Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court - Witch Bolts, Meta Gamers, and the Return of Blasting Gramma

Episode Date: June 24, 2021

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Supreme Crit Justices Murphy, Axford, and Tanner along with Venerable Dungeon Bailiff Jake as we review your cases. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!CREDITS:Editing / Post Production by Daniel Ramos  (@Schubirds on Twitter & @Dr.Schubird on IG)Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller“City in the Clouds” by Emily Axford“Where the Mountain Meets the Sky” by Emily Axford See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Oh my gosh. Yes, thank you, Sam. Very funny, awesome intro. We absolutely don't deserve it, because the intro is we were doing before. We're truly so bad, you want to rest. Yeah, but honestly, how dare you prevent us from using our mouths in all the fun ways we were before?

I still tried. Sweet. Welcome to Dungeon Court. Everybody. Court is now in session. Or does the Dungeon Court. Everybody. Court is now in session. Or does the Dungeon Baylor say that? I don't remember.

We're recording this after posting last week's episode at 6am. So apologies in advance for me being likely tyrannical, likely rule in favor of all the DMs and punish all the players. Supreme crit Justice Murphi is not on enough sleep. So God bless those who try their cases today. I feel like the shell has come off and now we're getting true Murph. This is like Murph unleashed is what we're about to see. Yeah, let's confirm that Murph is Murph on three hours of sleep. Let's dive in.

I do kick it off. Here ye, here ye. Crit is dive in. I do kick it off. Here you, here you. Crit is now in session, the honorable Supreme Crit, justices, Axford Murphy and Tanner. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it, we'll be okay. Shall we try our first case?

Let's do it. I'm ready. Okay, this one comes from Micah B. Honorable Judges and Omniscient Baylift Jake. May I take that? Oh, that's very nice. Very good. Give him a round of applause.

If you're omniscient, then you should be answering all the questions. I'm going to kick my feet up, have a nice coffee, and let Jake talk for 45 minutes. Okay, fine. Let's be honorable justice and regular guy, Baylif Jake. May at least the court. I was DMing my first D&D campaign and during an encounter along the way to my town, players were attacked by a blind time. Blind time.

During the combat, the blind time jumped onto the horses of the wagon the players were using to get to town. A player wanted to use witch bolt, but I warned them that that would also hurt the horses as the electricity would travel through them as well in order to ground into the earth. The players argued that horses would be unaffected since it was a spell and was magical so it did not have to obey physics. The spell states a beam of crackling blue energy lances out toward a creature within range, forming a sustained arc of lightning between you and the target.

Do spells still follow physical law or do their magical nature mean that consequences outside the spell's verbiage cannot occur? Okay, I just, I wanna start off with, I don't know why I'm gonna fucking weigh in, but actually I have some thoughts. But first thought though, is I looked up blindime and they're like little frog creatures. Thank you.

And I feel like frogs have a similar rubbery texture to tires and tires deflects electricity. I'm not going to Google our frog's tires real quick. Ken. Ken frog be hit by lightning. Ken frog's be electrocuted. If you wear frogs on your feet, Ken frogs be tires. Now, this actually will not weigh in on my opinion about this, but I just thought it

was funny. It's fascinating because yeah, Frog skin is kind of tiring for sure, but they're also wet. They're also wet. They're a wet creature. Yes, the moistness is gonna be bad for getting electrocuted.

Can frogs be electrocuted? Cause like it seems like a like lightning could strike a little pond and you don't see frogs just floating dead in the pond from being electrocuted at all. Yeah, that's interesting. I don't see frogs just floating dead in the pond from being like a little pond. Yeah, that's true. That's interesting. I don't think that lightning rarely strikes like a big wet surface, I think.

It needs like kind of like a lightning rod or something to like ground it. And I don't think that for some reason, I don't, this is outside of my scientific grasp, but for some reason like striking a big pond is not something that lightning likes to do. I probably because it's afraid of frogs. I'm pretty sure lightning is basically like, ions in the sky reaching out to ions on the ground or something like that. It's not ions, but it's like,

they're types of like atoms that then they reach out to the ground. So already any kind of lightning that you create in D and D and S spell is not based off of those physics. That is true. I will say though, anytime the DM says, here's the rule, I kind of want to side with them a little bit if they're being like,

that's because you're tired. Right, yeah. I'm just like, stop, just listen to the person, my God. But I think Micah did the right thing, which is, you know, you let the person know because if somebody, I understand the argument from the player, if they use a spell, it doesn't say in the spell that anything extra bad happens,

and then their horse explodes, that feels pretty unfair. But Micah let them know ahead of time. Ahead of time. But that being said, I think spells don't work like they do in nature. Yeah, because I know that there's like lots of fire spells and only some of them will say anything in the area

catches on fire that is affected by this. But it has to be specified. There's a lot of fire spells that wouldn't. Yeah, I mean, logically, if you're creating a bunch of fire, all of the houses around it would catch on fire. But a lot of spells don't specify that that would happen and only some do. Here's the language that I think seals it for me,

is a beam of crackling blue energy lances out towards a creature within range. I feel like the word lance implies that it is like, like a piercing beam. Yeah. And now I guess like, if the horse was wearing like armor or something maybe that would like conduct the lightning, I guess you could argue that,

but like I think, to me this is like force lightning. This is like like palpatine electrocute somebody. It's like, it's sustained and like focused. So yeah, I think it would be, it's gonna roast this tire frog up nice, but maybe leave the horse alone. I like the Palpatine defense makes a lot of sense. If Palpatine sees Luke riding a horse,

he could shock him off that horse. And the horse would be fine. Palpatine faves horse lover. Let the record show that I apologize to Emily for bringing up Star Wars. I didn't even know that that was. We have to stop. I also didn't know.

Wow. I just was like, okay, sing a little song in your head, Emily, to let pass. Just think about the tire frogs. If you had four tire frogs, you could just have a little car. That'd be fun. So I went to look up Kenneth Frog, get electrocuted, and then I just saw some science,

some scientific experiments that I wanted to know no more details about. Exactly, yeah. So I'm just living in a haunted zone right now. As soon as you see a question mark, but I want to just, an emphatic know that frogs can't get electrocuted, that's all I want. Yeah, I don't want to.

There's a reason I was like hoping that, it would just be like a biologist being like, did you know frogs actually can't get a lecture cure? And so we found out something worse, which is did you know that frogs can be studied in labs? Yeah. Yeah. Did you know that this question that sparked curiosity

and you sparked a lot of socioeopathic behavior and scientists? Did you dissect a frog when you were in high school? I did. I did not. I never did. Yeah, they all have, they have like a little tiny metal rod inside of them. Yeah.

They are the ground right. I remember my biology teacher was struck by lightning by a frog seeking revenge. Yeah. I would say though, if lightning's not hitting ponds and stuff, then how come how come my aunt used to tell me to get out of the pool when it was raining? Then how come then why did my aunt not let me swim in a thunderstorm? Huh? Fucking the need to go home. Why did my extended family would pull me out of the pool when it was thunder and lightning? We're grilling a litigator on the floor of the court.

