Not Another D&D Podcast - Donkey Kong One-Shot: A Bananksgiving Special

Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a Headgun Podcast. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. Plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping with rush

Starting point is 00:00:37 processing on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly. So don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off one item, free shipping with rush processing. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adamineve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire.

Starting point is 00:01:04 Just enter offer code PAPA at checkout. That's www.atamineave.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. ["Duncan Dance"] Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast.

Starting point is 00:01:39 Welcome back to Congo Bongo Island. Wow. Wow. Congo Bongo Island. It's god. Congo Bongo Island. It's wrong. I hate it. I'm your donkey master, Brian Murphy. Oh.

Starting point is 00:01:53 Fear with Jake, her wits. Who are you here with? Hardwood Sherford. Hardwood Sherford. Emily Axford. Chan Seven. I got your bongos right here, baby. And I gest drew to my huge rack. Oh my god. Oh, dear. This is a super Nintendo game game. Can't be doing this. He's a rated one.

Starting point is 00:02:13 Nintendo is a family company. And of course, called what the anter? Beverly Togo, the fifth writer of wrongs, singer of songs, Biff Render of Kongs. Oh wow. Very nice. Thank you. Guys, this is our Donkey Kong one shot. This has been finally. Although, let's be honest, we might get really into it and then it turns into what, the next campaign. Yeah, this will be a full arc of the campaign.

Starting point is 00:02:39 Donkey Kong is going to go to the beach. Let's go. What do you guys think? This is our infinity Donkey uh, donkeys shot. This has been long promised since our Ape at Book Club days. We said that if we got 3,000 reviews, we would do a D&D adventure in the Donkey Kong Country universe. And we now have nearly 5,000.

Starting point is 00:02:58 So this is long overdue. I can't wait for Nintendo to season to assist our podcast. Just mere episodes before we finish campaign We're so sorry. We have been sued by Diddy Kong We've been sued by Rare even sued by Latigious Kong. Yeah, he's lawyer cousin I would probably be swanky Kong. I would think would be the lawyer most likely family called So thank you guys so much for reviewing the show and getting the word out This is going to be a non canonical adventure. What?

Starting point is 00:03:29 Conn is connoodle. This will be a non con con conco call adventure featuring our band of boobs and maybe just maybe some of our DK favorites. We'll see. As someone who knows Jack squat about DK. You notice I chose not to curse there in case someone from Nintendo decides to listen to this. This is and seek out the next the writers of the next Donkey Kong. I know Jack squat about Donkey Kong. Right. Yeah. I only know the first three SNES games, and I didn't look anything up. I just wrote a bunch of my own lore based on

Starting point is 00:04:10 the very little that I know, but I think that's the way to do it. So, I'll give a fudge. Without further ado. Yeah, no cursing this episode. No cursing everyone. This is the first free. You can listen to this with your whole family

Starting point is 00:04:22 on Thanksgiving. I'm telling you what I have planned, don't. Anyway, welcome to Congo, Bongo Island, everyone. Let's catch up with our band of boobs. So you guys are on the SS Stormborn. Yeah. You're in between adventures. Okay.

Starting point is 00:04:38 You're flying towards Smuggler's Bounty, hoping to get an actual vacation in this time. I hear they cleaned it all up. Yeah. I control wind and we get there perfectly. I think there is a sweet summer breeze. It does appear that you're going to be able to get to Smugglers bounty by tomorrow. And they don't say no.

Starting point is 00:04:57 You can hear the sounds of seagull squawking and the crashing of waves below. But long before you get to the coordinates of Smuggler's Bounty, you see a different tropical island and you begin to hear cannon fire. Everyone go ahead and give me perception checks. Oh, remember this island last time we came. 16.

Starting point is 00:05:21 18. 21. Wow. So the captain. So the captain. So captain, captain, hard one, shorefoot. 16 18 21 Wow So it captain so the captain captain captain hard one short foot omniscient always looking Ever vigilance has never missed anything in the entire campaign You look over the side of the stormborn and you see the source of the cannon fire all around this island Are these floating barrels that hang in the sky.

Starting point is 00:05:48 Some of them are static, just hanging there in the air, but others move around, some are spinning in different directions, and you can see them shooting some kind of ape-like creatures between them. And suddenly you see one barrel aims up towards the stormborne and shoots a large ape at you. He sails through the air towards the stormborne. Oh my- Oh hey travelers, welcome to Congo Bongo! I love! This ape shoots over the deck and pierces one of your sails. Oh, the rigging, Christ. The boat immediately begins rocking.

Starting point is 00:06:30 You see the ape up in the crow's nest scrambling to fix it. He wears nothing but a red tie that says DK. And he's just scrambling to fix it and he goes, oh, geez, I'm really sorry, folks. Suddenly two more monkeys fly up. and he's just scrambling to fix it and he goes, oh jeez, I'm really sorry folks. Suddenly two more monkeys fly up. One has a red cap and tank top. Another has a pink beret and a matching shirt with a long ponytail.

Starting point is 00:06:56 Don't worry, will help. You see the two monkeys run over to the wheel and start yanking it in different directions. The stormborne immediately begins spinning out of control. All right, all right, I know what's going on here. Y'all heard Lord that there's a druid who can awaken beasts and y'all are coming to sit from that cup. Who wants to be awakened?

Starting point is 00:07:17 You see, Ditty Kong pulls the wheel off of the stormboard and goes, huh, awaken, try awaken and cranky from one of his naps. So, ha ha ha ha. The stormboard starts going in a tail spin. You know what, this is such a serious case. I think even I couldn't awaken this idiot. Leave the wheel be, I beg please. You see the wheel falls off.

Starting point is 00:07:43 Dixie gets caught. Dixie gets caught in it. I've heard of taking the wheel, but this is ridiculous. I think, did they write all this down? They're reading this from the shore on the arm. Can I do it inside check to see if, but saying, but this is ridiculous is kind of like a colloquialism of this island. Yes, of the Cox people.

Starting point is 00:08:03 Okay, that's going to be 18. Yes, of the Cox people. Okay, that's gonna be 18. 18, these are precious words. Okay. So it's sort of like a religious utterance. Yeah. Okay. So hi, my name is Moon Chad, Simon, but this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous.

Starting point is 00:08:18 So you guys see the store, the store board has got an horrible tailspin and crashes into the land below. God damn it. Ah, we're so close. You're all high enough level that you survive comfortably enough, but the Stormborn is destroyed. How's Diddy look? How's Diddy, this is my dad's ship, you piece of shit. I'm sorry, it's a living creature. I gotta make sure.

Starting point is 00:08:46 These guys look, um, uh, DK Ditty and Dixie look banged up like how they look if you get a game over. Oh no. So they've got bandages over their eyes and stuff and black eyes. I instantly heal them. Oh thanks little buddy. Little buddy. Yeah. Huh, I kind of like the sound of that. Well, I thought I was your little buddy

Starting point is 00:09:06 Thomas little buddy, too You're so in discontent amongst the native's bed. I'm sorry I just you know it's it's being called little buddy feels really nice. I know yeah I've heard of having a best friend, but this is ridiculous. I guess I I bend the knee I guess I bend the knee. Hahaha. Beverly, total of the fifth. I will be your little buddy to the bigger buddy. Oh, nice to meet you.

Starting point is 00:09:30 My name's Donkey Kong. And this year's Diddy and Dixie. Pleasure. So where are we? Oh, you're on KongoBongo Island. Sorry about that, K. It's okay, y'all. It's okay.

Starting point is 00:09:42 You guys won't be an airship. And that's a fair point. Hard one. You look over at the ship. You see, it's completely broken in half. The back half of the deck is just sinking in the water near the shore. And the front half of it is just crashed up on the rocks. Yeah, I believe, I believe my lawyer can put this in writing for you. Yeah. But you know, you did sort of invade our boat and sink it.

Starting point is 00:10:09 So we need something to get to Smuggler's Bounty. So if you guys could just show us, your boat selection will pick out one that works for us. Yeah, or maybe if you have someone that can help prepare our ship, that would be great. Oh, yeah, if you can replace it with a boat of equal sentimental value to my family, that would be fine.

Starting point is 00:10:30 Do you have one that my deceased father left for me here? Oh, I'm really sorry. I don't have a ship that you're dead dad built. But I do know someone who could fix it. Okay, great. Yeah, that'll work. Papa, stay down. Yeah, you see Papa has his bearing as to you. but i do know someone who could fix it okay i think that'll work pop up stand down

Starting point is 00:10:45 you see pop i have his uh... is bearing is the uh... you see diddy and dixie uh... hop up and down yeah funky can fix anything are you sure you can fix my sound system i hold up a broken solo cup and then you hear a voice echoing through the jungle did somebody say but but. Did somebody say funky? Did somebody say sound system? Suddenly you see a rad ass ape with sunglasses and a bandana

Starting point is 00:11:15 carrying a surfboard flies in on a flying barrel. We gotta get some of these barrels. Yeah, there are barrels everywhere. So you are welcome to just jump in a barrel anytime. Yeah, I wanna do that thing like they do at CVS when you buy toilet paper and they put like the little pieces of tape to make a handle. Do you know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:11:39 We buy like a big thing. So I wanna do that onto a barrel so I can just wear the barrel cannon. A barrel backpack. Yeah, yeah, you grab one out of the air Yeah, you see funky shows up and looks at you guys and he goes, whoa, what's up, dude? You guys wipe out. You guys beef it. We didn't beef anything these apes crash the boat Yeah, these guys are always causing trouble. They call them adventurers, but uh, uh, uh, more like misadventures. They've heard of meticulous.

