somewhere. Because they see it go somewhere. Yeah.

Yeah. Because it's like, who stole Juliet? We don't know. That's what happens in the sequel, of course, Nomie and Juliet 2, Sherlock Gnomes. So maybe you put the dinosaurs in there and that's like the mystery. You know too much about these Gnomes movies.

I feel like I just saw a trailer for it and it just, it stuck in my head. It's just there for, Yeah, it's just like, you know, and it just it's stuck in my head. Yeah It's just like you know an iron beam mentally lodged into my brain forever To the opposite of Emily's brain Just retching every cartoon character you see forever Like if you've ever seen like an old-timey exposure for a film where it's like burned onto the silver acetate That is my brain. I see Fred Flintstone talking to Santa Claus. I'm like, yep, I won't remember birthdays now

It's literally right there climbs me 40 feet. They just yeah, they got absolutely can hop up But not for the reason that you think poetry slam it is Yeah, what a dancer climb of 40 feet, isn't that neat. Out of the well, so swell. Wow. There you go. Don't use that one. That is pretty good,

but Slam Poetry doesn't usually rhyme like that. Oh, sorry. I was pushing mine off of the mic. Why are Slam Poetry from, So I Married an Axe Murderer. I heard that in there. Hey there, NAD polls. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money.

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Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Mint Mobile. On average, it takes about 30 days for a person to break their New Year's resolution. So if saving money was on your 2024 list, your odds aren't looking that great. Luckily, we have a 100% guaranteed way to save money this year. Just switch to Mint Mobile. Right now, Mint Mobile has wireless plans starting at $15 a month. That's unlimited talk and text and data for $15 a month. Choose from 3, 6, or 12 month plans and just say goodbye to a monthly phone bill. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to MintMobile.com slash Papa. That's MintMobile.com slash P-A-W-P-A-W. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month

at MintMobile.com slash Papa. Additional taxes, fees, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Goodbye, sweeties. All right, our next case comes from Drew, to the most gracious judges and my wife's boyfriend, Jake. Whoa. Whoa, Jake! Here, here, here, here, Jake! I'm, I'm cucking Noah.

You just got to me. How dare you, I'm calling Jill. Go ahead, I'll answer for you. I present the case of Ring of the Grammarian. My best friends and I were playing for six months. I joined halfway through the campaign as a chronology wizard and was gifted the Ring of the Grammarian.

This sounds so fun, but I'm worried where it's going. Yeah. Which allows the user to change one letter, add or remove or substitute of a spell's name and thereby change the spell. I used it to change the mend spell to lend with the spoken intent of summoning a magical banker who would lend me an amount of gold for some items I wanted in his shop. I explained how I would go through the loan application process and agree to a decent APR.

The DM said what would actually happen is someone comes out of a portal to give a helping hand. A non-heated argument ensued and I eventually relented. However, I am still hurt that the spell didn't change as I had intended it and I am now playing a chronically broke wizard. Was I in the wrong for arguing that my PC changing the spell should be change as I had intended it, and I am now playing a chronically broke wizard. Was I in the wrong for arguing that my PC changing the spell should be how I intended it to change? I await your decision with arms wide open. Your DM gave you the most broken item ever,

and you're complaining about it? Yeah, I think you kinda have to surrender to your DMs like because this, I totally understand. Like I think that you came up with a really fun way for it to work But I understand that like it's just gonna be too game-breaking if you also say how the spell wouldn't play out I also think that's a pretty cool Spell to have a cantrip called lend where someone can come out and give you a helping hand like yeah Pretty fucking help yeah even powerful spells like nine level spells like wish

are at the DM's discretion. It's literally the DM decides. When you could change wish to dish, like a serving tray instead of a wish. I wonder if this is an actual thing or if your DM made it up for you. It sounds like a fun thing. It's so cool.

It's really, really cool. It definitely requires DM and player collaboration. Turned fireball into wireball? It's just like a big ball of wire? It's like, imagine like if it would be... Or like electricity? Oh, you could do electricity. I was thinking that it would be like,

have you ever encountered a mattress coil that really hurts? Sure. So it's either that, I hit ball of fire, it's a mattress boil. Yeah. Wireball being electricity is better though. Yeah, definitely electricity. I do think this is a case that everything's kind of up for interpretation, so you can

try to pitch to your DM what the spell might do if it's spelled differently, but ultimately it's the DM's decision. Yeah. So the DM does not want you to be able to, as a cantrip, be able to borrow free money, even have to pay it back or whatever. Doesn't want to have to commit to that. And that makes sense. You can't just decide what you want the spell to be.