I was like, I don't know you, sir. I don't know anyone you're talking about. Well, Murf, it's funny that you bring that up because we've got a surprise witness. Bring in Murf's on. Bring it in. Oh my God. Seal.

Yeah. I will say, Micah, you did the right thing by, if this is how you want the spell to work by warning your player beforehand because that's just gonna lead to worse arguments. But I do think I am gonna rule with the player here. I think there's specific spells that affect there. I rule the player, however I respect the DMs right

to decide that that's how they want magic to work. But if you're in the player and you're like, okay, my DM has said magic is very literal in this world. I would exploit the shit out of that. Oh, truly be which bolting everyone who every fucking mounted pallet incoming for me. Yeah. And just be like peace to all of your mounts. I'll never again fight another mount. Try your answer. Like take what you take the battle you lost and use it to fight the war. Like yes, that's what you need to do.

Try and trick your enemies into all having a pool party because then you can just switch both the pool and they're fucking done, they're done, they're toast. The big bad evil guy is Murph's aunt. Trying to get everyone to get out of the pool. On a side note, I do feel like we get a lot of cases of DMs being like, hey, I'm gonna fuck up a horse. Is that okay?

Is it okay if I just kill a horse? I think it's that a horse is like, yes, they're an animal, but they're also like a utility. They're a mode of transportation. So a lot of times like slashing someone's tires, you know? That's a good point. So I feel like it's really good DMing to be like, all right, we have, here's this unknown element.

We have like an element that we can travel here or there and it is something that can be destroyed as well. The other thing is also, it's also just seems dangerous to me to start arguing any rules on the laws of physics and stuff. Because no one, you're not sitting at a table with a meteorologist. And no one, like, you're not sitting together to take it with the meteorologists, right? And you get explanations like mine, which is like, and pretty sure lightning isn't ion in the sky,

meeting an ion on the grass. Yeah, we talk about it. You're on time. Learning while you're playing, and that's not a good place to be. We talked for a long time about how frogs were rubbery and maybe couldn't be electrocuted. So that's what you're dealing with with,

D&D players. The first tires were made of frogs. That's just a common fact. And then you open yourself up to having a party where you're with like a physicist or something and they calculate how fast they would be falling or something and are arguing with you about damage or something like that.

And you just don't want to get into this. This is a whole bag of worms. It feels like the move is just be like, you can cast that lighting, but it's going to hit your horses. They're in the way. You don't have to be like it's gonna ground to yeah to the ground Don't face anything in any science at all So I think are we unanimous in ruling for the players here. Yeah, I think so okay So Micah must be punished

Cuz I believe Micah sits on the council of elders. Oh my goodness I believe Micah sits on the council of elders. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. He's really hard to fucking punish a council of elders. We can't let it corrupt us. We can't let it corrupt us. One of the benefits to that, too, is that you can't be punished by a super-incredible person.

Can a Hercules punish a... Can Odysseus punish Athena? No. No, we must make an example of that. What's a king to a god? Yeah, we must make an example of that. What's akin to a God? Yeah, I think Micah cannot be punished. I think Micah needs to write a card. The court can be bought. Micah needs to write a council of elders shout out to Dujabalif Jake.

You're in the comments, bud. Our next case comes from Thomas MC Thomas writes honorable justice is Axford Murphy and Tanner and the lowly bottom feeder Feet is it true though? You cure After I'm missing the fuck at the bottom of the pond. You curate these two. Yeah, and I don't want to choose this, but I like the question. I'm quite, wow.

Some people are nice to me. Some people are mean. I'm trying to be around in the hard place at the bottom of the pond. Very nice. Can't be electrocuted, though. Our party was about to begin a stealthy scouting mission around the outskirts of a town with stealth in mind.

Our sorcerer asked our druid to cast pass without trace. He'd casted this on several times in the past, so we all know he has it. Upon the request, however, our DM objected that this request was medicaming and cheating. The fighter sided with the sorcerer saying we all know our druid has the spell. The other three players at the table all agreed with the DM. That requesting a spell is medicaming. Our cleric called it the definition of medicaming. In the end, the spell was not cast

and nothing happened on the stealth mission anyway. We've gone wrong. Were we wrong to request a spell? We know that a party member has. What? What is that message? It's like it hurts my soul. It hurts my soul.

There's this illegitimate that I don't think matters, but I just want to say it because they're right. It may be important to add that he did not use his character voice when he made the request. Oh. Okay. I mean, I guess. I just, I really fundamentally feel like the most fun version of D&D is a team sport. And in a team sport, you can say,

pass me the ball. You know there's a ball. We know we know. Yeah, imagine we know what playing the sport is. You know it's your knowledge that it passes me the ball, then you say you're playing basketball, and then that's a magic game, actually. If you watch it, start about it, you're lost.

If you watch the Witcher show or play the games or something, if Geralt is with one of the sorceresses, if he's with Yennefer or something, she'll be like, I'm going to teleport. Do you want to come with me and he'll be like, no, I'll go on my own. They all have their own abilities. They know what their abilities are.

They'll say, can you incapacitate this person? Can you do this? They know what their abilities are. That's the point of traveling as a party. It's because you're rounding out your skill sets. I think that there's a version. There's a version. I've played, because I've played a lot of support casters,

there are times when it feels rude, when people are like, oh, can you make sure that you cast this on me? Right, like you're a servant. And you're kind of like, oh, can you make sure that you cast this on me? I mean, you're a serious person. Right, like you're a serious person. And you're like, haha, that's all you have. I'm not a gamback. But this is certainly not the case whatsoever. And even then, those people aren't metagaming.

They're just being selfish. Yeah, and what is, are they supposed to assume that it's a surprise every time the druid casts? Why? They're like, oh my god, I didn't know you could do that. It was possible. Magic comes out of your hands. Are they supposed to assume that it's a surprise every time the druid casts? Why? Like, pass without a trace? They're like, oh my god, I didn't know you could do that. Impossible.

Magic comes out of your hands. How? But in the meeting, silly for good. I think there may be splitting hairs, like maybe the DM and these other players who, honestly, they shouldn't be teeming with the DM against you. They seem like kind of nerds. I know. Wow.

And what I'm saying, is that like some people don't play D&D like at the team sport, in which case, I respect if that's what's fun for people, but that's truly not what's fun for me. You guys should be a team unit. You guys should be trying to wamp your DM. Like my players are very mean to me

in the game outside of the game. And that's how you know it. That's how you know we're good. But I feel like they're splitting hairs. I feel like the table they want to be at instead of calling it by, you know, pass without trace or mentioning actual spell mechanics, they want to be like, Maksora, I need a little.