Starting point is 00:12:10 It's truly everyone's finally mutters. This is ridiculous. This actually is ridiculous. I close my eyes and then open my third eye in reference. This ridiculous. Beverly has taken off his brain and put on a green baseball cap. Oh my. We see on it. Looks good on you little buddy. Thanks. I would take off my pants, but I feel like that's inappropriate.

Starting point is 00:12:36 I'll just stay like I am, but I am wearing a tank top now. What do you think? You're actually really new to us. We're used to seeing apes with all their hair, but you guys are naked apes. Oh, that's funny, yeah, because like, we wear clothes, but actually the fact that our, we don't have fur makes us very naked to you. You're so naked to us. Isn't that interesting on one? Yeah, it is. Well, I mean, moonshine is kind of a little bit naked right now, even to us. Forgive me. When I put my, when I put my cannon backpack on on my overalls fell down. I forgot to fix that

Starting point is 00:13:07 You just got to had the like arm things just over your breast Yeah, I thought it was actually nice modesty Maybe you should just wear that barrel as an outfit Hmm, I got to like just using the strap to cover my nipples So you guys see funky calls out into the jungle and goes, all right boys, let's get to work. Or should I say play for the funky time? You see emerging from the jungle,

Starting point is 00:13:38 eight, bipedal crocodiles, all in workmen suits, carrying tools and lugging equipment. Um, funky begins directing traffic. You're taxis? Like use equipment. Um, you see funky looks at you. It just goes, what the fuck are you talking about? Crocodiles out of the creek.

Starting point is 00:13:59 Crocodiles just a taxi. Uh, you see, uh, Donkey Kong goes, no, these are, they used to be from a group called the Cremlings, but now the Kongs and the Zards are friends. There's a new era of peace. That's amazing. Wow. We work together now. This is truly ridiculous. And you see, monkey goes,

Starting point is 00:14:20 all right, Crog and Craig, you guys get to work on the deck. Dizzy, you fix up the sales. Crush, build me a hammock. You see all the lizards get to work fixing up your ship. You see funky stands in front of it. Crushes his arms and kind of nods, and then gets into his hammock and goes, yep, should be finished by tomorrow morning gang.

Starting point is 00:14:43 Get you later. It starts taking a nap. I mean, I've heard of middle management, but this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. I'll say I really quietly, but this is ridiculous.

Starting point is 00:14:52 This is ridiculous. Well, I guess while we're hanging out, I want to try out some of these barrels. Yeah, that's true. Can I look to see a real tasty bird in the sky and cannonball it? Don't, please don't kill any of our native creatures here. Okay, that's true. Can I look to see a real tasty bird in the sky and cannonball it? Don't, please don't kill any of our native creatures here. Okay, that's a fair request. I respect the needs of whatever country I'm in.

Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah, before it was all Zart against ape, but recently the Zards have been working with the Kongs, but it feels kind of weird after all the wars. Whoa. So there's an era of peace on here. So what do you do with your cannonballs then? Well, lately, we've just been kind of rocketing around and then we hit your guy's ship. We've only been at peace for like eight months here. Wow, a new piece. Yeah. Anyway, you guys are kind of bleeding and warmest up. Why don't we take you back to cranky's place? We could tell you all about it. We'd love love to do that. Yeah. You're sure my boats in good hands

Starting point is 00:15:56 here. You see funky throws at the hang loose time. Wow, we can do that in a sleep. Amazing. Can we take one of these cannons to cranky splice? You see Funky pops up and he goes, oh, well, I actually invented those cannons, so that's gonna cost you. We are a business after all Funky's flights. Do you have like, you use that hang loose stuff so freely that it makes me concerned about

Starting point is 00:16:23 Carpal Tunnel or something? I actually do have some pretty wicked rad carpal tunnel Funky calm. Can I use cleansing touch to heal this carpal tunnel? Yeah Thanks man, absolutely now. I think that'll cover our payment. Oh Yeah, I'll see that's good for one barrel Fantastic cool. All right You put the barrel should we put the barrel in the bag should we make Balnor carry the barrel yeah yeah I'm also here hey Balnor how do

Starting point is 00:16:53 you feel about this you see yeah Balnor climbed up from the wreckage I thought it was dead of Balnor honestly I did too I was asleep under under the. I slapped Balor in the back and slowly pull the giant shard of wood out Stone I've heard of sprinters, but this is ridiculous Magical phrase So you guys eat donkey Kong taste through the forest to crankies cabin. This little tree house hut with a tin roof. It's all the way up in the trees, but there are rope swings here. You see donkey, ditty, and dixie quickly jump and swing from rope to rope until they're inside

Starting point is 00:17:38 crankies cabin. Guys, why don't you go ahead and make athletics checks to try to keep up? Oh, gladly. Okay, you know what? I feel like showing off. So I'm gonna use one of my rages to do with advantage. Okay Net 20 bitch. Oh wait you got a not 20. Yeah, I got a not 20 Certified Kongs. We have a nice job little buddies. Did everyone get a not 20 but me? I got a 16 oh Hard one you're falling behind. And you see Dixie and Ditty turn around and go, huh, we're looking the most like a Kongy shirt I'll move like one.

Starting point is 00:18:16 Uh, hilarious. Hard one, you need me to swing back there and come pick you up. Fine. I'm going back. And I hoist hard one on my shoulder. Like Luke Skywalker carrying Princess Layla. You swing hard one to the cabin. Do I see any bananas while I'm swinging? Oh, there's bananas everywhere.

Starting point is 00:18:37 I scoop some bananas. Are there any nanorflies? You guys, there are nanorflies. There's nanorflies and bananas. You see that as you scoop a banana off the tree, you see another banana instantly pops up. And Donkey Kong turns back to you as he's swinging through the trees

Starting point is 00:18:52 and he goes, that's the power of the crystal coconut. The coconut mother always makes sure we're fed. But this is ridiculous, but this is ridiculous. Priced bee, the coconut mother. Priced bee, the coconut mother, but this is ridiculous. But this is ridiculous. Priced bee, the coconut mother, but this is ridiculous. But this is ridiculous. Price be the coconut mother, but this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous.

Starting point is 00:19:09 So guys, you have to be coconut, not to praise the coconut mother. So you guys enter cranky's cabin. There is a little wood burning stove in the corner. Book shelves full of books. There is a bed in here, so it's got a bit of a studio feel, but there does appear to be a room in the corner, bookshelves full of books. There is a bed in here, so it's got a bit of a studio feel, but there does appear to be a room in the back. You see the door is forced to shut, but straining up against it is thousands of bananas. You see bananas spilling through the cracks. You also see in the center of the room sitting on a pedestal is a beautiful crystalline coconut.

Starting point is 00:19:47 pedestal is a beautiful crystalline coconut surrounding it is an arcane barrier that looks to protect it. You also hear snoring and see an elderly ape in the corner on a rocking chair fast asleep. And you see Diddy takes his hat off and hits the old, old cranky Kong and he goes, I've heard about falling asleep on the job, but this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. Y'all have a reaction, but this is ridiculous.

Starting point is 00:20:10 You see, um, Donkey Kong looks at you. What does that mean? Go on. You see, uh, Donkey Kong goes, Cranky, you're supposed to be guarding the coconut. I've been guarding the coconut about damn long. How these naked apes doing it here? Can I send handy Andy to search his pocket

Starting point is 00:20:30 for where there's originals? Yeah, go ahead and do a slight of hand check with handy Andy. It's gonna be a 28. handy Andy successfully gets in there without cranky noticing. And you find some really dry, crusted out loose where there's originals. Oh, no wrapper, wow. Hey, how'd you get those dry where there's give me one. Give me one, you naked ape.

Starting point is 00:20:59 You might want to chew it for him first. Chew it for me. I get it started and then I give it to him. Thank you so much. I like, yeah, you got tow it for me. I get it started and then I give it to him. Thank you so much. I like it. You got to wet it for me. We get him dry here.

Starting point is 00:21:10 We get him dry. I got to make him wet you still. I whisper to Giddy. Is that your job normally? Yeah. I mean, we all just basically, me and Dixie just stand around Cranky all day and spit words or rituals at him. Is that the job of a little buddy? That's Adam the job of a little buddy That's wrong little buddy

Starting point is 00:21:27 Definitely puts a ton of where those original You see Donkey Kong suddenly looks somber as he looks at the crystal coconut and he goes The zords used to be left He goes, the Zards used to be led. I really thought that when you said a new piece, I was like, oh shit, how deep is this gonna go? The Zards used to be led by a terrible crocodile man named King K. Rool who wanted to steal our banana horde and the crystal coconut, the gift of our people.

Starting point is 00:22:07 This is ridiculous, but this is ridiculous. But this is redongue-less. Just give it a shot. There were many wars between Zard and ape. In the first one, King K. Rool stole our banana horde, but me and Didi were able to win it back. Then, in the second war, King K. Rule became a pirate for some reason and kidnapped me. But Ditty and Ditty saved me.

Starting point is 00:22:30 Then, in the third war, King K. Rule stopped being a pirate and kidnapped me and Ditty. But then Ditty and Kitty, whose a different guy, had to save us. Then came the long night, the tropical freeze. You hear how? Ander's breath. Did he goes, Glocked at Mother Feed us. This is ridiculous, but this is ridiculous.

Starting point is 00:22:52 But as a mouthful of worthers, original stage goes, Whoa! King K. Rule stole the Crystal Cogunod and used its powers to freeze the island and her bananas could no longer grow. What happened to the Nanervise? They died. Many starved. Kong turned against Kong, killing each other over frozen brown bananas.

