Not Another D&D Podcast - Eldermourne - Ep. 21: The Crux

Episode Date: May 7, 2021

The Third Mates learn about some strange happenings under the mountain from Losgrar, then venture off to investigate. Fia gets a scare, Zirk gets in deep, and Henry gets some disturbing news.... Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Club chatter, London" by mlteenie at Freesound.org."A Wizard's Tournament" by Emily Axford."The Red Fen" by Emily Axford."The Lonely Autumn" by Emily Axford."Kingshammer" by Emily Axford."Zirk" by Emily Axford."Henry" by Emily Axford."Spooky Shafts" by Emily Axford."Friend for Life" by Emily Axford."Baroness" by Emily Axford."Blackthorn Hall" by Emily Axford."Cursed" by Emily Axford."Soul Coins" by Emily Axford."Into the Planar Pool" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:33 This is not another D&D podcast. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Welcome back to Elder Morn, everybody! Elder Morn! I'm your Dungeon Master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwitz. Fed up with the reaping. This oath, I am keeping Henry Hockfish. Pretty good.
Starting point is 00:01:58 That of course, Emily Axford. Blade of Betild, who cannot be killed! Wow! That's true! That's kind of dry! Blade of the till who cannot be killed True that's Do not challenge me she said in the intro you can't do anything I will kill all of you Knock on wood everyone you keep saying that at the top of the show, and I think he means it speaking of imminently dead characters or players playing dead characters. Oh, the old Tanner.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Oh, father of a sprite who stays up all night to make potions. That delight. It's Cirque for Vane. Ooh. And he will live forever. And also he can be killed. Cirque, he immortal for Vane. No one can die.
Starting point is 00:02:39 Actually Henry kind of keeps on coming back. That is kind of true. Pushes Lesnar off a cliff. He he he he. Lesnar off a cliff. Ha ha ha. Lesnar can do nothing but shrivel under Zerks. Insane strength score. Impossible. I've been hiding it.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Yeah, Zerks wearing a weighted jacket. Let's go ahead and do a little recap. So last time you guys faced Owen the Sullen as you attempted to flee the temple of the guardians. During an intense face-off with the winter wence himself, Pia was down to one HP, very much not invincible. The others were frozen, even less invincible. It's because of that that I know I could be like that. He could definitely live forever frozen, but still alive. He kept up to one hit point and I survived true But Fia did manage to finish him off and dispel the ice
Starting point is 00:03:31 The three of you then crashed into the cave river and began Correening towards a waterfall before being saved by Lusgrar and his crew Seeing the injured Batilda Lusgrar led you to a nearby deep folk outpost called Zellboldar 7, one of dozens of outposts named after their great lost city. After asking about the infrastructure and getting into an argument with some children, you brought Batilda. They started it. They did kind of start it. You brought Patilda to a bed at the Earth and Ale Tavern where she began to rest. After recovering a bit, Patilda told you her side of the story that Moxora, the Sorceress, with the help of Kane, had wiped out most of the blades in the temple during a contentious
Starting point is 00:04:19 meeting eight years ago. Patilda confessed that she had planned to retire as a blade but offered to take you on as her pupils, you three the blades and she the smith. After speaking the words and performing a ritual, you were blessed with magic power and Fiya in particular felt a closer bond to arena, the reincarnation of a god. I am Heter Knight. Fiya has now taken up Batilda's helm as the guardian of Cerenesis, and that's where you are now.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Ooh, love it. So you guys have just received this blessing. You feel powerful magic surging through you. There are green flicks of arcane energy hovering around your weapons. They're now plus one. Oh boy. And the party has leveled up to level six.
Starting point is 00:05:06 Yeah. Zirk tries to lick the flame. You take six damage. I'm dead. You guys see Zirk drops. You see Patilda goes, why? What? Why did he do that?
Starting point is 00:05:21 You did one thing I know. It must have been for a truly awesome purpose. You see, Zirk underspressed says, looks like green apple. You see Zirk just twitching on the ground and Spritele goes, I felt his desire to lick it. He just wanted to lick fire for some reason. Maybe you should be the dad's bridal.
Starting point is 00:05:44 Patilda just kind of looks down at Zurich. Just passed out on the ground and goes, well, I guess it's too late. He's already taken the words. I suppose two and a half blades is better than two. I am sure he'll find some more interesting hobbies along the way. Actually, if Zurich is going to pass out in such fashion,
Starting point is 00:06:06 I might as well do something that might also make me pass out. I look at Betille and I say, you likely might need some sort of help to get back. So I want to try to learn a spell for you and I take out Volk and I go to a page about Volk. I'm here. Volk just starts biting at Fia, starts wrestling around, but Tilda goes, oh, Volk. Okay, I need to see the page with Phantom Steed.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Get over here. Great. So go ahead and make an intelligence saving throw to try to learn Phantom Steed. Meanwhile, Zirk, yes, I'll say a Spritell stabilizes you. Right, I was about to do that Spritell. Thank you. 18 on the dice. Beautiful.
Starting point is 00:06:50 Plus 422. You pass, it's gonna take you the night to learn it. Like you're gonna need to like study a bit. But you pull out folk, you're able to wrestle him. And Batilda shakes her head and goes, right to work. I've got one of my pupils licking fire and passing out on the ground, nearly killing himself or just no apparent reason.
Starting point is 00:07:13 And another one. You don't know the principles and the powers of a substance until you try it and who better to vouch for it than your own personal self. That's what I always say. I could have told you if you wanted to, I could have told you not to lick the fire. Yes. I would have just given you the say. I could have told you if you wanted to, I could have told you not to lick the fire. Yes. I would have just given you the info. You could have told me, but could you have told me with full confidence and truth.
Starting point is 00:07:30 I agree with Henry here. This is less of a smith to blade lesson and more of just a general parenting lesson. So someone at some point should have told you not to touch fire, especially with your tongue. Again, if you knew my mom, you'd know that that is simply not true. Very well. You know, I'm still feeling a little light-headed. Fia, would you be a deer and help me over to the bed? Of course. I like cradle her too much, like you do with your parents when they start to get older.
Starting point is 00:08:01 You're just like helping her a little too much. Alright, come on, girl. Don't walk for me. Look at food like helping her a little too much. All right, come on, girl. Don't walk for me, come on. Loosen up a little bit. Loosen up a little bit. No, don't touch my- And I'd break your head. No, literally lifting the feet off of the floor.
Starting point is 00:08:13 Lifting the feet off the floor, I need to use like a crutch, not like- This pillow that give you it's so hard, I pummel it to be softer. But Tilda goes over to the bed. She puts the pillow behind her, kind of sits propped up. And she talks to you guys, sounding kind of weak, looking like kind of pale.
Starting point is 00:08:33 You'll get more training when I feel better. Now, normally a Smith will train a blade from a younger age, but it seems like you've all learned most of the early lessons on your own. Just looks away from Sirk. Just directly looking at Henry and Fia. Sirk is staring at one of the crustacean shells and kind of trying to dipping his finger into its blood. Why is the crustacean bleeding?
Starting point is 00:08:59 Morah! We did not do this! What have we done? I see, Patilda goes, for now, the most helpful thing I'll be able to do for you is to offer you advice and guidance. You see, she motions to your Guardians of the Grove book, Fia? It is yours. Everything is yours. Even I. It is yours now, little thing.
Starting point is 00:09:21 For borrowing, I will... Stop, please. First two lessons. Take the damn book, take the damn sword. And just don't lick it. You, try not to lick it, sir. Yeah, you see she points to Henry. Number one student right now.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Fia, you need to learn to take the damn sword. I put your pillow. And, sir, you need to learn learn not like fire, Goddamn it. Okay, right, use a Q-tip and then put it in a vial and then lick it later, I gotcha. You see, yeah, Fiya, you're very much reminded of kind of like the crotchety Batilda that you used to just like groan and walk around
Starting point is 00:09:55 the train car and completely. And about that. Usually she reserved this sort of acidity for the books which were misbehaving, but now it is turned on me. She flips through the Guardians of the Grove book and you see she pulls up the section on the Smiths. See there's an empty page with like a beautiful inked frame around it and at the bottom of the page is a quote in Sylvan and it says I am the blade who hunts the horror. If you say those words, those are the code words,
Starting point is 00:10:27 I'll be able to hear it. And when I complete it, when I say, and I am the Smith who crafts the blade, I will be able to appear in the book. And I can offer my insight as best I can. You'll be able to summon me about once a day with this. So we can literally page you. Wow, you can quite literally page you. Wow.
Starting point is 00:10:45 You can quite literally page me. Oh, oh! This was quite clever. I, I, I, I literally some fires still on your tongue for this one. Henry applaud his claw hands at you. Zerks noseblees. I like golf clap, clicking on phone. Just the claw.
Starting point is 00:11:01 This type of fire is good. You have so much to teach us. Enough for the nights. I type of fire is good. You have so much to teach us. Enough for the night. I'm not feeling great. I'll need a few days hold up here. But for now, we should all get some rest. Considering Zirk just died from touching his gun.
Starting point is 00:11:15 Yeah. Because I am quite sick or ill or no, no, no, quite weak. I am quite weak. Yeah, I think after about four hours of reading and experimenting, I'll be ready to just hit the hay. You see, she nods, closes her eyes and kind of just smiles, quickly drifts off to sleep. You guys have, there's a couple like Murphy beds,
Starting point is 00:11:40 literally in the walls here kind of tucked away. I don't get it. Revose her. Yes. They have glasses and it. Robose, sir. Yes. They have glasses and they're super smart and cool. I go make love to love. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Shake one's hand. I lick one. Henry drops. What the hell? Boys in bed. You guys find these beds that are tucked away here. Is there anything you guys want to do before you go to sleep? Fia, you spend a little time, you learn Phantom Steed.
Starting point is 00:12:13 Nice. I learn Phantom Steed and I have a little something I want to ask from Matilda, but it's selfish. So I have a little cantrip that I can put my thought into a little- The brain spaghetti? I can turn it into a little ribbon of my thought and leave it at her side so she can see it, you know. Oh, that's very cute. So yeah, you, um, you pull out a string of brain spaghetti,
Starting point is 00:12:38 one arcane strand that you put in a little glass bottle, you put it right by the nightstand at the edge of the bed. There's kind of this, um, dare I say, one nightstand at the edge of the bed. There's kind of this dare I say one big bed in the corner of the room that Patil does in. And then there's like a couple of other Murphy beds and cots around the room. Zerks stays up for a bit and tinkers with his gun and then wanders out into the street
Starting point is 00:12:58 to see if any of the youngsters can show him a place to go shoot bottles because he wants to test it out. Sure. Zerks, you go outside. You see a couple of the youngsters from before Henry opens a window to try to witness this from home. Hello youths.
Starting point is 00:13:15 I'm like cuddled up with Volk like he's a little puppy. I'll tell her in the morning. You look out the window, Cirque has walked outside, and I said hello youths to a couple of kids hanging out outside of the tavern. Cirque recognizes them as like the trouble makers that kind of got into it with you guys before
Starting point is 00:13:41 when you entered the bar. Oh hey there, tall guy. What can I do for you? You need help squeezing into something, reaching into like a really small area that you can't get to. Maybe eventually, like I do work on a lot of projects with intricate gears and clockwork mechanisms. So I bet you do.
Starting point is 00:14:02 I bet you do. They all laugh. I do. I do in fact, so I bet you do. I bet you do. They all laugh. I do. I do, in fact, Henry's blood is boiling. And I can follow you, kid. Yes, it's nice to have my work confirmed by someone. I do work on a lot of intricate work. And if perhaps you could use your tiny fingers
Starting point is 00:14:17 to aid me, that would be wonderful. But for now, I was just wondering if you knew a place where I could shoot at some old tin cans or something like that. Just some harmless fun. You seem like kids that might knew a place where I could shoot at some old tin cans or something like that. Just some harmless fun. You seem like kids that might know a place for that. They look at you kind of skeptical, then they look at each other,
Starting point is 00:14:33 and then the one kind of head one looks up and you and goes like, yeah, yeah, I got a place you could try that out. Here, follow me. Either way, come along, Spritele. Maybe you'll make some friends. Oh, shit. This seems in advisable, Papa. You see, they take you.
Starting point is 00:14:52 Oh, there. They begin walking away from the alley. And you see that there are different tunnels that go into different mines and stuff. How much HP do I have right now? Still one? Zero. Yeah, one here up to. All right. Yeah, I'm stable at one cool. I guess I will probably yeah I've got a single spell slot left. I'll go ahead and cure once myself as I'm walking okay
Starting point is 00:15:15 You cure wounds yourself. I'm keeping an eye on where he's going right how far away is he right now? They're walking away Okay, I'm gonna Okay. I'm gonna suck. I'm gonna summon Shank. Yeah, wake up buddy. Let's get himself into some shit. Alright, we're gonna. Aping Zerk really wanted to get robbed. So now Mr. Shank, unfortunately, this is yet another chapter in the tragedy of your life. You are now a babysitter, Shank. Maybe to save Zirk.
