Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 1: Green Teens Gone (The Moonstone Saga)

Episode Date: February 9, 2018

Hardwon (Jake), Moonshine (Emily), and Beverly (Caldwell) arrive in the small fishing village of Moonstone and meet Scoutmaster Denny -- a halfling coward with some terrible news. The crew answers the call of adventure, but gets tripped up by some pony-tailed barbarian bullies. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Emily and I wrote a satirical relationship advice book called Hey You Up, How to Turn Your Booty Call into Your Emergency Contact. It's out now and you can get it on Amazon. Check out Caldwell onube.com slash Drawfee as well as on his podcast. What should we draw with Nathan Yaffe? And of course, listen to If I Were You With Jake and Amir.

There you go. Plug's over. Let's get into it. Let's get into the backstory for this campaign because it wouldn't be Dungeons & Dragons without me dumping a bunch of lore onto you up top. So without further ado, I welcome you to the realm of Bahumya. A few years ago, an evil necromancer attempted to conquer the realm in the name of Osmodeus,

ruler of the Nine Hells, but he met his match against three legendary heroes, Theala, the human cleric, Ulfgar, the dwarf fighter, and Alonus, the elf wizard. After a valiant campaign, the heroes amassed a great army and defeated the Necromancer on the battlefield, then traveled to the nine hells and destroyed Osmodius himself, the realm rejoiced, for a little while. Then everything started sucking ass again. The three heroes did everything you're supposed to do in a D&D campaign.

They convinced the isolationist Hyelves to join the war, they restored a rightful heir to his throne, and they toppled the dark kingdom, but those actions all have consequences. The Hyelves are now on the verge of extinction, the rightful king is a terrible politician, and the orcs without a homeland have split off in a nomadic clans and caused more trouble than they did before. This is a morally gray, post-war world that still has its share of problems, many of them caused by the very heroes that quote unquote saved it. To make matters worse, the yalla, off-gar, and alannas have gone into hiding and haven't been seen in over a year.

Now, my players are going to try to clean up their mess. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Let's meet our partner. Part one, Sherfwood, the bastard of the mountain. A human fighter raised by dwarves. Think of Cap and Quad. Six-foot-six of Muscle and Beard. The great acts of Iron Deep, pride of the Dwarf

Finish. Having dug further into Iron Deep than any man or Dwarf before him, hard one believes his next great adventure lies above ground and is set off to see the world. Beverly Toe Gold, pure hearted half-ling youth from the city of Galatoron, a five-leaf, green-team, novice paladinadin in pursuit of the ultimate merit patches. Beverly has never disobeyed his mom and is an extremely good boy. Moonshine Sabin, Crick Elf Druid, lover of fungus and ambassador of decay. Her people were ostracized by the high elves to the dank shores of the Cr, but now something to miss at the old creek,

accompanied by her loyal possum, pop hog gum, freckled, ferocious, and dangerously fertile. Welcome to the first episode of the podcast, everyone. I'm your dungeon master, Ryan Murphy, joined by J. Kerowitz, called Wattanner, Emily Axford. Guys, we're doing it. Let's get started. Let's get started.

Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. J.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K.K. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started.

Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started.

Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. Let's get started. for it as dead. She sits meat under. So let me tell you guys a little bit about this place that you guys are going, and then you guys can tell the audience why your character is going to this village. So you guys are going to the fishing village of Moonstone.

So the village of Moonstone was founded 50 years ago by an old halfling druid named Thistle. She was a hermit who placed a powerful magic trident at the bottom of the bay, which lured in all sorts of Quatic creatures from the sea and made for easy fishing. So soon the bay started to attract other settlers and Moonstone grew from thistle singular little hut to a bustling village But just as it was growing and establishing trade with nearby settlements an evil dragon named Shadowfang took residence In an old abandoned keep in the swamp to the north of the village

and began terrorizing them. So Shadowfang would send her henchmen, the lowly dragon worshipping cobalds to collect gifts and taxes from the villagers under the threat of violence. Then that all changed two years ago when the legendary party of three heroes arrived in Moonstone, killed Shadowfang, freed the village from the grip of the dragon, and inadvertently left them open to a whole new slew of problems. Can I ask a real

quick question? Where is Shadow Fang's bought now? You don't know. You know that he's dead. His bow, like you know. I want to find his skillet in here to meet it here. She she Yeah, oh, it's a girl dragon How do you tell how do you tell a lady dragon from a male dragon she has a big Huge dragon pussy dragon pussy. Yeah fire comes out of it all. That's how you know she's all right. A male dragon has enormous human-like testicles and a giant thick penis. It's like you didn't have to you didn't have to lower the rigs. Right. They're always sitting on gold. That token won't tell you. Uh-huh. Is that dragons have dicks and pussies.

You know, like those, the movie where you just like see the shadow of the dragon flying. Yeah. It's like a stepping chicken. I'm just waving in the air. It's just, you first, it's like slowly comes in. You see the flapping wings and then behind it, a flapping deck.

God, I would love to see just somebody recoding this. I think on the journey, I think Jirgin's on dragons would be really fun. On the journey to Moonstone, Beverly is reading a book about dragons, because he's probably interested in the lore of Shadow Fang. He's like, copying, he's like, underlining that passage. Oh, what is it?

It's funny, as I was prepping for this, I was worried I was like, they're gonna gonna ask stupid questions like how do dragons breed or something And I'm gonna need something and I'm like, you know what? No, it'll be safe But no now now dragons have dicks and pussy Fucking stump me they have dicks can I just go back to Beverly highlighting his copy? Can we just assume that you're using some kind of like buried a highlight? Like there's some kind of berry that you're just squeezing to highlight. Absolutely.

It's like a bush or a highlight or berry. It's like a lightning bug. Ooh. Yeah. I've got like a quill with like lightning bug ink. So guys, why are moonshine? Why are you going to moonshine? So as I've mentioned, I come from the creek.

Some things are miss of the creek, but there's another thing too, which is that. It's a miss of the creek. But I also am, so basically, like, just real quick background on the creek elves, they are a maternal society. There is one me ma who gives birth to all the youngins. I am one of, and moonshine has a lot of pressure to become the next me ma because she's so fertile,

but she doesn't, she's not ready to make youngins, she wants to spread spores. So I'm kind of like, I'm kind of like using the fact that there's something amiss at the creek as like a reason to go out and adventure and not have to just be a young and maker. Right, right. And why is Beverly going to Moonstone?