Starting point is 00:23:17 That's how we lost Swanky, Candy, and the various stars of Donkey Kong 64. Not Lanky Kong. He's gone. Who did the Nannerfly side with? The Nannerflies. Do you clear new trality at first, but eventually join the Kongs? I don't think so much. I've never forgiven them. Finally, during the tropical freeze, I confronted Kayrul and jumped on his head a bunch of times,

Starting point is 00:23:49 knocking him out like I always do. That's kind of what we do to go ahead. Yeah, but as I stood there, over his unconscious body, I thought, how many people have died because of my mercy? I let him live before, and what did I have to show for it? The only way Kongo Bongo Island would be safe would be if King King rule was dead So I choked him with my own tie. I never wanted to be a killer

Starting point is 00:24:15 Coconut mother feed us, but this is ridiculous, but this is ridiculous is ridiculous real quick I just want to say fuck you Murf because now I have to write music for this And it's gonna be beautiful in touching after King K rule died his estranged son King Carl rule karaoke Carl karaoke Carl rule more time. Sorry his last name is rule under his father

Starting point is 00:24:45 His mother's name. She's the Duchess of karaoke Island Carroll karaoke karaoke That's up. He sounds really engaging. He's actually a good guy Yeah, like you could spin him off and he'd do great. Yeah, he'd have his own his own sort of island. I think so anyway King car cool karaoke took over, and we finally been able to broker peace between the Zards and the Apes. It's been almost a year without bloodshed,

Starting point is 00:25:13 and tonight we celebrate by joining Kong and Zard in a feast of forgiveness, Benang's giving. Ha ha ha, fuck you. Benang's giving, you know what, I'm in. Yeah, you see, you know what, I'm in. I'm in, I'm in, you know what? I'm in. Yeah, you see, you know what? I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in? I don't know. We're gonna find out together. All right Usually we we have a giant banana that we carve together and so this year we'll be sharing it with the Zards Now this is gonna be a mushy combination of a bunch of bananas into the shape of a turkey I and you see a cranky pipes up and he goes I don't trust those zards far as I can throw him if I I'm not going to that feast

Starting point is 00:26:04 I'm not going to that feast, I'm not going to feast at some lizards. I shove where there's originals in his mouth. Ah! To the feast. You leave cranky's tree house and travel through the jungle, eventually coming upon a huge lodge. Can I just real quick?

Starting point is 00:26:20 So Donkey Kong is the one who just like told us all that, right? Yeah. Mr. Kong is the one who just like told us all that, right? Yeah. Mr. Kong. Yeah. I think that you have been through a lot and you've shown great wisdom and great heroism. And you've also had the courage to look back on what you have done and recognize when you when you strayed from your beliefs. And for that, I would like to bestow this upon you. And I would like to cast a waken on him. So this is just a normal intelligence.

Starting point is 00:26:54 I think so. Wait, I'm gonna make him stupider. No, whoa, will it? I mean, he's not smart. You make him like one IQ point. First off, it takes eight hours, but we'll it? I mean, he's not smart. So you make him like one IQ point. It first off, it takes eight hours, but we'll save for the damn donkey. For an angst, for an angst, giving you give a dog

Starting point is 00:27:11 you got one more intelligence point. Okay. Wow, I now know that it was worth it. Cool, yeah. Yeah, I can kind of pragmatically just parse through my actions. Yeah, don't. And understand that you are on a journey

Starting point is 00:27:25 and that journey is the story of who you are, not each individual action. Moonshine, will you do that to me? I try to do it on hard one, but for some reason, my magic doesn't work. There's a barrier preventing. It's my fault, Goddamn skull. I pat Donkey Kong on the back and say, thanks to you, no more little buddies will

Starting point is 00:27:48 perish. Here's hoping, right? This is not ridiculous. This is insane. Not ridiculous. Not ridiculous. Not ridiculous. Wow.

Starting point is 00:28:00 She got to travel through the jungle. Eventually coming upon a huge lodge in the middle of the forest. It's much bigger than cranky's cabin. It's built up in the trees, but it's a little bit lower. It's probably like 15 feet up off the ground. There are many decks and walkways around this lodge. They're hanging torches everywhere. You can hear the sounds of bongos coming from inside

Starting point is 00:28:24 and can see the glow of one box. Hard one take out your woodblock. I take out my woodblock. Yes. These are your people. You know what, maybe we're not so dissimilar from these, from these noble creatures. Ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:28:39 He may be a naked ape, but he can rock like one with fur. Yeah. Hard one, give me a performance check. Can I get my health action? Yeah, I, you rock like one with fur. Yeah. Hard one. Give me a performance check. Can I get my head back to you? Yeah. You can do it with advantage. I don't need to. I just crit baby.

Starting point is 00:28:52 Oh. Should we, we will not enact the curse because I, because it should come up in a regular campaign episode because this is not can. I know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's fine. Let's do it. No, why not it's fine. That was fun. Let's do it now. Why not? This matters. You see Donkey Kong pulls out a set of bongo

Starting point is 00:29:10 starts playing along with you. Everyone joins in song of the Congo bongo, ancient song. Hey yo, it's on the ghost banana slumber. I'm gonna go, okay, Slamma. Which is the theme from the USA Donkey Kong show. Of course, naturally. Naturally.

Starting point is 00:29:30 They all sing the Banana Slamma song with you. I'm just saying, I really hope that there's some badass barbarian who performs a Banana Slamma. You see Donkey Kong looks at you hard one, and he goes, What are your initials friend? I guess it depends which one of my many names I use Either HS or ES why why do you ask my Friend pick one man I wish you got damn smart as talking I wish you got damn smart ass. Talking starts.

Starting point is 00:30:05 Oh, okay, my chest a little bit too. You both started surrounding each other. Other apes around start to get amped and it's just like, did he goes, this could get violent really fast. Just telling your initials man.

Starting point is 00:30:20 I start taking bets and I'm fighting circle. She started. A little separate banana horde. All right, I got one to three ads on the naked ape. Whoa. Wow. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, roll initiative against Donkey Kong.

Starting point is 00:30:36 Oh, Jesus. This is just a wrestling match. Good. I rolled a three. OK, Donkey Kong goes first. 21 to hit with a punch. That does it. He hits you for five.

Starting point is 00:30:53 He just decks you. Actually he gets three attacks. He misses on the second attack. Third attack is a one. You see he falls forward. Hard one that's your turn. Cool, so that's 22. Come on, it came.

Starting point is 00:31:07 He's doing for Congo, Bongo Island. I'm just trying to hold him down. I'm trying to be the silver back here of this trap. Go ahead and make an athletics check. 28. Hard one. You restrain Donkey Kong This is this is getting ridiculous. Okay

Starting point is 00:31:29 You see there's a hush amongst the crowd and Then all the ape start going And start going around hard one and Donkey Kong gets up and pushes you off him. He just ruined my life, man He throws down his tie at he throws down his tie at hard one's feet And he walks off into the jungle And you see diddy Kong runs up to you Hard one and he goes oh hey DK, you're my best friend now. No, I'm not, no, I want to go into a rage and grapple hard one.

Starting point is 00:32:11 Guys, guys, do a post-athletics check. The Apes all starts surrounding you guys. Oh, I didn't do that well. 23. Uh, that's a a I got a 27. Okay, you keep the tie. You stay in the silver bag. I crown you with the tie. All of the apes bend the knee and the lizards look super confused.

Starting point is 00:32:38 At a time of your Kong. At a time of 10 USP. There has been a change of leadership This would I I was pretty ditty should we go get Donkey Kong? This could get bad. What do you mean? He's not our friend anymore. He showed weakness. What he's weak. He's not the server He goes off and lives by himself now. Wait, what are you talking about? You'll seem like such a jovial place. I would assume that they're sort of a system in place for those who are weaker What? Oh my D.K. Where do we go now then? I can't believe I turned up at you hard on

Starting point is 00:33:16 I we should probably go in and broker peace between the lizards and the Kongs I Can't believe I awake in Donkey Kong just to have him lose everything that He knows what shame is As your little buddy, I will attend to your every need I have no choice You have a choice Beverly. I'm not I just have a red tie now. That's it. That's that's all I'm sorry. I've chosen the path of the little buddy and I must walk it By the way, I think the task was to go around the neck not. I'm sorry, I've chosen the path of the little buddy and I must walk it.

Starting point is 00:33:45 By the way, I think the task was to go around the neck and not the thigh. Oh, I thought it was a thigh. You see the lizards all start to go inside and the cons all start to look amongst each other. And you see Dixie and Ditty grab you guys and pull you guys to the side and they go, all right, DK, it's really time to step up.

Starting point is 00:34:05 Fuck it, yeah, let's go inside. You can do it. Follow me. OK, listen. So you should probably know some of the customs. Now what's supposed to happen tonight is you as the new Donkey Kong, this wasn't supposed to happen at all, but you're the new Donkey Kong.

Starting point is 00:34:22 You asserted dominance over the alpha. I honestly can't help it All right, so listen new decay You're gonna need to schmuse with a king car rule karaoke While the rest of us, you know, go off and mingle with the other sards and cons At some point during the ceremony. They're gonna bring me out in a barrel and you guys are going to break me together And that's gonna symbolize the breaking of our of our war and the start of a new piece Wait, let me say for you of course. We love you ever heard of a monkey in a barrel I'm more fond of that but barrel full of monkeys. Oh, yeah, yeah, I've heard a monkey's in a barrel

Starting point is 00:35:04 But this is ridiculous, but this is ridiculous. Yeah, okay, we're donkulous I never imagined that was fun for the monkeys, but cool Yeah, I guess it's better to be out of a barrel than stuck in one all right So I'm gonna go and I'm gonna go get put in the barrel But Dixie can take you inside but DK once you're in there. You're on your own. You're the new head ape We're fucked. Let's do it You see um did he walks off good? I see donkey Congress. He just descended into the woods He's left he's walked off the woods

Starting point is 00:35:36 Can't leave my awake and then just to have his heart broken So you guys enter into the lodge and see a great haul. Burning brazers and torches. There is an aisle down the middle where servants, both ape and zard, bring in various banana dishes and drinks. The mood here is good, but it's a little tense. You see people are mingling, but they're mostly sticking to their own groups.

