Not Another D&D Podcast - Eldermourne - Ep. 8: Until We Meet Again
Episode Date: December 11, 2020The Choo Choo crew continues their battle against Fergus Whitlocke! Henry hovers on the edge of death, Fia braves a Horror's wrath, and Zirk gets one last shot. Support us at Patreon.com.../Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Big Crowd Chatter" by Kyster at Freesound.org."The Lonely Autumn" by Emily Axford."The Valiant Ol' Cobb" by Emily Axford."A Tale's End" by Emily Axford. "Blackthorn Hall" by Emily Axford."A Hospitable Farewell" by Emily Axford."Hardwon Takes the Wheel" by Emily Axford."The Gunslinger's Girl" by Emily Axford."Gunvar" by Emily Axford. "Gutless" by Emily Axford."Henry" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Goodbye, Sweeties.
["Fast and Furious"]
Welcome to the campaign after the campaign after the campaign.
This is not another D&D podcast.
["Fast and Furious"]
Welcome back to Elder Morn, everybody.
Oh, Elder Morn, everybody.
Elder Morn.
Have you done, J. Master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Hurwitz, Hong Kongi, and his shadow,
Shonk, Shonkfish?
No, I haven't heard your grins.
I got lans back last time when I tried to bring him back on the grill.
Everybody was mad.
I was on your side. You tried to lose everyone. You're a waffler. I'll try again next week.
Okay. Okay. We do have Emily Axford.
Yeah, Bogania. Master of books and on blinking looks.
Very bad.
You're on the wrong chair.
No, nope.
That of course we've got called all Tanner.
Oh, Zork for Vane, friendly kindler of fiery bolts
descended from a swindler of country doles.
Ooh.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah, there he is.
Maybe that's what it is.
We just give our names and then we just go,
ha, ha, ha.
Okay, all right, I'll come correct next week.
I'll come correct next week.
Okay, perfect, yeah. When you're done, when you're done,, honk, honk. Okay, all right, I'll come correct next week. I'll come perfect, yeah.
When you're done, when you're done, you give a polite honk.
You introduce yourself.
Thea Bogania, Master of Books and Unblinking Looks honk.
Whoa, that was a polite honk.
That was a very cool event.
You got to start every combo with a polite honk.
That was like, you know that the light is turned and you need to move.
Okay, everybody, let's do a little recap.
Yeah.
So last time you all rushed from the dungeons to the chapel on the edge of town where an
execution was taking place.
Madam Whitlock was looking to make an example of Sib with a Reaper-style ceremony in which
a victim is placed on a set of scales and lowered into a pit with a horror.
In this case, a slug slash toad hybrid called a toadlemax.
The site of the scales triggered a memory in Fia, where we learned that she was once set to be executed in a similar fashion,
but was saved at the last second by the blade witch Patilda. Zirk had deja vu as well using skills he learned from his swindling alchemist mother to
read the crowd and get a bunch of them on your side.
Together you were able to halt the execution and free sib but the ensuing battle against
the Whitlocks has proven quite troubling.
After throwing Madame Whitlock in the pit
with the Toadlamax, Fia was thrown in herself.
Henry was then knocked out by Fergus
and had a vision where he fled conflicts
across several lifetimes.
An older version of himself warned Henry
that he couldn't die because he was close to breaking the curse.
Things were looking grim for the Chuchu crew until Fia was able to save Madam Whitlock from the
Toadlamax, convincing her goons to stop attacking her allies. Still, Fergus Whitlock carried on the fight,
and no amount of Zerks' crossbow bolts or Sib's daggers seemed to be bringing him down.
With a mighty blow of his hammer, Fergus was able to bring Zirk within an inch of his life, but he stays standing.
There is still hope yet, and that is where you are now.
We really gave it our all, huh?
Yeah.
Our friend Henry is knocked out.
Zirk is at 1 HP with Fergus bearing down on him.
Fia is in this pit with Madame Witlock.
Both of them in great danger.
And with that, that is actually the Toad Lamax's turn.
Fia, I would like for you to go ahead and roll me a pure luck check.
You are down here with several goons and the Baroness.
So go ahead and roll me a D6.
A 1 means he goes after you.
5. 5. Okay. I'm gonna go after a one means he goes after you. Five.
Five, okay.
Gonna go after the one guard that's down here.
You see this thing wraps its tongue around this one guard.
You see rush of necrotic energy.
You see this dude's head just explodes.
He dies straight up just from dealing with the soul.
Was it a book guy?
Was it a book guy?
It was one of the town guards that was with the sword. Was it? Was it?
No, it was not book guy.
It was one of the town guards that was with the rugs.
Well, Willie.
Right, that was Wawilly.
Sweet, that's the end of the round.
We're back to doing ally checks to see which ally will assist you.
Jake, go ahead and roll me a D4.
Come on, two, three.
Three.
That is Marcy.
Oh, I don't see.
She has a little hungover.
She's been drinking all day.
A little late to join.
Slow on the update.
I'm going to say Fergus is on a separate part of the battlefield
from a lot of you other guys right now.
I'm going to say Marcy can jump in and help with the toad.
So go ahead and Jake make two attacks on the toad from Marcy.
Fia, you see Marcy jumps into the pits
and makes two swings down on them.
Marcy crit.
Oh!
How many times?
That is, one that 20 and the other was a natural 14.
A natural 14?
Okay, both are going to hit.
Can I, you rouse the bitterness to witness this,
to try to be like, wow, that would be a good person
to have in charge of the order.
I'm just gonna use this.
Yes, yes, yes, whatever, whatever, just get him the fuck away from me. He swallowed me. He ruined my fucking parasol
At least you wore black so Marcy
Crits on this thing and is going to do fucking 17 damage to this toad
Whoa, all right back up to initiative 19.
That is Sib.
Fergus has swung and broken your rib-zirk.
Is about to swing down on you again.
You see Sib emerges from behind him.
Attempts to stab him again.
Called well.
Go ahead and roll the first attack.
Roll the D20s.
I'm sure they roll the D2020 they get a plus six to hit
Okay, all right six wow
Shut up to the two crew yikes. How do we roll so many goddamn two?
Add no into Fergus Fergus does not lose a fucking step keep swinging down Emily go ahead and roll another D20 for Seb
Okay, okay, I'm rolling my best dice who's performing the most interesting today.
Shout out to the three cre.
No!
What the fuck?
You're the fuck?
Zirk, you see they stab again?
And Fergus just does not fucking respond.
Henry, that is your turn. You have to stop using prop-
Go ahead and roll a dead saving throw Jesus
Shout out to the two crew what the fuck
You death save fails Jesus Henry's on death's door
What the fuck?
Sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, sugar, two, two, two
That is Madame Whitlock's turn. Madame Whitlock is barely alive just covered in this crazy gunk and dirt just goes
ah! And goes forward with her parasol and take some swings at this toad. Shout out to the
two crew on the first attack. Crits on the second attack. And hits on the third attack.
14 damage to this toad. It needs to make a constitution saving throw to not be
dazed. It fails. It is dazed, it's gonna get disadvantaged on his future attacks.
That is Sashion's turn. Sashion is knocked out but alive. Fia, that is your turn.
Hang in there. Am I close enough that I can climb out of the pit and try to attack
footages. You can make an athletics check to get out of the pit certainly. Okay,
I will do this. Okay, I'm gonna say DC 15 to get out of the pit
11 plus five is 16. Yes, Fiya you jump up
You barely are able to get up you see that when Sib jumped down there
They left one of their daggers in the wall and you're able to grab onto that and pull yourself up
And you get up you see Fergus about to swing down on Zirk, you see Mr. Henry is
knocked out. I have no spells to give to Mr. Henry, so I will just try to attack
Fergus. Go ahead and make your attack. Three plus five plus one is not gonna be a night.
You go to slash him, you see he's wearing a breastplate,
the blade, kshh, clanks off the metal,
and that is the Goons turns.
There's still two Goons alive.
Sweet, one of them hits twice,
14 damage total to the Toad, Toad is fucked up.
That is...
Nice.
Zerkster.
Alright.