Beverly's going to Moonstone to meet up with the rest of his troop because there is a green teen jamboree. A green teen jamboree. A weird lady is what it's called. That's what the flyer said. Oh my god, Moonshine's going to see that flyer and be like, oh, jamboree. Jamboree. All right. I loveory. Oh my god, Chambrory.

All right. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I walking around and they went to this town. Yeah, I believe my parents were a little concerned about me going to Moonstone because it's gotten a little less safe over the years. But my scout master, who I'm meeting there,

helped convince them that it would be fine because there's gonna be a lot of adults present, there's gonna be a lot of shaperones. And at the Jamboreen, I'm gonna be working to earn a lot of the last patches that I need for my six. Oh quick question, quick question. Yes. Yes. Um, are there girls that are gonna be at the jamboreen or is this just sort of like an all-there are there are girls in the green teens. Yeah, I think it's a yeah. Oh, there are. Yeah, they they pushed for it and you know, uh, there were

some more, but there were some more, but there was a world I wanna live in. I know. I know. That didn't wanna let them in, but they kinda got ousted. I mean, yeah, green teens is still a super religious organization. Yeah, but they are gender-new. Their Cub Scouts are still called the Boy Pals, even though there are girl pals in there.

So, one of them, why are you going to Moonstone? Hard one left the mountain thinking that he was gonna walk into any town and be well received, like with a parade, and instantly found out that nobody knew who he was and all the hotels were full. Sort of a jacked Jesus as well. He went in assuming he'd have a free room somewhere and they're like, you need a reservation, we're full, you don't have enough money. So many factors.

So he didn't know what to do, and now he's wandered off the road, he's thinking he might try to look for a fish and job in this village. Okay. Trying to earn a little doe. Wow. Arnold's grabbed.

Has he ever fished before? Has he ever just? No. But hard one is I can do anything. Yeah, I bet you, I think for you, fishing probably means like diving under the water and just grabbing a fish. Yeah, I bet you I think for you fishing probably means like diving under the water and just grabbing a fish. Yeah, I mean that's definitely what it means for that's definitely what it means for moonshine. Right. For moonshine you

make a little trap in the mud. Yeah, the bottom of the creek. There's a lot of mud. You make a little trash. Fish swims into it. I forgot that they were fishing in the creek. What did you do? You get a milk jug. You tie a fishing line. Well, maybe there are a lot of fish in the creek anymore. So there's a miss. That

is true. There are not nearly as many fishes. There's no way. Right. So many right in these here. And the fish that are there. They're swimming in a wrong way. I'm picturing that scene from Lord of the Rings where Legolas says blood has been spilled this night but he just goes, something might write.

Something might write in the creek. All right guys, let's get into it. Nice. So. And the skaters, the skaters have taken over the creek. Oh, they're bigons too. Exterior, moonstone night. I'm just kidding, I didn't actually.

I was ready, I shut the, I shut the, I shut the, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking,

I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, I've never heard of a fucking, traveling many miles off the main roads to the east. He had no trouble finding it even at night. The glowing waters of the enchanted bay light up the entire village with a white blue glow

like snow reflecting moonlight. A dirt path leads and past simple stone houses with thatched roofs, many of them covered in moss, with purple and yellow and white flowers. It smells fresh, like a spring rain, which is not something that one might expect of a fishing village, but clearly the influence of the druids is strong here. He heads for the only building in the city that appears to have any life at this hour. The hungry trout in and tavern. He enters to the sounds of an old bard playing a jaunty tune on the fiddle.

Caldwell, can you give me a little fiddle sound? B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- I was gonna play, I was gonna play, because as an outlander, I get a musical instrument, I was gonna play a plate of grass. Can I have a washboard and a plate of grass? You can have a washboard and a plate of grass. Sure, are you gonna find a plate of grass? So this cloaked man enters the tavern to the sounds of an old bard playing a jaunty tune on the fiddle. There's a f- Bring me, bring me.

No! No! I should have never asked for this. Okay so there's a fireplace on the far right side of the room and lanterns with candles fill the tavern with a warm glow. Closer to him is a group of three fishermen sitting at a table drinking ale and sharing a quiet conversation. Across the room near the fire is a group of four barbarians drunk and rowdy. Sitting at the bar is a single young 20-something halfling boy,

sitting by himself nervously sipping his drink. The bartender is an older half-orc woman, sturdy and serious. She bears a horrible burn scar across the entire left side of her body. The man, the traveler, the bastard of the mountain takes off his hood and removes his goggles of the night. Wait, the strong jawed, pensive face of hard-won shorefoot surveys the scene. I don't like this, it makes it seem like he's the main character. That's fine. What, fiddle player? What do you do? I guess I'm standing there drinking in the beautiful sounds of the fiddle. Homeless. By the way, James first move. James first

move playing D&D is drinking in the sounds of a fiddle. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. I think you're gonna be pretty good at this. Ha ha ha ha. What happened? I let the fiddle wash over me. To this. I don't know, I'm tired of what I'm just standing at the doorway, just like kind of tapping his toes and just like listening to the fiddle.

Someone standing behind you before. I've never heard music before. Someone standing behind you being like, sorry, can I just, you're just standing at the doorway. Ah, this is God, your shoulders are so broad. You're just like a huge man. I can't get right in the doorway. If you could please just step aside.

I'm gonna go over to this half-orc woman and order the biggest beer that they have. You see, as you walk in, you order the biggest beer they have, this old half-orc woman just looks at you with disdain and goes, we have one size. I'll just go get you an ale. Then I'll have two. Classic. She nods and you see her go back and she fills up two ails, puts it down, you throw a few copper. You see the little halfling guy sitting next to you, sees that you get two ails and he

turns to you and he says, oh he man, what brings you to town? You seem right strong. It's not Beverly. You don't know who Beverly is. Of course. I'm looking for work around these parts. You know where I could get a fishic boat. Well, I'm so I'm actually a scout master. I'm actually not I'm not a fisherman here. You see he's like really fucking nervous He's really super nervous

and he goes Are you like Bunny chance any kind of like hero? Yes, you have heard of me having to. Finally, I'm hard one, surefoot. Pride of the Dwarf and itch, the bastard of the mountain. And which mountain would that be, sir? Forget it.