Starting point is 00:36:00 You see there are various apes and zards that are whispering to each other and pointing up at hard one. You see on the left side of the room is mostly lizards and on the right is mostly Kongs. At the end of the room you can see a raised platform with a long table. You see up there is a seat next to the lizard king. King Karl Rool has already arrived. He's this big pot-bellied crock that wears a tiny crown and a big blue cape. He also has a little glasses. He's speaking to various zard advisers and he looks quizzically over at you hard one and then turns and starts whispering to his advisors, and Dixie goes, all right, well,

Starting point is 00:36:45 has the new leader of the Kong people, you need to go up and join the leader of the lizards. Hard one, do you need help making a good entrance or anything? Yeah, my charisma's real shitty, so anything you can help me with. What if I like, what if I like polymorphed you into an ape? Oh, if you could just maybe,

Starting point is 00:37:05 what if you polymorphed me to just have more of a severe brow? Give me a couple, a few more each. Just make him look like a caveman. And yeah, can I polymorph? Yeah, hard one to make him look more intimidating. Like old high ones. Yeah, you polymorph, hard one, you basically make him look kind of like half orkish.

Starting point is 00:37:22 Yeah. Wow. He's like a half ape now. He looks like a caveman. Oh, for you, go forth and be the leader that we all know you are. I play a banana like a trumpet and I say introducing quad Kong, ruler of the Kongs.

Starting point is 00:37:39 Okay, but this is ridiculous, but this is ridiculous, but this is ridiculous. But this is ridiculous. I've heard of new leaders, but this is ridiculous. Oh, Roda, you're on strong pace. Set my jaw. I've heard of new leaders, but this is ridiculous. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, moonshine, and Beverly over to a seat. At this long table, it's kind of like a Viking hall, these long like banquet tables. You guys are sitting at regular seats amongst the cons.

Starting point is 00:38:13 You're served banana meat, as well as some banana teasers, which are pretty much just plantains. And hard one. Meanwhile, you go up to the stage and you see King Karl Rulkariokis, advisors leave, and he turns to you when he goes, I was expecting to meet Donkey Kong, and who might you be? Hard one surefoot, pleasure Mr. Karl Rul, how are you? He shakes your hand and e-nods. I wasn't aware that there were cavemen in the Kong family.

Starting point is 00:38:52 You know what, there was a lot of things. I wasn't aware of myself. Honestly, a few hours ago, I thought I was going on vacation and now I'm the ruler of this donkey tribe. Life is full of surprises. Yes, well, you should know more than most people that the Donkey Kong is really a title amongst their people. You know, Cranky Kong was Donkey Kong before Donkey Kong was Donkey Kong.

Starting point is 00:39:18 Is Donkey Kong going to become Cranky Kong now that he's no longer Donkey Kong? He's depressed Kong. Yeah, you say that to Dixie and Dixie goes Yeah, probably I don't know who cares about that week guy, right? I just feel like I feel like I like him. I like Donkey Kong. This is some donkey dark one is him at this I really is and King Carpool turns you hard one and goes did you fight in the Kongs ared wars? No, I'm I'm brand new around here. I didn't fight in the in the in the what was the war called?

Starting point is 00:39:55 You're not familiar with the wars that we had for years and years. Oh, I'm actually know I'm fully 90s. I'm fully caught up on the wars. I heard all about them. I'm sorry for the suffering that they caused. So you're like new in town? What did you how did this happen? You're asking the wrong guy man. Did you like challenge their chiefed into a fight in front of everyone or something? That's not exactly what happened.

Starting point is 00:40:27 He wanted to know my initials, we got into a shoving match that I, that, honestly, it got out of hand a little bit. That would have happened to you. That would have taken money off of the beds for the head of the hike. Yeah, they gave you, you won a ton of bananas. Hell yeah, I keep trying to put them in my cannon back back and they keep getting shot out. Yeah. You see a big arrow painted on it. You got it. That's where they're going. You see

Starting point is 00:40:53 King Carroll speaks up and he goes I suppose it might be good to get some new blood on on both sides on the Kong, as well as the rule side. My father was a terrible man, and though I am his son, I'm a different person. Tell me, tell me about the kind of person you are. I believe the crystal coconut can be shared by both the Zards and the Kongs. The power of the crystal Crystal Coconut gives us abundance.

Starting point is 00:41:26 There are plenty of bananas to go around. My father wanted to steal it for his own selfish needs, but I think we can all eat. Here, here, brother. I whisper to one of the Zards nearby. Do y'all actually eat bananas? I mean, I can eat bananas. I don't love them if it were up to me. We'd go back to bobbin these cons, you know and eat the

Starting point is 00:41:48 Kong. Hey, what did you just say? Oh, he was just saying how he loves to eat nanor flies. Uh, he that's what he prefers. I do. I actually do enjoy nanor flies. Yeah, that would make sense. I push him up against the wall. What did you say? Hey, yeah, you see a bunch of the lizards stand up and we got comms over here or attack or attack in the zone Yeah, well we got Zards over here. He nannifus that isn't an endangered species on this island You see a king car roll um looks to you hard one um and stands up and goes Everyone relax. There has been enough blood shed between our people. I'm sure the new Donkey Kong Would agree if you would please get on with your speech so that we may cut the banana car the banana There's a hush amongst the crowd. I

Starting point is 00:42:37 Turned my head to the side looking for the new Donkey Kong before I realize it's me And I stand up when I say, brothers, sisters, new friends and old. Too much. Too great. You're too great. Yeah, we give them a thumbs up. I pee in my pants a tiny bit. Oh no. Too much has been lost. Yeah, we give him a thumbs up. I pee in my pants a tiny bit. Oh no.

Starting point is 00:43:07 Too much has been lost in the long wars, but we have much to gain from the long piece that is coming. I waive for the barrel of, I'm waiting for Diddy Kong. Okay. You wait for the barrel. You see a bunch of monkeys like look at each other like, oh this is a little early, this is a little early. But they come in.

Starting point is 00:43:34 This episode of NAD pod has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult! Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to

Starting point is 00:44:01 give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dog's invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs.

Starting point is 00:44:29 To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-a or enter promo code pop-a at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-a or promo code pop-a for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants and enjoy the show. You see a few servants come in carrying a DK barrel on their shoulders, it shakes and moves just like in the games. Clearly someone is inside it. You see King Caruille stands up next to you, hard one,

Starting point is 00:45:09 puts his hand on your shoulder. Can I send Papa to sniff it to see if he thinks that it's Ditty Kong in there? Yes, have Papa do an investigate check. You could just use your stats. That's going to be 16. You see as use your stats. That's gonna be 16. You see as they're walking down the aisle, pop-off scrambles up, gives it a quick sniff,

Starting point is 00:45:30 scrambles back to you. Pop-off goes up to you, moon-shine, and goes, so you speak possum essentially. Uh-huh. He says to you, it smells like monkey and rubber and metal. Monkey, rubber, rubber. Communicate this to Beverly. That's broad. That seems like nothing to be worried about

Starting point is 00:45:59 unless it's been made into an improvised explosive device. I don't think that there should be rubber or metal in there, unless Diddy Kong is in some sort of small cart. But I don't know why you would be in that. If it's an improvised explosive device. Yeah, I think we got to be on high alert for whether it's a service, hand the barrel to hard one and King Carl Rool.

Starting point is 00:46:22 Can we report spores to hard one? Be like, easy on the barrels. Kings are a foot. Wouldn't be bad for it to not break, I think. Oh, great. There goes diplomacy. All right. Shall we throw the ceremonial barrel?

Starting point is 00:46:37 Before we do, why don't we sit down and have a glass of bow. Okay. Connect, wait, I'm gonna cast Shield of Faith on whatever's in the barrel. Okay. and have a glass of baaaauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauauau Sure cool. What are you doing hard one? All right, mr. King car rule all right To peace to peace and then everlasting one at that I Raise the barrel over my head with the king and I throw it on the ground All right hard one go ahead the AC between moonshines, between moonshine spell, and Beverly spell, the barrels AC is 18. Go ahead and make, you do not have proficiency in barrels.

Starting point is 00:47:36 Are you gonna tack roll with advantage? Hard to wear. That's just a plus five. Okay. Just your strength modifier. 22 and an 18. As soon as the barrel hits, you see it breaks apart and there is a terrible explosion.