Maksora? I need a little. I need a little something to get into this building. Do you have any spell for the occasion? Like, they don't fucking see. It's like, yeah, then you're just, it's like, it's just a weird, like, different person. It's like, yeah, it's almost,

that's almost more cringey than just being like, Mazzora, cast, cast, pass without trace. Like, maybe just give it the names of something else. Yeah, no, it's like weird. If only we could pass without trace like maybe just give it the names of something else. Yeah, it's really past. We could pass without trace. Yeah. Yeah, just do it. I would suggest you just do that being like, oh, if only there was some magical way to cure our wounds and look directly at the DM. Maybe some word that provided some healing. Yeah. Yeah. Medi gaming seems more medicaming when you say medicaming. Like that's to healing. Yeah, medicaming seems more medicaming

when you say medicaming. Like that's to me, it's like as soon as you call it out, that's more medicaming. Yeah, I think that term, like while it has merit, can be kind of a scourge on a table. In the same way like real road and can, or I was like, I was like, I have to say the same thing. Yeah.

It's just like anytime stuff, you don't like something, it kind of can be considered metagaming. But like this seems, the only argument I can make in favor is that like maybe this is like a hard RP table. And like if you like are like switching to regular voices and kind of plotting and that kind of dry strategic tone, I could see that like rubbing up against like the kind of like theater that you're trying to produce at your table. But I don't know. This seems like a very young force.

Judgment on this very innocent situation. This is kind of wild to me. I feel too mean to me. This is a wild, this is drama. This makes me think of like doing theater in high school. Yeah, yeah. When your friends have other shit to work on. I'm like unnecessary drama, sides being taken,

it just looks good. You guys should go to the next. My fans should go to the next. Please, we are only character now. Isn't why I did theater in high school and then never again. I loved to perform. The world of it was a lot.

Yeah, it sounds like they just want you to say that you want pass without trace, without saying you want pass without trace. Cause it's insane to think that your character wouldn't know what it was. Cause they do know what it is. Yeah, I think I think I think I think very fundamentally though we can say this is not my game.

This is weird. Yeah, no, Medigaming would be like if we've got a four person party here, two of us are in one room, two of us are in the other room, and we're acting as if we know everything the other party is learning. You know what I mean? If like... Mm-hmm. Right. I'm gonna tell you the only, like, one of the only, like, clear examples of metagaming I can think of would be looking up a monster you're fighting online. Yeah, oh, okay.

And there are questions like that this week. Yeah, that's very, that's not cool. And that, my friends, is metagaming and of course you should never do that. Like that is not interesting, but you are allowed to, if you have personally encountered this in your studies, you're allowed to know this. Yeah, I think this table,

it sounds like they wouldn't be happy with you being like, I wanna run away, but I only have a speed of 25 feet. They'd be like, oh, did you just say a stat? Good sir! What are feet? You've pulled back the curtain! We know none of this! Oh my God, there's a grid beneath our feet! There's a grid beneath us! I had suspended my disbelief, and my disbelief is crashing back down.

We all put many a chose. Yes, we superside with the player here. I also think it's fun. It's really fun. I personally, again, not everyone enjoys the teamwork aspect. I personally really enjoy talking about each other's abilities and coming up with strategies. I think that genuinely in warfare, that's what you would do. That is strategy.

Strategizing strategy is not medicaming. What strategy is, it's like, I'm going to go here and shoot my gun and you go here and shoot your gun. I have to set you to a night one if you're like an adventuring party too. It's like this is what I can do. Yeah. Yeah. Just show your moves. I'm picturing like somebody like setting a like big boulder on fire and launching it

from a catapult and then like the people storming the castle being like, madagaming. What did you plan this whole scene? How did you know? How did you know that that fire mage knew how to use fire? Medigamer. Everything has to be a surprise. What is this fire you speak of?

How do I conjure flames from the hand? You are one of Satan's metagamous. Oh, just metagame? Yeah, this role plays so hard. Let's go down. Let's go down. You think? Yeah.

What is this stealth? I know that, though. Stealth. Yeah. I don't mean. Yeah, roll a D20. What is a D20? I'm dying.

I wish to the roll a dime. I wish to live. I wish to the role of a die. I wish to live. Just play fantasy, Amelia Bidelia. Yeah, that's what you need to do here. Yes, what are we going to punish our DM? And frankly, the turncoat players, they're the worst of all. They're the ones that are more to fall.

They're the worst of all. They're the ones, they're the ones that are more to the world. They're the worst of all. Yeah. I think they have to be, they have to roleplay, surprise by every spell that any of them cast. Yeah. I think, yeah, they have to roleplay everything they do. Maybe, maybe they do a live theatrical performance of their D&D game in front of an audience that It doesn't know what D&D is. No, no, even better, they have to watch a live theatrical performance of someone else's D&D game. Whoa. That they have no context.

Go to a nabbacho. I sent you to buy tickets to Nagepot Live. I sent you to go to our next tour. Coming, Tony Dunilon. Yeah, the Savannah Marguerita may have one because that one will make the least amount of sense. I do. I like what you were saying about forcing them to larp.

Like incarcerated larping I guess is what it would be. We're like, they're larper, you know. Exactly. They're like on the side of the highway picking up trash, but they are wearing larping gear or something like that. Oh okay. Or maybe that you're just like you have to be- We just sent in some more people to plant trees and pick up trash.

Yeah, can you really service. Yeah, I'll dress as wizards. Yeah, you need to plant some trees. Dress as wizards. Yeah, that's good. You don't know what trees are. You have to be shocked every time you play a tree. What is this stick?

Ah, a black growth. Well, it's. And you can't look up how to plant a tree to give it the best chance of life. You have to just guess and hope you're right. Yeah, because you're a druid. And you think magic is real. So ordered.

OK, our next case comes from Eric L. May it please the court. My DM's Big Bad Evil Guy tried casting an attack spell, but it got counter spilled. He then said that his Big Bad Evil Guy cast Misty Step right after being counter spilled. I argue that he had already cast a spell so he can't cast another this turn. He told me that since it was counter spilled, he didn't actually cast the previous spell. And, but he did use up an action and he still had a bonus action, allowing him to use mystic...

This is a really interesting question that I have no clue. And there's definitely going to, we're going to find a really good answer and I've never thought of that. And everyone's going to be happy across the land. My party... I can't wait. Everyone is going to be united across the land. My party... I can't wait. Everyone is going to be united universally in agreement with the court. My party and I argued that the DM did eventually take our side,

but we were all left on sure of who was right or who was wrong. My DM usually will take our side to keep things smooth, but I'm worried we may have cheated. I humbly await your verdict. I do like the coming to the court with your hands behind your back we may have cheated. I humbly await your verdict. I do like the coming to the court with your hands behind your back with a showing of guilt.

I like this self honesty that you brought. Because they, at the table, this person actually won, but it's eaten away at them. Yeah. Yeah, this is it. Walk me through the steps of this again, because I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the economy. So the bad guy cast a spell, which was counter spelled,

and then right after that, he cast Misty Step. And the players said, you can't cast two spells in a turn, but he said since he was counter spelled, he didn't actually cast a spell. So let's read it. I found a little, I found a thing that, I found a thread and they say, counter-spelled states that the spell fails and has no effect, but it does not say that the spell is not cast.