Okay, well, see, so I'm like a, I'm like the head of, uh, well, not the head of, I guess I'm not like the chapter leader or anything, oh, just a scout master, okay? So I'm a scout master. I'm part of this group called the green teens, right? So I'm responsible for like some of the younger guys and stuff, some like, you know, like 14 or 15 year old halflings or something. I teach them how to like, we, we, we, like, build fires and, and, I, I get them patches and things like that. So anyway, we came

to town and we were supposed to be some like druids here that were supposed to show us the bay and they were supposed to show us like the like staff that's at the bottom that's like magic that makes the fish come but then the druids said that they were busy. So I said okay well I'll just take the kids out by myself. So I took the kids out and then some frog men came out and they took the kids. The green teens are gone. I did, yeah, I did notice that you didn't have kids as I was telling me this story about how you're in charge of the kids. Right, yeah.

There aren't any here. There's no kids. There's no kids. So I actually already paid, so my parents have to do some amount of money, so they give me some money to come with. I gave those gentlemen over there, 20 gold. And you see he points to the barbarians.

These like, fucking hulking, rowdy dudes who are bald and have just like, ponytails popping out. Oh, that's a good look. And you see, there's four dudes there. One of them's sort of bigger than the other ones. You see him like, let out this hearty laugh. And he's missing a bunch of teeth. Oh, okay.

He's like, this fucked up dude. So you see this scout master guy, he says, I offer them, uh, 20 gold and they said they were gonna go to the, the swamp and, uh, get the teens back from the from the from the frogman but they they're just sitting there and anytime I asked them to if they're gonna go they they they just yeah yell at me and say that they're they're getting ready and that they need to get hydrated. I see. So I need I need someone serious for this job. Yeah, so they're using your gold to buy their beer. Correct, correct.

That is very much correct. My name's Danny by the way. Danny holds out to shake. Hard one, sure foot. God, your hands are clammy. Yeah, I'm just a little bit nervous. OK, so as you're shaking this dude's hand and drinking your two beers like a fucking weirdo,

I should have got one at a time. This one's already warm. Suddenly, you hear hooves outside as like a little carriage pulls up and you hear a teen voice saying goodbye to the person in the carriage and Beverly Togold, the small halfling boy, also wearing a green teen uniform with braces enters the tavern You you you can see your scout master guy up at the bar and you see these bar bearings and you see these fishermen and and you see the bar

I've met this scout master before. Yes, you've met scout master Denny. All right I probably just run right over to him. Okay. I just beeline. I I kind of like put blinders on and don't look at anything else. I don't make eye contact with anyone and I just beeline right for my scout master. So Beverly makes a beeline for Scout Master Denny and hard one.

Hard one, he've already marched in, made yourself known and you're already just surrounded by fucking dorks. Ha ha ha ha. C.C., Scout Master Denny sees you right away yourself known and you're already just surrounded by fucking dorks. C.C. Scoutmaster Denny sees you right away and he looks super nervous and it's seem. Oh, hey little guy. Oh, it's me. It's Beverly. Beverly. Oh, so good to see you again. Remember you taught me ropes. Yes. So, um, okay. Uh, Cranjee just canceled. What? Wait, no, what do you mean it's just it's just it's it's canceled He lost all the kids oh my god oh this is uh we he also taught me my humor badge So this is this is like clearly one of his class just a classic green team goof

Yeah, this is a green team goof we do these little goofs around campfires, and this is one of them, I'm sure of it. I don't think so, he wouldn't have, he told me. I don't know, but look at his face, his face is so, he's twisted his face into a mask of humor. You see humor. He's just furiously shaking his head in a hard one, but please don't show me out. I feel like Beverly sits on the other side,

so away from hard one, but adjacent to Dini. Okay. And then he's still not believing that this is actually true. He tries to get the attention of the half-work bartender. Okay. Excuse me, ma'am. What? Yeah, what?

Hi, do you have sprites? No, we don't have sprite. Okay, just anything fizzy would be great. Non-alcoholic, please. You she she just like pours you a beer. A, and she just she just pours you like a cup of water and then just like sticks her finger in and moves it around

and blows some bubbles in it and then just hands it to you. Mm. Savory. Thank you. I tip her very well. Excellent. Okay, you throw some copper in a couple extra silver. Okay.

Suddenly a possum bursts into the tavern and jumps up on the table with all the fishermen and starts just like grabbing at their scraps and everything. Papa! Papa! Papa, give it a beautiful woman. A beautiful, elven woman covered in fungus

wearing, are you wearing overalls? Overalls, yeah. And there's mushrooms pouring out of the bib of my overalls. She rushes in after the possum, grabbing him. Papa, I'm so sorry, he must have smell your food. Papa, get! Get, you're gonna get kicked! Ha ha ha ha!

You see, Papa climbs back up onto this Crick Elves shoulder. I'm so sorry, if I can just, who did, what table did I have? The fisherman, the three fishermen sitting there. I'm so sorry y'all. Just, you know what, give me whatever you caught today. I'll go back in the kitchen. I'll whip you up some delicious, you know, some delicious fish.

I'm a great cook. You see one of the guys just looks at you. And he says, I'm sorry do you work here you're just gonna go in the kitchen and cook something. You know I found that it's just easy to make friends if you're just a sweetheart you can just walk back anywhere. You hear the half or a woman back from behind the bar I just see else if you're gonna bring a rod in in here, you can at least buy a drink. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I'll definitely have a drink I go over and I'm like, yeah, give me, you know, how about like a hooch or like a bath to a meat or if you got some berries that come bad, I can just suck on those. I see she just pours you in and it just hands it to you. I turn to daddy and say say is that our guide? No, I'm your guy. No for the

Druid right. Yeah, no, that's canceled that that is fully canceled. Okay, this joke is going on a long time Can you can you like wrap it up? What's the punchline of the joke? Danny Scott master Danny. Okay, you know what this is this is a learning experience What this is because as halflings of the light yes as campers of the light We need to be honest. We should always be honest and so I will tell you young Beverly. Yes, that I lost the green teens They were captured by frog men and dragged into the swamp. I told you.