Starting point is 00:47:53 I knew it! Everyone go ahead and give me the austerity save. Woo! 11. Oh, I'm next to Bev though. Do I get a plus four? Yeah. 15. 15 as well. That is not going to do it. Do I get a plus four? Yeah 15 15 as well and it's not gonna do it hard one what you got not 20 not cursed

Starting point is 00:48:11 All right You guys who did not save take 95 damage Hard one you take half 47 damage hard one So you guys see this terrible explosion? The lizards and the cons near the center of the room where the barrel hit are immediately incinerated. It's chaos. The cons and zards that were furthest away just take off running, screaming and panic while ones that weren't as lucky

Starting point is 00:48:44 have caught on fire and rolled around desperately trying to put themselves out. The entire lodge has caught fire. The roof has completely blown off. You see Dixie Kong just completely fried next to you. No, you see where the barrel is destroyed is just Diddy Kong's hat on a pile of ash. You see, King, a car rule, dead next to you, completely charred, hard one. The Kongs did this! The people that we are friends with, plan to this. Now, let's not run, let's not jump to any conclusions, let's not jump to any barrels,

Starting point is 00:49:18 and then jump to any conclusions. Okay, okay. And you see, a little buddy has been murdered. You see the Zards and the Kongs The ones who survived are just running off in a panic, but there are some on the outside that are just like You did that you filthy Kongs you did this you Zards and they're just both going at each other And then you see coming back into the raining ash Is Donkey Kong who looks out and he goes,

Starting point is 00:49:45 What happened? Hey Donkey, I'm over here. I think I've inserted myself a little bit too much into your culture. What did you do? I've climbed to a position to power far too fast. I think, you know what, let's wrestle again real quick. You didn't sense that there was any kind of trap or anything. You just let this happen the roll dead

Starting point is 00:50:06 We were leader for an hour and they're dead Yeah, I feel like there was forces at work far beyond Me being leader just for the last hour. I mean to be fair you messed up his boat pretty bad, so I've lost everything You guys look out. Need to the carnage. I put the charred tie around his neck. Congo Bongo Island needs a leader.

Starting point is 00:50:34 These are dark times. These are stains on the banana that will never come out. But what do you do when the banana is stained? Honestly, you turn it into some vegan bread. That's right You make some delicious scrumptious banana bread and you share it with your friends. Peace can still happen We have to get to the bottom of this and you're the only monkey who can help us I don't know that speech was pretty awesome. Do you want to wear the tie? Guys go ahead and give me a perception checks Awesome, do you want to wear the tie? I'm- I give Beverly the tie. Hey! I thought this would happen. Ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:51:07 Guys, go ahead and give me a perception check. Oh, nine. Oh, six, actually, sorry. 26. 17. Moonshan. Eh. Amongst the falling ash and the chaos,

Starting point is 00:51:23 and you see this building is falling down like a giant beam goes down and everything You see that a couple bananas Fall down as if it were like raining down from the sky and you look out and You see that the SS stormborn Is flying away packed full of bananas. Hey God, our fucking boat. Wait a minute. Alright, fuck it.

Starting point is 00:51:52 It was fucking. It was fucking. I wild shaped into a fucking hawk and I make a hawk line for that. Wait, moonshine, before you do that, launch me from the barrel. Okay, real quick, I launch Bev from the barrel and then I wild-shape into a hawk and make a B-line. Sweet, moonshine, you launch Bev from the barrel. Bev, you shoot out into the sky. Donkey Kong jumps in after you, shoots off after you guys.

Starting point is 00:52:16 Hard to wonder what you're doing. This is ridiculous. I jump in a barrel. You jump in the barrel? I guess the barrel looks fun. I don't wild-shape. I instead symbiotic entity and jump into a barrel. You jump in the barrel? I guess the barrel looks fun. I don't wild shape. I instead simply add again to the and jump into a barrel. You got to do it once you've got to go in the barrel.

Starting point is 00:52:31 So you guys are all shot up from these barrels towards the stormborne and see that it's been fixed up and that funky screw of Zards is working it. There's one up on the sales. One is driving it. There are a few raking bananas They've got the whole banana hoard here. You also see standing on the deck in a mech suit of advanced coconut technology Is funky con he stands about 15 feet tall the mech suit is built to look like a giant buff gorilla through thick glass You can see him pulling out the levers.

Starting point is 00:53:07 And he looks out at you guys and he goes, I'm not sharing these bananas with anybody. Funk these flights will be an empire. No more supplying food to this dinky island. We're selling these bananas. We're going global, baby. Fufufunki ka. You cursed opportunists.

Starting point is 00:53:24 Can I do like an Arcona check to understand, is there anything special about these bananas, or are they just bananas? What the God, I'm doing for a guna check? 11. Um, these are probably regular bananas. Hmm. You gotta stop doing the hang loose sign.

Starting point is 00:53:44 You're so tightly wound. You hell-bent on world domination Lensing touch-tim I'm the only one who just work around here these guys go around Saving the world on the one who build stuff. I'm a tight in the industry. Did you just do a hang loose symbol at the same time as an air quotes sign? same time as an air quotes sign. How do you have industry man? I trusted you. I thought you were ready to chill out and just reap the profits of having a good time. You killed everyone dude. Of course, you're the only one smart enough to rig a bomb like that. He did it was useless man. And I'm glad he's dead.

Starting point is 00:54:24 I draw my sword. It's F-f-funky Kong. I draw my sword. It's time for some bananas, Flambe. Did he did turn on you super fast, Donkey? I mean, all I did was put you in a headlock and then he was like, ready to forget you forever. That is true, Donkey Kong. I actually think he's not a good-

Starting point is 00:54:38 he's not a good little buddy. Hey guys, easy. All right, it's too soon. All right. All right, so everybody go ahead and roll initiative. It's never too soon to question those who you trust. Listen, their laws are ridiculous. We can't question them.

Starting point is 00:54:53 12. 14. 13. Okay, so the way this fight is going to work is that you guys can use barrels to propel yourself. There are barrels everywhere all throughout the air. You can just fight Funky Kong on the deck if you'd like, but you can also use the barrels to propel you. When you do, you make a Dex check. On a 15, you make your first attack with advantage. On a 20, you make all your attacks for the round with advantage. On a 5 or lower, you miss the boat entirely and take some

Starting point is 00:55:22 falling damage and you miss the round. Are there Hinchman Zards on the ship too? There are but they look like they are just there to man the ship. It is funky who is doing the fighting Gotcha. They're just here to do the work and I do the fun stuff because I came up with the original idea Yeah, funky Kong comes forward. And I guess he's gonna guys go ahead and roll a lock check see you funky goes after first I rolled the 20 lucky number 30. I do He's gonna use a banana slam attack on moonshine That is a 25 to hit that hits he does 29 damage to your moonshine. Then he's going to do a Coco Cannon attack. That is, sorry, that was a 28 to hit.

Starting point is 00:56:15 Okay. And 18 damage. Cool. I'm standing. Now he's going to take a second Coco Cannon attack at you. That is a 28 to hit. Oh no. 16 damage.

Starting point is 00:56:29 Still standing. Wow, moonshine stays up. All right. That is hard one's turn. Okay, I'm gonna swing at this fucking ape right now. I'm gonna cannon myself too to get advantage on him. Sweet, go ahead and make a Dex check. Hard one jumps down into one of the cannons. Last forward at Funky.

Starting point is 00:56:49 15. 15? That's advantage on the first attack. Tights. We're gonna need that roll to three and a 26. Super hits. 19 damage. 19 damage. Well, man man you're pretty good you want

Starting point is 00:57:07 you want an unpaid internship you're you're an enterprising individual and I don't like it I'm the only mechanic on the island crush me it up all the small businesses these are these to work for the mechanics really are not allowed to use the hang loose sign in that. Hang loose, man! You're extremely uptight. How do we know you're so conniving? Maybe we should make this clear.

Starting point is 00:57:32 Where we come from, hang loose, that sign is associated with a very different culture. Oh no, this means like laws don't apply to me and stuff. I see, I see, I see. Hard one, go ahead and take your other text. 22 to hit. Hit that hit. 20 damage. Sweet. I think hard one go ahead and take your other tax 22 to hit hit hit 20 damage and finally 30 to hit hits believe me. Oh

Starting point is 00:57:58 Ty all right dude. That is I'm thinking you're ready for 29k a year man Wow, no over time. I'll read hard one don't be tempted 17 damage hard one if, if you take that internship, it will have no mobility. The raises he gives you will not add up. Yeah, don't let him trick you by offering benefits. It's so much more money than I'd ever know what to do with, but no thanks.

Starting point is 00:58:22 Bev, that is your turn. OK, I like Shout at moonshine. Do you need healing or should I go for him? Ah, you know, whatever you feel is right. Just do you, do you. How about if I go down, you heal me. Okay, sounds good. I kind of dangle my amulet at her to reminder

Starting point is 00:58:39 that you can look at that as well. And I am going to blast towards Funky Kong as well. Sweet. And I will take a sec. I'm going to true strike on this one. Sweet. Three and a four. Okay. Yikes. Does a 14 hit or 15? 15 does not hit. You see he dodges out of the way and smashes you down with a giant coconut hand How dare you use something so delightful and playful for an art of war? It's part of my genius, man. Don't you recognize it?

Starting point is 00:59:14 How do I know take over the world, dude? How do I know you didn't just steal these designs from a lowly Zard that worked for you? You see a little Enterprising Zard looks up from brushing the bananas. I want to do an inside check. Nobody would believe a Zard could do that. We're going to reclaim this empire for you, little one. What's your name, sir? Little my name's Zinky.

Starting point is 00:59:36 Don't fucking talk to him. Zinky, don't pay the talk. Get back onto the deck. This one's for Zinky. Shout out to the two Christians. Jesus Christ. I'm still shook up by the death of Ditty. They were 13 to hit. The new. Ah, it doesn't hit. Um, bev at the end of your turn. Um, Funky Kong is going to take a funky action. He pulls out a bongo and plays the brown note. Um, everyone go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw.

Starting point is 01:00:07 Jesus Christ. Oh God, I wrote one. Oh Lord. You know what? I'm going to use the luck point. There you go. That's a 22 for me. A 23 for me.