Starting point is 00:15:47 We just need you to keep, I'm gonna be right behind you. I'm gonna be 30 feet behind you. You are my eyes and ears though. All right. Okay, let's go. You guys walk out of the tavern and you guys follow at a distance. Fier, are you doing anything
Starting point is 00:16:02 or are you staying with Patilda? These seems as though maybe we even need backups. Also, it might be kind of boring to just sleep. So, I guess, okay, I will join. Sweet, alright. Fier, you follow Henry as Shank kind of takes the lead. Zirk, you see that there are like different like mining tunnels and stuff that go deeper takes the lead. Zirk, you see that there are different like mining tunnels and stuff that go deeper into the mountain. You see, there's like a group of like five kids here, when I say kids, I mean like 50 year olds,
Starting point is 00:16:34 so just like kind of, smaller, like a little skinnier, their tusks aren't quite as pronounced, they're not as like buff as Lusgar, they have these little like bowler caps on and like suspenders and you see like four of them go in and these guys do these guys have like intense intense dark vision so they just like walk right into this like super dark tunnel and you see the one goes like we got some cans of stuff set up we got some weapons we've used before we'll throw like throwing knives and stuff in there
Starting point is 00:17:07 I was kind of looking for more of like an alley or maybe like an old construction site, but uh Okay, uh, I'm gonna like put my hand on the wall as I go Um, and use tinkering to leave like a little glowing sigil there or something like that I'll just put a little glowing z on the wall as I go in the room. Hold your hand up, put a little glowing Z on the wall. Zirk, go ahead and give me a perception check with disadvantage. Oh, fuck me. That's gonna be an eight.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Okay, it's just such a bad idea. I'm really excited to see where this is going. I didn't think you could beat licking fire, but well. Ah! That was good! And insane start to the episode. Zirk let his guard down so hard when the tilde was rescue.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Oh, he's rolling. So many dice. That's good, dear. Zirk, out of the darkness, one of these kids just has a pipe and clocks you in the head for three damage. I got a chin! Oh, there.
Starting point is 00:18:03 The next kid goes, he's got like a rock in his hands. Oh, God. They're rolling with advantage. They're coming out of hiding. Nine damage for the second one. I lean over to Mr. Henry and I say, I really am a time sorcerer because I saw this future. Maybe I am too.
Starting point is 00:18:22 No, it, but maybe you are. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I. Maybe you are. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be.
Starting point is 00:18:31 I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be.
Starting point is 00:18:39 I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be. I thought cave on the way in. That would be believable. Six damage from the last guy. Yep, I'm down. Okay, I'm just see darkness, Henry, Fia, I'll say you guys were a little bit behind them. You see, Zirk goes into this tunnel with these kids. You see a minute later, the kids all walk out, no zerk. Okay. Hey, hey,
Starting point is 00:19:09 buddies. All right. They stop and they look up at you, Henry. Oh, I guess what is this tall people convention or something? Yes, it is. We have many important things to discuss, such as the giving of ladders to small ones So we don't have to reach everything all the time. What are you trying to say there? All right with fire easy You know you you taught our friend the valuable lesson which is not to Go into a dark cave with five hooligans that he doesn't know Arguably one that his parents should have taught him earlier, but he's a late learner.
Starting point is 00:19:47 He's a quick learner though. I don't think he'll make the mistake again. Anyway, thank you for teaching him the lesson. We're just gonna need whatever you took off his person and we'll call it square. Who's your friend? Can I do a perception check to try and see if anyone has the gun?
Starting point is 00:20:03 Yeah, go ahead and do a perception check. 19 on the dice. Wow, yeah, you see the little leader, dude. You see like the top of the handle of a Zerks gun in this kid's pants. Then can I cast command and tell him to drop it? Sure, what kind of save does he make? Wisdom save.
Starting point is 00:20:29 That is a natural five. You see, I'm still looking at you going, I didn't take nothing from your friend. Not that I even know who your friend is. And then just casually just reaches into his pants, grabs a gun and throws it on the ground. What? Cool side.
Starting point is 00:20:44 Stop, leader, I pick up the gun. Sorry for the confusion. You guys just be on your way. We'll find them. We probably got drunk and wanted out of now. Thanks for your help. I'm gonna try not to hit my head on any door frames. Try not to hit yours on any tables. All right. See you guys. They give you guys a little salute and walk off. Well, should we let them sleep in the cave or should we? guys a little salute and walk off? Well, should we let him sleep in the cave or should we? I think we should let him sleep in the cave and sort of consider the possibility that he has lost his gun and perhaps it will be a lesson without the sting of it having to be true. I like that. Okay, cool. I'm just gonna walk into the cave and put a little blanket over Sir. Yeah, that's right. You see there's a cave bug already crawling in his mouth. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:21:29 you see this is not safe. You see you hear like the sounds of like monsters in the distance. You're like, okay, so I'm gonna carry them to the mouth of the cave. I like the place. Yeah, this sounds beautiful to me. This is just a lullaby. You see, the scottling of insects. As you guys pick up Zirk, you see, the kids did not like try to kill him or anything, but they did not just take his gun. They took all his shit. They took a full-leaf.
Starting point is 00:21:56 Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, dear. Oh, okay. What else did they have? Everything on your, anything in your pockets? I use the salts that he gave me and put it under his nose. Zerkveka, makeup.
Starting point is 00:22:11 I think those kids are up to something. Yeah, you think? Where's my god? Where's my gun? Actually, you're in luck. Fia got your gun back. Where am I keys? Where's my task port?
Starting point is 00:22:21 Has anyone seen my task port? You should not be carrying that around in your pocket. Yeah, we used to travel around a lot. It's probably outdated, but I do have one. Oh gosh. Okay, that's dangerous. They could use that to get another passport. They probably also have an acid sample,
Starting point is 00:22:37 some venom bolts, a vial of betilva's blood, a single bomb, and some extra ammunition. Oh my god, but she was as blood! That one's pretty bad. Shank, look at my alive buddy. I go immediately to go retrieve. I hear nothing else. I go to retrieve the violin. But till this blood. Looks like a goddamn gazelle. Oh my god. Go ahead and um, Fiya give me a, I'm gonna say perception check with disadvantage. These kids went off into the town. Oh god damn it. That's gonna be a five.
Starting point is 00:23:06 Let me see what I add to it. It's gonna be an eight. You got an eight? Boy. Fia, you look around. You see other kids. You don't recognize. Okay, I turn around and I say, okay, it was very fun.
Starting point is 00:23:18 I hope that you had a fun time. But right now, Batilda, who is not only my smith, but now your smith Her body is in danger to the witchcraft of others and you have done this you retrieve Batilda's blood or else And then I walk away Wow, dude, she's mad at you. Yeah, I know all right. I'm shoving Henry Did you have a nice moment for yourself? I pop back in look now. I'm shoving Henry. Hey! Did you have a nice moment for yourself? I popped back in. Okay, now I'm really going, now I'm really going, okay? You already made a dramatic exit, it was perfect.
Starting point is 00:23:52 Hold me back, miss. Hold me back. See, both of those are joy. No, hold me back. You have to hold me back. No, you hold me back. All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay? I just wanted to try and do everything I could
Starting point is 00:24:03 to keep us safe and I wanted a little extra practice, but I fudged up big time, okay? I really hecked this up and I'm sorry, okay? I just wanted to try and do everything I could to keep us safe and I wanted a little extra practice, but I fudged up big time, okay, I really hecked this up and I'm sorry. I swing his little gun around my finger and I say you can have this back when I get betilled as blood. Fair enough. Spreital, are you living for this drama?
Starting point is 00:24:19 Cause I'm scared. I'm scared from when the people came out and it put by with pipes, and now everyone's mad at him. Too much drama. I hate this is too much drama for even me. Zorkis got it like twirling the edges of his hair around his finger.
Starting point is 00:24:35 We'll figure something out. Spritele, you can fly. Can you fly up into the air and see if you can get a view of where those kids might have gone? You see Spritele nods their head and goes up. And hey, Shank, you don't weigh anything. Can you ride on Spritele? So see if you can see something too.
Starting point is 00:24:50 And I ride on Spritele. That's right, you're right on Spritele. That should be a good chapter in that form. That's a tad ridiculous. But yes, you can. You're weightless. I'm gonna, in my, how far can I travel away? That seems weird that I could just fly.
Starting point is 00:25:04 30 feet from me. 30 feet in the air Yeah, okay any direction, but see um shank grabs on to Sprite. Oh, I don't like this one fucking back Where's up in the air go ahead and give me a perception check for Hank and a perception check for Sprite. Oh cool It's a 16 for Shank. Okay, 11. Okay. Shank sees one of the kids, not the main kid.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Kind of looking both ways, just looking kind of suspicious. Like this kid is just like making a beeline home. Like goes into like one of these stone houses and closes the door. We got a break into his house. Great. Okay. All right. So yeah, we got we got eyes on somebody, but bad news is they went home there at their house. Okay, but they are by themselves. By themselves. Okay. Dintially or with their parents who they love. We don't know who lives there. Okay, let's go look in the windows. Okay, you guys approach this stone house.
Starting point is 00:26:06 You see that there's like a fire or like candlelight going on inside like a little bit of an orange glow. And you hear through an open window, this kid getting chewed out by their mom. Cug-nuck, what are you doing? You're only 47 years old out all night. And my mom won't you buzz off, all right? I'm old enough. I'm going up. I'm going. So mouthy. I'm going to go read in bed. You're not going to read. You go immediately right to bed.
Starting point is 00:26:35 Hey, politely knock on the door. You knock on the door. You see this older, deep folk woman comes out, big tusks pointed down, long white hair, opens the doors looking straight ahead, but then looks up to meet your gaze and goes like, can I help you? Yes, Henry Hogfish, glory to Zelbaldar. Blood and stone, glory to Zelbaldar. Paladin stone. Bounzer chest, Blood and stone, glory to Zelbaldar. My name is Dinlana. Dinlana, it is a pleasure to meet you. We're friends of Lusgrars.
Starting point is 00:27:13 I don't know if you know him. I'm familiar with Lusgrar. I'm one of the great warriors of the South Post. A great leader here. He is, he sure, he certainly is. Now look, I know your kid has gotten mixed up with some no good kids. I think your kid's a good kid. You got a good heart.
Starting point is 00:27:32 The thing is, I think he took something from our buddy, Zirk here. And we don't want any trouble. We just like to see it returned. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage. Zirk turns around to show the giant knot on the back of his head. You know, that wasn't necessarily your child. That could have been any of them.
Starting point is 00:27:51 They all have pipes, as I'll say. That is an 18. She looks at you, Henry. She looks at Zirk, and you see she shakes her head, and she yells, Cognac, have you been luring strangers into caves and hitting them with pipes again? Wow And he goes
Starting point is 00:28:12 Yeah, yeah ma, why you got a problem with it? You see this kid comes down stairs Sees his mother standing with a grown man with claws The dude he just attacked and a lady with a giant sword with claws, the dude he just attacked and a lady with a giant sword next to her and he goes, well what is this side? I didn't realize they were moving the tall people convention to my home.
Starting point is 00:28:34 We already heard that one. You guys doing home visits now? Sorry. Done the tall people bit. It's getting stale. It's getting stale. All right, all right, what do you want? What do you want?
Starting point is 00:28:44 Return the stuff you stole from me. Starting with the Vile of blood. Okay, the Vile of blood. Guys, go ahead and give me, I said what I said, five kids. Let's say 16 through 20, this kid has the blood. Oh boy, who wants to roll it? Just roll a luck check. Theo, you want to roll it?
Starting point is 00:29:01 You want to roll it? I literally just got a 17 like that. Whoa! Fucking hell! That was good. This parent conversation can only work once. This kid doesn't have, is there any part of the money or whatever that you had is gone?
Starting point is 00:29:18 All of that stuff. But you see, this kid seemed to have been interested in like the chemical stuff and like the bombs like real shit head kid stuff And just like fine. Yeah, it got some weird shit So we had like fucking goose and whatnot I thought I would make some like weird slime or like I don't know like blow up a small building or something buddy I could have shown you how to do that You didn't need to steal it from me. We could have made this a little science camp together
Starting point is 00:29:43 Why would I want to go to science camp but a dude who follows strange people into caves and gets beat up? I guess because you don't have love in your heart. You damn right it, don't you? Thank you dumb stuff. I give up, gives you back your alchemy stuff. He's got like your alchemy stuff on him.
Starting point is 00:30:02 That's good, this is important. All right, Duff, fuck off, get out of my house. Yeah. Okay. Before we leave, I say to I say to his mom, I say, one parent to another, when they tell you to buzz off, that's when they need you the most. You don't buzz. You see? You don't buzz like I said. She tears up and she goes, I know these, the forties are a phase. I just got a once they get to 60 or 70 then they become your friends, you know Henry nods blankly Turns away. How how old are you man? I ask just out of curiosity 210 good for you Thank you very to Zelbaldar blood in stone blood in stone. Gloward is a bulldog. Sorry for sorry for any trouble my kid cost
Starting point is 00:30:44 Blood and stone blood and stone. Gloward is noble dar sorry for sorry for any trouble my kid cost You know, yeah, it's it really was not anything that our pal was not it seems actively seeking so Really fault on both sides. I see she yells at her son no caves for a week Caves in my favorite place ma games inside games of course Double cave you see he seems sweet She sends him upstairs waves you guys goodbye closes the door okay All right, we all came for a four to go I Just want to say again. I'm very sorry
Starting point is 00:31:23 This is not what I planned for this evening Not my intention, but you know what? Intentions regardless, they can have consequences and I'm deeply sorry for you. And Henry, you seem a little annoyed too, so I'm sorry to you. Well you pushed me and I didn't really do it. I got a little heated. I ate the fire, I got a little heated. Hey you see the shank pipes up and I'm afraid of heights and you had me flying around looking for kids. I unsummoned shank. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa No. Oh, okay. He's good at it though. All right, ciao. Yeah, good at it.