Oh my God. Sorry, excuse me, Miss Halford. What's your name? My name is Miska. Miska, that's a beautiful name. God bless your mother. I do you have a saucer of crick water from a pothome? I have some water in my canteen.

Oh, hi. Hi. That'd be great because Pogball, he is parched. Okay. Hard, hard one. You were just surrounded by talking green text right now. This is not what I expected from my epic journey. I do give her some water from my canteen.

I can't drink my canteen. Thank you so much. And then as soon as I get into the spa, I start spuriously lapping it up, like getting a mess everywhere. I might have to hold it in. Hardly. I might hold it in.

I hold the canteen under my armpit, so it looks like he's suckling from my breast. Ha. You can just keep that canteen, actually. Thank you. So wait, anyway, your series, you're speaking in the light of truth about this matter, Danny? I'm dead, I'm dead seriously speaking in the light of truth.

The, the green teens are gone. They're all, they're gone? What were we gonna do? Well, that's not all. He was also robbed. Yes, so the whole truth. You were, I mean, Okay, so these fine gentlemen, behind us, and then you hear the bigger dude yells out, and Dennis another round! And Denny turns around and says, well surely the 20 gold I paid you before will be plenty for another I said we want another round yes sir you

see he orders another round from Mishka and like a waiter like fix them all up and carries them over it puts them down and then he comes back I returns to God better that's your leader yes I was robbed Scott master those men are taking advantage of you we can't let that happen. That's unjust. Um, okay. Here's the thing though, is that there's a lot of them in town, and they also chased out the mayor, and they're living in the mayor's house. So things are really freaking bad here, man. Okay, nobody told me this what I got here. I just wanted to show some green teens. The freaking tried hand at the bottom of the bay

Does this mean that the jam burin is canceled to the jam burin is super canceled? Beverly I can't express Properly how much of the jam burin is canceled cheese? Jam burin. Yeah, I love a good jam burin. It who doesn't okay? When everyone takes their shoes off and and rolls around the month on the missing Yes, okay, this so there are missing children. Oh, I'm sorry. They're on the missing... Right, yes, okay, this is, there are missing children. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on.

Okay, so Beverly, you want to be a six-leaf green teen, right? I'm more than anything. Okay, if you go get the green teens back, this is your test? This is your test? If you do it, you're a junior grade night. I knew this moment would come. You know, this is why they keep the six leaf trials under such tight scrutiny, so that you can't guess

what you're gonna have to do for your final test. All part of the plan. Oh my gosh. Oh god. Okay, so all I have to do is get the gold back from those ruffians over there. Nope. Don't talk to them.

Don't get the gold back from them. That's just a loss. Let's just chalk that one up to the loss. All right, I'll get that gold. It's gone. That gold is gone, man. That's your gold by right. Yeah, that's gold.

There's like kids. The kids are deaf. They're gonna, I don't know if you know anything about bully wugs, the frog man, but they're gonna, they're gonna ritualistically sacrifice them. Well, you know. Oh, I'm so sorry Paw-paw drag too quickly and he spit up on the floor. Oh, you have a rag behind

I could just spit up all over my foot. Scott Master. You yourself taught me careful where you stomp bully wugs Hide in the swamp. So that's probably where we should start. Yep. Yeah, you guys should oh bully wags Okay, um, we got them down by the trick. You know about Bullywags? Of course. I do too. I have a Bullywag identification patch that I got. Oh, okay. Beverly wants, Beverly wants, picked a Bullywag out of a lion

up and got a patch. Well, I dissected it. I dissected it. Okay. I used to wrestle with them. So, I'm a trick, you know, it's a fun little thing. You just kind of wrestle a bully log. They're very aggressive.

You must be strong. Yeah, I'm pretty strong. Wow. Well, if you're strong, maybe Beverly, can you turn around for a split second? Sure, absolutely. Okay, great. This is what Beverly just turns around.

Staring there. I'm smiling. Yeah, I sing it. Okay, Beverly earmuffs, sing to yourself. Sing along with the fiddle. Green teen never holds a grudge. A green teen will never budge from it. Okay, so oh, just as good as well.

So you guys gotta make sure that this kid doesn't die, but he's actually pretty strong, okay? He's gonna be a good, green night. So he'll be pretty helpful to you guys. But you guys, I can offer you guys some gold. If you guys keep an eye on this guy and go get the other green jeans back, I'll give you guys 20 gold each.

What if instead of gold, you just gave me some sort of, I don't know, I'm personally, I've got a sort of like a mushroom library, spore library, collecting many strains as I can. If you just pay me a mushroom. I just have, yeah, I have like gift bags for the Boy Scouts. I could just give you some like mushrooms.

I'll take the gold. Okay, yeah, I'll just give you 40 gold then. Okay, so I'm just gonna write down green team gift bag. Yeah. Okay. Here you go. I was supposed to give this to the kids at the end of the night, but it looks like I won't be needing help our kids like young ins If you see a dragon you take a white berth we do all we can for mother earth. Hi

Okay, oh, everything good now. Beverly everything's great. Uh cool. These find green teen The green team team are these are these are your real counselors. Oh, the green team team. These are your real counselors. Oh, so these are like honorary scout masters? They're honorary scout masters. I deemed them myself. Oh, here you go. Uh, and you see he rips off two patches.

So this dude is just so scared and in over his head. He just rips off two patches and just like shoves them on. Uh, Your guys just Okay, I I hawk up a lugian use it to stick the patch to my overall And it's weird These are shitty under the bar weirdly sticks Bob What I tell you about going bucket in public

The boss him's going nuts. You see a mishka the half-work, it just like fucking sweeps him away, and he gets knocked on the ground, and he just starts like scrambling on the ground. Pop-pop, I'm gonna put you on your leaves. And Mishka just turns, Mishka just turns to you and says, please leave. Okay, is that, that's a fair request.

We got some boy walks to go rassle anyways. Um, before we leave, Who's that? That's a fairy quest. We got some boy walks to go rassil anyways. Before we leave, I take a notepad out of my satchel, or out of my pack, and I write, you are very rude, and I go and I place it on the table of the barbarians. As you go to place it on the table of the barbarians, they're in the middle of this like rowdy laugh. The guy picks up the note and then he grabs you and he said, and he laughs again. He goes, I like you, you're funny. I do have my humor patch, yes.