Starting point is 01:00:20 I rolled a 14. 14 is not going to do it. Hard one, you get funk Korea Funk Korea is a disease that makes you need to shit yourself whenever you make an attack Each time you make an attack roll a con saving throw on a fail you shit yourself taking 4d10 psychic shame damage And you're stunned for the rest of the round Three saves in a row, a greater restoration, or a lay hands will cure Funkaria.

Starting point is 01:00:48 You and Balnor have Funkaria. You feelin' this man. I feel funky, but I want a shit, dude. I feel fine, Balnor, I know what you're talkin' about. That is Moonshine Stern. Can I, as a bonus action, look at my amulet. Yeah, cool. Oh, god damn it.

Starting point is 01:01:06 So is it funky? And he's in like a mexu, right? You said he's like behind glass. He's in like an enclosed thing. Yep. Okay, I would like to use create water and fill up his mexu with water. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 01:01:22 Give me the word. I'll use it. Okay, so it's, you create, it can be from a range of 30 feet. You create up to 10 gallons of clean water within a range in an open container. Alternatively, the water falls in rain in a 30 foot cube within range, extinguishing exposed flame in the area. Okay.

Starting point is 01:01:41 I'm gonna do it in a high level. Correct me if I'm wrong. I don't think 10 gallons of water would fill up like a cockpit. Yeah, so when you cast it at a second level or higher, you create 10 additional gallons of water. So I'll do it at like a fifth level. So it's like 50 gallons of water. So you're going to do 50 gallons of water?

Starting point is 01:01:59 Yeah. Okay, Mochaine, you see you cast create water. He can't do anything. His cockpit just starts filling up with water. You see, it does not completely fill it, because it is this giant suit, but he is needing to crane his head up, and this thing will need to do, like, fail your checks at the beginning of its rounds. Okay.

Starting point is 01:02:20 And I'm also going to glance at Bev's amulet. Take a glander. You earned it. That is Donkey Kong's turn. You killed everyone I've ever known. What if Cranky, he was guarding the banana horde? Cranky was the first one, and I enjoyed killing him the most. You bastard, he was my father.

Starting point is 01:02:41 Donkey, George's sword. With a spinning fist. Donkey Kong hits on the first attack, misses on the second attack, and hits on the third attack. Donkey Kong is gonna banana slam him for a total of 30 damage. That a boy, Donkey.

Starting point is 01:02:58 Go to go, Donkey. Bound or turn, Bound or attacks. He is going to hit, he does 12 damage but then he has to roll to not shit himself. He does not shit himself. He puckers just in time. Whoa! So close. Balnor, you had too many banana deckeries. He misses and then he has to roll to not shit himself. Shout out to the tukur who does not reroll those unsaved. So Balnor fully shits himself. Ah!

Starting point is 01:03:28 Whoa! Uh-oh. Um, it takes a bunch of psychic damage. Um, and you see he looks stunned at what he's just done. Oh my god. Do you eat anything solid, dude? Can I find a barrel to put over Balnor? Um, oh my god. He stunned. He can't even look at the amulet

Starting point is 01:03:48 He's in trouble that is back up to funky Kong's turn Funky is going to cast incinerating beam That doesn't sound flavor There's nothing funky about that There's nothing funky about that. That's not straight up devious. Okay, it's only 10 feet wide, but a bunch of people were making melee attacks so we can hit two people. I'll say he's gonna go for Boundor and Hard One.

Starting point is 01:04:13 Ah. Um, Hard One, go ahead and give me a deck save. 12. You and Boundor take 58 radiant damage? Gee. Uh, you guys see Boundor take 58 radiant damage? Gee. Uh, you guys see Boundor is incinerated. What? He turns to ash.

Starting point is 01:04:32 I guess I killed another one of your friends tonight, huh? Uh, throws up the hang loose side. You've crossed the line, sir. You've crossed the line. There are no bananas where you're going. That is hard one staring. Okay, we're not having fun anymore. This isn't silly. You fucking baboon. You look nice to your hard one. Just a pile of ash where Boundor once was just ash blows into the wind. Single bud heavy clanks to the ground. I don't care if the last thing he did was

Starting point is 01:05:12 miss and then shit himself and turn to ash. That was a good man. Honestly it cleaned up the shit. There's the silver lining. I'm going to I'm gonna I'm gonna attack but I'm gonna shoot myself out of a barrel Okay, I go ahead and make a dex check another 15 Roll first one with advantage. Okay, that's a 25. I'll use the 25 18 damage and now I roll to see if I hit myself Yes I'm gonna use a look point. I think I really it's not because I'm embarrassed about shitting myself. It's being

Starting point is 01:05:51 stunned seems pretty awful. I really don't want you to shoot yourself either. That's a 21. Ah, you passed. I passed. Alright. I will attack them again. That's a 20 to hit not net hits 16 damage sweet I'm not gonna ship myself. That's a 27 for my save Passes that's two passes, right? Yep, and then that's another it's a 20 to hit not net hits 21 damage nice starting to look pretty messed up and that is a 22 on my non-shitting myself. You no longer have funk oria. Awesome. Since I'm feeling so

Starting point is 01:06:36 hail and hearty I'm gonna use my action surge and try to fuck this guy up for killing Valnor. I can't believe it. I should be sad. Funky Kong killed Valnor. It's a 15 on my first attack, so that's not going to do it. That doesn't do it. 26 hits. 17 damage. Sweet.

Starting point is 01:06:58 And shout out to the two crew. Oh, nice. I don't have Funk orria, but I do, I shart in my pants just a little bit, not a rocker, for falling hero. Shart some tears out your face. I actually, oh, you know what, I'll look at Bev's amulet as well. I'm not a bad idea.

Starting point is 01:07:16 I actually didn't roll for a malfunction. For a malfunction, so I'm gonna go ahead and roll that right now. I'm gonna say if he fails, he'll take a bunch of damage. Like his mech suit. I'll take a bunch of damage He got a 26 on a con save so that's a pass, but I'm gonna say he'll take half of I'll say he'll take 5d10 of damage Yeah, that's right. I'm gonna electrocute you He takes 24 damage. I'm in a death trap

Starting point is 01:07:42 3 takes 24 damage. Ah, I'm in a death trap. You should have done more product testing. Yeah, you should have foreseen this happening, huh? This wasn't ready for market. We're your diviners. I turned to Donkey Kong and say, truly cranky must be a powerful true. He can bring Bound War back, right?

Starting point is 01:08:00 Cranky's dead, man. Oh no. How? The monkey killed him. He bragged about it. Oh god. You're right. He was first Yeah, you're right. You're right Funky is going to attempt to do a funky action. I'm gonna say that's gonna be a DC 20 Con checks or roll in front of moonshine right now needs to get a ten or higher He's battling against the he's furiously trying to fix the damage that

Starting point is 01:08:25 moonshine's water is doing. Ha ha ha! Four! Shout out to the core four! He fails to do his funky action. Yeah, yeah. That is Bebs turn. Alright, I'm already on the deck. Oh shit. I was gonna heal Bounder of his Funkeria, but he has no more. And now I have funkaria of the soul.

Starting point is 01:08:47 Let's protect the ashes from getting blown off the board of the ship. I scoop the ashes into a buttlight bottle. Oh God. A worthy earn. You stole all the debts from this island, and I shall steal everything from you. Zinke, prepare yourself for a glorious future. What? Me?

Starting point is 01:09:10 I'm just a little Zod. Zinky, don't talk like that. Don't talk like that. Nobody will believe that Zod had all these ideas. Yeah, because Funky claims them. I'm telling you what, Zinky, if you just, if you had the, the, the, the hubris of F, the places you could go, because you have the talent. You just don't have the swagger. No, I'm just a little lizard with a coconut computer.

Starting point is 01:09:31 Try, try it out. What am I against the powerful? Try it out. I want to hear you say, I invented this shit. I invented this, Shay. Hey, what did I tell you about getting back below deck, Zinky? I'm gonna shoot a fucking cannon at ya. I whisper to Zinky, is there any way you can hack into the mex suit? I guess I could try, but again, I'm just a little zon with a computer. Hey, it takes little buddies to make big buddies shine.

Starting point is 01:09:58 You see, Zinky tears up and runs down below deck and comes back up with a little coconut laptop Seriously trying to hack I'll say Zinky'll act on on a bow northen. All right. Can I go ahead and make a tag now? Yeah, go ahead Ooh there we go. That's going to be a 28 to hit 28 Hits all right. I'm gonna do a staggering smite. Nice. So that's going to be 46 psychic damage and I'm going to do a light brown note on this to try and make a funky shit himself. Okay. If he does, it's just gonna rise in the water. Yeah. I've already been pissing, but this is ridiculous. It's ridiculous, it's ridiculous.

Starting point is 01:10:47 Don't say that in vain. You dishonor our gods. And I'm going to do a divine spine on top of that. Great. All right, let's see. Let's 18 psychic damage. And they're going to need to make a wisdom saving throw. Funky fails.

Starting point is 01:11:06 Yes! That means they get disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks and can't take reactions until the end of its next turn. Nice. Or they can just just shit themselves, I'll let you have the option. What do you want? Do you want them to get Funkeria? What the fuck?

Starting point is 01:11:23 They're gonna get Funkeria. Okay, so he gets Funkeria, shits himself inside the little cockpit. It fills up with brown water and he can't see. He's gonna roll with disadvantage. That thing's a giant toilet. I have Funkeria! I'm just serious to see! I'm doing a third level smite, so that's 48 and then an extra d8.

Starting point is 01:11:42 35 plus 7, a 42 damage. Nice on my first attack. He's looking, he started to look messed up. I don't want him to die at because I want him to slurp up that diarrhea. Oh. Don't worry, I'm gonna make sure that happens. This is all you get.