Starting point is 00:32:05 You got to be good at it, I'll say dad. Hey, there he goes. Disappears. We know the ocean. We should probably try and do some more research about that seafarate at some point. Yes, yes, I would like that very much. I'm going to say it's been a couple hours at this point. If you guys want to get some sleep.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Yeah, I have at least one concussion, so I should probably sleep that off. Yeah, all right, let's hit the hay. You know, I'm glad we all had this row, you know, it's good. It's a bonding experience. We're a bunch of introverts. You gotta, you gotta go through the tough shit. I do not hold a grudge, not that, but till this blood has been returned. Interesting, you know, grudge, that kind of feels like it's my thing. Maybe I should, maybe I should quit doing that
Starting point is 00:32:45 Yes, you use your anger to get something done then when it is done, it disappears much like shank Wow, all right. Yeah, I can grasp that idea So you guys go back to the earthen ale tavern you guys get your sleep for the night and to the Earthenail Tavern. You guys get your sleep for the night and really really really early in the morning like five or six hours later. You guys hear a knock at your door. Oh fuck. You're kind of our face, Mr. Henry. You should get it. You have that soothing parental presence.
Starting point is 00:33:23 Henry looks in the mirror and sees a haggard middle aged man. Yeah, just drool crust all down the side of your cheek. Yeah, I straighten out my bangs and I walk to the door. Do you open up the door and you see that Lusgror is out there. He's got like a pot of tea and a pot of coffee with him. Well, blood and stone in the morning till you, Lusgrar. Blood and stone in the morning. He nods to you.
Starting point is 00:33:52 You see he walks in, sets down the tea. Batilda starts to stir. And you see as she wakes up, you see Lusgrar looks a little sheepish. Batilda, it is good to see you awake. I was wondering if I could speak to you of a question befitting a blade. And you see, Patilda still looks kind of out of it. You know, mechanically, yesterday,
Starting point is 00:34:19 she had like exhaustion. She's still suffering like the effects of those. She's been like out for eight years. So she still looks like pretty messed up even though she's gotten a full rest. You see she waves her hand at lusts Grar and goes, it's good to see you lusts Grar, but I'm retired. You can take it up with them. They're they're full blades now. I stand behind the I kick the cots where they're sleeping. Lades. Fia falls out. Rigeid. She sleeps super rigid like a cold. It's such a thought. Lans.
Starting point is 00:34:49 You see, Lusgrar looks at the legendary blade that is a sleep and bed. And it looks at these three buffoons. Still with like bruises and scratches from their scrap with children last night. And we scratches his ass with his claws. Luscar goes, all right, Spatilda, we'll let you rest. Turns to the rest of you and goes, shall we take our coffee downstairs then? Yes, for me, but yes. You see, pours a cup for Patilda, and you guys all walk downstairs.
Starting point is 00:35:28 To the lower level of the tavern, you see the scene is very similar to how it was last night. And because there's no sun here, there's no natural kind of waxing and waning of the day. You see the room is still dark and lit by candlelight. You see some people are drinking ails, others are drinking coffee. You see there's less cars mom was behind the bar before, you see there's a younger man behind the bar now. You see it's a different set of patrons, but the bar very much looks the same.
Starting point is 00:35:54 You see Lesnar finds a table in the corner, plops down with you, pour some coffee to like a large clay mug and as he sips it, he goes, I have to admit, my interest in Batilda Survival was not entirely altruistic. We have need of a blade here. Oh, well, what do you need? you've gotten us out of some shitty situation? So I feel like yeah, oh yeah, yeah, we are certainly in your debt as you say that you see he Puts his mug down and he sits up straight and he points to you and he goes now me helping you was repaying my debt to Kenley This is something different. I will owe you. I keep my oaths Kenley this is something different. I will owe you I keep my oaths Maybe the first time you say that twice you saved us twice you repay the debt to
Starting point is 00:36:58 Kenley and you incur the new debt with us you saved us twice yes, we owe you a debt blood and stone You see he scratches his chin and he goes hmm hmm, perhaps now you will have to answer the call. Oh shit. Great. That we will, I slam down my tea like a tanker of ale. Very well, perhaps you do owe us a favor. Beyond that, I think finding this person would be mutually beneficial to both of us. There's a cleric here named
Starting point is 00:37:25 Gerez. Gerez. She's been missing for a couple days and I'm worried about her. She's a seer and she had a reoccurring dream of communicating with the undead. A group of horrors that could speak and feel. And she imagined herself meeting them in one of our abandoned outposts. She told me this, but I advised her against pursuing it. She ended up leaving anyway by herself. This was just before I left to help you the other day. I asked around, and the last she was seen,
Starting point is 00:38:03 she was going to a place called the crux And I am not welcome there May I ask by so I know not to dress passionate like bringing your own alcohol you're not supposed to do that They throw you right up for that. Is it like a hangout for the kids? Is that where you're not welcome? There are a lot of nasty teens there By teens I mean people in their forties of course. Yes, of course. Yes, the teenagers of Middle Ages were.
Starting point is 00:38:30 Forty is the new 13. I love to hear it, honestly. The crux is one of the few deep folk outposts that doesn't take the name Zellboldar. They're not exactly traditional. It's a bit of a transient town. It's close to a lot of old ruins. There are dangerous people there called scrapers. Ostensibly, they're called that because they travel to different ruins and mining tunnels and collect artifacts and supplies to repurpose them.
Starting point is 00:38:58 In reality, they are Raiders who aren't above killing to get what they want. Oh dear. So would it be presumptuous of me to say there is maybe no collectible postcard in this one? I wasn't gonna bring it up, but thank you, Fiya. If anything, there would be more likely to sell you BUM postcards. You could probably actually go there and complete your collection without traveling to any of the other zobaltos. Henry slams down his car. Seems unlawful, but if it's the only way we must do it. We leave fishing incredibly efficient. Anyway, a few years ago, a major outpost in mining site was destroyed by a sudden cave
Starting point is 00:39:40 in that killed hundreds. It was suspicious to say the least, no witnesses survived. We believed the scrappers were responsible, but we couldn't prove it. The de facto leader of the Crocs, Hugh Tarr Gunner-Bold, took offense. Suffice it to say, I am no longer welcome. There are humans and various other outlaws in the Crocs, traders doing business. You'll fit in better than I would. I am not liked by the de facto leader. I see. And what sort of persuasions are they incline towards? So as you know, we might be able to use such information to make an introduction.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Hugh Tarr Gunnerbolt owns a bar there called the Mall and pretty much owns all business in the crux Though he wouldn't put his name on it officially. He's got his hands in a lot of people's business Hmm, I see you see he hands you a a like charcoal drawing And he goes this is threats You see she's got a long gray hair with a streetcar. This is beautiful. Did you draw this? Yes, I'm a bit of an artist. We are meeting so many really good artists along the way.
Starting point is 00:40:55 Is everyone really good at drawing? I mean, I've never even tried. You should try. I think you've got what it takes. I'm terrified. You see, on the picture of Gretz, she's got long gray hair with a streak of black in it. She wears a breastplate under a cloak and wields a staff. She's got an amulet in the shape of a leaf.
Starting point is 00:41:15 You see she's got a septum piercing with interlocked rings that go down, lustsgar are points to the amulet she's wearing, the one that's in the shape of a leaf. She's our last way of contacting Sienna, the Autumn Fairy, the Fairy of Wisdom. She's very important to our cause here. Her death would surely lead to violence between us and the scrapers. Should they have anything to do with it? I see. We want this is a snake mission to prevent an all-out war.
Starting point is 00:41:48 You see, he nods. Okay, okay. Always eager to meet a fellow healer as well, so I'm definitely excited to speak with this cleric if we can find her. She is an extremely knowledgeable healer, and she has the ear of Sienna. If you help her, I'm sure she would be able to help you. Perhaps together, you would be able to figure out what's going on with these mysterious, sentient horrors
Starting point is 00:42:13 that she's dreaming about. Yes, we will take this on. I will run it by a batild, but I would imagine she would support this. You see, Lusgar nods, let me know when you're ready. There's a Transporter that can help you travel quickly to the crux. Perfect. That's good. I also could summon a little steed, but we'll I don't know. I prefer to ride by disc actually
Starting point is 00:42:38 It's true. I guess I'm in a state have my dancers floating disc behind me Yeah, I believe the area that the crux is near in the above ground would be West precinct I think it's about 200 miles from here on foot. Oh Okay, all right, sorry big disorder it is He points out the window. He like gives you guys directions. Awesome. By the way I actually named dropped you last night when we were trying to get this violet blood back and it was super helpful So if anything I owe you an extra favor trying to get a pile of blood back. Yeah, I don't know if you have like PTA meetings or like city council or something like that but like the
Starting point is 00:43:20 Fiends the fiends are out of control like they're just straight up like the, it sounds bad But I guess there's no other way to put it so yes, I was robbed by babies very well I will ask around all right, but I'll see you at the transport or whenever you're ready. Yes Well, let's go say our goodbyes the Patilda. You guys go upstairs to Patilda You see she stirs as the door opens I leave it I leave a hot black tea on her nightstand and I whisper, but tillda, Leskar wants us to go look for a cleric. It's 200 miles away. Oh, that's nice little fang.
Starting point is 00:44:16 You should be co-do it. Do you need us here? Do I need you here for me to lay in bed? No, I don't need you here to help me lay in bed. I'm damn capable of laying in bed all by myself, little fron. All right, it's fine. Let me plug this T into a little hot plate. Keep it warm for you.
Starting point is 00:44:35 Ha, ha, ha. This is Mr. Henry's witchcraft. This, this is my star pupil, my family. I haven't licked anything since yesterday. So you're licking those shells. Quiet, dude. Fia, what kind of message did you leave in the vile? Oh, I wanted to ask her if she had any stories
Starting point is 00:44:56 of the different lives of Syrinesis. Because I only know her as a rena, but it is perhaps a selfish curiosity. It is not one that I think helps me to guard her. It's a great childish. She might be drawn to places her past life went if Henry's any indication. Well, okay, wonderful.
Starting point is 00:45:18 That's wonderful to have a, I totally just wanted it out of curiosity to know her better, but yes, it is because I am a diligent car When you come back here, I'll fill you in on what I know my mind's a little cloudy right now But curiosity is good. Oh, yeah until you lick something sure You don't have to lick everything. It's so good. He gave him, he got robbed last time. He said it was robbed. You got robbed.
Starting point is 00:45:48 You're for not just Rob. Yeah, he got his ass kicked and also robbed. So yeah, I'm hoping that they have one of those t-shirts that says that in the gift shop. Of course, of course. I came to Zelbaldar 7 and all I got was my ass kicked and robbed. The thing is they do have it, I know, but it's sold out. It's very popular. It's still a lot of people.
Starting point is 00:46:07 But all the T-shirts are gone. So you already found me. Yeah, if I had seen the T-shirt in the store, probably wouldn't have done it. You know, you shouldn't feel that bad if they sell out so well, you know. You see, Patilda goes, but seriously, little fang. I am here, if you need me, you can reach out to me via the book. I do need some time to rest here. So it would be good for you to help Pluscrar with whatever he needs because the deep folk have been great friends to us.
Starting point is 00:46:37 Absolutely. Okay. Shades open or closed. I'm sorry. I know'm being overbaring. Let's do the crack. Open the crack. Okay, partial. I love that. Nice. Very transitional. It's dark regardless because we're in a cave. Okay, one last punch of the pillow and then we go. If you just wail the pillow.
Starting point is 00:46:58 Ah! You're gonna be okay. I can't leave. So close to our head. I don't know how you do that. So you guys exit the tavern and you guys see Lusquare outside of a small stone building built into the cave wall.
Starting point is 00:47:13 You see he leads you in and you see dim purple light coming up from several runes circles coming out of like circular inlets in the wall that it looks like you could step into. There looked to be about like two dozen of them. You can guess these probably go to the other like zelball dars. And you see, Lusgrar points to the third transporter
Starting point is 00:47:35 from the left and he goes, this will take you to the crux, be careful there. Do we go one at a time? I suppose you could all try to cram in if you'd like. Can we try to cram in? Because I don't want to like show up and we immediately can't find each other. I feel awkward if I can't, if I don't know anybody when I, when I, when I arrive. I've learned that if you go off on your own bad things happen, we're cramming in.