This dude swinging down on you, you're barely alive, you're dazed, you see Fia and Sib hanging
onto this dude just stabbing into him and him not responding.
I beckon for him to come closer and I say, I know people like you, you're just a mark.
You do whatever your sister tells you to do.
She's the one around here you gotta worry about.
I've known people like her. She's dangerous.
But you're a diamond dozen.
Uh, and I'm going to try and, as I'm distracting him with this talk, try and prepare a firebolt to blast him.
Switz, you pull out your crossbow, go ahead and shoot a fiery bolt at him.
Come on.
That's a 20.
Dirty 20.
Okay, you hit.
I'll thank you, sir.
You should have hit 20.
You hit.
Oh yeah.
No shame in a little bit.
Sirk, I'm gonna tell you right now.
He's got 8 HP left.
Okay, here we go.
You got to add anything to this.
It's just a straight D10.
I whisper a quick little message to Spritele and say,
I'll promise you whatever you want
if we can get out of this, okay?
You see Spritele zips over to Henry.
Cool.
That's a nine.
Oh my God!
Wow.
Oh my God.
Bolt goes directly into Fergus's heart.
You see, for a moment, almost in like protest of his own body,
is still trying to lift his hammer.
Huh.
Huh.
Huh.
You see, he drops to one knee, drops his hammer,
literally lifts out his hands and is trying to like claw
your face and just dies at your feet.
Fergus is dead.
It's been a pleasure.
But we've got another town to get to.
Fergus is dead. That was Fergus's turn.
That is the Toad's turn.
Fuck me.
Toad makes to it, uh, makes the tax with disadvantage because he's days.
Mrs. Madame Whitlock, at the end of the rounds,
go ahead and roll me a ally check,
because they can, um, try to bring you up with
a medicine check. Not bad. Alright, that's a one. One is Willie. Willie. Willie runs over
and starts doing chest compressions on Henry and goes, Mr. Clark, you gotta stay with me, man. You gotta stay with me.
Willie is going to go ahead and make a wisdom check.
Uh, he has a plus zero.
He needs to roll a 10 or higher to stabilize Henry.
He's made a glass, but he's got a heart of gold.
That is a natural 20.
Oh my god!
Henry!
I'll stay with a Nat 20 medicine check.
Henry, you bounce back up with one HP.
You see for a second,
it looks like a younger version of you,
like your son,
like little Henry is standing over you.
Hey, hey, little Hank, that's you, that you Henry?
Uh, well, well, well, no, Mr. Clark, my name is Willie.
Oh, right.
Remember you punched me in the face?
I'm not crying.
Yeah, be there right.
Okay.
I did my duty, sir.
I did my duty.
You're a good kid.
You're a good kid, Willie. I did my duty, sir. I did my duty. You're a good kid. You're a good kid, Willie.
I did my duty, sir.
You did.
You're really dead.
Mr. Henry, the rain seems to find your face the most.
That's right.
You see, Willie holds you in his arms.
You have popped up.
That is Sib's turn.
Sib is going to look to you, Fiya, and go.
We still help in this beariness.
I feel as though I made it promise.
Sip goes over, is going to toss two daggers down at the toad.
You see, as you go over to the edge of the pits,
Madam Whitlock, once again, is grabbed by the toadlemax.
And it's about to be swallowed.
You see Sip leans over the edge,
one in each eye and the toad drops. And that's what I call a salt.
You guys have lived to fight another day
and have freed Thorn Kirk from the threat of the Whitlocks.
You hear a cheer go up.
You see the baron stumbles to his feet and goes, let us celebrate it, my keep!
PORTS IN DRASAUSFRO!
Be careful about combining the two though, being an adenting course when you are drunk can
lead to projectiles.
PORTS FOR SOME DRASAUSFRO! Some chrisage brothers! Three! Sir coughs up a little blood.
Fia is kind of understanding, is hearing like,
oh the threat of the wheat locks and she's starting to wonder if it is bad
that she helped Madame wheat lock.
You don't get the sense that it's bad that you helped Madame wheat lock.
In fact, you see, there's been basically a mini revolution here, right?
You see, as people kind of gather themselves,
you see, Sib is talking to a bunch of the rooks
and you see that Madam Whitlock,
without, you know, the crown behind her,
without these guards supporting her,
they've just been inspired to essentially turn on her,
without her guards, without half the rooks,
without furgus intimidating,
these sort of more neutral rooks who didn't want to take a side,
she's got very few supporters right now.
She's very weak.
You see the few remaining supporters of Madam Whitlock
help drag her out of the pit.
She's all muddy and just like yelling at her few handlers.
You see, they quickly just kind of usher her off towards the town.
She's just a regular lady now with a regular umbrella.
I was going to say I do want that umbrella.
Let's swap it out for us.
You, hey, hey.
You see, she turns to you just like covered in mud and toad gunk and just goes what what could you possibly ask of me?
Oh, I could maybe ask thank you for saving my life. Do you not recall me
dragging you from the pit of a total of max stomach or was I the only one presence during that moment?
I saw that. I only died briefly and I witnessed two people see this.
Okay, three people see this interesting.
Did anyone see you push me into that pit?
I know.
Well, you were asking for it.
You were taking your parasol at my friend here and it made him not feel good.
Your brother was hammering me like a nail at that moment in time.
Madam Vidlock, I have a habit of giving the benefit of a doubt to people who let me down.
I don't know why I tried. It was strategic but there is part of me that does not want you to just
be a piece of shit. Am I so foolish?
You see, she takes her parasol, she breaks it over her knee, and she tosses it at your feet.
There.
It's all yours.
I look shocked.
I pick it up, tears in my eyes.
Madam, we look.
Why would you do this to me? I am just the witch who saved
your life and I cast mending on it and then swore it around perfectly together. She just
goes, get me out of here, god damn it. Just yells at a bunch of her goons. Okay, so yeah,
again, I invest in someone who is nothing. Okay. They take her and they start walking off.
Hey, don't worry, you showed mercy, that's really cool.
I agree, I think it is better to be a hopeful fool
who is sometimes right than a sin, a coup is sometimes wrong.
So this is okay for me.
Yeah, we gotta help where we can.
Speaking of, how are people on this battlefield looking?
You see, generally, mostly around furgus is where a lot of the like serious violence
happens, like other people, like other townsfolk, like, you know, hurt themselves and whatnot.
Like, there's definitely people who need to be patched up.
The only real fatalities are like the people who got eaten by the toad, Lamax, the dude
that's the barren killed.
There's only been like three people killed and most of them were by the toadlamaks.
Oh, you know what we should do.
May I signal to Sieb and also my verwolf?
This verwolf, Randall, comes over, kind of hunched over in verwolf mode.
Randall, I'm going to introduce you to someone.
You might want to wash away some of the blood around your mouth.
Oh right, yeah, no, I killed somebody too.
Sorry about that, everybody.
You see, Randal has, Randal ate two people.
Oh, one more than the Baron, good.
Was that before the battle or after?
That was, that was mid battle I think.
And that a little bit after the truce was called,
this one guy was like,
he just had to finish.
He was finished.
He was finished.
So, you're still holding the arm.
You're not gonna leave meat on the plate.
Good night.
Yeah, I'm going to make it into the docksion for you
so maybe put down the severed arm.
Okay, great.
You see, Sib comes over and they go,
well, you know, great job, Buds.
I guess thanks for saving my life or whatever. I guess I oh you
I can tell you're framing it with sarcasm, but you mean it and yeah, I guess I really value you
And I'm glad you came here and I wasn't expecting anyone to save me
But then you did I have a hard time reading people's to save me, but then you did.
I have a hard time reading people's inflections, but with you, it is an open book.
I always understand that.
That's interesting, because I'm trying to be so guarded.
I'm truly trying to be so guarded.
Well, Sib, I wanted you to meet a friend of mine, because you, I think, will occupy an important space in Tornker going forward.
And I want you to meet Randall.
He's my friend, he's a Verwolf.
And you know, there are some very good Verwolves who live around Tornker.
And maybe you can be friends.
You see Sib's eyes widen and they shake Randall's hand.
Randall's like, hey, yeah, you do it.