Starting point is 01:12:01 The brownest nasty's been in. That's a nat 20. Hell yeah, I'm gonna smite again. Let's do it. That's 71 damage. You guys see radiant light bursting from Bev's sword. And just for a moment, you see, it looks like Melora is spotting him, helping swing the sword with him.

Starting point is 01:12:31 Melora. As you're the first of light, and you see Donkey Kong's eyes wide, and he goes, the coconut mother. Ha ha ha. Ugh. Of course.

Starting point is 01:12:40 She blesses you. Ugh. She blesses us all, when she sees it fit What no the gods can't be real Why not me the power of man? All right That is moonshine stirring well the daughter of the coconut mother's coming to get you She's gonna make you drink your own diarrhea. I cast control water. Yeah, and flood the mech suit

Starting point is 01:13:07 Absolutely fucking disgusting. The water level of all standing water in the area, which is- He did just, he did just the Mech suit. He just, he just opens up the glass and just plops out out of the ground. Can't fully do anything in this. Does that mess up his AC? Oh, he does. Yeah. Okay. He jumps out.

Starting point is 01:13:24 I'm not narrating a dude eating shit. And that mess up his AC? He jumps out. Not nearly anything a dude eating shit. That's more than for 18 but can we say instead of necrotic damage I do fecal damage. Oh. Can I just instead of spores I can I just scoop up his dire. Oh you spray shit on funky. Oh shit. Oh shit. You ate real poop and you liked it. I'm funky Coconut mother deliver you to hell I'm Donkey Kong's turn he takes a coconut. I've killed before and I'll kill again And he just starts whacking funky c, shit covered funky, on the head. Poof, phew. Why?

Starting point is 01:14:09 What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

Starting point is 01:14:16 Get into it too. That goes into it. You guys. That way Moosh, I also does it. Brad, I'm hoping that's in beat in the funky Kong. I will chase just my vocal cords. Zinky gains control of the mech. Oh, look, I can control it. Brad, I'm hoping that's in beat in the funky Kong. I will chase just my vocal cords. Zinky gains control of the neck. Oh look, I can control it remotely.

Starting point is 01:14:29 But I'm just a little sod. You're a little sod, but you got a big brain. Yeah, but also don't let it go to your head. Don't become the next funky Kong. Be your own, be your own kind of person. Hi, I'm my own kind of question. I'm just a little sod. Hey Zinky, that's right.

Starting point is 01:14:41 Remember where you came from. Hey. I toss a banana to Zinky. Hi, thanks so much. I'm gonna use his legs to crush his head. Yeah. Yeah. Ha ha ha.

Starting point is 01:14:54 You guys all go into a monkey craze as you beat Funky Kong should cover life in this fight. Ha ha ha. You see Donkey Kong triumphantly picks F, Picks, Funky, Over His Head. Tosses him over the edge of the ship. You see his body disappears into the forest below. You guys make quick work of his Zard crew, Funky's Flight's crew. Throw the ones... Wait, can we show them benevolence?

Starting point is 01:15:23 Yeah. Can we hire them? Those of them who are honest of character? Yeah, you see some of them were like brow beaten into it. Some of them are just kind of shit heads that are like, yeah, I just wanted to keep killing Kongs. Okay, we can throw them. You throw that guy off. Ah! It was just like,

Starting point is 01:15:40 I see another guy who looks suspicious, he goes, I am also an engineer. I'm very emotional. I'm also a... Ah! I, I am also an engineer. I'm throwing another one off. By the end, you have about half of hisards. You guys stare out, the jungle is on fire. You see that Donkey Kong country has been destroyed and Balnor is dead. Okay, I get down on my hands and knees and I say, Malorah, as I have always known you and yet now I know you from another name. I beg of you not for for mercy, because I know you do not give that out easily,

Starting point is 01:16:26 but for kindness, please bless this valley with the water from your bosom. Hahaha. Make it rain. Sweet, moonshine, you make it rain. Or I ask Melorah to. You ask Melorah to make it rain? Mm-hmm. You see. Is it coconut milk? I was. Ideally, yes. As you make it rain. Or I ask Malor too. You ask Malor to make it rain.

Starting point is 01:16:45 You see, it's a coconut milk. Ideally, yes. As it begins to rain. I'm holding more coconut water. White coconut water out of the sky. So high rating. The fires start to go out in the jungle below, but they're pretty strong.

Starting point is 01:16:59 And then you see a glowing white orb shining from the deck below you. And you see Donkey goes, oh, he stole the crystal coconut, it's here, it can enhance any spell. You see Donkey Kong runs down and he holds up the crystal coconut. And you see as he holds it near you moonshine the rain Starts coming down harder and harder and harder like you've cast a thousand control water spells and it

Starting point is 01:17:36 Heels the jungle can it do that with a reincarnate on a pilot ashes Or on a pilot diarrhea either one whichever yeah all mixed together in there that's true if we can we reincarnate Balmer from his diarrhea if not from his ashes with the power of the crystal coconut you can reincarnate a lot more than just Balmer what he holds up the crystal coconut to you I can reincarnate Gemma as well who okay never mind you need to be here oh Yeah, okay, I would like to take the crystal coconut in my hand and I would like to cast reincarnate and see if I can reincarnate bouncer and

Starting point is 01:18:18 Scranky Scranky Kong you see my best uncle Zippy and Jackie Zippy and Jackie don't care who don't care who my favorite little buddy So many friends hey, don't forget car rule He was a good leader Good man

Starting point is 01:18:42 Carve roll carry okay. I need to tell you something. Before I reincarnate Diddy, he turned on you quicker than I've ever seen someone turn on someone. Right because I lost a fight. Yeah, but it was not an act of friendship as I have known it. Do you want me to bring Diddy back? The coconut mother works in different ways, but this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. But this is ridiculous. I reincarnate it as well. Moonshine, you cast

Starting point is 01:19:16 a mass reincarnate spell. And you see, Boundor is the first one to come back? Bound or returns from the ashes as Bound or Kong. Is Daddy Kong? He's Daddy Kong. Moonshine you cast your spell down below as well onto the jungle and you see people start to poke back up, you see life and movement as the white light of the crystal coconut shines bright radiant light down onto the jungle below. You see Donkey Kong looks on and wonder, I've heard of divine intervention but this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. Wow. You guys walk over to where Diddy blew up, as well as Dixie and all those other people. And you see that Diddy Kong has reincarnated as a Zard. And that King Carl Rool has come back as a con.

Starting point is 01:20:27 Oh, this is beautiful. This is beautiful. And you see everybody on Bob's back up. We are the world. We are the children. Banana Slam. All of the Zards and the apes join hands and sing we are the world OEO banana slamma as we slow pan out with a drone Donkey Kong turns you guys and goes Now in order to keep peace in these lands you guys aren't thinking of just running off, right? You'll be here for a while. Oh no, we're sort of more about the drastic change and not the rebuilding.

Starting point is 01:21:13 Yeah, you can't rely on us forever. It's your time to be the ruler we know you can be. I look over my shoulder where Hardwater's waiting in the airship for us to come in. I motion for Hardwater to like turn the keys. I belast kid cutie. Let's go. Hard one, you peel away in the airship as you leave behind these zards and cons and everyone having been reincarnated on the island. Reincarnated.

Starting point is 01:21:44 Reincarnated. Everyone being reincarnated on the island. Reincarnated. Reincarnated. Everyone being reincarnated on the island, the last thing you guys see as you fly off is a single funky hand coming out of the water and crawling up onto the shore. And that's where we'll end our session. You really just said about fucking the E.C.L.

Starting point is 01:22:03 6,000 tattoos for free. You're right here. 6,000 right here! 6,000 right to the review is for Revenge of Donkey Kong! That's your fuck! That's a fucking cog! Did we leave Bounder on the island? I know he's with E-cog.

Starting point is 01:22:17 What a truly truly stupid thing! That was amazing! Murf, thank you so much! Thank you guys for your rest of the story. Truly for this. For Thanksgiving this year, I'm grateful for what you just did. That's something cool. I give you a cornucopia full of bananas for us.

Starting point is 01:22:34 Thank you. And I a cornucopia of coconuts. Well, I hope y'all enjoyed it. Guys, head on over to patreon.com slash NAD pod. That's NADD, D-P-O-D, don't sing yet. To listen to our after show, and we'll talk about this dumb stuff. We also got some other things to plug.

Starting point is 01:22:54 We're playing D&D on Twitch with D20. That's a Me and I, we show with Brennan Lee Mulligan, Shavon Thompson, and a bunch of other fun people from College Humor and NAD pod. Yeah. Call her what you got. It's so fun.

Starting point is 01:23:08 I have a show on Disney Channel. It's called Big City Greens. Is it on Disney Plus? Season one is on Disney Plus. Oh, yeah. So if you got that Disney Plus, please check it out. That's 60 11 minute episodes for your viewing pleasure on Disney Plus.

Starting point is 01:23:24 And season two, right now, on Disney viewing pleasure on Disney Plus and season two, and right now on Disney Channel and then Amazon and iTunes and wherever you download your stuff. It's really fun. I actually do a voice in an upcoming episode. Yeah, yeah. On November 30th, you can catch me as itcha boy, a YouTube influencer.

Starting point is 01:23:40 In an upcoming episode, fix it, agree, check it out. Hell yeah. Jake, what do you got? Got my family oil business, brothercisterco.com. We sell beered oil, pub oil, skin oil, and then also oil oil. So if you're looking for just crude oil that we've gotten from Kuwait, go check out our sisterco.com.