It was not cast, yes. Whoa. So which I think is pretty compelling, because he's saying this story, I was like, oh, I would never think that I could, but that isn't, there is maybe some wiggle room, but I think that that's a pretty decisive answer that it says it fails, has no effect, but it doesn't say that it's not cast. Yeah, that is the, you attempt to. That's true, because if you get counts or spelled,

you still lose that spell slot. It's not like you get that spell slot. That's true, yeah. That is it, yeah, you have cast to spell. You attempt to interrupt a creature in the process of casting a spell, if the creature is casting a spell of third level or lower, blah, blah, blah is it. Yeah, you have cast a spell you attempt to interrupt a creature in the process of casting a spell if the creature is casting a spell of third level or lower blah blah blah blah Yes

Yeah, so I think I think that's I think that's true. I think that um I think that he the big bad guy could not have cast misty step after casting another spell I think noble noble attempt by this DM because I think I do think that's a cool move to have once the work and try to use another one. Unfortunately, I do think the players are right in that it counts as casting a spell. But it was interesting logic, even though it ended up not being true, I still give the DM credit for like, you know DM credit for pushing the limit. Have we been holding logic

doesn't let you pass free? Thank you, that's great. That's the type of justice we're handing out, Jake. It doesn't feel like a sleazy move. It feels like they were trying, but I understand now in reading it that it actually would, does count as a cast. Right, an honest mistake, but there must be blood.

Yes. It's a crazy hear stories of DMs that are being really cheesy and just feel like. I mean, like the last party that we were just talking about, yes. Unlike the last person who seems like they just need a new group of friends. You seem like you've got a great crew going on.

Yeah. Right, your DM gave in and you were the one that brought the court, like this is a nice crew. This is a crew I could get a drink with. I think. Unfortunately, you have to viciously punish your DM for writing a little bit wrong. Look, even though they've recounted,

even though they have a chit, even though they have a punty. Their things. This case should have never been brought. They haven't said it, but I think they still have to pick up trash and plant trees. Yeah. Could we, we could also counter spell the case and just like dismiss it altogether?

Oh, or we could counter spell the punishment because I like the case to be in the record. Right. It should be. I think that was right. Maybe just one tree. Yeah, I think that was right, maybe just one tree. Yeah, I think that would have been a big, let's see three and make sure that you go to a neighborhood

that's really gonna like benefit from that sort of canopy. Yeah, probably a Sequoia we're thinking? Yeah, a Redwood or a Sequoia, yeah. Yeah, just a huge Sequoia on a suburban street. Yeah, if it could be in Austin, that would be perfect. Yeah, ideally it would be completely wrecked any sidewalk around it. Yeah, yeah, let the roots be in Austin that would be perfect. Yeah, I do it completely wrecks any sidewalk around it Yeah, yeah, let the roots get in there deep and if anyone tries to stop you you have to You have to tie yourself to it. That is that is your treat to defend. This is your tree

We should plant a tree as a group. I like this idea. I like planting trees Yeah, you took like a whole class on planting trees Cool. I'll plant one in this DM's front yard actually That'll be another punishment. We are gonna plant a Really We're gonna destroy Yeah, we're gonna plant a you could tree right next to your house and the roots are gonna wreck your fucking cross base bitch Like if you had a wine cellar, you're not gonna anymore.

Fucking dumb, I- You're all your fucking expensive ones that we know you've been collecting for 30 plus years are getting wrecked by your carousel. That's in the root system now too. Say goodbye to your septic, there's gonna be roots in there, bitch. Yeah. That Yuka's gonna be fucking buzzed off of. A rosary.

You're gonna have to call the root or so many times. It's just gonna be so many little roots up in there. This is wild. This is the first ever episode. I think we've kicked off with all player wins, right? We haven't had a single deal in yet, right? I think I'm feeling, I'm like feeling pretty, I'm feeling pretty player leaning today. You were saying you're feeling DM leaning. I'm feeling I'm like feeling pretty um, I'm feeling pretty player leaning today

You were saying you're feeling DM leaning. I'm feeling pretty player. I mean I've been on the player side every time So we'll see how this next case plays which is more of an update So we'll call this a brief recess I like this from Blastin grandma This episode of nad pod has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's

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Oh no! Alex J, may it please the exalted justices of the high crit, expert, and Tanner, the powerful and handsome bail of herwits, and the Pebble Putt Justice Murphy. Wow. I'm really trying to get you off the side. This is update on Blast to Grandma.

He didn't know you were going to be cranky today too. I just punched my monitor. I feel like I have another losing cause on my hands. Oh, the latest part of the campaign had them battling three Elven Conquist kings who had imperialistically took over the homeland of a group of goblins. During the battle, using mechanics used in Crown of Candy, an elf who had an ant companion died and Blastemgrama wanted to take the ant on as a mount.

I offered that she could have a familiar like baby Groot, but she rolled a persuasion check, stupid high to persuade the ant to come along with her. What do I do? I fear the Supreme Crit Justice's expert, her favorite, and Tanner and Pebblepot Justice Murphy created a monster who might end up being my own personal BBEG. Okay, okay, I think we have people first off. Is she grown too powerful? Asking grandma, like writing along in the trees of an N is amazing.

However, there are disadvantages. And N, I mean, I don't know what N stats are, but you can make new N stats in which the N is not very fast. You can, I mean, look, grandma blasting from the bow of a N is really all I wanna see. I'm on the blasted energy. I'm talking to everyone at home.

She is 91 years old. So that's like, you know, also, we have a lot of things to do. I'm on the boss's energy. I'm talking to everyone at home. She is 91 years old, so that's fucking awesome. Yeah, I feel like you just give the end, like riding horse stats. It's not gonna break your game. You can, you know, you can just get a horse. And you can't even talk and attack that end, you know? Like, grandma loves the end. And like, I think grandma.

You can grandma's end. Go party grandma. You absolutely can. You absolutely can. You know, you can also do, you can nerve grandma's end. Go horny grandma. You absolutely can. Sparky grandma's mouth. You know, you can also do, you can nerve grandma's end by like, by fucking it up a bit. Maybe you don't actually kill it, but it gets nerfed because like, you know,

some kind of fungus comes to it and it's there for. Holy shit. Ooh, it's rup. It's rup. A bunch of squirrels start living in it. I know a lot about. Look, there's a lot of fucking insects that can fuck up a tree.

Oh, you fucking weevils get in there, you're done. Yeah. Here's the thing, give us your grandma. Whoa, you're in a water. You're clearly not having fun. Give us your grandma. We'll play a great little D&D session. We've been thinking about kicking

called off the show anyway. So we need to win over the cash. I thought we decided we just didn't know how to do it. I thought maybe we would just expand the castle over there. I actually was surprised when I got on the Zoom and he was here. Yeah, it's shocking. Because on our private text, we're all kind of like, are you going to say it's a go-to or are you going to say it's a go-to or what kind of text they were going to do.