I'll tell you what. Yeah? You go get us another round of ale and I won't kill you. Okay, well I don't have, I'm not of age so I don't think I could technically do that. Would you like some sprite? I take out a flask and I say y'all ever had bath to a mead? With that be good? My scout master asked some bath to a mead if you want that.

Listen kid, I'm gonna fucking kill you if you don't go get me an ale right now. Okay, could an adult please get this from me? Here it is. Okay, but here it is. Beverly turned, Beverly turned to hard. Christ. Here me, Mr. Barbarian, have you never had back to me? What we do is we take a bit of a raccoon urine. We ferment it under the moonlight for about three months and it

will get you fucked up. Please don't curse. You see, go ahead and give me a diplomacy check. Oh my first roll. Nine plus, what do I add? Diplomacy? Charisma? Yeah. I got 11. Okay. Mixed success. He says it'll get you fucked up. Yeah. Oh, you'll be seeing your answers. There's no need to curse. All right. Tell you what. You give me that fucked up water. You go get me some ale.

And then I won't kill this little one Okay, I don't feel like this very hospitable is this your town? We're coming into your town and you're showing us a real a real mean cheek. I feel like while she's doing that I do go over to hard one and and give him some coin to buy the ale. I'm not buying these I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts.

I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm not buying these scouts. I'm teaching the barbarians that you don't actually drink the best of me if you have it, like a paint. So I'm showing them how to have it.

I feel like a couple of them are actually pretty interested and are like, coughing it. But you see Scoutmaster, Danny, runs over with some more else. He's just like, oh, no need to go after the little guy, gentlemen, I've got everybody's drinking on me tonight and This this big barbarian dude goes no

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code pop-a at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash Papa or promo code Papa for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Hard one. Holding two beers. Ha, ha, ha.

Comes over. Uh-huh. And pours them both at this guy's feet. Oh, alright. You just like, I, on this dude's feet, you see the other three guys that are with this main dude like, Oh fuck. Look fuck, like, oh shit. Something's about to go down I

pull a small towel out of my backpack and hand it to him for your boots this dude fucking back hands Beverly everybody roll initiative pause I'm sorry it's freaking out sir I have no choice but to fill myself now I got a hell yeah betcha got a 22 what do we add to our oh wait no Your decks your decks okay, so zero for me 11 jay got a 16 Yeah, oh man these guys are old really well. Oh boy 60 wait 16 that add decks

Yeah 20 oh oh wow hard one okay 16, 16, add Dex. Yeah, 20. Oh, wow, hard one. Okay, hard one. Oh wow, you guys rolled well. Well, they did. Yes, everybody did. Two out of three. Okay, moonshine, got it.

Oh boy, moonshine, you're first. So you see this dude back hands Beverly. Okay, so I'm, I'm, just add joy. Which of them, by the way, are they affected at all because they've been huffing my... It's a good question. Yeah, two of them are a little stoned. Okay good. Not the main guy, but two of them are a little, there's like one pretty serious guy who like clearly looks up to the leader guy and there's two guys that were just kind of looking to get fucked up at the bottom.

there's two guys that were just kind of you looking to get fucked up. Okay, so I'm gonna go for the main guy. Okay, cool. I'm gonna take out my simitar. Great. Oh, actually no, no, no, no, no, I'm going to do symbiotic entity. Great. Which means that I channel the power of spores and mushrooms and become one with my spores. For anyone who plays D&D at home listening to this insane thing that Emily is saying, this

is a circle of spores druid, it's an unearthed arcana thing that was just introduced. So you're turning into a mushroom woman right now. I'm basically turning into like almost like kind of like poison ivy. You're starting with your limit break. Yeah. I love it. And does that take, that takes like a wild shape action, does wild shape take an entire turn?

Yes, that takes a mansion. So I just kind of stand in the corner and like, and like, rub mushrooms on myself. Hard one is very confused. I have to imagine the barbarians that were huffing that sauce are also very confused. The barbarians are huffing the sauce, looks at this woman that just starts sprouting mushrooms and they are What was in that

Must be the record person so then that's that's you hard one Although wait, um, do you get to on your turn do your shooting spores thing? Oh, yeah, I can't because that's a reaction. So, what I can do is I'll ask it. Yeah, so you get to launch your spores if you want. Okay, so then, but because I'm in symbiotic entity mode, that would mean that they deal double damage. Great, so go ahead and roll your damage.

I think Halo is just, it's just three- Use your reaction on your turn to deal three poison damage to one creature you can see with the 10 feet of you. Six damage. So six poison damage at the main dude. Six poison damage at the main dude. So I rub mushroom on myself and then from my hand, like a mushroom is born and I blow it at him.

Like I'm blowing a kiss. Like this crazy fucking mushroom of it blows spores in this dude's eyes. You just go He's so fucking pissed off a hard one you're up I'm punching the serious dude right in the nose with wait. You're not going axe. You're going oh shit I can it's coming to death blows now already these guys are definitely gonna try to kill all right They're like going for their sword fucking great axe from the eye go ahead roll your 12 plus four 16 that that hits Yeah, you got a real damage no, oh

D12 Yeah, that one that D Twilly armor right? Oh yeah you got a roll damage now. Oh we're gonna do that baby. D12. Yeah that one. That D Twilly. 10 maybe. Yeah. With plus 10 plus four. So 14 14. So fucking this dude gets like

blinded by spores. And then hard one just like slashes him across the chest with his axe. And he just lets out this rory, so fucking angry. What was it? 14 damage? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. This dude is still standing. He's a pretty tough dude. All right. So now it's four total barbarians. Four total barbarians. Yes. One one like real tough looking dude.

And then one guy, three guys that are like a little bit screwing here Yeah, two of them are super stoked So I'll give them disadvantage when they attack okay, so this main guy Is gonna go ahead and rear up with his great axe. He's gonna take a reckless attack So he makes it with advantage against hard one so he swings his axe right back at hard one And he is definitely gonna hit so he hits hard one He slashes hard one across his mighty shoulder for 12 damage So go ahead and hold down Mark down that damage. Wait. Does he not have to roll AC? He did. Oh, okay. I missed it. He beat it my bad

Okay, I did that So now is that that's like minus from my that's minus from your maximum hit point So what are your maximum hit points like 22? Okay, so you're at 10 Okay, so now these were your guys are gonna go the first the sober guy is going to take a swing at Moon shine Brain on bitch. I'm a symbiotic entity. I got plus three to my pit. And he misses big time. He whiffs with his, he has a spear on him.