It sounds like your DM was working with you. Yeah, I think that your DM is collaborating with you and I think you do have to collaborate with them because also they're creating this world. They might have an idea of what kind of magic makes sense and what doesn't. Yeah, also this item isn't broken if the DM is the one who decides how the spell is working.

But it's gonna end up being broken because they're gonna on the fly make a ruling. Yes, yes, yes. So it's gonna end up being broken. At least that is the DM's fault, and the DM can also see where they went wrong and make adjustments to it. If the player just gets to decide everything

that happens from this broken item, the game's already over. You change wire ball to higher ball and I've decided that I can throw a prom at any point and get 50 mercenaries to come to my dance and then join my party. It's just like, why did I get to decide that? That's not cool.

You can just throw a prom at Will. That's the most powerful spell. I know that it will feel like, I mean, it sounds like you're like really creative. So maybe you feel bummed about it, but you just gotta think about it like a collaboration. You can definitely pitch your idea, but it is gonna have to be, in order for the item to feel fun for both you and

the DM. I think it's gonna have to be that. It also just sounds like it's it's a kind of like thing that's like almost a little bit unstable magic. So you can like change a spell, but you know, you can't guarantee if it's gonna work exactly like you thought, which is kind of fun. I love that. Maybe the letter changes without you knowing like you try To cast Liam on tiny butt, but it turns into Liam on tiny nut and then you just just a little bit Oh, well actually it couldn't be but because it's not a hug yeah, but you could do lamins Right I can't stop thinking What I know altern alternate could be.

It's a really fun item. Yeah, it's so fun. And that's why it's so much more fun as a collaboration than it would just be that you can literally make up anything. I don't know, that's not very fun. Should we punish them to get along? No, we need to make their item worse. You're right, terribly sorry, sir.

I don't know how I want to punish this person, though I'm just excited for their campaign. Yeah. Well, no, no, no, not the DMs, the player. Let's take their thing. Yeah, I get it. Like they don't appreciate it. Yeah, we'll take it.

Yeah, maybe we'll put it in our campaign. Yeah. I'll be careful. I'm taking it for campaign four. I'm taking it for campaign four. You don't like it? It's mine now. It's mine now.

Yeah. My paladin cast Liamund's Tiny Nut. It gives you the benefit of a short rest. Wow. We went a podcast. We went for it. Oh my God. This nut shall be your last.

No. Get behind me, sidekicks. It's a little magic. Lightning Jolt would be cool. Lightning Jolt? Lightning Jolt. Oh yeah. No, get behind me sidekicks. He said lightning jolt would be cool. Lightning jolt?

Oh yeah, it's like a healing spell brings you back up. What about mage band? So it's just like a bow band, a bunch of wizards, or like a cool bridge hand. Or rage hand? It's just a slap from the slap. Right, just giving the slap. Right? Just giving the finger. Hell yeah. It's too fun. It's really fun. Yeah. I

think I sent into you to have so much fun with this. Yeah. Yeah. Fun. Okay. That's my order. The poor. You can do a panther poetry. No, you have to read the DM's guide front to back. You're in detention as well. There's two players in detention. Yes, and Murph is the proctor. Yeah. Okay, so our next case comes from Tim.

Tim writes, dear exemplary judges and absolutely the lowliest bailiff. I bring a- Hey, he's just the lowly, lowly bailiff. Just two. Yeah. Two lowlies, that's it. I bring. Hey, he's just the lowly, lowly bailiff. Just two. Yeah. Two lowlies, that's it. I bring a case about short rests.

In a recent Strixhaven campaign, my party and I were tasked with breaking into a building and stealing a haunted doll from the attic. Cool. Classic magic college stuff. After we got inside, we were quickly attacked by a robot butler who kind of kicked our asses. We're level two.