Yeah, we just started a family out here.
We're trying to get into the best
werewolf preschool, but that's not easy.
I turn to Mr. Henry and Mr. Zirk.
Is this a good first impression?
I'm trying to understand.
As good as possible, I'd say.
Just like, yeah, I'm just thinking about
diapers in preschool and it's kind of
welling up so I just not.
So yeah you see Randall and Sib and all the others join this kind of crowd that is heading
over towards the barrens keep.
Well Mr. Henry would you like to go maybe we will find another hot pot or two?
Yeah you know I could use a hot plate to heat up some stones and do a hot stone massage on my lower back or something or maybe
Love to just rip the winter protection off of the pool and go for a dip
You know if we could heat that pool. I could really go for a soak
If you got blogging all your hot plates and put them in Bookfire goes, no, don't let her anywhere near the pool.
Bookfire, such a coward!
Even that's a bad old New York out of me.
We in the battle, you are too much of a coward.
That's death, miss.
Be a sprints off to enact.
No, we need to save her.
We must save her.
She called my plate.
She had my app plate.
This is her, we need to save her.
Okay, all right, let's go.
I have the ability to make fire at any time. I don't know why we're relying on the hot plate, but yes, let's go
Do not plug it in I beg of you. You all at bookmark give chase to fia as she rushes to certain doom
She's so fast you had to the barons keep you see that the gates are open
People are rushing in you see guards are taking down the Petty King's banners.
Some of Sebastian's banners begin the process
of removing Madame Whitlock's stuff
and restoring Fenrose Keep.
You see that right now, it seems like the guards
and whatnot are willing to put Soation back in his keep.
However, you do know that he has technically been stripped
of his lands.
You do have that note that you can drop off at the Rookery.
If you'd still like to try to get him some help,
if not, you can kind of just either let him figure it out on his own
in the coming days, or maybe the petty king will just send another royal to take his place.
What is the Rookery?
Is it another bar for the Rooks?
No, the Rookery is like a place where they keep the like Ravens and stuff
I mean we could drink there
I guess that would technically make it a bar. I would love to get drunk or on the bunch of messenger Ravens
Oh, we could we could drunk mess with it. I wouldn't make fun of me for bringing a book
We could also get drunk before and kind of go there late night and send like drunk. Yeah, we'll do like drunk
Drunk and send drunk, yeah, we'll do drunk scores.
Okay, you guys are not sending the letter.
Well, we're going to, but we're gonna do it late.
We were gonna do it so first.
Okay, I will hold you to it.
If you guys remember, you remember,
if you don't remember, you don't remember,
I'm not gonna remind you.
You guys see.
I already the cross my forehead to remind them.
Right underneath the baby bangs.
Great, now it's my fault to buy for get.
You guys see, this big party has broken out.
You see the Baron breaks out his dancing horses
and puts on a show for everyone.
Did not expect them to be wearing dresses,
but you know, I guess that's on me.
It's right in the news.
This one's break dancing.
This is too much.
One has a little tux though. One has a little tux. How is that horse. This is too much I'm as a little talk though. Why is it a little talk?
How is that horse popping and locking?
Yelding has a little tax. Those tails are gonna get in the way. You see it's it's
Majestic your breath gets caught a little bit as you watch so ask you dance
With these horses. I turn to mr. Henry
Mr. Henry he talks about being very good at a lot of things and not so much is it true, but this is perhaps true.
This one I've never seen any man practice something more. It's his passion.
Practice makes perfect of course, I've been sort of a waste.
He's got that 10,000 hours. You see as this one horse pops and locks,
you see, so as soon as it's on its back,
just hugging it and sobbing,
oh, it's been hours, it's been hours.
So often we are born to a station that is not our passion.
You see that people out here have straight up busted out
like ancient casks of wine from his
seller and are just drinking it freely out in front of the garden.
Yeah, okay.
You see Willie and Marcy and others are out here mingling with the other townsfolk.
And you do see that bottom wit lock has gotten changed out of like her
her muddy clothes is back in like her immaculate white.
She sees gathered a bunch of her belongings
and several trunks.
She is joining a caravan of the Petty King's Knights
led by Petty Jack.
You see there about a dozen of these knights.
Looks like Petty Jack was getting ready to leave town
and Madame Whitlock's just gonna go with him.
You see a lot of these knights are on horseback
and there is one carriage in their procession. You see Madame lot of these knights are on horseback and there is one carriage in
their procession. You see Madam Whitlock just kind of gives you a cold gaze as she slams
the carriage door shut and they take off.
Fia is distressed and looks for a tall stout.
Fia, you are able to find a tall stout Pia you are able to find a tall stout so as soon as I get a mustache of foam
The bus goes to my head and I say who was I to say sentence her to death? It is fine
Who was I to sentence her to death? Hey Pia, it's okay, you know
We all have people in our life that we
Want the best foreign and want to trust but you got to just worry about being the best version of you, you know?
Mmm, I see you're right. I see exactly what you're saying, Mr. Zirk.
And I go jump in the pool.
Oh, you see the cover, the pool cover is still on, you see?
I get caught in it and wrapped it out.
She instantly gets wrapped in it and starts thrashing around it book. Oh
Safer saver my god
Mr. Henry, Mrs. Arc
I run over and jump in as well and instantly get stuck
I summon I summon shi I summon shank into the pool
Help Stop
Okay, I can't move it save the mr. Henry the stream. I'm gonna have to yank on this cover really hard and my back is
Definitely pulled okay, but fine if only any of these horses knew how to pull things, but they're all for dancing
They have a different purpose in life.
I would love to be in a carriage drawn
by these dancing horses.
Henry, go ahead and get me.
It's so long to get anywhere.
Go ahead and give me a strength, Jack.
Got it.
That is a nat one.
You see, Henry also falls into the cavern,
as you guys are all. Just the end of the Chuchu crew. Yeah guys are all just the end of the Chuchu crew
Yeah, this might be the end of the Chuchu crew
Henry has like one HP. Yeah, okay
Gonna die Marcy is gonna run over and try to do a strength check to pull you out
Shout out to the three cream Marcy does not fall in but it's like you have now caused a scene
She does not fall in, but it's like, you have now caused a scene.
They're sick.
Or is it, it's sick.
Or is it, what?
Oh, no, you see, Sim runs over to try to help.
Sim has, Sim runs over.
Save yourself, Sim.
Sim rolls at nine and has a minus two to strength.
You see that, I can't get you.
I can't get you.
Don't leave me, don't leave me.
And at least fall in with her.
So I should, so I should, so I should.
These horses aren't meant for pulling.
You see, this one horse is just doing the cha-cha
as it tries to get close to you.
I'll try, I'll try.
So I should, we'll try with the horse.
That horse is thugging.
The horse gets in that one.
You see the horse and so I should fall on the pool.
Ah!
At this point, out of so many people in the pool that we have displaced the pool. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh mean, I guess as long as we're in the pool, we might as well stay.
Yeah, can you heat this thing up, Zerker?
Oh, yeah.
I inflate a little, inflatable, coosy.
So you guys heat up.
What's left of this pool?
Oh, Fia, I know you've got a fear of salt, but can put some Epson salt in this thing? It's it really does wonders on the muscles
Hi, are you sure it doesn't take your moisture if you wish to see the end of the abogin
Yeah, put salt in the pool. I you know what I put a I pull out a pepper shaker and I put salt in it say oh
No, no, this is special healing pepper. it's not like salt at all. Ah yes pepper
I wish loves. No I'm no I'm worried that fear might be right sir
See um Fiya does begin to prune and you're instantly worried that okay, we're not testing fate
We're not testing fate. The heat is the hot water is all I need that's fine
So you guys see after a while, the sun goes down,
party lasts long into the night,
and at a certain point, you see Sibb comes up
and joins you guys, puts their feet in the water,
leans down and goes, so, where are you all off to next?
I think we gotta make our way into the skill tip valley.
Yes, we are going to take a boat on the river.
Have you ever gone on the river before?
Yeah, I've traveled along the river quite a bit actually.