Oh my god. I use my, He brings his spear and misses. I, uh, the mushrooms come to my aid. Yeah, a mushroom, it just gets caught by a mushroom. Like it's a fucking hand. It's like one of those big flat ones you see on trees. Yeah.

So these other two travel guys who are a little stoned are also going to swing at this fucking mushroom monster that they see. This guy whiffs big time and the other guy, he would have, oh he's going to hit. Okay, so even though he's stoned, he's just screaming and swinging at anything and he's going to go ahead and hit moonshine for eight damage. Terrible hospitality. Not how I would treat people coming to my town. Now it is Beverly's turn.

All right, so I think Beverly probably flew all the way back and landed behind the bar. And he's kind of like gathering himself amidst bottles and barrels and he picks up a bottle and says, hey, you did have sprite! That's okay though. I think now Beverly turns to Diny and says, Scalmaster sir, permission to defend myself.

Yep, kill them, please kill them. Thank you, sir. So I'm going to unsheath my sword. Great. And I want to, I guess I'll just attack the main guy as well. I'm going to do any kind of like smite damage or anything like that. You know what, let's start this thing off with a bang. Yeah, I will cast.

Smite is asked, dude. Do you have like a special ability that just does like two d8 damage right? Yes Yeah, I'm gonna use that okay, you can also do it You can also see if you hit and then try to do divine smite. Yes, that's what I'm gonna do so go ahead take a try So um just roll d20 old d20. Here we go That's a 19 what do I add to that? Oh, dude you fucking hit okay nice all right cool So go ahead and roll 2d8 plus your normal damage Beverly after like this polite little boy gets like pushed over and like falls behind the bar asks for permission

And then like yells out to his god, galore the god of light, and this burst of radiant energy comes out as he slashes this dude so hard. Is this the D8? It should have eight sides on it. All right, I got you. Roll that twice and then roll your damage. All right, so that's a two. Cool. And a seven.

So that's nine. And then another D8? Another D8 And a seven, that's nine. And then another D8? Another D8, yeah. Cause that's just your normal long sword damage. So that's a three, not so 12. So 17 damage, then plus five, right? I added that.

Okay, cool. 17 damage, yeah. So this guy, this guy started to look a little fucked up. Moonshot turns around and she's like, what? This burst of radiant energy comes out of Beverly's long sword as he slashes the guy again across the chest. And he grabs his chest and you see a little bit of blood dribbled out of the map.

That's what you get for being rude. Scout Master falls on the, you guys were rude. Piece of paper. Scout Master, Denny, Meekley walks over to hard one and he's gonna lay on hands him because he's a paladin and you're back up to full health.

He's not. He's not a sweet good. Scoutmaster, Denny, lay hands you for 12. Then let's bring it back up to moonshine. Okay. Now I'm gonna make a melee attack with my Symmetar, which is covered in fungus at that main bat guy. Cool.

Actually, I'm going to go after it. No, we should get rid of that main bat guy. Yeah. After the main bat guy. You might break after that, you know. And definitely not going to hit. That's going to be a seven. That does not hit.

Okay. Well, I'm still going to- You can still shoot your spores. Hey low spores blow like a kiss Like a kiss blow like a kiss and I I wink at him after I do it. Oh, you're a nightmare Six more poison damage six more poison damage and then I'm gonna use a bonus action to heal myself with a with healing word great So what is that a D for D. D for plus my plus five. How does six, I got six back. How do bonus actions work?

Bonus action, you can take after your action. Okay, you probably don't have many things that you can do. Oh, okay, it'll say bonus action. Yeah, it'll say. Nice, all right, cool. Okay, that takes us to hard one. Dude, all right, let's do it.

Just slashing at this guy. All right. Oh yeah, that's what to hard one dude. All right. Let's do just lashing out this guy. Oh Yeah, that's what I'm doing You come back around cold right out of his chest again Whoa 16 don't that's definitely hits plus yeah, whatever your modifier it hits it hits already roll that D12 baby Roll that beautiful dice Plus four 11 damage damn, okay this dude's looking seriously fucked up Yeah, no he's he's a fucking tough. You got it take a man Okay, okay, so that takes us that takes us to this dude you can save us bever

This a lot of pressure. You are only hope. Oh shit. This dude took a reckless attack. So this guy should be at disadvantage. So go ahead and roll again, Moon Shine. To see if you hit, because you missed on your first attack. 15, that's definitely gonna hit. So roll your damage.

Woo! And that's gonna be damage plus poison damage. Okay. That's gonna be 5 plus 2, 7 plus 5, 12. Oh no, no, yes, 12. Okay, this dude is seriously, seriously, seriously, fucked up on his last leg. So she had taken him for 12 plus 6. okay, damn he's strong This dude seriously fucked up with his last inch of life. He tries to take off hard ones head And he is he is gonna hit oh no, yes, they get the man who's pride the fused pride got us into this fight The pride of the mountain the pride of the mountain mountain nine damage to the pride of the mountain All right, you can handle that. I survived worse.

Just a, just a, just one moment. The other guys are gonna keep swinging at Moonshine here. All right, the one guy is probably gonna hit that is a 17 to hit. That definitely hits where we see. Okay, that's gonna be five damage, five damage on the first one. That definitely hits where we see. Okay, that's gonna be... Five damage. Five damage on the first one.

Moonshine takes it, but she doesn't even blink when it happens. Wow, that's cool. Just looks at him like a... See, even blink. Yeah, wow. She just, she looks at her hand full of mushrooms and she's like you next. The other looks like about to cry from his wound

and then he looks at his wound. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do the mushrooms have like little humus to characteristic, do they have little faces on them? I mean, I see faces where I'm gonna get them. But I also eat them. My wound shine. Ah, where are your babies?

So the two stone guys are gonna take swings at Munchine. Oh, he rolled a one and a 19. He's at disadvantage. He'll take the one, so he misses. The other guy rolls and he's gonna hit even though he's at disadvantage. And he hits you for seven damage. Beverly is unscathed.