Starting point is 00:47:59 Alright, let's cram. I'm glad you learned the right lesson. It takes a while, but it finds its way in for you. You guys cram into this little teleporter. It's really laborious and painful, but you guys all eventually get in there, and you guys are transported, and you arrive in a similar stone building in the crux.
Starting point is 00:48:22 You see there's a guard here. you see the guard nods to you, and motions for you to like exit into the village, and outside you immediately hear the sounds of rushing water. You see that this is clearly near another underground river network, and you actually see little docks and boats, and even fishermen pulling at these cave fish. It looks like the river is used as a mode of travel.
Starting point is 00:48:48 You see a deep folk preparing to set off in like cylindrical boats down different tunnels, kind of like log flumes almost. Oh, you see the mountains. Are they going faster than the river boat that we already went on? Yeah, no, they're going fast as fuck. Yeah, no, this is extremely dangerous. Yeah, it feels for herself because it was already a hurdle to trust the ground of the river boat.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Are they raising their hands and going, ah, as they leave? Absolutely not. You see, they're placing themselves and going, ah. I lean over to the circuit, I say, it's okay, we can do that. You sure you mean it?
Starting point is 00:49:23 I do it already. Ah. You guys see the mouths of many tunnels, it looks very complicated. You also hear the sounds of metal hitting metal. You see several forges and blacksmiths. You see burly, deep folk wheeling wheelbarrows of scrap metal that is then getting melted down and pounded into shape by these different blacksmiths. You see these artisans and merchants and stuff are in different tents that are all lined up selling their wares. You see
Starting point is 00:49:55 the majority of people here are deep folk but you do see several humanoids out and about. Some of them have tents and are selling their wares as well. Occasionally you'll see these great stone gates in the distance open through which you will see light pour in and you'll see a merchant or some other guest enter in. This looks much less hidden than the outpost that Lusgrar took you to. In fact, as you guys like exit the little transporter, you see the guard there disassembles the circle that you guys went through,
Starting point is 00:50:32 so that nobody can go back in unless this wizard worker person is there. So it seems like nobody really trusts the crux to correctly judge who's coming through here. Don't trust the crux to like correctly judge who's coming through here. Don't trucks the crux. You guys see there are some actual stone buildings. You see you know obviously the transporters will want among them. You see the biggest hub in this little village is a big tavern and in called the mall outside
Starting point is 00:51:01 of which you see some intimidating looking folks. You see deep folk and humanoids. They're in this like menacing plate mail that looks effective yet kind of unpolished. It's almost like they want you to know that this is stuff that they made from metal that they found themselves. These are clearly what Lusgrar was referring to
Starting point is 00:51:21 when he said like the scrappers. These are like raiders. You see there's no uniform among them. They carry all different kinds of blades and stuff, oftentimes much longer than their own bodies. Wow. I wonder if I have anything to pedal, because I know that my body could handle more intense armor.
Starting point is 00:51:39 Yeah. Well, my pockets are pretty empty at the moment, so I can't help you out there. Thank you, but I would never ask you to pay for my armor There are blacksmiths and stuff like at the tents Shouting out that they have armor. They have split mail. They have plate mail They have shields they've swords. Oh, okay. Let's you know No, please go to the way back maybe oh, I. It would be irresponsible to go into a new place unprepared. So, I mean, if we want to see what they have,
Starting point is 00:52:09 you know, I've been around shop keeps and people peddling wears for my entire life. So I can try and, you know, put my nose to the ground and see who's trustworthy. Sweet, yeah, Zirk, go ahead and give me an insight check as you walk up and browse the wears of the different pedalers at the different tents. There we go, 17.
Starting point is 00:52:27 17. Zerke you walk around. You see some people that are obviously not well-meaning. In fact, you see somebody who's kind of got the look of a mage, she's wearing like a robe, who's got all these like gems and spell components out on like a little pedestal, on like a little stand. And you see real quick, like behind the booth, he's like duplicating the gems so that they're not real.
Starting point is 00:52:53 He's just making like fake gems and he's like shouting for people to come browse his wares. And you see a few like interest. You have to respect the hustle. You see that there are all of the armor here is kind of like rough looking by design. It's supposed to be like intimidating. You see some that looks, you know,
Starting point is 00:53:13 like some vendors that have kind of higher quality stuff that's probably gonna cost a little more, but there are definitely some that would probably give you the AC, but maybe break at some point. Like there are definitely people that you could work with here to get kind of cheaper armor. Basically, kind of any kind of spell component
Starting point is 00:53:31 you could want, any kind of basic weapon or armor that you could want is here. And there's even, there's a kid with a newspaper. When I say kid, I mean, deep folk kid, so kid in his 40s. You see, one of the In one of the tents. There's like this printing press thing and you hear a kid go news funny outside world Newish copies of the West precinct Gazette a new petty king for out of burrow horrors in the Empire
Starting point is 00:53:59 Interesting, okay, does anyone else keep up with politics? Yeah, I like to I like to see how the sports teams are doing. I might grab one of those. Yeah, I like the funnies, but I'm sure that I'm sure there might be some other useful information there. Sweet. Henry, lend me a copper. You go up as soon as you go, the kid charges you the tall people tax, it costs you two copper, gives you a paper. I peel off the funnies and hand them to Zerg. I'll take the obits.
Starting point is 00:54:31 Oh god. Creepier and creepier. Yeah, the obituaries are just super, super dark because it's all descriptions of how people destroyed the body so they couldn't come back as horrors. is important see we must know this we are in the we are in the business of trying to prevent this We must know what the enemy is doing fear of tucks into the obituaries You can't you can't say that you don't get some kind of perverse joy out of it
Starting point is 00:55:00 Henry you grab it first they check my inner burrow strikers scores Henry, you grab it. First, I check my inner burl strikers scores. You do see that the Buffalo Bills have once again lost. God damn it! They are cursed. Is that your team or something? Forget it. You see the big headline on the front page are two names that you recognize. Carlyle Loch Nemore, who is your ex-wife Izzy's new husband, and Edgar Arias, who is Izzy's father, you see a headline that says Carlyle Loch Nemore Edgar Arias, among names, being considered for Petty King of Outerboro, and there's a long article detailing Carlyle being from one of the old families, from like the Loch Nemour family, a great grandfather who was once the high king of the empire. His wife Isabel has family in Outerboro, could possibly be a popular choice and then Edgar Arias obviously
Starting point is 00:56:07 close to Carlisle that's his son-in-law and also is a business leader and has done a lot for industry in West precinct and has helped create like some of the river trade that goes through the different territories and you see like some of the river trade that goes through the different territories. And you see like part of his bids to get either like him or his son-in-law in Outerboro is to like open up more trade in Outerboro and to make it kind of more city like, oh, they're gonna finally finish that train. And you see that there have been more horror attacks
Starting point is 00:56:44 in West precinct, which is rare. It's kind of like a ritzy area, like outer burrow and inner burrow are kind of out in the boonies, so that happens a little bit more. West precinct is a little more buttoned up. Witnesses claim that these horrors kind of just appeared out of thin air. Attacks have been happening in the forest, closer and closer to civilization. Advisors to the high queen are visiting to speak with local officials about a solution. And at this point, the cinder sworn are being considered to burn down a whole swath of woods to stop whatever is like creating horrors in this area. Wow. So as I read that, I convey it to Zerkin Fia
Starting point is 00:57:29 and accidentally I'm tearing the paper in half with my claws as I'm getting my axe in her husband. You cut specifically around that one picture. Is that important? Take it, take it from me. It's nothing to me. Veeces header. It's okay, y'all should really read today's horror-filled.
Starting point is 00:57:47 It's so funny. It's really funny. Horror-filled eats this person, and then horror-filled's owner, John, says not to eat the per- it's great. You just just read it. I could use a laugh. I snatched the paper so hard.
Starting point is 00:57:59 Horror-filled loves being awake and hates Fridays. Awake, better to hunt. You do notice Henry that as you look at it, there is like a sketch of your ex Isabel and her husband Carlisle. And you see they have a child with them. And under it it says Carlisle Lochnamore, his wife, Isabel Lochnamore, and their son, Carlyle, the second. And you do not see young Henry in this picture. Hey, hey, hey, something's wrong with this. I wave it in front of the view.
Starting point is 00:58:43 You, young man, young man who's on this paper, it's really effective. What? No, no, it's. Do you do the e-phones? Okay, I did not say it was an official West precinct, because I said it was a copy of the West precinct, because that-
Starting point is 00:58:58 How many of these obituaries are lies? As far as I know, as far as I know, all those people are really dead. It is counterfeit paper business is fine. That's fine by me. It's not like, yes. All I do is I buy one paper and then I copy the paper myself and then I sell those papers and I don't give any money to the person who write. Okay, when you copied this photo, was there another kid?
Starting point is 00:59:22 Was there an extra kid here? Was it always this? No, this was, I do not photoshop extra kid here was it always no this was I Don't I do not photo shop people out of the pictures for no fucking reason, okay cool So this isn't a prank on me personal attachment to this family whatever this weird reaction that you're having is All right get out of here. All right Pigs up his printing press So
Starting point is 00:59:43 Strong the nicest one we've met. Yeah, didn't hit me with a pipe. Yeah. He's an enterprising young kid. That's fine. You see him hit somebody with a pipe? Oh, there you go. Yep.
Starting point is 00:59:54 All right. But yes, Henry, you see there is a kid here. This kid looks to have been born after you've left. This kid looks like four or five. And young Hank would be like a young teenager now, and he's not in the picture. Yeah, this is not good. I thought Hank, I thought young Henry was gonna be
Starting point is 01:00:15 absorbed into the family, but who knows? Maybe they rejected him, maybe they pushed him out, maybe he's on his own somewhere, I don't know, I'm freaking out, maybe he's on his own somewhere, I don't know, I'm freaking out guys. Mr. Henry, I was a young teen who found herself away from home, it is not a kind life. Yeah, just thinking about young Henry sitting in a cemetery singing creepy songs all by himself. Well, see, that's the part that I'm sentimental for. I see.
Starting point is 01:00:47 Okay. Think about the one he could have. Go get the high. You're referencing the highs of it, you know? Well, now, all right, now I'm actually, I'm really freaking out. He could hold little funerals for all the little animals who die and then he could bury them. You should be optimistic.
Starting point is 01:01:01 Maybe he ran away from his mom and joined a morgue and has been working there for a few years. Let's hold out hope that it's that one. Yeah you see a bookfire flaps over and goes don't worry he can end up like any of us. I quickly look through the obituary to see if they shout out the the morticians and look for Hank's name. I don't think he's working at any of these morgues. That's good. It's good that they give the morticians credit though. You got to respect that.
Starting point is 01:01:31 They do. Well, some of them do really good work. Henry, where did you say your family is now? We're in West precinct. We're below West precinct now. Maybe we can pop over. How far are we from town? Yeah, Lusgar told you guys that this cave network was like near West precinct, so you guys
Starting point is 01:01:49 are quite far from where you started. Yeah. Okay. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall in the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now, we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult!
Starting point is 01:02:11 Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement.
Starting point is 01:02:33 And trust me, you are gonna need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing Bird Dogs. of your rivals. free Yeti style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off. We promise you. Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show. All right, you see, um, book far pipes up and goes, I'm sure we could send a message.
Starting point is 01:03:17 Yes, there are anyone that you trust? We did. They do have a post office. Yes, yes, yes. We should send a post. Very well maintained. With all the counterfeit post office. Yes, yes, yes. We should send a post office. Very well maintained. With all the counterfeit postcards, yes. Yes, let's... You know, there's a possibility that Henry just didn't want to be in the picture. It looks like a long city. We met some unruling teens.
Starting point is 01:03:35 The email he told, is he to buzz off? And she was like, Henry, you can't be in the picture. So... That is true, that is true. Let's not assume worst case scenario. Why don't I write? I'll write a letter to Izzy and to
Starting point is 01:03:50 Lyle it's Lyle and Carlisle. Does he like it when you call him Lyle? I'll write a letter to Izzy and a letter to Carlisle or Lyle as I'm gonna start calling him now And I'll just ask him where just casual keep it cool. Hey, where's my son? So chill. Yeah, where is my son? But with a question mark not an exclamation point. That's casual Maybe just a period. I have to be honest. I think maybe that where is my son? I don't know have to read that in a way that is not. I will write, hey, congrats on the petty king opportunity. Hope all is well with you. Good start. I'm visiting the crux.
Starting point is 01:04:33 Saw the news. We'd love to come by and shake your hand in person and wish you well. By the way, where is my son? Ha ha ha ha. Okay, yeah. This is very good. I just look like now.
Starting point is 01:04:47 Look, I kind of loop them up a bit. And I'll put a, and I'll attach the photo in there. So they can kind of see what I'm referencing. Yeah. If we wanted, we could clip up a bunch of little letters and put them all together and make the words out of that. If you wanted it, that would look like fun. Let's do that on the front of the letter. Because then they're like, there's sure to open it.