Everyone survived, but barely. With no spell slots left, I asked our DM if we could short rest. Absolutely not, she said. The manor will open before you finish the rest. We were told the manor was closed from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. We broke in around midnight and almost immediately fought this butler

so it couldn't have been later than like 12, 15 a.m. And short rest lasts a minimum of an hour. So at the latest, I figured it would be 1.15 when we finished the short rest. I was confused and asked why we couldn't short rest and our DM said it was the DM's discretion as to how long a short rest was. We moved on with the session and later found some potions.

But I asked judges, should our party have gotten to short rest or should I respect my DM's decision which I normally do 99% of the time. So this is a pretty soft moment that I feel like I would just defer to the DM's decision, which I normally do 99% of the time. So this is a pretty soft moment that I feel like I would just defer to the DM in this, right? You had to do some potions instead of getting a short rest. It is tough though, because when you give players info like this, when you say this building is closed

from midnight until 6 a.m., they might make plans based on what you told them. So I do think it's fair. I think I was still thinking of spells for the ring of the kermal. Exactly, it wasn't listening. I'm sorry. The hole that Fred Flintstone left in your brain

is filled with all the fun letters that could be put in front of your mouth. Give me that item please. It is fucking rad. It's really good. Wild shape becomes mild shape and you turn into mayonnaise. Oh, okay. So many good ones.

Yeah, that's not a spell, so I think that wouldn't work for it. Shit. Yeah. Just a cool idea for me. Just a sick idea to turn into mayonnaise. Just a fucking epic idea. Gubble take the lower case out. No, I'm fine with it. Join the couple. The haters are snacking. Fucking epic idea

The haters are Opening up the snack cabinet for my haters. There's granola balls in there. The haters are a lot of them. What snack are you putting on? My haters, you want some seaweed paper? I got it. Some trail mix for our haters. The haters want some trail mix, they can have it. Fine haters, you get a string cheese today.

Congrats. Congrats, haters, you get some trail mix with no M&M's. String cheese for my haters. Out of context, so it's a... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What's up haters? You're a little bit correct. But only a little bit. So eat up, this will only tide you over. Yeah, for now. I'll slip up again, we all know it will happen. You better still be playing in a meal later.

I hope you got someone else to hate on, because I'm not going to give you that much ground here. I'll be with my lovers. I'm gonna give you some. What were we talking about? This is the short rest. Oh, okay. This is the short rest that I missed the beginning of. I do, I'm so distracted by how much I love you. So, unlike some other cases that we've had today,

where some of the explanations have actually made me turn on the player in this case Normally if you were to just say DM said I didn't know we didn't have enough time to short rest normally I would side with the DM just because they're trying to keep the stakes up and yeah They might say if in your world you decide that you need to be out of combat for a long time You need a decent amount of combat for a long time, you need a decent amount of time to rest and short rest take longer for them, that's fine,

that's at their discretion. But the fact that the DM had told them what time this building was open, what time it was closed, the players made a plan based on that, and then the DM, as an excuse for why they couldn't short rest, said the building was about to open, going against what they said before, I think that's kind of unfair. So I do think that, given all the information, I have to side with the PCs here.

I think they should have had time to short rest. It sounds like the DM got flat footed a little bit, but it is true, like they should have just, they should have just given them the potions up top, if that's what they wanted to happen. Yeah, it does seem like they wanted to keep the stakes up, but I do think you just need to take a moment, breathe and figure out how you can still keep things tense. Like you can be like, oh, there might be somebody coming by even though the building's

closed. So you need to do perception checks while you take your rest. Like you can keep the stakes up without. Are you coming up with a new. Emily's are you was right up against the mic. Smirking. I guess came up with a new spell. You gotta say it now. I'm supposed to look at you and not respond. What is your new spell? I turned chaos into peas. That's so good. Every time you disobey, peas come chaos in your mouth. That's so good.

Every time you disobey, pee's come out of your mouth. Pee's come out of your mouth when you say them. I wasn't planning on sharing. Okay. Murph called me out. This is a show you have to share by definition. It's a show you have to show. You have to show your thoughts.

You have to participate. You can't just quietly think of three cases ago and come up with fun things in your own You have to show, you have to show your thoughts. You have to participate. You can't just quietly think of three cases ago and come up with fun things in your own head. Then smile at them while not commenting while the rest of us speak. Yeah, Emily, we're always thinking about Fred Flintstone and his delicious cereal,

but we're not interjecting constantly with that. Only every fourth or fifth case. So what the PCs could have done is they could have used the catnap spell, but used the ring to change it to ratnap and then a bunch of rats cover them up and make rats sleeping back. Catnap is a spell? Yeah.