How are you doing, Moonshan? By the way. Moonshan's at 11. Okay. Because she got extra hit points for the us being at some of our own intensity. So wait, you're in a lot of hit by the first guy? I'll heal herself.

Okay. You have like 25 health? No, sorry. What did you hit me for? wait, you're in a lot of trouble. Did you get hit by the first guy? I'm gonna heal myself. Okay. You have like 20, five health? No, sorry, what did you hit me for? I thought you hit me for five this time. And I, no, I just, I hit you for five the first time and I hit you for seven the second time. Oh, I need you to set three.

Okay. You're at three? Seven. So moonshine. No, I'm at four, thank you. Okay, moonshine looks right fucked up. Okay, okay. Back up to, is it mean?

It's actually, yes, Beverly. Back up to... Everly. Is it mean? Yes, Beverly. I have to kill myself. I was planning on attacking the main guy, but now that I see that Moonshine... No, I look at you and I'm like, don't worry about me. Yeah, I feel like I go to lay hands on her and then you say, what do you say?

I say, I say, don't worry. Uh, this, this, this, this hand's taken care of. I like hares of my sale. I like. Yes, ma'am, I full disclosure, full honesty in the light of truth. I did not want to touch you. All right. So then I turn away from moonshine and I turn to face the main barbarian.

And I say, sir, I've given you every chance to back down, but unfortunately as a green teen, I cannot let your reign of terror on this village to proceed. Hit him with the sword. I will now recite the green teen's creed. Kill him for the love of God. I hold my sword aloft, it glows ever so slightly. And I say, a teen of green is never mean. Our souls sublime, our hearts pristine.

And at all times we stay serene to clean the sheen of a light unseen. All right, kid, I was being nice. You gotta do something. You gotta do something. You gotta lay hands on me, but. And after that, I just kind of like recklessly launched myself out in with my sword.

All right. Go ahead, roll with advantage, because he took a reckless attack. All right, cool. That's an 18. That's going to hit already. Oh, right. Well, you can roll to see if you can. If you crit, if you want to roll again.

Oh, good. See if you get a 20. It's another 18. OK, dope. All right, cool. That's got some good rolls, roll again. Oh, good call. So you get a 20. It's another 18. OK, dope. All right, cool. That's got some good rolls so far. Yeah, all right. D8.

Don't jinx us. That's a 3 plus 5, I guess? 8. OK. Suzy, after reciting the green team creed, Beverly launches forward and decapitate this dude Spray fucking everywhere as he said flies over the bar The other dudes look like mad scared

Spring chicken's got some talent back up to oh that's actually scout master Denny who is going to Hillcast cure wounds on Thank you. Oh, oh, you rolled pretty well. 10. 10 is pretty good. Oh, that takes us to Moonshine. Moonshine looks at him and is like, thank you. Don't come too close.

You're a little hurtle. I'm very hurtle. I'm very hurtle. Be careful when you lay hands on me. What does that mean? And then she looks. We're not allowed to have sex, it's okay. very fertile. Careful when you lay hands on me. What does that mean? And then she looks. We're not allowed to have sex, it's okay.

And then she looks at, well, one of the guys who hit her, or the guy that she said you next. Okay. And then she takes out her Simitar, aims it at him for 22. And it's all right. So that's going to be. So roll your Cymatar damage, and then it's just poison damage, too, right?

It's going to be only three for the Cymatar damage, only four for the poison damage, total four. But then she's going to blow her kiss of poison. OK, shroom kiss. Her shroom kiss. First damage. Yeah, so 10 total. This dude is on fucking death's door. These guys are much weaker. Yeah, bitch. Hard one. You're up. Well, yeah.

Well, I'm swinging the axe that this dude's dome at the dude who's who's weak. Yeah. Hard one's going to capture so buddy too. Hard one feels I wanted to capture somebody too hard one feels like inferior Six though Yeah, uh ten four ten no it's uh oh Ten total I thought it's not plus four you have a higher thing than that. What do you add to your attack?

You add your attack bonus. Okay. Oh attack bonus your attack bonus is plus six. Oh, so you got a 12 So that does hit Eight that's plus four 12 damage so hard one then to cap itates this dude Yeah, it doesn't go quite as far as Beverly's head The head doesn't go quite as far as Beverly's head. Hardware looks a shame. Moonshine turns to the party and she's like, will you say the last one for me?

Because now I feel like I got to decapitate someone. I feel like that's fine. Hardware just takes a step back. I only need to decapitate one head to get myself the fence merit badge. So I'm good. I don't. You're furiously sewing it decapitated.

I had bad jobs here. But so you see these other two barbarians kind of look at each other super scared and they're going to disengage and they're going to start running out of the tavern. And then I say these people were real inhospitable. What do you say which is him?

Oh shit. Are you guys like chasing him out the door? I'll tell you a small story. I think they're definitely gonna run back to, they're definitely gonna run back to a crew of barbarians. We gotta find the kids. Yeah, that's true. Maybe we might have run.

We start to chase the tavern. Are you guys chasing them at the tavern? You don't see if there are more. Here's the only thought is if they run back to their barbarian friends, we could be in bad standing by the time that we come back. That's true, we got to kill. We kind of got to silence these guys. We got to kill these guys before they tell all the barbarians about us.

Okay, so you guys run out and chase them just outside of the tavern. I'm going to roll this if there's any other barbarians out there. Oh! I roll the one. There are definitely no barbarians. So Moonshan, you're up. That's gonna be 16. That hits. And 7 to hit total and then another 6 another 6 wow you killed this dude you fucking slash this spit some fucking poison spores out of his head just explodes as it rapidly Oh shit even though he's dead so his head explodes god damn it I wanted to

capitate yeah you get to cap it in your you tell me how you want to kill him well I wanted to I mean, he had shot free head shot. Yeah, you get to Capititan. You tell me how you want to kill him. Well, I want to kill him with the spores, but then I'm going to do Capititan his lifeless body. Oh my God. So, you know,

it's just me too. Hacking him up. As I'm doing. I think that's technically I look up and I'm like, Hey, we got a club going. Hard one almost throws up. Okay, that takes two. I take no pride in this

Are not the friends I wanted to make hard hard one go ahead wait Beverly have you gone? We may have skipped you I will I was you the last thing you did was behead somebody. Yes Should have been okay So are they way are they still trying to run? There's yes, there's one guy have we are we are they way laid by the fact that we started attacking them? They had no they're just turning and fucking right the one dude's dead. Okay, other dude just book in it We got one more we got to make sure We're watching let me let me tell let me check with you if I could do this sure while they were attacking the other person

I try to run ahead and set up a rope trap. No, you cannot run ahead. I'm not fucking home alone. I don't know. I'm pretty, you can try to trip, I'm or something. Oh, one. Yeah, I don't know if I would be able to tackle him, but like, you can try.