Starting point is 01:05:07 Henry, go ahead and give me an insight check with the advantage. Okay. 22. You know your ex and her father, and this dude Carlisle a little bit. And they're the type of people who like to keep up appearances and stuff. It would be kind of an insane slap in the face
Starting point is 01:05:28 for them to like murder young heck. Like that seems kind of crazy. So it's their vanity probably, they won't have a fault. So your thought when looking at this is kind of like, what the fuck are they doing with my kid? Did they send them off? Like, where, what is he doing? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:05:48 Yeah. They're not proud of my boy. They're probably giving him a complex, not torturing him. Okay. Okay, that is much better. I got the wrong impression at first. Yeah, you know, I really blew shit out of proportion. I was scared.
Starting point is 01:06:03 It's okay, don't be hard on yourself. I totally understand. They shipped them off to military school or something. That might be very fun. A school filled with children. Yeah, you go. Yeah, that's what nevermind. I went to boat school when I was a kid. Tell me what classes you take.
Starting point is 01:06:23 Don't touch the sides. don't touch the bottom. Wind is good. Whole glass. Whole glass, yeah. Whole semester one. You want to avoid the sides in the bottom, yeah. What with each year? Seems like more of a clinic.
Starting point is 01:06:37 Sweet, yeah, you guys put together this letter and how would you like to send it? Do you have magical means to send it or do you want to just talk to somebody here like a messenger? I don't know if Do you have magical means to send it or do you want to just talk to somebody here like a messenger? I don't know if I have any magical means to do that. I don't yeah, I don't have any magical means. Okay Yeah, you see one of the tents has like somebody there. They've got like a horse there with them or like a I guess it would be like a mountain goat They have like one of these giant goats there. They can go out of the mountain
Starting point is 01:07:02 I'm gonna pay extra for you you know, expedient shipping. So like the biggest goat that you guys have. Great. That's the surest goat. That's a big marry here. Pass to a goat. That's exactly the same size as all the other goats. I bow before big marry. I trust you, Mary. I offer them a can. Big marry eats the can. You see. I trust you, Mary. I offered them a can. Big Mary eats the can. You see. But now she won't eat the letter.
Starting point is 01:07:27 The kid takes your message, puts it in the bag, and you see rides off towards the gate at the front of the city. OK. So is there anywhere else you guys want to visit or anything here or ask around or anything? You also have this sketch of grays. Yes, let's take out the picture.
Starting point is 01:07:44 Can I do an insight check to see who could potentially like maybe have any kind of like relation with this woman? Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Murph, remind me why Grez was coming to the city again to Crox. The Crox, all of these river tunnels and things like that go to different ruins and these people raid the different areas and whether they find actual powerful artifacts or they just find supplies and scraps and things like that and then turn it into
Starting point is 01:08:18 new items and then sell them. So Grez came here to presumably get passage or something to one of these ruins where she thought she could meet one of these horrors that she's been having dreams about. Okay. So, yeah. So, I'm looking for who she might have looks to be this tavern called the mall. You see there's a sign outside with fangs underneath it, outside are a bunch of these scrappers kind of speaking quietly, almost working like bouncers. You see one, this deep folk woman in like rusty plate with a huge great sword, she's got like a big gray mole hawk. She turns a couple people away as they approach, but others she lets in. The more kind of like high status, dangerous looking folks are getting let in,
Starting point is 01:09:14 and kind of the low status like peddlers who are like, yellin' at ya to try to like buy their shit are not getting let in. I see. I'm gonna go ahead and cast detect thoughts, because I can shift it from person to person. Oh. So I'm gonna have that going.
Starting point is 01:09:30 Do they do any kind of check? Can they find out? It says you initially learn the surface thoughts of the creature. What is most on its mind at the moment? As an action, you can either shift your attention to another creature's thoughts or attempt to probe deeper into the same creature's mind.
Starting point is 01:09:44 If you probe deeper, the target must make a wisdom saving. Got it. Okay, so she could, if you try to go deeper. Yeah, if I try to go deeper on anyone, but I think my hope is that I can just hold up the picture and be reading their exact reactions to it. Got it. Okay. Do we want to ask the bouncer or do we want to try to get inside and ask patrons?
Starting point is 01:10:02 I don't think we should show the picture outside. I think we should maybe go in and grab a table and maybe just listen to the chatter see if anyone is like, how to chance encounter with a healer of any sort or maybe come back from a mission and like, you know, seeing something out of the ordinary.
Starting point is 01:10:17 I think maybe if we kind of just put our ear to the ground, that might be the best way to move forward. We hold on, as we're going, we should look tough. We have to look cool. We have to breeze in. We have to breathe in We have to get past this so I'm gonna make my claws grow a little a little longer. Okay, you make your claws grow I share my baby bangs just a little shorter Um, Zirk has an alter self-potion. He's gonna drink that to give himself tusks sweet
Starting point is 01:10:40 Um nice you guys all Approach the door you see this deep folk woman sitting with like a human guy looks pretty rough and tumble has this like thick arm around as well and a couple other deep folk. You see she looks up at you guys holds her hand out and she goes what business you got at the mall. What are her surface thoughts? That you guys don't look like you belong If you are looking for exotic armor, maybe at discount and we heard this is a good place for it And right now we are just looking for refreshment. You see
Starting point is 01:11:17 She gestures to the tents and she goes I'm sure you'll find whatever you're looking for out there We're looking for something a little stronger than what we see out here. Nice. I drink some acid and spit. Is there something in your throat? What is it you're looking for? I'm just thirsty, Nima, thirst quenched. If that's alright.
Starting point is 01:11:40 There's a number of establishments that offer beverages. Not the particular beverages I'm looking for. Zorka's like sweating profusely as you talk. He's like grabbing at Henry's hand. There's a special drink that you want that is particularly at the mall. The mall's got the finest cocktails around from what I'm here. Go ahead and give you a pure luck check. I will say 15 through 20 they have cocktails. Dells around from what I'm here. Go ahead and give you a pure luck check. I will say 15 through 20 they have cocktails.
Starting point is 01:12:10 18. 18. You see she nods and she goes, you're damn right we do. Ha ha ha. I hear you got the smokiest mess cal around in there. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check with advantage. 17. 17. You got gold gold my compatriots do I don't keep the stuff on me. I like to travel light
Starting point is 01:12:31 I'm gonna flip her a gold coin say one for you and we'll spend a couple more inside I see she catches it and she goes all right. You're all right by me. She motions for you guys to go in It's another life lesson for you Zerg. No matter where you are, everybody likes to bribe. Zerg is dry heaving in a corner. You guys go in. You see, there's a hipster bartender back there, making real complicated cocktails. They're wearing a smock.
Starting point is 01:12:59 Yeah. Oh, whoa. Fia, and you also notice, you're using power tools on liquor. She lets you guys in. She has surface thoughts that she is worried for the well-being of some people. Cool.
Starting point is 01:13:15 She's worried about somebody named Ingus. Ingus and his crew. Oh, interested. Ingus. So you guys enter the mall, and you see this place has the look of a traditional tavern, sconces with candles sticking out of the walls, lighting the room, there's a long bar at the end of the room,
Starting point is 01:13:32 round wood tables throughout, but there's no music, kind of no mariments. At the different tables, you see what look like shady business dealings going down, like people trading weapons. You'll see someone showing off magic artifacts or showing off like cursed artifacts. You see one table has a mage doing a similar scam
Starting point is 01:13:52 that you saw in the tents, like duplicating gems with magic and some like investors looking excited. And you see without a doubt, this person runs the show. You see in the corner of the room, is a big guy seated at a table kind of commands respect. You see there are other hangers on
Starting point is 01:14:10 around him kind of keep their distance and keep looking at him to kind of judge how they should feel at any given moment. It's like really pathetic like waiting for him to laugh so they can laugh and stuff like that. Can I dip into his surface thoughts? You can. His surface thoughts are, you see, he clocks you guys as you guys walk in, but he's not looking at you. So he is thinking about you guys as you walk in, but keeping it cool, he's still talking to people.
Starting point is 01:14:41 He has the feeling of not so much that you guys don't belong, but more of like there's a lot of different faces in this town, but you don't see a lot of new ones. You know what I mean? So he is curious about your story. He also has the thoughts. Same thing as yesterday. And you see, yeah, this dude, you can assume this is Hugh Tar. This is the dude that had gotten into it with Lusgar in the past. You see, unlike the other people here who are kind of peacocking with their big armor, you see, he doesn't wear armor, just kind of a dirty work shirt and suspenders, short gray beard, Derby had up top, kind of looks like a big version of the kids you saw before. Oh god.
Starting point is 01:15:27 Um, but yeah, he's, he's, he's talking to these people in the corner. He is drinking a cocktail. Um, looks to be one of those fancy old fashions that has cherries in it. Uh, and, uh, all of the other people at the table with him are drinking the same cocktail. Of course, Maraschino. I go up in Night Order 1. You go up and you order one for a couple of several times. They make you, you guys have to wait up there for like five minutes.
Starting point is 01:15:59 It's, you know, cocktail bars are really fun, but they also take forever. There's like a line starting to form, even though there's not that many people in here. My spell is over. They're not to be perfect. They're peeling an orange for each person. Yeah, it appeals an orange for everybody. Light it on fire for some reason. What do you think of that? It's fine. We make it, yeah, we put real, we light a little stick on fire and then put it inside your old fashioned. How's that for you?
Starting point is 01:16:24 Yeah, it rules. just hurry it up. Okay. I'm actually gonna make my own fire with this too. I've got These two little sticks here. Just gonna need a second to make my own fire, too. I would be a good cut Well, you need to go to bartending school, ma'am. Yes, sir It's more of a clinic. I make you guys Three cocktails Charges you guys three cocktails. It charges you guys a couple silver. A couple silver. God damn it.
Starting point is 01:16:49 Yeah, you buy the drinks, I'll keep the potions flowing. How does that sound? All right. Good enough for me. Yeah, that's good for me. I guess I will just walk over and maybe just kind of like talk to some people on the outs. Sweet.
Starting point is 01:17:03 Yeah, it sounds good. You see, Fiya, as you approach the dudes on the outside, just kind of go, oh, oh, hey, hey, looking as if like they have permission from this big dude. Hello, I am a gregarious people person. I give Fiya thumbs up. You see a huge tar nods and he goes, I'm a very serious people person. I give the thumbs up. You see a huge tar nods and he goes, Indeed you are.
Starting point is 01:17:30 You know what? Why don't you have a seat? What brings you to town? I'm a huge tar gunner bowl. You know, I am looking for exotic armor. I have these tattoos and I would love to get them amplified to be more powerful. And my friends have joined me. My one is my potion maker and the other is my swimming stride.
Starting point is 01:17:50 She's a natural. I am a Olympic player. Always good to travel with your swimming instructor. You have no idea how often I've come in handy. Yes, most of the potions I make are for inner ear problems since you get from swimming? Well, you know there's a number of blacksmiths at the tents that should be able to get you fitted and should be able to get you some good Good armor. There's some fine products here in the crux of course and other than that of course just looking for interesting
Starting point is 01:18:27 Experiences with new people our favorite. Yeah wonders He wonders if she has just implied by saying that, ideally. Go ahead and give me a deception, Czech, Fiya. Oh boy. It's 12 on the dice. Something tells me it's gonna be a minus one. It's a minus one alone. It's a minus one. He goes Olympic athlete,
Starting point is 01:18:42 just coming into town to shop, right? I'm so sorry, I have a, I have a nervous niece when I meet new people that they will not like me unless I prove my achievements. You see he looks at some of the other dudes at the table and he goes, yeah I know a couple people like that. Everybody laughs along with them and he goes, don't get the fuck out of here! They all scram. Leave your drinks, leave your drinks. I don't want to pay for another.
Starting point is 01:19:10 You see everybody else at the table gets up. You see, Hugh Tarleens back, kind of bangs on the window. You see outside the woman who is like the bouncer with the armor and like a big sword in the Mohawk season from the window nods you see she comes in stands behind him you see Fia he clocks your sword he sees like your books now why are you really here I look to Mr. Henry and Mr. Zorick and I say I'm just going to show him the picture let's put it all on the table. It's not beat around the bush.
Starting point is 01:19:46 Okay, since you both approved, I was gonna do another picture, but now since you both approved, I just take out the picture of Grads. That's right. You take out the picture of Grads, you put it down. You see, he looks at it. Grads, yeah. SR. She came into my establishment early yesterday, so she needed a transport into the
Starting point is 01:20:08 mountain to the ruins of a certain outpost. I warned her against it. That outpost is haunted, but she said she was a cleric. She said she could possibly take care of it for us, so we struck a deal, and I sent along a few of my men with her, but I haven't heard back from them since. Inge is in his crew. Can I do an insight to see if this guy is on the level? Yeah, you can do an insight. When you say Inge is in his crew, you see he gives you the side eye and he goes, where
Starting point is 01:20:39 do you meet Inge? I have not met him, I am just a good listener. You see the bouncer eyes you up and gives you like a slice smile. I give a slice smile back as best as you can. I wish pretty Henry, is she reading our thoughts too? I really hope not. What did you get on your insight check? Nat 20. Yes? Nat 20.
Starting point is 01:21:05 Yes! Nat 20? He's telling the truth, but he's like withholding information. Okay. You can't get quite get a read on all of his motivations, but his voice didn't waver, so she has gone into these ruins. With a guy that we know is dangerous. This seems like perhaps a mutually beneficient situation. We're looking for a grouse and you want to make sure that your crew's okay.