In fact, if you guys want to follow me, I think it got something that could help you. Oh cool. All right. Yeah, if you tries to
Detangle yourself from the pool cover
unsuccessfully shows you just sort of wears it like a vital train
You see Sibb takes you off the barren's property
Takes you down like into the woods to an area between the Barrens Keep and the public docks.
You see there is an area here where the river curves north before heading west out of town.
And here you see an old boat house and you see Sib goes through a ring of keys and opens
it.
And you see inside this large boat house a dusty but well-maintained
killboat. It's probably the best kind of vessel you're gonna find for
navigating a river like this. It has a sail that is currently closed. It's about
50 feet long. It's just one level, but on the deck you see a few places for
roars to sit as well as a few sets of ores,
and a cabin on the far end.
Even though there is so much room for like,
you know, there's room for like multiple rowers,
really you only need like one person to, you know,
man a kill boat, so like, you'll be okay,
only like one person going at a time.
You see that this boat is quite well made.
You run your hands along the dark, finished oak.
Splinter.
Actually, you don't get a splinter.
That's how well-made it is.
Wow.
It is beautifully made.
Oh, this was here before.
You got that in the battle, but your adrenaline was pumping.
Yeah, from your fireball.
Oh, yeah, look at that.
The boat house is not nearly as well built. I think maybe you stabbed yourself on the way in. Yeah, you're bleeding. Oh my God.
You see in the front, more for aesthetics than anything. There's a small water wheel set in the hall. And you see, um,
I owe you all my life, so I'm gonna give you the only thing that matters to me
And you see they pat this boat. This is your boat
Go ahead and give me a perception check
I got a net one
Fiya you can tell that this is Sib's boat and that probably like they ran away from whatever situation they were in in this boat and it means the world to them and that they are parting with it and that that is heartbreaking and touching.
What did you guys get?
I got a 12.
I got a 17.
17.
Henry, you fully see the SS scampy on the side.
You see a little rose peekaking out of the sales it is quite clear
that Sib just robbed the bear in during the party.
This is yeah.
Fia fumbles at the clasp of her Ruby necklace and says I will never be able to repay
this but please take this and hands the Ruby necklace to Sib. You see Sib takes it and instantly looks super guilty and goes no no it wouldn't
be the same if we traded you've already given me my life and so I will give you
this please don't hey what's what's a couple of lives between friends? Just you see they
hand the they see like that Henry kind of knows the score. You see they just slip the necklace
into Henry's pocket and then nod towards Fian goes you, I'll wear it all the time.
Thanks, Tim, you did the right thing.
You're a good coach, Tim.
Hey, and Hank, you did a good job,
and I'll just leave it at that,
and I won't add anything to that.
Wow, you know?
Wow, a compliment.
I love what you add. a compliment with no qualifications?
Let's know. Hold eyes so hard that you would think that you'd be able to do a
little better, but still just through pure sweat and effort he's able to do.
I see. Try hard. Does it come? I wish you guys had this conversation
after I had turned the way. That would have been a better time. But anyway,
let's say on the record, I didn't say any of that. All I said was,
you all did a good job. Good enough for me. We appreciate it.
Thank you, Siebe. So, are you going to stick around here?
You see they nod and they go, the rooks are here for the taking. So,'m gonna stick around here. Maybe we'll go legit. Maybe we
won't. We'll kind of see how the powers that be treat us. But I'll keep on doing what
I do, which is steal from the rich and give to myself.
No one's cooler than you, Sid. As long as you're steering the ship that is definitely yours,
I think things are gonna work out,
A, okay.
This has been in my family for a long time,
so everybody be really beautiful.
It's a beautiful vessel.
Thank you.
What is it called?
It's called the SS.
It says the SS scampy.
Is your mother's name scampy?
Or is it because you're such a little scam?
It's because I'm such a little scam.
That's the thing, is that Zerky is you just you figure it out is you're just on the ball
and interesting. That's why I respect you and that's why I like you. What can I say? Learn from the best.
See but I also must ask my train. Oh I cannot leave yet. I have to go get stuff from my train. What
am I talking about? Oh, yeah
And we have to take this letter to the rookery. Yes, of course. Okay. Well, we know what this is. Can I have the key?
Yeah, you see you see they go
Yeah, yeah, of course
And the other keys are for my other things
Do you want those or do you want it? We're just going to take the full set, huh?
You see they had originally just thrown you all the keys
and they go, no, no, right.
Because this one, this one, of course, is for my house.
How many bikes do you have?
These many keys for so many bike locks?
No, I have a lot of family heirlooms and whatnot.
Sid, why don't I hang on to this set of keys
and I'm going to send them by Raven back to
your place.
Okay?
You're going to be a big Raven.
You see they look down and they just go, fine.
Oh, I should probably quit.
I should quit my job.
We've got a lot of letters to write, okay?
Okay, yeah.
I think I can probably do a two weeks notice via letter.
I'll just put a bird in the office and people will get it.
Perfect.
Well thank you for this precious boat.
I will not take it for granted.
And I promise if I take a sheet, it will be off this side.
I think it's got a head.
I think you can, you can shit in the, you know, we'll, we'll take a
tour and you can shit wherever you see.
You prefer to have some options.
I've, uh, I've written in this boat many times and yeah, we, we always shit off the side.
I think his normal behavior, I think is, you're starting to do more harm than good.
That's what we do. Yeah.
Is it, is that going to ruin my entire trip to scale tip value?
Isn't that what the boom is for?
You can just like shimmy off on the side of the boom and you shit off the hill. Yeah, I have failed.
I have failed on this.
I get pigeon on the telephone.
Hey, I have failed a lot of these.
That is not three to one.
That is not three to one.
It's not a debate.
I have never been in the water.
The closest thing I have come to is getting caught in the pool.
Covered. Okay, what, what, what did getting caught in the pool cover.
Okay, what did you stay in the center of the boat then?
You see Sibb reaches their handouts and they go, if you ever need a favor, don't hesitate
to call on the rucksab thorncirk.
Careful.
We might remember that.
I look forward to seeing what you do with the place.
You see, they nod and head off into the night.
They're so good at disappearing.
They really are.
But if I was that sneaky, of course,
I would sneak in and out of every single conversation.
It's amazing that they're so noiseless
considering all the daggers on their person.
Yeah, and this big ring of keys, you think that would jangle more.
Oh, I have the keys.
Do not worry about the keys.
Okay, good.
Okay, I'm going to take a swig from my flask, which I've filled with port now.
Wonderful.
I'm kind of buzzed.
You guys want to hit the ruckery and send some drunk scrolls?
I, yes.
I would love to, yes. you guys want to hit the ruckus in uh it's a prank scrolls.
Sweet, you all go to this messenger tower. You see that there's this bird keeper here. You send out
the letter to your ex-wife Henry asking for help from the capital. Mr. Zerke, let's send a prank bird to the king. Oh, Thurston, right, Leap? I was thinking a non-peddy king.
Oh, you want to send a high quake bird to the high queen?
We should ask her if her cellar door is open.
Yes, we should.
Okay.
You, right.
And this stout is really alcoholic.
I've had half of one and I am absolutely gone.
You write a frank letter to the high queen
of the under-bound empire.
I guess I whisper to the guy,
to the Rookery guy, like,
maybe you let this one sit until the morning.
Fiya is beside herself with giggles.
So you guys all leave the
Rookery. You've sent...
Oh, can I also write the...
Just a thank you note to the Baron
along with his keys.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
My heartfelt thank you for giving me
all the outlets for my hotplate
and a cop when I did nowhere else to turn.
Sweet, you could just give that to a messenger. This person is like the messenger person here
in Thorn Kirk. So you give them that letter. The other one you see, they tie it to a Raven and
send it off. And I run over to Nebels office,
and I leave my two weeks notice,
and I gather up all my supplies and whatnot,
and I toss them in a big ol' bag,
and I meet up with crew.
So you leave in your two weeks notice,
but we are heading out of town tonight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just letting them know.
You did that two weeks notice
that you'll be gone for two weeks.
And then for the rest of your life.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you have any dioramas of bodies from the coroner's office?
Dioramas of, you mean like a medical journal?