It's a rat spell. It gives you a short rest. I really wanted to play it as a warlock sorcerer. Yeah, it's a Zerk hat, but I just never had a chance to use it. Yeah. Okay, well, you know what? We have a punishment here

I think is DM needs to cast peas on themselves Yeah, and they throw up peas every time they try to deny their players or That's a peas offering We could have gone a lot Yeah Small small W for you. Here you can have a bowl of joy. Here you go. Enjoy your tiny win. Yeah, congrats, you're kind of right. I suck a little bit but not all the way. Credit where credit's due. I suck a little bit, but not all the way. Credit where credit's due.

Credit where credit's due, haters. Yeah. But no more credit than is due, okay? A minus haters, congrats. My lover. Yank End and Harvard with that, Hayton. My lovers hate how much I'm focusing on my haters. Okay, so ordered. And with that, why don't we step into church

and hear a confession? Okay, indeed. That sounds good, that sounds good. This one comes from Samantha B. It's pretty severe actually. Oh, okay. To the most sexy conduits of dice Christ. Wow.

Thank you. I have a TPK confession that has haunted my soul for far too long. A few years ago, I was DMing the Dragon of Icefire Peak module, and my players and I were a couple of sessions in. They were a measly level two. As we were finishing up a pre-written quest, the module suggested that the players would run into three to four orcs as they left the cave. However, my brain goofed, and I read three to four ogres.

So instead of a well-balanced round of combat, I tip-ik-ade my players. Midway through combat, one of the players DM'd me and said, hey, I don't think it's supposed to be ogres. Dot, dot, dot. At which point I realized my mistake. We proceeded to play out the combat, everyone died, and we never played that campaign

again. Because of that, I have been hyper paranoid about killing my players. I've DM'd quite a bit since then, but this event still weighs on my soul as one of my stupidest DM mistakes ever. For a final bit of context, I have a PhD in English, so reading comprehension is usually one of my strengths. Will, will Dice Christ forgive me? Absolutely. May I continue to DM with this ogre-sized sin hanging over me? Damn. I think it wasn't a sin, it was just a learning mistake.

It was just a lowercase l. It was just a lowercase l. You gotta take every once in a while, every once in a while the haters deliver on a lowercase l. Here's the thing, when you feast on your own lowercase ls, you turn them into W's. Yeah, that's true. Happen to have W's.

You poop them out as W's. Right, cause all of those little L's can actually lean against each other. Yeah, cause they are lowercase L's, are lowercase L lessons. Yeah, we learn from our lowercase L's as we never take capitalized L's. Picture us like doing this on a YouTube video so red-faced coming up with this metaphor

It's actually a lot of more case else you can put them together Hang on I'm parallel parking Pinching a tiny microphone, okay, but yeah, this is I I understand a screen background. Tiny microphone while we're driving, talking about our haters in the lower case that they've delivered. Pinching a tiny microphone. Okay, but yeah, this is, I understand where you're coming from. I've made mistakes like this before. Like I've made, I remember running sessions

in like home games where I didn't realize that the dragon's breath, I didn't know what the recharge thing meant. So I was like, why wouldn't they just use the breath every turn? And you absolutely fucked the players. You killed three of my characters. Yeah.

I did it over and over again for examining myself. There's a five here. I guess that's recommended times to use it. Yeah. So yeah, so I think we all miss these little things every once in a while and you learn and it sounds like you've gone on to play other campaigns. So you know, little things every once in a while and you learn and it sounds like you're you've you've gone on to play other campaigns. So, you know, you're all good. And I think you also learn as you DM or how to kind of pivot on the fly, where if you realize that you

put in the wrong creature, you can still role play and sort of get your players out of it while keeping to whatever reality you've set. Yeah. You're probably a better DM from this. Yeah. From having this experience. It's important to give your haters these tiny little morphings every time.