Starting point is 01:21:33 If you could give us some information on how to get in there, I think we could probably help each other out. And then Zer tries to drink his drink, but his tusks block it. Just getting used to those, huh? Ow! Nope, how'd my whole life. I remember when I was in my 40s. Ha ha ha ha!
Starting point is 01:21:49 Right, I agree. I think we can find something mutually beneficial. If you're looking for her, I'm still looking for her to finish the job that she said she was going to do, which is to lift the curse of this particular outpost. Uh, I'll make the same offer. I made her. I'll give the same offer, I made her. I'll give you a free passage into the mountain
Starting point is 01:22:07 with a guide, you take care of the ghost, and I'll make it worth your while, gold armor, weapons, whatever you need. And if you happen to find the later you're looking for, you can save her too. Okay, how about we cut a deal? Whatever you're thinking about paying us on the back end, you can cut it in half and just give us the armor
Starting point is 01:22:29 on the front, so, you know, so we're well equipped while walking in there. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. Five, or five. Okay. You see he nods and he goes, yeah, we can put something together for you. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:22:44 Thank you in advance. Vodify through in this and I cast a stort value on the Baroness's umbrella. Ooh. He says seek weapon. And reacts, acts afraid of it. Oh, oh, oh my god, get that thing away from me. He's going to go ahead and do an insight check. You see he like flicks it open.
Starting point is 01:23:07 You see a knife comes flying out of it and hits the wall and he goes, interesting, interesting. I haven't seen something like this before and I like novelty. Yes, I noticed the mini umbrellas in your cocktail drink. I do love a cocktail, I do love a tiny umbrella, and I do love a regular sized umbrella. You see, he motions for somebody to bring him a quill. He writes a little notes and stamps it, and he hands it to you, and he goes,
Starting point is 01:23:41 bring this to any of the blacksmiths, and they'll help you out. All right, thank you. We will happily get the rid of some ghosts for you. We're pretty good at that. I'd say so. If you could also write a note for just like general components for alchemy and potions and whatnot, I would take that off your hands as well. Don't push it, fair enough.
Starting point is 01:24:02 I actually could use charcoal incense and herbs. Actually your bartender might have that. Yeah. You go behind the bar, makes you away complicated cocktail with all those components. Thank you. We'll bring back book for the next time.
Starting point is 01:24:16 We can cast Revivify with this. Who thought should we meet this guide who's gonna take us into the mountains? I, you see, motions back to the lady here and goes, you already met her. This is Kragel, she'll be taking you into the mines. And you see she nods. Kragel, it pleasure I kiss her hands.
Starting point is 01:24:39 Or do I hold my hand out to be kissed? Is that what I normally do? She reluctantly gives you a pound. What is this? my hand out to be kissed is that what I normally do she reluctantly gives you a pound what is my daisy hand crumbles from the pound close enough she goes all right let's get going and she pushes past you and she goes meet me by the tunnels in five minutes or I'm leaving without you five minute Jesus Christ run everyone everyone Jesus Christ run everyone
Starting point is 01:25:07 Wait, no, if you feel walk everyone else run fuck You see a huge our waves you guys off as you guys start running out Craggle goes I'll get the boat ready. Don't leave me waiting. Yes another bolt. I take on my time stop scroll She goes near where like the different flumes are going into the different tunnels and whatnot. And you see she starts getting set up and starts setting up what is basically like a keel boat that's almost like a Bob sled. Cool, that's awesome. They didn't have this one at boat school. Guys, go ahead and give me an insight check. As you guys go up to these blacksmiths
Starting point is 01:25:46 to see who you kind of want to work with here. Oh, yeah, that's a 22. 22? It's a three. Let's use that because I got a four on the dice. Okay, Henry. They try to go to the gem store. These are selling gems.
Starting point is 01:26:01 Maybe I could just get like a breastplate made of gems. The rocks, the rocks. Henry, you find someone with the southern look of a Buffalo Bills fan. Um, that, yeah. I'm not knowingly. Looks to make quality armor. Tough season.
Starting point is 01:26:15 Looks at the notes, kind of just like rolls his eyes and looks annoyed. It's the equivalent of somebody like bringing a coupon to a restaurant or something. And the guy goes like, fuck me, a a fucking cursed same. What was his name? He was a huge part of a coupon. To a coupon? What are you looking for? Sorry buddy. I know what it's like to be cursed. We're looking for I guess two pieces of plate mail.
Starting point is 01:26:39 You see, uh, goes and measures you guys. I make eye contact the whole time he measures. goes and measures you guys. I make eye contact the whole time he measures. I will say that there are slightly magical components to it that allow it to be like kind of easily resized to there's basically like an easy cantrip that he can do that's almost like amending. So he does a ritual, takes a little bit, you see. Feels like you're potentially taking a long time. So he does a ritual, takes a little bit, you see.
Starting point is 01:27:05 Feels like you're potentially taking a long time. In the distance, you see Craggle looks really pissed that you guys are taking so long, but repurposes a suit of armor for Henry, repurposes a suit of armor for Fia, and both of your guys A.C.'s are 18. Awesome. I'm noticing you don't have anything in extra slim. Am I just not seeing that option?
Starting point is 01:27:24 Or I can resize it. What do you want? What you'll drown in anything in extra slim. Am I just not seeing that option or I can resize it. What do you want? What you'll drown in one of these things. Hey, tell you what, but I'm going to miss this cape, but I think I think it's going to look real nice on you. I'm going to give Zirk the cloak. Are you sure? I mean, it would go super well with this hat and make me look really cool, but are you sure it is gonna look awesome? And this is also just making amends for, you know, I guess you pushing me for no reason here. Are you giving them a cloak of protection? Zerke, you get a plus one. Zerke puts it on and then affectionately hits Henry. There we go.
Starting point is 01:28:03 Fia doesn't understand this and stands at Henry's defense. It's not fighting. This made me feel good just in two different ways. What is your AC right now? You can wear half plate or a breast plate. Oh, and the cloak? Yeah. I'll just take one of those little breast plates you got over there. That looks like it'll work for me. Great. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:29 Put hammers together. A breastplate for you. It's like a metal vest. It's like a vest plate. That looks like it'll be very fancy on me. So your AC will be 17. Perfect. Sweet. So you guys get all outfitted. I'm also going to tip this guy three gold from each of us. He goes three gold for two suits of armor and a breastplate. Thank you so much, kind sir. Best plate. I'll tell you, bud. Do you have something that you want?
Starting point is 01:28:52 I'm a witch. Sometimes I can help me. Yeah, money. Dreams come through. Money. Okay, I'm minor allusion, so money in my hand. It's just a lesson. I could have done something cooler for you.
Starting point is 01:29:04 There are things that are cooler than money. Here's a gold point. Gold points. Okay, take it. Takes a gold piece. It evaporates in his hands. Why? I really like him.
Starting point is 01:29:13 I really like him. I really like him. Okay, you give him a real one. And actually, you know what? You can use this note to go and get some armor from other blacksmiths. So. No, that's a dangerous game. Oh, a fear of meat skewers.
Starting point is 01:29:27 I like the way you think that might get me killed, but it also might get me rich. There you go. Go for glory, you go bills. You took to that so quickly. I could also like fancy up your sign a little bit with some tinkering and some magic. Just go! Why did I make an unseen servant leave it here for you?
Starting point is 01:29:47 It will disappear when I'm 60 feet away. What do you do? You just put up a sign that's has gone to lunch. I leave an unseen servant there. All right, show we go. Yes, I'm red. I feel like a little top heavy because of this vest plate, but I guess I got it used to it.
Starting point is 01:30:04 Yes, it's good. So go to the boat. Yeah, used to it, used to it. You got it on the boat. Yeah, you guys take some time to don your armor, you guys are now wearing this kind of like vicious looking plate mail that is really, really well made. They just don't do like the polish to it. They don't make it look really nice, but it's highly effective. It looks like I'm wearing like a black top stove
Starting point is 01:30:22 or something. Sure. As you guys get near the tunnels, you see there are various workers that are wearing like rubber overalls and stuff like all soaked in water. They're launching different scrappers like down these different tunnels down these like log flumes. They're all going in these like tough wooden cylindrical boats and they're all being shuttled up in different tunnels and you see one like older deep folk that's like pretty skinny is like trying to help crackle is like all right I work here let me let me get you all set up she's like stay back all
Starting point is 01:30:58 handle this kind of pushes them back goes like all right all right technically not allowed but all right she goes get in yeah all right, all right, technically not allowed, but all right. She goes, get in. Yeah. All right, I wait to be buckled in by Craggle. She immediately starts, just pushes off, and begins taking you guys down a tunnel, as soon as you get in. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative.
Starting point is 01:31:19 Oh, okay. Oh. Okay. Nat 20. She had a 22 crew. It's a 19. I have a total of seven. So I'm gonna tell you guys how this is gonna work.
Starting point is 01:31:29 This is super dangerous. I'll say, Kragel is yelling this over the sounds of water and everything. She just goes, look alive, beyond the lookout, falling rocks, various horrors, monsters, we have to blast by them so they don't stop us. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:43 Okay, yeah. Could have learned this before we got in the boat, but all right, let's go. You guys go into the actual tunnels sliding down. There's like a drop that takes you into the tunnel. You begin to slip sliding down. Henry, you are first. None of the layer actions have happened yet.
Starting point is 01:31:59 Is there anything you would like to do to prepare? I'm gonna summon Shank. You summon Shank? Okay, that's a bonus action, right? Yes. I'll let you kind of withhold the rest of your turn if you want to just like hold do to prepare. I'm gonna summon Shank. You summon Shank, okay, that's a bonus action, right? Yes. I'll let you kind of withhold the rest of your turn if you wanna just like hold the reaction essentially. Okay, yeah.
Starting point is 01:32:11 So, first thing that happens is you guys are going straight ahead. It's super dark, you guys are going super fast. Cragil takes a tight turn down a tunnel, rocking into the side of the mountain, debris falls from the top of the cave. Last in the initiative, who is Fia, go ahead and give me a deck saving throw. You guys are sitting up, but you can be knocked prone
Starting point is 01:32:32 and stuff, it means you get knocked back. Fia, go ahead and give me a deck saving throw as debris falls from the top of the cave. Okay, that is a seven. A seven, you guys see a giant rock crushes Fia for eight damage, and Fia is trapped under this big rock. Like there's a big boulder that just cracked off and hit the back of the boat, and she yells,
Starting point is 01:32:56 I don't get a fucking watch out. Sorry. At initiative 19, that is Zirk. Can I use Tinkerine to try and create like an aura of light so that we'll have a better sense of what's coming? Uh sure, yeah. Zirk you hold out like a magical potion and there is an aura of light that is surrounding the boat. You see dark tunnels all around you and you see bats like these giant horror bats are flapping around. Look like they're going to be the next thing to come at you guys. And you see bats, like these giant horror bats
Starting point is 01:33:25 are flapping around, look like they're gonna be the next thing to come at you guys. Is there anything else you wanna do with your turn? You look at Spritele to attack a bat. Great, Spritele goes, yeah, you see one vampire bat, a giant vampire bat, like fucking three feet long terrifying swoops down and looks like
Starting point is 01:33:42 it was gonna attack you guys on like next initiative. That's a natural one for Sprite. Sprite almost falls into the water. All right, come back in the boat. Go get your life jacket Sprite. Add initiative 12. That is the giant vampire bats turn. Giant vampire bats is just going to bite at sprytle 17 a hit sprytle That is going to hit sprytle. Okay. Oh, no 12 damage to sprytle that gill sprytle. Sweet sprytle is deanimated. Um sprytle is still alive as a sprite But you see um this vampire bat just bites through the metal of their carapace.
Starting point is 01:34:25 Aaaaah! Baba! Baba! Baba! No! Spritele! A crushes. You were careful. Crushes the carapace with its fangs, and Spritele drops out of the air and crashes into the boat. It's okay, it can fix this. I can fix this. Fia, that is your turn. You are restrained under the rock.
Starting point is 01:34:42 Oh, can I use my turn to try to lift up the rock that's pretty big? Go ahead and give me an athletics check to try to free Fia. All right. That is a 18. 18 does it. You're able to throw the rock off Fia on your turn. You pop up, you guys start moving faster.
Starting point is 01:34:59 And you see the bats are kind of falling in the distance except this one that is like in the boat with you guys terrifyingly flapping around. Oh, there is one who's in the boat without... Oh yeah, the one that just de-animated, uh, Spritele. Get that one! Okay. That's a bad bat!
Starting point is 01:35:14 There's only one... Okay, I'll just green flame blade in there. Um, Fia, lights are green flame blade. Good thing you got this rock off of me. Thank you, Mr. Henry. That's what they teach you in boat school. Rocks are bad. 19 to me. Thank you, Mr. Henry. That's what they teach you in boat school. Rocks are bad. 19 to hit.