So now we're in this awkward position of we have to do it. Right. We're going to get my foot on air. It's been on airplane mode for a while. No, we didn't text you. No, we didn't. We're not ready to tell you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So what's what is this right now? What's happening right now? Is this just kind of like we we we need to see the grandma's available. We need to tell we need to tarzan from you know, one cast member to the other smoothly. We didn't make sure that she has a good

Ethernet cable so that we can have like smooth zooms with grandma. We have to send we're gonna send her like a mic set up and stuff It's all in a zoo. This all gonna be to see how smooth her zoom is to see if it's even feasible. Should I probably just should I just send her my mic and zoom? Probably is what should happen. Well, that would be good But then we might need to record pickups or record something while she's still setting up. Yeah, we're just going to buy our new one. Yeah. You know what? I'll buy our new one. I guess it's what's going to happen. We were going to get split it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was kind of thinking maybe out of Sydney's college fund maybe. That'd be nice. Yeah, I can dip into that. Just set it up. So it's not a ton in there, but like, know Yeah, we have access to that

We're gonna have to upgrade grandma's internet to through Sydney's fund Yeah, she needs to be on a business Fios It's all like at least 300 up. Yeah All the kind of other houses on the block to just so she's not competing So she's not competing for internet. That's true. That's true. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, let's at least buy the house on either side of her

so that there's not like annoying neighbors like having gardening done to someone. Yeah, right. So I do like this. I do like the grandma and the A's on here maybe. So I like pop in every once in a while. I'm kind of like the producer on a talk show or something like that.

You would be on mic, but yeah, you could like pop over and like, you know, give her, you know, drop off food or whatever. We can't stop you from being friends with someone in real life. We can only stop you from being on our show that you're not on anymore. You say that, but like I will, I will text people and they'll be like, I was told I'm not allowed to talk to you. We can stop other people from being friends with you. But you can't stop that. You can just stop that. Yeah, I can't. You can try. Okay. Okay.

Okay. So like if I like go all out for this grandma, like could it like maybe salvage our relationship? Oh no, grandma's going all out for us. Yeah. So that we can finally get rid of you. Okay. Well, I'm only.

I guess I'll, I'll mail you the gavle. That'd be awesome. Oh, I would love to see grandma work that gavle. I'd hate for anything to happen to it in the mail though So if you could drive it and hand deliver it here and Blasting grandma I mean as long as she's in the contiguous US it shouldn't be too big a problem. So yeah I'll get her on that she's in Guam. So she is US-based, but it's Guam, unfortunately. But she can still vote, so okay, great, great, great. Yeah, I'm signing off.

Cool. Alright, yeah, Graham is in the waiting room. But going back to the case, I think I am, I can't be objective on this, I simply can. So of course, I'm going to vote with Graham, however I understand the DM's concern, it's all completely valid. My only thought would be that you could find ways to, like I said, some sort of, maybe they meet some sort of like evil druid

who puts like a fungus and then, there's ways to nerf the ant in a way that that maybe could still feel like fun roleplay. If grandma's just like, don't touch, don't you dare touch my end. Then I have no response to that. Wow, she's already on the show. Yeah, you can't say no to grandma.

Just make it a riding horse or something. Just pull from the mounts that would be like appropriate for that level. And just have it be a moving tree instead of a horse. Yeah, do keep on updating us every single time, because I want to hear what what's a grandma. Fix those typos though.

Fix those typos though. Cause up top, there were some disparaging words about me. You're supposed to know about change. I understand that I can get confusing, but I'm murph. This is my voice. Jake is the other guy. The other guy.

Barely on the podcast. If your grandma's gonna be a member of the cast, you need to learn that this is how it works. Yeah, that's true. All right, we got a case from Johnny P. Johnny writes, if it may please the honorable bailiff and possibly some pretty good judges, very good, strong style.

This is a rebellion. This is a rebellion. It's a rebellion. The right right like favorable things to me, so I pick them, but then the cases don't get tried very fairly. So yeah. I'm a DM from, I'll say that at the time. I'm a DM for a home game, and in the first town they visit,

I mentioned the regional famous restaurant TGI Mondays, a depressing version of that other restaurant. This makes everyone laugh, and of course they try to go see if there's anything to it. When they get there, they're eating, and they're eating, they ask to do investigation and perception checks. I allow it, and two players happen to roll not 20s. I give them a long-winded description of the restaurant, even with that two 20s, though, there is nothing special about this restaurant. They were annoyed, because I mentioned it twice twice and it made it seem like pointing them there. Am I wrong for just making a stupid name for a place with nothing happening?

I'm saying no. I, um, uh, you're not, I mean, it's, it's funny, but also I understand where your buyers are going from. You mentioning it, mentioning it multiple times than them going there and then you just have nothing. Yeah, I mean, it seems easy enough to like, if they roll in at 20 on an inspection check, it's like, oh yeah, there's a secret menu you can get a potion. I feel like there's like ways to like get out of this. Or they'd be privy to like restaurant drama. Like, yeah, actually Kyle used to date Ben over here. So I'm really like, and yeah, now you know, they're like on the outs. One of them used to do the night shift,

one of them used to do the lunch shift, but now they're both on lunch shift. Oh, see, and then you're on the, yeah. I think you could also though, like, yeah, you made a big deal of TGI Monday, so they thought it was important. I think it's okay to end that moment, be like, okay, they've really invested in this.

I had some kind of salacious thing was happening in another place, but you know what, they just rolled two net 20s. It's happening here now. I think it's okay to be like, okay, the werewolf that was like chained up in a room, fighting their curse in the end is now in like a storage pantry in the TV.

Wow, yeah. She's going down at the TGI Mondays. Yeah, cause you probably had something played for that session, I would write, unless you just put all of this work into this. I'm gonna say it was actually at Emerald Tuesdays. That was the problem. They needed to do it somewhere else.

Yeah, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna imagine that the DJI Monday's joke didn't take all of the prepping to come up with this joke as good as it is. As good as it is, I would have to imagine you had other things planned. So like, yeah, if the players are there and really seem to want something to happen. Yeah, if you had a dungeon plan or something, or if you had them overseeing something or walking in on something, why not have it happen at TGI Mondays? That's the slogan for TGI Mondays.

So why not? Why not? There's a trapdoor that leads to the place they were supposed to go. Yeah, a secret dungeon trap door and like the pantry of a TGI Mondays is so good. That's a hook. Yeah.

That's a creepy for anyone listening. And then it implicates the restaurant tour of TGI Mondays who originally was a throwaway character, but now it's pivotal to the story. That is just fun collaborative story, darling. That's beautiful. Yeah, I'm trying to read between the lines here because just taking their word at its like base

value at just like what the question was, it is like, it's fine to just have a tavern that's just a tavern or a restaurant. That's just a restaurant. But when they say that, they mentioned it multiple times. I'm like, I've been mentioned it multiple times. This is what you wanted, right? You wanted to trick your players? Do you think the situation is that they mentioned it once and no one laughed.

So they mentioned it again until they got a chuckle? I actually think they mentioned it once. The players had fun with the idea. So they're like, oh, you like this. Let's keep exploring this. I also would have to know how the players asked it, right like you can be sometimes someone's like if they were just like Yeah, yeah, the TGI Mondays we're gonna go to the TGI Mondays and you're like okay cool nothing's really here But they're like no, we're gonna go we want to do an investigation check then it is kind of on them

But if you were kind of like you let them go yeah Encouraging them then yeah, I think pivot and put something important that was elsewhere. Right. Yeah. You sit the daiquiri and you taste something in the daiquiri. You haven't tasted it in years. It's a forbidden essence that you know will lead you to some secret truth if only you could discover it.