Or like a tiny little sculpture.
Yes.
So I can look at what the innards look like.
I am just a curious. I am cursed with curiosity.
I have this cross section of a skull.
Yes, that will do nicely. Sure. Yeah, I mean, it's just painted. It's wood, but like we can take it.
It's probably fine. He takes some
He takes some little statues and stuff from Dr. Neville's office. This is one that this is a poster that lets you know if you have an ear infection or not. Should we take that? Yes, that's also
very bad. You guys robbed the doctor's office. You know, he was, he might have left all this
stuff to Zorkin as well. Anyway. I mean, yeah, if I can honestly like, if I can snag some components,
I'll take them. Yeah, you can get some like common components for alchemy, certainly.
Yeah, I put a two week IOU in it.
IOU two weeks notice.
IOU two weeks of work where I haven't quit yet.
Standard policy.
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Okay, that's it for me. Go team pants and enjoy the show.
Okay, you want to swing by your train fee and pack a...
Yes, I am. I'm hoping under... I just have to pick up a couple things Swing by your train fee and pack a bin or something.
I just have to pick up a couple things, but I also want to make sure that maybe Randy can
watch the train while we are gone, because we have now all have some personal effects
that we might want to watch it over.
Yeah.
Perhaps Randy and his family can upgrade to all three trains.
Wow.
Oh yeah, they could put bunk beds in the caboose.
Okay, they have more kids.
You see, yeah, you go through the woods,
you're able to find Randy's hut with his family.
You see a warm fire just outside.
You see their rounds like the campfire.
You see Randy and his wife are playing with the little pup.
And you see he turns up and he looks at you
and he goes, oh, hey, Fiya.
Randy, we are going out of town
and we need someone to watch over our trains
and shower our house plants.
You're looking for a house center?
Yes.
You see he turns to his wife Ramona. You see, she nods excitedly and she goes like,
I always love the train aesthetics.
Ever since we moved, I've been looking to get back there.
If we could have the whole place to ourselves, are you kidding me?
It would be all yours.
Do you mind if we have a cigar or two from the humidor?
Would that be okay?
The humidor?
Uh, yes, I can leave the house.
You know what?
It is for the best that I leave the humidor because there Uh, yes, I can leave the house. You know what?
It is for the best that I leave the Humidor because there are so many cigars from the police.
You don't want to take them out of that temperature control.
Yes, that's better.
You may help yourself to the Humidor, but the baby may not.
Yeah, Henry looks at the little babe.
What's the little one's name, huh?
Well, her name is Fang.
Right now we're calling her Little Fang.
Oh, that's very cute.
It's real nice.
Real nice. Congrats, guys.
Zerke tries to pet the baby.
Yeah, you successfully pet the baby.
It's like a friendly enough baby.
It's very, very young.
It kind of nips at you.
It's in, they kind of only go into human form
to go into town.
But when they're out here, they're just fully
in, fully in where we'll form baby.
So this is just a straight up little puppy.
Oh.
Mia does a little nose nozzle against the baby.
Not for the first time.
She knows my scent.
Tears pour from Henry's eyes.
The baby, the baby knows you, Fiya begins looking your face.
Okay. Yeah, and they, they, they seem happy to help you out and watch the train. Okay.
All right, then, I suppose it is with heavy heart. I think it is time to go collect what we need
from the train and close up for the winter as it were.
Yeah.
Book far.
How do you feel about this?
Nervous miss.
Well, yes, that could be said about anything.
Correct.
She's sort of constant nervousness miss.
Do you think you will miss it, the train? Yes, very much so miss. Is there anything that you'd like to bring book for?
Perhaps your pizza paddle. I was going to say if I'm with you miss some always on the train, but yes, I will take my pizza paddle.
But yes, I will take my pizza paddle. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Okay, then I guess Fia goes back into her train, she gets the pizza paddle.
I'm trying to look at my notes to see if there is a book I want to bring other than the ones
I normally have.
You definitely have like maps and stuff here, like geography books of like the outer burrow
and things like that that you can grab to help you navigate the rivers and whatnot
Yes, I do I will look for because I do have a series of atlases and maps
Yeah, they sometimes wander off and get bigger so I want to know and you've them have wandered back
Give me a few luck check
You're a luck check.
18. You see that not only as your atlas come back, it has gotten bigger.
Wow.
Ah, yes, your breath of knowledge grows.
Are you going to introduce us?
Oh, yes, here, it does not have a name or a voice.
It is just a book, but it sometimes wanders away and then comes back with new maps on it.
Wow, an explorer!
Yes, it is an explorer. I think I will also take my autobiography of Miro Slav the Mesmer.
Okay. Just because I was halfway through it.
So I've just got six books with me, this is nothing.
So I've just got six books with me, this is nothing. And then I go to my humidor, which I have promised to leave.
So I do not bring it, but I do open a little false bottom of the humidor to reveal two little
trinkets that I wish to bring with me.
One is a little earring that has a little astrolabe on it
that belonged to Betidl.
And then another is just a little chain
that wants hung from a necklace.
And I just take that, put it in.
And then I think I have everything that I...
I look at the bookshelf, I say, take care of yourself, everybody.
Everybody get along while I am gone.
You hear them go, will be good, miss.
I can't believe they were watching me sleep.
And then I leave and I don't lock the door.
Sweet.
All right guys.
I think that's everything I need.
Yes.
Yeah, you know, I think I'm old hat skipping town.
So. Yes, usually I'm old hat at Skippin' Town. So... Yes, you turn out in light.
Usually, usually I'm headed out by myself, but it feels...
It feels alright to be...
to be hit in the road with some friends.
Maybe...
Maybe my luck won't run out this time.
I think your luck looks as though it's a...
turning over and leaving.
I like that.
Yeah, Henry, I gotta say that normally when I would leave town,
people were a lot more angry at me
than they are here.
So, you run away from your problems too.
What?
Oh, what?
You have not born in turncark.
You did not be born in Thorncark.
You are not there.
No, yeah, remember what we said about, like the truth session on the boat? Yeah, I've got a lot to talk about. You're not the... out of the little boat house and you set it on the river. There is a slug.
If you're not nervous, it puts her boots on the boat.
Very scared.
It's definitely very steady.
It's a slow but steady current heading west.
And you guys pull your boat out.
Once you are on the water, Henry pulls down the sail.
You guys feel a strong autumn breeze guides the boats.
And for now at least, you don't need to row at all.
This is a favorable wind here.
And for the night, you're not even really going to use the map. It's a straight shot.
You know that there's like a network of rivers through the under mountain empire.
Many of them are man-made and they
go through different, some of them are more popular kind of trade routes, other
require like smaller boats like this, but for now the only thing to do is to kind
of follow the river and wait so you guys are here. You're on this boat, cool autumn
night and you see the sprites are out in full force lighting the sky like little stars.
Sprydle you want to go say hi? You see Sprite all whips up and joins a bunch of other sprites in
the sky. Oh god they're gone. I mean they are kind of like light pollution, right? That kind of on the CD actual stars. Okay, I won't press the issue. And everyone dim for one second.
And you guys also see, so you guys see, there's a cabin. You guys are lucky that the
Fandros family had three people in it, same as your traveling party. You see that there are three single beds in here and a little desk to work at.
It's a little cabin.
There's no like below deck area on this, but it's certainly a nice enough area.
You see there is a little hatch below deck, and down there you do find some provisions.
You find a bit of gold. You find like a little chest
with some money in it. Nice. You find some like gold and silver that we won't deal with like the silver, the copper or anything.
We'll say it amounts to about 150 gold. Is that the precise amount it takes to make a
homunculus? I think it takes less than that, right?
Only a hundred gold, yeah.
There you go, yeah.
Yeah.
So there's about 150 gold down here.
You also see a few casks of wine and ale
and a little bit of dried out food.
This almost seems like kind of an emergency vessel
for the Fennroses.
Damn, look at all these stores, that's great.
Wow.
Oh, this is not going to town on some dried apricots.
Okay.
You know what, fuck it.
Let's not even ration that.
Go ham on those things.