Starting point is 01:35:27 19 hits. 13 damage. Sweet. Still alive. This thing again is like terrifying like three feet long. Just... Then I think bookfar needs to enter the equation and I cast Dragon's Breath on bookfar. Nice. Bookfar, I think it's time for enter the equation and I cast Dragon's Breath on bookfar. Nice. Bookfar, I think it's time for you to show your fangs.
Starting point is 01:35:49 You took out my greatest co-star. You shouldn't have fucking done that. Turned into a game call. Get him! We are a smafer. Yes, you are Mr. Bookfar. The bat has to do a deck save. Okay. Fails. Seven do a deck save. Okay.
Starting point is 01:36:06 Fails. Seven fire damage. Okay, nice. Still looks pretty hardy. Still up there. Goodness. After Fias turn, that is another layer action. Everybody go ahead and give me insight checks. Are you guys looking all around?
Starting point is 01:36:18 Just chaos. Bat is in the fucking boat with you just freaking out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, you guys all pass. You guys see as you go through the next area of the tunnel You guys whip through another tunnel again like a Bob sled Swing through another tunnel and begin to turn you see a Basilisk this giant lizard monster Up against the tunnel like blending in almost like a big chameleon against the tunnel, like blending in almost like a big chameleon, opens its eye, and you guys instantly remember,
Starting point is 01:37:08 you know, the rules of a basilisk that they can turn you to stone by meeting their gaze, and none of you look at it. So none of you need to make a constitution saving throw. You look away as soon as you see that thing. Thank God. And Cragile goes, oh yeah, don't look at that things. Tell us before we get in the boat. All right, hold your breath.
Starting point is 01:37:25 Hold your breath at this next part. God, that is round two. Henry, you act before the layer action. You see these sickly purple flowers all along the sides of this tunnel looking dead. Begin to look like they're opening up. These look like some kind of weird flower horrors. Okay, so I'm just gonna hunker down and try to plug my nose.
Starting point is 01:37:49 So you kind of concentrate on not being affected by whatever this is. On initiative 20, these things explode with this like poisonous pollen. You guys see like psychedelic effects in the air in front of you. Everybody go ahead and give me constitution saving throws Hand on you can make yours with advantage Think fucking God I rolled in that one
Starting point is 01:38:12 woof woof and then I rolled a 19 wow nice con that's a 27 great good to hold your breath 17 for Zerke only 15 for fear you guys all pass 17 for Zerke only 15 for fear you guys all pass So you guys all manage to hold your breath and you guys are able to get through this dangerous pollen I'll say because you guys have this light up a Zerke at an initiative 19 You see the next thing that's coming you see like a swarm of insects rushing towards the boat. Is it my turn? It is your turn. The vampire bat is also still here.
Starting point is 01:38:48 Okay. Ah! Ah! I'm gonna cast Flaming Sphere. Okay. I pull out my gun, which I'm very excited to be reunited with. You see that I've tinkered with it a little bit
Starting point is 01:39:03 and it's now got like a revolver barrel, but instead of like an actual barrel, it's just got like different colored vials attached to it. So I can like switch and cast spells with the gun essentially. Rad. So I like switch it to like the fire setting and I just blast this massive flaming spear
Starting point is 01:39:19 out into the middle of all these insects. Sweet. Can I use my bonus action to ram it into them? Yeah, cool, I'll do that. Sweet, makes it dexave? Yeah, okay. 19 passes. That's gonna be seven damage.
Starting point is 01:39:32 Seven fire damage? Cool. Seven fire damage is the full damage, by the way. Oh, so they take like four? Yeah, four fire damage. Flaming sphere has moved 30 feet. As you guys prepare to blow past it on this Extremely fast Bob sled ice cream somebody handle the bat
Starting point is 01:39:51 That is the bat's turn the bat is you know what the battle go after book far bat is biting at these No at these familiar just got burned by book far. Okay That is a 18 to hit book far crown allown all shift, I will not lose my fucking book. I have 20 to hit him. 16 damage on book far. Well, book far has one hit point, so. Whoa! Alright, no, total.
Starting point is 01:40:16 He's an owl. He's one hit point. So he's dead, got it. Okay, yeah, book far drops, de-animated in the boat. Okay. Craggle, you should, book far drops, de-animated in the boat. Okay. Greg, you should have warned us about this malicious bat. It was here. We were fighting it. After the bat, everybody go ahead and give me con-saving throws as the swarm of insects reaches the boat.
Starting point is 01:40:36 24. Uh, 24 passes. Seven. That is a 15 again. 22 damage to Zirk and 11 damage to Fien Henry. Okay. That is Fien Henry. Okay. That is Fias turn. Okay, I will try to heat the bat. Okay, 12, I'm guessing he misses.
Starting point is 01:40:53 12 hits. Oh, wait, no, sorry, sorry. 13 is at SAC. Oh, we know it was 13 because I have my plus one weapon. Oh, yeah. It was 12. Okay, sorry, I do actually hit it. 12 damage. Looks yeah. It hits. I do actually hit it. 12 damage. Looks hurt still alive. I have a bonus action that that again. Just
Starting point is 01:41:09 biting at all the de-animated familiars. 17 hits of course. Another 13. So 25 total. Super, super hurt still alive. That is after Fias turn on initiative six you guys view around a corner and are shot out into a cavern There was a long fall before you crash into another river below everybody go ahead and give me deck saves 23 23 you hang on 13 13 Fia and Zirk you guys both take eight damage and fall prone you guys like fall back into the boat lose your balance eight damage and fall prone. You guys like fall back into the boat, lose your balance. Henry, you hang on, but you do take half of four damage.
Starting point is 01:41:48 You don't fall on the boat. Craigville's got earpods in. Craigville, come on! I'm trying to get bumped up! You guys see that you have dropped into a large cavern with a series of other rivers in it. You see she navigates from one to the other. You see in the distance with the light
Starting point is 01:42:07 shining from a zirke spell, you can see a tall wall of stone with inlets in it that seem to be housing some kind of creatures. You see yellow eyes opening up. You see one makes itself seen from out within one of the inlets. You see a mind flair. This tentacle mouth made looking monster emerges from one and holds out its hand before sending a blast of psychic energy. Everybody go ahead and give me a intelligence saving throw.
Starting point is 01:42:38 Guess bitch, I have advantage on this. You hear crackle shout. Watch out for the mind flares back there. Why did we get no prep? We're learning on the fly I feel like there should have been a brochure or something We had a growing grill you kind of asking a lot of her. She's kind of like taking us and like she's driving She's like I'm leaving it five minutes. Not even lunch. She's eating her lunch right now. It's a working lunch What do you want me to do?
Starting point is 01:43:03 Storves to share at least. What did everybody get? 23. 19. 16. Everybody passed. So nobody takes any damage because this would have been psychic damage.
Starting point is 01:43:15 So you see this like strange monster. I worship the old gods. You have fun with that, buddy. But tell me more, this is the best thing. I shall destroy you with psychic energy. I have great lore the elder gods Um, and you guys just blow past it That was actually initiative 20 Henry if you would like to act Your turn actually technically should have been first. Oh, all right
Starting point is 01:43:41 You know, I'm gonna swing I'll swing at this bat. I'm gonna see what I can do great. Yes, please do please That is an 18 to hit the bat 18 hits the bat Just flapping around bleeding everywhere. I'm gonna treat it like a fly like I'm not even trying to swipe it with my claws I'm trying to clap kill that goddamn bat That is 10 damage on my first attack on death story. Okay. Oh, no, please that's only a 12 on my second attack Mrs. I'm going to I'm gonna unleash shank. Whoa nice shank defend our friends children They're all dead Defender honor then that is a 23 23 hits
Starting point is 01:44:24 Dead defend their honor then that is a 23 23 hits There we go and that is 15 damage from shank. Shank goes up. I goes my fellow Familiers I shall tear this vampire badass under as you have been torn as under Ah and Shank just rips the bats wings off and throws it into the cave. Shank you are truly the best of us. That was beautiful Yet another great chapter to your tragedy Zurk that is your turn you see coming up you see a
Starting point is 01:44:57 Round green monster with long tentacles with eyes at the end of each one the eyes are glowing it looks like it's going to long tentacles with eyes at the end of each one. The eyes are glowing, it looks like it's going to take shots at you guys. It does not look like it's chasing you though. It looks like it's going to take a couple shots, but that's it. Well, now that our greatest foe, the bat has been defeated. I guess I'll just cast Fire Bolt on the eye that's closest to me. Okay, go ahead and make an attack. 13. 13 does not hit. You see them. Shoots off.
Starting point is 01:45:27 Bolt of fire goes by this thing. Lighting up this cavern as you see more yellow-wise opening in these little inlets. OK, there's a lot of cool, interesting things up here. So get ready to enjoy them before they believe us again. After Zirk, that is that monster's turn. It's called a spectator. It is going to take two shots. First one at Zirk, I is that monster's turn. It's called a spectator. It is going to take two shots.
Starting point is 01:45:45 First one at Zirk, I roll randomly on this little table here to see what kind of beam is coming at you. Fear Ray. Target must succeed on a DC 13 wisdom saving throw or be frayed for one minute. You can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of your turns, any of the effect. So you see, beam comes out of this thing's eyes.
Starting point is 01:46:04 Zirk, you see flashes of your worst fears. Children with lead pipes popping out of the cage, bashing you in the head. First furgus, no, children, everyone's trying to hit me in the back of the head. That's going to be a 15. Passes, Zirk, you are immune to this. Does not affect you.
Starting point is 01:46:23 Eye beam goes at fia Fia You get the paralyzing ray go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw 16 16 Fia you pass you guys just blow by these These two dudes wait no, we have so much excellent lore Who made you this way? 20 elder gods Who came to this way? 20 elder gods Who came to this planet from far away a world older than our own?
Starting point is 01:46:51 Well, I'm losing you in the tunnel with the rapids Do you have a brochure? Does anyone have a brochure? Then that is Fias turn Fias there's nothing in the boat right now you do a perception check if you want to see What is coming next? Yes, I will do so. Shout out to the two crew. So that's going to be a five. Cool, you do not see what's going on here.
Starting point is 01:47:17 You're just going down this river. Is there anything you want to do to prepare? I guess I will do a bless on everyone. Okay, you cast bless on everyone. You guys have seen these mind flares and these spectators and stuff. Often the distance just shooting long range at you guys. You guys see one, no clothes, just nude and just kind of monstrous bursts out of the river ahead of you guys and attempts to tether themselves to the boats by latching onto Henry with a tentacle.
Starting point is 01:47:48 Hey, hey, no, no, don't rock the boat. There is so much lore for us to reveal the old gods from the old planet. Tell it to another boat. Henry, give in to it. I want to hear the lore. Yeah, if you can just hold out for like five minutes. I'm sure that's all they need. Once there was a worm worm the worm was very smart Oh, the worm had a million of worm babies and all of those babies had a Planets and from there were born the older gods
Starting point is 01:48:16 And became very Long-winded I don't think it's gonna be worth our time Only a 15-and, you see the dude just, like jumps up terrifying, the old God swings that Henry, just fully misses, overshoot, and just lands in the river, and just like,
Starting point is 01:48:39 does not make it out of the boat, you guys blow past. That was my arm for a second. I'm just like, ah, gross. But it travels warm water here. That is the end of three rounds, You guys blow past my arm for a second. I'm just like gross That is the end of three rounds you guys do not have to fight this mindflayer because it did not successfully get on to your boat Moving too fast you guys reach the end of this cavern that had all these mindflayers and stuff in it
Starting point is 01:49:06 You guys take another bump you fall like a 10 feet down. You see the river begins to kind of flatten out and calm down. You see Cragill pull some kind of break mechanism and you guys jolt to a halt like banging your heads. Hang on everybody. You set that way too late. Before you, okay, it's fine. It's fine. Why wouldn't he just be hanging on? You should just be alert.
Starting point is 01:49:20 Always be alert. I kind of like your style. I agree with you. I'm sorry, I side with Cragill. Right. You know, I don't hate it. I'll be like your style. I agree with you. I'm sorry, I side with Kragel. Right. You know, I don't hate it. I'll be able to sail better with Kragel next time.
Starting point is 01:49:29 There was a lot we learned on the job. Very. All right, come on. Let's go deal with this fucking ghost, right? All right. I'm out of food. Kragel pulls the boat up to a rocky, flat bed of dirt near another series of tunnels.
Starting point is 01:49:42 It looks like you'll be traveling on foot for a bit. And as you walk, as you follow her, you begin to see the remnants of mine cart tracks and like old picks and mining equipment covered in debris. And you are reminded of the conversation you had with Lesgrove earlier about the mining outpost that was suspiciously destroyed in a cave in and you realize that this is likely the place.
Starting point is 01:50:06 The tunnel looks like it was larger at one point but cave-dinn and has since been half dug out. The space gets more narrow as you are surrounded by debris and as you had deeper you begin to feel a chill. Just as you did when you were in the Thorn Kirk catacombs and you felt the presence of the broken heart banshee, Sadie Bellwater, but as this chill washes over you, you don't feel just one vengeful ghost, you feel an army of malice as if breathing in the collective fury of a thousand angry spirits. And you hear the sounds of destruction, like the sounds of like a giant monster moving boulders around.