What I'm gonna try is I'm gonna try and use my shield to kind of like shield tackle them to the ground Okay, go ahead and run and just give me a strength check. Okay. I'm just giving a post-strength check You're gonna try to grapple him. Okay, great. Is that gonna be so athletics or strength? My strength is plus five Plus five. Yeah. Oh, that's a saving throw. That's those you're saving throws your proficient in Your strength is just whatever your modifier. Oh, it's plus three three Okay, so just give me a plus three unless you have athletics and you can use a 16 plus three 19 19

fucking Beverly Tackle just do like warm perfect tackle takes this dude down this dude is just on the ground hard one you're up Hard one you're up I will say I probably do try to stop him from decapitating yet another So you're hard one no we've three is probably good excuse me I just raised the's the great axe. Maybe hard one, hard one's just slashing. That's 10 plus 14. Yeah, I mean, he's that disadvantage, everything. You definitely hit it.

I guess he is my scout master. I have to respect him now. Yeah, that's an 11. All right. So this is our Beverly inadvertently helps execute this man. Beverly's like holding this two down. Hard one just comes over. And in one big chop, just beheads this man, Beverly's holding this dude down. Hard one just comes over and in one big chop, just beheads this man.

I was thinking he was head rolls off. I'd like to, yeah, I mostly didn't hear what you were saying. I'm not a, I wouldn't, you're my buddy. Normally, I killed that man. I'm in favor of just jail, I guess, as a method of dealing with conflict. So as you guys are talking, as this dude's head rolls down the road, you see Mishka the half or pokes her head out of the tavern. She says, bring the bodies inside.

Or we'll come soon. Oh shit, this is cool. Okay, I know. Yeah, so we dragged the bodies inside. You guys dragged the body in. I see that the fisherman are helping fucking cleanup when I hide the bodies. You see Mishka has already been in the hospital. There you go. They carry the bodies. I carry the

heads. Beverly carries the heads and as you guys and the other people in this tavern, Mishka, do you have sort of like a pile of trash anywhere? I want to give them a good quick elf burial. We're not going to give them a burial. We're just going to hide them for now. Okay. Okay. They help you guys get rid of the bodies. I want to give them a good Crick elf burial. We're not gonna give them a burial. We're just gonna hide them for now, okay? Okay. They help you guys get rid of the bodies. You see there, it's like fishermen fucking scrubbing the blood and you see everyone kind of stands

in the middle of the tavern, Mishka closes the door and she looks at you guys and she says, well, you might be just the guess we needed in this town. And that's where we'll end our session. That's all I said. Woo! It's so funny. I didn't know if you guys were gonna get

to a fight with those barbarians, but you definitely beheaded all of them. I wanted to get in a fight with them so bad, but I knew that I was like, I was like, no, no, no, I'm too much of a sweetheart too, so I was so pumped. I went hard on the hard part.

I was just, no. I was like, I will not fire them a drink. Because once I become a symbiotic entity, AKA like poisonous woman of spores, then I'm no longer a sweetheart. I mean, to act like a savage. It's also funny that this all, like you offered them water, you offered them,

you know, that like you're, you're creating the, the creatures is my bathtub meetup. And it all started because Beverly gave them a note. I give them, like your, your, your, your, I give them my all, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, Um, after, while we're back inside, I do start writing a note to my parents telling them about my new friends that I made. And me, I'm a new scout master who told you to chop somebody's head off. And me, I'm trying to pick some of the, uh, the, the knots out of a paw paws hair. Oh my God. There's so many knots.

It's so not. Okay, guys, um, guys, please rate the podcast, it's a new podcast. So, you can really use it. Subscribe to it. So, you're making five stars, let's move the D&D podcast. You know what I mean?

Yeah, too much rage, subscribe, like you do that, but like talk to people. Yeah, I was talking to like the grassroots thing here. Get on the subreddit, they've already made a subreddit, not another D&D podcast. Oh, right, I'm on the subreddit. Check it out&D podcast. Oh, right. Of our, that's a baby. Check it out. Follow us on Twitter at J. Kerwitz,

at Call the Adiacs for at CH-Murf. Guys, February 13th, Emily and I have a book coming out. It's called, how to turn your booty call into your emergency contact. Yeah. It's a theoretical relationship advice book. Check it out. I gotta think there's some overlap between people

who love D&D and people who love satirical relationship. They like us. That's part of it. That's the full overlap. Anybody else got any plugs? Listen to it if I were you with Jay Kerowitz. That's what you're on that podcast call.

Yeah. Watch Drawfee. Yeah. Watch Drawfee. Drawfee's great. You're a lot. Heck, man. Okay, guys.

Watch the fall on Netflix. Really, man. I understand. Yeah, and just a recommendation. the fall on Netflix. Billy Anderson's amazing. Just a recommendation. Just check out Jillian Anderson's The Fall. He just looks so good swimming. I will do that. Oh, and listen to Aepid Book Club with me, Caldwell, and Emily. But that's a love you've seen every episode of The Fall.

That is correct. You need to be caught up on the fall to get all the references. Emily does bring up the fall along. Yeah. Okay guys, so we'll pick up here next week with our intrepid heroes and all of the people in this town as they've just murdered a bunch of people.

Yeah. I mean, I'm thinking that I'm getting back in that kitchen and whipping us up some good jambalaya. Ooh. Some of that good jambalaya. Some of that good jambalaya. Some of that good jambalaya. All Some of that good job, Balaia. Some of that good job, Balaia.

Alright, jump, marine jump, Balaia. Bahamut keep you all and me, the Baba Yaga, not take you this night. Bye. That was a hit, Gum podcast.