Yeah. There you go. The TGI Mondays commercial. So you're gonna the daiquiri. I would never buy a fucking cocktail that was called forbidden essence. It's a perfume. It's just a perfume that they put in the cocktail. Merch is a habit of ordering something that's embarrassing to order. Are some of the things that you've ordered?

I don't, I just like a cocktail. So, you know, if I have to, you know. He always tries to kind of swallow the silly name. The slippery rabbit. The slippery little rabbit. And when you order a cocktail, you never know what kind of glass it's going to come in. And like, I always want it I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm scared I'm gonna break you. Yeah, I that's the fucking thing with those drinks They they feel to the top of the I don't think it's fragile masculinity to not want to say slippery rabbit

No, I know I know these are two separate. These are two separate issues. That spans the sexist Yeah, there was definitely a five-year period where every restaurant was trying to get you to say the word slut whenever you ordered something Can I get the skinny slut sandwich please? Yeah. You just feel bad. No one's having a good time with that. I'm glad that that's over. I still say it actually even when I'm getting a PLT.

You're like, I know what this one used to be called. I don't forget. I have a long memory. I'm working on a little tomato slut. The usual, right? You know what it is. I'm working a little. I'm doing a little tomato slut. The usual, right? You know what it is. Invite into your tomato slut.

There's a no inside. I'm in the basement of the TGI Mondays. I do the thing. You're inviting your players to go investigate that anytime. That's, you know, if you guys are going to a town in our campaign, I'm not like, here's the tavern where you might know some people. Here's the estate of the Evil Vampire, and here's a fireworks factory. It's like, of course, they're going to go to the fireworks factory.

So there better be something going out of the fireworks factory, you know what I mean? Yeah. It makes sense. That's true. I feel like if I agree with Emily where like, how do you lead in with like, this is just a regular ass restaurant, then the players, then it's all their fault at that point,

and then you're just goofing around, but if you've been like, you guys go into town, you see like a well in the center of town, you see a TGI Monday's restaurant. Right, I don't know, like a couple of houses. What do you guys do? Yeah. Yeah.

It's also true, the more you say it's regular, the more they're just gonna wanna like scratch onto the surface of that. It just looks like a regular restaurant. Yeah, you have to keep saying it just looks like a regular restaurant. Yeah. Is this, are we gonna weigh with the players again here?

I think I'm gonna weigh with the players because it's a tiebreaker and they insulted me again. I think I'm gonna weigh with the players because I think that I totally understand where the DM is coming from, but I think in the future, if your players get really into something, I don't think that there's anything wrong with us, DM being like, ah, this letter, this scandalous letter of conspiracy we're gonna find is now in the T.J. monies. I'm really only really against the DM

because I know this is the reaction they wanted. You did it, you did the prank. Don't do the prank, piss off all your friends and then come to us to justify your prank. That's true. You think it was intentional? I think it was intentional. Of course, making a boy restaurant

and nothing was going on at that you brought up at this happened. I love that this happened. This is a prank. It was a prank on the players though. And now we pranked them by forcing them to plant 40 dogwood trees. Wow.

Inside of TGI for ideas. You know how they have great flowers. My mom's dogwood trees are beautiful. I think, yeah, this DM I think needs to eat at TGI Fridays. Breakfast. I'm for breakfast. You have to get dinner.

You have to get dinner. I already dinner for breakfast. I think that they need to plant a tree at TGI Friday. Right in the kitchen. In the center and watch nature reclaim the space. I am legend style. Beautiful. Mike Oak.

What do you guys think? Do we have time for one more case? Beautiful Mike Oak What do you guys think do we have time for one more case? Yeah, we definitely have time for one more Ricardo writes May it please the court but most importantly bailiff Jake. Thanks Ricardo possibly you're gonna lose I'm just not reading them I feel bad for these guys. We're gonna go for a sweep of players Unless this person is not against a player actually this so this confirms that we're gonna have an all-player episode. Because this is our first case. It's not even against a player or a DM. I don't know what it is. My case is not against a player or DM, but against the dice gods themselves.

Wow. I have a lot of opinions. Yeah, you watch where you try your tongue. I have a dice today. I would say that those dice gods are like an old testament, God. Just like really punish you and ask for sacrifice. Yeah, hush falls over the courtroom on this case as well.

Yeah, we're all deeply religious. I make the sign of the tin-sided die. I have a dice that has been blessed with holy power and always delivers in the most critical moments and also happens to be the first D20 I bought. I love them dearly and have great sentiment for them, but at the same time I became suspicious of them. I checked my diced, rolled them many times and tabulated the results.

My table revealed that most of the rolls were over 8. I also rolled 16 and 20 a lot of the time. My question is this, should I accept the blessing that the Dice Gods have given me, or should I relinquish this power for the betterment of storytelling in my conscience? My fate is in your hands, venerable judges, and powerful bailiff.

Wow. I love this question. I love this person. I love that you're asking this question. I've never had a dice that rolls consistently. And also when I go, when I roll, because I have six dice for Fia, I roll them each twice to figure out what I'm gonna roll with.

And I know I choose the ones that either roll a 20, a one or a two. So it's like I do want failure as much as success. So there is a fix for this. There is a way to check the balance of your dice. You can use it with salt water. I knew it was something with water, but I'm googling it right now. Lifehacker, lifehacker, shout out everyone. You grab a cup, fill it with a third cup of room temperature water, and add about six tablespoons of salt, put your dye in it, and spin it around in the water because it'll float.

If your dye keeps stopping with the same number facing up, something inside the dye is making it unbalanced. So if something is truly off, then it'll keep floating to the same number. So there is a way to test this. They might just be really lucky. So I would, before you throw them out, confirm that they are weighted. My guess is that they're just lucky. Yeah. I would say we are going to need a further ruling on this. We're gonna need an update, but should we maybe offer like two possible solutions? I guess like either keep the dice and use them

or like what sort of banishment shall we offer for the dice? Like how shall we retire these dice? I guess is what I'm asking. Well, the first thing I do wanna say one thing, which is that like if you find out that it's not weighted, I think that you could save it as like, okay, this is a role you really care about.

The emergency dance, yeah, okay. So it would be like, you're everyday roles, you would just have a different set, but then it would maybe be kind of a fun thing to be like, okay, I fucking need this. I'm gonna bring in my best best dice because your best dice will still occasionally not deliver. Yeah, you're using it way less frequently. Yeah, it will be like a fun thing. I like that. Oh, a little treasure chest. Yeah. Also, the way I feel like if a dye were truly weighted, that it would be more likely to land on a single number

or numbers that were clustered around each other. Because the dices are pretty random. So the idea that you could just have dices that were more to likely to roll like 10 through 20 than one through nine seems strange to me. I don't know, perhaps there is a way nine seems strange to me. I don't know, perhaps there is a way to weigh it to slightly. I was just looking at like 16 and 20 were close.