Starting point is 01:50:56 And you see, Kragogos, come on, it might already be too late. Russia's down the tunnel. She's faster than fear. Impossible. Fuck, I think we're going into a battle. I hope this is not a waste. I will cast Blink on myself and chase after her. You cast Blink on yourself. You raise down this tunnel and you see that it's like the other towns opens up into a huge cavern inside which you see the wreckage of deep poke settlements.
Starting point is 01:51:26 You see rocks and debris from the top of the cave have broken off and crashed into the village below crushing buildings. Some of them are completely leveled. Others are just hollowed out with like the roofs missing. You don't see any humanoids here. All you see is a giant ghostly dragon roaring and searching for its prey. Oh fuck and that's where we'll end our session. Oh Ghost Dragon ghost dragon. You sneaky son of a bitch, all these episodes, and you still got tricks. You know, I love it. A ghost dragon baby.
Starting point is 01:52:08 Wow, so a lot to discuss, a lot to discuss on the short rest. Yeah guys, head on over to our patreon patreon.com slash nadpod that's NADD, POD don't sing yet. Wee, TLS to our short rest. Does anybody have anything they would like to plug? I got a weird one. Oh. Amir and I got a weird one.
Starting point is 01:52:25 Amir and I launched a dating app. So what? If you're in the market. What? That's really what? Yeah, yeah. But it was coded by somebody we know. McPucks built it.
Starting point is 01:52:40 All right. So yeah, it's called Orion. You can find it if you search Orion dating on your Android or Apple iTunes store. Cool. Everyone's checking in there. I'm married, but okay, I'll check it out. I'm married too, but I'm on. I remember if I're looking for a third, so. Perfect. There you go. Orion dating. Check it out. Does anybody have anything else? I think I can almost top how wild that plug was with some of the stuff in the PO box.
Starting point is 01:53:08 Right on. Let's hear it. Derek sent us an actual cum button. Whoa! Oh! Of course it's from A-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P- the noise. Yeah. Is that one of us? I think that's me making a I'm coming voice from the missed episode of 8-bit book club. Great. I like that top much. Wow. It's really there. We met you. We met you. Appreciate it. Somebody else, man. yeah, the PO box was on one this time. Somebody sent us a DVD copy of the slap. Oh, that was so funny.
Starting point is 01:53:49 We had to last the slap. You came, version. Okay. Wow. If this was you, do not tell me, I want the sender's identity to remain a mystery forever. Let's see, Rasa sent us a shout out to the Blue Crew Face mask pack from their store.
Starting point is 01:54:05 I can check out a serene store on Etsy for nerdy dice bags and pencil cases. Oh, Brandon C sent us some handmade dice. I promise not to get too much of my stink on them if possible. Let's see, oh, Lizzy T sent us a character-specific spell card binders. They're ornate and gorgeous. I think Beverly's has the Paladin symbol and blazing on it. They look like they're made with this like faux leather.
Starting point is 01:54:30 They're really cool. You can follow at Lizzy Trednick with two ends to inquire about getting your own. Sweet. We've also got, oh, Marissa C sent Merff some rechargeable batteries for his recording device. Whoa. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:54:43 So yeah, both us and the environment, thank you for that one. Such a practical gift, I love it. Yeah, it's very nice. Please, please. Campbell M. since some D20 Friendship bracelets and the album art for Onyx's hit single, Rough Featuring Niant,
Starting point is 01:54:56 which apparently is the anti-smooth by Rob Thomas. We do. Which I think is a joke we made at some point. Sure. Sure. Sounds about right. Yeah. The entire H at Natural Link Art,
Starting point is 01:55:07 since a nice letter and a huge pack of breath of the wild stickers. They also sent some cute mushroom stickers from their wife Emily, aka at Quest for the Beasties. Yeah, so thank you all so much for sending us that lovely stuff. When I get stuff in the PO box, it makes me go. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:55:23 Yeah. I couldn't barely hear it, but it bet it'll sound good in the PO box, it makes me go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can barely hear it, but it bet it'll sound good in the recording. Oh, big. Okay. So, thank you all so much for listening. You can follow us all on various social media that we may or may not use. I'm at the Perth Emily's adiacs for Jake is at Jake Herwits and called these.
Starting point is 01:55:40 Caldwell is at Caldee and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nat pod that's any DDPOD. We are the you the definition we are we are the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the you the show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent counsel of elders. You honor us all, let's get right to it. Raddy, Jeffrey S. Haldor Frostback, Steelbreaker, and Matt M. Deep Folk teens who made off with Zerks' share of the gold. Fortunately, they decided to donate the gold to charity. Unfortunately, the charity is an organization that buys cigars for children. Jordan DJ, Cutter W, Jive G, Zolo Dolo, and Dylan B. Crooks blacksmiths who specialize in making the ugliest armor possible. One time, Cutter W made a breastplate that looked like the hood of a Toyota Corolla.
Starting point is 01:56:38 But it did the wear plus 10 AC, so they couldn't complain. I get it. Shoe with the mushroom. Daniel the Dastridly Dame, Andrew M. Beardman Dan and Scott D. Mindflare photographers who took pictures of the third mates during their perilous log ride and now plan on terrorizing the crew until they pay for a framed memento. That's all they get ya. Danny P. Mixologist Michael McD. Valnor's boy. Andrew B. and Kevin S. Cugnuck's siblings.
Starting point is 01:57:09 Unlike their rowdy brother, these precious, deep-folk children were already all passed out in their beds when the third Mates came. They were passed out from drinking too much stolen whiskey, but it's adorable nonetheless. Justin I. Ragnar Faredwind. TJ M. the gnome barbarian. Elena M. and Trayla the Cray-Fay. Other blades who look the flames during their initiation rituals. Apparently it's very common, and according to a rumor that Zirk is trying to start, a sign of deep respect to the trickster.
Starting point is 01:57:38 Hmm, wise. Jared E. Austin Bonesaw MR, Damial R, and Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. The familial killers, a group of assassin DMs who specialize in murdering pets and side kicks so that their players will stop goofing around. Harsh, Trash the Traveler, Sir Carl, Jory S, Dana G, Calum L, and Ryan. Bartender Warlocks. To gain their immense knowledge of craft cocktails, they were all forced to make a pact with a dark god, and also pay $159 for two, three hour instructional courses. Wow. Worth it, Jack L. Flulless Whale. Temporal. Sam L. Nicholas C. and
Starting point is 01:58:21 Reese NS. Log Flume Guides guides who meticulously describe everything coming up. Turns out, it's actually annoying. Who would have thought? Mike H. Byron Murphy likes to drink curfee. Matthew E. Colton B. and Adam G. The housekeeping staff at the Earth and Ale Inn, who are so confused about the completely decimated pillows Fia has been sending back.
Starting point is 01:58:45 Mateo C. Any badger? Panama James. Cummins the Bard. Adrian the Halfling Bard and Dan. The deep folk PTA who have had it up to here with their misbehaving deep teens and are considering taking their lead pipes away as punishment. I would be in support of that. Nikki W. Grace G. Drew Nasty.
Starting point is 01:59:07 Cece Lulu and Jay. Honest hardworking journalist for the West precinct Gazette, whose morale is plummeting ever since the deep-folk knockoff artist have been doing a better job copying their papers. I mean, you just can't argue with the quality. Barnes & Aitor. Michelle O. Timmy R. Jonathan W. The Crock-Waring Warrior, and Lucas B. Imagineers who listen to Murph's fucked up log flume ride and have made the decision
Starting point is 01:59:35 to change Splash Mountain into Zelbaldar 7 fucked up adventure. Can't wait to ride it, folks. Aaron S. Kevin M. Hoggfishes Above Average Hog. New York and Steven C. Mind Flayer lore bards who sing the tales of the rich lore of their mind-flayer people. Unfortunately, they eat the memories of their audience afterwards, so they've never gotten a good review or even a review at all. Tragic. KJ, Rahul Inn. Mike K, Maxwell C, and Karen J. Employees at the mall who cast detect thoughts on FIA
Starting point is 02:00:11 while she cast detect thoughts, essentially hijacking her spell and giving them access to the thoughts of their boss, who they would be so fired by if they spied on themselves. Good plan. Nick W, Taylor A, Matthew R. and Esmi M. Owners and operators of cave within a cave excursions, which explores the many caves inside the cave system
Starting point is 02:00:33 of Zelbaldar. The insurance to keep the business running is insane, considering about one out of every three excursions is knocked out and robbed. Nathan, Kazemir, the all-knowing, big,in', big bad beard of the mad, and Jack Mehoff, woo! Cocktail artisans at the mall! If you refer to them as bartenders, you will be promptly beaten by goons. Fair.
Starting point is 02:00:56 Early T, J. Dragonborn, Joe Rowe, the Innopropro, woo! Liam D and the San Drain. The safety technicians on the Crooks log flume, had anything bad to follow in the third mate's, rest assured, one of these guys would have been written up. BNA, Feldonis, Dave H, Koala Bear and Catherine S, a gang of 40 year olds even more fearsome than the hooligans Zurk ran into. These guys would have stolen everything and left him dangling
Starting point is 02:01:25 on a stalactite with a brutal atomic wedgie. Oh, what could have been? David K. Christian S. Dustin S. Keith K. The Timewalker. And Emilio D. Season Travelers who have collected every deep-filtre postcard, including an original Zelbald R7 print that features a young Lusgar R in his wild 40s knocking over a mailbox. Ah, what a time. Frankie Koala, Big Bad John, Aston S, Blair, the Bug Blair Marblearian, whoo, Portchop and Channiel M, keepers of the lore of the old gods.
Starting point is 02:02:03 Each of these Ys were mages is more verbose and boring than the last. The Lacy Raptor, Alice, Menette F, Pat L, A Chuta A, and Lauren H. Concerned parents in Zellable Dar who created a group called Keep Kids Out of Caves. Unfortunately, its anagram was Coc. So, they were quickly bullied out of existence by the same kids they were trying to save. Tragic but necessary. Elias Hawthorn, Maddie Y, Alex H, the eldest Barry, Ryan S, and the BOWNDUSTER.
Starting point is 02:02:38 Cryptocurrency majors who use their powers to duplicate bitcoins. The market is absolutely fucking wild in Elder Morn. Oh boy. Joshua H. Robot Crisps. Yiddressil. Brently Sea. Micah B. And Bloops. Makers of Green Apple Fire Candy. The only candy that looks like Green Fire. They are currently being sued by Zirk for damages. Carly Ann, Laurie P, Connor Savage, Russell L, Christopher J. O, Logan S, and Leviathan. Fear some barbarians who all got their ass kicked by mean deep folk tweens.
Starting point is 02:03:15 Thankfully, none of them were carrying vials of magical blood, so they just got regular robbed. Huff, dodged a bullet. Dimea, Bioquart 7, Kinney, Remington CD, Amber K, and Everett P. Deep folk children who don't beat up and rob people. Instead, they spend their time doing slightly nobler hobbies, like smoking cigars and drinking cognac. Trub, Hobdropper, Jesse DLR, The Element God, Lindsay W, Champ Wild, and Valin.
Starting point is 02:03:45 Set the record for people cramped into a zelbaldar transporter. It didn't work, but the record is for how many people fit in there, not how many got transported, okay? Okay, get off her back! Jeez. Carl and C, Anthony S, Sally S, and Tristan C, the goose. Jouler selling legit gyms at the crux. It's a tough gig because the fake gyms are cheaper and more glittery, but at least
Starting point is 02:04:09 they can always pivot to hawking Yeti meat if things don't work out. There's always Yeti meat. Jake, Emily S. The new petty king of outer borough, C.C. Matthew J. Scriptsripper, and Zane C. Tickrers who invented the log flume at the crux. It was based on their pneumatic tube male systems in Zelbaldar and then they had the great idea to just add water. Michael S. the bone duster. Noah, Wyatt B. Estelle, and Rogue Cree. Henry Jr.'s best friends at his new school,
Starting point is 02:04:41 the West precinct military academy for unwanted sons from previous marriages. Ironically enough, their mascot is a hogfish. Daniel Inn, Baron S. aka Soastian's romance partner from the Baronies, Mr. Dude Sky, conflicted DM, and Justin L.B. Creators of the West precinct Funnies, together they came up with such brilliant cartoons as horror-filled and reapered. Love reapered. Precinct Funnies. Together they came up with such brilliant cartoons as Horriffeld and Reep Burt. Love Reep Burt. Connor P. Dandy, Jennifer R. Clifton A. Reverend Chatterbones and Richard G. Mind Flares who desperately
Starting point is 02:05:16 want to binge your ear about their lore. Most people ignore them because they don't want their mind flayed, but some just feel like their stories can be… a lot. Yeah. Imbarber, Marcos P, Pup Kalish, and learns the balance druid. Henry's boat school instructors, they taught invaluable lessons like not touching the bottom or the side. Imbarber also taught Henry how to navigate by the stars, but he's kind of forgotten that one.
Starting point is 02:05:43 Sorry. And that is all of our shoutouts. Thank you all so so much for your continued support and patronage. We deeply appreciate you and we've been the knee, and we will remain bent until we see you here next week. Farewell! That was a Hate Gum podcast.

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