Can I, is there like a little nightstand
or something next to any of these pots?
Yeah, you see there's like little ledges that are like near each one.
Cool. Can I slip the Ruby necklace into one?
Yeah.
Fiya, this looks like your cat over here.
I was going to sleep on the deck under the stars.
I love the sea over the moonlight.
Okay, perfect.
I put the Ruby necklace back in the pot.
But I do need somewhere to put on my
books. So I put them all there. Oh, okay. I put the necklace back in. Mr. Henry, can I ask you,
this is not your first time in the water? No, yeah. I grew up by the water and I actually,
I was lucky enough to be not the first mate or the second mate, but the third
mate on a ship on a ship a couple of years back.
You see nothing but awe and fiosize.
That's the level of respect I always thought I'd earn when I was third mate.
It's true, you knew to duck your head when you went into the cabin and I just banged
my head right up against the doorstep.
You bonked it. You bonked it, you bonked it bonked. It's also a little shorter than us, Mr.
Sutter. That might be it. That might be it. Only a little. I didn't see book
fire pipes up and he goes, Mr. Mr. Henry, where were you a third mate?
Yes, did you see the ocean? Yeah, we used to work on a merchant ship out there in the capital.
Wow, did you...
What sort of letters did you have?
Yeah, you know, anything that was a demand for, we shipped it because, you know, those oceans aren't very safe. Those are some of the best years of my life out there,
out there on the open sea, in between horrors.
But...
Ask why you decided to leave them.
You know, it wasn't really entirely up to me.
Sometimes, sometimes when the captain is like kind of a shithead,
the, you know, all the sailors, all the workers, Sometimes when the captain is like kind of a shithead
You know all the sailors all the workers. We there's a little bit of a mutiny as it were where they turn on the captain and
sometimes Everyone instead of turning on the captain turns on Henry and that's vaguely what happened
There is a Henry on every boat. It does, it just me.
Everybody, yeah.
Why did they turn on you, sir?
Well, originally they were turning on the captain,
and I thought it was my duty as the first mate
to let the captain roll.
They were the third mate, sir.
The third mate, right?
So the first mate was the mate that I wanted to be.
So I'm trying to climb this ladder here.
So you went over a couple of people's heads.
So I went over some people's heads,
trying to earn my position, doing what was right,
what you're supposed to do, when there's a mutiny,
you're supposed to tell the captain,
but then the captain, well, he kind of told on me
because I was a little piss boy,
informant kind of thing.
Did he make an example of you as a show of force?
He made an example kind of everybody.
He turned the whole entire crew out and then I thought that I'd be in good standing with
them, but then he also turned me out for being a rat. And wasn't allowed on my ship,
wasn't allowed with my crew. I don't really have anything going on. And so now you're the
first mate of your own life. I never looked at it like that and I think I never will
Mr. Henry I spend a lot of time with bats and rats and they're actually quite nice really
What are some of the rats best qualities?
Well, they are very good at foraging.
They're smart?
They're smart.
They'll eat you.
They're fast, good at foraging, and they have an excellent poker face.
Yeah, great play carriers, too.
Yes, they are very good at transmitting messages and plagues.
You hear bookfire pipes up.
Mr. Henry, is your son in the capital?
No, my boy lives over in West precinct in Sirenlock.
That was where I ended up after I, what's a nicer word than saying, ran away from the capital.
Chase?
Chase out of town?
When I was chased out of town. Yeah, sure.
That isn't exactly nicer, but yeah, that is what happened.
I was chased out of the capital.
I wound up in Sirenlock where I had my boy.
May I ask you a question?
You may not answer if you don't wish to.
By what means, what are you separated from your son? well, I
first met Izzy when
When I got my job working at the docks over there by the lake
My wife is a bell or my ex wife is a bell or my never was my wife because the marriage was erased from
You have a never wife a never wife. Yeah. I see. You know, I think she was
rebelling against her dad or dad was my boss and he didn't like her like in me
so that made her like me a little bit more and eventually maybe she just
started to believe him that I was a piece of shit and she was always being chased by this noble guy
and eventually he must have won her over, I'm not sure how, but the upshot is that I lost there
and I lost my boy. Zirk isn't really sure how to respond to this level of emotional discourse,
so he just heats up some stones and puts them on Henry's back.
That feels good.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Let it out.
But look, that's, I'm talking too much. I'm yapping like an idiot.
Uh, what about you guys?
Yes, Mr. Zerr. Why did you...
Why did you get chased out of Aetan and wherever you were before you were here?
Well... I've... kind of been all over.
Before I was in Thorncirk, I used to travel with my mom.
She was kind of a...
Well, medicine woman isn't exactly the right term.
More of a snake oil salesman?
Snakes have oil?
Ah, I love snake oil. It's so good for your cuticles.
Oh, yeah, it's great for that, but not so much good for any other purpose.
Yeah, she would basically sell bum potions from town to town in the outer and inner burrows,
and I would help her. And then, you know, we went to one town and we were
one town and we were hawking this all cure elixir and went a little worse than it normally does. I still don't really know. Normally the potions don't have too much of an effect at all, they
just kind of make you feel good. They've got a little bit of heroin or cocaine and
they're just like pep you up just a little bit. Just a little bit, just a little bit a lot. Just a little bit.
You have tried cocaine in heroin,
you never tell us?
I mean, no, I mean, we never tried the product.
I mean, my mom made me try it once,
but just once, and that's all I had.
That's all I had.
Dude, heroin with your mom, and you only tell us about it.
You didn't have a better one time, you didn't have a better one.
You don't have a better one.
You don't have a better one.
But you're not telling us these kind of stuff. That's what this is all about. You know what? I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all. I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all. I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all. I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all.
I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all. I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all. I'm gonna get a lot of time in the middle of it all. I'm There's just one town out of a thousand, and the more towns we went to, the more I started
to realize what we were doing and how wrong it was, and I thought, maybe I can fix this,
maybe I can actually make the potion work.
And I don't know if it was something I did, something I put in it that changed the
Alcura elixir, or if it was something my mom did, but a lot of people got sick.
I don't really know what happened after that, because we fled.
And that's just something I've lived with and something I'm always gonna have to live with.
How long ago did that happen?
Long enough ago that I should have known better.
You haven't seen your mom since then?
No.
But was the last thing that you say to her?
Did you tell her you were leaving?
I told her I hope that she can find a way to be better,
because that's what I'm leaving to do.
Well, Mr. Zirk, I have...
I have witnessed you helping many seeking and hurt people already and I have
known you for but...
mmmm...
I beg your hand full of days.
Two weeks notice.
I've known you for a two weeks notice.
Not even!
We are...
It's cruel.
We're not even.
So, I think that you are...
using to be balancing the scales to borrow a metaphor that I visioned
out to borrow.
I know what you mean.
You've done wonders for my lumbar issue.
Thank you.
Thank you, Henry.
I gotta say when I'm with you, I feel a little less bad about myself and a little more
inspired to help.
So, you know, I think whatever we've got going on here,
it's really working for me.
I know you enjoy to be a coroner,
but I wonder if your talents are wasted on the dead,
because I think you are good at preventing people from dying.
Hmm.
Yeah, mostly the coroner's job is just like,
pumping out the blood and putting lipstick on people.
And like, that's fine. That's fine, getting them ready for the blood and putting lipstick on people.
And like, that's fine.
That's fine, getting them ready for the funeral and whatnot.
But yeah, I do do that.
I was going, Mr. Zirk, maybe it is forward,
but sometimes will, sometimes will you get me ready
for a funeral?
Do you want me to like, put makeup on you while you sleep?
What do you ask?
And yeah, just to make up not the blood thing.
You do not want to pump out your blood or anything
Leave my blood in but you could put lipstick on me and I could be like
Book far pipes up maybe maybe he'll die before you miss because you're younger so why would you die miss?