Something to subsist on. Because they need a snack. Your haters need a snack. You can't let them go hungry. You can't let your haters go hungry. Hate is just love tinge with jealousy. Yeah. Yeah.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Stay hungry, my friend. Stay hungry? I hate is just love tends to a jealousy Stay hungry my friend. Yeah, I will also you know what and it's also It's not that big a deal to truly because first off like Everybody makes mistakes with character balancing and everything up top and also if your players are low enough level that they're getting killed by Ogres it was early enough in the campaign It'd be different if everyone was level 15 and been playing these characters for a couple years and they died. Yeah. It's just like you're all learning together. You're gonna figure it out. Dice Christ forgives you. Dice Christ forgives our lowercase elves. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. That Dice Christ welcomes them.

Yeah, Dice Christ welcomes us. With a lowercase w. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, what is it not one if not a lowercase l? So true Cross stitch Thank you all so much for listening you can listen to bonus cases over on our patreon patreon.com slash nad pod That's any dd po. D. Don't sing it Don't do it. Excuse me do it. Don't do it. Excuse me. You can also subscribe to the show on Apple Plus

if that's how you'd prefer to listen to our short rest and whatnot. Just hit that little plus thing on the Apple Podcast. You'll see it there. There's a little mission sign. Check that out. Does anybody else have anything they'd like to plug? I'll go and plug our shop again.

But a minute. Shop.nadpod.com. Lots of new stuff dropping in there. Yeah, we have a fanny pack in there now.com. Lots of new stuff dropping in there. Yeah, we have a fanny pack in there now. We got another fanny pack up in there. It's really fresh, perfect for whenever spring happens in your location around the world. That's right.

We've also replenished the campaign D20s, the big, thick themed D20s in there. Yeah. I also find the fanny pack helpful for when you're doing chores around the house and you aren't wearing anything with pockets. Oh, that's great. He puts your phone in.

When I'm doing chores naked around the house, I'll just wear a Fanny Pack. Yeah. That's hot. I use it in the shower because I don't want to have to put down the soap. Yeah, and you need to have it. You put the soap in a Fanny Pack.

Ah! That's your shower fan. Great visual. Yeah, and you need to add. He put the soap in a fanny pack. Ah! Ah! Ah! That's your shower fan. That's your shower fan. That's your shower fan. It's not shower safe though. It's not shower safe. Sweet.

So yeah, check that out, shop.nadpod.com. And you can follow us on social media. They're a man of man out use at Two Shirts Me, at Caldease Caldwell, at EX4Demily, and at Jake versus Jake. And you can do it about the show using hashtag NADpod, that's N-E-D-D-P-DDPOD. We are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation!

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We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation!

We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! We are, we are the youth of the nation! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-d Elders, starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord. Hugh C. Later Mixgater, Matt M. Cutter W. Feared Al. Jeff C. Daniel G. Danielle the Jasterly Dame. Beardman Dan, Danny P. Bryant J. Vincent W. Victor T. Bownersboy Hoyd's Friend

Justin I. Danny Danster TJM Traylay the Crafe Christopher B. Damiel R. Jordan L Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald Stevie Wags RIP Scream he died as he lived without context. Princess Yaur, Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bahumia,

now back in action after Union Victory. Samuel B, Mike H, Alcus Meltzer plus great value Gemma Adam G. Tyler F. Nebadger Panama James Heratrian Carbureau Chapel Hill FPV Rex Daniel The White Diana Diana De Los Lopez, CC Lulu, RQ Parro, Sahabit Fok Tak Tak Tev, Raco Calder, comes cold, shout out to the cold, come companions, frosty facial Jesus Christ, Taylor B, the vengeful one-winged angel, Cass, skateboard, Cass, Steven is steep in T unevenly, ya see, see. Mike K, Lady Taco and Team Incredulity, Joy T, Jake L, Nick W, Agnity, William Wall, Big Fat, Bird of the Mad,

Ananorama, Percival, Fredrickstein, Von Musil, Klausowski, Derolo the Third, J. Dragonborn, famed Musscrapped extraordinaire. The Sandrayan, Ben A., Dave H., Christian S., a cell from the prison of elders. Wow, Dustin S., Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, book Vars assistant, Izzy F, DPC is awesome! Shown the Shade Tree mechanic of Zilbldar, Summer Rose Grand Air, Katzy, Mesa of Housin Zoonza, Ariel the occasional mermaid, Selena and Valacee raptor,