They're kind of bar. 16 and 20 are close, ish. I don't know. I still think do that little water test. Yeah. And if it passes the water test, then you can decide, you know what, this is my special dice that I only use for an important role. Yeah.

I mean, you should definitely do the water test because it passes the test, you're blessed. And that's pretty like then the dice god's real. And then the dice gods are real. Then you should be revealed. You're a true paladin of dice Christ. Do you know I have a question? I have a question though. I wonder if that dice, I'm assuming that you're using

this dice for one character. I am so curious if that dice would roll like that for a different character. Because I've had dice that suck for one character and are awesome for other characters. That's interesting. Yeah, I mean, the dice Christ works in mysterious ways. I have found weirdly that-

20 ways specifically. The first D20 I ever had rolls better than my other dice. And it was with the D&D starter set, so I don't think it, they wouldn't, they fucked that up, that's pretty weird. I think it's the grease. I think it's that his dark materials dust getting all over your dice.

I'm saying it's building up entropy and a connection to the universe and the more it's on there, the more that like your will and desires are transmitted through the dice. Yeah, dice crisis is just real. Just believe it. Yeah, dice crisis is real. Just believe it. Don't worry about that. That fact isn't being tried today. Yeah. We're just wondering if dice crisis touched your dice. Yeah, right. Can I offer a potential solution if you're feeling like you're ready to retire these dice?

Maybe put them in a bottle and toss them out to sea so that then somebody else can find the dice, Jumanji style. I like a mermaid, like a D&D playing mermaid. Yeah, or like, you know, someone on another shore when the bottle like eventually bobs to like another landmass. But you can also give it to like a cute acute niece or nephew who's just playing for the first

time and then they have to have lots of success. Cool. So a blood relative or the ocean, you decide those are your choices. Litter or give it to a close family member. That's about to be a child. Or throw it in the seat. You could also plant it with the seed for a tree and see if maybe a tree that grows dice.

Oh my God, could you imagine just like very like flavored edible D20 dice? That would be so cool. Just like biting into a pomegranate and instead of all those little gems, it's just D20. That's what I want. I want to make dice until I'm done with them and then I eat them. They'll be so dangerous. You would accidentally eat a regular D20 instantly.

I'm sure. It's so dangerous because you just be rolling it across a dirty table before you eventually pop it in your mouth. It would just be like a really dirty gusher. Yeah, I think it's cool. We should make them and put them in the NAD putchop for sure. Yeah, I think we should call them dirty gushers. Yeah, as it opens us up to being sued.

So dirty gushers. Get your hands on our dirty gushers. Yeah, I think treat this dice that dice Christ has blessed you with, like you're in Game of Thrones, and this is like an old family heirloom sword, keeping like on the wall, but like when the time comes, you take it down or wear it in a little pouch around your neck,

like Davos Seaworth with his fingers. Yeah, yeah. And they don't even take it off the shower. So we can remember the justice. Let's take a moment of silence for dice Christ though, I think. Yeah, yeah, and they don't even take it on the shower. So we can remember the justice Let's take let's take a moment of silence for dice Christ though, I think Oh, no actually To be praised in song We all know this yeah, of course. Yeah, let's all sing the hymn that we also all know our

Christ is an awesome crazy Our bountiful diceicey Rolls, the 20s and 1s, it is ever so much fun. It is so much fun. It is a very new constitution. And really, we couldn't possibly fall further than that. I think we're gonna call this one. Thank you all so much for listening.

You can listen to more cases. We're just gonna be taking a brief recess over on our patreon patreon.com slash nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d Don't sing yet. Sorry. Does anybody have anything they would like to plug? Yeah, I do have something. I'm gonna plug like it. Okay, so I just read the book the poppy war by RF quang It was really really good, but also Mike Trapp's wife, Laura Tchirkis, copy edited it. Oh, nice.

It was crazy. I was like, just out of party and I was like, I was at Colwell's birthday and I was like, oh yeah, I'm reading this book and like, it's like the fantasy world feels pretty consistent and I'm wondering like to copy editors ever work with it. And she was like, oh, I did one called The Poppy War. And I was like, that's the book and and I'm wondering like to copy it or ever work with it. And she was like, oh, I did one called the Poppy War. And I was like, that's the book,

and book I'm talking about. Wow, that's crazy. What you talking about this book? And I wanted to come over and talk to you about it, but I was talking to someone else and it would have been rude. So I'm glad to finally get the book recommendation now. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, Mike Traff's wife, copy edited it, which is cool.

And she even has like a little shout out in the acknowledgments. And it was a fun book. It was like a fantasy book that started in a school. And I was kind of like, okay, a fantasy school, do, sorry. The cat just did something crazy behind it. And it goes in really crazy directions. Very cool.

Nice. Yeah, I'll second that recommendation. I'll third it. Great. Great. That's what we're plugging this week. Thank you all so much for listening. You can follow us on social media that we may or may not use. At CHMRI, we have a call to these call to our Patrick Roberts and Jake.

And at E-AX for it is Emily. And you can tweet about the show using hashtag NAD pod that's any DDPOD. We are the youth of the nation. we are the youth of the nation. Praise to Christ. It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders starting with Brad D. Jeffery S. Howdorf Rossback, Steelbreaker, and Matt M. D&D players so opposed to meta-gaming that they fully cut themselves off from society, now their table is a stump, their dice-ha

rocks, and their minds are at peace. Jordan DJ, CutterW, Jive G, Zillodolo, and Dylan B, Wizard comedians famous for their hilarious witch-bolt routine in which they try to figure out which-which-bolt the other is referring to, the bit kills, literally as part of the show the entire audience gets repeatedly electrocuted. Shupored the mushroom, Danielle the Dasterly Dame, Andrew M, Beardman Dan and Scott D, Drew is in charge of overseeing the tree planting punishments handed down by the Supreme Crit. Sometimes they cast speak with plants on the tree so that they can privately joke about the plaintiffs behind their backs.

Danny P. Mixologist Michael McD, Bounder's Boy, Andrew B. and Kevin S. Blasting Grandma's new D&D party when she's not playing with her grandchild, she's DMing an incredibly unbalanced, water-deep-heist homebrew in which everyone has an end and favorable dice rolls can be bought in exchange for withers originals. Please let us join. Just an eye, Ragnar Fair Dwind. T.J.M. the Noembarbarian, Elena M. and Traylee the Kray-Fay, Bishops in the Church of Dice Christ, instead of tall hats they wear massive D20 helmets, which they roll at the beginning of service, if they roll a 1, Church is cancelled, if they roll a 20, Church is still cancelled, but also everyone gets donuts. Truly, this religion will unite the world.