What I'm talking about dying. I'm not talking about dying
I'm talking about like we are going to we are going to a bar and I've got my best book
And I'm ready to go to the bar and make a
Makeover me makeover moment you are gonna be dead. Oh, no, she just wants a sleepy makeover
Yeah, she wants a slumber party makeover
Wake up with a face of makeup. She wants a wakeover is what it is. A wakeover. I woke up like this,
hashtag. Well, I usually sleep for about four hours a night, so when I wake up, I'll be sure to give
you a wakeover. Thank you so much, Mr. Cedric. Of course. I bat my lashes. Oh, I've got a lot of work to
do. Henry, looks like your flask at your freshening.
Yeah, and Fiya, it looks like you need a light down on that new cigar.
Oh, yes, if you wouldn't mind, yes, yes.
You want to tell us your story? We're all sharing.
Yes, I can. I can, I mean what you want to know.
I don't know what to tell you know I don't I don't know what
What tell you why don't we start the you want to start at the beginning because uh, you know, you don't often meet somebody that just lives in a couple trains
How'd you uh, yeah, were you born in the trains?
How'd you find your way to the train station?
I was born in it down a village
a bit away from this. I was born in it down a village, a bit away from this. I was actually a Reaper preacher's daughter.
Whoa.
Wow, thank you for the little preach.
That smell like a whole now.
Starting to wake over early, I guess.
I guess you could say, when I was born, it was at the expense of my mother's life,
which please do not look at me with sad eyes for this, because you know, this is just...
this is life, the greater tragedy is what I did to my father, I think, a radicalized team.
So, he was the town preacher, and he was very, very stern because he wished for salvation.
I thought for a long time he just wants to make sure that me and him and mother can meet each other again in paradise.
And this is why he is so stern. But Van Neuver's young, I had a girl who best friend named Arena.
And...
You mentioned her.
Yes, she was...
Well, she was very magical.
She was not, you know, magical like me.
She did not have to study practice, stick her nose in books, like I do.
It just kind of flowed from her very effortlessly.
In fact, when I knew her, I did not have a spell to my name really.
I was not magical at all.
The most magical thing about me was her probably.
And I knew I was very aware that this was not allowed with the Reaper, but it was so natural and right the way she did magic.
So I didn't say anything and we didn't see it of course because you know it is magic.
You cannot do this in a Reaper village, but one day, specifically the day that she made bookfarr here.
Oh, way.
Yes, the day that she made bookfarr, we had gone into the woods and I had a little journal
to press flowers in and Irina stole it from me and ran around and I chased her and by the time I got the book back, it was bookfarr.
Wow. And he was so silly and so nervous and so cute that I just...
I lost track of time.
I did not hear the dinner bell.
And so my father came out to find us in the woods
and he saw the magic.
And he thought it was... the work of the trickster. He was very angry and he grabbed
me, he blamed it all on Arena and he said that she was cursed by the trickster and she
would corrupt me and he said I was to go to a convent and she was to go to the scales.
And I don't know what to say.
I am not a hero by any means, but I foolishly thought if I could send her in my place he
would not put me in hers.
So I smuggled her onto the carriage that was meant for me,
and I gave her the most valuable thing I had so that she could buy freedom,
and I thought that my father would not hold me to what he was going to do to Arena.
to Arena. But I was wrong and my father was more than eager to see me take her place on the scales. So the place where you see Cib yesterday I was there once with my father on the side, but in a twist of fate, a perfect moment of perfect timing somehow these
witch but till the appeared or rather didn't appear because she was magical
so she was invisible and she saved me from the scales and she visced me away to the train because it was her train.
It was not mine.
It is her train.
And the error she began to teach me magic.
And I guess that is as much as I can say.
That is everything I know.
I'm not going to look at you with sad eyes as you requested. I am going to turn my head over this way and
just see the bend in the river quickly. No, it is not sad because I am safe and Irina is somewhere and
But he is alive and so they are all alive and even if we are all in danger we are all
eventually going to be safe.
So it is not sad.
The person you should pity is my father.
You're right.
Yes, because we right now are all on a boat, smoking cigars and drinking wine with our friends. And what could be nicer than that?
This is...
Nothing.
This is the first time in a long time when I'm excited to be going somewhere new.
And I thought that... I thought Batilda had just left me out of boredom. I thought she was just a blade who just decided to leave me.
But now I know she's maybe out there, and we can find her and get her back.
Yeah, and you know, this is no small thing to me either. I've actually...
I've never been the captain of my own boat before.
So hey, maybe old me was right, and we are pretty close to breaking that old curse, huh?
Wait, what curse? What curse? Right. Oh, I've Jesus, I forgot to tell you guys,
when I, you have a pool, a sun and a curse. I have, I do have a curse.
And you lead with hot plate.
Is there a hot plate on this thing? Is there a plug? I just need a three pronger.
I mean, we can set something on fire and just kind of watch the fire. Mr Henry, what is this curse you speak of?
You know, I am not entirely sure. But I do know that I saw a really, you know, decrepit
old version of myself who said that we were close to breaking the curse. I saw a couple
a couple of things I wish I didn't see.
Me being a jackass across some of memories I have
and some that I didn't remember,
but I was definitely there if that makes any sense.
This is very interesting to me because I know two things.
One, but till they told me that there is such thing
as reincarnation. Two, I Tilda told me that there is such thing as reincarnation.
Two, I work in a magic that deals with alternate timelines. I wonder which plagues you.
Jesus, could it be both?
Or supports you.
I don't feel very supportive.
You are starting to have a very good relationship with this other shadow self.
Yeah, and I don't really have any magic that can
divinate that, but I do have a nice under eye cream
that can help you with those craggy lines you're experiencing.
You're talking to me or Shank.
Maybe we give this old version of Henry a makeover,
and then he go away.
Let's see.
You can do it.
Shank appears out of the shadow and pops up and goes,
hey, I don't really know anything about old Hank.
Sometimes I just turn into a woman,
I know different stuff, but me, I'm just, Shank.
So we're dealing with upwards of three hanks,
is what we're all seeing.
Yes, I, so this is a different one.
Okay, it's a Hank, it's a Hank trick for sure.
Wow.
Wow, Shank, you get a potatoank trick for sure. Wow. Wow.
Shank, you get a potato skim for that one, buddy.
Okay, I'll get the lantern.
Well, I guess let's be on the lookout for any more curse signs.
If you have any flashbacks, I guess you know what?
A lot of people keep a dream journal.
Maybe you could keep a curse journal.
Hmm, a flashback journal. Mr. Henry, I also, I am beginning a journey of dealing with
time a little more. And I will keep a lookout in my books when they give me access to their
knowledge. Okay, yeah, that'd be helpful. I don't know, but I will turn up, and also my
books are quite hostile. Here fill up, pipe up and go, I'm not telling you shits!
Okay, that's what you say now, then you beg to be read!
You don't even want to read me!
I will keep an eye out for you and maybe on this river we will find some place that we
can talk to someone who knows something about this.
Yeah, okay.
Tonkirk is very small and elder mourners very big.
And there's a lot of cookie shit going on
all over the place here.
We can probably find someone that knows a little more.
That all, yeah, that all sounds good.
But you know, now that I think about it,
this boat probably doesn't need a cursed captain.
So maybe I should be like, you know, first mate,
the second mate, third mate, even.
I'd be happy with any of that.
I like my captain's cuttersd.
Maybe we should all be third mate.
That way there's no chance of a mutiny.
I put my hand on Zerg's shoulder.
That's true.
Yeah.
Even if anyone is the captain.
No more mutiny, is that?
Or maybe Bukfar should be the captain. I don't care with that.
Because then if we have a mutiny,
we're all on the same side,
and I can just resummon him when we're not at him anymore.
And it'd be weird to have more than three-third mates I think.
That's true.
Bookfar, would you like to be the captain?
You're here, Quiver, in his voice.
Yes, miss.
I salute Bookvar.
I go to work on making a tiny little hat for Bookvar.
You see, it's got a little anchor right on there.
Bookvar flaps up into the sky just above you guys and he goes,
okay, crew, to Innerboro.
To Innerboro.
I put my hands on the helm.
And the Chuchu crew.
Now...
Now the river boat crew.
The boat buds.
With Fiya smoking so many cigars,
you'd swear it was a steamboat.
The three of you.
The three third mates travel along the river as the sprites light the sky and you are off
on your next adventure. And that is where we will end our session.