Babe, Perky, Always, Pat L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Nolani, the coffee barista brewing fighter, Serv 16, the Bounduster, Annie the Feywild Therpest, Skillful ferret, I would like to see... well this one's kind of conceptual, but just... Murph, taking a lowercase l. Connor Savage. Celil. Weed Goku 69, aka Gunk at 16, experimenting with drugs. Leviathan. Bioquart 7. Amber Dextrous. Sylvan H, Trubb, Hup, Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People Under Iron Deep, wearing Merse Jack Skellington Hoodie, Lindsay W, Valen, Carlin C, Emily S, Noah the Bullywugboy, hashtag release the filthy guppy cut, James G, EverythingBago, the Eladrin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger,

Stripey, Daddy Master Dandy, Han the Green Teen, Eric B, Marcos, Learns the Balance Druid, Dakota James P, Freida M, Pogos, Self-proclaimed Faye King, back on the regularly programmed fashion and agonies. Tracy P. the Crick L-Fibrarian, Maggie S. Holly Hyena, Leah, Giovanni the Fighter, Akash the Car, Andrew Crick Plainswalker, gettin' cricky with it, Dewfiness, Russell H. a Monk named Dilgo, Cody Care, Keith Chains, Pentium II, Processor. Lorelai the succubus and Kira her busty queen. Matt M. Your friendly neighborhood. Yon and Yonkel, Andrew and Sid.

John Adams, yes, like the president. Meg, the male carrier of Bahumia. James F. Jimmy A. M4L. Austin S, Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls. Get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them turned to page 69. Shane C, Barpo Goodbarrel, Bart Barion,

Welshlynder, Garrett G, one big curd, Mr. D, Dana the Daisy, Ethan B. Havy the Half-Orch, Renee the Monster Captain, Box Clifton, Olivia the Enchanting Bard who is working hard on her audition to be the lead singer of the Mountain Crows, Winter Slade, Sammy B. Bahumia's finest linguist, Riley S. Fico, Angry Wheat, Garrett the Artificer, Anthony the Raddest of Dudes, Josh H. Abigail H. Caleb L. The fairies who have been partying nonstop to celebrate hashtag CCC we are hungover and resting and wishing the best of luck to y'all. Shag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag-Sag- M.J. the B.F.G. Cam the Frogman. Artavius Crass.

Gino T. Mamabelle the Silver Serpent herself. Derek D. Tristan the Talentless Honk. Leon K. Legendary Hero of Bahumia from a Future Campaign. B.T.A. Workshop. Shenanigans O'Connor. Mio the Great, Alex K, Joshua S, Alexander, Lins W, Angel La Pamela, The Forever Vindicated, Emma S, Red, the Reforged, Warforged, Goat, Token, Fenton, Tim's 69th Simulacrum, reporting from the future ready to destroy the world of Aurelion.

A cat napping in a sunbeam listening to a podcast. Nyax, nasty nut. Shelby can a second favorite, Sprite Girl, collabing with Squeem to ghostwrite Fig's sophomore year album. And a second favorite, Sprite Girl, collabing with Squeam to Ghostrite Fig's sophomore year album. Jackson R. T3RHX. Official Nut Flanders. Blake H. searching for a sweet blue ho.

This bestie big Bev. Paw Paw Skydays. Mameaw Skydays. Oh, it's V. Tommy W. Mike and Lisa sending love to y'all. Haley the human. Megan N. The Big M. Balnor's best friend Steve. Stephanie of Hosensoonsa. Jake's Ramen shop. R.I.P. Melchior the brave Leonin warrior warrior who even cares about the rest of the party. Karjish, Benjamin A, sacrificial otaku pen name for Kali's cousin who discovered anime and is trying to spread the word all over Bohemia. Jiggy M, Mikkel A, Angie A, Josh H, two mid-sized robot yaks unrelated to the five yaksords.

Frokey, Jacob K., Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashley, Seth E., Billy Baston, Tori the Blind Bisexual Dragous, Suck, Monkey, Bob, Lovers call me Edel, foes call me Weiss, the party call me Edel Weiss. Michael, Lyle, Sprow, the second, Cobber, Bubbers, the cobblin, bublin, goblin,

Nova cry, parcel, Dex, Riddlewell, Hannah A, and finally Ace, Dregs, High Lord of Critsburg. Thank you all so much, we love you all, You support what we do and we love what we do. So therefore we love you. Goodbye, sweeties. That was a hate gum podcast.