Jarradee, Austin Bonesai MR, Damular, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt and Octolitch, Animal Rights mages who created the world's first cruelty-free, synthetic horses, aka phones. Sure, it's basically an impossible burger with the fine familiar spell cast on it, but with the right saddle, horseshoes, and ketchup, you can barely tell the difference. Gay gem, Richard X Machina, Michael L, Sergio Celes, our Celomand Securized Ace of Quanny, and trust the traveler, prisoners being held in the basement of the TGI Mondays. They've tried sending for help by hiding messages and cocktail umbrellas, but unfortunately

all of the wacky decor on the walls is too distracting, and the visiting adventurers keep failing their perception checks. Sir Carl, Jorias, Dana G, Azoth Shadows, and Kalamel, the Weta gamers. These folks are totally fine with meta-gaming, but if you don't show up to the session, dressed in full, shmigal makeup, you're fucking done. Jack L, flawless whale, temporal, Sam L, Nicholas C, and Reese NS, and all horse campaign whose human companions are always getting fucked up. They wanna feel for them, but they're just companions

and they can get more in the next town. Samuel B, Mike H, Byron Murphy likes to drink curfee, Matthew E, Colton B, and Adam G, a group called physicists for the more accurate to our Earth physics spells. It's a really hairy title, but an even worse acronym, and some on the inside suggest calling it P.F. Dometops, for short, just isn't gonna catch on.

Megan S, Mateo C, Nibadger, Panama James, Cummins the Bards and Adrian the Halfling Bard, a party that is so scared of metagaming, they were all with disadvantage at all times. When they get in at 20 they don't even celebrate, they look around and nervously ask, is that okay? Dan, Scott W, Nikki W, Grace G, Drew Nasty and C.C. Lulu, the wait staff at DJI Mondays. Look, they've heard the name a million times they're over it and they just want the

murder mystery you had planned to pivot to their location please. Barnes & Aitor, Michelle O. Timmy R, Jonathan W, the Crock-Waring Warrior, and Lucas B, a group of half-elf-communist sorcerers who agree that even though private property is theft, being petty when someone burrows a couple hit points from your horse is a human right. Aron S, it's Kevin, New York, and Steven C, a forest events fighting over who gets to pledge themselves as the faithful mount of Blastin' Grandma. One might argue a Blastin' Grandma and a forest events could be a fire hazard, but then again,

one would think twice before speaking ill of Blastin' Grandma. KJ, Michael M, Mike K, Karen J, Ekathor, 666 and Nick W, the disciples who joined Dice Christ at the last supper. It went down a lot like the other last supper, but it was at a D&D table and everyone was mostly just eating snacks, and Dice Christ told everyone that the pretzels were his body and the hummus was his blood. Taylor A, Matthew R, Esme Am, Nathan and Kazemir the All-Knowing, a Ruby Fridays that was

also in the TGI Mondays town and was the esteemed and not at all Joki location where the DM had a bouquet of revelations for their players in that 20. Big bad beat of the mad, Eric McD, Thraft, Burley T and J Dragonborn, a team of experts who have set out to bring the harsh rules of physics and hard science to the world of D&D. There are no more dragons, but you do get electrocuted if someone does a lightning spell near water. Joe Rowe, the inappropriate, Cody B, Liam D, the San Drian, Ben A, and Feldonis, the waiters at TGI Mondays, they guarded terrible secret in the basement below the restaurant.

They actually use frozen potato skins and not fresh ones. Dave H, Koala Bear, Catherine S, David K, Christian S, and Dustin S, acolytes of Dice and not fresh ones. 2 left eyes and Frankie Koala, a board of meat investors who are unsure whether to back vampire horse blood ink or hard ones horse imporium, the market is competitive in this terrible terrible world. Big Bad John, DPC is awesome, Aston S, Blair the Bug Blair Barbar Blarion, Pork Chop and Chanel M, a crew of D&D players who are so against metagaming that they refuse to play Dungeons and Dragons at all for even acknowledging the game is technically speaking out of character. Fury and Hot Pants, Valacy Raptor, Manette F, Pat L, A Chuta A, and Lauren H, a group of

role players so dedicated that they shriek and piss themselves every time they see a spell cast because again, knowing what spells are is metagaming. Elias Hawthorn, Maddie Y, Alex H, the Aldous Barry, Evan V, Ryan S, and the Bone Duster, the owners of a damp year blood bank. It's basically a bar that thirsty dampers can show up at and order a big ol' glass of blood. Joshua H, Robert CRSP, Eager Sill,

Brent Lee C. Micah B. And Ploups. A crew of adventurers who have set out on D&D's most dangerous mission yet, saving fantasy horses from the clutches of maniacal players and their cruel DMs. Carly Ann. Laurie P. Spam gaming the not-so-skilled gamer.

Connor Savage. Russell H. And Christopher J. Pepplepot. Stan stands. These guys are huge fans of that character Stanley from last week's episode. Remember him? He was fine.

Logan S. Leviathan, Dimae A, BioCort7, Kenny, and Remington CD. Meteorologists who are no longer allowed to play at Micobee's Table do to their very high weather IQ. They're a real lightning rod for weather-related conflict. Right? Ember K, Thriller of the Fright, Everett P, Trub, Hopdrop, Sydney T, and the Element God, members of the Baylif Guild who are all out for blood after Thomas McSea called their brethren Jacob Bottomfeeder, normally the Baylif's aim to keep order but they're about

to bring the chaos. Lindsay W. Champ Wilde. Valin. Sprite Pepsi. Carlin C. and Anthony S. The Metagamer, please, please. That's right, these abstaining folks guard the table against players who guard the table against Metagaming. How's that for Meta? Tristan C.

The loose, but obtuse goose. Jake. Emily S. The new petty king of Outerboro CC and Matthew J. servers at TGI Mondays. And just like Gianni P's players, they are also kind of salty that nothing is going on at TGI Mondays. Scriptsripper, Michael S the Bone Duster, Noah, Wyatt B, Estelle and Ghost, Chefs at TGI Mondays who unbeknownst to the servers and Gianni's players are up to no good. Rogue Cree, Daniel N,

Baroness, Soestians, Rom, Partner from the Baronies, Mr. Dude Sky and Conflicted DM, also are conflicted about giving up their first dice, which roll insanely well, unlike Ricardo though. Daniel owns an Uppsal 20s die, which really should be retired or at the very least, let me roll with it. Justin LB, Conor P, Dandy,

Jennifer R and Clifton A, damn peers who all carry tiny little miniature ponies to snack on during long fights, don't worry though, they only ever take a nibble and even the horses are cool with it. Richard G, M. Barber, Marcus P, Pub-Kalash, learns the balance druid, and Dakota JP, and Army events commanded by Blasting Grandma each end is a different class of barbarian, grandma gets 6 sector attacks but again grandma cannot be told no go get them grandma Pagos V, Tracy P, a very big bed 91, Tyler B, Scrumpey, Bogpipe and Zachary R, believers in dice christ who celebrate dice christ birthday every January 20th because the date 120 is sacred is sacred amongst all who revel in

the cruelty and benevolence of the D20 as we all know. Thank you all so much for listening. Get head on over to our Patreon to listen to some bonus cases that's patreon.com slash nad pod. I'll be back next week with another episode and another short rest. Thank you to all of our listeners, everyone who submitted questions, all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course, our benevolent council of elders, we'll catch you all next time.

That was a hate gun podcast.