Oh, baby. Eldermore, tell us your secrets.
Oh, what a sweet one. My goodness.
That was a real cute one. What a sweet one. My goodness. That was a real cute one.
What a sweet ending.
I feel warm.
Thank you all so much for listening.
You can listen to us talk about this sweet little episode over on our Patreon.
Patreon.com slash nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d don't sing.
Yeah.
We all do.
We all do.
I didn't even know.
I'm sorry you glitched out.
I didn't hear.
And yeah, does anybody have anything to plug?
I would like to plug peace and good will towards all men.
There we go.
That's nice.
And we're in the pool.
And inclusive.
And inclusive.
Good will towards everyone.
There we go.
We will be back next week.
We're going to be doing another Tonkikong holiday special against my best judgment.
That's good will. that is good will forever.
So this is goodbye to the Elder Morn crew for now,
but we have some exciting announcements
about Elder Morn in the coming weeks.
Maybe some fun stuff coming up.
So be on the lookout for that.
Maybe, unless you don't want them.
Unless you don't want them.
Unless you don't want them.
Yeah, that's always an option.
Yeah, I don't like it, but it's an option. Yeah, I don't like it. It's an option
It's a sad option. You can follow us on Twitter at CHMurf is me at called these called well AdiEx for it is Emily and at chaker which is Jake and you can tweet about the show using everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent
council of elders, starting with Brad D, Jeff Reyes, Haldor Frostback, Steelbreaker,
and Matt M. The barren's personal team of
horse groomers, no one else in all of Elder Morn knows how to give a horse a pedicure,
mostly because they've never tried, but still it's pretty impressive.
Jordan DJ, Cutter W, Gybe G, Zolo Dolo, and Dylan B, recipients of Zirk and Fias, Frank
Raven messages.
Currently all of them are writing back to let the crew know that there are no see more butts at their respective addresses.
Shoebert the mushroom, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Andrew M, Beardman Dan, and Scott D. New
Rooks recruited by Sibb for their all-new crime organization. Scott D suggested they
call themselves the Rookies and promptly received a warning stab from Sibb. Danny P, Elena C, McSoulogist Michael McD, and Boundersboy, Randall, the werewolf's extended
family who promptly moved into Fia's train as soon as Randall got the all clear.
They all collectively clogged the toilet and bathtub within 15 minutes of their arrival.
Andrew B, Justin I, TJM the No. Barbarian, Alaina M, Traylee the Cray-Fay and Jared E,
River Bandits, who were planning on attacking the Chuchu crew, but were so touched by their heartfelt
backstories that they decided to turn themselves in. Christopher B, Austin Bonesaw MR,
Damial R, cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt and Octolich, Agents of the Queen of the Undermount
Empire, who had been dispatched to track down and destroy
the foul tricksters who have been sending her prank ravens.
Gage M. Scokilla, Destin C. Richardx Machina, Michael L. and Kelvin Noodles, local chefs
who are currently engaged in a bidding war over the corpse of the Toadlamaks, whoever wins
will rule the El Demorn Escargot Market for years to come.
Sergio Salazar Salaman Sakuraiya Stasequani, trust the traveler, Jorias Denaji, Kaila Mel,
and Ryan, the Fergus fans, who are taking this one to heart.
They're currently split between exacting revenge in the name of their fave or just hopping
on the Zirk bandwagon.
Jack L. Flawless Whale, Temporal, Sam L. Nicholas C. and recent S. The Shadow Players, a troop
of shank like shadows that put on Shadowplays, no campfire needed.
Samuel B. Mike H. Matthew E. Colton B. and Adam G. Eldomorne's most popular beer sellers,
they make all Fia's favorite stouts, but they also make a pale ale that is confusingly
named Sprite.
Mateo C. Nibagger.
Panama James.
Adrian the Halfling Bard and John HN.
Petty Jack's crew of friends.
They aren't particularly excited that he's been released from the dungeons, because hanging
out with Petty Jack often ends with his friends bursting into flames.
Dan, Nikki W. Drew Nasty and C.C. Lulu.
Sprite contract litigators, the scariest part about
breaking a Sprite contract isn't the evil Sprites that come after you, it's their lawyers.
Jay, Barnes & Adder, Douglas A, Michelle O, the architects behind weddings by Whitlock,
Madame Whitlock's post-crime career, turns out she's just going to harmlessly become
a wedding planner.
Ritterand, Timmy R, Lucas B, RNS, and Kevin M, the little fangs, an Elbermoren youth troop
dedicated to starting Wizardry Young.
These tweens can already throw fireballs if you can believe it.
Austin C, Hawkfish is above average hog.
New York, Steven C and KJ, Fergus's lifting buddies who will no doubt miss the intensity
he brought to the workouts, but will definitely not miss his shitty personality.
Raoul N. Mike K. Maxwell C. and Nick L. Famous Dressaz jockey's known as the four horsemen
of the pop and lock ellipse. They taught so as to everything he knows.
Karen T. Eccathor 666 Justin Raccoon, Nick W, Michael C, Elderworn Hippies, who founded
the Save the Toadlamax Foundation.
They tried to save the horror from being used in Sib's execution ceremony, but in an
ultimate act of irony, the Toadlamax ate them.
As may am, Spartagnus, Nathan, the Kazimir, the All-Knowing, and Big Bad Beard of the Mad,
Thorn Kirk citizens who made elder people magazines,
top 10 angriest bachelors in all of Thorn Kirk, with Ferguson's death they've all been
bumped up a slot.
Eric McD, Jack Meehawth, Burley T, Axel A, Nero, Claudius Caesar, Augustus Germannicus,
and Christian A, the lifeguards at the party who neglected to warn the guests,
not to jump in the pool while the cover is on, to be fair to them though they'd had
a lot of port.
J. Dragonborn, Jonathan O, the Sanjayan, Ben A, and Feldonis, a bunch of partiers at the
Baron's Keep who also stole a set of keys, and fell asleep in the riverboats cargo hold,
boy are they gonna be surprised when they wake up. Dave H. Catherine S. David K. Christian S. Keith K. and Brittany B. A crew of pirates with
no captain, they're all sixth mate and every decision is voted on, including whether
or not to shit off the side of the ship. Kyle H. Emilio D. Frankie Koala. Big Bad John.
Aston S. And Blair, the bug Blair Barbar Blarion, all received some drunken raven scrolls,
most ignored the scribbly U-Up text but Frankie at least responded, New Bird, Houdus.
Punk Chop, Chanel M, Argent, Alice, Menette F, and Pat L, pool cover repair people who really
shouldn't be able to make a living entirely on the Baron's pool cover, but somehow people
just keep destroying it.
Lauren H. Janina E. Maddie Y. The eldest Barry and Ryan S. S. S. Scampie's old crew. They're
all pretty thankful the ship was stolen because they had to do a lot of maintenance on that
boat considering how many dancing horses were always trotting on board.
The Bone Duster, Joshua H. Robert, CRSP, Idrisil, and Brent Lee C, books feel left in
her bookshelf.
They're slightly offended, but at the same time, the train car is so cozy and they're
kind of happy to get to live with a super cute werewolf cub.
Micah B, Carly Ann, Clark of the Thunderfuck's, Jorge C, and Connor Savage, Zerks replacements
who are totally left in a lurch since there's no one there
to train them, just a note that says you've got this.
B-Chef, Russell H, Christopher J.O., Cole, the Goldfish Gremlin, Logan S, and Benjamin
SK, Glass, Willey's new coaches, they thought the kid might have promised but when they watched
as he sprained his fingers while lacing up his boots and now they know they're fucked. Leviathan, Dimae A, Bioquart 7, Remington CD, Mike R, and Everett P, Madam Wintlocks
only remaining goons.
Little does she know that Dimae A just ordered their own parasol and is fully planning
on taking over God's speed.
Thank you all so much for listening.
You can head on over to our Patreon Patreon.com slash NAD pod to listen to our after show. In the meantime, thank you to all of our
listeners, all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course all of our
benevolent council of elders. We'll catch you all next time.
That was a Hate Gum podcast.