Starting point is 01:24:03 What about like olive oil, coconut oil? Or those just ingredients? We got that too. We from Kuwait. Go check out our sister code. What about like olive oil, coconut oil? Or those just ingredients? We got that too. We got it all. If it's oil, we sell it. Amazing. I'll probably be buying a drummer too. Yeah, I got you deaf for one drum of crude.

Starting point is 01:24:18 So I drum a crude. I'm just gonna empty that straight into my car. That should work, right? Perfect Christmas, dear friends. Get your crude oil from me. Mmm. All right, sweet guys. Follow us on Twitter at CHMRIFASME.

Starting point is 01:24:35 Add call, the is called well. Add J-Cur, which is Jake. Oh, I did that out of order. Okay. We're sitting in a different order. We're sitting in a different order right now. And, yeah, Xford is Emily. order right now. And the excerpt is Emily, and he could tweet about the show using hashtag,

Starting point is 01:24:48 NADPod, that's NADDPOD, also happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. We are, we are, you're the winner, we are, we are, you're the winner. We are, we are, we're the winner, we're the winner.

Starting point is 01:25:03 We are, we are, we are, we are, we are. Hello to all my Dixies and Diddies out there in cyberspace. It is called well and it is also the end of our episode, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of Kongs. We have Brad D, Dylan B, Danny P, Steelbreaker, and Spencer Caskbrew, Guardians of Donkey Kong's Banana Horde. They keep trying to tell Donkey that the bananas go bad after like a week, and that it doesn't make sense to hoard them, but every time they complain, DK shoves them in a barrel and tosses them in the river.

Starting point is 01:25:39 Beardman Dan, Adam R, Danielle, the Dastardly Dame, and Aalucard, a team of Ezra's scientists who traveled to Congo-Bongo Island to try and figure out the difference between Zards and Cobolds. After months of study, their final conclusion was, it doesn't matter. Haldoir Frostback, Multiphor, Jordan DJ, Jeffrey S. and Cutter W, the fuzzy inhabitants of the nearby Angel Island. Their island floats in the air thanks to the power of the chaos emerald, but unfortunately their protector Knuckles the Akidna has gone missing. Uh-oh, looks like the boobs have no choice but to solve this problem too.

Starting point is 01:26:19 Sorry Bahumia, Shubber the Mushroom, Alaina C, Mixologist Michael McD, Andrew M. and Bounor's boy. The five nanoflives who survived the long night and then managed to repopulate the entire species. The jar they did it in is currently on display in the Congo-Bongo Museum of Natural History and also sex. Just an eye, Jacob C, Elena M, McPucks, and Jostrich. Boundore Kong's new drinking buddies. Every Friday night, they get absolutely hammered on banana dacaries, then go literally

Starting point is 01:26:55 ape shit. Damio R, Destin C, Devin B, Jive G, and Irland Kathleen L. A group of Inkybye and Suckabye who were waiting for hard one in moonshine in Smuggler's Bounty. They ended up seducing Theala and Akarot instead, so now the campaign permanently takes place on Congo Bongo Island. Awesome! Sergio Salazar Salaman Sakuraiya Sdezekwani Michael L. Sam H. Traylae the Kray-Fay and Jory S. Zinkie's team of Zard programmers were hard at work creating a video game about the band of boobs heroic exploits on Congo

Starting point is 01:27:31 Bongo Island. Look for it on the banan tindo switch in coconut vimber 2020. Can't wait. Adam H. Ryan, Aaron G. Jake L. and Zach C. The hardworking crew of Zards that came up with every good idea Funky Kong claims credit for. Your free now Zards, start a collective! Big Buck, Richard X Machina, Sam L, and Troy McC. The Council of Kongs that deliberates and elects the next Donkey Kong. What we edited out was a 20 minute committee hearing, whereby Big Buck, Richard X.Machina,

Starting point is 01:28:06 Sam L. and Troy McCee formally elected hard one to be the next Donkey Kong. You didn't miss much. Dom R. Josh S. Nicholas C. Caleb Storm and Aiden R.H. The heroes who invented NICECREAM, a low carb, healthy alternative to ice cream made from frozen bananas. NICECREAM was also the only thing the Kongs ate during the long night. When Congo Bongo Island was surrounded by ice, Mike H. Matthew E. Samuel B. and Till for G. A group of Kongs that got decimated by the Diddy Kong IED, then reincarnated by

Starting point is 01:28:41 moonshine. Their names are Zippy, Dunky, Yarpy, and Shwebs respectively. Welcome back friends. Gage M. Arensee, Bohumius fiercest L&D, TJ M. the Nome Barbarian, and Trest, the Traveler. A gathering of atheists on Congo-Bongo Island called the Coco Nots that host weekly meetups to discuss the all-important question. Is it really ridiculous or are we just brainwashed by society to think it is?

Starting point is 01:29:09 Wow, deep stuff. Anime intellect, Zolo Dollo, Larissa J, and Dylan CM, the wannabe DM, the Yards Arts, they'll come to your house, sweep up all the rotten bananas in your yard, and even plan a couple coconut trees, helped a lot of people transition to ice age resistant gardens during the long night. Colton B. B. Money? J. Heartless Master and CC Lulu. The big wigs that run the banana bank, where congs and zards can turn their bananas into banana bucks or invest in the banana stock market or by banana bonds. The banana market is actually very complicated and if the band of boobs had gone to Congo

Starting point is 01:29:47 Bongo Central Library, they would have found many dense treatises about banana economic theory. I'm hopeless, Timmy R. Alex M. Aaron Sully, and Eric G. A crew of rich, evil Kongs who quietly support Funky Kong's research in hopes that Funky's flights can become a worldwide criminal organization. These cold-hearted Kongs are just in it for the bananas and will give Funka Ria to anyone who gets in their way. Devastating.

Starting point is 01:30:14 Lucas B. Rubin A. Jordan L. Taleth X. And J. Parker. The Zard guards who protect Zinky. We pray that one day his research in funky sciences could lead to funkadelic peace for all of Congo-Bongo Island. Austin C. Austin MR. Just a pissed off trist, aka touchit, Kaleelis, and Barnesinator. The five previous Donkey Kongs who were unceremoniously beaten in hand-to-hand combat

Starting point is 01:30:41 by clueless outsiders. The chaos that followed led to three Zard Wars and eventually, the dreaded Tropical Freeze. Devon W. Chinnoa B. Jared E. and Persephone. Four loyal Kongs who stuck with Donkey Kong, even after he was displaced by a hard one. Unfortunately, Funky incinerated them all behind the scenes, so we never got to see them fight, but just know that they were real solid cons. Reese NS, Bell in the Bard, Jackie, Eric and Andrea B, and Charo Arcadius. The royal Zard guards who protect King Carpool Karaoke. Unfortunately, they were all on a bathroom break when hard one through the exploding barrel

Starting point is 01:31:21 and killed their king, but hey, at least they're still alive. Silver lining, you know. Steven C. Maxwell C. Mike K. Omri-M. and Calum L. Five Kong filmmakers who created the beloved Beneng's Giving Special, it's the great pumpkin Charlie Kong. They were sued by the estate of Charles Schultz and are currently trying to monkey roll through the lawyers to get away without paying. Good luck. Scott D. No Thore, the prodigy ranger, Shane B. The Pinch, and Dan, a family of Zard Apes

Starting point is 01:31:53 who fit in with neither Zard nor Kong. But don't really care because they're strong as shit and have huge lizard tails, so they pretty much just kick everyone's asses. Richard C. Karen T. Curtis S. Michael C. and B.J.L. Crick Elbs who are the new proprietors of a cafe in Gladeholm.

Starting point is 01:32:11 All the coffee is spiked with Crickwater and it's the busiest place in town. Nikki W. Andrew B. Christopher B. Pete C. and Barrison Kin of the Wizards Tower. The newest members of the green preteens. Less about badges

Starting point is 01:32:25 and more about going door to door and selling boxes of cinnamon rolls, way less decapitating barbarians as well. Seems nice. Nicholas P. Robert F. Kevin M. Angel B. and Raul Inn, a five-headed dragon with five different personalities, a rebel, a sensitive soul, a lover, a liar, and an adorable genius. I am the Atlas, Ryan of Klan Kuggen, Maribel, the Kitty Morphing gnome, Esmeem, and Robert, animals and hard ones petting zoo.

Starting point is 01:32:56 They are well looked after and love their life. Hard one is a wonderful caretaker, he protects and feeds his furry friends as if they were his own children. His children should be taken away. Yens Christian T, Joe McGee, Metta Amps, Mr. Hydrois, and Jonathan from Crickfield. Old members of the SS Stormborn. They quit the Pirates life a few years back and have essentially spent all of their time since then kind of black out in a tavern reminiscing about the good old days.

Starting point is 01:33:25 Atika C. Jonathan the Arcadian gamesmith. Tom S. Kazanier the all-knowing. And Mateo C. Expert Wimplemakers who have a super busy shop in Shadowfell. They get paid in plates of soup instead of cash, but that's perfect because that's what they'd spend the cash on anyway. Luke H. KELVENUULS and Grace Gibbs. Green Shades dealers. That's right,'d spend the cash on anyway. Luke H, Kel the noodles, and Grace Gibbs. Green Shades dealers. That's right, he needs three dealers.

Starting point is 01:33:49 That's how much bud he goes through. Even Alannas has to respect that. And that's all our council of Kong members. Thank you all so, so much for listening. Happy Benang Sgiving, and we'll see you soon. Bye. That was a HitGum podcast. We'll see you soon.

Starting point is 01:34:02 Bye. That was a hitgun podcast.

Not Another D&D Podcast - Donkey Kong One-Shot: A Bananksgiving Special

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.